Ep. 176: "The Opossum Had Distracted Me"
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this episode of Roderick on the line is
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[Music]
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hello hi John
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hi m-my Merlin who was going good I just
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feel like you know that's how I feel
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uh-huh answer it's a rainy morning in
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seattle that the fall winter fall is
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finally arrived winter fall that was my
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favorite james bond movie actually no
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that was the shittiest we will meet
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again at wynn chavo Papa butter banana
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yeah so it's good yeah things are great
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i mean it's busy morning but things are
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going yeah yeah you are you running
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around a lot
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yeah you know I got a lot of lot of
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things to do uh-huh that's not my name
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is a lot outside what have you know i'm
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busy guy
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yeah you are busy guy and I got my keys
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right here you want here
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she's Louise that's a lot of keys see
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what I'm Sam I'm not a one key guy
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anymore
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oh yeah really yeah no I got all these
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how many of those do you use in a given
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week I use them all use every one of
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them look at them there they aren't your
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boat you got your other boat
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uh-huh it's red I got my this one's to
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the propane this one's to the lock on
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the on the tool shed
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yeah hmm i think you and start to own
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you know that's right
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that is right you know the what these
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are analog eels I'll God tell me about
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yeah how about yourself how are you you
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seem relaxed i'm alright alright um yeah
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I anything to improve my quality of
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that's you know that's an ongoing thing
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I don't know I don't know if I'll ever
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have good sleep again
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really now you know what it's not
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anything to talk about it's just that I
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think you know what it is
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I i heard a thing on an old episode of
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this american life today about people
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who thought their house is haunted but
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it was actually carbon monoxide
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poisoning of 100 and now I spent the
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whole morning thinking about this
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because according to this this expert
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person they talked to many of the things
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that people talk about when we talk
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about creepy scary haunting things
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are attributable to low-level carbon
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monoxide poisoning and I've had this
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suspicion im mean as you know I'm not a
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lunatic
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no no but I am a theorist and I have my
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records and I've been wanting for a
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while if there are is some part of my
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house that might be harming me I don't
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think it's a ghost but it's old and it
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has not been extremely well maintained
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and carbon monoxide is right in my
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wheelhouse
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yeah I know that that's true i mean you
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are first of all let's just say a
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ceramicist who and an anthropologist
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sure sure i'ma i'm a lover a father a
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thinker and a person that's right but I
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and also not a person who is insensitive
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to environmental climactic change and
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also haunting and also monoxide I'm
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trying to keep my I keep my eyes open
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keep my ears open and keep my mind open
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if I may say you know I don't shut all
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the doors to my mind here's the thing
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that carbon monoxide does it start
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shutting doors in your mind oh it's not
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a terrible thing it's like the toxic
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plasmosis
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the call is coming from inside no oh my
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god you know I we recently had a couple
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of cat deaths in our extended family i'm
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sorry well don't apologize to me because
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I thought though that they were both
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fairly unredeemable cats and one of them
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in particular people like to talk about
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this John but it's true there some cats
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are assholes hold one of them so one of
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them was just a troubled cat and I feel
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like she's going to a better place one
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of them was a the devil cat and I made
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so these cats used to live fairly close
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not today we're not my cats but they
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were close enough close enough that we
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that we had to come to an arrangement
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and then it was the toxoplasmosis when
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my baby was it was she has yet to arrive
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on the scene but she was in transit you
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get a lot of warnings about this these
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and I was like listen whether
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toxoplasmosis is real or not this is the
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excuse I need to send these cats to go
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live on a farm
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nice and there was no arguing about it
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because i had a piece of paper that had
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a long word on it uh-huh was like I
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don't even what the real reason with
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these cats to go is that they are
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spiritually bankrupt you know any that
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but but that is harder to prove
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yeah that doesn't have the same kind of
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15 a man doesn't have a Greek name
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yeah that's right or or or you know
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potential harm to your innocent baby who
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can say anything against that and mind
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control cat shit fog and the cats that
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thing is as much as cats can be
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delivered assholes
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I don't think that they know that
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they're making you crazy i think that's
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that's how it works
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it's a it's a symbiosis it's a host
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organism scenario
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yeah but you know you open to many doors
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and a lot of wind comes in
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so you know you start thinking about
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these things you start thinking about
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the toxoplasmosis are you start thinking
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about we do not currently have a carbon
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monoxide dingus in our house you know
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those are easy to find an easy to buy
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yeah well we tested our art our tub for
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LED one time and we're not doing that
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again it was like you know continued on
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next walgreens test stop so bad honey
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please don't drink the bathwater there's
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so many reasons not to drink the
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bathwater no walgreens give us the strip
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I don't know you know i am like you know
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I've been turning the thought technology
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I've been turning over in my head that's
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not particularly novel but I don't know
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I've been thinking about how whenever
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something shocking comes along or
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something something that shocked the
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sensibility shocks our credulity or it
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seems it's something that just seems so
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wrong and so bananas but in time starts
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seeming less bananas
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I don't know it just makes me think that
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I want to start being less shocked my
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things that happen in the world not like
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atrocities or something but like you
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know I'm just realizing that you know it
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you think alike i like to shop or a you
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know rite of spring or something like
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they're these things that come along
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that you know cause riots and and medium
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posts and you know i guess i'm just
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starting to finally at
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at my advancing age realized that
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everything new is shocking and like you
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should give it some time before you just
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throw it out
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sure jurisdiction was shocking didn't
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they told us all along is right there
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right on the 10
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nothing's shocking literally that's true
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so how do you people thinking about you
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feel like the US government is complicit
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in the South American drug trade
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um I don't know enough to say whenever
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it comes to anything conspiratorial I
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mostly just write it off with a kind of
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it you know it sure could happen it
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wouldn't surprise me it seems like if
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you look back at the history of allowing
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a lady drug thing but like you think
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about you think about like oh you know
