Roderick on the Line

Ep. 76: "The Cherry of Somebody's Appeal"


00:00:00   hello hey John [TS]

00:00:07   hi Merlin has it going out so late [TS]

00:00:12   ha look it's late and you are a busy guy [TS]

00:00:17   no I'm not really you're busy been [TS]

00:00:20   traveling yeah I have to say though the [TS]

00:00:23   the work that you're doing is God's work [TS]

00:00:25   thank you John thank you [TS]

00:00:27   I know we talked a lot about civics yes [TS]

00:00:29   yes you are putting your money where [TS]

00:00:32   your mouth is [TS]

00:00:32   well my mouth is in a chair for nine [TS]

00:00:37   hours a day [TS]

00:00:38   this is boring no one cares all that's [TS]

00:00:40   not true you are doing jury duty which [TS]

00:00:43   is every American's duty that's why they [TS]

00:00:46   call it duty jury duty instead of jury [TS]

00:00:48   option [TS]

00:00:51   Michael cherry option right but in such [TS]

00:00:53   a hurry to be not reduce injury doobie [TS]

00:00:57   know now so you're in one of those those [TS]

00:01:01   wood chairs [TS]

00:01:02   yeah no no it has come a long way and [TS]

00:01:06   then Madlock comes over and well you [TS]

00:01:09   know if you had not texted me like [TS]

00:01:11   literally 15 minutes ago I was going to [TS]

00:01:13   go home and watch out 12 angry men but [TS]

00:01:16   instead i was watching at the greatest [TS]

00:01:18   great escape that I think myself a [TS]

00:01:20   little break [TS]

00:01:21   that's a nice one it makes you laugh [TS]

00:01:22   when you're sitting there in the jury [TS]

00:01:24   box you can imagine yourself jumping [TS]

00:01:26   your stolen Nazi motorcycle [TS]

00:01:29   ok part where spoilers no spoilers sorry [TS]

00:01:32   sorry you've never seen it now I haven't [TS]

00:01:35   oh no I immediately struck me as seeing [TS]

00:01:40   a lot like that class of movies that we [TS]

00:01:44   enjoy [TS]

00:01:45   yes yeah yeah yeah it seemed a little [TS]

00:01:48   bit like Dirty Dozen a little bit like [TS]

00:01:52   force 10 from navarone a bit of a later [TS]

00:01:56   later longest day [TS]

00:01:59   should i ask i watch that what does have [TS]

00:02:01   you not seen the longest day know what [TS]

00:02:03   is that oh the longest day create here I [TS]

00:02:06   go the longest day it's a it's a movie [TS]

00:02:10   but you just said that again okay hey [TS]

00:02:13   great that down the longest then just [TS]

00:02:15   it's a movie about DJ okay and it's the [TS]

00:02:18   original like massive Hollywood picture [TS]

00:02:22   starring every single actor like it's [TS]

00:02:29   Cod it's got it [TS]

00:02:31   David Niven it's got you love David [TS]

00:02:34   Niven I'm even giving your canonical guy [TS]

00:02:36   with a beret who blows things up [TS]

00:02:38   he is and you know it's the british guy [TS]

00:02:41   with the bomb that you kind of want to [TS]

00:02:42   be ya the briefcase full of the [TS]

00:02:44   briefcase full of bombs from for stem [TS]

00:02:46   from know he was enforced it was he [TS]

00:02:49   I'm not going to go into David Nevins [TS]

00:02:50   Lincoln you know John I i'm not a Joseph [TS]

00:02:53   Campbell archivist but i'm pretty sure [TS]

00:02:56   the disco hacking hope we're not gonna [TS]

00:02:59   talk about comics but this is a [TS]

00:03:00   character the guy with the beret from [TS]

00:03:03   England briefcase full of bombs [TS]

00:03:05   yes and he at first he seems a little [TS]

00:03:07   bit poncy but but haven't but he knows [TS]

00:03:10   where to put the bomb it does he does he [TS]

00:03:13   knows how to blow up he knows how to [TS]

00:03:14   blow up the mountain but in such a way [TS]

00:03:17   that there's plenty of time to escape [TS]

00:03:19   which are they coming by the beach or [TS]

00:03:21   are they coming the other way like where [TS]

00:03:23   you comin from via it's a story they do [TS]

00:03:26   come via the beach can in on the on [TS]

00:03:28   d-day on de de as we say in the purlins [TS]

00:03:32   d4 day but it's the whole story of d-day [TS]

00:03:37   it's like it's it was when when saving [TS]

00:03:41   private ryan came out this may shock and [TS]

00:03:44   surprise you but when saving private [TS]

00:03:46   ryan came out I had no interest in [TS]

00:03:47   seeing it because i had seen the longest [TS]

00:03:51   day and it was definitive he felt like [TS]

00:03:54   it was a high bar it was important [TS]

00:03:57   because it's you know the longest day is [TS]

00:03:59   made it is made well that well while the [TS]

00:04:03   sand of d-day beaches was still on the [TS]

00:04:05   shoulders of half of the actors in the [TS]

00:04:07   film you know like there are a lot of [TS]

00:04:09   actual world war two veterans in the [TS]

00:04:10   movie [TS]

00:04:11   and so Steven Spielberg with his slow [TS]

00:04:14   motion bullets and stuff I was just like [TS]

00:04:16   I don't need it [TS]

00:04:17   I don't need to see it and it was only [TS]

00:04:18   when I when I was introduced to band of [TS]

00:04:24   brothers on one of my earliest jetblue [TS]

00:04:27   flights so the first one the first time [TS]

00:04:31   I took jetblue right after they had [TS]

00:04:33   opened as a company you know back when [TS]

00:04:36   having a TV on an airplane seemed like [TS]

00:04:38   it was it was literally unique there was [TS]

00:04:40   a community what you can watch any on a [TS]

00:04:43   plane inside of the seat [TS]

00:04:45   yeah and i'm saying i sat down in my [TS]

00:04:47   leather seat and looked at this little [TS]

00:04:49   postage stamp-sized TV and I said are [TS]

00:04:52   you kidding it's likely i'll never it's [TS]

00:04:55   like flying has become fun again right [TS]

00:04:59   and i sat and i watched probably i don't [TS]

00:05:04   know how many episodes of band of [TS]

00:05:05   brothers probably for at least episodes [TS]

00:05:08   of band of brothers back-to-back and [TS]

00:05:10   that's an amazing television show and [TS]

00:05:13   then it caused me to say to it piqued my [TS]

00:05:16   curiosity about about perception private [TS]

00:05:19   ryan enough that i went to watch it was [TS]

00:05:20   like that right but the longest day [TS]

00:05:22   that's where everybody needs to start [TS]

00:05:25   I'm not breaking my rule and looking [TS]

00:05:27   here and it's alphabetical to forgive me [TS]

00:05:29   get you got Eddie Albert and Albert's [TS]

00:05:32   there you get Paul Anka you that sir is [TS]

00:05:35   that correct yes they're all that you [TS]

00:05:37   know they're only potter there's like a [TS]

00:05:39   prank or hook canary trap you get [TS]

00:05:41   Richard Burton red buttons [TS]

00:05:43   what's right shut up honoree fabian [TS]

00:05:46   maybe fabian which I look bitch I would [TS]

00:05:51   put in the pile with a Paul Anka you got [TS]

00:05:53   Henry Fonda what right and this is a [TS]

00:05:57   year before the great escape this came [TS]

00:06:02   out now if memory serves October fourth [TS]

00:06:05   1962 remembering that right yeah so [TS]

00:06:10   before thank you know to the 110 111 [TS]

00:06:12   whatever takes sure and I think it's [TS]

00:06:14   down approximately two percent and [TS]

00:06:16   popularity this week [TS]

00:06:17   uh-huh it's a hell of a movie it's [TS]

00:06:19   probably three hours long [TS]

00:06:21   I like a Torah Torah yeah and you really [TS]

00:06:24   get this you you know it [TS]

00:06:25   every one of those guys has their star [TS]

00:06:27   turn everybody gets their character [TS]

00:06:29   development everybody has their you know [TS]

00:06:31   their moment [TS]

00:06:32   its a mix it with your friends and [TS]

00:06:36   watched when you finally watch the Ryan [TS]

00:06:37   yeah i mean like I'm guessing I'm just [TS]

00:06:40   just speculating that you must have been [TS]

00:06:43   kind of into the on the beach scene [TS]

00:06:47   right well that's pretty great right [TS]

00:06:49   yeah the war stuff is is awesome but you [TS]

00:06:56   know I don't care how many how many like [TS]

00:07:00   makeup lines you draw on Tom Hanks with [TS]

00:07:03   the eyeliner pencil boy I case tell i [TS]

00:07:07   still see him in bosom buddies yeah [TS]

00:07:09   whatever that time Peter Scolari every [TS]

00:07:11   time he comes on the screen I see him [TS]

00:07:14   with the falsies on trying to sneak up [TS]

00:07:16   into the into his like all-girl [TS]

00:07:19   apartment building a good shout it was a [TS]

00:07:21   great show and then if you do hit I feel [TS]

00:07:24   like his most sophisticated role was in [TS]

00:07:26   bachelor party a witch and that's what [TS]

00:07:32   that's what like Tom Hanks character [TS]

00:07:33   development stops for me is you think [TS]

00:07:36   that the head that's the hanks about the [TS]

00:07:38   SS is standing there [TS]

00:07:40   he's standing there like that and it's [TS]

00:07:42   two steps down to the living room of his [TS]

00:07:44   big hotel room [TS]

00:07:45   yeah and and his friends are throwing [TS]

00:07:49   him throwing him a big bachelor party [TS]

00:07:52   where he's going to have sex with a lot [TS]

00:07:53   of hookers and girls and he just can't [TS]

00:07:55   because he loves his fiancee too much [TS]

00:07:59   and that's complicated losses to Beyonce [TS]

00:08:02   I remember i'm trying to member who is [TS]

00:08:04   in that it was it was I mean that was [TS]

00:08:06   don't that's one of those movies that is [TS]

00:08:08   not aged super well I mean yeah it's one [TS]

00:08:11   of those movies like how like what [TS]

00:08:15   it's a lot like a few good men it's [TS]

00:08:17   canonical in a lot of ways like you [TS]

00:08:19   watching a WoW like when I i love this [TS]

00:08:22   one came out and I and but it really [TS]

00:08:25   feels like kind of a time [TS]

00:08:27   well let me just answer my own question [TS]

00:08:30   yes to a common objection objection has [TS]

00:08:34   cast and answered Tom Hanks's love [TS]

00:08:37   interest and fiance in batches [TS]

00:08:39   is a tawny kitaen is trying to get haha [TS]

00:08:41   funny contain David covered sales [TS]

00:08:44   girlfriend [TS]

00:08:45   yes and now I think pretty pretty like [TS]

00:08:49   resolutely over onto the other side of [TS]

00:08:52   like cookie wall and right isn't it [TS]

00:08:54   hasn't she's some kind of like [TS]

00:08:57   conservative blogger or she's like a [TS]

00:08:59   spanker or a vaccine person that kind of [TS]

00:09:02   how or maybe like a like like like what [TS]

00:09:06   is she using her bully pulpit for she [TS]

00:09:09   knows maybe with something else like she [TS]

00:09:11   was arrested for a for waving a pistol [TS]

00:09:13   around or she she had she was wearing [TS]

00:09:16   some of those sweatpants that had a bad [TS]

