0:00:00hello hey John I Merlin hello
0:00:15ya got what I need but you say he's just
0:00:22a friend
0:00:23ya bizz Markie yes
0:00:28Biz Markie say I was just listening to
0:00:32some fizz Marquis yeah yesterday i was
0:00:35listening to the bottle service in today
0:00:37I'm listening to biz markie and just
0:00:39trying to I'm trying to go back and
0:00:41start over again returning to the
0:00:44classics I'm gonna take a different Road
0:00:45this time
0:00:47yeah i'm gonna take the high road
0:00:49starting afresh
0:00:51yeah I start off brush tabula rasa haha
0:00:55Byul Arase who
0:00:57word up John blank slate have you been
0:01:00getting exposed to new music oh well you
0:01:04know i was just at Seattle's bumbershoot
0:01:05festival and got exposed to a lot of new
0:01:09things I got exposed to some music like
0:01:14the Breeders superchunk community the
0:01:18zombies what that Kepler cutie
0:01:21whoa whoa all the big axe the Esau you
0:01:24saw sergeant and the other guy sergeant
0:01:28and what's-his-name allergen and and big
0:01:29voice that can still sing like how can
0:01:31II he sings it's amazing he's like an
0:01:33angel
0:01:34he's a little man and he's blue he's
0:01:36blowing doors out with this but this
0:01:38incredible voice my first song first
0:01:41chorus and you're like how do you get
0:01:45how would you get there even at the end
0:01:46of your set how would you be so so
0:01:48warmed up that you could hit that note
0:01:50he's right there his solo records really
0:01:52good now I'm sorry that i'm totally
0:01:54spacing out his name is Colin Colin
0:01:57blundstone once down
0:01:59yeah they have a really good song that I
0:02:01think they might even record after
0:02:02odyssey an Oracle i think it's called
0:02:04remember the Swan em and then
0:02:07and then it's just uh just soaring yeah
0:02:10that record is that's a melancholy
0:02:12record it is there's a lot of sadness
0:02:14being a zombie
0:02:16mmm they're so so strong about world war
0:02:19one on there
0:02:20well you know what there's a song about
0:02:22world war one on the second key to help
0:02:23them to they don't want to talk about it
0:02:26was a controversial because they like
0:02:29the wrong side it's just that a lot of
0:02:30that most keen fans you know that they
0:02:32want the they want the songs to be about
0:02:34love automatically what would you seem
0:02:36less keen songs are about I would say
0:02:38most keen songs are about longing for
0:02:42friendship oh it's like a bunny kind of
0:02:46thing longing for friendship
0:02:48it's proto brownie they McKeon was there
0:02:50before the bronies but yeah it's about
0:02:53longing for friendship just like
0:02:54everything
0:02:55yeah it's like everything i remember i
0:02:58remember you know back when I didn't
0:02:59want to be touched
0:03:01I didn't realize that there is never it
0:03:03had been realized that i did that what I
0:03:07really was doing was yearning to be
0:03:09touched you you just wanted to hold
0:03:11hands and talk yeah you know like to put
0:03:15your head on my shoulder cut my hair is
0:03:17I don't think that's what everybody
0:03:19wants nice hair
0:03:20ya see saw the zombies you saw the beers
0:03:23i asked the beaters a couple times they
0:03:24did back in the day they put on a pretty
0:03:26good show i like better nirvana song
0:03:28yeah you know they still put on a good
0:03:29show and I have to say I was it i'm i'm
0:03:32standing in the crowd the young lady I
0:03:35was with the concert turned to me and
0:03:37said judge that do the Breeders matter
0:03:40to you where the Breeders part of your
0:03:41thing today are they like part of your
0:03:43pantheon by my side and i slumped my
0:03:47shoulders and I said yes the Breeders
0:03:50matter to me what part of that was hard
0:03:52for you it's hard i don't know i
0:03:54remember at the time the Breeders it
0:03:57just felt like it felt like it was that
0:04:01that moment in time where it's like we
0:04:02don't even know what a player
0:04:03instruments my sister doesn't even she
0:04:05never even picked up a guitar before and
0:04:07and now she's you know coming up with
0:04:09these cool guitar parts and we're a band
0:04:11and we don't even care do to do and I
0:04:13was like fuck all of that
0:04:15yeah but in fact they made really good
0:04:17music
0:04:18of to me you know like that music
0:04:20reaches me it's very cool everything
0:04:25about them is cool but but like I feel
0:04:28like it's legitimately cool it's not
0:04:29trying to is it is and I think just one
0:04:31of those instances where the albini
0:04:33production was such a perfect match
0:04:35yeah I mean that man knows how to make a
0:04:37base yes he can make up is I mean two
0:04:40midgets base is like a force of nature
0:04:42really way he makes it sound in the way
0:04:44he does drums i heard am I got a copy of
0:04:47the cassette of demos mostly stuff that
0:04:51was on pod and some stuff that would be
0:04:53on last splash in early versions and
0:04:56it's not a great it was I think we're
0:04:58like you put this on and if you were
0:04:59some dumbass record executive in the
0:05:01early nineties who would you know who
0:05:02would have signed up in a pound of bacon
0:05:03like cotton candy got plans why ya gotta
0:05:08promote the hell out of this
0:05:09poke poke poke I'll tell you how to make
0:05:11I'm gonna be you just bake this right
0:05:15talks up pop
0:05:16well I have to say though you know how I
0:05:17feel about distortion and I've been
0:05:19reflecting back on my life as a musician
0:05:21and i feel like i have not I have not
0:05:24given distort I'm not allowed myself to
0:05:28have distortion this is the problem and
0:05:32I'm sorry I lost you you have a meeting
0:05:34overdrive or confusion
0:05:36mm-hmm do I see no i mean so what you
0:05:41don't you get a pass or a rat or
0:05:43something's both things i have a million
0:05:45overdrive pedals i have a I actually
0:05:46have a there's an extension of my house
0:05:48just built out of the boxes the
0:05:50overdrive pedals came on and we call it
0:05:53the boss we but i but but you know in
0:05:57the nineties right i had a mite my
0:06:00amplifier was a carven 120 watt head on
0:06:05top of a 4-12 cabinet that was so great
0:06:08about 600 yes that was it was one of
0:06:10those elements heavily they was so heavy
0:06:13and it was and it had a parametric EQ on
0:06:15the front and it was you know but for
0:06:20all back in the day you know we guitar
0:06:21dudes would sit and like really micro
0:06:23adjust all the different frequencies at
0:06:27this you know this is for playing club
0:06:30shows where there are 60 80 people
0:06:32hundred and fifty people and you know I
0:06:34had that and then the other guitarist in
0:06:36the band also had a 4-12 cabinet and a
0:06:39hundred whitehead
0:06:40we're just ripping people's faces off
0:06:42and every band did it and tons and tons
0:06:45of distortion it was you know we're rock
0:06:47and roll but my indie rock career there
0:06:49are no there but hardly any recordings
0:06:51of that whole decade and my indie rock
0:06:55career was you know it coincided with
0:06:58the whole quiet is the new loud
