Ep. 190: "Omertà of the Sea"

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0:00:08[Music]

0:00:13hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going

0:00:17great

0:00:19good all right stay up super duper how

0:00:22about you

0:00:23great let's wrap it up alright how many

0:00:25times when I'm talking about

0:00:27do-do-do-do-do thanks for tuning in

0:00:30again yeah thanks for coming to our

0:00:32normally complain about stuff like that

0:00:34we are super good right now we've got

0:00:37you know what wouldn't be finding that

0:00:38would be funny if we just had a week

0:00:40where everything was okay

0:00:41yeah how we imagine that any measure you

0:00:44know what nothing intolerable nothing I

0:00:46know it's I've got worse and worse

0:00:49months everybody was driving fine

0:00:52yep anything about Hitler one on the

0:00:55weigh-in today I passed you know there's

0:00:57a small traffic jam but not one that I

0:00:59was upset about because the the source

0:01:02of it was that a cop it pulled over a

0:01:04lime green lamborghini diablo oh that's

0:01:08okay

0:01:09and everybody else looks slow down to

0:01:11see it and I was like yeah of course of

0:01:14course

0:01:14oh my god said that person who whoever

0:01:17paid for that car probably got to choose

0:01:20from many many colors

0:01:22well yeah many many colors mean that

0:01:24they'll say let's see I mean you had one

0:01:26black and yellow red white

0:01:28ok but let's assume even you get three

0:01:30colors oh and you pick lime-green that's

0:01:34just you know that way you talk about a

0:01:36fuck you to everybody

0:01:37mhm did you notice i'm driving a

0:01:39Lamborghini Diablo did you notice man

0:01:43oh then that's a nice car to get pulled

0:01:47over and it's very luxurious well you

0:01:49know I can't imagine that you would ever

0:01:51get out of first gear in it in town and

0:01:53if you were the type of person that

0:01:55would drive one around town like that's

0:01:58the thing about a car like that right

0:01:59you know driving around town you drive

0:02:01it you get out of town you take it out

0:02:04on this number to say but the call was

0:02:06that with the road you going in Germany

0:02:08the steinberger said the rash tag the

0:02:11mainspring some wrangle the right gold

0:02:13there goes the recycle the original

0:02:16the ring shot at the nürburgring in

0:02:22nürburgring nürnberg yeah I have a

0:02:25couple friends who've driven on the nerd

0:02:27bird nürburgring our friend Marco Marco

0:02:29has driven on the Nurburgring in his m7

0:02:32tourism niners m12 yeah it's pretty nice

0:02:35guy i'm giving you believe it's a pretty

0:02:36nice car you never been in it

0:02:38no I I mean I don't even know that we

0:02:41need to address or something like that

0:02:43uh-huh I think they probably probably

0:02:45she wear something like inside-out

0:02:47sweatpants something that wouldn't want

0:02:48more of the seats i'm guessing

0:02:49inside-out sweatpants maybe a little

0:02:51sheep skin like ask chap that strips

0:02:56yeah you know everybody says oh assless

0:02:59chaps and then all the put the pendants

0:03:01early Ferb but what about it just a

0:03:04straight-up just that just the missing

0:03:06part of said it just lets it down at all

0:03:08like yeah like a little just little ass

0:03:11ass infront felt like maybe you don't

0:03:14want though the weight and performance

0:03:16characteristics of full-on chaps maybe

0:03:18you just want the part where you're

0:03:19asking normally stick out maybe you're

0:03:21modest you want to go to a parade and

0:03:23ride on the float but you don't want

0:03:24your butt cheeks out there

0:03:26yeah chaps are meant if you're on a

0:03:29horse who and your horse brushes up

0:03:32against another horse or a cow or a

0:03:35fence a with your horses want to do

0:03:38right horse is trying to knock you off

0:03:40as best they can John they're doing the

0:03:42best they can and if they see a

0:03:43low-hanging branch or a cow

0:03:45they're going to get up on it and hope

0:03:48that they can knock you off and that's

0:03:49why you have chaps on right to keep your

0:03:51pant legs from getting a braided or

0:03:53something I don't know why you wear

0:03:54chaps frankly I but there's lots of

0:03:56reasons I mean sorta like you're

0:03:58describing it's like so like why you

0:03:59would wear gloves there's all kinds of

0:04:00things you're gonna encounter that could

0:04:01take a chunk out of you brush let's say

0:04:03brush probably a lot of brushes by very

0:04:05coarse point yet parts pointy brush but

0:04:08what is the equivalent if you're riding

0:04:10around in marco arment m5 it you don't

0:04:14need to protect you

0:04:16you need to protect the car

0:04:19uh-huh and so you have some sheepskin

0:04:21reverse chaps which I guess we're just

0:04:24going to call ass chaps right over or

0:04:28like

0:04:29he's a loincloth chaps yeah yeah I think

0:04:33they'll be a skirt

0:04:34well except you don't want it on the

0:04:36side you want to be cool and breezy on

0:04:37the side you're not touching the car on

0:04:39the side just wanted you wanted in the

0:04:41back you wanted in the back to took to

0:04:44give a nice buff to the leather seats

0:04:46and not too much it's not too much to

0:04:47ask

0:04:48I don't know why you wanted in the front

0:04:49just for us a comfortable place to

0:04:51arrest your hands

0:04:52yeah I don't you want to look at

0:04:53somebody's while you're driving around

0:04:54in your BMW exactly exactly right so

0:04:57it's more of a it's like a ass

0:05:00it's a it's a it's a it's like a

0:05:02polishing rag on the bottom i get a

0:05:04modesty skirt on the front like Elega i

0:05:07knw burka

0:05:08yeah okay great name for a BMW by the

0:05:11way the burqa yeah we tried the new be

0:05:13taken out on this time Steinberg

0:05:15instruction so you're gonna get letters

0:05:17yeah i sure am I sure I wasn't gonna ask

0:05:20you about yes you get the Germans get

0:05:23Marc Armand over here i'll copy up ya

0:05:25know soon as soon as you've been

0:05:32traveling yeah I've done a lot of

0:05:33traveling I'm not done yet because as

0:05:35you know the life of an artist is the

0:05:38life of an eternal vacation basically

0:05:41I've just been on a I've just been on

0:05:43two major warm-weather vacations and now

0:05:46I'm going on a on a lengthy ski trip

0:05:50it's it i can't defend it

0:05:54really yeah i don't i don't produce

0:05:56anything worthwhile for the world right

0:06:00I'm yui marking don't feel like you need

0:06:01to defend that John I'm like a game

0:06:03designer except they don't even design

0:06:04games

0:06:05yeah it's true he has much value though

0:06:07right i mean you know what we write his

0:06:10paper hat my daughters like that a

0:06:13favorite video game right now is a game

0:06:16where you stare at this same area of a

0:06:19backyard of a house and try to make cats

0:06:21come into the yard

0:06:23I'm doing what you would never do in

0:06:26real life right and so the answer your

0:06:29way for cats to come and then you try to

0:06:31track the cats and then that gives you

0:06:33the opportunity i don't exactly

0:06:34understand claim to understand the game

0:06:35i know it is primarily about collecting

0:06:37cats you get like pictures of them and

0:06:39stuff but then also when you I think

0:06:41your reward for attracting cats it is

0:06:44you're given the opportunity to buy buy

0:06:46goods virtual goods inside the game that

0:06:49enables you to attract more cats

0:06:51oh sure sure she loves it uh-uh I'm

0:06:55wondering now that you say this I've

0:06:58always been very curious about

0:06:59birdwatchers

0:07:00oh yeah because they're out here i think

0:07:02it was a cover up front for something

0:07:04else

0:07:04well yeah me too but but the more I look

0:07:06into it the more it seems that they are

0:07:08just out for watching Birds gathering

0:07:11gather it was what they're gathering

0:07:13having watched a bird collecting the

0:07:16experience of having seen a bird

0:07:19yeah and different birds so they're like

0:07:20did you ever have you ever seen a

0:07:24spotted throated warboss yeah sure

0:07:28though the third row warthog yeah the

0:07:30war or wearing warbling bore blah grow

0:07:34long and the other person goes yes and

0:07:37then they both have collected having

0:07:39seen it over and that's very interesting

0:07:41to me and they're not in the

0:07:43birdwatchers of the bird photographers

0:07:44are different people too so they're not

0:07:46even watch they're not even collecting

0:07:48having taken a picture of a thing I've

0:07:51never had an opportunity to talk about

0:07:52this and i haven't actually thought

0:07:54about it that much but as you get older

0:07:57you start to realize that there are what

0:07:59you from isms for example use their

0:08:02existential euphemisms for example like

0:08:05it let's say you look for opportunities

0:08:07like for my wife i think i think going

0:08:10to the gym or going to yoga is very much

0:08:12about going to the gym and going to yoga

0:08:14that's always a part of it but but it's

0:08:16also that she's not with us like she

0:08:18gets an hour to herself or two hours or

0:08:20you're saying yeah I'm just like dad

0:08:22saying all we're out of milk

0:08:24I'm happy to go to the store and get

0:08:25some milk uh-huh because you get a

0:08:27second to yourself and maybe you can

0:08:28smoke a cigarette

0:08:29yeah like my grandfather said I'm going

0:08:31out for a packet

0:08:32and he didn't come back for 15 years

0:08:34yeah or like that it's all it's a lot

0:08:36like that and so I don't know why but as

0:08:37I got older I started to think it's not

0:08:39that I can't imagine why someone would

0:08:40super watching it just it seems a little

0:08:42obscure it's one of those things like

0:08:44gorilla costumes are quicksand in the

0:08:45seventies where it came up so often the

0:08:48even as weird as it was like is that

0:08:49much quicksand in the world wait a

0:08:51minute you are really nailing something

0:08:53here have you talked about this before

0:08:54I've mentioned another place I'm not the

0:08:56only person there is actually her

0:08:57podcast a few years ago about what

0:08:59happened quicksand is quicksand was

0:09:01everywhere it was it was terrified of

0:09:04quicksand it seemed like it looked

0:09:05around every corner there was certainly

0:09:07a period probably half a year wherever I

0:09:09would avoid sand because given the

0:09:10exposure in the media

0:09:12I had to assume that there was quicksand

0:09:13out there I just didn't know about and

0:09:14also people Gorillaz it's so well about

0:09:16that was not true i expected that though

0:09:19and-and-and birthday party clowns oh I

0:09:22still never met anybody who actually

0:09:23looks forward to meeting a cloud

0:09:25no but we were going to believe your

0:09:27soul to build good John we were led to

0:09:28believe that there was a clown culture

0:09:30out there that somebody like and I've

0:09:31never met anybody who wasn't a clown who

0:09:35actually like the clown see I don't mind

0:09:36clowns but I had a traumatic clown

0:09:38experience as a child of God but i'm

0:09:40wondering how quick stand fits into the

0:09:43Bermuda Triangle a Bigfoot Loch Ness

0:09:49monster sure that the in search of era

0:09:52yeah like what how did quick same factor

0:09:54into that that's so interesting it seems

0:09:56it seems contemporaneous what you're all

0:09:58so you're telling this like there was

0:09:59this period where there has to be a

0:10:01reason why this was and maybe it was

0:10:03like post hippie like free new-age

0:10:06America was very interested in all kinds

0:10:09of like what do concepts about remember

0:10:11there's that period even before in

0:10:13search of there was that time life set

0:10:15of books but there's all this too

0:10:16interesting aliens about the you know

0:10:19the ETA is coming to visit us

0:10:20sure secret Nazi weapons shore

0:10:23underground or underwater kingdoms you

0:10:26got to get the Sasquatch yep right at

0:10:29the Bigfoot Loch Ness monster it was

0:10:31everywhere I think this is part of the

0:10:33appeal now that we're talking about it

0:10:35of the original Indiana Jones movie

0:10:37oh remember we all went into that he's

0:10:39got a lot of those elements yeah and

0:10:41where

0:10:41we were asked as ten-year-old kids 12

0:10:44year old kids we were primed to think

0:10:47that there were little you know little

0:10:49secret Mayan temples full of gold idols

0:10:52and and secret Nazi weapons in Nazi

0:10:56weapons you've also got sort of like a

0:10:58like the whole like religious cult

0:11:01supernatural component parties into the

0:11:03Nazis yes it's all it's all baked into

0:11:07the Bermuda Triangle scene now and they

0:11:10had snakes in that I don't remember

0:11:12there being quicksand but also you know

0:11:15quicksand is also a fetish there are

0:11:16quicksand fetishists really there are

0:11:19people who think it's kinda it's a sexy

0:11:21thing for some people

0:11:22I get that I get that I grew up with

0:11:25enough for something on TV and you're

0:11:26gonna want to masturbate to it

0:11:27eventually

0:11:28quicksand figures prominently in the

0:11:29princess bride in the princess bride

0:11:32Oh what's the idea that the heels you

0:11:35got the oh that's right yeah you're

0:11:37right

0:11:38yeah I don't understand i'm still trying

0:11:41to parse it is this is coming up more

0:11:43and more you know i was just on a cruise

0:11:45yeah and I we were invited to visit the

0:11:48bridge which I had never had never been

0:11:50invited to the bridge before and they

0:11:53didn't look at the computer but not it

0:11:57that's not huh

0:11:58no they're sailors up there in various

0:11:59uniforms who and there's a captain in

0:12:02our case he was a ship captain from

0:12:04Winnipeg which right away that should