00:09:18   hollister written on the back and and [TS]

00:09:22   like date rape the girl i don't remember [TS]

00:09:24   what it was about it [TS]

00:09:26   whatever happened to Tony contain it [TS]

00:09:29   wasn't pretty and that's and that is a [TS]

00:09:30   tragedy to me because I I found her very [TS]

00:09:33   attractive in the Hades tiled god yes [TS]

00:09:35   but it was the way that was a the [TS]

00:09:40   keyboard player from journeys girlfriend [TS]

00:09:43   who is that Jonathan Cain had a hot [TS]

00:09:45   girlfriend to remember [TS]

00:09:47   come on stay with me united ahead and go [TS]

00:09:50   all the way into journeys girlfriends [TS]

00:09:52   well you got the greatest hits though [TS]

00:09:54   right [TS]

00:09:55   I could not I could not handle Steve [TS]

00:09:58   Perry I could just couldn't handle it [TS]

00:10:01   there wasn't anything about Steve Perry [TS]

00:10:02   I could handle yeah you know it's deep [TS]

00:10:04   what he needs this context he makes a [TS]

00:10:06   lot of sense in context [TS]

00:10:08   yeah but I never had the context i [TS]

00:10:10   always was like yes he is he's [TS]

00:10:12   ambiguously gendered he's ambiguously [TS]

00:10:15   like I'm not seriously calendar is what [TS]

00:10:18   he is he's ambiguously talented i'm not [TS]

00:10:20   sure whether he's asian south pacific [TS]

00:10:22   islander I know his replacement is I'm [TS]

00:10:26   not sure about TPP replaced by a Samoan [TS]

00:10:29   I'm saying is the the new singer in [TS]

00:10:32   journeys from the philippines haha [TS]

00:10:35   he do that no i didn't but my mind is [TS]

00:10:39   you know I literally exhausted from jury [TS]

00:10:41   duty and i'm suddenly America I mention [TS]

00:10:43   these different supergroups and now when [TS]

00:10:46   involve the replacement singers from [TS]

00:10:48   bands simply you've got you got the memo [TS]

00:10:51   Steve Perry I got the guy who's not rob [TS]

00:10:54   halford right Gary Chicot sharoni oh [TS]

00:10:57   come on line for her from vanillin three [TS]

00:11:01   can ruin a wet dream [TS]

00:11:03   that's it's just all here saying it's [TS]

00:11:06   all singers it's all replacement singers [TS]

00:11:08   i think i think the girlfriend of [TS]

00:11:10   anybody in a famous man should be named [TS]

00:11:12   Tony I mean justjust for archival [TS]

00:11:15   reasons there was a girl in my high [TS]

00:11:17   school and she said her nickname or was [TS]

00:11:21   that your given name was writ was a real [TS]

00:11:23   man she was a shoes of a guy I always [TS]

00:11:26   felt like she was an attractive girl [TS]

00:11:27   yes I was thinking the other day I [TS]

00:11:30   remember I was at a high school party I [TS]

00:11:33   right at that transition when we were i [TS]

00:11:36   guess i guess it's a transition that you [TS]

00:11:39   make at the beginning of your senior [TS]

00:11:40   year where you start to have parties in [TS]

00:11:42   motels a.m. instead of at people's [TS]

00:11:46   houses we're like okay what you know [TS]

00:11:48   like we're old enough now we can go get [TS]

00:11:50   a hotel and we're going to have a party [TS]

00:11:53   there and it wasn't one of these motel [TS]

00:11:55   parties in Anchorage and there was it [TS]

00:11:57   was it was the socialist the socialists [TS]

00:11:59   were having a party right [TS]

00:12:01   and somehow at that point by the time [TS]

00:12:04   you're seeing your lucky kinda like I [TS]

00:12:06   felt very comfortable crashing social [TS]

00:12:08   parties even though they didn't want me [TS]

00:12:10   there and I showed up in my in my trench [TS]

00:12:15   coat with the book the whiteout skull [TS]

00:12:17   and crossbones on the back with my [TS]

00:12:19   friend Cal and we were you know we were [TS]

00:12:21   looking for trouble and it's all the [TS]

00:12:25   girls with the with the sprayed up bangs [TS]

00:12:27   and everything and this girl very drunk [TS]

00:12:29   went into the bathroom went to the went [TS]

00:12:32   went potty she went number 20 and she [TS]

00:12:36   came out and had failed to flush the [TS]

00:12:39   toilet [TS]

00:12:40   oh no the poor thing yeah and so the [TS]

00:12:43   next guy who to the to the room and [TS]

00:12:47   whatever social guy was in their next [TS]

00:12:49   comes out he's like oh my god you guys [TS]

00:12:51   have got to see this [TS]

00:12:52   and you know this girl is very drunk she [TS]

00:12:56   stumbles off you know with her pink high [TS]

00:12:58   heels wavering on the carpet but [TS]

00:13:02   everybody else at the party then one by [TS]

00:13:06   one files into the bathroom to see that [TS]

00:13:09   this girl has made an enormous two key [TS]

00:13:12   so big like like wide like wide and long [TS]

00:13:19   is a toilet filling DC and its limits [TS]

00:13:24   but what's amazing about it in addition [TS]

00:13:26   to just the massiveness of it is it is a [TS]

00:13:29   one-piece Dukey so she 16 right yeah it [TS]

00:13:34   is a it is like a boa constrictor [TS]

00:13:37   Oh No in the toilet and everything you [TS]

00:13:40   know in any other place that would be [TS]

00:13:41   seen as extremely healthy right if I had [TS]

00:13:44   made it to I still envy that do get [TS]

00:13:46   think about it all the time I cock God [TS]

00:13:49   if I could just that is an aspirational [TS]

00:13:50   Dukey but her whole life was changed by [TS]

00:13:53   one misstep she did not hit the flusher [TS]

00:13:56   right and it's actually an initial signs [TS]

00:14:00   did you file in course I saw the Dookie [TS]

00:14:02   sure [TS]

00:14:03   and these are her friends you know this [TS]

00:14:07   isn't a case where some social girl came [TS]

00:14:09   to a to like one of our parties and we [TS]

00:14:12   were raked over the coals like these [TS]

00:14:14   were her people [TS]

00:14:16   these were her pals and she I remember [TS]

00:14:18   her being kind of a pretty girl who was [TS]

00:14:20   aspiring to to jump into a higher social [TS]

00:14:24   class in high school or whatever choose [TS]

00:14:26   issues just under the line for being one [TS]

00:14:29   of the top girls as she saw it and this [TS]

00:14:33   was just this plummeted her status [TS]

00:14:35   because because it you can you see is [TS]

00:14:38   she walking down the hall and there may [TS]

00:14:41   be some guy with a mullet walking behind [TS]

00:14:42   her holding his fingers 18 inches apart [TS]

00:14:45   now over her head and it was just like [TS]

00:14:49   think about all the times that that [TS]

00:14:52   happened in high school I remember a guy [TS]

00:14:54   of a really good friend of mine [TS]

00:14:56   in eighth grade the story went around [TS]

00:14:59   that he had a slumber party or a bunch [TS]

00:15:03   of dudes bunch of the cool kids came [TS]

00:15:05   over to his house and he was kind of one [TS]

00:15:07   of them one of the kids on the fringe of [TS]

00:15:09   the cool kid group and the next day at [TS]

00:15:14   school it was contested that he that [TS]

00:15:18   somebody will come in tonight and he was [TS]

00:15:19   jacking it and all the kids within [TS]

00:15:25   within before first period was out the [TS]

00:15:28   entire school knew that this guy was [TS]

00:15:32   jacking it at a slumber party with a [TS]

00:15:35   bunch of his friends and I i found it at [TS]

00:15:38   the time and i find it now impossible to [TS]

00:15:40   believe that he was legitimately jacking [TS]

00:15:43   it but even if he were he had to move he [TS]

00:15:49   had to move and change his name him [TS]

00:15:51   because he did he moved and changed his [TS]

00:15:54   name is diis know i'm on facebook he [TS]

00:15:57   still goes by a different name changed [TS]

00:16:00   his name forever anyway this girl with [TS]

00:16:04   the Dookie I was thinking about it the [TS]

00:16:05   other day this was before people had [TS]

00:16:08   cameras on their phones imagine now that [TS]

00:16:11   would be it [TS]

00:16:11   it'd be on the top of it be on the top [TS]

00:16:13   of that i can eat cheeseburgers [TS]

00:16:17   yeah yeah I gosh i'm at i can haz meme [TS]

00:16:26   generator you know it's it's one thing [TS]

00:16:30   if you fart you know it it's another [TS]

00:16:32   thing if you miss speak your fly is down [TS]

00:16:34   but you know for a guy i mean first of [TS]

00:16:38   all I i have to say i can't believe you [TS]

00:16:41   you you can't imagine somebody checking [TS]

00:16:43   it at an overnight because you know i [TS]

00:16:46   thought well i got anything i'm not [TS]

00:16:49   gonna say anything but I mean that what [TS]

00:16:51   are you saying that are you saying that [TS]

00:16:52   circle jerking me was actually a thing [TS]

00:16:55   now I'm not saying that all I'm saying [TS]

00:16:58   the privacy of your own toilet moment if [TS]

00:17:00   you needed to run a batch it that might [TS]

00:17:03   be something you would do as a dude if [TS]

00:17:06   you get caught that's [TS]

00:17:08   you know that's kind of off limits but [TS]

00:17:10   for a lady [TS]

00:17:11   I just I can't eat I can't imagine [TS]

00:17:13   anything worse if she were literally [TS]

00:17:15   blowing the principal in the bathroom [TS]

00:17:17   it would be nowhere near as bad as [TS]

00:17:19   forgetting to flush h it and enviable [TS]

00:17:22   Dukey and the big the biggest food that [TS]

00:17:25   anybody's ever seen [TS]

00:17:26   yes but i think but like light like so [TS]

00:17:29   many things involving ND and status [TS]

00:17:31   right then you think it's like kind of a [TS]

00:17:33   complicated combination of language you [TS]

00:17:37   I mean like you like anything you would [TS]

00:17:39   go like oh it's like discovering that [TS]

00:17:41   somebody makes two or three more zeroes [TS]

00:17:45   than you thought they made every year my [TS]

00:17:48   you'd go like who that person is rich in [TS]

00:17:50   this case she has made a literally [TS]

00:17:52   perfect Dukey at a party and you know [TS]

00:17:54   let me sketch on Roderick how often have [TS]

00:17:57   you made a perfect Dukey a party I [TS]

00:17:59   should I pooped a party I pooped a party [TS]

00:18:01   in la one time it was super complicated [TS]

00:18:03   complicated [TS]

00:18:06   yeah i was a multi-stage job oh how come [TS]

00:18:10   back to that if you want I will [TS]

00:18:11   literally circle back to that but but [TS]

00:18:13   but but for a lady [TS]

00:18:15   yeah and a at our time like no you don't [TS]

00:18:18   want you don't want to show that you [TS]

00:18:19   have any bodily functions of any kind if [TS]

00:18:21   she had left bloody panties like [TS]

00:18:24   literally on the cake [TS]

00:18:25   it would be not as bad as it is as a has [TS]

00:18:28   an enviable Dukey yeah now in contrast [TS]

00:18:30   like early on in seventh grade in my [TS]

00:18:36   biology class we were all sitting [TS]

00:18:39   working on a problem at those big long [TS]

