Roderick on the Line

Ep. 81: "It Tastes Like the Forest"


00:00:00   11 your girls are they on the pill don't [TS]

00:00:02   ever say that word again [TS]

00:00:05   [Music] [TS]

00:00:09   hello agent [TS]

00:00:12   hi Merlin has got good me too [TS]

00:00:22   my my my breath is bad because of the [TS]

00:00:29   because of the Atkins diet the change [TS]

00:00:35   and so tacky tacky tacky to it because [TS]

00:00:39   it's reflecting back off of my [TS]

00:00:41   microphone [TS]

00:00:42   haha no i'm talking into the microphone [TS]

00:00:44   and then my breath is shooting back at [TS]

00:00:46   me and it's not your typical like bad [TS]

00:00:49   breath of someone who doesn't brush his [TS]

00:00:51   teeth [TS]

00:00:51   it's this other worldly bad breath [TS]

00:00:56   I shouldn't ask but can you give me two [TS]

00:00:59   there is a sourness or a international [TS]

00:01:01   know it tastes it still tastes like the [TS]

00:01:04   forest tastes like juniper and regret it [TS]

00:01:10   tastes like if you took a spade and dug [TS]

00:01:14   into the dirt of a forest floor not too [TS]

00:01:18   deep [TS]

00:01:19   it's a little soil early moments it's a [TS]

00:01:22   little low me [TS]

00:01:23   yeah it does it taste like it tastes [TS]

00:01:25   like I've been eating racoon high and [TS]

00:01:29   you didn't like the record you're not [TS]

00:01:30   going to eat it I'm not gonna need a [TS]

00:01:31   raccoon unless I absolutely have to but [TS]

00:01:33   you you know this is the thing about [TS]

00:01:36   grass-fed beef that a lot of people [TS]

00:01:39   don't realize i make I'm transitioning [TS]

00:01:41   now to all I'm going on the Portlandia [TS]

00:01:44   diet I'm transitioning a over to only [TS]

00:01:48   eating animals whose name I know that's [TS]

00:01:51   so wise and the thing about animals that [TS]

00:01:54   eat grass and natural foods and not you [TS]

00:01:59   know corn and and other animals ground [TS]

00:02:03   into corn AKA poison the thing about [TS]

00:02:06   those animals is that they taste very [TS]

00:02:08   gamey they taste like moose they taste [TS]

00:02:10   right [TS]

00:02:11   I started to wonder if I just got a bad [TS]

00:02:13   load but I got some grass fed beef one [TS]

00:02:16   time and [TS]

00:02:17   it tasted like salmon to me right right [TS]

00:02:20   it tasted wrong wrong off ya off but it [TS]

00:02:24   isn't off that is the taste of cow that [TS]

00:02:27   has been heating dandelions which is [TS]

00:02:31   what they want [TS]

00:02:32   huh and so I'm having to recalibrate my [TS]

00:02:35   whole taste scenario because I'm like me [TS]

00:02:38   beef up now i'm going to eat this [TS]

00:02:40   healthy beef and it's like yes healthy [TS]

00:02:42   beef tastes like a moroccan leather [TS]

00:02:47   factory smells know if you've ever [TS]

00:02:52   smelled a moroccan leather factory by [TS]

00:02:54   the cologne but but it will put you off [TS]

00:02:57   it will put you off your your food for a [TS]

00:03:00   long time so it doesn't smell like [TS]

00:03:01   Alexis it smells like cow [TS]

00:03:03   it smells like it smells like cow that [TS]

00:03:06   has been stripped with a bone tool and [TS]

00:03:10   then like hung covered in flies outside [TS]

00:03:16   of a Moroccan butcher shop we read that [TS]

00:03:19   off a whole foods thing aren't you in [TS]

00:03:21   the hot Sun this is what they're [TS]

00:03:23   aspiring this me to taste like I have a [TS]

00:03:25   metric in life it's a metric I lived up [TS]

00:03:27   to every day but it's a you can call it [TS]

00:03:30   laziness if you like but i think one [TS]

00:03:32   good metric in life is like success can [TS]

00:03:35   be money success can be famous success [TS]

00:03:37   can be i think success as you get older [TS]

00:03:39   is reducing the amount of complexity in [TS]

00:03:41   your life so think about being young and [TS]

00:03:43   like having have a whole bunch of jobs [TS]

00:03:45   you don't like me can almost no money [TS]

00:03:47   like one nice bit of getting a little [TS]

00:03:49   older is you reduce the complexity of [TS]

00:03:51   having one job that lets you pay your [TS]

00:03:53   bills like that's you know it may sound [TS]

00:03:54   kind of simplistic but the problem is [TS]

00:03:57   like everything I look at obviously [TS]

00:04:00   getting off meth is good because it [TS]

00:04:02   reduces the complexity if you're [TS]

00:04:04   traveling it can be hard to find good [TS]

00:04:05   math racers it's true but like I said [TS]

00:04:08   we're traveling but yes let's see that [TS]

00:04:10   some people as they get older they go oh [TS]

00:04:13   like it's not enough for me to have the [TS]

00:04:15   ABC well brand of scotch [TS]

00:04:18   now I've got to have the glenlivet [TS]

00:04:20   excellent fish which is great and the [TS]

00:04:22   tasty but then pretty soon you can't [TS]

00:04:24   have a well brand anything again you [TS]

00:04:26   become beer guy and I'm worried that if [TS]

00:04:28   I improve my health [TS]

00:04:29   and I mean I don't need as much junk [TS]

00:04:31   food as i used because it doesn't make [TS]

00:04:33   me feel bad to eat a lot of junk food as [TS]

00:04:35   you're learning i guess but um but I [TS]

00:04:37   worry that like if I get on that whole [TS]

00:04:39   grass-fed thing i'm going to be paying [TS]

00:04:41   like forty dollars a pound for something [TS]

00:04:43   that tastes like Morocco yeah and then [TS]

00:04:46   eventually get used to that you know [TS]

00:04:47   what I mean yeah you had anything like [TS]

00:04:49   your music club McLuhan your fear me [TS]

00:04:53   I imagine I imagine for you maybe this [TS]

00:04:57   is something like with your ears like [TS]

00:04:58   you like you're very sensitive to sound [TS]

00:05:01   but you'd like you know you you can't [TS]

00:05:03   listen to bad sounding music you if you [TS]

00:05:06   would probably not want to listen like a [TS]

00:05:07   low quality mp3 for example right says [TS]

00:05:10   it's similar because I mean like I don't [TS]

00:05:11   mind that like I'm fine to rip it 320 or [TS]

00:05:14   loss now and I do actually hear the [TS]

00:05:16   difference even though I'm death which [TS]

00:05:17   means that the hand side away from have [TS]

00:05:18   to go to whole foods to get a burger you [TS]

00:05:20   just hold up your phone on the on the [TS]

00:05:22   muni just just click the volume button [TS]

00:05:26   all the way up and like check it out [TS]

00:05:28   blurred lines to do product if I hear [TS]

00:05:32   that goddamn Macklemore song one more [TS]

00:05:34   time he said nobody says and that's what [TS]

00:05:37   I'm gonna most talented he notices a [TS]

00:05:39   long series is he was his mom reminds [TS]

00:05:42   him that he was into girls since before [TS]

00:05:44   pre k I know now I was into girls before [TS]

00:05:48   pre before pre pretty for before pre k I [TS]

00:05:52   feel bad about macklemore because I the [TS]

00:05:55   hometown boys right at your home team [TS]

00:05:57   oh yeah and I like him personally I [TS]

00:05:58   think he's a very nice guy and he is a [TS]

00:06:01   super cool guy and and it's the classic [TS]

00:06:04   thing seattle thing as he's coming up [TS]

00:06:06   everybody's like oh my god local guide [TS]

00:06:09   check him out he's like making it he's [TS]

00:06:10   so cool and then as soon as he gets [TS]

00:06:12   popular than all the hipsters are hating [TS]

00:06:15   him and so I go to his video shoot the [TS]

00:06:17   other day and i'm at the video shoot [TS]

00:06:19   I like Macklemore I like him as a person [TS]

00:06:21   I'm there to support him and I am doing [TS]

00:06:25   my thing which is standing in a crowd [TS]

00:06:27   full of young people and I am commenting [TS]

00:06:30   on their territorial disappearance and [TS]

00:06:34   their behavior and I'm like look at [TS]

00:06:36   these young people they are almost human [TS]

00:06:39   beings [TS]

00:06:40   uh not quite but but [TS]

00:06:43   are edging toward it and i'm reporting [TS]

00:06:45   some of the things that that they are [TS]

00:06:46   you know that they're saying in the [TS]

00:06:48   crowd and I'm I'm just you know I'm [TS]

00:06:49   having my usual light-hearted fun at [TS]

00:06:51   other peoples expense these young people [TS]

00:06:54   are dumb that this is a completely [TS]

00:06:57   anonymous thing that I'm not you know [TS]

00:06:58   it's not like i'm naming them except [TS]

00:07:01   naming them in the general like young [TS]

00:07:03   people are you doing this on the [TS]

00:07:04   internet was doing it on the internet [TS]

00:07:06   brother and then out of nowhere a [TS]

00:07:09   booking agent from a local club a friend [TS]

00:07:11   of mine a guy who is now in his [TS]

00:07:14   mid-thirties and I think has always [TS]

00:07:17   identified himself as a young person and [TS]

00:07:19   now he's going through a little bit of [TS]

00:07:21   an identity crisis he is he is realizing [TS]

00:07:24   he's no longer young person but it [TS]

00:07:26   doesn't know he's not an old person yet [TS]

00:07:28   either he's 35 or something he's [TS]

00:07:29   somewhere in this middle ground he [TS]

00:07:31   doesn't clean at the reeds and he he [TS]

00:07:34   sends a tweet at me where he says oh [TS]

00:07:37   well at least you went to a thing that [TS]

00:07:40   you hate to talk about it on the [TS]

00:07:43   internet he said he said send me some [TS]

00:07:44   systems you know kind of shitty tweet [TS]

00:07:47   that was like that was trying to call me [TS]

00:07:50   out for a for like being at this event [TS]

00:07:54   and hating in quotes hating I was your [TS]

00:07:58   being a player hate I was hatin hatin on [TS]

00:08:01   the player and why did I go to the event [TS]

00:08:04   if I was just there to hate was the [TS]

00:08:07   implication of his kind of snarky tweet [TS]

00:08:09   and I wrote back and I was like what the [TS]

00:08:11   fuck are you talking about like first of [TS]

00:08:12   all all any of us do all any of us have [TS]

00:08:16   ever done is go to shows and snark like [TS]

00:08:20   what the fuck if you want to take that [TS]

00:08:22   from me you are depriving me of [TS]

00:08:24   eighty-five percent of my culture and [TS]

00:08:26   life stand in the back of the room of a [TS]

00:08:29   band that you adore we're your friends [TS]

00:08:31   with everybody in the band and in the [TS]

00:08:34   show and what is there to do except [TS]

00:08:36   snark about what people are wearing and [TS]

00:08:39   what dummies they are like this is [TS]

00:08:41   fundamental to my to my culture so i [TS]

00:08:47   write back and I'm like what's your [TS]

00:08:48   problem like get off my butt and he [TS]

