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0:00:26hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going
0:00:31good it's very loud in my headphones
0:00:33here I'm Matt I'm yeah please I met a
0:00:36guy i met a outside studio highlights
0:00:40its judge john hodgman engineer volume
0:00:44knob
0:00:45ok I just John Hodgman I Merlin says I
0:00:48other than the manager of my apartment
0:00:51building or a manager of my office who
0:00:53one time knocked on the door and maybe
0:00:55was audible in the background and some
0:00:58seagulls you were the first guest voice
0:01:01on Roderick milan just here to make sure
0:01:04it sounds good everybody that sounds
0:01:06fantastic play by John please thank John
0:01:08for me Merlin says thanks
0:01:10yeah I could you put the put the baffles
0:01:13there it's just like my you know i miss
0:01:16the seagulls at John does he have
0:01:19anything to adjudicate would you like to
0:01:20join us for the program
0:01:22John would you like morones asking
0:01:23whether you would like to join us for
0:01:25Robert on the line to adjudicate some
0:01:27issues maybe some dad issues i just want
0:01:31to make sure it sounds good place like
0:01:33this template tell john thanks I'd love
0:01:35to but I we're not set up for that right
0:01:37now maybe another time and I've got it I
0:01:39got it
0:01:40just make sure the knobs and dials
0:01:41working and I gotta go do my work
0:01:43ok thank you John of all the Merlin
0:01:46wants to say thank you again
0:01:47of all the people in my life where I
0:01:50can't even hear no I know I could just
0:01:52translate everything he says 21 right
0:01:55here he goes
0:01:56Merlin over here go ahead you want
0:01:58something to adjudicate oh uh ok I i
0:02:01found a note to my daughter a love note
0:02:04to my daughter in her backpack
0:02:06should I acknowledge that ignore it or
0:02:08something else Merlin found a love note
0:02:11to his daughter in her backpack should
0:02:16he acknowledge it or should he leave it
0:02:18alone or some third option she is not
0:02:23old enough to be receiving love letters
0:02:25in my what is there a hurt she's at John
0:02:28John John she's 8 years of age and his
0:02:30rate is reciprocated
0:02:31she's 8 years of age and it seems like
0:02:34the love feelings are reciprocated
0:02:37is it clear that the letter is from a
0:02:39forty-five-year-old manager Ahn Joong
0:02:42could you please tell john it's written
0:02:44in it and nearly indecipherable scroll
0:02:47it's nearly indecipherable a scrawled
0:02:50but I think that's unclear about the age
0:02:53because if i had written a love letter
0:02:54would also be an incomprehensible take a
0:02:57picture of it if you ever need it for
0:02:59evidence but otherwise let your daughter
0:03:02began to cultivate our own inner life
0:03:04John could you please thank john hodgman
0:03:07for me of course a Merlin senses thanks
0:03:10his gratitude and appreciation
0:03:12alright he's got to do his work yeah he
0:03:15has to do is we have a story I have a
0:03:17story that i could tell you about one of
0:03:19my own children but it's their private
0:03:22life
0:03:22that's right private lives I'm working
0:03:23on it i'm working on it don't let him do
0:03:26his work you you go thank you so much
0:03:28for the top shelf engineering do you
0:03:30need water i would like the water I
0:03:33would like a hot tea
0:03:34well can you bring me some kind of
0:03:36refreshment yeah room temp thank you
0:03:40Wow him you're not a man will turn down
0:03:43a beverage
0:03:43no I like a room-temperature beverage I
0:03:45used to I i sent you a picture the no
0:03:48don't don't share with us but you can
0:03:49look at it on the video sent here too to
0:03:53my own son husband address right and my
0:03:57jaw dropped i sent it to a text it to
0:04:00you and I sent John a picture of my dick
0:04:03this is very wrong window sorry you're
0:04:05wrong window sleep
0:04:07no he can't hear you I know um you know
0:04:10I used to I used to be i still have to
0:04:12some extent a multi beverage man i think
0:04:14i've told you this at some point around
0:04:16the time i discovered scotch or awkward
0:04:18length also him
0:04:19Merlin I'm sorry to interrupt yeah i'm
0:04:21i'm being given two options one is a
0:04:23pepsi a pint glass from 1973 Warner
0:04:28Brothers branding arbys that's an arby's
0:04:29glass it's an arby's glass and it's a
0:04:31and it has the character foghorn leghorn
0:04:33on it
0:04:34oh my god and the other one appears to
0:04:36be a hand thrown ceramic mug with a
0:04:40screen-printed face of a very
0:04:42serious-looking Lyndon Baines Johnson oh
0:04:45god I'm gonna say it's LBJ
0:04:47pre Kennedy administration he appears to
0:04:50be well wait a minute and it might be it
0:04:53might be vice-president Lyndon Baines
0:04:55Johnson it's before he was president for
0:04:57sure see which one I'm tryin and tryin
0:05:00to adjudicate this in inter and a
0:05:02reasonable and fair way I don't have to
0:05:03get back to his work if it were me and
0:05:05it was room temperature water i would
0:05:07absolutely take photos of my clean
0:05:09healthy ok alright thanks to teach you
0:05:12thank John for me
0:05:13yeah Merlin would like to reiterate his
0:05:15thanks for all your all your support not
0:05:19gonna do my work going to cut all this
0:05:21out
0:05:22yeah you know no we never cut anything
0:05:24that the Cameo you can notice the cost
0:05:28ok thank you Dad
0:05:32alright so you know this is I've been
0:05:35been recording a lot of podcast lately
0:05:38remotely uh-huh and magnetically charged
0:05:42your bathtub at the half and in the in
0:05:45the streets and now I'm here I'm here at
0:05:48the at the famous judge john hodgman
0:05:51chambers and the velvet curtains and the
0:05:54enormous desk
0:05:55do you feel like you're out of material
0:05:57are resorting to stunts or is this a
0:05:58happenstance thing is it experimenting
0:06:00are you having a crisis it's just it's
0:06:02just the way it worked out what's
0:06:03leading you to all these novel locations
0:06:05I don't know I'm not really somebody
0:06:07that that does stunts I i got my god you
0:06:11know I got sick and then you get really
0:06:13sick got really sick but I think what
0:06:16happened was I i received as a gift that
0:06:19that pretty neat be castor microphone
0:06:23and things weird looking
0:06:25it's weird-looking and but it plugs into
0:06:27my laptop and I had I done the thing
0:06:30where I moved my computer to the office
0:06:32i eliminated the possibility of
0:06:34podcasting from my home
0:06:35partly or almost entirely to get me out
0:06:38of the house and into another location
0:06:41where my work could conceivably happen
0:06:43mhm but then I got this microphone and
0:06:46one when i was on the RV trip I
0:06:49podcasted from California and then I
0:06:53realized how easy it was to just pull
0:06:55plug and play
0:06:57I was plugin and
0:06:59I am and then I said he and it's of its
0:07:02those kinds of mice tend to be very
0:07:03forgiving even when i became a nominally
0:07:06professional podcaster i still use the
0:07:08same Mike I used since 2004-2005 because
0:07:11you just plug it in it goes and let him
0:07:13play
0:07:13it's idiot-proof and that the 1 i'm
0:07:15using right now is Hodgins road rude and
0:07:21it's a USB mic is it a white Mike I now
0:07:25it's sort of black looks like a
0:07:27community in all honesty it looks like a
0:07:28butt plug
0:07:29I was gonna say this looks a little bit
0:07:30like coit tower combined with a sex toy
0:07:32it's like a short coit ok short coit
0:07:36because I road is what i use this is
0:07:38very interesting stuff for our listeners
0:07:39that's that's what I used for years
0:07:40until like the last you know couple
0:07:42three years
0:07:42that's what I'm just gonna be used as he
0:07:44has one of those like radio station
0:07:46articulated Mike booms of the
0:07:50articulating boom I'm looking from his
0:07:52skype profile photo
0:07:53yeah which is actually one less creepy
0:07:55pictures I've seen of him in the last
0:07:56five years
0:07:57he's uh he's doing like a kind of a
0:07:59computer selfie talking into a hanging
0:08:01like yeah right i mean his right now his
0:08:04beard is sort of in the remember the
0:08:06movie big trouble little china never
0:08:09stopped but I know the film
0:08:10yeah well I he's got a beard that sort
0:08:13of would not be out of place in that
0:08:14film but you know my podcasts Mike
0:08:17holding setup is just a it's a desk
0:08:19stands which is to say normal mic stand
0:08:23that's only eight inches high
0:08:25I was just a character played by James
0:08:27Hong that's right i love that guy
0:08:30yeah James I'm very good he plays the he
0:08:32plays come to pandas dad
0:08:34yeah that's right he's also he's also
0:08:35the chinese restaurant guy on Seinfeld
0:08:37that's right 5-10 minutes and he he is
0:08:41looking for a girl with green eyes
0:08:42aren't we all are John yeah and so what
0:08:46happens beer now has definitely become a
0:08:47little bit how do you say how you say as
0:08:50crackly scraggly anyway so he's got this
0:08:54boom mic which makes me feel like I'm
0:08:56doing a radio interview in the like
0:08:59radio station yeah
0:09:01many of those i have em but uh but yeah
0:09:04so I keep my I keep my microphone in my
0:09:07hand
0:09:08my lap when we normally record my
0:09:10goodness and that's why when I started
0:09:13recording in my bed and then also in my
0:09:15bathtub
0:09:17I I wasn't sure what to do with that mic
0:09:19and so that picture of me recording in
0:09:21my bed it's actually on my chest
0:09:24uh-huh but I couldn't do that in the
0:09:26bath anyway so i don't i'm not this
0:09:28isn't justice
0:09:29it's not a series of of gags and the
0:09:32study is not a value judgment you got to
0:09:34keep things fresh
0:09:35yeah you don't know I feel like what I
0:09:37feel like Merlin our shows evergreen we
0:09:40never run out of its always been green
0:09:42yeah I i agree i think there will always
0:09:45be always be something here is always
0:09:48something there to remind us sump pump
0:09:51yeah like Burt Bacharach and I'm gonna
0:09:55rattle i do I had a berth backrack
0:09:57boxset right Mac Iraq boxset that I got
0:10:00that i got in 1998 that I that I adore
0:10:02that we had compact disc records
0:10:05that's right compact discs which used to
0:10:07until very recently seemed like they
0:10:11were going to be the the the way that I
0:10:13heard the living who brother you
0:10:14remember that somebody said to me the
0:10:16other day they were like do you want to
0:10:18buy compact they were being you know
0:10:20kind of smug snide pro streaming i was
