Roderick on the Line

Ep. 78: "Driving Lesson Costume"


00:00:00   or don't get back [TS]

00:00:07   hello [TS]

00:00:10   I job hi Merlin has gone good i was just [TS]

00:00:15   watching a gynecological comedy video [TS]

00:00:17   for teen girls tampons tampons very [TS]

00:00:23   important this is something I'm gonna [TS]

00:00:25   have to learn more about don't forget [TS]

00:00:27   dodged that bullet a little bit with [TS]

00:00:29   those things you mean not being a girl [TS]

00:00:31   yeah i think that every day b2b but but [TS]

00:00:36   now that I have a daughter now I have to [TS]

00:00:38   know things about things I don't know [TS]

00:00:40   anything about it's so easy to fake it [TS]

00:00:43   you know if you just get you know what I [TS]

00:00:46   mean you don't need the most detailed [TS]

00:00:48   topographical map to sound like you're a [TS]

00:00:50   cartographer you know you know like a [TS]

00:00:54   strong one [TS]

00:00:55   you know the high land is high and the [TS]

00:00:57   low lands are low i'll be in Scotland [TS]

00:00:59   for you but I'm telling you now I'm [TS]

00:01:03   gonna be no coverage is locked lemon but [TS]

00:01:06   blocking open [TS]

00:01:08   um you know my you know my experience of [TS]

00:01:12   women's periods is coming to see you can [TS]

00:01:17   you don't get to be my age without [TS]

00:01:18   having some experiences caught riding [TS]

00:01:20   dirty off of them [TS]

00:01:22   oh my god first time ever don't you ever [TS]

00:01:25   never hurt that I never die just little [TS]

00:01:28   a coin that [TS]

00:01:29   yeah but uh but I remember I remember [TS]

00:01:32   the first time a guy told me in high [TS]

00:01:34   school a guy you know confided in me [TS]

00:01:36   that he had sex with a girl who was on [TS]

00:01:38   her period and I was like what was that [TS]

00:01:41   like [TS]

00:01:42   and he said kind of just the same which [TS]

00:01:45   meant nothing to me except it's like [TS]

00:01:48   sandpapery oh it's like rather than its [TS]

00:01:52   rough there's a lot of extra there's to [TS]

00:01:53   try to us he didn't use that word but [TS]

00:01:55   now that's what he meant there's you [TS]

00:01:57   know there's flotsam and so I was I was [TS]

00:02:02   afraid of it for a long time and then I [TS]

00:02:04   learned not to be afraid [TS]

00:02:07   but it's pretty I think it's that is the [TS]

00:02:09   guy version of having a period [TS]

00:02:11   I mean the first time it happens your [TS]

00:02:12   little bit startled you could have heard [TS]

00:02:14   about having a period is having sex with [TS]

00:02:16   a girl on her period is not a menstrual [TS]

00:02:19   scientist but I you know I think the [TS]

00:02:21   first time you you get the you know you [TS]

00:02:24   get the katana out of the she treats you [TS]

00:02:27   know what I mean I you know what let's [TS]

00:02:29   move on and I'm just glad I didn't let [TS]

00:02:33   me hear it because i don't think i don't [TS]

00:02:35   think the guy version don't think you [TS]

00:02:37   can say that the equivalent of having a [TS]

00:02:40   period for a guy is having sex with a [TS]

00:02:41   girl on her period that would be gender [TS]

00:02:43   normative I think big the equivalent [TS]

00:02:46   what is the equivalent for example [TS]

00:02:48   clarinet and I'm sitting right now [TS]

00:02:49   trying to figure out what that is [TS]

00:02:51   once a month the moon comes around like [TS]

00:02:54   a big pizza pie [TS]

00:02:56   thank you and something in your changes [TS]

00:02:59   and suddenly you are not open to advice [TS]

00:03:04   suddenly you are made 45 you are fine [TS]

00:03:09   hot baths and yelling everything is fine [TS]

00:03:13   I don't know that happens to me all the [TS]

00:03:15   time hot bats and yelling that's she [TS]

00:03:18   just just just drew two sides of my [TS]

00:03:22   trying to force your parade but I you [TS]

00:03:25   know it's not an equivalent but that's [TS]

00:03:26   that's the challenge really i don't know [TS]

00:03:28   i mean you know it's something like a [TS]

00:03:30   wet dream that's kind of a whole [TS]

00:03:31   different deal [TS]

00:03:31   I've never had one of those never had [TS]

00:03:33   one of my life you never had one either [TS]

00:03:35   nope yeah i'm sure they exist i don't [TS]

00:03:38   believe they exist you think it's like [TS]

00:03:40   the female orgasm like a mass hysteria [TS]

00:03:42   it yeah it's like it's like the g-spot [TS]

00:03:44   is sometimes right is my masters and [TS]

00:03:47   johnson it's like snipe hunting up it's [TS]

00:03:50   like yeah it's like you take a girl down [TS]

00:03:52   to watch the submarine races [TS]

00:03:53   absolutely but i'm saying you okay you [TS]

00:03:56   get a boner you're having a dream of of [TS]

00:03:59   a sexy time check then you just like [TS]

00:04:01   scum all over your bed [TS]

00:04:03   it seems impossible [TS]

00:04:05   I have to tell you I i am very reluctant [TS]

00:04:08   you know what I'm an older man now and [TS]

00:04:10   I'm not as embarrassed about as many [TS]

00:04:11   things right [TS]

00:04:13   I and I'm just here to tell ya maybe i [TS]

00:04:15   just got me my timing was impeccable and [TS]

00:04:18   my slugging percentage was high because [TS]

00:04:21   i never have experienced that no so [TS]

00:04:25   you're saying your timing was impeccable [TS]

00:04:26   in the sense that you became a man and [TS]

00:04:30   then you immediately your slugging [TS]

00:04:31   percentages I you immediately started [TS]

00:04:33   putting it into girls you never had a [TS]

00:04:35   period where you were just lying around [TS]

00:04:37   i said where I've never had a period but [TS]

00:04:40   here's here's the thing I my thinking is [TS]

00:04:42   maybe if the timeline had been just a [TS]

00:04:46   little bit different and i had become [TS]

00:04:48   self-educated a little bit later maybe I [TS]

00:04:52   would have busted a pool but i have [TS]

00:04:54   never I've never busted a pool and you [TS]

00:04:57   know I was aware of [TS]

00:04:59   obviously we were all aware of Playboy [TS]

00:05:01   magazines a long time before we knew [TS]

00:05:03   what anything was it to me it was like a [TS]

00:05:06   socket wrenches didn't know what to do [TS]

00:05:08   with a playboy it was like here it is [TS]

00:05:10   it's you mean you look at cartoons my [TS]

00:05:12   friend can flip into the boobies and is [TS]

00:05:13   what you read the cartoon you know what [TS]

00:05:15   to do with the Playboy when you're eight [TS]

00:05:16   years old you hide it to read the state [TS]

00:05:18   there is nothing to hide [TS]

00:05:20   yes thank you know you shouldn't have [TS]

00:05:22   and that that is sexually exciting but [TS]

00:05:25   uh I became aware of dirty movies I've [TS]

00:05:29   told you about visions sure if this is [TS]

00:05:32   the you have the crazy is an anchorage [TS]

00:05:34   yeah the effect the crazy the crazy the [TS]

00:05:37   crazy table with the dishes and that the [TS]

00:05:39   crazy cable with the dishes and I [TS]

00:05:41   software might the first time a dirty [TS]

00:05:43   movie called the great Texas dynamite [TS]

00:05:45   chase and I told you about this movie if [TS]

00:05:49   you have forgotten the great Texas [TS]

00:05:52   dynamite chase was a movie that was the [TS]

00:05:55   first time I ever saw boobs in motion [TS]

00:05:57   idea what it was it was one of those [TS]

00:06:01   seventies kind of soft-core porno [TS]

00:06:05   cinemax yeah that tried to have a plot [TS]

00:06:08   but also had simulated sexual encounters [TS]

00:06:12   and it was about a guy say I'm i haven't [TS]

00:06:15   seen this movie since I was 10 years old [TS]

00:06:17   but it was about this [TS]

00:06:18   give me the high level and it was about [TS]

00:06:20   a guy who was kind of like a Luke Duke [TS]

00:06:23   above maybe it's more of a bo duke he [TS]

00:06:26   was one of the Duke brothers type of guy [TS]

00:06:28   and he was on the lam from the cops and [TS]

00:06:32   he picked up two hitchhikers in Daisy [TS]

00:06:34   Duke shorts and they went on a bank [TS]

00:06:38   robbing spree or something and the cops [TS]

00:06:40   were chasing them and they were and they [TS]

00:06:42   use dynamite dynamite was their weapon [TS]

00:06:45   that's right in your wheelhouse say what [TS]

00:06:47   it was I was so excited i'm watching you [TS]

00:06:51   know I put the channel that change the [TS]

00:06:53   channel into that in between two [TS]

00:06:54   channels thing where the cable dirty [TS]

00:06:57   movies came in uh-huh and and here's [TS]

00:07:00   this movie where this guy is driving [TS]

00:07:01   around with these two beautiful girls [TS]

00:07:02   and they are blowing shit up right and [TS]

00:07:06   left blowing up cop cars blowing up [TS]

00:07:08   cabins and then and then they have [TS]

00:07:10   simulated sex and I knew what I wanted [TS]

00:07:15   to do as a grown-up you need the English [TS]

00:07:17   guy with the SEC case of mosca it but it [TS]

00:07:20   never happened for me exactly like that [TS]

00:07:22   the way I've never seen that movie sense [TS]

00:07:25   but I room it's burned into my head [TS]

00:07:28   the great Texas dynamite chase I don't [TS]

00:07:29   even I don't think it's like one of the [TS]

00:07:31   great films i have but i haven't even [TS]

00:07:33   got on netflix to see if it's there just [TS]

00:07:34   netflix have dirty movies IE now in a [TS]

00:07:39   nuanced way they don't they don't have [TS]

00:07:41   like canonically dirty movies you know a [TS]

00:07:43   lot of that stuff it's like the old [TS]

00:07:45   kinescope so the doctor who's that they [TS]

00:07:46   the doctor homes that they threw away [TS]

00:07:48   like this last of you just can't get any [TS]

00:07:50   more like rights iic for me [TS]

00:07:52   we there was this this wonderful window [TS]

00:07:54   next 82 or so I don't know how this [TS]

00:07:57   happened cause we were not a wealthy [TS]

00:07:58   family but we had cable with showtime [TS]

00:08:02   and HBO I things like fifteen dollars a [TS]

00:08:03   month right what happened to UNM TV [TS]

00:08:06   yeah but I'm you know so you saw some [TS]

00:08:09   simulated sex is most well yeah most [TS]

00:08:13   importantly that is that's what you so [TS]

00:08:15   much the stuff we talked about stuff to [TS]

00:08:17   talk about everybody got burned on my [TS]

00:08:19   brain that's where that's where stripes [TS]

00:08:22   alright I'll show escape from new york [TS]

00:08:25   likely have been hell I mean that all [TS]

00:08:26   got so I alien-like movies i would just [TS]

00:08:29   watched literally six times [TS]

00:08:30   in a month circles they were they were [TS]

00:08:32   just on instrumentation and then you [TS]

00:08:34   know there's always that you know the [TS]

00:08:36   joke like cinemax after dark or whatever [TS]

00:08:37   but they're truly used to be something [TS]

00:08:38   that was actually show time after dark [TS]

00:08:40   but anyway the point was that there [TS]

00:08:41   would be the kinds of movies are talking [TS]

00:08:43   about and for me there my camera would [TS]

00:08:46   pan down and they would be having the [TS]

00:08:48   sex and they be panning down and you'll [TS]

00:08:49   be like I'm about to see it i'm about to [TS]

00:08:52   see some and then it would like to [TS]

00:08:54   frustrate you [TS]

00:08:55   yeah that would cut to like some flowers [TS]

00:08:57   wilting in a meal like where's the [TS]

00:08:58   dynamite you're like who's there who's [TS]

00:09:00   the direct first of all who is our [TS]

00:09:01   director he didn't know which he forgets [TS]

00:09:03   seems like you need that needs to be if [TS]

00:09:06   you're going to cut at least cut to a [TS]

00:09:08   locomotive calamity that might as well [TS]

00:09:10   have been get the flu like I know what's [TS]

00:09:12   down there [TS]

00:09:13   no that's the problem i'm like i'm going [TS]

00:09:15   to see I'm gonna see a minute's like [TS]

00:09:17   there's so many movies they make you [TS]

00:09:18   watch in school but they're all like [TS]

00:09:20   like lineart cross-sections it's like [TS]

00:09:22   I've never seen a woman with like a [TS]

00:09:24   cross-section fallopian tube and I [TS]

00:09:26   couldn't locate that on a body you know [TS]

00:09:28   what I mean all those reptilian oh now [TS]

00:09:30   really because you know I was [TS]

00:09:32   alternative rock I think you have to [TS]

00:09:34   learn stuff but for the g-spots down the [TS]

00:09:37   team know what I mean you're looking for [TS]

00:09:38   a g-spot you find a bunch of other stuff [TS]

00:09:39   that's a good point [TS]

00:09:41   you know you know how there's the the [TS]

00:09:42   bit like the the cliché in like [TS]

00:09:44   standard shitty porn movies is like oh [TS]

00:09:47   it's a pizza delivery man or the cable [TS]

00:09:49   guy I'm here to fix dining table talking [TS]

00:09:51   about cliche but that's I mean I think [TS]

00:09:53   that's how have the babies are made in [TS]

00:09:54   America still have you know it'sit's top [TS]

00:09:57   turns out because of all the people [TS]

00:09:58   canceling cable the birth rate is [TS]

00:10:00   plummeting pizza not popular but I mean [TS]

00:10:04   I hated to leave a diner gluten-free [TS]

00:10:07   option but the the problem the way we [TS]

00:10:10   are we are touching on a major problem [TS]

00:10:12   for me in my mind which is that in you [TS]

00:10:14   and I have both have this problem and [TS]

00:10:16   you are in advance of me in being a [TS]

00:10:18   father of a daughter and my whole life [TS]

00:10:22   you know women have been the very [TS]

00:10:24   confusing [TS]

00:10:25   they've been some people that I admire [TS]

00:10:27   they've been paid some people that I [TS]

00:10:30   have at you know I haven't angle moments [TS]

00:10:32   with talk they talk to some of them I [TS]

00:10:34   talk to them occasionally they objectify [TS]

00:10:36   them all the time [TS]

00:10:38   and now I have a daughter and none of [TS]

00:10:42   those methods i am I I have no interest [TS]

00:10:45   in objectifying her [TS]

00:10:47   I've struggled to talk to her still [TS]

00:10:49   because she's too and that will get [TS]

00:10:51   better but I'm which I shall talk more [TS]

00:10:54   you know I look into the future her [TS]

00:10:57   future as a as a young woman and then as [TS]

00:11:00   an adult woman and I'm trying to [TS]

00:11:03   struggling to try and and be try to [TS]

00:11:06   figure out like what how I can help her [TS]

00:11:08   do this and I'm it I'm scared to death [TS]

00:11:11   I am too I am too bad i just closed the [TS]

00:11:15   one threat so as pizza delivery is you [TS]

00:11:19   actual shitty porn i think having some [TS]

00:11:22   kind of a charity event is to cable port [TS]

00:11:25   that's all I wanted to say this for me [TS]

