0:00:00hello John better then ma'am that's gone
0:00:12remember when we used to do a podcast i
0:00:18think i do ya back in the eighties had I
0:00:22thought how I don't apologize you're
0:00:24eating a snickers bar getting a Snickers
0:00:25bar you know when time is of the essence
0:00:30and I this podcast in the morning
0:00:32sometimes i'm eating a morning cookie or
0:00:35a morning cake
0:00:36no I'mI'm gonna see this TV this is
0:00:39where on your time now this is night we
0:00:43are night podcasting here's the problem
0:00:45alki the new get I know Mom
0:00:49m-maybe started for listeners that I you
0:00:54know dr. the judge about whether there's
0:00:57a difference but we usually record in
0:00:59something closer to the morning my time
0:01:01but it's it's literally the middle of
0:01:03the night right now it's the middle of
0:01:05the night and we were texting yeah and
0:01:08you said yeah I'm trying to make a plan
0:01:10to podcast yeah you're like oh we could
0:01:13do it friday we could do it son thursday
0:01:17and then out of nowhere
0:01:22you said we could do it right now yeah
0:01:24i'm a child you know and I was like wow
0:01:27yeah I said were John you've been you've
0:01:31been busy than working and in your home
0:01:34I figured you would you know need some
0:01:36time to unwind and i'm home but here's
0:01:38the thing this is the thing about manic
0:01:41depression doesn't think about
0:01:43bipolarism which is that I am I have
0:01:50been working for the last month and I'm
0:01:52so wound up now i'm not talking about
0:01:56like wound up tonight i'm talking about
0:01:57i am bipolar lee i am maniacally wound
0:02:04up
0:02:05so that if you said to be right now that
0:02:08get in your car and drive to San
0:02:09Francisco I would seriously consider it
0:02:13really if you use that if somebody
0:02:15called me right now and said let's get
0:02:16married tonight
0:02:18hi i would not even need them to send me
0:02:21a picture i would say you know what
0:02:25let's go let's get married tonight
0:02:27yeah that sounds great let's start a
0:02:30band and just give me a given address
0:02:33and i'll be there
0:02:34yeah I got home last night from a month
0:02:37away
0:02:38ah i did three shows last weekend in New
0:02:41York City that were like all three of
0:02:46them crazy and then I can I got home
0:02:48last night at like ten o'clock at night
0:02:50and I was on morning television this
0:02:52morning at 9am and then I spent all day
0:02:55at rei making fake videos for people and
0:02:59then I went to christmas party and then
0:03:01I went out for drinks and I don't even
0:03:03drink
0:03:04no one knows that that's for work
0:03:07that's at how do you do that i mean now
0:03:09i'm going home and i'm looking at
0:03:10pictures of turtles on the internet food
0:03:12and it's just not enough if I mean you
0:03:16know there was a time even a few months
0:03:17ago Marilyn you know that i would have
0:03:19been looking at pictures of turtles on
0:03:21the internet would have been like a week
0:03:22for me that would have been I would've
0:03:24been done but tonight it's not enough
0:03:26not enough right Polly you know just
0:03:28apologize for the new get so let me stop
0:03:32giving something for my ears to grab
0:03:33onto i'm still working through the
0:03:35nougat who I hear you're my god this is
0:03:38fantastic John so you've been away for a
0:03:40month that's remarkable so so we want a
0:03:44coach without with jonathan is a
0:03:47retinues of the whole time
0:03:49well you know it started a month ago as
0:03:51i as i said earlier i was in I was in
0:03:54Europe with keen on their tour bus and I
0:03:57don't sleep well on tour buses because
0:03:59tour buses are a tour bus is just a
0:04:02regular bus that has had coffins install
0:04:05them
0:04:07Anna and some couches it's on coffee bus
0:04:10yeah so they take a normal buzz and they
0:04:13put they put like five circle buses in
0:04:16it and I am NOT as you know i'm not
0:04:21normally sighs and so here you are
0:04:24plus-sized and plus size so when they're
0:04:26building these when they're building a
0:04:27sarcophagus bus they say average-sized
0:04:31guy 5-foot especially in Europe you by
0:04:33Europeans each other very tailored yeah
0:04:35yeah that's right and then I think it's
0:04:37from England is that right there for me
0:04:38in blank as we say over England and they
0:04:42had and so wewe but we didn't we never
0:04:44went to two dangling we were in Scotland
0:04:46and we were in Ireland together and I
