Roderick on the Line

Ep. 122: "Parliament of the Moment"


00:00:00   this episode of rock on the line is [TS]

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00:00:24   [Music] [TS]

00:00:29   hello hey John hi Merlin has it going [TS]

00:00:33   good how are you going I'm going it's [TS]

00:00:36   early it's pretty early is early pretty [TS]

00:00:40   early but uh but you know I I'm living a [TS]

00:00:43   new way got a new whole new life so I'm [TS]

00:00:46   i feel like this isn't even early for me [TS]

00:00:48   anymore [TS]

00:00:49   wow I just can't talk about just like [TS]

00:00:52   come on bring it you know really tired [TS]

00:00:54   I'm tired of being on the wrong side of [TS]

00:00:56   history [TS]

00:00:56   oh just like up and going and just [TS]

00:01:00   living and you're achieving ah yeah oh [TS]

00:01:07   yeah he just dodging bullets [TS]

00:01:09   yeah no I'm no I'm definitely not just [TS]

00:01:12   putting out fires i am living in the now [TS]

00:01:15   and in the past and in the future [TS]

00:01:19   oh wow yeah why is that it is it [TS]

00:01:23   anything in particular this it's like [TS]

00:01:25   this change is just your schedule gotten [TS]

00:01:27   busy no it's just you know what it was [TS]

00:01:29   it was just that i decided i decided [TS]

00:01:33   that every single book and pamphlet and [TS]

00:01:38   website link i had ever been given to a [TS]

00:01:44   life improvement style a philosophy i [TS]

00:01:52   was just going to let him sit down over [TS]

00:01:53   the course of a weekend I was just going [TS]

00:01:55   to digest it all on implement it that's [TS]

00:01:57   the best way to do it [TS]

00:01:58   yeah yeah you're gonna let that stuff [TS]

00:02:01   piled up its like the old like old new [TS]

00:02:02   york times or something just want to [TS]

00:02:03   really sit down and just really get [TS]

00:02:05   through [TS]

00:02:05   yeah well the thing is a lot of the [TS]

00:02:07   words of the same roof between uh [TS]

00:02:09   between philosophy so i was able to kind [TS]

00:02:11   of go through and you know kind of like [TS]

00:02:14   when you originally learn to do [TS]

00:02:16   fractions you know you kind of cross off [TS]

00:02:18   these these sort of similar words like [TS]

00:02:24   when you're doing long division [TS]

00:02:25   you know I still do stuff on doing long [TS]

00:02:26   division that I learned in third grade [TS]

00:02:28   and I probably don't need to but it's [TS]

00:02:30   like I'm doing better division if I show [TS]

00:02:32   my work I feel that way too well with a [TS]

00:02:35   lot of stuff although times tables i'm [TS]

00:02:37   very proud of having memorized my times [TS]

00:02:39   tables a long time ago [TS]

00:02:40   and so you know I you'll never catch me [TS]

00:02:44   rolling my eyes up to to remember my [TS]

00:02:48   time stable system 7 I was 6 times 7 is [TS]

00:02:52   Wow hi I'm AKA you know like there's a [TS]

00:02:56   and actually 67 was a very important [TS]

00:03:00   equation if you think those what would [TS]

00:03:04   that be [TS]

00:03:05   I want to be the one hundred different [TS]

00:03:07   multiplication problems that create the [TS]

00:03:09   times tables right so angry so you [TS]

00:03:12   figure you get you know if you look at [TS]

00:03:14   like 1 x 2 into x 2 and those are at the [TS]

00:03:17   very far left end of the curve six times [TS]

00:03:19   seven there was a very long tail seven [TS]

00:03:22   times eight and six times seven both [TS]

00:03:24   took me this is like the last two that i [TS]

00:03:26   learned i found them incredibly [TS]

00:03:27   difficult [TS]

00:03:28   well and so this is what y 6 times 7 was [TS]

00:03:30   so important to me because six times [TS]

00:03:33   seven was the first one I learned [TS]

00:03:35   oh because I because 42 is such a nice [TS]

00:03:40   number who and six times seven seems to [TS]

00:03:45   be a dick you know six times seven just [TS]

00:03:47   seems to produce nothing right i mean [TS]

00:03:49   it's just like six is there but seven is [TS]

00:03:51   a weird number we just wanna multiply in [TS]

00:03:54   that way like seven half dozen of eggs [TS]

00:03:57   it seems pretty random yeah but that you [TS]

00:03:59   know that happens like okay well how [TS]

00:04:01   many are in a bushel of six of them all [TS]

00:04:03   right so how many do we have seven of [TS]

00:04:04   them you know the guy i find myself [TS]

00:04:06   doing that all the time [TS]

00:04:08   sure but six times seven was a such an [TS]

00:04:11   ungainly and awkward equation produce [TS]

00:04:15   such a beautiful number 42 that it stood [TS]

00:04:18   out in my head and so it was like it was [TS]

00:04:22   the linchpin it was the capstone of my [TS]

00:04:27   whole well that's the wrong way of [TS]

00:04:29   getting should be a capstone 0 gateway [TS]

00:04:31   drug [TS]

00:04:31   capstone is the first one you put it is [TS]

00:04:33   the last one you can keep not a keystone [TS]

00:04:35   then you know it's not a keystone I [TS]

00:04:37   guess it would be a cornerstone because [TS]

00:04:39   I would then I could work i came over [TS]

00:04:41   for a rock i could work either direction [TS]

00:04:43   from from 40 to write it because I knew [TS]

00:04:47   six times seven so if you say you know [TS]

00:04:49   seven times eight [TS]

00:04:50   I know like I can work for [TS]

00:04:52   42 went from 42 in either direction and [TS]

00:04:56   it helped me and help me you know [TS]

00:04:58   memorize that it was an errand medical [TS]

00:05:01   stake in the ground [TS]

00:05:02   yeah that's right that's good 67 and so [TS]

00:05:05   did you had all this stuff some of it [TS]

00:05:07   was electronic i'm guessing a lot of [TS]

00:05:08   those things you printed out probably [TS]

00:05:10   since the early 2000s think about [TS]

00:05:12   leadership and see Iration so people [TS]

00:05:14   print stuff out for me people people i [TS]

00:05:17   don't i don't typically print stuff out [TS]

00:05:19   even when i'm asked to print stuff out [TS]

00:05:21   yeah education considering the [TS]

00:05:23   environment [TS]

00:05:24   well yeah and I also just seems like [TS]

00:05:26   printers really factors God sleep are we [TS]

00:05:30   still I remember when printers were [TS]

00:05:32   described as being on the way out [TS]

00:05:35   currently obsolete in what was that [TS]

00:05:39   1999b yeah because the laser rider when [TS]

00:05:42   the laser came out with the mac and you [TS]

00:05:44   could have like a mac ac30 and [TS]

00:05:47   laserwriter and you could make a [TS]

00:05:49   production-quality publication that was [TS]

00:05:52   life-changing but it wasn't long before [TS]

00:05:53   cooking you know maybe we don't know [TS]

00:05:54   this production [TS]

00:05:55   yeah seems like we make a lot of paper [TS]

00:05:57   remember that you've ever worked in an [TS]

00:05:59   office where you would just get [TS]

00:06:00   everybody in the office got the same [TS]

00:06:02   like 30 sheets of paper every day I used [TS]

00:06:04   to work currency at piper jaffray which [TS]

00:06:07   was a investment company [TS]

00:06:09   yeah i'm gonna head like a hole full of [TS]

00:06:12   paper detectable floors they had that [TS]

00:06:15   and anything that they their office was [TS]

00:06:17   in a building in downtown Seattle that [TS]

00:06:19   was designed by the same guy who [TS]

00:06:22   designed the world trade center and it [TS]

00:06:25   was like a proto World Trade Center this [TS]

00:06:28   building was built in the in the [TS]

00:06:29   mid-sixties and it's a much smaller sort [TS]

00:06:33   of you know like archetype of that style [TS]

00:06:37   of concrete construction and if you look [TS]

00:06:40   at it knowing that it was designed by [TS]

00:06:42   the same guy [TS]

00:06:42   it kind of takes your breath away you're [TS]

00:06:44   like oh my god it is sort of like a [TS]

00:06:46   little world trade center and the top [TS]

00:06:50   three floors of this building which [TS]

00:06:53   should be the most expensive offices in [TS]

00:06:55   it and could be some of the nicest [TS]

00:06:57   offices in downtown Seattle [TS]

00:06:59   are like the windows are papered over [TS]

00:07:02   and it's just full of boxes of papers of [TS]

00:07:07   long-ago business transactions but but [TS]

00:07:11   like the whole the whole reason we were [TS]

00:07:15   encouraged to start using computers was [TS]

00:07:18   that they were going to do away with [TS]

00:07:19   paper and now i get i get five emails a [TS]

00:07:24   week from people saying well print this [TS]

00:07:25   out fill it out then fax at Brown my god [TS]

00:07:28   John like God I go die I would rather [TS]

00:07:31   not do the job I would rather not do i [TS]

00:07:33   would not rather not get paid the money [TS]

00:07:35   well whatever it is it's how anytime [TS]

00:07:37   there's a relationship that will involve [TS]

00:07:40   money you're gonna have to send almost [TS]

00:07:43   always especially with large large [TS]

00:07:45   Institute's institutions and [TS]

00:07:46   organizations you almost always have to [TS]

00:07:48   send them like three pieces of paper [TS]

00:07:50   always but you know what's weird though [TS]

00:07:53   is if I think back to that time and i [TS]

00:07:55   was working in office i was making [TS]

00:07:56   mostly about the time I was well admit [TS]

00:07:59   early mid nineties i was making a lot of [TS]

00:08:01   courtroom exhibits that we would print [TS]

00:08:03   out sometimes on a very costly color [TS]

00:08:04   printer but but the truth was like [TS]

00:08:07   nothing felt real like nobody could [TS]

00:08:09   relax until it had printed out in [TS]

00:08:11   multiple copies you know it wasn't [TS]

00:08:13   really yet it had it wasn't a thing what [TS]

00:08:15   didn't matter that we're doing it setup [TS]

00:08:16   you know automated backups and stuff [TS]

00:08:18   like that didn't matter it didn't exist [TS]

00:08:20   until it was something you could put in [TS]

00:08:22   a fedex envelope [TS]

00:08:23   well as you know i mean it's a cliche to [TS]

00:08:25   say but well as I was going through my [TS]

00:08:27   dad's papers probably a refrigerator box [TS]

00:08:31   full of paper that what without you that [TS]

