Roderick on the Line

Ep. 104: "Talismans of a Dead Age"


00:00:00   [Music] [TS]

00:00:05   slow hi John I'm Merlin how's it goin [TS]

00:00:10   good how are you I'm very well early [TS]

00:00:14   yeah well this is still honestly it's [TS]

00:00:17   still early for you [TS]

00:00:18   her yeah um well I mean yeah yeah it's [TS]

00:00:23   really the thing is I've set all the [TS]

00:00:25   clocks in my house 10 minutes fast haha [TS]

00:00:29   like Vince Lombardi and so by so I [TS]

00:00:32   always I'm running around like our kind [TS]

00:00:34   of late so late oh oh no and then I then [TS]

00:00:38   I get you know I get to where I'm going [TS]

00:00:41   like i sat down here thinking I was 10 [TS]

00:00:43   minutes late for your for your call and [TS]

00:00:47   then I looked up I was like oh I'm my [TS]

00:00:48   own time [TS]

00:00:48   oh wow my plan worked do you know who [TS]

00:00:52   myself fooling you forget that they're [TS]

00:00:55   set forward [TS]

00:00:56   oh yeah i read a biography of us don't [TS]

00:01:00   lie don't know it's a clock that's why [TS]

00:01:02   it's not locked cock i've enlisted them [TS]

00:01:07   in the circuit in my service [TS]

00:01:09   it's a life hack i am making those [TS]

00:01:11   clocks but i'm sure that those clocks [TS]

00:01:13   when they go to clock heaven [TS]

00:01:15   mhm have to answer to clock st. Peter [TS]

00:01:17   for all the years that they were 10 [TS]

00:01:21   minutes of as and even still they had to [TS]

00:01:25   wait because they got there 10 minutes [TS]

00:01:27   earlier that sounds like a bad irish [TS]

00:01:30   progress made the clocks be 10 minutes [TS]

00:01:32   early for your date with Peter the clock [TS]

00:01:34   st. I juicing Vince Lombardi did this I [TS]

00:01:38   I'm trying to remember um I've always [TS]

00:01:40   been a fan of biographies was a little [TS]

00:01:41   kid I would lose your batteries i [TS]

00:01:43   remember reading a biography of insolent [TS]

00:01:45   know this is true i think it's him that [TS]

00:01:47   supposedly he said his watch forward [TS]

00:01:49   some n number of minutes like 10 minutes [TS]

00:01:52   and I i heard that and how are the [TS]

00:01:55   actual facts in the matter are I started [TS]

00:01:57   singing all of our clocks forward five [TS]

00:01:59   minutes because i thought this is [TS]

00:02:01   brilliant i'll never be late again [TS]

00:02:03   because all as it is you know even today [TS]

00:02:05   I'm still late for everything all the [TS]

00:02:06   time but I but the the crap you've [TS]

00:02:10   answered the question the question is it [TS]

00:02:12   seems like you would you would see my [TS]

00:02:13   problem is I would remember that the [TS]

00:02:15   five minutes [TS]

00:02:17   fast and then I would recompensing eight [TS]

00:02:21   in my lateness and it can make even [TS]

00:02:23   worse it seems to me that what you could [TS]

00:02:25   do is is it would be nice to have built [TS]

00:02:29   a purpose clock that could randomly be a [TS]

00:02:31   certain amount of fast and I wouldn't [TS]

00:02:33   know how much right right you can [TS]

00:02:36   introduce a little entropy of the clock [TS]

00:02:38   the problem is that a the with this [TS]

00:02:40   system now is that everybody has a phone [TS]

00:02:42   and the phone is always exactly right [TS]

00:02:44   and so but but working in my advantage [TS]

00:02:49   is that I lose my phone all the time [TS]

00:02:51   uh-huh so when I look so I having a [TS]

00:02:56   phone that is always right causes me to [TS]

00:02:58   forget that I have set the clocks in my [TS]

00:03:00   house all wrong and i have innumerable [TS]

00:03:03   clocks in my house [TS]

00:03:05   partly because I collect clocks and so [TS]

00:03:09   I'm always looking up at the clock that [TS]

00:03:11   shaped like the state of Alaska or the [TS]

00:03:14   clock that is made out of 1964 silver [TS]

00:03:17   coins em or you know I have a microwave [TS]

00:03:21   and oven and they both have clocks that [TS]

00:03:23   are right up of one another and [TS]

00:03:26   sometimes sometimes I will sit for a [TS]

00:03:28   full minute with my finger on the Start [TS]

00:03:31   clock button [TS]

00:03:32   oh yeah of one of them waiting for the [TS]

00:03:34   other one to turn so that they are [TS]

00:03:35   exactly in sync [TS]

00:03:36   oh my god John i am i'm sorry to say I [TS]

00:03:41   am so glad you said that I I don't know [TS]

00:03:45   I've had the reputation i think it's [TS]

00:03:47   sometimes of being somebody I think it's [TS]

00:03:49   obviously somebody's tightly wound there [TS]

00:03:51   are a handful of things that I'm really [TS]

00:03:53   tightly wound if you like about and one [TS]

00:03:56   of them is it drives me nuts we've got [TS]

00:03:58   we've got like a radio on top of the [TS]

00:04:00   refrigerator which is one of those it's [TS]

00:04:01   not like a fancy pose but it's one of [TS]

00:04:03   those like little like nice radios gotta [TS]

00:04:05   clock [TS]

00:04:05   yeah you gotta clock on the microwave [TS]

00:04:07   and it drives me crazy with no match for [TS]

00:04:12   me to get feels it feels like something [TS]

00:04:14   is fundamentally wrong something is [TS]

00:04:16   fundamentally wrong and the clocks note [TS]

00:04:18   to the Hawks are very upset when the [TS]

00:04:20   hair here on my desk my private office [TS]

00:04:22   I've got this [TS]

00:04:25   this dinguses by ten bucks says atomic [TS]

00:04:27   clock on it and this clock automatically [TS]

00:04:29   sets itself using science right science [TS]

00:04:33   uh-huh is some some protons vibrating at [TS]

00:04:36   a million miles an hour and that clock [TS]

00:04:38   knows it now I know you're not a [TS]

00:04:40   scientist I think there are protons [TS]

00:04:41   vibrating and somewhere there's some [TS]

00:04:43   cadmium is degrading alright and that's [TS]

00:04:46   the GMT so actually I know a guy here [TS]

00:04:49   that really gets off on degrading cat [TS]

00:04:51   cadmium Jason fitting haha mixing blue [TS]

00:04:56   why do i say doing when I have a bell [TS]

00:04:58   right in front of me [TS]

00:04:59   primary the technology [TS]

00:05:03   yeah I yeah I don't like being that way [TS]

00:05:05   you have the only way that would work [TS]

00:05:07   for me i think is if they if they were [TS]

00:05:09   all wrong but you know part of it is [TS]

00:05:10   also you know I hate to admit it but [TS]

00:05:11   listen to the NPR a lot and you know [TS]

00:05:13   that's coming off the radio and that's a [TS]

00:05:15   straight shot right off the radio and [TS]

00:05:17   i'll read it to the time [TS]

00:05:19   yeah with the cadmium and whatnot and I [TS]

00:05:20   and so if it gets if I her dog done the [TS]

00:05:25   thing you're late and it is for its 459 [TS]

00:05:29   I'm I'm livid [TS]

00:05:31   yeah yeah well I i just had a very [TS]

00:05:34   interesting conversation kind of on this [TS]

00:05:35   exact topic this weekend [TS]

00:05:38   your friend of mine been a curse stay [TS]

00:05:40   here at my house [TS]

00:05:41   oh boy I bet that was funny it was fun [TS]

00:05:45   because also staying here guys all [TS]

00:05:47   snowstorm oh I better off staying at my [TS]

00:05:50   like the worst loved whatever trouble [TS]

00:05:52   little farm that's right no girls [TS]

00:05:54   allowed [TS]

00:05:55   but um you know this this way I have of [TS]

00:06:00   anthropomorphic sizing not just animals [TS]

00:06:03   but also inanimate objects [TS]

00:06:06   I was host i was telling the knacker [TS]

00:06:09   about my coffeemaker saga where I had [TS]

00:06:12   the one coffee maker that was fine and [TS]

00:06:15   then I got the other coffee maker [TS]

00:06:16   because it was going to solve all my [TS]

00:06:18   problems but it was a piece shit and [TS]

00:06:20   then I told you about it and you saw you [TS]

00:06:22   additionally solve my problem by sending [TS]

00:06:24   me a third coffee maker sorry and I was [TS]

00:06:28   like Christmas have all these coffee [TS]

00:06:30   makers and I can't get rid of them [TS]

00:06:32   because I'm not a monster [TS]

00:06:34   collector and then then very you know [TS]

00:06:38   strangely said do you mean that you're [TS]

00:06:41   not a monster in that you don't get rid [TS]

00:06:44   of those superfluous coffee makers [TS]

00:06:46   because you're afraid to hurt their [TS]

00:06:47   feelings and I said yes [TS]

00:06:52   what's your point thank you for knowing [TS]

00:06:54   me uh-huh and he said it's interesting [TS]

00:06:58   that and I said do you know because [TS]

00:07:01   that's such an penetrating observation i [TS]

00:07:03   said you do you feel that that inanimate [TS]

00:07:08   objects have feelings and you're afraid [TS]

00:07:09   of hurting them and he said well no in [TS]

00:07:12   fact I'm sort of the great santini of [TS]

00:07:15   inanimate objects [TS]

00:07:17   I walk around my house yelling at them [TS]

00:07:19   for failing to meet my expectations and [TS]

00:07:23   we and so now i'm very curious i pull up [TS]

00:07:26   a chair [TS]

00:07:26   even though I'm late for the podcast but [TS]

00:07:28   I'm not because I'm to my collection 10 [TS]

00:07:30   minutes fast and I say tell you still [TS]

00:07:32   there right now [TS]

00:07:33   yeah he's downstairs that and I said [TS]

00:07:38   tell me more about this and he said well [TS]

00:07:41   I walk around the house and I'm like god [TS]

00:07:43   dammit Sox where are you why are you on [TS]

00:07:45   my feet [TS]

00:07:46   god damn it you know television set why [TS]

00:07:50   don't you why does the channel come in [TS]

00:07:51   and I recognized immediately that the [TS]

00:07:56   voice that he was using to speak to [TS]

00:07:58   inanimate objects was the voice that a [TS]

00:08:00   depressed person uses to talk to [TS]

00:08:02   themselves the last roll [TS]

00:08:05   that's right and I said but you never [TS]

00:08:08   talk that way to yourself and he said oh [TS]

00:08:12   no I'm great with myself [TS]

00:08:13   meet me and myself are good together but [TS]

00:08:16   but he does have that voice he's just [TS]

