Roderick on the Line

Ep. 145: "Scrum of Celery"


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00:00:24   [Music] [TS]

00:00:29   hello hi John I'm Merlin how's it going [TS]

00:00:33   good how are you going I'm going very [TS]

00:00:36   well I do you remember the first time I [TS]

00:00:40   ever wondered what was the first time I [TS]

00:00:44   answered a skype call from you I pushed [TS]

00:00:46   video call [TS]

00:00:48   oh and the and the picture of me showed [TS]

00:00:50   up are on your screen and you started [TS]

00:00:54   screaming now [TS]

00:00:55   no turn that off [TS]

00:00:59   yeah i think i think i do I have like a [TS]

00:01:02   little PTSD about it you know and I was [TS]

00:01:04   like whoa I'm sorry scrambling around to [TS]

00:01:07   try and turn off the video i am I i am [TS]

00:01:10   persuaded of a single fact which is that [TS]

00:01:14   lots of different people have lots of [TS]

00:01:17   different ideas about what skype is for [TS]

00:01:20   and how you use it and when two people [TS]

00:01:22   who use it differently encounter each [TS]

00:01:24   other it's it can be a little bit rocky [TS]

00:01:25   i have noticed that people there are [TS]

00:01:27   some people not many who want to [TS]

00:01:29   socially networked with me through skype [TS]

00:01:31   yeah we talked about that inbred [TS]

00:01:33   churches birthday popping up but you [TS]

00:01:35   know that the big one for me and [TS]

00:01:36   sometimes they would have called on [TS]

00:01:37   skype and I'm like not really but ok and [TS]

00:01:40   ok let's go to the College great booby [TS]

00:01:42   both news is change our skype Andals and [TS]

00:01:45   then good boob you get the boob and it [TS]

00:01:48   comes up and it's some guy with like a [TS]

00:01:50   meticulous haircut who shaved like [TS]

00:01:52   wearing a polo shirt in office only what [TS]

00:01:54   are you doing don't show me that are put [TS]

00:01:56   away a people leave their video on they [TS]

00:01:59   liked the video talk again in the future [TS]

00:02:01   yes they do they like it well because [TS]

00:02:03   John you there people who won't be on [TS]

00:02:05   video with you [TS]

00:02:06   mm no no no my much more often but the [TS]

00:02:10   the the the thing that I get is why [TS]

00:02:13   don't you just go to your home studio [TS]

00:02:14   and record like I don't it doesn't even [TS]

00:02:16   matter just record like five minutes sir [TS]

00:02:18   just record like you know couple of [TS]

00:02:20   30-second spots or whatever and I'm like [TS]

00:02:23   for like morning morning zoo or for what [TS]

00:02:24   I yeah and I'm just like oh go to my [TS]

00:02:26   home studio record you some 30-second [TS]

00:02:28   spots is that that's all I told you [TS]

00:02:30   everything is bi and the way the way [TS]

00:02:32   people like toss that off [TS]

00:02:33   it's obviously something that people do [TS]

00:02:36   all just like you're the dummy yeah I'm [TS]

00:02:38   the dummy right I'm sure I'm sure that [TS]

00:02:40   Ted Leo tosses off some 30-second spots [TS]

00:02:44   50 a day he tosses off some spots Betty [TS]

00:02:46   toss the spots off all the time and I am [TS]

00:02:48   and I know for a fact people around here [TS]

00:02:51   top spots off and I'm sitting there like [TS]

00:02:54   you know what it would take for me to [TS]

00:02:55   toss you a spot it would i would have to [TS]

00:02:58   it would be it would be 11 weeks [TS]

00:03:01   I mean I'm so simpatico on this i'm a [TS]

00:03:04   sec okay first of all evolution they [TS]

00:03:08   used to be I had a camera on my monitor [TS]

00:03:11   pointed at my face with the thing open [TS]

00:03:14   so that it could accidentally like fire [TS]

00:03:17   off video and then I went to keeping the [TS]

00:03:19   little uh little swing closed and put [TS]

00:03:22   some tape over it [TS]

00:03:23   well and then I went to turn it sideways [TS]

00:03:25   so it points at the coffee pot and now [TS]

00:03:27   you look at right up here you see see I [TS]

00:03:29   disconnected the camera i do not want to [TS]

00:03:31   be seen right yeah yeah well you know [TS]

00:03:34   here's the other thing that you ever [TS]

00:03:35   gets it used to be for me back when I [TS]

00:03:37   used to type more the people like a [TS]

00:03:39   let's do an interview was do an email [TS]

00:03:41   interview and in some ways i prefer [TS]

00:03:43   greatly preferred the email interview [TS]

00:03:45   because I got to punctuate everything [TS]

00:03:46   correctly they are wonderful email [TS]

00:03:48   interviews are the only kind of [TS]

00:03:49   interviews and i guess but i got to [TS]

00:03:52   where it is something sometimes so [TS]

00:03:55   here's this thing here is part of the [TS]

00:03:56   disproportionate nature of electronic [TS]

00:03:59   media particularly email somebody could [TS]

00:04:01   send you a two-line email the requires [TS]

00:04:03   six months of work huh [TS]

00:04:05   and it doesn't there's nothing there's [TS]

00:04:06   nothing to keep you from basically [TS]

00:04:08   setting everything aside to take care of [TS]

00:04:09   whatever that person asked for so it [TS]

00:04:11   makes it very easy on the interviewer [TS]

00:04:13   right because they just go hey we'll [TS]

00:04:15   send you seven questions and thank you [TS]

00:04:17   and me will spend three days answering [TS]

00:04:18   absolutely yeah but now I'm more like [TS]

00:04:21   you know what let's just get your [TS]

00:04:23   questions plug-in will get on skype and [TS]

00:04:26   then you can go make a thing out of it [TS]

00:04:27   it's just it can be very time consuming [TS]

00:04:29   at but as you know back in the certainly [TS]

00:04:31   back in the days when i was doing a lot [TS]

00:04:34   of interviews in the Alternative Press [TS]

00:04:37   some guy gets you on the phone and [TS]

00:04:41   immediately starts asking those like so [TS]

00:04:44   why should somebody listened to your [TS]

00:04:47   band or you know or worse like so what [TS]

00:04:51   kind of music do you play [TS]

00:04:52   not like are you seriously you're [TS]

00:04:54   calling me on the phone and you're [TS]

00:04:55   asking me these dumbass questions and [TS]

00:04:57   then so you need to do your best to [TS]

00:04:59   answer them in a good and a good cherry [TS]

00:05:02   voice you you walk the person through [TS]

00:05:04   what their questions should have been [TS]

00:05:06   without being too pedantic you know you [TS]

00:05:08   get you get you can tell they didn't do [TS]

00:05:10   either didn't do any homework or there's [TS]

00:05:12   such a hack that they're going to the [TS]

00:05:14   first 30 this article is going to be [TS]

00:05:15   like the first third of every article [TS]

00:05:16   ever written about yeah well it's gonna [TS]

00:05:18   be the first of the article is going to [TS]

00:05:19   be about them right but then the article [TS]

00:05:22   comes out and they don't know the [TS]

00:05:26   difference between your and you were who [TS]

00:05:28   and they are making that mistake in [TS]

00:05:31   transcribing my comments so the reader [TS]

00:05:35   cannot help but feel that I have spoken [TS]

00:05:37   the wrong you're right i mean that like [TS]

00:05:40   the day that the reader can't help but [TS]

00:05:43   think that I am an idiot and you know if [TS]

00:05:46   the person like doesn't know how comas [TS]

00:05:48   work let alone a semicolon [TS]

00:05:51   yeah they can change the complete [TS]

00:05:54   meaning of what Eve Eve the what you've [TS]

00:05:56   said and and after after a while I was [TS]

00:05:59   just like you know what if it can't be [TS]

00:06:01   an email interview I you know even an [TS]

00:06:07   in-person interview there was a there [TS]

00:06:08   was a terrible event where I i I'd come [TS]

00:06:11   off of a tour that was that was a very [TS]

00:06:13   fun tour where we were all kind of [TS]

00:06:18   giving each other the sauce [TS]

00:06:20   oh and this is when you said some [TS]

00:06:22   certain things about a certain band [TS]

00:06:23   yeah I don't want this well certain [TS]

00:06:25   things about like everybody on the tour [TS]

00:06:27   in the spirit of the kind of you know [TS]

00:06:30   monkey business that we were throwing at [TS]

00:06:32   each other on the tour right i mean when [TS]

00:06:34   we were on the two we're just remember [TS]

00:06:36   this is that and the interviewer was [TS]

00:06:39   riding a big article about my upcoming [TS]

00:06:43   record for a major magazine and he was a [TS]

00:06:46   prominent [TS]

00:06:48   journalists and we met at a french cafe [TS]

00:06:50   and he was very charming and he [TS]

00:06:53   expressed that he was a great admirer of [TS]

00:06:56   my band and he wrote a five page feature [TS]

00:06:59   with six color photographs in a glossy [TS]

00:07:02   magazine but he had an axe to grind or [TS]

00:07:09   was in that likes journalistic scoop [TS]

00:07:13   mode or something and there was a whole [TS]

00:07:16   paragraph where you know the spirit of [TS]

00:07:18   the way I was saying what i was saying [TS]

00:07:20   was like I love these guys these jerks [TS]

00:07:23   these these dumb you implied that they [TS]

00:07:25   drank a lot i think yeah these dealings [TS]

00:07:27   are my god we Gino job party party party [TS]

00:07:30   in New Year's another thing they're all [TS]

00:07:32   they're all dead dummy heads and he just [TS]

00:07:35   put it in his article and sort of book [TS]

00:07:38   ended in a way that when the article [TS]

00:07:42   came out you know I got four really [TS]

00:07:44   angry phone calls from people God and [TS]

00:07:46   you know I'm not just angry but like [TS]

00:07:49   upset like why would you betray us like [TS]

00:07:51   this and it turned out like you're like [TS]

00:07:53   you're complicit right like i had been [TS]

00:07:55   lady she you want to you want to know [TS]

00:07:57   about these guys I'll tell you about [TS]

00:07:58   these guys and what it turned out was [TS]

00:08:01   that this particular writer like hated [TS]

00:08:04   one of the bands one of the guys for a [TS]

00:08:07   long time had written a bunch of smear [TS]

00:08:09   pieces about him or you know and [TS]

00:08:11   everybody everybody knew who this guy [TS]

00:08:13   was and didn't like him and it's just [TS]