00:08:51   keeps he keeps at it like you know like [TS]

00:08:54   a like [TS]

00:08:55   won't get off of this idea and and and [TS]

00:08:59   it felt very foreign felt very like it [TS]

00:09:02   felt very like what the fuck is behind [TS]

00:09:05   this [TS]

00:09:06   you know what i mean and i we took it [TS]

00:09:09   offline we were texting back and forth [TS]

00:09:11   he wouldn't he wouldn't get off he kinda [TS]

00:09:13   wouldn't get off this like righteous [TS]

00:09:15   stance and it turned into a small very [TS]

00:09:19   small but public feud between me and [TS]

00:09:21   this guy we're of course other people in [TS]

00:09:25   the town who is because Seattle is small [TS]

00:09:29   and everybody's got a fucking opinion [TS]

00:09:30   all these people get involved in any way [TS]

00:09:33   the long and the short of it is the [TS]

00:09:35   other day I go to macklemore's twitter [TS]

00:09:39   page and Macklemore isn't following me [TS]

00:09:42   anymore he used to follow me and now [TS]

00:09:45   Macklemore unfollowed me again I [TS]

00:09:47   Macklemore I can only guess that i [TS]

00:09:51   unfollowed me because of something [TS]

00:09:52   because I because i was being accused of [TS]

00:09:55   being a hater at his video shoot and now [TS]

00:10:00   now side there are some quadrants of [TS]

00:10:03   seattle in which i am I Macklemore hater [TS]

00:10:07   which I'm absolutely not [TS]

00:10:09   wow that's acrobatic you know what I [TS]

00:10:11   mean I'm a lover but now I'm in the [TS]

00:10:13   position of you can you know you can't [TS]

00:10:15   prove a negative i can't go out in the [TS]

00:10:17   world and say hey Macklemore lover here [TS]

00:10:20   coming through because it's just gonna [TS]

00:10:22   be like see he's just hate more [TS]

00:10:25   so anyway maybe he's just taking a break [TS]

00:10:28   he's a busy guy [TS]

00:10:29   yes true he's got he's he's you know [TS]

00:10:31   he's he's got a lot going on but still I [TS]

00:10:33   feel like very confusing sometimes when [TS]

00:10:36   somebody and follows you it's fairly [TS]

00:10:38   conspicuous he didn't make a point of it [TS]

00:10:40   but it's like we should let me tweak [TS]

00:10:44   tweak your apps [TS]

00:10:45   yeah i'm going to just affect some very [TS]

00:10:48   small changes would be nice but I tried [TS]

00:10:51   all the numbers back to your earlier [TS]

00:10:52   point yet grass there was a time there [TS]

00:10:56   was a time where i did not have any keys [TS]

00:11:00   the the guy this is when you were in [TS]

00:11:04   living in the van when he was living in [TS]

00:11:06   the yeah like what you have [TS]

00:11:07   narrator something when I i was i was [TS]

00:11:09   living in a ford aerostar in a carport [TS]

00:11:13   and the Aerostar was plugged in by an [TS]

00:11:16   extension cord to a battery charger to [TS]

00:11:20   the house so that i could open the the [TS]

00:11:23   back deck the lid of the trunk lid and [TS]

00:11:28   that would cause the light to go on and [TS]

00:11:30   I could read Stephen King novels [TS]

00:11:33   well I was trying to sleep it's tricky [TS]

00:11:35   was trying to sleep in this arrow star [TS]

00:11:37   and at a certain point the owner of the [TS]

00:11:39   house that was featuring the Aerostar [TS]

00:11:43   said as your friend you've been living [TS]

00:11:47   in my minivan my non-running minivan for [TS]

00:11:50   too long i'm gonna have to ask you for [TS]

00:11:52   my keys to my minivan but you know like [TS]

00:11:56   my house keys basically and then I [TS]

00:11:59   entered that realm where I had no keys [TS]

00:12:02   and i remember when i when i rejoined [TS]

00:12:08   the world I quit doing drugs I got a job [TS]

00:12:13   and i got my first set of keys i got i [TS]

00:12:18   got my own apartment again you know [TS]

00:12:20   after sort of a long period of no place [TS]

00:12:23   i got my own place and I got some keys [TS]

00:12:26   and then I got I got a job and they gave [TS]

00:12:28   me keys to my work and then I had keys [TS]

00:12:31   on this ring and i was like i am that [TS]

00:12:34   that was the point at which i was adding [TS]

00:12:36   stuff to my life and every new key i got [TS]

00:12:40   made me feel like more apart [TS]

00:12:43   uh-huh every I mean I totally agree and [TS]

00:12:46   to me like every key is a new obligation [TS]

00:12:50   a new debt when can you start it [TS]

00:12:52   take care of its nothin up there was a [TS]

00:12:54   lot of responsibility can be good like [TS]

00:12:56   if you want to be the captain of [TS]

00:12:57   industry in your case eventually with [TS]

00:12:59   you managed a you manage the bar you use [TS]

00:13:02   like a manager at a bar right yeah i did [TS]

00:13:04   the books and stuff and and eventually I [TS]

00:13:06   he's John I was one of those guys those [TS]

00:13:08   mid-nineties guys where I had a big [TS]

00:13:10   chain and it had 35 keys on it and I was [TS]

00:13:15   like what happened to me a few years ago [TS]

00:13:17   I had zero keys then I had like four [TS]

00:13:20   keys i felt good [TS]

00:13:21   great now I have 40 keys i feel like [TS]

00:13:24   shit isn't that weird and as you were [TS]

00:13:27   saying at that right now Merlin you know [TS]

00:13:30   what I did today I'm going through my [TS]

00:13:31   closets [TS]

00:13:32   I have too many tuxedos self-awareness [TS]

00:13:39   John not so many levels [TS]

00:13:41   I'm going through I'm going through my [TS]

00:13:42   closet I'm like wait a minute i have i [TS]

00:13:45   have multiple tuxedos and that is that's [TS]

00:13:49   crazy i have you were the only 1i think [TS]

00:13:51   you're the only one who didn't bitch [TS]

00:13:52   about having to then rent a brown tuxedo [TS]

00:13:54   you're at you will be a tuxedo man how [TS]

00:13:57   many you got how many it roughly right [TS]

00:13:59   being you know count you more than to [TS]

00:14:01   get more than to have more than two [TS]

00:14:02   tuxedos [TS]

00:14:03   I have a I have a I have a midnight blue [TS]

00:14:05   tuxedo I have a I have a you know your [TS]

00:14:08   standard black tuxedo then I have a [TS]

00:14:10   comedy black tuxedo just to say it's [TS]

00:14:15   good it's tubing to go to the flowers [TS]

00:14:17   say they currently so you can squirt [TS]

00:14:18   people with your flower girl but it's [TS]

00:14:20   like a tuxedo the Charles Nelson Reilly [TS]

00:14:21   on and uh you know celebrity match game [TS]

00:14:27   or something like its experience of life [TS]

00:14:28   match game after talk [TS]

00:14:30   it's a laugh tuxedo because it's got big [TS]

00:14:32   wide lapels and but it's a it was at in [TS]

00:14:35   its day it was a beautiful tuxedo still [TS]

00:14:37   is a nice tuxedo it's just stated she [TS]

00:14:39   was nineteen seventy-two yeah it's just [TS]

00:14:41   unfashionably cut okay and then I have a [TS]

00:14:44   couple of white dinner jacket says one [TS]

00:14:46   goes with some with some uh you know [TS]

00:14:48   matching black the tuxedo pants and all [TS]

00:14:53   that wouldn't be such a handsome look on [TS]

00:14:55   you [TS]

00:14:55   it's very nice that I have that boy if [TS]

00:14:57   you can go with you know what I'm [TS]

00:14:59   starting on the interactive what's a [TS]

00:15:00   white so so black identity called a [TS]

00:15:02   dinner jacket like if you wear like a [TS]

00:15:04   tuxedo at night you where you are the [TS]

00:15:06   black you know where the tails unless [TS]

00:15:07   you're fucking jiminy cricket but I [TS]

00:15:09   don't know why everyone again afternoon [TS]

00:15:11   or evening when you wear a white tuxedo [TS]

00:15:13   well there's some contention among the [TS]

00:15:16   the male fashion people about the [TS]

00:15:19   appropriateness of a white dinner jacket [TS]

00:15:20   some people say that it is only for the [TS]

00:15:23   tropics [TS]

00:15:25   so we're gonna let James Bond kind of [TS]

00:15:27   exactly you're wearing the white dinner [TS]

00:15:28   jacket if you are at a casino in Bimini [TS]

00:15:32   or in a curse al at Seattle is not in [TS]

00:15:38   the tropics and so one could argue and I [TS]

00:15:41   think people do argue that there's no [TS]

00:15:42   time at which it's appropriate to wear [TS]

00:15:44   white dinner jacket in seattle not even [TS]

00:15:47   if you were in the Navy but you know as [TS]

00:15:51   part of my job i'm often on cruise ships [TS]

00:15:53   now and cruise ships gobo go into the [TS]

00:15:58   tropics and so I feel like clinically [TS]

00:15:59   you're not there as a mixologist there [TS]

00:16:02   there's an entertainer and volleyball [TS]

00:16:06   yeah i mean the joco Cruz was the first [TS]

00:16:08   of these cruises that Jonathan Coulton [TS]

00:16:10   crews and now I'm going on another [TS]

00:16:11   cruise this fall that the the jesse [TS]

00:16:13   thorn is the maximum fun group so [TS]

00:16:16   cruising now is a part of my lifestyle [TS]

00:16:18   and now i have other and i already had a [TS]

00:16:21   white dinner jacket and now i have a [TS]

00:16:23   second white energy and I'm so anyway [TS]

00:16:26   like at exactly as you're saying i have [TS]

00:16:29   gone from living in a minivan to having [TS]

00:16:32   too many tuxedos and I'm afraid that i [TS]

00:16:36   am afraid that if I don't do something [TS]

00:16:38   if I don't arrest this trajectory I'm [TS]

00:16:42   going to be I'm going to drown in [TS]

00:16:44   tuxedos [TS]

00:16:46   that's the last thing you'll see is my [TS]

00:16:48   hand sticking up out of a pile of [TS]

00:16:51   ever-growing tuxedos and then I'll [TS]

00:16:52   because it's just a small notice in the [TS]

00:16:55   local paper look at local musician found [TS]

00:16:57   dead under a pile of ironic c/o holding [TS]

00:17:03   as I go down holding a bottle of 12 year [TS]

00:17:05   old single malt scotch that you like [TS]

00:17:07   anything to drink [TS]

00:17:08   leave it yeah I don't want to sound like [TS]

00:17:12   too much of it [TS]

00:17:13   hipster faker if I were wealthy man i [TS]

00:17:16   might have a different feeling about [TS]

00:17:17   this but you know my my keyring you see [TS]

00:17:20   my keyring yeah I have two keys [TS]

00:17:22   yeah the key to my house whenever key to [TS]

00:17:24   my office smart yeah and and a you know [TS]

00:17:28   if I need the car key i grab the car key [TS]

00:17:29   but I don't carry that around it's like [TS]

00:17:32   it puts holes in your pockets tool and [TS]

00:17:34   you see these people walking around now [TS]