00:18:41   black tables that if you put your finger [TS]

00:18:44   on it for a long time it it makes a [TS]

00:18:46   little sweat spot you know those black [TS]

00:18:49   table Jesus biology yeah we got one of [TS]

00:18:51   this [TS]

00:18:52   and I'm sitting sitting there working on [TS]

00:18:55   a problem like we got a lab partner like [TS]

00:18:57   you are too wide [TS]

00:18:59   we're all sitting at the classes the [TS]

00:19:00   class is deathly quiet you can hear a [TS]

00:19:02   pin drop and i have and i feel that i [TS]

00:19:04   have i have to make a fart and so I kind [TS]

00:19:08   of you know I lift up one side of my [TS]

00:19:13   bottom you provide an affordance III [TS]

00:19:16   that's right I know if I for an exit [TS]

00:19:18   area that mean it means acceptable means [TS]

00:19:22   of ingress that's right now keep working [TS]

00:19:25   on my project my part my black partners [TS]

00:19:27   there and I proceeded to for whatever [TS]

00:19:31   reason make the loudest fart was it [TS]

00:19:37   flappy it was loud and long and perfect [TS]

00:19:41   and now I recognizes it as the perfect [TS]

00:19:44   part because all this i mean everything [TS]

00:19:49   was set up biology class seventh-grade [TS]

00:19:53   perfect silence hard wood chair i'm in [TS]

00:19:58   the front row of the class there's [TS]

00:20:00   nowhere to hide and I make a perfect [TS]

00:20:02   30-second long super further and it was [TS]

00:20:08   the situation whether the reaction was [TS]

00:20:10   so instantaneous and also so perfect [TS]

00:20:13   everybody like jumped back as if as if a [TS]

00:20:19   cobra had sprung out of a half [TS]

00:20:22   yeah chairs are falling back kids are [TS]

00:20:26   like falling over each other to escape [TS]

00:20:30   and it's all happening instantaneously [TS]

00:20:32   like the sound wave hasn't even made it [TS]

00:20:34   to the wall and kids are scrambling to [TS]

00:20:36   get away from the blast zone slicks the [TS]

00:20:40   girls are screaming and yelling and I [TS]

00:20:45   and I remember I remember sitting there [TS]

00:20:47   and there was no up there was no [TS]

00:20:51   mortification because there was it was [TS]

00:20:53   not possible [TS]

00:20:54   like I couldn't be mortified in that [TS]

00:20:56   moment because it had it was so far over [TS]

00:21:02   it was so fun pat was no question that [TS]

00:21:05   you have doubt it because the kids on [TS]

00:21:07   either side of me flew away for me like [TS]

00:21:12   they were they were at Ground Zero [TS]

00:21:14   clamoring over tables to get away and I [TS]

00:21:17   just SAT there continued writing may be [TS]

00:21:21   paid no jets hear that he kind and just [TS]

00:21:25   like owned it [TS]

00:21:28   I i had the presence in seventh grade to [TS]

00:21:32   own it with no I was not trying to [TS]

00:21:35   pretend that i hadn't like I had a [TS]

00:21:37   superior smirk on my face and just kept [TS]

00:21:41   writing on my piece of paper and it was [TS]

00:21:46   then then it was up to them so it was [TS]

00:21:50   precisely like nothing happened but it [TS]

00:21:52   was like oh that happened but i'm just [TS]

00:21:53   going to keep moving [TS]

00:21:55   oh it happened but and I mean the [TS]

00:21:57   teachers sitting at her desk and I think [TS]

00:21:59   maybe even she stood up and took a step [TS]

00:22:01   back but then i can connect to write so [TS]

00:22:06   how the burden the burden of proof the [TS]

00:22:09   onus is on everyone else in the room [TS]

00:22:11   like what are you going to do now [TS]

00:22:13   right like you're all crowding against [TS]

00:22:14   the walls what are you gonna do next [TS]

00:22:17   yeah like eventually you have to take [TS]

00:22:19   your seats again and i'm still just [TS]

00:22:23   gonna be sitting here writing writing my [TS]

00:22:26   assignment with the self-satisfied smile [TS]

00:22:30   and eventually they did eventually they [TS]

00:22:33   all like crept back cursing me and and [TS]

00:22:39   you have better but it like it was [TS]

00:22:41   bulletproof by the next day it was it [TS]

00:22:44   was like the stuff of myth the stuff of [TS]

00:22:47   myth and also liked it was it was a [TS]

00:22:49   feather in my cap right i mean that's [TS]

00:22:52   what you think is like a few things like [TS]

00:22:54   receded in like tried to you know play [TS]

00:22:57   it off legit and go like oh no it's [TS]

00:23:00   actually like plotting your no plausible [TS]

00:23:03   deniability [TS]

00:23:04   youyou Delta you owned it if I face that [TS]

00:23:08   even gotten Red I i would i would have [TS]

00:23:10   been it would have been like [TS]

00:23:13   I might as well cut off my hands on that [TS]

00:23:16   is a career-defining was it was it was a [TS]

00:23:19   it was a moment of self-knowledge I was [TS]

00:23:21   like that's right that's right it's [TS]

00:23:24   kinda sexy almost fell apart like this [TS]

00:23:27   but as for any of you will ever hear or [TS]

00:23:29   see ya [TS]

00:23:31   and any in you were there the whole time [TS]

00:23:32   but for a lady uh i mean i have to feel [TS]

00:23:36   like if this girl had stood in the door [TS]

00:23:37   of the bathroom and send like and sold [TS]

00:23:41   tickets for a dollar [TS]

00:23:42   it would have been better for her than [TS]

00:23:44   to just kind of stumbled out of the [TS]

00:23:46   bathroom and drunkenly stumble away i [TS]

00:23:49   dont no question there's a thousand ways [TS]

00:23:50   that could have been better for her like [TS]

00:23:52   if she if she had gone like hey guys [TS]

00:23:55   and then shatter on a copy of escape by [TS]

00:23:58   journey that would like a thousand times [TS]

00:24:00   more hot that would've been hotter than [TS]

00:24:02   like necking with the second cutest girl [TS]

00:24:04   but then the fact that she space the [TS]

00:24:07   flushing he oh my god that's miserable I [TS]

00:24:11   i I'm not gonna leave that off of that's [TS]

00:24:14   just [TS]

00:24:14   oh yeah so yeah it just goes to show i'm [TS]

00:24:21   not sure what it goes to show flush you [TS]

00:24:26   know what they say you know in music you [TS]

00:24:28   know if you had a clam [TS]

00:24:30   oh yeah do it three times its apart i [TS]

00:24:33   think that's the only smoke that said [TS]

00:24:35   that literally only wants to clamp into [TS]

00:24:38   three times it's a it's a bit but you [TS]

00:24:40   know that like you know I i learned this [TS]

00:24:42   too late but they would say that you [TS]

00:24:44   know if you had a clam [TS]

00:24:45   I don't make a face right like if you if [TS]

00:24:48   you hit like a and you know i have [TS]

00:24:51   stepped off on an important part that [TS]

00:24:53   everybody can hear like don't make a [TS]

00:24:55   face you know because a lot of people [TS]

00:24:57   will not even notice [TS]

00:25:00   yeah well and there's a hit an [TS]

00:25:02   interesting adjunct to that story my [TS]

00:25:05   good friend david bazan who is now a [TS]

00:25:08   friend of yours also david bazan who [TS]

00:25:11   tells a story when he was a young man [TS]

00:25:15   playing the drums in like and he was [TS]

00:25:20   even a drummer who backed up [TS]

00:25:22   church music at his because his father [TS]

00:25:26   was a music pastor right and so Dave [TS]

00:25:30   started out his career as a as a drum [TS]

00:25:32   teenage drummer behind all these people [TS]

00:25:34   singing and playing in church and he [TS]

00:25:37   said he was playing drums behind some [TS]

00:25:40   some singer in in a church band who was [TS]

00:25:44   really cheesy singer and really pretty [TS]

00:25:47   bad and after the you know after the [TS]

00:25:54   performance he walks off stage and his [TS]

00:25:57   mom grabs him by the shirt and she says [TS]

00:26:00   you were you were behind the drums [TS]

00:26:03   making faces at that singer when the [TS]

00:26:07   singer couldn't hit when the singer mr. [TS]

00:26:09   note [TS]

00:26:10   you would make a grimace and you can [TS]

00:26:14   never ever ever do that and tables like [TS]

00:26:18   oh I was just like and I was so awful [TS]

00:26:21   that I couldn't she was like you can [TS]

00:26:22   never ever when you're onstage make a [TS]

00:26:26   face when someone misses the note like [TS]

00:26:31   that your job if you have any job it is [TS]

00:26:35   to stand up there and present not only [TS]

00:26:37   your own flubs as you know as [TS]

00:26:42   professionally as you can but like you [TS]

00:26:43   are representing that singer you are [TS]

00:26:45   representing yourself and everything [TS]

00:26:47   while you're up there you're there to [TS]

00:26:48   support them its kind of the poor shape [TS]

00:26:50   for axiom or like you can make a face to [TS]

00:26:53   like support them and go wow that was [TS]

00:26:57   really rocking but no no ugly face no no [TS]

00:27:01   no shit face because it becomes like a [TS]

00:27:04   like a footnote like a really really [TS]

00:27:07   wish [TS]

00:27:09   yeah exactly [TS]

00:27:11   for Dave one of my Saturday night people [TS]

00:27:14   so it's a very emotional face [TS]

00:27:16   I mean I think it's think Dave it's you [TS]

00:27:20   know I'm the super tight with him but I [TS]

00:27:22   i enjoy this stuff a lot when I watch [TS]

00:27:24   him perform [TS]

00:27:25   I mean it seems like he gets very [TS]

00:27:27   involved in the music he's into it but [TS]

00:27:30   he's not making like guitar face he's [TS]

00:27:32   not making library look at me i'm like [TS]

00:27:34   hitting up you know I'm bending five you [TS]

00:27:37   know like he's he's like involved in the [TS]

00:27:39   music and it seems like a bet it was [TS]

00:27:41   kind of involuntary he was he was making [TS]

00:27:44   in other words he was not making a [TS]

00:27:46   deliberate comment on the flatness [TS]

00:27:48   sharpness or badness of the singer he [TS]

00:27:51   was just like playing the song right i [TS]

00:27:54   mean it wasn't like he was trying to [TS]

00:27:56   undermine know a thing about this is why [TS]

00:27:59   I can't go to karaoke like sitting and [TS]

00:28:02   karaoke performance I feel like I feel [TS]

00:28:08   like lemmiwinks is up my butt huh [TS]

00:28:11   I am so uncomfortable with it when [TS]

00:28:16   people sing flat that that it's [TS]

00:28:19   reflexive like my shoulders so I was [TS]

00:28:21   saying I'm gonna improv if I could [TS]

00:28:24   improv and somebody was okay i'm gonna [TS]

00:28:26   need something involving a toilet and a [TS]

00:28:29   pizza delivery ok got that and and when [TS]

00:28:32   and when it becomes uncomfortable I rock [TS]

00:28:34   even if I'm not medicated I rock back [TS]

00:28:36   and forth and have this like really any [TS]

00:28:39   your head on the wall [TS]

00:28:40   well now it's worse getting back with [TS]

00:28:43   Lisa that I seem crazy but I rock back [TS]

00:28:46   and forth with a fake smile on my face [TS]