00:08:15   like why would you why would you tell [TS]

00:08:17   that guy all that stuff I was like oh [TS]

00:08:19   shit yeah and so from that point on I [TS]

00:08:23   was like send me your questions i will [TS]

00:08:24   go over them and answer them and when [TS]

00:08:27   you get it back it will read like a it [TS]

00:08:29   will read like you are a good [TS]

00:08:30   interviewer don't worry it's not you [TS]

00:08:33   know ethics in indie rock journalism are [TS]

00:08:35   also not really a real thing right [TS]

00:08:38   you're not actually trying to get there [TS]

00:08:40   is no it's not like you are a it's not [TS]

00:08:45   like you are interviewing a presidential [TS]

00:08:46   candidate you're just talking about [TS]

00:08:48   bands and it's not important that you [TS]

00:08:51   that you transcribe the quote exactly [TS]

00:08:55   right you know right just get it's just [TS]

00:08:57   a good article fuck you [TS]

00:08:59   yeah because he was the other part of [TS]

00:09:00   that is that you're right you're not [TS]

00:09:02   you're not interviewing a Mike Huckabee [TS]

00:09:05   or something like that [TS]

00:09:06   yeah they are you are a musician who is [TS]

00:09:10   let's be honest you're talking to them [TS]

00:09:12   because you're promoting your album or [TS]

00:09:14   your platform or whatever and there was [TS]

00:09:16   somebody who wants to get hits on the [TS]

00:09:18   internet right so I mean you both have a [TS]

00:09:20   reason for doing this [TS]

00:09:21   that isn't just the public interest well [TS]

00:09:23   I that this is one of the weird things [TS]

00:09:24   that I've always kind of i I've started [TS]

00:09:28   on Twitter following a lot of real [TS]

00:09:30   journalists people who are embedded in [TS]

00:09:35   the Ukraine people who are in Africa in [TS]

00:09:40   Ukraine I'm sorry [TS]

00:09:43   ukraine people who are better than [TS]

00:09:45   Ukraine you're gonna get email no emails [TS]

00:09:47   please [TS]

00:09:48   it's a it's a it's a bad habit i know it [TS]

00:09:50   is an external calling it the Ukraine is [TS]

00:09:52   akin to up to the worst crimes against [TS]

00:09:56   humanity that person is will it save you [TS]

00:09:59   thank you i do not mean to create those [TS]

00:10:02   crimes against humanity lives here [TS]

00:10:04   recovering on real issues in the real [TS]

00:10:06   world [TS]

00:10:06   that's right real people out there and [TS]

00:10:08   you know their job is very difficult and [TS]

00:10:12   they are trying they're trying hard to [TS]

00:10:15   not misrepresent what's happening and a [TS]

00:10:19   lot of times the things they're seeing [TS]

00:10:21   with their own eyes are are fairly [TS]

00:10:24   incredible and if you're if you're a [TS]

00:10:26   journalist who's out in the middle of a [TS]

00:10:28   battlefield and you're the only person [TS]

00:10:29   there and you are the witness of history [TS]

00:10:34   I I feel the tremendous pressure they [TS]

00:10:37   must they must feel to get it accurately [TS]

00:10:42   recorded accurately if you are one of 60 [TS]

00:10:46   journalists in a news conference like [TS]

00:10:49   it's pretty at with that where there are [TS]

00:10:50   seven television cameras like it's [TS]

00:10:52   pretty well covered we can go back and [TS]

00:10:54   find out what happened right [TS]

00:10:57   this whole thing with Bill O'Reilly [TS]

00:10:59   where he is talking about [TS]

00:11:02   the falklands war as though he were in [TS]

00:11:04   the trenches and then it's it takes us a [TS]

00:11:09   it takes us 40 years for somebody to say [TS]

00:11:12   hey wait a minute there weren't any [TS]

00:11:13   trenches in the Falklands War and also [TS]

00:11:15   no one could get there [TS]

00:11:17   no one was there and he's you know for [TS]

00:11:19   years been shouting people down about [TS]

00:11:21   how he was like i do a bayonet charge [TS]

00:11:25   you know that's an example of like a [TS]

00:11:30   journalist miss representing something [TS]

00:11:32   for his own uniforms own glory but like [TS]

00:11:37   so much of so much of that that [TS]

00:11:41   journalism 5i me when I think about [TS]

00:11:43   music journalism and I've always felt [TS]

00:11:45   this way [TS]

00:11:46   what the hell is music journalism I I [TS]

00:11:50   understand the impulse to do it right I [TS]

00:11:52   understand the impulse to write it and i [TS]

00:11:54   really understand the impulse to read it [TS]

00:11:56   because i used to read it [TS]

00:11:58   just like with a mad hunger i would read [TS]

00:12:03   people writing about music but I but it [TS]

00:12:07   isn't really journalism is it you know [TS]

00:12:10   it's not good night in most cases i have [TS]

00:12:12   to say [TS]

00:12:13   not really yeah it's it it's reporting [TS]

00:12:17   of a kind but it's the features mostly [TS]

00:12:20   yeah and and it's and and and people who [TS]

00:12:23   mistake the job of writing about music [TS]

00:12:26   that that it needs to be hard-hitting or [TS]

00:12:29   you need to expose something some I mean [TS]

00:12:32   I suppose you can use music and [TS]

00:12:35   contemporary music all the time as a [TS]

00:12:37   lens through which you are trying to [TS]

00:12:40   expose a bigger vein of the culture but [TS]

00:12:45   that's not usually how it plays out [TS]

00:12:46   right most of the time it's like it's [TS]

00:12:50   about the band or about the family of [TS]

00:12:53   bands and and and largely about the [TS]

00:12:55   writers feelings about bands and so like [TS]

00:13:00   what it what what role does veracity [TS]

00:13:03   have you know right you know like yeah [TS]

00:13:06   there's yeah I think about I mean we [TS]

00:13:09   one thing i don't know if this is that [TS]

00:13:11   different but this feels different [TS]

00:13:12   I I think about like when i was still [TS]

00:13:14   watching TV news [TS]

00:13:15   maybe let's say in the eighties or even [TS]

00:13:17   in the early nineties i would watch like [TS]

00:13:18   the Sunday morning shows and stuff like [TS]

00:13:20   that [TS]

00:13:20   think about a character like sam [TS]

00:13:22   donaldson where he was he was like the [TS]

00:13:25   Howard Cosell of ABC news because he was [TS]

00:13:29   obviously a personality who wanted to [TS]

00:13:32   become at me to become part of the story [TS]

00:13:35   because it was sam donaldson who was [TS]

00:13:37   saying it [TS]

00:13:38   yeah bombs are dropping behind him and [TS]

00:13:39   his eyebrows are waggling and he is your [TS]

00:13:42   guy your man and he had he had what [TS]

00:13:44   appeared to be a personality and a point [TS]

00:13:47   of view in an industry where usually you [TS]

00:13:49   would try to recede into the background [TS]

00:13:51   and so I mean it's one thing to be and [TS]

00:13:54   mostly uncredited pool reporter for AP [TS]

00:13:59   Reuters where you are just you're going [TS]

00:14:01   to be evaluated mostly like how quickly [TS]

00:14:03   you got an accurate retelling of the [TS]

00:14:06   facts right into print and then that [TS]

00:14:08   gets distributed across the world but it [TS]

00:14:10   seems like more and more today and I I [TS]

00:14:12   this is a big jump to go from you know [TS]

00:14:15   talking about interviewing ronald reagan [TS]

00:14:16   to talking about the wrens or whatever [TS]

00:14:18   but now today in what you might call [TS]

00:14:20   music journalism on the one hand you've [TS]

00:14:22   got the sort of like what AV Club [TS]

00:14:24   pitchfork I don't even know anymore I [TS]

00:14:26   don't follow stuff anymore but you've [TS]

00:14:27   got you seem like you're mostly [TS]

00:14:28   addressing fans of the genre and banned [TS]

00:14:32   me with your coverage and in some cases [TS]

00:14:35   you are trying to say introduce like an [TS]

00:14:37   up-and-comer right but I mean what is [TS]

00:14:40   there really to say about like what the [TS]

00:14:43   rolling stones are up to that isn't a [TS]

00:14:44   story about something bigger than music [TS]

00:14:46   where you'd have to turn into a [TS]

00:14:48   personality story or just as often a [TS]

00:14:50   money story or something or in all cases [TS]

00:14:53   you know the difference between the same [TS]

00:14:56   Donaldson's of the event and today is [TS]

00:14:58   that you know you don't just want to [TS]

00:15:00   tell the facts you want to find [TS]

00:15:02   something that nobody else noticed even [TS]

00:15:04   if it's not really fair right so that's [TS]

00:15:07   get into the turns out stuff where you [TS]

00:15:08   want to be the one person who went to [TS]

00:15:10   that press conference came up with [TS]

00:15:11   something and maybe it's like you know a [TS]

00:15:13   funny [TS]

00:15:13   Titanic somebody's wearing or something [TS]

00:15:15   but you've got to find something nobody [TS]

00:15:16   else is doing otherwise you know you [TS]

00:15:18   don't really make a name for yourself [TS]

00:15:19   today [TS]

00:15:20   yeah right and and those pieces [TS]

00:15:23   uh at the the reviews of vampire weekend [TS]

00:15:27   that are really a review of ivy-league [TS]

00:15:31   privilege or whatever like I i love that [TS]

00:15:34   stuff still because it's because yeah [TS]

00:15:36   its feature writing it's good feature [TS]

00:15:37   writing but i don't know i just like you [TS]

00:15:41   I i used to read 600 reviews a week of [TS]

00:15:48   new records of live shows of three [TS]

00:15:52   issues i mean i would sit and just read [TS]

00:15:55   reviews reviews reviews reads of stuff I [TS]

00:15:58   never intended to listen to of stuff [TS]

00:16:00   that I knew backwards and forwards like [TS]

00:16:03   writing reviews and reading reviews felt [TS]

00:16:06   like a completely separate art form and [TS]

00:16:08   I do not do it anymore it's so strange [TS]

00:16:12   it's like it's I guess it's like [TS]

00:16:15   somebody that used to buy seven inches [TS]

00:16:17   and then stopped by 7 inches [TS]

00:16:20   except I I can't even really look over [TS]

00:16:22   at the milk crates full of record [TS]

00:16:24   reviews that I read and even go paw [TS]

00:16:28   through them i mean i suppose i could go [TS]