00:17:35   you probably have like you look at you [TS]

00:17:37   have [TS]

00:17:38   21 modern car have you seen modern car [TS]

00:17:40   keys I mean they're the size of like a [TS]

00:17:42   like a like a box of like fireplace [TS]

00:17:45   matches sure I breakfast [TS]

00:17:47   yeah I've rented one and and [TS]

00:17:48   increasingly now you just put the key in [TS]

00:17:51   the proximity of the car and and the car [TS]

00:17:54   just knows it to you because I'm musk I [TS]

00:17:57   in fact that i have to do is get [TS]

00:17:58   somewhere near it just feels you on [TS]

00:18:00   moscow city [TS]

00:18:02   he he put you put biometrics in it [TS]

00:18:05   that's right that's right that was that [TS]

00:18:06   was his addition I don't know I i could [TS]

00:18:09   have more i can get more stuff but you [TS]

00:18:10   know I it sounds like such a stupid like [TS]

00:18:13   punk rock thing to say but like you know [TS]

00:18:15   whenever I i think we said this before [TS]

00:18:17   but like I feel like when I see somebody [TS]

00:18:19   who not only has a lot of keys but like [TS]

00:18:21   has a lot of keys that they want [TS]

00:18:23   everybody to see like I just see like a [TS]

00:18:26   security guard [TS]

00:18:27   yeah icic somebody who's like gotta get [TS]

00:18:30   I mean I that sounds silly but I mean [TS]

00:18:32   like I wonder how many of those keys [TS]

00:18:33   actually go to anything do you really [TS]

00:18:35   need all of them all the time [TS]

00:18:36   yes trying to beach there trying to be [TS]

00:18:38   Schneider from one day at a time [TS]

00:18:40   oh now that was a good look wasn't he [TS]

00:18:42   was using a cosplay Snyder you know he [TS]

00:18:46   was a slim guy but increasingly why is [TS]

00:18:49   that girl today that was off digging it [TS]

00:18:51   was a great effect [TS]

00:18:52   oh i know i like is often girl off to [TS]

00:18:55   the soft black yeah i see but here's the [TS]

00:19:01   thing this is this is where it all ties [TS]

00:19:02   together though is we should get back to [TS]

00:19:04   the tuxedos probably but it was all of [TS]

00:19:06   those things I think you have to ask [TS]

00:19:07   yourself something I say to my kids [TS]

00:19:08   sometimes when you're thinking about you [TS]

00:19:10   Jason Kidd Michael my kids when you're [TS]

00:19:13   thinking about your work you know you [TS]

00:19:15   get to those crossroads with your work [TS]

00:19:17   with your life and i think one [TS]

00:19:18   rhetorical question to quietly ask your [TS]

00:19:21   mind is what I want ten times more of [TS]

00:19:24   like if you if you're being treated a [TS]

00:19:26   certain way by an employer imagine [TS]

00:19:29   yourself staying there for wildwood you [TS]

00:19:30   want ten times more of that was like 10 [TS]

00:19:32   times more of work later you know your [TS]

00:19:34   own multiplier but you know I I think [TS]

00:19:37   like okay do I want what complexity do i [TS]

00:19:41   want to add like you know like I just [TS]

00:19:43   listened to an interview out bob was [TS]

00:19:45   interviewing this guy from PETA and [TS]

00:19:47   talking about like he brought up this [TS]

00:19:48   very basic things like when you travel [TS]

00:19:50   you gotta get your wheat bread you gotta [TS]

00:19:51   get your avocado [TS]

00:19:52   guys like it's not really all that hard [TS]

00:19:53   and I'm like well maybe travel as much [TS]

00:19:55   as i do like it's hard you know III it's [TS]

00:19:58   hard enough not to get something that [TS]

00:20:00   didn't fall out of a machine [TS]

00:20:02   mhm you know what i mean and i guess i [TS]

00:20:04   just think about like what what I want [TS]

00:20:06   to make a key coming back to math John [TS]

00:20:08   yes you do it seems like one of the hard [TS]

00:20:11   parts about being addicted to drugs and [TS]

00:20:13   generally if you're addicted to [TS]

00:20:14   cigarettes like worst-case scenario that [TS]

00:20:17   you can buy cigarettes a lot of places [TS]

00:20:19   yes you just talk a whole lot of places [TS]

00:20:21   like if the trend a you might be out of [TS]

00:20:23   luck but like you know if you've got a [TS]

00:20:25   score heroin like that's you're gonna [TS]

00:20:27   have to trust some people and it might [TS]

00:20:29   take a few minutes [TS]

00:20:30   yeah that that's true but but also if [TS]

00:20:35   you are if you are in the heroine buying [TS]

00:20:38   subculture you are you know what like it [TS]

00:20:43   seems to us that it is easy to get [TS]

00:20:46   cigarettes because because we're living [TS]

00:20:49   in the in the in the culture of where [TS]

00:20:53   we're living in a culture where however [TS]

00:20:54   much eight dollars for a pack of [TS]

00:20:56   cigarettes is not too much and we are [TS]

00:21:00   welcome in stores but there are people [TS]

00:21:02   you know a surprising number of people [TS]

00:21:05   for whom getting a pack of cigarettes is [TS]

00:21:08   a challenge and if you are living in a [TS]

00:21:11   heroine world you would be surprised you [TS]

00:21:16   that you could travel from town to town [TS]

00:21:18   and you're right you're you still are [TS]

00:21:21   going to have to like put in some [TS]

00:21:23   legwork but if you plan ahead you can [TS]

00:21:25   make some calls [TS]

00:21:26   ok whereas with cigarettes you might [TS]

00:21:28   just be out of luck I'm just saying like [TS]

00:21:29   the more stuff that you think about this [TS]

00:21:31   like I think everybody can ask [TS]

00:21:33   themselves like what are they worried [TS]

00:21:35   they won't be able to do or get once the [TS]

00:21:38   wheels hit the ground right and that [TS]

00:21:41   could be a drink that could be weed that [TS]

00:21:44   could be a handjob [TS]

00:21:45   I'm afraid that people live in a and you [TS]

00:21:48   know this is a like this is the thing [TS]

00:21:50   that I started to worry about a little [TS]

00:21:51   bit the the [TS]

00:21:52   that that I think in terms of other [TS]

00:21:55   people too much [TS]

00:21:58   not that I'm thinking about other people [TS]

00:22:00   but that I think in terms of other [TS]

00:22:02   people like you are [TS]

00:22:04   it sounds like based on some previous [TS]

00:22:05   conversations you do a you're doing a [TS]

00:22:08   little bit more sort of pre-filtering [TS]

00:22:10   like he seems like he's more stuff where [TS]

00:22:12   you kind of like filter it through a [TS]

00:22:14   notional point of view [TS]

00:22:16   yeah right and and and and so I feel [TS]

00:22:19   tradition i feel typically that other [TS]

00:22:22   people more or less cannot live without [TS]

00:22:26   their crutches and their crutches are [TS]

00:22:29   ridiculous or or the that there are a [TS]

00:22:33   lot of their crutches that people like [TS]

00:22:35   going to full-on like like clawing the [TS]

00:22:39   earth panic mode because they can't get [TS]

00:22:42   I mean you know you you [TS]

00:22:43   we've all been through it yeah i've been [TS]

00:22:45   i've been traveling with people where [TS]

00:22:47   they didn't have their they they forgot [TS]

00:22:49   their pillow you know they brought their [TS]

00:22:50   pillow with them on the trip skills a [TS]

00:22:52   kid with their stuffy [TS]

00:22:54   yeah that's why we're almost done if you [TS]

00:22:56   left that on the plane like it's it's [TS]

00:22:57   game over [TS]

00:22:58   it's game over and that but we're [TS]

00:22:59   talking about a thirty-year-old [TS]

00:23:00   personality menthol cigarettes let alone [TS]

00:23:02   menthol cigarettes right or let alone [TS]

00:23:05   you know food and drink people get [TS]

00:23:07   attached two pillows it's true but I'm [TS]

00:23:09   stop but I'm trying to stop thinking in [TS]

00:23:11   terms of other people in that way or [TS]

00:23:14   like as a as a you know as a a prism to [TS]

00:23:22   try and like break out all the different [TS]

00:23:25   colors of my own thought and and just [TS]

00:23:28   start kind of trying to try to stay more [TS]

00:23:31   stable more focused on what am I [TS]

00:23:34   thinking like I think your thing is your [TS]

00:23:36   idea is brilliant like what do I want [TS]

00:23:38   ten times more I i well i was i was [TS]

00:23:41   going to say it before you started [TS]

00:23:42   publicly agreeing with me but I think [TS]

00:23:43   that's a good way to be honestly have a [TS]

00:23:46   car here but I i think i think boy [TS]

00:23:48   anybody getting I mean like yours when [TS]

00:23:52   you start becoming dependent on what [TS]

00:23:54   anybody else thinks you're a little bit [TS]

00:23:55   fucked [TS]

00:23:56   well so the weird thing about this this [TS]

00:23:59   this Atkins because i have no you know [TS]

00:24:01   I've never gone on a diet before but [TS]

00:24:03   that the only reason I think this is it [TS]

00:24:05   not a leopard traditional ties well sure [TS]

00:24:08   I mean it's not easy and forget if you [TS]

00:24:10   took some graph paper in HB pencil [TS]

00:24:12   you've been on some extremely [TS]

00:24:14   interesting inconsistent diets it's true [TS]

00:24:16   it's true and one could argue that [TS]

00:24:17   walking six months in one direction is a [TS]

00:24:20   kind of joint as a kind of diet [TS]

00:24:21   yeah but I but this is the first time [TS]

00:24:25   that I have in my entire life Hadfield [TS]

00:24:27   44 years old my mind fully like [TS]

00:24:30   consciously said I'm going to make this [TS]

00:24:31   kind of a change in my intern right [TS]

00:24:33   right because up until now i have always [TS]

00:24:36   preferred to feel like i am as God made [TS]

00:24:40   me and he and throw what you have at me [TS]

00:24:44   and I will and I will consume it and i [TS]

00:24:47   will pick up salad i forgot throws it i [TS]

00:24:50   will make poo out of anything and now [TS]

00:24:56   I'm you know I'm concentrating on this [TS]

00:24:58   and I you know I did not weigh myself i [TS]

00:25:00   have not weighed myself because the [TS]

00:25:01   point that the point of this exercise [TS]

00:25:04   for me is to is really to go through a [TS]

00:25:07   door make a transition into a new way of [TS]

00:25:11   thinking which isn't a diet is a little [TS]

00:25:15   bit of a misnomer read a diet is this [TS]

00:25:16   thing the crazy people do for bikini [TS]

00:25:18   season but you sound like you're trying [TS]

00:25:20   to do something more different it's a [TS]

00:25:22   it's a thought technology right it is a [TS]

00:25:25   detective mindfulness yes that I am [TS]

00:25:28   constantly on and now i am extending [TS]

00:25:30   that that Truman Show bubble to include [TS]

00:25:33   also the things that I eat and what is [TS]

00:25:38   astonishing is that I actually feel that [TS]

00:25:44   I have stepped off a rollercoaster like [TS]

00:25:49   I do not in I do not enjoy eating this [TS]

00:25:52   way there is no you know there is no fun [TS]