0:04:50got sick over there and I didn't sleep
0:04:51and then I flew to san francisco and i
0:04:53played neil diamond in the last waltz
0:04:55and I didn't sleep in San Francisco
0:04:56either i just lay in my expensive hotel
0:04:59bed and I sweated I just sweated if we
0:05:03like feverish I was feverish Jessa
0:05:06stress bob i did not i had a diet of I I
0:05:09had I had so much fever that a stress
0:05:12bump couldn't survive you had an
0:05:13honest-to-god according to Hoyle fever I
0:05:16was so feverish and sweaty in San
0:05:19Francisco that there were you know there
0:05:23are clubs in the castro that wouldn't
0:05:24even that wouldn't even let me come in
0:05:27there and pay fifty dollars to sweat on
0:05:30people which is as you know a big thing
0:05:33in the castro a huge yeah I mean you
0:05:36know a big hairy sweaty guy in the
0:05:38castro is usually a major draw through
0:05:41but i was so hot i was so hot i would
0:05:45have burned people's bitches bitches
0:05:48like see things where I mean like you
0:05:50know like when i get if you want to get
0:05:51a fever I like a really bad one
0:05:55yeah you know I don't say hallucinate
0:05:58but I definitely a lot of crazy thoughts
0:05:59I kept seeing eggs benedict show up in
0:06:02my hotel room and then I realized I was
0:06:04ordering it from room service
0:06:06so then I flew from San Francisco to San
0:06:10Diego where I met Jonathan Coulton his
0:06:11traveling retinue and we drove across
0:06:14the American South and his tour bus and
0:06:17then I fluted new york city and i did a
0:06:19bunch of NPR shows and I you know went
0:06:23on a further rampage and by the time I
0:06:25got back here I realized that I'm in no
0:06:27condition to be in seattle there's not
0:06:29there's not a there is no 24-hour roast
0:06:32beef sandwich depot here and i am i'm
0:06:36just sitting here now looking at turtles
0:06:37on the internet and I am Here I am I'm
0:06:39concerned so tomorrow yeah tomorrow i'm
0:06:42going i'm doing a video shoot and the
0:06:47people who are putting on the video
0:06:48shoot have promised me that there is not
0:06:51only going to be a live reindeer at this
0:06:56video shoot where i am playing Santa but
0:07:00there is also going to be a real-life
0:07:01camel and said that is enough that is
0:07:06enough for me tomorrow like that that
0:07:08that a little alone on my calendar feels
0:07:11like okay that's enough for tomorrow if
0:07:13I do you for sure that's real that part
0:07:15if I sing because I'm supposed to just
0:07:17be dressed as Santa I'm supposed to sing
0:07:19the song with the ukulele and the
0:07:21suggestion has been made that I'm going
0:07:22to sing the song to the Campbell sure
0:07:25and it's happens i'm not sure is that on
0:07:28the call sheet you hear the doubt in my
0:07:30voice but if I do I I hear you I hear
0:07:33you pausing on the word camel am
0:07:36completely and thinking is this egg's
0:07:38Benedict yeah exactly at but if it
0:07:41happens
0:07:41uh-huh tomorrow then tomorrow I'm gonna
0:07:43put a little check mark next to its not
0:07:45literally be the biggest month of your
0:07:46life yet
0:07:47and then the next day of course is my
0:07:50big day where I play Santa Claus and all
0:07:52the dirty girls common citizen and tell
0:07:55me what they tell me all the bad things
0:07:57they did and then I give them a little
0:07:58swat is it a form of Absolution in some
0:08:02ways I mean like we know look at you
0:08:03know mutually consensual absolution you
0:08:07know I've seen ICU now on twitter
0:08:09talking to my friend the next time to
0:08:11that to the prof to the American Anakin
0:08:14bra and I and I feel like now this
0:08:16concept of flagellation and
0:08:19absolution it's it's in the air now who
0:08:22we need we need to swing settle back
0:08:24down we need to stop talking to priest
0:08:26on the internet even even young hip
0:08:29crease that watch youtube videos when
0:08:31you get back to our core values Merlin
0:08:33you and me just talking without
0:08:36restarting lot of just you know what you
0:08:38need
0:08:39I'm Ashley like and they're not a big
0:08:41comic reader but like you need alcohol
0:08:43up we're only worry is a little like
0:08:49literally it's literally midnight and
0:08:51I'm so angry you for your already
0:08:53prescribing me some x-men like you know
0:08:56what you need
0:08:57here's the thing John you need not detox
0:09:00but you need some kind of a dmz you need
0:09:02to pass through some kind of his own
0:09:04you know what I mean unique because the