00:16:29   find an old copy of snipe hunt from 1993 [TS]

00:16:33   and i would love it I probably still [TS]

00:16:34   love it but yeah and and also its I mean [TS]

00:16:39   the role of the review has always been [TS]

00:16:42   kind of as much about the reviewer as [TS]

00:16:46   the review my way I mean if you think [TS]

00:16:48   about you know going back to i mean [TS]

00:16:50   certainly in film what they call film [TS]

00:16:52   criticism or movie reviewing their you [TS]

00:16:55   know it was it wasn't until the eighties [TS]

00:16:57   and the introduction of cisco [TS]

00:17:00   neighborhoods thumbs up thumbs down [TS]

00:17:01   before then yeah you have stars and [TS]

00:17:03   stuff but by and large it was about like [TS]

00:17:05   what this what this movie mint and the [TS]

00:17:07   night stars when do when was the star [TS]

00:17:10   system of movie reviewing introduced I [TS]

00:17:12   feel like um I think it's been around [TS]

00:17:16   that's a really good question i don't [TS]

00:17:18   know the answer but i'm thinking of [TS]

00:17:19   stuff think about like a people magazine [TS]

00:17:20   used to have jeers and cheering more but [TS]

00:17:24   like even in TV Guide remember when [TS]

00:17:25   you're a little kid you're reading TV [TS]

00:17:26   Guide they would have stars move for the [TS]

00:17:28   movies and again I think that's like a [TS]

00:17:30   syndicated service fine but I mean to be [TS]

00:17:33   as someone who considers themselves [TS]

00:17:35   think about the difference between being [TS]

00:17:36   a movie reviewer i was on a pocket [TS]

00:17:38   recently talking about this really funny [TS]

00:17:39   website [TS]

00:17:40   the kids in mind which is a site that is [TS]

00:17:43   very specifically for parents to get [TS]

00:17:46   reviews of like what happened in a movie [TS]

00:17:48   it's so funny [TS]

00:17:50   it ends up reading almost like porn oh [TS]

00:17:52   we have a start they have a star system [TS]

00:17:53   which is how much profanity sex and [TS]

00:17:55   violence from 0 to 10 and but then [TS]

00:17:58   there's this entire exhaustive page of [TS]

00:18:01   all the actual specific things that led [TS]

00:18:03   them to give those ratings and like I [TS]

00:18:05   say it does get a little like porn it's [TS]

00:18:07   it's so specific like you know spongebob [TS]

00:18:09   pulls down the bathing suit on a [TS]

00:18:12   starfish you know and you see his butt [TS]

00:18:14   crack [TS]

00:18:14   come on with ya but I mean that i wanna [TS]

00:18:17   i want a supercut of all those hmm i [TS]

00:18:20   mean is that journalism [TS]

00:18:22   well it's practical it's the thing is [TS]

00:18:24   you know it's very practical so I find [TS]

00:18:27   myself frequently despite myself going [TS]

00:18:30   to Rotten Tomatoes is my favorite movie [TS]

00:18:32   reviews just to get a feel right it [TS]

00:18:35   doesn't mean I'm not gonna like it cause [TS]

00:18:36   it got fifty percent but if it did get [TS]

00:18:39   ninety percent i am kind of more than [TS]

00:18:40   the aggregate right there aggregating [TS]

00:18:42   all these different reviews don't [TS]

00:18:43   actually this is so such a Philistine [TS]

00:18:46   but I'm not [TS]

00:18:47   that's super interested in what any one [TS]

00:18:50   critic in the United States had to say [TS]

00:18:52   about the movie but that aggregate [TS]

00:18:53   picture is very interesting to me but [TS]

00:18:55   that ain't journalism [TS]

00:18:56   I mean what the part that I'm therefore [TS]

00:18:58   is very practical [TS]

00:18:59   well and that's that was always that was [TS]

00:19:01   always one of the interesting things [TS]

00:19:03   about the promise of the internet right [TS]

00:19:06   that we were that through aggregating a [TS]

00:19:09   million voices we were going to get [TS]

00:19:12   closer to the truth because we wouldn't [TS]

00:19:15   be we wouldn't have gatekeepers right [TS]

00:19:18   anyway right it would just be like it [TS]

00:19:21   wasn't yet because I'm used to be one [TS]

00:19:22   and let's talk about what you're really [TS]

00:19:23   saying which is it used to be that if [TS]

00:19:25   you picked up the new york times you can [TS]

00:19:27   count on that being nominally the best [TS]

00:19:29   and brightest and reporting but it was a [TS]

00:19:31   very specific point of view that was [TS]

00:19:33   virtually hegemonic right right and and [TS]

00:19:37   and the internet was like going to [TS]

00:19:39   democratize everything [TS]

00:19:41   and there would be this you would have [TS]

00:19:44   the you would have the well essentially [TS]

00:19:46   the voice of the Borg everything would [TS]

00:19:50   be seeing double everything would be [TS]

00:19:52   knowable and you would just you listen [TS]

00:19:55   it you would eliminate the five-star [TS]

00:19:57   review and the one star review and then [TS]

00:19:59   concentrate on you know that aggravating [TS]

00:20:04   5003 star reviews into some kind of [TS]

00:20:07   sensible idea about it but you know I [TS]

00:20:09   was out in was out in a town last night [TS]

00:20:12   called silverdale in Washington which is [TS]

00:20:14   a place that used to just be used to be [TS]

00:20:19   like Navy support personnel and then [TS]

00:20:22   people who ran out of gas and just [TS]

00:20:25   started living in their car and now [TS]

00:20:28   silverdale in the last 25 years has [TS]

00:20:30   turned into just a giant suburban it's [TS]

00:20:35   in a way kind of a suburban metropolis [TS]

00:20:38   it's just suburbs as far as the eye can [TS]

00:20:41   see and I'm over there and it's like oh [TS]

00:20:43   we're hungry [TS]

00:20:44   what do we do we go on the internet the [TS]

00:20:47   first thing that comes up is help i have [TS]

00:20:50   never I've never written a yelp review [TS]

00:20:52   yeah and in a way i feel like i have [TS]

00:20:55   read enough of them that i almost I [TS]

00:20:58   almost always to the community of of [TS]

00:21:02   humans to add yelp reviews just because [TS]

00:21:05   I take and take and take and I never [TS]

00:21:07   give back but I hate yelp and I hate the [TS]

00:21:11   police so much i get i use it [TS]

00:21:14   yeah i don't know why i use it because [TS]

00:21:16   if I see the star I see it's two and a [TS]

00:21:17   half stars that's gonna have an [TS]

00:21:19   impression and then I want to read the [TS]

00:21:20   reviews are like are you kidding me no [TS]

00:21:22   you always very very literate and yet [TS]

00:21:25   here i am in silverdale and i'm looking [TS]

00:21:28   for a mediterranean restaurant because I [TS]

00:21:30   feel like having some stuffed grape [TS]

00:21:32   leaves and here this program pops up out [TS]

00:21:36   of nowhere it tells me where one is [TS]

00:21:38   that's nearby and then it gives me this [TS]

00:21:41   sort of it gives me this Sisyphean [TS]

00:21:45   choice right because the reviews are [TS]

00:21:48   inconclusive [TS]

00:21:49   there's a there's some reviews they're [TS]

00:21:51   like this is the most amazing place [TS]

00:21:53   and then there are all these reviews are [TS]

00:21:54   like it was terrible [TS]

00:21:56   the waitress was rude and the and the [TS]

00:21:59   grape leaves didn't even taste like [TS]

00:22:01   grapes [TS]

00:22:02   it's just like what is that what that [TS]

00:22:04   was and then you go and so so then you [TS]

00:22:06   think you're like rolling the rolling [TS]

00:22:08   the dice and in a way rolling the dice [TS]

00:22:11   imagining that you're full of [TS]

00:22:13   information but in fact rolling the dice [TS]

00:22:17   in exactly the same way as if you had [TS]

00:22:18   looked it up in the phone book and [TS]

00:22:20   pulled up out front of it and said do [TS]

00:22:21   you want to go in there [TS]

00:22:22   does it look okay and so you go in full [TS]

00:22:26   of information but with actually no [TS]

00:22:28   information because what it boils down [TS]

00:22:32   to is you're gonna walk into a place it [TS]

00:22:33   down and try it out and your experiences [TS]

00:22:36   you know like none of those reviews are [TS]

00:22:38   so far none of them helped and what [TS]

00:22:41   ended up happening was we were the only [TS]

00:22:42   people in the restaurant [TS]

00:22:44   the waitress was great the food was [TS]

00:22:45   amazing and it was like but how would my [TS]

00:22:48   yelp review add to the conversation [TS]

00:22:49   right the next time the next person that [TS]

00:22:52   comes along and reads that it might be [TS]

00:22:54   five o'clock at night there's 200 people [TS]

00:22:56   in the restaurant it's a completely [TS]

00:22:57   different [TS]

00:22:58   I I told you I totally agree because on [TS]

00:23:01   most of those reviews ok on the one hand [TS]

00:23:02   this is just my impression as somebody [TS]

00:23:04   who mostly tries to avoid reading the [TS]

00:23:05   actual reviews but i think people treat [TS]

00:23:08   it like a blog a lot of the time and [TS]

00:23:10   there is a certain amount of status to [TS]

00:23:13   being somebody who reviews a lot and [TS]

00:23:15   gets their reviews like meta reviewed [TS]

00:23:17   like hey this person's a good review its [TS]

00:23:19   a top reviewer like there's all that's [TS]

00:23:21   how the internet works now right you get [TS]

00:23:22   points to get Wolfie 44 going on doing [TS]

00:23:24   that stuff but anybody is a normal [TS]

00:23:26   person that was going to leave a review [TS]

00:23:27   i mean i think over seventy-five percent [TS]

00:23:30   of the time you would only leave review [TS]

00:23:32   if something very unusual and unexpected [TS]

00:23:35   how that's right that's right you are [TS]

00:23:37   the year the outlier right somebody like [TS]

00:23:39   me that had a great experience or or a [TS]

00:23:41   surprising like that was kind of weird [TS]

00:23:43   like everything was great except this [TS]

00:23:44   one dish right or exactly or you could [TS]

00:23:47   say but no I think about how you begin a [TS]

00:23:49   review like that i was i was visiting [TS]

00:23:52   town I knew nothing about this [TS]

00:23:54   neighborhood and I had a surprising [TS]

00:23:55   experience here because i didn't know [TS]