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there's all these different theories and
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records about what caused what in this
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you know 60 70 80 and 90 is because CIA
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you know I that the the part that that
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mitigates against dismissing all crazy
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theories is that so much dumb shit has
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happened were like there were meetings
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and plans and calendar events and HR
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decisions to do some really crazy shit
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that makes you feel like you know what
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their you never know right and there's
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been a lot of dumb stuff
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oh there's been a lot of times and I'm
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not putting it too strongly am i don't
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know i think that's a government I don't
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know the government I
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I i don't know i don't i wanna i
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seriously want an mp3 of that the
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government the government i don't know i
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don't know just want that to be my room
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don't worry about the lone gunman you
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know what I mean that's for sure because
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you don't even have to have it mean to
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be crazy on your own
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well and all those kids out there now
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with carbon monoxide guns i gotta-i
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gotta get one of those things i should
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probably have the place I could have to
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have a plumber come out this week I
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should probably also have a carbon
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ologist sure that's what it comes down
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and does a there's a there's a monologue
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about carbon at your house well you
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should have a dinner come out and see if
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you you know i always find out if we
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have water in the house I don't know if
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there's water we found water my wife is
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the dinner yesterday she text me and
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said we got that drip into the sink
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again so now you know we gotta call the
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guy I need one of those except for
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finding dead animals in my walls are you
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still at that I so I I I went around the
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house and by I went around the house I
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mean largely my mom went around the
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house and she I mean she this lady loves
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a project right and she's when I was
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running for office and I was very very
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busy and I was struggling with the fact
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that i was routinely now trapping
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possums in my crawlspace and then
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realizing the trapping possums wasn't
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enough you know they they foreclosed on
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a house a couple of doors down from my
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house and some house flippers came in
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and rehabilitated and that caused the
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the great the Great rat diaspora yeah
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that's right and so then I was trapping
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rats right I'm trapping possum trapping
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it's just fucking it's not a good scene
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because it's also july it's 110 degrees
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and if you trap a rat in your attic 110
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degrees the ret the decomposition
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process happens a lot faster and the
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company that I hired to trap the rats
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have this policy of like well if it's a
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live possum in the trap will try and get
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out there this afternoon and I'm like
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yeah we're busy but if it's a dead rat
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well that's not going anywhere will come
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by on Saturday and I'm like it someday
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you're gonna let the dead rats in my
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attic for a week
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ya know and they're like well you know
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that's if you read the contract so it
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was a bet that was a bad relationship
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but then my mom who loves a project put
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on her overalls which are covered with
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different colors of blue paint and are
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worn out at the knees her favorite
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overalls coveralls and she came out and
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she started filling every hole the size
[TS]
00:11:16
◼
►
of a dime in the outside of the house
[TS]
00:11:19
◼
►
and she just was having the time of her
[TS]
00:11:21
◼
►
life rap proofing this house
[TS]
00:11:25
◼
►
Wow but there and so all the rats we
[TS]
00:11:29
◼
►
captured him all we got all the possums
[TS]
00:11:32
◼
►
we got everybody out of the fucking
[TS]
00:11:33
◼
►
house and then I walked in one day and
[TS]
00:11:40
◼
►
there was the smell of a dead animal
[TS]
00:11:42
◼
►
someone and I wandered around the house
[TS]
00:11:45
◼
►
and H trying to find it trying to find a
[TS]
00:11:48
◼
►
trying to find it couldn't find it
[TS]
00:11:49
◼
►
couldn't find it
[TS]
00:11:50
◼
►
finally upstairs in the one of the rooms
[TS]
00:11:56
◼
►
i realized that so I my suspicion is
[TS]
00:12:01
◼
►
threat climbed up in the wall and got
[TS]
00:12:04
◼
►
two right next to the heating vent but
[TS]
00:12:08
◼
►
when i took the event face off
[TS]
00:12:10
◼
►
I couldn't it was like on the other side
[TS]
00:12:12
◼
►
of the sheet metal it wasn't in the hvac
[TS]
00:12:15
◼
►
it was like in the wall outside of the
[TS]
00:12:18
◼
►
HVAC and it just died up there and so it
[TS]
00:12:22
◼
►
was like oh you miserable bastards i
[TS]
00:12:27
◼
►
would eradicate your entire kind i would
[TS]
00:12:29
◼
►
stand there and kill you in front of
[TS]
00:12:31
◼
►
each other so that you would know that
[TS]
00:12:35
◼
►
you'd have transgressed against a
[TS]
00:12:37
◼
►
monster
[TS]
00:12:37
◼
►
uh-huh but so i sealed up that heating
[TS]
00:12:41
◼
►
vent duct tape to completely off and
[TS]
00:12:44
◼
►
waited for the smell to go away and was
[TS]
00:12:46
◼
►
just like that's just I guess on your
[TS]
00:12:48
◼
►
own a house I've been in this house
[TS]
00:12:49
◼
►
seven years and nothing
[TS]
00:12:50
◼
►
died in the walls yet but now we're a
[TS]
00:12:53
◼
►
war with these rats and i thought i had
[TS]
00:12:55
◼
►
trapped them all but somebody got in and
[TS]
00:12:57
◼
►
then we sealed it anyway so no rats no
[TS]
00:13:03
◼
►
critters and then two weeks ago I hear
[TS]
00:13:09
◼
►
something crawling around and like you
[TS]
00:13:11
◼
►
sons of bitches and so then I go all the
[TS]
00:13:15
◼
►
way around the house with the high you
[TS]
00:13:18
◼
►
know like a 10,000 watt flashlight and I
[TS]
00:13:22
◼
►
find a hole that nobody could you know
[TS]
00:13:25
◼
►
that that we didn't look for because the
[TS]
00:13:27
◼
►
stupid as company that was trapping
[TS]
00:13:30
◼
►
possums for me told me that there were
[TS]
00:13:32
◼
►
no holes in this particular location and
[TS]
00:13:35
◼
►
then I found a hole in that location and
[TS]
00:13:38
◼
►
I was like you guy with you guy with
[TS]
00:13:40
◼
►
your your possum trapping coveralls you
[TS]
00:13:45
◼
►
didn't actually get up on the ladder
[TS]
00:13:47
◼
►
like you said you did so to make a long
[TS]
00:13:50
◼
►
story short when i was gone when i was
[TS]
00:13:55
◼
►
down in san francisco i started getting
[TS]
00:13:58
◼
►
reports from the various people who look
[TS]
00:14:01
◼
►
after my property that there's a strange
[TS]
00:14:05
◼
►
smell in the house and I was like really
[TS]
00:14:06
◼
►
did i forget to take the recycling out
[TS]
00:14:08
◼
►
and the report came back I don't think
[TS]
00:14:11
◼
►
it's the recycle so what I got home sure
[TS]
00:14:13
◼
►
enough it was a very fits of to you know
[TS]
00:14:16
◼
►
you know what the smell is it's a very
[TS]
00:14:18
◼
►
particular smell and so I spent the
[TS]
00:14:21
◼
►
entire week with my divining rod trying
[TS]
00:14:28
◼
►
to find the location of this beast and
[TS]
00:14:33
◼
►
could not I short of tearing the drywall
[TS]
00:14:37
◼
►
apart i could not find where this
[TS]
00:14:38
◼
►
critter had decided to breathe his last
[TS]
00:14:42
◼
►
breath and so all I could do was just
[TS]
00:14:46
◼
►
sit in this house that sort of vaguely
[TS]
00:14:49
◼
►
smells like a dead something I'm just
[TS]
00:14:53
◼
►
like why why why this
[TS]
00:14:56
◼
►
yeah i mean in the grand scheme of
[TS]
00:14:59
◼
►
things but you gotta live there
[TS]
00:15:03
◼
►
so it's you know it's funny houses are
[TS]
00:15:06
◼
►
funny thing because you know you feel
[TS]
00:15:08
◼
►
like you close the windows shut the door
[TS]
00:15:11
◼
►
maybe you've even kind of weather proof
[TS]
00:15:13
◼
►
the door but you're not even close
[TS]
00:15:15
◼
►
mi mean a house is old as ours like we
[TS]
00:15:18
◼
►
have a almost 90 year old house and you
[TS]
00:15:22
◼
►
know i think it it gets like an old man
[TS]
00:15:25
◼
►
and gets a little loose and flabby and
[TS]
00:15:27
◼
►
and you know I it was it was probably
[TS]
00:15:29
◼
►
never liked the fanciest place to begin
[TS]
00:15:30
◼
►
with but like at three this started in
[TS]
00:15:33
◼
►
Florida when and when you first hear
[TS]
00:15:35
◼
►
there's a factoid that you can't unhear
[TS]
00:15:36
◼
►
in life which is that there are certain
[TS]
00:15:39
◼
►
kinds of on-call varmint so I hope
[TS]
00:15:40
◼
►
that's not the apartment is not very
[TS]
00:15:42
◼
►
progressive but there are certain kinds
[TS]
00:15:44
◼
►
of moments where if their head can get
[TS]
00:15:46
◼
►
through it
[TS]
00:15:47
◼
►
their body can get through it i believe
[TS]
00:15:48
◼
►
this is true of roaches and i'm pretty
[TS]
00:15:51
◼
►
sure it's true of rats and I know it's
[TS]
00:15:53
◼
►
true squid you've seen the squid video
[TS]
00:15:56
◼
►
yeah the squids will get right in your
[TS]
00:15:57
◼
►
house you don't want to split up there
[TS]
00:15:59
◼
►
well I'm my sand ants but they got the
[TS]
00:16:02
◼
►
the you know the the the skeleton in the
[TS]
00:16:05
◼
►
musculature of these varmints you know
[TS]
00:16:07
◼
►
will collapse through a hole like the
[TS]
00:16:09
◼
►
size of a frickin dime
[TS]
00:16:10
◼
►
yea big a detachable penis yeah that's
[TS]
00:16:13
◼
►
true and and and so I mean of course in
[TS]
00:16:16
◼
►
Florida it's pointless i mean they're
[TS]
00:16:18
◼
►
they're coming home in the grocery bags
[TS]
00:16:19
◼
►
are coming through the walls you know
[TS]
00:16:21
◼
►
coming through the mtv you get the just
[TS]
00:16:23
◼
►
getting all kinds of roaches and stuff
[TS]
00:16:24
◼
►
in the house but we had a we had a our
[TS]
00:16:26
◼
►
first Mouse incursion was man
[TS]
00:16:30
◼
►
and probably around the time not long
[TS]
00:16:31
◼
►
before for my kid came on the scene
[TS]
00:16:33
◼
►
which made it extra kind of crazy you
[TS]
00:16:35
◼
►
don't want to get the mouse in the same
[TS]
00:16:36
◼
►
mmm yeah if you got a house it's got a
[TS]
00:16:39
◼
►
mouse got a mouse if you're a kid you
[TS]
00:16:41
◼
►
got a kid you know what it is it's and
[TS]
00:16:43
◼
►
again my favorite word vulnerability it
[TS]
00:16:44
◼
►
makes you feel vulnerable when you know
[TS]
00:16:46
◼
►
that there are that there are mammals in
[TS]
00:16:49
◼
►
particular that can just kind of wander
[TS]
00:16:51
◼
►
in and out of the house and decide if
[TS]
00:16:53
◼
►
it's a place that they want to stay
[TS]
00:16:54
◼
►
yeah who knows what the mouse is
[TS]
00:16:55
◼
►
thinking uh-huh is the mouse watching
[TS]
00:16:59
◼
►
you masturbate
[TS]
00:17:00
◼
►
yeah that's not that's not a thing I
[TS]
00:17:02
◼
►
want to consider might be a turn-on for
[TS]
00:17:04
◼
►
the mouse see it's a mammal right they
[TS]
00:17:07
◼
►
could be communicating telepathically
[TS]
00:17:09
◼
►
with each other they could be alien life
[TS]
00:17:11
◼
►
forms from a different planet
[TS]
00:17:12
◼
►
masquerading as mice like you know if a
[TS]
00:17:15
◼
►
crab wandered into your house haha you
[TS]
00:17:18
◼
►
think well that's kinda weird you know
[TS]
00:17:20
◼
►
like how did that happen and I have to
[TS]
00:17:22
◼
►
say I you know I have no ill will
[TS]
00:17:24
◼
►
against the crab I think a crab him in
[TS]
00:17:26
◼
►
your house probably just wandered it
[TS]
00:17:27
◼
►
maybe was checking things out it was in
[TS]
00:17:29
◼
►
the neighborhood but you know when you
[TS]
00:17:31
◼
►
see that happen all the time and I and I
[TS]
00:17:32
◼
►
you know shooting out shoo shoo crashes
[TS]
00:17:35
◼
►
jus yeah but but you know the thing is
[TS]
00:17:38
◼
►
with when the so within the rainy season
[TS]
00:17:41
◼
►
here you get the sugar ants and then at
[TS]
00:17:43
◼
►
any time you could just get my
[TS]
00:17:45
◼
►
cigarettes were fortunate knock on
[TS]
00:17:46
◼
►
everything literally everything that we
[TS]
00:17:48
◼
►
have haven't had rats but you know a
[TS]
00:17:50
◼
►
mouse is looking for a place to camp out
[TS]
00:17:52
◼
►
and maybe bring family and I think when
[TS]
00:17:54
◼
►
you see one that's that's often an
[TS]
00:17:56
◼
►
emissary that's that's an explorer a
[TS]
00:17:58