00:08:35   had a receipt receipt school photo at [TS]

00:08:37   the top at the girl that sure but then [TS]

00:08:39   at the top you know the kind of [TS]

00:08:41   gibberish that that that used to be at [TS]

00:08:45   the top of every email you printed out [TS]

00:08:47   and then it would be like hi honey how [TS]

00:08:49   are you I've just been thinking about [TS]

00:08:52   you okay [TS]

00:08:53   write me when you can and he's like [TS]

00:08:55   printing out emails not just the emails [TS]

00:08:58   that he receives but like also printing [TS]

00:09:00   out is part of the email like and you [TS]

00:09:03   know emails he get back like [TS]

00:09:05   everything's good dad talk to you soon [TS]

00:09:08   just like wow you're printing these out [TS]

00:09:10   and partly it's he's putting it out [TS]

00:09:12   because [TS]

00:09:12   I he wants to have a record but i think [TS]

00:09:17   a big part of it was it wasn't real it [TS]

00:09:18   wasn't real until I mean look at it on [TS]

00:09:20   the computer screen maybe like 10 [TS]

00:09:22   yeah i mean that's put too fine a point [TS]

00:09:23   on it but I think for a lot of people I [TS]

00:09:24   was working 2.com I told you the story [TS]

00:09:27   about our CTO there who thought that I [TS]

00:09:30   should invent email attachments because [TS]

00:09:31   that we need idea that he was completely [TS]

00:09:33   backward you nothing he didn't know the [TS]

00:09:34   scroll wheel on his mouth confused him i [TS]

00:09:37   told you about this guy and he basically [TS]

00:09:38   i think his work flow was a common [TS]

00:09:40   workflow in the late nineties which was [TS]

00:09:43   the same way that today we would read [TS]

00:09:45   email and you might flag it or you might [TS]

00:09:47   if you're me you turn that into like an [TS]

00:09:48   action somewhere else that's it that's a [TS]

00:09:50   tip anything you printed out with [TS]

00:09:53   something that you either had to read or [TS]

00:09:54   you have to do something about and [TS]

00:09:55   that's the way you did your email [TS]

00:09:56   anytime you got to ask for old people [TS]

00:09:58   when you got to an email you actually do [TS]

00:10:00   something about you printed out put it [TS]

00:10:01   out [TS]

00:10:02   otherwise it wasn't real right you can [TS]

00:10:04   you post a thing any post a might be [TS]

00:10:07   misremembering this but did you post [TS]

00:10:08   something with your dad's letter to the [TS]

00:10:11   car dealership about his last payment on [TS]

00:10:13   a car [TS]

00:10:13   oh I don't think that was me and that [TS]

00:10:15   you know I think that might have been [TS]

00:10:17   maybe I was Dan Benjamin could be i like [TS]

00:10:20   when mi like when people put those kinds [TS]

00:10:22   of things i love that ephemera but now I [TS]

00:10:25   have a lot of that stuff but but you [TS]

00:10:27   know I think a lot of my dad's [TS]

00:10:30   correspondence is still protected under [TS]

00:10:33   some sort of lawyer-client privilege [TS]

00:10:36   foundation under various transit laws [TS]

00:10:39   intelligence but i'm telling you i've [TS]

00:10:41   decided to adopt all principles of [TS]

00:10:44   self-improvement i'm so excited to hear [TS]

00:10:47   about this yeah and one of them is just [TS]

00:10:48   like I just woke up at the crack of dawn [TS]

00:10:50   this morning i made a blender of raw [TS]

00:10:54   eggs and I'm gonna get that Iran regular [TS]

00:11:00   wash that museum in Philadelphia put my [TS]

00:11:03   fist in the air and then I started [TS]

00:11:05   immediately writing the best work of my [TS]

00:11:09   life and I just that one weekend of [TS]

00:11:11   reviewing this materials and now here I [TS]

00:11:14   am at a time that formerly would have [TS]

00:11:16   been pretty daunting to me i've already [TS]

00:11:19   done so much today [TS]

00:11:21   wow yeah I'm fine and you know i'm i'm [TS]

00:11:24   here i'm getting married haha [TS]

00:11:26   there's a lot I mean you know I'm not [TS]

00:11:29   just thinking about it but I'm taking [TS]

00:11:31   over the hump on it feel like you have [TS]

00:11:33   anybody in mind [TS]

00:11:34   I you know I read a lot of a lot of [TS]

00:11:36   stuff that said that married people are [TS]

00:11:37   happier [TS]

00:11:38   yes and so you live longer John if you [TS]

00:11:40   made me so you'll take fewer risks [TS]

00:11:43   seemed like a thing that had you know up [TS]

00:11:45   until just a just a little while ago I i [TS]

00:11:49   was pretty anti-marriage but now I'm [TS]

00:11:51   re-evaluating this is evaluated a lot [TS]

00:11:55   ever I i would love to hear about all [TS]

00:11:56   this [TS]

00:11:57   seeing all of that at one time in one [TS]

00:11:58   place that's a lot of that deep data [TS]

00:12:01   really sink in [TS]

00:12:02   yeah whereas if you're eating you know [TS]

00:12:03   piecemeal throughout the month just a [TS]

00:12:05   little nibble here in newtonville there [TS]

00:12:07   but you you really set down your [TS]

00:12:09   information transformant you sat down [TS]

00:12:11   and said love rain over me tell me what [TS]

00:12:13   should I do [TS]

00:12:14   that's right i went into the tank went [TS]

00:12:16   into the tank and and now the [TS]

00:12:18   formaldehyde of self-knowledge is [TS]

00:12:21   permeated all my cells ask you you're [TS]

00:12:24   getting up early you might get married [TS]

00:12:26   you're gonna hear is your problem [TS]

00:12:29   here's the problem a lot of these books [TS]

00:12:32   lead me to the inescapable conclusion [TS]

00:12:35   that i need to log off [TS]

00:12:38   oh you mean the internet I need to log [TS]

00:12:42   off the internet because of productivity [TS]

00:12:44   well because of productivity and because [TS]

00:12:47   of spiritual the cleanliness you know [TS]

00:12:52   it's not just enough to not read the [TS]

00:12:54   comments section because the Internet [TS]

00:12:56   has become a comment section the entire [TS]

00:12:58   internet and so to avoid the comments [TS]

00:13:04   page you have to avoid everything I mean [TS]

00:13:08   I remember just it was not a couple of [TS]

00:13:10   years ago that I felt like a genius [TS]

00:13:12   because I was getting my news from [TS]

00:13:14   Twitter then it was a thousand times [TS]

00:13:17   better than getting my news from the [TS]

00:13:18   news but now [TS]

00:13:20   twitter is the news yeah it's the same [TS]

00:13:23   news and you feel the same bad way and [TS]

00:13:25   yet you're it's like it's like the new [TS]

00:13:27   it's like like have reverted all the way [TS]

00:13:29   back to that era when people couldn't [TS]

00:13:31   take their eyes off of CNN [TS]

00:13:33   oh yeah and it's like everyone headline [TS]

00:13:37   news i remember i was living with my on [TS]

00:13:38   my horrible stepfather when headline [TS]

00:13:40   news got popular and he would just leave [TS]

00:13:42   he would sit there in a chair and watch [TS]

00:13:45   the 30-minute somebody with Michael and [TS]

00:13:47   cycle day long [TS]

00:13:49   yeah and every every every half hour [TS]

00:13:52   they would add one little new not even a [TS]

00:13:56   new bit but like sometimes just a word [TS]

00:13:58   to the scroll that one word would change [TS]

00:14:00   like instead of pending it would say you [TS]

00:14:04   know it would say something else you [TS]

00:14:08   know like that not that away [TS]

00:14:10   it's a pretty long time ago also now but [TS]

00:14:12   you bet you're right and I'm and now I'm [TS]

00:14:14   you still see that today you get to an [TS]

00:14:15   airport it's just want to all CNN to see [TS]

00:14:17   anything that's for I really don't know [TS]

00:14:19   who that's for [TS]

00:14:20   well but unfortunately now twitter has [TS]

00:14:22   become this like whatever that whatever [TS]

00:14:24   the news it is that twitter has decided [TS]

00:14:27   is the important news which sometimes is [TS]

00:14:29   Twitter still is very proud of itself [TS]

00:14:30   when what it decides the news is not the [TS]

00:14:33   same as what CNN decides the news-times [TS]

00:14:35   does a pretty good job and it doesn't [TS]

00:14:37   amazing job especially at first except [TS]

00:14:40   now it's doing an amazing job and i am [TS]

00:14:43   back as a person watching the freaking [TS]

00:14:45   news which is not a person I want to be [TS]

00:14:47   I don't want to follow the news closely [TS]

00:14:49   following the news closely does not [TS]

00:14:52   produce happiness or productivity that [TS]

00:14:55   was reading your papers John the things [TS]

00:14:56   you [TS]

00:14:57   you ready sure wasn't some of these [TS]

00:14:58   things predate twitter but they were [TS]

00:15:00   telling me stuff about the news that I [TS]

00:15:02   had [TS]

00:15:03   reflect and realize that it applies now [TS]

00:15:06   the the the the the magnetism of [TS]

00:15:10   constant news updates seems to be [TS]

00:15:16   inescapable for for anything you know [TS]

00:15:19   remember like oh there was such promise [TS]

00:15:22   on the internet got it had such promise [TS]

00:15:24   yeah it's gonna be analysis and there is [TS]

00:15:27   you know that's still twitter is better [TS]

00:15:29   because you get a you get a hundred [TS]

00:15:31   voices and you can put together an [TS]

00:15:34   analysis that but but still the cult is [TS]

00:15:37   chase the news change the updates and I [TS]

00:15:42   didn't it just it's just not good for [TS]

00:15:45   it's not good for person it's not good [TS]

00:15:47   for one I can't tell how serious your [TS]

00:15:48   being so I'm gonna act like you're being [TS]

00:15:50   a little bit serious i I'm i used to [TS]

00:15:52   have a habit [TS]

00:15:53   this is a terrific example of life hacks [TS]

00:15:55   gone awry one of things that I would do [TS]

00:15:57   probably starting in the early two [TS]

00:15:59   thousands whenever whatever the point [TS]

00:16:01   was that you could have tabs i had a tab [TS]

00:16:05   set where with one like command-click it [TS]

00:16:09   would open like six different news sites [TS]

00:16:11   in a window and then I just you know [TS]

00:16:13   scroll through each one and look at all [TS]

00:16:14   of them but it's so strange how that one [TS]