00:23:56   this place would be this good [TS]

00:23:58   it still comes down to you it's still [TS]

00:23:59   about like your personality and then [TS]

00:24:02   those there's not [TS]

00:24:04   it's just well speaking of which I [TS]

00:24:07   really weird experience this man will [TS]

00:24:09   give me a review [TS]

00:24:11   well so you know my frozen bacon process [TS]

00:24:15   yeah so i made a bunch of bacon and you [TS]

00:24:19   know what i've been i've been going to [TS]

00:24:20   the German butcher and getting the hand [TS]

00:24:22   made bacon that had been lovingly hand [TS]

00:24:25   padded room and I was just at like a [TS]

00:24:30   chain grocery store and there was some [TS]

00:24:32   like mega like three pound bag of bacon [TS]

00:24:36   for five dollars and I was like you know [TS]

00:24:38   what I don't give a shit right now I was [TS]

00:24:41   I was hungry I was confused i bought a [TS]

00:24:44   three pound bag of like hormel bacon and [TS]

00:24:48   I took it home and I did I did the bacon [TS]

00:24:50   method I frozen its individual bags [TS]

00:24:52   I've been enjoying this bacon quite a [TS]

00:24:54   bit it is just it's just normal bacon [TS]

00:24:58   right but this morning on my way rushing [TS]

00:25:01   out to go to the office I grabbed a bag [TS]

00:25:04   of frozen bacon I took a cup of two day [TS]

00:25:08   old coffee and microwaved it as I [TS]

00:25:10   normally do and then I poured some [TS]

00:25:14   half-and-half into it to to take the [TS]

00:25:17   edge off but it was a new thing of [TS]

00:25:20   half-and-half and I put a little bit [TS]

00:25:21   extra little bit too much happen if i [TS]

00:25:23   don't like it to be [TS]

00:25:25   I don't like it to be creamy I wanted to [TS]

00:25:29   just be a little coffee with a little [TS]

00:25:30   splash you know just a little like [TS]

00:25:32   little fireworks in there but so I put [TS]

00:25:35   too much half-and-half and i'm walking [TS]

00:25:36   out the door and I've got my microwave [TS]

00:25:40   coffee in one hand in a in a beer mug of [TS]

00:25:43   beer stein my frozen bacon and the other [TS]

00:25:45   and as a mormon up the truck and I take [TS]

00:25:49   a take a bite of delicious frozen bacon [TS]

00:25:51   oh here's the here's the other the other [TS]

00:25:53   wrinkle when I was making the bacon I [TS]

00:25:59   ran out of paper towels and so I did not [TS]

00:26:03   have a [TS]

00:26:06   system by which i could pat the grease [TS]

00:26:09   I'll right right right and so I just put [TS]

00:26:12   I just said you know what people have [TS]

00:26:13   been eating bacon for thousands of years [TS]

00:26:15   before paper towels were they even [TS]

00:26:18   invented by man or a mouse and so I just [TS]

00:26:21   put the greasy bacon in the bag and put [TS]

00:26:25   it in the freezer so the bacon had a [TS]

00:26:28   pretty good coding of frozen grease on [TS]

00:26:35   it so I eat a couple of pieces of frozen [TS]

00:26:40   greasy bacon and then I take a sip of [TS]

00:26:43   over microwaved two-day-old coffee with [TS]

00:26:47   too much cream in it and the combination [TS]

00:26:51   of those two substances hot and cold [TS]

00:26:54   crazy and greasy with the coffee as a [TS]

00:27:00   bonding agent created a new polymer in [TS]

00:27:04   my mouth and on my tongue where it was [TS]

00:27:08   like I'm the inside of my mouth had been [TS]

00:27:12   a tad itself been processed somehow so [TS]

00:27:18   that might bite my tongue no longer felt [TS]

00:27:21   like a friend if I'd known for a long [TS]

00:27:24   time [TS]

00:27:25   put it up oxidized it felt like someone [TS]

00:27:28   wearing a helmet was in my mouth and was [TS]

00:27:34   trying to was trying to like strip [TS]

00:27:38   wallpaper up off of one of out of an [TS]

00:27:40   abandoned house that's a good review and [TS]

00:27:44   I was like this is really not what I was [TS]

00:27:47   expecting but it wasn't entirely [TS]

00:27:51   unpleasant and so it persisted and I i [TS]

00:27:58   put the car in gear and I'd driving down [TS]

00:28:00   the road and I'm exploring my new mouth [TS]

00:28:02   with this with this new helmeted friend [TS]

00:28:05   knew who it is unclear whether he's a [TS]

00:28:07   friend yet but he's certainly an ally [TS]

00:28:08   and and it lasted probably for [TS]

00:28:13   half-an-hour basic this experience there [TS]

00:28:15   was a tingling there was because I [TS]

00:28:18   picked the song [TS]

00:28:19   it was also playing a role i don't know [TS]

00:28:23   i'm still reeling from it it sounds like [TS]

00:28:25   you're not- you're ambivalent well as [TS]

00:28:30   your helmet friend i'm i'm glad that I'm [TS]

00:28:32   glad that that's not still going on in [TS]

00:28:33   my mouth i'm glad that that i'm not sure [TS]

00:28:37   if i will repeat it immediately but i do [TS]

00:28:41   feel like that particular polymer might [TS]

00:28:44   be of use in science [TS]

00:28:46   hmm and if there are people out there [TS]

00:28:49   listening this program who are in the [TS]

00:28:52   science or science as stem careers they [TS]

00:28:56   call it maybe experiment with those [TS]

00:29:00   ingredients as a kind of like maybe new [TS]

00:29:06   anesthetic or you know you never know [TS]

00:29:09   what that stuff is going to do right it [TS]

00:29:11   could be a cure for polio although we [TS]

00:29:13   don't we don't need one of those for now [TS]

00:29:16   right but but you know that kind of [TS]

00:29:20   experimentation [TS]

00:29:23   I don't think we need to go all the way [TS]

00:29:24   up the Amazon to find new grasses that [TS]

00:29:28   contain harare or whatever i think i may [TS]

00:29:32   have I may have manufactured sure RA in [TS]

00:29:34   my own rap by combining these beakers of [TS]

00:29:40   like material that shouldn't ever be put [TS]

00:29:42   or maybe should be put together on this [TS]

00:29:45   is like the hundred monkeys typing [TS]

00:29:47   typing on typewriter how how many [TS]

00:29:50   millennia might have been before [TS]

00:29:51   somebody came up with this particular [TS]

00:29:53   mixture [TS]

00:29:54   well that that's the thing i don't think [TS]

00:29:55   that frozen bacon is very common [TS]

00:29:58   I think microwave coffee is pretty [TS]

00:30:00   common i think over creamed coffee know [TS]

00:30:04   there's like three or four things here [TS]

00:30:05   also a big Stein there's several parts [TS]

00:30:08   to this that are that are unique [TS]

00:30:09   next I'm sitting in a cold truck I mean [TS]

00:30:12   there's a and it's kind of you know it's [TS]

00:30:14   it's a big motor so it's kind of [TS]

00:30:16   vibrating me there's a little bit of a [TS]

00:30:17   it's it's not quite a centrifuge but [TS]

00:30:20   there is a mixer [TS]

00:30:21   I mean this is not a thing people have [TS]

00:30:23   been eating bacon and drinking coffee [TS]

00:30:25   for millennia [TS]

00:30:27   but i don't know if this particular set [TS]

00:30:30   of circumstances that never occurred [TS]

00:30:31   before and the Black Swan so I don't [TS]

00:30:35   know everything on this everything on [TS]

00:30:37   this podcast so far has been creative [TS]

00:30:39   commons right yeah everybody everybody [TS]

00:30:42   just gets to take it and only make sure [TS]

00:30:44   to have it as long as you credit it to [TS]

00:30:46   us [TS]

00:30:47   you can go ahead and remix it and make [TS]

00:30:49   your own albums girl hot cast just out [TS]

00:30:51   of out of remixes sure sure I create a [TS]

00:30:55   whole platform at if you took this [TS]

00:30:56   podcast and you sped my voice up so that [TS]

00:31:01   it was at the pitch of your voice and [TS]

00:31:03   you slowed your voice down so that the [TS]

00:31:05   picture of mine [TS]

00:31:06   it wouldn't be that much of a of a [TS]

00:31:09   monkey right but you'd have to monkey [TS]

00:31:11   with their voices a little bit how would [TS]

00:31:13   that change the dynamic of the [TS]

00:31:14   conversation for the listener I'm gonna [TS]

00:31:16   say a lot [TS]

00:31:17   mhm mhm these we have our special [TS]

00:31:21   cadences right if I was a little bit [TS]

00:31:23   faster and a little bit you know like [TS]

00:31:25   just picked up a quarter tone yeah and [TS]

00:31:29   you were a little bit more laconic well [TS]

00:31:31   you know let's not go crazy with the [TS]

00:31:32   formula right I've been sure you know [TS]

00:31:36   what you know what Castello di just [TS]

00:31:37   start punching a bit for no reason [TS]

00:31:39   no you'd know you don't fuck with the [TS]

00:31:41   formula no you don't [TS]

00:31:43   don't fuck with the formula i'm just [TS]

00:31:44   wondering if if if a scientist have an [TS]

00:31:46   intrepid like thought scientist was out [TS]

00:31:49   there and was like I'm just you know [TS]

00:31:50   what I'm going to slow one guy up and [TS]

00:31:51   speed is slow one guy up and speed the [TS]

00:31:54   other guy down and down and then apply [TS]

00:31:58   that algorithm to all the past podcasts [TS]

00:32:01   em they're talking about a kind of [TS]

00:32:04   multiverse that could be created [TS]

00:32:05   that's right create create a multiverse [TS]

00:32:07   where or no one expected it and then oh [TS]

00:32:11   and then play those play those episodes [TS]

00:32:13   to someone who had never heard the show [TS]

00:32:15   before [TS]

00:32:16   and say what do you think these guys [TS]

00:32:18   would still be helpful right yeah yeah [TS]

00:32:21   yeah but people just be like what is [TS]

00:32:22   this is just very unsettled you know [TS]

00:32:25   John I encourage science i think it's a [TS]

00:32:27   good idea i think i think [TS]

00:32:28   experimentation is as interesting a [TS]

00:32:30   little worried that somebody's probably [TS]

00:32:32   try it now [TS]

00:32:33   really weird but there's a lot of [TS]

00:32:35   amateur scientist a lot of lay persons [TS]