0:07:01apocalypse and the whole distortion is
0:07:05bad fast tempos or bad we're just going
0:07:07to our music is just gonna going to bore
0:07:10people into a state where all they want
0:07:12to do is buy the t-shirt just gently
0:07:14stroked me ukulele case yeah just I mean
0:07:17longing for Israelis it was just like
0:07:19we're going to pet your vagina hair
0:07:21until you see you sleep sleep sleep and
0:07:27so you know so the first few long
0:07:29winters records were made in the in this
0:07:32area and at that point I had I had lost
0:07:36my confidence in rock and roll a little
0:07:38bit my personal confidence in it and i
0:07:40didn't know i didn't understand what was
0:07:42happening and and I was being shepherded
0:07:45through these recordings and and I was
0:07:49on a label that was very a that you know
0:07:52also believed that hard rock and heavy
0:07:55rock and kind of run its course this is
0:07:58a new generation and so the so the long
0:08:00winters records are are softer than i
0:08:04would have had them if if if I medicine
0:08:09cabinet pirate medicine cabinet pirate
0:08:11was up absolute fist fight to get it
0:08:14made
0:08:15there was one mix of medicine cabinet
0:08:17pirate that was presented to me in the
0:08:19business is like late in the game like
0:08:21we are mixing the record and a mix of
0:08:25medicine cabinet pirate came over the
0:08:27bow that had no guitars on
0:08:31is this mr. wala it was chris wallace
0:08:34was like I just don't understand the
0:08:36guitars on this record I don't quite
0:08:38understand the guitar sounds and I
0:08:40really this is what i'm hearing and it
0:08:41sounded like a Bjork mix it was like
0:08:43bass and drum machine and just got the
0:08:48dr j keyboard right yeah right just the
0:08:51just the outside elements and not the
0:08:54guitar not the guitar oh my god that was
0:08:57science so pretentious is so funny
0:09:00because with the guitars are our face
0:09:03searing and it's one of the most I mean
0:09:05car parts is is in its wake a mid-tempo
0:09:07manicure kind of song beautiful my
0:09:10favorite one song but medicine at pirate
0:09:12is much more like this role in some ways
0:09:15anything
0:09:15well and medicine counterpart is how it
0:09:17says is close to sounding like the music
0:09:20i made before the long winters as
0:09:22anything on on those records but anyway
0:09:27so I've been thinking you know so the
0:09:28last couple of years i have not been
0:09:30recording new music for public
0:09:32consumption but i have been working on
0:09:34music at home making tons and tons of
0:09:37music actually and it all is
0:09:39characterized by this breeders like
0:09:43distortion wash it's not something we
0:09:47describe some stuff using and selling
0:09:48NBD a little bit my bloody valentine
0:09:51hugely influential it not not not
0:09:54directly but like spiritually like that
0:09:56that feeling you have when you put on
0:09:58the headphones for potentially driving
0:10:02in fog late at night when everybody else
0:10:05in the cars asleep and you have been
0:10:08eating mushrooms all day that feeling
0:10:10that you are falling into the sky is
0:10:16something that I'm always trying to
0:10:17capture and that's anyway that's what
0:10:18i've been making and so listening to the
0:10:20breeders and going to that show for
0:10:22years I was just like I don't want to be
0:10:24influenced by the Breeders that's not
0:10:26the story that i want you know the story
0:10:29that i want to be telling is that I'm
0:10:31influenced by Judas Priest but in fact
0:10:34i'm more influenced by the Breeders than
0:10:37then I then I've never been comfortable
0:10:39admitting until now
0:10:41and it's been it's because of that like
0:10:43because she's singing so down she solo
0:10:46her you know her energy is just solo
0:10:50vibe and cool and the music is just
0:10:52washing over you and it's like yeah
0:10:54that's kind of what I'm into
0:10:56no you know it's it's great it's great
0:11:00it's like Jeff Buckley it's great music
0:11:02to have sex two girls that have tribal
0:11:04tattoos especially she's dead
0:11:06oh I'm not a bad way alright okay good
0:11:10dead in a good way but yeah I'm trying
0:11:12to steal this makes me sad because I
0:11:13mean that the point the Breeders thing
0:11:15is is a is getting your dander up a
0:11:17little bit but says you're getting
0:11:19closer to well yeah because a lot of
0:11:21thing you'd like to do you know you know
0:11:23what it's like to be 25 Merlin you've
0:11:27been 25
0:11:28yeah and when I was 12 * if I for about
0:11:3120 years when I was 20 I was 25 for
0:11:34about 11 minutes but when i was twenty
0:11:37five or six that I really felt already
0:11:42had 24 21 23 years old I already felt
0:11:48like I was too old for punk music that
0:11:53was for kids
0:11:54I felt like I was too old for pop music
0:11:59in a way like contemporary music was it
0:12:02was already so dumb by 1991 that I was
0:12:07like I i made the mistake of thinking I
0:12:10was too sophisticated to be the age that
0:12:13I was in the time that I was and it was
0:12:16only later that I reflected back and you
0:12:18know because i never saw Nirvana Nirvana
0:12:20was playing shows all around me and I
0:12:23was like nirvana is a bunch of kids
0:12:25music bunch of dumb you know some
0:12:27druggies and it was only later that that
0:12:32I that I allowed myself to be a fan of
0:12:35Nirvana after you know he didn't really
0:12:37after and after he got two days before
0:12:40Kurt Cobain kill himself if you had
0:12:42asked me if I like Nirvana i would have
0:12:43said man
0:12:44yeah i guess if you like that simple
0:12:49kids music and two weeks after Kurt
0:12:52Cobain died I thought that the bed the
0:12:54world had ended so the breakers are
0:12:57diabetic I this is the problem with the
0:12:59breakers for me to at the time I was
0:13:01like I i will always have a soft spot
0:13:05for smells like teen spirit but the
0:13:07computer is a much better record really
0:13:10i bet it's a insecticide is the one for
0:13:12me and left me with that and says decide
0:13:15is the B is that like singles b-sides I
0:13:19think the age is showing on never mind a
0:13:22little bit and production wise but it is
0:13:25incensed decide was the stuff that it
0:13:26was released after nevermind but it was
0:13:29all recorded before
0:13:30ok and in some cases recorded even
0:13:33before the more beachy it's it's super
0:13:37bleachy but even some of its even pre
0:13:38bleach and and so what it is it's like I
0:13:42could you remember that late eighties
0:13:44obviously does he remember but the
0:13:46ladies up here there was not a
0:13:50tremendous distinction between hippie
0:13:52psychedelic a metal and punk was also
0:13:57what's frustrating about the fucking
0:13:58grunge thing is like I mean had how do
0:14:01you take a combination of the raincoats
0:14:03influence and the Black Sabbath
0:14:05influence and kind of act like that's
0:14:07the same thing right and there's some of
0:14:09the some of the stuff on incest aside is
0:14:11nirvana like tripping out kinda like
0:14:15true trippy trip trip is I mean it's
0:14:18still all Paul Nirvana it's grungy but