00:25:55   in it that the second time I went into a [TS]

00:25:57   restaurant and order to double cheese [TS]

00:25:59   burger with no bun and SAT and ate it [TS]

00:26:02   out of a out of styrofoam container with [TS]

00:26:04   a plastic knife and fork high resolution [TS]

00:26:07   life felt yeah I felt like somebody had [TS]

00:26:10   taken my shoelaces because they were [TS]

00:26:13   worried I was going to hang myself in my [TS]

00:26:14   prison cell like it was I was like what [TS]

00:26:17   what has become of me like I ordered and [TS]

00:26:19   the person by the cash register was like [TS]

00:26:21   there's another one to take you know [TS]

00:26:23   like the new out the new know how to [TS]

00:26:24   throw up to two burger patties but i [TS]

00:26:28   don't i don't necessarily enjoy it but [TS]

00:26:30   this this fog that I felt like has been [TS]

00:26:34   on me for years [TS]

00:26:37   dislike this up-and-down up-and-down [TS]

00:26:40   kind of crazy crazy energy fluctuations [TS]

00:26:45   is is gone in two weeks I just I just I [TS]

00:26:50   just have this steady amount of energy [TS]

00:26:53   all day long i do not have not taken a [TS]

00:26:57   nap in the last two weeks or in the last [TS]

00:27:01   10 days and no nap [TS]

00:27:04   I mean a nap is like that's the whole [TS]

00:27:08   reason I get up in the morning is to [TS]

00:27:10   start looking forward to the nap in the [TS]

00:27:11   afternoon right and now it's just like I [TS]

00:27:13   just [TS]

00:27:14   it sounds like your sugar is stabilized [TS]

00:27:16   I'm not peeking i'm not i'm not i don't [TS]

00:27:19   feel like I'm drowning anymore under [TS]

00:27:21   exhaustion and I'm just puttering along [TS]

00:27:25   and it's like and this is just I'm not [TS]

00:27:28   even really taking care of myself i'm [TS]

00:27:30   just eating well you know one step at a [TS]

00:27:32   time one step at a time right [TS]

00:27:34   that's you know that's part of that I [TS]

00:27:36   don't think you're only probably guilty [TS]

00:27:38   of this i know i have been is that kind [TS]

00:27:39   of black and white thinking again [TS]

00:27:41   thinking of the PETA thing well you know [TS]

00:27:43   if I can't get rid of every conceivable [TS]

00:27:45   animal product in my life I should [TS]

00:27:47   probably keep torturing animals like [TS]

00:27:48   that that Cesaro internet thinking that [TS]

00:27:50   people go through like the idea of [TS]

00:27:52   hypocrisy that makes people just be [TS]

00:27:54   permanently stuck in like in silly [TS]

00:27:56   mediocrity [TS]

00:27:57   but you know i mean take stones i take [TS]

00:27:59   stones from being like I could give a [TS]

00:28:01   fuck about this like I'm going to give a [TS]

00:28:03   little bit of the fuck about this [TS]

00:28:04   yeah a little right and and and not and [TS]

00:28:07   not get all I'm not getting all crazy on [TS]

00:28:09   myself i'm not i didn't like go into my [TS]

00:28:11   freezer and and start to like the [TS]

00:28:15   throwing out all the Brooklyn yeah [TS]

00:28:18   throwing all the popsicles on a bonfire [TS]

00:28:20   in the backyard under a giant golden [TS]

00:28:22   eagle evangelizing no I mean only only [TS]

00:28:26   so much only so much as you and I have [TS]

00:28:28   not talked about it a couple times [TS]

00:28:30   that a is even then I feel awkward [TS]

00:28:34   except that I i feel like something [TS]

00:28:36   somehow you and I are past the point of [TS]

00:28:38   even trying not to you know bore the [TS]

00:28:42   shit out of people were just where we [TS]

00:28:44   are devoted to this cause i'm talking [TS]

00:28:49   about arpu food Hitler Hitler a little [TS]

00:28:53   bit of Hitler belgium comes up some now [TS]

00:28:56   and again I gotta learn more about [TS]

00:28:58   Belgium you know it's a fascinating [TS]

00:29:00   country i'm very happy to hear this [TS]

00:29:02   I i fell off the wagon with the eating [TS]

00:29:05   better in the last few weeks you know [TS]

00:29:07   its application stuff and started [TS]

00:29:10   kindergarten today so things have been a [TS]

00:29:12   little bit crazy but I'm gonna get back [TS]

00:29:14   into it because I remember that feeling [TS]

00:29:16   yeah and there's this one very hard to [TS]

00:29:20   be doing another podcast here but [TS]

00:29:21   there's something I've said a lot that i [TS]

00:29:23   really believe which is like once you [TS]

00:29:24   lose 30 pounds like potato chips don't [TS]

00:29:27   look as good right and the only reason i [TS]

00:29:29   can say that with such authority [TS]

00:29:31   I mean honestly to me was french fries [TS]

00:29:32   like the only reason i can say that with [TS]

00:29:34   authority is because i went from 36 to [TS]

00:29:37   33 and I really felt the difference you [TS]

00:29:40   know I I mean the thing is I when I walk [TS]

00:29:43   up the hill and I have to carry my [TS]

00:29:44   daughter I sometimes think when she was [TS]

00:29:46   younger I would think wow this this was [TS]

00:29:47   me everyday [TS]

00:29:48   yeah like I used to have to carry like a [TS]

00:29:50   small person when I walked up you know a [TS]

00:29:53   20-degree hill or whatever it was just [TS]

00:29:55   one person one person that was clutching [TS]

00:29:57   at your intestinal please check if she's [TS]

00:30:00   awake she could grab on [TS]

00:30:01   but like now is that extra little person [TS]

00:30:03   was a little bit of me and like it boy [TS]

00:30:05   ok I just you know let's rewind for just [TS]

00:30:09   a second did you say today was her first [TS]

00:30:11   day of kindergarten [TS]

00:30:12   yeah Mike pretty big deal [TS]

00:30:16   wow yeah it was a it was you [TS]

00:30:19   yeah anyway hey you know what we're [TS]

00:30:20   doing nothing just wasn't what was their [TS]

00:30:23   coloring and stuff was it was it fine [TS]

00:30:25   when she okay to go to school I i love [TS]

00:30:28   her school but you know don't get me [TS]

00:30:31   started on institutions you know I just [TS]

00:30:33   this is what I'm worried about because [TS]

00:30:34   where we are investigating we have [TS]

00:30:36   joined a co-op that's a week we didn't [TS]

00:30:38   call for three years my doctor today are [TS]

00:30:40   my uh my daughter to post doc [TS]

00:30:42   that her preschool well so they do next [TS]

00:30:44   year yeah they sent out an email and [TS]

00:30:46   they were like we need we need people we [TS]

00:30:50   need sunshine helpers we need what did [TS]

00:30:55   they want [TS]

00:30:56   okay I'm just gonna brace yourself [TS]

00:30:58   because you think you if you think you [TS]

00:31:00   been experiencing it [TS]

00:31:01   sorry is that never by eight if you've [TS]

00:31:03   been living in that kind of you know [TS]

00:31:05   weird parenting bubble get ready because [TS]

00:31:08   it's gonna be so much of your [TS]

00:31:09   personality you're just gonna have to [TS]

00:31:11   let go of when you're around a lot of [TS]

00:31:12   places i mean we have to select through [TS]

00:31:15   so many discussions that are very poorly [TS]

00:31:18   organized there's going to be a lot of [TS]

00:31:20   forms that could have been laid out a [TS]

00:31:21   lot better [TS]

00:31:22   there's a lot of signs with you know bad [TS]

00:31:25   punctuation and typography comic sounds [TS]

00:31:27   comic sans or like there's the one the [TS]

00:31:31   one that my daughter's teacher uses just [TS]

00:31:32   it's it's not it's not pathetic is not [TS]

00:31:36   aerial it's kind of a stylized like you [TS]

00:31:39   know future up meats like a stork it's [TS]

00:31:42   just me but no I i suffered under that [TS]

00:31:45   and also I think there's a lot of hazing [TS]

00:31:47   I think that people who are very [TS]

00:31:48   comfortable being like a suburban mom or [TS]

00:31:51   dad and they take it out on people like [TS]

00:31:52   you and me [TS]

00:31:53   yeah we're just gonna not was not [TS]

00:31:55   totally like hipster tattoo doofuses [TS]

00:31:58   with barbells in their nose but we're [TS]

00:32:00   also not like wearing-- castle loafers [TS]

00:32:02   like we are the Forgotten men i I'll i [TS]

00:32:08   want to i want to be on the board of [TS]

00:32:10   directors just because just because it's [TS]

00:32:13   obvious cuz that's where I belong you [TS]

00:32:15   should have a coup and then very shortly [TS]

00:32:17   after that become the you know just like [TS]

00:32:19   either eliminate the board of directors [TS]

00:32:21   or making it right there with you know [TS]

00:32:25   the coop chats kick ya put it put it up [TS]

00:32:28   to a vote that there that that there [TS]

00:32:30   should be that all board board of [TS]

00:32:32   directors are equal except some are more [TS]

00:32:35   equal than others [TS]

00:32:36   maybe you should does stage like arson [TS]

00:32:38   of the art room [TS]

00:32:40   well with other people is just just like [TS]

00:32:43   it's like your own personal personal [TS]

00:32:45   rights dog icepick the the assistant [TS]

00:32:48   teacher what I'm what I'm afraid of [TS]

00:32:51   is everything I am absolutely one [TS]

00:32:54   hundred percent afraid of being in a [TS]

00:32:58   position of well basically having to [TS]

00:33:02   subjugate myself to the Borg it's so i [TS]

00:33:10   found it i have no one to talk to about [TS]

00:33:12   this i found it's so difficult [TS]

00:33:15   it made me realize i'm not saying this [TS]

00:33:16   is you but me and made me realize how [TS]

00:33:18   much of a man-child i am in some ways [TS]

00:33:20   like I'm so used to like I I don't like [TS]

00:33:25   having to like it should be fucking [TS]

00:33:27   40-some years to get to where I like I [TS]

00:33:29   don't hate my personality and so I think [TS]

00:33:32   I'm almost like out of this Merlin [TS]

00:33:33   closet or like I just I I'm very [TS]

00:33:35   reluctant to go gently into someone [TS]

00:33:38   else's goodnight right now you ever let [TS]

00:33:41   me hear you roar [TS]

00:33:42   well I don't have to be like I don't [TS]

00:33:43   have to be a cock don't have to always [TS]

00:33:44   be the center of attention but at the [TS]

00:33:46   same time there's like there's just [TS]

00:33:47   there's a lot of times when I've had to [TS]

00:33:49   go like okay I've worked on my own for a [TS]

00:33:50   lot of years I've had gotten to be like [TS]

00:33:53   whatever it is that i am for a lot of [TS]

00:33:55   years and there's times when you're the [TS]

00:33:57   first meeting at my daughter's co-op [TS]

00:33:58   school which was i I mean like I will I [TS]

00:34:01   can't imagine my daughter ever going to [TS]

00:34:02   another school is great as her co-op [TS]

00:34:03   school weekend my wife mostly work there [TS]

00:34:05   I work there [TS]