◼
►
scout shirt company or somebody from the
[TS]
00:18:01
◼
►
mouse State Department they're coming in
[TS]
00:18:03
◼
►
there you know III don't know exactly
[TS]
00:18:04
◼
►
how we have a pretty good idea how it
[TS]
00:18:05
◼
►
works at the ants you know I've read
[TS]
00:18:07
◼
►
part of any Wilson book but you know
[TS]
00:18:09
◼
►
what the answer is real simple you know
[TS]
00:18:11
◼
►
which is when it rains they don't have a
[TS]
00:18:13
◼
►
place to live anymore
[TS]
00:18:14
◼
►
mm and you know in San Francisco it
[TS]
00:18:16
◼
►
doesn't rain it all until it rains and
[TS]
00:18:18
◼
►
then when it rains it rains really hard
[TS]
00:18:19
◼
►
and so basically usually around let me
[TS]
00:18:23
◼
►
know we don't really get rain in
[TS]
00:18:24
◼
►
California anymore but definitely
[TS]
00:18:25
◼
►
December in January it's full-on like
[TS]
00:18:28
◼
►
sugar Anton em and they will come in now
[TS]
00:18:32
◼
►
there's just not a whole lot you can do
[TS]
00:18:33
◼
►
about that you can you can hire
[TS]
00:18:35
◼
►
companies to like stake the place out
[TS]
00:18:37
◼
►
and spray stuff but like that's not
[TS]
00:18:38
◼
►
going to go away you got to just kind of
[TS]
00:18:40
◼
►
make your peace with the yet with the
[TS]
00:18:41
◼
►
ants right i will not abide a
[TS]
00:18:43
◼
►
rodent and how what is the San Francisco
[TS]
00:18:46
◼
►
spider story nothing like Seattle we get
[TS]
00:18:50
◼
►
we get some awesome like single spiders
[TS]
00:18:53
◼
►
i think probably bachelor spiders come
[TS]
00:18:55
◼
►
and hang out usually in the bathroom i
[TS]
00:18:57
◼
►
love them
[TS]
00:18:57
◼
►
my family doesn't love I'm always the
[TS]
00:18:59
◼
►
one who is charged with the catch and
[TS]
00:19:01
◼
►
release program for spiders i love a
[TS]
00:19:03
◼
►
I feel like a spider mite be good luck
[TS]
00:19:04
◼
►
darling bleeding good luck yeah i'm a
[TS]
00:19:07
◼
►
i'm a fan of spiders but you know as you
[TS]
00:19:09
◼
►
know in seattle there are multiple kinds
[TS]
00:19:12
◼
►
i mean it's pretty bad right i mean it's
[TS]
00:19:14
◼
►
really like legitimately like too many
[TS]
00:19:16
◼
►
spiders so it's too many spiders and the
[TS]
00:19:18
◼
►
garden spiders you watch the garden
[TS]
00:19:21
◼
►
spiders get fatter and fatter and fatter
[TS]
00:19:23
◼
►
throughout the fall so you'll see a
[TS]
00:19:25
◼
►
spider and you're like oh there's a
[TS]
00:19:27
◼
►
weekend that guy and then the next day
[TS]
00:19:30
◼
►
it's visibly bigger and you're like huh
[TS]
00:19:32
◼
►
that's but spiders getting kind of big
[TS]
00:19:34
◼
►
and then get some rings and a walking
[TS]
00:19:36
◼
►
yeah and then you're like a few days
[TS]
00:19:38
◼
►
later and you're like that is a freaking
[TS]
00:19:40
◼
►
fat ass spider that spiders body as big
[TS]
00:19:43
◼
►
as a walnut now and i am not any longer
[TS]
00:19:47
◼
►
like he let the spider be like let the
[TS]
00:19:51
◼
►
Bennett's are mostly ladies let's tidy
[TS]
00:19:54
◼
►
can tell from the from the way they're
[TS]
00:19:56
◼
►
dressed or just yeah just been sort of
[TS]
00:19:58
◼
►
their attitude you know that they're
[TS]
00:20:00
◼
►
just really good interrupt other sassy
[TS]
00:20:02
◼
►
mm um but uh what I don't want is to be
[TS]
00:20:07
◼
►
walking through my own garden and take
[TS]
00:20:09
◼
►
one of these in the face
[TS]
00:20:11
◼
►
yes and so I walk for three months out
[TS]
00:20:16
◼
►
of the year i walked through my yard
[TS]
00:20:17
◼
►
with one hand up in front of my in front
[TS]
00:20:21
◼
►
of my body random no no surprise spiders
[TS]
00:20:24
◼
►
for you
[TS]
00:20:25
◼
►
yeah and the thing is if you make the
[TS]
00:20:26
◼
►
mistake of putting your hand up where
[TS]
00:20:29
◼
►
the tips of your fingers are I level you
[TS]
00:20:32
◼
►
will catch a spider web in your forehead
[TS]
00:20:36
◼
►
I don't like that and so you got to keep
[TS]
00:20:37
◼
►
your hands up above your head and out
[TS]
00:20:40
◼
►
far enough that you can hit a web and
[TS]
00:20:42
◼
►
like karate chop it so now i know my
[TS]
00:20:45
◼
►
daughter walks through the yard with her
[TS]
00:20:47
◼
►
hand up she doesn't know why she's just
[TS]
00:20:51
◼
►
imitating daddy and we're walking
[TS]
00:20:52
◼
►
through the yard with our shark fins out
[TS]
00:20:56
◼
►
and chopping down spiderwebs and even
[TS]
00:20:59
◼
►
with that even with that technique i
[TS]
00:21:01
◼
►
catch three spider webs in the face
[TS]
00:21:04
◼
►
pretty much every day and then you got
[TS]
00:21:08
◼
►
the house spiders and there are the
[TS]
00:21:10
◼
►
fast-moving super fast moving ceiling
[TS]
00:21:14
◼
►
spiders and then there are the new a
[TS]
00:21:19
◼
►
numerable kinds of spiders let's say and
[TS]
00:21:23
◼
►
I i am in a family of ladies right I'm
[TS]
00:21:28
◼
►
the only guy in my family my mom doesn't
[TS]
00:21:31
◼
►
mean literally a lobster could be on my
[TS]
00:21:34
◼
►
mom ceiling and she wouldn't flinch but
[TS]
00:21:37
◼
►
but there are other characters in my
[TS]
00:21:41
◼
►
clam who do not want a spider around 1i
[TS]
00:21:44
◼
►
gene fairness I don't you know I just
[TS]
00:21:46
◼
►
want to say that like I think of the
[TS]
00:21:48
◼
►
guesswork focus of the focus the spider
[TS]
00:21:53
◼
►
one is right there are a lot of people
[TS]
00:21:54
◼
►
who are utterly unhinged by the idea
[TS]
00:21:57
◼
►
that they're even might be a spider in
[TS]
00:21:58
◼
►
the room
[TS]
00:21:59
◼
►
well i'm particularly the fast-moving
[TS]
00:22:01
◼
►
spiders again a surprise spider a
[TS]
00:22:04
◼
►
surprise spider where it's like that
[TS]
00:22:06
◼
►
spiders not moving very fast that
[TS]
00:22:07
◼
►
spiders just hanging out and then the
[TS]
00:22:10
◼
►
spider moves fast and you're like oh no
[TS]
00:22:12
◼
►
oh no no no
[TS]
00:22:15
◼
►
so I understand but I'm very tight i'm
[TS]
00:22:18
◼
►
pro spider and I'm kind to spiders but
[TS]
00:22:20
◼
►
might it seems like at a certain point
[TS]
00:22:22
◼
►
in the year my number one job
[TS]
00:22:25
◼
►
above all else is moving house spiders
[TS]
00:22:26
◼
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outside and i have no way of knowing
[TS]
00:22:28
◼
►
whether a house spider can survive
[TS]
00:22:31
◼
►
outside or whether the house better
[TS]
00:22:32
◼
►
turns around and immediately walks back
[TS]
00:22:34
◼
►
into my house through one of its many
[TS]
00:22:37
◼
►
many holes right right right did you
[TS]
00:22:39
◼
►
think it has that sense of see something
[TS]
00:22:41
◼
►
we do a lot now I'm thinking about all
[TS]
00:22:43
◼
►
the varieties of things that we that we
[TS]
00:22:44
◼
►
have around here before walking down a
[TS]
00:22:46
◼
►
picnic at school were walking around the
[TS]
00:22:48
◼
►
corner of the school will frequently be
[TS]
00:22:50
◼
►
a little tiny super fuzzy yellow eye on
[TS]
00:22:56
◼
►
caterpillars i like them so far maybe
[TS]
00:22:58
◼
►
half an inch long very very tiny and
[TS]
00:23:01
◼
►
will be working their way across the
[TS]
00:23:02
◼
►
sidewalk and i'm not sure how this might
[TS]
00:23:05
◼
►
my daughter
[TS]
00:23:07
◼
►
amigo all its it we got to get out of
[TS]
00:23:09
◼
►
the road we got to get out of the
[TS]
00:23:10
◼
►
sidewalk and so we move it we picked
[TS]
00:23:13
◼
►
this happened last week she picks she
[TS]
00:23:14
◼
►
picks up a caterpillar because she's
[TS]
00:23:16
◼
►
awesome and she goes and puts it back in
[TS]
00:23:18
◼
►
what we guess is where it wanted to
[TS]
00:23:19
◼
►
originally have been there were walking
[TS]
00:23:22
◼
►
along we see another one who had made
[TS]
00:23:24
◼
►
further progress and she says oh thats
[TS]
00:23:26
◼
►
its friend wants to be with its friend
[TS]
00:23:28
◼
►
or she goes back picks up the the
[TS]
00:23:31
◼
►
caterpillar sub 1 and then puts it over
[TS]
00:23:34
◼
►
so I can be with its friend now a part
[TS]
00:23:37
◼
►
of me i had an environmental ethics
[TS]
00:23:38
◼
►
class and in in college I've thought
[TS]
00:23:40
◼
►
about this a lot and I sometimes
[TS]
00:23:42
◼
►
wondered like should we should we a pick
[TS]
00:23:45
◼
►
it up and get it out of the way to
[TS]
00:23:47
◼
►
somewhere we think it belongs be pick it
[TS]
00:23:50
◼
►
up and put it with who were calling its
[TS]
00:23:51
◼
►
friend Marcy leave it where it is
[TS]
00:23:53
◼
►
because nature right right how much how
[TS]
00:23:57
◼
►
much should we intervene now I'm just
[TS]
00:23:59
◼
►
here to tell you like I do not like up
[TS]
00:24:01
◼
►
I'll kill the shit out of a flying
[TS]
00:24:02
◼
►
insect I do not like a flying insect I i
[TS]
00:24:05
◼
►
will go way out of my way I will
[TS]
00:24:07
◼
►
inconvenience myself i will pause the
[TS]
00:24:08
◼
►
television to get a spider out of the
[TS]
00:24:10
◼
►
house you know even though hey I didn't
[TS]
00:24:12
◼
►
mind it being there and being probably
[TS]
00:24:14
◼
►
come back it eventually your problem
[TS]
00:24:16
◼
►
what's your what's your what's your
[TS]
00:24:17
◼
►
general feeling on moving animals up
[TS]
00:24:20
◼
►
flying insects in my house I don't you
[TS]
00:24:24
◼
►
know the other day there is a moth in
[TS]
00:24:26
◼
►
the house and I was sitting there in the
[TS]
00:24:29
◼
►
company of some friends and the moth was
[TS]
00:24:33
◼
►
doing it's like sort of flight the x me
[TS]
00:24:40
◼
►
and I grabbed it by the wing out of the
[TS]
00:24:44
◼
►
oh I like mr. Miyagi like spell and that
[TS]
00:24:47
◼
►
was a good party trick but then I felt
[TS]
00:24:51
◼
►
bad for the moth em and I let it go and
[TS]
00:24:55
◼
►
it kept flying in in contravention of
[TS]
00:24:58
◼
►
what i thought would happen
[TS]
00:25:00
◼
►
I I always heard that seems very
[TS]
00:25:01
◼
►
delicate like any injury at all and it's
[TS]
00:25:03
◼
►
gonna lose the the ability to fly
[TS]
00:25:05
◼
►
yeah but I but this guy kept on keeping
[TS]
00:25:07
◼
►
on and so I was like shit you earned the
[TS]
00:25:10
◼
►
right to live
[TS]
00:25:11
◼
►
um just by you know you have your
[TS]
00:25:15
◼
►
indomitable spirit
[TS]
00:25:17
◼
►
yeah but I lost one
[TS]
00:25:20
◼
►
I lost my dad's harris tweed blazer to
[TS]
00:25:25
◼
►
mobs and I think they're different model
[TS]
00:25:28
◼
►
the big models don't eat the 10 i think
[TS]
00:25:32
◼
►
the Blazers are a lot smaller they make
[TS]
00:25:34
◼
►
a little tiny holes the other little
[TS]
00:25:35
◼
►
ones but they really went after this
[TS]
00:25:37
◼
►
blazer which I had my whole life in
[TS]
00:25:39
◼
►
which my dad had since the fifties and
[TS]
00:25:41
◼
►
it was his signature code he handed it
[TS]
00:25:43
◼
►
down to me in threadbare but serviceable
[TS]
00:25:46
◼
►
condition and then in under my
[TS]
00:25:48
◼
►
stewardship this thing was attacked by
[TS]
00:25:52
◼
►
mods and and tattered happened on your
[TS]
00:25:54
◼
►
watch yet did it did I had to bear the
[TS]
00:25:57
◼
►
responsibility for it and so mods uh
[TS]
00:26:00
◼
►
like I brook no truck i am i'ma but i
[TS]
00:26:07
◼
►
don't know exactly how to kill them
[TS]
00:26:08
◼
►
other than have a carbon monoxide and as
[TS]
00:26:11
◼
►
you know that that creates the illusion
[TS]
00:26:15
◼
►
of a haunting so I don't want that you
[TS]
00:26:18
◼
►
got going on tomorrow
[TS]
00:26:19
◼
►
no no no tentatively but other things
[TS]
00:26:21
◼
►
bees they try to shoot him out wasps I
[TS]
00:26:24
◼
►
tried to show him out flies i kill with
[TS]
00:26:28
◼
►
impunity fruit flies definitely all i
[TS]
00:26:31
◼
►
got a whole project literally right now
[TS]
00:26:34
◼
►
happening in my kitchen
[TS]
00:26:35
◼
►
yeah well I got a project have you got
[TS]
00:26:37
◼
►
have you got some of the balsamic
[TS]
00:26:39
◼
►
vinegar in a cup got a red wine trap
[TS]
00:26:42
◼
►
working right now that's nice that you
[TS]
00:26:44
◼
►
take a bowl take that bottle of wine
[TS]
00:26:46
◼
►
from a few months ago you never finished
[TS]
00:26:47
◼
►
for that in what I do I overtop of all I
[TS]
00:26:51
◼
►
put two layers of saran wrap oh hello
[TS]
00:26:53
◼
►
two layers then I take a bamboo skewer
[TS]
00:26:56
◼
►
and I put maybe 11 holes at irregular
[TS]
00:26:59
◼
►
intervals so that they don't see the
[TS]
00:27:01
◼
►
pattern right you know their pattern
[TS]
00:27:03
◼
►
matching oh absolutely absolutely
[TS]
00:27:05
◼
►
you don't make it clear we should it
[TS]
00:27:06
◼
►
should look like you know it's like a
[TS]
00:27:07
◼
►
tiger trap right it should be like
[TS]
00:27:09
◼
►
terrain and then like oh hey you know
[TS]
00:27:12
◼
►
free free jail or Cabernet from a few
[TS]
00:27:14
◼
►
months ago we get in those tiny little
[TS]
00:27:17
◼
►
holes and then they they can't get out
[TS]
00:27:19
◼
►
and I just you know what i do i just put
[TS]
00:27:20
◼
►
it right in the compost bin all this is
[TS]
00:27:23
◼
►
accomplished don't worry
[TS]
00:27:24
◼
►
oh really oh so you put in a disposable
[TS]
00:27:27
◼
►
double disguised it's not disposable
[TS]
00:27:30
◼
►
take it out eventually I got the
[TS]
00:27:31
◼
►
presence of mind
[TS]
00:27:32
◼
►
icic know you
[TS]
00:27:33
◼
►
put it right in the competence literally
[TS]
00:27:35
◼
►
it's in there I god you're not kidding
[TS]
00:27:38
◼
►
it's just compost come on in sure hey
[TS]
00:27:40
◼
►
it's just another little jar of wine
[TS]
00:27:42
◼
►
here's the thing and why do we have
[TS]
00:27:44
◼
►
fruit flies well we take the compost out
[TS]
00:27:47
◼
►
like pretty regularly and then we got we
[TS]
00:27:49
◼
►
got one of those that matter we got one
[TS]
00:27:50
◼
►
of those garbage cans were you pop it up
[TS]
00:27:52
◼
►
and it's got the two of those fancy
[TS]
00:27:54
◼
►
garbage cans when you open with your
[TS]
00:27:55
◼
►
foot one side is garbage and recycling
[TS]
00:27:58
◼
►
we use the other side for compost we try
[TS]
00:28:00
◼
►
to take that regularly but you also
[TS]
00:28:01
◼
►
gotta wash out the actual can is that
[TS]
00:28:03
◼
►
detris will attract many of these are
[TS]
00:28:05
◼
►
various formats now my concern is why so
[TS]
00:28:08
◼
►
many fruit flies we need that much fruit
[TS]
00:28:10
◼
►
and we take out the compost pretty
[TS]
00:28:12
◼
►
officer now my concern is is there
[TS]
00:28:13
◼
►
something else rotting somewhere that I
[TS]
00:28:15
◼
►
don't know about you see what the oh yes
[TS]
00:28:16
◼
►
i do i do it you know and a circle of
[TS]
00:28:19
◼
►
life hakuna matata you don't get one
[TS]
00:28:21
◼
►
kind of varmint varmints attract other
[TS]
00:28:22
◼
►
varmints see environments beget varmints
[TS]
00:28:24
◼
►
that's our bible it is it's in crazy ass
[TS]
00:28:27
◼
►
tease you get some of the B's i don't
[TS]
00:28:29
◼
►
know i did not know this
[TS]
00:28:30
◼
►
I was admonished uh almost exactly two
[TS]
00:28:33
◼
►
years ago I helped shop around a field
[TS]
00:28:35
◼
►
trip to the pumpkin patch and you know
[TS]
00:28:38
◼
►
who loves pumpkin patches is a yellow
[TS]
00:28:40
◼
►
jackets
[TS]
00:28:41
◼
►
yeah and our group of five year olds
[TS]
00:28:45
◼
►
were were set upon by Yellowjackets one
[TS]
00:28:48
◼
►
kid got the shit stayed out of him
[TS]
00:28:50
◼
►
oh yeah yeah and so I'm gonna be the
[TS]
00:28:52
◼
►
hero I'm whacking and wavin so first of
[TS]
00:28:55
◼
►
all I learned a I'm hearing you tell me
[TS]
00:28:56
◼
►
you this comports with your information
[TS]
00:28:58
◼
►
your knowledge base number one like
[TS]
00:29:00
◼
►
don't don't wave and whack at a yellow
[TS]
00:29:03
◼
►
jacket because that just makes him mad
[TS]
00:29:05
◼
►
and or attract them there be
[TS]
00:29:07
◼
►
you ready for this don't smash yellow
[TS]
00:29:08
◼
►
jacket because guess what happens
[TS]
00:29:10
◼
►
oh the other yellow jacket there they
[TS]
00:29:13
◼
►
get mad and they're attracted they smell
[TS]
00:29:14
◼
►
a dead yellowjacket apparently that
[TS]
00:29:16
◼
►
makes the swarm on you
[TS]
00:29:17
◼
►
yeah yeah you've you've heard my tour
[TS]
00:29:20
◼
►
stories right about driving through the
[TS]
00:29:22
◼
►
Midwest certain times of the year
[TS]
00:29:24
◼
►
certain times of the year when you when
[TS]
00:29:27
◼
►
the big bugs around
[TS]
00:29:28