00:11:26   it was a movie i think i want to say i [TS]

00:11:28   can find on IMDb i think it was called [TS]

00:11:30   hots with like enter periods forgive my [TS]

00:11:33   saying like mash this disaster risk and [TS]

00:11:36   stood for it stood for ladies playing [TS]

00:11:40   softball to save an orphanage or [TS]

00:11:42   something [TS]

00:11:43   jiggling and now here's the thing i am [TS]

00:11:48   told you the story but when I'm when my [TS]

00:11:51   mama lady got you know in that way her [TS]

00:11:54   family through as a little yeah so what [TS]

00:11:56   you got softball [TS]

00:11:57   hi Daddy title we hear they threw us a [TS]

00:12:01   wonderful baby shower up in rhode island [TS]

00:12:04   and we went there was great and my one [TS]

00:12:06   of my favorite family members my brother [TS]

00:12:08   want one of my brother-in-law's this is [TS]

00:12:10   standing outside the door he's already [TS]

00:12:11   three sheets to the wind [TS]

00:12:12   yeah he's like enjoy it while you can my [TS]

00:12:15   cat hey John how's it going [TS]

00:12:16   oh we walked up now he's awesome he's [TS]

00:12:19   awesome he's like a successful lawyer [TS]

00:12:21   and he does enjoy it while you can cause [TS]

00:12:24   bleeding changes will she hits about 11 [TS]

00:12:26   with the sexting in the pictures and the [TS]

00:12:29   snaps snaps snaps and an independent [TS]

00:12:32   thing is though this guy is part of so [TS]

00:12:35   my wife is the youngest of seven but [TS]

00:12:37   like all of her older brothers and [TS]

00:12:39   sisters you know and this is not about [TS]

00:12:40   them [TS]

00:12:41   this is about the Fleetwood [TS]

00:12:42   magnification of the nineteen seventies [TS]

00:12:44   they should all be fucking dead sure you [TS]

00:12:46   guys are now worried about like taking [TS]

00:12:48   photos of your couch [TS]

00:12:50   yeah and they were permanently drunk [TS]

00:12:53   driving through all of the seventies [TS]

00:12:54   it's true but you don't remember about [TS]

00:12:56   the seventies first of all there was 3.2 [TS]

00:12:58   beer second second quality a near beer [TS]

00:13:01   the second of all the we the weed was a [TS]

00:13:04   lot mellower was real serious some shake [TS]

00:13:07   shit you know you'd roll up a big fat [TS]

00:13:09   doobie weed smoke at all day and maybe [TS]

00:13:12   you'd feel a little irie it's not like [TS]

00:13:15   the hardcore today and I have never felt [TS]

00:13:17   I read but you're absolutely right i [TS]

00:13:20   mean how are you going to survive the 71 [TS]

00:13:22   like a absolutely i mean i feel like we [TS]

00:13:25   really talked about dodging a bullet [TS]

00:13:26   like you know we're from the time i [TS]

00:13:28   don't know if it is at your school but [TS]

00:13:29   it was when like around the time like my [TS]

00:13:31   sophomore year drunk driving was like [TS]

00:13:34   the cause celeb rather than drag like a [TS]

00:13:37   like a like I hear they're short you got [TS]

00:13:39   the dare [TS]

00:13:40   but they would like you to be the big [TS]

00:13:41   campaigns on on campus sure they bring a [TS]

00:13:44   reference call her right right we had to [TS]

00:13:47   like you know pea-like it out of this [TS]

00:13:49   what was left of him you know but I'm [TS]

00:13:52   serious it's anyway I I worry about that [TS]

00:13:55   for them a selfish reason which is i'm [TS]

00:13:58   not sure how I will handle it and yet I [TS]

00:14:00   feel like you know there's not that much [TS]

00:14:02   you can do about it you try to equip a [TS]

00:14:04   kid to not be a dumb shit but you know [TS]

00:14:07   but it isn't it ironic to me that this [TS]

00:14:09   guy who's now an extremely successful [TS]

00:14:10   personal liability lawyer is worried [TS]

00:14:13   about my daughter's future when he was [TS]

00:14:15   out there like literally drinking a case [TS]

00:14:18   well i mean i'm going to equip my [TS]

00:14:20   daughter with flamethrowers but but what [TS]

00:14:23   I think that I think what worries us is [TS]

00:14:26   that the lady the lady lamb though [TS]

00:14:28   although although we were I mean in the [TS]

00:14:31   seventies and eighties like consuming [TS]

00:14:33   massive quantities of drugs and alcohol [TS]

00:14:36   all the time and unsupervised Lee like [TS]

00:14:40   driving muscle cars which you know that [TS]

00:14:44   which cannot turn once they're moving in [TS]

00:14:47   a straight line i was driving the muscle [TS]

00:14:50   cars hundred twenty miles an hour with [TS]

00:14:51   the headlights off and other wonderful [TS]

00:14:53   things that characterize the eighties we [TS]

00:14:57   were still all more or less in the dark [TS]

00:15:00   about sex even after the sexual [TS]

00:15:02   revolution i mean at least I feel like [TS]

00:15:04   like we were much less aware of like the [TS]

00:15:12   whole panoply of sex [TS]

00:15:16   I certainly well maybe I'm just speaking [TS]

00:15:18   from first personal experience not but [TS]

00:15:21   lets the elephant in the room is herpes [TS]

00:15:23   an 818 from the time from time junior [TS]

00:15:26   herpes became a thing there they knew [TS]

00:15:29   about when I was in like junior high and [TS]

00:15:31   all you need to know about like I I feel [TS]

00:15:33   like I think more about herpes and I [TS]

00:15:34   knew about vaginas [TS]

00:15:35   all I knew was there was this thing was [TS]

00:15:36   going to happen to you they're gonna [TS]

00:15:38   fuck you up for the rest of your life [TS]

00:15:39   only now by the way aids right and [TS]

00:15:41   herpes was herpes basically made a like [TS]

00:15:44   10 really painful vaginas on your penis [TS]

00:15:48   that was what herpes did it made little [TS]

00:15:51   bit little little burning vaginas all [TS]

00:15:54   over your holiday a deck i know and the [TS]

00:15:57   maids and if it is gonna get no we [TS]

00:16:00   didn't know what cost anyway I i agree [TS]

00:16:02   with you it's another one of those [TS]

00:16:03   things that like skipped a generation if [TS]

00:16:05   you look at but the kids the kids with [TS]

00:16:06   the pictures of their of their a of [TS]

00:16:08   their nakedness well just let Stephen [TS]

00:16:11   just say nakedness let's just say like [TS]

00:16:13   like like even to even girls take [TS]

00:16:15   teenage girls taking pictures of their [TS]

00:16:17   brows like they take a selfie in a [TS]

00:16:19   beginner I I mean this is not a thing [TS]

00:16:24   that i am happy about as a father I [TS]

00:16:29   wanna get I'm gonna be terrible at we [TS]

00:16:31   were downtown last week and my daughter [TS]

00:16:32   was wearing her spider-man hoodie and I [TS]

00:16:35   corrected 3i angrily corrected three [TS]

00:16:37   different people go [TS]

00:16:37   hey spider-girl like fuck you it's [TS]

00:16:39   spider-man ask all a spider's better [TS]

00:16:43   girls awesome i will especially one [TS]

00:16:45   better than the other but like but you [TS]

00:16:46   know at least spider-woman like but like [TS]

00:16:48   you know she's spider-man but let her be [TS]

00:16:50   spider-man that's fine right stop being [TS]

00:16:52   so gender normative is what your [TS]

00:16:54   homemade t-shirt should say that's a [TS]

00:16:57   question about selfies yes of course i [TS]

00:16:59   know a lot about them ok there's a lot [TS]

00:17:00   of pitches ladies taking pictures in the [TS]

00:17:03   bathroom right [TS]

00:17:04   why did they look at the screen instead [TS]

00:17:06   of the lens they this is the [TS]

00:17:09   it's just as you know they take because [TS]

00:17:11   you know they're taking more than one [TS]

00:17:12   you look at livejournal days you take [TS]

00:17:14   six or 15 and you do the one with the [TS]

00:17:17   least meet beard and that's the one you [TS]

00:17:19   put up right so the fact that they're [TS]

00:17:21   taking 10 probably but but like why [TS]

00:17:23   can't you just get like tap to like it [TS]

00:17:24   the focus and then look at the lens like [TS]

00:17:26   a gentleman [TS]

00:17:27   no but this is the problem because girls [TS]

00:17:28   of that generation if they look at [TS]

00:17:30   themselves in the mirror they [TS]

00:17:31   automatically make a duck face and so [TS]

00:17:35   you don't want a duck face picture no [TS]

00:17:37   matter what and so looking at the [TS]

00:17:39   looking at the little screen seeing [TS]

00:17:41   yourself at one remove your like somehow [TS]

00:17:45   it breaks the duckface spell it's if I [TS]

00:17:49   were the kind of person that's still [TS]

00:17:50   read roll-on borrow like I would think [TS]

00:17:53   about this a lot because like the whole [TS]

00:17:56   act of taking a photo of yourself in a [TS]

00:17:59   mirror like as a thing I mean you can [TS]

00:18:01   almost like you could take 500 selfies [TS]

00:18:04   adjust them for size and they would [TS]

00:18:06   basically be exactly the same silhouette [TS]

00:18:07   you don't mean they look pretty much [TS]

00:18:09   exactly the same except my cosplay of [TS]

00:18:12   the boobs and they're always looking at [TS]

00:18:14   the screen [TS]

00:18:15   yeah my feeling about my feeling about [TS]

00:18:17   selfies taken out of context is that [TS]

00:18:22   they're meaningless out of context and [TS]

00:18:24   that in fact the point of a selfie is [TS]

00:18:27   never the photograph itself but it is it [TS]

00:18:32   is how it is that it is happening in [TS]

00:18:34   real time and that the person it who is [TS]

00:18:37   sending you this picture you know is at [TS]

00:18:40   that moment somewhere across town or [TS]

00:18:42   across the world getting naked for you [TS]

00:18:45   now [TS]

00:18:46   oh it's intimate and timely right so so [TS]

00:18:50   the picture itself is kind of us the [TS]

00:18:52   it's what if you go back and look at [TS]

00:18:55   them later [TS]

00:18:56   it's like oh this is actually kind of [TS]

00:18:57   not a very good picture and that's kinda [TS]

00:19:01   now it's not happening when you're [TS]

00:19:03   turning in your papers late [TS]

00:19:05   we're like it's a kind of way of saying [TS]

00:19:07   like yeah but you don't mean like I [TS]

00:19:09   think it's a form of procrastination [TS]

00:19:10   where you could say like well I could [TS]

00:19:12   have done better if I had another week [TS]

00:19:14   but I did it all like it as an [TS]

00:19:16   all-nighter in this case when I was in a [TS]

00:19:18   fucking bathroom of course I look like [TS]

00:19:20   that [TS]

00:19:20   yeah but i but I really think like in [TS]

00:19:22   the mo [TS]

00:19:23   moments in the immediate moment of a [TS]

00:19:25   sexual exchange / texting [TS]

00:19:28   the point is just that the point is that [TS]

00:19:30   it is a form of communication not an [TS]

00:19:33   actual form of pornography which is why [TS]

00:19:36   taking those pictures out of context and [TS]

00:19:39   sharing them on 4chan is like you still [TS]

00:19:44   looking at that is his to I mean I have [TS]

00:19:47   to I have to maintain my relationships [TS]

00:19:49   with my online community this is your P [TS]

00:19:52   towns in Alcatraz there because well [TS]

00:19:55   it's not just there's the star trek [TS]

00:19:57   forums it's a lot of forums i have to [TS]

00:19:59   you know it's takes up half my day some [TS]

00:20:03   little bit of light consulting for an [TS]

00:20:05   independent record label a few years ago [TS]

00:20:07   interesting one of the things that I [TS]

00:20:09   said to them was at the time when [TS]

00:20:11   something like this would sound slightly [TS]

00:20:12   profound and rather than just merely [TS]

00:20:14   obvious today which is that to [TS]

00:20:15   understand most people on the internet [TS]

00:20:18   it's it's useful to understand [TS]

00:20:20   instead of thinking about things in [TS]

00:20:21   terms of like what it is you have to [TS]

00:20:22   sell it's useful to remember that [TS]

00:20:24   everybody out there is grooming a new [TS]

00:20:26   version of their personality in real [TS]

00:20:28   time in front of people that the it you [TS]

00:20:31   know in order to really understand like [TS]

00:20:33   how people use the internet or with the [TS]

00:20:34   time myspace was really big [TS]

00:20:36   you can get those horrible pages with [TS]

00:20:37   the flashing things and the dancing [TS]

00:20:39   bananas and all of that and every single [TS]

00:20:41   bit of bling on that page was about a [TS]

00:20:44   brand association of some kind it was [TS]

00:20:46   about any of it wasn't like coca-cola it [TS]

00:20:48   was a way of saying i align myself with [TS]

00:20:50   this and it's like how do you how do you [TS]

00:20:52   make yourself kind of person on the kind [TS]

00:20:54   of company that somebody would want to [TS]

00:20:55   align themselves with and I believe that [TS]

00:20:57   more than every day it's like there's so [TS]

00:20:58   much branding and you know itself is a [TS]

00:21:01   good way to brand just saying I today I [TS]

00:21:04   you know I'm looking for an old suburban [TS]

00:21:07   this is Ida sake is like a wet out [TS]

00:21:12   no you know what is really really shy [TS]

00:21:17   right now I'm looking for a guy with the [TS]

00:21:18   rake and my friend you're mrs. Nelson [TS]

00:21:24   and I commitment [TS]

00:21:25   no I've decided you know I've been [TS]

00:21:27   looking at classic cars on the internet [TS]

00:21:29   for 15 years before there even was an [TS]

00:21:31   internet and and I realized the other [TS]

00:21:34   day [TS]

00:21:35   driving down the road somewhere in some [TS]

00:21:37   rental car and some guy blew past me in [TS]

00:21:40   a you know an austin-healey and I said [TS]

00:21:44   I'm not getting any younger [TS]

00:21:47   like I am already over the threshold [TS]

00:21:49   where it's over i'm no longer a young [TS]

00:21:52   guy in a hot car i'm i'm already a [TS]

00:21:55   middle-aged guy in a hot car and I don't [TS]

00:21:57   even have a hot car yet and what I don't [TS]

00:22:00   want to be is one of these guys ahead [TS]

00:22:02   little you know that that looks like a [TS]

00:22:07   looks like what's the guy that says [TS]

00:22:09   diabeetus but that's not what is a [TS]

00:22:12   little friendly well for Brimley I don't [TS]

00:22:14   like Wilford Brimley in a in a hot car [TS]

00:22:16   you see those guys all the time where [TS]

00:22:19   you are driving up here like wow nice [TS]

00:22:20   camaro and then you can set its a 76 [TS]

00:22:23   year old guy with diabetes and like [TS]

00:22:27   you're gonna die in that car so you know [TS]

00:22:32   because you keep I keep because of [TS]

00:22:33   because it grew up in that era I keep [TS]

00:22:36   thinking that the only guys driving [TS]

00:22:38   around in in cars with Cragar rims or [TS]

00:22:41   like like any kind of car with SS on the [TS]

00:22:45   back you're going to get up next to him [TS]

00:22:46   it's going to be a guy with the duck [TS]

