Roderick on the Line

00:00:00 ◼   ► this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

00:00:01 ◼   ► sponsored by cards against humanity this [TS]

00:00:04 ◼   ► month they ask paul and storm to help me [TS]

00:00:06 ◼   ► say hi to john [TS]

00:00:09 ◼   ► dinner [TS]

00:00:15 ◼   ► all i need is you [TS]

00:00:19 ◼   ► I [TS]

00:00:26 ◼   ► [Music] [TS]

00:00:34 ◼   ► hello hello how are you today [TS]

00:00:38 ◼   ► that's right oh that's just swell Bob's [TS]

00:00:41 ◼   ► your uncle my raccoon hat on and i'm [TS]

00:00:46 ◼   ► ready to broadcast as a side note we do [TS]

00:00:49 ◼   ► that for 90 minutes it's rob but you [TS]

00:00:52 ◼   ► gotta keep moving you gotta get out of [TS]

00:00:53 ◼   ► the way that's number one and number two [TS]

00:00:54 ◼   ► what that in your pipe and smoke it [TS]

00:00:56 ◼   ► take it to the bank and Johnny like [TS]

00:01:01 ◼   ► nothing I've done this [TS]

00:01:02 ◼   ► the amazing thing is you know that you [TS]

00:01:05 ◼   ► know that quality when you look at a [TS]

00:01:06 ◼   ► really old photographs of people like [TS]

00:01:09 ◼   ► you look at you find a photograph of an [TS]

00:01:10 ◼   ► of a whole class of from school [TS]

00:01:13 ◼   ► you look more like you know but they're [TS]

00:01:14 ◼   ► adults like a technical school or [TS]

00:01:16 ◼   ► something you look at their pictures and [TS]

00:01:18 ◼   ► their faces there there's the [TS]

00:01:20 ◼   ► physiognomy is just look old [TS]

00:01:23 ◼   ► oh yeah they don't look like modern [TS]

00:01:25 ◼   ► people who and then when you listen to [TS]

00:01:27 ◼   ► recordings of the way people talked in [TS]

00:01:30 ◼   ► old movies radio I don't talk like [TS]

00:01:34 ◼   ► normal people either they talk like old [TS]

00:01:38 ◼   ► only like maybe civilians not like [TS]

00:01:40 ◼   ► training broadcaster types of you [TS]

00:01:42 ◼   ► the thing is the difference today [TS]

00:01:42 ◼   ► everybody wants to be on TV and radio so [TS]

00:01:46 ◼   ► everybody's already you could do a man [TS]

00:01:48 ◼   ► on the street a person on the street and [TS]

00:01:49 ◼   ► they're going to have a bit move back [TS]

00:01:51 ◼   ► then you hear interviews with people [TS]

00:01:53 ◼   ► from like the fifties and sixties it's [TS]

00:01:54 ◼   ► delightful because they they sound like [TS]

00:01:56 ◼   ► normal people they're normal people and [TS]

00:01:58 ◼   ► also there's a bit yeah [TS]

00:02:00 ◼   ► when you look at those classic movies [TS]

00:02:01 ◼   ► from the from the nineteen thirties or [TS]

00:02:03 ◼   ► the you know the early talkies there's [TS]

00:02:06 ◼   ► that kind of almost British quality to [TS]

00:02:09 ◼   ► the way they speak in their very you [TS]

00:02:12 ◼   ► know like there's a but but at the same [TS]

00:02:14 ◼   ► time there's a there's a cut a self [TS]

00:02:20 ◼   ► awareness of the of their diction right [TS]

00:02:23 ◼   ► that feels a little bit put on it is i [TS]

00:02:27 ◼   ► think i think this is god dammit I'm [TS]

00:02:29 ◼   ► gonna have to not using the internet now [TS]

00:02:30 ◼   ► this comes up twice a year and I need to [TS]

00:02:32 ◼   ► find out what this is called but it was [TS]

00:02:35 ◼   ► I think it's the way that people were [TS]

00:02:36 ◼   ► trained elocution I bet you're part of [TS]

00:02:40 ◼   ► it part of it is stagecraft out of being [TS]

00:02:44 ◼   ► in plays and stuff but then you know in [TS]

00:02:47 ◼   ► the early days [TS]

00:02:47 ◼   ► we learned from singing in the rain John [TS]

00:02:49 ◼   ► you have to speak very clearly your [TS]

00:02:51 ◼   ► voice you probably you probably sound [TS]

00:02:52 ◼   ► like a clarinet when you talk you got to [TS]

00:02:53 ◼   ► have a real resonant voice but I think [TS]

00:02:56 ◼   ► that's that was the where they called [TS]

00:02:59 ◼   ► like the received pronunciation of [TS]

00:03:01 ◼   ► Hollywood yes you know like the BBC [TS]

00:03:03 ◼   ► english i think that was our version of [TS]

00:03:05 ◼   ► that with the received Hollywood [TS]

00:03:06 ◼   ► pronunciation well and this is one of [TS]

00:03:08 ◼   ► the you know I've said for many years [TS]

00:03:10 ◼   ► that I believe that the English language [TS]

00:03:14 ◼   ► has continued to evolve as it has moved [TS]

00:03:17 ◼   ► away from its form its place of origin [TS]

00:03:20 ◼   ► and that actually the the most perfectly [TS]

00:03:25 ◼   ► spoken english is that which is spoken [TS]

00:03:29 ◼   ► by the educated people of Alaska [TS]

00:03:32 ◼   ► mhm because it's been through every gate [TS]

00:03:36 ◼   ► right it's it's it's made its way [TS]

00:03:39 ◼   ► through all this sort of Midwestern [TS]

00:03:41 ◼   ► nasal and southern drawl and west coast [TS]

00:03:45 ◼   ► non-committal and it's made its way [TS]

00:03:49 ◼   ► isn't that the Jon west coast [TS]

00:03:51 ◼   ► non-committal west coast non-committal [TS]

00:03:52 ◼   ► you hear it all the time it's you know [TS]

00:03:55 ◼   ► it's kind of spoken from your teeth but [TS]

00:03:58 ◼   ► then you get to Alaska and every you [TS]

00:04:00 ◼   ► know everyone since Alaska has been so [TS]

00:04:03 ◼   ► recently settled by Europeans right it's [TS]

00:04:06 ◼   ► a it's a mishmash of all the different [TS]

00:04:08 ◼   ► spoken english 'as and we have refined [TS]

00:04:11 ◼   ► it until it has become perfect and you [TS]

00:04:16 ◼   ► know it is broadcaster English but even [TS]

00:04:19 ◼   ► better and when I want to advance this [TS]

00:04:22 ◼   ► theory to people for instance from [TS]

00:04:23 ◼   ► England they find it laughable but they [TS]

00:04:28 ◼   ► are still speaking a kind of archaic [TS]

00:04:30 ◼   ► english some leftover hodgepodge some [TS]

00:04:34 ◼   ► steak and kidney pie that's been left [TS]

00:04:36 ◼   ► out on the counter snap and it [TS]

00:04:41 ◼   ► meanwhile we have been well right here [TS]

00:04:44 ◼   ► in Alaska perfecting a language that's [TS]

00:04:46 ◼   ► right we have we have we [TS]

00:04:47 ◼   ► we've sent it through a thousand cheese [TS]

00:04:49 ◼   ► clubs and here it is the best version [TS]

00:04:53 ◼   ► not some not some Boston you know some [TS]

00:04:59 ◼   ► Boston baked beans [TS]

00:05:01 ◼   ► means of English know there's Alaskan [TS]

00:05:04 ◼   ► English the enemy hate beans and pie is [TS]

00:05:06 ◼   ► he perfect version food I can I have it [TS]

00:05:10 ◼   ► the problem is Alaska has a very small [TS]

00:05:11 ◼   ► population and everyone else is allied [TS]

00:05:15 ◼   ► against this theory but i really do [TS]

00:05:17 ◼   ► think there's something to it is it [TS]

00:05:19 ◼   ► anything that you can demonstrate well I [TS]

00:05:21 ◼   ► demonstrated only in the perfect way [TS]

00:05:24 ◼   ► that i speak english you just blew my [TS]

00:05:26 ◼   ► mind [TS]

00:05:27 ◼   ► hmm i've been getting the demo the whole [TS]

00:05:28 ◼   ► time that's right that's right [TS]

00:05:31 ◼   ► if you can I mean and it and there are [TS]

00:05:33 ◼   ► some there are some small like glitches [TS]

00:05:37 ◼   ► write some some brief moment some max [TS]

00:05:41 ◼   ► headroom moments where you see you see [TS]

00:05:43 ◼   ► the behind the curtain [TS]

00:05:44 ◼   ► mm see the see the matrix for instance i [TS]

00:05:47 ◼   ► do say everybody everybody you know [TS]

00:05:51 ◼   ► everybody over here you you got you you [TS]

00:05:54 ◼   ► know i don't like me deal that you got [TS]

00:05:55 ◼   ► several that i know i've got several now [TS]

00:05:57 ◼   ► wait a minute you're saying several you [TS]

00:05:59 ◼   ► have you you can name more than one [TS]

00:06:00 ◼   ► everybody what's the name of the place [TS]

00:06:05 ◼   ► where you did you show last year on dude [TS]

00:06:07 ◼   ► what's goin on the rendezvous [TS]

00:06:12 ◼   ► yeah how's that supposed to be [TS]

00:06:14 ◼   ► pronounced i think its rendezvous [TS]

00:06:16 ◼   ► it's French I like the way you say it [TS]

00:06:19 ◼   ► but i know i say this because you know [TS]

00:06:21 ◼   ► i'm being defensive because I have more [TS]

00:06:24 ◼   ► of these and I realized and then once [TS]

00:06:26 ◼   ► people start pointing out that become [TS]

00:06:27 ◼   ► self-conscious [TS]

00:06:27 ◼   ► yeah you know the people yell at me for [TS]

00:06:29 ◼   ► saying Sasquatch almost a sasquatch [TS]

00:06:32 ◼   ► sasquatch [TS]

00:06:33 ◼   ► what about what your kids put on to go [TS]

00:06:35 ◼   ► to bed at night cameras pajamas [TS]

00:06:38 ◼   ► yeah but what do you say well I don't [TS]

00:06:41 ◼   ► know I'm really come on the horns of a [TS]

00:06:42 ◼   ► dilemma between pajamas and pajamas [TS]

00:06:44 ◼   ► pajamas [TS]

00:06:46 ◼   ► yeah that doesn't settle fancy come on [TS]

00:06:48 ◼   ► that's like arms [TS]

00:06:49 ◼   ► ok thank you John god fucking dammit on [TS]

00:06:54 ◼   ► on is like writing a sentence without an [TS]

00:06:57 ◼   ► oxford comma mon is on is terrible onto [TS]

00:07:00 ◼   ► is terrible and it really it really buy [TS]

00:07:03 ◼   ► and the thing is my wife the thing is he [TS]

00:07:05 ◼   ► this is you know what it's like to be in [TS]

00:07:06 ◼   ► a relationship right [TS]

00:07:07 ◼   ► barely but [TS]

00:07:10 ◼   ► you don't know what it get the better [TS]

00:07:16 ◼   ► throw it out the window the better wipe [TS]

00:07:19 ◼   ► my tears with it you know i have said i [TS]

00:07:23 ◼   ► don't know i'm not saying i have success [TS]

00:07:24 ◼   ► with this but I think a big part of [TS]

00:07:26 ◼   ► being in any kind of a long-term [TS]

00:07:27 ◼   ► relationship is learning the things that [TS]

00:07:29 ◼   ► only you were allowed to be right about [TS]

00:07:31 ◼   ► oh if you can if you can minimize the [TS]

00:07:33 ◼   ► number of things that only you are [TS]

00:07:35 ◼   ► allowed to be right about here you [TS]

00:07:36 ◼   ► thought technology that's a thought [TS]

00:07:38 ◼   ► technology because i think it makes you [TS]

00:07:39 ◼   ► a better person and i'm pretty sure even [TS]

00:07:42 ◼   ► though you may not you may still think [TS]

00:07:44 ◼   ► in your mind that you need to be right [TS]

00:07:45 ◼   ► about something [TS]

00:07:46 ◼   ► there's just so much stuff where I want [TS]

00:07:47 ◼   ► to really keep my powder dry right and [TS]

00:07:50 ◼   ► the thing is i also know how desperately [TS]

00:07:52 ◼   ► fucked up i am so I'm always looking for [TS]

00:07:54 ◼   ► improvement opportunities right but i [TS]

00:07:55 ◼   ► have to say there are some things I [TS]

00:07:58 ◼   ► capitulated on on because everybody [TS]

00:08:02 ◼   ► well because of my lady everybody in her [TS]

00:08:04 ◼   ► family says on so I'm the only one in [TS]

00:08:06 ◼   ► the family that refers to an su instead [TS]

00:08:09 ◼   ► of on soon they think I'm talking about [TS]

00:08:11 ◼   ► you know insects or something like that [TS]

00:08:12 ◼   ► but then sometimes I find myself saying [TS]

00:08:14 ◼   ► yeah that's right Ellie ya later in the [TS]

00:08:16 ◼   ► month we're going to your on uncle's [TS]

00:08:17 ◼   ► house back because I catch myself having [TS]

00:08:21 ◼   ► to speak it phonetically all all all all [TS]

00:08:24 ◼   ► alcohol i don't know i guess they see [TS]