◼
►
oh yeah right right when your when your
[TS]
00:29:30
◼
►
windshield is just covered with all
[TS]
00:29:32
◼
►
these it's just it's just caked with it
[TS]
00:29:34
◼
►
like out like the top of a German
[TS]
00:29:36
◼
►
chocolate cake with just dad bugs of
[TS]
00:29:39
◼
►
every size and shape and then when you
[TS]
00:29:40
◼
►
stop to get gas or to go into get a-goin
[TS]
00:29:46
◼
►
to get into the hot case and get some
[TS]
00:29:48
◼
►
JoJo's uh-huh you come back out on the
[TS]
00:29:51
◼
►
front of your vehicle is just swarmed
[TS]
00:29:53
◼
►
with yellow jackets because they're
[TS]
00:29:55
◼
►
there to eat the other bugs the dead
[TS]
00:29:58
◼
►
bugs features a dick
[TS]
00:29:59
◼
►
it's terrible and so then you're trying
[TS]
00:30:01
◼
►
to get back into your vehicle with like
[TS]
00:30:03
◼
►
Yellow Jackets everywhere and you can't
[TS]
00:30:05
◼
►
keep them out and so then you're driving
[TS]
00:30:07
◼
►
across the country with like Yellow
[TS]
00:30:09
◼
►
Jackets of the car which is not good for
[TS]
00:30:11
◼
►
anybody being on tour is really not as
[TS]
00:30:14
◼
►
glamorous as it sounds i've been in your
[TS]
00:30:17
◼
►
van i know that my you have been in the
[TS]
00:30:19
◼
►
van that's right gettin the band
[TS]
00:30:21
◼
►
yeah I hmm i don't know i could be
[TS]
00:30:24
◼
►
carbon monoxide I should probably get
[TS]
00:30:26
◼
►
checked out but then my feeling is and
[TS]
00:30:27
◼
►
like this just just tell you where I am
[TS]
00:30:29
◼
►
in life I got okay well like now I start
[TS]
00:30:31
◼
►
having a sense so it's probably carbon
[TS]
00:30:33
◼
►
monoxide i'm probably i'm probably
[TS]
00:30:34
◼
►
haunted by elements might also wanted by
[TS]
00:30:37
◼
►
elements that's the thing i had never
[TS]
00:30:39
◼
►
considered so like now I let's say I
[TS]
00:30:41
◼
►
find out we got carbon monoxide what am
[TS]
00:30:43
◼
►
I gonna do about it
[TS]
00:30:44
◼
►
like how we gonna get the furnace vented
[TS]
00:30:47
◼
►
better who you know and it's where I
[TS]
00:30:50
◼
►
become irrational where I i start
[TS]
00:30:53
◼
►
compartmentalizing and thinking maybe if
[TS]
00:30:56
◼
►
I don't if I don't if I don't look for
[TS]
00:30:58
◼
►
the mouse the there won't be a mouse
[TS]
00:31:00
◼
►
well thank you know eisenberg
[TS]
00:31:02
◼
►
uncertainty nice haha strangers
[TS]
00:31:05
◼
►
strangers fruit fly the news as soon as
[TS]
00:31:08
◼
►
you look at the mouse is a fifty percent
[TS]
00:31:10
◼
►
chance of a mouse there that's right
[TS]
00:31:12
◼
►
that's just science that's precisely
[TS]
00:31:13
◼
►
right and and what happens is because of
[TS]
00:31:17
◼
►
spooky action at a distance this mouse
[TS]
00:31:19
◼
►
and other mice are all in the same
[TS]
00:31:22
◼
►
orientation
[TS]
00:31:23
◼
►
oh yeah so as soon as you look at this
[TS]
00:31:26
◼
►
mouse you have also predetermined he the
[TS]
00:31:29
◼
►
posture of mice sometimes very far away
[TS]
00:31:33
◼
►
it's a kind of predestination it's in
[TS]
00:31:35
◼
►
and it's impossible to know who which is
[TS]
00:31:37
◼
►
the great thing about physics so much of
[TS]
00:31:39
◼
►
it is impossible to know that's
[TS]
00:31:41
◼
►
comforting me a lot of ways i'm talking
[TS]
00:31:42
◼
►
Mouse physics now
[TS]
00:31:44
◼
►
no I understand but I also feel like in
[TS]
00:31:45
◼
►
the same way that you have let's be
[TS]
00:31:46
◼
►
honest let's go back a little bit you
[TS]
00:31:48
◼
►
have established a certain kind of of a
[TS]
00:31:49
◼
►
date aren't you know you know a a
[TS]
00:31:54
◼
►
you know you've got a separate piece
[TS]
00:31:55
◼
►
that you've made with various kinds of
[TS]
00:31:57
◼
►
animals you in the raccoons you in the
[TS]
00:31:59
◼
►
crows you've worked some things out you
[TS]
00:32:00
◼
►
look each other
[TS]
00:32:01
◼
►
I feel the same way I feel like spiders
[TS]
00:32:02
◼
►
are like anchovies let's work this out i
[TS]
00:32:04
◼
►
don't mean the kind of swimming kind i
[TS]
00:32:06
◼
►
mean the kind you get the california
[TS]
00:32:07
◼
►
sure let's move that salty ones let's
[TS]
00:32:09
◼
►
make a deal here we're not gonna
[TS]
00:32:10
◼
►
surprise each other right that's the
[TS]
00:32:13
◼
►
thing i think we should I think we
[TS]
00:32:14
◼
►
should have a way where we could say
[TS]
00:32:16
◼
►
almost like like a couple who wants to
[TS]
00:32:18
◼
►
get divorced has to live together you
[TS]
00:32:19
◼
►
stay in this room you have that room you
[TS]
00:32:21
◼
►
have that room you know what you can
[TS]
00:32:23
◼
►
have the bathroom all night long as long
[TS]
00:32:25
◼
►
as you don't jump on me if I urinate in
[TS]
00:32:27
◼
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the middle of the night
[TS]
00:32:28
◼
►
that's the good part of the anchovies
[TS]
00:32:29
◼
►
but the spiders but sure to meet similar
[TS]
00:32:31
◼
►
principle if you order a Caesar salad
[TS]
00:32:33
◼
►
who you got to expect that you're gonna
[TS]
00:32:35
◼
►
get spiders on it's right there on the
[TS]
00:32:36
◼
►
10 says Caesar it's going to have
[TS]
00:32:38
◼
►
anchovies in it but if you order a pizza
[TS]
00:32:40
◼
►
you have no there's you there's no
[TS]
00:32:42
◼
►
reason that you should have to find an
[TS]
00:32:45
◼
►
anchovy or a spider or spite if a spider
[TS]
00:32:48
◼
►
left out of your Caesar salad you what
[TS]
00:32:50
◼
►
you would want to have words spiders are
[TS]
00:32:52
◼
►
the anchovies of the house pets
[TS]
00:32:54
◼
►
I couldn't agree more yeah I feel like
[TS]
00:32:56
◼
►
my relationship with raccoons and crows
[TS]
00:32:59
◼
►
is based primarily on in the raccoons
[TS]
00:33:02
◼
►
case the opposable thumb and the fact
[TS]
00:33:05
◼
►
that it looks at me knowingly and I've
[TS]
00:33:07
◼
►
seen them in action enough over the
[TS]
00:33:09
◼
►
years and I feel like we need to reach
[TS]
00:33:12
◼
►
an accommodation i will allow you to
[TS]
00:33:16
◼
►
have a tremendously way in my world and
[TS]
00:33:20
◼
►
you let me pass and maybe one day I will
[TS]
00:33:24
◼
►
call upon you for a favor
[TS]
00:33:25
◼
►
mhm the crows on the other hand are I
[TS]
00:33:30
◼
►
think running the whole show
[TS]
00:33:31
◼
►
I think a Crow's mind moves very quickly
[TS]
00:33:34
◼
►
yeah we we we've talked about this
[TS]
00:33:37
◼
►
before well a little bit yeah but you
[TS]
00:33:40
◼
►
know today they're running the whole
[TS]
00:33:42
◼
►
show the more I see the way they work
[TS]
00:33:44
◼
►
the more I feel like a lot of the a lot
[TS]
00:33:48
◼
►
of the mysteries are just the crows like
[TS]
00:33:52
◼
►
you know Lena path understanding crows
[TS]
00:33:55
◼
►
could explain a lot
[TS]
00:33:57
◼
►
I think it could be nice and like you
[TS]
00:33:58
◼
►
some context for this I show up at my
[TS]
00:34:00
◼
►
daughter school pickup as I do every
[TS]
00:34:01
◼
►
afternoon and it's taking up at the time
[TS]
00:34:04
◼
►
it's after snack
[TS]
00:34:06
◼
►
the children have left the play
[TS]
00:34:07
◼
►
ground and now there's lots of children
[TS]
00:34:09
◼
►
garbage and children foods and like
[TS]
00:34:11
◼
►
little bits of lists of sticky things
[TS]
00:34:13
◼
►
all over the place because they just did
[TS]
00:34:15
◼
►
they just had their snack
[TS]
00:34:16
◼
►
yeah and there are there are very few
[TS]
00:34:18
◼
►
children but there are three kinds of
[TS]
00:34:20
◼
►
birds in this space you got your pigeons
[TS]
00:34:22
◼
►
which is your fat urban pitch in your
[TS]
00:34:24
◼
►
big basic flying rat dumb as a bag of
[TS]
00:34:27
◼
►
hammers pigeon you got some seagulls who
[TS]
00:34:30
◼
►
seemed disoriented and not entirely sure
[TS]
00:34:31
◼
►
why they're out there so confused right
[TS]
00:34:34
◼
►
you got seagulls because we're doing
[TS]
00:34:35
◼
►
Rick oh they're there they're super its
[TS]
00:34:37
◼
►
John here they're they're yummy to be a
[TS]
00:34:39
◼
►
super you there are no small seabird Oh
[TS]
00:34:41
◼
►
only small parts know and and then and
[TS]
00:34:44
◼
►
then and then add in fewer in number but
[TS]
00:34:48
◼
►
much greater enforce you see these
[TS]
00:34:51
◼
►
little fellas up here on the corner
[TS]
00:34:53
◼
►
there looking down and you see the crows
[TS]
00:34:55
◼
►
and they're just they're watching
[TS]
00:34:56
◼
►
everything that's not fucking heckle and
[TS]
00:34:58
◼
►
Jeckle oh I know yeah thnkx for Magpies
[TS]
00:35:00
◼
►
technically it's a magpie different from
[TS]
00:35:02
◼
►
a crow I think they are very different
[TS]
00:35:03
◼
►
set of the diagram of this and I should
[TS]
00:35:05
◼
►
probably pull that is you know they're
[TS]
00:35:07
◼
►
like the Crows they're like the racist
[TS]
00:35:08
◼
►
crows in dumbo okay yeah and so the the
[TS]
00:35:12
◼
►
pigeons the pigeons are our I don't know
[TS]
00:35:14
◼
►
how the picture I just keep waiting for
[TS]
00:35:15
◼
►
the mechanic fall over and forget how to
[TS]
00:35:17
◼
►
live there they're not super bright
[TS]
00:35:18
◼
►
they're walking around there like eating
[TS]
00:35:20
◼
►
bottle caps and shit you get the
[TS]
00:35:21
◼
►
seagulls who are sort of like the the
[TS]
00:35:24
◼
►
the the meth users of the playground and
[TS]
00:35:27
◼
►
then way up on high
[TS]
00:35:28
◼
►
you've got these crows they're just
[TS]
00:35:30
◼
►
taking their time they are they're on a
[TS]
00:35:31
◼
►
different time scale they are seeing
[TS]
00:35:33
◼
►
everything is moving slowly they're like
[TS]
00:35:35
◼
►
Paul Sorvino right oh that's right
[TS]
00:35:37
◼
►
that's all I didn't move fast because he
[TS]
00:35:38
◼
►
didn't happen with fast he was like a
[TS]
00:35:39
◼
►
crow now probably watching everything's
[TS]
00:35:41
◼
►
going right across he's not going to
[TS]
00:35:43
◼
►
just fly down me to french fry he's
[TS]
00:35:45
◼
►
gonna watch the french fry for you to
[TS]
00:35:46
◼
►
learn about the french fries he's gonna
[TS]
00:35:47
◼
►
see who's interested in the french fries
[TS]
00:35:49
◼
►
and remember that he's gonna tell his
[TS]
00:35:50
◼
►
friends you meet back at the parking lot
[TS]
00:35:52
◼
►
over by the safeway there's gonna be
[TS]
00:35:53
◼
►
some serious high-level crow discussions
[TS]
00:35:55
◼
►
well that french fry and what I noticed
[TS]
00:35:56
◼
►
about crows is that they will let a
[TS]
00:35:58
◼
►
seagull eat the french fry
[TS]
00:36:01
◼
►
uh-huh they are not like they see a
[TS]
00:36:04
◼
►
french fry there watching it
[TS]
00:36:05
◼
►
they're learning about seagull comes in
[TS]
00:36:07
◼
►
each the french fry the crows not
[TS]
00:36:09
◼
►
disappointed he learned there's always
[TS]
00:36:11
◼
►
more french fries
[TS]
00:36:12
◼
►
he's gonna know he knows more about that
[TS]
00:36:13
◼
►
French rather than that seagull will
[TS]
00:36:15
◼
►
ever know like Lex Luthor you can even
[TS]
00:36:18
◼
►
read the candy wrapper and in the
[TS]
00:36:21
◼
►
about the secrets of life i don't really
[TS]
00:36:22
◼
►
know much about the DC Universe missing
[TS]
00:36:25
◼
►
anything
[TS]
00:36:26
◼
►
so here's the thing that I don't here's
[TS]
00:36:30
◼
►
what I learned over the past year is
[TS]
00:36:34
◼
►
that i do not have very much respect for
[TS]
00:36:37
◼
►
opossums the one thing about possums
[TS]
00:36:40
◼
►
than I do respect is that i have seen a
[TS]
00:36:43
◼
►
possum and a cat live in harmony with
[TS]
00:36:50
◼
►
one another
[TS]
00:36:51
◼
►
I've watched a possum and a cat
[TS]
00:36:53
◼
►
encounter one another in my own yard and
[TS]
00:36:56
◼
►
it wasn't like all the way to
[TS]
00:36:59
◼
►
hail-fellow-well-met but it certainly
[TS]
00:37:02
◼
►
was that they each had diplomatic papers
[TS]
00:37:06
◼
►
that a lack of move freely they can move
[TS]
00:37:10
◼
►
freely and that surprised me because i
[TS]
00:37:14
◼
►
would not see a possum in a cat III
[TS]
00:37:17
◼
►
would not imagine that they occupied the
[TS]
00:37:20
◼
►
same emotional space but it seemed like
[TS]
00:37:24
◼
►
they really did and so I went to my
[TS]
00:37:27
◼
►
the sage and I said possum and cat
[TS]
00:37:30
◼
►
described and she's and then I said
[TS]
00:37:35
◼
►
activate over who and she said at one
[TS]
00:37:39
◼
►
point in her life she had several cats
[TS]
00:37:42
◼
►
that she fed outside and that the cats
[TS]
00:37:45
◼
►
and the possums would eat out of the
[TS]
00:37:48
◼
►
same bowl at the same time I was like
[TS]
00:37:51
◼
►
okay that is there's something going on
[TS]
00:37:55
◼
►
in nature where where those two species
[TS]
00:37:58
◼
►
have reached an agreement made a tall
[TS]
00:38:01
◼
►
and I and increases my respect for the
[TS]
00:38:07
◼
►
possum as it decreases my respect for
[TS]
00:38:10
◼
►
the cat right like and that's an idea
[TS]
00:38:14
◼
►
and i don't mean to be colonial here
[TS]
00:38:17
◼
►
no no I know I mean unite were from a
[TS]
00:38:19
◼
►
you know a different time yeah that's
[TS]
00:38:21
◼
►
right we're from an earlier age we
[TS]
00:38:22
◼
►
learned about the world in different
[TS]
00:38:23
◼
►
language but so I've had a very
[TS]
00:38:27
◼
►
momentous week you know a little bit of
[TS]
00:38:31
◼
►
this story
[TS]
00:38:32
◼
►
I don't know if you want to talk about
[TS]
00:38:33
◼
►
it it's a
[TS]
00:38:34
◼
►
it's crazy story too crazy story but and
[TS]
00:38:39
◼
►
it's not it's not even it's not the
[TS]
00:38:41
◼
►
entirety of how momentous this week has
[TS]
00:38:43
◼
►
been just a I'm a little curious how you
[TS]
00:38:45
◼
►
gonna pivot from cats and possible to
[TS]
00:38:48
◼
►
your filson bag but I'm here
[TS]
00:38:50
◼
►
yeah okay well so a last November I saw
[TS]
00:39:01
◼
►
a possum in my yard and this is a this
[TS]
00:39:05
◼
►
is prior to my mom's closing up all the
[TS]
00:39:10
◼
►
oh this is when you work your we were
[TS]
00:39:12
◼
►
just the time you're waiting for your
[TS]
00:39:14
◼
►
facing it down
[TS]
00:39:15
◼
►
you're like you're sitting there at
[TS]
00:39:17
◼
►
night in a doorway waiting for the
[TS]
00:39:19
◼
►
possum waiting for the possum because I
[TS]
00:39:21
◼
►
wanted to see I wanted to track its
[TS]
00:39:23
◼
►
behavior because at this time in my life
[TS]
00:39:25
◼
►
I was fairly pro possum and I was like
[TS]
00:39:27
◼
►
there's possibly art he's coming around
[TS]
00:39:29
◼
►
I would like to know more about his
[TS]
00:39:32
◼
►
behavior so I don't like if somebody
[TS]
00:39:35
◼
►
wanted to date your daughter with all
[TS]
00:39:36
◼
►
respect that you would say you know this
[TS]
00:39:37
◼
►
is something we can talk about but first
[TS]
00:39:39
◼
►
we need to sit we need to sit down
[TS]
00:39:40
◼
►
that's right we dash couple things out
[TS]
00:39:42
◼
►
yeah i'm gonna watch your reactions to
[TS]
00:39:45
◼
►
the following questions and while you're
[TS]
00:39:47
◼
►
doing that I'm also going to be playing
[TS]
00:39:51
◼
►
with a dagger on the coffee table
[TS]
00:39:54
◼
►
tell me using only single words but how
[TS]
00:39:57
◼
►
you feel about my doctor by so i watch
[TS]
00:40:01
◼
►
this possum and I guess this is the time
[TS]
00:40:03
◼
►
when I first sort of see the possum
[TS]
00:40:05
◼
►
encountering the cat and I'm like that
[TS]
00:40:08
◼
►
you know it's Wild Kingdom back here
[TS]
00:40:10
◼
►
I'm learning a lot the raccoons are very
[TS]
00:40:14
◼
►
clearly watching this all go down from
[TS]
00:40:16
◼
►
their perch on the trees and they've got
[TS]
00:40:19
◼
►
no dog in the race right there just
[TS]
00:40:22
◼
►
taking it all in
[TS]
00:40:24
◼
►
but the opossum is a dingaling and he's
[TS]
00:40:28
◼
►
blind but he's out there the cats out
[TS]
00:40:31
◼
►
there and then I then the possible goes
[TS]
00:40:32
◼
►
under the house and I'm like oh shit
[TS]
00:40:37
◼
►
possums under the house
[TS]
00:40:40
◼
►
that's no good and then a right around
[TS]
00:40:43
◼
►
the fear the late autumn i hear the
[TS]
00:40:48
◼
►
possum in the walls and like fuck I was
[TS]
00:40:52
◼
►
watching the possum
[TS]
00:40:54
◼
►
I had a pretty good bead on him and then
[TS]
00:40:57
◼
►
the possum faked me out and moved into
[TS]
00:41:00
◼
►
the house and because of the way my
[TS]
00:41:03
◼
►
house is constructed there there was the
[TS]
00:41:06
◼
►