00:22:47   tail and a pack of cigarettes rolled [TS]

00:22:50   that's going to be Harrison Ford or [TS]

00:22:51   possibly Matthew McConaughey yeah right [TS]

00:22:53   and then you get a hit up next to him [TS]

00:22:55   it's all these days just decaying [TS]

00:22:58   corpses [TS]

00:22:59   I don't want to be that guy but I've [TS]

00:23:01   been looking at classic cars for so long [TS]

00:23:03   like I've lost have somehow lost the [TS]

00:23:05   ability to choose so I decided the other [TS]

00:23:08   day I want a classic suburban those [TS]

00:23:12   things are so big big four-wheel-drive [TS]

00:23:14   suburban and write my taste in suburban [TS]

00:23:18   is very specific i want a [TS]

00:23:20   three-quarter-ton superb and I'm not [TS]

00:23:21   going to bore you with this mono I want [TS]

00:23:23   to hear three-quarter-ton [TS]

00:23:24   four-wheel-drive suburban between the [TS]

00:23:28   years I mean there's and there's two [TS]

00:23:30   different body styles i like the the [TS]

00:23:33   late sixties early seventies Suburbans [TS]

00:23:35   just that you found a hobby they only [TS]

00:23:37   have three doors but it's been three [TS]

00:23:39   very cool doors and then I also like [TS]

00:23:41   that the the mid-seventies Suburbans the [TS]

00:23:43   first ones i found what 7279 [TS]

00:23:46   anyway the problem with loving these [TS]

00:23:48   cars is that they were flogged to death [TS]

00:23:51   by people you know like you didn't buy [TS]

00:23:55   one of these suburban and polish it and [TS]

00:23:57   keep it in your garage you went and [TS]

00:23:59   joined the Forest Service or you went [TS]

00:24:02   and took it to to treat it nom like it [TS]

00:24:06   worked a treat nam-gu went to out to [TS]

00:24:09   fucking nowhere land and but you can use [TS]

00:24:11   it for real actual stuff would really [TS]

00:24:13   use it for real actual stuff and then [TS]

00:24:15   the thing would the at the exact moment [TS]

00:24:17   that the rust ate it from within [TS]

00:24:19   it also would fall apart from outside [TS]

00:24:21   and it would just be a pile of dust so [TS]

00:24:24   there are very few of these things left [TS]

00:24:25   all by way of saying today I was sitting [TS]

00:24:29   at home and I was like I wonder if [TS]

00:24:31   somebody just owns the URL old suburban [TS]

00:24:33   dot-com and so I typed in old suburban [TS]

00:24:38   dot-com because I am an old man i didn't [TS]

00:24:41   put in up to the URL bar I actually [TS]

00:24:44   typed old suburban dot-com into google [TS]

00:24:46   and uh and the first couple of sites [TS]

00:24:51   that came up that weren't pay [TS]

00:24:53   advertisements i clicked on the first [TS]

00:24:55   one and it took me to a site that had [TS]

00:24:58   not been updated since 2000 1000 [TS]

00:25:01   literally had dancing bananas [TS]

00:25:04   wow you finally had time capsule and [TS]

00:25:06   like little flat like little animated [TS]

00:25:09   flash it's a last updated on the page it [TS]

00:25:12   did was it said like you know this site [TS]

00:25:14   was constructed in june of 1999 last [TS]

00:25:17   updated her looks down at the bottom [TS]

00:25:19   yeah little counter and if the site was [TS]

00:25:22   so hard so hard to even be there was it [TS]

00:25:28   was it was it wasn't just that it was [TS]

00:25:30   hard to navigate or understand it was [TS]

00:25:33   impossible to do either thing but it was [TS]

00:25:35   hard even to be there with all these [TS]

00:25:36   little things moving and the cool-blue [TS]

00:25:39   little hole little question marks and [TS]

00:25:42   things written in complexing lights [TS]

00:25:44   under construction [TS]

00:25:45   yeah and it was it was like oh shit [TS]

00:25:46   that's right that used to be the [TS]

00:25:49   internet everywhere you went [TS]

00:25:50   I always figured figured that if I have [TS]

00:25:52   really I i get involved in this site [TS]

00:25:54   because I find it hard to look at too [TS]

00:25:55   not just visually but like my mind races [TS]

00:25:57   because i'm a story guy like there's [TS]

00:25:59   always I mean [TS]

00:26:00   the story so first of all I figure the [TS]

00:26:01   person's dead right and nobody it's [TS]

00:26:03   probably like an act like a university [TS]

00:26:05   account like it's taking up almost no [TS]

00:26:07   space there's zero bandwidth and like [TS]

00:26:10   it's like you know at Ile de suburban [TS]

00:26:12   guy PhD and you know he's been dead he's [TS]

00:26:15   been dead from heart disease since nine [TS]

00:26:17   eleven like nobody-nobody is updating [TS]

00:26:19   the site and its and i always think of [TS]

00:26:21   like oh my god I'm gonna find typos and [TS]

00:26:23   there's gonna be no way to fix them [TS]

00:26:24   it's it up it's a horrible horrible [TS]

00:26:26   feeling our next door neighbor when I [TS]

00:26:28   was a kid had a suburban and it and this [TS]

00:26:32   is that we had a house you know this is [TS]

00:26:34   in the seventies it was an old house but [TS]

00:26:36   like this thing barely fit in the [TS]

00:26:37   driveway it was so good [TS]

00:26:39   yeah yeah it was it was all it was [TS]

00:26:41   almost like a bus [TS]

00:26:42   yeah Mike my friend Kevin had a suburban [TS]

00:26:44   in the very early eighties and it was [TS]

00:26:47   school bus yellow and he was just a [TS]

00:26:51   little teenage kid units to 16 year old [TS]

00:26:54   kid and we would go out in that suburban [TS]

00:26:57   and he had by the time he was 16 years [TS]

00:27:00   old he had such control over this [TS]

00:27:02   vehicle we would be speeding along down [TS]

00:27:07   the street in Anchorage and they would [TS]

00:27:09   have pleaded they would have kind of [TS]

00:27:10   plowed the snow into a center berm that [TS]

00:27:13   sometimes was four feet tall snow [TS]

00:27:15   between the lanes of traffic and Kevin [TS]

00:27:18   could you know at 60 miles an hour [TS]

00:27:21   pop the suburban up high Center it on [TS]

00:27:26   this snow berm kick on the summer you [TS]

00:27:31   know it had the the emergency brake was [TS]

00:27:33   it was a pedal on my where would be [TS]

00:27:35   where clutch would be right on the [TS]

00:27:37   emergency brake and flip the suburban [TS]

00:27:40   around like it was pure wedding like a [TS]

00:27:43   ballerina all four tires [TS]

00:27:46   you know going in different directions [TS]

00:27:48   and he could balance the suburban on its [TS]

00:27:51   front bumper [TS]

00:27:52   he wasn't he was incredible in this [TS]

00:27:54   truck and I remember writing you know in [TS]

00:27:57   the passenger seat and this was before [TS]

00:27:59   any of us ever wore seat belts either so [TS]

00:28:01   we're sliding around like ball bearings [TS]

00:28:04   and just thinking like this is the [TS]

00:28:07   greatest it is great to be an American [TS]

00:28:10   this is the greatest time to be alive [TS]

00:28:12   we are listening to the Scorpions we are [TS]

00:28:15   driving the suburban it and and no one [TS]

00:28:19   can stop us we are we are driving the [TS]

00:28:21   suburban like the Millennium Falcon and [TS]

00:28:25   I think it's stuck in me and now I'm [TS]

00:28:26   having a midlife crisis nama in my [TS]

00:28:28   forties and i wanted i want to get that [TS]

00:28:31   suburban exactly that suburban and just [TS]

00:28:34   drive around this is your lolita it is [TS]

00:28:37   my lowly I want that big freaking truck [TS]

00:28:39   this you know this is something I was to [TS]

00:28:43   the gallon of all the idiotic things [TS]

00:28:45   that you could do and there are really [TS]

00:28:46   literally so many this is a good one [TS]

00:28:48   i mean it's it's probably pretty safe [TS]

00:28:50   for his for a car from the seventies I'm [TS]

00:28:53   not gonna run right here this is the GMC [TS]

00:28:55   carryall i love this level but the [TS]

00:28:58   problem is there's a lot of [TS]

00:28:59   two-wheel-drive ones out there and I [TS]

00:29:01   don't want two wheel drive truck can get [TS]

00:29:03   a six [TS]

00:29:04   well you get a v8 in this oh yeah oh [TS]

00:29:07   brother you can option those already [TS]

00:29:09   speed manual four-speed manual power [TS]

00:29:11   glide and turbo hydra-matic I just want [TS]

00:29:13   to put the turbo hydra-matic at that [TS]

00:29:14   sounds nice so nice transmission I gotta [TS]

00:29:17   say this thing is gorgeous you should [TS]

00:29:19   John you should do it i can't just give [TS]

00:29:20   you a suggestion [TS]

00:29:21   yeah two directions not number number [TS]

00:29:23   two you just get a suburban I mean it [TS]

00:29:25   can't cost that much you know if it [TS]

00:29:27   doesn't work out get another one right [TS]

00:29:28   now you're right you're right [TS]

00:29:29   the other 1i number 1 i've talked about [TS]

00:29:31   this my friend chris from college had an [TS]

00:29:33   austin-healey sprite you know you would [TS]

00:29:35   look great [TS]

00:29:36   you would look so large an austin-healey [TS]

00:29:38   sprite yeah you know I'm actually [TS]

00:29:40   partial to the big he leaves rather than [TS]

00:29:42   the little healing is a model and that [TS]

00:29:44   would be what he called you know that [TS]

00:29:45   you like the 100 put in as almost you [TS]

00:29:49   died in where he died in Paul McCartney [TS]

00:29:51   die thought you died in a Volkswagen [TS]

00:29:52   Beetle please mind the core native would [TS]

00:29:55   have been yeah okay [TS]

00:29:57   God these are handsome cars yeah they [TS]

00:29:59   are and the big Healy's are are like [TS]

00:30:01   their proper like a sprite i think i [TS]

00:30:05   would it would be a little clown car but [TS]

00:30:07   a big deal i would be I'd be feeling [TS]

00:30:09   very strongly like it was like being in [TS]

00:30:11   a mountain dew can one time and sarah [TS]

00:30:13   said we're at a light and and we're [TS]

00:30:15   lower than like a driver side window and [TS]

00:30:18   increased says a you see that yamaha [TS]

00:30:19   over there [TS]

00:30:20   oh yeah I guess that's got a bigger [TS]

00:30:22   engine this haha [TS]

00:30:24   and and the the big healing though we [TS]

00:30:26   don't start it we can just push start at [TS]

00:30:27   any time they have any here they have [TS]

00:30:30   like six cylinder motors and they're [TS]

00:30:31   still not that bigger car but they're so [TS]

00:30:33   like they're so deadly [TS]

00:30:35   yeah they don't all have six cylinder [TS]

00:30:36   but that but anyway those cars now are [TS]

00:30:39   priced like ice I was driving down the [TS]

00:30:42   road not very long ago and I saw kid who [TS]

00:30:45   had to be in high school still 17 years [TS]

00:30:48   old driving an austin-healey 3000 with [TS]

00:30:53   his high school girlfriend sitting next [TS]

00:30:55   to him and their hair blowing in the [TS]

00:30:57   wind and you know that his father is [TS]

00:31:00   some kind of criminal defense attorney [TS]

00:31:03   or worse and they live in a big house [TS]

00:31:06   with a water ski boat parked out front [TS]

00:31:09   because it's a little waterfront house [TS]

00:31:11   and he's driving this austin-healey to [TS]

00:31:12   town because his dad threw the keys and [TS]

00:31:15   said you know go crazy junior prom or [TS]

00:31:18   whatever and I really wanted to run this [TS]

00:31:20   kid off the road it it it just wasn't [TS]

00:31:24   right [TS]

00:31:24   it was thinking that frustrating some [TS]

00:31:26   90210 shit that shouldn't happen in [TS]

00:31:29   seattle and typically I don't allow it [TS]

00:31:32   but yeah you know I think that's the [TS]

00:31:34   kind of thing you should you should you [TS]

00:31:35   should be on top of that there's a I you [TS]

00:31:37   know had you know John trying to grow as [TS]

00:31:39   a person and I'm stamp set aside I say I [TS]

00:31:44   say leave it to the shot in Florida [TS]

00:31:45   leash a little bit but dad there's a [TS]

00:31:49   tumblr i follow called i think it's [TS]

00:31:51   called rich kids on Instagram actually [TS]

00:31:54   sent somebody sent me a link to that [TS]

00:31:56   back when I was I was I was making it my [TS]

00:31:59   thing to tweet everyone 'so i like [TS]

00:32:00   nobody has it easy it [TS]

00:32:04   life life is hard for everybody like [TS]

00:32:06   stop stop thinking that anybody is right [TS]

00:32:09   everyone has their reasons [TS]

00:32:11   everybody's got up everybody wakes up in [TS]

00:32:13   the morning goes global here we go [TS]

00:32:16   and a lot of people were we're really [TS]

00:32:19   pushing back on this idea like no you're [TS]

00:32:22   wrong there are people that have it easy [TS]

00:32:24   and I was like no there aren't like like [TS]

00:32:28   like Eric Clapton son fell out of his [TS]

00:32:31   hotel window right like everybody's got [TS]

00:32:34   a tragedy [TS]

00:32:36   and just being rich doesn't solve [TS]

00:32:38   anything and people were like no [TS]

00:32:40   bullshit and I got set a lot of links to [TS]

00:32:43   this rich Kidz tumblr which kids on [TS]

00:32:47   instagram tumblr where they're all these [TS]

00:32:49   you know smug little twerps taking [TS]

00:32:52   pictures of themselves and their dad's [TS]

00:32:53   plane and I and I i spent a 20 minutes [TS]

00:32:59   on that thing and i was like i never saw [TS]

00:33:00   so many miserable people in my life [TS]

00:33:02   yeah I mean it's like these kids like [TS]

00:33:05   check out my watch or whatever and like [TS]

00:33:07   oh my god you can [TS]

00:33:08   yeah i saw today we're in three watches [TS]

00:33:10   yet there are few things in life more [TS]

00:33:14   lonely than being unsympathetic well no [TS]

00:33:20   I mean I'm being honest it's that's the [TS]

00:33:22   problem [TS]

00:33:23   that's exactly what the problem is is [TS]

00:33:25   you would hesitate to go well I [TS]

00:33:26   playgroups it's true it sucks to be [TS]

00:33:28   unsympathetic it's called a first-world [TS]

00:33:30   problem or white wine like know [TS]

00:33:32   everybody does have the problem that i'm [TS]

00:33:33   trying to side with the bro last guy to [TS]

00:33:36   white wine whi and he is and not mine [TS]

00:33:39   that's not mine [TS]

00:33:40   white wine pretty good huh or they [TS]

00:33:43   really um I saw one of a guy I think it [TS]

00:33:47   was a selfie or maybe he had his his [TS]

00:33:49   black man take it for him but it was him [TS]

00:33:51   in bed with three different bottles of [TS]

00:33:54   like like magnums of costly brands of [TS]

00:33:58   champagne like you don't need to get a [TS]

00:34:00   fake nap with them [TS]

00:34:01   oh yeah yeah oh yeah he's having a great [TS]

00:34:03   time back guys ladies really he's doing [TS]