00:28:48   because I'm feeling every scintilla of [TS]

00:28:51   putting liquor board a smile like you [TS]

00:28:54   know what's bad is you like so with the [TS]

00:28:57   karaoke or was performing like you feel [TS]

00:29:00   bad for the person because they may not [TS]

00:29:03   be fully aware that that's the thing [TS]

00:29:06   they're having a great time right like [TS]

00:29:08   you're feeling so you're feeling [TS]

00:29:09   sympathy for them and they are they [TS]

00:29:11   require no sympathy i said so I stay out [TS]

00:29:14   of that stuff I just think I've been [TS]

00:29:16   admonished by the judge in my case not [TS]

00:29:18   not not to like discuss what's going on [TS]

00:29:20   the case but i will tell you that [TS]

00:29:23   on a couple three occasions today I had [TS]

00:29:25   to pass by the family court area where [TS]

00:29:27   the like legal assistance area and there [TS]

00:29:29   was a one be home woman standing sitting [TS]

00:29:36   there was a lot of bags and she was [TS]

00:29:39   there to get some extra help with her [TS]

00:29:40   meds and she I was singing 99 red [TS]

00:29:44   balloons by nina in german or english [TS]

00:29:47   english and the canonical version but ok [TS]

00:29:51   sir she did not know all the words and [TS]

00:29:54   just she was even like I'm a sharp [TS]

00:29:57   singer she was super flat singer and if [TS]

00:30:00   I could say shot Broderick she didn't [TS]

00:30:02   know all the words and she could sing it [TS]

00:30:05   over over lot of mothers amount so my [TS]

00:30:07   only thought I have been admonished [TS]

00:30:08   about this i shared this with some other [TS]

00:30:10   jury members that you know if you're [TS]

00:30:12   gonna be a crazy homeless lady singing [TS]

00:30:14   Nina over and literally over like at [TS]

00:30:19   least know the words it's okay they're a [TS]

00:30:21   little flat and know the words but right [TS]

00:30:23   i mean will give you a pass but she was [TS]

00:30:26   she [TS]

00:30:26   improving some words based on what she [TS]

00:30:28   was seeing in the court or whatever she [TS]

00:30:29   was getting just getting just enough [TS]

00:30:31   wrong that like a casual observer would [TS]

00:30:34   go oh you kinda don't know the words to [TS]

00:30:37   that song she just doing the captain [TS]

00:30:39   kirk verse over and over [TS]

00:30:41   no I mean I can't really I don't [TS]

00:30:43   impersonate her because you know of [TS]

00:30:45   admonishments right but what up [TS]

00:30:48   are you telling me that the judge in [TS]

00:30:51   this case has singled you out for [TS]

00:30:52   personal admonishment III can't know [TS]

00:30:55   what I couldn't say it's like the NSA [TS]

00:30:57   it's like one of those you know it's [TS]

00:30:59   like one of those things you get were [TS]

00:31:00   like you can't you can't say if you've [TS]

00:31:02   received the letter where you can't say [TS]

00:31:04   what you can't say yes I understand [TS]

00:31:07   no I don't wanna you know what from the [TS]

00:31:10   bench he has pointed his gavel he or she [TS]

00:31:13   has pointed in his or gavel a thank-you [TS]

00:31:15   and said you you let me just explain the [TS]

00:31:21   juror number eight or otherwise [TS]

00:31:25   uh-oh they're gonna love you in the jury [TS]

00:31:31   room during deliberations god I'm so [TS]

00:31:34   gonna be like that the cherry [TS]

00:31:36   somebody's appeal I can feel it already [TS]

00:31:38   but walking by you your honor [TS]

00:31:42   I don't want to go to a party that one [TS]

00:31:45   of the judges have you you little Oh [TS]

00:31:50   transcript of a podcast about what you [TS]

00:31:57   here's the thing like you so you don't [TS]

00:31:58   think like that song look if it's louie [TS]

00:32:01   louie if it's a faithfully like whatever [TS]

00:32:04   it is like just if you're going to sing [TS]

00:32:06   it over and over get it right but nobody [TS]

00:32:09   knows the lyrics to Louie you just [TS]

00:32:11   picked the classic example of a song [TS]

00:32:13   that no one can sing properly [TS]

00:32:15   yeah but if you put your heart in it and [TS]

00:32:17   like do the intonation and try not to be [TS]

00:32:19   too flat and I i don't know i think that [TS]

00:32:22   that song 99 loose balloons yeah i mean [TS]

00:32:26   that that tells a that's a long involved [TS]

00:32:28   story [TS]

00:32:29   yeah I'm not surprised she doesn't know [TS]

00:32:32   all the words I'm just surprised that I [TS]

00:32:34   don't think it's gonna happen sorry i [TS]

00:32:36   don't think it's going to help her get [TS]

00:32:37   prozac though they did she look a little [TS]

00:32:40   bit like John I literally cannot get [TS]

00:32:43   into this usually there she was the hair [TS]

00:32:46   with another guy who had binoculars and [TS]

00:32:49   well and he was wearing lots of like [TS]

00:32:52   roots rock reggae kind of colors like he [TS]

00:32:58   had less like like like red golden-green [TS]

00:33:00   did he have to be about Bob like Black [TS]

00:33:04   Bart Simpson shirt on [TS]

00:33:05   that's over to block the stand and [TS]

00:33:08   wearing a giant like afrika bambaataa [TS]

00:33:10   necklace looks like a deal with soul [TS]

00:33:15   necklace now nothing like that now it [TS]

00:33:18   will have got John I haven't slept [TS]

00:33:20   um you know what I'm going to say is [TS]

00:33:23   that that that there is a if I could say [TS]

00:33:26   I'm not a miller scholar as you know but [TS]

00:33:29   there's a crucible that happens in high [TS]

00:33:30   school it starts in junior high because [TS]

00:33:32   in highschool did you just complete the [TS]

00:33:34   words crucial and crucible crucible and [TS]

00:33:38   sick then is it wrong with how to [TS]

00:33:39   pronounce one went on a rider how do you [TS]

00:33:41   say that [TS]

00:33:42   start over gentlemen but it's late it's [TS]

00:33:47   late is it our brother Henry Miller [TS]

00:33:49   surrounded [TS]

00:33:49   by actor / empty pill bottles of john [TS]

00:33:54   III you know what I was a crucible [TS]

00:33:55   literally don't get me started on empty [TS]

00:33:57   pill bottles right now but the income [TS]

00:34:00   that's why they're going to appeal that [TS]

00:34:02   case they're good [TS]

00:34:03   jurors Roman citizen wastebasket this is [TS]

00:34:06   that so [TS]

00:34:10   o-katsu i'm gonna go ahead and oh [TS]

00:34:13   follow 325 objection juror number eight [TS]

00:34:17   has not been able to visit you sue o a [TS]

00:34:20   psychiatrist to refill his schedule one [TS]

00:34:23   prescription [TS]

00:34:24   haha oh and he's reading clearly read [TS]

00:34:29   new spider-man comics so this woman [TS]

00:34:36   she's she's there and look like Margot [TS]

00:34:39   Kidder doesn't she [TS]

00:34:40   not not too late i'm picturing [TS]

00:34:43   late-stage Margo can share [TS]

00:34:45   yeah now-now ever feel you i ran into [TS]

00:34:47   Margot Kidder in a sushi restaurant in [TS]

00:34:50   your house and it [TS]

00:34:52   no she was getting sushi she was there [TS]

00:34:53   in Chile with the dismemberment play in [TS]

00:34:57   your ass [TS]

00:34:58   yeah you always complicated that sorry I [TS]

00:35:03   so wishing machine seattle at the cargo [TS]

00:35:06   carrier was in New York City of Canton [TS]

00:35:07   sushi [TS]

00:35:08   okay really okay in a little italy just [TS]

00:35:11   give me a general sense of what are we [TS]

00:35:12   talking about like post-2000 but bigger [TS]

00:35:15   in about to them [TS]

00:35:17   ok so as they say in Northern Ireland it [TS]

00:35:19   was during the problems it was during [TS]

00:35:20   the problem area and she she had some [TS]

00:35:23   said some leaves in her hair she she had [TS]

00:35:28   I think she was think she was missing [TS]

00:35:31   the tooth or two [TS]

00:35:33   oh no John you know park that is it was [TS]

00:35:36   pretty was too pretty yeah John people [TS]

00:35:38   judge you when you are missing a tooth [TS]

00:35:40   yeah she has she has come all the way [TS]

00:35:43   back i think it for you Margo yeah I bet [TS]

00:35:48   she knows all the listening keep going [TS]

00:35:50   out here more haha well you know I don't [TS]

00:35:53   like a lot safer Robert Downey when we [TS]

00:35:55   come back to that I feel like I feel [TS]

00:35:58   like she's gotta be missing [TS]

00:36:01   teeth I feel like I feel like in what [TS]

00:36:05   what what why do I say that just in [TS]

00:36:08   terms of I understand if you have an [TS]

00:36:11   objection regarding relevance or [TS]

00:36:14   foundation i'm literally exhausted [TS]

00:36:19   um but it when it did you know Margot [TS]

00:36:21   Kidder dated pierre trudeau I'm sorry I [TS]

00:36:26   didn't hear that Margot Kidder that was [TS]

00:36:28   a hearing a joke i did not know that i [TS]

00:36:31   did and i don't have a cat micelles not [TS]

00:36:33   here right now let me good for you can [TS]

00:36:36   thank you up [TS]

00:36:38   John hang on Margot Kidder you're [TS]

00:36:41   telling me literally marketer who seems [TS]

00:36:43   like she should have been in some [TS]

00:36:44   Cassavetes films but it wasn't like [TS]

00:36:47   she's got that kind of Cassidy's feel [TS]

00:36:50   but we mainly know her from a Superman [TS]

00:36:54   yeah right and kind of seeming like the [TS]

00:36:57   cute girl in Raiders of the Lost Ark but [TS]

00:36:59   not really what was that not that [TS]

00:37:02   somebody less karenallen that's Karen [TS]

00:37:04   Allen oh yes she's cute and raiders of [TS]

00:37:08   the lost ark yeah it'sit's conflation [TS]

00:37:10   yeah anyway I so so anyway yeah well she [TS]

00:37:14   did oh she did the Prime Minister canada [TS]

00:37:16   oh I'm to get the filmmaker Oh Trudeau [TS]

00:37:20   filmmaker at home thinking of up just [TS]

00:37:24   got here in Franklin County French [TS]

00:37:26   filmmaker here to Del Rio Chico and [TS]

00:37:29   which ones margaux hemingway margaux [TS]

00:37:32   hemingway wasn't she is using lipstick [TS]

00:37:34   shoes in lipstick i think so anyway are [TS]

00:37:38   multiple but that's right Margaux [TS]

00:37:39   Hemingway was that was Woody Allen [TS]

00:37:41   stand-in for soon-yi [TS]

00:37:44   in manhattan in Manhattan I'm take two [TS]

00:37:51   things number one lipstick lipstick used [TS]

00:37:53   to be on a cable a lot and I saw a lot [TS]

00:37:57   and here's the other thing what I'm [TS]

00:37:58   realizing is that Allah your uh epochal [TS]

00:38:03   fart and the Dookie of the famous girl [TS]

00:38:06   like I I spend so little of my time so [TS]

00:38:11   little of my life worrying about how it [TS]

00:38:14   would look in court you know I'm saying [TS]