00:32:37   who you know my just want to go to do [TS]

00:32:39   that and I I kind of a little scared [TS]

00:32:41   with what that would sound like you know [TS]

00:32:42   I feel like this podcast is basically a [TS]

00:32:44   bear talking to a raccoon and if you do [TS]

00:32:49   buy the record my little my little black [TS]

00:32:54   paws you took a few turns his head a [TS]

00:32:57   little bit if you did chewing on a piece [TS]

00:33:00   of garbage what maybe if you took a bit [TS]

00:33:03   of conversation be a barren raccoon and [TS]

00:33:05   you made the record sound like a parent [TS]

00:33:07   the pair sound like a raccoon that's [TS]

00:33:08   going to upset the animal kingdom right [TS]

00:33:10   people are gonna be sure that coffee was [TS]

00:33:12   ok John I honestly have no idea [TS]

00:33:14   and frankly you might have got into a [TS]

00:33:16   bit of a few state right now I don't [TS]

00:33:18   know how long that cream was in the [TS]

00:33:19   refrigerator remember buying and I was [TS]

00:33:21   out of town for weeks [TS]

00:33:23   this episode of rock on the line is [TS]

00:33:24   sponsored by Squarespace the all-in-one [TS]

00:33:27   platform that makes it fast and easy to [TS]

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00:33:34   been using square space for over five [TS]

00:33:36   years now and I really think you should [TS]

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00:34:46   always thank you so much to our friends [TS]

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00:34:49   for supporting Roderick on the line [TS]

00:34:51   Squarespace build it beautiful oh dear [TS]

00:34:54   dear dear [TS]

00:34:55   you know I hate to bring up gravy again [TS]

00:34:58   mhm but uh I did you notice the number [TS]

00:35:01   of people that pushed back on the great [TS]

00:35:03   like I expected people would respond to [TS]

00:35:05   that episode by saying i love gravy [TS]

00:35:08   I didn't get that I thought they were I [TS]

00:35:10   got it I got three or four people that [TS]

00:35:11   were like gravy know what you got to be [TS]

00:35:14   kidding know what you what you really [TS]

00:35:16   want is like leak super mental mental [TS]

00:35:21   mental butter or you know like they had [TS]

00:35:23   something else besides greater for God [TS]

00:35:25   that was better or you know change the [TS]

00:35:28   calculation somehow the right right well [TS]

00:35:30   it's that this is the god damn it this [TS]

00:35:33   is the beauty of this ecosystem of this [TS]

00:35:34   gravy multiverse is that there are there [TS]

00:35:36   are so many options in so many [TS]

00:35:38   combinations I think if anything we're [TS]

00:35:40   saying we just want to be more sauce [TS]

00:35:41   positive [TS]

00:35:42   yeah yeah that's absolutely right i I [TS]

00:35:44   don't I don't have a dog in this fight I [TS]

00:35:45   don't have a raccoon in this bear [TS]

00:35:46   whatever it is that people want to do I [TS]

00:35:48   just want them to feel free i would [TS]

00:35:50   encourage them to to try saucing more [TS]

00:35:53   things and and maybe sometimes have a [TS]

00:35:54   couple sauces [TS]

00:35:56   that's what I'm saying I I went through [TS]

00:35:58   a real Sasuke's recently that was sort [TS]

00:36:01   of in addition to my normal Sasuke's in [TS]

00:36:04   your saucer your sake I am and it was us [TS]

00:36:06   it was a sauce [TS]

00:36:07   it was a level it was soft level above [TS]

00:36:09   the normal level and i started any time [TS]

00:36:12   I cooked something and there was [TS]

00:36:14   anything left in the pan i would start [TS]

00:36:16   making a sauce i would take the thing [TS]

00:36:19   and i would put it over on a plate and i [TS]

00:36:20   would let it go cold while I SAT and [TS]

00:36:22   like focused on this sauce is gonna get [TS]

00:36:25   dr. Frankenstein maddie is kept i was [TS]

00:36:27   just like the sauce but the problem was [TS]

00:36:31   I'll of Marsala wine [TS]

00:36:34   yeah in a sauce it gives it a little [TS]

00:36:36   pill but I couldn't get away from the [TS]

00:36:38   marsala I would make the sauce I be [TS]

00:36:40   liking this is pretty good and what does [TS]

00:36:41   it need a little bit of member and then [TS]

00:36:42   I would always throw the wine in and so [TS]

00:36:45   every sauce ended up tasting the same [TS]

00:36:47   LOL and uh and I that included like [TS]

00:36:50   cheese sauces and I was just I couldn't [TS]

00:36:52   stop this is some one of the problems [TS]

00:36:55   with my cooking is like I know what I [TS]

00:36:58   know basically what ten ingredients do [TS]

00:37:00   there are 800 ingredients I don't know [TS]

00:37:03   what they do [TS]

00:37:04   uh-huh attend ingredients i dunno what [TS]

00:37:06   they do I end up putting them in [TS]

00:37:08   everything [TS]

00:37:08   yeah i'm the same way I'm exact all got [TS]

00:37:11   on the same way I cook I do so few [TS]

00:37:14   things like a man but I really cook like [TS]

00:37:16   a man not a good way i mean it's it's [TS]

00:37:19   it's going to be kosher salt garlic [TS]

00:37:22   powder [TS]

00:37:23   mrs. dash uh-huh and a little bit of [TS]

00:37:28   Lowery's to put a little hours on there [TS]

00:37:30   you know what I'm i don't i'm [TS]

00:37:33   uncomfortable saying this because my [TS]

00:37:34   wife kind of knows i do this and doesn't [TS]

00:37:36   like it I'll put some accent applause [TS]

00:37:38   max sentence seriously funny i'm a [TS]

00:37:41   little miss injure people must join you [TS]

00:37:45   know no disrespect to the people who [TS]

00:37:47   think that they're allergic to MSG comma [TS]

00:37:50   but yes i will put in it is how amazing [TS]

00:37:53   you hate crime [TS]

00:37:54   hey grunts that's okay so here's what [TS]

00:37:56   happened and I'm you know this is one of [TS]

00:37:59   those things one of those adults logs [TS]

00:38:02   were pretty much knew how this was gonna [TS]

00:38:03   go but I threw myself into it anyway [TS]

00:38:06   here's what happened last episode for [TS]

00:38:11   those of you have welcome welcome to [TS]

00:38:13   never heard the show we ended up talking [TS]

00:38:15   a lot at the end of the program about [TS]

00:38:17   the various sauces and gravies that we [TS]

00:38:19   enjoyed and how when we had been on a [TS]

00:38:21   cruise three weeks ago we were able to [TS]

00:38:24   have access two sauces and gravies of [TS]

00:38:26   many kinds all you care to eat anyway [TS]

00:38:29   and it made it made us into gravy [TS]

00:38:30   scientist [TS]

00:38:32   then a few days later I went out and had [TS]

00:38:35   like our quarterly comic meet up and I [TS]

00:38:37   swear to Christ John I don't know what [TS]

00:38:39   happened to me I i did go into a few [TS]

00:38:41   state and for like an hour and a half [TS]

00:38:42   you ask anybody who was there all I did [TS]

00:38:44   was talk about gravy for like an hour [TS]

00:38:46   and a half maybe that's why I'm getting [TS]

00:38:47   so much mail maybe our i'm getting mail [TS]

00:38:49   from people who were there I i was [TS]

00:38:51   really pitching apparently I i have [TS]

00:38:54   talked about this in many podcast and [TS]

00:38:55   other places before the idea of having [TS]

00:38:57   basically a mall restaurant that's all [TS]

00:39:01   about sauces apparently this is [TS]

00:39:02   something I've gone through before long [TS]

00:39:04   story short I want some fucking gravy in [TS]

00:39:06   my life and and here's the dumb guy part [TS]

00:39:09   is I wanted it to be easy so here's what [TS]

00:39:10   i did i knew this was going to work i [TS]

00:39:13   went to the store I went to the safeway [TS]

00:39:15   i went to the aisle with the gravy's oh [TS]

00:39:18   no and i bought a bunch of different [TS]

00:39:21   gravy oak and gravies and gravy mixes [TS]

00:39:24   and can I just tell you so far and [TS]

00:39:26   understand now like I'm like a little [TS]

00:39:28   child going into this i'm so excited [TS]

00:39:29   very first fucking gravy [TS]

00:39:31   yeah you know what they've been a [TS]

00:39:32   literal abortion every yeah i know it's [TS]

00:39:34   terrible somehow they put in that it's [TS]

00:39:36   not the sampan gum it is some other sort [TS]

00:39:39   of a multiplier or stabilizer that they [TS]

00:39:42   put in there that makes every canned [TS]

00:39:44   gravy tastes like you are licking and [TS]

00:39:51   licking a pan in a restaurant that [TS]

00:39:53   really should be cleaned rather than [TS]

00:39:54   linked yeah you're looking a dirty pants [TS]

00:39:57   here--here's the thing is the other part [TS]

00:39:59   this is I really had to fight myself [TS]

00:40:01   because I I'm an ingredient reader even [TS]

00:40:04   if you know I don't always not always [TS]

00:40:06   the healthiest either but i do like to [TS]

00:40:07   know what's unhealthy about what I'm [TS]

00:40:09   eating and you know me I'm a pretty [TS]

00:40:12   healthy eater I don't have high [TS]

00:40:13   standards [TS]

00:40:13   yeah but basically there's a flavor that [TS]

00:40:16   I wanted somewhere in the first 10 [TS]

00:40:18   ingredients is a flavor that I wanted [TS]

00:40:20   and then six to eight things that I [TS]

00:40:22   generally try to avoid in everything [TS]

00:40:23   that I yeah right like the taste of [TS]

00:40:25   plastic [TS]

00:40:26   well cases there somewhere in there is [TS]

00:40:29   chicken broth but then you've got you've [TS]

00:40:31   got corn starch fuck that yeah i mean i [TS]

00:40:33   know you gotta have that in gravy but [TS]

00:40:35   like the first ingredients are all like [TS]

00:40:36   grains that I try to avoid yeah [TS]

00:40:39   bombs and stuff like that doesn't come [TS]

00:40:41   screams and cums I mean I i tried given [TS]

00:40:44   the given the choice i will avoid a [TS]

00:40:46   greater gone because it in a non gravy [TS]

00:40:49   environment those are not things that [TS]

00:40:50   you want adulterating your food [TS]