0:10:23left with a millennial John was a
0:10:25millennial ma said do you want to buy a
0:10:27compact disc and I said I never wanted
0:10:28to buy a compact disc what I wanted to
0:10:30do was sell them to people
0:10:32yeah I had no personal interest in them
0:10:34but i wanted to sell them and I cannot
0:10:37sell whatever strings you can tell you
0:10:40can sell stream now that's not that
0:10:41doesn't belong to me I'm not the owner
0:10:43of stream I don't know how up-to-date
0:10:44you are on this job but that the
0:10:46streaming model is not earning artist a
0:10:48lot of money i don't have to wear this
0:10:49for and what now when I further
0:10:51understand it's not really earning money
0:10:53for anybody
0:10:54is that true didn't somebody just report
0:10:56some you know some fewer earnings than
0:11:00they expected something like we might be
0:11:01there might be a few earnings I mean you
0:11:03know there's a lot of infrastructure to
0:11:04that
0:11:05yeah and it's a you know an ecosystem I
0:11:08think it's very challenging to people
0:11:10and your was named medina team where I'm
0:11:13these number 17 86 comedy be warmer for
0:11:18a second there I little jump in the pool
0:11:20I thought you said it was an ecosystem
0:11:22and I was like a was like the new
0:11:24pornographers
0:11:25oh no no I was thinking of the one from
0:11:27the velvet underground down the bike
0:11:28right
0:11:29she don't like she doesn't like no I
0:11:31think she was a French bike Nico I might
0:11:34well my way I think she got on a bike
0:11:38but I'm not know that might have been
0:11:39what about the lady from radiolab from
0:11:41stereolab had a bike accident to the the
0:11:44radiolab lady a had had a bike accident
0:11:47i think that was a long time ago didn't
0:11:49they didn't have a terrace stereo lab
0:11:52bike accident you know Sonny Bono died
0:11:56in a skiing accident
0:11:58yeah and also that Kennedy there was a
0:12:00Kennedy the diner scheme
0:12:02I don't know buddy when i hear something
0:12:03happen with skiing on my alarm bells go
0:12:06off for me
0:12:07well this is the thin side that sounds
0:12:08like a jamup John I've skied my whole
0:12:10life and I've had a lot of accidents
0:12:12some of them horrific accidents that we
0:12:17would that we used to call the yard sale
0:12:19accident because from the point where
0:12:23you initially contact the snow to the
0:12:25point where you finally come to rest you
0:12:28leave little bits of yourself all your
0:12:31garments all of your equipment just in a
0:12:34long long sort of skid mark shot like a
0:12:38wily kpx it and yeah because you're
0:12:40going so fast that when you when you
0:12:42lose it and there's that there's that
0:12:45pregnant moment you're skiing and then
0:12:47you realize that you are going to go
0:12:51down like something happens you catch an
0:12:53edge or something is awful and there's
0:12:56that moment you're flying through the
0:12:58air and you're like oh shit and then
0:13:01when you hit when you contact and you
0:13:04start to I mean that first contact and
0:13:06then you are just flying through the air
0:13:09tumbling and the first thing you lose
0:13:12our skis and then your hat and goggles
0:13:15and then inexplicably your gloves just
0:13:19your period your gloves just come off
0:13:21for some reason and your poles and then
0:13:24snow is being stuffed into your nose and
0:13:26mouth because you're still going 40
0:13:29miles an hour
0:13:30and then all this other stuff comes off
0:13:33your jacket somehow your boots i'm not
0:13:37actually your boots that would be really
0:13:39hard but you know by the time you come
0:13:40to arrest yeah you can be really fucked
0:13:43up but to die i'm usually I think it's
0:13:48that they hit a tree I think Sonny Bono
0:13:50hit a tree but i'm not sure even that
0:13:52like hit a tree but he's Sonny Bono how
0:13:55fast is he fucking going you know what I
0:13:58mean like like I'm trying to picture
0:14:00Sonny Bono at a speed where he would go
0:14:05out of control and hit a tree hard
0:14:07enough to die and i know this is just
0:14:09your biases out of heavenly I've been
0:14:11thinking about this for years
0:14:13how did this how did this go down and I
0:14:15and I really wish there were some crime
0:14:17scene photos of sunny like wrapped
0:14:19around a tree so I could get a mental
0:14:21picture of it
0:14:22oh my goodness says here his I don't
0:14:25mean that I don't mean to you know i got
0:14:27you babe on his grave but after his
0:14:29death mary bono corner of your son had
0:14:31been addicted to vicodin valium here you
0:14:35think he was skiing under the influence
0:14:36this is what the hell I'm sorry sorry
0:14:38sorry I douglas county coroner said no
0:14:40indication of substances or alcohol that
0:14:42seem to get careless working but that's
0:14:45good no substance isn't you know I know
0:14:46there's no chemical it happened
0:14:48completely in a vacuum that sounds very
0:14:51suspicious
0:14:52it was you know there was always a
0:14:53divide between skiers who would ski
0:14:56drunk and skiers who wouldn't
0:15:01and then there were you know like I
0:15:02loved justice Keystone it's one of the
0:15:06great feelings because you really
0:15:09recognize like wow I'm hurtling down a
0:15:11mountain it's this is a amazing this is
0:15:14this is like a singular right to know
0:15:20when you're when you're skiing ski all
0:15:22the time you just feel like oh yeah this
0:15:23is my normal thing but when you really
0:15:25realize what you're doing you're way way
0:15:28high up on a mountain in the middle of
0:15:29winter which is a condition you would
0:15:31not otherwise be in right it's kind of a
0:15:34fantastical position to be in if you had
0:15:37to
0:15:38climb there in the winter it would be
0:15:41amazing but you write a chair up there
0:15:42and then you're you're just flying down
0:15:46it and so when you're stoned
0:15:48you're aware of all that in a different
0:15:50way and you just like this is incredible
0:15:52a lot of my friends would get drunk on
0:15:54wine and ski and that always seemed
0:15:58insane like all it does is is deprived
0:16:01you of coordination it doesn't give you
0:16:03any feeling of like whoa
0:16:06it just makes you sloppy yeah I used to
0:16:10kind of a connoisseur even before my
0:16:12days are discovering whiskey I I used to
0:16:13be kind of a connoisseur of picking the
0:16:15right substance for a given situation is
0:16:18getting that wrong you don't wanna do
0:16:19that and i can see that skiing and we'd
0:16:21sounds like a match made in you know
0:16:23heavenly ski and we don't mean to to
0:16:26cross da to cross-pollinate podcast but
0:16:29skiing weed and mountain dew yeah yeah
0:16:31in what could be better at section 3.1
0:16:34religion of Sonny Bono's profile I don't
0:16:37will probably cut this out he became
0:16:39interested in Scientology took
0:16:40Scientology coils are you can also we
0:16:43have new listeners to our podcast
0:16:45ya welcome partly because of the
0:16:47influence of me Rodgers he stated he was
0:16:49Roman Catholic on official documents his
0:16:51wife Mary also took Scientology courses
0:16:53however however after his death mary
0:16:56Bono stated that quote Sonny did try to
0:16:59break away at one point and they made it
0:17:01very difficult for him on my boat and
0:17:05you trashed the church denied any
0:17:07estrangement from bono he tried to get
0:17:09out but they pulled him back at the back
0:17:11in maybe not with the help of a
0:17:13Scientologist 30 so is it is it do you
0:17:16think they took him down to the desert
0:17:18outside of Palm Springs and put him in a
0:17:20shipping container and whacked him with
0:17:22the sagebrush or whatever it is they do
0:17:24down there could be could be could be
0:17:26that he I you know check his mail
0:17:27someday and I get with a special offers
0:17:29you get right like you with what you get
0:17:31a cruise or vacation you know maybe
0:17:33thought a worst-case it's a timeshare
0:17:35but I get to go skiing and heavenly it's
0:17:37at a time share it turned out to be a
0:17:39special offer to not leave the church of
0:17:41scientology
0:17:44Mr Bond novel idea this is an offer we
0:17:46make exactly once wasn't we ever have a
0:17:48one-time offer cannot leave the church
0:17:51of scientology heavenly is a nice name
0:17:53for a place never skied there and I'm
0:17:56embarrassed to say I really am
0:17:58embarrassed to say it you know i think i
0:18:00may say things on this podcast that
0:18:02would embarrass other people to say yeah
0:18:04I know what I'm not worried about them
0:18:06but I'm not embarrassed to say those
0:18:08things but I mean I'm genuinely
0:18:09embarrassed to say what I'm about to say
0:18:11can which is that I have not skied that
0:18:14many places while I can be embarrassed
0:18:17to say that well because you know skiing
0:18:19was a big part of my identity when I was
0:18:21growing up right and and I've been to
0:18:25Europe many times but I've never skied
0:18:28there
0:18:28I've been to all 50 states but i have
0:18:32only skied in Alaska Washington and
0:18:36Idaho I've never skied in Colorado
0:18:41oh no we don't know I've never seen
0:18:43Colorado never skating utah I've never
0:18:46even skied in Wyoming have killed him
0:18:50Idaho Washington and Alaska now I've
0:18:53never even been to Mount Hood and and it
0:18:57just feels like for all of the for all
0:19:00of the like adventuring that I
0:19:03supposedly do that that just I don't
0:19:06know what I think I feel like it
0:19:08reflects poorly on me that I should have
0:19:11been you know been to andorra i stood at
0:19:13the foot of the ski mountain I played
0:19:16rock music at the Sundance Film Festival
0:19:19stood at the foot of the ski mountain
0:19:22but I just never I didn't because going
0:19:24skiing in a in a strange mountain is
0:19:27such a pain in the ass right you have to
0:19:29go grant all your stuff you have to
0:19:30dedicate all day to it you wake up early
0:19:33find a set of gloves somewhere you know
0:19:37it's not it's not a sport that you can
0:19:38just spontaneously but I but people do
0:19:42it all the time they spontaneously go
0:19:43skiing all the time
0:19:44spontaneous key is the thing yeah i'm
0:19:46just not a spontaneous skier and that
0:19:48and the result of that is that I've
0:19:50never have just skied in these three
0:19:52states
0:19:52kind of embarrassed to say huh I just I
0:19:55feel like I feel like a coat of shame
0:19:58I feel like they're going to be people
0:19:59that write me and say and just basically
0:20:01like go man haha oh you're gonna lose
0:20:05cred promiscuous keen community all