00:16:16   all it took to create six tabs of [TS]

00:16:19   information was me hitting the little [TS]

00:16:22   you know spot key and clicking and I [TS]

00:16:26   could have 35 minutes of sadness and [TS]

00:16:28   your resolution in my life but they [TS]

00:16:31   would only be slaked by going back a few [TS]

00:16:33   minutes later and doing exactly the same [TS]

00:16:34   thing again [TS]

00:16:35   yeah not unlike my email inbox but [TS]

00:16:37   that's a different show I feel like if [TS]

00:16:39   if all the news I God was delivered once [TS]

00:16:44   a month in a brown package wrapped with [TS]

00:16:47   white string along with some other [TS]

00:16:51   staples like eggs and milk some eggs and [TS]

00:16:53   milk some lard got a lot sir it's the [TS]

00:16:58   eggs milk large salt grass here at the [TS]

00:17:02   office of doing that is resolution [TS]

00:17:04   rebrand as staples staples within you [TS]

00:17:06   absolutely the basic shit you need once [TS]

00:17:08   a month [TS]

00:17:09   look that should just staple should just [TS]

00:17:11   start calling themselves staples and [TS]

00:17:14   actually sell staples [TS]

00:17:15   not in there and say what's up with the [TS]

00:17:17   news and it's actually not that much new [TS]

00:17:18   just get back to work you know what they [TS]

00:17:20   can do they could wrap the lard and [TS]

00:17:21   sugar and bacon and coffee in the new [TS]

00:17:24   you read the rapper yet as you can [TS]

00:17:26   she'll get there you open up your beer [TS]

00:17:28   put your stuff in your in your like that [TS]

00:17:30   dugout cooler underneath your cabin and [TS]

00:17:33   then you're like a look at this [TS]

00:17:34   holy cow the Japanese bombed Pearl [TS]

00:17:36   Harbor and that is about as current as [TS]

00:17:39   you you need to be you know every two [TS]

00:17:41   weeks every month if you just gotta [TS]

00:17:43   round up of the news and you'd be like [TS]

00:17:45   oh alright well it seems like everything [TS]

00:17:48   is just about the same i mean anything [TS]

00:17:51   and is there any news out of gaza in the [TS]

00:17:54   last three months [TS]

00:17:55   that couldn't have come out of gaza in [TS]

00:17:57   1972 like yeah i could just be reading I [TS]

00:18:01   could be reading the newspapers from the [TS]

00:18:03   Nixon administration's you want to keep [TS]

00:18:04   your anger fresh [TS]

00:18:06   I so don't know what I want my anger to [TS]

00:18:10   be so stale I wanted to be the stainless [TS]

00:18:12   thing in my cupboard [TS]

00:18:14   oh man had its ups talking at all the [TS]

00:18:16   time and not only am I stoking the anger [TS]

00:18:19   but I'm stoking like this [TS]

00:18:21   I'm you know I'm smoking like confusing [TS]

00:18:24   emotions in me right where where it's [TS]

00:18:29   like oh there's so many opinions [TS]

00:18:32   it's not healthy to see that many [TS]

00:18:34   opinions i guess is what it is you know [TS]

00:18:36   we we like to think oh the more opinions [TS]

00:18:38   you get the more you know the more [TS]

00:18:40   well-rounded your eventual take on [TS]

00:18:44   things will be but in fact like the more [TS]

00:18:48   polemical opinions you read the more it [TS]

00:18:51   feels like well all opinions are equally [TS]

00:18:53   dumb [TS]

00:18:54   all opinions are equally unfounded and [TS]

00:18:57   maybe on partly also they're ultimately [TS]

00:19:01   somewhat recently updated it's not it's [TS]

00:19:04   not opinion of five years [TS]

00:19:06   alright it's an opinion on this one or [TS]

00:19:09   two degree change in something hopeless [TS]

00:19:12   not hopeless but it's something that's [TS]

00:19:14   really awful that i can personally do [TS]

00:19:15   very much about today but me getting [TS]

00:19:18   that you know it also has the [TS]

00:19:20   self-selecting bias of making more and [TS]

00:19:22   more even I think unconsciously seek out [TS]

00:19:25   the little sub tunnel that goes to the [TS]

00:19:27   stuff that you agree with [TS]

00:19:29   what makes you feel angry in the way [TS]

00:19:30   that makes you happy well under this is [TS]

00:19:32   the thing I mean how do you feel about [TS]

00:19:35   killing babies what the ones that [TS]

00:19:38   deserve it or the the wetlands see that [TS]

00:19:41   he go that's what you've just opened up [TS]

00:19:42   a can of worms that I I thought I set [TS]

00:19:45   their own purpose [TS]

00:19:46   yeah that and I and I had a mechanical [TS]

00:19:48   arm said Merlin do not open and you [TS]

00:19:50   opened it immediately I did you know [TS]

00:19:52   what I can't even read the label which [TS]

00:19:54   babies [TS]

00:19:55   ah i mean good babies back babies but [TS]

00:19:59   that but they put the whole but the [TS]

00:20:01   concept of killing babies is such like a [TS]

00:20:03   universal galvanizing flaming sword and [TS]

00:20:07   it fits into a tweet so well killing [TS]

00:20:09   babies bad send and you know I look out [TS]

00:20:13   the window and look out the window and I [TS]

00:20:15   scan across the city and I think about [TS]

00:20:17   all the dead babies through history so [TS]

00:20:21   many dead babies really like you know [TS]

00:20:25   pallets of God and you go [TS]

00:20:27   is that really the thing that I want to [TS]

00:20:30   that I that i'm going to like permanent [TS]

00:20:32   have motivate me and it in a day like to [TS]

00:20:37   prevent it to think about it at all and [TS]

00:20:40   i'm not just about to say that to avoid [TS]

00:20:41   thinking about is good but just like [TS]

00:20:44   yeah I think I'm gonna get you off dead [TS]

00:20:48   babies four seconds thank you [TS]

00:20:49   I I remember feeling this feeling when i [TS]

00:20:52   had been away and on my own and fancy [TS]

00:20:54   for a while and then you go spend some [TS]

00:20:56   time with your relatives with you and [TS]

00:20:58   friends we know and you get to you go [TS]

00:21:00   and you read read books and you look at [TS]

00:21:03   Harpers and stuff and think you got it [TS]

00:21:04   going on I just right you know it always [TS]

00:21:06   whenever I would go back home and I [TS]

00:21:07   don't mean to make people sound [TS]

00:21:09   provincial and I'm fancy but it always [TS]

00:21:11   really struck me how much and this is [TS]

00:21:15   this is so not part of my universe but i [TS]

00:21:17   think it's a lot of people's universe [TS]

00:21:18   like watching the local news at night [TS]

00:21:20   it's something like all old people did [TS]

00:21:22   when I was a kid it was something my [TS]

00:21:23   family did you always watch the local [TS]

00:21:24   news and you watch the national news [TS]

00:21:26   here and now today like I kind of can't [TS]

00:21:28   even fathom having been out of that [TS]

00:21:30   particular palette of babies for a while [TS]

00:21:32   going back to it and just seeing like [TS]

00:21:35   how how awful on every level the [TS]

00:21:38   reporting is not only awful in terms of [TS]

00:21:40   the subject matter but also how its [TS]

00:21:42   presented [TS]

00:21:42   and how narrowly is presented and [TS]

00:21:44   basically if you got your impression [TS]

00:21:46   about life from watching your own local [TS]

00:21:48   news you would understand that there's a [TS]

00:21:50   fifty percent chance of rain societies [TS]

00:21:52   falling apart [TS]

00:21:53   yeah every night all you get is this new [TS]

00:21:55   thing about like the you get a really [TS]

00:21:58   cloud idea of how often given thing [TS]

00:22:00   happens and yeah if you could keep [TS]

00:22:02   seeing the same mugshot of black guy [TS]

00:22:03   supposedly stab somebody or whatever and [TS]

00:22:05   over and over i got a young person in a [TS]

00:22:09   in a in a park standing in a dark [TS]

00:22:11   parking lot with a microphone telling [TS]

00:22:13   you about an apartment fire [TS]

00:22:14   we're like for grandmothers and a cat [TS]

00:22:17   died and it's like that is not essential [TS]

00:22:19   information it it just Stokes a thing in [TS]

00:22:23   me it is it is meant to stoke thing in [TS]

00:22:26   us that that you know that where we feel [TS]

00:22:30   on the verge of catastrophe at all times [TS]

00:22:32   yes I do not want to know about the [TS]

00:22:35   latest apartment fire [TS]

00:22:37   I just don't need to and and as an [TS]

00:22:42   empathetic person I need to I need to [TS]

00:22:46   make sure that the empathy is just [TS]

00:22:49   channeled in the right direction [TS]

00:22:51   you know what I mean like that is just [TS]

00:22:52   what that is doing is its its opening [TS]

00:22:55   the spigot are on my on my empathy maple [TS]

00:23:00   man is letting the empathy syrup drip [TS]

00:23:03   drip drip drip drip onto the forest [TS]

00:23:05   floor and we're not nothing [TS]

00:23:06   I'm not collecting it in a bucket and [TS]

00:23:08   I'm not making and I'm not putting it [TS]

00:23:10   over delicious pancakes just ripping my [TS]

00:23:13   empathy syrup on the forest floor it's [TS]

00:23:15   not it's not what I want [TS]

00:23:17   anyway so I am worried very worried but [TS]

00:23:22   i'm worried that all of the all of the [TS]

00:23:25   self-help manuals that I have digested [TS]

00:23:27   in the last weekend point to the [TS]

00:23:30   inescapable conclusion that maybe the [TS]

00:23:35   best thing the best practices are two [TS]

00:23:39   for someone like me at it it's to log [TS]

00:23:44   off over and if I were someone who was [TS]

00:23:47   not given to [TS]

00:23:49   abuse of substances maybe I could be [TS]

00:23:54   someone who did not abuse the internet [TS]

00:23:57   substance [TS]

00:23:57   oh yeah but I am a substance abuser and [TS]

00:24:01   the internet is another thing that I [TS]

00:24:04   can't you know because I've been lately [TS]

00:24:07   I've been asking myself the question I'm [TS]

00:24:09   sitting there I'm staring at my phone [TS]

00:24:11   the world is going by my you know my [TS]

00:24:13   child is growing up but the water is [TS]

00:24:16   boiling over on the stove and i'm [TS]

00:24:19   staring at my phone and there's a voice [TS]

00:24:22   in my head that's conscious of it and is [TS]