00:08:20   directing it at the half the dumb things [TS]

00:08:24   and and and I I immediately was playing [TS]

00:08:28   this scenario out like what happens when [TS]

00:08:29   I can't find my socks and what happens [TS]

00:08:33   when I can't find my socks is in in my [TS]

00:08:36   inner monologue [TS]

00:08:37   I'm saying asshole why the you know why [TS]

00:08:40   can't you find your socks my house art [TS]

00:08:42   is that how hard it is to get your such [TS]

00:08:43   an idea what you know you should have a [TS]

00:08:44   system for having socks [TS]

00:08:46   and you don't even have you don't have a [TS]

00:08:48   system and so those socks are everywhere [TS]

00:08:50   and now you're late in your idiot and he [TS]

00:08:53   is saying that same thing except the [TS]

00:08:55   socks [TS]

00:08:55   Wow and he and he honestly you know you [TS]

00:08:59   know Ben actor he's not a depressed [TS]

00:09:01   person not really [TS]

00:09:03   and yet he has the same voice the same [TS]

00:09:05   impulse it's just he has miraculously [TS]

00:09:08   figured out or or like been raised to or [TS]

00:09:12   in his in his his beautiful mind has [TS]

00:09:16   transferred that responsibility to the [TS]

00:09:19   dumb thing and I'm just reeling from it [TS]

00:09:22   i think it's fantastic it's it takes it [TS]

00:09:25   takes years to realize that the voices [TS]

00:09:26   even there [TS]

00:09:27   let's be honest I mean you may be made [TS]

00:09:29   be aware occasionally have like feeling [TS]

00:09:31   bad about yourself but to really [TS]

00:09:32   recognize that there is a while [TS]

00:09:34   strolling your head take it configures [TS]

00:09:36   to really finally acknowledge that and [TS]

00:09:37   notice it when it's gonna go i know that [TS]

00:09:39   guy but what a move to be able to know [TS]

00:09:43   that voice is there and then take it as [TS]

00:09:45   your own and directed towards socks [TS]

00:09:47   isn't that something that's a thought [TS]

00:09:48   technology i really really i'm i'm [TS]

00:09:50   looking around my room and I'm so angry [TS]

00:09:52   at everything here now you're stuck to [TS]

00:09:54   get some as well because all this shit [TS]

00:09:56   has been failing me this entire time and [TS]

00:09:58   I thought it was my fault know and its [TS]

00:10:00   really all these dumb things that are [TS]

00:10:01   not where they belong and they're not [TS]

00:10:04   helping me the way they should and just [TS]

00:10:06   looking at them [TS]

00:10:06   I thought we I thought we had reached a [TS]

00:10:08   point I really did felt like even as [TS]

00:10:11   recently as a couple years ago i'm not [TS]

00:10:12   going to go into the iphone thing but [TS]

00:10:14   i'm just gonna say like it seemed like [TS]

00:10:16   up to maybe in the last couple years you [TS]

00:10:19   could do stuff that started to seem like [TS]

00:10:21   magic like you had a phone that you can [TS]

00:10:23   look at the internet on it worked and in [TS]

00:10:25   my case something I want to go too far [TS]

00:10:26   because it's not super interesting but [TS]

00:10:28   apparently I have cable TV and didn't [TS]

00:10:30   know it but you [TS]

00:10:32   well yeah we got it at some point and I [TS]

00:10:34   guess I forgot to cancel or whatever we [TS]

00:10:36   got cable TV and then I sat down one [TS]

00:10:38   night because my wife said let's watch [TS]

00:10:39   the oscars and I said that's good we've [TS]

00:10:42   got cable TV i think and i went i [TS]

00:10:44   collected all the things all the pieces [TS]

00:10:46   of Technology the comcast has been [TS]

00:10:48   sending me without my asking over the [TS]

00:10:49   years that I'm supposed to connect up [TS]

00:10:51   but you remember I mean as recently as a [TS]

00:10:52   couple three years ago we've gotten to [TS]

00:10:55   the point that you and I of course you [TS]

00:10:56   remember what was involved in getting a [TS]

00:10:57   special cable [TS]

00:10:59   and uh if i canna was an anchorage yeah [TS]

00:11:02   yeah yeah [TS]

00:11:02   crouch down yeah we're going to review [TS]

00:11:05   the wrong the parental key turn your key [TS]

00:11:07   sir you have the thing on your box you [TS]

00:11:09   can slip a piece of cardboard into to [TS]

00:11:10   get the porno channels but you there's [TS]

00:11:12   always an intermediary thing and it [TS]

00:11:13   seemed like we got to a point where [TS]

00:11:15   maybe even since college on a modern [TS]

00:11:17   setup all you have to do is take your [TS]

00:11:19   coaxial cable from out of the wall and [TS]

00:11:21   plug it into your TV and now you had TV [TS]

00:11:24   yet all the TV and all the TV and that [TS]

00:11:27   was it [TS]

00:11:27   I mean the worst thing was I mean [TS]

00:11:29   figuring out are you on channel three or [TS]

00:11:31   four right that one that was it and [TS]

00:11:32   you're done and you don't touch again [TS]

00:11:34   until the TV explodes and you buy [TS]

00:11:35   another one and you know i'm not the [TS]

00:11:38   sharpest knife in the drawer but I can [TS]

00:11:40   usually figure these things it's you [TS]

00:11:41   should see this this octopus of junk [TS]

00:11:44   that we've got and what I finally [TS]

00:11:46   discovered was that one of the things [TS]

00:11:47   that they sent us was like a converter [TS]

00:11:49   that you would use for like it basically [TS]

00:11:52   it's like a tiny cable box like the size [TS]

00:11:54   of a box of matches and you use their [TS]

00:11:56   comcast remote to change the channels [TS]

00:11:58   with that I don't know how to do this [TS]

00:12:00   John just it just feels like I want to [TS]

00:12:03   yell I want to yell at all the devices [TS]

00:12:04   now and as I fight it because you know i [TS]

00:12:07   know that i know the the Welshman's in [TS]

00:12:09   there i just i would like to think i can [TS]

00:12:11   rise above it and I think that's killing [TS]

00:12:12   me [TS]

00:12:13   yeah no no I i believe i believe that i [TS]

00:12:16   believe in this new technology i believe [TS]

00:12:18   in yelling at things [TS]

00:12:19   who the problem is that it would with [TS]

00:12:21   technology and i will get into the [TS]

00:12:24   iphone thing [TS]

00:12:25   oh my god fucking gone John can talk [TS]

00:12:27   about the experts and i'll talk about [TS]

00:12:29   the salty so mad at ya gotta put a [TS]

00:12:31   couple drops I'm so bad at seven fucking [TS]

00:12:34   mad at my outfit because you know I'm [TS]

00:12:37   entirely dependent on it and yet there [TS]

00:12:40   is still that suggestion and it's that [TS]

00:12:42   it's the fall suggestion that that [TS]

00:12:45   suggested by like false options you know [TS]

00:12:48   yet we have we have four or five options [TS]

00:12:51   and they're all false it's like up AT&T [TS]

00:12:53   or Verizon do i get a do i get a [TS]

00:12:56   microsoft phone or google phone or [TS]

00:12:58   iPhone and and and so when you're a [TS]

00:13:01   knight a delta who exactly united or [TS]

00:13:03   delta and so when the system isn't [TS]

00:13:05   working [TS]

00:13:06   there's that little [TS]

00:13:07   little element of doubt in your mind [TS]

00:13:10   that maybe you made the wrong choice and [TS]

00:13:12   if you have just chosen better if you [TS]

00:13:14   had done more research if you had like [TS]

00:13:16   if you were a more moral person you know [TS]

00:13:20   that's the whole iphone a mac microsoft [TS]

00:13:23   thing is that the two sides argued get [TS]

00:13:26   argue with each other and there's always [TS]

00:13:27   this tension like you're an immoral [TS]

00:13:29   person for having chosen the wrong [TS]

00:13:31   operating system or the wrong you know [TS]

00:13:33   the wrong corporate Overlord and so so [TS]

00:13:37   there's always this tinge of suggestion [TS]

00:13:39   of culpability in the fact that i'm [TS]

00:13:42   standing somewhere and my a mapping [TS]

00:13:46   program is lying to me and then i get a [TS]

00:13:50   text from somebody saying where are you [TS]

00:13:52   the buildings on fire and then the phone [TS]

00:13:54   dies and I'm and then all of a sudden [TS]

00:13:58   I'm just like covered in I'm uncovered [TS]

00:14:01   in ectoplasm [TS]

00:14:04   I mean I've been slimed basically by the [TS]

00:14:07   by Microsoft or by a Macintosh and you [TS]

00:14:12   know and humiliated and furious and whom [TS]

00:14:14   i'm at there's no one to direct the [TS]

00:14:17   anger and that little doubt of of choice [TS]

00:14:21   that's in their causes me to be mad at [TS]

00:14:23   myself and I don't know how I don't know [TS]

00:14:24   how that is the other day I was downtown [TS]

00:14:27   i'm with the time with my baby i'm [TS]

00:14:30   supposed to meet my baby's mama I'm then [TS]

00:14:33   supposed to meet I'm been supposed to [TS]

00:14:36   pick up my mom who is having some dental [TS]

00:14:39   surgery and my phone dies and my phone [TS]

00:14:44   does not because I failed to charge it [TS]

00:14:46   I my phone dies because it is a piece of [TS]

00:14:49   garbage can [TS]

00:14:51   what information did it go did it crash [TS]

00:14:53   to go all the way down and you can't get [TS]

00:14:54   it back up [TS]

00:14:55   can't get back up so you got that thing [TS]

00:14:57   where my wife has this if my wife at [TS]

00:14:59   some point between thirty and sixty [TS]

00:15:01   percent stops working [TS]

00:15:02   yeah just just goes just that's just the [TS]

00:15:04   thing it does i can't--it's up and it [TS]

00:15:06   and it always happens when it's like [TS]

00:15:08   okay it's 5pm and i'm downtown seattle [TS]

00:15:11   on a friday afternoon every single [TS]

00:15:14   worker bee in the hive is trying to get [TS]

00:15:17   out [TS]

00:15:18   of the city at this exact same moment so [TS]

00:15:21   there's no you there's no loading zones [TS]

00:15:24   there's no place to pull over just to [TS]

00:15:27   even collect your thoughts because the [TS]

00:15:29   whole big ant hill is disgorging yeah [TS]

00:15:33   the city requires all of your attention [TS]

00:15:35   it can talk with 100-percent attention [TS]

00:15:37   and my child is in the backseat doing [TS]

00:15:40   her thing where she lists every word [TS]

00:15:42   ever spoken by man at the top of her [TS]

00:15:45   voice in a kind of incantation that will [TS]