0:14:22it's like they're they haven't been
0:14:25quite figured out short fast or even
0:14:28loud soft it's just like where I walk
0:14:31and it's I don't know this is a hard
0:14:33girl as a stoner it is a lot of it
0:14:36before Dave Grohl so yeah so it's a
0:14:39little so it's a little less like a
0:14:41packer to contain and I'm much more like
0:14:43wow I i was like no they would like to
0:14:48publicly analyze you
0:14:49oh yes only take a minute um I know too
0:14:52much should i also should i say ah well
0:14:54be nice if you can maybe just reclined a
0:14:57little bit okay ready
0:15:00ok let's make you feel it's interesting
0:15:04to me based on many many many hundreds
0:15:07of conversations we've had that we I
0:15:09think we both have a background in a
0:15:12certain kind of really visceral like
0:15:15crunchy music you know playing the
0:15:17tennis racket kind of music I mean the
0:15:19stuff that I mean I I know for myself
0:15:21and i think based on what you said I
0:15:23mean the thing that got you excited
0:15:24about making the leap from being a music
0:15:26consumer to be a music producer was
0:15:28partly that something welling up inside
0:15:31of you started with this appreciation
0:15:33for these awarding and visceral like
0:15:35very like physical like you could feel
0:15:37it down down down down down or you know
0:15:40or you know whatever you know that kind
0:15:44of stuff that the first time that you
0:15:46students and saw away at a guitar until
0:15:50you have forgotten everything when you
0:15:52just there's you know eyes closed sweat
0:15:55pouring down just and you're just
0:15:57hammering on this guitar i think i could
0:15:59play sweet leaf at rehearsal for hours
0:16:02it's just so fun that little like done
0:16:05and it's just so fun to play and a
0:16:07feeling you get here the analysis is
0:16:09that you're a thinker you think a lot
0:16:11and it's the interesting thing to me is
0:16:13that you seem to be a war with yourself
0:16:14about this one side of you that
0:16:16absolutely knows what you like
0:16:18like you're not even likewhat influence
0:16:19you want to point it seemed like you you
0:16:21have a pretty good feeling for like
0:16:22whether it's something that's like in
0:16:24your pantheon or something you can take
0:16:26your leave or something that should be
0:16:27you know killed with fire but you think
0:16:30a lot and I think that's very
0:16:31interesting and I would have things that
0:16:33they can get in the way of which would
0:16:34you like to make yes it does it does and
0:16:38and I've been I've been reflecting ever
0:16:40since design about that I've been
0:16:42thinking about it a lot ever ever said
0:16:44so-so were coming up
0:16:46well actually no we're over it it's been
0:16:49a month now that i have adopted this new
0:16:52way of eating no sugar and it's it's
0:16:56it's extraordinary say it's still you
0:16:58still feel a difference
0:17:00absolutely i mean I because because in
0:17:02the course of the month now I've had a
0:17:04couple of opportunities to like okay I'm
0:17:06not you know I'm not living in a
0:17:08dictatorship here i'm gonna have a piece
0:17:10of pie on Saturday because what the hell
0:17:13and I had I've been good
0:17:16well and it was it was much more like
0:17:18I'm in this for the long haul
0:17:20it's not like I'm never gonna have a
0:17:22piece of pie again I have to figure out
0:17:23how to have one and then go back to
0:17:25eating right but that's the that's the
0:17:28problem
0:17:28it is the problem you know like if I
0:17:30friend from like an unopened bottle of
0:17:32bourbon sure or or like if I could have
0:17:36a cigarette and then on Monday go back
0:17:38to not having cigarettes it would be a
0:17:40problem i would still be having
0:17:42cigarettes sometimes but you know I i
0:17:45was i I am NOT able to do that i
0:17:48interrupting a month one month
0:17:49well so so I I so I've had the occasion
0:17:52to have a slice of pie and not only did
0:17:55i did i like a leap off into this sugar
0:18:00like super buzzed but my nose started
0:18:04running my sinuses got climb you want
0:18:08with it whether that within 45 minutes
0:18:10whoa and I have stealing and I'm like
0:18:14and then and then I'm plummeting off the
0:18:18off the edge and then it's three o'clock
0:18:20in the morning and i'm wide awake
0:18:21drumming my fingers on the bed and I'm
0:18:23like whoa that was close one piece of
0:18:26pie and admittedly three chocolate chip
0:18:28cookies and Palmer but what zoom and
0:18:34then and then just it wasn't just like
0:18:37buzz and crash it was just it was back
0:18:40to bonkers but anyway so here I am a
0:18:44month into this my energy is is for the
0:18:47most part like stabilized and calm and
0:18:51I'm really able to recognize I look
0:18:54around my life and I recognize i am
0:18:56presently at 44 years old almost 45
0:19:00presently in some indefinable feud with
0:19:0424 people 24 people like a name and now
0:19:08that you have the clarity of mind you
0:19:10could actually write them all down and
0:19:12keep them straight organized
0:19:13yeah that's right then I'm not talking
0:19:14about all the people that you know there
0:19:16is not a my bloody valentine fog of
0:19:19embassies you've got a clear idea of
0:19:21exactly who you're not square with right
0:19:23absolutely there there are people on the
0:19:25list that I'm not
0:19:26look into in five years there are people
0:19:27on the list I haven't spoken to six
0:19:29months there are people on the list that
0:19:30are just recently added to the list
0:19:33there are people that have been on the
0:19:34list for 18 years but I could I can tell
0:19:38you you know like and those are those
0:19:40are not the people that I see around
0:19:42town that I'm like that I hate that guy
0:19:44I don't even know his name I just don't
0:19:46like him updates for 24 people i can
0:19:47name and I'm realizing like him like him
0:19:51I think myself into I on a daily basis I
0:19:57think myself into Buchenwald like I am
0:20:02in time in 24 different Buchenwald of
0:20:06the minds need for other parts that
0:20:09don't know I and i have to say like it
0:20:13now I've got a little bit of clarity
0:20:14I've got a little bit of calm and I'm
0:20:16realizing oh my god i'm just at the
0:20:18beginning of trying to get my life back
0:20:22I don't even know how I don't even know
0:20:24how to go around
0:20:26I you know I i bet at least 20 of those
0:20:30people I can't possibly apologize to
0:20:32because i don't remember what the
0:20:33problem was and so so that's just it's
0:20:39really challenging like a you know like
0:20:40I feel like calling people up and say
0:20:42hey there sorry about that you know and
0:20:44and this is the thing people are never
0:20:46thinking about you as much as you are
0:20:48you as much as you think they're
0:20:49thinking about you so probably 15 of
0:20:52those people be like what
0:20:53Oh are we having a fight and have to
0:20:56remember who you are in your fucking
0:20:58yeah I just thought you stopped calling
0:21:00me because we didn't get along or
0:21:02because you you know because you were
0:21:03bored of me or something you know and