0:12:06ring some alarm bells is a landlocked

0:12:09area John yeah they're yeah

0:12:11winnipeg doesn't know where a lot of

0:12:12doesn't doesn't have this to see in his

0:12:14veins

0:12:14nothing normally when you need to see

0:12:16Captain he's either from the Netherlands

0:12:18or from the Netherlands all right there

0:12:21off from the netherlands in other words

0:12:23or from Greece the whole the boats all

0:12:25the boats it's like they don't boats

0:12:27have their own delaware isn't a delaware

0:12:29of boats you always register in it but

0:12:32me or what is it is one place where

0:12:35everybody registers to think it's the

0:12:36bell whereas Nassau yeah something like

0:12:38that and then you so you get your boat

0:12:40and you act like it's from the Delaware

0:12:41of boats and then you hire some some

0:12:43tall blond guy to run your book because

0:12:45he's always a

0:12:46another lender yeah yeah the the

0:12:49Nederlanders grow up basically knee-deep

0:12:51in water and that's how they become ship

0:12:54captains because it's the only way they

0:12:56can on the water ya got the water get up

0:12:58onto a boat and your people dry out

0:13:00eventually

0:13:00the Greeks also there are a lot of

0:13:02islands there and they they're all

0:13:04Abbott sailors but this guy's Canadians

0:13:07oh ok i mean the kid obviously the

0:13:10Canadians have a lot of sailors but not

0:13:13from Winnipeg

0:13:14yeah but don't have any boats right one

0:13:17category well this is no you got to get

0:13:19that area on the east coast where they

0:13:20got a boat almost like there's no boats

0:13:22but you don't have sufficient votes to

0:13:24sellers not enough but I mean is there

0:13:26like a large amount of Navy I in say

0:13:29like that like whether we get the

0:13:31saskatoon is a place in Canada but

0:13:33there's no Navy there you get the Navy

0:13:35in Toronto I you're not gonna have a lot

0:13:38of maybe although there's a there's a

0:13:39there's a lake you have a lake Navy and

0:13:41heroin you haven't yeah you'd have

0:13:43thought the old heroin maybe but you

0:13:45know candy and Canada's Navy is very

0:13:48important because Canada needs to

0:13:50protect its Arctic sea ways

0:13:52Oh like way up there old boy that's that

0:13:55that is a gig I would not want

0:13:57well yeah except see this is the thing

0:13:59about the measure for the quicksand is

0:14:01probably not a lot of quicksand when you

0:14:02got that no don't know what's up there

0:14:03because it has frozen over quicksand

0:14:05well but that's the ice recedes there

0:14:07might be there might be a a lien a

0:14:10civilization that mean that's where

0:14:12you're going to find it

0:14:12Bermuda triangles yes a big foots quick

0:14:15ice quick guys

0:14:17quicksand Mayan temples it could all be

0:14:20up there so not a lot of territory

0:14:23there's a lot you know I think the

0:14:24coastline of canada is like the longest

0:14:27coastline in the world or something like

0:14:28that because it just is all crazy up

0:14:30there but as the chasm and abroad

0:14:33well also yeah no true Scotsman but the

0:14:37but all the nations of the world are now

0:14:38trying to scoot in and out of these

0:14:41canadian areas because the sea ice has

0:14:46receded and there's oil up there and so

0:14:48Canada's got a whole Navy that's all

0:14:49worried about that they're not worried

0:14:53about pot smuggling anymore because it's

0:14:55all coming from Canada

0:14:57anyway so this guy's for me a Winnipeg

0:15:01and here's the here's the rub are you

0:15:03ready ready here's why I got to go to

0:15:06the bridge because the captain who was

0:15:0965 years old is an enormous wil wheaton

0:15:13fan

0:15:14oh interesting and he hears will

0:15:16weakness on his boat and he's like got

0:15:19me well we bring him to the bridge

0:15:23yeah exactly everything that whistle

0:15:25noise well so of course will has the

0:15:29communicator sound oh my god wait a

0:15:32minute okay own I believe I'm putting

0:15:34this together now

0:15:35oh my god and he's akiza kills you he

0:15:38was on the star trac yeah in the in the

0:15:40eighties that's correct or not you're a

0:15:42tease

0:15:43yeah it was in college he was on the

0:15:45star track and and he was he played he

0:15:48played Beverly Crusher and he was the

0:15:50guy with the crab face right yeah

0:15:51exactly like cats

0:15:53he i thought was the one to me talking

0:15:56penguin and smoke a cigarette in a long

0:15:58sort of a pipe

0:16:00oh yeah right that's the that's a guy's

0:16:01Balfour that's the name of the bartender

0:16:03it was in another color purple

0:16:04well and he's the reason better but the

0:16:06Middle East is so unevenly defined well

0:16:08I didn't bring it up here but in any

0:16:10case this is so great we round out the

0:16:13guy from Star track is on his boat

0:16:14that's right and on the first thing he

0:16:17says when we walked onto the bridges he

0:16:19points to his captain's cheerios we had

0:16:21that modeled off of the enterprise and

0:16:24we all you know get courtesy chuckle

0:16:25he's super nice guy super nice captain

0:16:28he walks around as I say wills phone

0:16:31periodically he would get a text and it

0:16:33would make the communicator sound and

0:16:35the captain would like literally giggle

0:16:37what you mean this guy's like 280 pounds

0:16:41like sea captain all of his all of his

0:16:43staff

0:16:44I'm talking about like hundreds of

0:16:45sailors when he walks by they all cower

0:16:48I mean not because then I'm sure not

0:16:51because he's mean but because the it's

0:16:53the law of the sea right he's the

0:16:55captain

0:16:55that's a pretty big deal on a boat you

0:16:57don't step onto the bridge unless you've

0:16:59you know unless you like it's his boat

0:17:01it's his boat that's how that's how

0:17:04captioning works it's a pretty big deal

0:17:05i think yeah there was a there was a

0:17:07there's a button in in some of the

0:17:09public bathrooms it says you know in in

0:17:11better emergency push this button but

0:17:13don't push this button frivolously

0:17:14because it rings on the bridge but we

0:17:17will come rescue you and we will come

0:17:19rescue you

0:17:20hard as a former productivity expert

0:17:22have to tell you that is that is a

0:17:23category terrible idea

0:17:25well it's not like the captain's gonna

0:17:26come but it was just a moment just one

0:17:28song someone in the bathroom having a

0:17:30problem clean with an emergency but it's

0:17:32like it's their way of saying like if

0:17:35you're having an emergency it had better

0:17:36fucking be an emergency right we're

0:17:39gonna send sailors here but so many were

0:17:41walking around the bridge and and you

0:17:45know whenever people are there's not a

0:17:46very small group of us and people are

0:17:48asking and polite questions like what is

0:17:50this knob do and what's the you know

0:17:53what are what's this knob do like

0:17:55nobody's got nobody knows what to say to

0:17:57a sea captain and so so I said what's

0:18:01the weirdest thing you've ever seen come

0:18:02out of the sea and he says I saw sunfish

0:18:07which is an enormous fish are perfectly

0:18:12round fish that floats on the top of the

0:18:14floats on the surface of the sea and

0:18:18they're very rare nobody ever sees them

0:18:21wow I saw one and I didn't know what it

0:18:23was this is not a cryptozoological thing

0:18:24this is like that this has been

0:18:26legitimated by schools and stuff so he

0:18:28has seen one and it is this is guys

0:18:30spent 50 years on the sea or ever since

0:18:33I've seen a sunfish and I didn't know

0:18:35what it was a freak me out because its

0:18:37enormous right it's the size of a

0:18:38trampoline or something right and then

0:18:41he said I saw second one and I knew what

0:18:43it was by that point and I marveled at

0:18:46it was like okay weird creature of the

0:18:49deep and then I said I mean all these

0:18:52years staring out of the sea

0:18:53have you ever seen UFOs

0:18:56just just like that without any kind of

0:18:57like just I was just like all right sci

0:19:00fi star trek captain let's get down to

0:19:02the nitty-gritty you are standing on

0:19:04this bridge staring out at the open sea

0:19:06for years at a time

0:19:09let's hear UFO shit and at that moment

0:19:12all of his crew like all the junior

0:19:16officers were but they all stare at the

0:19:18shoes I was like oh the captain says

0:19:22I've seen lights over the Bahamas that

0:19:27behaved unlike a ship or plane

0:19:31mmm unexplained lights over the Bahamas

0:19:34you must when you're in like coming up

0:19:36in in whatever the Navy is in Canada you

0:19:39you must see all you must have so many

0:19:41hours you spend visually identifying

0:19:43what something is or what something

0:19:44could be you must get really good at

0:19:46that over its all you do I mean there

0:19:48were there were guys you would know you

0:19:49would know it would be like all day long

0:19:50you're inspecting hot dogs and selling

0:19:52there's a poodle there and you go I

0:19:53definitely know that this does not

0:19:54belong here

0:19:55yeah these guys are standing on this up

0:19:58with this like 200 degree view looking

0:20:02out onto a perfectly flat ocean and you

0:20:05can see to the horizon in every

0:20:07direction and that's all they do they

0:20:08just sit there and stare out and

0:20:10everyone smile they raise some

0:20:11binoculars to their eyes and they look

0:20:13out and see I don't know what flotsam

0:20:15jetsam huh

0:20:17and so when a sea captain tells me

0:20:19unexplained lights over the Bahamas and

0:20:21he says unlike a ship or a plane so that

0:20:24implies that they're kinda down in the

0:20:25ship area but they're not acting like a

0:20:28ship was like okay cat okay see Captain

0:20:32that's a good story and then I said

0:20:35what's the taller I said Jesse a rogue

0:20:37wave and he said I've talked two

0:20:40captains that have encountered rogue

0:20:41waves but I've never seen one so that

0:20:44was interesting that's in a way out of

0:20:45nowhere that's probably high massive

0:20:48wave out of nowhere just sitting on a

0:20:49calm sea and then all of a sudden whoa

0:20:51super wave and the last question he said

0:20:54was what's that what's the tallest see

0:20:56you ever saw and he said I was

0:20:59captaining a freighter I was Captain

0:21:02afraid or out of newfoundland i love the

0:21:04story already and he said I was south of

0:21:08Greenland

0:21:09during the perfect storm the outer most

0:21:14famous one for the movie the famous

0:21:16perfect storm and he said the bridge on

0:21:19that ship was 50 feet off the sea and he

0:21:23said I had to lean forward and look out

0:21:26look up out the window to see the crests

0:21:29of the waves my god I was like that's a

0:21:32good story sea captain I'm I'm really

0:21:35warming up to you i want to sit here on

0:21:37the bridge and ask you more questions

0:21:38but then they show up they shuffled this

0:21:42away

0:21:43shuffle shuffle the rest of us away but

0:21:45we'll wait and stayed behind to talk

0:21:46about the left

0:21:48I i stayed in the door to watch their

0:21:50exchange and the captain was like it was

0:21:52like to be in stand by me when he was

0:21:54just super fan i love that it was like

0:21:56and was like well you know it's been 30

0:21:58years since stand by me and they both

0:22:00marvel that bad

0:22:02well says he's gracious guy though I can

0:22:03be he handles the situation situation

0:22:05like that well she is amazing that such

0:22:07any such as a good fellow

0:22:09yeah so anyway that was very interesting

0:22:11but it can friend that you know what we

0:22:13were in the Bermuda Triangle while we

0:22:15were having this conversation that's not

0:22:17smart

0:22:17we were sailing through the Bermuda

0:22:19Triangle while I conjured up a alien

0:22:23stories from the sea captain and I swear

0:22:27all of his staff got really

0:22:28uncomfortable we start talking about

0:22:29UFOs what do you think that is I don't

0:22:31know maybe maybe the sea captain isn't

0:22:33supposed to be

0:22:35he's not he's not supposed to let there

0:22:38be anything that he doesn't control i

0:22:41can think of a lot of release a handful

0:22:42of reasons I mean what with other first

0:22:45reason if this is a movie was that it

0:22:47was something everybody saw and agreed

0:22:49with and it was a known thing that

0:22:52everybody lots of people had seen and

0:22:54you don't talk about cuz of America then

0:22:57the other one would be and we're pretty

0:22:59sure you didn't really see that and he

0:23:01keeps talking about a lot haha that's

0:23:03the kind of thing where somebody

0:23:04somebody somebody calls the Delaware

0:23:06boats to you know you know say yeah yeah

0:23:08yeah well I didn't get the sense that

0:23:10they were uncomfortable like here he

0:23:12goes again it was a night just like that

0:23:15huh but i do feel like they're there

0:23:17might be some America of the sea like

0:23:20first rule of

0:23:23be captaining is don't talk about see

0:23:24captaining where you're like yeah there

0:23:28are fucking aliens living under the

0:23:29ocean behind train hard to train if that

0:23:32were actually the rules of sea captain

0:23:33club haha no you just what you walk

0:23:36around behind another sea captain and he

0:23:37tells you nothing who you follow him for

0:23:39long enough so you get you get even

0:23:41realize that you guys that he was you

0:23:43the whole time

0:23:44ok because coming from inside the

0:23:47captain 00

0:23:52welcome back did you get to go to that

0:23:55weird island on haiti where the person

0:23:57got lost did you go to that we didn't go

0:23:59to Haiti this time it was a it was there

0:24:01was it was afraid little I i stayed off

0:24:06the st. Thomas because i had had a bad

0:24:08experience last time i went to st.