0:09:06thing is I'm not sure going from all of
0:09:08the madness you've been through and the
0:09:09fevers and the eggs straight back to
0:09:12your home is the best thing I mean thank
0:09:14God you know turtles are there right but
0:09:16you need to pass through some area where
0:09:18you can like burn that off right well
0:09:20this is what I'm worried about a because
0:09:23i don't want to go you know when you are
0:09:25when you are manic you don't want to go
0:09:27back to depressed know you want to stay
0:09:29and mannequins manic is great even
0:09:31though even though i'm literally sitting
0:09:34here burning the lake hair offer monthly
0:09:36like that like this job but you don't
0:09:41you don't want to put this John John you
0:09:45put this John back in a sarcophagus bus
0:09:47and you bring up plumber John again he
0:09:50was like oh all these books that I'll
0:09:52never read of all the lips I'll never
0:09:56kiss
0:09:57yeah who wants that guy around he was
0:10:00not about past to vegas it seems like
0:10:01Vegas like you go in there and it's it's
0:10:04it's an energy sink you could go to
0:10:07Vegas it's not a fun place to be
0:10:09contrary to popular opinion but you
0:10:11could go to Vegas and it could really
0:10:12take the mickey out of you you come home
0:10:14your likes your water your plants and go
0:10:16to sleep like a gentleman is Las Vegas
0:10:19the worst is though that the worst it's
0:10:23absolutely the worst and it's the worst
0:10:25in a way that I am incapable of enjoying
0:10:27them you know I enjoyed it
0:10:29terrible things yeah
0:10:30but there's nothing about Las Vegas that
0:10:32i can even I can I cannot winch myself
0:10:36into a posture where I'm enjoying myself
0:10:39how do you feel in a casino I I feel I
0:10:42feel like like there are spiders
0:10:45crawling on me feel menaced every I
0:10:47really do I feel it it will even like
0:10:50the strip club with ladies I want to
0:10:51talk to you i just feel like it's just
0:10:53it's all everyone can do to not just
0:10:56like attack me for money and and it's
0:10:59just there's the ETA we talked about
0:11:01this you know about like how all the
0:11:03slot machines and everything are like
0:11:05all tuned to see they're playing like a
0:11:07veggie ozz removing that's crazy-making
0:11:12but here's the thing for a man like you
0:11:15who who is cycling in and give a very
0:11:17bad proactive way you know that could be
0:11:20a good place to burn it off a little bit
0:11:21maybe get some shows and here's the
0:11:23problem i have too much empathy for
0:11:25desperate people and so I walk through
0:11:28the thing and I cannot take any
0:11:29enjoyment because I because everywhere I
0:11:31looked there is someone who is putting
0:11:33literally their last quarter in the
0:11:37machine who and then watching all their
0:11:40help drain away get you want to relocate
0:11:43cool and I don't and it's just it's like
0:11:47it's all over me it's all over me like
0:11:50rancid butter i can do you think you
0:11:53want to reach out to them do you want to
0:11:54like help
0:11:55well I i do but i want to help them I
0:11:58mean you know I want to help them like
0:12:02Mengele wanted to help people
0:12:04yes science like science studies science
0:12:07hey what ru signs to to put them in tubs
0:12:10like water see how cold they can get
0:12:12twins
0:12:13it's not it's not a healthy desired LLC
0:12:16which twin thrives you're saying you
0:12:20want to get out there and say look
0:12:21you're not in a good place right now
0:12:23right right i would you like to run an
0:12:25obstacle course
0:12:27listen I know you have to be getting on
0:12:30a roller coaster going on the mall I
0:12:32know emphysema how drive to go to the
0:12:34buffet with me and let's see how much
0:12:35you can eat
0:12:36I mean literally how much you can
0:12:38how bout you can actually like a seven
0:12:41type situation like so much they get you
0:12:43can really put down exactly how much of
0:12:46your body can you cut away with a knife
0:12:47right now you're not done yet salad up
0:12:51I'm and I worried for myself I want
0:12:54another Napoleon said I know when I get
0:12:56in these manic phases i start to i start
0:12:58to talk to people like I really can do
0:13:01magic real magic don't not like i was
0:13:06the original in the last three weeks
0:13:08have been talking to people like I can
0:13:10do magic and everyone so well somebody
0:13:11totally believes me and I know then I
0:13:14know that the two of us are gonna go uh
0:13:16go ride the subway together