00:08:26 ◼   ► why but i I've got through this with a [TS]

00:08:28 ◼   ► few people like I was talking to another [TS]

00:08:30 ◼   ► program about how you take the first [TS]

00:08:32 ◼   ► name of the guy who is the deputy on [TS]

00:08:35 ◼   ► Andy Griffith you take the phenomenon of [TS]

00:08:38 ◼   ► Sun coming up in the morning and I [TS]

00:08:39 ◼   ► pronounce both of those the same up a [TS]

00:08:42 ◼   ► bar need on party down and Dawn ok now [TS]

00:08:47 ◼   ► do you see there's any different [TS]

00:08:48 ◼   ► dawn and dawn so they're easy i'm sorry [TS]

00:08:52 ◼   ► are you saying that if you're saying [TS]

00:08:53 ◼   ► differently right yeah dawn [TS]

00:08:55 ◼   ► ok this is this is my color this is like [TS]

00:08:57 ◼   ► me and color blindness and not to be [TS]

00:08:58 ◼   ► able assist but this is I can't really [TS]

00:09:01 ◼   ► hear that difference you cannot hear [TS]

00:09:03 ◼   ► that are being gone and dawn [TS]

00:09:07 ◼   ► haha this is a prank and that's okay [TS]

00:09:10 ◼   ► well I no that's no that's because I [TS]

00:09:13 ◼   ► feel like I feel like the vast majority [TS]

00:09:15 ◼   ► of our listeners would be able to hear [TS]

00:09:17 ◼   ► that i was pronouncing a whole different [TS]

00:09:19 ◼   ► word i'm never gonna be a good idea [TS]

00:09:21 ◼   ► professional I i know people from the [TS]

00:09:22 ◼   ► tri-state area i feel like people from [TS]

00:09:24 ◼   ► the tri-state area will say do one you [TS]

00:09:28 ◼   ► buy tristate area you mean and you mean [TS]

00:09:30 ◼   ► New Mexico Arizona and Colorado the [TS]

00:09:33 ◼   ► original the OG now i'm talking about [TS]

00:09:35 ◼   ► that and you got your new york new [TS]

00:09:36 ◼   ► jersey pennsylvania triads yeah right I [TS]

00:09:39 ◼   ► get you I don't know and you know it's [TS]

00:09:41 ◼   ► just it's it's funny because like I [TS]

00:09:42 ◼   ► don't think of myself as being i know [TS]

00:09:44 ◼   ► people who are very sensitive about the [TS]

00:09:45 ◼   ► pronunciation and in the same way that [TS]

00:09:47 ◼   ► you might be sensitive about like a lazy [TS]

00:09:50 ◼   ► eye or something you know for all people [TS]

00:09:52 ◼   ► because they feel like they are [TS]

00:09:53 ◼   ► overcoming some some like regionalism [TS]

00:09:56 ◼   ► maybe but also we talked about this at [TS]

00:10:00 ◼   ► phenomenon and I have some very smart [TS]

00:10:02 ◼   ► people have the same problem where if [TS]

00:10:04 ◼   ► you're a reader and especially if you're [TS]

00:10:06 ◼   ► an internet radio I see you know you [TS]

00:10:08 ◼   ► know where I'm going with this yes and [TS]

00:10:09 ◼   ► you've read a word you have one of these [TS]

00:10:11 ◼   ► I remember I can't remember what the [TS]

00:10:12 ◼   ► word is but you'll have read a name or [TS]

00:10:15 ◼   ► you have read you know a given word [TS]

00:10:17 ◼   ► potentially thousands of times you might [TS]

00:10:20 ◼   ► actually no more than eighty percent of [TS]

00:10:22 ◼   ► the population about this noun when [TS]

00:10:24 ◼   ► you've never actually had to say it out [TS]

00:10:26 ◼   ► loud but wait i said i used one of the [TS]

00:10:28 ◼   ► very beginning of this program I i use [TS]

00:10:31 ◼   ► the word physiognomy which allows you to [TS]

00:10:34 ◼   ► zero physiognomies physiognomies me and [TS]

00:10:37 ◼   ► I and neither one of them sounds right [TS]

00:10:39 ◼   ► and I as a writer i have used this word [TS]

00:10:43 ◼   ► thousand times i think it all the time [TS]

00:10:45 ◼   ► like that that's an interest is [TS]

00:10:47 ◼   ► interesting physiognomy but I do [TS]

00:10:50 ◼   ► actually not know how it is pronounced [TS]

00:10:52 ◼   ► and every time I start to say the word [TS]

00:10:55 ◼   ► I've become aware i'm about I become [TS]

00:10:58 ◼   ► aware that I have gone too far in the [TS]

00:10:59 ◼   ► sentence to not say it and then i'm [TS]

00:11:02 ◼   ► committed and that somewhere halfway i'm [TS]

00:11:05 ◼   ► in the air right doing a Daffy hehe [TS]

00:11:09 ◼   ► don't have time to think about whether [TS]

00:11:10 ◼   ► you should have junk you just need to [TS]

00:11:11 ◼   ► figure out having a land without [TS]

00:11:12 ◼   ► breaking something and I'm going to land [TS]

00:11:14 ◼   ► it and I and I either and depending on [TS]

00:11:16 ◼   ► who the person i'm going to is I either [TS]

00:11:18 ◼   ► go physiognomy is yummy [TS]

00:11:21 ◼   ► because yeah I just I just I try and get [TS]

00:11:24 ◼   ► out of there i try to get to the ground [TS]

00:11:26 ◼   ► is life cycle through an array of every [TS]

00:11:28 ◼   ► conceivable pronunciation [TS]

00:11:29 ◼   ► mispronunciation and here's what you [TS]

00:11:31 ◼   ► look like you're genuinely damaged yeah [TS]

00:11:33 ◼   ► the problem is i have gone multiple [TS]

00:11:36 ◼   ► times two dictionaries and looked at the [TS]

00:11:38 ◼   ► jumble of upside-down use and other you [TS]

00:11:42 ◼   ► know diphthongs trying to figure out [TS]

00:11:44 ◼   ► what the pronunciation of that word is [TS]

00:11:46 ◼   ► and i get i can't make heads or tails of [TS]

00:11:49 ◼   ► it even when I really investigate it and [TS]

00:11:51 ◼   ► I never no one ever uses it no-one ever [TS]

00:11:54 ◼   ► says it out loud right right right [TS]

00:11:56 ◼   ► you're traveling sir [TS]

00:11:57 ◼   ► so I walk through the world waiting for [TS]

00:11:59 ◼   ► some waiting for someone else to say [TS]

00:12:01 ◼   ► that word to me so that i can i can at [TS]

00:12:03 ◼   ► least latch onto their pronunciation of [TS]

00:12:05 ◼   ► it and say fuck it I know one thing I've [TS]

00:12:09 ◼   ► heard it once but I'm not no one ever [TS]

00:12:11 ◼   ► speaks it and I think it's because no [TS]

00:12:12 ◼   ► one else knows how to pronounce it [TS]

00:12:14 ◼   ► I think that's I think it's too i think [TS]

00:12:15 ◼   ► as writerly people we tacitly understand [TS]

00:12:19 ◼   ► that if you don't know the meaning of a [TS]

00:12:21 ◼   ► word don't use it to make sure you could [TS]

00:12:24 ◼   ► you go you go look it up [TS]

00:12:26 ◼   ► that's good you're improving your word [TS]

00:12:28 ◼   ► power you know saying improve your word [TS]

00:12:30 ◼   ► power you want to prove your word power [TS]

00:12:32 ◼   ► I'm just saying though you might you [TS]

00:12:33 ◼   ► might want to be careful if you are [TS]

00:12:35 ◼   ► using the word and don't like the times [TS]

00:12:37 ◼   ► for example that I have said expendable [TS]

00:12:39 ◼   ► when I meant flexible [TS]

00:12:40 ◼   ► ok that was really super embarrassing [TS]

00:12:43 ◼   ► right I I used to say I used to say [TS]

00:12:47 ◼   ► momentum when I meant inertia [TS]

00:12:50 ◼   ► oh no I notice these things a lot more [TS]

00:12:53 ◼   ► than I used to and I don't think of [TS]

00:12:55 ◼   ► myself as a word nerd but i really like [TS]

00:12:57 ◼   ► i really like using the appropriate word [TS]

00:13:00 ◼   ► and it drives me crazy when i realized [TS]

00:13:02 ◼   ► i've been using an incorrect or in exact [TS]

00:13:04 ◼   ► word for a long time [TS]

00:13:06 ◼   ► yeah yeah the the hardest part of doing [TS]

00:13:12 ◼   ► that is getting corrected like the [TS]

00:13:16 ◼   ► momentum and inertia one I knew i was [TS]

00:13:18 ◼   ► using it wrong [TS]

00:13:19 ◼   ► I mean I knew I was it was one of those [TS]

00:13:21 ◼   ► things where you're searching you're [TS]

00:13:22 ◼   ► doing the Terminator and you're [TS]

00:13:24 ◼   ► searching your a your pc here heads-up [TS]

00:13:27 ◼   ► display feet for fuck you asshole [TS]

00:13:29 ◼   ► momentum asshole and and I and I just [TS]

00:13:33 ◼   ► didn't have inertia entered into my did [TS]

00:13:38 ◼   ► my you know my dictionary for that [TS]

00:13:40 ◼   ► application and it's not that I had [TS]

00:13:43 ◼   ► learned it I just hadn't gotten it [TS]

00:13:45 ◼   ► wasn't on the short list and i kept [TS]

00:13:47 ◼   ► getting to momentum and just saying it [TS]

00:13:50 ◼   ► because I wanted to get on with the [TS]

00:13:52 ◼   ► thought right and neat the bass player [TS]

00:13:55 ◼   ► of the decemberists once in a bar said [TS]

00:13:59 ◼   ► do you mean inertia and i was like i do [TS]

00:14:03 ◼   ► mean inertia thank you [TS]

00:14:06 ◼   ► and then that use of that word is now [TS]

00:14:10 ◼   ► tied to Nate query and I bet you still [TS]

00:14:17 ◼   ► think about it i cannot say the word and [TS]

00:14:20 ◼   ► then I cannot say inertia in the way [TS]

00:14:22 ◼   ► that I mean it's now without without [TS]

00:14:24 ◼   ► picturing him picturing his kindly face [TS]

00:14:26 ◼   ► you know i am and i happen to like him [TS]

00:14:29 ◼   ► very much and he meant he meant that in [TS]

00:14:30 ◼   ► a very nice what I mean he wasn't [TS]

00:14:31 ◼   ► ashamed people I I i still this is a [TS]

00:14:35 ◼   ► little bit of a call back but now for [TS]

00:14:38 ◼   ► the last few months every time that's [TS]

00:14:39 ◼   ► rare that i drink from a water fountain [TS]

00:14:41 ◼   ► but every time I drink from a water [TS]

00:14:42 ◼   ► fountain now I think of your friend that [TS]

00:14:44 ◼   ► I've never met who told me to think of [TS]

00:14:47 ◼   ► him when i drink from a water fountain [TS]

00:14:49 ◼   ► that's right oh my god it's it's it's [TS]

00:14:51 ◼   ► it's a it's a mental virus expanding 30 [TS]

00:14:54 ◼   ► years it's ridiculous and i'll bet you [TS]

00:14:56 ◼   ► right now there are people listening to [TS]

00:14:57 ◼   ► the show that are gonna go drink drink [TS]

00:14:59 ◼   ► from a water fountain they're gonna [TS]

00:15:00 ◼   ► think of me thinking of your friend that [TS]

00:15:03 ◼   ► they've never met language is a virus [TS]

00:15:05 ◼   ► who it's insane [TS]

00:15:07 ◼   ► he planted that bug knowingly well [TS]

00:15:10 ◼   ► because you say this [TS]

00:15:11 ◼   ► what a dick here's the thing and I you [TS]

00:15:13 ◼   ► know I don't have I feel myself like [TS]

00:15:17 ◼   ► like slowly grinding into permanent old [TS]

00:15:20 ◼   ► man mode it's happening to it so fast [TS]

00:15:23 ◼   ► when we started this podcast we're still [TS]

00:15:25 ◼   ► young men were a podcast of ideas and [TS]

00:15:28 ◼   ► now we are just let leibnitz and and the [TS]

00:15:33 ◼   ► and solar installer here's the thing I i [TS]

00:15:40 ◼   ► am not one of the i don't think i'm one [TS]

00:15:42 ◼   ► of those people that feels like the [TS]

00:15:43 ◼   ► language should be static is obviously [TS]

00:15:45 ◼   ► it's always evolving [TS]

00:15:47 ◼   ► you're not a member of the french [TS]

00:15:47 ◼   ► academy for instance who may know who [TS]

00:15:50 ◼   ► believes that we should say from a [TS]

00:15:52 ◼   ► bourgeois instead of cheeseburger about [TS]

00:15:56 ◼   ► the foremost booze wha [TS]

00:15:58 ◼   ► we used at least uh like to harass our [TS]

00:16:00 ◼   ► French literature teacher who is also [TS]

00:16:03 ◼   ► the French language teacher and so we [TS]

00:16:04 ◼   ► would just ask him asinine things in the [TS]

00:16:06 ◼   ► middle class all the time and we say [TS]

00:16:09 ◼   ► quickly said you know what is a [TS]

00:16:11 ◼   ► professor was called mr. Hixon just to [TS]

00:16:13 ◼   ► get on his nerves mr. Jackson how do you [TS]