00:34:06   it's great it's great gig it's so much [TS]

00:34:08   less expensive than like a regular like [TS]

00:34:10   you know penitentiary style Driscoll [TS]

00:34:14   because you're there you're it's it's a [TS]

00:34:15   great way to watch your kid get better [TS]

00:34:16   at being a kid but and you learn to [TS]

00:34:18   watercolor again but you know it's also [TS]

00:34:21   it's cool because like the people there [TS]

00:34:23   who are dicks have a stake in it like [TS]

00:34:25   there are people who still want to like [TS]

00:34:26   just drop the kids off and drive away [TS]

00:34:28   but there's a lot of people there who [TS]

00:34:29   were there because they believe in the [TS]

00:34:30   school they believe what's going on [TS]

00:34:32   you can take that too far and like [TS]

00:34:33   heaven some of these schools they make [TS]

00:34:35   you read a book before you can go there [TS]

00:34:36   like they have like I too was a temp [TS]

00:34:39   homocysteine out a persuasive theory [TS]

00:34:42   like the HP this place has a different [TS]

00:34:45   like philosophy but the I don't want to [TS]

00:34:48   have my commitment to smart sparkle [TS]

00:34:50   motion doubt it [TS]

00:34:51   no no no butBut you know but here's the [TS]

00:34:53   thing it the first thing that well two [TS]

00:34:56   things from just quickly in this case [TS]

00:34:58   first of all that like how much I showed [TS]

00:35:01   up feeling like of course i always feel [TS]

00:35:02   like the worst father in the world no [TS]

00:35:03   matter where i go i'm always liked my [TS]

00:35:05   gosh there's so many things I could be [TS]

00:35:06   doing so much better but I got there [TS]

00:35:08   kidding me [TS]

00:35:08   do you honestly feel that way yeah and [TS]

00:35:11   and I got there anything like two [TS]

00:35:12   minutes i felt like i was a student [TS]

00:35:14   council meeting because it was it was [TS]

00:35:16   like but at the greatest school in the [TS]

00:35:17   world was like the people who like where [TS]

00:35:20   the you know as you say that the board [TS]

00:35:21   of directors or whatever like the people [TS]

00:35:22   who were like the head of the [TS]

00:35:24   three-year-olds group the four-year-old [TS]

00:35:25   trip it was just like student council [TS]

00:35:27   and it was it was like this weird but [TS]

00:35:29   not popularity contest but there are [TS]

00:35:31   some people who cared so intensely about [TS]

00:35:33   governing like you know whether you had [TS]

00:35:35   to wear shoes in the bike area or [TS]

00:35:37   whatever and second the first meeting I [TS]

00:35:39   ever want to at this school the greatest [TS]

00:35:41   of all schools they talked about the [TS]

00:35:43   problem of chicken poop for 25 minutes [TS]

00:35:47   because this one is for chicken to run [TS]

00:35:49   around IC and apparently one of the moms [TS]

00:35:52   was pretty upset because some of the [TS]

00:35:54   chicken matter had gotten on to her [TS]

00:35:57   child's shoe and that came into the [TS]

00:35:59   house and that led to a larger [TS]

00:36:00   discussion of just sanitation in general [TS]

00:36:02   and like should we even have chickens it [TS]

00:36:04   off we have chickens [TS]

00:36:05   should there be somebody who's [TS]

00:36:06   monitoring the the chicken area more [TS]

00:36:08   closely right and you know your question [TS]

00:36:11   that's like that i think it's attributed [TS]

00:36:12   to Kissinger you know start to go [TS]

00:36:14   through your head you know the stakes [TS]

00:36:15   are some steaks for supper but you know [TS]

00:36:17   but but I'm sorry I'm going on but I [TS]

00:36:20   want the big pattern here is like for me [TS]

00:36:22   it's one thing to sit around and poison [TS]

00:36:25   my daughter's mind with with comics but [TS]

00:36:28   like then i have to go up and be around [TS]

00:36:29   other people and even like the coolest [TS]

00:36:30   people in the world I feel like I'm [TS]

00:36:32   always like I it's pushing me forward [TS]

00:36:35   because now like my all of my failures [TS]

00:36:37   exposed all these people and but that I [TS]

00:36:40   would not trade that experience for the [TS]

00:36:41   world [TS]

00:36:42   I mean it was you know a you know what [TS]

00:36:45   is the last thing on this it's like it's [TS]

00:36:47   like hiring a doula or it is like [TS]

00:36:50   finding a psychiatrist [TS]

00:36:52   it is like finding a mate like don't [TS]

00:36:56   start with the role like start with [TS]

00:36:58   finding somebody that you like like [TS]

00:36:59   we're gonna find a school that you like [TS]

00:37:01   before you find a school [TS]

00:37:02   you got a problem is the problem with [TS]

00:37:04   that Merlin is that I rejected the idea [TS]

00:37:06   of a doula [TS]

00:37:07   and why we please talk to liz its [TS]

00:37:10   endpoint and I reject the idea of a [TS]

00:37:12   psychiatrist and I and I'm for education [TS]

00:37:17   really have not have not fully embraced [TS]

00:37:20   the idea of finding a mate [TS]

00:37:22   what about chickens got a thought and I [TS]

00:37:24   don't have chickens don't everybody [TS]

00:37:26   don't have heritage chickens and [TS]

00:37:28   everybody comes over to my house says [TS]

00:37:29   you have a barn every year everybody in [TS]

00:37:31   the city is buying chickens [TS]

00:37:34   you're the only guy that has that [TS]

00:37:35   actually has a barn [TS]

00:37:37   why don't you have chickens and I'm like [TS]

00:37:38   right because chickens because why do [TS]

00:37:41   you need fucking chickens right exactly [TS]

00:37:43   except my legs really show up and within [TS]

00:37:45   it within a month like you get your [TS]

00:37:47   tattoo you get your fixie and get two [TS]

00:37:49   chickens [TS]

00:37:49   well here's I feel like a weird but I [TS]

00:37:51   feel about the chicken you have is [TS]

00:37:53   chicken or chicken that thing they're [TS]

00:37:54   chickens are huge and everything [TS]

00:37:55   everywhere [TS]

00:37:56   okay what what I feel about the chickens [TS]

00:37:58   and the and the organic farming both of [TS]

00:38:01   which things I am encouraged by every [TS]

00:38:03   person who comes here to embark upon [TS]

00:38:06   like why aren't you [TS]

00:38:08   I looks like a little suggestion box for [TS]

00:38:10   John's house why are things I can't [TS]

00:38:11   believe John is an icy winds our why [TS]

00:38:14   don't you make why don't you build a big [TS]

00:38:16   organic garden and what I realize about [TS]

00:38:18   those things that is that those are [TS]

00:38:20   mating rituals that you once you and [TS]

00:38:24   your partner have exhausted all of the [TS]

00:38:28   episodic television and you are staring [TS]

00:38:30   across the breakfast table at one [TS]

00:38:32   another and contemplating being together [TS]

00:38:35   for decades and you realize like I don't [TS]

00:38:41   want to be like my parents I don't want [TS]

00:38:42   to be like my grandparents what are we [TS]

00:38:43   going to do you embark upon a mutual [TS]

00:38:46   project like starting a garden where you [TS]

00:38:49   are now going to eat out of this garden [TS]

00:38:51   it's a merry old time [TS]

00:38:53   but it's really a way of it's a it's a [TS]

00:38:57   way of of stitching your relationship [TS]

00:39:00   together with a kind of mutual you know [TS]

00:39:04   like here are values in bright red tape [TS]

00:39:08   and we're living our were walking our [TS]

00:39:11   talk and we're living our life together [TS]

00:39:13   and for me as a bachelor the idea of [TS]

00:39:16   going out and killing a little organic [TS]

00:39:18   garden for myself again feels like a [TS]

00:39:22   prison activity take think they take [TS]

00:39:25   your shoelaces the way they give you to [TS]

00:39:26   hamburger patties with cheese in a [TS]

00:39:28   styrofoam bucket and then you've got [TS]

00:39:30   like your six-by-eight plot and you're [TS]

00:39:34   out there you're out there trying to [TS]

00:39:36   keep the rabbits out of your letters and [TS]

00:39:39   that's what keeps you [TS]

00:39:40   let's do you remember thinking [TS]

00:39:42   everybody's like in college like I would [TS]

00:39:44   meet i would meet a lady and like we [TS]

00:39:47   would just sit and get going to like you [TS]

00:39:49   know like if you leave the party you'd [TS]

00:39:52   be xing it go to like an abandoned [TS]

00:39:54   classroom and you could talk for 18 [TS]

00:39:56   hours just talking just talk about [TS]

00:39:57   whatever talk about the flintstones [TS]

00:39:58   whatever she fly her forehead on your [TS]

00:40:00   shoes it be in the dark you like quite a [TS]

00:40:03   thing yet it was just a kind of talking [TS]

00:40:06   about whatever he's talking about [TS]

00:40:07   whatever man whatever its just oh my god [TS]

00:40:10   you too [TS]

00:40:10   oh my god and then you need projects [TS]

00:40:13   when you get older and let's be honest [TS]

00:40:14   the biggest project is a kid right now i [TS]

00:40:16   have somebody that this is probably a [TS]

00:40:18   very old cliché it's probably like you [TS]

00:40:19   know like a more solid joke or something [TS]

00:40:20   but like you know when you will run out [TS]

00:40:22   of things to talk to somebody like [TS]

00:40:25   that's when the words will you marry me [TS]

00:40:26   right well your mouth and and all you [TS]

00:40:29   have to do is go to an ikea on a [TS]

00:40:30   Saturday afternoon and you're seeing all [TS]

00:40:33   the people better that are either right [TS]

00:40:35   before that or were right in the heart [TS]

00:40:37   of its projects projects project just [TS]

00:40:39   you know she's a she's pushing the cart [TS]

00:40:41   and he is kind of walking along beside [TS]

00:40:44   and they are just picking out storage [TS]

00:40:46   solutions is wondering what Swedish for [TS]

00:40:48   ricin and and for me like I did not I [TS]

00:40:53   did not escape it [TS]

00:40:55   i but i but i but I went through a lot [TS]

00:40:58   of those sort of as solo like I built a [TS]

00:41:04   nest for myself here unconscious [TS]

00:41:06   that that's really what i was doing and [TS]

00:41:08   I did it all by myself so that my house [TS]

00:41:11   looks like uh hunting lodge that that [TS]

00:41:16   where someone set off a grandma bomb but [TS]

00:41:20   there's also there's no and they pick up [TS]

00:41:21   what are you thinking of course right [TS]

00:41:23   not gonna put that there what are you [TS]

00:41:24   doing right there is no one but by the [TS]

00:41:26   time anyone could have said seven [TS]

00:41:29   different mismatched plays paisley [TS]

00:41:32   patterns is not a style it is a mind [TS]

00:41:37   riot by the time anybody could have said [TS]

00:41:39   that to me it was too late [TS]

00:41:41   yeah and they all they could do was [TS]

00:41:42   stand there with their hands on their [TS]

00:41:43   hips and go wow amazing and I'm like I [TS]

00:41:46   know right kind of kind of like kind of [TS]

00:41:49   like tripping out isn't it [TS]