00:40:52   no I tried I tried to pack oh god I got [TS]

00:40:56   some Universal envelopes like taco mix [TS]

00:40:59   oh yeah yeah I don't know what I'm [TS]

00:41:01   thinking John why am I saying this i got [TS]

00:41:02   i got like six or eight of those and [TS]

00:41:04   then a couple jars [TS]

00:41:05   yeah the the packs are just somebody [TS]

00:41:08   like crushed up to bullion cubes and [TS]

00:41:10   then mixed in some it's a board meeting [TS]

00:41:12   in a bag basically people go like what's [TS]

00:41:14   a bunch of shit we've got that we can [TS]

00:41:16   put a photo on and charged a dollar 89 [TS]

00:41:18   for okay fine so I got the nicest one I [TS]

00:41:20   could find the nicest assist envelope of [TS]

00:41:23   sausage gravy i could find because you [TS]

00:41:25   had milk instead of water right [TS]

00:41:26   obviously all walk we had two cups of [TS]

00:41:30   milk to this pocket of powder it was so [TS]

00:41:36   disgusting it doesn't taste like it [TS]

00:41:38   really it's what I imagine maybe Soylent [TS]

00:41:41   tastes like listen I i wish you had [TS]

00:41:43   called me i mean in general i want you [TS]

00:41:45   to call me [TS]

00:41:46   yes in situations where i was having [TS]

00:41:48   with these inflection points located one [TS]

00:41:49   way or another [TS]

00:41:50   yeah I'm liable listen i have tried [TS]

00:41:52   every package sauce and a so many of [TS]

00:41:57   them you just need to run you need to [TS]

00:42:00   run from the from so many of those the [TS]

00:42:03   Swanson's never bought this I don't [TS]

00:42:05   mccormick packs i don't buy those taco [TS]

00:42:07   packs i know that's real ghetto kind of [TS]

00:42:09   kind of food not get out you know what I [TS]

00:42:10   mean it's a real downscale except here's [TS]

00:42:14   here's the beers the problem you want to [TS]

00:42:16   stroganoff you know how does a man make [TS]

00:42:19   a stroganoff with having to throw away a [TS]

00:42:21   lot of food like I could get a [TS]

00:42:23   stouffer's right yeah yeah you're [TS]

00:42:26   talking about the Salisbury steaks [TS]

00:42:27   really took me back i'm thinking i'm [TS]

00:42:30   going to explore some Salisbury steaks [TS]

00:42:31   and some strong enough i love stroganoff [TS]

00:42:33   oh that's one of the that's one of the [TS]

00:42:34   all-time great foods stroganoff with [TS]

00:42:36   with noodles [TS]

00:42:37   oh boy but you know what happened to [TS]

00:42:39   stroganoff siz that stroganoff have [TS]

00:42:42   become one of these like one of these [TS]

00:42:45   secret with artisanal food weapons on [TS]

00:42:48   no people have artificially weaponized [TS]

00:42:51   stroganoff sauce so you walk into a [TS]

00:42:54   restaurant and you're like uh I don't [TS]

00:42:56   know what is all this I don't want any [TS]

00:42:58   of this too so I I think I know exactly [TS]

00:43:00   what you're talking about [TS]

00:43:02   I think of food you take a peasant food [TS]

00:43:03   up having for the perfect the way it is [TS]

00:43:06   yep and then you try to make it small [TS]

00:43:07   batch yeah and then you put then [TS]

00:43:08   obviously the stress so I'm like oh [TS]

00:43:10   they've got strung up on the menu shit [TS]

00:43:11   you know what that's what i want i want [TS]

00:43:13   a strong enough I don't you know I don't [TS]

00:43:15   need like any like beef tongue carpaccio [TS]

00:43:18   and mediterranean stroganoff with a bang [TS]

00:43:21   of southwestern spice yeah a little and [TS]

00:43:23   one of the worst part about it is it [TS]

00:43:24   comes and they have obviously put a new [TS]

00:43:27   york stake in it and it's like why is [TS]

00:43:32   this why is this full of new york state [TS]

00:43:34   any order on death row John that's not [TS]

00:43:37   like that kind of food for a person [TS]

00:43:39   who's for in a free society [TS]

00:43:40   oh my god if i had seriously i have us i [TS]

00:43:43   have a three-ring binder of my death row [TS]

00:43:45   food [TS]

00:43:46   DAV thought about some pairings well as [TS]

00:43:48   you know as you know I haven't read [TS]

00:43:50   Shakespeare because I'm saving it for [TS]

00:43:52   prison yeah and then there are some [TS]

00:43:54   things that I'm kind of saving for death [TS]

00:43:57   row with that if that's how it is that's [TS]

00:43:58   how this all plays out and one of those [TS]

00:44:01   is like a you know that last menu I've [TS]

00:44:04   seen some amazing men used to fried [TS]

00:44:06   chickens [TS]

00:44:06   I read one the other day that woman is [TS]

00:44:09   on death row she had a pretty amazing [TS]

00:44:11   last meal stacked up if you trust that's [TS]

00:44:14   right find it [TS]

00:44:15   drywall dry white toast to fried [TS]

00:44:17   chickens and act like you know hell yes [TS]

00:44:21   I'm gonna I'm gonna have like it's gonna [TS]

00:44:23   be that will be the one time that I [TS]

00:44:25   topics without without wrinkling my nose [TS]

00:44:29   at the affair right because I'm gonna be [TS]

00:44:31   like I want I want a little bit of the [TS]

00:44:34   following 60 foods [TS]

00:44:36   there's a lady on death row in Georgia [TS]

00:44:39   she was two cheeseburgers two large [TS]

00:44:41   orders of fries lemonade cherry vanilla [TS]

00:44:43   ice cream popcorn corn bread and a salad [TS]

00:44:45   made of boiled eggs tomatoes bell [TS]

00:44:47   peppers onions carrots cheese and [TS]

00:44:49   buttermilk dressing [TS]

00:44:50   Wow mhm there are some i can point to [TS]

00:44:54   some restaurants in Nebraska where they [TS]

00:44:56   eat once you get that right on the menu [TS]

00:44:57   is actually a platter and order is [TS]

00:45:00   beyond a single place right that's all [TS]

00:45:02   her number number number two yeah i [TS]

00:45:05   think that i would have to have some [TS]

00:45:07   comfort foods I'd have some like you [TS]

00:45:09   know what you know what a food that I [TS]

00:45:10   really have always liked chicken cordon [TS]

00:45:12   bleu [TS]

00:45:13   mmm chicken koji cordon bleu yes it got [TS]

00:45:17   a little bit ruined for me when I worked [TS]

00:45:19   in restaurants where that was there are [TS]

00:45:22   certain kinds of things that can be [TS]

00:45:24   really good veal Oscar certain kinds of [TS]

00:45:27   things that you just knew had been like [TS]

00:45:28   made a few days ago and we're sitting in [TS]

00:45:30   a big tray yeah when it's done well that [TS]

00:45:32   can be that can be quite good so one of [TS]

00:45:34   the first times that i really felt like [TS]

00:45:36   an adult i was in college i was probably [TS]

00:45:39   one sophomore and I had a up at the [TS]

00:45:48   party didn't happen at my house and I [TS]

00:45:50   think it's because my house even when I [TS]

00:45:52   was feeling like an adult my house was [TS]

00:45:54   generally uninhabitable but I wanted [TS]

00:45:58   things like the large bottles of P you [TS]

00:46:01   were saving well or at that point in [TS]

00:46:03   time like the pony keg that had a pony [TS]

00:46:07   keg that had sort of let go sour and the [TS]

00:46:11   the the party a few days before we're at [TS]

00:46:14   a certain point in the night people just [TS]

00:46:15   started putting their cigarettes out on [TS]

00:46:16   the floor so I was at a friend's house [TS]

00:46:20   but it was my party you know that kind [TS]

00:46:22   of scene where it's like we're having a [TS]

00:46:23   party it's at your house but it's my [TS]

00:46:25   party and the party was and like we [TS]

00:46:28   invited all the girls we knew and they [TS]

00:46:30   all came and it was it was a big enough [TS]

00:46:35   group probably 20 people that if that [TS]

00:46:37   felt like a party and not just a [TS]

00:46:38   gathering and my idea was we were all [TS]

00:46:43   going we're going to assembly line some [TS]

00:46:45   chicken cordon bleu and so we had all [TS]

00:46:48   the ingredients all of bowls of milk and [TS]

00:46:51   egg and breadcrumbs and people were on [TS]

00:46:53   board with this [TS]

00:46:54   people were like yes let's do it and i [TS]

00:46:56   think it was you know i mean it was [TS]

00:46:58   during a time when just the nature of [TS]

00:47:01   how we threw parties we were always a [TS]

00:47:02   little hungry if you know what I mean [TS]

00:47:05   and so we got this assembly line going [TS]

00:47:07   and everybody thought we were pounding [TS]

00:47:11   these chicken breasts flat and we were [TS]

00:47:12   rolling them up and we had [TS]

00:47:14   we got an officer good ingredients and [TS]

00:47:16   we had the best time it was basically [TS]

00:47:19   the whole the whole party was just [TS]

00:47:21   making chicken cordon bleu's we were [TS]

00:47:23   cycling through the oven and let it come [TS]

00:47:27   out and you'd better let them cool down [TS]

00:47:28   and then everybody would try one and [TS]

00:47:30   then another one would would be ready [TS]

00:47:32   it was a really good sounds that's [TS]

00:47:33   delightful yeah and and the the problem [TS]

00:47:37   is i'm pretty sure that was maybe 1989 [TS]

00:47:41   i'm pretty sure i have never made a [TS]

00:47:43   chicken cordon bleu since that time [TS]

00:47:45   because it really was it [TS]

00:47:47   it's a lot of work uh-huh you know just [TS]

00:47:49   like toss one of those off right but you [TS]

00:47:52   can buy them in a box yeah some of those [TS]

00:47:55   kinds of things are better than others [TS]

00:47:56   for sure i'm just reading here on this [TS]

00:47:59   page that says in 2011 Texas stop the [TS]

00:48:02   last meal tradition after Lawrence [TS]

00:48:04   Russell Brewer ask for a large final [TS]

00:48:06   meal including two chicken fried steaks [TS]

00:48:08   triple bacon cheeseburger and meat [TS]

00:48:09   lovers Pizza and refused to eat it [TS]

00:48:12   oh he dogged him right at the end you [TS]

00:48:14   ruined it for everyone [TS]