0:13:17how does that evidence itself I mean DD
0:13:20someone who needs help they reach out to
0:13:22you or do you just you just sense that
0:13:24someone needs it needs a little bit of
0:13:25John you know hunches I'm swinging
0:13:28through life on a vine and a handset and
0:13:32and then somebody answers my monkey call
0:13:34in oh you're terrible idea why do we do
0:13:40this here I come
0:13:41yeah yeah you want a lot of Las Vegas is
0:13:44one of those things it's it's it's a
0:13:47it's difficult to describe the right Las
0:13:51Vegas is what you end up using as an
0:13:52analogy for something else because it's
0:13:55it's hard to describe like how perfectly
0:13:57awful it is in so many ways it's just
0:14:01it's the worst of everything about
0:14:02people and America the top the the best
0:14:06thing about Las Vegas is the worst best
0:14:09thing
0:14:10yeah and though and the lowest most
0:14:12degraded place in Las Vegas is the worst
0:14:14of all places like an existential
0:14:16compressor limiter yeah right exactly
0:14:20and if I mean like it is it's very
0:14:22poorly calibrated but I mean the fact
0:14:24that like you know I arrived I forget
0:14:26sometimes a low-pass filter like helpful
0:14:28all of life's highs are just eliminated
0:14:31all the Roloffs is called yeah that's
0:14:33right all you get is farting sound so
0:14:35good boy
0:14:37heavy breathing in parts the thing that
0:14:39strikes me is I i have in Las Vegas
0:14:40maybe like three times or Andrey now
0:14:43gambling locations but las vegas in
0:14:45particular you arrive there and it's
0:14:46also exciting and it's it's just so much
0:14:49going on it's like Disney World you go
0:14:50there and there's slot machines and
0:14:52everything is exciting and like the part
0:14:55that always strikes me is that like that
0:14:56there's slot machines by the terminals
0:14:59in the airport and it's like people but
0:15:01people like playing the slots and like
0:15:05the same thing that I go oh this is i
0:15:07arrived i gotta carry on i get off and
0:15:09go oh this is exciting it's Las Vegas
0:15:12people are playing slot machines and
0:15:14then i'm leaving i'm like fock it's Las
0:15:17Vegas people are playing slot machines
0:15:19it's what I mean that very same thing
0:15:22it's just it's it's it a it is to bring
0:15:26down for me like two days in Las Vegas
0:15:28and I'm ready to go
0:15:29that's it I'm done the only thing that
0:15:31interests me about Las Vegas is those
0:15:33unmarked 727 that fly out of the las
0:15:37vegas airport to area 51 seconds those
0:15:43things i'm fascinated by you know
0:15:45there's a special their special terminal
0:15:47velocity vegas airport where the
0:15:49airplanes have no exterior markings
0:15:51events such as a side note is definitely
0:15:53a thing was always gentle is a fever
0:15:55thing
0:15:55no no this is a real thing ok there they
0:15:58are jumbo jets not jumbo jets but
0:16:00they're medium-sized jets who commercial
0:16:02airliners yeah but they have no markings
0:16:04of any kind of people get on them and
0:16:06they fly into the desert because that's
0:16:10the only way you can get to area 51 they
0:16:13don't you there's no there's no they
0:16:14don't let you drive their shuttle is not
0:16:17a shuttle you don't like you don't show
0:16:19up and like show your ID card area 51
0:16:21because area 51 doesn't exist so the
0:16:24only way you can get theirs from the las
0:16:25vegas airport and there are these
0:16:27airplanes that don't have any markings
0:16:28that just shuttle people back and forth
0:16:31to all these secret military bases in
0:16:34the Nevada desert and that fascinates me
0:16:37I will sit with binoculars and watch
0:16:39that happen also liked it as much you
0:16:41can say like what kind of credentials do
0:16:43you show to get even near one of those
0:16:45planes have who goes is shield nations
0:16:48like glucose on this
0:16:50well I have to imagine that that most of
0:16:52the people most of the people are just
0:16:54like government called
0:16:56right i mean it if they are conducting
0:17:00alien autopsies and area 51
0:17:02they're not doing it like like in a good
0:17:05morning america situation with a window
0:17:07in Times Square they're probably doing
0:17:10it in a basement room somewhere and most
0:17:12of the other people they're just pushing
0:17:14brooms are there you know they're there
0:17:16toggling knobs are they're rewriting
0:17:17encryptions or whatever it is that
0:17:19people in secret military one this is