00:15:48   raise the Pharaohs and I'm saying to her [TS]

00:15:52   darling right now daddy needs just a [TS]

00:15:55   little bit of quiet just a moment of [TS]

00:15:58   quiet now now now and her responses now [TS]

00:16:02   yeah [TS]

00:16:02   quiet you want me to stop talking you [TS]

00:16:05   want talking to stop you know and i'm [TS]

00:16:08   like ahh and then the phone goes from ya [TS]

00:16:11   thirty percent battery power which I [TS]

00:16:15   mean I've only been out in the town a [TS]

00:16:17   couple of hours where it had a hundred [TS]

00:16:19   percent before so it's already and it is [TS]

00:16:21   that's a 3d sportswear that's a 33 times [TS]

00:16:23   a week thing for my wife with a [TS]

00:16:25   two-year-old phone [TS]

00:16:25   yeah yeah there you go on my phone is [TS]

00:16:27   just about that same age I like 4s [TS]

00:16:30   its a 50 and and this is the thing about [TS]

00:16:35   the choice like I was rocking a 3s and [TS]

00:16:39   the 3s was rocking but it no longer [TS]

00:16:42   could handle any of the new apps right [TS]

00:16:44   and so I had to upgrade and so I waited [TS]

00:16:49   for the five and I and I and I spent a [TS]

00:16:52   whole summer with the three kind of like [TS]

00:16:55   shaking shimmering almost not working [TS]

00:16:59   and i was like i can wait I can wait [TS]

00:17:00   until the five comes out i can wait I [TS]

00:17:02   can wait and the five came out and the [TS]

00:17:04   first thing they did was they fucked me [TS]

00:17:05   with the with the i had to buy all new [TS]

00:17:07   cables and then the second thing was [TS]

00:17:09   it's a piece of shit and and I felt like [TS]

00:17:12   and then also all my friends that are [TS]

00:17:14   better than still have 4 s's are like [TS]

00:17:16   mine still works fine I'm like oh my god [TS]

00:17:19   i may I made the wrong choice it's my [TS]

00:17:21   fault somehow right [TS]

00:17:23   anyway i'm downtown and it's like now [TS]

00:17:25   I'm I'm dead in the water [TS]

00:17:28   I'm paralyzed I don't even know these [TS]

00:17:30   people's actual phone numbers because i [TS]

00:17:33   have become I because the thing is such [TS]

00:17:36   a crunch now I used to carry a little [TS]

00:17:38   laminated card with all of my people's [TS]

00:17:40   phone numbers on because you're a Wes [TS]

00:17:43   Anderson care and as time went on [TS]

00:17:45   oh my god i still have all these cards [TS]

00:17:47   as time went on you know i had i have a [TS]

00:17:52   lot of friends right so i would make a [TS]

00:17:54   double-sided card and it ended up being [TS]

00:17:57   about a three by five card with [TS]

00:18:01   microscopic little writing on filling up [TS]

00:18:06   like sometimes three columns on both [TS]

00:18:08   sides of this car let your like personal [TS]

00:18:10   human information codex it's exactly [TS]

00:18:13   right and it had all of the it had all [TS]

00:18:15   of the key code numbers everything that [TS]

00:18:17   I needed every pin number and the pin [TS]

00:18:19   numbers were all disguised as like the [TS]

00:18:21   second half of phone numbers that didn't [TS]

00:18:24   exist that only I could read you know [TS]

00:18:26   all these like codes and keys and people [TS]

00:18:31   that I knew that had six different phone [TS]

00:18:32   numbers i would have all those arranged [TS]

00:18:34   and subheadings and stop on that i have [TS]

00:18:36   is i still have these little cards and [TS]

00:18:37   they're my favorite little talismans of [TS]

00:18:39   on of a dead age but now I'm standing [TS]

00:18:42   there and I'm realizing i don't even [TS]

00:18:45   know the phone number of my daughter's [TS]

00:18:47   mother like I couldn't tell you what it [TS]

00:18:50   is and as the camera zooms straight up [TS]

00:18:56   and I'll turn to the heavens and go god [TS]

00:18:59   dammit you know I'm like I'm I'm stuck [TS]

00:19:03   I'm in my own city surrounded by my own [TS]

00:19:07   people and i have no ability to this [TS]

00:19:10   thing dies and I'm just like that's like [TS]

00:19:12   my battery died it's also for you it [TS]

00:19:15   seems like it's like morally like [TS]

00:19:17   antithetical like as a man who would [TS]

00:19:19   like to have all knowledge available [TS]

00:19:21   after the apocalypse to be able to [TS]

00:19:23   recreate society must be going to know [TS]

00:19:25   that like there's one little battery [TS]

00:19:26   blip between you and all the world's [TS]

00:19:28   information and you can't do anything [TS]

00:19:29   about it [TS]

00:19:30   well it keeps me ever vigilant and so [TS]

00:19:32   what happened in this situation was the [TS]

00:19:35   backup plan was initiated and in our [TS]

00:19:39   family we have several backups that [TS]

00:19:41   plans [TS]

00:19:42   the first one being in that that's [TS]

00:19:47   that's where this is going to make you [TS]

00:19:49   laugh but in the event of a catastrophic [TS]

00:19:52   emergency everyone in my family knows to [TS]

00:19:57   convene at a certain spot plz drill them [TS]

00:20:02   on occasion we are all drills and so and [TS]

00:20:06   that spot that spot is our secret spot [TS]

00:20:08   which is also somewhat fortified against [TS]

00:20:12   intrusion i think you said enough and [TS]

00:20:15   everyone knows it and the end and the [TS]

00:20:19   idea the idea being like in the event of [TS]

00:20:21   a like a true a massive earthquake or [TS]

00:20:27   massive electromagnetic pulses some kind [TS]

00:20:30   of EMP it's going to take actually going [TS]

00:20:33   to take me the longest to get to this [TS]

00:20:36   place it is closest to the people that [TS]

00:20:41   will have the hardest time getting there [TS]

00:20:43   but we've like we have stopped it and so [TS]

00:20:47   forth and the Assumption being that it's [TS]

00:20:49   going to take me the longest to get [TS]

00:20:51   there but I'm the one that's most [TS]

00:20:52   capable of journeying in a [TS]

00:20:54   post-apocalyptic landscape [TS]

00:20:56   [Music] [TS]

00:20:58   and presumably as I am journeying in the [TS]

00:21:01   post-apocalyptic landscape i will also [TS]

00:21:03   be gathering other material so I'm [TS]

00:21:09   statue in the town i'm like I'm supposed [TS]

00:21:11   to get my mom from the doctor [TS]

00:21:13   I don't know how in need she is [TS]

00:21:18   i'm supposed to meet the baby's mother [TS]

00:21:21   and handed the baby off all these things [TS]

00:21:24   are supposed to happen and then I'll [TS]

00:21:26   everybody else in the in the story has [TS]

00:21:27   to then go to another event like this [TS]

00:21:30   all has to happen in it within a [TS]

00:21:32   compressed timeframe and I just said I'm [TS]

00:21:37   going to do I'm going to the bunker [TS]

00:21:39   I'm going to the mattresses and i turned [TS]

00:21:41   the car around and I went to the UH i [TS]

00:21:44   went to the rendezvous point and i SAT [TS]

00:21:47   there and I was like this is all i can [TS]

00:21:51   think of to do like my phone battery has [TS]

00:21:54   died and i've gone to the apocalypse Ron [TS]

00:21:56   available because it up with all you do [TS]

00:22:01   what else can I do you don't have you [TS]

00:22:03   don't have a bat-signal if you don't [TS]

00:22:05   have like a pneumatic tube every other [TS]

00:22:07   option is wrong and so I SAT there and [TS]

00:22:11   of course Chris the baby is like what [TS]

00:22:13   are we doing well after we hear what his [TS]

00:22:16   mama and I'm like I just I you know what [TS]

00:22:19   I still need to be quiet [TS]

00:22:20   not that does because daddy needs his [TS]

00:22:23   attention anymore but because daddy [TS]

00:22:25   really doesn't daddy doesn't know what's [TS]

00:22:28   happening now is covered in confusion [TS]

00:22:31   but because his one little fucking [TS]

00:22:35   stupid brick is dead and you know and [TS]

00:22:38   the babies just like well I could play [TS]

00:22:40   with dolls and that's you know that's [TS]

00:22:43   all the technology that she needs and so [TS]

00:22:46   we're sitting there just like dummies [TS]

00:22:49   I mean I'm just sitting there like a [TS]

00:22:50   dummy and then one by one all the clan [TS]

00:22:57   arrives and they need they knew they [TS]

00:23:00   were drilled and they walked in what one [TS]

00:23:03   after another [TS]

00:23:04   not mad just like Oh [TS]

00:23:08   I figured you'd be here this is the like [TS]

00:23:12   something must have happened and I was [TS]

00:23:15   like yeah my phone died and they were [TS]

00:23:18   like oh right and everybody understood [TS]

00:23:21   immediately that that was something I [TS]

00:23:22   was powerless about and be in the in the [TS]

00:23:26   event that happens it you know you might [TS]

00:23:29   as well just have like it really isn't [TS]

00:23:33   apocalypse and so that my mom came the [TS]

00:23:38   baby was collected the project continued [TS]

00:23:41   and you know i gotta walk back out into [TS]

00:23:45   the daylight like well I guess I'm what [TS]

00:23:49   can i do now i guess i have to go home [TS]

00:23:51   and look at my phone there's no other [TS]

00:23:54   like I could I guess I could go like [TS]

00:23:56   window shopping in the town and I guess [TS]

00:24:00   I could go walk down the street twirling [TS]

00:24:01   my cane and looking at flower [TS]

00:24:03   arrangements but if i have anything else [TS]

00:24:06   to do if i have any other appointment or [TS]

00:24:08   anybody else to talk to you today I've [TS]

00:24:10   got and the problem is you know at the [TS]

00:24:12   at our rendezvous point there is no [TS]

00:24:15   iphone 5 charger [TS]

00:24:17   oh I bought five of them and there's one [TS]

00:24:21   of my house and there's one in the car [TS]

00:24:23   and there's one at the baby mamas house [TS]

00:24:24   and there's one at the barber daughters [TS]

00:24:26   the iphone five charges everywhere but [TS]

00:24:28   there's not one at the bunker that's [TS]

00:24:35   really disquieting yeah i-i-i eat my [TS]

00:24:40   here at my house of course i have all [TS]

00:24:42   the Boy Scout manuals and all of the all [TS]

00:24:45   of the like introduction to electronics [TS]

00:24:47   reference guides that will allow me to [TS]

00:24:50   recreate civilization [TS]

00:24:53   yeah but and so and so the reality is i [TS]

00:24:58   cannot i cannot store things that matter [TS]