00:34:06   nothing wrong with that guy could not be [TS]

00:34:08   solved by a couple good ass kickings oh [TS]

00:34:10   yeah i mean i can't help but think that [TS]

00:34:13   that there is no one on Instagram that [TS]

00:34:17   is really living a good life i tried it [TS]

00:34:20   try to create it like now when I tried [TS]

00:34:23   it twice [TS]

00:34:23   I tried twice rate that you can see also [TS]

00:34:25   independent label consulting like it boy [TS]

00:34:29   talk about like a tradition of your life [TS]

00:34:31   I mean how many be saturated pictures of [TS]

00:34:34   birds on a telephone wire do we need [TS]

00:34:36   wow I'm increasingly feeling like I've [TS]

00:34:41   always felt like I lived somewhat in a [TS]

00:34:43   ghetto of a certain kind of people a [TS]

00:34:47   certain kind of thinker being like [TS]

00:34:50   associated with the university wearing a [TS]

00:34:55   guitar well after you are a problem but [TS]

00:34:58   but now my life on the internet I I'm [TS]

00:35:02   really seeing the borders of it and [TS]

00:35:05   realizing that [TS]

00:35:07   oh I'm not sure that this i'm not sure [TS]

00:35:10   that this is the enlightened and [TS]

00:35:13   beautiful capital of of futuretown that [TS]

00:35:18   everybody here thinks it is it feels a [TS]

00:35:21   little bit it feels like a bunch of as [TS]

00:35:27   kurt vonnegut said a bunch of bacteria [TS]

00:35:31   drowning in their own shit and and not [TS]

00:35:36   realizing that they're making champagne [TS]

00:35:37   i don't i don't know if if if the [TS]

00:35:44   internet is positive [TS]

00:35:48   Merlin don't know this but i don't i'm [TS]

00:35:50   not sure right now if it is positive [TS]

00:35:52   they did it and that is if you'll [TS]

00:35:55   forgive me a net positive but it is a [TS]

00:35:57   net positive I've got my eye I imagine [TS]

00:36:00   the internet the first time I heard [TS]

00:36:03   about it back in the late eighties write [TS]

00:36:06   songs about in 2008 you told me about [TS]

00:36:08   you to use you specifically told me [TS]

00:36:10   about the actual internet in 2008 but [TS]

00:36:12   when somebody when when when somebody [TS]

00:36:15   first whispered in my ear [TS]

00:36:16   the idea of the internet you know I [TS]

00:36:20   imagine just as every futurist imagined [TS]

00:36:24   like the sum total of human knowledge [TS]

00:36:26   right I a free and completely free and [TS]

00:36:31   neutral space where everywhere [TS]

00:36:34   intelligences can mix with one another [TS]

00:36:37   unencumbered by their life like their [TS]

00:36:40   physical attributes are unencumbered by [TS]

00:36:43   their class electron but a library like [TS]

00:36:46   it would be this completely blank space [TS]

00:36:48   where it is pure [TS]

00:36:49   white desert where like like it could [TS]

00:36:52   all be fresh and new and intelligent [TS]

00:36:54   right tron library [TS]

00:36:57   exactly and now it seems more like kind [TS]

00:37:04   of a swap meet at an old drive in the [TS]

00:37:08   head [TS]

00:37:09   it's like a cubit rectory a swap meet an [TS]

00:37:13   old driving where there are a lot of [TS]

00:37:14   people playing like a three-card Monte [TS]

00:37:16   and and yet also there's like that that [TS]

00:37:22   hovering a billboard the the flying [TS]

00:37:25   billboard from Blade Runner maybe like [TS]

00:37:27   Minority Report like all the ads are [TS]

00:37:29   yelling at you can yeah the the ads are [TS]

00:37:31   yelling at you that's right that's [TS]

00:37:32   exactly you have a sense of I think this [TS]

00:37:34   is a very interesting thing up [TS]

00:37:35   although we try to avoid talking about [TS]

00:37:37   the internet what was there something [TS]

00:37:39   specific that you came across well [TS]

00:37:43   certain movement [TS]

00:37:45   I think it's the I think it's a little [TS]

00:37:47   bit it's like the yelling chamber like I [TS]

00:37:50   feel it in your and my conversations in [TS]

00:37:53   the sense that i have i have always been [TS]

00:37:58   I've always self-identified as a radical [TS]

00:38:00   but I've also always been very impatient [TS]

00:38:04   of the kind of like the kind of [TS]

00:38:10   institutional radicalism that [TS]

00:38:13   characterizes the left right so so you [TS]

00:38:15   you want to disassociate yourself with [TS]

00:38:18   people on the Left who are saying that [TS]

00:38:20   we you know that that cutter that [TS]

00:38:25   Christopher Columbus's it was it was a [TS]

00:38:27   genocide of maniac or whatever you want [TS]

00:38:30   to say alright alright alright alright [TS]

00:38:31   we weave weave all we've all read it but [TS]

00:38:35   it doesn't make it true because somebody [TS]

00:38:37   wrote it and like that that kind of that [TS]

00:38:42   kind of like the the hyper righteousness [TS]

00:38:48   of the edge does a lot of it does a lot [TS]

00:38:52   of work of pushing the boundary but it [TS]

00:38:53   also do values the inside you know the [TS]

00:38:57   the middle fringe [TS]

00:39:00   which you know which is actually like [TS]

00:39:02   getting work done but the problem now is [TS]

00:39:04   that that on the internet if you if you [TS]

00:39:08   take a stand anywhere against the fringe [TS]

00:39:15   you are positive immediately as a member [TS]

00:39:17   of the opposite fringe you know where [TS]

00:39:20   there's no like the nuances getting [TS]

00:39:21   beaten out of everywhere except in these [TS]

00:39:24   little pockets like like you like on [TS]

00:39:27   Matt Howie's site or whenever there are [TS]

00:39:28   places where people are talking but they [TS]

00:39:32   increasingly feel like little domes of [TS]

00:39:35   silence where like a very few people [TS]

00:39:38   walk in they check their their swords [TS]

00:39:41   and their pistols at the door and they [TS]

00:39:43   say for the amount of further for the [TS]

00:39:45   time that i'm going to be here [TS]

00:39:47   I agree to these rules of decorum and i [TS]

00:39:50   agree not to tell not to call anyone a [TS]

00:39:52   Hitler or a baby raper not to write in [TS]

00:39:55   all caps and i'm going to do and i'm [TS]

00:39:57   going to agree to that here while i'm [TS]

00:39:59   here in this protected space but the [TS]

00:40:01   rest of the top the rest of the internet [TS]

00:40:04   and everywhere you go [TS]

00:40:05   because because you you follow a news [TS]

00:40:07   story you end up on a new site it's [TS]

00:40:10   talking about you know all this funny [TS]

00:40:13   lady she rescues bats for a living and [TS]

00:40:18   you're like I watched the video and this [TS]

00:40:19   lady is rescuing bats how cute [TS]

00:40:22   then you scroll them you make the [TS]

00:40:23   mistake of scrolling down and the first [TS]

00:40:25   comment says if it wasn't for Obamacare [TS]

00:40:28   bats wouldn't get sick [TS]

00:40:29   nice bat your shirt from gap was made by [TS]

00:40:32   children and they might be just and then [TS]

00:40:35   you check-in there's 1500 comments down [TS]

00:40:37   on thumb and your hand and you just feel [TS]

00:40:40   like there is unless i am prepared to go [TS]

00:40:44   into an ivory tower somewhere on the [TS]

00:40:47   internet to talk to people [TS]

00:40:49   there's nowhere to be where where it [TS]

00:40:54   isn't just what we're not so you're not [TS]

00:40:58   oscillating between like clickbait news [TS]

00:41:00   item pop-up ad people screaming at each [TS]

00:41:04   other about at ignorant people screaming [TS]

00:41:07   ignorantly at one another and and making [TS]

00:41:09   people ignorant [TS]

00:41:11   yeah and i added about you have to be in [TS]

00:41:13   that is the that's kind of the cover [TS]

00:41:17   charge to come in that's like that's [TS]

00:41:19   like that's like the two asshole minimum [TS]

00:41:21   like to get in you've got to be willing [TS]

00:41:23   to get involved in that particular way [TS]

00:41:27   and the subtlety subtleties just not [TS]

00:41:29   possible but what I found was I was [TS]

00:41:31   walking down the street my normal in [TS]

00:41:33   normal life and I was kind of wrestling [TS]

00:41:37   with these questions they were wrestling [TS]

00:41:40   with feeling like I was at the age of 44 [TS]

00:41:44   i was at a point in my own life where [TS]

00:41:47   we're a natural kind of conservatism is [TS]

00:41:54   starting to enter my thinking you know [TS]

00:41:57   the the famous adage of like if you're [TS]

00:42:00   not a liberal when you're a young man [TS]

00:42:01   you have no heart and if you're not a [TS]

00:42:03   conservative when you're an old man you [TS]

00:42:05   have no brain Churchill thank you [TS]

00:42:07   and so this natural kind of conservatism [TS]

00:42:12   that comes into your life when you're in [TS]

00:42:14   your mid forties where you just have [TS]

00:42:16   seen enough and you look around you go [TS]

00:42:20   yeah alright kid but but really here's [TS]

00:42:24   how life works and you know it you start [TS]

00:42:26   to you start to feel like you're you're [TS]

00:42:30   not willing anymore to be imposed upon [TS]

00:42:33   so much you start to appreciate a little [TS]

00:42:37   bit of quiet and a little bit of comfort [TS]

00:42:39   I start to shake my fist at people who [TS]

00:42:41   stereos are too loud [TS]

00:42:43   it's a it's a kind of it's a kind of [TS]

00:42:45   quality of middle-aged that I think you [TS]

00:42:49   need to resist you need to resist the [TS]

00:42:53   this inexorable ility of of feeling like [TS]

00:42:59   building up a tolerance fence and as I'm [TS]

00:43:03   talking to myself and I'm resisting my [TS]

00:43:06   own my own natural serve trend to [TS]

00:43:10   personal conservatism [TS]

00:43:13   I'm I'm feeling the templates of the [TS]

00:43:16   internet in my mind and I'm arguing with [TS]

00:43:20   myself in the voice of these internet [TS]

00:43:24   templates and I kind of jump back out of [TS]

00:43:29   myself and I say I reject this I reject [TS]

00:43:32   this model I am NOT it is it it is not a [TS]

00:43:37   simple matter of either being like uh [TS]

00:43:42   you you cannot accuse everyone of [TS]

00:43:45   classism or racism or sexism who doesn't [TS]

00:43:51   conform to the most radical [TS]

00:43:52   interpretation of any scenario there is [TS]

00:43:56   a middle that is that is like really [TS]

00:44:02   where we should all aspire to be and a [TS]

00:44:06   and I just so I heard the internet [TS]

00:44:08   ringing in my ears as I'm walking along [TS]

00:44:10   trying to navigate my own my own in my [TS]

00:44:15   own aging and I went oh there's it's a [TS]

00:44:19   bad influence [TS]

00:44:21   like legit like it'sit's unintentionally [TS]

00:44:26   kind of slightly reshaped your the way [TS]

00:44:30   you frame these things you think about [TS]

00:44:32   these things [TS]

00:44:33   well I I feel like if because because [TS]

00:44:36   given that template that the term [TS]

00:44:37   templates or is a really interesting [TS]

00:44:39   idea cuz what is a template template is [TS]

00:44:41   an easy way to get started on something [TS]

00:44:42   that could be complicated and and the [TS]

00:44:44   more you use that template over and over [TS]

00:44:46   and and you know let's be honest you and [TS]

00:44:48   you people here using that template or [TS]

00:44:50   just using that that form a lot it's you [TS]

00:44:52   know it's not unusual at all I mean if [TS]

00:44:54   you go if you go off for a weekend with [TS]

00:44:55   your buddies and start seeing you know [TS]

00:44:57   cocksucker motherfucker a lot over and [TS]

00:44:59   over and over like you keep saying that [TS]

00:45:01   for a day or two after you come home [TS]

00:45:03   that's right i mean you go to another [TS]

00:45:04   country you can you you start picking up [TS]

00:45:06   the language again that you didn't know [TS]

00:45:08   you even remembered so I mean if we [TS]

00:45:10   spend 6 to 14 hours a day in that land [TS]

00:45:15   of templates it's not unusual at all [TS]

00:45:17   that to find ourselves doing that are [TS]

00:45:19   thinking oh this is a thing I should [TS]

00:45:20   photograph and post will be another [TS]

00:45:21   example I mean you know a lot more [TS]

00:45:23   lightweight example but rusted starting [TS]

00:45:25   to change the way we think a little bit [TS]

00:45:26   yeah then you don't see things except in [TS]

00:45:28   terms of all I wish I had my camera i [TS]

00:45:31   wish i could photograph that post but [TS]

00:45:33   but more importantly I feel like I feel [TS]

00:45:35   like people are not rewarded in on the [TS]

00:45:39   internet they are not rewarded for [TS]

00:45:41   having middle-middle opinions middlebrow [TS]

00:45:46   views or middle middle work opinions you [TS]

00:45:51   know no one is rewarded for compromise [TS]

00:45:54   or for trying to see both sides of the [TS]

00:45:58   story that is a thing that we all agree [TS]

00:46:00   the person that's like can't we all get [TS]

00:46:02   along or let's let's look at both sides [TS]

00:46:04   of this that person is shouted down [TS]

00:46:06   immediately and it and the effectiveness [TS]

00:46:09   with them always the most interesting [TS]

00:46:11   part think about literature think about [TS]

00:46:12   my energy I'm sorry but like any [TS]

00:46:14   literature movies anything the most [TS]

00:46:16   interesting part is always that surprise [TS]

00:46:18   of like a character somebody who learns [TS]

00:46:20   a little bit about themselves and that's [TS]

00:46:22   what a story is a story is something [TS]

00:46:24   started here and ended there and we [TS]

00:46:26   learned something about the character of [TS]

00:46:27   the person by how they handled an [TS]

00:46:28   impossible challenge and sometimes that [TS]

00:46:30   means really changing your idea about [TS]

00:46:32   something that that's what a story is [TS]

00:46:34   the only king olaf's brand in any the to [TS]

00:46:37   be the person who is like who the the [TS]

00:46:41   character in a novel who is for the most [TS]

00:46:43   part totally disagreeable maybe even [TS]

00:46:46   evil but they have a redeeming quality [TS]

00:46:50   and that's enough [TS]

00:46:51   you know that's often enough to make a [TS]

00:46:53   story and to make a and to make the [TS]

00:46:58   world go round almost and I and I feel [TS]

00:47:00   like I feel like what what the internet [TS]

00:47:02   is doing is it is it is rewarding people [TS]

00:47:05   for extremism in very subtle ways and it [TS]

00:47:10   is depriving people of the natural [TS]

00:47:13   reward they should be feeling when they [TS]

00:47:17   say hey actually I kind of see both [TS]

00:47:19   sides of this and in the past like [TS]

00:47:23   that's how civilization got built people [TS]

00:47:25   would get to a certain age they go [TS]

00:47:26   actually I kind of see the other side a [TS]

00:47:28   little bit now and everyone who everyone [TS]

00:47:31   would stroke their chins and take [TS]

00:47:32   another puff on their pipes [TS]

00:47:34   and maybe they would resolve that [TS]

00:47:37   property difference or maybe they would [TS]

00:47:38   resolve the the you know the question of [TS]