0:21:05and i'm sitting over here like no I'm
0:21:07not bored of you i'm still super pissed
0:21:09at you about something so anyway like
0:21:12this thinking oh my god thinking is such
0:21:16a albatross it is it i feel like if I
0:21:20feel like thinking past a certain point
0:21:21is a disability like a Jedi like a
0:21:24genuine disability and where's my god IM
0:21:26parade yeah well let's say it's a
0:21:27handicap is where's where it's a
0:21:30handicap it's it's a handy capable like
0:21:32charlie brown cloud yeah yeah I I mean
0:21:35it's been cloudy
0:21:36well I mean just to put a little bit of
0:21:38syrup on this Bank
0:21:39I guess I always thought that as I got
0:21:41older people would make more sense to me
0:21:43and I'm embarrassed to say this because
0:21:46I'm certain it has either everything to
0:21:49do with what I didn't understand my
0:21:50entire life for everything to do with
0:21:52the fact that I'm a sociopath but like
0:21:54people make less sense to me
0:21:56just about every week or so I honestly
0:21:58feel like on the one hand i'm incredibly
0:22:00I'm growing like really soft inside and
0:22:03sympathetic to how fucked up everybody
0:22:05can be either not know or not have
0:22:08access to changing it but i also just
0:22:10don't understand why people do what they
0:22:11do it's just it's so perplexing to me
0:22:14and you know sometimes the more i feel
0:22:15that the less i talk about it but I
0:22:17there's so much stuff that almost
0:22:18everybody I I know guys that I just
0:22:20frankly do not understand and i keep it
0:22:23to myself because I don't argue about it
0:22:25that's part of my affliction like I I
0:22:27honestly I honestly thought that as i
0:22:28get older i become more sage and more
0:22:30wise and be able to have you know a
0:22:33certain amount of remove from these
0:22:34things could be going oh well obviously
0:22:37you know I've worked with people enough
0:22:39now that everything that makes sense and
0:22:41so now I know how to manipulate people
0:22:43because I'm really good at that and and
0:22:44i I just I feel like I'm around aliens
0:22:47more and more
0:22:48yeah and I mean I don't know if you get
0:22:49that but I mean that's a clarity thing
0:22:50for me I i think in in fact i was in a
0:22:52fog for a different kind of fog maybe
0:22:55not sugar fog but for a long time was
0:22:57thinking that I understood what the fuck
0:22:58was going on and and now i know that i
0:23:00don't and i know that i am I reflection
0:23:02my handicap my handi-capable as I
0:23:03honestly don't understand about 80% of
0:23:06what everybody does people who are
0:23:07exactly like the idea understand what
0:23:08they do neither and and I mean I love
0:23:14Demetrius is this another is related
0:23:16because i think this bumbershoot there
0:23:18the bumbershoot is a time one
0:23:20people come from all around lots of
0:23:23people people I've known for years
0:23:25people that I have known professionally
0:23:28old friends new friends
0:23:31it's a big gathering of people and I'm
0:23:33there with with all the people and
0:23:35socializing and and fun and times and if
0:23:42there was one problem which was that I
0:23:44was headed backstage to the big
0:23:47backstage party show
0:23:50and this is you know a big festival so
0:23:54they hire they hire a lot of convicts
0:23:57they hire a lot of people who who ate a
0:24:02lot of lead paint chips when they were
0:24:03kids
0:24:04apparently the ultimate lined the
0:24:06aldehyde group of people that live
0:24:09downwind from the smelter and those
0:24:13people are charged so so there are
0:24:16people who are the least informed the
0:24:18least capable up people they don't hire
0:24:21them to personally major status they
0:24:23hire them to make a zero or one decision
0:24:24that's probably a zero that's right
0:24:26they're given that they are given a
0:24:28mandate which is which is which is
0:24:31basically like a bit in the movie Tron
0:24:35like are you on or off
0:24:38yes yes no yes no and so I'm in this
0:24:42large group of people and includes some
0:24:43very famous rock stars
0:24:46we're all moving along toward a doorway
0:24:50that is the doorway between the dummies
0:24:54the 50,000 dummies who are out looking
0:24:58or dipping corn dogs in powdered sugar
0:25:02or whatever it is that people hear
0:25:03things like this and then on the other
0:25:05side of this door it is this rarefied
0:25:08backstage world where you just you look
0:25:11around it's like everybody back here is
0:25:13wearing a gold cape and everybody back
0:25:17here has an MTV Music Video Award and
0:25:20we're just going to sit back here and
0:25:22put our pinky fingers up each other's
0:25:23bucks and this is why we do it just like
0:25:28fish bag valve all it is we're just
0:25:30going to sit back here and people are
0:25:32going to tell you that they love your
0:25:33album but they've never listened to
0:25:35before and people are going to introduce
0:25:37you two pretty girls that don't have any
0:25:39reason to be back there but they're
0:25:40pretty let's get the whole it's the
0:25:42whole thing and this this dummy this guy
0:25:45this guy who you know who is still at 55
0:25:50years old studying for his GED is
0:25:53looking at everybody's pass and earlier
0:25:56in the day
0:25:57I in my pursuit of special privilege
0:26:01head had jumped over a barrier because I
0:26:07did not want to wait for another one of
0:26:10these guys another one of these Dwayne
0:26:13the rock Johnson's to take the time to
0:26:17look through my bag or whatever and so I
0:26:19like i skirted this guy and I did not
0:26:23get a little red stamp on my all-access
0:26:28pass well there's another level above
0:26:31all access oh this is the thing there's
0:26:35all access it mostly when accidents all
0:26:37all access with a little red stamp on it
0:26:39then there's all access with a little
0:26:40red stamp and a gold star on the back
0:26:42and then there's all access with a red
0:26:44stamp and two gold stars aren't you are
0:26:47literally making this up
0:26:48not at all and then there's one there's
0:26:50all access with a red stamp three gold
0:26:52stars on the back and one black line
0:26:56across the left bottom corner and I
0:26:59don't have the red stamp and so 20
0:27:03people are formed who are going through
0:27:04this door and this little Nimrod uh who
0:27:10basically is is one of the he's
0:27:13basically one of the puppets in a in
0:27:16Blade Runner the one with the little
0:27:19captain's hat on the long nose again
0:27:21home again jiggity he says well oh hey
0:27:24buddy you don't have the red stamp and
0:27:27I'm like listen doesn't matter i'm going
0:27:30through this door and he's like I have
0:27:33been charged with one task in my entire
0:27:35life my wife does not respect me my
0:27:37children don't love me
0:27:38my parents are dead i will you shall not
0:27:42pass and I'm standing there and and you
0:27:47know and this is the thing about walking
0:27:48away that nobody's gonna help you out
0:27:50this year
0:27:50rock rock musicians right yeah it is
0:27:53just like they turn around and if they
0:27:55had looked back and I and somebody had