0:24:09Thomas not a there was nothing terrible

0:24:11about it i just had an enjoyable time

0:24:14uh-huh but I did go to st. Maarten which

0:24:16aisle which I like a lot and I had a

0:24:19very nice time in st. Maarten although

0:24:20my daughter barf

0:24:21wait a minute you brought your family oh

0:24:24absolutely haha the whole gang

0:24:26I I said part of your own merit of the

0:24:27seeds you never bring your family again

0:24:30well you know I i have my room which is

0:24:33provided for me by the choco cruise

0:24:34where I their death in steerage

0:24:38where is much more than they all have

0:24:41cabins right no kinds for normal people

0:24:44are normal you bring the entire

0:24:45complement of women in your life i did I

0:24:47got their break every woman i could

0:24:48think of all thrilled

0:24:50let's see there were 12 345 whoa five

0:24:55family ladies I didn't bring every woman

0:24:57i could think of that would be a hell of

0:25:00a weird cruise but I that spreads the

0:25:03stuff of nightmares look oh my god every

0:25:06single it says it's a bespoke cruise

0:25:08where every single person on there is a

0:25:09woman that you've wronged

0:25:11yeah right i mean i-i depending if there

0:25:14was a code of conduct that everybody had

0:25:16to agree to before we got on the boat

0:25:18maybe it could be fun cruise but if I

0:25:21but I get the feeling knowing the people

0:25:23that I've known they would all agree to

0:25:25the code of conduct with no intention of

0:25:27polling it absolutely not i would not

0:25:29sure and then we can you imagine the

0:25:30kind of breakout receptions that they're

0:25:33having it could be regional it could be

0:25:35a certain time

0:25:36I'm it could be a certain industry there

0:25:38there might just be people that you know

0:25:40work to pursue can they would have a

0:25:41meeting over here you know well I mean

0:25:43uh Lido deck on the leader or the ones

0:25:45that would bump into each other on the

0:25:46deck and go oh my god you look exactly

0:25:48like me what does that say oh my god

0:25:51he'd be like no no totally coincidence

0:25:53have the doc martin breakout room

0:25:55everybody free playing games in the

0:25:58basement when maybe look and they all

0:26:00have roadrunner tattoos

0:26:05what if he made you what

0:26:09oh god that we sell off so yeah that was

0:26:15fun and you know end of the family uh

0:26:17the family there were enough family

0:26:20members that they could entertain

0:26:21themselves and my daughter was old

0:26:24enough to go to the what she called be

0:26:28it was the preschool right they have a

0:26:30day of daycare preschool fun place for

0:26:33kids which which she mispronounced as

0:26:37the Aqua nuts who she was like I'm an

0:26:40Aquanaut take me to the Aqua nuts i was

0:26:43like aqua nuts that skeezy is exactly

0:26:46right and that's when our podcast turned

0:26:48into cute things the kids say about the

0:26:51soft-serve machine she ever discover

0:26:52that she knew all about it she knew

0:26:54about it long before we got on the boat

0:26:55was destination for us it was for me

0:26:58last year the up to get soft serve any

0:27:00time you feel like it but i only went

0:27:02there once this time I never want to

0:27:03johnny rockets a single time

0:27:05what I basically just sat on the sand on

0:27:07my balcony and calculated trajectories

0:27:10for 12-pound cannonballs for everything

0:27:13that we passed I was like can I hit that

0:27:16with the 12-pound cannonball could I hit

0:27:18that with a 12-pound cannonball I spent

0:27:21a lot of time doing that mhm uh but uh

0:27:24but yeah I was it was a you know next

0:27:27year I i want to turn this into an

0:27:30advertisement an unpaid advertisement i

0:27:32might add for the Joe Cruz but next year

0:27:35were where to buy out taking over an

0:27:38entire boat uh-huh and leaving from San

0:27:40Diego

0:27:41uh-huh and so it's gonna be bananas

0:27:44it's already bananas and so it's really

0:27:46it's actually a really good idea

0:27:47yeah it's it's gonna be it's gonna be

0:27:49totally crazy and we have discussed at

0:27:51length different stratagems to prohibit

0:27:55sea monkeys from turning it into a

0:27:58clothing-optional cruise because I know

0:28:00they're at least a hundred fifty of them

0:28:02that would take off all their clothes

0:28:04the moment they got on the boat we think

0:28:06so

0:28:06oh yeah well it's part of the you know

0:28:08it's part of the sex positivity of of

0:28:11the overarching doctrine of tourism

0:28:13which says hey you know like what's the

0:28:17matter why don't body shame me I want to

0:28:19be naked right now with this door she's

0:28:21my flip-flops the worst shoe of all and

0:28:26so I so I absolutely as soon as it was

0:28:29as soon as we even started talking two

0:28:31years ago about taking over whole boat I

0:28:33was like fucking nerd sex cruise

0:28:36watch out and so then we started all

0:28:39talking about it like what are we gonna

0:28:40do like is if this just turns into a

0:28:43total Pig pile right like a black guys

0:28:45sexperiment I'd be like how's that going

0:28:50to go over their kids on the boat I'm

0:28:51not sure that I want to go every night

0:28:53like there's a game room but what if

0:28:54there was one thing everybody was naked

0:28:56in the game taking 20-sided die up one

0:29:00another

0:29:01no I haven't done shower yeah i know but

0:29:04i think we've got I think we have we've

0:29:06covered that now we've discussed it sort

0:29:08of hope someone openly with everybody

0:29:10and said like it's family cruise you be

0:29:13making in your room but you always could

0:29:15have done that family cruise i bring my

0:29:17family as previously noted i'm not sure

0:29:20that makes it a family curse

0:29:21ah-ah-ah-choo call family family and

0:29:25that's a terrible word that gets used to

0:29:27mean too many different things by

0:29:28terrible people right

0:29:29I I you could bring kids on that I don't

0:29:33know if it's the best thing but you know

0:29:35and it's interesting because what that

0:29:37cruise seems to have become over the

0:29:39years is very much its own thing to wear

0:29:41it seems like an actual also credit

0:29:43folks who run it like you know

0:29:45especially with Paul goes through with

0:29:47the work that he does on that I mean I

0:29:49know he's not the only one there's a

0:29:50whole staff but I mean like my god it's

0:29:52just a huge amount of work to make

0:29:53everybody's happy as they can be made is

0:29:56staggering but it really

0:29:57seems like it's become something how do

0:29:59I put this in a nice way it's it's

0:30:01definitely still the Joker cruise right

0:30:02but it's kind of it's really about the

0:30:05folks who go on it now and Johnson

0:30:07doesn't really need to be there for it

0:30:09to be the Joe Cruz I've been saying for

0:30:11a few years now that the final the final

0:30:14iteration of this the final form he will

0:30:18who of the joco crews will be a where

0:30:22Jonathan has become a colonel sanders

0:30:24where he's he's just good he's gone into

0:30:30the illustration of himself

0:30:32I get it he's just a hologram he can't

0:30:35you know you can't wait but you could

0:30:36hire any a competent professional actor

0:30:39singer to have to be Jonathan could just

0:30:40be a guy comes around and seems pretty

0:30:42nervous you're not sure why yet do you

0:30:44remember in the late seventies early

0:30:46eighties when Ronald McDonald suddenly

0:30:49was a woman or look like a woman I've

0:30:51seen the hot japanese version a hot

0:30:54female japanese version of ronald

0:30:56mcdonald I don't remember is it like is

0:30:58it like mr. noodle where suddenly was

0:31:00christened channel with our I'm not sure

0:31:03I get that reference value and

0:31:04assessment street huh well of course I

0:31:07did Sesame Street was mr. noodle off the

0:31:09love of Christ this little late period

0:31:11inside its insight i mean with your

0:31:12child John inside of Elmo's World all

0:31:15segments where I think that was

0:31:16initially that nice guy from even shady

0:31:19past few years ago and then it was Bob

0:31:21Miller one I forget who came first

0:31:22builder when the wonderful talented you

0:31:23know actor and mine guy and then some

0:31:26point they brought in a minute miss

0:31:28noodle arm is noodle which is a

0:31:30Christian channel with the the wonderful

0:31:32actress and singer mr. noodle mr. noodle

0:31:34his problem he's having problems you

0:31:36never you never saw mr. noodle you are

0:31:38shooting can word confetti out of a

0:31:39cannon at me right now I have no idea

0:31:42what any of those words mean I'd

0:31:44recognize them as English birds really

0:31:47up from before my daughter was born I

0:31:50had one exposure to Elmo mhm and I was

0:31:53like no no no

0:31:55well he's pretty cute well but this is

0:31:57about that i'm basing all this on one

0:31:59exposure right little kids are really ok

0:32:02alright because i have memories a minute

0:32:04we were not a giant Elmo house

0:32:06okay you kids story you've seen on the

0:32:10show right

0:32:11I know what an elmo and he basically at

0:32:13the end he sings us and he sings a song

0:32:15about whatever the topic was and he

0:32:17always thinks it to the tune of jingle

0:32:18bells

0:32:19so you guys jacket jacket jacket jacket

0:32:21jacket jacket or like you know whatever

0:32:23she wants shoebox shoebox whatever is he

0:32:25sings this little song i do not find

0:32:27this cute i'm gonna keep are you know

0:32:29what nevermind you don't get out go

0:32:30ahead

0:32:31ok you know a before my dad's family has

0:32:35a little free penis

0:32:36no not that I've seen I haven't seen

0:32:37that episode that might be one of the

0:32:38Lost episodes

0:32:40never mind that you don't deserve this

0:32:41sweet story but because we've seen so

0:32:43many Elmo's and we always sing the

0:32:45jingle bells song with my daughter I saw

0:32:47something red she would point to it and

0:32:49say haha

0:32:50and that's how my daughter said read

0:32:51what she said haha tdawg models it was

0:32:54really cute

0:32:55also another key point to describe

0:32:57something as little she got a cute is

0:33:01that that it's cute we're big was ok

0:33:04what's big oh sure that any kids are

0:33:10awesome huh

0:33:11so mr. noodle 10 i have kept Elmo as I

0:33:17have kept Dora told me you always

0:33:20correct you chose correctly there my

0:33:22friend

0:33:23yeah well but at but Elmo to like I love

0:33:25elmo and Dora together into a category

0:33:28of thing that I never let pass the

0:33:32threshold and so I have no I have no

0:33:35idea what mr. noodle is oh I do not know

0:33:37the name of Nora's little monkey friend

0:33:39there Dora or whatever and though their

0:33:42little whiny voices and they're

0:33:44massively pedantic version of what a of

0:33:48like how to communicate with kids it's

0:33:50excruciating i do not have it in and now

0:33:52you know that I came downstairs this

0:33:54morning

0:33:55oh my God we're turning into a fucking

0:33:56dad podcast now our dad our dad jokes

0:34:00have been getting worse and worse at

0:34:02least mine have but now we're talking

0:34:04about our kids at that late but I came

0:34:07downstairs this morning and she was

0:34:09sitting at the table all by herself

0:34:11reading aloud from her dick and jane

0:34:12book all and I i bought the dick and

0:34:15jane book and said listen to it because

0:34:17there's all these like how to teach your

0:34:19kids to read app or whatever you know

0:34:22and I said I learned to read with Dick

0:34:24and

0:34:24name as my mother and father before me

0:34:27and she will learn to read from Dick and

0:34:29Jane that's nice can monitor dick dick

0:34:31sees spot spot runs go spot go o.o spot

0:34:38spot that's amazing you have read it you

0:34:42years and you still remember so much as

0:34:44a no go as well set up any a setup for

0:34:47the story because i heard this morning I

0:34:48came downstairs and she's sitting there

0:34:50all by herself at the table reading

0:34:51aloud from chicken chain and I was like

0:34:54there it is there it is all in a

0:34:56nutshell she'll be fine now she doesn't

0:34:58need anything else

0:34:59uh-huh she's been we've sent around the

0:35:00right path or even told what to read

0:35:02she's already erased from ready go now

0:35:04Dick and Jane is not a nice feeling

0:35:06though that's what I mean the whole

0:35:07reading thing is a nice feeling

0:35:08it's very nice but but so she recognizes

0:35:11what a dora is she knows what an elmo is

0:35:13too she has seen them

0:35:15she's seen them in the wild right you're

0:35:17walking through a you're walking through

0:35:18a target because a target boy daddy

0:35:21needs a spatula who and she goes what

0:35:24you don't get your spatula is a target

0:35:25you said from like that's not where you

0:35:26get spatulas no no I would love to talk

0:35:30about target we I love going to target I

0:35:33you call it charger no I don't call that

0:35:36are Jason's making any to I was that was

0:35:39funny for like an hour

0:35:40it's like your friends mom who always

0:35:41says thank you like stop doing that

0:35:44that's not funny anymore whose friends

0:35:45mom says thank you thank you

0:35:47what does that mean oh it's it's a lying

0:35:49or somebody says oh i don't know i don't

0:35:52really like Kim Kardashian that much and

0:35:54she goes

0:35:54thank you OIC a confirmative thank you

0:35:59right well I think we've talked about

0:36:02this before but that do you remember in