original house and then there was the
[TS]
00:41:07
◼
►
addition to the house the original House
[TS]
00:41:09
◼
►
was built in nineteen twelve and then
[TS]
00:41:12
◼
►
the addition was built in nineteen
[TS]
00:41:13
◼
►
thirty but what they did is they put the
[TS]
00:41:14
◼
►
addition on the side of the house where
[TS]
00:41:17
◼
►
the chimney was and the chimney goes all
[TS]
00:41:20
◼
►
the way down
[TS]
00:41:21
◼
►
you know that's the first thing they
[TS]
00:41:24
◼
►
build the chimney is down there and what
[TS]
00:41:27
◼
►
had formerly been the outside of the
[TS]
00:41:29
◼
►
chimney is now enclosed inside of wall
[TS]
00:41:31
◼
►
and the possum gun under the house and
[TS]
00:41:33
◼
►
then went up the chimney but inside the
[TS]
00:41:39
◼
►
so anyway the possums in there and he
[TS]
00:41:42
◼
►
scrubbing around these scribbling and
[TS]
00:41:44
◼
►
scrubbing and I can hear him or her i
[TS]
00:41:46
◼
►
think it's her huh
[TS]
00:41:48
◼
►
just by the way she carries herself yeah
[TS]
00:41:50
◼
►
and so the winner goes on and i'm not i
[TS]
00:41:55
◼
►
haven't reconciled my self all the way
[TS]
00:41:59
◼
►
to like called environment people
[TS]
00:42:01
◼
►
because i feel like this possum is going
[TS]
00:42:04
◼
►
to this possum is just here for a little
[TS]
00:42:05
◼
►
bit just visiting and then she's going
[TS]
00:42:08
◼
►
to move on but she didn't she stuck
[TS]
00:42:11
◼
►
around and I could hear ourselves still
[TS]
00:42:13
◼
►
just a single possum as far as i know
[TS]
00:42:16
◼
►
who their solitary animals but I hear
[TS]
00:42:19
◼
►
her and it's nice unless they got a
[TS]
00:42:21
◼
►
brood well see this is here at night
[TS]
00:42:26
◼
►
scription script script script like
[TS]
00:42:32
◼
►
but i but I don't call the critter
[TS]
00:42:34
◼
►
control because I just feel like listen
[TS]
00:42:36
◼
►
this is just a temporary situation i'm
[TS]
00:42:39
◼
►
going to pretend that this isn't
[TS]
00:42:40
◼
►
happening
[TS]
00:42:42
◼
►
so one night I'm in my house and I here
[TS]
00:42:45
◼
►
and opossums making a lot of noise and
[TS]
00:42:46
◼
►
I'm like I've got dammit ok ok possum we
[TS]
00:42:50
◼
►
have with we cross the threshold but I
[TS]
00:42:54
◼
►
was leaving to go on the jonathan
[TS]
00:42:58
◼
►
coulton Cruz not this is a at this point
[TS]
00:43:01
◼
►
februari this is Perry this is not I was
[TS]
00:43:04
◼
►
not leaving the next day I was leaving
[TS]
00:43:06
◼
►
at very early in the morning the
[TS]
00:43:08
◼
►
following day so I was lying in bed and
[TS]
00:43:09
◼
►
I'm like you've only got one day
[TS]
00:43:11
◼
►
tomorrow to deal with all the stuff you
[TS]
00:43:13
◼
►
need to deal with before you leave on a
[TS]
00:43:16
◼
►
long cruise and you can't deal with this
[TS]
00:43:18
◼
►
possum right now and that sucks she's
[TS]
00:43:21
◼
►
she's really making noise in the wall
[TS]
00:43:24
◼
►
and I am mad but I have to just roll
[TS]
00:43:27
◼
►
over and go back to sleep because this
[TS]
00:43:29
◼
►
possum is not a thing I can handle right
[TS]
00:43:32
◼
►
now I feel like such an active maturity
[TS]
00:43:34
◼
►
to go you know as much this is driving
[TS]
00:43:36
◼
►
me nuts
[TS]
00:43:37
◼
►
I'm gonna put aside the scratchy
[TS]
00:43:38
◼
►
scratchy and I'm gonna I'm gonna be an
[TS]
00:43:40
◼
►
adult homeowner and go to sleep because
[TS]
00:43:41
◼
►
i have to go get a boat their stuff to
[TS]
00:43:43
◼
►
whereas any any other night literally
[TS]
00:43:45
◼
►
like any other night you would have been
[TS]
00:43:47
◼
►
out there with the 10,000 watt
[TS]
00:43:48
◼
►
flashlight trying to find this thing
[TS]
00:43:50
◼
►
that's right this would have been that
[TS]
00:43:52
◼
►
this was the moment where I was like
[TS]
00:43:53
◼
►
alright games games over
[TS]
00:43:56
◼
►
I'm coming in I'm dumb I'm I'm chasing
[TS]
00:44:00
◼
►
you down so the next morning pretty
[TS]
00:44:04
◼
►
early in the morning I my phone rings
[TS]
00:44:06
◼
►
and unlike most of them in there and I
[TS]
00:44:10
◼
►
think because i was about to leave on
[TS]
00:44:11
◼
►
the cruise I was like I'd better not let
[TS]
00:44:13
◼
►
everything go to voicemail better answer
[TS]
00:44:15
◼
►
the phone because i'm leaving and if
[TS]
00:44:19
◼
►
this is some thing that needs to be
[TS]
00:44:21
◼
►
dealt with I should know and a pay phone
[TS]
00:44:24
◼
►
in the the person on the other line says
[TS]
00:44:26
◼
►
this is john Roderick to you you know I
[TS]
00:44:29
◼
►
and with the following birthday to run
[TS]
00:44:32
◼
►
around like yeah who's this and she says
[TS]
00:44:34
◼
►
I'm from these around from american
[TS]
00:44:37
◼
►
express and your American Express card
[TS]
00:44:39
◼
►
is being used to buy gasoline
[TS]
00:44:43
◼
►
somewhere and they didn't know your zip
[TS]
00:44:48
◼
►
code or whatever and we're calling to
[TS]
00:44:49
◼
►
find out if that's you and I was like
[TS]
00:44:51
◼
►
what impossible she said well somebody
[TS]
00:44:54
◼
►
just tried to buy gas with it in some
[TS]
00:44:57
◼
►
other or some neighboring town I was
[TS]
00:45:00
◼
►
like wow
[TS]
00:45:00
◼
►
let me let me get to the bottom of this
[TS]
00:45:02
◼
►
and so I wake up and I go downstairs
[TS]
00:45:04
◼
►
because you know when I come into the
[TS]
00:45:06
◼
►
house the first thing i do is take off
[TS]
00:45:08
◼
►
my pants uh-huh so my pants are down
[TS]
00:45:12
◼
►
stairs my get downstairs and I'm I'm
[TS]
00:45:16
◼
►
still asleep and I'm looking around and
[TS]
00:45:18
◼
►
like the back door is open and then I
[TS]
00:45:22
◼
►
realized that the house has been rifled
[TS]
00:45:25
◼
►
and i'm on the phone with american
[TS]
00:45:28
◼
►
express and I'm like my house has been
[TS]
00:45:30
◼
►
robbed and she's like oh I'm sorry
[TS]
00:45:33
◼
►
well do you want us to cancel the card I
[TS]
00:45:35
◼
►
was like yes cancel everything and then
[TS]
00:45:38
◼
►
I'm standing there in the early morning
[TS]
00:45:40
◼
►
with the realization that while i was in
[TS]
00:45:43
◼
►
the house i had been broken into and
[TS]
00:45:48
◼
►
ransacked and i had heard them and I
[TS]
00:45:53
◼
►
thought it was the possum and I rolled
[TS]
00:45:55
◼
►
over and went back to sleep after two
[TS]
00:46:00
◼
►
decades of hyper nighttime vigilance
[TS]
00:46:05
◼
►
where I was up a perimeter checking
[TS]
00:46:10
◼
►
walking around my yard in a bathrobe and
[TS]
00:46:12
◼
►
a sword
[TS]
00:46:13
◼
►
nothing happened in any of the
[TS]
00:46:16
◼
►
neighborhood's I've lived in at night
[TS]
00:46:17
◼
►
with where I didn't know it watch it
[TS]
00:46:21
◼
►
report on it this one instance where the
[TS]
00:46:26
◼
►
possum had distracted me with her with
[TS]
00:46:31
◼
►
her occupation I rolled over and went
[TS]
00:46:34
◼
►
back to sleep
[TS]
00:46:35
◼
►
the one time I have been like robbed
[TS]
00:46:39
◼
►
while I'm in the house and so of course
[TS]
00:46:42
◼
►
it's a it's feeling a violation but more
[TS]
00:46:47
◼
►
than that like it is
[TS]
00:46:49
◼
►
totally against my brand like I'm
[TS]
00:46:55
◼
►
sitting upstairs in a room literally
[TS]
00:46:57
◼
►
bristling with weapons
[TS]
00:47:01
◼
►
I've been in some ways waiting for
[TS]
00:47:04
◼
►
someone to break into my house for the
[TS]
00:47:06
◼
►
last 20 years so that i could choose the
[TS]
00:47:09
◼
►
saber and here i am just like the
[TS]
00:47:16
◼
►
fucking possum
[TS]
00:47:17
◼
►
it's some kind of mind to treat twister
[TS]
00:47:21
◼
►
ooh and so then I realized should i'm
[TS]
00:47:25
◼
►
leaving on the cruise tomorrow at 7am
[TS]
00:47:27
◼
►
and i'm searching my house and they
[TS]
00:47:30
◼
►
stoled my passport they stole my
[TS]
00:47:33
◼
►
passport and my wallet which had all my
[TS]
00:47:36
◼
►
ID in it they stole my computer which i
[TS]
00:47:40
◼
►
didn't care about or my uh ipad which I
[TS]
00:47:44
◼
►
didn't care about they stole my entire
[TS]
00:47:47
◼
►
sonos stereo system you're kidding
[TS]
00:47:52
◼
►
the whole thing they SAT and took the
[TS]
00:47:53
◼
►
time to unhook the whole sort of thought
[TS]
00:47:55
◼
►
no one was home
[TS]
00:47:57
◼
►
well but they never came up stairs and
[TS]
00:47:59
◼
►
upstairs i have that's the real vault
[TS]
00:48:02
◼
►
enough said so they knew I was on so I
[TS]
00:48:11
◼
►
call the cops and also in addition to
[TS]
00:48:14
◼
►
that stuff they took my challenge coins
[TS]
00:48:18
◼
►
they took a box of my dad's political
[TS]
00:48:23
◼
►
lapel pins and type ad tight acts like
[TS]
00:48:27
◼
►
Hubert Humphrey tie tack and uh you know
[TS]
00:48:32
◼
►
like Truman beats Dewey lapel button all
[TS]
00:48:38
◼
►
this you know this this whole like a box
[TS]
00:48:41
◼
►
of little pins that he collected and
[TS]
00:48:46
◼
►
then I collected took that
[TS]
00:48:49
◼
►
took like some like a collection of
[TS]
00:48:54
◼
►
foreign currency that wasn't worth
[TS]
00:48:57
◼
►
anything it was just a collection of
[TS]
00:48:58
◼
►
foreign currency and they took my
[TS]
00:49:01
◼
►
hundred ounce silver ingot that i was
[TS]
00:49:04
◼
►
using as a doorstop that for 20 years
[TS]
00:49:07
◼
►
I've been using as a doorstop and my mom
[TS]
00:49:09
◼
►
has said over the whole 20 years
[TS]
00:49:11
◼
►
somebody's gonna steal that one of these
[TS]
00:49:13
◼
►
days and I'm like nobody knows what it
[TS]
00:49:15
◼
►
is a 200-ounce ingot like no crook is
[TS]
00:49:22
◼
►
going to know what it is it's just a
[TS]
00:49:24
◼
►
just a punk
[TS]
00:49:25
◼
►
well they do what it was and they took
[TS]
00:49:28
◼
►
it and so but of all everything I most
[TS]
00:49:33
◼
►
devastated by the passport because a i'm
[TS]
00:49:36
◼
►
traveling out of the country in a day
[TS]
00:49:37
◼
►
but be that passport was in its it was
[TS]
00:49:43
◼
►
trending toward its retirement
[TS]
00:49:46
◼
►
it's got all the stamps everything it's
[TS]
00:49:49
◼
►
the passport is nine years and six
[TS]
00:49:51
◼
►
months old it is this trip I was the
[TS]
00:49:54
◼
►
jungle cruise was going to be the last
[TS]
00:49:56
◼
►
time I traveled on it and then it was
[TS]
00:49:58
◼
►
going to go in the shoebox I was going
[TS]
00:50:00
◼
►
to get a new one it had stamps of all
[TS]
00:50:04
◼
►
the rock-and-roll touring it had stamped
[TS]
00:50:07
◼
►
from from not just from South America
[TS]
00:50:10
◼
►
but from all of the other from the time
[TS]
00:50:12
◼
►
i went to an easy chair and Djibouti and
[TS]
00:50:15
◼
►
Ethiopia just recently it was very
[TS]
00:50:18
◼
►
important to be in this path all gone
[TS]
00:50:21
◼
►
and so I spent that entire day running
[TS]
00:50:26
◼
►
around town I went to the DMV and I was
[TS]
00:50:28
◼
►
like I need your driver's license and i
[TS]
00:50:29
◼
►
SAT for the photograph and filled out
[TS]
00:50:33
◼
►
all the forms and then i went up to the
[TS]
00:50:35
◼
►
counter I was like great can I get this
[TS]
00:50:36
◼
►
enhanced drivers license because that
[TS]
00:50:39
◼
►
will at least allow me to everyone that
[TS]
00:50:40
◼
►
has the passport billions
[TS]
00:50:42
◼
►
yeah and they said Oh we'll send it to
[TS]
00:50:44
◼
►
you in 15 days and I was like what
[TS]
00:50:46
◼
►
now I just want to I just spent two
[TS]
00:50:48
◼
►
hours at the DM fucking be and your and
[TS]
00:50:52
◼
►
you can't give it to me today and
[TS]
00:50:53
◼
►
they're like what
[TS]
00:50:54
◼
►
and ice and I'm thinking back to like my
[TS]
00:50:57
◼
►
first driver's license
[TS]
00:50:59
◼
►
I'm thinking back to all the drivers
[TS]
00:51:01
◼
►
licenses i have had over the years and
[TS]
00:51:03
◼
►
and I'm not crazy
[TS]
00:51:05
◼
►
they used to give them to you right then
[TS]
00:51:07
◼
►
they would take your picture they would
[TS]
00:51:09
◼
►
laminate them
[TS]
00:51:10
◼
►
it did rain funny you want you want to
[TS]
00:51:12
◼
►
come out a little dingus here you go
[TS]
00:51:14
◼
►
and they're like no no nowadays we mail
[TS]
00:51:16
◼
►
them to you 15 days around like this
[TS]
00:51:17
◼
►
doesn't help me i'm burning daylight
[TS]
00:51:19
◼
►
here so I run down to the passport
[TS]
00:51:24
◼
►
office and I'm like look I know you can
[TS]
00:51:26
◼
►
expedite this can you do it in to do it
[TS]
00:51:29
◼
►
today and they're like oh sure for 11
[TS]
00:51:32
◼
►
hundred dollars or whatever I was like
[TS]
00:51:35
◼
►
okay let's do it and then i'm down at
[TS]
00:51:37
◼
►
the getting my picture taken at a kinkos
[TS]
00:51:39
◼
►
I'm just I'm so frazzled by this point
[TS]
00:51:42
◼
►
but i do get a passport and I am and I
[TS]
00:51:47
◼
►
and I question whether i should go right
[TS]
00:51:49
◼
►
of course I i was amazed that you came
[TS]
00:51:52
◼
►
it was like I'm gonna go on the cruise
[TS]
00:51:54
◼
►
like I'm just gonna there's nothing i
[TS]
00:51:57
◼
►
can do I can't hunt for the burglar
[TS]
00:52:00
◼
►
I don't know how you did that I mean
[TS]
00:52:01
◼
►
when I heard this I think probably from
[TS]
00:52:04
◼
►
Jonathan I or maybe maybe Paul that
[TS]
00:52:08
◼
►
anyway I was just like I was just
[TS]
00:52:10
◼
►
sitting there thinking like I got you
[TS]
00:52:11
◼
►
know you know me like before i travel i
[TS]
00:52:12
◼
►
mean I'm frenetic about everything and
[TS]
00:52:14
◼
►
yeah the money stuff in the time stuff
[TS]
00:52:17
◼
►
and everything stuff and I just cannot
[TS]
00:52:19
◼
►
imagine you knowing that like you didn't
[TS]
00:52:20
◼
►
have credit cards you didn't have ID and
[TS]
00:52:23
◼
►
just if anything else just a sense of
[TS]
00:52:24
◼
►
like wanting to let go
[TS]
00:52:25
◼
►
burrow into your bed with a sword and
[TS]
00:52:28
◼
►
and like this process what happened I
[TS]
00:52:31
◼
►
couldn't believe you were able to walk
[TS]
00:52:32
◼
►
away without really processing that well
[TS]
00:52:35
◼
►
and in a way it was a lesson for me of
[TS]
00:52:37
◼
►
like how all this talk that we have done
[TS]
00:52:40
◼
►
over the years about the materialism
[TS]
00:52:45
◼
►
that has infected my life my thrifting a
[TS]
00:52:49
◼
►
habit and the fact that I I no longer
[TS]
00:52:54
◼
►
have five personal items that I have
[TS]
00:52:57
◼
►
imbued with significance i have 500 that
[TS]
00:53:00
◼
►
I have imbued with all the significance
[TS]
00:53:02
◼
►
it's like this thing and that thing and
[TS]
00:53:04
◼
►
that thing and remember the time I
[TS]
00:53:05
◼
►
bought that thing and this was the play
[TS]
00:53:07
◼
►
know what I
[TS]
00:53:08
◼
►
my first kiss when i had my first case
[TS]
00:53:11
◼
►
kiss in april of last year I had this
[TS]
00:53:13
◼
►
thing on
[TS]
00:53:15
◼
►
you know just like this mania of
[TS]
00:53:17
◼
►
attaching emotional significance to
[TS]
00:53:20
◼
►
physical objects as a way of keeping the
[TS]
00:53:22
◼
►
demon dogs at bay but in that moment I
[TS]
00:53:25
◼
►
realized I don't give a shit about
[TS]
00:53:26
◼
►
anything like it all burns down i don't
[TS]
00:53:28
◼
►
care i just want that passport back
[TS]
00:53:30
◼
►
because it has the that really does have
[TS]
00:53:33
◼
►
emotional significance and you know and
[TS]
00:53:37
◼
►
that surrounds that silver bar because i
[TS]
00:53:40
◼
►
bought in 1982 with the money I saved
[TS]
00:53:42
◼
►
from mowing lawns but like computer
[TS]
00:53:45
◼
►
who cares burn it and and so I just said
[TS]
00:53:52
◼
►
I'm leaving and I don't know I had a
[TS]
00:53:53
◼
►
very interesting conversation with the
[TS]
00:53:55
◼
►
police they showed up right away I was a
[TS]
00:53:58
◼
►
female lead officer who said well this
[TS]
00:54:01
◼
►
is probably a method to come into a
[TS]
00:54:04
◼
►
house where there's someone inside is
[TS]
00:54:07
◼
►
totally desperate behavior this person
[TS]
00:54:11
◼
►
is going to end up dead or these people
[TS]
00:54:13
◼
►
are going to end up dead it's insane to
[TS]
00:54:16
◼
►
do and so it has to just be drugs and
[TS]
00:54:19
◼
►
but the problem was it was it was
[TS]
00:54:23
◼
►
diabolical this person found the one
[TS]
00:54:25
◼
►
window in my house that didn't have an
[TS]
00:54:29
◼
►
alarm on it that was where the where the
[TS]
00:54:32
◼
►
windowsill was a little bit rotten or
[TS]
00:54:35
◼
►
dry rotted because all the windows in
[TS]
00:54:37
◼
►