0:20:08these people that have skied zermatt or
0:20:10skated garmisch-partenkirchen Swat
0:20:13Valley snowbird parks do you have the
0:20:15little bald Aspen Monta san lorenzo
0:20:19beavercreek these are all places listed
0:20:21on the wikipedia page for a list of
0:20:23skiing deaths ya go skiing death
0:20:26no yeah yeah I'm trying to cross
0:20:27references of people who may or may not
0:20:29be Scientologist how many what about
0:20:32natasha richardson was she a
0:20:33Scientologist is she the one that was in
0:20:36that james bond movie where it seemed
0:20:37implausible to choose a nuclear
0:20:39physicist
0:20:40oh no that's probably Denise Richards
0:20:42Denise Richards not natasha richardson
0:20:44with one dated the guy with the drug
0:20:48problem
0:20:49oh uh which one dated the guy with the
0:20:53drug problem was that can students
0:20:56oh that's you know what your realistics
0:20:58yes yes that's also i think Denise
0:21:01Richards ok alright is Richard she was
0:21:04that pretty girl in magazines in the
0:21:06nineties is in the change-up on didn't
0:21:08find her pretty much just not your type
0:21:09out your right toes was very unusual
0:21:12ww-wait for you huh do not well that's
0:21:15no this is the thing I like a nose that
0:21:17kind of gets in the way and her nose
0:21:20seemed like it had been whittled down so
0:21:23there wasn't anything to get in the way
0:21:25yeah right it seems like it seems like a
0:21:26small nose basically if your nose is
0:21:29capable of getting nectar from a flower
0:21:32if he knows is capable get next flower
0:21:37you might be coming but you might be a
0:21:39hummingbird you have a prominent
0:21:41proboscis and like to ski
0:21:43I'm so glad that are that are southern
0:21:45lawyer that's kind of my jeff foxworthy
0:21:47you're done
0:21:51epidural hematoma that's a shame you're
0:21:54pretty name for a girl and then yes so
0:21:56the woman merry Hanson from stereolab
0:21:58died in a bike accident where there's a
0:22:00list of famous bike deaths like axe
0:22:03yeah you know a good friend of mine who
0:22:05plays do
0:22:06drums in the band keen Richard he is a
0:22:09real advocate for bike safety in London
0:22:13wow yeah so he's talking all the time I
0:22:15see a lot of of helmet cam videos from
0:22:20the streets around London where
0:22:22bicyclists are on like these kind of
0:22:25ridiculously narrow bike paths and then
0:22:28some angry lorry driver will
0:22:31intentionally run them off the road
0:22:32because there's a lot of apparently a
0:22:35lot of hatred of bicycle culture in the
0:22:39UK man which sort of you know it just is
0:22:42a it's a a it's a corollary to just the
0:22:46general hatred that's in the UK but it's
0:22:49directed at bicyclist it's a civil kind
0:22:51of hatred
0:22:52no I think if you're running someone off
0:22:54the road the the question of civility
0:22:56has already been answered
0:22:58alright agree and disagree yeah oh you
0:23:00think that you can you think you can run
0:23:01but i think it's a little bit it's a
0:23:03little bit you know America centric for
0:23:06you to not be sensitive to the
0:23:07subtleties of the the class distinctions
0:23:10in the united kingdom
0:23:11well i don't know i don't want her to
0:23:12judge i mean some people with dogs you
0:23:14know I've spent a lot of time over there
0:23:16and I feel like I'm a pretty good sense
0:23:18of how deeply deeply sublimated their
0:23:23British people seem seem angry
0:23:26yeah they're well you know they used to
0:23:28have an empire that spanned the globe
0:23:30the Sun never sat sun never sat on the
0:23:34British Empire and now it sits on the
0:23:36British Empire every morning just as
0:23:38long as it once just sits there and the
0:23:42British Empire is trying to get out from
0:23:43under the Sun but yep and it cannot fix
0:23:47them
0:23:48sure uh yeah sure that Venezuela you
0:23:51know you got the changes in oil prices
0:23:52it's a complicated time for everyone
0:23:53they're not making any money from
0:23:54streaming it's a tough time on that and
0:23:57that's affecting Cuba right Venezuela
0:23:58used to use to fund Cuba with their with
0:24:01their extra oil like a big game of
0:24:03diplomacy and nobody's winning
0:24:04yeah it's a it's like the game of Clue
0:24:06right we're here where your country
0:24:09acquires a bunch of wheat and then
0:24:12trades the wheat for the candlestick
0:24:15right you sank my battleship exactly
0:24:17same thing
0:24:19Jack I feel like I feel like are we are
0:24:22we are we dropping ourselves this
0:24:25episode of Roderick on the line is
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0:25:31supertrain our thanks to braintree for
0:25:34supporting Roderick on the loss yeah you
0:25:36ever get that feeling that were dropping
0:25:37ourselves
0:25:38yeah right where you know for a long
0:25:40time people try to trip you try to show
0:25:43how would they go about that
0:25:45oh you know they trope you like you your
0:25:46wallet online shopping it's kinda like
0:25:48almost like online bullying yeah you can
0:25:50you say like oh that person's
0:25:51appropriate about trusting ourselves you
0:25:54mean like were like descending into
0:25:56self-parody well yeah I mean you and I
0:25:58have never really said hashtag
0:26:00supertrain to each other right other
0:26:03people say hashtag supertrain to us
0:26:06yeah and if we start super training one
0:26:08another yeah right work the worthen
0:26:11where Trump you're flying too close to
0:26:12the Sun but right now my friend
0:26:14alright I'll back swings merry merry
0:26:16Hanson she does not funny she died in an
0:26:18on the ppt page for a cycling road
0:26:21accident deaths and nico nico from the
0:26:24velvet underground she went that way a
0:26:27lot so I don't recognize you know you
0:26:29want you want your
0:26:31famous people to die of drugs right yeah
0:26:34you don't want them to die like you know
0:26:35if you're a soldier there's nothing more
0:26:37honorable you know then going down in
0:26:39the art and whatever right I see not to
0:26:41dive drugs no well i don't know i mean i
0:26:43don't want to be you know I don't know I
0:26:45don't know that much about the about the
0:26:46military but you know i mean it makes
0:26:48sense that if you're in
0:26:49I don't know I'm gonna see again I don't
0:26:51be culturally insensitive but yeah
0:26:53that's how you want people to die you
0:26:54want to die of a drug overdose or like a
0:26:56second overdose although i don't know
0:26:58anybody that's ever that's ever happened
0:27:00except for goldie Hawn's husband in
0:27:03private benjamin right
0:27:05oh yes and that was that the
0:27:07precipitating that was the event that
0:27:08led her to want to join the active
0:27:10military I don't think she wanted to
0:27:12join I feel like shit her her husband
0:27:15was going to afford her very comfortable
0:27:17life
0:27:18yeah and then he died on the bathroom
0:27:20floor on their wedding night
0:27:21is that true you well that's sad what
0:27:24horrible horrible way to begin a comedy
0:27:26yeah go go to go to the wikipedia page
0:27:29for a drive and have a pitchman deaths
0:27:31and then for some reason I'm not sure
0:27:33why right because she would have
0:27:35inherited his maybe he didn't have any
0:27:37money or maybe his family fought her for
0:27:40the inheritance or something seems like
0:27:42it was on our wedding night she already
0:27:44would have been able to well for
0:27:48whatever reason my gosh i was Albert
0:27:50Brooks John know that's what it says
0:27:52here on wikipedia Albert Brooks really
0:27:54died on their wedding night during sex
0:27:57or sec intercourse quickest quickest and
0:28:00then she was forced to become a private
0:28:03in the army
0:28:04haha she's recruited by a sneaky
0:28:07recruiting sergeant played by wait for
0:28:09it Harry Dean Stanton no come on there's
0:28:11kids you know Wikipedia hey Jim Ballard
0:28:13played by Harry Dean Stanton this can't
0:28:15be that much of an all-star cast this is
0:28:17amazing that Janet Walsh's in here
0:28:19somewhere
0:28:20I remember feeling like Private Benjamin
0:28:21was it really acquitted itself well to
0:28:25my what twelve-year-old mind what year
0:28:27was it
0:28:28thank you can be 2 1989 teensy so this
0:28:33is x 12 years old or 12 years old and I
0:28:35thought Private Benjamin was just the
0:28:37jam but wait a minute what year was
0:28:38stripes right I'm gonna I'm gonna call
0:28:40that 181 but i'll check right so I mean
0:28:43one of these
0:28:44one of these things presage the other
0:28:46right one of them
0:28:48yeah there was definitely some reitman
0:28:50in the air 1981 you got the movie
0:28:51stripes i see so so live and rancis
0:28:55Private Benjamin inspired can you say
0:28:59that private benjamin inspired stripes
0:29:00would with is that is that too risky
0:29:03oicic I think I see we're going there is
0:29:06somebody is some film major gonna say no
0:29:08no see I'm thinking I'm thinking the
0:29:11pivot I'm thinking of is private
0:29:12benjamin seems to me maybe inspired a
0:29:15little bit by something along the lines
0:29:17of analysis doesn't live here anymore
0:29:18you know that's a that's something I'd
0:29:21that's a reference I don't get what
0:29:22happened in our you love to do you love
0:29:24the TV program Alice with linda lavin
0:29:25vic tayback oh is that is that a movie
0:29:28from the TV show or TV show from no no
0:29:30no now uh in in the the early seventies
0:29:34the great Don Martin Scorsese a client
0:29:36Marty had a film called Alice doesn't
0:29:38live here anymore and that's the movie
0:29:40upon which the the TV show is based on
0:29:44with the titular character had to leave
0:29:48a failing marriage and she took her she
0:29:52took her like preteen son and early to
0:29:56rise early to bed in between she cook
0:29:58and clean one out of her head she went
0:29:59to I went to Phoenix well by the time
0:30:01she got to phoenix yeah and then she met
0:30:05mail and flow was a comedy he likes
0:30:10horses you did a lot of comment is a
0:30:12comment out i think also that's the
0:30:14first time I ever heard the mott the
0:30:15hoople song all the way from Memphis i
0:30:17think was the song was either that or
0:30:19maybe not Johnson remember have a good
0:30:20soundtrack Marty's always done good
0:30:22soundtracks yeah true true enough it
0:30:25might have been that one from his his
0:30:27cowboy concept album i'm thinking of I
0:30:30feel like during the during that period
0:30:32i feel like i was pretty traumatized by
0:30:34Kramer vs Kramer cowboy and it was hard
0:30:37for me to watch any kind of divorce like
0:30:40late seventies devotion sure divorce
0:30:43porn here can we open it and that's what