0:17:21the thing about government is that we go
0:17:22again we talked about the government
0:17:24like it's this big you know this big wad
0:17:27of stuff and really it's a bunch of
0:17:29people with boring jobs right by and
0:17:31large if you're not if you're not an
0:17:32operative like you're if you're an
0:17:34operative a lot of what you do is sit
0:17:35there with binoculars like waiting for
0:17:36something to change
0:17:37yeah i mean there there are people that
0:17:39live in Las Vegas the flat area 51 on a
0:17:42secret military jet and they get there
0:17:44and what they do all day is the total
0:17:46their space pen in picking between their
0:17:48fingers and they watch one gauge to make
0:17:51sure that it doesn't go into the red
0:17:53zone over there just like they're just
0:17:55dopes the regular dopes you don't worry
0:17:56three comics and so-and-so you watch you
0:17:59watch one gauge and you're saying that
0:18:00this could be an energy change it could
0:18:01be psionics hmm I you know if they are
0:18:05if they're monitoring psionics with
0:18:07gauges there are better the guy watching
0:18:09the gauge doesn't know what the gauge
0:18:10measures
0:18:11I bet they're just like don't let it go
0:18:13into the red if it doesn't hold
0:18:15deniability you bring in a gauge guy
0:18:17rather than a psionic guy exactly the
0:18:20psionic guys isn't watching the games
0:18:22back in DC and your guy was his name
0:18:24exactly God must drive you crazy you're
0:18:29sitting there and you're watching these
0:18:30unmarked planes take off the most
0:18:31traffic bananas it does it drives me
0:18:34crazy because I know out there in the
0:18:35desert they really are working on
0:18:37something i don't know what it is no
0:18:38question
0:18:39yeah they're working on something and
0:18:40the fact and the fact that it's not that
0:18:42I'm not alone and driving me crazy
0:18:44I mean it doesn't keep me up at night
0:18:45like some cooks but he's got the things
0:18:48to keep you up and you get to get us I'm
0:18:50worried that my pillows are turning into
0:18:51owls I'm not worried about secret
0:18:53airplanes so much camper this thing John
0:18:55and you like the uninstall opens las
0:18:57vegas it's already a little bit of a
0:18:59Black Swan like what why the fuck is Las
0:19:01Vegas there i guess it was a stop off
0:19:02for troops right
0:19:04because it's never like a rail line
0:19:05right and maybe you know they built that
0:19:07dam right down the road and a lot of
0:19:10there are a lot of guys coming up from
0:19:11building that damn and spending their
0:19:13money in the tent city who ever you know
0:19:16where their guys building a dam they're
0:19:18gonna be hookers
0:19:20yes that's is all that's as old as as
0:19:22Cheops 30 works you know what I mean you
0:19:27know the damn huh
0:19:28we're gonna find a hugger Sharon right
0:19:30after that there's that you know then
0:19:32there's gaming in the Gaming Commission
0:19:33kaming i love that term but here's the
0:19:36thing John nobody's going to fly into it
0:19:38desert for no reason I mean if you're
0:19:40going to if you're going to like it
0:19:42he's told us it is costly to gas up a
0:19:44plane ticket somewhere not gas but you
0:19:45know fuel plane and take it someplace
0:19:47right didn't I gasps yeah but you're not
0:19:50gonna do that just for fun if you're
0:19:52gonna make that like a regular thing
0:19:53there's a reason there's some kind of a
0:19:55process in place there and i'm just
0:19:57guessing as a man with a minus active is
0:19:59your own you must be turning that over
0:20:01in your head you're sitting there you're
0:20:03you're looking at the details magazine
0:20:05and thinking about the things that
0:20:07you're seeing here is the problem though
0:20:09I agree with you one hundred percent
0:20:11until I think about my own father who
0:20:13routinely gassed up his plane and flew
0:20:16circles in the sky for no fucking reason
0:20:17he thinks also apparently apparently he
0:20:21was just giving you know i would go up
0:20:23to them and be like what are you doing
0:20:24he's like I'm looking at the map and I'm
0:20:25like yeah i know you're looking at the
0:20:27map but why we why we 6,000 feet in the
0:20:29air was practicing know he's been flying
0:20:32since he was 27 years old he knows how
0:20:35to do it
0:20:36no he just likes to gas up the plane and
0:20:38go fly and maybe bit maybe the air
0:20:40force's the same maybe they aren't
0:20:43really running secret ops maybe they're
0:20:45just maybe they're just dicking around