the house are original and they took a
[TS]
00:54:40
◼
►
footlocker off of my porch moved it
[TS]
00:54:44
◼
►
around under the window jammed a shovel
[TS]
00:54:48
◼
►
that they found in my barn
[TS]
00:54:50
◼
►
oh my god pop the window and so I would
[TS]
00:54:55
◼
►
end they waited for my timed lights that
[TS]
00:54:59
◼
►
I have around the house to go off which
[TS]
00:55:01
◼
►
they went off it they go they were time
[TS]
00:55:02
◼
►
to go off at 3am and so my sense was
[TS]
00:55:05
◼
►
holy ship at my house has been cased
[TS]
00:55:08
◼
►
they've been watching me for weeks i had
[TS]
00:55:11
◼
►
no idea I was scanning my brain for like
[TS]
00:55:13
◼
►
have there been any suspicious cars i
[TS]
00:55:15
◼
►
would have noticed because this is my
[TS]
00:55:17
◼
►
brand right
[TS]
00:55:19
◼
►
who are these
[TS]
00:55:21
◼
►
geniuses and then the suggestion arose I
[TS]
00:55:24
◼
►
forget who made it first but it was made
[TS]
00:55:27
◼
►
by several people do you think it's a
[TS]
00:55:30
◼
►
rock on the line listener because the
[TS]
00:55:33
◼
►
items they took are exactly the things
[TS]
00:55:38
◼
►
that up that a either crazy or
[TS]
00:55:42
◼
►
diabolical Roderick on the line listener
[TS]
00:55:45
◼
►
would take your silver bar your passport
[TS]
00:55:48
◼
►
your dad's political pins
[TS]
00:55:51
◼
►
this is like crazy land maybe it's some
[TS]
00:55:56
◼
►
radical the line mr. who has
[TS]
00:55:58
◼
►
triangulated to your house and is either
[TS]
00:56:02
◼
►
obsessed or is so is such a criminal
[TS]
00:56:09
◼
►
mastermind that they are doing this to
[TS]
00:56:12
◼
►
get your attention as some kind of like
[TS]
00:56:15
◼
►
like they are mind gaming you and I was
[TS]
00:56:20
◼
►
like oh no I cannot consider that
[TS]
00:56:22
◼
►
possibility because I know there are a
[TS]
00:56:24
◼
►
lot of very smart rhetoric on the line
[TS]
00:56:26
◼
►
listeners who have myriad talents i do
[TS]
00:56:31
◼
►
not want to think about this so i went
[TS]
00:56:34
◼
►
on the cruise
[TS]
00:56:35
◼
►
well how'd you how'd you how'd you end
[TS]
00:56:37
◼
►
up on that theory
[TS]
00:56:38
◼
►
I mean did you did you do it had you at
[TS]
00:56:41
◼
►
length discarded that I mean it's just
[TS]
00:56:43
◼
►
that the the I mean is there a chance I
[TS]
00:56:45
◼
►
know this sounds like a long shot but if
[TS]
00:56:47
◼
►
it is somebody who's you know a method
[TS]
00:56:50
◼
►
as they say is there a chance they just
[TS]
00:56:52
◼
►
got really lucky
[TS]
00:56:53
◼
►
well I dismissed that possibility above
[TS]
00:56:56
◼
►
all else I imagined that it was three
[TS]
00:56:59
◼
►
people because of the way the house was
[TS]
00:57:03
◼
►
rifled I just felt like their unhooking
[TS]
00:57:07
◼
►
the sono system-based another that they
[TS]
00:57:10
◼
►
had staged a guitar by the back door but
[TS]
00:57:12
◼
►
I think I probably rustled in bed or
[TS]
00:57:15
◼
►
they got spooked or something and they
[TS]
00:57:16
◼
►
ran out but not before all and they
[TS]
00:57:19
◼
►
stole my filson bag which I think they
[TS]
00:57:23
◼
►
probably put everything in order that
[TS]
00:57:25
◼
►
they put the ingot and the passport in
[TS]
00:57:27
◼
►
took the Wilson
[TS]
00:57:29
◼
►
anyway so i came back i had to go
[TS]
00:57:32
◼
►
through all the rigmarole i went to the
[TS]
00:57:35
◼
►
bathroom and got a costco card got all
[TS]
00:57:38
◼
►
my new credit cards all changed all my
[TS]
00:57:41
◼
►
passwords had to go in and change all
[TS]
00:57:45
◼
►
the auto payments to the new credit
[TS]
00:57:47
◼
►
cards just a man major hassle but the
[TS]
00:57:49
◼
►
worst part was even though i goin on the
[TS]
00:57:53
◼
►
cruise was gone for whatever 10 days
[TS]
00:57:55
◼
►
after the theft when I came back the
[TS]
00:57:57
◼
►
feeling it was still very raw
[TS]
00:57:59
◼
►
I couldn't sleep at night I was that it
[TS]
00:58:07
◼
►
wasn't just that i was waking up at
[TS]
00:58:08
◼
►
night i would just lay there and
[TS]
00:58:09
◼
►
couldn't sleep i was waiting for them to
[TS]
00:58:12
◼
►
come back
[TS]
00:58:13
◼
►
also they took my car keys and had
[TS]
00:58:17
◼
►
ransacked the car
[TS]
00:58:19
◼
►
oh my god so this is this is why i'm
[TS]
00:58:22
◼
►
thinking like there's gotta be three of
[TS]
00:58:23
◼
►
them there wasn't anything in the car
[TS]
00:58:25
◼
►
except they accept some like Chinese
[TS]
00:58:28
◼
►
money that they took I was like all
[TS]
00:58:33
◼
►
right good luck spending that they don't
[TS]
00:58:37
◼
►
they're not even really uh that's not
[TS]
00:58:39
◼
►
even real money they're not even on Iran
[TS]
00:58:40
◼
►
a real international exchange rate
[TS]
00:58:42
◼
►
anyway so I didn't sleep for months
[TS]
00:58:46
◼
►
honestly and i reinforced all the
[TS]
00:58:50
◼
►
windows on the house and I read up call
[TS]
00:58:53
◼
►
the all the Tiger traps and I just like
[TS]
00:58:57
◼
►
but it but I never felt safe and
[TS]
00:59:01
◼
►
fortunately that night my daughter
[TS]
00:59:03
◼
►
wasn't staying there it was just me
[TS]
00:59:05
◼
►
alone in the house that night but I just
[TS]
00:59:09
◼
►
felt always a little bit on edge and I
[TS]
00:59:12
◼
►
was I was scanning my neighbors faces
[TS]
00:59:15
◼
►
like you know it was bad right
[TS]
00:59:20
◼
►
ok so i run for office attention
[TS]
00:59:22
◼
►
especially one thing of course um I mean
[TS]
00:59:25
◼
►
you always hear the stories about what
[TS]
00:59:26
◼
►
please tell you about well how it's
[TS]
00:59:28
◼
►
likely to go one way or another
[TS]
00:59:29
◼
►
what was the general prognosis from the
[TS]
00:59:32
◼
►
police about catching the person and
[TS]
00:59:34
◼
►
potentially getting any stuff back so a
[TS]
00:59:36
◼
►
couple things that the officer the
[TS]
00:59:38
◼
►
Seattle officer said they took your car
[TS]
00:59:41
◼
►
keys and that means two nights from now
[TS]
00:59:43
◼
►
come steal your car so you gotta get
[TS]
00:59:44
◼
►
your cart you get your car rekey and so
[TS]
00:59:49
◼
►
there were a lot of things that I had to
[TS]
00:59:52
◼
►
do I had to set in motion before I went
[TS]
00:59:55
◼
►
on the cruise I called some friends I
[TS]
00:59:56
◼
►
was like can you get my car rekeyed can
[TS]
00:59:58
◼
►
you get my house rekeyed
[TS]
00:59:58
◼
►
you get my house rekeyed
[TS]
01:00:00
◼
►
because they stole the house keys to and
[TS]
01:00:03
◼
►
my a by good friends were like yes this
[TS]
01:00:06
◼
►
is a pain in the ass but i understand
[TS]
01:00:08
◼
►
and i will do these things for you and
[TS]
01:00:10
◼
►
so my car got rekeyed my house got
[TS]
01:00:12
◼
►
rekeyed while I was gone
[TS]
01:00:13
◼
►
the detective not detective I'm sorry
[TS]
01:00:16
◼
►
that you know the patrol officer found a
[TS]
01:00:19
◼
►
pair of rubber gloves in the guard and
[TS]
01:00:22
◼
►
she said oh this is good because
[TS]
01:00:25
◼
►
typically they wear rubber gloves to
[TS]
01:00:28
◼
►
avoid leaving fingerprints and then they
[TS]
01:00:30
◼
►
take the rubber gloves off and throw
[TS]
01:00:31
◼
►
them on the ground which now have which
[TS]
01:00:33
◼
►
have fingerprints and so we're going to
[TS]
01:00:35
◼
►
take the fingerprints and we're going to
[TS]
01:00:37
◼
►
you know start a case and burp
[TS]
01:00:39
◼
►
interpreter you probably never see this
[TS]
01:00:42
◼
►
stuff again but it'll be you know if we
[TS]
01:00:45
◼
►
if we get a match we can prosecute so
[TS]
01:00:48
◼
►
when I got back I called the detective
[TS]
01:00:50
◼
►
that it had been assigned to got the
[TS]
01:00:53
◼
►
detectives voicemail left a voicemail
[TS]
01:00:54
◼
►
never got a call back
[TS]
01:00:56
◼
►
I had I'd catalogued all the serial
[TS]
01:00:59
◼
►
numbers of the things i sent them i
[TS]
01:01:01
◼
►
called pawn shops around no hits so i
[TS]
01:01:09
◼
►
reconciled myself to the fact that these
[TS]
01:01:13
◼
►
things were gone but all year
[TS]
01:01:15
◼
►
I'm walking around I'm thinking passport
[TS]
01:01:18
◼
►
come back to me can if you can find me
[TS]
01:01:22
◼
►
find me because i lost my first Passport
[TS]
01:01:28
◼
►
I was at a house party in in moscow
[TS]
01:01:30
◼
►
idaho in 1990 and i lost my first
[TS]
01:01:32
◼
►
passport and that passport had all the
[TS]
01:01:36
◼
►
stamp set from my first trip overseas
[TS]
01:01:38
◼
►
which was back during a time when you
[TS]
01:01:42
◼
►
still got a passport stamped when you
[TS]
01:01:44
◼
►
went from port from portugal spain or
[TS]
01:01:46
◼
►
you still got a passport stamp when you
[TS]
01:01:48
◼
►
went from France to Belgium like they're
[TS]
01:01:50
◼
►
still passport controls between all
[TS]
01:01:52
◼
►
those European countries that now there
[TS]
01:01:54
◼
►
are none so I was getting all these what
[TS]
01:01:57
◼
►
I later learned to treasure which was
[TS]
01:02:01
◼
►
these old fashions and like just prior
[TS]
01:02:05
◼
►
to the institution of the European Union
[TS]
01:02:09
◼
►
passport stamps including morocco I got
[TS]
01:02:13
◼
►
there's a visa and therefore algeria
[TS]
01:02:15
◼
►
back in the eighties you know and I went
[TS]
01:02:19
◼
►
to East Germany several times East
[TS]
01:02:23
◼
►
Berlin like all this stuff in there and
[TS]
01:02:27
◼
►
I'll unlost this fucking Passport at a
[TS]
01:02:30
◼
►
party because i was drunk and who knows
[TS]
01:02:36
◼
►
and it has haunted me that this because
[TS]
01:02:40
◼
►
i have all my dad's passports i have my
[TS]
01:02:42
◼
►
dad's first passport from 1948 and and
[TS]
01:02:46
◼
►
every subsequent renewal of his passport
[TS]
01:02:48
◼
►
I it's like it makes a little book not a
[TS]
01:02:52
◼
►
little book a big book and and i love
[TS]
01:02:56
◼
►
them i love his old passports and I
[TS]
01:02:59
◼
►
wanted the same collection for myself
[TS]
01:03:01
◼
►
and the first one that the you know the
[TS]
01:03:04
◼
►
foundation the Keystone is gone and now
[TS]
01:03:09
◼
►
I'd lost my second one and it actually I
[TS]
01:03:12
◼
►
mean I have one in the middle i have a
[TS]
01:03:14
◼
►
have right have expected that would be
[TS]
01:03:16
◼
►
the other one from the walk
[TS]
01:03:17
◼
►
that's the one from the walk from the
[TS]
01:03:19
◼
►
early days of rock-and-roll touring I
[TS]
01:03:21
◼
►
mean that's the that's a key key key one
[TS]
01:03:24
◼
►
but then I lost my third passport and
[TS]
01:03:27
◼
►
and when i was on the cruise I honestly
[TS]
01:03:29
◼
►
was having this was having this thing of
[TS]
01:03:31
◼
►
like god are you trying to teach me
[TS]
01:03:34
◼
►
something about the impermanence of
[TS]
01:03:37
◼
►
things are you trying to teach me that
[TS]
01:03:40
◼
►
that the passport is meaningless because
[TS]
01:03:46
◼
►
the memories matter and are you trying
[TS]
01:03:49
◼
►
to teach me that if the passport is
[TS]
01:03:51
◼
►
meaningless than all material items are
[TS]
01:03:53
◼
►
meaningless is this ugh is this you god
[TS]
01:03:56
◼
►
it's me margaret are you trying to just
[TS]
01:04:01
◼
►
slap me across the face with a fish
[TS]
01:04:05
◼
►
that's one thing to be taught a lesson
[TS]
01:04:07
◼
►
by God and nothing to not be sure what
[TS]
01:04:10
◼
►
the lesson is about or four
[TS]
01:04:11
◼
►
yeah yeah well that I feel like when
[TS]
01:04:13
◼
►
lessons usually have a reason when God
[TS]
01:04:15
◼
►
works it is in mysterious ways
[TS]
01:04:17
◼
►
who and i'm just i'm sitting on this
[TS]
01:04:20
◼
►
boat in the in the middle of the
[TS]
01:04:21
◼
►
Caribbean
[TS]
01:04:23
◼
►
can still showered in privileged intent
[TS]
01:04:26
◼
►
in my life is great but i'm asking God
[TS]
01:04:30
◼
►
the serious questions did are you
[TS]
01:04:34
◼
►
pranking me and it if so it is a bitter
[TS]
01:04:39
◼
►
pill to swallow
[TS]
01:04:41
◼
►
anyway so for the last nine months i
[TS]
01:04:48
◼
►
have been telepathically communicating
[TS]
01:04:51
◼
►
with my passport
[TS]
01:04:52
◼
►
I know you're out there i do not have
[TS]
01:04:55
◼
►
find my iphone for my passport and
[TS]
01:04:58
◼
►
frankly I find my apple stuff didn't
[TS]
01:05:02
◼
►
work because whoever stole these things
[TS]
01:05:04
◼
►
never turn them on
[TS]
01:05:05
◼
►
well yeah I'm sorry to interrupt your
[TS]
01:05:09
◼
►
belabor this but you know i mean my
[TS]
01:05:11
◼
►
sense is that when you've got things
[TS]
01:05:14
◼
►
like these property crimes you have a
[TS]
01:05:17
◼
►
window of almost no time to get any of
[TS]
01:05:20
◼
►
it back and that that means that
[TS]
01:05:22
◼
►
generally how it works we're talking
[TS]
01:05:23
◼
►
here about you know III don't know great
[TS]
01:05:25
◼
►
about how this works but it seems like
[TS]
01:05:27
◼
►
anything they're like what may be a
[TS]
01:05:31
◼
►
sonos sooner shows up you know in a pawn
[TS]
01:05:34
◼
►
shop or something with a weekend
[TS]
01:05:36
◼
►
yeah but I mean like maybe i just
[TS]
01:05:37
◼
►
watched too many you know movies about
[TS]
01:05:41
◼
►
New York but my sense is that people
[TS]
01:05:42
◼
►
grab the stuff is valuable and small
[TS]
01:05:44
◼
►
that you can sell quickly and then just
[TS]
01:05:45
◼
►
throw everything else away now because I
[TS]
01:05:47
◼
►
mean you know even if you're dealing
[TS]
01:05:49
◼
►
like why would you be carrying that
[TS]
01:05:50
◼
►
around going to sell the silver you're
[TS]
01:05:52
◼
►
gonna like four for twenty bucks or
[TS]
01:05:53
◼
►
whatever right isn't that how it works
[TS]
01:05:55
◼
►
I mean well you know why would any of
[TS]
01:05:57
◼
►
that stuff ever survived what you know
[TS]
01:06:00
◼
►
is praying to your passport or you know
[TS]
01:06:02
◼
►
community at that distance with it it's
[TS]
01:06:05
◼
►
hopeless
[TS]
01:06:05
◼
►
gesture right well so there are a couple
[TS]
01:06:07
◼
►
of their couple possibilities right
[TS]
01:06:09
◼
►
there this is person is a math person
[TS]
01:06:10
◼
►
and in which case they are just going to
[TS]
01:06:13
◼
►
take their stuff probably directly to
[TS]
01:06:14
◼
►
their dealer and say here is a laptop
[TS]
01:06:18
◼
►
will you give me some math and the
[TS]
01:06:20
◼
►
dealer will say yeah sure
[TS]
01:06:21
◼
►
and the dealer gives him one hundred
[TS]
01:06:23
◼
►
dollars worth of math
[TS]
01:06:24
◼
►
and the the junkie gives the dealer a
[TS]
01:06:27
◼
►
2200 dollar computer and then the dealer
[TS]
01:06:31
◼
►
is mobbed up with the network of fences
[TS]
01:06:35
◼
►
who the dealer will will get five
[TS]
01:06:39
◼
►
hundred dollars for it from somebody
[TS]
01:06:41
◼
►
now in this contemporary contemporary
[TS]
01:06:45
◼
►
world the world of John siracusa the
[TS]
01:06:50
◼
►
danger is that the laptop then we'll
[TS]
01:06:55
◼
►
make its way not to a pawn shop but to a
[TS]
01:06:58
◼
►
network of Russian hackers right who are
[TS]
01:07:03
◼
►
primarily interested in it for identity
[TS]
01:07:05
◼
►
theft and with that narrative running my
[TS]
01:07:10
◼
►
laptop my passport my wallet which
[TS]
01:07:14
◼
►
contains not only my enhanced drivers
[TS]
01:07:16
◼
►
license but also my goes card which is
[TS]
01:07:21
◼
►
the which is the secret government card
[TS]
01:07:25
◼
►
that allows me to go through passport
[TS]
01:07:27
◼
►
control in major airports without even
[TS]
01:07:31
◼
►
stopping where you just have been pre
[TS]
01:07:34
◼
►
security checked and you just hold up
[TS]
01:07:36
◼
►
this car to go bump and you are moving
[TS]
01:07:39
◼
►
right while while 800 people are lined
[TS]
01:07:43
◼
►
up to go through passport control it's
[TS]
01:07:45
◼
►
like you are done and so with a
[TS]
01:07:48
◼
►
combination of these things some Kenny
[TS]
01:07:51
◼
►
identity theft people could basically
[TS]
01:07:55
◼
►
get terrorists onto a plane they could
[TS]
01:07:59
◼
►
they could take it i start a business
[TS]
01:08:02
◼
►
under my name they could who knows what
[TS]
01:08:07
◼
►
they could completely take over my life
[TS]
01:08:09
◼
►
but it's more than all the physical
[TS]
01:08:10
◼
►
objects and then it gets into the the
[TS]
01:08:12
◼
►
ICC the identity stuff but like every
[TS]
01:08:14
◼
►
conceivable aspect of your life that can
[TS]
01:08:17
◼
►
be sold for parts could yeah and I'm
[TS]
01:08:19
◼
►
been so I'm picturing like some chop
[TS]