00:38:17   like there's some so little of my life [TS]

00:38:19   where I'm like processing like how would [TS]

00:38:21   I even begin [TS]

00:38:22   I could explain what I did for a living [TS]

00:38:24   to these people [TS]

00:38:25   the the other jury members are still [TS]

00:38:27   asking me like what I quote on quote [TS]

00:38:29   unquote do right and I you know I slept [TS]

00:38:32   it off and go you know like i always say [TS]

00:38:34   i have two answers to what I do you [TS]

00:38:38   well uh if it's obvious you don't care i [TS]

00:38:41   say that I'm a ceramicist that's right [TS]

00:38:43   your services that's but that's right [TS]

00:38:45   and if you seem like you maybe a little [TS]

00:38:46   care i say i do things with computers [TS]

00:38:49   yeah I've heard you say that you're a [TS]

00:38:51   ceramicist people have you really heard [TS]

00:38:52   that yeah and watch the nod yes I think [TS]

00:38:55   people don't believe actually actually [TS]

00:38:57   say that I think I I generally get the [TS]

00:39:00   sense that you are going to say only two [TS]

00:39:01   people who are not who you can tell are [TS]

00:39:03   not already not listening [TS]

00:39:05   what's the same problem you run into [TS]

00:39:06   with the Circle C move in in the [TS]

00:39:09   corridors of power might be mixed [TS]

00:39:12   metaphor but you run into people who [TS]

00:39:13   like 1a like letting the slide shows the [TS]

00:39:15   slideshow with the african-american kids [TS]

00:39:18   right you you run into people who want [TS]

00:39:20   to suss out whether they should be [TS]

00:39:23   talking to you are you an entrepreneur [TS]

00:39:25   hmm we're all entrepreneurs Pyramus [TS]

00:39:29   serial entrepreneur my problem is like [TS]

00:39:31   my entire life is not structured around [TS]

00:39:34   any aspect of having a straight ahead [TS]

00:39:37   sir [TS]

00:39:38   yeah yeah no not by design it's just [TS]

00:39:41   that you know we're setting aside my [TS]

00:39:42   liberal artistic pneus like it's really [TS]

00:39:47   hard for me to explain all kinds of [TS]

00:39:49   things and yeah I just I I never process [TS]

00:39:54   what I do [TS]

00:39:55   ok so here's here's one admission [TS]

00:39:57   I'm going to allow this it is that [TS]

00:39:59   sometimes I will say like I i want to [TS]

00:40:01   stop what's happening right now because [TS]

00:40:04   as a father now I sometimes wonder [TS]

00:40:06   whether this clip here on a forum in an [TS]

00:40:09   emergency room sometimes i will think [TS]

00:40:12   like how will this look if I have to [TS]

00:40:14   explain this in a victory end of the [TS]

00:40:17   forms they don't give you a large area [TS]

00:40:18   and somewhat you know bibulous as they [TS]

00:40:20   say and so I don't want to have to [TS]

00:40:23   explain things because i rarely can and [TS]

00:40:29   let alone my job let alone in decision i [TS]

00:40:31   made like the worst feeling like like [TS]

00:40:35   what do you say when people ask you what [TS]

00:40:36   you do I mean II dt just say rockstar [TS]

00:40:39   like what he say well this is the thing [TS]

00:40:41   as you as you probably can guess I've [TS]

00:40:44   spent my entire life prepared to at any [TS]

00:40:48   moment be put on the stand in a capital [TS]

00:40:51   murder case [TS]

00:40:53   damn glad about you grew up knowing [TS]

00:40:57   knowing that you could somebody be [TS]

00:40:59   called to a Senate hearing where they [TS]

00:41:00   would say listen listen we're fast [TS]

00:41:04   tracking you for this I cannot promise [TS]

00:41:05   you this going anywhere but you might be [TS]

00:41:08   the head of the CIA [TS]

00:41:09   yeah that one get on assessment tonight [TS]

00:41:11   right right assessment citation at which [TS]

00:41:16   point i would put my hand over the [TS]

00:41:18   microphone and I would consult my [TS]

00:41:19   attorney and then that would come back [TS]

00:41:23   look back and say I Ozai also senator [TS]

00:41:27   own stock in AT&T and IBM and we're [TS]

00:41:34   Hauser timber whatever you know you have [TS]

00:41:37   to have they bring in your brother from [TS]

00:41:39   Sicily appearance in the courtroom makes [TS]

00:41:43   you so unhinged but you say well I was [TS]

00:41:46   the olive oil [TS]

00:41:48   gotta love you so much but in any case [TS]

00:41:51   yes there's two things that I'm always [TS]

00:41:54   prepared for at any moment are to be [TS]

00:41:56   subpoenaed what [TS]

00:41:57   and also to go to prison so it's more [TS]

00:42:05   than packing that small bag like you're [TS]

00:42:07   really you're ready i'm ready and one of [TS]

00:42:09   the one of the one of the ways that i [TS]

00:42:11   have i maintain that readiness [TS]

00:42:12   particularly in the case of going to [TS]

00:42:14   prison is that I have never read [TS]

00:42:17   Shakespeare sonnets because I'm saving [TS]

00:42:21   them for prison unique you need to know [TS]

00:42:26   where you're going to read in prison [TS]

00:42:29   ok in order to have your your whole like [TS]

00:42:34   a phoenix rising from the ashes story [TS]

00:42:37   you've got something to look forward to [TS]

00:42:40   yeah Malcolm X read the dictionary in [TS]

00:42:42   prison and that is bullshit first of all [TS]

00:42:44   but second of all that's like that made [TS]

00:42:47   yeah that made that my autobiography of [TS]

00:42:50   malcolm x [TS]

00:42:51   I mean that's the that is the turning [TS]

00:42:52   point of them that's the crux like you [TS]

00:42:55   think that Alex Haley imagining that if [TS]

00:42:58   he were in prison with all due respect [TS]

00:43:00   to literally everyone involved right [TS]

00:43:02   that's out to healthy imagining that he [TS]

00:43:05   might read the dictionary but in but [TS]

00:43:07   that had a profound effect on me when I [TS]

00:43:09   was whatever however old I read it and I [TS]

00:43:10   was like what am I going to read when i [TS]

00:43:12   go to prison I i should think about that [TS]

00:43:14   that's right and I said what what you [TS]

00:43:16   can't just come out of prison and say [TS]

00:43:18   like yeah I read a lot of dashiell [TS]

00:43:20   hammett or I read a lot of i read in [TS]

00:43:23   Style magazine when I can't get it right [TS]

00:43:26   I went down to the prison library every [TS]

00:43:28   week and got like three national [TS]

00:43:29   Geographics and Henry Huggins like no [TS]

00:43:32   you have to go into prison with the [TS]

00:43:34   knowledge that you are there and you're [TS]

00:43:36   going to read X and in my case in my [TS]

00:43:40   case it's all its it's all Shakespeare [TS]

00:43:42   from start to finish and ives i have [TS]

00:43:44   intentionally i never took a Shakespeare [TS]

00:43:46   class in college for this very reason [TS]

00:43:49   you're keeping your powder dry [TS]

00:43:51   that's exactly honest I I don't want to [TS]

00:43:54   give up your game here but it seems to [TS]

00:43:55   me [TS]

00:43:55   yes you're preparing a little reading [TS]

00:43:58   list for literally when you are perhaps [TS]

00:44:02   unjustly blame that matter the point is [TS]

00:44:06   absolutely and i will be will I will I [TS]

00:44:09   will have been framed clear which is all [TS]

00:44:10   the more reason to know what you want to [TS]

00:44:12   say you read while you were in prison [TS]

00:44:14   right right so so yes you will set aside [TS]

00:44:17   some of these sites which are actually i [TS]

00:44:19   don't want no spoilers but they're [TS]

00:44:20   actually not that good bye [TS]

00:44:23   you will come out saying I've learned a [TS]

00:44:25   lot about myself and I've learned a [TS]

00:44:27   lesson about love [TS]

00:44:28   that's right all right all Shakespeare's [TS]

00:44:30   I read everything i read Shakespeare [TS]

00:44:32   from front to back you know I haven't [TS]

00:44:33   been able to avoid reading Shakespeare [TS]

00:44:34   I've tried but I mean I've had to do it [TS]

00:44:37   but i have saved a large portions of it [TS]

00:44:40   for president now as for as for the the [TS]

00:44:47   subpoena that could come at any moment [TS]

00:44:49   this is the this is the this is a [TS]

00:44:51   corollary abhi of the lie detector [TS]

00:44:53   question which is do you think you could [TS]

00:44:56   fool a lie detector [TS]

00:44:59   oh do you think way too many women [TS]

00:45:02   backup so f lee Bailey says to you [TS]

00:45:05   counselor [TS]

00:45:07   do you think you could fool a lie [TS]

00:45:09   detector and you're ready for that you [TS]

00:45:11   have the yeah you have to have an answer [TS]

00:45:13   can these are so go ahead [TS]

00:45:14   yes it's so number one he get your [TS]

00:45:17   reading list you get the ring was for [TS]

00:45:19   prison where you're going on a frame-up [TS]

00:45:23   job but while you're sitting on while [TS]

00:45:26   you are testifying cord you have to like [TS]

00:45:30   we all know the wrong way to do is we [TS]

00:45:33   all know that you know you you don't [TS]

00:45:35   break down on the standard admit you [TS]

00:45:36   committed the crime who you don't look [TS]

00:45:39   too smug you know you have to have to be [TS]

00:45:43   personable [TS]

00:45:44   I mean I'm telling you Europe you're [TS]

00:45:46   sitting juror you know what it's like [TS]

00:45:48   I'm sure that the defendant China I [TS]

00:45:51   couldn't say if I knew haha i'm just now [TS]

00:45:55   i know that i have heard it is said yeah [TS]

00:45:58   that conduct during the trial he it is [TS]

00:46:02   said it is said that [TS]

00:46:06   it is up to us to decide what evidence [TS]

00:46:08   we will believe in all or in part and it [TS]

00:46:12   is said that we that's the royal we know [TS]

00:46:16   you can also consider like how somebody [TS]

00:46:18   behaved in the trial which is generally [TS]

00:46:20   stupid if you behave you generally don't [TS]

00:46:23   know things you will tend to do better [TS]

00:46:26   right [TS]

00:46:28   really really I'm it as opposed to [TS]

00:46:30   present this again in a week as opposed [TS]

00:46:33   to appearing like like a smug guy who's [TS]

00:46:36   running who's got all the answers [TS]

00:46:38   well you know you're the ones thought [TS]

00:46:40   this out but i'm just gonna say if you [TS]

00:46:41   said that yeah I know that like let like [TS]

00:46:43   like 40 times around you go door [TS]

00:46:46   yeah that's gonna be problematic if you [TS]

00:46:48   keep your dick you will repeat the [TS]

00:46:50   question I was distracted by the fucking [TS]

00:46:52   fluorescent lights you would you want [TS]

00:46:55   you want to get you want to get on there [TS]

00:46:56   and you want to be a homespun get it [TS]

00:46:59   even very even [TS]

00:47:01   nice nice nice perfect whatever persona [TS]

00:47:04   you you have it has to be plausible it [TS]

00:47:07   is said you gotta stick with it right [TS]

00:47:10   it has to give you lots of wiggle room [TS]

00:47:12   for being a dumb s like we should [TS]

00:47:14   usually gotta go [TS]