00:47:42   whether the beer is 22 hobby or whatever [TS]

00:47:45   it is the problem that primitive people [TS]

00:47:47   had and now we're where we've created [TS]

00:47:50   this place where it's like this is where [TS]

00:47:52   we're going to invest our time this is [TS]

00:47:54   where we're going to invest our [TS]

00:47:55   intellectual energy and and the [TS]

00:48:00   combination of anonymity and the and [TS]

00:48:04   distance from one another no physical [TS]

00:48:06   consequences no risk of a punch in the [TS]

00:48:08   nose [TS]

00:48:09   we're creating a human environment where [TS]

00:48:13   radicalism is rewarded and that is gonna [TS]

00:48:16   have disastrous consequences [TS]

00:48:19   I i agree and part of the problem and I [TS]

00:48:23   will literally beg yeah that's get me [TS]

00:48:26   started on this but that extremism and [TS]

00:48:30   that radicalism the problem with that is [TS]

00:48:32   that it doesn't have a cost and so I've [TS]

00:48:35   been taken to task by many many [TS]

00:48:37   good-hearted people for saying that like [TS]

00:48:39   Martin Luther King would never have had [TS]

00:48:42   an impact if he if he said I mean [TS]

00:48:43   fucking Cheetos and typing on Twitter or [TS]

00:48:45   asking people support his fucking fun [TS]

00:48:47   run it out there and he threw himself [TS]

00:48:49   you know on the levers for you so well [TS]

00:48:52   yeah I mean that's I mean and that is [TS]

00:48:55   another kind of extremity but i'll just [TS]

00:48:56   take the one tiny point that will be [TS]

00:48:58   hopefully tweetable is is that the the [TS]

00:49:01   problem with the ex extremism and [TS]

00:49:03   radicalism is it doesn't cost anything [TS]

00:49:06   yeah and you still get to get your [TS]

00:49:07   ribbon for being the fucking you know [TS]

00:49:09   che guevara a hundred and forty [TS]

00:49:11   characters even though you haven't [TS]

00:49:12   really done anything and and you get to [TS]

00:49:15   sit there and then now you get to be [TS]

00:49:16   some kind of like a sniper character [TS]

00:49:19   trying to like pluck out people on the [TS]

00:49:21   other side of the of the DMZ who don't [TS]

00:49:24   agree with you and any say entrenched [TS]

00:49:27   and there's nothing to be gained by [TS]

00:49:29   either developing a more nuanced or [TS]

00:49:31   intelligent argument and like the kind [TS]

00:49:34   of problem that used to be mostly [TS]

00:49:35   restricted to pro wrestling and congress [TS]

00:49:38   now goes everywhere because if this [TS]

00:49:40   permanent state of identifying and [TS]

00:49:43   getting this personal branding I hate [TS]

00:49:44   that word but it's true [TS]

00:49:46   it's kind of personal branding based on [TS]

00:49:47   which kind of sniper you've decided to [TS]

00:49:49   be and who you decided to pick off and [TS]

00:49:51   who you high-five for get a shot off [TS]

00:49:53   well and it is a fucking thing I've [TS]

00:49:56   found just personally I've noticed that [TS]

00:49:59   it d values to the those instances where [TS]

00:50:05   set where somebody does really jump up [TS]

00:50:07   and say something radical because [TS]

00:50:10   they're immediately like dismissed as a [TS]

00:50:13   troll [TS]

00:50:14   so just personally I'm i am at a turning [TS]

00:50:21   point in my life where I am having to [TS]

00:50:23   say to myself on a kind of daily basis [TS]

00:50:27   there is there there's all the everyday [TS]

00:50:30   there's some reason why I feel like what [TS]

00:50:36   I feel like the easy path in middle age [TS]

00:50:42   is to confirm stereotypes confirm biases [TS]

00:50:49   I feel like I feel like your experience [TS]

00:50:53   your heart your hard-won experience [TS]

00:50:55   allows you to not you know not be [TS]

00:51:03   tolerant i guess and that that the [TS]

00:51:09   u-turn a certain point no matter what [TS]

00:51:12   your your proclivities are where you [TS]

00:51:15   feel like I don't want to be I don't [TS]

00:51:17   want to be taken advantage of any more I [TS]

00:51:20   don't want to be a Rube I'm I don't want [TS]

00:51:22   to be a fool and that inevitably causes [TS]

00:51:26   a certain hard name you no longer give [TS]

00:51:29   money to panhandlers where you once did [TS]

00:51:31   you no longer roll your window down to a [TS]

00:51:34   guy running up on the street with a [TS]

00:51:36   broken fan belt you know it's a it's a [TS]

00:51:39   it's a it's a gradual process i haven't [TS]

00:51:43   I i have done nothing but laugh in the [TS]

00:51:45   face of anyone who approaches me holding [TS]

00:51:48   a fan belt for 15 years but but [TS]

00:51:53   increasingly like a this is this kind of [TS]

00:51:58   this battle and fighting against myself [TS]

00:52:00   in in the just the kind of creeping [TS]

00:52:04   transition toward comfort away from [TS]

00:52:08   struggle and and struggle rewards you in [TS]

00:52:15   ways that comfort cannot and struggle [TS]

00:52:19   requires that you not succumb to cliché [TS]

00:52:26   that you not succumb to stereotype and [TS]

00:52:30   you and that is increasingly difficult [TS]

00:52:33   as John Hodgman is fond of saying you [TS]

00:52:35   cannot run as fast as you did when you [TS]

00:52:37   were 20 nor can you think as fast as you [TS]

00:52:42   did when you were 20 and so it's it's [TS]

00:52:46   additional work to wake up in the [TS]

00:52:48   morning and say i am going to i'm going [TS]

00:52:51   to approach every person as an [TS]

00:52:53   individual today and I'm gonna take on [TS]

00:52:55   these scenarios i think i know the [TS]

00:52:57   answer to already and it think you know [TS]

00:53:01   increasingly I find my online life is [TS]

00:53:03   not especially helpful and then [TS]

00:53:05   well I part of the problem I you know [TS]

00:53:08   I'm reluctant at this point is to say [TS]

00:53:09   the internet as a medium because its [TS]

00:53:11   series of media crap but in in addition [TS]

00:53:14   I wanna go back to that but i think if I [TS]

00:53:16   was on metafilter exclusively male many [TS]

00:53:18   filters no bargain sometimes I mean [TS]

00:53:20   there's there's no there's a lot of to [TS]

00:53:22   quote the the great drunk [TS]

00:53:24   John Wayne during his Stanford [TS]

00:53:26   commencement speech i say i didn't say [TS]

00:53:29   that for clapping haha never heard that [TS]

00:53:33   that's liberties at their worst John [TS]

00:53:35   Wayne's three sheets to the wind hire [TS]

00:53:37   out these kids and [TS]

00:53:39   yeah definitely Stanford can happen [TS]

00:53:43   before you get the run time that the [TS]

00:53:44   active occupied columbia for the the [TS]

00:53:47   guys in like defecating in drawer [TS]

00:53:52   hi yeah I'm not saying that for clapping [TS]

00:53:56   the problem is the problem is that [TS]

00:53:57   radicalism extremism doesn't cost [TS]

00:53:59   anything but empathy is expensive [TS]

00:54:02   because empathy toward any body empathy [TS]

00:54:04   doesn't mean you agree with somebody it [TS]

00:54:06   means you like feel for them a little [TS]

00:54:08   bit like you understand you enter it [TS]

00:54:09   like you want to understand that there [TS]

00:54:11   another human being that doesn't make [TS]

00:54:12   your pussy to say that that that means [TS]

00:54:14   being an adult [TS]

00:54:15   yeah but most of the time it takes 10 [TS]

00:54:17   extra minutes out of your day but that's [TS]

00:54:19   not getting back to the medium in a [TS]

00:54:20   minute but but i think i think part of [TS]

00:54:22   the problem is that I mean I'll speak [TS]

00:54:23   for myself [TS]

00:54:24   you've had a pretty flawless life so you [TS]

00:54:26   won't appreciate this but like I make so [TS]

00:54:28   many fucking mistakes every day I i [TS]

00:54:30   mis-read things i do dumb shit i get mad [TS]

00:54:33   at the wrong person ID so much dumb [TS]

00:54:35   stuff every day that it's made me on a [TS]

00:54:38   good day little bit more empathetic [TS]

00:54:39   about how everybody has those days or [TS]

00:54:42   decades but that doesn't that doesn't [TS]

00:54:45   get you any three pointers on the [TS]

00:54:47   internet that does not get you a thumb [TS]

00:54:48   you know and and the to the medium part [TS]

00:54:51   i'm tempted to bring up a real Godwin's [TS]

00:54:54   law here in the sense of pro-wrestling [TS]

00:54:56   like the name your favorite pro wrestler [TS]

00:55:00   who took 15 minutes to really explain [TS]

00:55:03   things in a way that we can all [TS]

00:55:05   understand even if we didn't agree with [TS]

00:55:06   it now you like you like Ric Flair or [TS]

00:55:09   you like Ricky the dragon steamboat I [TS]

00:55:11   personally did not like Ric Flair yeah [TS]

00:55:13   now-now I he was he was part of a [TS]

00:55:15   different tradition for me i would love [TS]

00:55:17   to talk about wrestling but but to me [TS]

00:55:18   that's I mean thatthat so that's a [TS]

00:55:20   careless of 35 year old analogy but i [TS]

00:55:23   think it's true i mean i think you've [TS]

00:55:25   got to pick your side like are you going [TS]

00:55:26   to be a face or you're going to be a [TS]

00:55:28   heel and then like you know who we gonna [TS]

00:55:31   team up with who you gonna cheer for and [TS]

00:55:32   he got hit with a fucking folding chair [TS]

00:55:34   and you know and wherever you go even [TS]

00:55:36   the most subtle environment you know [TS]

00:55:39   metafilter whatever i going to [TS]

00:55:40   metafilter sometimes I don't look at it [TS]

00:55:42   like I used to because it has gotten way [TS]

00:55:43   to me and snarky and I will go in and [TS]

00:55:45   just look at like most favorited posts [TS]

00:55:47   and that will be twice a month I'm going [TS]

00:55:49   to nothing it's matt it's just that it's [TS]

00:55:51   it's too big [TS]

00:55:52   they've lost that sense of of personhood [TS]

00:55:54   we're all in our own little car honking [TS]

00:55:56   horns of people because of like a [TS]

00:55:58   millisecond you know miss decision on [TS]

00:56:00   their part which I'm guilty of which i'm [TS]

00:56:02   going to you but I mean like do you want [TS]

00:56:04   to get better at that or or do you want [TS]

00:56:06   to get loud horn that you have a problem [TS]

00:56:08   i mean as you get older it's almost like [TS]

00:56:10   you know you imagine that you're [TS]

00:56:11   chilling at the Churchill quote was I [TS]

00:56:13   honestly did not look this up but it's [TS]

00:56:15   something like anyone any man is not a [TS]

00:56:17   liberal by the time he's 25 is [TS]

00:56:18   hard-hearted any man is not a [TS]

00:56:21   conservative by the time he's 40 is [TS]

00:56:23   soft-headed something like that yeah [TS]

00:56:24   that's what it looks like there's [TS]

00:56:26   something to look at while know what I [TS]

00:56:27   mean it's the only point being that like [TS]

00:56:29   you know and there's always having [TS]

00:56:31   people say that old canard about how [TS]

00:56:33   like all journalists or liberals and [TS]

00:56:34   journals will come back and say well no [TS]

00:56:36   it's just that we seem like liberals [TS]

00:56:38   because we like asking a lot of annoying [TS]

00:56:39   questions yeah which is something that [TS]

00:56:41   liberals like to do I think it's easy to [TS]

00:56:43   say oh as you get older you see more and [TS]

00:56:45   more like a conservative it's like it's [TS]

00:56:47   no it's not that I'm becoming more [TS]

00:56:48   conservative it's just that I've seen a [TS]

00:56:50   whole lot of your radical ideas I seen [TS]

00:56:54   the ones that worked and it wasn't [TS]

00:56:55   because they were Radical that they work [TS]

00:56:58   it's because they were the right [TS]

00:56:59   solution at the right time [TS]

00:57:01   yeah and-and-and the louder horn does [TS]

00:57:03   not make you a more persuasive driver he [TS]

00:57:06   said mixing several analogies but anyway [TS]

00:57:08   I'm just saying like trying to settle [TS]

00:57:10   this shit 240 characters at a time is [TS]

00:57:11   not a great place to try and settle it [TS]

00:57:13   did you read questlove's SI no on the [TS]

00:57:18   Trayvon Martin case no but I well [TS]

00:57:20   getting a card is from the tribe called [TS]

00:57:24   quest quest llano is the routines roots [TS]

00:57:28   everybody plays on the Jimmy Carson show [TS]

00:57:31   oh oh I know what you mean you're [TS]

00:57:32   talking about the never not funny [TS]

00:57:34   Fallon part oh that's right got it right [TS]

00:57:36   here ok but so he he writes this very [TS]

00:57:39   thoughtful personal essay in the style [TS]

00:57:42   of someone who is just who is simply [TS]

00:57:46   saying here's how it is for me like and [TS]

00:57:51   he is a he it's a very it's very it's [TS]

00:57:56   just a personal and touching anecdotes [TS]

00:58:00   that you cannot argue with you know it [TS]

00:58:03   is not a political [TS]

00:58:05   comment really at all except that at the [TS]

00:58:08   end he kind of ties it to this national [TS]

00:58:10   conversation personal essay as we used [TS]

00:58:13   to say it's a personal essay and it's a [TS]

00:58:16   personal essay that I that I read and [TS]

00:58:19   liked a great deal because it describes [TS]

00:58:21   a kind of private experience that he's [TS]

00:58:26   having as a large black guy with a [TS]

00:58:29   gigantic afro and his his success and [TS]

00:58:35   his fame and the fact that he has a [TS]

00:58:37   beloved person and now lives in a [TS]

00:58:41   doorman building it in you know in [TS]

00:58:45   having achieved everything that he set [TS]

00:58:48   out to and more he still is subject to [TS]

00:58:54   and he's very careful to describe it not [TS]

00:58:56   as subjected to but just subject to a [TS]

00:59:00   kind of treatment where people are [TS]

00:59:04   scared of him because of how he looks [TS]

00:59:06   and he's aware of it and has been his [TS]

00:59:08   whole life but it's still you know wears [TS]

00:59:13   him down over time in in a way that [TS]

00:59:17   everybody can relate to you know where [TS]

00:59:19   he and he's just telling the story and I [TS]

00:59:21   read it and it was like fuck its if more [TS]

00:59:25   people wrote with this kind of just [TS]

00:59:28   simple candor if our carpet for national [TS]

00:59:32   conversation included voices like this [TS]

00:59:35   where they weren't where you know and [TS]

00:59:37   kind of like obama's speech to the same [TS]

00:59:39   fact and it's like anyway I posted this [TS]

00:59:41   a link to this just like hey this is a [TS]

00:59:43   great thing and I think everybody should [TS]

00:59:46   read it and I immediately got a bunch of [TS]

00:59:50   like again push back in the form of well [TS]

00:59:55   that's not the whole story and i was i [TS]

00:59:58   was astonished [TS]

00:59:58   was astonished [TS]

01:00:00   at at how primed have primed the world [TS]

01:00:05   is to reject even like the the best [TS]

01:00:11   hearted attempts to say like better than [TS]