00:16:14 ◼   ► sell say my nails salon perfect would [TS]

00:16:17 ◼   ► you say my maison parfait salon you [TS]

00:16:20 ◼   ► talking about flow barrage and you would [TS]

00:16:24 ◼   ► have to say might know my nails are [TS]

00:16:25 ◼   ► perfect as though I have just come from [TS]

00:16:27 ◼   ► the salon uh i was explaining to do my [TS]

00:16:32 ◼   ► daughter yesterday that the actual words [TS]

00:16:35 ◼   ► of a fresh acha the actual English [TS]

00:16:39 ◼   ► traditional singing that night [TS]

00:16:41 ◼   ► yeah and the actual translation should [TS]

00:16:44 ◼   ► be brother John brother John sleeping [TS]

00:16:49 ◼   ► are you sleeping on and she was just [TS]

00:16:51 ◼   ► like what [TS]

00:16:53 ◼   ► yeah this is insane I was like yeah I'm [TS]

00:16:55 ◼   ► telling you that's why we're in a very [TS]

00:16:58 ◼   ► tenuous military alliance with friends [TS]

00:17:01 ◼   ► that's true yeah yeah no absolutely [TS]

00:17:03 ◼   ► there's you know there's there's [TS]

00:17:04 ◼   ► cognates in his cognates you know i'm [TS]

00:17:06 ◼   ► saying i do my problem is and I you know [TS]

00:17:09 ◼   ► it's you I i like the evolution of [TS]

00:17:11 ◼   ► things i do get i'm not a big fan of [TS]

00:17:14 ◼   ► hella when I hear that I mean hella is [TS]

00:17:17 ◼   ► kind of the like as hella is to this [TS]

00:17:21 ◼   ► generation as you know was two hours in [TS]

00:17:23 ◼   ► some ways just in the sense that it [TS]

00:17:25 ◼   ► becomes something that you are just [TS]

00:17:26 ◼   ► you're putting in everywhere its that's [TS]

00:17:28 ◼   ► ok that's ok here's my general [TS]

00:17:30 ◼   ► overarching issue it's not really a [TS]

00:17:32 ◼   ► language problem it's a communication [TS]

00:17:33 ◼   ► problem i think there are probably think [TS]

00:17:35 ◼   ► pieces about this on medium right now I [TS]

00:17:38 ◼   ► think young people don't know how to [TS]

00:17:39 ◼   ► communicate with other people anymore [TS]

00:17:41 ◼   ► who talking more old man [TS]

00:17:44 ◼   ► well I for example I you think about [TS]

00:17:48 ◼   ► talking to somebody on the phone and [TS]

00:17:51 ◼   ► nobody likes try not to i know i know [TS]

00:17:53 ◼   ► nobody likes talking on the phone but [TS]

00:17:54 ◼   ► there are times when it is the quickest [TS]

00:17:56 ◼   ► path to communication [TS]

00:17:59 ◼   ► and I maybe this is just because again [TS]

00:18:01 ◼   ► because i was a little kid in a [TS]

00:18:02 ◼   ► different age but I speak very clearly [TS]

00:18:05 ◼   ► when I'm on the phone I focus very [TS]

00:18:09 ◼   ► heavily and I risk sounding like I'm [TS]

00:18:12 ◼   ► being very repetitious by making sure [TS]

00:18:13 ◼   ► that we all understood what we just said [TS]

00:18:15 ◼   ► and agreed right just just cuz i think [TS]

00:18:18 ◼   ► it's really useful to go i do that an [TS]

00:18:19 ◼   ► email to do that all the time just click [TS]

00:18:20 ◼   ► just to clarify we're meeting tomorrow / [TS]

00:18:23 ◼   ► tuesday that dumb stuff you know and [TS]

00:18:25 ◼   ► rest but I feel like I talk to so like [TS]

00:18:28 ◼   ► sometimes we get groceries delivered [TS]

00:18:29 ◼   ► from this place in town they have to [TS]

00:18:30 ◼   ► call if there's a replacement and [TS]

00:18:33 ◼   ► they're not even talking into the phone [TS]

00:18:36 ◼   ► I don't know what they're doing with [TS]

00:18:37 ◼   ► their phone but they don't they don't [TS]

00:18:39 ◼   ► know how to communicate they don't know [TS]

00:18:41 ◼   ► how to pause to let the other person [TS]

00:18:43 ◼   ► speak they don't have to account for [TS]

00:18:44 ◼   ► latency and a call it just just kind of [TS]

00:18:46 ◼   ► meandering like it's just yeah you're [TS]

00:18:48 ◼   ► talking about you forget this [TS]

00:18:50 ◼   ► mhm and I've heard it said turns out [TS]

00:18:52 ◼   ► I've heard it said that a lot of people [TS]

00:18:53 ◼   ► say a lot of people say that also means [TS]

00:18:57 ◼   ► not something to eye contact when they [TS]

00:18:58 ◼   ► talk em makes them uncomfortable ICS [TS]

00:19:02 ◼   ► mmog an emoji John you should get more [TS]

00:19:05 ◼   ► into emoji you know I'm really behind on [TS]

00:19:09 ◼   ► emojis i'm an old enough guy that I [TS]

00:19:11 ◼   ► can't see what happened emojis are they [TS]

00:19:13 ◼   ► all look like the turd right somebody [TS]

00:19:16 ◼   ► sent me like a a a winking devil cat not [TS]

00:19:20 ◼   ► a turd [TS]

00:19:21 ◼   ► I look over the top of my classes really [TS]

00:19:23 ◼   ► setting they occurred and that i'm here [TS]

00:19:26 ◼   ► today and what is that in that face [TS]

00:19:28 ◼   ► anxious is it scared what the turd face [TS]

00:19:31 ◼   ► no wonder people the turd face you get [TS]

00:19:33 ◼   ► is turn but yeah the other the other [TS]

00:19:35 ◼   ► thing is also the I refused to stop [TS]

00:19:38 ◼   ► using sentences and punctuation when i [TS]

00:19:41 ◼   ► text people and i'm told that that makes [TS]

00:19:43 ◼   ► me sound angry [TS]

00:19:44 ◼   ► OIC yeah right you need to end [TS]

00:19:47 ◼   ► everything with a ! three options at [TS]

00:19:50 ◼   ► them if you're saying thank you you're [TS]

00:19:52 ◼   ► supposed to say thanks with an [TS]

00:19:53 ◼   ► unnecessary ! failing at that you say [TS]

00:19:56 ◼   ► thanks with no punctuation well oh and [TS]

00:19:59 ◼   ► if you say thanks for the period it's [TS]

00:20:01 ◼   ► considered a fuck you [TS]

00:20:02 ◼   ► alright thanks thanks thanks [TS]

00:20:06 ◼   ► yeah well I you know I have struggled [TS]

00:20:09 ◼   ► with this a lot and I that is we have we [TS]

00:20:11 ◼   ► have really jumped the old man chart but [TS]

00:20:14 ◼   ► I've definitely struggled with the lack [TS]

00:20:16 ◼   ► of my socks so hard to put on where does [TS]

00:20:19 ◼   ► that other one go [TS]

00:20:20 ◼   ► I put two in the dryer I'm sure don't [TS]

00:20:23 ◼   ► they know old people like hard candy why [TS]

00:20:25 ◼   ► the jar so hard to open [TS]

00:20:27 ◼   ► yeah i do I have succumbed somewhat to [TS]

00:20:32 ◼   ► the ! a escalation because I I recognize [TS]

00:20:39 ◼   ► you know I do a lot of texting and I [TS]

00:20:41 ◼   ► recognize that the thanks with a period [TS]

00:20:44 ◼   ► is a little is a little bit of a it's a [TS]

00:20:50 ◼   ► little cold mayonnaise you know a little [TS]

00:20:52 ◼   ► bit of its like me but i have said hella [TS]

00:20:56 ◼   ► for 30 years and have hella is one of [TS]

00:21:02 ◼   ► those things like like dude or like like [TS]

00:21:09 ◼   ► in the early 90s late late eighties [TS]

00:21:12 ◼   ► there was a there was that verbal tic [TS]

00:21:16 ◼   ► that went around for a while where you'd [TS]

00:21:18 ◼   ► say like you know oh my god today is [TS]

00:21:20 ◼   ► beautiful and the other person will say [TS]

00:21:23 ◼   ► yeah it is yeah right and you'd be like [TS]

00:21:26 ◼   ► yeah it is [TS]

00:21:27 ◼   ► they're like yeah it is and it's it felt [TS]

00:21:30 ◼   ► like it was a challenge and then I [TS]

00:21:32 ◼   ► picked that up and a dude and and hella [TS]

00:21:36 ◼   ► both were words that i started using [TS]

00:21:38 ◼   ► initially as that uh I was charity so I [TS]

00:21:43 ◼   ► was parodied sarcastic yeah like Oh [TS]

00:21:45 ◼   ► hella and then it just became like I say [TS]

00:21:49 ◼   ► dude and have said dude I think it's [TS]

00:21:52 ◼   ► about a week-and-a-half yeah it off to [TS]

00:21:54 ◼   ► go from doing any better voice is a joke [TS]

00:21:56 ◼   ► to not being able to stop [TS]

00:21:58 ◼   ► yep and it was one of those for me and [TS]

00:22:00 ◼   ► and using a lot though [TS]

00:22:02 ◼   ► no I'm not like an animal I'm not like [TS]

00:22:04 ◼   ► some kinda like hella hella dude you've [TS]

00:22:07 ◼   ► got like it out is it [TS]

00:22:09 ◼   ► hello amount i do got the other one i've [TS]

00:22:11 ◼   ► been did I think i actually saw an [TS]

00:22:13 ◼   ► article somewhere about this recently [TS]

00:22:14 ◼   ► the the ascendance of no yeah or like [TS]

00:22:18 ◼   ► that up that moves real [TS]

00:22:20 ◼   ► good night was great like what happen [TS]

00:22:22 ◼   ► haha i do i I do it all the time no [TS]

00:22:25 ◼   ► really it was great [TS]

00:22:26 ◼   ► yeah I wanted to agree with somebody by [TS]

00:22:29 ◼   ► starting by saying no you so lately i [TS]

00:22:34 ◼   ► have really I I know what we're getting [TS]

00:22:36 ◼   ► at here which is that where relevant [TS]

00:22:39 ◼   ► well know that we're both very confused [TS]

00:22:42 ◼   ► because on the one hand we do want [TS]

00:22:44 ◼   ► language to be useful and meaningful and [TS]

00:22:47 ◼   ► and follow some rules right that seems [TS]

00:22:51 ◼   ► normal that seems regular at but then we [TS]

00:22:54 ◼   ► don't we don't want to stand in the way [TS]

00:22:57 ◼   ► of the the constant evolution of of [TS]

00:23:00 ◼   ► communication and be like old and be [TS]

00:23:03 ◼   ► angry about it but at the same time the [TS]

00:23:08 ◼   ► entire theme of this podcast for three [TS]

00:23:10 ◼   ► years has been that standards are [TS]

00:23:11 ◼   ► declining everywhere [TS]

00:23:13 ◼   ► yeah and we need to like that but like [TS]

00:23:17 ◼   ► pull up our pants and and go back to [TS]

00:23:19 ◼   ► work as at our jobs and so i don't know [TS]

00:23:24 ◼   ► i i'm talking about personally who i am [TS]

00:23:29 ◼   ► i'm navigating these these very [TS]

00:23:32 ◼   ► precipitous hills in my own life and [TS]

00:23:36 ◼   ► just wondering i cannot surrender right [TS]

00:23:38 ◼   ► that isn't in my nature to just [TS]

00:23:40 ◼   ► surrender i need to capitulate to do to [TS]

00:23:44 ◼   ► capitulate think that's the better word [TS]

00:23:46 ◼   ► but at the same time it's important to [TS]

00:23:49 ◼   ► listen and learn [TS]

00:23:51 ◼   ► you know there's there's there's there's [TS]

00:23:52 ◼   ► a lot of the I've been seeing this a lot [TS]

00:23:54 ◼   ► lately where people say like well you [TS]

00:23:56 ◼   ► just need to listen now and I go I'm [TS]

00:23:59 ◼   ► comfortable listening and learning i [TS]

00:24:02 ◼   ► really am I have been doing that my [TS]

00:24:03 ◼   ► whole life i like it it's a great thing [TS]

00:24:05 ◼   ► but at a certain point that like you [TS]

00:24:08 ◼   ► just need to listen is being used as a [TS]

00:24:10 ◼   ► way of saying you just need to [TS]

00:24:13 ◼   ► capitulate haha alright and yeah like [TS]

00:24:17 ◼   ► listening and learning is wonderful but [TS]

00:24:19 ◼   ► then it will get there there's also some [TS]

00:24:21 ◼   ► you know there needs to be some [TS]

00:24:24 ◼   ► back-and-forth or some pushback on some [TS]

00:24:25 ◼   ► ideas right for some more some asking to [TS]

00:24:28 ◼   ► clarify right asking to clarify or or [TS]

00:24:31 ◼   ► you know or just think [TS]

00:24:33 ◼   ► King churning on it right i mean there's [TS]

00:24:35 ◼   ► there's and other that little tick that [TS]

00:24:38 ◼   ► I just did which is to end every [TS]

00:24:40 ◼   ► sentence with right ? oh yeah super [TS]

00:24:43 ◼   ► annoying and I was pointed out it was [TS]