0:27:57doused me with oil that was literally
0:28:00building a ghetto brick wall or holding
0:28:03a highway flare in their hands
0:28:05I never liked will one man vouched for
0:28:07this person they would be like steel
0:28:09anybody and and I would be immolated so
0:28:13I'm sitting there and I'm like I know
0:28:15not to appeal to the to the to the kids
0:28:18for flowing through the door because
0:28:20like it's already on cool don't make it
0:28:23more uncool by calling attention to
0:28:24yourself
0:28:25so now I thought that reads as list at
0:28:27us yeah you don't want to sit there be
0:28:29like hey you guys would you call the
0:28:30Tudor manager you know like the doors
0:28:32already shutting so now I'm standing
0:28:34here talking to this kind of like listen
0:28:36I know that you have this one thing
0:28:38they're supposed to do they have to in
0:28:40this moment just think for yourself and
0:28:45realize that I am NOT i'm standing here
0:28:47with an all-access pass and I did not
0:28:51get the stamp for whatever reason but
0:28:55you should know by my main by my manner
0:29:00by the energy that i have the energy of
0:29:03a star that you need to let me through
0:29:06this door right now otherwise it's going
0:29:11to get terrible here
0:29:12the atmosphere in your little corner of
0:29:14this stadium is going to get really bad
0:29:17for a little bit and she says you got to
0:29:23have the red stand how the atmosphere go
0:29:28the atmosphere got really bad right
0:29:31there and know what was your he kept he
0:29:35kept you know he kept like explaining
0:29:37about how he had been told about the red
0:29:39stamp at one point I put my finger to
0:29:41his lips and I said that's enough
0:29:43Oh shine like I was it got bad there
0:29:47because I understand that he'd been told
0:29:50you get real focused in a moment like
0:29:52that I understand what he had been told
0:29:54and I said that to him I understand what
0:29:57you've been told but this is a moment
0:30:00this is the moment where like if your
0:30:02life can change if you do not recognize
0:30:05the King when he is wearing street
0:30:07clothes like there is no forgiveness
0:30:10later
0:30:12and so that's set off a chain of events
0:30:15where I was can I'll i needed to
0:30:18confront I was this was the universe at
0:30:21this point it's not really so much about
0:30:22getting in the door anymore now that's a
0:30:24different level right now what I don't
0:30:25want to see this fucking show anymore
0:30:26accelerator a turbo at this point i do
0:30:29not want to stand next to Bob Mould and
0:30:31talk about the news of the day and talk
0:30:33about bear week at provincetown I am I
0:30:36on clearly different level now I'm
0:30:39flying I'm flying I'm sr-71 now looking
0:30:42down and in a way my the worm turn like
0:30:47my incredible day went to blackness
0:30:50because of nobody's fault like this this
0:30:53guys doing whatever doing his job
0:30:56just just escorting people into the
0:30:58ovens and I didn't get the stamp because
0:31:02of some hubris on my part earlier in the
0:31:05day like this is the this is the gods on
0:31:09Mount Olympus saying let us let us let
0:31:15us guide the path of this arrow right
0:31:18into the heel of Achilles and I'm and
0:31:23I'm standing there just just bathed in
0:31:26my fury at after all these years not
0:31:30having the right
0:31:33laminate and and I'm just like what what
0:31:39what is next what is next for me I
0:31:42cannot be more wrong here
0:31:46you know I can my anger I mean did you
0:31:49realize that at some point during the
0:31:51evening
0:31:52yeah Wow like monospaced that's pretty
0:31:55fast my anger here is the wrong anger
0:31:58directed at all the wrong things but it
0:32:02is so real so profound my feeling that
0:32:06there should be he that there are
0:32:09Sneetches with stars on their bellies
0:32:11there are Sneetches with no stars on
0:32:13their bellies and then there is me the
0:32:16Lorax
0:32:18you speak for the butter I speak for all
0:32:20the motherfuckers and that is wrong
0:32:23that's incorrect that is not a correct
0:32:25assessment of the situation and and
0:32:28there are there are so many ways to
0:32:30handle these you know like to navigate
0:32:33the world where you do not you know
0:32:36where where where you just you just wait
0:32:38in line long enough and you can you
0:32:40realize when you get there like oh
0:32:41there's a red stamp that I'm gonna need
0:32:42later or whatever or the guy says the
0:32:45guy says I'm not allowed to let you
0:32:47through the door and you go okay i'm
0:32:51going home or or or I don't know what
0:32:53you do or I honestly this is the problem
0:32:56i honestly don't know what you do
0:32:57because all I know how to do in that
0:33:00moment is to be sting or stewart
0:33:03copeland worse you know like the guy
0:33:05who's just like throwing his drumsticks
0:33:07at some shred Rukh who's employed by a
0:33:12subsidiary of Halliburton so who
0:33:18suffice to say no no Bob Mould well no I
0:33:23eventually somebody but we cannot say
0:33:27but eventually some other employee of
0:33:32the super stadium
0:33:33well I'm standing there I'm just
0:33:34towering over this guy and I'm like
0:33:36listen there's a lot of there's a lot of
0:33:38there's a lot of bad things that are
0:33:40going to happen to you on Christmas Eve
0:33:41this year
0:33:44this Christmas matter to you is
0:33:46Christmas of thing in your house
0:33:48mark mark this day wet because there are
0:33:51there only a hundred fifteen more
0:33:55anxiety days that you didn't storm
0:33:58straight to a higher authority did you
0:34:00plot phone and call people my phone was
0:34:03dead but because it's okay i see this is
0:34:06this this
0:34:06no no fake because this guy the thing is
0:34:08that a certain point these guys turned
0:34:09to stone
0:34:10there's nothing there is he does not
0:34:12have the components hiring at Yale
0:34:14obviously but but not only that but he
0:34:16does not have the capacity to think on
0:34:18his feet and once it gets hostile well
0:34:20there's a classic thing and we're going
0:34:22to companies that means an old thing
0:34:24that people said for a long time but you
0:34:25tell a lot about somebody in their
0:34:27position
0:34:28how much power they have because do they
0:34:30do they have the power to say no or how
0:34:35much power and about which things do
0:34:36they have the power to say yes because
0:34:38true power is the ability to say yes
0:34:40it's not the power saying now I mean
0:34:42having said that you know this guy's
0:34:43whole job is about saying no the whole
0:34:45reason he's hired it is like I say he's
0:34:47not there like parts out whether you
0:34:48should be you know behind the pipe and
0:34:50drape he's there to basically be this
0:34:53valve where nobody gets through except
0:34:55for this extremely small number of
0:34:57people in a single metric for his entire
0:34:58job is whether he got every single one
0:35:01of those right yeah basically he is a he
0:35:03is a laser pointer made out of meat
0:35:05yeah he does he's just it's just rare
0:35:08honor off but you know in five minutes