0:36:05the in the mid eighties when all of a

0:36:06sudden everybody was saying yeah it is

0:36:08oh yeah we discuss this i have I still

0:36:11have a lot of these tix I haven't gotten

0:36:13rid of and I don't want to delve into it

0:36:15too far because i still have a lot of

0:36:17terrible ticks that I'm not proud of you

0:36:20mhm mhm like the sniffing like always

0:36:24slipping not always sniffing you're

0:36:26always sniffing your coffee snapping

0:36:28you've done a hundred and ninety

0:36:29episodes of the show and you still don't

0:36:30clear your throat before you pick up the

0:36:32phone

0:36:33uh-huh what would that what would that

0:36:35even entail you don't you're talking

0:36:36about like before you pick up

0:36:38I don't know and honestly don't want to

0:36:39think about it too much I don't know

0:36:41what it would entail

0:36:41I love target i love and especially with

0:36:43the other day we got so much good stuff

0:36:45I can't tell you how much great stuff we

0:36:46got a target have you noticed that

0:36:47target that all the boy clothes and the

0:36:49girl closer lately sequestered from one

0:36:52another you do not want to fucking get

0:36:54me started on this the boy clothes all

0:36:55of cool cars and and rocket ships and

0:36:58skulls and crossbones and the girl

0:37:00closer just like oh no no we walk we

0:37:02walk right past there's no point and

0:37:04here's the other thing like I want to

0:37:05get actually I was gonna get my kid and

0:37:07we so my kid leaves things on the

0:37:09playground she forgets her jackets she

0:37:11forgot jacket jacket jacket you forget

0:37:12your jacket she forgets her water

0:37:13bottles were constantly retweet you know

0:37:15we're working on this right she's great

0:37:16otherwise but so I'm getting more like

0:37:18cheap jackets you know there are like

0:37:20strategy

0:37:21yeah i mean not cheap i mean but you

0:37:22know inexpensive because I figure you

0:37:24know i'm looking for an heirloom jacket

0:37:26and you can you walk into the girls

0:37:28section is like everything's pink la you

0:37:31longer it's all shit it's all you know

0:37:33they have cool belt they have cool belts

0:37:35that are fun if there's some cool

0:37:37underwear but then if you want anything

0:37:40decent you have to go to the boys area

0:37:41because they just assume that every girl

0:37:43is gonna dress like somebody falls down

0:37:45a well and wait to be rescued

0:37:46haha so goddamn annoying and it doesn't

0:37:49go to amazon i say okay I want to get

0:37:50her a new hoodie only together minecraft

0:37:52Cudi I want to get her a hoodie from the

0:37:54cat game i wanna get our machine hoodie

0:37:55I go and I do a search you don't you see

0:37:57under clothes you see men's clothes you

0:37:59see women's clothes and you see boys

0:38:01clothes unless you search for something

0:38:02really insipid and fucking pink and then

0:38:06you get TT he down here there's girls

0:38:08clouds got a ruffle and it's part of all

0:38:11people poop

0:38:12hehe my kids that dress i mean when she

0:38:15dresses like the other day like to go to

0:38:16target she wears like horizontal striped

0:38:19leggings with a foot if really

0:38:22ridiculously Felix loofah skirt and a

0:38:24captain america shirt and a headband

0:38:26with yours

0:38:27that's how my daughter dresses she rose

0:38:28whatever the fuck she feels like and

0:38:30it's unerringly hilarious but she rarely

0:38:33does is go I want to look like somebody

0:38:35from frozen

0:38:36it's just it's so i'm not against frozen

0:38:39it's just that I'm so tired of that

0:38:40anyway sorry Donald dad of a daughter's

0:38:43name that it you won't appreciate until

0:38:44you're there let alone let alone go to

0:38:47target to try to find a ray character

0:38:48but you cannot buy a whole big package

0:38:50Star Wars boys you can get three

0:38:52from fucking stormtroopers there's no

0:38:53ray well that that seems like that seem

0:38:57like a truly a cultural moment I was

0:38:59like oh we didn't want we didn't want to

0:39:01put rate characters out there cuz we

0:39:03don't want to spoil the surprise well

0:39:04the movie that the one the star of the

0:39:06movie is in the set now there's honestly

0:39:08a hilarious set of force awakens

0:39:10probably 12 inch size characters and

0:39:13it's got Finn it's got po it's got a

0:39:16console is on it's got a stormtrooper

0:39:20and it's got another storm trooper right

0:39:23oh yeah but there's no running there you

0:39:25know i have had an interesting insights

0:39:27to anonymous stormtroopers in delray

0:39:28leaving that aside which is which is

0:39:32incredible array is one of my favorite

0:39:34characters a contemporary cinema and I

0:39:37you know we're physically she perfectly

0:39:39embodies what that movie needed to be

0:39:40and it would not have been the same

0:39:42without her

0:39:43yep yeah she's the fan on the screen and

0:39:45it was perfect but i had had an

0:39:47interesting insight you know into the

0:39:49film you know III I hesitated to

0:39:53criticize the star wars movie at all

0:39:54because you know as much as I like it's

0:39:57like good reasons to not do that

0:40:00yeah as much as I like getting letters I

0:40:02i did not want to get any letters about

0:40:04this but i but I was this this was one

0:40:06of those things as i was walking I was

0:40:08walking along and all of a sudden like

0:40:10an acorn fell on my head and I said wait

0:40:13a minute why didn't they do it that way

0:40:18you know that feeling

0:40:19who when you're like we have sure why

0:40:22didn't they do it that way i feel that

0:40:23way about lots of things what was in

0:40:24this case in this case the hand solo son

0:40:28yeah right yeah not a fan whose name is

0:40:32a paco rabanne or whatever Allah Alonso

0:40:39it's funnier if I don't laugh but that's

0:40:41the perfect alonzo morningstar which is

0:40:44your name his name is a rilo kiley yeah

0:40:47friedrich von solution straße it um his

0:40:51first appearance in the film is in his

0:40:54guys right is his guys it's terrible

0:40:57error terrible Darth warmth or yes or be

0:41:01worse mark or whatever and you see him

0:41:04and he appears and you're like okay

0:41:05is the new bad guy who and then as the

0:41:08as the film progresses you see that he

0:41:11is not really in his full he's not fully

0:41:16in his in his he's not and he's not as

0:41:19full pokeyman yet

0:41:21yeah right like when when Darth Vader

0:41:23and the generals the high-ranking

0:41:26soldiers have encounters you see that

0:41:28they are terrified of him who but when

0:41:30they have no even though we were so

0:41:31effective in this movie's you understand

0:41:33that Darth Vader has a boss but still

0:41:35Darth Vader that everybody scared of

0:41:36everybody scared of Darth and you're not

0:41:38sure what his rank is right he's kinda

0:41:41feels like not a row but not but he's

0:41:43he's almost like a consultant like he's

0:41:45been brought in to make sure you rebuild

0:41:47this fucking death star and this is this

0:41:49needs to happen

0:41:49yeah right i mean it and I do not alter

0:41:52it further in in the way in a way that

0:41:55he is like he is he's a mini Emperor

0:41:58right but in the new Star Wars movie The

0:42:01the paco rabanne character does not have

0:42:05very much authority right the general is

0:42:07openly contemptuous of him and he

0:42:10doesn't really have a very good report

0:42:11but he's in this like amazing gas mask

0:42:14costume

0:42:16yeah I like this place so that was cool

0:42:17but then as the as the film unfolds the

0:42:21mask comes off and you see that he's

0:42:23just sort of a callow male model

0:42:25uh-huh it's not I mean it was very clear

0:42:28why Darth Vader wore the mask because he

0:42:30was hideous least disfigure yeah

0:42:32anything before you learned all the you

0:42:34know reckon details of it like you could

0:42:36tell that he was he was he was messed up

0:42:38in a number of ways

0:42:39yeah imagine he needed that to live

0:42:41probably the mask was breathing for him

0:42:43and the stormtroopers wore masks because

0:42:44it wasn't clear whether or not they were

0:42:46robots at first right totally right for

0:42:49the longest time we thought they were

0:42:51robots and then it turned out they were

0:42:52clones

0:42:53I mean they were there they were

0:42:54basically they were they were like nazis

0:42:56in world war two movie

0:42:57yeah just like generic people to be shot

0:42:59but as the film unfolds then the the the

0:43:04paco rabanne character uses his mask

0:43:07less and less until he just seems like a

0:43:10teenager running around very petulant

0:43:13he's always wearing a bandana

0:43:15it's like he just wears when he feels

0:43:17like it and and it's not

0:43:19explain what the purpose of it is except

0:43:21that it's just an affectation it's just

0:43:23like it's just like a have accepted

0:43:24covers his face

0:43:26why didn't they start the movie with him

0:43:30without his mask and that's why nobody

0:43:34respects him yet he's walking around in

0:43:36a cape he's obviously a Jedi but he's it

0:43:39using any single teacher at the very

0:43:41least four cents and if we don't meet me

0:43:43tonight Jennifer sorry I'm sorry I'm

0:43:44sorry I'm sorry I can't believe

0:43:45registered I'm so sorry

0:43:46it's no it's quite all right cutting

0:43:47that out on my own but there's actually

0:43:49you about Star Wars there's a there's a

0:43:52reason that he's there and that's

0:43:53because he has horsepower who write and

0:43:56but the generals are contemptuous of him

0:43:58because he can't quite lift them off the

0:44:00ground and make them choke yet right so

0:44:03so he's it's some kind of thing where he

0:44:06is being groomed by the new emperor

0:44:09right but he's still a kind of a callow

0:44:11teenager and that's why nobody takes him

0:44:13seriously and then over the course of

0:44:15the film we in he inherits the helmet

0:44:20because something I get it right

0:44:22why why do it the the reverse way where

0:44:24we're set up to think like all this guy

0:44:26looks mean he's gonna be mean and then

0:44:28over the course the time were already

0:44:30trying to were already trying to buy the

0:44:33end of the first film we're already in

0:44:36this in this mode of like is he going to

0:44:39be as he savable is he going to be

0:44:41rescuing ball we didn't even set him up

0:44:43as like as like a guy who's bitterness

0:44:47turns him to the dark side increasingly

0:44:50who we already its he's already like oh

0:44:54he doesn't know whether it's bad or not

0:44:56I just feel like come on

0:44:58well I said something a lot of people

0:45:00have said about a lot of things related

0:45:02to star wars that i happen to agree with

0:45:04and we'll make the short because I just

0:45:05I can't handle the email but one of the

0:45:08great things about science something

0:45:10Syracuse and I talked about in terms of

0:45:11like why is how it's like fury fury road

0:45:13in some ways the first Star Wars very

0:45:15little is done to explain what

0:45:18everything means through is so much just

0:45:21pure action and exposition just based on

0:45:23what you're looking at right now that

0:45:25the exposition is that like there's

0:45:26these robots sorry that's just always

0:45:28that's all we have time to explain why

0:45:29there's so much story to get through

0:45:30here right

0:45:31right then like you know and you know

0:45:32there's all kinds of things that people

0:45:33spent years wondering about and so forth

0:45:35but like what you're describing here we

0:45:37didn't understand what Darth Vader was

0:45:41or how he was and we certainly don't

0:45:43understand what the force was other than

0:45:44there was a lot of hand waving about it

0:45:46some kind of cosmic force but we didn't

0:45:47know how powerful Darth Vader could be

0:45:49because we need how he can you know what

0:45:52his weaknesses work for that matter all

0:45:53we saw was that like oh my god you do

0:45:55not want to tangle with this guy is

0:45:56obviously a very scary i mean you can

0:45:58choke you

0:45:58you know right right but like you know

0:46:00the less we knew the more interesting he

0:46:02was one maybe don't I mean do you

0:46:05remember feeling like Darth Vader might

0:46:06have been a robot a magic robot

0:46:08absolutely very special on the first

0:46:10viewing like it seemed it

0:46:11yeah I always assumed the stormtroopers

0:46:14just because of their movements were

0:46:15whatever the galaxy far away version of

0:46:18human was oh you knew that there were

0:46:20humans inside the Stormtrooper right

0:46:22well they didn't move like robots if

0:46:24they want to Telegraph that the robots

0:46:25it seems they would have handled that

0:46:26differently so Cylons were post first

0:46:30Star Wars yes because Cylons were

0:46:33clearly robot sounds were clearly let's

0:46:36say a ripoff of Stormtroopers but that

0:46:38who were definitely robots

0:46:40yeah right and i think i think that i

0:46:42was i was coming at it from more of a

0:46:44like storm troopers were proto Cylons I

0:46:49see because because again what do they

0:46:53need to ask for masks are uncomfortable

0:46:56yeah oh and and it's never it's never

0:46:58specified like to the masks let them see

0:47:01a terminator style are the are the

0:47:05eyepieces giving them additional

0:47:06information we know we didn't know it

0:47:09doesn't let them breathe on foreign

0:47:12planets where there is an oxygen no

0:47:15don't no idea no idea i love target what