00:47:15   I can read but i'm confused that Ronald [TS]

00:47:18   Reagan popularized that defense [TS]

00:47:20   yes he barely remembered anything right [TS]

00:47:23   and then you know the iran-contra thing [TS]

00:47:25   like you're either in a stupid or [TS]

00:47:28   incompetent [TS]

00:47:29   yeah let the jury figure that out is it [TS]

00:47:31   is said a jury decide you know how how [TS]

00:47:36   much on appeal this this podcast is [TS]

00:47:38   going to be problematic up but that's [TS]

00:47:41   the wonderful thing about this podcast [TS]

00:47:44   we very seldom make any reference to [TS]

00:47:47   dates [TS]

00:47:48   that's right as simply as you like to [TS]

00:47:50   say you like them to be evergreen yeah [TS]

00:47:53   so we did so really anytime after [TS]

00:47:55   October of 1986 people will still enjoy [TS]

00:47:58   this even though is literally recorded [TS]

00:47:59   it so so the speed comes along [TS]

00:48:02   you're ready you got a bag packed you [TS]

00:48:04   can get a Cessna Citation yeah is that a [TS]

00:48:06   safe plane some citations yeah that's [TS]

00:48:09   the same plane [TS]

00:48:09   how far can go with that the beechcraft [TS]

00:48:12   baron let me rephrase the question [TS]

00:48:14   to your knowledge yeah if you were in [TS]

00:48:17   the continental United States [TS]

00:48:19   how far do you think strike that you're [TS]

00:48:23   ready you got the subpoena subpoena [TS]

00:48:25   comes along and what's your preparation [TS]

00:48:30   oh my preparation I mean well you know I [TS]

00:48:33   mean anything like Rachel like they're [TS]

00:48:35   they show up at the door and it's just [TS]

00:48:36   like I don't buy that I'm sorry [TS]

00:48:38   counselor I'm gonna object that is [TS]

00:48:41   unresponsive because it seems to me that [TS]

00:48:43   you must have thought through [TS]

00:48:46   yeah if you're taking a pattern if I may [TS]

00:48:48   say as large as subpoena arrives you [TS]

00:48:51   thought about a general kind of [TS]

00:48:53   comportment because you have literally [TS]

00:48:55   no if I could say fucking idea what [TS]

00:48:57   they're going to subpoena you for the [TS]

00:48:59   main selling it's like Benjamin Benjamin [TS]

00:49:01   Benjamin Franklin and spanking right him [TS]

00:49:04   every day but if you don't know if you [TS]

00:49:08   don't know what it's for they will write [TS]

00:49:09   so the spanking of the subpoena you get [TS]

00:49:12   on something called a citation you show [TS]

00:49:14   up you borrow a tie you sit down like a [TS]

00:49:16   fucking gentleman right and you're ready [TS]

00:49:18   for anything but here there's four [TS]

00:49:19   possibilities one [TS]

00:49:21   ok we're not guilty and through your [TS]

00:49:25   actions you appear not guilty to your [TS]

00:49:28   interrogators to you are not guilty but [TS]

00:49:34   through some miss action on your part [TS]

00:49:37   you appear guilty to your interrogators [TS]

00:49:41   or either either through some poor [TS]

00:49:44   action on your part or through prejudice [TS]

00:49:45   of on their part they say number two is [TS]

00:49:50   like the seeds of a frame of yeah they [TS]

00:49:52   discern guilt where there is not and you [TS]

00:49:55   you in your innocence are unable to [TS]

00:49:57   dislodge them from this misapprehension [TS]

00:50:00   third possibility is that you are guilty [TS]

00:50:03   but succeed in appearing innocent and [TS]

00:50:09   the fourth obviously is that you are [TS]

00:50:10   guilty and fail to appear innocent can [TS]

00:50:13   so in these subpoenas scenarios i have [TS]

00:50:17   no idea which one [TS]

00:50:20   well I have no idea whether first of all [TS]

00:50:22   I'm innocent or guilty of what they're [TS]

00:50:23   accusing me of [TS]

00:50:24   because it's very possible that I'm [TS]

00:50:25   guilty [TS]

00:50:26   I think spending a lot of time I number [TS]

00:50:28   with all due respect to the lady in the [TS]

00:50:31   bathroom spending a good amount of time [TS]

00:50:34   and number two [TS]

00:50:35   preparation is a pretty good idea yes [TS]

00:50:37   because number one number one what [TS]

00:50:39   you're really saying is like I've been [TS]

00:50:41   called in here and I'm not your guy like [TS]

00:50:44   you're wasting your time on me because [TS]

00:50:46   even if you prove what you're trying to [TS]

00:50:48   prove I you will not prove enough like [TS]

00:50:52   it actually didn't do it and I'm not [TS]

00:50:54   that interesting of for all four [TS]

00:50:58   scenarios what you are aspiring to [TS]

00:51:01   appear to be is the guy in the first [TS]

00:51:04   scenario right in in all in it if you [TS]

00:51:08   are if you are not guilty and and you [TS]

00:51:12   are and you appear not guilty right that [TS]

00:51:14   is what you want to look like even if [TS]

00:51:16   you are totally guilty so everybody's [TS]

00:51:20   trying everybody's reflecting back to [TS]

00:51:23   guy number one and trying to imagine how [TS]

00:51:25   they can act like him [TS]

00:51:27   how do you act not guilty but more than [TS]

00:51:34   not guilty [TS]

00:51:35   guy number one is not guilty and he [TS]

00:51:37   shouldn't even be there right [TS]

00:51:39   not guilty Man's important right not [TS]

00:51:41   only not 7200 i'm raising an eyebrow [TS]

00:51:44   because I clearly guy number two [TS]

00:51:47   seems like our guy let's hear what he [TS]

00:51:49   has to say [TS]

00:51:50   number one is is you go like clearly [TS]

00:51:52   this person is you know incapable of [TS]

00:51:57   this or there's so much mitigating [TS]

00:51:59   evidence that this person is like all [TS]

00:52:03   sorry like into questions you like with [TS]

00:52:06   all due respect your retard [TS]

00:52:07   let's move on to like a two three or [TS]

00:52:09   four well the other the other night i'm [TS]

00:52:12   driving home I got I got rooked into [TS]

00:52:14   going to see this dumb fast and furious [TS]

00:52:19   movie this recent one and i have never [TS]

00:52:24   been to see any of the other Fast and [TS]

00:52:25   Furious movies so I had no context for [TS]

00:52:27   other than I understood that they were [TS]

00:52:29   going to go fast and that they were [TS]

00:52:31   furious [TS]

00:52:32   and so I go to this thing and it's [TS]

00:52:34   insensible it's just a bunch of their [TS]

00:52:36   action sequences strung together with [TS]

00:52:38   with some like like all the actors [TS]

00:52:42   appeared to be wearing would underpants [TS]

00:52:45   and there you know and they're reading [TS]

00:52:49   their reading the bottom back of a [TS]

00:52:51   cereal box allowed that someone's [TS]

00:52:53   holding up right off right off camera [TS]

00:52:55   and then they get in a car there and [TS]

00:52:57   then it's a good it's exciting for 10 [TS]

00:52:59   minutes but i'm driving home from the [TS]

00:53:01   theater it's two o'clock in the morning [TS]

00:53:02   i'm in my hot little car have a little [TS]

00:53:05   hot car and I Drive sometimes and i'm [TS]

00:53:08   driving along and I'm like you know I've [TS]

00:53:11   just watched a movie where people are [TS]

00:53:12   really really driving their cars fast [TS]

00:53:16   and i have that in me too but i know and [TS]

00:53:20   i know on those stretch from downtown to [TS]

00:53:22   my house I know all the places where the [TS]

00:53:24   state troopers hide i'm driving Alana [TS]

00:53:27   and I and I just get this feeling like [TS]

00:53:28   what if I just say screw the troopers [TS]

00:53:34   and just drive like a bat out of hell [TS]

00:53:39   and so I'm driving along and I'm [TS]

00:53:41   imagining I'm imagining one then two [TS]

00:53:46   then three troopers in hot pursuit of me [TS]

00:53:50   and I'm thinking to myself now if I'm [TS]

00:53:55   gonna lose these troopers in you know [TS]

00:53:58   troopers know all the back roads to [TS]

00:54:01   troopers know a lot of troopers know a [TS]

00:54:05   lot of the stuff that I know but you [TS]

00:54:10   know no one expects the Spanish [TS]

00:54:11   Inquisition and the troopers are not [TS]

00:54:13   expecting me in my hot little car [TS]

00:54:17   because you know I grew up driving on [TS]

00:54:20   ice so I understand how to drift if you [TS]

00:54:23   get my drift [TS]

00:54:25   yeah but they get they get like a cop [TS]

00:54:27   engine cop shocks cop suspensions yeah [TS]

00:54:31   they do they need a cigarette lighter [TS]

00:54:32   but they have all that other stuff and [TS]

00:54:35   I'm thinking how am I going to get away [TS]

00:54:36   from these troopers and you know if [TS]

00:54:37   there's a lot of like [TS]

00:54:39   you're counting on blind corners where [TS]

00:54:42   you can cig and then you know Zig up and [TS]

00:54:46   then zap over and then cut you're cut [TS]

00:54:48   your lights and hope that they keep [TS]

00:54:50   going straight you have ended up a [TS]

00:54:52   hopeful cornfield a and I was and I was [TS]

00:54:57   practicing that I was practicing the [TS]

00:54:59   routes that I would take home if I were [TS]

00:55:01   being pursued by cops and I felt pretty [TS]

00:55:06   good about my chances [TS]

00:55:08   [Music] [TS]

00:55:09   pulling up at my point of my house [TS]

00:55:12   cutting the engine getting out and [TS]

00:55:15   making it into the inside before they [TS]

00:55:18   started doing block-to-block searches [TS]

00:55:20   you know what I mean like they would [TS]

00:55:21   know they wouldn't know in a short [TS]

00:55:23   amount of time that that I had that I [TS]

00:55:26   was in a certain area and then they [TS]

00:55:27   would just start going block-to-block [TS]

00:55:28   but my hot little car is a kind of [TS]

00:55:31   anonymous car it so there are so many of [TS]

00:55:34   them [TS]

00:55:35   out-of-the-world it's like it's like you [TS]

00:55:39   know as your counsel i'm going to say [TS]

00:55:41   don't say anymore right but you've got a [TS]

00:55:43   star that is is plausibly capable of [TS]

00:55:46   arousing the interest of a cop right and [TS]

00:55:49   Chinese got that that the means the [TS]

00:55:52   motive and the opportunity to drive fast [TS]

00:55:55   as a practice run right [TS]

00:55:59   ok so I'm sitting in my house now and [TS]

00:56:02   now I'm rehearsing knock on the door now [TS]

00:56:09   you're gonna open that door right and [TS]

00:56:11   there's going to be a really angry [TS]

00:56:13   couple of state troopers standing on the [TS]

00:56:16   porch and they have come down your block [TS]

00:56:20   with their spotlight on they found your [TS]

00:56:22   car that gotten out they put their hands [TS]

00:56:24   on the hood and it is hot [TS]

00:56:26   yep encyclopedia brown and how they're [TS]

00:56:28   standing on your front porch and they [TS]

00:56:31   and you are here standing there in your [TS]

00:56:33   bathrobe let's say what what and you are [TS]

00:56:37   saying good evening [TS]