00:24:46 ◼   ► pointed out [TS]

00:24:47 ◼   ► not that I was doing it but i was at an [TS]

00:24:50 ◼   ► event where the hubby host you know a [TS]

00:24:53 ◼   ► very educated an erudite woman who was [TS]

00:24:55 ◼   ► giving a long presentation said right at [TS]

00:25:00 ◼   ► the end of every sentence until it was [TS]

00:25:04 ◼   ► you know until it rub it was like you [TS]

00:25:05 ◼   ► know you really notice it was like a [TS]

00:25:07 ◼   ► foghorn in the room and end it and you [TS]

00:25:10 ◼   ► know it didn't detract from like the [TS]

00:25:13 ◼   ► real smartness of the presentation it [TS]

00:25:16 ◼   ► just was like you started to wince at [TS]

00:25:19 ◼   ► the end of her senses like I'll got [TS]

00:25:20 ◼   ► ology did it again right [TS]

00:25:23 ◼   ► and pretty soon so you can notice but so [TS]

00:25:25 ◼   ► I don't know you know we do have an [TS]

00:25:29 ◼   ► obligate this is this must be the this [TS]

00:25:30 ◼   ► this must be be like the the the [TS]

00:25:37 ◼   ► terrible thing about middle-aged this [TS]

00:25:39 ◼   ► must be it [TS]

00:25:40 ◼   ► merlin which is just to stand athwart [TS]

00:25:42 ◼   ► two areas and to say now hold on wait [TS]

00:25:49 ◼   ► just everyone hold on justice and that [TS]

00:25:52 ◼   ► must be why middle-aged people are so [TS]

00:25:54 ◼   ► uncomfortable and why it's why this why [TS]

00:25:58 ◼   ► they buy red Corvette why it's talked [TS]

00:26:00 ◼   ► about is such a difficult time right and [TS]

00:26:03 ◼   ► we're experiencing it [TS]

00:26:05 ◼   ► yeah I'm because your enemy it's fine i [TS]

00:26:07 ◼   ► can't stop thinking this recent episode [TS]

00:26:08 ◼   ► of louie ck that the live show where he [TS]

00:26:11 ◼   ► he begins by being mad about the ways [TS]

00:26:13 ◼   ► treated at this cookware store fantastic [TS]

00:26:16 ◼   ► episode but you know in the woman [TS]

00:26:18 ◼   ► basically just confront him she's like [TS]

00:26:19 ◼   ► I'm 24 I on my own store in Manhattan is [TS]

00:26:21 ◼   ► this the way you always threatened by [TS]

00:26:23 ◼   ► being around young people and he's [TS]

00:26:24 ◼   ► getting his dander up and you know like [TS]

00:26:26 ◼   ► why don't you want to learn about [TS]

00:26:27 ◼   ► customer service since i got good wins [TS]

00:26:29 ◼   ► sonoma they'll treat you nice them look [TS]

00:26:31 ◼   ► look but you know because this Q 24 year [TS]

00:26:33 ◼   ► old asian woman who owns her own store [TS]

00:26:34 ◼   ► one kiss his ass like he's accustomed to [TS]

00:26:36 ◼   ► and she basically called the shit on it [TS]

00:26:38 ◼   ► goes like well you're you know you're [TS]

00:26:39 ◼   ► getting older you're becoming less [TS]

00:26:40 ◼   ► relevant if you want your kids to evolve [TS]

00:26:42 ◼   ► become better than you see things are [TS]

00:26:43 ◼   ► working out fine [TS]

00:26:44 ◼   ► that but it also makes you think you [TS]

00:26:48 ◼   ► know I i guess it was a long time before [TS]

00:26:49 ◼   ► I really thought about this just that [TS]

00:26:51 ◼   ► distinction between you talk about [TS]

00:26:53 ◼   ► having two people saying you should just [TS]

00:26:55 ◼   ► got listen I mean I think the first [TS]

00:26:57 ◼   ► distinction between listening and [TS]

00:26:58 ◼   ► hearing that i became aware of is that [TS]

00:27:00 ◼   ► you can hear stuff just stopped for you [TS]

00:27:03 ◼   ► have to hear what's going on around you [TS]

00:27:05 ◼   ► I hear traffic noise outside but i'm not [TS]

00:27:06 ◼   ► paying a ton of attention to it when I'm [TS]

00:27:08 ◼   ► listening I'm focusing my attention on [TS]

00:27:10 ◼   ► what people are saying with the [TS]

00:27:12 ◼   ► understand with the with the implicit [TS]

00:27:14 ◼   ► now I'm hearing triangle by I hear these [TS]

00:27:16 ◼   ► things but when I'm listening to them [TS]

00:27:18 ◼   ► i'm focusing my attention with with [TS]

00:27:20 ◼   ► partly the idea that i want to [TS]

00:27:22 ◼   ► understand it better but that was I [TS]

00:27:24 ◼   ► think that's a pretty good distinction [TS]

00:27:25 ◼   ► but a more recent one that's really been [TS]

00:27:27 ◼   ► occurring to me because internet is the [TS]

00:27:29 ◼   ► difference between hearing and listening [TS]

00:27:30 ◼   ► listening means that you pay attention [TS]

00:27:35 ◼   ► to something for more than content when [TS]

00:27:37 ◼   ► you I think when you listen to someone [TS]

00:27:39 ◼   ► you're looking to go way beyond what [TS]

00:27:41 ◼   ► they think they're saying what you think [TS]

00:27:44 ◼   ► they're saying to learn more about who [TS]

00:27:46 ◼   ► they are and what they think and the [TS]

00:27:48 ◼   ► context for why they're saying what [TS]

00:27:50 ◼   ► they're saying that you know god damn it [TS]

00:27:52 ◼   ► you fucking gamergate douchebags it [TS]

00:27:54 ◼   ► means more than just trying to [TS]

00:27:56 ◼   ► contradict the facts of what somebody [TS]

00:27:57 ◼   ► says right means trying to hear what [TS]

00:28:00 ◼   ► they're saying and then listen to why [TS]

00:28:02 ◼   ► they're saying it so that you can [TS]

00:28:04 ◼   ► understand the context for more than why [TS]

00:28:06 ◼   ► they're not looking for a note from you [TS]

00:28:09 ◼   ► on how they said it and what they said [TS]

00:28:10 ◼   ► they're looking for you to have some [TS]

00:28:12 ◼   ► empathy that sometimes means not talking [TS]

00:28:14 ◼   ► sometimes that empathy means you just [TS]

00:28:16 ◼   ► have to you're gonna have to sit here [TS]

00:28:17 ◼   ► it's like meditation it's not going to [TS]

00:28:19 ◼   ► take one minute to get good at this [TS]

00:28:20 ◼   ► you're going to be here for a while and [TS]

00:28:21 ◼   ► just not talk for a little while in [TS]

00:28:23 ◼   ► order to really understand what these [TS]

00:28:24 ◼   ► folks are talking about [TS]

00:28:26 ◼   ► yeah and all those listen that's listen [TS]

00:28:28 ◼   ► to me ultimately listening is an [TS]

00:28:29 ◼   ► emotional exercise as opposed to hearing [TS]

00:28:33 ◼   ► right and listening is so often right [TS]

00:28:37 ◼   ► the when someone says just listen to me [TS]

00:28:40 ◼   ► what their what they mean is don't ever [TS]

00:28:43 ◼   ► stone ever offer a solution like I'm [TS]

00:28:47 ◼   ► don't ever offer a critique I just want [TS]

00:28:51 ◼   ► you to listen as an emotional to be [TS]

00:28:55 ◼   ► emotionally receptive you know so many [TS]

00:28:57 ◼   ► people want [TS]

00:28:57 ◼   ► to just be heard and it's it's it's [TS]

00:29:01 ◼   ► alien to me because I'm you know I'm [TS]

00:29:05 ◼   ► from the beginning right I i was that I [TS]

00:29:10 ◼   ► was at a preschool meeting the other day [TS]

00:29:12 ◼   ► and then and that teacher got up and [TS]

00:29:14 ◼   ► said to everybody in the room can you [TS]

00:29:17 ◼   ► remember the first time that you really [TS]

00:29:19 ◼   ► felt heard by a teacher and everybody [TS]

00:29:23 ◼   ► you know knotted thoughtfully and she [TS]

00:29:24 ◼   ► was like I remember the first time I was [TS]

00:29:26 ◼   ► ever heard by a teacher i was in 11th [TS]

00:29:28 ◼   ► grade and the teacher you know really [TS]

00:29:30 ◼   ► heard my project and it and you know and [TS]

00:29:35 ◼   ► his response was what made me decide to [TS]

00:29:38 ◼   ► be a teacher myself you know and we went [TS]

00:29:41 ◼   ► around the room and everybody told the [TS]

00:29:43 ◼   ► story about the first time they were [TS]

00:29:45 ◼   ► ever heard really heard and noticed and [TS]

00:29:48 ◼   ► seen by a teacher and you know the the [TS]

00:29:54 ◼   ► problem for me was that there was never [TS]

00:29:55 ◼   ► a time in my life when I didn't feel [TS]

00:29:58 ◼   ► hurt by the teachers when I was three [TS]

00:30:02 ◼   ► years old I assumed I was being listened [TS]

00:30:06 ◼   ► to by the teachers and all the way [TS]

00:30:10 ◼   ► through school I never once occurred to [TS]

00:30:13 ◼   ► me that the teacher didn't know not only [TS]

00:30:16 ◼   ► you know my name and what I was working [TS]

00:30:18 ◼   ► on and and was validating my process but [TS]

00:30:22 ◼   ► was like celebrating me and I see it in [TS]

00:30:25 ◼   ► my daughter to like there's there's no [TS]

00:30:28 ◼   ► question in her mind that that that [TS]

00:30:32 ◼   ► everyone is listening to her and it's a [TS]

00:30:36 ◼   ► and I was sitting next to a woman who [TS]

00:30:38 ◼   ► was like well you know I no one ever [TS]

00:30:40 ◼   ► listen to me I but I got straight A's [TS]

00:30:42 ◼   ► and that's how I knew that's how they [TS]

00:30:44 ◼   ► knew me they knew me as the girl that [TS]

00:30:47 ◼   ► got straight a's but I you know I don't [TS]

00:30:48 ◼   ► think anybody I never spoke I was like [TS]

00:30:51 ◼   ► it's very different very different [TS]

00:30:54 ◼   ► experience that I've had and you know [TS]

00:30:58 ◼   ► and and in contrast to what what what [TS]

00:31:02 ◼   ► kind of surprised me was the majority [TS]

00:31:04 ◼   ► experience which was feeling unheard [TS]

00:31:06 ◼   ► and so you know that that my whole life [TS]

00:31:12 ◼   ► I've spent learning to listen without [TS]

00:31:16 ◼   ► offering a an opinion how boy because [TS]

00:31:22 ◼   ► you know though because the it was a it [TS]

00:31:27 ◼   ► was not my instinct right and I have [TS]

00:31:30 ◼   ► known a lot of strong people who have [TS]

00:31:33 ◼   ► said over and over since the time I was [TS]

00:31:34 ◼   ► 22 years old i am going to i had a bad [TS]

00:31:37 ◼   ► day today I'm going to talk about it to [TS]

00:31:40 ◼   ► you and I would like you to just listen [TS]

00:31:42 ◼   ► and that was a that was a something it [TS]

00:31:46 ◼   ► when i was 18 19 20 it was really hard [TS]

00:31:48 ◼   ► for me to just listen [TS]

00:31:49 ◼   ► but I've learned I learned to do it it's [TS]

00:31:51 ◼   ► the it's like you say it's um it's one [TS]

00:31:54 ◼   ► of the things you do in a relationship [TS]

00:31:55 ◼   ► I'm trying to avoid the else in the room [TS]

00:31:57 ◼   ► its i think that what you're describing [TS]

00:32:00 ◼   ► is absolutely true and i think that for [TS]

00:32:02 ◼   ► something like 25 years now we looked at [TS]

00:32:04 ◼   ► it as this Mars and Venus thing where I [TS]

00:32:07 ◼   ► mean I was all speak for myself it [TS]

00:32:09 ◼   ► I didn't realize how terrible i was at [TS]

00:32:11 ◼   ► just listening to people for a very long [TS]

00:32:13 ◼   ► time i realize i'm still not as good at [TS]

00:32:15 ◼   ► it as like as I can be but i'm at least [TS]

00:32:18 ◼   ► aware that i need to just fucking relax [TS]

00:32:20 ◼   ► and let the other person talk sometimes [TS]

00:32:23 ◼   ► not just because you know one thing also [TS]

00:32:25 ◼   ► with with both of us is not an excuse or [TS]

00:32:27 ◼   ► a to forgiveness but when we say things [TS]

00:32:29 ◼   ► like right like you don't mean like I [TS]

00:32:32 ◼   ► think that shows in some ways that where [TS]

00:32:34 ◼   ► it's not just that we want you to agree [TS]

00:32:35 ◼   ► with us like I'm constantly doubting [TS]

00:32:37 ◼   ► whether i said what i was actually [TS]

00:32:39 ◼   ► thinking whether my thought made any [TS]

00:32:41 ◼   ► sense and whether i'm really just having [TS]

00:32:43 ◼   ► if I'm just not realizing i haven't [TS]

00:32:45 ◼   ► faced yet i'm constantly thinking do I [TS]

00:32:47 ◼   ► make any sense when I speak to people [TS]