00:25:00   on my phone I have to I have to go back [TS]

00:25:02   and start making it your credit card I [TS]

00:25:04   think you're really describing that kind [TS]

00:25:07   of desolate existential feeling is is a [TS]

00:25:11   pretty good depiction of what a lot of [TS]

00:25:12   users feel like right now because the [TS]

00:25:15   thing is you know you and I both know [TS]

00:25:16   there is a reason for everything there's [TS]

00:25:19   a solution for everything [TS]

00:25:21   so you might get a whole bunch of email [TS]

00:25:22   after this from people going oh you can [TS]

00:25:24   get a little adapter for your old [TS]

00:25:26   charger you could always just you know [TS]

00:25:28   update your laminated card you can do [TS]

00:25:30   this you can do that you that but that's [TS]

00:25:31   not the point the point is that and and [TS]

00:25:34   this is I think where it gets tricky is [TS]

00:25:35   it if if you are a person like me and I [TS]

00:25:38   think yeah obviously to an extent like [TS]

00:25:39   you you have agreed to use that device [TS]

00:25:43   in exactly the way this company has [TS]

00:25:45   begged you to use it right you are not [TS]

00:25:48   doing anything [TS]

00:25:49   unconventional you are doing something [TS]

00:25:50   extremely conventional which is they [TS]

00:25:53   would like you to use that as the center [TS]

00:25:56   of your digital world which is [TS]

00:25:58   increasingly your world so that you did [TS]

00:26:01   exactly what you're supposed to do [TS]

00:26:02   that's the troubling part is that [TS]

00:26:04   there's nothing I have done to my phone [TS]

00:26:07   the reason nothing I even if I wanted to [TS]

00:26:09   I don't even know how to jailbreak my [TS]

00:26:11   phone I could figure it out but the [TS]

00:26:12   point is I i bought this phone whatever [TS]

00:26:14   last summer fall whenever the 55 s came [TS]

00:26:19   out and its it crashed three times a [TS]

00:26:22   week [TS]

00:26:23   it's not is it pink did you get it no [TS]

00:26:24   that's the c-4 color sorry i got the [TS]

00:26:27   fancy one because gold did you get the [TS]

00:26:30   gold one I did not I i got the least i [TS]

00:26:32   don't know i think it's kind of a thing [TS]

00:26:34   in the and apple nerd world to have like [TS]

00:26:35   the the most low-key thing you can with [TS]

00:26:37   no case that's what I have a low-key [TS]

00:26:39   phone with no case but but anyway I [TS]

00:26:42   think what's with the bummer about what [TS]

00:26:44   you're describing is like anybody out [TS]

00:26:46   there it's like you know I remember when [TS]

00:26:47   our neighbors our next door neighbors [TS]

00:26:48   got burglarized burglarized corrupt [TS]

00:26:51   world when i was there and i was when i [TS]

00:26:53   was maybe 14 and I remember having this [TS]

00:26:55   very strong feeling this impulse that [TS]

00:26:57   everybody else on the block at which we [TS]

00:26:59   stood outside while the police were [TS]

00:27:00   there will whisper to each other about [TS]

00:27:01   what they had done wrong [TS]

00:27:02   oh wow don't you think I'm going left [TS]

00:27:05   the window [TS]

00:27:06   yeah they really should have had they [TS]

00:27:07   should have the porch light on they [TS]

00:27:09   should've gotten better Windows you know [TS]

00:27:11   that it and you come up with the [TS]

00:27:12   whistling past the graveyard for all [TS]

00:27:13   these reasons why somebody else it's [TS]

00:27:15   like you know Shirley Jackson's the [TS]

00:27:17   lottery like why that person get picked [TS]

00:27:18   when I got picked as that's that's how [TS]

00:27:20   the lottery works [TS]

00:27:21   that's right and [TS]

00:27:21   and you come up with all these reasons [TS]

00:27:23   so anybody out there is listening to [TS]

00:27:24   this could be very unsympathetic because [TS]

00:27:26   their thing works today but the thing is [TS]

00:27:28   that the part about it that I I feel [TS]

00:27:32   thank you [TS]

00:27:33   I understand I understand that there are [TS]

00:27:37   way I know I could probably take it to [TS]

00:27:39   the apple genius and have them give me a [TS]

00:27:41   new phone and there's only one is apple [TS]

00:27:44   genius is going to tell me that one time [TS]

00:27:45   I had the phone in the bathroom with me [TS]

00:27:47   while i was showering and the chili [TS]

00:27:49   chili sensor went off [TS]

00:27:51   that's right the amount of water that [TS]

00:27:53   somehow got in there is enough to but [TS]

00:27:56   you know what i mean in other words it's [TS]

00:27:57   that we sound crazy when want one sounds [TS]

00:28:00   crazy in this situation because you're [TS]

00:28:02   contaminating all these different [TS]

00:28:03   frustrations that all have a perfectly [TS]

00:28:05   valid reason for being the way that they [TS]

00:28:07   are you know physics is complicated [TS]

00:28:09   engineering is hard i understand all [TS]

00:28:10   these things it's just that i finally [TS]

00:28:12   finally got to a point where I was ok [TS]

00:28:13   entrusting things like in this case what [TS]

00:28:16   you get your calendar [TS]

00:28:17   you got your communication device you [TS]

00:28:19   know all the ways we communicate with [TS]

00:28:20   other people on the go [TS]

00:28:22   I have entrusted to that thing and when [TS]

00:28:23   it does what happened with you we do [TS]

00:28:25   this do the troll ends up yelling at us [TS]

00:28:27   like what what did we do wrong in that [TS]

00:28:30   case [TS]

00:28:30   well in particular when you know the [TS]

00:28:32   Seattle is a microsoft town and so there [TS]

00:28:34   are a lot of people walking around now [TS]

00:28:37   with these these phones that are the [TS]

00:28:42   size of a of like a terabyte of look [TS]

00:28:48   like hard drive if you see phones i [TS]

00:28:50   think if you see phones or phablets as [TS]

00:28:53   we like to come if you see giant ass [TS]

00:28:55   phones that look like something a [TS]

00:28:57   cocktail waitress would use it's [TS]

00:28:59   probably a samsung running Android yeah [TS]

00:29:01   right it looks like something that you [TS]

00:29:02   would be handed at a museum to walk [TS]

00:29:05   around and get a guided tour of the art [TS]

00:29:08   or the paddleboat it's the size of a [TS]

00:29:10   vintage distortion box samsung big muff [TS]

00:29:17   yeah exactly it's the super funds [TS]

00:29:19   samsung and it uh it you know it glows [TS]

00:29:23   with this like almost television like [TS]

00:29:26   glow [TS]

00:29:27   yeah and so people are manipulating [TS]

00:29:29   these things in public places and it's [TS]

00:29:31   this giant like wow it's very impressive [TS]

00:29:35   just to see kind of out of the corner of [TS]

00:29:37   your on it is it does feel like the [TS]

00:29:38   future I'd like to thank the lady at the [TS]

00:29:39   muppet movie history for illuminating [TS]

00:29:41   the entire fucking theater while she [TS]

00:29:43   looked at her facebook for the first 20 [TS]

00:29:45   minutes in the movie uh I just want you [TS]

00:29:47   know that those are so much rightness [TS]

00:29:49   John I want to carry around a completely [TS]

00:29:52   operable fire hose with like a giant [TS]

00:29:56   fire truck outside full of water when I [TS]

00:29:58   could just like shit somebody like me [TS]

00:30:01   like that with just a just like a riot [TS]

00:30:03   control level of fire you think fire [TS]

00:30:06   engine stops working at thirty percent [TS]

00:30:07   power LOL no sirens going to talk about [TS]

00:30:10   the fire [TS]

00:30:11   sorry about the fire it but we have to [TS]

00:30:13   fix in the next month or so you know [TS]

00:30:15   what I mean that 777 flew all the way [TS]

00:30:17   down into the Indian Ocean because it [TS]

00:30:19   still had some gas i'm going to have [TS]

00:30:21   been kind of avoiding that but I do one [TS]

00:30:22   fact about everybody on the plane was [TS]

00:30:24   probably dead for hours but the plane [TS]

00:30:27   keeps flying probably put a little bit [TS]

00:30:29   of sriracha on this rice my wife and I [TS]

00:30:32   employ we have for a long time you know [TS]

00:30:34   when you got a person you got a kid you [TS]

00:30:36   got stuff really like to know where each [TS]

00:30:37   other are it's it's it's kinda creepy [TS]

00:30:40   but kind of cool and there's an apple as [TS]

00:30:42   an app on the iphone you can use where [TS]

00:30:44   you can allow people to see your [TS]

00:30:45   location and you can allow them to see [TS]

00:30:47   yours in theory it works really well so [TS]

00:30:50   you don't have to constantly how's it [TS]

00:30:51   going are you almost home right you can [TS]

00:30:53   see I can watch my wife on the bus like [TS]

00:30:54   you know going through the mission i can [TS]

00:30:56   see and so that's great and we have [TS]

00:30:58   consented to do that and you know we [TS]

00:31:01   kind of both said to each other hey if [TS]

00:31:02   you ever just want to disappear that's [TS]

00:31:03   fine but at the same time knowing what [TS]

00:31:06   happens with my wife's phone I I don't [TS]

00:31:08   compulsive about it but i'll go like oh [TS]

00:31:10   she's still in her after her exercise [TS]

00:31:12   class could i get home and do the dishes [TS]

00:31:13   before she gets her or whatever and and [TS]

00:31:15   the thing is though what happens with [TS]

00:31:18   your phone dies in that case when her [TS]

00:31:20   phone dies she's no longer seeable one [TS]

00:31:25   ok so that's important now I've relied [TS]

00:31:27   on this as a way to know where my wife [TS]

00:31:28   is [TS]

00:31:29   maybe bad on me because I'm a dummy the [TS]

00:31:31   point is that think about the cascade of [TS]

00:31:32   events when that happens my wife was [TS]

00:31:34   running home through the mission and [TS]

00:31:38   suddenly her location is not available [TS]

00:31:41   now I know I know that's probably [TS]

00:31:43   because her phone sucks [TS]

00:31:45   oh no this is the beginning of a Liam [TS]

00:31:47   Neeson milk [TS]

00:31:48   movie this is the taken that right i [TS]

00:31:50   think that is that a good movie [TS]

00:31:51   no I got I've never seen it but I can't [TS]

00:31:53   imagine it's good that he has to be [TS]

00:31:55   terrible but you know if you're like me [TS]

00:31:57   you always assume the worst conceivable [TS]

00:31:58   thing has always happened [TS]

00:32:00   absolutely some always a sandal man has [TS]

00:32:02   pulled up right that she's already [TS]

00:32:04   probably like making phones in in China [TS]