0:35:12later some uh some woman who also worked
0:35:15for a subsidiary of Halliburton comes
0:35:17through the door looks at me and goes oh
0:35:19hi
0:35:21I recognize you from earlier and I was
0:35:23like is that so and she turns to the guy
0:35:26and she's like oh I know this guy and
0:35:29then I'm like I with one hand I am
0:35:33giving this woman a sweet caress down
0:35:37the down the side of her shoulder with
0:35:39the other hand i'm giving the other guy
0:35:42the double nickels on the dime like fuck
0:35:46you
0:35:47middle finger right in his little his
0:35:49little long nose face and it was just
0:35:52like it was just the sort it was sort of
0:35:54a synchronized swimming move like
0:35:56petting the one lady fucked off right in
0:35:58the other guy's face and then i'm down
0:36:00the stairs and Janice of a cost steel
0:36:02later but so it is so it all ends up but
0:36:05the problem is then I you know then the
0:36:07rest of the night through my friends Big
0:36:09Show and through all the socializing I
0:36:11am chewing the data I'm crunching the
0:36:13numbers in my head gets so easy it is so
0:36:15difficult to shake that off its here and
0:36:18I'm adrenaline adrenaline is so high but
0:36:20the numbers I'm you know I'm reviewing
0:36:22the math and the numbers are telling me
0:36:24over and over
0:36:25you are the problem here you are the
0:36:28agent of you are the bad actor in this
0:36:32scenario because you're basically just
0:36:34yelling at trees like you are you are
0:36:39yelling out the car window
0:36:41uh draw all alone driving in the dark
0:36:44and there's no and what do you what do
0:36:48you hope to achieve like what what what
0:36:51is wrong with you
0:36:52ultimately so what you are interested in
0:36:56retrospect what do you if you could camp
0:36:59monday morning quarterback it if you
0:37:03could tuesday evening quarterback it
0:37:04what maybe not specifically where did
0:37:07you go wrong like if you could redo some
0:37:09of that knowing what you know what would
0:37:11you have done differently like where
0:37:12would it was the earliest thing you
0:37:14would have changed if you get groundhog
0:37:15day that you know the projo waiting in
0:37:18line for your stamp know what am i some
0:37:22fucking monkey sign so some dog waiting
0:37:26for a snack but waiting for the chuck
0:37:30wagon to come out from under the same
0:37:31essential complicated first drive across
0:37:34the kitchen floor in the cupboard know
0:37:36what I want my little car you turn the
0:37:38key and going to circle the fuck up
0:37:40no the problem was that I somewhere
0:37:44along the line here have lost confidence
0:37:46in myself to the point that i was i was
0:37:51sincerely concerned with being in this
0:37:57group of of famous people being being
0:38:02one of them being the social speaking of
0:38:07being part of the social center of a
0:38:09group of artists that I admired or that
0:38:14I understood that I was meant to admire
0:38:16and that this is where I meant to where
0:38:20I think I should belong where I meant to
0:38:23belong in this group and that has
0:38:28nothing to do with me
0:38:29I do not I do not care ultimately like
0:38:32the the experience of being down in that
0:38:35room in the sin the mutual admiration
0:38:37society the experience of being
0:38:39backstage is entirely a status and
0:38:46belonging issue like I could have just
0:38:51walked around the corner from where I
0:38:53was standing
0:38:54and have gone into the stadium and watch
0:38:57the rock concert like the rock concert
0:38:59was not I don't want to defend or try to
0:39:04say anything but do you know what I
0:39:08dunno about you is that well yeah I mean
0:39:09but that socializing if you want to call
0:39:12it that is kind of part of your work
0:39:14that's what you doing the reason I
0:39:16mention that is I've been to lots of
0:39:17places with you where you know I people
0:39:20open open their arms and their red red
0:39:23the ropes to you it's very is it's it's
0:39:26not unusual for you to be the guy who
0:39:28goes backstage things because that's
0:39:29just the thing that you do and you don't
0:39:30go back to America douche but I mean I
0:39:32get that's just the thing that happens
0:39:34but that but that reaction that reaction
0:39:37was a reaction the reaction i had was
0:39:40coming from a place of entitlement
0:39:42yeah just on the fun it's like it you
0:39:45know it's it does it does but that's the
0:39:46thing that but but that that that
0:39:49automaton in a uniform was not the
0:39:52problem i cannot be mad at the system
0:39:56I can't be mad at the guy 15 guys up who
0:40:00decided to hire a bunch of dummies to
0:40:02work security because everybody's doing
0:40:04their job like Who am I mad at it's like
0:40:06being mad at the city it's like it's
0:40:08like being a member of the tea party and
0:40:10you're mad at the government like what
0:40:12is the fucking government yelling it
0:40:13rain
0:40:14Yeah right there is no the government
0:40:16there's nobody in charge
0:40:18everybody's doing their everybody's just
0:40:20doing their little corner of those of
0:40:22their work and the guy the guy that's up
0:40:26the chain far enough to make a decision
0:40:27he doesn't care he doesn't care whether
0:40:30I get it or not and I can't be mad at
0:40:31him for it
0:40:32he's got bigger fish to fry he's trying
0:40:34to keep the power on in the building so
0:40:37all of it was all of it was back to
0:40:40entitlement now if I was if i had come
0:40:42to that door with the like remembering
0:40:46that I am just invited everywhere i'm
0:40:51lucky to be anywhere we're all just
0:40:54lucky to be anywhere and this guy's like
0:40:57you don't have the red stamp what I
0:40:59should have said was already get the red
0:41:01stamp and he'd say oh you get you had to
0:41:05get it on the you have to get it on the
0:41:07moon
0:41:07it's like oh well can you get on your
0:41:09walkie-talkie and ask like when the next
0:41:12ship to the moon is and he probably
0:41:15would have got on his walkie-talkie in
0:41:16said something and somebody would have
0:41:18been there with a red stampin in a
0:41:20minute and a half but but that's not the
0:41:25direction I went because that would that
0:41:27would have been inconceivable to me in
0:41:28fact it only occurs to me now that
0:41:30that's what I should have done
0:41:31oh yeah oh we need red stamp oh how do I
0:41:34do that how do i fill this out how do i
0:41:37do the dance right uh but but my sense
0:41:42of entitlement is so strong and at the
0:41:45end at this point in my life belonging
0:41:47to that group matters so much to me
0:41:49because i'm not making new music and I'm
0:41:52insecure about myself so all of a sudden
0:41:56you know as Bob Mould walks down the
0:41:58hall and and looks back over his
0:42:00shoulder and goes who's that guy can and
0:42:03the door shuts and I'm arguing I'm
0:42:06arguing with the chest piece over
0:42:08whether or not i have a script for an
0:42:11infection in wreck when you put it in
0:42:14those terms it is pretty brutal you know
0:42:16what I mean like and she's like he's a
0:42:18little clay figurine that somebody made