00:48:15   he was like you know what now I'm not [TS]

00:48:17   even gonna eat it because i just [TS]

00:48:18   realized that you're about to kill me [TS]

00:48:20   kind of weird I mean really think about [TS]

00:48:22   that though I mean so now anybody who's [TS]

00:48:25   one of the many many people sentenced to [TS]

00:48:26   death in Texas can't get a final meal [TS]

00:48:28   just because this guy was being kind of [TS]

00:48:30   ornery well and it seems weird like what [TS]

00:48:32   did that cost them 30 bucks yeah they're [TS]

00:48:34   they're mad about the 30 bucks that that [TS]

00:48:36   the guy that was about to die didn't [TS]

00:48:38   heat if I just make him feel bad you [TS]

00:48:41   know that's i'm guessing that that that [TS]

00:48:43   kind of mentality in Texas comes right [TS]

00:48:45   from the top down [TS]

00:48:46   I think that's probably Rick Perry that [TS]

00:48:49   came across his desk he was like you [TS]

00:48:50   know what we're not going to give [TS]

00:48:51   anybody a dinner and bust it up and [TS]

00:48:54   bring it to me and people were like he's [TS]

00:48:57   the governor [TS]

00:48:58   yep he must know on a country so I now [TS]

00:49:01   now I'm on the horns of a dilemma [TS]

00:49:03   because i do have these packets it was [TS]

00:49:05   not a large financial investment I'm i [TS]

00:49:08   don't see i'll try maybe one more but [TS]

00:49:10   now i'm figuring I'm trying to figure [TS]

00:49:11   out what my options are [TS]

00:49:12   what I'm sorry I don't mean to around at [TS]

00:49:15   all i figured i might move up the line a [TS]

00:49:17   little bit maybe i'll see if whole foods [TS]

00:49:19   has a line of gravies i can look on [TS]

00:49:21   amazon i haven't seen much on costco but [TS]

00:49:24   you know my goal was to get it where [TS]

00:49:26   it's kind of like you're frozen bacon [TS]

00:49:28   program i want to get it to where i can [TS]

00:49:31   have a a ready supply of small amounts [TS]

00:49:34   of gravies and sauces that can be [TS]

00:49:35   deployed tactically as needed so much [TS]

00:49:38   some I'm gonna again just speak from my [TS]

00:49:41   experience but are you familiar with the [TS]

00:49:44   concept I'm sure you are but there are [TS]

00:49:46   there are also their blogs devoted to [TS]

00:49:49   this i'm almost sure i think i read [TS]

00:49:51   about them in Sunset magazine where you [TS]

00:49:56   basically use prepackaged foods as a [TS]

00:50:00   component in making what ultimately [TS]

00:50:03   looks like a home-cooked meal [TS]

00:50:06   mm you know what I mean like you decamp [TS]

00:50:08   some that sounds like something i do ya [TS]

00:50:10   UD can't some some some some fairly good [TS]

00:50:16   quality packaged stuff and then you add [TS]

00:50:19   your own you contribute your own fresh [TS]

00:50:22   ingredients to it and pretty soon it's [TS]

00:50:25   it's not clear where the processing for [TS]

00:50:28   the process unity is an artisanal [TS]

00:50:30   version of the the fifties campbell soup [TS]

00:50:32   recipes start out with this as a base as [TS]

00:50:34   a component as a building block [TS]

00:50:36   yeah but it's not the center of the meal [TS]

00:50:38   like they want you to know that you if [TS]

00:50:39   you put some french fried onions on top [TS]

00:50:41   of it it's it's grandma's it's grandma [TS]

00:50:44   screamed creamed spinach sauce but so [TS]

00:50:48   what i end up doing with that stuff is [TS]

00:50:49   first of all as you know my my first [TS]

00:50:52   policy is if you buy something make it [TS]

00:50:54   all don't reserve half of the package [TS]

00:50:57   for later make it all [TS]

00:50:59   yeah and so I would you i would use [TS]

00:51:03   those i'm looking at a bucket or a [TS]

00:51:06   terrine just that's right get your [TS]

00:51:08   biggest pot out start with this garbage [TS]

00:51:11   gravy that you have that you that cost [TS]

00:51:17   59 cents but that you feel pot committed [TS]

00:51:19   to another you don't want to just throw [TS]

00:51:21   it away and then build on that with [TS]

00:51:25   actual gravy making techniques until you [TS]

00:51:28   have made a pot of gravy until you made [TS]

00:51:32   a poder gravy [TS]

00:51:33   oh it's good it's like Stone Soup you [TS]

00:51:35   start out with this little strange thing [TS]

00:51:36   you build and build and build that's [TS]

00:51:37   right you build your own [TS]

00:51:39   you keep adding you know those gravy's [TS]

00:51:40   that don't say add milk [TS]

00:51:42   they're wrong add milk and Grady hacker [TS]

00:51:45   John you know what you throw a little [TS]

00:51:47   bit of a gluten-free flour in there you [TS]

00:51:50   little bit of like what what did i see i [TS]

00:51:52   was a trader joes for the day and [TS]

00:51:53   there's cashew flower i don't know i [TS]

00:51:56   bought it i don't even know what it does [TS]

00:51:58   i don't know i wouldn't use that I look [TS]

00:52:00   at it I'm like a shoe flower what is it [TS]

00:52:02   looks like flower looks like corn flour [TS]

00:52:05   and it's just groundnuts fascinating [TS]

00:52:08   I feel like one of these days it's gonna [TS]

00:52:10   be a situation where like a brother like [TS]

00:52:13   a burglar comes into the house and I [TS]

00:52:15   just all I the only weapon i have is I'm [TS]

00:52:18   standing in the pantry for some reason [TS]

00:52:20   the only weapon i have is this thing of [TS]

00:52:21   cashew nut flour and I do you want to [TS]

00:52:23   waste the stroganoff on it [TS]

00:52:24   no I just throw it in his eyes piece [TS]

00:52:26   like an engine power and money just like [TS]

00:52:29   a lot of my Birds it smells like not my [TS]

00:52:31   nut allergy [TS]

00:52:33   yeah exactly falls to the floor gets [TS]

00:52:35   hides an electric shock but uh but yeah [TS]

00:52:38   I would build i would use those just as [TS]

00:52:40   starters and then build a much bigger [TS]

00:52:42   pot of stuff that the danger of that of [TS]

00:52:46   course being that if the thing turns out [TS]

00:52:48   to be terrible then you have a huge [TS]

00:52:49   thing of terrible instead of a small [TS]

00:52:52   thing of terror [TS]

00:52:52   you just made me realize that when I [TS]

00:52:55   think about the Windjammer the [TS]

00:52:57   all-you-can-eat restaurant on the cruise [TS]

00:52:58   the source the fount of gravy for our [TS]

00:53:01   for our cruise you know what I think it [TS]

00:53:03   is I think I'm really realizing you're [TS]

00:53:05   right i need to man up because i like to [TS]

00:53:07   think that it's about sauces and gravies [TS]

00:53:08   but you know what it's also about the [TS]

00:53:10   ease of the sauces and gravies all I had [TS]

00:53:13   to do was say goodbye to my family walk [TS]

00:53:15   away for 35 minutes and I could have [TS]

00:53:16   grave you on anything so i need to let [TS]

00:53:18   go i need to let go and let God and [TS]

00:53:19   understand that if I'm gonna make a [TS]

00:53:21   gravy i'm going to have to make a gravy [TS]

00:53:23   yes yes so you're gonna put everything [TS]

00:53:26   in there you know what one of the one of [TS]

00:53:28   the things that I always do is if it's a [TS]

00:53:29   if it's a thing that has like I made [TS]

00:53:33   some cabbage soup the other day this is [TS]

00:53:34   going to hear your that's going to blow [TS]

00:53:35   your mind I got to tell you about this [TS]

00:53:37   now i got the biggest pot I own which is [TS]

00:53:40   a pretty big pot and I just started [TS]

00:53:42   throwing cabbages in it and I'm thinking [TS]

00:53:46   to myself I [TS]

00:53:49   cabbage is not a that's not a thing that [TS]

00:53:53   I in my in the top of my mind that I [TS]

00:53:56   think I'm gonna like but it turns out [TS]

00:53:58   every time somebody put some kind of [TS]

00:54:00   cooked cabbage in front of me i always [TS]

00:54:02   enjoy it [TS]

00:54:02   mhm so I'm like about what goes with it [TS]

00:54:04   i mean when you get you get it with like [TS]

00:54:06   anything that's part of it [TS]

00:54:07   unicorn be with them pretty good yeah [TS]

00:54:09   but like cabbage shows up in things now [TS]

00:54:12   and and it doesn't look appealing it [TS]

00:54:15   always kind of looks like the skin of a [TS]

00:54:17   cadaver that that washed up on the shore [TS]

00:54:21   right the skin of a cadaver that the [TS]

00:54:22   police boat is pulling over with a hook [TS]

00:54:25   but it's actually really good so I'm [TS]

00:54:29   like you know what I people people cook [TS]

00:54:31   cabbages it's not that hard even the [TS]

00:54:32   Irish cook cabbages [TS]

00:54:34   yeah I'm even the simple library i'm [TS]

00:54:38   gonna make I'm gonna make cabbage soup [TS]

00:54:40   so I get this pot I put some chicken [TS]

00:54:41   stock in there i throw some onions and I [TS]

00:54:43   start cooking them i'd throw some leaks [TS]

00:54:46   in there I don't even know what a leak [TS]

00:54:47   is but I throw it in there and I start [TS]

00:54:49   cooking it and I put some put some [TS]

00:54:51   mildly your system can take this right i [TS]

00:54:53   put the put a bunch of uh onions leeks [TS]

00:54:56   and cabbage garlic and all and then some [TS]

00:55:00   LOL you really live alone and threw a [TS]

00:55:03   bunch of kom there just because [TS]

00:55:06   yeah and then I start throwing cabbages [TS]

00:55:08   and I throw a couple of cabbages in a [TS]

00:55:09   red cabbage and I'm I and it's cooking [TS]

00:55:14   i'm here to put keratin well on this one [TS]

00:55:17   I did not I stayed away from the carrots [TS]

00:55:19   but then I was like you know what this [TS]

00:55:22   needs pound hamburger so i made some [TS]

00:55:24   hamburger and I threw a pound of [TS]

00:55:25   hamburger in here and then I was like [TS]

00:55:27   fearless John was like you know what [TS]