01:08:22
◼
►
house outside of Bangkok where they are
[TS]
01:08:26
◼
►
they are in sizing the picture out of my
[TS]
01:08:30
◼
►
ID and putting in putting in the picture
[TS]
01:08:36
◼
►
the shift and he is you know entering
[TS]
01:08:42
◼
►
the United States illegally to carry out
[TS]
01:08:44
◼
►
a extrajudicial assassination of some
[TS]
01:08:46
◼
►
kind and I'm just like oh this is bad
[TS]
01:08:49
◼
►
bad bad news if if this material makes
[TS]
01:08:52
◼
►
its way to an identity thief and just
[TS]
01:08:54
◼
►
like you with the mouse my ultimate
[TS]
01:08:57
◼
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reaction to it was you know what if I
[TS]
01:09:01
◼
►
pretend the mouse isn't there maybe the
[TS]
01:09:02
◼
►
mouse isn't there isn't but the thing is
[TS]
01:09:04
◼
►
that's the thing about this is that you
[TS]
01:09:06
◼
►
don't you don't know it i mean any part
[TS]
01:09:10
◼
►
of your your your normal rational brain
[TS]
01:09:12
◼
►
somebody was telling you this story you
[TS]
01:09:14
◼
►
go that's that shit's all gone in a dump
[TS]
01:09:15
◼
►
somewhere
[TS]
01:09:16
◼
►
yeah right by the rational part the
[TS]
01:09:18
◼
►
rational part would go well obviously
[TS]
01:09:19
◼
►
it's you know Oliver Occam's razor like
[TS]
01:09:22
◼
►
the simple solution for this is that
[TS]
01:09:24
◼
►
it's all just it's in a landfill except
[TS]
01:09:27
◼
►
the guy thought whoever he or they were
[TS]
01:09:30
◼
►
they thought to take the passport
[TS]
01:09:33
◼
►
it's not like they were just sweeping
[TS]
01:09:35
◼
►
stuff in like the passport was separate
[TS]
01:09:38
◼
►
from all the other things in its own
[TS]
01:09:39
◼
►
location they recognized it's value and
[TS]
01:09:43
◼
►
it's only value was for this that like
[TS]
01:09:46
◼
►
this person realizes that somewhere
[TS]
01:09:49
◼
►
between his dealer and the world
[TS]
01:09:51
◼
►
offenses there's value in a in a pallet
[TS]
01:09:55
◼
►
like you think that person might have
[TS]
01:09:56
◼
►
known that there's a potential market
[TS]
01:09:57
◼
►
for this
[TS]
01:09:58
◼
►
oh absolutely they didn't take it
[TS]
01:09:59
◼
►
because they were like enamored with my
[TS]
01:10:01
◼
►
visa from Djibouti they were like this
[TS]
01:10:05
◼
►
has value and they made a mistake with
[TS]
01:10:07
◼
►
like the challenge coins like my
[TS]
01:10:10
◼
►
challenge coin from the from the drone
[TS]
01:10:12
◼
►
base in Ethiopia doesn't really have
[TS]
01:10:16
◼
►
much value it is just shiny and that's
[TS]
01:10:20
◼
►
what made me feel like it was
[TS]
01:10:21
◼
►
potentially someone like a rock on the
[TS]
01:10:24
◼
►
line listener who had gone to the dark
[TS]
01:10:25
◼
►
side who was either insane to begin with
[TS]
01:10:28
◼
►
or had been driven insane by our program
[TS]
01:10:32
◼
►
this episode of Roderick on the line is
[TS]
01:10:34
◼
►
brought to you by Squarespace you can
[TS]
01:10:36
◼
►
learn more about Squarespace right now
[TS]
01:10:38
◼
►
by pointing your web browser at
[TS]
01:10:40
◼
►
squarespace.com many of you know I've
[TS]
01:10:43
◼
►
been a huge fan and evangelists a square
[TS]
01:10:45
◼
►
space for over five years now it's not
[TS]
01:10:47
◼
►
only the place that I use for hosting
[TS]
01:10:49
◼
►
many of my own sites and yes my own
[TS]
01:10:51
◼
►
podcast it's also the first place that i
[TS]
01:10:53
◼
►
recommend for anyone wanting due to do
[TS]
01:10:55
◼
►
the same you're using square space right
[TS]
01:10:57
◼
►
now if you're listening to this program
[TS]
01:10:58
◼
►
and I assume you are cause you can hear
[TS]
01:10:59
◼
►
my voice this is hosted on Squarespace
[TS]
01:11:01
◼
►
John I like it that much
[TS]
01:11:04
◼
►
Squarespace sites are professionally
[TS]
01:11:05
◼
►
designed masterpieces
[TS]
01:11:07
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they look great right out of the box
[TS]
01:11:08
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regardless of your skill level there's
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01:11:10
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zero coding notary required they offer
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01:11:13
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intuitive and easy-to-use tools that
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01:11:16
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take all of the pain out of getting your
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01:11:17
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stuff up
[TS]
01:11:19
◼
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Squarespace also has state-of-the-art
[TS]
01:11:20
◼
►
technology powering your site and that
[TS]
01:11:23
◼
►
ensure security and stability
[TS]
01:11:24
◼
►
Squarespace is trusted by millions of
[TS]
01:11:27
◼
►
people and some of the most respected
[TS]
01:11:28
◼
►
companies in the world the naughty part
[TS]
01:11:31
◼
►
is that Squarespace plans start at a
[TS]
01:11:33
◼
►
very affordable eight dollars per month
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01:11:35
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and that price even includes a free
[TS]
01:11:38
◼
►
domain name if you sign up for a year so
[TS]
01:11:40
◼
►
please check these folks out and tell
[TS]
01:11:42
◼
►
your friends to try it you can start
[TS]
01:11:43
◼
►
your free trial site today no credit
[TS]
01:11:45
◼
►
card required by visiting
[TS]
01:11:46
◼
►
squarespace.com when you decide to sign
[TS]
01:11:49
◼
►
up and stay with squarespace make sure
[TS]
01:11:51
◼
►
to use that offer code supertrain
[TS]
01:11:52
◼
►
that'll get you ten percent off your
[TS]
01:11:54
◼
►
first purchase our thanks to squarespace
[TS]
01:11:57
◼
►
for supporting Roderick online and all
[TS]
01:11:59
◼
►
the great shows
[TS]
01:12:00
◼
►
Squarespace build it beautiful and they
[TS]
01:12:04
◼
►
were like I am collecting memorabilia of
[TS]
01:12:07
◼
►
John Roderick from his own house in
[TS]
01:12:11
◼
►
order to in order to build a scarecrow a
[TS]
01:12:14
◼
►
golem of him
[TS]
01:12:16
◼
►
I don't want to hear but that's right
[TS]
01:12:17
◼
►
like i'm gonna i am going to build an
[TS]
01:12:19
◼
►
effigy of him which I then use black
[TS]
01:12:22
◼
►
magic to turn in hair off a brush
[TS]
01:12:24
◼
►
yeah yeah right exactly I had no idea
[TS]
01:12:26
◼
►
because you're trying to figure out what
[TS]
01:12:28
◼
►
they stole two and it's like to think
[TS]
01:12:30
◼
►
how many scrabble games that i have i
[TS]
01:12:32
◼
►
fired for scrabble games did they take a
[TS]
01:12:34
◼
►
scrabble game that would be an
[TS]
01:12:36
◼
►
indication that it is that it is a
[TS]
01:12:38
◼
►
unhinged podcast fan because that
[TS]
01:12:42
◼
►
doesn't have any value on the open
[TS]
01:12:50
◼
►
four days ago I'm sitting right here at
[TS]
01:12:54
◼
►
my desk in my office looking at bring a
[TS]
01:12:56
◼
►
trailer looking at a picture of a 1978
[TS]
01:12:59
◼
►
mazda RX five and the phone rings and
[TS]
01:13:04
◼
►
it's another instance it rarely happens
[TS]
01:13:06
◼
►
but it's an instance where I pick up the
[TS]
01:13:07
◼
►
phone like that's a weird why am i
[TS]
01:13:10
◼
►
getting a phone number from a unknown
[TS]
01:13:12
◼
►
caller and the guys this John Rocker I'm
[TS]
01:13:18
◼
►
like yeah and he says hi this is
[TS]
01:13:19
◼
►
detective sakamoto from the renton
[TS]
01:13:23
◼
►
Police Department I'm like the renton
[TS]
01:13:25
◼
►
police department and that worries me
[TS]
01:13:27
◼
►
because my house is close enough to
[TS]
01:13:29
◼
►
renton and he says I think i have a
[TS]
01:13:32
◼
►
bunch of your stuff and I'm like what
[TS]
01:13:35
◼
►
he's like yeah I got a passport here and
[TS]
01:13:39
◼
►
like some kind of giant a really heavy
[TS]
01:13:43
◼
►
chunk of metal that has a bunch of
[TS]
01:13:46
◼
►
serial numbers on it what and a ipad and
[TS]
01:13:51
◼
►
some other shit stacks of shit and I'm
[TS]
01:13:56
◼
►
like or a UH are you serious
[TS]
01:13:59
◼
►
he's like you've got all this stuff and
[TS]
01:14:00
◼
►
I'm like oh where did you find it and he
[TS]
01:14:05
◼
►
proceeds to tell me a story
[TS]
01:14:07
◼
►
my house was broken into january
[TS]
01:14:12
◼
►
thirtieth on january 31st the day that I
[TS]
01:14:21
◼
►
left on the cruise a patrolman in
[TS]
01:14:26
◼
►
written the near a nearby town sees a
[TS]
01:14:32
◼
►
guy sleeping in a car the cars running
[TS]
01:14:35
◼
►
and apparently in police land if you're
[TS]
01:14:39
◼
►
sleeping in a running car that is
[TS]
01:14:41
◼
►
suspicious
[TS]
01:14:42
◼
►
that's suspicious enough for an officer
[TS]
01:14:44
◼
►
to pull up and say what's going on which
[TS]
01:14:46
◼
►
is funny because i have many many many
[TS]
01:14:49
◼
►
times in my life been asleep in a in a
[TS]
01:14:52
◼
►
parked car
[TS]
01:14:54
◼
►
never been passed by a cop but there's
[TS]
01:14:56
◼
►
the situation the cop says huh guy
[TS]
01:15:00
◼
►
sleeping in a car goes overlooks sees
[TS]
01:15:02
◼
►
that the ignition of the car has been
[TS]
01:15:04
◼
►
jimmied says well that's enough
[TS]
01:15:06
◼
►
suspicion to feel like this is a stolen
[TS]
01:15:08
◼
►
car and it is he arrest the guy for car
[TS]
01:15:13
◼
►
theft because it i'll just learned it's
[TS]
01:15:16
◼
►
not illegal to be in a stolen car it is
[TS]
01:15:20
◼
►
illegal to be in a stolen car if there
[TS]
01:15:21
◼
►
is enough sign that the car is stolen
[TS]
01:15:23
◼
►
because you could legitimately claim hey
[TS]
01:15:27
◼
►
I didn't know it was stolen
[TS]
01:15:28
◼
►
a guy gave it to me I mean like isn't
[TS]
01:15:30
◼
►
just how are you see you under arrest
[TS]
01:15:32
◼
►
for suspicion of stealing heart but if
[TS]
01:15:35
◼
►
if if you're in a car and the instead of
[TS]
01:15:38
◼
►
an ignition key it has a kitchen knife
[TS]
01:15:41
◼
►
great then it's fairly reasonable to
[TS]
01:15:45
◼
►
conclude that you know it's stolen and
[TS]
01:15:46
◼
►
therefore you are the stealer of it so
[TS]
01:15:49
◼
►
they arrest this guy for stealing a car
[TS]
01:15:51
◼
►
and he's got a meth pipe in the car so
[TS]
01:15:56
◼
►
that compounds the problem for him and
[TS]
01:15:58
◼
►
they impound the car and they process
[TS]
01:16:01
◼
►
the sky for car theft and they
[TS]
01:16:03
◼
►
prosecuted for it they sent him to jail
[TS]
01:16:10
◼
►
and then nine months go by and detective
[TS]
01:16:17
◼
►
akimoto is sitting in his at his desk he
[TS]
01:16:19
◼
►
is a car theft detective and he gets a
[TS]
01:16:24
◼
►
call from the property room now in
[TS]
01:16:27
◼
►
october and they say 1000 that case is
[TS]
01:16:33
◼
►
closed and we're cleaning out of the
[TS]
01:16:35
◼
►
shelves and we're going to send all this
[TS]
01:16:38
◼
►
stuff to the dump or to the auction
[TS]
01:16:39
◼
►
house but there's enough like there's
[TS]
01:16:44
◼
►
like paperwork here ideas and stuff you
[TS]
01:16:47
◼
►
might be able to find this guy and
[TS]
01:16:49
◼
►
detective okamoto says what what is all
[TS]
01:16:51
◼
►
that they're like always in the trunk my
[TS]
01:16:53
◼
►
god nobody connected the stolen car to
[TS]
01:17:00
◼
►
the trunk full of what is clearly
[TS]
01:17:03
◼
►
somebody else's shit maybe the car
[TS]
01:17:05
◼
►
stealer is also a house
[TS]
01:17:07
◼
►
dealer no one at the police department
[TS]
01:17:12
◼
►
that's sure not your detective work
[TS]
01:17:14
◼
►
their lives
[TS]
01:17:15
◼
►
nobody does the policing oh my goodness
[TS]
01:17:18
◼
►
and I thing is I don't know I i enjoyed
[TS]
01:17:21
◼
►
talking to Detective okamoto I learned
[TS]
01:17:23
◼
►
that he commutes to work on a recumbent
[TS]
01:17:26
◼
►
bicycle but what I did not learn from
[TS]
01:17:31
◼
►
anyone there the rent police department
[TS]
01:17:33
◼
►
was how you would put a bin of a shit
[TS]
01:17:40
◼
►
including other people's wallets and
[TS]
01:17:43
◼
►
passports and not do a little bit of
[TS]
01:17:47
◼
►
research just all went on a shelf
[TS]
01:17:49
◼
►
somewhere so innovative is the password
[TS]
01:17:53
◼
►
the passport is in there
[TS]
01:17:54
◼
►
the passport is there your passport with
[TS]
01:17:56
◼
►
your name on it and your photograph and
[TS]
01:17:59
◼
►
information about you was in that
[TS]
01:18:00
◼
►
passport and we never thought to track
[TS]
01:18:03
◼
►
down that you might want it back
[TS]
01:18:05
◼
►
not only my passport but my enhanced
[TS]
01:18:06
◼
►
drivers license which also has my
[TS]
01:18:09
◼
►
address on it which is about two miles
[TS]
01:18:11
◼
►
from where the police are you kidding me
[TS]
01:18:15
◼
►
it also has my goes card which i have to
[TS]
01:18:18
◼
►
say i called be a department of homeland
[TS]
01:18:22
◼
►
security four separate times to cancel
[TS]
01:18:24
◼
►
my ghost card and the first time it was
[TS]
01:18:26
◼
►
immediately afterwards and I was like
[TS]
01:18:28
◼
►
this is an emergency they have my ghost
[TS]
01:18:29
◼
►
card they could be using it to
[TS]
01:18:31
◼
►
infiltrate al-qaeda members to the
[TS]
01:18:34
◼
►
United States and I called the number
[TS]
01:18:36
◼
►
and the phone picked up and went through
[TS]
01:18:41
◼
►
have a rear but our department of
[TS]
01:18:44
◼
►
homeland security
[TS]
01:18:47
◼
►
it's like a fucking cassette tape and so
[TS]
01:18:53
◼
►
I sat on the Department of Homeland
[TS]
01:18:55
◼
►
Security cassette tape phone tree for 45
[TS]
01:18:58
◼
►
minutes where they're playing like you
[TS]
01:19:02
◼
►
know like Elton John's lucy in the sky
[TS]
01:19:04
◼
►
with diamonds and I was finally I was
[TS]
01:19:08
◼
►
like hey I got other shit to do and I
[TS]
01:19:10
◼
►
and I got off the phone tree i did that
[TS]
01:19:13
◼
►
three more times trying to call the
[TS]
01:19:15
◼
►
Department of Homeland Security to
[TS]
01:19:16
◼
►
cancel this incredibly important and
[TS]
01:19:18
◼
►
sensitive document and I finally
[TS]
01:19:21
◼
►
surrendered and just said you know what
[TS]
01:19:22
◼
►
if al-qaeda gets into the country by
[TS]
01:19:25
◼
►
using my ghost card i did that
[TS]
01:19:28
◼
►
responsibility is shared between me and
[TS]
01:19:31
◼
►
the Department of fucking Homeland
[TS]
01:19:32
◼
►
Security a an organization i already
[TS]
01:19:35
◼
►
have a lot of suspicions about anyway my
[TS]
01:19:37
◼
►
ghost card is in there too and I never
[TS]
01:19:39
◼
►
cancelled it so dr. Donna nothing made
[TS]
01:19:42
◼
►
it to the the Indian chop shop so what
[TS]
01:19:45
◼
►
made it to the Indian chop shop was my
[TS]
01:19:46
◼
►
laptop which i am a 100-percent sure he
[TS]
01:19:50
◼
►
took immediately to the dealer was just
[TS]
01:19:52
◼
►
like your laptop give me some crank and
[TS]
01:19:54
◼
►
the dealers like here's some crank and
[TS]
01:19:55
◼
►
the laptop just made its way into not
[TS]
01:19:58
◼
►
any kind of identity ring but just like
[TS]
01:20:00
◼
►
a macbook air you can sell those for
[TS]
01:20:03
◼
►
something and it just went to some you
[TS]
01:20:07
◼
►
know like thing is written cops didn't
[TS]
01:20:09
◼
►
even talk to seattle cops the Seattle
[TS]
01:20:11
◼
►
cops were in the process of processing
[TS]
01:20:14
◼
►
the burglary while the written cops were
[TS]
01:20:17
◼
►
putting the stuff from the burglary on a
[TS]
01:20:20
◼
►
I don't know how to feel like I really
[TS]
01:20:24
◼
►
like detective okamoto and I'm even now
[TS]
01:20:26
◼
►
picturing him riding to work in the rain
[TS]
01:20:27
◼
►
with his head his helmet which has a
[TS]
01:20:30
◼
►
little review mirror on it maybe a GoPro
[TS]
01:20:32
◼
►
a good idea of investigate cars that's
[TS]
01:20:35
◼
►
all day not having a car
[TS]
01:20:36
◼
►
mm there's something really really
[TS]
01:20:38
◼
►
satisfactory about that and I said you
[TS]
01:20:40
◼
►
ride this thing you write this recumbent
[TS]
01:20:42
◼
►
bike to work every morning and he said
[TS]
01:20:43
◼
►
well in all honesty I put it on the
[TS]
01:20:45
◼
►
train I take it I take the train and
[TS]
01:20:49
◼
►
then I ride the recumbent bike from the
[TS]
01:20:50
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transition to the police station and I'm
[TS]