00:24:24   saying look at you look at you you're [TS]

00:24:27   sitting here staring at your phone you [TS]

00:24:30   know things are going awry and the other [TS]

00:24:33   the other voice the recording voice says [TS]

00:24:36   well what would you have me do not look [TS]

00:24:38   at my phone [TS]

00:24:39   that seems irresponsible and right and [TS]

00:24:42   and I don't have an answer for like if [TS]

00:24:45   you are if if I'm living in this in this [TS]

00:24:48   world where I am a where I'm a part of [TS]

00:24:51   social media where I where I perceive [TS]

00:24:56   that that's important to my career or [TS]

00:24:58   important to mine self-expression or my [TS]

00:25:01   sense of involvement belonging then yeah [TS]

00:25:05   what would you have me do not look at my [TS]

00:25:07   phone and I kit that's impossible [TS]

00:25:09   and so I had to go i had to go step back [TS]

00:25:12   and say like well what has Facebook done [TS]

00:25:14   for me lately and that I didn't have an [TS]

00:25:19   answer Marilyn uh-huh [TS]

00:25:21   what is facebook done for you lately you [TS]

00:25:23   don't even go on there [TS]

00:25:24   i deactivated my account years ago and [TS]

00:25:27   so what so what do you think you tell me [TS]

00:25:29   when you think would happen to me if I [TS]

00:25:30   stopped going on Twitter just stopped [TS]

00:25:34   I mean it'sit's as we record this it's a [TS]

00:25:36   monday i know you've had a lot of [TS]

00:25:38   knowledge to match your last night you [TS]

00:25:41   really are you really up for this all [TS]

00:25:42   weekend long been reading reading [TS]

00:25:44   reading and my brain is open [TS]

00:25:46   yeah I synapses are open I want some of [TS]

00:25:50   that patented hotdogs lady's computer [TS]

00:25:55   thinkI yes yes for Kennedy culture think [TS]

00:25:58   you wisdom that's that's what I do [TS]

00:26:01   I know I'm relish these talks uh well I [TS]

00:26:07   got a couple of thoughts you know you [TS]

00:26:08   know the only taught used to work at a [TS]

00:26:10   newsstand [TS]

00:26:11   I heard interesting interview you worked [TS]

00:26:12   there for three years did you say maybe [TS]

00:26:15   longer it was the longest my newsstand [TS]

00:26:17   job is the longest job I ever had but [TS]

00:26:19   you know back in those days or even [TS]

00:26:20   today you pick up a copy of The [TS]

00:26:21   Economist I used to subscribe to The [TS]

00:26:24   Economist now I'm not here now I [TS]

00:26:25   understand even mentioning the name of a [TS]

00:26:27   magazine we're going to get into bios or [TS]

00:26:29   whatever but you know whatever people [TS]

00:26:30   you know preach or advise at me about [TS]

00:26:35   the importance of staying informed via [TS]

00:26:38   you know forcing a fire hose into your [TS]

00:26:41   mouth for 18 hours a day [TS]

00:26:42   I'm always tempted to say you know what [TS]

00:26:44   one in the past 12 when I felt like I [TS]

00:26:46   wanted to stay informed [TS]

00:26:48   I one of the best things i think a [TS]

00:26:50   person can do this is not necessarily [TS]

00:26:51   for you but this help me is to do [TS]

00:26:54   exactly what you're saying which is to [TS]

00:26:55   spend less time seeking out new sources [TS]

00:26:57   that are basically about what's changed [TS]

00:27:00   in the last 12 hours the arm and i don't [TS]

00:27:04   know i think he is really old guy [TS]

00:27:06   thinking I guess but gets find a source [TS]

00:27:08   that you like one reason i like the [TS]

00:27:09   economist is that you can go through and [TS]

00:27:11   you can read we've probably talked about [TS]

00:27:13   this you do and read those first [TS]

00:27:15   whatever half dozen pages which has like [TS]

00:27:18   a paragraph or two about what's [TS]

00:27:19   happening all over the world and you [TS]

00:27:23   should i think what you might want to do [TS]

00:27:25   person environment the economist is very [TS]

00:27:28   Tory but they're very Pro capital but [TS]

00:27:31   with that said it's I mean you know the [TS]

00:27:33   thing is you could also pick out which [TS]

00:27:35   of like they do read five different [TS]

00:27:36   encyclopedias well no you read an [TS]

00:27:38   encyclopedia enough to know what to look [TS]

00:27:40   at next [TS]

00:27:41   so whatever one's given sources the [TS]

00:27:42   reason i like that though is it is a way [TS]

00:27:44   of going in and saying wow I didn't know [TS]

00:27:46   the name of this country in africa and [TS]

00:27:48   they're having a problem down there [TS]

00:27:49   that's something i didn't hear about [TS]

00:27:50   with the firehose I had jammed in my [TS]

00:27:52   mouth [TS]

00:27:52   well right that's and that and and and [TS]

00:27:55   the economist is great for that because [TS]

00:27:56   they treat like they do talk about the [TS]

00:27:58   world but the reason I think it's [TS]

00:28:00   quickly the only reason i mention that [TS]

00:28:01   though is that I and I'll take out my [TS]

00:28:04   Long Knives the people who are ok with [TS]

00:28:07   unintentionally or unconsciously [TS]

00:28:09   spending three to six hours a day [TS]

00:28:11   consuming what's changed in news and [TS]

00:28:14   last few minutes or hours i wonder if [TS]

00:28:16   they could find the time to sit down [TS]

00:28:18   once a week and read all the way through [TS]

00:28:21   even just that digest the information [TS]

00:28:24   because that that's the real test if you [TS]

00:28:26   really care that much about what's going [TS]

00:28:28   on in the world why don't you sit down [TS]

00:28:30   like a gentleman and find out what's [TS]

00:28:31   actually going on in the world [TS]

00:28:33   yeah um and and that's not the only [TS]

00:28:34   thing to do but i think that's a good [TS]

00:28:36   place to start because now if you go and [TS]

00:28:37   follow all of that stuff that's what [TS]

00:28:39   that's what smart people do is they look [TS]

00:28:42   at different sources but they also try [TS]

00:28:44   to get at least a gloss on what's [TS]

00:28:45   happening all over the place [TS]

00:28:47   yeah that's what smart people did you [TS]

00:28:49   look at a you know look at that even a [TS]

00:28:52   Clemenza Clemenza a new Hitler was a [TS]

00:28:53   problem years before anybody else did [TS]

00:28:55   you know what Clemenza had you know club [TS]

00:28:57   listen if you're going to need to make [TS]

00:28:59   sauce who for a bunch of guys we're [TS]

00:29:03   going to do you get a little meatball [TS]

00:29:05   yeah you know some Tomatoes you know [TS]

00:29:07   what stick [TS]

00:29:08   no one's paying attention yeah i don't [TS]

00:29:10   know i mean i struggle with because I [TS]

00:29:11   got back and forth with you know in my [TS]

00:29:13   location and my personal stuff is [TS]

00:29:15   starting with what you're saying there's [TS]

00:29:17   a school of thought it's all about [TS]

00:29:19   unplugging the router which I think can [TS]

00:29:21   be useful if you've got a deadline and [TS]

00:29:23   you just need to make words on a page [TS]

00:29:25   that Grady a good short-term thing and [TS]

00:29:27   in some ways it's a little similar to [TS]

00:29:29   cold turkey with the substance but in [TS]

00:29:32   the end I think it's about sort of read [TS]

00:29:35   read digging the road you know I almost [TS]

00:29:39   think about wagons of wagon wheels ruts [TS]

00:29:41   in the road and how hard it is to get [TS]

00:29:43   out of any kind of habit like that I [TS]

00:29:45   think you kind of have to learn to be [TS]

00:29:46   mindful on your own that you're doing [TS]

00:29:48   that you know my my problem is more just [TS]

00:29:52   more than just the regular consumption [TS]

00:29:54   of news you know that this is this is a [TS]

00:29:56   problem we've talked about before it's a [TS]

00:29:58   problem that's you know kind of been it [TS]

00:30:00   was true even in in the daily newspaper [TS]

00:30:03   days if you got the daily newspaper you [TS]

00:30:05   would be reading the same period that [TS]

00:30:06   leave watching evening news like we've [TS]

00:30:08   said but what's happening what's [TS]

00:30:10   different about the internet is that [TS]

00:30:11   there is this semiotic discussion [TS]

00:30:15   happening simultaneously [TS]

00:30:16   yeah you know and so you're you're it's [TS]

00:30:19   not just that you're reading the Daily [TS]

00:30:21   News it's that you're reading the Daily [TS]

00:30:23   News and then every single editorial [TS]

00:30:26   call [TS]

00:30:26   come in the country including the [TS]

00:30:30   including a UH a wide number of [TS]

00:30:32   editorial columns from like a the nation [TS]

00:30:37   of islam and editorial columns from the [TS]

00:30:39   Socialist Workers paper and editorial [TS]

00:30:42   columns from like five or six written by [TS]

00:30:46   high school students and you know what I [TS]

00:30:49   mean like like I i'm having semiotic [TS]

00:30:51   overload i do not want any more analysis [TS]

00:30:54   I'm not getting anything out of it I [TS]

00:30:56   don't feel like the the ball is being [TS]

00:30:59   advanced culturally by every single [TS]

00:31:02   person having their anger there every [TS]

00:31:06   single person expressing their doubts [TS]

00:31:08   and confusion in the form of a really [TS]

00:31:11   know what they imagine is the real [TS]

00:31:13   solution right an announcement and I [TS]

00:31:16   write their dead here are my doubts [TS]

00:31:17   couched in a in a in the in the form of [TS]

00:31:20   a program is anything like a monograph [TS]

00:31:22   for me out right and so that seems to be [TS]

00:31:26   the thing I cannot avoid I i turn on i [TS]

00:31:29   mean i follow a really wide swath of [TS]

00:31:32   people and thinkers I try to have a [TS]

00:31:35   really wide ranging sort of balanced [TS]

00:31:38   group of people that i'm following and [TS]

00:31:43   so what that produces is a twitter feed [TS]

00:31:44   that's like the the Israelis are them [TS]

00:31:47   are the most evil people who ever lived [TS]

00:31:50   on the word on the face of the earth [TS]

00:31:51   there just like Hitler so you're like [TS]

00:31:53   the worst most argumentative party ever [TS]

00:31:55   yeah and then absolutely the next tweet [TS]

00:31:57   is like the Palestinians are using [TS]

00:32:00   children as shields and then the next [TS]