0:30:46it was but they have except goodbye girl
0:30:49was one of the great examples mean
0:30:52goodbye girl if every movie could be
0:30:56like goodbye girl
0:30:57am i right do you feel that way I see
0:31:01now this is my ski shame i don't think
0:31:03i've ever seen that they'll play major
0:31:07ok now are you serious
0:31:09I mean it was really something by the
0:31:11way Ellen Burstyn and Eileen Brennan or
0:31:12different people did you know that which
0:31:15one died in a bike accident unless
0:31:17you're ellen burstyn was doing Alice
0:31:18doesn't live here anymore Eileen Brennan
0:31:20was the one in private benjamin a highly
0:31:23burstyn was a she was a comedian right
0:31:26now you may be thinking Ellen Barkin oh
0:31:29I'm the email and bar who is also not a
0:31:31comedian ellen burstyn and Eileen Barkin
0:31:34and I was the last one uh I are likely
0:31:39Eileen Brennan Brennan Arlene Brennan
0:31:43Eileen Barkin Ellen first DeGeneres yeah
0:31:47I all our different people that's right
0:31:49now Ellen Burstyn was born Edna ray
0:31:51Gillooly which is an awesome name and an
0:31:54irregularly she's born in Detroit she's
0:31:5683 years old now if I were david
0:31:58letterman i would now say Gillooly
0:31:59colori times during the show because i
0:32:01don't have a joke here I just like
0:32:02saying coolio she was in the same time
0:32:04next year that was the diamond ever seen
0:32:06that was down all the guy from mash I
0:32:08don't know everyone knows who Alan all
0:32:09is well that's not true match match went
0:32:12off the air 3 33 years ago
0:32:14boy I want to get back to goodbye girl
0:32:18yeah I don't get to talk about my
0:32:19beverages but but that's ok i really
0:32:21want let's go back let's goodbye girl is
0:32:23referenced by many many people it's one
0:32:26of those things where like I it's weird
0:32:28that i miss that but if I feel like
0:32:29goodbye girl what's the joke what was a
0:32:32seinfeld was there some show where they
0:32:33kept referencing goodbye girl and not
0:32:35wanting the other person to realize it
0:32:36wasn't thousand oh my gosh Ellen Burstyn
0:32:39sufi that's interesting been married
0:32:41three times and I I would never have
0:32:44known that i'm still not able to picture
0:32:46l Eileen burstyn Eileen Eileen DeGeneres
0:32:49ellen burstyn has been married three
0:32:51times
0:32:51she hasn't been married since 1972 the
0:32:54thing is i would be following along here
0:32:56but I can't get the hyper corners on
0:32:59John Hodgman enormous mac computer to
0:33:02activate you still using a mac home
0:33:05oh you're there you're slicing here's
0:33:06the hyper corners
0:33:08ok
0:33:08are using expose John what's that what's
0:33:11going on you know I've noticed that a
0:33:12lot of people use chrome is crime i know
0:33:16thats I that comports with what I was
0:33:18just saying about a lot of people and
0:33:20one of them but uh but I always in I
0:33:22just go to Safari people like Safari it
0:33:25comes on the mac i don't i'm not sure
0:33:27that i like it you know what I don't
0:33:28like any of the map programs anymore are
0:33:31given up huh
0:33:32I used to like Google Maps i even i
0:33:33never liked Apple maps uses a lot of
0:33:35Google Earth Google Earth you can just
0:33:36see you just sit there for hours looking
0:33:37at for us and Czechoslovakia yeah now
0:33:40well I believe me i zoomed in on so many
0:33:43forests in Czechoslovakia looking for
0:33:47specific details on the ground right
0:33:49where was that obelisk or whatever
0:33:52sure hours and hours but now every time
0:33:55I load one of those map programs i'll be
0:33:57standing on the street right and there's
0:33:59like a truck bearing down on me and I'm
0:34:00like which way do I go and I load a map
0:34:03i love google maps and the program has
0:34:07become stupider and stupider overtime so
0:34:09now it can never figure out where I am
0:34:12it can't into it what I'm asking it
0:34:14which is show me a map right
0:34:17it wants to think that I want something
0:34:19that I don't
0:34:20it's got too much like it has just
0:34:23enough agency to not realize that I just
0:34:26want to map but not enough agency to
0:34:29really divine what I'm asking it to do
0:34:32which is generally show me a map very
0:34:36frustrating all right hang on i'm
0:34:37putting in Eileen burst and ellen
0:34:40burstyn also yes it was all the way from
0:34:41Memphis by mott the hoople was the song
0:34:43that I was thinking of from Alice
0:34:45doesn't live here anymore also Jodie
0:34:47Foster was in Alice doesn't live here
0:34:49anymore also Harvey Keitel how did I
0:34:52miss this film I don't know Diane Ladd
0:34:55was in it right now Diane land i can
0:34:56easily confuse her with ellen ellen
0:34:58burstyn and I'm bringing ellen burstyn
0:35:00ellen burstyn right solution lots of
0:35:03things she was she was a Sufi i was
0:35:07watching so the other night I watched
0:35:09the television show girls who the first
0:35:12time I don't know if you've seen this
0:35:13team and I've seen showgirls yeah and I
0:35:16got rights got a UH rilo kiley at the
0:35:18guide Riley
0:35:20the guy the guy thats a that's the the
0:35:23good doctors grandson he's the guy who
0:35:25never has a shirt on
0:35:26that's right that's right that's right
0:35:27right right here who was in that super
0:35:31annoying movie where he was like a he
0:35:33was playing them the fun millennial
0:35:35character that the two middle-aged
0:35:37people wanted to be friends with uh ok
0:35:40it was sort of like a movie based on the
0:35:42idea of girls but seen from the
0:35:44perspective of some middle-aged people
0:35:46that wanted to stay relevant
0:35:48mmm i was pretty hard to watch but uh
0:35:51anyway watching the show you start the
0:35:55beginning
0:35:56no I started in the middle but I and and
0:36:01I don't normally do that but it was just
0:36:02like this is too much to figure out how
0:36:05to watch the show I don't know if I want
0:36:07to watch it figure itself out i'm just
0:36:08gonna start in the middle of season two
0:36:09but a couple of things happened one I
0:36:14liked it quite a bit too i realized that
0:36:18the music was by Michael Penn and the
0:36:20music was spectacular
0:36:23he's pretty good and also a lot of the
0:36:26bit characters that the like moms and
0:36:29dads in the show like the moms and dads
0:36:32of the characters uh other main
0:36:35characters are all played by sitcom
0:36:38stars from the eighties that were like
0:36:43the mom of one of the characters was the
0:36:47was the cute girl from the Newhart show
0:36:49when he moved up to Vermont and have the
0:36:52lodge have a lot of girl that was kinda
0:36:54cute and she's kind of quirky little
0:36:56she's kind of the Diane that show
0:36:58elections that I am and her husband on
0:37:01the Newhart show was the guy from bosom
0:37:06buddies who was all Peter Peter Scolari
0:37:08the guy who wasn't Tom Hanks and peter
0:37:10scolari also appears him girls i love
0:37:15peter scolari but not married to the to
0:37:18the girl from New heart but a different
0:37:20he's a different dad will switch a month
0:37:22we'll switch them up and i'm watching
0:37:24the show and I'm just like oh my
0:37:25goodness like all these all these stars
0:37:29that were like the young beautiful stars
0:37:32honest I'm such as
0:37:33I have to admit I am such a sucker for
0:37:35that oh yeah I mean you know when
0:37:37they're like well that the good the good
0:37:39eighties cameo there's an ad watching
0:37:41episode of Parks and Rec with john
0:37:42larroquette playing a completely
0:37:44unhinged like very insecure man in his
0:37:48like sixties or seventies and it was
0:37:49great you get the play against type it's
0:37:51fun
0:37:52Peter Scolari I'm glad he's out there I
0:37:55always you know this is the confusing
0:37:57thing there's not going to be a lot of
0:37:58people listening this program that I've
0:38:00never seen bosom buddies but bosom
0:38:01buddies was very influential show i had
0:38:04strong feelings about that show
0:38:05yeah I did too and it was like a show
0:38:07that was made for me at that was right
0:38:09in the pocket for me because that was my
0:38:10humor
0:38:11oh that was funny me too and then the
0:38:13premise was that Tom Hanks before he was
0:38:15famous and peter scolari were like
0:38:18Tootsie it's a pre Tootsie show was a
0:38:21pretense II think it was pretty I think
0:38:23influence Tootsie I think when she came
0:38:25out I was like this is just the plot of
0:38:27books on my god i think you're right it
0:38:28came out like two years after after
0:38:31bosom buddies
0:38:32yeah right but somebody's is is kind of
0:38:34private benjamin era writers strike
0:38:37no no you're right it I came out in 1980
0:38:39no sorry sorry sorry i took it back so
0:38:42it wasn't buddies canceled in nineteen
0:38:43eighty-two already cancelled by 1980 to
0:38:46cancel 82 so this show right they were
0:38:49they were trying to live in New York
0:38:50achieves a young maverick guys who want
0:38:53to break into advertising right and
0:38:55there's no way they could afford the the
0:38:58rents of manhattan which seems crazy
0:39:00considering that in nineteen eighty it
0:39:03was not expensive to live in Manhattan
0:39:04not not anywhere near as expensive as it
0:39:06is now anyway so they lived in an
0:39:09all-girl like a YWCA basically like an
0:39:14apartment building for single women and
0:39:17off the hijinks that ensued but what was
0:39:20confusing to me was that at the time
0:39:22watching the show I preferred the peter
0:39:25scolari character
0:39:26yeah he was the 1i like right i mean he
0:39:28was he was the Luke to Tom Hanks is Tom
0:39:31and Tom solo Han Solo a little bit like
0:39:33it was easier to relate to Peter Scolari
0:39:35he was kind of that the site keeps the
0:39:37second banana
0:39:38yeah but Tom Hanks seem kind of gangly
0:39:41and glory was you know like everybody
0:39:44like Starsky
0:39:46nobody wanted to be hutch yeah I know I
0:39:49know I know the same way that everybody
0:39:50wanted to be Luke Duke instead of boat
0:39:53do you think so did you want to be Bo
0:39:55Duke I think I think Bo Duke is is rick
0:40:00from the walking dead but let me get
0:40:02this right
0:40:03Luke Duke is it you know what it doesn't
0:40:04matter you're watching the show yes
0:40:06maybe but I also i often wanted to be
0:40:09the person who was the person I wasn't
0:40:11supposed to want to be I like Luke more
0:40:13than hot in the first movie when I was a
0:40:15little no no that's cool it's cool to
0:40:18say it's cool to say you want to be Han
0:40:19Solo but I was totally a Luke person as