00:32:49 ◼   ► don't want to hear myself and I say [TS]

00:32:50 ◼   ► things like that make sense [TS]

00:32:51 ◼   ► like I know how needy that sounds but [TS]

00:32:53 ◼   ► part of that is actually me going like [TS]

00:32:55 ◼   ► ah my brain just runs all the time it's [TS]

00:32:59 ◼   ► just going and going and going and [TS]

00:33:00 ◼   ► sometimes it's like little gumball [TS]

00:33:01 ◼   ► machine your pop little slot open and [TS]

00:33:03 ◼   ► sometimes stuff comes out and i'm just [TS]

00:33:04 ◼   ► not even sure if that constitutes [TS]

00:33:06 ◼   ► anything meaningful so part of that is [TS]

00:33:08 ◼   ► when you say things like it becomes a [TS]

00:33:09 ◼   ► tick but it starts out as from that [TS]

00:33:11 ◼   ► terrible place [TS]

00:33:12 ◼   ► um I mean to me that's even different [TS]

00:33:15 ◼   ► from you know what I mean yeah you know [TS]

00:33:16 ◼   ► what I mean or like you know Walter [TS]

00:33:18 ◼   ► Sobchak am I wrong like this or does [TS]

00:33:20 ◼   ► all mean kind of different things yeah I [TS]

00:33:21 ◼   ► was it was there was a little bit of [TS]

00:33:23 ◼   ► adjustment when you and I got to be [TS]

00:33:25 ◼   ► friends when you would get to the end of [TS]

00:33:27 ◼   ► someone go right and i would hear that [TS]

00:33:30 ◼   ► means I'm done talking [TS]

00:33:31 ◼   ► well I was here like that you expected [TS]

00:33:33 ◼   ► an affirmation and then later later on [TS]

00:33:36 ◼   ► as time went on I realized that you were [TS]

00:33:38 ◼   ► seriously asking correct am I correct or [TS]

00:33:41 ◼   ► sometimes yeah for sure you know do you [TS]

00:33:44 ◼   ► d-does what I've just said and does my [TS]

00:33:46 ◼   ► perception square with your perception [TS]

00:33:47 ◼   ► but beyond that the beyond the beyond [TS]

00:33:50 ◼   ► the Mars and Venus part it uh it is [TS]

00:33:53 ◼   ► something that I think most men I [TS]

00:33:55 ◼   ► probably in America men of our age [TS]

00:33:59 ◼   ► how are really thinking about this maybe [TS]

00:34:02 ◼   ► I'm projecting here but i was thinking [TS]

00:34:03 ◼   ► about it seriously for the first time [TS]

00:34:06 ◼   ► because we've expected that everybody [TS]

00:34:07 ◼   ► was going to listen to us and what we [TS]

00:34:08 ◼   ► had to say and if they didn't they were [TS]

00:34:10 ◼   ► they were dumber black like that they [TS]

00:34:12 ◼   ► just couldn't get like how what we're [TS]

00:34:15 ◼   ► saying should be received wisdom in some [TS]

00:34:18 ◼   ► ways and I don't know it's uh I'm [TS]

00:34:20 ◼   ► finding it a very very interesting [TS]

00:34:23 ◼   ► challenge to get better at that and that [TS]

00:34:27 ◼   ► was despite back to that other personal [TS]

00:34:28 ◼   ► example those my nicely the worst like [TS]

00:34:30 ◼   ► if I had a look at girlfriend who had a [TS]

00:34:32 ◼   ► bad day i was i was always ready to just [TS]

00:34:35 ◼   ► be the problem solver before she could [TS]

00:34:37 ◼   ► even she would exhale start to speak a [TS]

00:34:39 ◼   ► sentence and i would start coming up [TS]

00:34:41 ◼   ► with ideas why don't you take a bath [TS]

00:34:42 ◼   ► want to take a walk should get some [TS]

00:34:44 ◼   ► dinner [TS]

00:34:44 ◼   ► oh that probably wasn't what you thought [TS]

00:34:46 ◼   ► it was and i'm offering all these things [TS]

00:34:47 ◼   ► to do what to a solve a problem but [TS]

00:34:49 ◼   ► importantly be just make her feel better [TS]

00:34:52 ◼   ► and everything is that's not my job like [TS]

00:34:55 ◼   ► is I'm not there to make her feel better [TS]

00:34:57 ◼   ► i'm here to shut the fuck up and let her [TS]

00:34:58 ◼   ► describe what it is clear that what [TS]

00:35:00 ◼   ► she's feeling [TS]

00:35:01 ◼   ► although part of your job as being as [TS]

00:35:04 ◼   ► being a you know in a relationship with [TS]

00:35:05 ◼   ► somebody is to make them feel better and [TS]

00:35:07 ◼   ► that's what's now just not always on my [TS]

00:35:10 ◼   ► terms [TS]

00:35:10 ◼   ► yeah i think the difference between [TS]

00:35:11 ◼   ► making somebody making somebody feel [TS]

00:35:13 ◼   ► better about something versus just [TS]

00:35:15 ◼   ► trying to make everything go back to [TS]

00:35:18 ◼   ► this the way that you're comfortable [TS]

00:35:19 ◼   ► with [TS]

00:35:20 ◼   ► I mean this is the primary the primary [TS]

00:35:23 ◼   ► problem in my mother's relationship with [TS]

00:35:25 ◼   ► my sister which is that my mother is a [TS]

00:35:28 ◼   ► solver and my sister wants [TS]

00:35:31 ◼   ► to talk about our feelings and so [TS]

00:35:34 ◼   ► although they're you know they're [TS]

00:35:37 ◼   ► mother-daughter bond is is very strong [TS]

00:35:41 ◼   ► my sister comes in and starts to vent [TS]

00:35:44 ◼   ► about her day and my mom says well why [TS]

00:35:46 ◼   ► don't you why don't you talk to your [TS]

00:35:49 ◼   ► boss tomorrow and tell him that that [TS]

00:35:50 ◼   ► that's not acceptable and my sister goes [TS]

00:35:53 ◼   ► the problem you know and she then she [TS]

00:35:56 ◼   ► starts to talk about heard a little bit [TS]

00:35:58 ◼   ► more on my mom says well why don't you [TS]

00:35:59 ◼   ► just you know like it if you just [TS]

00:36:02 ◼   ► enrolled at the community center how [TS]

00:36:04 ◼   ► many problems with that and uh it's just [TS]

00:36:07 ◼   ► my mom's nature to do that because you [TS]

00:36:12 ◼   ► know it's very hard to because that [TS]

00:36:15 ◼   ► because the expression might my sister [TS]

00:36:18 ◼   ► the the way that my sister expresses her [TS]

00:36:20 ◼   ► frustration about her day is very [TS]

00:36:23 ◼   ► discomforting right or discomforting [TS]

00:36:27 ◼   ► yeah where you know where she's [TS]

00:36:30 ◼   ► expressing frustration by means of [TS]

00:36:33 ◼   ► saying like it's just it'sit's in just [TS]

00:36:35 ◼   ► that might be another my boss just [TS]

00:36:37 ◼   ► doesn't see that it's not you know like [TS]

00:36:39 ◼   ► I should be able to have a five-minute [TS]

00:36:41 ◼   ► smoking break and you know my sister's [TS]

00:36:43 ◼   ► mad and she's and she's venting and my [TS]

00:36:46 ◼   ► mom says well you know I mean did you [TS]

00:36:49 ◼   ► think to take your five-minute smoking [TS]

00:36:51 ◼   ► break you know when you go to the [TS]

00:36:52 ◼   ► bathroom where my mom's trying to miss [TS]

00:36:54 ◼   ► it and now at that point she's more like [TS]

00:36:55 ◼   ► an editor or or a coach where she's [TS]

00:36:58 ◼   ► trying to like help improve performance [TS]

00:36:59 ◼   ► yeah a coach and and but part of that is [TS]

00:37:02 ◼   ► that that like but I think rationally [TS]

00:37:05 ◼   ► i've been i've been watching this [TS]

00:37:07 ◼   ► dynamic for 40 years but you know my mom [TS]

00:37:10 ◼   ► feels like my sister's agitation is [TS]

00:37:15 ◼   ► something that she wants to help resolve [TS]

00:37:18 ◼   ► sure that that's the biggest part in [TS]

00:37:21 ◼   ► some ways right and that that resolution [TS]

00:37:23 ◼   ► that part of that resolution is that my [TS]

00:37:26 ◼   ► sister isn't seeing or it you know that [TS]

00:37:29 ◼   ► that she could change her behavior and [TS]

00:37:32 ◼   ► resolve this problem or that she could [TS]

00:37:34 ◼   ► take a different tact and what and my [TS]

00:37:36 ◼   ► sister is once just to vent her emotions [TS]

00:37:41 ◼   ► and then the the feeling will pass [TS]

00:37:44 ◼   ► and then she'll go back to doing the [TS]

00:37:48 ◼   ► behavior that got her in trouble with [TS]

00:37:50 ◼   ► her boss you know and and and and and [TS]

00:37:53 ◼   ► partly my perception of it is that is it [TS]

00:37:56 ◼   ► is back to introvert extrovert polarity [TS]

00:38:02 ◼   ► where you know Susan wants to vent her [TS]

00:38:07 ◼   ► emotions she does not want to solve her [TS]

00:38:10 ◼   ► problems and my mom wants to solve [TS]

00:38:12 ◼   ► problems so that emotions do not ever [TS]

00:38:15 ◼   ► enter into it it's a completely [TS]

00:38:18 ◼   ► different paradigm the different [TS]

00:38:20 ◼   ► paradigm and yeah and-and-and watching [TS]

00:38:22 ◼   ► it over the years be characterized in [TS]

00:38:24 ◼   ► the press as a as a Mars Venus issue but [TS]

00:38:27 ◼   ► then watching it play out between the [TS]

00:38:29 ◼   ► two you know the two primary women in my [TS]

00:38:31 ◼   ► family I've had been forced to see it as [TS]

00:38:33 ◼   ► a as part of the either introvert [TS]

00:38:36 ◼   ► extrovert a paradigm or the emotional [TS]

00:38:41 ◼   ► rational you know [TS]

00:38:42 ◼   ► yeah right and and honestly like [TS]

00:38:45 ◼   ► sometimes I laugh and laugh and laugh [TS]

00:38:47 ◼   ► because I hear my sister start to go on [TS]

00:38:50 ◼   ► something and I realized that it isn't a [TS]

00:38:52 ◼   ► you know she just is she just needs to [TS]

00:38:57 ◼   ► offload her feelings about something and [TS]

00:39:01 ◼   ► I look over my mom like please stand [TS]

00:39:03 ◼   ► this just please stay out of it but [TS]

00:39:05 ◼   ► there are other times when listening to [TS]

00:39:07 ◼   ► my sister vent like I also feel like you [TS]

00:39:12 ◼   ► yell about this every afternoon it's the [TS]

00:39:13 ◼   ► same problem every time why don't you [TS]

00:39:15 ◼   ► just stop taking your smoke break right [TS]

00:39:17 ◼   ► under your bosses window is that so [TS]

00:39:19 ◼   ► crazy and and it's a big because [TS]

00:39:24 ◼   ► ultimately like I don't want to hear the [TS]

00:39:26 ◼   ► same emotional vent everyday like it is [TS]

00:39:29 ◼   ► in emotional venting of that kind is [TS]

00:39:32 ◼   ► actually stressful for her to even just [TS]

00:39:36 ◼   ► to be a passive witness just to be a [TS]

00:39:38 ◼   ► listener and that's the that's the [TS]

00:39:40 ◼   ► relationship part of it where you [TS]

00:39:42 ◼   ► realize and then the thing that [TS]

00:39:44 ◼   ► emotional Venters maybe don't always see [TS]

00:39:46 ◼   ► is that listening to them is requires [TS]

00:39:51 ◼   ► energy also and listen even if the event [TS]

00:39:55 ◼   ► they're not in the room I mean just kind [TS]

00:39:56 ◼   ► of preparing for going like wow I [TS]

00:39:58 ◼   ► today went ok yeah right i mean and at [TS]

00:40:02 ◼   ► and this is the this is the classic [TS]

00:40:03 ◼   ► problem that introverts have with [TS]

00:40:05 ◼   ► experts which is that introverts are [TS]

00:40:06 ◼   ► very very aware of what extrovert Sneed [TS]

00:40:11 ◼   ► extrovert are typically not even [TS]

00:40:16 ◼   ► conscious that there is such a thing as [TS]

00:40:18 ◼   ► an introvert let alone that an introvert [TS]

00:40:21 ◼   ► has different needs [TS]

00:40:22 ◼   ► who and so you know my sister is [TS]

00:40:25 ◼   ► conscious of the fact that that week you [TS]

00:40:29 ◼   ► know that we somehow are bad listeners [TS]

00:40:31 ◼   ► but not aware of how much it takes out [TS]

00:40:37 ◼   ► of us to listen to a litany of complaint [TS]

00:40:42 ◼   ► where it seems like the solution is easy [TS]

00:40:44 ◼   ► and this you know this is a this is a [TS]

00:40:46 ◼   ► it's and when I say us it's only that my [TS]

00:40:49 ◼   ► mom and I have a similar nature i got i [TS]

00:40:52 ◼   ► got out of that game a long time ago in [TS]

00:40:54 ◼   ► my own family and that's where [TS]

00:40:56 ◼   ► pretending to read has been a fantastic [TS]