00:32:07   has been bundled off she's crossing [TS]

00:32:09   she's crossing in the Tijuana in a [TS]

00:32:11   50-gallon drum she's gonna she's gonna [TS]

00:32:14   play in a mariachi band for a drug lord [TS]

00:32:16   and but you know you got any way not to [TS]

00:32:19   belabor it but I mean you start to rely [TS]

00:32:20   on that just kind of go clip and if you [TS]

00:32:22   see like oh you know this person has [TS]

00:32:24   moved in a while or whatever in this [TS]

00:32:25   case now I also because her phone died i [TS]

00:32:28   have no way to contact her so that [TS]

00:32:30   anxiety multiplies for me and I maybe [TS]

00:32:33   that's silly you know that's not me of [TS]

00:32:35   course she gets home you know 45 minutes [TS]

00:32:37   later on my phone died [TS]

00:32:38   no I don't think it is dumb and I did [TS]

00:32:39   you know without getting too [TS]

00:32:41   conspiratorial the fact that we are now [TS]

00:32:43   like living in a state of well in a [TS]

00:32:48   state of constant anxiety is not bad for [TS]

00:32:53   our corporate overlords right and then [TS]

00:32:56   this is the this is the moment where we [TS]

00:32:58   veer off into the social your legs [TS]

00:33:00   you're drinking emotional saltwater that [TS]

00:33:02   like every other figures the oh yeah I [TS]

00:33:04   can understand why you're upset here's [TS]

00:33:05   the fix for that [TS]

00:33:06   Yeah right right and that's the and [TS]

00:33:08   that's that that's the tech response but [TS]

00:33:10   the tech response is always yeah it's [TS]

00:33:12   always like oh by a nap or by a by an [TS]

00:33:14   additional battery pack or by a adapter [TS]

00:33:17   or wait six months and will mostly kind [TS]

00:33:19   of fix this problem but but in fact i am [TS]

00:33:23   now I have a as a fully grown adult I [TS]

00:33:26   now him tethered to a thing and this was [TS]

00:33:29   this was my complaint when I wouldn't [TS]

00:33:32   know when the Walkman first came out in [TS]

00:33:34   1980 and I am I know you remember this [TS]

00:33:38   moment you the Walkman arrived on the [TS]

00:33:41   scene and at first it was inconceivable [TS]

00:33:45   that that of that much technology the [TS]

00:33:47   entire technology of a stereo system had [TS]

00:33:51   been reduced to the size of a paperback [TS]

00:33:53   book [TS]

00:33:54   difference for what you were coming like [TS]

00:33:56   custom like what you would think you [TS]

00:33:57   would pay for a crappy stereo you could [TS]

00:34:00   now have on your belt you can wear it on [TS]

00:34:02   your goddamn belt [TS]

00:34:04   listen to anything you want anytime you [TS]

00:34:05   want any time you wanted and all around [TS]

00:34:08   the city of Anchorage all the like all [TS]

00:34:13   the cool kids had Walkmans instantly and [TS]

00:34:17   I remember like being just in all of [TS]

00:34:23   this new capability and everyone was I [TS]

00:34:27   mean the entire world was just like you [TS]

00:34:30   mean I can just walk around listening to [TS]

00:34:33   my tapes and so I couldn't afford a [TS]

00:34:36   Walkman because it was a hundred bucks [TS]

00:34:39   or something which was a lot of money [TS]

00:34:40   even though it wasn't that much money [TS]

00:34:43   you know it was and I don't even think [TS]

00:34:45   it was a hundred bucks but it whatever [TS]

00:34:46   amount it was it was more than I was [TS]

00:34:48   prepared to spend it is what it is [TS]

00:34:49   definitely out of my reach [TS]

00:34:51   but I was at a i was actually at the [TS]

00:34:53   arcade playing elevator action one [TS]

00:34:57   afternoon I guess this is probably a pre [TS]

00:34:59   elevator action but i was at the [TS]

00:35:01   videogame arcade and I walked past a [TS]

00:35:05   store and they had a knockoff Walkman [TS]

00:35:07   for sale that act that included in [TS]

00:35:11   addition to a tape machine an am/fm [TS]

00:35:13   radio which really appealed to me [TS]

00:35:17   because of course you could be listening [TS]

00:35:19   to you could be it in the event of an [TS]

00:35:23   emergency you could you can tune to the [TS]

00:35:25   to the emergency Channel and and so and [TS]

00:35:29   you know if you get tired of your tapes [TS]

00:35:31   or whatever you can listen to the f MK [TS]

00:35:33   well 17.7 WHL okay well [TS]

00:35:37   and so I and that anything was it was [TS]

00:35:41   like it was fifteen or twenty dollars [TS]

00:35:44   new in the window of this place with and [TS]

00:35:47   for whatever reason at that point I had [TS]

00:35:49   that much money in my little velcro [TS]

00:35:52   wallet and I walked into this place in [TS]

00:35:54   that I was so astonished as I hand the [TS]

00:35:58   money over and they handed me this new [TS]

00:36:00   product that I i was making this adult [TS]

00:36:04   transaction I was buying into the future [TS]

00:36:07   right now that this technology was so [TS]

00:36:10   transformative and it had already gone [TS]

00:36:15   through the Maslow's seven stages of [TS]

00:36:17   technology and it was now but there was [TS]

00:36:20   a cheaper knockoff that was better [TS]

00:36:22   it was happening so fast i bought this [TS]

00:36:24   thing and I you know I I didn't have a [TS]

00:36:28   tape with me but I had the radio and i [TS]

00:36:31   put it I look I clipped it on my belt [TS]

00:36:33   like you were supposed to do but the [TS]

00:36:35   headphones on i'm walking down the [TS]

00:36:36   street listening to the radio and it's [TS]

00:36:38   like my black-and-white world went into [TS]

00:36:41   Technicolor yeah I'm listening to music [TS]

00:36:44   as i'm walking down the street [TS]

00:36:47   hello are you ready for the future [TS]

00:36:50   hands-free you're not holding a radio [TS]

00:36:51   i'm not i'm just walking like arm [TS]

00:36:53   swinging and I'm listening to a Uriah [TS]

00:36:57   Heep and it's and and I had never had my [TS]

00:37:02   own life soundtrack before and now I'm [TS]

00:37:06   realizing that I am living a dramatic [TS]

00:37:09   life to like my my progress walking down [TS]

00:37:13   fireweed boulevard in Anchorage is now [TS]

00:37:15   cinematic because as I jump off the you [TS]

00:37:20   know as I jump off this but the sidewalk [TS]

00:37:22   into the street into the muddy Street I [TS]

00:37:25   have a big guitar part to emphasize it [TS]

00:37:29   and I was so thrilled and for a week or [TS]

00:37:34   whatever I walked around with this thing [TS]

00:37:35   just like it never got old it was [TS]

00:37:38   tremendous and then the batteries died [TS]

00:37:43   and I was like whatever it costs and [TS]

00:37:47   went to the grocery store and I realized [TS]

00:37:52   what batteries cost which at the time [TS]

00:37:55   was just as they are now pretty [TS]

00:38:00   exhibited relative to the cost of the [TS]

00:38:02   device itself and if you're if you're [TS]

00:38:04   using that thing and fast forwarding and [TS]

00:38:06   rewinding you should really go through [TS]

00:38:08   well that's the thing so i started using [TS]

00:38:09   tapes instead of once i got home i [TS]

00:38:11   started using tips instead of instead of [TS]

00:38:14   a listen to the radio and i think i've [TS]

00:38:16   run out of batteries and replace them [TS]

00:38:18   with some batteries we had in the house [TS]

00:38:19   and had run through those batteries and [TS]

00:38:22   now I was responsible for buying my own [TS]

00:38:24   batteries to put into the Machine and [TS]

00:38:26   when I saw the price of batteries and I [TS]

00:38:28   reflected on how quickly i had run [TS]

00:38:31   through two sets of batteries [TS]

00:38:33   I realized oh my god this technology is [TS]

00:38:39   so this is basically just a battery [TS]

00:38:43   using device the reason to put reason [TS]

00:38:46   that this thing was $14 twenties like [TS]

00:38:49   it's a cipher yeah this was this is a [TS]

00:38:52   loss leader for battery companies and [TS]

00:38:56   I'm sure that whatever the company is [TS]

00:38:58   that made this machine for so cheap that [TS]

00:39:02   it's just a front company for ever ready [TS]

00:39:06   I don't know if they still make every [TS]

00:39:09   batteries but as look at all right a [TS]

00:39:13   little black cat like the cat but uh but [TS]

00:39:16   i think i might have I might have that [TS]

00:39:18   in that moment still been so in raptured [TS]

00:39:21   by this technology that I was like I [TS]

00:39:23   will buy these but i will buy five [TS]

00:39:25   dollars with the batteries for my $15 [TS]

00:39:27   tape machine and by the time those [TS]

00:39:30   batteries ran out again I the the [TS]

00:39:35   feeling of betrayal or the feeling of [TS]

00:39:37   having been roped in to a kind of thing [TS]

00:39:41   where they are giving me this wonderful [TS]

00:39:43   experience and all i need to do is is [TS]

00:39:48   just start directing [TS]

00:39:50   a constant stream of my resources to [TS]

00:39:54   ward them and they will just pirate my [TS]

00:39:56   resources and in return they will give [TS]

00:39:59   me this this like drug-like [TS]

00:40:02   transformation that I can have music [TS]

00:40:04   with me all the time and realizing that [TS]

00:40:08   realizing that that was the that was the [TS]

00:40:11   transaction and that if I if I mentally [TS]

00:40:16   acquiesced to this that I was I had [TS]

00:40:20   basically handcuffed myself to you know [TS]

00:40:25   not just to the device but to the whole [TS]

00:40:27   support system and I would never be free [TS]

00:40:31   and i put my Walkman on the shelf [TS]

00:40:35   I put my dead battery walking on the [TS]

00:40:37   shelf and I was like I can live without [TS]

00:40:39   that I can live without it because i [TS]

00:40:42   can't because it is to the degree to [TS]

00:40:45   which I am like mourning the loss of us [TS]

00:40:49   a constant soundtrack i cannot sell my [TS]

00:40:54   soul that cheaply and I feel that I have [TS]

00:40:59   felt that way about every new technology [TS]

00:41:02   just as just as I and it took me many [TS]

00:41:05   years to retro actively connect my [TS]

00:41:08   experience as a drug user to that [TS]

00:41:10   experience of just like yes the drug [TS]

00:41:13   does this amazing thing but you are hand [TS]

00:41:18   cutting yourself to it and to the unit [TS]

00:41:22   to the that whole complex relationship [TS]

00:41:25   of like these are my resources i am [TS]

00:41:27   giving away in order to have this and [TS]