01:20:52
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like you are really he's a japanese
[TS]
01:20:54
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company like you are a Northwest a rich
[TS]
01:20:58
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all my friends good on you but the
[TS]
01:21:03
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policing is where I feel like there is
[TS]
01:21:06
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some improvement that could be done and
[TS]
01:21:08
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I don't know if it's your fault or the
[TS]
01:21:09
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patrol officers fault or or the way you
[TS]
01:21:12
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run the property crimes division or I
[TS]
01:21:14
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don't know who holds responsible but i
[TS]
01:21:16
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think what it was was this was this went
[TS]
01:21:19
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into the system as a car theft and then
[TS]
01:21:22
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the car theft people handle things a
[TS]
01:21:24
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certain way and whoever put it in as a
[TS]
01:21:27
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car that didn't also include or you know
[TS]
01:21:30
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I don't know they impounded the car
[TS]
01:21:31
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somebody I don't know I cannot fathom
[TS]
01:21:34
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but you got your passport back so I go
[TS]
01:21:38
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down there and I just get all the stuff
[TS]
01:21:40
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so what they what I just have been so
[TS]
01:21:42
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surreal John totally surreal and
[TS]
01:21:44
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including my dad's box of pins like my
[TS]
01:21:48
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uh challenge coins my Chinese money the
[TS]
01:21:55
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only things that didn't make it back to
[TS]
01:21:59
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me where my macbook air as i said and my
[TS]
01:22:03
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taxi wallet the entire contents of the
[TS]
01:22:08
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wallet minus the money was there all the
[TS]
01:22:13
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credit cards all that someone took out
[TS]
01:22:16
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all the stuff in your wallet and took
[TS]
01:22:19
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the wallet that's how good taxi wallets
[TS]
01:22:22
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are and my filson briefcase and when I
[TS]
01:22:28
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when the cops were investigating the
[TS]
01:22:29
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crime when they were watering around my
[TS]
01:22:31
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house and I was like I think they took
[TS]
01:22:33
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my sonos and they took my silver bar and
[TS]
01:22:37
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of course the cops were like oh really a
[TS]
01:22:40
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hundred ounce silver bar how convenient
[TS]
01:22:41
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it and I'm like no seriously i had a
[TS]
01:22:44
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hundred ounce silver bar use it as a
[TS]
01:22:45
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doorstop in there like uh huh
[TS]
01:22:47
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really anything that did you also get
[TS]
01:22:49
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your Rothko sir
[TS]
01:22:50
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yeah did they take your Hope Diamond
[TS]
01:22:51
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like go fucking seriously since look at
[TS]
01:22:57
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it since I was one of the first things I
[TS]
01:22:59
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bought with my own money and they're
[TS]
01:23:00
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like oh really and I might look around
[TS]
01:23:02
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the house there are dolls of all the
[TS]
01:23:05
◼
►
United States Presidents here
[TS]
01:23:06
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do you really find the their appearances
[TS]
01:23:08
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there is a pair of crossed snowshoes
[TS]
01:23:11
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above the
[TS]
01:23:11
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above the fireplace do you really
[TS]
01:23:13
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believe that I don't have a hundred
[TS]
01:23:14
◼
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ounce silver bar and the cop had to
[TS]
01:23:16
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concede like oh yeah I guess I see how
[TS]
01:23:18
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it fits into your decor but then I said
[TS]
01:23:21
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I lost a filter filter briefcase and the
[TS]
01:23:23
◼
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cop said oh yeah they always steal the
[TS]
01:23:26
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field fills and stuff
[TS]
01:23:27
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wow I was like really they're like oh
[TS]
01:23:29
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yeah it's very identifiable and there's
[TS]
01:23:31
◼
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a there's a huge after market for it
[TS]
01:23:34
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that's amazing are you kidding me so I
[TS]
01:23:37
◼
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see this I see this guy oh so here's the
[TS]
01:23:39
◼
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thing detective okamoto says the burglar
[TS]
01:23:44
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was Cambodia or location Laotian he
[TS]
01:23:50
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actually said location and feeding what
[TS]
01:23:53
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he said it and that's that wasn't that
[TS]
01:23:55
◼
►
wasn't an error on my part and I'm like
[TS]
01:23:58
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oh he's he was a Southeast Asian and
[TS]
01:24:03
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he's like yeah something like that
[TS]
01:24:04
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►
okay first of all your japanese you
[TS]
01:24:06
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►
should you should have your asian races
[TS]
01:24:10
◼
►
more dialed than that but that it was
[TS]
01:24:14
◼
►
not what I expected and my picture of
[TS]
01:24:18
◼
►
three burglars or my picture of a
[TS]
01:24:21
◼
►
maniacal rock on the line listener now
[TS]
01:24:23
◼
►
suddenly was like Boeing it was a guy
[TS]
01:24:26
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►
like a lucky guy from Southeast Asia and
[TS]
01:24:29
◼
►
now all of a sudden my next-door
[TS]
01:24:31
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neighbors who are Vietnamese I'm like
[TS]
01:24:33
◼
►
wait a minute
[TS]
01:24:34
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►
was it one of the wasn't one of the
[TS]
01:24:35
◼
►
lowrider guys that hang out over there
[TS]
01:24:38
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oh my god like it's like my whole my
[TS]
01:24:42
◼
►
whole vision of the crime switched
[TS]
01:24:44
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I no longer felt like somebody had been
[TS]
01:24:47
◼
►
casing my house for weeks i suddenly
[TS]
01:24:50
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►
felt like was this is just a meth crime
[TS]
01:24:52
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►
of opportunity where the person got
[TS]
01:24:55
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►
incredibly lucky pried open the one
[TS]
01:24:59
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window that where my my security system
[TS]
01:25:02
◼
►
because they made they made it around
[TS]
01:25:05
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►
waiting for the light to go out they
[TS]
01:25:06
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►
found a shovel they picked the single
[TS]
01:25:08
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►
all these think this sounds like a
[TS]
01:25:10
◼
►
fucking mission impossible that
[TS]
01:25:11
◼
►
absolutely that window and the reason
[TS]
01:25:13
◼
►
that window was vulnerable was it was
[TS]
01:25:15
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painted shut
[TS]
01:25:16
◼
►
I had never opened that window and I
[TS]
01:25:17
◼
►
figured it was unopenable but the rotted
[TS]
01:25:22
◼
►
still allowed them to put the shovel and
[TS]
01:25:24
◼
►
so I didn't put a lot
[TS]
01:25:25
◼
►
come on that window because it was a
[TS]
01:25:26
◼
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painted shut window but they popped they
[TS]
01:25:29
◼
►
popped it with the shovel and broke the
[TS]
01:25:32
◼
►
paint seal and that was the thing that
[TS]
01:25:34
◼
►
woke me up and I was like this fucking
[TS]
01:25:37
◼
►
possum has got to go
[TS]
01:25:40
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►
oh so now i am made whole again not only
[TS]
01:25:46
◼
►
that i have all my shit back and i SAT
[TS]
01:25:49
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►
with the passport and it we had a
[TS]
01:25:51
◼
►
communion and also by challenge coins
[TS]
01:25:55
◼
►
and all this other crap ola but i'm also
[TS]
01:25:59
◼
►
made whole again in the sense that I no
[TS]
01:26:01
◼
►
longer lay in bed at night thinking that
[TS]
01:26:03
◼
►
there is a giant conspiracy around my
[TS]
01:26:07
◼
►
house imagining Russians in Thailand
[TS]
01:26:12
◼
►
looking at my house from a satellite
[TS]
01:26:14
◼
►
trying to figure out my comings and
[TS]
01:26:17
◼
►
goings so that they can best impersonate
[TS]
01:26:20
◼
►
me right
[TS]
01:26:21
◼
►
it's just a guy who didn't even have the
[TS]
01:26:24
◼
►
brains to not fall asleep in his car is
[TS]
01:26:30
◼
►
stolen car and two I mean one reason
[TS]
01:26:34
◼
►
that crazy people do things like have
[TS]
01:26:37
◼
►
ingots of silver is because it's
[TS]
01:26:39
◼
►
imminently sellable yeah yeah yeah i
[TS]
01:26:42
◼
►
mean like you know the thing is they you
[TS]
01:26:44
◼
►
can get your crank dealer your crank
[TS]
01:26:47
◼
►
connection may give you a couple hundred
[TS]
01:26:48
◼
►
bucks for a laptop but like boy silver
[TS]
01:26:51
◼
►
silver is pretty sellable and and the
[TS]
01:26:53
◼
►
ingot of silver at the at the prices of
[TS]
01:26:56
◼
►
silver at the time worth more than the
[TS]
01:26:58
◼
►
laptop a lot more I mean this ingot was
[TS]
01:27:01
◼
►
just like it is better than currency you
[TS]
01:27:05
◼
►
could go
[TS]
01:27:06
◼
►
yeah you could go to a you go to the
[TS]
01:27:08
◼
►
white homeland with that let's not let's
[TS]
01:27:11
◼
►
not let's not attract new people to
[TS]
01:27:13
◼
►
write and then probably this guy
[TS]
01:27:15
◼
►
wouldn't be welcome at the white
[TS]
01:27:17
◼
►
homeland no matter how much silver he
[TS]
01:27:18
◼
►
had his relation
[TS]
01:27:20
◼
►
that's right is location in any case so
[TS]
01:27:24
◼
►
that's my week that's only the first
[TS]
01:27:26
◼
►
thing that happened this week there are
[TS]
01:27:28
◼
►
two other monumental things but i may i
[TS]
01:27:30
◼
►
may save that for another episode i
[TS]
01:27:32
◼
►
think you should so I so here I am just
[TS]
01:27:36
◼
►
you know like pockets full of challenges
[TS]
01:27:38
◼
►
mines and a you know on the blacktop
[TS]
01:27:43
◼
►
gone the film's bag gone but whatever I
[TS]
01:27:45
◼
►
it's just that small potatoes I got all
[TS]
01:27:47
◼
►
my solo stuff back like I what I don't
[TS]
01:27:51
◼
►
even know what to do
[TS]
01:27:53
◼
►
this is jarring this is very jarring
[TS]
01:27:55
◼
►
John oh and the cut you know the cops at
[TS]
01:27:57
◼
►
the rent police department
[TS]
01:27:58
◼
►
this is the best part of their job right
[TS]
01:28:00
◼
►
hey we got all your stuff and and I was
[TS]
01:28:03
◼
►
so grateful and I was just like wow
[TS]
01:28:05
◼
►
thank you and I loved being in the
[TS]
01:28:07
◼
►
property room and all the all the
[TS]
01:28:10
◼
►
cloak-and-dagger of those guys which you
[TS]
01:28:13
◼
►
have to say is pretty shabby
[TS]
01:28:14
◼
►
cloak-and-dagger but at least it's like
[TS]
01:28:16
◼
►
you gotta buzz through the room
[TS]
01:28:17
◼
►
oh and detective okamoto had his had his
[TS]
01:28:20
◼
►
hand is magnetized security card in some
[TS]
01:28:24
◼
►
kind of hip holster who so every time we
[TS]
01:28:28
◼
►
came to and he wasn't a tall guy every
[TS]
01:28:30
◼
►
time we came to a door he turned around
[TS]
01:28:31
◼
►
and hiked up his butt and touch it and
[TS]
01:28:36
◼
►
the first time I saw the movie I was
[TS]
01:28:38
◼
►
like oh that's kind of interesting
[TS]
01:28:39
◼
►
little but then I realized that he does
[TS]
01:28:42
◼
►
it 40 times a day and he he turns around
[TS]
01:28:45
◼
►
mic stands up on his tiptoes you guys
[TS]
01:28:48
◼
►
like a hike in a quarter flip décor he
[TS]
01:28:50
◼
►
like cox-1 ass cheek in the air and
[TS]
01:28:55
◼
►
bonks it kind of like sassy sassy disco
[TS]
01:28:59
◼
►
bonk onto the onto the magnetized and
[TS]
01:29:03
◼
►
then the door pops open and all that
[TS]
01:29:06
◼
►
recumbent bike and staying off
[TS]
01:29:07
◼
►
you said it and by the third or fourth
[TS]
01:29:11
◼
►
time you did it I was like this is a
[TS]
01:29:13
◼
►
this rental police department has some
[TS]
01:29:15
◼
►
fucking sassy shit here
[TS]
01:29:18
◼
►
it wasn't you know there's not a lot
[TS]
01:29:21
◼
►
going on down there is seemingly and not
[TS]
01:29:24
◼
►
so much that they could have
[TS]
01:29:25
◼
►
investigated this crime a little better
[TS]
01:29:26
◼
►
yeah but so they returned me all this
[TS]
01:29:29
◼
►
stuff and so I'm so grateful that i
[TS]
01:29:33
◼
►
don't i don't sit them said I don't say
[TS]
01:29:37
◼
►
is their conference room somewhere we
[TS]
01:29:38
◼
►
could go sit down for a second let me
[TS]
01:29:40
◼
►
ask you a few questions about this
[TS]
01:29:41
◼
►
because you could have saved be nine
[TS]
01:29:48
◼
►
months of
[TS]
01:29:50
◼
►
hurt feelings by solving this crime when
[TS]
01:29:54
◼
►
in like and you know mental and psychic
[TS]
01:29:57
◼
►
self-torture yeah right you could have
[TS]
01:29:59
◼
►
solved this crime in one day but it took
[TS]
01:30:04
◼
►
you nine months to realize there had
[TS]
01:30:06
◼
►
been a crime even though the Seattle
[TS]
01:30:09
◼
►
Police Department were who never
[TS]
01:30:10
◼
►
returned my phone calls and by all
[TS]
01:30:13
◼
►
appearances never did any investigation
[TS]
01:30:16
◼
►
of any kind but then detective a
[TS]
01:30:17
◼
►
kimodo's excited he's like oh they maybe
[TS]
01:30:19
◼
►
have fingerprints
[TS]
01:30:20
◼
►
maybe I can tie this crime to the guy
[TS]
01:30:21
◼
►
sounds gettin I'm like yeah you'd have
[TS]
01:30:25
◼
►
to be getting to write a recumbent bike
[TS]
01:30:27
◼
►
to work every day
[TS]