00:55:29   this you know what else I got in the [TS]

00:55:30   freezer pound of ground turkey I don't [TS]

00:55:32   even know why I bought that cook up the [TS]

00:55:35   ground turkey throw it in and then I'm [TS]

00:55:38   looking at the 10 spices that I know [TS]

00:55:39   what they do and I'm like little little [TS]

00:55:41   Hungarian paprika can't hurt and then [TS]

00:55:46   all the things that you described write [TS]

00:55:47   some garlic salt some oh I like that on [TS]

00:55:51   the man spice i bought I bought one of [TS]

00:55:53   those things uh you know when you go and [TS]

00:55:54   you're like I think I think I'm gonna [TS]

00:55:56   cook something I want some celery and [TS]

00:55:58   the only the only serving size at the [TS]

00:56:01   grocery store has a [TS]

00:56:02   gallery is like a UH an acre of celery [TS]

00:56:06   right like if I think that's how they [TS]

00:56:08   get you a forest stand of celery you [TS]

00:56:10   need a stock and you have to buy buy [TS]

00:56:13   like a forest [TS]

00:56:14   yeah you by like 50 stocks this thing is [TS]

00:56:16   the thing is as big as a rugby ball and [TS]

00:56:19   so I was like you know what I'm i got a [TS]

00:56:22   big pot and so i take this whole celery [TS]

00:56:25   thing this whole like scrum of celery [TS]

00:56:28   and I chopped it into whatever have it [TS]

00:56:32   the pieces that you know are the size of [TS]

00:56:35   watch their the size of a pocket watch [TS]

00:56:38   and I throw this whole thing in there [TS]

00:56:40   and so pretty soon this this stuff and [TS]

00:56:44   then I'm just like okay fucking in the [TS]

00:56:45   hamburger and the turkey is in the pot [TS]

00:56:47   at this point in the pot oh yeah I cook [TS]

00:56:49   some mushrooms that through min and then [TS]

00:56:51   I'm like fuck you pot you figure it out [TS]

00:56:55   and so this stuff cooks on the stove for [TS]

00:56:59   I don't know for forever and everyone so [TS]

00:57:02   I walked by and look at it and I you [TS]

00:57:05   know and I had my curse at it but in a [TS]

00:57:08   friendly way [TS]

00:57:08   sure you're just being encouraging I'm [TS]

00:57:10   just like okay listen I know you guys [TS]

00:57:12   don't know each other [TS]

00:57:13   I know you haven't worked together [TS]

00:57:14   before but I believe in you I believe in [TS]

00:57:17   you [TS]

00:57:17   celery cabbage turkey pretty cute [TS]

00:57:21   yeah get it get it going so this thing [TS]

00:57:23   cooks and it turns into this incall [TS]

00:57:27   that's an incredible it has it's an [TS]

00:57:31   incredible consistency that I feel like [TS]

00:57:34   you could build an adobe house out of [TS]

00:57:37   and eating it is kind of like if you [TS]

00:57:42   close your eyes it's kind of like eating [TS]

00:57:44   spaghetti [TS]

00:57:45   it's so it's so Mouse substantial it's [TS]

00:57:48   like yeah it's just so al dente and you [TS]

00:57:53   know kind of crunchy and and and it's [TS]

00:57:56   got like too much flavor it's great [TS]

00:58:01   flavor [TS]

00:58:03   and so I've got this i've got this pot [TS]

00:58:05   in there that could they could feed [TS]

00:58:07   Napoleon's army marching into Russia and [TS]

00:58:11   I'm like this stuff will probably go all [TS]

00:58:14   the other thing was I had a pound of [TS]

00:58:15   sauerkraut threw that in there just no [TS]

00:58:17   no and I god you're mad and it's this [TS]

00:58:21   fantastic stuff that I don't think would [TS]

00:58:23   ever go bad right it would just get it [TS]

00:58:26   would just start tasting more and more [TS]

00:58:28   like itself until it became kimchi is [TS]

00:58:31   like a retired woman just because more [TS]

00:58:33   and more like itself every day he know [TS]

00:58:35   you know what wild women don't get the [TS]

00:58:36   blues and neither does my cabbage soup [TS]

00:58:38   cot dammit [TS]

00:58:39   Jesus Christ so anyway that you know the [TS]

00:58:43   first tasting though well your first [TS]

00:58:44   impression is this is Adobe quality [TS]

00:58:46   spaghetti soup it's got that substantial [TS]

00:58:49   it's heavy it's it's got too much flavor [TS]

00:58:51   in a good way [TS]

00:58:52   yeah i was i was trippin because I had [TS]

00:58:54   me i had committed so much material and [TS]

00:58:58   I'm and in that and that I mean material [TS]

00:59:01   miss ya right i had I I was like [TS]

00:59:03   discourses of resources i was a I was [TS]

00:59:08   Yossarian and I had our i was i was Bob [TS]

00:59:13   Newhart in catch-22 [TS]

00:59:16   I was committing material to this pot [TS]

00:59:19   and if it went bad like Seattle sewers [TS]

00:59:23   couldn't handle it i would have to take [TS]

00:59:24   it out of town i'd have to put it in the [TS]

00:59:26   trunk and drive it out of town and put [TS]

00:59:28   it in the forest somewhere and then a [TS]

00:59:30   year from now somebody would be flying [TS]

00:59:32   overhead and maybe like why is what [TS]

00:59:34   what's going on down there [TS]

00:59:35   send in the troops understand captain it [TS]

00:59:37   seems they're just not more delicious [TS]

00:59:38   but but as it was it was this fantastic [TS]

00:59:42   concoction that when i look at it it's [TS]

00:59:46   really it's really like eight pounds of [TS]

00:59:49   vegetables and a and a and a couple of [TS]

00:59:52   pounds of of a small form of animals [TS]

00:59:56   yeah like growth with some grass fed [TS]

00:59:58   turkeys or [TS]

00:59:58   turkeys or [TS]

01:00:00   never and so anyway I feel like I feel [TS]

01:00:03   like that's my latest triumph [TS]

01:00:05   that's amazing John yeah so what do you [TS]

01:00:07   do when you got to do when you get the [TS]

01:00:08   leftovers you what to do with them do [TS]

01:00:10   you put in freezer bags [TS]

01:00:11   well so here's the thing every person [TS]

01:00:13   who's been in my house in the last week [TS]

01:00:14   i have basically forced to eat the cup [TS]

01:00:16   of soup because I'm like listen the he [TS]

01:00:21   at the more soup i take out of this pot [TS]

01:00:23   the fuller the pot is it sits I've I've [TS]

01:00:26   I've unlocked some miraculous grunts [TS]

01:00:28   yeah I've unlock some metaphysical door [TS]

01:00:32   and i have created the ultimate endless [TS]

01:00:36   soup and so I'm just like try the soup [TS]

01:00:39   and everybody's like a Roderick make [TS]

01:00:41   cabbage soup i don't know i don't know [TS]

01:00:43   if i had but I'm but i won't take no for [TS]

01:00:45   an answer and I sit him down and I put [TS]

01:00:46   the soup in front of them [TS]

01:00:48   I'm like look at it and they're like oh [TS]

01:00:50   it's like it really is just there's not [TS]

01:00:54   a lot of color to it you know what I [TS]

01:00:56   mean like I didn't put there's nothing [TS]

01:00:58   in it that isn't it sounds like [TS]

01:01:01   something you would use to like fill a [TS]

01:01:02   hole in your driveway right away it [TS]

01:01:04   looks up but then everybody tries it and [TS]

01:01:07   everyone agrees that he was that it's a [TS]

01:01:09   that it's a revolution in their mind i'm [TS]

01:01:11   ashamed I'm ashamed because i am [TS]

01:01:14   cleaving to the convenience even as I'm [TS]

01:01:17   filled with desire and in craving [TS]

01:01:19   gravy's I can feel myself like being [TS]

01:01:22   pulled in that direction of just wanting [TS]

01:01:23   the ease and your story your story of [TS]

01:01:26   adventure really in cooking is is [TS]

01:01:28   inspiring me and humiliating [TS]

01:01:31   well but I mean it is it is a little bit [TS]

01:01:32   of a difference between being a bachelor [TS]

01:01:34   and and being a like a househusband in [TS]

01:01:38   the sense that if I if I made a [TS]

01:01:42   catastrophe [TS]

01:01:43   I could slink out into the night and [TS]

01:01:49   leave it by an abandoned couch somewhere [TS]

01:01:51   i think that my Skeeter uh-huh [TS]

01:01:53   put it over by skater right he probably [TS]

01:01:55   you know a gary would probably try to [TS]

01:01:58   use it for gas [TS]

01:01:59   you just keep calling in the middle [TS]

01:02:01   indistinct god damn it [TS]

01:02:03   but but you know there are no [TS]

01:02:06   consequences right nobody's going to [TS]

01:02:07   come open the refrigerator and say we're [TS]

01:02:09   all the food go dancing like no one's [TS]

01:02:10   watching Joe that's exactly right [TS]

01:02:13   so and the thing is sometimes the the [TS]

01:02:16   race goes to the bolt up you know and in [TS]

01:02:21   a way every time i do this i feel like i [TS]

01:02:23   am the napoleon i am invading the Russia [TS]

01:02:26   of the unknown right yeah I do [TS]

01:02:30   I'm invading the rush of the unknown and [TS]

01:02:32   every time I could lose 700 thousand [TS]

01:02:34   troops to frostbite [TS]

01:02:36   yes and sometimes i do east bracket just [TS]

01:02:40   keep moving moving moving ghost ghost [TS]

01:02:41   ghost [TS]

01:02:42   hmm and then sometimes I am Napoleon [TS]

01:02:46   that conquered Russia em right and I [TS]

01:02:48   come back and I come back wondering why [TS]

01:02:51   I ever thought to do that because it was [TS]

01:02:53   a bad idea even if you had even if you [TS]

01:02:55   conquer Russia it's a bad idea and I [TS]

01:02:57   gotta run it and you gotta run it [TS]

01:02:59   that's exactly right then you gotta run [TS]

01:03:00   Russia and that's what i'm doing right [TS]

01:03:02   now i'm running I conquered russia i [TS]

01:03:04   gotta have it in a pot in my [TS]

01:03:06   refrigerator and everybody that comes by [TS]

01:03:09   gets a little you know it's a little [TS]

01:03:10   taste of the Ukraine mr. you i would be [TS]

01:03:18   shitting non-stop if I were you [TS]