00:41:00 ◼   ► strategy in Milan my whole adult life [TS]

00:41:02 ◼   ► pretending pretending to read struggling [TS]

00:41:05 ◼   ► to actually read while people are [TS]

00:41:06 ◼   ► fighting in the other room but so that [TS]

00:41:09 ◼   ► you know that a that communication style [TS]

00:41:13 ◼   ► like right now we're in an era where [TS]

00:41:16 ◼   ► listening and talking are very there you [TS]

00:41:19 ◼   ► know vario courant little different [TS]

00:41:22 ◼   ► different ways of listening for being [TS]

00:41:24 ◼   ► you know being sort of challenge to [TS]

00:41:26 ◼   ► listen better but the but the awareness [TS]

00:41:29 ◼   ► that listening is also a very active [TS]

00:41:32 ◼   ► activity and if you are listening [TS]

00:41:37 ◼   ► actively it is it it is a strain it [TS]

00:41:40 ◼   ► takes you know not not a not a not [TS]

00:41:42 ◼   ► necessarily a painful strain but it is [TS]

00:41:44 ◼   ► an exercise it does take vitamins it it [TS]

00:41:48 ◼   ► isn't it is if it isn't passive than [TS]

00:41:50 ◼   ► that means it's if there's not an effort [TS]

00:41:52 ◼   ► the person's probably not really [TS]

00:41:53 ◼   ► listening right probably barely even [TS]

00:41:54 ◼   ► hearing and that effort is also you know [TS]

00:41:57 ◼   ► that effort is also real and for some [TS]

00:41:59 ◼   ► for a lot of introverts like that that [TS]

00:42:01 ◼   ► effort is that makes them need to go sit [TS]

00:42:05 ◼   ► in a dark room and with a wet towel over [TS]

00:42:07 ◼   ► their head [TS]

00:42:07 ◼   ► there's also an element of I guess I [TS]

00:42:12 ◼   ► always use this word wrong now sensitive [TS]

00:42:13 ◼   ► about it but there's also an element of [TS]

00:42:15 ◼   ► having to inertia inertia or momentum [TS]

00:42:18 ◼   ► velocity torque there's an element of [TS]

00:42:21 ◼   ► empathy and I think that I don't know [TS]

00:42:25 ◼   ► not sure that's exactly the right word [TS]

00:42:26 ◼   ► but i think one way to think about [TS]

00:42:28 ◼   ► empathy is that it's easy to be [TS]

00:42:31 ◼   ► empathetic it's easy to feel the [TS]

00:42:33 ◼   ► feelings or understand the feelings of [TS]

00:42:35 ◼   ► somebody who has the same feelings as [TS]

00:42:36 ◼   ► you do it's very you know what i mean [TS]

00:42:37 ◼   ► when somebody is it has been you know if [TS]

00:42:40 ◼   ► if you have a god forbid you've got a [TS]

00:42:44 ◼   ► sibling that died and talk to somebody [TS]

00:42:45 ◼   ► who recently had a sibling that died [TS]

00:42:47 ◼   ► you might be really a good person to [TS]

00:42:49 ◼   ► talk to because you you probably [TS]

00:42:51 ◼   ► somebody who can understand what they're [TS]

00:42:52 ◼   ► going through you know it is sure that [TS]

00:42:54 ◼   ► get even more specific but no matter [TS]

00:42:56 ◼   ► what it is it's not it's not as [TS]

00:42:58 ◼   ► difficult to have empathy for somebody [TS]

00:43:00 ◼   ► that you think a has the same feelings [TS]

00:43:02 ◼   ► as you and importantly be deserves to [TS]

00:43:04 ◼   ► have those feelings and right i think [TS]

00:43:06 ◼   ► where it gets challenging them where you [TS]

00:43:08 ◼   ► get the real actual idea of empathy is [TS]

00:43:10 ◼   ► when you start trying to understand not [TS]

00:43:14 ◼   ► just how somebody feels but why they are [TS]

00:43:16 ◼   ► how they appear to you whether they [TS]

00:43:18 ◼   ► deserve that feeling or not that's true [TS]

00:43:20 ◼   ► empathy trip with the and I must be good [TS]

00:43:23 ◼   ► at this but is what i'm working toward [TS]

00:43:25 ◼   ► is to get better at going gosh it sure [TS]

00:43:27 ◼   ► is easy to chunk everybody into one of [TS]

00:43:30 ◼   ► these 11 boxes that I've got and that [TS]

00:43:32 ◼   ► sure makes life a lot easier i can then [TS]

00:43:33 ◼   ► focus on like one or two of these boxes [TS]

00:43:35 ◼   ► most the time and you know the rest is [TS]

00:43:37 ◼   ► garbage people that the difficult part [TS]

00:43:39 ◼   ► is that to become truly empathetic [TS]

00:43:40 ◼   ► person and I'm going somewhere with this [TS]

00:43:42 ◼   ► is really empathetic person you have to [TS]

00:43:44 ◼   ► get good at understanding what's not [TS]

00:43:46 ◼   ► just on the surface whether that you [TS]

00:43:47 ◼   ► think that very good and deserving [TS]

00:43:48 ◼   ► person to have those feelings whether [TS]

00:43:50 ◼   ► you think their grievances are [TS]

00:43:52 ◼   ► appropriate [TS]

00:43:55 ◼   ► whether you think their ideas about what [TS]

00:43:56 ◼   ► should change our realistic that you [TS]

00:43:59 ◼   ► know it's very it's very easy to get [TS]

00:44:02 ◼   ► shortcuts about those things to where [TS]

00:44:03 ◼   ► you can just write all those people off [TS]

00:44:05 ◼   ► but talked before about teachers need to [TS]

00:44:07 ◼   ► be a good teacher and to be maybe to be [TS]

00:44:10 ◼   ► a good arm [TS]

00:44:11 ◼   ► it's a politician because that implies [TS]

00:44:13 ◼   ► muscle tissue there to election year [TS]

00:44:14 ◼   ► going to be a good public servant you [TS]

00:44:17 ◼   ► have to have an element of empathy you [TS]

00:44:19 ◼   ► have to be realistic about knowing what [TS]

00:44:20 ◼   ► can be accomplished [TS]

00:44:21 ◼   ► but it seems to me you have to become [TS]

00:44:22 ◼   ► very empathetic about listening and [TS]

00:44:25 ◼   ► hearing from people where you may not [TS]

00:44:27 ◼   ► even understand where they're coming [TS]

00:44:28 ◼   ► from you start trying to figure out [TS]

00:44:29 ◼   ► whether there are chemtrails person but [TS]

00:44:31 ◼   ► doesn't make sense like the end of the [TS]

00:44:32 ◼   ► area does that make sense but to me [TS]

00:44:34 ◼   ► that's the empathy part is empathy is [TS]

00:44:36 ◼   ► not just feeling for people who you like [TS]

00:44:38 ◼   ► and agree with empathy is learning to [TS]

00:44:40 ◼   ► try and understand or at least hear [TS]

00:44:43 ◼   ► people that you may be absolutely don't [TS]

00:44:45 ◼   ► agree with you at least hear that [TS]

00:44:47 ◼   ► mountain figure out like why they're how [TS]

00:44:48 ◼   ► they are and then live with the fact [TS]

00:44:49 ◼   ► that maybe you'll just never agree and [TS]

00:44:51 ◼   ► maybe that doesn't make them the worst [TS]

00:44:52 ◼   ► person in the world [TS]

00:44:53 ◼   ► they're just really just fucking [TS]

00:44:54 ◼   ► different well it's interesting because [TS]

00:44:57 ◼   ► in Star Trek new generation is that what [TS]

00:45:02 ◼   ► it's called is a newer next i've been [TS]

00:45:05 ◼   ► criticized for this criticized or have [TS]

00:45:07 ◼   ► you just been a mention have you just [TS]

00:45:09 ◼   ► been listened to on people have heard [TS]

00:45:12 ◼   ► you say star trek new generation I'm not [TS]

00:45:14 ◼   ► putting this happens and you're the [TS]

00:45:17 ◼   ► house is being handed ok so in the [TS]

00:45:19 ◼   ► second generation of us on track in the [TS]

00:45:21 ◼   ► in the latest generation not the latest [TS]

00:45:23 ◼   ► i'm sorry in the original next new [TS]

00:45:26 ◼   ► generation so what we're talking about [TS]

00:45:27 ◼   ► is episode to episode negative 2 of the [TS]

00:45:33 ◼   ► new generation of Star Trek there this [TS]

00:45:36 ◼   ► is the one professor x in the guy from [TS]

00:45:37 ◼   ► the cruise Professor X Professor X [TS]

00:45:41 ◼   ► Professor X that his name that I say [TS]

00:45:44 ◼   ► that wrong [TS]

00:45:45 ◼   ► jean-luc Picard jean-luc general ordered [TS]

00:45:49 ◼   ► jean-luc Picard you know there is an [TS]

00:45:53 ◼   ► empath character on the ship and that [TS]

00:45:57 ◼   ► was you know at the time when that show [TS]

00:46:00 ◼   ► came out it was like oh wow wouldn't [TS]

00:46:03 ◼   ► isn't that a kind of it that's a cool [TS]

00:46:05 ◼   ► bit of writing to imagine the future him [TS]

00:46:11 ◼   ► to imagine a science future which were [TS]

00:46:13 ◼   ► all geeking on having not just a doctor [TS]

00:46:17 ◼   ► and a science officer and a navigator [TS]

00:46:20 ◼   ► and a chemist but also a feelings [TS]

00:46:24 ◼   ► professional right when that when Star [TS]

00:46:28 ◼   ► Trek new generation first came out it [TS]

00:46:29 ◼   ► was the first time that we had ever seen [TS]

00:46:31 ◼   ► a feelings professional it on a science [TS]

00:46:35 ◼   ► show and that was that was kind of a [TS]

00:46:40 ◼   ► little bit of a like a brain tickle is [TS]

00:46:42 ◼   ► that Troy commander Troi around and so [TS]

00:46:49 ◼   ► but but but very clearly at that point [TS]

00:46:53 ◼   ► in time it was and in the writing of [TS]

00:46:56 ◼   ► that show there were you know there were [TS]

00:47:00 ◼   ► scripts their storylines where someone [TS]

00:47:02 ◼   ► needed to go talk to Troy go talk to [TS]

00:47:06 ◼   ► Commander Troi she was the she was the [TS]

00:47:08 ◼   ► one who had the the expertise and [TS]

00:47:11 ◼   ► sometimes you know there would be an [TS]

00:47:12 ◼   ► alien that they an alien intelligence [TS]

00:47:15 ◼   ► that they were encountering and at that [TS]

00:47:18 ◼   ► point they hadn't had any Troy scripts [TS]

00:47:20 ◼   ► for a while and so they would they'd [TS]

00:47:22 ◼   ► figure out a way that Troy needed they [TS]

00:47:25 ◼   ► needed her wisdom and insight to [TS]

00:47:27 ◼   ► interact with this alien life form but [TS]

00:47:29 ◼   ► for the most part it was still that they [TS]

00:47:32 ◼   ► were using science to explore the [TS]

00:47:34 ◼   ► universe and more often than not the way [TS]

00:47:37 ◼   ► to encounter an alien life-form was to [TS]

00:47:40 ◼   ► put the shields up and power up the [TS]

00:47:44 ◼   ► photon torpedoes right now we're going [TS]

00:47:48 ◼   ► through a cultural phase where empathy [TS]

00:47:51 ◼   ► for someone like you is being encouraged [TS]

00:47:55 ◼   ► by you know the the multiplicity of [TS]

00:47:59 ◼   ► voices in the in the world to really [TS]

00:48:02 ◼   ► really focus on empathy but there are [TS]

00:48:07 ◼   ► empaths in our world and then there are [TS]

00:48:11 ◼   ► people that will never you know that who [TS]

00:48:14 ◼   ► are constitutionally really incapable of [TS]

00:48:16 ◼   ► empathy and empathy is just another one [TS]

00:48:20 ◼   ► of our talents like sports ball like [TS]

00:48:24 ◼   ► being able to run or jump and some [TS]

00:48:26 ◼   ► people are really really good at it and [TS]

00:48:28 ◼   ► some people need to really train to [TS]

00:48:32 ◼   ► activate it in themselves and there are [TS]

00:48:34 ◼   ► there are cultural dampers that [TS]

00:48:37 ◼   ► we put on it but then there are there's [TS]

00:48:39 ◼   ► a whole swath of the world [TS]

00:48:42 ◼   ► twenty-five percent of the people [TS]

00:48:43 ◼   ► probably just have no empathy and or or [TS]

00:48:49 ◼   ► or little empathy and so I don't think [TS]

00:48:54 ◼   ► that empathy is a thing that everybody [TS]

00:48:55 ◼   ► can have and I think it's something that [TS]

00:48:57 ◼   ► it's great that where we talked about in [TS]

00:48:58 ◼   ► are aware of but like there are also [TS]

00:49:01 ◼   ► many well I've been on the Joe Cruz five [TS]

00:49:04 ◼   ► times I know what it I know what it's [TS]

00:49:06 ◼   ► like to be in a world where empathy is [TS]

00:49:09 ◼   ► the is the language currency but there [TS]

00:49:12 ◼   ► are a lot of people on the spectrum for [TS]

00:49:15 ◼   ► whom empathy is a is a distance idea and [TS]

00:49:20 ◼   ► I don't you know I don't know where [TS]