0:20:48so maybe like they're playing grab-ass
0:20:52maybe the entire US Air Force just a
0:20:54game of grab-ass yes but it's a really
0:20:56strategic grass so maybe Las Vegas is a
0:20:59kind of distraction
0:21:00I mean obviously on any number of levels
0:21:02but you get everybody looking over here
0:21:04hey look over here it's a pyramid
0:21:06made out of black jack but don't look
0:21:08over here right because that's where the
0:21:11real action is
0:21:12well so okay so I so so i was pretty
0:21:14fine with I was pretty soon I was pretty
0:21:16okay with believing that whatever UFOs
0:21:21were it didn't matter i didn't care and
0:21:24I was driving down the road today i've
0:21:26been i thought you know for the last
0:21:28four years I've pretty much been okay
0:21:31with the idea that whatever UFOs are I
0:21:33don't know and I don't care I really
0:21:35don't care i don't i'm not gonna vote
0:21:37one way or the other I am I am
0:21:39reasonably convinced either way that
0:21:42either yes they are real or no they're
0:21:43not
0:21:44which is the same as how i feel about
0:21:46god i was gonna say and ask alice UFO
0:21:49wager
0:21:50yeah it's exactly they're like a fine i
0:21:53did their unidentified for a reason
0:21:55precisely like like they're there
0:21:58you know i i'm i am I going to sit in an
0:22:01airport and argue with the Hari Krishna
0:22:02about our Christian is no i'm not i'm
0:22:06just getting on with it anyway I'm
0:22:08driving down the street i'm stuck in
0:22:09traffic i'm headed to the new day
0:22:13northwest on King 5 TV and all of a
0:22:18sudden eyes I say to myself but wait a
0:22:21minute if somewhat because let me back
0:22:26let me back up a little bit when we were
0:22:28on tour we went to we went to Mission
0:22:30Control Houston
0:22:31oh yes I cool photo that and then we
0:22:34went to Mass and we went to Mission
0:22:35Control and we're walking around and
0:22:37it's all very awesome and it's like
0:22:39amazing to be there especially because
0:22:41they have they have maintained the
0:22:44Apollo era Mission Control as a kind of
0:22:48like living not issuing a shrine
0:22:51it's just a shrine it just sits there
0:22:52and you walk in and you sit down and at
0:22:54launch control and you're like okay or
0:22:56not launch control but like like you're
0:22:59sitting there where they all were for
0:23:01all for everything you're like it's just
0:23:03like it's just the same i'm pushing the
0:23:05same fucking buttons
0:23:07anyway they tourists around we see that
0:23:09we see the space station we go out and
0:23:11they they take a our friend takes us out
0:23:14to the warehouse where they have all the
0:23:16capsules the actual
0:23:18life-size mock-ups and my whole life as
0:23:22as we all have done I've said if I got
0:23:26the opportunity to be an astronaut of
0:23:27course i would be an astronaut like
0:23:29that's the best job ever
0:23:31right yeah don't you think that same
0:23:33thing oh I absolutely i mean i-i was at
0:23:36the tail end of that I think that's
0:23:38something very much started you know in
0:23:40in the in the fifties with the whole
0:23:42idea that there might be a space program
0:23:44I was at you and I were both at the tail
0:23:46end like having grown up taking photos
0:23:49of the television when Neil Armstrong
0:23:52remember that
0:23:52hey everybody everybody their family has
0:23:54photos of the television screen and it
0:23:57was absolutely the coolest thing in the
0:23:58world
0:23:59yeah amazing until you're sitting in the
0:24:02warehouse really anything i'm not
0:24:03talking about the smithsonian
0:24:04institution where you're looking at the
0:24:06capsule in the museum and you're like
0:24:08wow cool but you're at NASA and you're
0:24:12looking at the ones they used to train
0:24:14and I looked in this thing and I'm like
0:24:16holy shit it's really small to climb
0:24:20into that you would have to be in seen
0:24:22there's like there's like five things
0:24:25about it that would make me
0:24:27uncomfortable just thinking about it
0:24:28it's it wasn't like upside-down it's
0:24:31tiny and everybody bars right well and
0:24:34you're strapped onto a stick of dynamite
0:24:36and you are shot into space and about
0:24:40that trip to the moon took a week
0:24:42it took a week friendlier yes and
0:24:45they're strapped into this thing that is
0:24:47basically the size of a bookcase three
0:24:50guys strapped into a bookcase and
0:24:52optimistic diner that sounds WAY worse
0:24:54than clothes plus it is so bad and yeah