01:00:17   that [TS]

01:00:17   oh we're not here to take your gun you [TS]

01:00:20   don't think that's the medium know John [TS]

01:00:21   I mean you're putting out you're putting [TS]

01:00:24   it out there in you know it's a quote [TS]

01:00:27   myself you know the the internet is not [TS]

01:00:29   what you have to say it's what others [TS]

01:00:31   have to say about you [TS]

01:00:32   it's like when you when you put [TS]

01:00:33   something out there like that even with [TS]

01:00:35   the best heart no matter who you are [TS]

01:00:37   it's going to be about somebody else [TS]

01:00:39   coming back with whatever they think [TS]

01:00:40   their thing is even if they're dumb ass [TS]

01:00:42   I mean you know I don't want to get in [TS]

01:00:44   battle you know I i wonder if it if I [TS]

01:00:48   mean in 1975 when Time magazine was the [TS]

01:00:54   only place the the only national den [TS]

01:01:01   right the only thing that everybody read [TS]

01:01:03   first of all NSA like that would never [TS]

01:01:06   appear in Time magazine but also we had [TS]

01:01:09   no sense of we had no sense of the great [TS]

01:01:12   hundreds of thousands of people who read [TS]

01:01:14   Time magazine every week and threw it [TS]

01:01:16   against the wall and said a bunch of [TS]

01:01:19   jimmy carter liberal communist [TS]

01:01:22   communists so we we have was at the [TS]

01:01:27   police officer from confederacy of [TS]

01:01:29   dunces some kind of communist Dominus um [TS]

01:01:35   she's a grandma and and so now you know [TS]

01:01:38   now we have insight into all these door [TS]

01:01:41   dark corners but but also like my the [TS]

01:01:46   people who are following me on Twitter [TS]

01:01:47   presumably are not a broad cross-section [TS]

01:01:50   of America they are a self-selected [TS]

01:01:53   group of indeed twerps and comedy [TS]

01:02:00   computer nerds and people who are [TS]

01:02:03   presumably taken people who are [TS]

01:02:08   animating bird gifts [TS]

01:02:11   22 appear you know but no bows [TS]

01:02:18   uh well I've never I've never I know you [TS]

01:02:21   weren't point I'm sorry John I know you [TS]

01:02:22   were pointing that at me but I've never [TS]

01:02:23   felt worse about three nouns up in [TS]

01:02:27   comedy computer nerd [TS]

01:02:29   oh that's depressing [TS]

01:02:32   it's a big part that's a big part of my [TS]

01:02:34   demographic now but even among those [TS]

01:02:37   people and this is what I'm saying like [TS]

01:02:40   I i look at that guy who are let's take [TS]

01:02:44   would take one of the detained the [TS]

01:02:45   person responding to questlove's was [TS]

01:02:47   just like westlink what happened about [TS]

01:02:50   Trayvon but I've ad and and you feel [TS]

01:02:53   like okay this guide is probably because [TS]

01:02:56   he's following me on twitter he is [TS]

01:02:58   probably not [TS]

01:02:59   oh he is probably not a racist he's [TS]

01:03:03   probably not a a gun nut in the Idaho [TS]

01:03:09   mountains he is probably a kid who feels [TS]

01:03:12   like he has to like you're saying [TS]

01:03:16   because of the medium he has to take he [TS]

01:03:20   he feels like he has to take this [TS]

01:03:22   oppositional position because there is [TS]

01:03:28   no place to be [TS]

01:03:29   there's no place in his world to read [TS]

01:03:33   something and go hmm well that's [TS]

01:03:37   interesting [TS]

01:03:38   like he he lives now in a in a lives in [TS]

01:03:42   a world where [TS]

01:03:43   [Music] [TS]

01:03:44   we're here in a certain in certain [TS]

01:03:47   extent like he has been called a racist [TS]

01:03:50   so much for expressing like [TS]

01:03:55   middle-of-the-road views that he's [TS]

01:03:59   beginning to feel like well maybe you [TS]

01:04:01   know maybe I am [TS]

01:04:02   or maybe I maybe there's some merit to [TS]

01:04:04   that you know what I mean like he is [TS]

01:04:06   being pushed to the right by assist by a [TS]

01:04:11   bio by living in a world where there is [TS]

01:04:14   no room for him to be in them you know [TS]

01:04:18   slightly to the right of the middle [TS]

01:04:22   I mean I feel that more and more reading [TS]

01:04:24   people on the internet who are taking [TS]

01:04:26   who are taking like stances that you [TS]

01:04:30   really don't feel like they own but but [TS]

01:04:34   that they've been nudged there by the by [TS]

01:04:38   the fact that there's no room to say [TS]

01:04:40   well you know there's there's two sides [TS]

01:04:43   to every coin and I mean obviously the [TS]

01:04:45   Trayvon thing is what I'm talking about [TS]

01:04:47   but it doesn't cost anything that's part [TS]

01:04:52   of the problem [TS]

01:04:53   yeah none of it none of it cost anything [TS]

01:04:54   and you know it's I don't know the first [TS]

01:04:56   thing about economics I mean everything [TS]

01:04:58   i know about economics I've learned from [TS]

01:05:00   Wikipedia but you know that's not true [TS]

01:05:02   you you took me down to the University [TS]

01:05:04   of San Francisco computer store because [TS]

01:05:06   you knew [TS]

01:05:07   oh that's right was gonna have to you [TS]

01:05:09   know I was going to get a better deal on [TS]

01:05:10   my computer I don't sound contradictory [TS]

01:05:12   John but i think that's really more [TS]

01:05:13   about finance that no i mean the the [TS]

01:05:16   idea that things cost stuff you know [TS]

01:05:18   it's it's I mean that that's that's a [TS]

01:05:22   big part of the problem is that it [TS]

01:05:23   doesn't cost anything it doesn't cost [TS]

01:05:24   anything to be a radical it doesn't cost [TS]

01:05:26   anything to agree with this person there [TS]

01:05:28   and agree with that person there you [TS]

01:05:30   know it's it doesn't it's there's [TS]

01:05:32   nothing to it but there's no and I'm [TS]

01:05:35   feeling the cost i guess this is the [TS]

01:05:37   business case you actually fucking [TS]

01:05:38   caring you and you inhabit the the point [TS]

01:05:40   of view that's costly yeah [TS]

01:05:43   yes it is it costs it makes a it makes [TS]

01:05:46   bruises on my heart like an apple at the [TS]

01:05:49   bottom of a bin ya stop there for a [TS]

01:05:52   second marker there I gotta go get opee [TS]

01:05:55   can call you back in a minute [TS]

01:05:56   oh yeah you don't want to just leave it [TS]

01:05:58   running no I I don't trust this thing [TS]

01:06:01   here is the primary problem i have [TS]

01:06:05   shopping for a suburban on on the [TS]

01:06:07   Internet yeah people who are selling old [TS]

01:06:12   Suburbans are the number one they are [TS]

01:06:17   the number one miss spellers of the word [TS]

01:06:19   original huh [TS]

01:06:21   they'll put it all put an extra 0 in [TS]

01:06:23   original in it so it says a red guy on [TS]

01:06:26   all our original organ nononono or a [TS]

01:06:31   Donal and so I want to buy this truck [TS]

01:06:35   and I and I gotta click on it says i [TS]

01:06:38   have a lifted set so anyway no [TS]

01:06:40   punctuation in this whole ad i have a [TS]

01:06:42   lifted 73 suburban on 35's built motor [TS]

01:06:45   has headers full exhaust E with an e at [TS]

01:06:48   the end full exhaust the intake carb has [TS]

01:06:51   cam runs and drive great Oregon old [TS]

01:06:54   paint has nice weld wheels and pretty [TS]

01:06:56   good tyres interiors like new no rips or [TS]

01:06:59   tears ta IRS has ruder mate no carpet [TS]

01:07:05   has dual shocks d ule dual shocks and as [TS]

01:07:10   custom front drive line please call for [TS]

01:07:12   more information have title in hand in [TS]

01:07:14   my name I can text more picture i can [TS]

01:07:20   text more pics and i'm reading and I'm [TS]

01:07:24   just like the hope it makes you happy [TS]

01:07:27   were older men that makes us wind it [TS]

01:07:29   because we've had poetry classes you're [TS]

01:07:31   you're you're reading that allowed in [TS]

01:07:33   your head [TS]

01:07:33   yes i am it doesn't scan well no end and [TS]

01:07:37   you know and and part of me feels like a [TS]

01:07:39   part of me feels like it's from [TS]

01:07:41   Jabberwocky [TS]

01:07:43   and so it was original paint and had no [TS]

01:07:48   tears the tires were pretty good you [TS]

01:07:52   know and and part of part of me thinks [TS]

01:07:54   its EE cummings because there's I mean [TS]

01:07:57   it's just might as well be but uh but so [TS]

01:08:00   I think about like i'm going to call [TS]

01:08:02   this guy [TS]

01:08:04   and talk to him about his truck and I'm [TS]

01:08:06   going to say has full exhaust the intake [TS]

01:08:09   carb has cam runs out god you're that [TS]

01:08:11   guy and no i'm not gonna be that guy but [TS]

01:08:13   I'm just gonna be like so hows it [TS]

01:08:15   how's the truck and whatever he says I'm [TS]

01:08:17   just gonna hear him speak with no [TS]

01:08:19   graduation then note and not and not a [TS]

01:08:22   spell tear it's got a net and so stay [TS]

01:08:25   from the front says it's got access [TS]

01:08:27   today [TS]

01:08:27   you know what though I wonder if that's [TS]

01:08:30   like fake you think that's like fake [TS]

01:08:33   barn find okay let me ask you this how [TS]

01:08:35   many guys you by harley touring [TS]

01:08:36   motorcycle gang right yeah 0m huh [TS]

01:08:42   you should do it I mean maybe trading 4a [TS]

01:08:45   like a stroke and white or something [TS]

01:08:47   what guy I'm gonna I'll give you a [TS]

01:08:50   thousand bucks less than your asking but [TS]

01:08:52   i'm gonna i got a nice copy a nice like [TS]

01:08:54   lightly used copy of Strunk and white [TS]

01:08:56   omit needless words that I am I have [TS]

01:09:00   have the and Landers encyclopedia that a [TS]

01:09:04   data the everyone should read the [TS]

01:09:06   animators encyclopedia suburban bombax [TS]

01:09:09   I've realized how much my humor is [TS]

01:09:11   becoming like Erma Bombeck that's the [TS]

01:09:13   problem with great with aging and [TS]

01:09:14   becoming conservative am i right [TS]

01:09:16   started he started to laugh about jokes [TS]

01:09:19   about potholders my new perfumes baby [TS]

01:09:22   poop haha that's how I feel that's how I [TS]

01:09:27   feel and scott simpson first made that [TS]

01:09:29   joke a while back here kids before me so [TS]

01:09:31   they've got I really feel like I like [TS]

01:09:33   I've been ongoing I'm an ongoing army [TS]

01:09:36   bomb back and active [TS]

01:09:37   yeah i had my first experience today [TS]

01:09:39   where I was that I went to my my [TS]

01:09:42   luncheon with my young dad friends here [TS]

01:09:45   we have a groupie on Dad's what we could [TS]

01:09:48   together what are you called were called [TS]

01:09:50   the young Bad's then I have everything [TS]

01:09:52   that's got McCoy band average age is [TS]

01:09:54   about 43 of the young dads and the other [TS]

01:09:58   guys in my young dad parenting group of [TS]

01:10:00   their their babies are all much younger [TS]

01:10:02   they are little babies and so I've been [TS]

01:10:05   up till now the one that's like listen [TS]

01:10:08   it gets better and here's the stairs the [TS]

01:10:10   deal just wait no don't don't give him a [TS]

01:10:14   pacifier because they're going to be the [TS]

01:10:16   pacifier baby [TS]

01:10:17   you're so wise you want to just tough it [TS]

01:10:20   out people it's but today was the first [TS]

01:10:24   day where you know where one of them has [TS]

01:10:26   a little baby that's strapped into a [TS]

01:10:27   carriage and can't move and the other [TS]

01:10:29   one has a baby that's so little that he [TS]

01:10:31   didn't even bring any left with the mom [TS]

01:10:32   and I'm the one with the [TS]

01:10:34   two-and-a-half-year-old sitting on my [TS]

01:10:35   lap going daddy [TS]

01:10:37   we have to go daddy we have to go daddy [TS]

01:10:40   we have to go daddy we have to go and [TS]

01:10:43   I'm like hey I'm having lunch with some [TS]

01:10:45   friends and she's like we have to go we [TS]

01:10:48   have to go like we don't have to go [TS]

01:10:51   she's like no we have to go and and I'm [TS]

01:10:54   realizing like oh now I'm that now I'm [TS]

01:10:56   the one with the kid who is behaving [TS]

01:10:58   like a little person rather than up the [TS]

01:11:03   love that little bug in a basket now [TS]

01:11:07   she's a little person with like and and [TS]

01:11:09   and my friends are in the same situation [TS]

01:11:11   I was in two years ago where they're [TS]

01:11:13   looking at me like them [TS]

01:11:14   boy that kids not turn out too good and [TS]

01:11:17   I'm like oh my little by little kid is [TS]

01:11:20   uniting outnet you know now i'm now my [TS]

01:11:23   parenting is on display [TS]

01:11:27   no no good as the the pudding is out [TS]

01:11:30   there and the proof is just stuck in [TS]

01:11:32   looks like a cinnamon stick [TS]

01:11:33   yeah I go to the supermarket and and she [TS]

01:11:36   starts you know she starts yelling a you [TS]

01:11:40   know about daddy's PP or whatever and [TS]

01:11:44   I'm like looking around like no no it's [TS]

01:11:47   not like that [TS]

01:11:48   we're just talking we were potty [TS]

01:11:50   training now we we get a lot of penis [TS]

01:11:53   talk there's there's already the cops of [TS]

01:11:55   the sheriff surprise or we were walking [TS]

01:11:56   from school the other day and she said [TS]

01:11:58   her new band is going to be called out [TS]

01:11:59   was it was bird penis part fart poop and [TS]

01:12:03   looks pretty good now here's the thing [TS]

01:12:05   i'm gonna say one thing about this and I [TS]

01:12:07   hope that this is going to be what I [TS]

01:12:10   stand on going forward i have i have to [TS]

01:12:13   hold out a lot of fucking wisdom about [TS]

01:12:16   being a father and you know along the [TS]

01:12:18   way people kinda getting said you know a [TS]

01:12:20   you know it's complicated [TS]

01:12:22   yeah you have to do when you want the [TS]

01:12:26   things you really just [TS]

01:12:29   isn't it beautiful in here you know what [TS]

01:12:31   I'm done I'm done I'm done being fucking [TS]

01:12:33   wise guy i know it's going to be out [TS]

01:12:35   pretty soon I'm gonna be like my [TS]

01:12:37   brother-in-law with the drinks except [TS]

01:12:38   not successful in taiwan lab genoa oh [TS]

01:12:44   yeah he recommended three books to me [TS]

01:12:46   before I could go in and like take a [TS]

01:12:48   leak [TS]

01:12:48   he had books for me but that I should [TS]

01:12:50   get was he wearing a pink Oxford cloth [TS]

01:12:53   shirt tucked into jeans pretty close huh [TS]

01:12:59   tassel loafers he was the quarterback in [TS]

01:13:02   high school but not not a dork i mean [TS]

01:13:05   like hehe was he went to a really good [TS]