00:49:21 ◼   ► we're going to be in 20 years on this [TS]

00:49:23 ◼   ► but and I'm and I'm glad we're talking [TS]

00:49:26 ◼   ► about it but there's also like my mom [TS]

00:49:28 ◼   ► has as much empathy is she can have and [TS]

00:49:30 ◼   ► it isn't and it isn't enough for my [TS]

00:49:32 ◼   ► sister and never will be right and over [TS]

00:49:37 ◼   ► the years I have said to my sister like [TS]

00:49:39 ◼   ► you're the one that has this deep [TS]

00:49:41 ◼   ► capacity for empathy can you not show [TS]

00:49:44 ◼   ► any for your mother who has no real [TS]

00:49:47 ◼   ► capacity for it and that's where I found [TS]

00:49:51 ◼   ► the the greater struggle like my mom can [TS]

00:49:54 ◼   ► say i don't know i don't know how to [TS]

00:49:56 ◼   ► empathize with this it just seems like [TS]

00:49:59 ◼   ► complaining to me but I know that about [TS]

00:50:02 ◼   ► myself and I and I try to not talk i try [TS]

00:50:09 ◼   ► to you know she's gone as far as to try [TS]

00:50:13 ◼   ► to bake her way out of it [TS]

00:50:16 ◼   ► what if I made cookies you know like [TS]

00:50:18 ◼   ► literally tried to try anything [TS]

00:50:21 ◼   ► Wow but the the empathetic one the one [TS]

00:50:24 ◼   ► with all the feelings my sister doesn't [TS]

00:50:26 ◼   ► has never been able to find the [TS]

00:50:28 ◼   ► reservoir of feeling on behalf of the [TS]

00:50:32 ◼   ► person with no empathy that's the kind [TS]

00:50:35 ◼   ► of ironic part yeah and it and it and so [TS]

00:50:37 ◼   ► often it is in this conversation where [TS]

00:50:40 ◼   ► it's like yeah well you know this person [TS]

00:50:42 ◼   ► has trouble sharing your feelings can [TS]

00:50:44 ◼   ► you can you feel that [TS]

00:50:46 ◼   ► do you have feelings can you share those [TS]

00:50:48 ◼   ► feelings so I don't know you know like [TS]

00:50:51 ◼   ► uh I think that I'm definitely not a [TS]

00:50:56 ◼   ► science officer I'm much more really of [TS]

00:50:59 ◼   ► an impact but not so much of a of an [TS]

00:51:03 ◼   ► empath that I'm not ready to power up [TS]

00:51:05 ◼   ► some photon torpedoes [TS]

00:51:06 ◼   ► no I understand it's part of the job [TS]

00:51:07 ◼   ► right you know what I mean like a lot of [TS]

00:51:09 ◼   ► mission la a large steak explore new [TS]

00:51:12 ◼   ► worlds yes seek out new civilizations [TS]

00:51:14 ◼   ► yes who hit them with photon torpedoes [TS]

00:51:18 ◼   ► Roddenberry's dream so I struggle [TS]

00:51:24 ◼   ► yeah well as long as you talk about our [TS]

00:51:26 ◼   ► feelings the you know this is that this [TS]

00:51:29 ◼   ► other thing that I again I i always feel [TS]

00:51:31 ◼   ► like I'm just saying something it's so [TS]

00:51:33 ◼   ► obvious but it's something I want I i [TS]

00:51:35 ◼   ► find very almost impossible to deal with [TS]

00:51:38 ◼   ► in in my own life and so I find a triple [TS]

00:51:41 ◼   ► impossible to try to be something that I [TS]

00:51:42 ◼   ► lightly gently try to impart on my kid [TS]

00:51:45 ◼   ► which is this really strange strange [TS]

00:51:49 ◼   ► message about how much you can actually [TS]

00:51:52 ◼   ► change about stuff at a given time in [TS]

00:51:55 ◼   ► the world and how much you can change [TS]

00:51:56 ◼   ► about other people because that you just [TS]

00:51:59 ◼   ► said in part on my kid instead of in [TS]

00:52:02 ◼   ► part to my kid and that as a as a dad [TS]

00:52:04 ◼   ► that it's absolutely what it feels [TS]

00:52:05 ◼   ► comprised of listen I'm going to impart [TS]

00:52:07 ◼   ► this on you and high it myself but [TS]

00:52:12 ◼   ► here's what here's what it comes down to [TS]

00:52:14 ◼   ► I mean here's an example we get up to [TS]

00:52:16 ◼   ► the i don't know i'm always talk about [TS]

00:52:17 ◼   ► crossing the street except it's [TS]

00:52:18 ◼   ► something we do a lot and so it's [TS]

00:52:19 ◼   ► something to think about a lot is [TS]

00:52:20 ◼   ► something where I want her to be [TS]

00:52:21 ◼   ► actively engaged in the process of [TS]

00:52:23 ◼   ► crossing the street and talked about [TS]

00:52:25 ◼   ► this a lot and in other dances across [TS]

00:52:27 ◼   ► the street you don't go across the [TS]

00:52:28 ◼   ► street without looking you don't go [TS]

00:52:29 ◼   ► across the street like you like you're [TS]

00:52:30 ◼   ► in war like you you you know it but it's [TS]

00:52:33 ◼   ► such a it's such a delicate operation of [TS]

00:52:36 ◼   ► trying to explain to a little kid here's [TS]

00:52:37 ◼   ► what I don't want to there's millions i [TS]

00:52:39 ◼   ► don't want to I don't make them careless [TS]

00:52:40 ◼   ► on the one and the other end I don't [TS]

00:52:42 ◼   ► want to make her scared and so I try to [TS]

00:52:44 ◼   ► impart something in between which which [TS]

00:52:46 ◼   ► is that there's something very [TS]

00:52:47 ◼   ► complicated going on here [TS]

00:52:49 ◼   ► the basics are things like look left [TS]

00:52:50 ◼   ► right and left but then keep looking [TS]

00:52:51 ◼   ► keep making onto my contact keep going [TS]

00:52:54 ◼   ► across but then the thing that I want to [TS]

00:52:57 ◼   ► say very gently is even if we do this [TS]

00:52:59 ◼   ► part [TS]

00:52:59 ◼   ► quickly things can still go wrong I and [TS]

00:53:02 ◼   ► we have no control over that and [TS]

00:53:04 ◼   ► understanding that has a strange and I'm [TS]

00:53:06 ◼   ► not about to explain this to a [TS]

00:53:07 ◼   ► seven-year-old cause I barely understand [TS]

00:53:08 ◼   ► it but there's a certain existential [TS]

00:53:09 ◼   ► freedom and realizing that things always [TS]

00:53:11 ◼   ► could go wrong even if you do your best [TS]

00:53:13 ◼   ► but that doesn't mean you don't still [TS]

00:53:15 ◼   ► try to do your best and so in in that [TS]

00:53:17 ◼   ► kind of an instance I guess I'm the [TS]

00:53:18 ◼   ► larger message I'm trying to impart on [TS]

00:53:21 ◼   ► her is is that I and the thing that I [TS]

00:53:24 ◼   ► need to learn all the time is that just [TS]

00:53:26 ◼   ► because they're let's say I try to be [TS]

00:53:28 ◼   ► empathetic and I fail I see other people [TS]

00:53:31 ◼   ► feeling of being apathetic it doesn't [TS]

00:53:32 ◼   ► mean we can't keep trying and like even [TS]

00:53:34 ◼   ► if the system is broken we still have to [TS]

00:53:36 ◼   ► do what we think is right and we still [TS]

00:53:38 ◼   ► have two and god willing in the right [TS]

00:53:39 ◼   ► atmosphere we should we continue to [TS]

00:53:41 ◼   ► learn and get better and we don't just [TS]

00:53:42 ◼   ► you know dig in around something that [TS]

00:53:45 ◼   ► may be an old dead or bad idea but you [TS]

00:53:48 ◼   ► know but part of sanity in life is [TS]

00:53:50 ◼   ► realizing that on you know let's get to [TS]

00:53:53 ◼   ► this part of thinking empathetically the [TS]

00:53:55 ◼   ► empathetic as well I mean justice you [TS]

00:53:56 ◼   ► put them in a million different ways but [TS]

00:53:58 ◼   ► I think about more than just your own [TS]

00:53:59 ◼   ► dick in a given day right and just [TS]

00:54:01 ◼   ► getting to a point where you can go look [TS]

00:54:02 ◼   ► I I want to really try to understand [TS]

00:54:04 ◼   ► where other people are coming from and [TS]

00:54:06 ◼   ► then except you know what i don't [TS]

00:54:08 ◼   ► understand what that person is coming [TS]

00:54:09 ◼   ► from their kind of a dick and then go [TS]

00:54:11 ◼   ► that's I just gotta move on it doesn't [TS]

00:54:13 ◼   ► mean I'm going to treat them badly but [TS]

00:54:14 ◼   ► it means that doesn't mean that the life [TS]

00:54:16 ◼   ► ends because i can't settle this one [TS]

00:54:18 ◼   ► relationship that just means that that's [TS]

00:54:19 ◼   ► just how life is because it all is a [TS]

00:54:22 ◼   ► question of how well my filter can make [TS]

00:54:24 ◼   ► me feel like I understand how the [TS]

00:54:25 ◼   ► fucking world works when I have never [TS]

00:54:27 ◼   ► understand how the world works well you [TS]

00:54:30 ◼   ► have a pretty good sense of element [TS]

00:54:32 ◼   ► works [TS]

00:54:33 ◼   ► yeah spins in one direction only [TS]

00:54:36 ◼   ► mmm this is trying to move a little bit [TS]

00:54:38 ◼   ► toward your torture project because i'm [TS]

00:54:41 ◼   ► curious how these kinds of the reason [TS]

00:54:42 ◼   ► I'm bringing these up is first of all to [TS]

00:54:44 ◼   ► show you that I struggled to be a person [TS]

00:54:46 ◼   ► but also that like how does this affect [TS]

00:54:47 ◼   ► you I mean how is your listening to her [TS]

00:54:49 ◼   ► going it's going really well and you [TS]

00:54:53 ◼   ► know the that that the danger the the [TS]

00:54:57 ◼   ► danger of of thinking of progress [TS]

00:55:02 ◼   ► is that if you're a historian or at all [TS]

00:55:05 ◼   ► interested in looking back at all in [TS]

00:55:08 ◼   ► there is a feeling of progress over time [TS]

00:55:11 ◼   ► right that we're just were not [TS]

00:55:13 ◼   ► confronting the same problems that we [TS]

00:55:16 ◼   ► were in 1651 not like the Middle Ages [TS]

00:55:20 ◼   ► where we actually on the grand scale of [TS]

00:55:22 ◼   ► things did move backward for a while [TS]

00:55:24 ◼   ► right well and in some ways like [TS]

00:55:27 ◼   ► learning moved backward but well yet [TS]

00:55:31 ◼   ► technology sure like moved where we lost [TS]

00:55:36 ◼   ► a lot of ground but we were also going [TS]

00:55:39 ◼   ► through a phase a where we were [TS]

00:55:43 ◼   ► developing through monotheism a whole [TS]

00:55:47 ◼   ► complex set of new ideas about what [TS]

00:55:52 ◼   ► would constitute a person and what [TS]

00:55:55 ◼   ► constituted are ethical basis right that [TS]

00:55:58 ◼   ► the idea of the idea of justice that we [TS]

00:56:00 ◼   ► have today is a product of all that [TS]

00:56:04 ◼   ► religious churning that happened in the [TS]

00:56:08 ◼   ► Middle Ages which we think of as the [TS]

00:56:10 ◼   ► dark ages [TS]

00:56:11 ◼   ► so although we lost astronomy for a [TS]

00:56:14 ◼   ► while and maybe lost the Roman concept [TS]

00:56:17 ◼   ► of the aquaduct for a while and lost we [TS]

00:56:20 ◼   ► lost a lot of intellectual ground as we [TS]

00:56:23 ◼   ► moved from a world where from a [TS]

00:56:26 ◼   ► polytheistic animist world to one that [TS]

00:56:30 ◼   ► was rooted in this idea that there was [TS]

00:56:32 ◼   ► one God and you could have a you know [TS]

00:56:35 ◼   ► you could have a personal relationship [TS]

00:56:37 ◼   ► with them and not just that you're out [TS]

00:56:39 ◼   ► in the woods burning sheep bones to [TS]

00:56:42 ◼   ► appeal to who the god of of of scabies [TS]

00:56:47 ◼   ► to relieve your suffering but that you [TS]

00:56:50 ◼   ► you know that your whole life and all of [TS]

00:56:52 ◼   ► life is like rooted in this central [TS]

00:56:54 ◼   ► authority that's where the I you know [TS]

00:56:58 ◼   ► that's where we're all of our [TS]

00:57:00 ◼   ► contemporary ideas of of the rights of [TS]

00:57:05 ◼   ► man come from and so it wasn't just a it [TS]

00:57:09 ◼   ► wasn't that a lot was lost we were just [TS]

00:57:12 ◼   ► building a new thing for a while [TS]

00:57:13 ◼   ► and-and-and so here we are and we are [TS]

00:57:17 ◼   ► we've made tremendous progress [TS]

00:57:20 ◼   ► there's lots and lots of progress yet to [TS]

00:57:22 ◼   ► make its all thought technology and [TS]

00:57:28 ◼   ► we're in a were in a a mode right now [TS]