0:42:20to put into the grave with the with that
0:42:24the Chinese horse general that he did
0:42:26his job but he did his job and when he
0:42:29went home and the problem is i made him
0:42:31feel like shit I don't berlin i don't
0:42:33know if you can convey to our audience
0:42:34what it is like to be in a small room
0:42:36with me when I am what I am
0:42:39like it's so fun to be in any room with
0:42:41you like really honestly almost all the
0:42:44time except sometimes yeah i mean things
0:42:48happen and and then it's not Christmas
0:42:51anymore
0:42:52no the vibration comes off of me and it
0:42:54is it you feel it in your just another
0:42:57cold cold day in this second and say she
0:43:01died it's you know he went home here you
0:43:03get very young to use an overused word
0:43:06you get intense i get intense
0:43:09yes I mean it isn't fair to say yeah and
0:43:11so this guy at the end of watch was not
0:43:13mean he goes home he opens a keystone
0:43:16light he turns on Madagascar 2
0:43:19because it's his favorite movie he loves
0:43:23alex any sitting watching the mid-water
0:43:25watching madagascar but still in some
0:43:29part of himself is still sad or mad or
0:43:33or like it didn't go well he was doing
0:43:37his job and he feels like satisfied but
0:43:40he also is like I did I diminished him
0:43:43and that and why is that it was not for
0:43:46my I didn't do it i don't i don't feel
0:43:48better for having done it I did it
0:43:50because I was in this ego posture of of
0:43:54of of like what what what you know you
0:43:59know what I mean and it's just like I I
0:44:01totally did and III mean three seconds
0:44:04away from saying do you know who i am
0:44:05i'm saying is that is google me it's in
0:44:08the state and its it's one of my deep
0:44:12deep shame spots is when i do that and I
0:44:15don't know quite what it is I'm what
0:44:18again i want to say the part of it is
0:44:20getting older it's becoming more
0:44:21difficult for me to write off the things
0:44:24like what you're describing as somebody
0:44:27else's fault or it's getting harder for
0:44:29me to find a good reason for why behave
0:44:30badly when there's this feeling inside
0:44:33of me there's telling me intensely over
0:44:36and over again perhaps over a period of
0:44:37days you know you really fucked that up
0:44:39yeah and it's it's it's it's becoming
0:44:42harder for me to just let that off and
0:44:43BB a funny guy about it and I realize
0:44:45how harmful that can be and and and then
0:44:48I to be honest I realize how much I
0:44:51don't know if this is useful at all but
0:44:53I realize how toxic to my system it is
0:44:58to put the amount of energy needed into
0:45:02thinking about that in a way where it's
0:45:03not my fault
0:45:04it takes a tremendous amount of effort
0:45:06and energy to hold that misconception in
0:45:09a way that i can live with
0:45:10uh-huh because I know I mean I'm not
0:45:12that stupid i can look at the facts i
0:45:14can do the playback i can remember
0:45:16specific things i said i can remember
0:45:18like looking like some kind of
0:45:21supporting cast member in like a mafia
0:45:23movie even thinking that look cool and
0:45:26going that is that who you want to be
0:45:28like is that there's like five things
0:45:31about what I did there
0:45:32and this is not your parlance but mine
0:45:35it starts in that situation you describe
0:45:38the fire with if that were me in your
0:45:39position and very much could be it would
0:45:41be because my emotions went somewhere I
0:45:45didn't realize it
0:45:47I didn't catch it and the more my
0:45:50emotions got velcro into that situation
0:45:54the less chance I had of coming out of
0:45:57it looking like anything but like a
0:45:59complete dick because i was being a
0:46:01complete dick and to me that emotion
0:46:02thing is huge because like you just
0:46:04described now with now with however me
0:46:05for three four five seven days away from
0:46:07that you go oh we know what if I'd ask
0:46:09that guy you know the thing is it
0:46:11something oldest car in the world is
0:46:12that something is a favor if you that
0:46:14guy is in a position to get Milwaukee
0:46:15and and talk to moonbase alpha and find
0:46:18out if there's some way for you to get
0:46:19the stamp
0:46:20that's right and then you know he could
0:46:21he's probably empowered to do you a
0:46:23quiet favor that doesn't break the rule
0:46:26but he's he's absolutely not empowered
0:46:28because you know how it is like he just
0:46:29you just escalated with him
0:46:31the one thing that he is uniquely
0:46:33trained to deal with having been
0:46:35escalated
0:46:35yeah I turned to my car hit the
0:46:37precipitate turned to a crystal as soon
0:46:40as I applied sheet it's like it is it's
0:46:43a little bit like a cop or if you just
0:46:45seemed like a normal citizen you know if
0:46:47you seem like you've got a little bit of
0:46:48a buzz you might be able to work your
0:46:50way out of it but if you start not you
0:46:52but and probably hit some point but if
0:46:54you start screaming about how you know
0:46:56the district attorney you know you know
0:46:57you know Harvey Dent and you start
0:46:59yelling like that that is when the cop
0:47:02is going to flip in like the advisor is
0:47:04going to come down on the armor and
0:47:07that's it it now that we're in a
0:47:09different place though the funny thing
0:47:10is that i think it is rooted like the
0:47:12insecurity in me is rooted in a feeling
0:47:15that I that that there is this that
0:47:18there's little sline this this place
0:47:20always ahead of me always out of my
0:47:21reach
0:47:22where once i have accomplished enough
0:47:25once i am well known enough or acclaimed
0:47:28enough that i will be on the other side
0:47:29of this line
0:47:31and there will either be a helper there
0:47:33or things will be taken care of in
0:47:36advance or I will be recognized
0:47:38I will arrive and i will not have this
0:47:40problem but there are 32 to two things
0:47:44that I know about that one is well in
0:47:48this particular instance i'm standing
0:47:50out in front of this door arguing with
0:47:51this guy about my pass and standing four
0:47:56feet away are three former saturday
0:48:00night live cast members and two members
0:48:03of The Upright Citizens Brigade original
0:48:06cast all of whom also do not have the
0:48:11right pass and none of whom are and
0:48:15they're just standing there waiting for
0:48:18the next thing to happen like they also
0:48:22want to be through the door but they
0:48:25know their passes are wrong so they are
0:48:29and they're it's not like they're
0:48:31calling anybody there just waiting for
0:48:33somebody to go there waiting for the
0:48:36next thing to happen and they're they're
0:48:37talking to each other and their kind of
0:48:39watching me and in this moment i'm
0:48:43looking at them and say well yeah okay
0:48:46those people are like TV famous but this
0:48:50is my town and this is my god damn
0:48:53backstage door you know like i did not
0:48:57even recognize I I the fact that there
0:49:00were people from Saturday Night Live
0:49:03standing there also who could not get in
0:49:04the door meant nothing to me