0:24:57and it's not just that they're sitting
0:24:59there and then there's a window it's
0:25:00like they're sitting there there's a
0:25:01solid steel bulkhead three inches from
0:25:03their face
0:25:04oh and they're flying in this there
0:25:06flying blind in this thing for a week
0:25:09and then they go into orbit around the
0:25:12moon and then they have to figure all
0:25:14that shit out and they get down to the
0:25:16moon which I'm sure was amazing but then
0:25:18make it back in this little this little
0:25:20tuna fish can and they fly another week
0:25:23home and i realized that i could not be
0:25:25an astronaut that none of us could be
0:25:28astronauts and that the very few people
0:25:31in the world who
0:25:31and be astronauts are a mutant race ya
0:25:35of people that have no that have no
0:25:38claustrophobia they have no fear they
0:25:41have no they have no common sense
0:25:42they're right i mean you think he's
0:25:45visiting into a stick of dynamite and
0:25:47stare at a piece of metal for a week
0:25:48takes a certain kind of crazy a certain
0:25:51kind of crazy that's right then you
0:25:52gotta want it because there's like again
0:25:54it's like it's like a DNA like a PA and
0:25:57Hollywood there's 5,000 people behind
0:25:59you who want the same job and you've got
0:26:01to be better than all of them like by an
0:26:03order of magnitude but you've got to be
0:26:05better than all of them than all of them
0:26:07of having no human characteristics
0:26:09whatsoever you can have no fight or
0:26:12flight mechanism you can or you or you
0:26:14have to be in such inside you I don't
0:26:16even believe it is kid is possible that
0:26:18they are in control of those things they
0:26:20are just without them they and and in
0:26:22that sense I think they are amazing i
0:26:24think that they are mutants the same way
0:26:26that that great athletes are or great
0:26:29you know like great they are just a kind
0:26:32of human being that is absolutely
0:26:34necessary and i'm stunned i was stunned
0:26:39to be at NASA and realize that we do not
0:26:42even these mutants we are not funding
0:26:45like there's no money for these people
0:26:48to even do the think that this amazing
0:26:51thing which is strap themselves onto a
0:26:52stick of dynamite and fly through space
0:26:54like we don't even care I don't care how
0:26:57amazing that is enough to pay them money
0:26:58and you will he walk around NASA and and
0:27:01they are really there duct-taping shit
0:27:03together then they really are it's
0:27:06hilarious but but anyway so I'm driving
0:27:08down the road today and I'm realizing
0:27:09okay if you take those if you take some
0:27:12mutants like that some mutant human
0:27:14beings and you put them in a space ship
0:27:17that flies for generations where these
0:27:25mutants are meeting with each other in
0:27:27space and their bones are losing all
0:27:30their mass and there is no light and
0:27:35they are just mutating and becoming more
0:27:38and more their day and natural selection
0:27:40is choosing
0:27:43the ideal creature for this environment
0:27:46that creature would basically look like
0:27:49these dumb aliens that stoners put on
0:27:51there on the back windows of their cars
0:27:54and grace but the grace like like and I
0:27:57started to think did we know did we
0:28:01start talking about this the these these
0:28:04a what-what aliens looked like before we
0:28:07understood that being in space reduces
0:28:09your bone mass like a at what pointed to
0:28:12one
0:28:13well is it a chicken-or-egg situation
0:28:15anyway I'm driving down the street and
0:28:16I'm realizing wait a minute i do believe
0:28:18in aliens because they look exactly like
0:28:20they would have to look uh they look
0:28:24exactly like if you took Neil Armstrong
0:28:26and oh and a female Neil Armstrong and
0:28:29we put them in space and have them have
0:28:32babies for 50 generations like any like
0:28:37a cephalopod the taste physics right and
0:28:40have stones right like like the thing
0:28:42the thing about alien when we talk about
0:28:44sending these guys to Mars these these
0:28:46mutant humans we we we devote all this
0:28:49energy two treadmills and all this all
0:28:53this extra work that we go to to keep
0:28:56these Navy jock pilots in good shape
0:29:01alright fly to Mars because we're scared
0:29:04because if they lose their bone density
0:29:05and they just sit there and stare at a
0:29:07wall but they're with their big green
0:29:09eyes they're going to a go crazy and