0:47:19we end up getting we got a lot of good

0:47:20stuff we've got some great clothes we

0:47:22did something we don't usually do which

0:47:23we got her got some branded franchise

0:47:26clothing for a property that's not even

0:47:28out yet but I'm all I can already tell

0:47:30we're going to like it so because you

0:47:31want to know you want to know what just

0:47:32happened to me

0:47:33no one well I was walking across the

0:47:35room and I accidentally unplugged my

0:47:37headphones

0:47:38ok and when I came back you had

0:47:40completely changed the topic code area

0:47:44all fast that almost never happens like

0:47:46that and I didn't hear the transition

0:47:48right so I was like coming back in plug

0:47:50in my headphones back it's alright says

0:47:52utopia

0:47:53yeah and you were just like anyway just

0:47:55as as if we had been talking about your

0:47:57daughter's clothes the entire time i

0:47:58love target we all kinds of stuff there

0:48:00we can get a spatula got a lot of good

0:48:02stuff what do we get what we can get

0:48:04some clothes for her

0:48:06we got all we got a little letter areum

0:48:08don't you know it's nice to get a target

0:48:10what time do you have a sensitive skin

0:48:12uh I mean it's you know if it doesn't

0:48:14get his feelings hurt like anybody right

0:48:16but I mean your attention but you're

0:48:18essentially a northern European I i know

0:48:22i don't want to say too much here but I

0:48:23i know that you you have to suffer in

0:48:26silence i know for example that your

0:48:27head sometimes is allergic to itself my

0:48:29head and face are both allergic to

0:48:31themselves

0:48:32okay and I cannot abide any kind of real

0:48:36perfume and I cannot use normal soap if

0:48:43I wash my clothes in typical normal

0:48:46laundry detergent i will get an enormous

0:48:49ba complete body heat rash that

0:48:54sometimes swells my skin up so that it

0:48:57is like an inch puffier than it normally

0:49:00is which is that's miserable it is awful

0:49:04it's terrible if somebody else washes my

0:49:06clothes I basically have to wash them

0:49:08again because if I put them on I will

0:49:12get them in everywhere the close touch

0:49:14my skin i will get this awful heat rash

0:49:17that that is like swollen and burns and

0:49:21doesn't go away i have to lay naked on a

0:49:24on a cool sheet and fan myself for the

0:49:28magazine and it is any picture kind of

0:49:31magazine has to be like well like it

0:49:33well now I don't get well anymore

0:49:36I I felt burned bite well yeah but i got

0:49:39it for a while and I was like twelve

0:49:41this is this going to be consistent with

0:49:42horizontal slats are going to get big

0:49:44greasy yeah i'm going to live in a

0:49:45shipping container hooray for me and

0:49:48then after children play into the stairs

0:49:50boob after a while I realized that it

0:49:52was they were just taking pictures of

0:49:54the same house from different angles it

0:49:56see it took me two years to figure that

0:49:57out you know I was a male cyclist door

0:49:59looks familiar that's a really nice deck

0:50:01wait a minute wait a minute why is that

0:50:03child has the same toys what this house

0:50:06as a garage with the same three toys

0:50:08every child in snow

0:50:10thank you there was absolutely no

0:50:12aesthetic variation and after like five

0:50:14is where Connor keeps his ball and this

0:50:18is kind of a little milk a reading nook

0:50:20a reading nook that shaped like the

0:50:22inside of a parachute not in any era are

0:50:26are crying the day and no over here we

0:50:29have our our mud palace and then those

0:50:32are real things that she's a documentary

0:50:34filmmaker and she's kind of videographer

0:50:37used to make apps now he's working on

0:50:39something you can't talk about you can't

0:50:40talk about it and tyler loves his little

0:50:42ball but here's what I get at target

0:50:44which is sheer free sheer free cheer is

0:50:49a laundry and sheer free cheer free has

0:50:52no no chemicals it has no stopping it

0:50:55has chemical don't know

0:50:56yeah I think you're free is just I think

0:50:59so i think a couple of guys go over a

0:51:02barbed-wire fence to the dumpster

0:51:04outside of a little suction facility

0:51:06nice and they get some bags of human fat

0:51:09and then they render it with lie and

0:51:11that is what cheer free is so it doesn't

0:51:14your clothes don't smell like any kind

0:51:15of perfume and your free get some skin

0:51:17in the game

0:51:18yeah it well yeah it doesn't make my it

0:51:20doesn't make my body attack itself

0:51:22interesting and introduces like anything

0:51:24kind of would call an antibody i don't

0:51:27know i think it might be homeopathy John

0:51:29you might be doing homeopathy i might be

0:51:31might take a little bit of human skin to

0:51:33make your skin not be bothered

0:51:34interesting but it's at such a micro

0:51:37dose that it literally can't do anything

0:51:38useful

0:51:39maybe it's micro dosing me with LSD and

0:51:41I'm just don't realize that my skin is

0:51:42so maybe you're in your maybe your

0:51:44friend Dick Cheney's bunker I wow I

0:51:49friends just sparkling to be one

0:51:52no no ever since we mentioned that the

0:51:55last time I asked loss again Fred I've

0:51:58had more Fred Durst mentions in my

0:52:00mentions then I ever wanted and I don't

0:52:03want to think about him I do not want to

0:52:05think about him but so I never know

0:52:08what's going to endure when we say it

0:52:11it's we might say that we may see

0:52:12something wrong like something that's

0:52:13not even correct we might say something

0:52:14I ironically like as a joke and that

0:52:18because what people remember it's a lot

0:52:19of responsibility it is a lot of

0:52:21responsibility to have such well to be

0:52:23fucking head phony award-winning podcast

0:52:25that's true so this keeps you so you eat

0:52:27you had a good experience with this and

0:52:29you can buy a big bottle of it at target

0:52:31and getting to target

0:52:32okay yeah I i went to the dermatologist

0:52:33right I've told you this story and the

0:52:35dermatologist said I don't know what

0:52:37your problem is you're allergic to

0:52:38yourself and I said that's a terrible

0:52:40thing to say to somebody that they're

0:52:41allergic to themselves and he said she's

0:52:43right before you sent someone to the

0:52:44fucking Mayo Clinic you don't just trust

0:52:46somebody other office with stuff like

0:52:47that yeah I don't want to be a boy in

0:52:49the bubble and he was like now you're

0:52:50just allergic to your ears skin oil i

0:52:53was like a skin oil he was like yeah you

0:52:56can't you know you have to just you

0:52:59can't just let it sit on your skin

0:53:01because it will just your body your body

0:53:03will go after it

0:53:05ah exchanged our story checks out come

0:53:09on give me something you know me

0:53:11something to write on man put your tap

0:53:14tap tap tap it a little so yeah so I go

0:53:19to target for that and that's great and

0:53:22specialist

0:53:23yeah what else did we get we were gonna

0:53:25get bowls i didn't like the bowls

0:53:27oh don't like their blah there's a lot

0:53:29of things we didn't buy their but we've

0:53:30never spent like four hundred dollars

0:53:31that we got a lot of stuff i go up and

0:53:33down the aisles you know did you know

0:53:34this about me that when I go into a

0:53:36store i have to go up and down every

0:53:37aisle every time it's not it's not it

0:53:39doesn't it's not OCD it

0:53:41no certainly not no no no no you're

0:53:44organized you got it you got away you

0:53:46like to do things i want to walk down

0:53:47every aisle and see what's there

0:53:49how are you how are you going to how we

0:53:51gonna live with yourself if you go out

0:53:53of the store you didn't walk down the

0:53:54one I'll that had something who write so

0:53:57when I go to costco whatever I go to

0:53:59costco what's with the anyone who knows

0:54:01me there like please don't go up and

0:54:02down every aisle we're just here for the

0:54:04Trista 75-pound bag of peanut brittle

0:54:07especially accounting for how tall their

0:54:09shelves are it's one thing to just look

0:54:11at eye level but if you look at

0:54:12everything on the shelves at costco and

0:54:13account for the people who get the free

0:54:15samples

0:54:15that's gonna be a long day my friend

0:54:17what is it's always a long day you go in

0:54:18there and you're like do I need 47

0:54:20sharpies

0:54:22think about it think about it mm no do I

0:54:26need what how much do we really need in

0:54:28life

0:54:29well it's true but every every once in a

0:54:31while I was what was the last thing I

0:54:32went in there I thought I needed

0:54:34ah it was some kind of like always maybe

0:54:40one of those ladders that folds into a

0:54:41scaffold that folds into a like an

0:54:44origami ladder origami a ladder as seen

0:54:46on TV

0:54:47yeah and those are neat i was like maybe

0:54:48i need that or maybe i need one of those

0:54:50juicers that goes it's 5,000 rpm the

0:54:52turns a little turn bricks into a juice

0:54:55but and it ends up i get the same thing

0:54:58I get you know get spaghetti sauce and I

0:55:01get peanut brittle and then I'm out of

0:55:02there but i still have to go down every

0:55:04aisle don't have to but I mean right

0:55:07mm it's like you have to if I go in and

0:55:10somebody's like you are forbidden from

0:55:11going up and down every aisle I i can I

0:55:15can hang with that if I'm if I'm

0:55:17expressly forbidden i can i can go all

0:55:20right actually seafood and automotive

0:55:23and drinks and deli

0:55:26yep garden supplies oh yeah furniture

0:55:30for sure

0:55:31uh-huh i'll definitely office supplies

0:55:33and safe sorry yeah but socks and and

0:55:36bedding with the middle you got that big

0:55:37middle part like the middle part you

0:55:39know Scott has a lot of like for your

0:55:41staple type clothes they got to get

0:55:44pretty good socks again pretty good

0:55:45undershirts all my underwear was from

0:55:47costco until very recently when I gotta

0:55:49I gotta start getting underwear from

0:55:52this fancy place

0:55:53oh I get it I get internet underwear but

0:55:55Abbott is also the I heard the workout

0:55:57clothes I know how you love to work out

0:55:58there let's get one up close to get they

0:56:00probably have BMW pants and get there

0:56:02let me tell you about the underwear I'm

0:56:03wearing right now

0:56:04thank you it is lined are not lined it's

0:56:08knitted with microfibers of silver it so

0:56:14people can steal your identity

0:56:15no no silver is anti bacterial or anti

0:56:20like silver scares all the the what the

0:56:26living a biome the biome yeah it KITT

0:56:30scares the biomes and they get out of

0:56:31your underwear

0:56:32so the underwear is like a shirt silver

0:56:36I don't want to imply don't want to say

0:56:38it's impregnated with silver now that's

0:56:40that's all thinking but silver is shot

0:56:43three shot through with silver there you

0:56:45go shop through with silver so that and

0:56:48it feels just like normal underwear huh

0:56:50but it created your little secret it

0:56:53creates an inhospitable environment for

0:56:55all the things that might get in your

0:56:59underwear

0:57:00I don't get in there ok so this also i

0:57:03mean let's be honest that you got things

0:57:05like issues of contagion and older but

0:57:06also you keep your junk from becoming

0:57:08allergic to itself but with the silver

0:57:09I'm up I'm waiting I'm waiting to see if

0:57:12that's true but it but it feels like an

0:57:14act it's an extra layer of protection

0:57:15and emits a little secret like I'm

0:57:18wearing silver underwear

0:57:19yeah right and they're very comfortable

0:57:23i don't and and you know and maybe they

0:57:28protect my my nether regions from

0:57:31harmful rays are you worried about that

0:57:34and I'm worried about that are praised I

0:57:37I think about that I think about that

0:57:41yeah i'm very interested what can i say

0:57:45about this dad starts and start track

0:57:49are worried about harmful rays get a

0:57:51full rate all

0:57:54Oh John dad you get Joe that's awfully

0:57:57good thing all my goodness thanks I now

0:58:01everyone will be laugh-in yeah at that

0:58:06lay a wreath on that joke I solo most I

0:58:15lead f MA

0:58:20more like millennial Falcon berg

0:58:23millennial for work I knew that if I

0:58:25released the released the a joke Sam you

0:58:28okay with just come pouring out like a

0:58:31like a burst water balloon become more

0:58:34powerful than you can imagine

0:58:36so you know

0:58:40I don't know what to say exactly about

0:58:43this but I'm mm what's happening

0:58:47well I'm acquainted with someone who's a

0:58:52had and having problems with things like

0:58:57worrying about Ray's oh I'm trying to

0:59:00learn more about it than just haha

0:59:02chemtrails right and it's it's super

0:59:05tough and super interesting there are a

0:59:07lot of raised well but it's also like

0:59:10I'm trying to fly I can do this that's

0:59:11enough said about that except to say

0:59:13that it is very interesting very

0:59:14complicated i actually I came across an

0:59:16interesting thing on the reddit or

0:59:19somebody said you know you think about

0:59:21what people talk about especially what

0:59:23has come to but some people have called

0:59:24paranoid schizophrenia but some kind of

0:59:27like an effective thing but you know

0:59:28your things like people saying they