00:32:01   one is like did you ever notice about [TS]

00:32:04   did you ever notice that the Ukrainian [TS]

00:32:06   government is you know is infiltrated by [TS]

00:32:09   russian spies and then the next as [TS]

00:32:12   literally the next week is just like [TS]

00:32:14   Russia has a right to maintain the [TS]

00:32:17   integrity of our own borders and and [TS]

00:32:19   it's just like i'm i'm i'm reading all [TS]

00:32:21   of the propaganda from every sect [TS]

00:32:24   there's no it ends up almost being like [TS]

00:32:26   you're almost find yourself getting your [TS]

00:32:29   information from amateur press releases [TS]

00:32:30   and and then and then and every 15th one [TS]

00:32:34   will be a professional press release [TS]

00:32:35   that just seems to be like us [TS]

00:32:38   sit in comparison like incredibly [TS]

00:32:41   mealy-mouthed than and non-committal and [TS]

00:32:44   it's just like oh my god I I don't want [TS]

00:32:47   to be I do not want to be in the [TS]

00:32:49   parliament of of the moment you know [TS]

00:32:54   yeah I will I want to be in I want to [TS]

00:32:57   read the historical record I find that [TS]

00:32:59   interesting and I want to sit in the [TS]

00:33:02   Algonquin Hotel with a bunch of smart [TS]

00:33:04   people and listen to their like [TS]

00:33:06   witticisms about things but I'm what I'm [TS]

00:33:09   listening to is the Minister of [TS]

00:33:11   Information of 1,000,000 sex most of [TS]

00:33:16   them are a sect of one or a sect of four [TS]

00:33:19   or sect of 40 and a and I feel like and [TS]

00:33:25   then on and then over on facebook of [TS]

00:33:27   course it's it's um it's all of the [TS]

00:33:30   ministers of information for a thousand [TS]

00:33:32   different families i don't care about [TS]

00:33:33   you know and so anyway I guess it's the [TS]

00:33:39   two different baby problems you got [TS]

00:33:41   pallets of babies on Twitter and then [TS]

00:33:43   you got literally thousands of photos of [TS]

00:33:45   fresh babies present raises fresh happy [TS]

00:33:47   babies either kind of the the linchpin [TS]

00:33:50   hear ya babies babies which are being [TS]

00:33:53   you know like you are you're being shown [TS]

00:33:55   that they are being swaddled in [TS]

00:33:57   privilege which you already know they're [TS]

00:34:01   going to have to really confront later [TS]

00:34:03   like I look over on facebook and it's [TS]

00:34:06   like look at all these baby swaddled in [TS]

00:34:07   privilege and then I go over to Twitter [TS]

00:34:09   and they're like all these baby swans [TS]

00:34:11   and a privilege and it's like hey I [TS]

00:34:15   don't want to be a part of that [TS]

00:34:16   conversation is not interesting to me [TS]

00:34:18   anymore and I thought it was that's [TS]

00:34:19   what's great and what can you add to [TS]

00:34:21   that you know anyone and what can you [TS]

00:34:23   derive from it you know and then this is [TS]

00:34:25   this is why i feel like i need to lock [TS]

00:34:27   off because I sit down and I try and [TS]

00:34:29   write my own thing and I go this is just [TS]

00:34:32   and I'm just another person i'm just [TS]

00:34:34   another person I don't want to be [TS]

00:34:35   another person i have never been another [TS]

00:34:37   person that's not good i I'm this person [TS]

00:34:39   I am dog person not a person [TS]

00:34:43   it happens mainly on your phone right it [TS]

00:34:47   happens mainly on my phone and one of [TS]

00:34:48   the great things i was i moved my eye [TS]

00:34:52   desktop from my house to my office so at [TS]

00:34:58   three o'clock in the morning i am no [TS]

00:34:59   longer sitting at my desk in my home [TS]

00:35:01   reading about firing pins or something [TS]

00:35:04   right there yeah exactly following you [TS]

00:35:07   know like I I it's not as fun to sit on [TS]

00:35:10   your phone and like read the biography [TS]

00:35:14   of Wellington and so that you know [TS]

00:35:17   moving my my computer down in my office [TS]

00:35:19   has been a has been very healthy and it [TS]

00:35:23   might be a thing where i go back to you [TS]

00:35:26   know what I originally was on Twitter I [TS]

00:35:28   only did it from my desktop computer [TS]

00:35:30   I didn't have because I didn't have a [TS]

00:35:32   smartphone i just had a flip phone and [TS]

00:35:35   you know it might be one of those stuff [TS]

00:35:38   but you know what that feels like that [TS]

00:35:39   feels like I only drink brown liquor or [TS]

00:35:41   I only drink beer on wednesdays are you [TS]

00:35:45   know it feels like I know I know [TS]

00:35:46   yeah no I get that no reason i say it is [TS]

00:35:49   a i mean i think one first line of [TS]

00:35:53   defense if you haven't already is to [TS]

00:35:55   turn off as many notifications [TS]

00:35:58   I don't have any notification alright [TS]

00:36:00   well I i find out every day how many [TS]

00:36:02   people have notifications for things [TS]

00:36:03   like at responses that kind of blows me [TS]

00:36:05   away [TS]

00:36:05   yeah those people either and you know [TS]

00:36:07   they had you know that you know who they [TS]

00:36:09   are because they replied you instantly [TS]

00:36:11   know yet another thing you can do this [TS]

00:36:13   is a very low level room high-level [TS]

00:36:16   silly my fact which is that you can the [TS]

00:36:19   apps that you find yourself most [TS]

00:36:20   attracted to you might want to move that [TS]

00:36:22   way off the front page [TS]

00:36:24   it's not that much harder to get to but [TS]

00:36:26   if there's something that's what lawyers [TS]

00:36:27   call an attractive nuisance I i find [TS]

00:36:29   even something as simple as for me [TS]

00:36:31   definitely taking out of the dock and a [TS]

00:36:33   little shelf at the bottom and further [TS]

00:36:35   to that taking it off of the homepage [TS]

00:36:38   further to that take it to a faraway [TS]

00:36:39   page and putting it all in a little [TS]

00:36:41   folder I can still just as easily search [TS]

00:36:43   for it but it's still more work than [TS]

00:36:44   turning on my phone and hitting that [TS]

00:36:46   button which is I maybe you're not like [TS]

00:36:49   this but for me I'm like a little monkey [TS]

00:36:50   when I when I hit that scene at home [TS]

00:36:52   screen it's i am like a little what like [TS]

00:36:55   almost like a logo on our band that you [TS]

00:36:57   can see my little cylinders flipping [TS]

00:36:59   around trying to figure which one of [TS]

00:37:00   these distractions I should click on [TS]

00:37:01   first I very rarely click on the thing [TS]

00:37:03   let me write something [TS]

00:37:04   i'm more likely going to hit something [TS]

00:37:06   like email or tweet pot or Twitter you [TS]

00:37:09   know in my case like that that can help [TS]

00:37:12   um here's what I here's what I click on [TS]

00:37:14   my phone ok but and this is you know and [TS]

00:37:16   I'm I've always been embarrassed about [TS]

00:37:18   this I'm kind of embarrassed to share it [TS]

00:37:19   but I go to turn on my phone I look at [TS]

00:37:23   my email and generally i have a feeling [TS]

00:37:26   of dread this has the emails loading and [TS]

00:37:29   then I go to Twitter and I generally [TS]

00:37:33   have a kind of a mild feeling of dread [TS]

00:37:35   as x @ replies load like which person is [TS]

00:37:39   going to yell at me for something that i [TS]

00:37:41   wrote uh two weeks ago right and then [TS]

00:37:46   that feeling of dread goes away when i [TS]

00:37:47   read a bunch of like the replies that [TS]

00:37:51   are trying to enlist me in some kind of [TS]

00:37:53   hijinks you know but it's that it's that [TS]

00:37:56   it's that like oh god don't let this be [TS]

00:37:58   bad and then it's like oh this is bad [TS]

00:38:00   this was full of praise and this is [TS]

00:38:02   great i have that like up and down and [TS]

00:38:05   then I go over and I i click on facebook [TS]

00:38:08   and almost half the time that the [TS]

00:38:12   interface the app is slow to load or the [TS]

00:38:16   facebook at some you know Facebook right [TS]

00:38:17   now anytime to unconsciously hold your [TS]

00:38:19   breath [TS]

00:38:20   yeah and and right now they want me to [TS]

00:38:22   download their messenger a pirate and [TS]

00:38:24   refused to do it so i have like I have [TS]

00:38:26   this backlog of messages that people [TS]

00:38:29   have sent me in facebook that i cannot [TS]

00:38:31   read oh my god because facebook what [TS]

00:38:34   insists that I download their thing I [TS]

00:38:36   can't read it and so I haven't read them [TS]

00:38:39   and maybe some of those people are like [TS]

00:38:41   time-sensitive help but you have crabs [TS]

00:38:46   so sorry shouldn't have tried to contact [TS]

00:38:48   me on facebook and then I then the [TS]

00:38:51   fourth thing I do on my phone as I go [TS]

00:38:52   play solitaire I'll and that's why I I [TS]

00:38:55   don't spoil the image on my suggestion [TS]

00:38:57   is he more video games [TS]

00:38:58   I don't see that's the thing i don't [TS]

00:38:59   have enough video games and I don't I [TS]

00:39:01   serious you need to get yourself i'm [TS]

00:39:03   gonna suggest a game called threes that [TS]

00:39:05   means you would really like lives is [TS]

00:39:07   that does that is that like is it titled [TS]

00:39:09   by its by like age appropriateness yes [TS]

00:39:12   now configure breeds that thing is I'm [TS]

00:39:14   just telling you whenever I find myself [TS]

00:39:16   this is this [TS]

00:39:17   you know and antithetical to lots of [TS]

00:39:19   things but when i find myself going to [TS]

00:39:21   her and I go to read this dumb news [TS]

00:39:24   article I don't want to read and then it [TS]

00:39:25   loads slowly and then there's a pop-up [TS]

00:39:27   that I have to dismiss and then there's [TS]

00:39:29   a slideshow to find out you know 17 [TS]

00:39:31   important celebrity boobs and like now [TS]

00:39:33   what am i doing i close and open up [TS]

00:39:35   threes and this little song goes [TS]

00:39:37   done done done and then Anna but I'm [TS]

00:39:40   bump and move little cards little tiles [TS]

00:39:42   around and I find it incredibly [TS]

00:39:44   centering and I might be there in 20 [TS]

00:39:45   minutes [TS]