0:40:22can be true he was a he was so whiny
0:40:25well alright yeah and I don't want to
0:40:28i'm not trying okay it's fine fine it's
0:40:30a little on the nose don't want to Luke
0:40:32shame you look at the way they would
0:40:34dress up on that show on buddy
0:40:36so they had they had to as I this is not
0:40:38where we use anymore but they had to
0:40:40dress in what used to be called drag
0:40:41that's right right now it's a drag
0:40:43anymore
0:40:44I'm steering clear the whole thing but
0:40:46they would have to wear makeup and wigs
0:40:47and a lot of humor uh initial humor was
0:40:50derived out of the the sunlight hotness
0:40:54of these two living in this lady's hotel
0:40:56and of course then you got sunny I think
0:40:58her name was this is a decision that we
0:41:01can actually do that anywhere life
0:41:03yeah at the new there stick right she
0:41:05will know that was it wasn't amy-jo
0:41:07sperber that seems like a fake name and
0:41:11totally see maybe throw sperber would be
0:41:13my drag but Tom Hanks his character his
0:41:16name I don't remember was infatuated by
0:41:19by dan Aykroyd wife Donna Dixon right
0:41:23and she met dan Aykroyd during the
0:41:25filming of doctor detroit one of the
0:41:27all-time great mom I'm gonna rip off
0:41:30your head and shit down your neck
0:41:33why do you always have to really
0:41:34inexplicable movies that that and and
0:41:37nothing but trouble to movies that are
0:41:40very hard to understand who dr. Detroit
0:41:42nothing but trouble
0:41:43yeah i was watching what's that movie oh
0:41:46burn after reading burn after reading a
0:41:49movie it's a coen brothers movie
0:41:52oh and you know I was thinking a lot
0:41:54about this like the Coen brothers make
0:41:56some movies that are very serious
0:41:58and they also make some movies that are
0:42:00very funny
0:42:02let me make those movies in between that
0:42:04are neither serious nor funny and those
0:42:07are the ones that really baffle me and
0:42:09burn after reading is in that category
0:42:11interesting like I think the weather was
0:42:13a serious man probably count on that a
0:42:16little bit i know is why i love their
0:42:19movies
0:42:20oh yes normally I do too but this is a
0:42:22movie that that has all-star cast right
0:42:24John Malkovich sure Brad Pitt and George
0:42:29Clooney I feel like maybe what it is is
0:42:31that if George Clooney is a coen
0:42:32brothers movie it isn't the chances are
0:42:35it's not going to be one of the good
0:42:36ones
0:42:37oh really feel like that may be true i
0:42:40mean everybody likes but oh brother
0:42:41where art thou
0:42:42yeah it's it's you know it's it it's a
0:42:46great exercise
0:42:47I'm it's not something i returned to
0:42:49like I would return to the bagel about
0:42:50your size huh
0:42:52it's an exercise right that's exactly
0:42:54right like you know like el césar i
0:42:55meant just to see how Caesar when it
0:42:57gets to where I can launch it
0:42:58I saw it it's got George Clooney verdict
0:43:01what'swhat's out how do you Judy Kate
0:43:03what I'm saying boy let me let me put it
0:43:05this way it picture George Clooney in
0:43:08the big lebowski didn't want him there
0:43:11I don't know I think you do are you
0:43:15saying you don't like the big lebowski i
0:43:17love the big lebowski I just don't want
0:43:18George Clooney there and I think George
0:43:20Clooney was there the big lebowski would
0:43:22be a lesser film and I say that as a
0:43:24George Clooney I like George Clooney I
0:43:26detail big fan I like him I thought he
0:43:28was really good in the one about about
0:43:31the one other the torture one
0:43:37no no the one where he puts jennifer
0:43:39lopez in a trunk know that was good
0:43:42though doesn't get all that was a good
0:43:43movie
0:43:44oh boy the chemistry they have as a good
0:43:47movie you know what I mean no i'm
0:43:48talking about the one about
0:43:53gongshow oh yeah the salmon salmon
0:43:57salmon salmon rockwell sam rockwell you
0:44:00got the seminal events in simulating the
0:44:02big lebowski that's right he's also on
0:44:04parks and rec yeah no he's not on parks
0:44:06and rec yeah he plays the other run
0:44:08people is Ron done to run Swanson's Ron
0:44:10Swanson how come I've never seen a
0:44:12picture of him in that I'll see what I
0:44:14see pictures of Ron Swanson all the time
0:44:17oh he is awfully awfully good in that he
0:44:19starts out seem like he's gonna be
0:44:20exactly like Ron Swanson and it turns
0:44:21out he's like a hippie guy who wear
0:44:22sandals and he's really really good
0:44:25mustache or no mustache mustache
0:44:27yeah i'll find a picture for you it's
0:44:29must have cast casting is what that is
0:44:31oh yeah stash casting he's a handsome
0:44:34guy you look at some pictures that guy
0:44:35when he was younger I mean still look
0:44:36very handsome guy its conservative he
0:44:39seems like you'd be very conservative i
0:44:40think that maybe he's not I'm you know
0:44:43Tom Selleck gave a bad name to signature
0:44:46mustaches just because you have a large
0:44:48aperture for your mustache does not mean
0:44:50you have to be a conservative that's all
0:44:52the fighting I don't know I don't know
0:44:54about Sam Elliott I feel like I feel
0:44:56like he he's cowboy handsome in a way
0:45:01there how my god i wanted to be cowboy
0:45:03handsome so badly on that that's a type
0:45:06and I I don't think you really don't get
0:45:08to pick that out like that'sthat's ee
0:45:10have it or you don't
0:45:11well kris kristofferson cowboy hands
0:45:14chris Christie I'll absolutely cowboy
0:45:16handsome right and kris kristofferson
0:45:17not a cowboy
0:45:19he was an Air Force like a officer he
0:45:23was an officer in the US air force in
0:45:25this kidding me
0:45:26no Kris Kristofferson Christmas driving
0:45:30the he's lived one of those George
0:45:31Plimpton lives yeah I that makes sense
0:45:33and and then became like a songwriter
0:45:37songwriter before he was well known as a
0:45:39performer
0:45:40uh that's right and then and I you know
0:45:43him he dated Janis Joplin he lived in
0:45:45the he lived in the Chelsea Hotel you
0:45:48know all these things and but yeah
0:45:53there's something you know now that he
0:45:55was in that Waylon Jennings Willie
0:45:57Nelson Johnny Cash band he was a
0:46:01military brat right and down here
0:46:04i anoint his Wikipedia page he was a
0:46:07Rhodes Scholar are you kidding me
0:46:09the road Scholar you went to Oxford and
0:46:13then cowboy hats on and a Rhodes Scholar
0:46:15can imagine that master's degree in
0:46:17english in 1960 Wow 33 everything right
0:46:24now I always think of nineteen sixty as
0:46:26a year that is sort of pre all culture
0:46:31it's kind of one of those years like
0:46:321997 that exists out of time it's it's
0:46:35neither fish nor fowl yeah right i mean
0:46:37I all of the cars from 19 from the
0:46:39fifties all have wings and our and look
0:46:42like pregnant purposes and then in
0:46:45nineteen sixty we started to get the
0:46:46flat cars the square cars the cars that
0:46:50drive themselves they not the shifter
0:46:52cars and but they but the 1960 cars for
0:46:57the most part were not the good square
0:46:59cars right they were the they were the
0:47:01of the test case
0:47:03ok but and also pre I mean it's post
0:47:07rock and roll but all the rock and roll
0:47:09up to them was pompadour rock and then
0:47:13after you know 62 then it became a bowl
0:47:19haircut rock right and so here he is
0:47:21already has a master's degree and it's
0:47:25pre its pre bowl haircut rock you got a
0:47:29lot of jazz is still around
0:47:31Elvis is still hanging on you got a lot
0:47:34of like a lot of jazz you got Ricky
0:47:35Nelson you got Frank Sinatra Kingston
0:47:38Trio you got the folk stuff happening
0:47:40and i think the girl group stuff hadn't
0:47:43all right around starting yeah but I
0:47:46mean like one day one of the Ronettes
0:47:49like ones that don't think but I mean
0:47:53was doing and sixties he still takes 15
0:47:56hours a day in Minnesota but so anyway
0:47:58then crystal person joins the army
0:48:00becomes a captain diet that is a big
0:48:04that's up that's a big rank yes it
0:48:07certainly is and became a helicopter
0:48:09pilot and then in nineteen sixty-five he
0:48:14went and taught English Literature at
0:48:16West
0:48:17point or was you know was a well almost
0:48:21did and then decided to leave the army
0:48:23to pursue songwriting in 65 his family
0:48:28disowned him because of this decision
0:48:31and they never reconciled with him
0:48:33oh no that's terrible to hear that isn't
0:48:36that incredible like he he left the army
0:48:38and 65 moved to Nashville and when you
0:48:40think about Christmas rocks and you
0:48:42think about him in the seventies you
0:48:44know with the like by then he's an actor
0:48:47i think i'm going to get that noise you
0:48:49make it's the only thing Kris
0:48:51Kristofferson I think I'm yeah right
0:48:54right because of that movie with Barbra
0:48:57Streisand
0:48:58mhm no I think that's Nick that's Nick
0:49:01Fury was that caused no Nikki and the
0:49:03government who is ours down and out in
0:49:05beverly hills right worries he eats the
0:49:07eats the the salmon that he finds its
0:49:10transcript that well but so anyway I
0:49:15christmas star person's life has always
0:49:18astonished me so much that I can't I
0:49:22can't even really like the only thing
0:49:25missing is that a certain point it is a
0:49:27government asset for like a retired
0:49:29director of the CIA can if anybody was
0:49:32gonna be that it was him i guess i'm
0:49:36glad i learned that that's kind of
0:49:37that's another one of another thing to
0:49:39be depressed about one thing about this
0:49:41willie nelson was born in 1933 what is
0:49:45Willie Nelson look like now he looks
0:49:46like like a dried apple I think he looks
0:49:51he looks like a vacation bible school
0:49:52clock-watching yeah he looks like
0:49:55he'slooking my pal together with with
0:49:57the popsicle sticks but he looked like
0:50:00that since like 1968
0:50:02well that's what I'm saying Kris
0:50:03Kristofferson is only three years
0:50:04younger than Willie Nelson's born in
0:50:061936 his mom's age that's insane but any
0:50:10still just looks as you know he still is
0:50:12cowboy handsome as ever
0:50:14cowboy handsome i wanted to be cowboy
0:50:17handsome how you me both buddy I used to
0:50:19sit I used to imagine this is one of
0:50:22those weird things I I never actually
0:50:24pursued being a bush pilot like I never
0:50:29after I got my pie
0:50:30its license as a kid I never did
0:50:34anything else to be a bush pilot
0:50:39uh-huh but I continue to fantasize about