0:59:30think their voices right they think the

0:59:32queen is talking to them that they hear

0:59:34voices on the radio

0:59:35addressing them there are teams you know

0:59:38the there are actually people who do

0:59:40line hats with aluminum foil because

0:59:42they don't want thoughts and say its

0:59:44order to remove all these things that

0:59:45the sad part of this is the jokes that

0:59:47we make about this is that the horrible

0:59:49truth is that there are people that like

0:59:51believe that more than anything they

0:59:52believe in the entire world right and it

0:59:54is really interesting but there was i

0:59:56just i have a piece and i have read the

0:59:57whole thing yet but somebody's asking

0:59:59basically

0:59:59basically

1:00:00with what we now call schizophrenia with

1:00:02those particular symptoms

1:00:04what did people imagined before the age

1:00:07of electricity like you're saying

1:00:10there's so much thought now about like

1:00:11there are raised that are doing this

1:00:12there are ways of making you sexy see

1:00:15certain images insert and remove

1:00:16thoughts like the all lot of those in rh

1:00:19come down to electricity

1:00:20you know what I mean yeah like what

1:00:21people uh if you like hallucinate before

1:00:25we had electricity

1:00:26well you know they're spiritualism was a

1:00:29big was a big thing right there is a

1:00:31part of the parent schizophrenia is this

1:00:33i don't even know that's exactly the

1:00:34correct term forgive me I don't be i'm

1:00:36really trying not to be insensitive

1:00:37about this cuz you know it's it's close

1:00:39to home but I it's interesting because I

1:00:42a lot of it does involve the parent part

1:00:45of the schizophrenia is that there there

1:00:47it's this very very strong belief

1:00:49essentially that somebody's fucking with

1:00:51you right and that the conflict the

1:00:53complexity of your the way your mind is

1:00:54working is because something is

1:00:56happening

1:00:57well sure but wouldn't that just be

1:00:58Damon's right i mean before before it

1:01:01was the man like you bewitched or

1:01:03something yeah right i mean i don't

1:01:05think that there's anything specific to

1:01:07it being like other humans who are

1:01:12messing with you except that in the

1:01:14modern age that seems a lot more

1:01:16plausible been then

1:01:18Damon's right over people using like the

1:01:23sorcery right I guess sorcery would

1:01:25probably okay yeah that checks out

1:01:27Jack's out and a part of it also then is

1:01:30that I think the part that makes this so

1:01:32interesting scary is like the part of it

1:01:34is that it involves somebody who has

1:01:37malicious like ill will for you and is

1:01:40acting upon a person or a group is

1:01:43acting upon this with you know there

1:01:45they are after you and they are

1:01:46organized right and that they're doing

1:01:48it remotely and that they're doing it

1:01:51through some means of obfuscation which

1:01:53obfuscation is part of the very thing

1:01:56that is messing with you so I mean like

1:01:59when you I know maybe I'm being precious

1:02:00about but that's super interesting you

1:02:02break that down into parts can you

1:02:03imagine how excruciating that must be

1:02:04well it's all I believe that more than

1:02:06you believe anything in the world but

1:02:07it's the core of the protocols of the

1:02:09Elders of Zion I mean people have always

1:02:11attributed that kind

1:02:13of a malicious intent to the Jews or two

1:02:18I mean the Jews but and that's you know

1:02:21that was a convenient the Jews were

1:02:24convenient scapegoat for all that kind

1:02:26of paranoia for everyone in Europe for

1:02:29years and years and years decades

1:02:31hundreds of years so and you still see

1:02:35you still see paranoiacs everywhere

1:02:38attributing all that mind control to the

1:02:42bilderberg group or whatever

1:02:44yeah yeah wonder how who oh it was so

1:02:47would you put chem trails in that in a

1:02:49pile in the reckoning

1:02:50I mean the reason that I feel chemtrails

1:02:52is so remarkable is that it

1:02:55it's it seems much more like one of

1:03:00those conspiracies that isn't founded in

1:03:03an actual mental illness but is founded

1:03:07in the you know the pervasive American

1:03:12tendency that a tendency that the most

1:03:17ignorant people are the ones that are

1:03:19most certain about their beliefs right

1:03:22so the people all across the country are

1:03:24absolutely sure that Obama is trying to

1:03:27take their guns or whatever the fuck

1:03:29their current thing is right and

1:03:31chemtrails are just a part of that which

1:03:33is like they're so profoundly ignorant

1:03:35of how things work and so supremely

1:03:37confident that their interpretation or

1:03:39the interpretation of the radio a shock

1:03:43jock that they listen to you see this

1:03:44partly as somebody who's a little bit

1:03:46knowledgeable about aircraft well and

1:03:48how this guy works and how governments

1:03:50work and happy that you don't like like

1:03:53the have you ever worked with government

1:03:55you know the motivation

1:03:58what would be required to have chem

1:04:01trails be a project as big as they say

1:04:03and to keep it all a secret it's just

1:04:08hilarious and what is the benefit

1:04:10I mean what would the benefit of

1:04:11mind-control Pete there's so much mind

1:04:13control already that's just like right

1:04:15and you're just holding it in your hand

1:04:17you're soaking in it right but it's

1:04:19evident it's right in front of you

1:04:21there's no nobody's trying to do it in

1:04:23secret and there's no and nobody's

1:04:25controlling it like every at

1:04:26attempt that they make to exert some

1:04:28sort of i mean i do believe that it is

1:04:33plausible

1:04:34I believe that the narrative that the

1:04:36that the that there is some connection

1:04:39between drugs and guns and inner-city

1:04:43violence that feels like it was seeded

1:04:47by you know seated in some ways

1:04:52unintentionally the results were

1:04:55unintentional in enough to the scale

1:04:57that they were but like the way that the

1:04:59CIA was drug running and paying for

1:05:02Nicaragua and giving getting black

1:05:04plates

1:05:05well and i think is aids-like and

1:05:07introducing crack as like the dudes like

1:05:10don't disposable e directly to play

1:05:13crack into ghettos idols reasons I don't

1:05:16think they're clever enough i don't

1:05:19think anyone at the CIA is clever clever

1:05:21enough to orchestrate it but I to

1:05:25orchestrate what happened but I do but

1:05:28there's enough stuff that has been

1:05:29documented and the and that narrative of

1:05:32like black power was real it was having

1:05:36a transformative effect and then it was

1:05:39completely like wiped off the face of

1:05:43the earth by this seemingly like like

1:05:48blood wave of drugs that came into the

1:05:50inner cities and the CIA is meanwhile

1:05:53dealing drugs to fund their covert

1:05:56operations just like there's just too

1:05:58much going on there to dismiss it

1:06:01wholeheartedly and here's here's why I

1:06:04think is that I mean there was a time I

1:06:07guess when there were a lot of rumors

1:06:09and you know and understand like the

1:06:11what we knew about what the CIA did

1:06:13before the nineteen seventies was it was

1:06:15more like what we know the NSA does now

1:06:16which is we assume everything but who

1:06:18knows but you know it was it will be

1:06:20years before we learn a lot about what

1:06:21the CI had done years earlier so for

1:06:23example like let's say you heard a rumor

1:06:25about the extent to which the CIA wanted

1:06:28to disrupt humiliate and potentially

1:06:31kill Fidel Castro and it's if you heard

1:06:34you would hear that you might have heard

1:06:36these stories that are so outlandish

1:06:37never going to make his beer trying

1:06:40make his beard fallout yeah like but the

1:06:42thing is that apparently they did huh

1:06:45yeah right i mean this is true didn't

1:06:47like trying to poison his food they're

1:06:48all these different kinds of things

1:06:49aren't shit man look what happened with

1:06:51that with all the guys in people in

1:06:53Russia being poisoned you know like that

1:06:55guy who was basically poisoned by Putin

1:06:57it's like well it doesn't take that many

1:06:59stories where you go up geez like this

1:07:01really is like three days of the Condor

1:07:03it's really this is bad but all of those

1:07:05things you can see you can picture a guy

1:07:08sitting in his desk with a mustache and

1:07:12he's like he's got an assignment he's on

1:07:15assignment because i'm fairly specific

1:07:16assignment to like disrupt with pride

1:07:20bet for a long time a lot of CIA was

1:07:22causing chaos disrupt disruption and

1:07:26lack of trust in a given government

1:07:28yeah right before you say like we're

1:07:29gonna send in troops a lot of it might

1:07:30have been like something as simple as

1:07:32make the electricity go off a lot so

1:07:34people don't trust the government it

1:07:35would be that's an operational thing I

1:07:37could see people doing at ground level

1:07:38except you can picture you can picture

1:07:40five people in a in a meeting room where

1:07:42they closed the door and goes and then

1:07:45they totally flip some switch and the

1:07:47the cone of silence comes down and

1:07:49they're like okay here's what we're

1:07:50going to do but you can't picture five

1:07:52people in a room imagining the scope of

1:07:56we're going to we're going to turn

1:08:00colombian cocaine into a weapon to

1:08:05destabilize the Black Power movement

1:08:07it's just too it's too

1:08:12there there are too many things that

1:08:15have to happen that where the logical

1:08:19explanation is much it is much simpler

1:08:22to say simpler and more cost effective

1:08:25and more secretive way to do it that

1:08:27didn't require all of those contortions

1:08:28is is seeding contrails with chemicals

1:08:31the best way to do whatever it is you

1:08:33think these people are trying to

1:08:33accomplish is that the most effective

1:08:35way to do that

1:08:36yeah i'm at nana's it's bananas and also

1:08:38liked the story of the Colombian drug

1:08:41cartels that where they came up

1:08:43organically and found a market for this

1:08:45product and it it you know and there was

1:08:48a like that is a story Simon and we know

1:08:51that the CIA in Iraq

1:08:53did with them but there wasn't it's much

1:08:55more plausible that was just capitalism

1:08:57working then that anyone in the CIA had

1:09:00a big plan right and no soldiers came

1:09:03back from Vietnam and they've gotten

1:09:04hooked on heroin in Asia and that was

1:09:09that seems much more organic and natural

1:09:11and and plausible than that they were

1:09:14intentionally hooked on drugs by the CIA

1:09:17trying to ruin the inner city and so

1:09:20there's too many steps in a lot of those

1:09:23conspiracies for it for it to fort for

1:09:28me to believe that five guys in her in a

1:09:31cone of silence had the wisdom to

1:09:34foresee all of this stuff they're just

1:09:38in their line and keep it a secret all

1:09:40those all of those steps five guys could

1:09:43not cause that to happen by the rebels

1:09:45so there's a guy with the mustache and

1:09:47short-sleeved white shirts smoking of

1:09:49cigarette and he's got an idea and it's

1:09:52never been

1:09:53he's he never has the authority or the

1:09:56budget to pull off a big idea

1:09:59no one could ever say chemtrails and

1:10:01then have access to the black budget to

1:10:06create it right he'd have to take it up

1:10:08to the head office the head office is

1:10:10going to say well we've also we're

1:10:11trying to source trying to foment a

1:10:14revolution in the following six

1:10:16countries and we're trying to make

1:10:17Castro's beard fallout you know will

1:10:19give you a million dollars exploratory

1:10:21funds or whatever but you know so that's

1:10:24the that's the main stumbling block with

1:10:26most of those conspiracies like back

1:10:28trace it to the to the guy in short

1:10:31sleeve shirt that had the diabolical

1:10:33idea and then tell me there's any

1:10:36organization in the world where he can

1:10:38where he can get a powerpoint

1:10:40demonstration up where they give him the

1:10:42the six hundred million dollars to pull

1:10:46off his scheme you know right its and

1:10:48you'll find nobody finds out and nobody

1:10:50finds out why don't you like the way he

1:10:53the army cheated like the Chief of Staff

1:10:56of the Armed Forces doesn't have the

1:10:59authority to and the director of the CIA

1:11:01you know they have access to this money

1:11:03but they don't that it's not like some

1:11:05kind of

1:11:06situation where they just sweep into a

1:11:07room and say here's the plan

1:11:10you know they're there bureaucracies so

1:11:13that's the that's the number one thing

1:11:14that causes me to say 99% of the

1:11:18conspiracy theories would require I

1:11:22would require a Blofeld mhm and there's

1:11:26there just aren't any Blofeld's that we

1:11:29know of

1:11:29well I mean I sergey brin alright just a

1:11:34magic word no that's okay okay we're

1:11:36gonna do that thing where you from the

1:11:38internet

1:11:38oh please this is the story of James

1:11:40Tooley Matthews i sent you a link in the

1:11:41robot 1797 he was the first person

1:11:46documented with what we now called

1:11:48paranoid schizophrenia

1:11:49oh and the guy who tended to him was

1:11:51this guy John Haslem who wrote a book