00:41:31   the and the trade is never worth it but [TS]

00:41:34   now at 45 years old they finally got me [TS]

00:41:37   with this goddamn phone and I am [TS]

00:41:40   100-percent tied now to this to this [TS]

00:41:43   machine and all the support network and [TS]

00:41:47   all of that you know in the end the [TS]

00:41:49   promise I remember sitting in your [TS]

00:41:52   kitchen and you describing for me that [TS]

00:41:58   right over the horizon there was gonna [TS]

00:42:01   be a time when your phone and your [TS]

00:42:04   computer or synced & that if you end [TS]

00:42:09   their calendar on your computer and your [TS]

00:42:11   photographs and all the things that were [TS]

00:42:13   on your computer were also going to be [TS]

00:42:15   on your phone and they would talk to [TS]

00:42:16   each other and I was like what you know [TS]

00:42:20   this is back when phones had two sides [TS]

00:42:24   and even in that particular dream would [TS]

00:42:28   involve like lots of cables and [TS]

00:42:30   third-party software but still you could [TS]

00:42:33   even conceptually take the world of your [TS]

00:42:35   desk and and bring it with you when you [TS]

00:42:38   go somewhere like on a trip was [TS]

00:42:40   completely mind-boggling [TS]

00:42:41   yeah and you were you were describing [TS]

00:42:43   and you were like this is this is not a [TS]

00:42:45   fantasy [TS]

00:42:46   this is happening and I was just like [TS]

00:42:49   and i think i spent a year or two then [TS]

00:42:52   like I'm not going to upgrade my phone [TS]

00:42:54   i'm going to wait until the phone comes [TS]

00:42:56   out that can talk to my computer but [TS]

00:43:00   with every step of this you know this [TS]

00:43:02   tying together of things it's just like [TS]

00:43:04   well now i need to upgrade my other [TS]

00:43:06   thing and now i need to buy the other [TS]

00:43:08   upgrade and now i'm just like the [TS]

00:43:12   octopus of of the octopus of like half [TS]

00:43:18   agreed to up end user agreements who you [TS]

00:43:24   know unread and user agreements is just [TS]

00:43:27   is just slowly it's like that it's just [TS]

00:43:30   like it's like a creeping vine that is [TS]

00:43:32   slowly squeezing the life out of me [TS]

00:43:35   it was only a few hundred dollars to get [TS]

00:43:38   started a kid cervix so right it's all a [TS]

00:43:41   loss leader and I feel like now it's not [TS]

00:43:43   the battery companies it's a loss leader [TS]

00:43:45   for the Illuminati haha ah man I had a I [TS]

00:44:01   used to try and read the agreements [TS]

00:44:03   no well you know there's a time when [TS]

00:44:05   they were little more you know modest [TS]

00:44:07   and coming up and a booklet you can flip [TS]

00:44:08   through into the headings on my little [TS]

00:44:11   love set-top box of a set-top box called [TS]

00:44:14   a roku which is like an apple TV and [TS]

00:44:16   there was some kind of an update in the [TS]

00:44:19   software and I&I it's like you know it's [TS]

00:44:21   going to change in the terms you read [TS]

00:44:24   this and click to agree and of course [TS]

00:44:26   they conveniently have a i have read and [TS]

00:44:28   great deal is right there yeah yeah but [TS]

00:44:31   then I noticed it was the weather was on [TS]

00:44:32   screen was page screen one of I think [TS]

00:44:35   was a hundred and six I would have had [TS]

00:44:38   to read 106 screens to read the entire [TS]

00:44:41   agreement let me just ah I got my [TS]

00:44:43   redline version here to question what [TS]

00:44:47   force medjool before I agree to live a [TS]

00:44:52   lot of the target somebody from tech [TS]

00:44:54   support [TS]

00:44:55   what if you had a chance to look at my [TS]

00:44:56   corrections oh no no no no really it [TS]

00:45:00   it's like it's like our are you ready to [TS]

00:45:02   put your hand into machine yes or no [TS]

00:45:03   that's exactly right are you ready to [TS]

00:45:05   put your hand into the stump and if you [TS]

00:45:10   put your hand in and pull it back out [TS]

00:45:12   and cover with the data and if you have [TS]

00:45:16   not if it's things you then then I guess [TS]

00:45:20   you die and then yeah then your that you [TS]

00:45:23   don't you don't join the clan of the [TS]

00:45:25   Birdman [TS]

00:45:27   Merlin what can I say no I know I know [TS]

00:45:36   and you know that here's the thing is if [TS]

00:45:39   it were like let's say for example this [TS]

00:45:43   will not be a huge amount to you because [TS]

00:45:44   you weren't into this stuff then but [TS]

00:45:46   feel that this one 1999 in 1999 there [TS]

00:45:49   were all these layers of hacks that [TS]

00:45:51   enabled certain interesting things to [TS]

00:45:52   happen like in 1999 you could have a [TS]

00:45:55   modem at your house that would let you [TS]

00:45:57   use your telephone system to get on the [TS]

00:46:01   internet which is pretty hockey but it [TS]

00:46:03   worked I mean think about it I mean [TS]

00:46:04   that's a pretty unconventional thing to [TS]

00:46:06   do in a home the kind of thing where 10 [TS]

00:46:08   years earlier you would have sounded [TS]

00:46:09   like the weirdest person in the world to [TS]

00:46:11   say no i'm sorry i can't take calls for [TS]

00:46:14   hours a day because i'm using this [TS]

00:46:15   device to have a computer connect to a [TS]

00:46:17   network with us so strange she would [TS]

00:46:19   somebody would seem like a guy that had [TS]

00:46:20   a us a dandy sweatshirt and so but that [TS]

00:46:26   was a hack and that worked i think about [TS]

00:46:28   stuff like the mp3 devices you know for [TS]

00:46:31   listening like to mp3's and it was a [TS]

00:46:33   pretty great thing that you know you [TS]

00:46:35   could have together this system for [TS]

00:46:37   getting your cds into mp3's and if [TS]

00:46:40   you're a little more gray hat you can go [TS]

00:46:42   get them for free off of the internet [TS]

00:46:44   and you can connect this wire up and he [TS]

00:46:46   had this extra software you be able to [TS]

00:46:47   connect into this but it was really like [TS]

00:46:49   a series of hacks so I really felt like [TS]

00:46:50   all on when that all worked and you can [TS]

00:46:52   even take that a few years forward to [TS]

00:46:54   the early days of like PDA sinking where [TS]

00:46:56   you know anytime I wanted to sing my [TS]

00:46:57   palm pilot with my Mac put in the cradle [TS]

00:47:00   you had to do this there's all kinds of [TS]

00:47:02   stuff as you know over the years even as [TS]

00:47:03   a recent mac user you know that his [TS]

00:47:05   computer users constant stuff we gotta [TS]

00:47:06   go I probably go delete this violence [TS]

00:47:08   try it again that kind of thing happens [TS]

00:47:09   and you live with that right because you [TS]

00:47:11   like okay this is something where like [TS]

00:47:12   this really kind of feels this is a [TS]

00:47:14   little magical but I'm able to do this [TS]

00:47:16   i'll put up with them some stuff to do [TS]

00:47:18   it and so anyway we're trying to get is [TS]

00:47:20   that the irony is that like back then [TS]

00:47:22   when stuff didn't work right or you [TS]

00:47:23   ended up with five copies of the same [TS]

00:47:24   contact you kind of write it down to the [TS]

00:47:27   happiness of it and saying like well you [TS]

00:47:30   know this this they really developed [TS]

00:47:33   this system for windows first and [TS]

00:47:34   there's this wackadoodle third-party [TS]

00:47:36   software they put together so it even [TS]

00:47:37   works at all on a mac so I should just [TS]

00:47:39   be grateful [TS]

00:47:40   yeah it's still bicycle [TS]

00:47:41   Howard yeah and I i really don't i'm not [TS]

00:47:43   i don't mean this as like a huge [TS]

00:47:45   indictment but it is a statement of fact [TS]

00:47:48   that I think lines up with what you're [TS]

00:47:50   saying which is it is weird that we've [TS]

00:47:52   gotten to a point where we've gotten ok [TS]

00:47:55   with pouring really well I know like [TS]

00:47:58   compared to a Walkman it's pretty [TS]

00:47:59   amazing what you can do with an iphone [TS]

00:48:01   but still they're not cheap to go out [TS]

00:48:02   and buy these devices it's not cheap to [TS]

00:48:04   buy apps for them in my case it has not [TS]

00:48:06   been cheap to go to go cock deep in the [TS]

00:48:09   act Apple ecosystem for things like I've [TS]

00:48:11   bought over a hundred movies on itunes [TS]

00:48:13   and I couldn't watch on those devices [TS]

00:48:15   isn't it well yeah I can also download [TS]

00:48:18   and do magic with them that's a little [TS]

00:48:19   bit grey hat but you know the point is I [TS]

00:48:22   i have gotten into that because it is [TS]

00:48:24   trying to say is it used to be that you [TS]

00:48:26   had to be a hobbyist in order to make [TS]

00:48:30   any of that stuff works the same way [TS]

00:48:31   that if you wanted a nice high five and [TS]

00:48:33   the fifties you have to be willing to go [TS]

00:48:35   get a kit and put it together right you [TS]

00:48:36   wanted to have a home computer [TS]

00:48:37   quote-unquote in the seventies for a [TS]

00:48:40   long time you would have to go as a [TS]

00:48:41   hobbyist and go make that thing yourself [TS]

00:48:42   and so you learned a lot about it maybe [TS]

00:48:45   you're not like an IBM engineer but you [TS]

00:48:46   could put it together you know i bet [TS]

00:48:48   your mom could have put together a [TS]

00:48:49   computer pretty good in there in the [TS]

00:48:51   early to mid seventies for you but you [TS]

00:48:53   know the but i'm getting to the obvious [TS]

00:48:55   irony here which is that there's one [TS]

00:48:57   company is putting all of that that's [TS]

00:48:59   organizing all of that and integrating [TS]

00:49:01   all that force and for for the last for [TS]

00:49:04   like for like five or six years it [TS]

00:49:06   really felt like man what a solid [TS]

00:49:08   amazing device this is I mean they [TS]

00:49:10   really hit it out of the park that but [TS]

00:49:11   the battery life is so long [TS]

00:49:13   it looks so much better than all the [TS]

00:49:14   other things it really is the iphone is [TS]

00:49:16   the industry leader in in half a dozen [TS]

00:49:19   ways with these kinds of devices and and [TS]

00:49:22   what made it great [TS]

00:49:23   I've not to go to tech here but what [TS]

00:49:25   made it great was the total integration [TS]

00:49:26   it was apple software running on Apple's [TS]

00:49:29   firmware on Apple's hardware with apples [TS]