0:50:43being a bush pilot for several years
0:50:46after like I when I pictured myself as a
0:50:48grownup one of the ways I imagine myself
0:50:51was as a bush pilot and i'm not sure i'm
0:50:55not sure why right I
0:50:57I that was a that was a job that was
0:51:00accessible to me I could have become a
0:51:02bush pilot and what and what I would
0:51:06have done was during high school or or
0:51:09the summer after high school would have
0:51:10gone down to the airport and got a job
0:51:12pumping gas for the airplanes and you
0:51:18know immersed myself in that life I knew
0:51:20a lot of bush pilots I couldn't been a
0:51:22bush but i didn't i didn't do anything
0:51:25like that but to be a bush pilot seem to
0:51:28me to be the gateway to a kind of cowboy
0:51:31handsome who right where you kind of
0:51:34hear clothes were always a little bit
0:51:37stainle how are you how are you not
0:51:39going to find adventure if your push
0:51:40politics that's exactly you're the guy
0:51:42who drives indie away while the shooting
0:51:45arrows right you're you got one of those
0:51:46little water planes maybe or you know I
0:51:48don't know which is a bush pilot but
0:51:49that's that's that that's a ticket to
0:51:51adventure that's the guy a bush pilot is
0:51:53one of the Alaskan bush pilot is one of
0:51:55the jobs one of the very few jobs
0:51:58we're carrying a pistol and a shoulder
0:52:01holster does not seem crazy right like
0:52:05how right sure mean how many jobs like
0:52:09theirs theirs to be a marvel comics
0:52:11artist right let's head Brubaker we see
0:52:15the guy carry pistol
0:52:16well ed brubaker claims i don't know
0:52:18what he claims
0:52:19maybe maybe he claims that he never did
0:52:21or maybe he claims that I that at one
0:52:24point I told that story and EDD
0:52:25contacted me and he said I never wore a
0:52:27vest because I said he was wearing a gun
0:52:31in a shoulder holster under a vest
0:52:32yeah and he runs that i never wore a
0:52:34vest well that's not denying the gun
0:52:36that's that is that's a non-denial
0:52:37denials just denying the best right
0:52:39who but how many jobs you know if you're
0:52:42a double O you can carry a gun in a
0:52:44shoulder holster if you're you like
0:52:46James Bond
0:52:47yeah but she said like it rhymes with
0:52:48Douglas I mean really happy with your
0:52:50doubled over double and I think your
0:52:53general you can carry for four loko in a
0:52:56shoulder this episode of Roderick on the
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0:54:52but uh mango i know well yeah sure it's
0:54:56bigger now
0:54:56sure I was figure then but it's only
0:54:59because the good four lokos are aren't
0:55:01made anymore
0:55:02uh our brood but like but you know if
0:55:06you're if you're a gritty San Francisco
0:55:08detective you can carry a gun in a
0:55:10shoulder holster and then what else like
0:55:13a crocodile hunter yeah but if you're if
0:55:16you're a bush pilot and i say this
0:55:18because I've known a handful of bush
0:55:20pilots the do carry guns in a shoulder
0:55:22holster it's not required i know a lot
0:55:25of Bush parts that don't but if you if
0:55:28you show up somewhere and you get out of
0:55:30your plan you got a gun in the shoulder
0:55:31rolls because you don't know if a bear's
0:55:34gonna come out of the woods if the
0:55:37structure that kind of a holster it that
0:55:39sounds like that's a person who could be
0:55:40very reasonable reasonable and reason
0:55:42with that's a business person right now
0:55:44I mean vs like somebody you know who's
0:55:47got a big gun there felt as real show
0:55:48you about it
0:55:49that's right and shoulder holster me
0:55:51that's what that's how my dad was
0:55:52carrying that gun when he shot the 20
0:55:54out of the sky he just he just open the
0:55:56window on this plane just shot out of
0:55:57the sky and so that's kind of a bush
0:55:59pilot move right you don't want a gun on
0:56:00your hip you want to be able to get it
0:56:03and still be controlling your everything
0:56:05can be coming up their seatbelt you go
0:56:06pills that's what you know about the go
0:56:10pills I know potential anyway anyway so
0:56:12I being a bush pilot and i'm not sure
0:56:15how much it still may be ways on me that
0:56:18I didn't become a push pop could happen
0:56:21that could still happen there was only
0:56:23just got you just gotta focus focus your
0:56:25assets in your resources you gotta say
0:56:26no to more things
0:56:28yes i know i can I got a good i gotta go
0:56:29to bush pilot class time but this is
0:56:31that this is the thing about so many of
0:56:33those job paths where the decision to be
0:56:36a bush pilot is somewhat predicated on
0:56:40you not realizing yet how many different
0:56:43ways there are to die at a young man's
0:56:46game right
0:56:47yeah once you get in it sure then you
0:56:50know then you by the time you get to be
0:56:51my age you've got your the near the old
0:56:53you the old guard but it's not a thing
0:56:57at your mid-forties to say like oh I'm
0:57:00gonna now I'm gonna go you know get the
0:57:03riskiest job you can have
0:57:04mhm with your property it seems to me
0:57:07you could become a freelance like a
0:57:09helicopter adventurer be pretty easy for
0:57:11you to have a small helicopter that like
0:57:12a little mini bell i'm gonna guess
0:57:14that's the thing that you can have that
0:57:16you can just have adventures he could he
0:57:18could be like you could be like a costly
0:57:20uber involving helicopters weekend
0:57:22admissions you could definitely carry a
0:57:24gun i think if you had a helicopter I
0:57:25like like a like CJ TJ favor for CJ and
0:57:29the bear
0:57:30they said that the guy on the magnum
0:57:31right yeah yeah CJ and the bear i see
0:57:35but I think you have to learn i think
0:57:37you can carry a gun additional girls for
0:57:39the view our helicopter adventurist but
0:57:41I think you have to learn to fly the
0:57:43helicopter the army I think that's just
0:57:44the only way that's the bats is where
0:57:47you learn to fly out
0:57:48I you know I understand where you're
0:57:51coming from but I think you're being
0:57:53awfully negative about all these things
0:57:55i think you just need to pick one you
0:57:57can be happy to be cowboy handsome in no
0:57:59time
0:57:59what about what about war zone reporter
0:58:02did you see that movie uh WTF started
0:58:06know the girl from from oh you know that
0:58:10that animal I think she should make as
0:58:12many movies i think she's really TV is
0:58:14for medium I like her so much on TV and
0:58:17movies don't do that much for me and
0:58:19this movie has a that problem that
0:58:22additional problem like is this the
0:58:23comedy and in there are some people
0:58:26getting blown up and killed in this
0:58:27movie and that's not fun me but there's
0:58:31also some lost some hot lols in there
0:58:33it's like I'm not sure how much I want
0:58:36my lols leavened with suicide bombing em
0:58:40but I didn't mind the film but it did it
0:58:42also like real it that fuse and I was
0:58:46like why didn't you go to the war zone
0:58:47become a war zone reporter you know in
0:58:50the same way that you can get away with
0:58:53a shoulder holster for being a bush
0:58:55pilot i thinkI you definitely people
0:58:58going to give you a pass on epaulettes
0:59:00when you're open war zone reporter right
0:59:03or a jacket that has a belt check
0:59:05haha jacket with the belt with some
0:59:07pockets in it but like you think you
0:59:09take a Christian Amanpour i mean that's
0:59:11that's a strong look you get you get a
0:59:13belted jacket with epilepsy with you
0:59:15look terrific in that
0:59:17I think that there's a kind of
0:59:18sunglasses that you can only wear if
0:59:22you're a war reporter and I often wear
0:59:24so the sunglasses i'm wearing right now
0:59:26because I often wear sunglasses to
0:59:29record our podcast you remove your eyes
0:59:33right you put on the back your neck or
0:59:34anything like that who know people in
0:59:37our neighborhood own sunglasses but they
0:59:39don't actually ever have them over their
0:59:40eyes they're either on their forehead on
0:59:42around the front of their neck on a
0:59:44croaky or on the back of their necks
0:59:46like they have vision problems with the
0:59:47back of the neck
0:59:48I feel like if you have the if you have
0:59:50the glasses on the back of your neck you
0:59:52had better be a bass fisherman em or
0:59:56selling rv's right now I like Todd
0:59:56selling rv's right now I like Todd
1:00:00Todd that's not a look that I think is
1:00:02good at all the sunglasses on the back
1:00:04of the neck that's a that's a dishrag
1:00:07for me
1:00:08yeah that's like but up but no I wear
1:00:10them on my eyes but I I now that I'm
1:00:13realizing it like I'm wearing a pair of
1:00:15rayban aviators and they actually are
1:00:20bush pilot glasses / war reporter
1:00:24glasses okay well people say don't dress
1:00:27for the job that you have dress for the
1:00:29job that you want it seems to me you're
1:00:31already wearing the sunglasses of the
1:00:32man with a different career
1:00:34yeah i'm wondering if that I'm wondering
1:00:36if it's not aspirational if i put if I
1:00:39don't put these sunglasses on and think
1:00:40maybe I'm gonna get swept up on some
1:00:45kind of situation where I'm landing in a
1:00:46I'm learning to have one beaver
1:00:48somewhere under fire
1:00:52yeah right i combine the two combined
1:00:54the two bush pilot / war reporter god so
1:01:02much better than my current job among
1:01:04the wikipedia page for people who are
1:01:07born in 1936 I and it's but there's a
1:01:10lot of cowboy handsome on this page
1:01:12yeah the Pope Francis you got David
1:01:15Carradine he's very cowboy hats right
1:01:18yet Robert Redford Super K defines
1:01:21cowboy hands kris kristofferson
1:01:23everybody was born in 36 room hmm
1:01:27Bruce Dern dennis hopper come on the
1:01:30question yeah lets you know that you
1:01:32have is a little bit of right to get
1:01:33Sepp Blatter that soccer guy you got to
1:01:35fw de klerk from South Africa get Ursula
1:01:37Andress you've got Roy Orbison love
1:01:41wearing glasses but her slanderous uh
1:01:43also very couple handsome but don't you
1:01:46think of roy orbison as being a lot
1:01:49older than say Robert Redford or John
1:01:53McCain or silvio berlusconi or jim
1:01:55henson yes
1:01:56Berlusconi 1936 the great actor Brian
1:02:00Blessid Vaclav Havel Vaclav Havel sake
1:02:03la ville you know Berlusconi fools you
1:02:06because his hair is so black still uh
1:02:08huh and it seems implausible when you
1:02:11think about it that he's almost 80
1:02:13his old lady's hair would be sooo black