0:49:06um and the reality is alec baldwin does
0:49:13this shit all the time
0:49:14Alec Baldwin who by all metrics has
0:49:20arrived is recognizable does have the
0:49:23money like it
0:49:25famous people all the time behave this
0:49:28way Mel Gibson and even celery entitled
0:49:33kind of don't you know who i am it's
0:49:34tough and Trump right when somebody asks
0:49:38them to put their ipad away on a phone
0:49:40or one some you know like when somebody
0:49:42says sir I think you've had an
0:49:44of red wine on this flight and they
0:49:47start throwing yogurt around the plane
0:49:48or the think there's some some friction
0:49:51introduced that they think that they
0:49:54feel is the not applicable to them it's
0:49:58like right at all more like friction for
0:50:00the rabble and I think what it would
0:50:02what that is evidence of is that
0:50:04somewhere inside Alec Baldwin there is
0:50:08this insecurity this feeling that he
0:50:10doesn't belong and that it is that it
0:50:13comes out in these miss this exact same
0:50:16expression which is just like what how
0:50:18dare you
0:50:20well it's i mean i-i I try to keep the
0:50:22show sophisticated but it's a it's you
0:50:25can't sit our lunch table that's what it
0:50:27is is that sets that feeling I mean I
0:50:28tell me I'm wrong but like that's
0:50:30exactly to me that's what the feeling is
0:50:32if i were to sit down and go through
0:50:33some Freudian analysis that's what it
0:50:35would end up at it would anything about
0:50:36some feeling of either like the sense of
0:50:39abandonment or when your little or a
0:50:42sense that that you know you thought
0:50:45that you thought that you were in but
0:50:48you weren't really in and then the pig's
0:50:50blood gets dumped on your head and and
0:50:52and so it with the clarity of a of not
0:50:57being on a not being on a a pasta roller
0:51:03coaster and I'm starting to kiss i'm
0:51:08starting to examine myself where I it in
0:51:12the sense that I the fog of war is
0:51:15starting to lift a little bit and I am I
0:51:19still feel just as a sailed i still feel
0:51:22that I still feel like westmoreland but
0:51:28I'm starting to also see that I am I am
0:51:32I mean I've always known that I was
0:51:34ridiculous but i'm starting to see how
0:51:36simple the ridiculousness is and that
0:51:40and that ultimately it's like am out an
0:51:44awful what an awful feeling but I mean
0:51:46it's a focal length problem where you're
0:51:48like oh my god that is the most
0:51:49incredible diorama train set I've ever
0:51:53seen and then it's like oh no it's a bet
0:51:55i'm sorry that's a nap
0:51:56billions is a picture out my hotel
0:51:59window of a street you're like oh fuck
0:52:02it's just but but actually like that
0:52:04since anybody's village
0:52:05yeah check that mean that's a relief in
0:52:08some ways because because reality is
0:52:10restored a little bit like a second ago
0:52:13you were amazed but you were amazed and
0:52:16and also it was a little scary that that
0:52:19someone would have that there are people
0:52:22out there so crazy and talented to have
0:52:24made a diorama of your city that looks
0:52:26so good and then you're like oh it's
0:52:28just a trick and I'm starting to
0:52:30starting to peel peel away some of the
0:52:32mind tricks I've been playing on myself
0:52:34and like but I but honestly I don't know
0:52:36what to do i am at war with so many of
0:52:39my friends and and honestly when I have
0:52:42to say when you and I started doing this
0:52:45podcast I was like oh my god I am so
0:52:48looking forward to this but it's
0:52:49probably gonna last a month because
0:52:51Merlin and i are going to get into a
0:52:52fight
0:52:53oh and then what will you know it wasn't
0:52:55it's not the craziest i-35 ever know but
0:52:58like that but you and I are both
0:53:00mercurial this was it this was an inner
0:53:02material here mercurial
0:53:05well this is the thing where we were
0:53:06going to surrounding town what the fuck
0:53:08you talking about
0:53:12I know and one of the you know and i
0:53:17think it's to our credit that we you
0:53:19know we have never let money intrude on
0:53:22the castle of st. John if we if we
0:53:24didn't do this we were yelling at chess
0:53:27pieces all the it's actually true but
0:53:29like so many of my of my close friends
0:53:31right now I'm like uh I he's against me
0:53:35and say why is he against you
0:53:37well because you didn't answer my texts
0:53:39well what did your text say well it said
0:53:43fuck off
0:53:45why would he answer it oh well he shows
0:53:49he should know what that means he should
0:53:51know that fuck off means high utilize
0:53:54your left but nature is coming
0:53:58no crazy crazy crazy crazy
0:54:01oh man this is so much as just get real
0:54:04man yeah so i think that you know i'm
0:54:06going to spend on the hob goodness it's
0:54:07basically the healing power of bacon
0:54:10I feel like I feel like a like I should
0:54:12go stand on the sidewalk in front of dan
0:54:14Benjamin's house in a white robe I think
0:54:20that would I think that would really
0:54:21freak him out
0:54:22chant his name i think it would be quick
0:54:24not doing they're saying dan and you
0:54:28said something in a video while you set
0:54:30it on stage while you're being videotape
0:54:32somebody asked you about a great line
0:54:35for picking up nerdy girls or something
0:54:37and he said something along the lines of
0:54:40I i haven't I i haven't i still havent
0:54:44assume my ultimate form right now is
0:54:47that from the Chicken McNugget video
0:54:48haha
0:54:50everybody got that no that's a that's a
0:54:53pokemon right
0:54:55have you seen that you can begin video
0:54:57no um can I spoil it for a little bit
0:55:00yeah like a security tape video is this
0:55:03got to be fake but i think my appeal a
0:55:06woman close to a woman goes to the
0:55:09drive-thru window at mcdonalds and it
0:55:11begins with her screaming at it at the
0:55:15person i think this is jermaine
0:55:17screaming at the person inside the
0:55:19sliding window about why the fuck they
0:55:21don't have chicken mcnuggets it he said
0:55:23they go ma'am is 1030am we don't have
0:55:26chicken mcnuggets right now and she she
0:55:29disagrees and says that they do have
0:55:30chicken mcnuggets she gets out she
0:55:32starts hitting the person she gets out
0:55:34of her car starts hitting the person
0:55:35screaming obscenities and saying all
0:55:37kinds of like crazy like lord of the
0:55:40rings shit are you know what she's
0:55:41talking about what she says don't make
0:55:43me assume my ultimate form
0:55:45uh-oh and then she breaks the window and
0:55:50you know hilarity ensues
0:55:51yeah yeah well that's it that's the same
0:55:54reference pokemon well or if not pokemon
0:55:57minutes like goku oh yeah that's where
0:56:02for lots of guys come on Lady a separate
0:56:04soccer now separate cause when you stick
0:56:08your sword in and twist it around like i
0:56:10said i don't think you have hentai haha
0:56:12weights i think that that's that when
0:56:14you type a schoolgirl no hentai is when
0:56:16a chicken chicken with the next next
0:56:18time
0:56:21[Music]