00:39:46   so can and it's a better it's a better [TS]

00:39:48   thing it's a waste of time but it is a [TS]

00:39:50   solitary a political non-emotional waste [TS]

00:39:54   of time [TS]

00:39:55   C&I you know and I i play this fucking [TS]

00:39:58   solitaire game I used to play a mahjongg [TS]

00:40:00   and for that I think that played [TS]

00:40:03   mahjongg like around the first idea [TS]

00:40:05   about how to play mahjong i would get [TS]

00:40:06   along so much better in my neighborhood [TS]

00:40:08   if I knew that [TS]

00:40:08   oh yeah I loved by I had to take [TS]

00:40:11   mahjongg off my phone because I did it [TS]

00:40:14   exclusive of almost everything else and [TS]

00:40:17   before that of course it was Tetris I am [TS]

00:40:19   um and I find that if you know I'm i [TS]

00:40:22   know i'm not alone and all right of [TS]

00:40:24   course we've talked about before tetris [TS]

00:40:26   it was minesweeper but if you could get [TS]

00:40:29   paid to play minesweeper I would be the [TS]

00:40:31   richest man in the world over because [TS]

00:40:33   it's all i want to do really but I i [TS]

00:40:37   think i think the the revelation without [TS]

00:40:41   question when i first started really [TS]

00:40:45   participating on the internet because [TS]

00:40:46   you remember when wet when i was at the [TS]

00:40:50   height of my music career I was actively [TS]

00:40:53   discouraged by a lot of people from even [TS]

00:40:56   going on the internet to comment on [TS]

00:40:58   things or participate because it is [TS]

00:41:01   initially the idea was you're a rockstar [TS]

00:41:04   keep that mr. mythology keep the mystery [TS]

00:41:08   about yourself you don't wanna be too [TS]

00:41:10   accessible you don't want your fans to [TS]

00:41:12   feel like you're just a regular person i [TS]

00:41:15   mean i got this council from all kinds [TS]

00:41:16   of people [TS]

00:41:18   we wanted when I met you you had a very [TS]

00:41:20   strongly held opinion on that [TS]

00:41:21   yeah right well because I you know I [TS]

00:41:23   thought about it a lot and I was like [TS]

00:41:24   listen I don't want to just be on there [TS]

00:41:26   just like a regular because you would [TS]

00:41:29   diminish and this goes straight back [TS]

00:41:30   again to this interview have my friend [TS]

00:41:32   and protector the other day when you [TS]

00:41:33   were talking about your impression you [TS]

00:41:35   said this numerous times your impression [TS]

00:41:36   of being of arriving in rock and up [TS]

00:41:39   through the late nineties was I think [TS]

00:41:42   you can get a private jet with the so [TS]

00:41:44   symbol on it [TS]

00:41:45   yeah yeah and then and you know that is [TS]

00:41:47   not the kind of people who respond you [TS]

00:41:50   know you don't sit on your jet [TS]

00:41:50   responding to comments like Robert Plant [TS]

00:41:53   never wrote a letter back to a kid they [TS]

00:41:56   just slap in the face with his dick [TS]

00:41:58   yeah you just say to send like so he'd [TS]

00:42:00   send you a fish in the mail like you [TS]

00:42:02   know that is the jet not only had soso [TS]

00:42:05   written on the side that had a sunken [TS]

00:42:06   living room in it and the carpeting John [TS]

00:42:09   Sheppard so at a certain point [TS]

00:42:13   yeah you know at in 2007 or whatever I [TS]

00:42:16   abandoned that and I went into the [TS]

00:42:19   internet i remember when i first joined [TS]

00:42:20   twitter I tiptoed in and I was doing I [TS]

00:42:24   was sending tweets out that were that [TS]

00:42:26   were intentionally kind of like just a [TS]

00:42:28   different side of myself kind of like [TS]

00:42:30   funny little surreal little tweets that [TS]

00:42:33   I never ever referred to even music let [TS]

00:42:37   alone my own music [TS]

00:42:38   I was just talking about the mundane [TS]

00:42:40   stuff around my house and I really [TS]

00:42:42   enjoyed it i really enjoyed the response [TS]

00:42:44   in a different world i mean you are you [TS]

00:42:46   coming to 2008-2009 2007-2008 yeah and [TS]

00:42:52   it was a different it was a different [TS]

00:42:53   time but but I don't want to be all the [TS]

00:42:55   sentimental about it but then there was [TS]

00:42:57   a then there was a very definite time in [TS]

00:43:00   the sort of middle part where I [TS]

00:43:03   absolutely felt like being a participant [TS]

00:43:08   in the internet was furthering my it was [TS]

00:43:13   advancing my personal brand [TS]

00:43:18   it was advancing my career in a way that [TS]

00:43:21   people knew me now differently the it I [TS]

00:43:25   wasn't reliant on that small handful of [TS]

00:43:29   music magazines that were writing about [TS]

00:43:31   me I wasn't reliant on them to get my [TS]

00:43:33   message out or I didn't have to i didn't [TS]

00:43:36   have to hide [TS]

00:43:39   I wasn't creating mystery about myself [TS]

00:43:42   because I was in I I didn't need to [TS]

00:43:44   create it because I was intrinsically [TS]

00:43:47   mysterious enough to be interesting and [TS]

00:43:50   end and so people started asking me to [TS]

00:43:53   do things i started to get work i was [TS]

00:43:55   able to maintain a career even in the [TS]

00:43:58   absence of releasing new records you [TS]

00:44:01   know it for the internet felt like a [TS]

00:44:02   great and and I was having arguments [TS]

00:44:04   with people in rock-and-roll who were [TS]

00:44:09   some of the mad that i was wasting time [TS]

00:44:12   on the internet some of them jealous [TS]

00:44:14   that I was able can watch you not doing [TS]

00:44:16   what they were expecting you to do [TS]

00:44:18   yeah and there were a lot of you know a [TS]

00:44:20   lot of my fellow musicians were like [TS]

00:44:22   envious of the kind of other life i was [TS]

00:44:26   able to have on the internet because [TS]

00:44:28   they would go on Twitter or whatever and [TS]

00:44:31   they didn't know what to say and they [TS]

00:44:33   were grateful for the fact that their [TS]

00:44:36   message had been masked that they were [TS]

00:44:41   they were grateful that they only had to [TS]

00:44:43   give five interviews a year they didn't [TS]

00:44:44   want to [TS]

00:44:45   they felt like going on the internet was [TS]

00:44:46   like giving an interview every day and [TS]

00:44:48   that was their worst nightmare also is [TS]

00:44:50   not only distraction but it was so I'm [TS]

00:44:55   looking for watering down their [TS]

00:44:58   messaging well yeah and also it was [TS]

00:45:00   revealing about them something that they [TS]

00:45:03   feared which was that their music was [TS]

00:45:06   the most interesting thing about them [TS]

00:45:07   and the music was the message and if you [TS]

00:45:11   took away that then they just that they [TS]

00:45:14   didn't have anything to say they didn't [TS]

00:45:16   have an interesting viewpoint right it [TS]

00:45:19   was the the music was there interesting [TS]

00:45:22   viewpoint [TS]

00:45:23   and so there was a lot you know there [TS]

00:45:24   was there were and I still meet people [TS]

00:45:26   all the time that are like well you you [TS]

00:45:28   can do that because you seem to have [TS]

00:45:31   things to say but like I don't I I i [TS]

00:45:33   fail at it and that those are all those [TS]

00:45:35   Twitter accounts for bands that are just [TS]

00:45:36   like your upcoming shows ever [TS]

00:45:39   yeah but at a certain point I it's [TS]

00:45:43   inescapable to me that the that the [TS]

00:45:48   world has changed and i have changed and [TS]

00:45:51   now I do not feel any more like i am i'm [TS]

00:45:55   certainly not unique among entertainers [TS]

00:45:57   who have found a separate voice on the [TS]

00:45:59   internet that's very common and the [TS]

00:46:03   group think and the reciprocal echo [TS]

00:46:07   chamber e nature of all of the places [TS]

00:46:09   that exists right now i'm not i don't [TS]

00:46:13   feel not only do I not feel special [TS]

00:46:15   there but i don't feel like i'm getting [TS]

00:46:16   anything out of it and maybe I need to [TS]

00:46:20   maybe I need to go live on a mountain [TS]

00:46:23   top [TS]

00:46:24   yeah i mean you know i would still talk [TS]

00:46:26   to you from mountaintop thank you i [TS]

00:46:30   would talk to you on my shortwave radio [TS]

00:46:31   but you know mountaintop maybe what do [TS]

00:46:37   you think back to the mountaintop [TS]

00:46:39   because i don't want to know what I [TS]

00:46:40   think when i wrote pretend to fall [TS]

00:46:42   prefer i was living in an apartment [TS]

00:46:45   oh yes when you're in new york city new [TS]

00:46:47   york city i was living in an apartment a [TS]

00:46:49   hundred 18th Lexington the first long [TS]

00:46:52   winters record had not come out yet and [TS]

00:46:54   i was convinced that I was like at 32 [TS]

00:46:57   years old was like completely over the [TS]

00:46:59   hill my whatever relevance i had was [TS]

00:47:02   going to be a kind of quaint relevance [TS]

00:47:06   and i was living in this apartment in [TS]

00:47:09   neighborhood where nobody would have [TS]

00:47:11   recognized me as anything other than [TS]

00:47:15   that guy that vaguely looks like a cop [TS]

00:47:17   who comes in every day and gets to don't [TS]

00:47:19   neatly in Harlem [TS]

00:47:20   yeah i donated elections in Spanish [TS]

00:47:22   Harlem [TS]

00:47:23   so so a lot of the people you know the [TS]

00:47:26   the people at the copy shop at the [TS]

00:47:28   corner where I got my coffee and donut [TS]

00:47:29   every morning didn't speak English at [TS]

00:47:30   all and in that in that place of total [TS]

00:47:34   anonymity [TS]

00:47:36   I did not feel alone i did not feel [TS]

00:47:37   disconnected i went home every day and [TS]

00:47:40   and wrote I wrote all the songs for that [TS]

00:47:43   next album and i have not really had [TS]

00:47:46   that feeling of love you know complete [TS]

00:47:51   sort of um the the freedom of no [TS]

00:47:56   expectations i haven't had that feeling [TS]

00:48:00   since then because it because the moment [TS]

00:48:02   that you know the moment that next [TS]

00:48:03   record came out then I heard them are my [TS]

00:48:05   first record came out then I imagine [TS]