00:41:51   go ahead sit on the couch if you can [TS]

00:41:52   find the couch part so so I'm kind of [TS]

00:41:57   now going through this idea i had not [TS]

00:41:59   thought of it this way i really had nine [TS]

00:42:01   there was nobody to keep me from buying [TS]

00:42:04   10 copies of The Adventures of [TS]

00:42:06   Huckleberry Finn because i was afraid [TS]

00:42:08   that it was gonna get banned and I was [TS]

00:42:11   gonna have the last stash of them to [TS]

00:42:13   hand out to people on the street there [TS]

00:42:15   was no one to stop me from decorating my [TS]

00:42:19   house with amplifiers and I have built a [TS]

00:42:23   nest you're there John I really am and I [TS]

00:42:26   know you're like Michael you're like [TS]

00:42:27   Berkeley I don't love everything you do [TS]

00:42:29   but I'm so glad you're there [TS]

00:42:30   haha but the but the problem is that now [TS]

00:42:34   I have built a nest and now i have a [TS]

00:42:36   child and I am that and the child's [TS]

00:42:38   mother and I are very close and we live [TS]

00:42:41   in a very kind of communal atmosphere it [TS]

00:42:44   you know in a way is everything that I [TS]

00:42:47   if you had asked me 10 years ago like [TS]

00:42:50   how I imagined it [TS]

00:42:52   it is that it has happened but but i [TS]

00:42:56   have i've maintained so much of my own [TS]

00:42:58   like I kept my my back [TS]

00:43:07   up my castle and now i'm now i'm in the [TS]

00:43:11   in this castle and I feel a little [TS]

00:43:14   ridiculous like that the castle grounds [TS]

00:43:17   are all being guarded by other yeah [TS]

00:43:18   that's the pre-filter John you should [TS]

00:43:20   not feel ridiculous way I'm standing up [TS]

00:43:23   here with my flag [TS]

00:43:25   you know I have a collection of flags [TS]

00:43:26   yeah and and i realized today because [TS]

00:43:29   our our good friend cat Miriam yeah so I [TS]

00:43:36   my friend of the show and the show I [TS]

00:43:38   think she might whenever I have around [TS]

00:43:40   the city but I think she might be our uh [TS]

00:43:41   amongst other things are official [TS]

00:43:43   statistician well I and anna and I'm [TS]

00:43:46   beginning to feel like chief archivist [TS]

00:43:47   but-but-but so I post a picture of a [TS]

00:43:52   jacket that i have that i thought was [TS]

00:43:54   like a vintage could you donate Navy [TS]

00:43:58   officers code like it's clearly a [TS]

00:44:00   captain's jacket I thought maybe like [TS]

00:44:03   french coast guard auxiliary I wasn't [TS]

00:44:06   sure but I posted a picture of this i [TS]

00:44:08   was trying to crowdsource wear this [TS]

00:44:10   jacket was from and I got your usual [TS]

00:44:13   snarky answers from everybody and then I [TS]

00:44:17   that and then some legit fucking [TS]

00:44:20   question some legit tries people were [TS]

00:44:22   like I don't believe that's an American [TS]

00:44:23   and I was like well right but what is it [TS]

00:44:26   and it was like not US military there [TS]

00:44:28   were some people taking some stabs at it [TS]

00:44:29   and then she comes in out of the blue [TS]

00:44:32   with a link to the this exact jacket and [TS]

00:44:37   I didn't even post a whole picture but i [TS]

00:44:39   just posted a picture of the sleeve [TS]

00:44:40   she's good she has the entire jacket and [TS]

00:44:42   it is a yacht club Commodore retired [TS]

00:44:48   dress blues and I was like so close and [TS]

00:44:55   yet so far [TS]

00:44:55   how did this how did this fight I mean [TS]

00:44:58   it's like I want wherever I got this [TS]

00:45:00   jacket [TS]

00:45:00   it must have it must have crawled out of [TS]

00:45:04   the truck and situated itself on top of [TS]

00:45:07   an of a rafter and as I was walking by [TS]

00:45:09   it left we got yacht club Commodore [TS]

00:45:13   common tired ret [TS]

00:45:15   right okay former Commodores so there's [TS]

00:45:19   a current company for the current [TS]

00:45:20   Commodore of the yacht club he wears a [TS]

00:45:23   different coat [TS]

00:45:24   ok this is this is the the former the [TS]

00:45:28   former Commodore if once once a comment [TS]

00:45:31   or always a comedy ask marine so it once [TS]

00:45:34   you have been the Commodore of your [TS]

00:45:35   yacht club you graduate you are always [TS]

00:45:37   able to wear this gentleman door and [TS]

00:45:39   there is America's which is a fantastic [TS]

00:45:41   it's a fantastic code and and so then [TS]

00:45:45   i'm online i am researching yacht club [TS]

00:45:48   literally typing its greatness be fired [TS]

00:45:52   yacht club Commodore yacht club [TS]

00:45:54   Commodore former right um and I'm so I'm [TS]

00:45:59   now i'm in this yacht club world i had [TS]

00:46:00   no idea that members of yacht clubs had [TS]

00:46:02   ranks there's an entire ranking system [TS]

00:46:04   as as as like elaborate and bizarre as [TS]

00:46:10   the as the very essence of congolese [TS]

00:46:14   navy or whatever it's got let you know [TS]

00:46:16   you could you can you can be a bosun's [TS]

00:46:18   mate it the yacht club anyway I'm i'm [TS]

00:46:22   flipping through this and all of a [TS]

00:46:23   sudden I see these flags which I've had [TS]

00:46:26   I have a flag with a giant acorn on it [TS]

00:46:29   and a flag with crossed feathers on it [TS]

00:46:32   and I've had them for a long time I [TS]

00:46:35   their part of my collection of flags and [TS]

00:46:39   I learned in on this website that the [TS]

00:46:42   acorn is the flag that you fly from your [TS]

00:46:44   yacht if you are the treasurer of the ox [TS]

00:46:48   0 because the treasure is collecting [TS]

00:46:52   acorns for the this is international or [TS]

00:46:56   mean if you are a yacht club in but this [TS]

00:46:57   is this is in a book somewhere this is [TS]

00:46:59   codified yeah right and the cross [TS]

00:47:01   feathers of course is the Secretary of [TS]

00:47:04   the yacht club so i'm flying all these [TS]

00:47:08   weird yacht club flags here around [TS]

00:47:09   around the good ship blow Roderick pop [TS]

00:47:13   and I I had no idea what they meant i [TS]

00:47:18   did you and thankies Thank You code [TS]

00:47:20   right yeah Thank oh right i was flying a [TS]

00:47:22   green hanky and my back left pocket i [TS]

00:47:24   didn't know that if I was slippery roads [TS]

00:47:26   right and [TS]

00:47:28   and that Miriam solves all these [TS]

00:47:32   problems in one fell swoop and also [TS]

00:47:33   somehow completely a like completely by [TS]

00:47:38   happenstance I already own a retired [TS]

00:47:43   Commodores jacket I didn't have to go [TS]

00:47:46   through any of the like where is I may [TS]

00:47:49   already have a retired director of CIA [TS]

00:47:51   jacket and I just don't realize that you [TS]

00:47:54   just need to send her some some photos I [TS]

00:47:57   need to send her photos of everything [TS]

00:47:58   she could be your personal archives to [TS]

00:48:00   so I'm saying I think you and you may [TS]

00:48:02   have finally found you you lament this [TS]

00:48:04   every every few months about what you [TS]

00:48:06   gonna do like with the history of all [TS]

00:48:07   the items in your home like how how will [TS]

00:48:09   that be passed on to the future [TS]

00:48:10   generations [TS]

00:48:11   she's very scientific John I don't want [TS]

00:48:14   to go into too much personal detail but [TS]

00:48:15   catamarans very scientific [TS]

00:48:17   all I'm saying is that that that that [TS]

00:48:19   that that mystery at least is solved and [TS]

00:48:25   why it is that I that you know because i [TS]

00:48:28   asked people to solutely when they come [TS]

00:48:30   into the house and at a certain point I [TS]

00:48:32   change to a kind of open-handed salute [TS]

00:48:34   rather than your closed and salute what [TS]

00:48:37   I'm not sure I'm had no nothing like [TS]

00:48:39   Hitler open-handed like you know like a [TS]

00:48:42   a classic sort of got a wave not a wave [TS]

00:48:45   that you're still touching the tip of [TS]

00:48:47   your glasses with the hand ok just your [TS]

00:48:49   palm out so I know what you mean like [TS]

00:48:53   sort of it left hand kinda get it right [TS]

00:48:55   like like you're like you're the the [TS]

00:48:57   governor-general in the Raj let me love [TS]

00:49:01   you let you watch it because I was I was [TS]

00:49:03   I was feeling like a Commodore is it [TS]

00:49:05   fair to say you probably know more about [TS]

00:49:07   military and fake military clothing than [TS]

00:49:11   most people in seattle be honest you [TS]

00:49:14   probably the top i'd be in the top 5% 5% [TS]

00:49:17   ok if you go to the coop meeting like [TS]

00:49:21   the second meeting dressed as a former [TS]

00:49:24   Commodore yeah club people think it's [TS]

00:49:26   pretty fucking weird but if you're [TS]

00:49:28   consistent if you always show up in some [TS]

00:49:32   kind of military garb no one is going to [TS]

00:49:35   fuck with you right but it's but every [TS]

00:49:37   but one day I'm a colonel in the Air [TS]

00:49:38   Force [TS]

00:49:39   well one day i'm wearing desert [TS]

00:49:41   fatigues there are people with honorary [TS]

00:49:44   degrees and consoles doctor there's no [TS]

00:49:46   reason you can't be there is no fucking [TS]

00:49:48   reason you can't be an honorary [TS]

00:49:49   Commodore I'm saying is if you show up [TS]

00:49:50   at this place and you and you want to [TS]

00:49:52   have this is a certain will to power [TS]

00:49:54   you may be able to go in there dress for [TS]

00:49:56   the job you want to write well but this [TS]

00:49:58   is the thing I don't want to go up [TS]

00:49:59   I've already begun compiling the the [TS]

00:50:02   uniform of a member of the board of [TS]

00:50:06   directors of your child's up at times it [TS]

00:50:09   felt like at least it would be like a [TS]

00:50:11   patagonia fleece well see now that's [TS]

00:50:13   where you wouldn't have a water bottle i [TS]

00:50:15   have not been to this meeting yet so i'm [TS]

00:50:18   guessing that that's what that's what [TS]

00:50:20   you're gonna follow that is gonna be [TS]

00:50:21   enlisted men think that's right ok got [TS]

00:50:24   it sorry [TS]

00:50:24   so obviously tweed jacket patches on the [TS]

00:50:30   elbows knit squared bottom time it's [TS]

00:50:35   selling Michael Keaton in like a grain [TS]

00:50:37   it that's right no you're absolutely [TS]

00:50:39   right Michael Keaton 83 [TS]

00:50:41   yeah black plaid button-down sort of nor [TS]

00:50:44   sport shirt hot smart look I don't know [TS]

00:50:48   though I think the military thing I met [TS]

00:50:50   my am but then crewneck sweater on top [TS]

00:50:53   of the shirt i just saw oceans 11 for [TS]