1:11:54about what happened with this fella and

1:11:56the thing that he believed was

1:11:57tormenting him and you'll see that the

1:11:59illustration that was made of this thing

1:12:01called the air low which is the thing so

1:12:04in the pre active electricity age

1:12:05this is the machine that was causing all

1:12:07this trouble so I thought you'd enjoy

1:12:09this but also would like to read you the

1:12:11name of the others lot of people of the

1:12:14book that John has them wrote about this

1:12:15because it's probably my favorite title

1:12:17of a book ever

1:12:18this is often 1810 john hasn't wrote a

1:12:20book was later shortened to

1:12:21illustrations of of madness the full

1:12:24title original title illustrations of

1:12:26madness exhibiting a singular case of

1:12:28insanity and no less remarkable

1:12:30difference in medical opinions

1:12:32developing the nature of an assailant

1:12:34and the manner of working events with a

1:12:36description of tortures experience by

1:12:38bombs bursting lobster cracking and

1:12:39lengthening the brain embellished with a

1:12:41curious plate haha i love the word is

1:12:44ailment mhm so the heirloom as

1:12:49illustrated here as well as messing with

1:12:52this guy the torments included induced

1:12:54by the Rays of the heirloom included

1:12:55lobster cracking well which is a

1:12:57circular saw you get the lobster

1:12:58cracking under the circulation of the

1:13:00blood was prevented by a magnetic field

1:13:02stomach skinning an apoplexy working

1:13:03with nutmeg grater which involved the

1:13:05introduction of fluids into the skull

1:13:06his persecutors bore such names as the

1:13:09middleman who operated the heirloom the

1:13:10glove woman and sir Archie who acted as

1:13:12quote unquote repeaters or active

1:13:14warriors to enhance Matthews treat

1:13:16torment or record the machines

1:13:18activities and their leader a man

1:13:19bill or the King what you know as you

1:13:23describe that and and this has been true

1:13:25i think of is like an HBO show

1:13:27well yeah Wow actually start writing

1:13:31that script but uh but his description

1:13:34of his tormenters is it equips nicely

1:13:40with how I would describe a some of the

1:13:44cast of voices in my own head like there

1:13:48are like characters or invoices not like

1:13:51hearing voices but like points of view

1:13:53that you can punch of you that have

1:13:55distinct personalities yeah from one

1:13:58another right where were you

1:14:00you're walking along in here and you're

1:14:02quietude and some voice says uh it's you

1:14:07know a dummy over here

1:14:08yeah it's it's imperative that we do the

1:14:10following thing and some other voice

1:14:12says what

1:14:13that's the dumbest idea we've ever had

1:14:15and after a while II you have to

1:14:20acknowledge that these are separate they

1:14:22have separate viewpoints that and they

1:14:23have personalities enough to express

1:14:25them right here

1:14:26yeah but but i never i do not locate

1:14:30those things outside my body and that

1:14:34whatever their torment it just it seems

1:14:38like a heated discussion there they

1:14:40aren't like and and in a way I don't

1:14:45separate myself from them except at

1:14:48curiously like who are your dogs not

1:14:51telling you to go out and kill the

1:14:52people in your mail route or something

1:14:53right

1:14:54but but the different personalities that

1:14:56he describes in that you know just their

1:14:58character their character names their

1:15:01kid their player character named feel

1:15:04very familiar right that the one but the

1:15:06one that's leading the whole thing named

1:15:08bill for the king and over the king and

1:15:11LOL or the King you know uh that the

1:15:13various other sort of sort of traits

1:15:18that are implied by those names so so it

1:15:21it still feels like it still feels like

1:15:24consciousness and personality are on a

1:15:28continuum or on a some sort of bell

1:15:30curve

1:15:31where the vast majority of people are

1:15:33not aware of a of a chorus of voices and

1:15:36then as the as you get the trail off to

1:15:38a leading edge there are people that are

1:15:40aware of that of that group of voices

1:15:43but are managing them and then at a

1:15:45certain point those voices become become

1:15:48a distinct enough that they feel

1:15:50distinct from yourself

1:15:52well and then there are people that I

1:15:55guess on the other end who have no who

1:15:58have a singular voice very dramatically

1:16:02singular voice that there was that

1:16:03they're aware of everything that people

1:16:05who are aware of as the voice that is

1:16:07them or a singular voice that is

1:16:09external to them know a singular voice

1:16:11that they're aware of as themselves

1:16:13right there is no disagreement within

1:16:15within their own mind that there is a

1:16:18that there's a unity of self and and I

1:16:21guess my confusion is I don't know

1:16:23whether that unity of self perspective

1:16:26is at the at the peak of the bell curve

1:16:29and that's the majority or whether that

1:16:32unity of self is also a pathology at the

1:16:35far end well interesting other end of

1:16:37the scale supernormal quote-unquote or

1:16:41like a uniquely unusual to just have one

1:16:44voice in your head

1:16:44yeah that that that that the that the

1:16:46mass of people but normal let's say

1:16:49involve some internal deliberation but

1:16:53not enough where you're saying that

1:16:55these are distinctive personalities that

1:16:57are arguing but more that you're like

1:16:58you know the devil and angel on your

1:17:00shoulder right there yeah did there may

1:17:02be two other perspectives that are kind

1:17:04of arguing with you but there's not all

1:17:06these you know i would i would describe

1:17:08my own mind as having between six and

1:17:10twelve voices depending on how quiet i

1:17:13am Who and maybe it maybe your your

1:17:17normal is is to in a good and evil and

1:17:21then there and then and then the other

1:17:23end of it the other pathologies just

1:17:25this hyper confidence in one's own you

1:17:30know the certitude of one's own mind

1:17:32i I don't know enough about and i don't

1:17:35i'm not sure that it's ever been

1:17:37investigated or discussed in that in

1:17:39those terms

1:17:40but yeah but listening to a lot of

1:17:43schizophrenic descriptions i feel a

1:17:46kinship with the words they use I just

1:17:50don't I just don't know what it would be

1:17:51like to externalize that and and and and

1:17:57feel and be victimized by it and you

1:17:59know it here actually hear voices so

1:18:02there's nothing in those voices that you

1:18:04would find yourself feeling that there's

1:18:06a plausible reason to believe they're

1:18:08coming from anything except just what

1:18:10you want my call you

1:18:11yeah my own my own nothings in like

1:18:15inserted distorted control their just if

1:18:18there's just factions of my own

1:18:20consciousness and it's part of the

1:18:23mystery of consciousness but but what's

1:18:27a what what seems it seems what some

1:18:32troubling is just I mean every once

1:18:36awhile be in the basement of a house

1:18:38usually a strange house i'll have

1:18:40headphones on i'll be playing the guitar

1:18:42into some kind of you know headphone amp

1:18:46I'm all tangled banking and I and it's

1:18:48night stark at night and I'm down in the

1:18:50basement making rock music in my

1:18:52headphones and i will hear John from

1:18:56right behind me

1:18:57well and I will flip off my headphones

1:19:01and leap across the room you know

1:19:04spinning in midair in total combat pose

1:19:07and I'm all alone and that's happened a

1:19:11few times

1:19:13creepy and each time I you know I flee

1:19:15the basement and I go upstairs kind of

1:19:17panting and like what the fuck why do

1:19:22you keep doing that weird voice why do

1:19:25you keep shouting in my ear when I met

1:19:27really having fun playing the guitar but

1:19:30other than that there's you know

1:19:31nobody's ever liked faster pussycat kill

1:19:34kill

1:19:35right and I and I wouldn't know what to

1:19:38do

1:19:40I wouldn't know what to do if that ever

1:19:42happened I don't think I mean I think

1:19:43I'm long past the point where you would

1:19:45have an onset of that kind of mental

1:19:47illness so I am I so I feel like I'm

1:19:50wrestling with what I've got right my

1:19:51cards have been dealt and and it's and

1:19:56it's absolutely manageable

1:19:58well yeah and more curious to me what

1:20:01you're describing also is something i am

1:20:02thinking about an awful lot is that and

1:20:05it's it's very very loosely at length

1:20:09kind of related to certain ideas about

1:20:11mindfulness and maybe Buddhism but like

1:20:13there's what it's one thing to feel bad

1:20:15and it's kind of another thing to feel

1:20:16bad about how you feel bad I feel bad

1:20:18about why you feel bad and it's strange

1:20:20because how manageable it can be to not

1:20:23mind the fact that you don't feel good

1:20:25today and to kind of accepted as like

1:20:27well as you know just days good days and

1:20:29bad days but like the thing that really

1:20:31drives one if you like crazy is this

1:20:34feeling that like you're aware of the

1:20:36badness of how you're feeling

1:20:38it's not getting any better and it's

1:20:39going on over time you know what I mean

1:20:41or you're having this constant you have

1:20:43enough sort of presence of mind to doubt

1:20:45your own perceptions of things to where

1:20:48you don't trust it and you know you

1:20:50don't trust it

1:20:50I mean that's helped to me it would be

1:20:52one thing to get to wear like you're not

1:20:53even aware of how like you helped me how

1:20:56about your dimension is or something

1:20:57like that that's awful for sure but to

1:20:59like see yourself going oh I I can see

1:21:02where this is heading it's not good

1:21:04that's the that seems like the worst and

1:21:06then you feel bad about of course that

1:21:07was what was you know that was what has

1:21:09been happening to me for for several

1:21:12years right where i would just look at a

1:21:14situation i go there is absolutely no

1:21:16despair inherent in this situation

1:21:20I'm just bringing it I'm bringing

1:21:22despair into my into mundane situations

1:21:27right if you if you're having if you're

1:21:29having a social encounter with something

1:21:31like that the thing is happening right

1:21:32now does not have any like valence on

1:21:34its own like I'm taking this what it is

1:21:35I'm in my own kitchen making a cup of

1:21:39tea

1:21:40there's no there's no despair it's all

1:21:44it's all in me and and and and in that

1:21:48sense like the the way that paranoia

1:21:51factors into it

1:21:53is it is explainable to me or it's it's

1:21:57it's I'm sympathetic to situations where

1:22:01you are you're socializing with other

1:22:03people and you are bringing despair

1:22:05because that that the tension when

1:22:08someone somebody else doesn't understand

1:22:10you the feeling of isolation from other

1:22:12people

1:22:13the the feeling that other people are

1:22:17sharing love with each other and you are

1:22:20excluded from that like that all makes

1:22:24sense to me even if it's even if it is

1:22:26wrong but I can see where you would get

1:22:29pulled into that I get pulled into it

1:22:31all the time if there are five people in

1:22:33a room there are always going to be

1:22:36moments where I feel like though like

1:22:38that they are all sharing in something

1:22:42that I'm excluded from you and that's

1:22:44not always true sometimes I feel like

1:22:46I'm in the center of this of friendship

1:22:48but i'm always i'm always vulnerable to

1:22:51getting pulled out of it but if you're

1:22:53just walking in the forest and looking

1:22:55at the moss and you feel that that

1:22:58isolation and that that sense of not

1:23:01belonging then there that that's where

1:23:05that's the the bell ringer for me huh

1:23:08but it's like this is all this is a

1:23:09disease of the mind and i still may not

1:23:14allow the joco crews it's always very

1:23:16complicated because there are a lot of

1:23:19talented people and they're all together

1:23:21and there's a lot of collaboration but

1:23:23there's also a sort of like who's going

1:23:25to sit at the head table who don't know

1:23:27yet on of the absolutely who is

1:23:30you-know-who is Paul Tompkins going to

1:23:32choose to sit with and so everyone and

1:23:35to a greater or lesser degrees people

1:23:37don't care about it but you'll notice

1:23:38that people do care about it because

1:23:40they are first in the dining room to

1:23:43make sure they secure their seat and the

1:23:45right spot and that and and there are

1:23:48times when I can be high above that and

1:23:50just Marvel and laugh and enjoy the way

1:23:53people are and enjoy the kind of social

1:23:55and the kind of social craziness her but

1:24:01there are other times when you're like I

1:24:02would like to sit next to that person

1:24:04and chat and instead I'm sitting over

1:24:06here and

1:24:07it feels and I feel alone but but on

1:24:10this particular cruise I had a moment we

1:24:15were sailing out of a port like a

1:24:17Caribbean island that I won't name

1:24:19except to say that it's st. Thomas that

1:24:22I've already had a bad experience out

1:24:25and I didn't go ashore so I was on my

1:24:28boat and I was lobbying 12-time

1:24:30cannonballs at the port all afternoon

1:24:32and we're sailing out in the Sun has

1:24:34gone down and we're sailing past st.