00:56:40   can I help you mhm now how you play that [TS]

00:56:44   because they have not [TS]

00:56:46   there's no they cannot prove that that [TS]

00:56:49   was you they didn't get your license [TS]

00:56:50   number and they're trying to say that [TS]

00:56:53   because you are let's say driving a [TS]

00:56:55   green subaru outback with that has [TS]

00:56:59   recently been running that you're there [TS]

00:57:01   guy and you are going to stand on the [TS]

00:57:03   porch and say well they're green subaru [TS]

00:57:05   outback everywhere its kind of this is [TS]

00:57:08   so what a suspicious thing to say but [TS]

00:57:10   you're not going to say that because [TS]

00:57:12   that's not the first thing out of your [TS]

00:57:13   mouth they're going to cuff you right [TS]

00:57:15   away right if you've thought about it so [TS]

00:57:18   you have to stand there and go through [TS]

00:57:19   the dance with them will have to be [TS]

00:57:21   confused and scared clatters is there [TS]

00:57:24   yeah that's right confused and scared [TS]

00:57:25   but how how to act confused and scared [TS]

00:57:28   in your bathrobe in the night and how to [TS]

00:57:31   gradually make the transition to a kind [TS]

00:57:34   of indignant like are you accusing me of [TS]

00:57:36   something [TS]

00:57:37   yeah I'm a homeowner right and then make [TS]

00:57:41   it all the way to [TS]

00:57:44   well I you know I like to help the [TS]

00:57:46   police as much as I can but I don't like [TS]

00:57:48   your tone sir [TS]

00:57:49   like how to get how to smooth that all [TS]

00:57:52   the way from one from like what with the [TS]

00:57:57   knot with the certain knowledge that you [TS]

00:57:58   are guilty you know and you're standing [TS]

00:58:00   there in your bathrobe [TS]

00:58:01   [Music] [TS]

00:58:03   as a as as a plus play-acting boy that's [TS]

00:58:07   a that stuff you've got to be a real [TS]

00:58:09   you-know-what you gotta rehearse that [TS]

00:58:11   you do you have to practice it right [TS]

00:58:14   side so I'm so I practicing it all the [TS]

00:58:16   time so if it i mean you know i [TS]

00:58:18   mentioned and sex maybe your breath on [TS]

00:58:20   because that is truly one of the great [TS]

00:58:22   one of the great stories [TS]

00:58:23   yeah you know if you can put your baby [TS]

00:58:25   on the hood of the car it's obviously [TS]

00:58:28   not been driven so they come out they [TS]

00:58:31   feel your hood if I could say yeah and [TS]

00:58:33   they go [TS]

00:58:33   this is somebody worth talking to that's [TS]

00:58:36   right that's right right so that not he [TS]

00:58:39   fits the criteria like he's within his [TS]

00:58:41   five block area is a his apostle his [TS]

00:58:46   super or similar right is hot it's hot [TS]

00:58:50   and so now you're your job is to [TS]

00:58:53   obfuscate that's right you know we're [TS]

00:58:56   gonna cut all this out but I mean you [TS]

00:58:59   know what idea might be to keep some [TS]

00:59:01   some Marlboros and diapers by the door [TS]

00:59:08   uh-huh and just said well yeah obviously [TS]

00:59:10   we're gonna be wearing a bathrobe i went [TS]

00:59:13   to the store what's the matter [TS]

00:59:14   no now here's the thing you show up with [TS]

00:59:16   in your bathroom with a fake baby or not [TS]

00:59:20   in your arms and you say oh I know what [TS]

00:59:23   this is about [TS]

00:59:24   I forgot to pay for these diapers or [TS]

00:59:26   snickers bars uh interesting because you [TS]

00:59:30   know what red herring [TS]

00:59:31   yeah red herring said that you think you [TS]

00:59:35   can you get a reason like I'm nervous [TS]

00:59:37   I'm nervous because I feel like a bad [TS]

00:59:40   person because knowing you you've got a [TS]

00:59:43   baby in your arm and you open the door [TS]

00:59:44   you say what did that bitch say i did [TS]

00:59:47   now right and they're like what and [TS]

00:59:53   you're like oh my god classic misdirect [TS]

00:59:56   she won't get off my jock nah mi right [TS]

00:59:56   she won't get off my jock nah mi right [TS]

01:00:00   yeah did I ever tell you about the time [TS]

01:00:01   I tried to run from the cops know just I [TS]

01:00:05   don't like you have actually tried to [TS]

01:00:07   run from economy in here so is back in [TS]

01:00:12   the eighties and this guy I knew in [TS]

01:00:15   spokane who who's his dad recently died [TS]

01:00:18   and he bought a brand-new 4runner toyota [TS]

01:00:20   4runner which was the coolest car any of [TS]

01:00:24   us could think of at the time you know [TS]

01:00:27   because that was during the era when we [TS]

01:00:29   like we were like mountain ski bum types [TS]

01:00:33   i was a mountain ski ski bum s aspirin [TS]

01:00:36   it's like a sexy mini mini van meets a [TS]

01:00:40   range rover that's like a [TS]

01:00:41   four-wheel-drive but i but i'm still the [TS]

01:00:44   the original 4runners are still small [TS]

01:00:46   scale so that they felt like a it felt [TS]

01:00:49   like a jeep kind of rig but it but it's [TS]

01:00:52   seated four or six people you know it [TS]

01:00:55   was kind of like the proto SUV before [TS]

01:00:58   there was such a thing as an SUV and he [TS]

01:01:03   said that he was going over to to [TS]

01:01:06   seattle we were in spokane he was going [TS]

01:01:08   over to Seattle because he wanted to see [TS]

01:01:10   a show a rock show [TS]

01:01:13   and so this is nineteen eighty let's say [TS]

01:01:16   1988 and I have spent years trying to [TS]

01:01:22   figure out what rock show it was because [TS]

01:01:26   in 1988 in seattle dis kid's book and [TS]

01:01:30   wants to make the trip over the [TS]

01:01:31   mountains to see this rock show at the [TS]

01:01:33   central tavern it had to have been some [TS]

01:01:37   amazing Rock Show and at the time I [TS]

01:01:44   didn't recognize the name of the band I [TS]

01:01:45   was just like oh you're going to seattle [TS]

01:01:47   like can I tag along and he's like yeah [TS]

01:01:50   sure you can set you know you can split [TS]

01:01:51   the driving with me [TS]

01:01:53   and so we head out of spokane but for [TS]

01:01:55   whatever reason we don't take the [TS]

01:01:56   interstate we take the we take the small [TS]

01:01:58   road we take the the upper road which is [TS]

01:02:02   like two lane highway rolled the other [TS]

01:02:04   the the blue highways has a has a [TS]

01:02:07   billion at all says that's right we take [TS]

01:02:09   the blue highways that's actually a book [TS]

01:02:12   blue highways about about taking the [TS]

01:02:15   blue highways anyway we're driving and [TS]

01:02:19   we're driving it gets it gets to be [TS]

01:02:20   night it turns out that taking the blue [TS]

01:02:23   highways was a bad idea because what [TS]

01:02:25   what was a five hour drive to seattle [TS]

01:02:27   became like an 11-hour drive because we [TS]

01:02:30   were stopping all these one-horse towns [TS]

01:02:32   for their one style and it stopped like [TS]

01:02:35   they're monitoring yeah and so in a [TS]

01:02:38   certain point this guy's name was chris [TS]

01:02:40   he says I'm gonna climb in the back and [TS]

01:02:42   try and get some sleep you drive and I'm [TS]

01:02:46   like okay I'm driving so here we go [TS]

01:02:48   we're gonna make up some time and we're [TS]

01:02:49   going across the Cascade Mountains and [TS]

01:02:53   I'm kind of putting them you know put [TS]

01:02:55   the pedal down as we say and there and [TS]

01:02:57   the fog is coming in and it's nighttime [TS]

01:03:00   and we're going through this little [TS]

01:03:01   mountain road and we come through this [TS]

01:03:03   town little like you know wide spot in [TS]

01:03:07   the road kind of town and I'm i'm kinda [TS]

01:03:11   haulin ass and it's one of these towns [TS]

01:03:12   where the speed limit drop down to 25 [TS]

01:03:14   right and i'm still at 65 and I blow by [TS]

01:03:17   this cop and I look at him and he looks [TS]

01:03:22   at me and we look at each other might [TS]

01:03:26   like you're smoking the bending moment I [TS]

01:03:29   did kind of right absolutely i look at [TS]

01:03:32   it and he actually throws hat you he's [TS]

01:03:35   he was I mean it was the type of thing [TS]

01:03:37   where you like a cake did a spit-take of [TS]

01:03:40   his sandwich he spilled his coffee in [TS]

01:03:42   his lap and he was like don't those Duke [TS]

01:03:45   boys and I said fuck it and I spy [TS]

01:03:48   florida and i'm like it's foggy it's [TS]

01:03:52   nighttime [TS]

01:03:53   I'm a four-wheel-drive truck the odds [TS]

01:03:58   are on my [TS]

01:03:58   inside I i I'm a four-wheel-drive truck [TS]

01:04:01   i'm 19 like I've got this and so I stay [TS]

01:04:06   on the highway for a little bit haulin [TS]

01:04:08   ass and as soon as i can start to see [TS]

01:04:12   his his flashers is rollers like in the [TS]

01:04:15   distance like reflecting off the fog in [TS]

01:04:17   my rearview mirror I hang a right off of [TS]

01:04:21   the main road onto like a dirtside road [TS]

01:04:24   which leads back into a kind of like [TS]

01:04:27   side part of this town and I go up three [TS]

01:04:32   blocks over two blocks take a left and [TS]

01:04:37   pull in and I'm trying I'm gonna pull [TS]

01:04:39   into the driveway of a house [TS]

01:04:42   kill the lights but i kinda pull in to [TS]

01:04:47   the front yard of this house and I kill [TS]

01:04:51   the lights [TS]

01:04:52   I pull the emergency brake & duck and [TS]

01:04:57   duck my head now and Chris in the back [TS]

01:05:01   still asleep and I sit there for like [TS]

01:05:05   123 and then cop from the left cop from [TS]

01:05:11   the right cops in every direction [TS]

01:05:14   [Music] [TS]

01:05:16   cops everywhere and i had failed to lose [TS]

01:05:20   these cops God and so they get me out of [TS]

01:05:24   the car super mad and they say what the [TS]

01:05:32   what [TS]

01:05:33   you know like what's your story and i [TS]

01:05:37   say my story was I didn't see him I was [TS]

01:05:43   just driving and I was going a little [TS]

01:05:46   fast because I really had to pee and I [TS]

01:05:50   pulled off the road looking for a place [TS]

01:05:52   to pee and i ended up so I need to pee [TS]

01:05:56   so bad that I stayed stopped here and [TS]

01:06:01   the cop said he's pulled up on the [TS]

01:06:04   person's lon [TS]

01:06:06   he you're driving in the mountains and [TS]

01:06:10   you went into a town and at four blocks [TS]

01:06:13   in three blocks over and pull down real [TS]

01:06:15   persons long to be that's your story he [TS]

01:06:19   said you look me in the eye and I said I [TS]

01:06:21   did I swear to you I didn't see you i [TS]

01:06:23   was just very distracted by meeting to [TS]

01:06:25   pee and so they pull Chris out on the [TS]

01:06:28   back of the truck you know [TS]

01:06:31   out of a deep sleep so he was asleep for [TS]