00:48:07   that there were people who had [TS]

00:48:10   expectations of me and then there were [TS]

00:48:12   people there were people who did but I [TS]

00:48:16   gave that you know I give those people [TS]

00:48:17   way more weight than they deserve [TS]

00:48:20   and ever since then I've been writing [TS]

00:48:22   you know I've been writing for an [TS]

00:48:24   audience I guess as opposed to just [TS]

00:48:27   writing for me now I that's a really I [TS]

00:48:32   think that's pretty and participation is [TS]

00:48:35   because I I've always felt like I hear [TS]

00:48:38   you because like when i was writing and [TS]

00:48:40   writing something everyday and putting [TS]

00:48:42   it up online i developed one good one I [TS]

00:48:46   think very good habit which was I knew [TS]

00:48:47   that was my job to put some words [TS]

00:48:49   together and make it go somewhere and [TS]

00:48:52   that's a good habit that's good habit [TS]

00:48:53   but when i accidentally picked up [TS]

00:48:55   several less good habits and the less [TS]

00:48:57   good habits have been much more durable [TS]

00:48:59   for me unless good habits are after i [TS]

00:49:02   posted that series of words regardless [TS]

00:49:03   of how well edited and thought through [TS]

00:49:05   it was I would immediately go and see [TS]

00:49:07   how well it was doing haha so and when I [TS]

00:49:09   got google analytics on my site boy that [TS]

00:49:11   was a real oh you could see in you can [TS]

00:49:15   see every aspect [TS]

00:49:17   yeah and I mean this i'm not trying to [TS]

00:49:19   beat myself up here but i think that I'm [TS]

00:49:21   probably not the first person in the [TS]

00:49:23   world who would spend 10 minutes writing [TS]

00:49:25   something and then x 3 minutes looking [TS]

00:49:27   at how well it was [TS]

00:49:28   like now for you that's that we talked [TS]

00:49:31   about we talked about this in our early [TS]

00:49:32   interviews you know when your record [TS]

00:49:33   comes out that first week you really [TS]

00:49:34   want to ride on the scout soundscan [TS]

00:49:36   staff to see how things are going [TS]

00:49:38   that's one week out of two or three [TS]

00:49:40   years right you may still not getting [TS]

00:49:42   this night i'm not trying to [TS]

00:49:43   oversimplify it but the trouble is like [TS]

00:49:45   it does it doesn't take very much [TS]

00:49:47   it really doesn't take very much in [TS]

00:49:49   terms of hits on your own ego or feeling [TS]

00:49:51   of ability self-esteem adjustability it [TS]

00:49:54   doesn't take very much to go pretty [TS]

00:49:55   quickly to like I can't wait to go see [TS]

00:49:57   how this thing did way more than I'm [TS]

00:50:00   going to be okay with it not nobody even [TS]

00:50:02   knowing what i'm doing for a month and [TS]

00:50:04   you can't even imagine that today nobody [TS]

00:50:05   even knowing that you're working on [TS]

00:50:07   something that feels unheard of [TS]

00:50:09   that's what I'm trying to picture i'm [TS]

00:50:11   sitting here trying to let myself make [TS]

00:50:12   John deck or something [TS]

00:50:14   sounds like some sort of some kind of [TS]

00:50:15   crazed you know person out in the woods [TS]

00:50:18   yeah his know who sitting there with [TS]

00:50:21   this toy piano and is real quick yeah [TS]

00:50:24   well what would happen to me [TS]

00:50:26   psychologically if no one gave me any [TS]

00:50:29   praise for a month [TS]

00:50:31   that wasn't standing right in front of [TS]

00:50:33   me oh my god [TS]

00:50:35   oh that's a thought technology you know [TS]

00:50:37   and what would happen if you're up for [TS]

00:50:39   the next month i worked on something and [TS]

00:50:41   saw things with my own eyes and shared [TS]

00:50:44   them with I don't know one so not only [TS]

00:50:46   would you not create stuff with the idea [TS]

00:50:48   that you congratulated on it like not [TS]

00:50:50   only would you not happen upon those [TS]

00:50:54   things you go out of your way to not [TS]

00:50:55   even notice what somebody thought about [TS]

00:50:57   you from what if I saw a duck carrying a [TS]

00:51:01   a ok like carrying a banana [TS]

00:51:06   I would not take a picture of it no [TS]

00:51:08   photo i would not talk about it i would [TS]

00:51:12   not come up with a third funny thing to [TS]

00:51:14   say about a duck carrying a banana and [TS]

00:51:16   it's got good [TS]

00:51:18   hey let me get a job they wanted and I [TS]

00:51:21   you know I would just see it then i [TS]

00:51:26   would go huh [TS]

00:51:27   just like I used to and it's another [TS]

00:51:29   fucking deck with a minute that's it is [TS]

00:51:32   how many by a dollar and then i would [TS]

00:51:36   get on with my fucking light that's so [TS]

00:51:39   funny to know why [TS]

00:51:41   I don't know and you know and the thing [TS]

00:51:43   is right now if I saw a duck with a [TS]

00:51:44   banana out the window and I didn't get a [TS]

00:51:46   picture of it I would be like oh fuck [TS]

00:51:48   rightful my whole week is ruined that [TS]

00:51:51   was like ah ha i have all right there [TS]

00:51:55   yeah it was me i had the phone pointed [TS]

00:51:57   at it and then my fucking iphone shut [TS]

00:51:59   down because it only had twenty nine [TS]

00:52:01   percent battery power this episode of [TS]

00:52:07   rock on the line is sponsored by our [TS]

00:52:09   very good friends at Squarespace you [TS]

00:52:11   know Squarespace they are the all-in-one [TS]

00:52:13   platform that makes it fast and easy to [TS]

00:52:15   create your own professional website [TS]

00:52:16   portfolio or online store they make the [TS]

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00:52:31   Squarespace also offers free 24 x seven [TS]

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00:52:41   square space to host Roger online for [TS]

00:52:42   three years now they have been great to [TS]

00:52:44   work with [TS]

00:52:45   we would love it if you would give them [TS]

00:52:46   a try to remember Squarespace plans [TS]

00:52:49   start at only eight dollars per month [TS]

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00:52:58   the line listeners of this program get a [TS]

00:53:00   free trial plus ten percent off any [TS]

00:53:03   package they choose by using the special [TS]

00:53:05   offer code supertrain at checkout our [TS]

00:53:08   thanks to squarespace for supporting rod [TS]

00:53:09   on the line we could not do it without [TS]

00:53:11   like respect always supposed to live how [TS]

00:53:17   do we supposed to live I am I went to I [TS]

00:53:23   went to my daughter is a halloween day [TS]

00:53:25   at her school and I village officials [TS]

00:53:27   crossing share this great captain [TS]

00:53:29   america costume all her friends looked [TS]

00:53:31   adorable and ice I took lots of videos [TS]

00:53:33   lots of videos lots of videos and I [TS]

00:53:36   didn't realize until I taken like three [TS]

00:53:37   or four these really good like three [TS]

00:53:39   minute videos that i was doing this [TS]

00:53:40   thing that I always do which is I didn't [TS]

00:53:43   realize that i hadn't turned the video [TS]

00:53:46   hadn't started shooting and then i would [TS]

00:53:49   get pics pictures the whole time [TS]

00:53:50   no not even that no it's like I like [TS]

00:53:52   imagine me holding it up to the all [TS]

00:53:54   these adorable five [TS]

00:53:55   your old dressed up in costumes so I hit [TS]

00:53:57   the button i'm shooting for three [TS]

00:53:58   minutes and then I hit the button to [TS]

00:53:59   stop only realizing in that exact you [TS]

00:54:01   talk about this is some fucking [TS]

00:54:02   jean-paul Sartre shit [TS]

00:54:04   the second you hit that button it goes [TS]

00:54:07   up and starts recording and you realize [TS]

00:54:09   that you weren't recording for three [TS]

00:54:10   minutes and that's such a feeling like [TS]

00:54:13   that and that's a pretty good hard one [TS]

00:54:15   like i really wish i had more videos of [TS]

00:54:16   my daughter and her friends but it's [TS]

00:54:18   like man there goes there goes a fucking [TS]

00:54:20   talk with a banana and i'm sitting here [TS]

00:54:22   with my phone in my hand pointed at it [TS]

00:54:25   it was right there and I just didn't put [TS]

00:54:28   my thumb on the setup right I got the [TS]

00:54:29   Sun behind me I know what I'm doing her [TS]

00:54:31   a semi-professional I know what I'm [TS]

00:54:33   doing PS god dammit so so this house I [TS]

00:54:36   got something a project you're thinking [TS]

00:54:38   about well you know i just i have to say [TS]

00:54:40   that that the reason this intruded upon [TS]

00:54:45   me so so profoundly was that I you know [TS]

00:54:51   I have always had for the last 15 years [TS]

00:54:54   let's say the last two now let's say [TS]

00:54:57   last yeah let's say well let's let's [TS]

00:55:00   limited to 10 years for the last ten [TS]

00:55:03   years I have had five outstanding [TS]

00:55:06   projects all of which you know sometimes [TS]

00:55:10   the sometimes a project gets completed [TS]

00:55:12   right in that time I made three [TS]

00:55:14   full-length record albums and a an EP [TS]

00:55:17   and in that time I have produced some [TS]

00:55:21   number of podcast with you and I've [TS]

00:55:24   written some newspaper articles but uh [TS]

00:55:29   for that entire 10 years i have i have [TS]

00:55:33   had on the wall post it note that says [TS]

00:55:35   graduate from college [TS]

00:55:37   what an asshole and I look at that [TS]

00:55:40   posted i look at the edges are curled [TS]

00:55:42   it's all yellow the ink is faded it's in [TS]

00:55:46   fancy script [TS]

00:55:47   yeah but it says graduate from college [TS]

00:55:49   and I look at it and I go it would be [TS]

00:55:52   very easy for me to graduate from [TS]

00:55:53   college I have all the credits necessary [TS]

00:55:55   i just need to fill out the forms hand [TS]

00:55:59   in you know one paper on Karl Marx that [TS]

00:56:02   I copy out of Wikipedia [TS]

00:56:05   and submit you know my-my ungainly [TS]

00:56:12   thesis to them which is written but [TS]

00:56:16   which I which i withhold from them [TS]

00:56:18   because I don't feel that they have [TS]

00:56:20   earned it and so I look at that and I go [TS]

00:56:23   well I yeah I should absolutely you know [TS]

00:56:26   what there's a new quarter coming up I [TS]