1:24:36Thomas which is a beautiful island to

1:24:39appraise from a quarter of a mile right

1:24:43from offshore it's gorgeous and a at and

1:24:50the the harbor of amelie whatever the

1:24:56town is that we go into the it's one of

1:24:59those perfect harbors we're just like

1:25:00this is the most gorgeous place I've

1:25:02ever seen

1:25:03surely this town is a tropical paradise

1:25:05and you get onshore and it's just like a

1:25:08by tanzanite whatever there's nothing

1:25:11there but as we're sailing out of this

1:25:13Harbor and I'm what I'm looking at the

1:25:16sunset on the side of the hill and I'm

1:25:18seeing all these Caribbean houses that

1:25:21are perched on the side in a sort of

1:25:24jungle canopy or I'm not it's not jungle

1:25:27it's drier but like a a wooded canopy

1:25:31and it's this beautiful island and I

1:25:34realized that this was for certain

1:25:38number of people that was their home

1:25:39they were they born there and they never

1:25:41do anything else but for a lot of people

1:25:43this is there this is their fantasy this

1:25:49is this this is how they express their

1:25:52success in life

1:25:53this is their ambition they worked all

1:25:56those years in Winnipeg in order to

1:26:00afford to come to this island and live

1:26:03in that house and that and the distance

1:26:08I felt from those people the feeling

1:26:11that I was looking at this hillside

1:26:12where thousands of people's fantasies

1:26:15were expressed in all these vacation

1:26:19homes and I felt no kinship with them i

1:26:23would not have a house there as that is

1:26:25not my fantasy nor my ambition and it

1:26:29and and different strokes for different

1:26:30folks right but but I felt so different

1:26:35from them that I had this sudden like

1:26:39feeling of tremendous loneliness was

1:26:44like how how can that be so how can I be

1:26:48so detached from that whole idea to 21

1:26:54day end up in a home on st. Thomas where

1:26:57there's nothing to do but sit on the

1:26:59porch under a slowly turning fan and

1:27:02drink gin fizzes nothing about that

1:27:06appeals to me and and watching that

1:27:09whole island just sort of like Rob I

1:27:13felt I felt so profoundly alone that I

1:27:16had to get out i had to stop looking at

1:27:18the island had to put on my shorts and

1:27:21get out of my cabin and go find some

1:27:23people and go up to sprinkles and get an

1:27:24ice cream cone because because I felt

1:27:29such a distance from humanity at that

1:27:31point and I don't know whether that's

1:27:34the same reaction or or a you know or an

1:27:38imbalance one

1:27:39it feels very it feels very crazy in the

1:27:42moment but also i can't find fault with

1:27:45it when i try to explain that I don't I

1:27:48i find no I find no pleasure there and

1:27:52that is and there are and I guess what

1:27:55it was i I just I saw this archipelago

1:27:57of these places kind of stretching to

1:28:00infinity like this is one of the top

1:28:04Human fantasies to retire to a tropical

1:28:07island and I just was like no no no I

1:28:12would rather live in a shipping

1:28:13container buried under sand in the

1:28:15desert her with Fred Durst and dick

1:28:17cheney I'm not sure

1:28:20yeah yeah and it's a yeah and of course

1:28:24one of the voices will always say like

1:28:25what's wrong with you dummy

1:28:26well that's exactly right i quite like

1:28:29what what is what is your problem

1:28:31why can't you enjoy tropical island like

1:28:33everybody else the only person that's

1:28:35that's not spent their whole life

1:28:36looking forward to this getting to do

1:28:38this thing nobody else gets to do that

1:28:40everybody wants to do

1:28:41why are you why are you not first of all

1:28:43why are you such a sad sack like what

1:28:44how can you not be thrilled to be here

1:28:46right now

1:28:47yeah yeah yeah I mean what's crazy about

1:28:50the joco Cruz is that i love it because

1:28:52my friends are there and we're making

1:28:53fun and I think the sea monkeys are

1:28:55great but to be on that exact same

1:28:58cruise ship going to that exact same

1:29:00itinerary where there were not see

1:29:02monkeys and I was not there with my

1:29:04friends would be my worst nightmare

1:29:06yeah and how can you be how can the same

1:29:08cruise be like so fun and so potentially

1:29:14miserable at the same time it's a it's

1:29:19it's really funny you know it's like

1:29:20what do I want to do I want to go sit in

1:29:23a cafe somewhere a and drink little

1:29:26teeny cups of coffee and read like like

1:29:32I guess really little histories of

1:29:34things read people's film reviews for

1:29:36her she should know why what what is

1:29:39that what is that

1:29:40well and it's it's funny cuz i mean i

1:29:42always favored go somewhere that is

1:29:45primarily a place to go for fun and

1:29:47relaxation

1:29:47that's different from the everyday stuff

1:29:49and like I always feel like I'm doing

1:29:51wrong and always feel like it takes me a

1:29:53and probably long time to get into the

1:29:55spirit of whatever it is and not just be

1:29:57somebody rolling their eyes on the

1:29:58sidelines

1:29:59no matter what I always feel that way I

1:30:02can't ever go anywhere once it looks

1:30:05just called vacation even though it may

1:30:07be something as simple as like just

1:30:08standard hotel for weekend somewhere I

1:30:10can't go anywhere once and be good at it

1:30:12I have to go there like three times to

1:30:14understand how to be somewhere like

1:30:16learn like what expectations to have

1:30:18here is the kind of fears the kind of

1:30:19activities that this place is excels at

1:30:22and here's the many many many other

1:30:24kinds of things that are just not a good

1:30:25idea to try and do here stop trying to

1:30:26get a good internet connection that's

1:30:28not expecting that this will be an

1:30:30authentic hamburger now go sit on the

1:30:32beach and drink a drink

1:30:33that's what this place is good for that

1:30:35might take me three quarters of the

1:30:36vacation to figure out but it also and

1:30:39so it makes me feel like a terrible

1:30:40person but it also makes me a student of

1:30:42all the other people who are doing it

1:30:44nowhere

1:30:44way like to get to our cabin we had

1:30:46walked past the guest account the

1:30:48library you know whenever you know I

1:30:50mean like there's an area walk past a

1:30:52little can follow the novel exactly i

1:30:54mean it is it's like a bunch and

1:30:56rulebooks it's up on you know it's it's

1:30:58under some guys boardgames and you would

1:31:01walk by there and see people who like we

1:31:04got a free cruise for doing this so we

1:31:06were there free so any I think least you

1:31:09know I was not felt like I was losing

1:31:10money which is another terrible feeling

1:31:12is going somewhere indication realize

1:31:13you're paying to go to awkward somewhere

1:31:15and but this room probably folks who are

1:31:18paying a pretty good amount of dough to

1:31:19be on this trip and a lot of times it

1:31:21wasn't sea monkeys with other folks who

1:31:22are not affiliated with that part of the

1:31:23group anyway not unusual to walk by and

1:31:26see like three to 10 people like sitting

1:31:33in the deck of a ship like reading a

1:31:36borrowed book in a library so I mean no

1:31:39these are not enough folks who are like

1:31:41like on the deck reading the book they

1:31:43brought these are people who are picking

1:31:44a can follow book off the shelf and

1:31:46reading it in a airless room inside of a

1:31:51cruise ship and I assume they're having

1:31:53a good time

1:31:54yeah they're doing what they want to do

1:31:55right now or for that matter let's let's

1:31:57talk about like the was obviously a huge

1:31:59change in focus i guess over the years

1:32:00is the amount of gaming that goes on

1:32:01there are a lot of people who are like

1:32:03one of the lowest decks of the ship like

1:32:05in in the in a room with artificial

1:32:07lighting playing board games and having

1:32:09the time of their life

1:32:10yeah which is a bit but it's a very

1:32:12lively atmosphere very good arias and

1:32:14warm and every single person I met down

1:32:16there they're all weirdos they were all

1:32:17great they're all playing come to done

1:32:19shower or whatever and they are totally

1:32:20excited to explain everything like would

1:32:22you like to play we would be happy to

1:32:23explain this game to you

1:32:24well as their server social with each

1:32:26other right i mean they're having having

1:32:28so much fun great time because they

1:32:30found they found kindred spirits and you

1:32:34know and they don't have to i'm I I when

1:32:36I look at that game room I i see a lot

1:32:38of those people and I imagine them in

1:32:39their hometown getting a few friends

1:32:42from work over and saying hey you know

1:32:45let me show you how to play settlers of

1:32:47catan and their friends from worker like

1:32:50huh weird okay and they play it and then

1:32:53we play that iphone game we saw on Ellen

1:32:55yeah right the other half hearted

1:32:57about it and they're like me or I mean

1:33:00the and the best situations are ones

1:33:01where it's where it's a couple and they

1:33:03both are really into gaming but that

1:33:05feeling that they're coming from all

1:33:07over where they're like I've kind of got

1:33:09my little game group but you know to the

1:33:11people only come half the time and

1:33:14suddenly they're in a room where

1:33:15everybody is just as everybody

1:33:18recognizes that these games are as fun

1:33:21as I think that they're they're excited

1:33:24but they may be very excited about or

1:33:25even maybe say having developed of one

1:33:27of those games or work on the King so

1:33:28they're excited about that game but

1:33:30they're also excited about many of the

1:33:31other games but there it strikes me that

1:33:33they are equally as excited that

1:33:35everybody here is excited about games

1:33:37yeah yesterday just the idea of a bunch

1:33:39of people and this is a big thing in

1:33:41nerd culture is that there is like a

1:33:43good very big tent for letting everybody

1:33:46in his even vaguely interested in this

1:33:48and like that's ok it's a really nice

1:33:49part of their culture it one of the

1:33:53things that happened on the last cruise

1:33:54and i'm not sure if you were there but

1:33:56it happened again on this cruise was Ted

1:33:57Leo reading aloud from the silmarillion

1:34:01heard about this yeah and he did it on

1:34:04the first cruise and i was there you

1:34:06know kind of sitting at his feet because

1:34:09i want I i wanted to understand what Ted

1:34:13Leo was getting out of it and so I was

1:34:16like all right ne-yo really wants to

1:34:17read aloud from some really and I'm

1:34:19gonna go watch this because I you know

1:34:22like I'm curious about this guy and I

1:34:24want to see what what what he's on about

1:34:26and it turns out ted leo is a very

1:34:31articulate reader and he knows how to

1:34:35pronounce Elvis names

1:34:37wow he's he reads elvish names without

1:34:42any hesitation and he you know he has a

1:34:46kind of east coast accent ec definitely

1:34:48sounds like somebody from the east coast

1:34:50he sounds like a person a Connecticut

1:34:53person and not a fancy Connecticut

1:34:56person but he's reading this is reading

1:35:01The Silmarillion and I was transported

1:35:03like it was like I was a child being

1:35:06read to and I knew enough of this story

1:35:10that I was

1:35:10like I was floating away on it and he

1:35:13was reading from it with such care and

1:35:15such conviction and i think that the

1:35:20cast of people that showed up to that

1:35:22first reading of the similarly and where

1:35:23a lot of you know a lot of the cooler

1:35:27people on the boat who are like ted leo

1:35:30yeah let's go listen to Ted Leo read

1:35:32about the superintendent and somebody

1:35:34might be something like he's here he's

1:35:36catering to the pandering to the nurse

1:35:39yeah he's on this boat and he and and

1:35:41he's got this nerdy thing that he's

1:35:43going to do and haha but he was utterly

1:35:46sincere read this book aloud as though

1:35:50he had read it aloud every day of his

1:35:51life and you know and breezed through

1:35:54that Tolkien ease a sort of almost Old

1:36:00Testament style of writing and and made

1:36:03it can make the story come alive and so

1:36:05this year when he said he was going to

1:36:08do it he was no longer kind of doing it

1:36:10up in the cool bar he was down in the

1:36:12game room in a in a conference room off

1:36:17the side of the game room in a totally

1:36:19windowless place the only reason you

1:36:21would ever go there's because you were

1:36:23on the cruise with like a Midwestern

1:36:26sales force and this was where they were

1:36:30having the powerpoint demonstration

1:36:31right that right the cruise ship has

1:36:33that stuff on there because that because

1:36:36they cater largely to conventions and so

1:36:42I go in the room and at this point

1:36:44almost everybody in the room is not a

1:36:46cool person who's there to see ted leo d

1:36:49something slummy it's a bunch of people

1:36:51that want to hear the silmarillion read

1:36:52aloud and the the room looks very

1:36:55different

1:36:56you can hear a pin drop in there and he

1:36:59again reads like so so artfully from

1:37:08this book he's telling the story and you

1:37:09know that we've talked about the

1:37:11silmarillion it's it can be impenetrable

1:37:13huh

1:37:15but he's telling the story and you can

1:37:17feel the tragedy in it and you can feel

1:37:19his

1:37:20and he never missed you never makes a

1:37:21mistake he never gets halfway through a

1:37:23sentence i believe and starts over again

1:37:25right

1:37:26he's just like he's he's gifted and I

1:37:30had another expect another one of the

1:37:3210,000 experiences I've had interacting

1:37:34with that group of people it's like this

1:37:37is actually a real thing this has

1:37:38nothing to do with being a nerd

1:37:39this is a this is a beautiful moment and

1:37:43and that's what that's what those are

1:37:46all the touchstones of the jungle cruise

1:37:48for me when I'm with a group of people

1:37:49who are who are enthusiasts about a

1:37:51thing and then I realized that oh

1:37:54they're sharing in a moment of of human

1:37:56beauty that kind of his unrelated it has

1:38:00nothing to do with like the medium it's

1:38:04it's ultimately the message and it isn't

1:38:08a case where the medium is the message

1:38:10that the medium is is just the it's just

1:38:13the box so i think the captain saw we

1:38:21saw those lights fucking infos likessee

1:38:26doesn't I bet John I bet he doesn't tell

1:38:28everybody that story I got a feeling I

1:38:30got a feeling that was kinda special

1:38:32well yeah i think so too and as we know

1:38:34as we left I couldn't think of any more

1:38:40questions that i wanted to have an

1:38:42answer from a sea captain about like

1:38:44what's the weirdest shit you ever saw

1:38:46float up out of the ocean who rogue wave

1:38:48to grab rogue wave have you ever seen

1:38:52anything you couldn't explain and what's

1:38:54the biggest see you've ever been in like

1:38:57what else are you gonna say maybe save

1:38:59somebody from quicksand

1:39:00oh I did I did say you ever pick people

1:39:03up at you ever give her as your scanning

1:39:05this the Seas with your with your

1:39:07pleasure your camera nice captain eyes

1:39:10never find a guy floating and honor on a

1:39:13rikki-tikki-tavi know and he's like yeah

1:39:17we picked people up all the time

1:39:18oh and the other thing i said was GRC

1:39:21dark ships boats that have no callsigns

1:39:24boats that have no running lights danger

1:39:30boats and he said the only boats we see

1:39:34that are like that our Coast Guard boats

1:39:38that are out here lurking

1:39:39oh wow and and when we try to hail them

1:39:44or like Heil boat they go

1:39:48Shh get off and we tease them we teach

1:39:53them by getting on the radio and saying

1:39:54like aloha and they're like ixnay ixnay

1:39:58because they're out lurking around those

1:40:02Islands trying to find like fast boats

1:40:04who but but when I you know it dug a

1:40:08little deeper and I was like no no I'm

1:40:10talking about I'm talking about some

1:40:11dark dark ocean but that the tour of the

1:40:16ocean

1:40:16oh ok i didn't know about this right

1:40:18yeah like just what you see is just the

1:40:22tip of the iceberg you know what I'm

1:40:23saying sure I mean it's like now

1:40:25no no it's just always it's always the

1:40:27Coast Guard this running around without

1:40:28their running SI nai what he's saying

1:40:30that he tells you well that's the thing

1:40:33i mean it

1:40:34we were we were pretty chummy at that

1:40:36point and I was you know I was kind of

1:40:38lean in a little bit i was like come on

1:40:39who's out here and he just he didn't

1:40:45blow it off like you know usually

1:40:47somebody in that position if they're

1:40:49going to blow something off because

1:40:50they're not supposed to talk about it

1:40:51they give you a little hint i know i

1:40:53think he's protecting you

1:40:54I think he likes you and he likes will

1:40:56especially well let's be honest let's be

1:40:58I think he's I think he's protecting you

1:41:00he doesn't want you to know too much I

1:41:02mean certainly doesn't want the

1:41:03information trace back to him but he

1:41:04also doesn't this you're not ready for

1:41:06this you're not ready to hear this yet

1:41:07maybe he's saying that he sees

1:41:09unexplained lights you don't think you

1:41:11would give me a little wink as he said

1:41:13like no there's no dark boats out here

1:41:15the darkness might have his wife in the

1:41:16closet with a gun to her head or

1:41:18something or similar whatever boat does

1:41:19in order to like you know I you know get

1:41:22you to do something on the secret form

1:41:23he thinks there may be microphones on

1:41:26the bridge of the freedom of the seas

1:41:28maybe he knows there's microphones on

1:41:29the bridge in the Freedom of the Seas

1:41:30right you might have been very clear

1:41:32about that you know we're listening

1:41:35every time somebody hits the button in

1:41:37the bathroom and my god I wouldn't have

1:41:38to watch that using james earl jones

1:41:41reaches over and pushes the

1:41:43that button and the torpedo explodes

1:41:44just shy of the boat and he says this is

1:41:47the last we're going to talk about this

1:41:48which movies at the dr strangelove dr.

1:41:51Strangelove was the one where the James

1:41:54Earl Jones wrote a submarine down and it

1:41:57exploded in a and it's his grandsons

1:41:59pucker up on right

1:42:03no it's not that yeah i think that

1:42:05captain would give me a little wink he

1:42:07just he seemed he's from fucking

1:42:09Winnipeg true right what does he have to

1:42:12what I mean what's he going back to ya

1:42:15right yeah it goes home or somen feeds

1:42:18his sled-dog or whatever

1:42:20only you understand me up you know my

1:42:24secrets of the first

1:42:32[Music]