00:50:57   the first time I think you should bring [TS]

00:50:59   back the the the giant turtle neck [TS]

00:51:02   almost cowl-neck ridiculously large [TS]

00:51:04   turtleneck shirt that like a sweater [TS]

00:51:06   like a big big you don't talk about [TS]

00:51:08   using the movie but for some reason like [TS]

00:51:09   three different guys in the movie [TS]

00:51:10   especially Matt Damon are wearing these [TS]

00:51:12   cool like fishermen kind of sweaters [TS]

00:51:14   like you know vertical ribbing but with [TS]

00:51:17   these giant giant turns out the captain [TS]

00:51:20   haddock sweater em high [TS]

00:51:22   the captain haddock sweater from going [TS]

00:51:24   to get the former captain the retired [TS]

00:51:26   captain had so it's called me look that [TS]

00:51:27   up it's a smart like I could not pull [TS]

00:51:29   that off you would look awesome in that [TS]

00:51:31   you know the thing about captain haddock [TS]

00:51:33   is that his first of all his sweater has [TS]

00:51:35   a giant anchor on it captain and oh and [TS]

00:51:40   apparently the cartoon character but [TS]

00:51:42   yeah yeah what are you not attending [TS]

00:51:44   reader [TS]

00:51:45   uh yes haha oh outed outed as a non [TS]

00:51:53   Tintin reader he's got a pipe [TS]

00:51:55   that's gotta understand how he looks a [TS]

00:51:57   little like Bluto that's right i guess [TS]

00:51:59   what else he's from Belgium Belgium l [TS]

00:52:02   jones got no pupils i don't know i have [TS]

00:52:06   mixed feelings because there's two [TS]

00:52:07   minutes two ways you can go with this [TS]

00:52:08   like you can either go with like the [TS]

00:52:11   perhaps inadvisable this guy is [TS]

00:52:13   obviously bananas approach which is he [TS]

00:52:16   might go in is looking ass licker one [TS]

00:52:19   day like the Gorton's fisherman in like [TS]

00:52:21   one day you might go in as like the I [TS]

00:52:24   don't know whatever the Seattle Mariner [TS]

00:52:25   big head mascot is you know Erin Andrews [TS]

00:52:28   mariner moose all had a big head [TS]

00:52:31   they had mascot my kids school today I [TS]

00:52:33   want to get kids cry big lion was the [TS]

00:52:36   person inside of an autistic bring it [TS]

00:52:41   around [TS]

00:52:43   why I'm pretty sure that or you just [TS]

00:52:46   were consistently where the same uniform [TS]

00:52:48   it's all pretty sure that makes my sword [TS]

00:52:49   cane is going to be the thing that just [TS]

00:52:52   that that really gets their attention [TS]

00:52:53   but that's not going to be till meeting [TS]

00:52:55   five a lot of people are going to see it [TS]

00:52:57   go that guy doesn't look like he needs a [TS]

00:52:59   cane and he definitely looks like the [TS]

00:53:02   kind of guy who would like to carry a [TS]

00:53:03   sword so i'm gonna guess that's probably [TS]

00:53:04   a certain game you would think but the [TS]

00:53:06   people appear that the the you know the [TS]

00:53:08   fleece dolls they're like I think that [TS]

00:53:10   the fleece creates a kind of it like off [TS]

00:53:14   gases and it in a dulls your wits for [TS]

00:53:17   combat lot of leaching yeah yeah so no [TS]

00:53:21   no I got the whole idea of the whole [TS]

00:53:24   premise that one day I would be [TS]

00:53:26   jockeying for power in a pre-k co-op is [TS]

00:53:33   like I feel a little bit like I'm [TS]

00:53:37   sitting in one of those little tiny [TS]

00:53:39   desks at a parent-teacher conference [TS]

00:53:42   already [TS]

00:53:43   yeah and I don't know how this I don't [TS]

00:53:46   know how this happened you know you know [TS]

00:53:48   Merlin that that michael anthony hall [TS]

00:53:51   and I [TS]

00:53:58   what the hell Molly Ringwald yeah [TS]

00:54:00   they're the same age as me and just that [TS]

00:54:11   itself that that's plenty [TS]

00:54:12   I yeah I just don't know I'm just [TS]

00:54:14   thinking about that today like I don't [TS]

00:54:16   think I knew that at the time I think [TS]

00:54:19   about that a lot i watched i was [TS]

00:54:20   watching Moneyball today that movie in [TS]

00:54:22   like Billy Beane's like 51like it's like [TS]

00:54:25   he's a guy who like play baseball like [TS]

00:54:27   when I when I was a kid [TS]

00:54:29   yeah but he's only a few years older [TS]

00:54:31   than me I mean Michael Stipe is not that [TS]

00:54:32   much older than me that's right he seems [TS]

00:54:34   like a generation older than me but he's [TS]

00:54:36   actually not right and that is [TS]

00:54:38   disturbing to me and with michael stipe [TS]

00:54:40   I can handle it because whatever when I [TS]

00:54:43   was when I was 15 he was already 22 or [TS]

00:54:47   something and like that did seem that [TS]

00:54:50   did seem like a generational difference [TS]

00:54:52   but I don't think I knew that anthony [TS]

00:54:56   michael hall and molly ringwald were [TS]

00:54:59   just six months older than me or [TS]

00:55:00   something i didn't get my head is easy [TS]

00:55:02   younger to you [TS]

00:55:03   no no no they seemed again like they [TS]

00:55:06   were in the movies i was it i thought [TS]

00:55:08   that they were older people playing [TS]

00:55:11   teenagers I thought it was the classic [TS]

00:55:13   90210 problem right one girl with the [TS]

00:55:15   glasses here 60 yeah right and and you [TS]

00:55:19   know 25 27 year olds that are playing [TS]

00:55:21   seventeen-year-olds but the you know the [TS]

00:55:23   knowledge that those two those kids [TS]

00:55:26   playing teenage kids were actually [TS]

00:55:29   teenage kids his ideals right it's retro [TS]

00:55:32   actively depressing [TS]

00:55:33   yeah I don't know why to learn that at [TS]

00:55:35   44 years old is causing me to to to kind [TS]

00:55:39   of be a GOG today but but but I've spent [TS]

00:55:46   spent all afternoon kind of like [TS]

00:55:47   thinking about Anthony Michael Hall I [TS]

00:55:51   don't know I i think that was me for a [TS]

00:55:53   while was he like really like beefy [TS]

00:55:55   didn't get a like like games [TS]

00:55:57   yes bc i think he was I think I think [TS]

00:55:59   somebody was advising him as a young [TS]

00:56:02   person [TS]

00:56:03   don't don't be the nerd don't be [TS]

00:56:05   typecast as the nerd [TS]

00:56:06   yeah so you got it you got it you know [TS]

00:56:08   you gotta get into the gym and be a [TS]

00:56:10   serious actor and get it's not [TS]

00:56:12   flattering take some intense roles i [TS]

00:56:14   don't think you'd recognize him now if [TS]

00:56:16   you google Anthony Michael Hall right [TS]

00:56:17   now and look at his face now your it's [TS]

00:56:19   you're going to be like oooo he looks [TS]

00:56:21   like a guy at my child's pre-k he looks [TS]

00:56:24   like just somebody's dad he doesn't look [TS]

00:56:26   like anthony michael hall anymore but [TS]

00:56:28   now you look at Jackie Earle Haley I'm [TS]

00:56:30   you probably have not had a chance to [TS]

00:56:31   look at the materials essential but in [TS]

00:56:33   the in the movie version of watchmen [TS]

00:56:35   rorschach is played by Jackie Earle [TS]

00:56:37   Haley who you'll remember from Bad News [TS]

00:56:39   Bears and breaking always sure the bad [TS]

00:56:42   kid the city needs and great yes he's [TS]

00:56:45   played he's played Freddy Krueger in one [TS]

00:56:47   of the nightmare movies he's in shutter [TS]

00:56:50   island he has a great small but great [TS]

00:56:52   rolling shutter island [TS]

00:56:53   he's one of those guys he's like he's [TS]

00:56:54   off is all with all due respect mr. [TS]

00:56:57   Earle Haley like you don't fucked up [TS]

00:56:59   looking he's he's always been super [TS]

00:57:00   weird looking but like I sigh so [TS]

00:57:03   treasure that like and not you know what [TS]

00:57:04   now I gotta find out how old he is [TS]

00:57:05   I do this now you know what they do I [TS]

00:57:07   look for how tall people are so that's [TS]

00:57:08   all yeah I don't think he's very tall [TS]

00:57:10   I search for how tall people are isn't [TS]

00:57:12   that like that's an old person thing to [TS]

00:57:13   do isn't it did how I like your new [TS]

00:57:16   boyfriend he's told how is like scarlett [TS]

00:57:19   johansson seems like she's a little gal [TS]

00:57:22   she's she seems let me just look here [TS]

00:57:25   she's all look at that she's now 1053 [TS]

00:57:29   gala gala plays agent hills a little [TS]

00:57:31   more statuesque did the bad news bears [TS]

00:57:35   have the effect on you that it had on me [TS]

00:57:38   probably which is to say that there were [TS]

00:57:42   there were things happening in that [TS]

00:57:43   movie that were just a little bit [TS]

00:57:47   out of my grasp and they made me afraid [TS]

00:57:53   that movie made me afraid and also yearn [TS]

00:57:56   for things i didn't i didn't know what i [TS]

00:58:00   was doing all of you know what it is [TS]

00:58:02   inevitable and yes it's the hallmark of [TS]

00:58:05   like the late seventies my gosh I'm [TS]

00:58:08   gonna fucking rabbit hole here it's a [TS]

00:58:10   hallmark of the late seventies young [TS]

00:58:12   person's movie whether that's breaking [TS]

00:58:14   away whatever me uh the first movie I [TS]

00:58:16   ever saw Diane laying in a little [TS]

00:58:18   romance with mr. Laurence Olivier I had [TS]

00:58:21   the hugest crush because about these [TS]

00:58:23   kids who meet in Paris and fall in love [TS]

00:58:25   and like 12 or 13 and i saw it was like [TS]

00:58:28   10 or 11 so it's like you ever had that [TS]

00:58:30   you're just filled with like easy kids [TS]

00:58:32   at camp like you watch meatballs I'm [TS]

00:58:34   like oh man I would love to meet a girl [TS]

00:58:36   in shorts [TS]

00:58:37   yeah well yes absolutely the interest [TS]

00:58:39   but like so seductive Tatum O'Neal was [TS]

00:58:43   that she I'm just realizing that there [TS]

00:58:48   was a remake of bad news bears with some [TS]

00:58:53   other people and yeah that's not what [TS]

00:58:56   we're talking about but it we're talking [TS]

00:58:58   about Walter Matthau Ricky take his [TS]

00:59:00   fucking drinking beer because you're [TS]

00:59:02   interfering the most rigorous but but [TS]

00:59:04   1000 neal had this worldliness that I [TS]

00:59:08   knew I knew already in nineteen whatever [TS]

00:59:13   70 like what the hell year was that that [TS]

00:59:17   was a 77 his paper moon was like 73 she [TS]

00:59:22   smokes in that and she's like 10 ok 76 [TS]

00:59:25   so Tatum O'Neal said your mother i sent [TS]