01:13:07   school use a little his lawyer is a very [TS]

01:13:09   very smart guy but like everybody with a [TS]

01:13:12   daughter who's older than 10 or 11 he's [TS]

01:13:14   broken by life [TS]

01:13:16   oh yeah i know that's coming my daughter [TS]

01:13:18   archives I'm gonna cry tomorrow [TS]

01:13:19   wednesday is going to be our last [TS]

01:13:21   daddy-daughter comics day before she [TS]

01:13:23   starts elementary school and it's eating [TS]

01:13:25   me up [TS]

01:13:26   yeah she's wearing she's gonna wear [TS]

01:13:29   spider-man costume to pick which one [TS]

01:13:30   haha no wonder she's into Project Runway [TS]

01:13:37   you know what I'm done being wise and [TS]

01:13:38   I'm done being sweet [TS]

01:13:40   I'm done I'm done I have nothing to [TS]

01:13:41   share I've nothing to share except you [TS]

01:13:43   know you're just gonna fuck up a lot [TS]

01:13:45   that's all I got to say that's what [TS]

01:13:47   you'd be okay with that [TS]

01:13:48   yeah i'm already fine with it and you [TS]

01:13:50   know fortunately the child has a mother [TS]

01:13:52   that must but the thing is Jonathan must [TS]

01:13:54   grind your gears I mean your your whole [TS]

01:13:57   thing is is predicated on the degree to [TS]

01:14:00   which you can help people if they must [TS]

01:14:01   drive you crazy to not be able to help [TS]

01:14:03   her more it seems like it must seem like [TS]

01:14:04   just slightly out of reach [TS]

01:14:06   well this is this is the problem like [TS]

01:14:08   with with other people with fully grown [TS]

01:14:10   adults at i try to people on the [TS]

01:14:13   internet and people on the internet i [TS]

01:14:15   tried to apply a certain amount of [TS]

01:14:16   helpful pressure i realized the other [TS]

01:14:19   day marlin and this is a terrible thing [TS]

01:14:20   I am prejudiced against delicate people [TS]

01:14:24   who just realized that [TS]

01:14:27   well yeah I didn't realize that it was a [TS]

01:14:29   full-blown prejudice like I felt like [TS]

01:14:31   telling people it's like book are going [TS]

01:14:34   i realized sometimes I'm a little [TS]

01:14:37   intolerant niggas tell delicate people i [TS]

01:14:41   guess i had not [TS]

01:14:42   identified them as a subspecies are you [TS]

01:14:44   kid yeah you're kidding no I'm not I i [TS]

01:14:49   think i felt like someone is our [TS]

01:14:50   strongest parts of your personality is [TS]

01:14:52   your complete lack of sympathy for [TS]

01:14:54   delicate people but I felt like some [TS]

01:14:56   delicate people were were hearty people [TS]

01:14:59   that just needed some help and some [TS]

01:15:02   delicate people were you know words [TS]

01:15:05   legitimately delicate and needed to be [TS]

01:15:07   protected protected from the Sun and [TS]

01:15:09   that that was even look at some of the [TS]

01:15:11   lady had chemo like you give her a pass [TS]

01:15:13   sure or there are bird people like Halle [TS]

01:15:17   bones [TS]

01:15:17   yeah-hoo-hoo have you or have small bowl [TS]

01:15:20   and I think what it was my mom [TS]

01:15:22   speculates that sometime in human past [TS]

01:15:26   people were selectively choosing a very [TS]

01:15:30   delicate women to be there kind of court [TS]

01:15:33   ladies and then unfortunately some [TS]

01:15:37   little boys were born with this water [TS]

01:15:39   with similar traits [TS]

01:15:40   oh you like the Spanish aristocracy [TS]

01:15:42   right exactly a you get exactly it [TS]

01:15:45   within blood the inbreeding in blood [TS]

01:15:48   mhm but but now I'm realizing like [TS]

01:15:50   delicate delicateness because and and I [TS]

01:15:54   wonder whether it isn't that I am that I [TS]

01:15:57   am so sturdy that there's some kind of [TS]

01:15:59   inner class issue dating back to like [TS]

01:16:04   britannia where I where where I was bred [TS]

01:16:08   to pull a plow and i'm i'm i'm mad at [TS]

01:16:12   people where you can see the where you [TS]

01:16:14   can see their little bird skulls and the [TS]

01:16:16   you see the the blue veins through their [TS]

01:16:20   translucent skin i'm still mad at them [TS]

01:16:22   because i feel like i'm still pulling a [TS]

01:16:23   plow someone who but but anyway the the [TS]

01:16:28   pressure that I that I apply to the to [TS]

01:16:31   the world in the in the hopes that I can [TS]

01:16:33   make the the part of the world that that [TS]

01:16:35   connects with me a little sturdier to [TS]

01:16:38   its own benefits [TS]

01:16:40   I'm realizing that I cannot apply such [TS]

01:16:43   pressure on my daughter past a certain [TS]

01:16:46   point because she most definitely is who [TS]

01:16:49   she is and any amount of any amount of [TS]

01:16:54   pressure on her beyond just the just the [TS]

01:16:59   normal pressure of you will call me sir [TS]

01:17:01   in this house of the hip beyond that [TS]

01:17:05   beyond that like trying to get her to be [TS]

01:17:08   any kind of Army sergeant I work for a [TS]

01:17:10   look if you look you will call me hair [TS]

01:17:14   professor doctor but beyond that like [TS]

01:17:19   trying to try to shape her like hey [TS]

01:17:22   honey I want you to consider the crew [TS]

01:17:26   team or even you know like she's already [TS]

01:17:31   showing a preference for certain kinds [TS]

01:17:32   of books over certain other books it's [TS]

01:17:35   just like overhead knowing no no you [TS]

01:17:39   know like I you know potty books like [TS]

01:17:41   The this book this party book features [TS]

01:17:43   only its board book over that board at [TS]

01:17:45   this party book features a duck she [TS]

01:17:47   prefers the potty book that features a [TS]

01:17:49   dark rather than the one featuring a pic [TS]

01:17:51   and of course there is one that has both [TS]

01:17:52   ducks and pigs [TS]

01:17:54   that's the best seller but you know what [TS]

01:17:57   I'm saying like I can up the my instinct [TS]

01:18:00   which has always been to get right [TS]

01:18:02   inside of people's heads and Tinker now [TS]

01:18:05   with this little person who has come to [TS]

01:18:07   me through through some magic witchcraft [TS]

01:18:10   i realize i cannot take her overmuch [TS]

01:18:14   with her because I see how much of her I [TS]

01:18:18   i think my suspicions with other people [TS]

01:18:20   is that most of their weakness it is a [TS]

01:18:23   product of the of skin some pussy [TS]

01:18:27   upbringing or some bullshit that they [TS]

01:18:29   learned in college while some and some [TS]

01:18:32   bullshit they've been applauded for some [TS]

01:18:34   bullshit that they've been applauded for [TS]

01:18:35   that's right but never that never had [TS]

01:18:37   somebody take the pig look away and with [TS]

01:18:38   it but with this little person who has [TS]

01:18:41   arrived and i see that every really [TS]

01:18:43   every personality trait that she has is [TS]

01:18:47   something that none of us can claim [TS]

01:18:48   responsibility for and I just AM like oh [TS]

01:18:51   my god get out of her way like I [TS]

01:18:53   must get out way records what's [TS]

01:18:57   terrifying everyone is that a minute ago [TS]

01:18:59   about how I'm not gonna try to be wise [TS]

01:19:01   I'm gonna say this one thing this second [TS]

01:19:03   one thing which is that I used to think [TS]

01:19:05   that my daughter brought out the best in [TS]

01:19:06   me and I'm pretty sure this is not her [TS]

01:19:09   fault this is my fault i'm pretty sure [TS]

01:19:10   she brings out very near the worst in me [TS]

01:19:12   oh no and I mean like I'm still I I'll [TS]

01:19:16   and here's the thing i mean like okay so [TS]

01:19:18   think about when you're when you're a [TS]

01:19:20   teenager and maybe not you but you were [TS]

01:19:22   certainly surrounded by guys who like I [TS]

01:19:26   do everything for her and I love her [TS]

01:19:28   like why doesn't she love me like shut [TS]

01:19:31   the fuck up you're making this all about [TS]

01:19:33   you you could give a shit about that [TS]

01:19:35   woman if you really cared if you loved [TS]

01:19:37   in the true sense of the word you would [TS]

01:19:39   leave her alone [TS]

01:19:40   that's what love is it you know what if [TS]

01:19:42   you love that girl and it's obvious she [TS]

01:19:43   doesn't like you [TS]

01:19:45   if it's love in the true sense of the [TS]

01:19:46   word in the sense of like you care more [TS]

01:19:48   about their welfare than yours [TS]

01:19:50   go away there's a nice set them free and [TS]

01:19:54   if they come back to you hire one of the [TS]

01:19:56   marsalis brothers huh [TS]

01:19:59   ok so here's what i say that gives you [TS]

01:20:01   lemons that's right i used to think that [TS]

01:20:05   like oh this is it and gentlemen fide me [TS]

01:20:08   and maybe they're wise and now i sit [TS]

01:20:12   there and go oh my god and like day [TS]

01:20:14   after day after motherfucking day I have [TS]

01:20:16   these constant real estate you get ready [TS]

01:20:18   for this because that's really a fun [TS]

01:20:19   ride getting up doing a three by five [TS]

01:20:21   card okay to get a five by seven [TS]

01:20:24   this is a wide point I I i used to have [TS]

01:20:29   to think of the worst the worst i'm [TS]

01:20:30   gonna have with myself as being a [TS]

01:20:32   helicopter father was stolen and you [TS]

01:20:34   know in the sense that like tonight [TS]

01:20:35   we're watching the project runway season [TS]

01:20:37   two finale and I wanted to sit still so [TS]

01:20:39   I can see if Chloe wins no spoilers but [TS]

01:20:42   she was really tired and spinning around [TS]

01:20:43   and coming very close to hitting her [TS]

01:20:45   head on the corner of something which is [TS]

01:20:47   one of my personal like I i have a real [TS]

01:20:50   paranoia about that sure it happened to [TS]

01:20:51   me [TS]

01:20:52   oh my gosh i had a gash in my head when [TS]

01:20:54   I was a kid I don't yeah exactly [TS]

01:20:56   whatever you know whatever it is you [TS]

01:20:57   want in the same way that like if you [TS]

01:20:58   make it through the depression you don't [TS]

01:21:00   want your kids to be hungry like save [TS]

01:21:01   money right that kind of thing and well [TS]

01:21:02   in fact I got a gash in my head and the [TS]

01:21:04   Jewish guild poured out [TS]

01:21:06   so it actually save the Golden Goose [TS]

01:21:12   involved in London golden goose and [TS]

01:21:15   choice i'm not careful careful i would [TS]

01:21:18   also talked about how the glory I got a [TS]

01:21:20   note here anything I am I just got the [TS]

01:21:23   best of me but oh you know I'm letting [TS]

01:21:25   so much about myself and become so wise [TS]

01:21:27   and and you know what i realized i [TS]

01:21:29   realize holy shit i like I want to be [TS]

01:21:32   like a big brother that she admires I I [TS]

01:21:35   want to like me I want her to think I'm [TS]

01:21:37   cool [TS]

01:21:38   oh I want will know I'm being honest I'm [TS]

01:21:40   being honest like no and Adam can't [TS]

01:21:42   speak for you but like it wouldn't be [TS]

01:21:45   nice if you could go in there while [TS]

01:21:46   she's got her duck and Orpik book you [TS]

01:21:49   could say something very wise and you [TS]

01:21:51   would see a moment where in her eyes she [TS]

01:21:54   saw how right you were [TS]

01:21:56   mm right instead make maybe you will [TS]

01:21:59   have that I don't know more and more [TS]

01:22:01   often though I realize like how [TS]

01:22:02   completely full of shit i am i'm so full [TS]

01:22:05   of shit I mean I know I'm full of shit [TS]

01:22:06   its kind of my men my deal [TS]

01:22:08   yeah but but like with with this brand [TS]

01:22:11   now if thats doesn't say but that's [TS]

01:22:14   that's the thing and that's what that is [TS]

01:22:17   the that's little what my little cocoon [TS]

01:22:22   to shed its like going like what we know [TS]

01:22:24   and I've said this really like high and [TS]

01:22:26   fucking high and mighty thing from the [TS]

01:22:27   beginning that I've always believed i [TS]

01:22:28   still believe but now I feel more and [TS]

01:22:30   more after we put my money where my [TS]

01:22:32   mouth is which is get out of her way and [TS]

01:22:35   let her become the person that she's [TS]

01:22:36   gonna be yeah which I still extremely [TS]

01:22:38   like that is that's like an article of [TS]

01:22:40   faith to me that is harder and harder to [TS]

01:22:43   do as like I have fun times with her [TS]

01:22:46   we have things we have in common i mean [TS]

01:22:48   you know I'd like to think that I'm very [TS]

01:22:49   supportive of whatever she wants to do [TS]

01:22:50   will play what she wants to play as long [TS]

01:22:52   as it's about comics but you know now [TS]

01:22:53   she's really into drawing which I'm like [TS]

01:22:55   so into and I find myself saying but [TS]

01:22:57   here's how dumb I am I found myself [TS]

01:22:58   saying Haley that was awesome [TS]

01:23:00   like you just drew the laundry in the in [TS]

01:23:03   the washing machine that was really cool [TS]

01:23:04   and then like shut the fuck up like [TS]

01:23:06   don't tell her like that looks good like [TS]

01:23:08   you want her to like live for your [TS]

01:23:10   praise right because why because I want [TS]

01:23:13   to be praised and I and then by [TS]

01:23:15   extension how horrible is this [TS]

01:23:17   I want her to like me because I praised [TS]

01:23:19   her [TS]

01:23:20   stupid is that yeah I'm just being [TS]

01:23:22   honest I'm just being honest and I think [TS]

01:23:24   that was very wise may be very [TS]

01:23:25   supportive parent not very wise and and [TS]

01:23:28   it's like you know that the the hardest [TS]

01:23:30   part of this is like the hard part was [TS]

01:23:31   not just being sleepy that actually that [TS]

01:23:33   was the hardest part [TS]

01:23:34   it was very hard to be sleeping all the [TS]

01:23:35   time but i'm fine i'm thinking even more [TS]

01:23:37   difficult to have to shed the parts of [TS]

01:23:38   my personality i thought were helpful [TS]

01:23:40   yeah to get the fuck out of the way and [TS]

01:23:42   to stop being a 237 12 14 19 year old [TS]

01:23:48   person with the situation i don't know [TS]

01:23:50   that's just and that's why I'm done [TS]

01:23:52   being wise that's as wise as i can get [TS]

01:23:54   this point is like I have no fucking [TS]

01:23:56   idea what's going on [TS]

01:23:57   I hope she learns to make good decisions [TS]

01:23:58   and if she doesn't like that's just [TS]

01:24:01   going to have to be okay yeah i feel [TS]

01:24:04   like i have already rehearsed her first [TS]

01:24:09   driving lesson so many times haha but [TS]

01:24:15   her first driving lesson when she's like [TS]

01:24:17   I want to learn to drive [TS]

01:24:18   I'm going to effort [TS]

01:24:22   first of all you know i'm gonna i'm [TS]

01:24:25   going to school strapped into my driving [TS]