00:49:31   manufacturing and QA QC and it was just [TS]

00:49:34   the fact that we were able to hand over [TS]

00:49:35   that money and Trust to them give my [TS]

00:49:38   keys get me the tracksuit and i will cut [TS]

00:49:41   my penis off and go with Apple behind [TS]

00:49:44   the hell Bob comet i am a member [TS]

00:49:46   yeah right i think that day I mean you [TS]

00:49:49   know I know you've-you've sometimes [TS]

00:49:51   like a lot of people struggle with [TS]

00:49:53   devices but i have to say that up until [TS]

00:49:54   a couple years ago [TS]

00:49:56   it all felt pretty solid and around the [TS]

00:49:59   time that they introduced I don't know [TS]

00:50:00   if you do or did this but around the [TS]

00:50:02   time they and whenever they introduced [TS]

00:50:04   Wi-Fi sinking 20 and iOS devices to [TS]

00:50:07   where you could have syncing between [TS]

00:50:09   your computer and your iphone without [TS]

00:50:11   having to hook it up that I think that [TS]

00:50:14   felt like the singularity at that point [TS]

00:50:16   I really felt like we had gotten to a [TS]

00:50:17   point of magic you can update apps and [TS]

00:50:19   you know I always so I know it all comes [TS]

00:50:21   at different times but it's just really [TS]

00:50:22   maybe it's maybe it's me because that's [TS]

00:50:25   the well stroll the well stroll says [TS]

00:50:27   maybe it's me but now today I have so [TS]

00:50:31   much less confidence in a basic thing [TS]

00:50:33   the most basic thing which is that when [TS]

00:50:34   i turn this on [TS]

00:50:35   i'm going to quickly be able to do a [TS]

00:50:37   thing that used to seem kind of simple [TS]

00:50:38   and I just feel like my confidence in [TS]

00:50:41   picking that thing up and knowing that [TS]

00:50:43   everything is going to go okay has [TS]

00:50:45   dropped probably thirty percent in the [TS]

00:50:47   last two years and I you know again she [TS]

00:50:50   can come up with a reason for why every [TS]

00:50:51   single thing including pilot error [TS]

00:50:53   behind the keyboard whatever you want to [TS]

00:50:54   call it but all I know is that like at [TS]

00:50:56   least 25 or more percent of my [TS]

00:50:58   confidence level has dropped as my [TS]

00:51:00   appletv can't get to itunes because it's [TS]

00:51:02   quote currently unavailable [TS]

00:51:04   where I suddenly let me know my wife's [TS]

00:51:07   phone dies at thirty percent power I [TS]

00:51:08   know there's a reason for all of those [TS]

00:51:10   but I maybe it's just because i use it [TS]

00:51:12   more that I notice it now but I that [TS]

00:51:15   confidence is not where it used to be [TS]

00:51:17   and with there was a time when I could [TS]

00:51:19   have said well maybe this didn't work [TS]

00:51:21   because of my apple computer maybe it [TS]

00:51:22   didn't work because of my Hayes modem [TS]

00:51:24   maybe it didn't work because of this [TS]

00:51:26   really cheap cord that I got to go [TS]

00:51:27   between them [TS]

00:51:28   maybe it's because my local service [TS]

00:51:30   provider for the internet is is oversold [TS]

00:51:32   and is dropping connections because the [TS]

00:51:34   quality is not good who knows why but I [TS]

00:51:36   could find half a dozen reasons why it [TS]

00:51:38   just didn't work and now today it's hard [TS]

00:51:41   not to kind of point a finger a little [TS]

00:51:42   bit and say you guys this is all stuff [TS]

00:51:47   that you have chosen to take control of [TS]

00:51:49   and give me no way of getting my hands [TS]

00:51:51   around right [TS]

00:51:52   I can't go see what's inside the apps i [TS]

00:51:54   can go debug what's going on with this I [TS]

00:51:56   could look at this console log and try [TS]

00:51:58   to figure out what all this stuff means [TS]

00:52:00   you can you tell what currently [TS]

00:52:02   unavailable me [TS]

00:52:03   you know you can available means to me a [TS]

00:52:06   guy who went to college and his has [TS]

00:52:08   worked on computers love full time since [TS]

00:52:10   1989 for me that means i turn off two [TS]

00:52:13   power strips count to ten sing the [TS]

00:52:15   bridge from september's girls by big [TS]

00:52:17   star and then I turn it back on right [TS]

00:52:19   and then eighty-five percent of the time [TS]

00:52:21   it works [TS]

00:52:22   yep well i for for me the like for [TS]

00:52:27   instance i was thinking about this the [TS]

00:52:28   other day i have been using my calendar [TS]

00:52:30   as a diary for a while for as long as [TS]

00:52:36   I've had a iphone calendar and and and [TS]

00:52:39   before that i went into my calendar in [TS]

00:52:43   my computer even as long ago as 10 years [TS]

00:52:46   ago and went back and kind of retro [TS]

00:52:49   actively had scroll back through the [TS]

00:52:52   years and retro actively put in all the [TS]

00:52:56   kind of important dates of my life that [TS]

00:52:58   I wanted to remember the date going back [TS]

00:53:01   to the seventies invest in the in my mac [TS]

00:53:04   calendar and I didn't quite understand [TS]

00:53:07   how to use the different colors of like [TS]

00:53:10   well this is a work thing and this is a [TS]

00:53:12   poem thing so a lot of the old stuff [TS]

00:53:15   that I put in there like that that the [TS]

00:53:18   day I lost my front tooth for the first [TS]

00:53:20   time mark 17 1970s my front seat for the [TS]

00:53:24   first the day you know the day that [TS]

00:53:28   Kelly started going out with David [TS]

00:53:31   breast and ruined my teenage life she [TS]

00:53:34   took a chunk out each on she really did [TS]

00:53:36   you know I put all those dates into my [TS]

00:53:39   calendar because I because my whole life [TS]

00:53:42   I've I've been kept you know like 1980 [TS]

00:53:45   is this great cut off because 1980 [TS]

00:53:48   office Lee is a nice round number [TS]

00:53:50   it was the year that reagan was elected [TS]

00:53:53   to the presidency [TS]

00:53:55   it was the year that I i graduated from [TS]

00:53:59   sixth grade in the spring of nineteen [TS]

00:54:01   eighty and started seventh grade in the [TS]

00:54:05   fall of nineteen eighty [TS]

00:54:07   so 1980 in in the cosmology of my in the [TS]

00:54:12   in the in the mapping of time in my own [TS]

00:54:15   mind 1980 is a corner [TS]

00:54:19   I don't know if you map things I [TS]

00:54:21   absolutely do a map time in your yeah [TS]

00:54:24   always have but it's a corner and it's [TS]

00:54:27   also kind of a rounded corner but it's a [TS]

00:54:30   you know it's a very prominent little [TS]

00:54:32   well up really promontory in my in the [TS]

00:54:39   geography of time in my mind 1980 and so [TS]

00:54:41   if I'm like well what year was not what [TS]

00:54:45   get what day was the day when I but I [TS]

00:54:48   started 1980 and I go right 80 81 81 82 [TS]

00:54:51   7 8th grade then I started high school [TS]

00:54:54   in the fall of 82 and from there I can [TS]

00:54:58   count this way or that and figure out [TS]

00:55:00   what the dates are anyway all that stuff [TS]

00:55:02   is in my calendar and and for the last [TS]

00:55:05   five years I've also been adding every [TS]

00:55:08   little dumb thing i do so that if I find [TS]

00:55:11   a receipt in a box and I'm like wait a [TS]

00:55:13   minute when was I ever in indianapolis [TS]

00:55:15   did I ever go to a sushi restaurant in [TS]

00:55:17   indianapolis that violates five core [TS]

00:55:20   rules never get seafood in inland state [TS]

00:55:23   you know never ever get sushi [TS]

00:55:25   Indianapolis never eat at Indiana how [TS]

00:55:29   did I where did this receipt come from i [TS]

00:55:31   go in i scroll back in my calendar and [TS]

00:55:33   I'm like oh right i was with joe / nice [TS]

00:55:36   and got a flat tire that day and we [TS]

00:55:39   didn't actually get sushi at that place [TS]

00:55:41   it was it was a sushi taco restaurant [TS]

00:55:44   and we got tacos on the taco side [TS]

00:55:46   forever but all of that all of that [TS]

00:55:49   information the value of which vastly [TS]

00:55:53   exceeds its like they it's useful value [TS]

00:55:58   like it is it is emotional value to me [TS]

00:56:02   it is biographical value it is i could [TS]

00:56:07   probably reproduce a lot of the big [TS]

00:56:09   dates but I'm never ever going to [TS]

00:56:11   remember I was in Indianapolis with [TS]

00:56:13   Joker nissan you know in in june of 2002 [TS]

00:56:17   or what [TS]

00:56:18   that is all stored now in the cloud the [TS]

00:56:25   cow it's stored in the cleared and I do [TS]

00:56:28   not believe in the cloud [TS]

00:56:30   I do not trust the cloud I think the [TS]

00:56:32   cloud is a giant fucking ripoff and the [TS]

00:56:35   cloud is just is just a system by which [TS]

00:56:38   these companies are are jostling with [TS]

00:56:41   one another to charge us fees to charge [TS]

00:56:45   us access fees to the cloud and i will [TS]

00:56:48   put all of this information into my [TS]

00:56:50   system they will migrate it to the cloud [TS]

00:56:53   and then one day they're going to slam a [TS]

00:56:57   door shut and go oh do you want that [TS]

00:56:59   stuff that's in the cloud [TS]

00:57:00   well you have to pay the cloud access [TS]

00:57:03   fee and i'm going to say what [TS]

00:57:06   no you didn't do that for me you didn't [TS]

00:57:08   put that there for me i put it into my [TS]

00:57:11   things i did a ton of work to organize [TS]

00:57:15   my life and I never asked it to be in [TS]

00:57:18   the clade you just put it there and now [TS]

00:57:21   you're charging me to get it and fuck [TS]

00:57:24   you forever a thousand million times [TS]

00:57:27   because that information i should have [TS]

00:57:31   just written down in a book and would [TS]

00:57:33   have at any time up until just recently [TS]

00:57:37   and-and-and would have carried that book [TS]

00:57:40   with me as i did with the paper [TS]

00:57:42   calendars and now i'm not you know so so [TS]

00:57:46   I have it's again it's like now I am [TS]

00:57:49   buying ever ready stock basically and [TS]

00:57:52   I'm just hoping that the cloud survives [TS]

00:57:56   because I know that it's an interim idea [TS]

00:57:58   and I know that eventually there will be [TS]

00:58:01   no hard drive and it will all be stored [TS]

00:58:06   it will all be encoded into into like [TS]