00:59:28   you a link to some Jackie Earle Haley [TS]

00:59:29   girls are checking out but like I knew [TS]

00:59:32   in 1976 so I was eight in 76 and I knew [TS]

00:59:36   that Tatum O'Neal in the bad news bears [TS]

00:59:39   was not a virgin or maybe was still one [TS]

00:59:47   but had been to third base and mental [TS]

00:59:48   model for virginity when you were eight [TS]

00:59:52   I was I'm so I was so worried you know [TS]

00:59:59   that shit crossed [TS]

00:59:59   that shit crossed [TS]

01:00:00   some kind of she should cross the line [TS]

01:00:02   and she had people she was like maybe [TS]

01:00:07   maybe she's somebody touched her boobs [TS]

01:00:11   and she was okay with it she wanted it [TS]

01:00:16   to happen even and this is back when we [TS]

01:00:18   both still worried about people being [TS]

01:00:20   damaged goods right you what you worry [TS]

01:00:22   about them a little bit [TS]

01:00:23   well and and also like I had like I had [TS]

01:00:27   engaged in a little bit of like you show [TS]

01:00:30   me yours I'll show you mine and at one [TS]

01:00:34   point out on the compost pile was in the [TS]

01:00:39   process of doing a little you show me [TS]

01:00:44   yours I'll show you mine with a couple [TS]

01:00:47   of neighborhood girls when my mom came [TS]

01:00:54   around the corner with a wheelbarrow [TS]

01:00:56   full of compost of all the places and [TS]

01:01:04   she said what are you kids doing get out [TS]

01:01:06   of there [TS]

01:01:07   this is why you hate farming it up and [TS]

01:01:10   where everybody scattered oh and my mom [TS]

01:01:13   wasn't mean about it she wasn't it [TS]

01:01:15   wasn't you know she just that was from [TS]

01:01:17   take a lot John I mean just just just [TS]

01:01:19   her being there that those two worlds [TS]

01:01:21   should not collide like oh I was covered [TS]

01:01:23   in shame [TS]

01:01:23   I was covered in shame and I did not [TS]

01:01:25   know how you know and the thing about [TS]

01:01:29   Tatum O'Neal and the and the kid with [TS]

01:01:33   the dirt bike [TS]

01:01:34   what's his name Jackie Earle Haley [TS]

01:01:35   Jackie Earle Haley the thing about them [TS]

01:01:38   is that they hadn't they clearly had no [TS]

01:01:41   parental supervision or very little and [TS]

01:01:45   I was worried that in order i think what [TS]

01:01:48   it was I was worried that in order to to [TS]

01:01:51   learn about sex and cross this is the [TS]

01:01:55   Rubicon to be on the other side where [TS]

01:01:59   that where where people were touching [TS]

01:02:01   each other i was going to have to [TS]

01:02:04   sacrifice my relationship with my mom [TS]

01:02:07   you know what I mean like in the movies [TS]

01:02:10   all the all the kids that were fast when [TS]

01:02:13   you went to their house when the movie [TS]

01:02:15   went to their house their mom was [TS]

01:02:16   smoking cigarettes and was drunk in [TS]

01:02:18   front of the TV or like you know a [TS]

01:02:21   working mom single mom who's like always [TS]

01:02:24   out selling real estate or whatever [TS]

01:02:26   yeah but-but-but always liked the [TS]

01:02:28   message in the movie was always that mom [TS]

01:02:30   was self-involved or mean it was very [TS]

01:02:32   seldom that she was a working mom who [TS]

01:02:35   was harry reid and her kids were bad she [TS]

01:02:39   was always a working mom who was like [TS]

01:02:40   who was having an affair with her boss [TS]

01:02:43   or like you know she was a she was a bad [TS]

01:02:46   mom and so that's how these kids who had [TS]

01:02:49   a who have hearts of gold but they were [TS]

01:02:51   smoking cigarettes behind the school and [TS]

01:02:53   they were they were feeling each other [TS]

01:02:55   up and I didn't want to I didn't want to [TS]

01:03:00   have to because you know my mom already [TS]

01:03:01   worked a lot and I didn't want to have [TS]

01:03:05   to lose the good relationship that we [TS]

01:03:08   had with the little time that we had [TS]

01:03:11   together in order to learn to be like a [TS]

01:03:17   fast kid who liked head who had put his [TS]

01:03:21   hand up a girl shirt and so I think in [TS]

01:03:23   my mind somewhere i drew this [TS]

01:03:25   i drew this line like I needed to be [TS]

01:03:28   good and in order to be it was a little [TS]

01:03:31   bit black-and-white in order to be good [TS]

01:03:33   i needed to not wear it wasn't that I [TS]

01:03:36   needed to but then I was never going to [TS]

01:03:38   be [TS]

01:03:40   the kid with the motorbike right and [TS]

01:03:42   that's a that's a you know I could sit [TS]

01:03:46   if if I could set my eight-year-old self [TS]

01:03:48   down and talk to about this i would be [TS]

01:03:50   arrested immediately for Pat for talking [TS]

01:03:53   about sex with an eight-year-old because [TS]

01:03:55   apparently that's illegal now let's not [TS]

01:03:57   talk about time travel but who [TS]

01:03:59   haha thats that back then it wasn't [TS]

01:04:03   illegal back then you could have a kid [TS]

01:04:05   go get a beer for you can make this time [TS]

01:04:07   at the time now it's a oh boy that's a [TS]

01:04:10   real my field was going to be frightened [TS]

01:04:12   and I stopped but but it is i mean like [TS]

01:04:15   i felt the same way my mom was real [TS]

01:04:18   protective of me you know i think she's [TS]

01:04:20   you know she had a lot of loss in her [TS]

01:04:22   life and did not want to have me be lost [TS]

01:04:24   to but like that made me more reluctant [TS]

01:04:27   to like a until you know my mid-teen [TS]

01:04:31   years to become a Hellion you know what [TS]

01:04:34   I mean there's part of me that thinks [TS]

01:04:35   like it's a good idea to like burning [TS]

01:04:37   out of your system when your Tatum or [TS]

01:04:38   Jackie aged like not but like in an [TS]

01:04:41   environment that's safe like it should [TS]

01:04:42   be some kind of like you know mall petri [TS]

01:04:45   dish way to feel people up like he [TS]

01:04:47   shouldn't have to like sneak out of the [TS]

01:04:48   house when you're 17 and like you know [TS]

01:04:50   go somewhere super foreign you don't [TS]

01:04:53   mean it like that Italians having wine [TS]

01:04:54   at dinner like it makes it takes away [TS]

01:04:56   the stigma although the tragedy now is [TS]

01:04:59   that whatever that was that I was seeing [TS]

01:05:02   in Tatum O'Neal's eyes [TS]

01:05:04   I mean what we know now about her [TS]

01:05:08   relationship with her father ryan o'neal [TS]

01:05:09   the alcoholic like their leader [TS]

01:05:14   yeah terrible terrible but if there [TS]

01:05:16   wasn't a fair beater [TS]

01:05:18   what is the Faribault I was a hate it [TS]

01:05:20   wasn't he [TS]

01:05:21   unkind to Farrah Fawcett oh I think he [TS]

01:05:25   was unkind everybody at the key I think [TS]

01:05:27   he is legitimately abusive [TS]

01:05:30   well she says here in her I'm not [TS]

01:05:31   reading for Wikipedia in her [TS]

01:05:33   autobiography O'Neill alleged that she [TS]

01:05:35   was molested by her father's death [TS]

01:05:37   dealer when she was 12 she also alleges [TS]

01:05:40   physical and emotional abuse from her [TS]

01:05:41   father much of which he attributed to [TS]

01:05:43   drug use [TS]

01:05:44   she detailed her own heroin addiction [TS]

01:05:48   etc etc so whatever that worldliness [TS]

01:05:51   that was being captured on film when she [TS]

01:05:53   was 12 was in fact uh actual horror and [TS]

01:05:58   just say Mackenzie Phillips Mackenzie [TS]

01:06:00   Phillips another one and the lady was [TS]

01:06:03   very attracted to for her parent [TS]

01:06:05   worldliness who like you know had some [TS]

01:06:06   problems [TS]

01:06:07   yeah and maybe I was right as a kid to [TS]

01:06:10   see that to see her a lure and also [TS]

01:06:15   recognized that it was that it was a it [TS]

01:06:19   was a tragedy or there was forbidden [TS]

01:06:21   forbidden knowledge and that it's really [TS]

01:06:25   the exploitative adults in 1976 who used [TS]

01:06:29   that who use that brokenness in her eyes [TS]

01:06:32   to captivate a generation of us young [TS]

01:06:36   boys [TS]

01:06:37   Wow boy I misbegotten youth might be [TS]

01:06:44   done with the whole program now wuz wuz [TS]

01:06:46   gud brokenness in her eyes [TS]

01:06:48   shit um now what about Jodie Foster [TS]

01:06:52   loved her you know [TS]

01:06:54   remember the movie where she was [TS]

01:06:56   remember that whole series of movies [TS]

01:06:57   that would David Niven hang on a minute [TS]

01:07:00   didn't she is one which is literally a [TS]

01:07:02   minute limit is 1000 Neil the [TS]

01:07:04   testimonial Jodie Foster in venues pairs [TS]

01:07:06   was Tatum O'Neal and bad news bears [TS]

01:07:09   history fostering the TV version is that [TS]

01:07:10   wasn't thinking of I don't know what was [TS]

01:07:12   their TV version Jodie Foster was in a [TS]

01:07:16   movie with David Niven where she was an [TS]

01:07:17   American girl who it turned out this is [TS]

01:07:21   the great [TS]

01:07:21   oh my god this this plotline big the [TS]

01:07:25   very existence of this plotline ruined [TS]

01:07:27   me as a child the knowledge that this [TS]

01:07:30   type of thing was possible she was a [TS]

01:07:32   like a ruffian an American Street [TS]

01:07:36   ruffian little girl who it turns out is [TS]

01:07:40   the heiress to some British you know [TS]

01:07:45   sure her last surviving relative is the [TS]

01:07:47   the Duchess of Cornwall or whatever and [TS]

01:07:52   she flies over to England is living in a [TS]

01:07:53   castle with David Niven and it's one of [TS]

01:07:58   those culture clash things or she's like [TS]

01:08:01   what you don't know how to play baseball [TS]

01:08:03   smacking her gum and and monocle [TS]

01:08:09   shatters yeah but uh but I said you know [TS]

01:08:12   I saw that movie at at the exact wrong [TS]

01:08:16   age that the totally impression elaj [TS]

01:08:18   where I was like wait a minute are you [TS]

01:08:21   two are you telling me that all i have [TS]

01:08:25   to do is just be the all that's going to [TS]

01:08:31   happen is somebody's gonna come knock on [TS]

01:08:32   the door and be like hello [TS]

01:08:34   we've come for the boy he's putting his [TS]

01:08:36   last surviving son of the Duke of [TS]

01:08:38   Cornwall what the Duke of bo was just a [TS]

01:08:42   sauce [TS]

01:08:44   imagine how your life would be different [TS]

01:08:46   if you had David Niven for mentor I'd be [TS]

01:08:49   such an asshole [TS]

01:08:53   [Music] [TS]