01:06:33   the end it's exactly entire chase he [TS]

01:06:36   wakes up surrounded by cops now and it's [TS]

01:06:40   his he's got the title on that it's his [TS]

01:06:42   truck and the cop says what's this guy's [TS]

01:06:46   name [TS]

01:06:47   well who's that who's the driver how do [TS]

01:06:48   you know him and chris said I John [TS]

01:06:51   something I'm not sure [TS]

01:06:54   and the cops like you don't know this [TS]

01:06:56   guy and he's like well I mean not really [TS]

01:06:58   he's the Chris was like a scandalous key [TS]

01:07:01   was a skater dude and kind of students [TS]

01:07:03   didn't say a lot so he was given the cop [TS]

01:07:06   one word answers but but it and I didn't [TS]

01:07:10   realize like Chris had no idea what my [TS]

01:07:11   name was John Jim Joe and so I sit there [TS]

01:07:18   and just stick to my guns stick to this [TS]

01:07:21   like Ludacris story that I was just [TS]

01:07:27   looking for a place to be man and I [TS]

01:07:28   swear I said you know like I would never [TS]

01:07:30   run from the cops [TS]

01:07:32   what am i stupid and event and this [TS]

01:07:37   thick coat the carpet that looked at me [TS]

01:07:40   he was a plastic with rage but there was [TS]

01:07:45   no there was no pic you know that they [TS]

01:07:51   really they tried to pull a good cop bad [TS]

01:07:53   cop thing and eventually I heard the one [TS]

01:07:54   saying like there's nothing we can do [TS]

01:07:56   about it you just have to let it go [TS]

01:07:58   really and they gave me a ticket for [TS]

01:08:00   speeding [TS]

01:08:01   happy they had me on the radar and then [TS]

01:08:04   and they said they told chris not to let [TS]

01:08:07   me drive anymore [TS]

01:08:08   that's so fruity I can't believe it and [TS]

01:08:10   run you in we drove away [TS]

01:08:12   yes crazy yeah let me off when you know [TS]

01:08:18   years later that would have been like [TS]

01:08:20   one of the three strikes during the [TS]

01:08:21   three strike years [TS]

01:08:23   sure evading what would you do [TS]

01:08:25   differently today I mean you know given [TS]

01:08:28   the same that lets say you for whatever [TS]

01:08:31   reason really had to get similar and you [TS]

01:08:35   know you had your reasons it was [TS]

01:08:37   Cannonball Run let's say yeah [TS]

01:08:39   yet the year always occurs as the new [TS]

01:08:42   yorker would say that yet i really get [TS]

01:08:44   it somewhere [TS]

01:08:45   Roger Moore hello and and so he will [TS]

01:08:48   look for whatever reason you have you [TS]

01:08:50   had your reasons you're driving fast [TS]

01:08:52   maybe had to get to a show or whatever [TS]

01:08:54   right or a blog [TS]

01:08:57   I into a blog here had to get to a blog [TS]

01:09:00   you're driving a vast yeah what would [TS]

01:09:02   you do differently today like starting [TS]

01:09:04   starting at the whole like I'm on the [TS]

01:09:06   open road does it begin with like I'm a [TS]

01:09:08   grown man and I don't have to drive fast [TS]

01:09:11   or yeah yeah i think that i have i have [TS]

01:09:13   dealt with speed traps you know during [TS]

01:09:16   that during the the touring years where [TS]

01:09:19   I was you know doing tens of thousands [TS]

01:09:23   of miles of highway time a year the [TS]

01:09:26   whole speed trap game is just not one [TS]

01:09:31   that it's just not worth rolling the [TS]

01:09:32   dice on oh that does this really add up [TS]

01:09:35   yeah you just you roll into West Texas [TS]

01:09:37   and as dumb as it is you just know that [TS]

01:09:40   you're you're gonna go 55 for a while [TS]

01:09:43   this happens in Florida whenever when I [TS]

01:09:45   would go on like I 75 or you know US 19 [TS]

01:09:51   or whatever you would you get that I [TS]

01:09:52   think what you're describing if I hear [TS]

01:09:54   you correctly counselor is that like you [TS]

01:09:56   would suddenly go from 55 or I guess [TS]

01:10:00   what's the upper speed limit like 70 I [TS]

01:10:02   don't Alice now I think it's 70 years [TS]

01:10:05   ago that's 80 maybe some places in [TS]

01:10:07   Wyoming but have been in florida it [TS]

01:10:09   would not be unusual to go from whatever [TS]

01:10:11   the upper limit is two like here's a [TS]

01:10:14   little sign to let you know it's a 55 [TS]

01:10:18   and here's this one that's really hard [TS]

01:10:20   to see about how it's now 10 [TS]

01:10:22   yeah that's sign beside behind a large [TS]

01:10:25   rhododendron right exactly and then you [TS]

01:10:28   get the blinking red light which you [TS]

01:10:30   know kind of says you know and it's a [TS]

01:10:33   pretty light [TS]

01:10:34   let's be honest be honest and you see [TS]

01:10:36   skate through it and what I mean you [TS]

01:10:38   know your I think there's first of all a [TS]

01:10:41   lot of people to legitimately have to [TS]

01:10:43   pee [TS]

01:10:44   yes they want to get the to the cracker [TS]

01:10:46   barrel it's a real problem they want to [TS]

01:10:48   get a tarpaulin at the walmart whatever [TS]

01:10:50   reason and i'm not here to judge i'm not [TS]

01:10:53   an expert we're making a campsite maybe [TS]

01:10:56   they're camping with their RV many [TS]

01:10:57   tarpaulin maybe they need to cut some [TS]

01:10:59   trail but they the point is that that [TS]

01:11:02   does happen like for people who don't [TS]

01:11:04   travel like that's a real thing that the [TS]

01:11:06   like from like [TS]

01:11:07   maximum speed limit to easily bustable [TS]

01:11:10   speed limit [TS]

01:11:11   maybe like half a mile or a mile yeah [TS]

01:11:14   and I don't mess around with him anymore [TS]

01:11:15   i just i see this because i've been i've [TS]

01:11:17   been nailed in so many speed traps [TS]

01:11:19   somewhere i have tried to run from the [TS]

01:11:21   cops somewhere have mostly I have not [TS]

01:11:22   but that's not your margins are not huge [TS]

01:11:25   right like you cannot afford a [TS]

01:11:27   two-hundred-dollar ticket [TS]

01:11:29   well the famous story the first time I [TS]

01:11:30   ever met not a surf they got both over [TS]

01:11:34   they were smoking in France you have [TS]

01:11:36   pulled over and once the out in West [TS]

01:11:38   Texas and the the cop walked up and he [TS]

01:11:41   was in that you know in the end IRA the [TS]

01:11:43   drummer roll down the window and couples [TS]

01:11:45   like all right boy I can smell the [TS]

01:11:47   reefer so either I get a bunch of dogs [TS]

01:11:52   out here and we go through your whole [TS]

01:11:54   truck and car and everything and I find [TS]

01:11:58   it and then i'm out i'm not gonna be a [TS]

01:12:01   gentle harder easy dreadlock that's [TS]

01:12:04   right or you can just tell me you show [TS]

01:12:06   me the pot right now land IRA in his [TS]

01:12:10   stone drummer dumbness was like okay [TS]

01:12:15   here's our pot about the bank bottle [TS]

01:12:18   summer everybody out of a van and he put [TS]

01:12:23   them in jail no in stripy pajamas with [TS]

01:12:29   this lease right hotshot with tents [TS]

01:12:32   maybe put him in striped pajamas with [TS]

01:12:34   the little stripy pillbox hat that's [TS]

01:12:37   flat and they were on their way to [TS]

01:12:40   austin to play you know to play Big Show [TS]

01:12:42   right time and we're going to play [TS]

01:12:44   together and and I'm sorry John [TS]

01:12:50   they've got has like folded up and just [TS]

01:12:52   sitting around [TS]

01:12:53   yeah it's not something where you go to [TS]

01:12:55   like so here's the thing there's jail is [TS]

01:12:57   prison counselor get like the jail which [TS]

01:12:59   is a place where you go for a sub felony [TS]

01:13:02   offense for usually if i understand [TS]

01:13:04   correctly counselor less than a year and [TS]

01:13:07   then present prison is a put this [TS]

01:13:09   program [TS]

01:13:09   what uh-huh you go to a place then when [TS]

01:13:13   once you're sentenced and eat in prison [TS]

01:13:15   is where you go to serve your term and [TS]

01:13:18   like if you're in some place like that [TS]

01:13:19   you know crazy guy in Arizona [TS]

01:13:21   no you sleep in a tent and give your [TS]

01:13:22   pink clothes but like my sense once you [TS]

01:13:25   be mainly where cities when you're in [TS]

01:13:27   like overnight jail [TS]

01:13:29   yeah i mean they don't ya when overnight [TS]

01:13:31   jail usually the resources just working [TS]

01:13:34   jamas know these were humiliation [TS]

01:13:36   pajamas [TS]

01:13:37   these were these were stripy jail [TS]

01:13:39   pajamas so that they could take your [TS]

01:13:40   picture it there with their little the [TS]

01:13:43   little pillbox hat on [TS]

01:13:45   they can take your picture and laugh and [TS]

01:13:46   laugh and laugh I'm sure they have photo [TS]

01:13:48   albums at that jail [TS]

01:13:49   oh I'm am sure they put Willie Nelson in [TS]

01:13:52   those i'm sure they put everybody in [TS]

01:13:54   numbers but I'm sure you got a picture [TS]

01:13:56   of her head faced alec baldwin right [TS]

01:13:58   foot on this brassiere [TS]

01:14:00   here you go boy change into these wait [TS]

01:14:02   gonna take no risk to you hang yourself [TS]

01:14:04   with it that's a jailbird shoelaces [TS]

01:14:07   so the next night were all waiting at [TS]

01:14:09   the show with the venue like are they [TS]

01:14:11   gonna make it are they not you know they [TS]

01:14:13   had to build themselves out of this [TS]

01:14:14   fuckin Jail this West Texas chill so I [TS]

01:14:17   don't mess around with speed traps I [TS]

01:14:19   just slow the fuck down that's what they [TS]

01:14:21   want only to buy I think very carefully [TS]

01:14:25   have already grown because because like [TS]

01:14:27   I don't have a giant sense of this and [TS]

01:14:29   like I I what I do know is this that [TS]

01:14:32   whatever your plan [TS]

01:14:34   I should not even say this because this [TS]

01:14:36   might be admissible counselor but [TS]

01:14:37   whatever your plan is it should be up a [TS]

01:14:41   plan that comports with your default [TS]

01:14:44   freakout nature and your default [TS]

01:14:47   freakout nature is you clam up like [TS]

01:14:49   that's ok but for me my default clam up [TS]

01:14:52   nature might be like your friend the [TS]

01:14:53   drummer which is like Doug here's what I [TS]

01:14:56   did wrong and ok right you're right I [TS]

01:14:59   killed her [TS]

01:15:00   okay so you got me you got me Cletus but [TS]

01:15:05   like what if you and I don't know if you [TS]

01:15:08   have this kind of control or access but [TS]

01:15:10   what you literally shat yourself like as [TS]

01:15:12   your king pulled over now you may call [TS]

01:15:15   that the ted nugent thank you [TS]

01:15:20   we're done here [TS]

01:15:22   [Music] [TS]