00:56:28   should absolutely go down there this [TS]

00:56:29   quarter and I should figure out how to [TS]

00:56:31   graduate from college and I have gone [TS]

00:56:33   down to the University at the start of [TS]

00:56:34   the quarter eight times in the last 15 [TS]

00:56:39   years and said to the said to my friends [TS]

00:56:42   down there hey I really want to graduate [TS]

00:56:44   from college this quarter and they say [TS]

00:56:47   oh well you gotta hand in that paper for [TS]

00:56:49   about marks and I go got-dammit and I go [TS]

00:56:52   home in it and I do nothing and and uh [TS]

00:56:55   in that time the people at the [TS]

00:56:59   University have changed right [TS]

00:57:02   the Maya my original advisor passed away [TS]

00:57:07   than the chairman of the department [TS]

00:57:09   handled me for a long time and then he [TS]

00:57:11   retired and then the guys that had been [TS]

00:57:13   ph sees when i started now we're running [TS]

00:57:16   the department and then now they are [TS]

00:57:19   retiring the next generation of [TS]

00:57:23   professors are starting to retire and [TS]

00:57:26   i'm still going down there with the same [TS]

00:57:28   problem so there's that there's my you [TS]

00:57:32   know my book uh my book about my walk [TS]

00:57:35   there is the the long winters album the [TS]

00:57:39   4th 4th full-length long winters album [TS]

00:57:41   which is completely recorded except for [TS]

00:57:43   vocals and has been for four years and [TS]

00:57:46   and then there are the you know the [TS]

00:57:50   various like other projects that are and [TS]

00:57:54   that i could sit and described to you [TS]

00:57:56   but that are fully formed in my mind [TS]

00:57:59   just have never liked no boots on the [TS]

00:58:01   ground right yeah [TS]

00:58:03   and now you know there's this new [TS]

00:58:05   concept of like why don't have a [TS]

00:58:07   television show someone somehow [TS]

00:58:08   everybody at people i meet in an airport [TS]

00:58:10   and talk to 45 minutes or like why don't [TS]

00:58:11   you have a television show ever given [TS]

00:58:13   away for a while and I'm like fuck why [TS]

00:58:15   don't have a television show anyway but [TS]

00:58:18   on a post-it note C right next to [TS]

00:58:20   graduate from college so I so I I and [TS]

00:58:23   the things i did not have a post-it note [TS]

00:58:24   that said have a kid but I went ahead [TS]

00:58:27   and did that I got that done and I so [TS]

00:58:31   I'm thinking about like what [TS]

00:58:32   so what is the what is keeping me from [TS]

00:58:34   finishing these things and honestly [TS]

00:58:35   right now it's insecurity more than [TS]

00:58:39   anything [TS]

00:58:39   look I know it you know i look at the [TS]

00:58:41   thing and I'm like oh god oh god I'd if [TS]

00:58:44   I finish that and it's bad that man [TS]

00:58:47   right there with you [TS]

00:58:48   yeah and so why do I want where's this [TS]

00:58:51   insecurity comment coming from and I [TS]

00:58:53   just I feel like like the inn at the [TS]

00:58:55   very least the internet is not helping [TS]

00:58:57   you through the internet is not helping [TS]

00:58:59   me feel less insecure and I'm not you [TS]

00:59:03   know insecurity that's not my bugbear [TS]

00:59:05   you know I'm a I'm a UH I was I'm [TS]

00:59:10   important to her [TS]

00:59:12   I meant to be here for your legacy [TS]

00:59:16   I'm a legacy my dad was important [TS]

00:59:18   totally important he was very important [TS]

00:59:20   man i'm here to fulfill his dreams he [TS]

00:59:24   let me know that multiple times when I [TS]

00:59:26   was a kid has as the years went by how [TS]

00:59:29   disappointed he realizes that wasn't [TS]

00:59:30   working out like a while you know I mean [TS]

00:59:33   see and that's that that's number five [TS]

00:59:34   on my list be a u.s. senator which is [TS]

00:59:38   you know i have not abandoned that idea [TS]

00:59:40   yeah being a u.s. senator is still it's [TS]

00:59:43   still very real to me [TS]

00:59:44   yeah but I mean there's so many parts of [TS]

00:59:46   all those things as big as the project [TS]

00:59:48   is or as small as the project is [TS]

00:59:49   promising as it is as overdue or you [TS]

00:59:53   know incomplete as it is there's still [TS]

00:59:55   some part of every one of those that can [TS]

00:59:57   feel like the beginning [TS]

00:59:57   feel like the beginning [TS]

01:00:00   handle that helps you grab that thing [TS]

01:00:02   you can feel just slightly out of reach [TS]

01:00:04   and the fact that it's just slightly out [TS]

01:00:06   of reach ends up being much more [TS]

01:00:09   damaging than the fact that it's [TS]

01:00:11   completely out of reach [TS]

01:00:12   we're completely out of reach you say [TS]

01:00:13   with black which i'm not going to do [TS]

01:00:14   that right [TS]

01:00:15   I'm not become a jockey I'm too tall to [TS]

01:00:17   be a jockey handle on that it can have [TS]

01:00:19   my pilot [TS]

01:00:21   yeah I won't fit in the plane yeah well [TS]

01:00:24   yeah but these things are your right [TS]

01:00:26   there is some of them seem tantalizingly [TS]

01:00:28   close but just far enough away i think [TS]

01:00:34   you gotta look at video games you're [TS]

01:00:36   saying that video games are going to be [TS]

01:00:38   but they are the there the talcum it's [TS]

01:00:40   not a panacea unless you end up writing [TS]

01:00:42   an iOS app called panacea but guide to [TS]

01:00:44   essential link in the robot you can go [TS]

01:00:46   look at 3i think you should download it [TS]

01:00:48   today and remove those off your page and [TS]

01:00:51   you know maybe yeah yeah I don't know [TS]

01:00:53   maybe because posted notes are helping [TS]

01:00:54   but you feel like it will be an [TS]

01:00:55   indictment if you took down the post it [TS]

01:00:57   well what am i getting up so this is the [TS]

01:01:00   so let me let me just the college thing [TS]

01:01:02   for instance i feel like i have gotten a [TS]

01:01:06   lot of satisfaction and never having [TS]

01:01:07   graduated from college I feel I feel [TS]

01:01:10   that there are lots and lots of cocktail [TS]

01:01:13   parties where everyone is comparing [TS]

01:01:15   their smart college that they that they [TS]

01:01:17   graduated from and then it comes to me [TS]

01:01:19   and i get i am the only one that the [TS]

01:01:22   only one in the room that hasn't [TS]

01:01:23   graduated from college and that that is [TS]

01:01:24   a that's a little reverse snobbery a [TS]

01:01:26   little point of pride but do I want to [TS]

01:01:30   go to my grave not having graduated from [TS]

01:01:32   college or do I want to graduate from [TS]

01:01:34   college just to just so that my father [TS]

01:01:37   and my uncle and his uncle before him [TS]

01:01:39   can all rest in their graves and say you [TS]

01:01:46   know like it's the it is anymore [TS]

01:01:49   the middle class it's it's it's some [TS]

01:01:53   kind of like lay that you get when you [TS]

01:01:56   get off the airplane in Honolulu of the [TS]

01:01:58   middle and substantial Hawaii right and [TS]

01:02:02   you just should have it writer you [TS]

01:02:04   should and especially having done all [TS]

01:02:06   the work that people ask questions you [TS]

01:02:08   know they're so like move [TS]

01:02:09   wonder why it's getting kind of odd he [TS]

01:02:11   seems like he should be one of us [TS]

01:02:13   yeah and so if i am going to do it if if [TS]

01:02:17   if I'm not gonna take that post-it note [TS]

01:02:19   down if I intend to do it then why not [TS]

01:02:23   now [TS]

01:02:24   like why would I would I let another 10 [TS]

01:02:26   years go by [TS]

01:02:28   that's a question I can't answer that's [TS]

01:02:30   a question I can't even answer somebody [TS]

01:02:33   asked me the other day how do you [TS]

01:02:34   picture the narrative in your mind [TS]

01:02:39   they were saying the days that the ideas [TS]

01:02:42   that they have they see go by like a [TS]

01:02:44   ticker-tape like us like a scroll on on [TS]

01:02:49   CNN that the the thoughts [TS]

01:02:52   yeah they're thought timeline and I said [TS]

01:02:55   I see like my oh my aware mind as a kind [TS]

01:03:02   of foggy more and there are phases [TS]

01:03:08   coming out of the fog and some of them [TS]

01:03:11   are very close [TS]

01:03:14   the fog is extremely thick some of those [TS]

01:03:16   faces are close enough that I can [TS]

01:03:17   discern their features and they are [TS]

01:03:19   speaking the loudest and then their [TS]

01:03:21   faces that are a little further away and [TS]

01:03:23   they're less distinct and I can hear [TS]

01:03:25   their voices to and then there are [TS]

01:03:27   phases that are then i can just make out [TS]

01:03:29   sort of the basics of their features and [TS]

01:03:32   then their faces that are just an [TS]

01:03:33   outline just a shadow and then in the [TS]

01:03:35   distance voices I can hear where I can't [TS]

01:03:38   see the faces but I can still hear you [TS]

01:03:41   know their voices are still audible and [TS]

01:03:43   though and the faces that approximate [TS]

01:03:45   keep changing like the ones that are [TS]

01:03:48   closest to me then back away into the [TS]

01:03:49   fog and other ones come step forward and [TS]

01:03:53   it is a disc sort of like whack-a-mole [TS]

01:03:56   on a foggy more of different [TS]

01:04:02   different people saying different things [TS]

01:04:04   and what will ever like and I think one [TS]

01:04:12   of those voices is one of those people [TS]

01:04:15   just lives in the more and every once in [TS]

01:04:18   awhile walk forward and goes college and [TS]

01:04:23   then steps back and turned his face away [TS]

01:04:24   you can't see who it was [TS]

01:04:26   yeah he might have other jobs you might [TS]

01:04:27   walk forward every once in awhile and [TS]

01:04:29   say marriage retirement think he might [TS]

01:04:33   he might have like seven things he says [TS]

01:04:35   but he's like how am I ever gonna quiet [TS]

01:04:38   that guy [TS]

01:04:39   yeah hand him a diploma he's well he's [TS]

01:04:42   Welsh will step forward one day college [TS]

01:04:44   and I go here and implemented but it's [TS]

01:04:47   like oh shit [TS]

01:04:49   thank you [TS]

01:04:54   that's good [TS]