1:02:17ya think if i had to eyeball I know so
1:02:19parentals easy cowboy handsome he was so
1:02:25cowboy handsome i really and you know
1:02:27he's got a big area
1:02:29he's got a big mustache area has a big
1:02:30area I is I really really want to know
1:02:34what Burt Reynolds looks like without
1:02:36his rub me just doesn't do I bet he
1:02:40could look really good
1:02:42yeah if you just if you just capitulate
1:02:45to what your head is shaped like and
1:02:47what your hair area should be and how
1:02:50you how you accommodate that you use
1:02:52there's a lot you can do today there's
1:02:53so much that's acceptable the art of the
1:02:55times have changed
1:02:56well it's like it's like you know God
1:02:59gives you the beard you deserve heels
1:03:01yet you the hair you deserve right if
1:03:04you have trouble is a lot of men
1:03:05actually do believe that that he gives
1:03:08you the hair that you deserve huh
1:03:10and so they feel like it's like the
1:03:11world sees the military have some kind
1:03:12of a medieval affliction like their sins
1:03:14are born upon their paint what about the
1:03:18guy who's in the news on the TV show
1:03:20capital hijinks death of the president
1:03:29oh sure that you got that's a yeah my
1:03:31wife does have a crush on him Kevin
1:03:33Spacey known not kevin spacey the the
1:03:36guy that plays the young congressman in
1:03:38that show
1:03:39oh that guy the guy who wants no
1:03:42spoilers but that guy
1:03:43yeah yeah that guy he's great and what
1:03:46else has he been always the bad guy and
1:03:48ant-man and he was in girls
1:03:50he appeared in girls and 10 i like that
1:03:52actor I like him a lot he's he's like an
1:03:55old-school like bad guy he's good
1:03:57yeah and he's proudly bald he's bald
1:03:59he's like he's like Gordon he's a
1:04:00good-looking guy with no hair see
1:04:02Corey's another one please I mean he
1:04:04looks he or she looks good
1:04:07yeah he looks at you like a look at
1:04:08pictures of people when they're still
1:04:10trying to let go with the like I still
1:04:11have hair thing and like oh my god you
1:04:13look so much better now
1:04:14no have you ever thought about just
1:04:16taking a razor to your head and giving
1:04:18yourself a male pattern baldness and
1:04:20seeing how it is
1:04:21yeah for a long time i used to think
1:04:22you'll be kind of a fun thing if you
1:04:24could get a hundred and fifty people and
1:04:26Brooklyn to do that and make it like a
1:04:27hip thing like it back started doing it
1:04:29it would kind of be fun if you can
1:04:30convince people that the faking male
1:04:32pattern baldness was the thing I always
1:04:33thought that'd be kind of a fun thing or
1:04:34two do like to do like a monk like a
1:04:37tonsure I like a torture i don't see
1:04:42that pattern of male pattern baldness I
1:04:44feel like you see more receiving
1:04:45happened when I was a kid all men over
1:04:47the age of 35
1:04:48looks like my grandfather actually only
1:04:50had amongst the amongst tonsure shorter
1:04:52in front sure but they always had the
1:04:54big part in the back you don't think you
1:04:55see that anymore is that technology John
1:04:57how do men not have the the spot on the
1:04:59back of their head anymore
1:05:00well now everybody did your dad have
1:05:02that your dad a pretty good here right
1:05:04no my dad's hair went away on the top
1:05:06okay um I think what it is is that in
1:05:09the intervening 20 years now men with
1:05:11that are bald can shave their heads and
1:05:13they look amazing
1:05:14yep but when we were kids that it wasn't
1:05:17an option shave your head and so you
1:05:19just had to go out there and it wasn't
1:05:21even an option really to cut it short
1:05:23unless you were in the Army remembered
1:05:27remember the the actor from from Simon
1:05:32and Simon who was in the movie about
1:05:34being a bad dad to his kids mega the
1:05:37seventies wasn't Robert Duvall negative
1:05:41American Beauty know the this is from
1:05:44the seventies where he was a military
1:05:45dad and he was abusive to his kids
1:05:48it was called like
1:05:51american dad is Iron Eagle dad pray that
1:05:55it was yeah it was what was that actor's
1:05:57name it's a George McClellan and oh you
1:06:00think it's terrible rainy Gerald McRaney
1:06:03from from major dad
1:06:04yea general maybe thinking major dad mr.
1:06:06mcrainey was in Simon assignment and I
1:06:09think he was also the titular major dad
1:06:11no I you know what I'm thinking of
1:06:13robert duvall oh you're thinking the
1:06:15great santini the great Sam teammates
1:06:17and seen you right so the x times not a
1:06:19wartime constantly airy the grid the
1:06:22Great Santini love this moment upon the
1:06:25morning
1:06:25that's right and remarks you two cards
1:06:27on the bodies like the surf though you
1:06:30only through cards on the bodies in in
1:06:32red gia he did not throw cards on the
1:06:35bodies in the in the original film i
1:06:38literally in red you it wasn't only in
1:06:40rydia like that's not the one I really
1:06:42think of that's so interesting
1:06:43yeah I can't imagine I can't believe
1:06:45that you think that Ridge year is the
1:06:47canonical oh you mean like easier
1:06:50Stanley about the the French colony the
1:06:53French colony doesn't belong i don't
1:06:54think that all the extended scenes with
1:06:56the with the bunnies belong now I know
1:06:58ya know I I'm married to that I think if
1:07:02i were to go back inside and diagnosis I
1:07:03think Robert Altman in Apocalypse Now
1:07:05had a pretty bad case of ADHD if you go
1:07:08back and watch that today I'm saying as
1:07:10a sufferer I go back and I watched that
1:07:11movie and all I see is a guy who has
1:07:13trouble focusing
1:07:14uh Altman you're saying the director
1:07:16wants a ramen apocalypse now I'll Robert
1:07:20yeah the guy did Nashville yeah right
1:07:22here's what our team he played he played
1:07:24the the general you playing the general
1:07:27in Apocalypse Now huh
1:07:29so if you look at Robert Duvall property
1:07:32formerly Great Santini yeah in 1979 he
1:07:36was a balding guy that had his hair cut
1:07:38real short and and that was the one look
1:07:44you could have
1:07:45oh yeah look at that they call it a high
1:07:47and tight we can't I you know what he
1:07:50looks so different look out look how he
1:07:52looks all those by Pat Conroy look at
1:07:55that
1:07:55okay yeah great santini yeah yeah yeah
1:08:01but otherwise you had to you have to
1:08:04just wear your hair anyway right here
1:08:08however it came out it just had to float
1:08:10and had to float around everybody in the
1:08:13seventies it was weird because youyou
1:08:15kind of even like dad grew his hair out
1:08:17a little bit like everybody had to get
1:08:18longer hair and sharper collars but like
1:08:20so many men and even rock bands go back
1:08:23and look at like the zombies like half
1:08:25of the zombies are obviously totally
1:08:26going bald even like 1968 but you look
1:08:29at all these guys are always had the
1:08:31city here everybody look like look like
1:08:33Fredo and dog day afternoon
1:08:35you got long hair but then you got this
1:08:37whole thing we're sweeping over he
1:08:39almost looks like he's a member of the
1:08:41monks the the house on the rock
1:08:43yeah yeah and never understood how you
1:08:46could have that how that movie could be
1:08:48called was a cold wait until spring
1:08:50Santini which one is that is that Robert
1:08:53Altman think that was the one that came
1:08:55later alright see you next Tuesday see
1:08:59you next i literally I literally got
1:09:05that joke last year I've been seeing
1:09:07john landis movies for years the
1:09:09constantly reference a fictional film
1:09:11called see you next Tuesday and I
1:09:13finally only got the job i only got that
1:09:16joke like last year that you know that
1:09:18kind of long con or shaggy dog story
1:09:21yeah that makes me that type of stuff
1:09:24makes me really happy wouldn't you like
1:09:26to be somebody that had been running
1:09:28some sort of long gag
1:09:31oh yeah four years right ascensions
1:09:34hiding in plain sight the whole time
1:09:36that's right something I've always
1:09:38wished that I had had the foresight to
1:09:42lay something in wait decades ago that
1:09:48was still laying in wait for some you
1:09:51know some some Manchurian Candidate
1:09:55style gag right that comes out that
1:09:58something i don't know what it would be
1:09:59a so I mean like crazy example would be
1:10:02like a like a medieval monk doing a
1:10:05cross stick where nobody would think to
1:10:07look for a cross stick in a medieval
1:10:08texts and then later on you go oh you
1:10:11know it actually says you know go
1:10:13chicago bears or what yeah
1:10:14right it's the plot of some tom hanks
1:10:16movie where he's in a pyramid sure and
1:10:19he's got he's Nicolas Cage has to get
1:10:21the Declaration of Independence signed
1:10:23he finds the blue glasses and then he
1:10:25looks up against anything able to solve
1:10:27the rubik's cube butt but like so years
1:10:31and years ago when I was still in high
1:10:34school it was still possible to get a
1:10:37fake ID by the following process are two
1:10:41processes that I understand as i
1:10:42understood them and maybe I learned this
1:10:44in the anarchist cookbook and maybe this
1:10:46was just conventional wisdom on the
1:10:47streets
1:10:49one of them was you would go to a
1:10:52graveyard and find a gravestone of a
1:10:54child that had died in the year you want
1:10:57to do fake ya never know a kid that was
1:11:00born in the year you wanted to be born
1:11:02in but then died at two years old
1:11:04mhm and then you would go to the public
1:11:07records and get their birth certificate
1:11:10you're kidding me that had no reference
1:11:11of their death and then get an adult ID
1:11:16based on their birth certificate and
1:11:19from that you could then get a Social
1:11:22Security number and actually build an
1:11:23entire actual identity people would do
1:11:27this in order to buy beer
1:11:29well initially right you buy beer but
1:11:31then if you have successfully done this
1:11:33in a mortgage it can be a second ID
1:11:36right i mean you have this have a
1:11:38passport you assume this identity that
1:11:40is attractive I got to be honest with
1:11:42you and you could do it you can do it
1:11:44even mean you could do it even that 40
1:11:46years old all you have to do is go find
1:11:48somebody that was born the year you were
1:11:49born and then died at a very young age
1:11:51and you can just assume their identity
1:11:53and disappear this was a this was
1:11:55supposedly a method and it seemed just