00:58:11   millennia computer or whatever like [TS]

00:58:14   about what we're trying to say notnot [TS]

00:58:18   phantom computers but um [TS]

00:58:23   huh I got one big God computer like God [TS]

00:58:26   computer like a i'm thinking of you move [TS]

00:58:29   your reference taking come it's a [TS]

00:58:32   quantum computers they're all just about [TS]

00:58:35   the Internet of quanta yeah made of [TS]

00:58:37   quanta wear it wear it where it's the [TS]

00:58:39   fifth the shrowde burgers cat hm it's a [TS]

00:58:44   is alive or dead and that is how my [TS]

00:58:47   calendar is saved in the computer [TS]

00:58:51   I wish you'd read the spec for the [TS]

00:58:52   goddamn Schrodinger burgers cat can't [TS]

00:58:57   count that that's alive or dead i don't [TS]

00:58:58   know and i can't access my clothes [TS]

00:59:01   uh he might be in there that's exactly I [TS]

00:59:04   I can't even tell if he's alive I think [TS]

00:59:05   he might be in the cloud I'm not sure [TS]

00:59:07   he's in a clue what about photos you [TS]

00:59:08   feel great about your photos on your [TS]

00:59:10   phone you on the phone you lost your [TS]

00:59:13   phone you know you got to get your [TS]

00:59:14   photos [TS]

00:59:14   well here Leslie here's what happened so [TS]

00:59:17   we were on the Oregon coast around [TS]

00:59:19   Christmas and I'm out there and we're [TS]

00:59:22   out on the the the mudflat you know the [TS]

00:59:25   Oregon coast is this fantastic place [TS]

00:59:27   it's really one of the great places in [TS]

00:59:29   the world and what's wonderful about it [TS]

00:59:31   is that the beaches are very very flat [TS]

00:59:34   and shallow so when the tide goes out [TS]

00:59:36   the tide goes way out and it goes and [TS]

00:59:40   then keep going [TS]

00:59:41   so you can stand on the beach at the [TS]

00:59:43   point where high tide is and when the [TS]

00:59:46   tide is fully out you can't even see you [TS]

00:59:47   can see the surf like in them bury [TS]

00:59:49   system you know like the shimmering [TS]

00:59:52   distance [TS]

00:59:53   wow so you have this fantastic like wet [TS]

00:59:57   flat sand [TS]

00:59:57   flat sand [TS]

01:00:00   stretching to infinity and so we're out [TS]

01:00:03   on the sand and my daughter and I are [TS]

01:00:06   out there walking around and we're [TS]

01:00:08   looking at little crabs and spoken in [TS]

01:00:11   the beginning scene where the little [TS]

01:00:12   clams are purse spurting and having a [TS]

01:00:15   good time but one of the other factors [TS]

01:00:20   of the organ coast is when the tide is [TS]

01:00:22   all the way out every hundredth wave is [TS]

01:00:27   a rogue wave and if you're beaches a [TS]

01:00:31   mile wide and super flat and up and an [TS]

01:00:34   outsize wave comes it can travel [TS]

01:00:37   hundreds of yards wow I hundreds of [TS]

01:00:40   yards further than what you are assuming [TS]

01:00:43   is the tide line at any given moment so [TS]

01:00:46   she and I are out walking on the beach [TS]

01:00:48   to poop derpa derpa derp looking and [TS]

01:00:50   poking it at crabs and going like a look [TS]

01:00:53   at this and she's like oh wow pvp and [TS]

01:00:56   i'm filming her walking on the beach and [TS]

01:01:00   all of a sudden I look up and here comes [TS]

01:01:02   a 2 foot wave and I've got the camera [TS]

01:01:09   pointed at her and I see this thing and [TS]

01:01:14   she looks up and sees this wave and I'm [TS]

01:01:17   15 feet from her at this point and i go [TS]

01:01:22   one knowing that she's two-and-a-half [TS]

01:01:27   cannot outrun the wave does not even [TS]

01:01:30   understand it with that command from [TS]

01:01:33   daddy might just run to work the wave [TS]

01:01:35   and she like takes a step to the left [TS]

01:01:38   takes a step to the right and the wave [TS]

01:01:40   hits her and this is this is New Year's [TS]

01:01:45   it's not a warm wave em and she goes as [TS]

01:01:51   you can imagine like apeshit and she [TS]

01:01:54   tries to step she tries to keep her feet [TS]

01:01:56   and you know one second two seconds [TS]

01:02:01   three seconds she's she's fighting to [TS]

01:02:03   mention she's 20 and she decides to nap [TS]

01:02:06   she's fighting the wave and daddy is [TS]

01:02:08   like holy shit and trying to get to her [TS]

01:02:11   and just as I arrived at her she goes [TS]

01:02:15   down into the water and I have this [TS]

01:02:18   daddy moment where I'm like I've just [TS]

01:02:21   lost my daughter to Poseidon and I [TS]

01:02:24   grabbed her out of the froth and she [TS]

01:02:28   said it isn't the look on her face [TS]

01:02:30   tremendous and she is berserk and I am [TS]

01:02:35   desert with panic and of course all the [TS]

01:02:38   women folk who are part of my tribe who [TS]

01:02:42   had the good sense not to be anywhere [TS]

01:02:43   near the intertidal zone are standing up [TS]

01:02:47   on the dry sand shrieking and I'm like I [TS]

01:02:51   gotcha I gotcha [TS]

01:02:52   we're fine we're fine and she's like [TS]

01:02:55   kicking and going crazy and I carrier up [TS]

01:02:58   the beach and then the other last [TS]

01:03:02   salient feature of the oregon coast is [TS]

01:03:04   that there are sand dunes where we were [TS]

01:03:07   staying there sand dunes that are maybe [TS]

01:03:10   a quarter of a mile that we have to have [TS]

01:03:13   to traverse to get back to the the town [TS]

01:03:17   so I'm carrying this very wet very cold [TS]

01:03:20   very angry child and I put her inside my [TS]

01:03:24   coat and I'm the whole time I'm talking [TS]

01:03:26   to her like it's okay you're fine that [TS]

01:03:28   that's sometimes the waves this is the [TS]

01:03:31   thing about the ocean the ocean is [TS]

01:03:32   wonderful but sometimes the waves are [TS]

01:03:35   unpredictable and daddy really failed to [TS]

01:03:38   protect you from that way but it's also [TS]

01:03:41   good to remember the sea cannot be [TS]

01:03:43   trusted to not ever put your faith in [TS]

01:03:46   the sea he learned two valuable lessons [TS]

01:03:49   about a dress today I don't trust daddy [TS]

01:03:52   and don't let that sit because their [TS]

01:03:54   trust anything but you can trust me now [TS]

01:03:56   that I'm going to get you home and into [TS]

01:03:57   the bath [TS]

01:03:59   well six months later I'm going through [TS]

01:04:03   my photos and i realize that i was [TS]

01:04:08   filming her when she was hit by that [TS]

01:04:10   wave and then get intended and then I [TS]

01:04:14   immediately threw my phone in the in the [TS]

01:04:18   big pocket of my of my parka but it was [TS]

01:04:23   still running and so there is a film of [TS]

01:04:29   you know my baby walking down the beach [TS]

01:04:31   me talking to her were talking about [TS]

01:04:33   crabs and then [TS]

01:04:34   oh shit a rogue wave baby gets hit with [TS]

01:04:39   rogue wave and phone immediately goes [TS]

01:04:41   dark as it goes into my pocket but then [TS]

01:04:44   there's an hour and a half of audio of [TS]

01:04:47   me saying it's alright don't trust the [TS]

01:04:50   sea and don't trust daddy at but you [TS]

01:04:53   have to trust daddy this is the paradox [TS]

01:04:55   of life and really we depend on the sea [TS]

01:04:59   I know you're not going to understand [TS]

01:05:01   this for a while you know like dad just [TS]

01:05:03   you must have had a gentleman pumping [TS]

01:05:04   all-time yourself well but I'm like that [TS]

01:05:07   partly i am like calming my adrenaline [TS]

01:05:09   by explaining to my daughter that the [TS]

01:05:12   that the world is full of rogue waves [TS]

01:05:15   and you know when you hear the kind of [TS]

01:05:18   corduroy of of my wet pants as I'm [TS]

01:05:22   walking through the dunes work block [TS]

01:05:25   floor work carrying this like and she [TS]

01:05:28   and you can hear her screaming and then [TS]

01:05:30   you hear calm down here listening to the [TS]

01:05:32   story of the sea and what just happened [TS]

01:05:34   and so forth and so I have all this i [TS]

01:05:37   have this movie that's an hour and a [TS]

01:05:39   half long which itunes refuses to import [TS]

01:05:44   into my computer because too long and so [TS]

01:05:50   I go to the editing function like the [TS]

01:05:54   trim function on the on the photo app [TS]

01:05:59   and I say well I can trim off the last [TS]

01:06:03   now I can trim off the last hour of this [TS]

01:06:06   or whatever because it's just audio [TS]

01:06:08   sitting in a wet coat hanging on a peg [TS]

01:06:12   well you know the well basically the [TS]

01:06:16   women folk sit in the kitchen and talk [TS]

01:06:18   about what a bad father I am and the the [TS]

01:06:22   trim function says it requires too much [TS]

01:06:25   memory to trim this movie so you cannot [TS]

01:06:30   trim it might all right you won't import [TS]

01:06:34   it but you won't let me edit it and the [TS]

01:06:39   the key bit you know the key first 10 [TS]

01:06:42   minutes of this is something i would [TS]

01:06:44   like to keep quite frankly i would like [TS]

01:06:46   to keep this video of her getting hit by [TS]

01:06:48   the wave because it's because the story [TS]

01:06:51   is going to come up again but i cannot i [TS]

01:06:55   cannot employ can't get it off my phone [TS]

01:06:58   and I can't and I can't edit it to get [TS]

01:07:03   it off my phone and I honestly don't [TS]

01:07:05   know what to do [TS]

01:07:06   it's just sitting there it's not going [TS]

01:07:08   this is the thing it's not gone yet but [TS]

01:07:11   but my presumption is one day something [TS]

01:07:14   will go back and then it'll just be like [TS]

01:07:18   lost forever [TS]

01:07:20   it's like an astronaut on the moon were [TS]

01:07:22   like we're pretty sure they're still [TS]

01:07:23   alive but we don't have a way to get to [TS]

01:07:25   the up that's right that's right you're [TS]

01:07:27   just waiting for the oxygen to run out [TS]

01:07:29   my god [TS]

01:07:30   and you know what what are my options [TS]

01:07:33   i'm sure that's I'm sure that siracusa [TS]

01:07:35   is gonna write me an angry letter saying [TS]

01:07:40   that's not how you pronounce my name [TS]

01:07:45   [Music] [TS]