00:57:31 ◼   ► that's very active the generation that [TS]

00:57:33 ◼   ► followed hours and the generation that [TS]

00:57:35 ◼   ► followed them is just bigger than we are [TS]

00:57:37 ◼   ► and louder than we are and maybe the [TS]

00:57:40 ◼   ► biggest loudest generation ever and [TS]

00:57:43 ◼   ► they're gonna set the tone a lot more [TS]

00:57:45 ◼   ► than we did or are capable of and [TS]

00:57:50 ◼   ► there's you know they're the the spigot [TS]

00:57:53 ◼   ► is wider so not everybody is coming from [TS]

00:57:56 ◼   ► the same place and that's a very that's [TS]

00:57:59 ◼   ► a that that's the maybe one of the [TS]

00:58:01 ◼   ► hardest things to grapple with because [TS]

00:58:03 ◼   ► there is as you try to resolve [TS]

00:58:05 ◼   ► disagreement and you realize that that [TS]

00:58:09 ◼   ► no one even accepts even one basic [TS]

00:58:13 ◼   ► premise that the person they're arguing [TS]

00:58:15 ◼   ► with accepts and that's kind of [TS]

00:58:17 ◼   ► unprecedented I mean there is at even 50 [TS]

00:58:21 ◼   ► years ago the basic premises were all [TS]

00:58:25 ◼   ► commonly held for the most part or if [TS]

00:58:28 ◼   ► you if you were an outsider to those who [TS]

00:58:30 ◼   ► didn't hold those you at least knew what [TS]

00:58:31 ◼   ► they were and you and you looked at [TS]

00:58:35 ◼   ► yourself in in opposition to those those [TS]

00:58:38 ◼   ► common ideas but there are a lot of [TS]

00:58:40 ◼   ► people now who just don't even know the [TS]

00:58:45 ◼   ► first thing about what the other person [TS]

00:58:47 ◼   ► where the other person is coming from [TS]

00:58:49 ◼   ► not even the first thing and they're not [TS]

00:58:51 ◼   ► especially interested huh [TS]

00:58:54 ◼   ► you know I when you think about I don't [TS]

00:58:56 ◼   ► know if you there was a really cool [TS]

00:58:58 ◼   ► article in the new york times about [TS]

00:59:00 ◼   ► Obama's visit to this little South [TS]

00:59:03 ◼   ► Dakota town to give the commencement [TS]

00:59:05 ◼   ► speech at their little technical college [TS]

00:59:09 ◼   ► and I think a big part of the reason he [TS]

00:59:12 ◼   ► went there was that he had he'd been to [TS]

00:59:14 ◼   ► 49 of the 50 states and kind of letter [TS]

00:59:16 ◼   ► the letter from that little girl [TS]

00:59:18 ◼   ► yeah right exactly yeah and so he came [TS]

00:59:21 ◼   ► to South Dakota to give the commencement [TS]

00:59:23 ◼   ► speech at this little college but this [TS]

00:59:24 ◼   ► article was written [TS]

00:59:26 ◼   ► this reporter just went to the town and [TS]

00:59:28 ◼   ► talk to a bunch of locals before Obama [TS]

00:59:31 ◼   ► arrived and South Dakota was [TS]

00:59:36 ◼   ► overwhelmingly a republican state no one [TS]

00:59:39 ◼   ► in this little town voted for obama and [TS]

00:59:42 ◼   ► in the advance of him arriving the [TS]

00:59:45 ◼   ► reporter talk to all these people are [TS]

00:59:46 ◼   ► like he wants to make it a Muslim [TS]

00:59:48 ◼   ► country and and he doesn't even know [TS]

00:59:50 ◼   ► it's a just all that usual stuff and [TS]

00:59:54 ◼   ► then Obama came and hundreds of people [TS]

00:59:57 ◼   ► in the town turned out went down to the [TS]

00:59:59 ◼   ► airport [TS]

00:59:59 ◼   ► airport [TS]

01:00:00 ◼   ► or to watch the plane land as he drove [TS]

01:00:02 ◼   ► through the town the reporter was you [TS]

01:00:05 ◼   ► know followed this group of people that [TS]

01:00:07 ◼   ► had been talking to already here she I [TS]

01:00:09 ◼   ► don't know actually what I didn't look [TS]

01:00:13 ◼   ► at the name of the reporter but followed [TS]

01:00:15 ◼   ► the followed their responses and they [TS]

01:00:18 ◼   ► were all thrilled that Obama wave to [TS]

01:00:21 ◼   ► them that they saw the President and [TS]

01:00:25 ◼   ► then they watched his speech on [TS]

01:00:26 ◼   ► television and they were moved to tears [TS]

01:00:28 ◼   ► that he was talking about their town and [TS]

01:00:31 ◼   ► you know and then he was only he was [TS]

01:00:35 ◼   ► only on the ground for a couple of hours [TS]

01:00:36 ◼   ► drove his car back to the airport again [TS]

01:00:39 ◼   ► you know people crowding the streets to [TS]

01:00:41 ◼   ► see him off he flies and at least the [TS]

01:00:44 ◼   ► you know through the narrow lens of this [TS]

01:00:47 ◼   ► reporters experienced a lot of those [TS]

01:00:50 ◼   ► people were their opinion about obama [TS]

01:00:53 ◼   ► was transformed by just that tiny little [TS]

01:00:57 ◼   ► bit of physical contact where they went [TS]

01:01:00 ◼   ► from thinking he was the Antichrist to [TS]

01:01:05 ◼   ► admiring him and thinking that he had [TS]

01:01:07 ◼   ► given a good speech and like were [TS]

01:01:10 ◼   ► surprised and astonished and and touched [TS]

01:01:14 ◼   ► and moved by the whole experience and of [TS]

01:01:17 ◼   ► course that's true right i mean i was [TS]

01:01:19 ◼   ► vociferously against Reagan but if I had [TS]

01:01:25 ◼   ► ever seen Reagan let alone seat been [TS]

01:01:29 ◼   ► close to Reagan i'm sure i would have [TS]

01:01:30 ◼   ► swooned over and that that sense of of [TS]

01:01:39 ◼   ► how much we share and how little actual [TS]

01:01:42 ◼   ► differences we have you only get that [TS]

01:01:46 ◼   ► experience by being around other people [TS]

01:01:49 ◼   ► by you know by traveling thing we talked [TS]

01:01:51 ◼   ► about this all the time these [TS]

01:01:52 ◼   ► disagreements on the Internet where [TS]

01:01:53 ◼   ► people are just screaming at each other [TS]

01:01:55 ◼   ► and if they were in the same room they [TS]

01:01:56 ◼   ► would be you know fast friends are like [TS]

01:01:58 ◼   ► and anyone who has ever traveled through [TS]

01:02:02 ◼   ► Alabama knows that they're the [TS]

01:02:04 ◼   ► friendliest people in the world and and [TS]

01:02:06 ◼   ► terrible racists [TS]

01:02:09 ◼   ► but-but-but wonderful people in so many [TS]

01:02:12 ◼   ► other way [TS]

01:02:13 ◼   ► now as a you know not apology but just [TS]

01:02:17 ◼   ► as normal human experience and that's [TS]

01:02:20 ◼   ► what we don't share anymore and so being [TS]

01:02:26 ◼   ► out on the campaign trail and talking to [TS]

01:02:28 ◼   ► everybody like I am the focus of a lot [TS]

01:02:32 ◼   ► of energy directed at me I'm the hub of [TS]

01:02:36 ◼   ► that wheel and I'm meeting people from a [TS]

01:02:38 ◼   ► lot of different spheres and all I [TS]

01:02:41 ◼   ► wishes that they could all meet each [TS]

01:02:42 ◼   ► other for you know like uh huh i'm i'm [TS]

01:02:46 ◼   ► seeing this incredible diversity of of [TS]

01:02:49 ◼   ► thinking I'm meeting a lot of 25 [TS]

01:02:51 ◼   ► year-olds like the like the girl in the [TS]

01:02:54 ◼   ► louie ck store who at 25 years old [TS]

01:02:59 ◼   ► already has all the wisdom in it and [TS]

01:03:01 ◼   ► that she thinks she's ever gonna need [TS]

01:03:03 ◼   ► and what you know and I whatever that [TS]

01:03:06 ◼   ► episode is trying to convey what we [TS]

01:03:08 ◼   ► don't know is six months later is her [TS]

01:03:10 ◼   ► store closed because she's rude to [TS]

01:03:12 ◼   ► customers [TS]

01:03:13 ◼   ► I mean that's the that's the that's the [TS]

01:03:16 ◼   ► thing that that kind of like well I'm [TS]

01:03:18 ◼   ► doing fine and you know maybe you need [TS]

01:03:20 ◼   ► to get with the times because look it's [TS]

01:03:22 ◼   ► just like well I mean or like so many 25 [TS]

01:03:27 ◼   ► years before you you think you can start [TS]

01:03:29 ◼   ► a store and be rude to people and you [TS]

01:03:31 ◼   ► don't need to be nice to old white men [TS]

01:03:34 ◼   ► because they're irrelevant to you and [TS]

01:03:36 ◼   ► then your store closes because you're [TS]

01:03:37 ◼   ► rude and a bad a customer service person [TS]

01:03:40 ◼   ► and then you learn like so many people [TS]

01:03:43 ◼   ► have before you that customer service is [TS]

01:03:46 ◼   ► part of the equation and so I'm eating a [TS]

01:03:49 ◼   ► lot of very active 25 year-olds [TS]

01:03:51 ◼   ► politically active 25 year-olds who [TS]

01:03:53 ◼   ► think they already know everything there [TS]

01:03:56 ◼   ► is to know about a city about government [TS]

01:03:58 ◼   ► that's a great great age for that it's [TS]

01:04:00 ◼   ► incredible and when I was that started [TS]

01:04:02 ◼   ► that that's really the perfect age to [TS]

01:04:03 ◼   ► feel like you know everything [TS]

01:04:04 ◼   ► yeah right you so easily your you you [TS]

01:04:07 ◼   ► are very smart at that age and maybe [TS]

01:04:10 ◼   ► smarter than 40 rolls because you still [TS]

01:04:12 ◼   ► have all your brain cells but what you [TS]

01:04:14 ◼   ► you know but what you don't know is all [TS]

01:04:17 ◼   ► the stuff you don't know and so I'm [TS]

01:04:21 ◼   ► talking to people all the time who are [TS]

01:04:22 ◼   ► just like well the solution is simple [TS]

01:04:23 ◼   ► but a bit of it [TS]

01:04:25 ◼   ► and I and you go well that is a simple [TS]

01:04:29 ◼   ► solution until you start to become aware [TS]

01:04:32 ◼   ► that every solution causes 42 other [TS]

01:04:36 ◼   ► problems you didn't anticipate and they [TS]

01:04:39 ◼   ► go well no it's like yes I mean I i have [TS]

01:04:45 ◼   ► i have conversations all the time with [TS]

01:04:47 ◼   ► with people who seem with young people [TS]

01:04:52 ◼   ► I'm talking about there who do not [TS]

01:04:54 ◼   ► understand that they did not invent the [TS]

01:04:58 ◼   ► civil rights movement and I'm like you [TS]

01:05:01 ◼   ► know people have been doing this work [TS]

01:05:02 ◼   ► for a long time and the struggles have [TS]

01:05:06 ◼   ► been different the challenges have been [TS]

01:05:07 ◼   ► different but you are here able to speak [TS]

01:05:11 ◼   ► this way because people have been doing [TS]

01:05:13 ◼   ► this work for a long time and so the [TS]

01:05:18 ◼   ► indignation you feel that we're not [TS]

01:05:21 ◼   ► moving fast enough i would just like to [TS]

01:05:23 ◼   ► direct your attention back just a few [TS]

01:05:25 ◼   ► years to where we were then and imagine [TS]

01:05:28 ◼   ► how indignant you would feel like this [TS]

01:05:32 ◼   ► is this is you know like Anna and i'm [TS]

01:05:35 ◼   ► not saying that by way of saying like [TS]

01:05:37 ◼   ► respect your elders I'm just saying get [TS]

01:05:39 ◼   ► a little context these ideas just [TS]

01:05:42 ◼   ► because just because Twitter is new and [TS]

01:05:46 ◼   ► snapchat is new does not mean that the [TS]

01:05:49 ◼   ► ideas that are being expressed there are [TS]

01:05:50 ◼   ► equally new and unprecedented and it's a [TS]

01:05:54 ◼   ► it's a real challenge and I'd so I the [TS]

01:05:57 ◼   ► the excitement of the campaign is that [TS]

01:06:01 ◼   ► I'm talking to people from what we had [TS]

01:06:02 ◼   ► we had a meeting yesterday of my [TS]

01:06:04 ◼   ► volunteer squad it was just people that [TS]

01:06:08 ◼   ► had offered to volunteer for the [TS]

01:06:09 ◼   ► campaign and 25 people showed up on [TS]

01:06:12 ◼   ► mother's day and they were all ages from [TS]

01:06:17 ◼   ► 2265 and there and it was like a real [TS]

01:06:26 ◼   ► cross-section of people in seattle [TS]

01:06:29 ◼   ► people who had only lived here for six [TS]

01:06:30 ◼   ► months people who live their entire [TS]

01:06:31 ◼   ► lives [TS]

01:06:33 ◼   ► people with the Masters in Social Work [TS]

01:06:36 ◼   ► people that worked political campaigns [TS]