1:12:01too complicated and risky to do just in
1:12:05order to buy beer but the but the
1:12:08setting that is a boil the ocean beer
1:12:10buying model right but it seems it
1:12:12seemed even at the time like do this now
1:12:17and spend these many years building that
1:12:21identity and then when you need it you
1:12:23never use it right it's there but you do
1:12:26all the stuff right you get a bank
1:12:27account
1:12:28you know social security number and
1:12:29passport you make payments you get a
1:12:32credit card you you maintain that but
1:12:34you never utilize it but it's there when
1:12:37you need
1:12:37it's like your own private sleeper cell
1:12:39it's just it's your little it's just a
1:12:41doorway to another world that you could
1:12:43add you could decide on any day to just
1:12:46call and the only risk of it there's no
1:12:49really no risk of it because the parents
1:12:52of this kid aren't you know it's not
1:12:56it's not like a birth certificate has a
1:12:57unless your review is remember all of
1:12:59that right
1:13:01the other way to do it this this again
1:13:04suppose it was there were many instances
1:13:07where a birth certificate wasn't
1:13:09available the court house had burned
1:13:10down something something something and
1:13:13you could get a baptismal certificate
1:13:15who from it from a from a priest where
1:13:20you were baptized and the your date of
1:13:22birth was on the baptismal certificate
1:13:24and in certain jurisdictions that was
1:13:27considered as good as a birth
1:13:29certificate because who do you trust
1:13:31interesting that that more than the
1:13:34church and so in high school I actually
1:13:37got ahold of a baptismal certificate and
1:13:42I went to great lengths to forge it
1:13:44where I wrote the information in what I
1:13:49at the time thought was old-timey
1:13:50writing sixties write it i think i might
1:13:55even spilled some coffee on it and maybe
1:13:58touch the edges of the day with the
1:14:00light with a little the match just kind
1:14:02of you know you look you're making
1:14:05pirate the pirate map that's exactly
1:14:08right and i have this thing which I felt
1:14:11pretty confident about it looked pretty
1:14:14good and I kept in the bottom of my sock
1:14:20drawer and it was like this this loaded
1:14:25pistol of possibility
1:14:29this is your this is your Jason Bourne
1:14:31box yeah and-and-and I was 16 I had this
1:14:35thing I had no independent confirmation
1:14:38that this would work
1:14:39but i was i was building up the the the
1:14:45cojones the hood spa to walk him to the
1:14:50DMV lay this thing down and say my first
1:14:55degree was lost in a fire and this is
1:14:58all I have and see like roll the dice
1:15:02yeah I and I figured it was a pretty big
1:15:04roll of the dice because if it if this
1:15:06is if this wasn't gonna work there was
1:15:10fifty percent chance that the person
1:15:11would just say now we don't accept that
1:15:13as an ID and chase you out there is also
1:15:17a fifty percent chance that they would
1:15:18say why don't you come over here and sit
1:15:20in this room for a minute honey yeah let
1:15:21me go on calling my manager mr. white
1:15:24yeah and then all of a sudden you know
1:15:25there are three detectives there so I'm
1:15:28what's all this thing
1:15:29yeah so I never did it I never did it
1:15:32and and then pretty soon after that it
1:15:39no longer was an option right there it
1:15:42became like now I don't think you would
1:15:45be able to go in with a birth
1:15:47certificate and establish an identity
1:15:48that had never existed before then all
1:15:51of a sudden a 40-year old person gets
1:15:54his first social security number right
1:15:57that's you can't just you can't invent
1:16:00also i mean there's all kinds of things
1:16:01like obviously there's all you know what
1:16:03computer systems and cross-matching to
1:16:04how that works that that's one thing but
1:16:07also I think they probably used to be
1:16:08more fires and floods i think there are
1:16:09times when like there's a whole bunch of
1:16:11documents that went back to the 1700 and
1:16:13they got lost because there's a fire or
1:16:14flood a firefly there's a fire flood was
1:16:17not unusual Plus also more kids died
1:16:19there's all kinds of things that will
1:16:20create an environment where you could
1:16:21buy beer without with a scheme like this
1:16:23yeah well well and also like not just
1:16:26buy beer but like you get a mortgage
1:16:29think about all of the cars that i
1:16:32bought and then broke down and I left
1:16:35parked on the side of the road yeah yeah
1:16:37places to go and never saw them again
1:16:39right and in every case the reason that
1:16:42i was able to do that is I never
1:16:44switched the registration over to my
1:16:45name which is why when you sell a car to
1:16:49somebody immediately go and
1:16:52just stir that you have sold it to think
1:16:54you're doing a talking schools uh well I
1:16:57is this all the time
1:16:58listen this is a thing that everybody
1:17:00should know because multiple times i
1:17:02bought a car for five hundred dollars
1:17:03for somebody and I drove it until it
1:17:04broke down and I parked in a parking
1:17:06meter on Saturday night and they get a
1:17:08call out a week later and here they get
1:17:09a call and they're like you know your
1:17:11car was towed us seven hundred fifty
1:17:13dollars rodri like what I sold that
1:17:15thing to Sinai but if you you know if
1:17:20you had a fake ID where you can actually
1:17:22like register you can it could be your
1:17:24like parking ticket ID or your yeah
1:17:28you're like you're well if you're well
1:17:30sure ID not to not to snow nothing
1:17:33against the Welsh now that's that's such
1:17:35a good idea to it i miss my chance and
1:17:38that's the kind of like so the seeds
1:17:40when you're young of a gag of a bit of a
1:17:44about of a like a hidey-hole mhm where
1:17:49you know where uh where one day Amelie
1:17:53is going to drop some marble and it's
1:17:55going to knock a piece of tile out of
1:17:57the bathroom wall and there's your
1:18:00little box full of toys you know what
1:18:03I'm saying I i think i do but now it's
1:18:05too late for us
1:18:06you can't be a bush pilot it's gonna be
1:18:08it's gonna be hard to be cowboy handsome
1:18:10and almost probably never going to
1:18:11discover our box at this point i might I
1:18:14still hold out hope that normally will
1:18:16discover my box but I am I haven't I
1:18:18also feel like maybe I am becoming Kabul
1:18:20handsome huh
1:18:22there was a when I was in high school
1:18:25there was a guy that had dimples right
1:18:29magnum p.i scale dimples because magnum
1:18:33didn't just have a big mustache area he
1:18:35had a whole lot going on
1:18:37killer dimples and I had a buddy who had
1:18:39these dimples and the and it was
1:18:42incredible to watch the dimples cast
1:18:45spells on people
1:18:47it was there was nothing else I mean it
1:18:48wasn't like well he had really good hair
1:18:50too but that was the dimples that we're
1:18:52doing the work and I didn't have dimples
1:18:55because my face was just made out of
1:18:57putty writer it was made out of what was
1:19:00it made of raw chicken you are you are
1:19:02basically a canvas for a beard just
1:19:04waiting for a beer to come along
1:19:05weird campus i was a I was added I had a
1:19:07beard Shape face that was made out of
1:19:09raw chicken and and certain parts of my
1:19:12complexion were on cook scallop roll
1:19:14checking on cook sea scallop over there
1:19:16but now I'm starting to develop dimples
1:19:21I'm not sure whether they're fencing
1:19:23scars or whether he should probably get
1:19:26that look you know whether it's cancer
1:19:28whether I'm just falling apart and one
1:19:30side effects as Devils and you have the
1:19:32cutest cancer you have the you know the
1:19:34count is your scallops got face cancer
1:19:37but now you're so much cuter
1:19:38it's causing the inside of your cheek to
1:19:40adhere to your jaw but it was cute so I
1:19:43feel like there's a little bit of
1:19:44scarring and weathering that's happening
1:19:46to me that almost looks like cowboy got
1:19:49my answer
1:19:50I think might it might still be doubly
1:19:53cute amateur cowboy cutest is what I
1:19:57want cowboy cute cowboy cute
1:20:00sounds like somebody who dies near the
1:20:01end of the second act yeah that's James
1:20:04Dean James Davis cowboy q no Cheryl
1:20:06access a mini el sal mineo who cowboy do
1:20:10i always think of so many always be one
1:20:12of the guys standing behind a the guy
1:20:16that was the dad of the girl that won
1:20:19the oscar in the Woody Allen movie
1:20:20sorvino paul sorvino hall sorvino right
1:20:25and his daughter
1:20:27mira sorvino mira sorvino he's very
1:20:29protective of her yeah she won an oscar
1:20:31in the Woody Allen movie
1:20:33uh-huh right playing the that was back
1:20:37in the area where if you were an actress
1:20:39and wanted to win an Oscar and were
1:20:40young you had to play a prostitute
1:20:42especially in Woody Allen movie yeah
1:20:44right
1:20:45but Paul Sorvino was always in the
1:20:48foreground of the scene where I always
1:20:51imagined sound Mineo was one of the guys
1:20:53in the background
1:20:54ok Sal Mineo was a different kind of
1:20:56actor right oh yeah yeah some or
1:20:58something he was well I think I think he
1:21:00had I i get problems I think he's like
1:21:03he's like ourselves from our gang I
1:21:05think he ran into problems
1:21:06he's very cute he you know what he looks
1:21:08like the guy he looks like that guy in
1:21:11the band who had a very conspicuous
1:21:14British drug problem and he dated Kate
1:21:16Moss la Bamba
1:21:17oh no Mama couple of all Obama know that
1:21:21the guy that was in the band where he
1:21:23and his bandmate had matching tattoos of
1:21:25the band name right and there's that
1:21:28cover of that record album where they're
1:21:29both showing their tattoos of their own
1:21:31band see there Nelson or oasis
1:21:34it's the type of thing that always this
1:21:35is a good guess it's the type of thing
1:21:37that you could only get away with your
1:21:39British rock musician now you have
1:21:42matching tattoos
1:21:43I mean maybe if your guns and roses you
1:21:46can have guns and roses tattoo you might
1:21:47not even remember you got it right you
1:21:50might have forgotten maybe that's your
1:21:51omnibox you wake up one day you realize
1:21:53you're definitely taken your ear you're
1:21:55investing in things you remember you got
1:21:57a tattoo
1:21:57well I definitely saw a I definitely saw
1:22:02stuff in a couple of situations where i
1:22:04could have given him a chance
1:22:10[Music]