01:24:28   lesson costume i will come I will have [TS]

01:24:34   bought and restored a car just hit [TS]

01:24:37   myself that because you've already kind [TS]

01:24:39   of thought out the components of cars [TS]

01:24:40   dome [TS]

01:24:41   oh yeah absolutely i mean you know the [TS]

01:24:43   costume will have a will have a brass by [TS]

01:24:45   glass will have a sigma tar certainly [TS]

01:24:50   gonna be like a cyberpunk modern [TS]

01:24:52   major-general kinda feel yeah that's [TS]

01:24:54   right and her first driving lesson is [TS]

01:24:55   going to last a month and a half [TS]

01:24:58   we're gonna we're gonna leave the home [TS]

01:25:02   this is not getting her ready for Tierra [TS]

01:25:04   del Fuego right now [TS]

01:25:05   that's right this is just making laying [TS]

01:25:07   the groundwork she's gonna be you know [TS]

01:25:09   she'll be 15 and a half and she's gonna [TS]

01:25:10   go she's got a little drop i will go to [TS]

01:25:13   the mall or I want to go to hot topic or [TS]

01:25:15   get a malted it's like you're like you [TS]

01:25:17   know what P now that's 45 days before we [TS]

01:25:20   stop I'm gonna walk over to a loyal [TS]

01:25:22   painting on the wall i'm going to slide [TS]

01:25:24   it over to decide I'm gonna punch in a [TS]

01:25:26   15 number code into a keypad [TS]

01:25:29   the floor is gonna slide open and we're [TS]

01:25:31   gonna go down into a mine shaft where [TS]

01:25:37   the Batmobile away and you're gonna look [TS]

01:25:39   like when you were you like like whip [TS]

01:25:41   away like the the cover of the car and [TS]

01:25:44   there will be waiting there is the joys [TS]

01:25:47   of driving education car and it's gonna [TS]

01:25:50   be like all right before before you get [TS]

01:25:53   into the car deserves a five hour long [TS]

01:25:56   serious there's a five hour long [TS]

01:25:59   checklist and we're gonna go around this [TS]

01:26:00   track tire pressure again check the [TS]

01:26:02   pressure at everything we're going to [TS]

01:26:04   where you are going to test the tensile [TS]

01:26:06   strength of every single spoke in the [TS]

01:26:08   wire wheels of this austin-healey 100m [TS]

01:26:11   and she's just gonna be like I would [TS]

01:26:13   rather never drive you're not ready [TS]

01:26:17   I mean that's right music you're not [TS]

01:26:18   ready not ready and then you spray [TS]

01:26:21   something her face like that man says [TS]

01:26:22   you can't remember but here's here's [TS]

01:26:25   what I really worried i worry that I'm [TS]

01:26:26   gonna start giving her driver's license [TS]

01:26:27   driving lessons when she seven she's [TS]

01:26:30   gonna be sitting next to me trying to [TS]

01:26:31   look at her dora the explorer coloring [TS]

01:26:34   book and we like see this see what this [TS]

01:26:36   semi is doing right now see the semi is [TS]

01:26:38   doing now this could cause an accident [TS]

01:26:40   if I hadn't been looking 15 seconds [TS]

01:26:43   ahead we would be in a very different [TS]

01:26:45   lane right now do you understand that [TS]

01:26:46   young lady understand what Lane we would [TS]

01:26:48   be in right now [TS]

01:26:49   you really are a board book that happens [TS]

01:26:51   to be from England you're like and just [TS]

01:26:53   so you know that's the wrong side the [TS]

01:26:55   drive on a public you would like the [TS]

01:26:57   forehead you wanna make sure you you [TS]

01:26:59   know like I've been showing her kung fu [TS]

01:27:01   movies and you [TS]

01:27:03   oh yeah I think you're aware that you [TS]

01:27:07   are going to turn her into one of those [TS]

01:27:09   like people that like living humans who [TS]

01:27:11   believe there are a superhero and like [TS]

01:27:13   fight crime in downtown sir [TS]

01:27:15   something like x 23 I think it might be [TS]

01:27:17   i think i might be turning her into some [TS]

01:27:19   kind of a superhero assassin you know [TS]

01:27:21   x-23 personally know I've never met her [TS]

01:27:24   she's had a lot of problems got mommy [TS]

01:27:25   issues [TS]

01:27:26   here's the thing I i did i did this ok [TS]

01:27:28   here's what I did so every single time [TS]

01:27:30   you've ever seen a kung fu movie with [TS]

01:27:33   awesome fighting in it was the very [TS]

01:27:35   first thing that you wanted to do as [TS]

01:27:37   soon as that seen ended [TS]

01:27:40   want to know what here and kick somebody [TS]

01:27:41   in the face fucking-a right yeah and you [TS]

01:27:44   hear the words that came out of my mouth [TS]

01:27:45   last week [TS]

01:27:47   okay i'm going to show you a scene from [TS]

01:27:50   a movie called it man and i'ma show you [TS]

01:27:53   a scene from a movie called enter the [TS]

01:27:54   dragon but i'm only going to shoot and [TS]

01:27:57   hear you if you promise that you're not [TS]

01:27:59   gonna start hitting and kicking things [TS]

01:28:00   em and guess how it worked out it worked [TS]

01:28:05   out half great [TS]

01:28:06   she promised well shoot that she wasn't [TS]

01:28:09   gonna kick that mean she's you know [TS]

01:28:10   she's five-and-a-half contact with her [TS]

01:28:14   is nobody knows [TS]

01:28:15   well it's john like how many times if [TS]

01:28:17   you had people say to you well here's [TS]

01:28:18   the thing and I'm going to menus and you [TS]

01:28:20   don't mmm [TS]

01:28:21   you know provisionally I mean she's [TS]

01:28:24   smart enough to know that like I'm again [TS]

01:28:26   she knows I'm full of shit [TS]

01:28:27   yeah and like how many I mean to watch [TS]

01:28:29   the scene where Bruce Lee fights the guy [TS]

01:28:33   with the big scar on his eye and like [TS]

01:28:35   does the the kick and send him flying [TS]

01:28:37   across the folding chairs amazing my [TS]

01:28:39   daughter has done nothing but kicked me [TS]

01:28:41   for five days and I deserved every [TS]

01:28:43   single one of them [TS]

01:28:45   what did you think you were gonna get [TS]

01:28:47   what did I think i was gonna get was [TS]

01:28:50   like I can inoculate myself like I could [TS]

01:28:51   have her sign some kind of a waiver [TS]

01:28:53   ya know daddy I will not I do not desire [TS]

01:28:56   to enact this incredible scene over and [TS]

01:28:59   over i'm gonna show you seen from this [TS]

01:29:02   this wing chun movie that involves guys [TS]

01:29:04   on wires flying through the air with [TS]

01:29:06   swords and but you're not allowed to [TS]

01:29:09   want to imitate it [TS]

01:29:10   yeah so last night I have never done [TS]

01:29:13   this before but last night you know I'm [TS]

01:29:15   putting the baby to bed and she's doing [TS]

01:29:17   she doesn't wanna go to bed she's a [TS]

01:29:18   little fussy or whatever and I'm like [TS]

01:29:19   okay you know what [TS]

01:29:21   well let's go watch some Michael Jackson [TS]

01:29:25   videos and so we go and we watch we [TS]

01:29:31   watch Billy gene and we want to beat it [TS]

01:29:32   and by the end of of beat it [TS]

01:29:37   she is she's standing on the bed dancing [TS]

01:29:41   little two-and-a-half-year-old michael [TS]

01:29:46   jackson dance and I realize like okay at [TS]

01:29:52   their I can still I can still I can [TS]

01:29:54   still real this in this doesn't mean [TS]

01:29:57   that she's going to get that this [TS]

01:29:58   doesn't mean that she's going to be a [TS]

01:29:59   like are on a living color i get i can [TS]

01:30:07   still get this back something but I [TS]

01:30:11   could still get this back as well [TS]

01:30:13   somebody's gotta be something another [TS]

01:30:15   like the girl like the girl from the [TS]

01:30:16   girl with the big the big radio box and [TS]

01:30:21   other tights [TS]

01:30:23   in the helmet television troop fights [TS]

01:30:29   under it [TS]

01:30:32   okay so she's dancing along is also why [TS]

01:30:35   the fuck would you show her Billie Jean [TS]

01:30:36   that video has never made any sense [TS]

01:30:39   this is the guy in the trench coat what [TS]

01:30:41   is this is what I didn't realize it [TS]

01:30:42   makes no sense [TS]

01:30:43   Luigi not only makes no sense but it was [TS]

01:30:45   like deeply profoundly cheesy it's and [TS]

01:30:48   it's quite cheesy plus creepy equals [TS]

01:30:51   1982a cheesy plus creepy and yet every [TS]

01:30:55   second that MJ is on the screen is all [TS]

01:30:57   unimpeachable moment like he is the [TS]

01:31:00   coolest and he is surrounded by like the [TS]

01:31:03   what what the little tiger swatch that [TS]

01:31:05   turns into a tiger cub that you're just [TS]

01:31:08   showing off now that you have access to [TS]

01:31:10   a tiger cup that's all that is and and [TS]

01:31:14   the and the the old hobo that you that [TS]

01:31:16   he throws a coin in his company [TS]

01:31:19   Jamie turns into cab calloway yeah a [TS]

01:31:21   white tuxedo like none of that's all she [TS]

01:31:23   told gibberish your dad would have [TS]

01:31:25   appreciated that [TS]

01:31:26   What's Wrong everyone in kalamazoo he's [TS]

01:31:29   like some white cap gown I don't even [TS]

01:31:31   understand get it was sitting there in [TS]

01:31:33   the first place she's gonna walk around [TS]

01:31:34   thinking every time that she steps on a [TS]

01:31:36   large tile and the like but but the [TS]

01:31:39   thing about that videos it makes so [TS]

01:31:40   little sense i'm never going to show it [TS]

01:31:42   to her again [TS]

01:31:42   no but beat it a whole cat massive being [TS]

01:31:47   it is like an it's being is like an [TS]

01:31:49   entire season of 21 Jump Street peated [TS]

01:31:54   it's there's so much going on in that [TS]

01:31:57   and every one of those every one of [TS]

01:32:00   those gangsters like I believe i'm [TS]

01:32:04   looking at all their faces as their as [TS]

01:32:06   they're they're rolling up on that [TS]

01:32:08   flatbed truck and they're very in the [TS]

01:32:10   sense that they do literally want to [TS]

01:32:11   beat it [TS]

01:32:12   they look like they are there to be to [TS]

01:32:14   have come to play ball and you know none [TS]

01:32:16   of them feel like oh there's a there's a [TS]

01:32:19   guy that they got there is a guy they [TS]

01:32:20   cast like even the white guy that looks [TS]

01:32:24   like that looks like the guy from [TS]

01:32:27   terminator one who came back in time to [TS]

01:32:30   fight the Terminator what the hell is [TS]

01:32:32   his name [TS]

01:32:33   you know I'm saying who's the guy that [TS]

01:32:35   made it with sarah connor [TS]

01:32:36   that produced John Connor oh the future [TS]

01:32:40   guy in my head of confusing with one of [TS]

01:32:42   the Warriors like one of the windy guys [TS]

01:32:44   in the Warriors mmm III know II mean [TS]

01:32:46   maybe the same actor but you know what i [TS]

01:32:48   mean like the guy what's-his-name the [TS]

01:32:50   Terminator not-not-not bill not Bill [TS]

01:32:55   Miller book bill bill pullman so anyway [TS]

01:32:59   what situation values she couldn't sleep [TS]

01:33:01   and so you put this in front of her she [TS]

01:33:03   glog at this point she suggests Bragi [TS]

01:33:05   she's groggy but you know she is she is [TS]

01:33:07   still because she's an infant person or [TS]

01:33:10   or toddler person she still lives in a [TS]

01:33:13   world where I don't think there's a [TS]

01:33:16   tremendous differentiation between [TS]

01:33:18   dreamland and wake land and certainly [TS]

01:33:21   when she is around daddy [TS]

01:33:22   whoo-hoo although he cannot conjure an [TS]

01:33:26   orb can seemingly conjure many many [TS]

01:33:30   things [TS]

01:33:31   daddy can conjure macaroni and cheese [TS]

01:33:33   daddy can conjure music on the stereo [TS]

01:33:36   daddy can conjure michael jackson on the [TS]

01:33:40   ipad daddy is amazing [TS]

01:33:42   still and so I think that she you know [TS]

01:33:46   she like I showed her Teletubbies for [TS]

01:33:49   the first time not very long ago and how [TS]

01:33:52   she's only seen one episode we still say [TS]

01:33:54   Oh pinky Winky but it has put that but [TS]

01:33:59   tinky winky has removed itself from any [TS]

01:34:02   connection to Teletubbies at all and [TS]

01:34:05   it's just become it's become a meme [TS]

01:34:08   frankly in our family but catch phrase [TS]

01:34:11   that means you're subverting the [TS]

01:34:13   dominant paradigm since it means you [TS]

01:34:16   done goofed that's what it means [TS]

01:34:19   you done goofed Oh tinky winky that [TS]

01:34:22   means you done goofed are our friend of [TS]

01:34:25   the show John siracusa has something [TS]

01:34:27   that I really wish I got my hands around [TS]

01:34:29   earlier which is that he has I think is [TS]

01:34:34   an older son in particular he will but [TS]

01:34:35   he's got a couple kids he refuses to [TS]

01:34:37   even acknowledge that the the the star [TS]

01:34:41   wars prequels the trilogy exist [TS]

01:34:44   and and then like they're there and he's [TS]

01:34:46   like what you know that they're there [TS]

01:34:47   like if they find blu-rays they find the [TS]

01:34:49   dvds like that's ok but I i'm not going [TS]

01:34:51   to acknowledge that they exist that [TS]

01:34:53   Teletubbies needs to be on that kind of [TS]

01:34:54   level you have to be so careful what you [TS]

01:34:56   introduce because you never know what [TS]

01:34:58   will stick our III admire a admired that [TS]

01:35:03   I deeply admire it [TS]

01:35:05   he's a very admirable guy you guys [TS]

01:35:06   should do a podcast you to Syracuse is [TS]

01:35:08   that some kind of italian name is Ian [TS]

01:35:10   syracuse yeah John siracusa user he's [TS]

01:35:14   the smartest guy listen to the show that [TS]

01:35:15   that's like a that's a kind of sausage [TS]

01:35:17   dream [TS]

01:35:18   yeah exactly yeah um so I don't know you [TS]

01:35:22   know you know my feeling about ethnic [TS]

01:35:23   people all absolutely you are on to them [TS]

01:35:26   and I feel like they're simple [TS]

01:35:28   traditions i feel like i feel like the [TS]

01:35:31   racism of my grandparents right you [TS]

01:35:34   can't be racist against Italians which [TS]

01:35:36   was primarily directed at Italians and [TS]

01:35:38   Irish for good reason that feel like I [TS]

01:35:42   like as as as more and more music [TS]

01:35:45   artists are reverting to the music of my [TS]

01:35:47   great-grandparents which in the in the [TS]

01:35:51   words of Carl Newman it is is you know [TS]

01:35:55   shouting over fiddles guy with the [TS]

01:36:00   Scottish background up i feel like i [TS]

01:36:04   feel like my new retro affectation is [TS]

01:36:06   going to be racism against Catholics [TS]

01:36:09   fucking papers that's fucking papers [TS]