0:29:12they're not going to have any you get it
0:29:15look like it's almost the humanities a
0:29:17hindrance
0:29:18exactly so you don't choose Neil you
0:29:22don't choose neil armstrong to be an
0:29:24astronaut you choose neil gaiman to be
0:29:26an astronaut write a guy who already has
0:29:28no bone density now and who can sit and
0:29:31stare at a at a you know basically like
0:29:34a spot on the wall as long as it had
0:29:36some anime movie happening and he put
0:29:41him in a capsule central game and now
0:29:43you're already you're already four or
0:29:45five generations of natural selection
0:29:47closer to the greys
0:29:50then you are if you have to start with
0:29:52Neil Neil Armstrong you know what I mean
0:29:54you're doing it which is the right
0:29:56choose the right Neil exactly you don't
0:29:58pick that shit you don't jock night
0:30:01you gotta pick the one that that you
0:30:04know that has no interest in coming back
0:30:06because it isn't part of the excitement
0:30:08of this the sending a healthy hearty
0:30:12inhale human something H into space
0:30:17isn't part of it that we're sending like
0:30:19our job guys into space don't you think
0:30:21is that part of why they got behind it
0:30:23is that we're gonna send this specimen
0:30:25out there and unlike poor little ham
0:30:28we're actually gonna bring this guy back
0:30:30yeah because you know we can bring this
0:30:32monkeys back they didn't come back
0:30:33intact leave me and they're like guys
0:30:35alright like a well he wasn't a monkey
0:30:37bohemian is a basic block monkey right
0:30:38yeah dog Mickey maybe I maybe I used too
0:30:41many monkeys
0:30:43ha ha ha noi but the point is I think
0:30:46maybe that in the fifties we had this we
0:30:50still were worshiping these crew-cut
0:30:52jocks but we don't worship them anymore
0:30:55now we're worshiping all these nebbishy
0:30:57a spindly little twerps food and maybe
0:31:01maybe astrid y gastón 4chan cinema
0:31:05yeah right yeah I'm saying send moot
0:31:07into space and give him please you know
0:31:11give him some kind of like a computer
0:31:14puzzle give him give him a
0:31:15four-dimensional Rubik's Cube and say
0:31:18you know say once a day you can jack off
0:31:22and and in six months you'll be a Mars
0:31:25and they'd be like cool cool brah food
0:31:31you know we would need to put any
0:31:32treadmills on there
0:31:33yeah extra weight I mean the weight is
0:31:35critical
0:31:36weight is critical to these guys and a
0:31:38half those guys on 4chan are already
0:31:40drinking their own piss
0:31:41you don't even have to filter it but
0:31:44I don't know I just you know what I
0:31:47don't need in my life right now
0:31:48particularly being in a manic phase is
0:31:51to start believing in aliens again and
0:31:54then worrying whenever there's a raccoon
0:31:55on my roof that it's just an alien in
0:31:59disguise it's really as simple as
0:32:00believing in aliens it's a question of
0:32:02like are you thinking more MSA it seems
0:32:06like it you know we we have to believe
0:32:07there's aliens we would have to be just
0:32:09so monumentally self-involved to aliens
0:32:12I mean that such a silly term any course
0:32:13of course we believe in them there's got
0:32:15to be other stuff out there but are they
0:32:17are they coming and scratching on my
0:32:19roof
0:32:20what's what's the role and why are they
0:32:23getting in where they getting into your
0:32:24barn
0:32:25yeah are they disguising themselves as
0:32:27owls and then not understanding how owls
0:32:32behave enough that they come into my
0:32:34room and become a GG and pretend to be
0:32:37pilon I know what exactly they are there
0:32:40as we're not classic that is classic
0:32:43alien behavior because I mean you think
0:32:45about like you go to any planet for okay
0:32:47first of all how's your Mandarin be mine
0:32:49but yeah but yeah mine too
0:32:51so when people like all the people in my
0:32:54neighborhood they don't speak very good
0:32:55you know what you know what they speak
0:32:57pretty good English compared to how I
0:32:59speak Mandarin and Cantonese I'm just
0:33:01saying confusing a barn with the pillow
0:33:05is pretty good for somebody's from
0:33:07another dimension right right exactly
0:33:10like they're there looking down there
0:33:12like all vowels yes that's good we yeah
0:33:15okay good let's discuss our wise and
0:33:18green comfort i won't be a pillow
0:33:19yes we will be owls that is a good plan
0:33:22and then somebody's like well how are we
0:33:24going to get in and watch watch this
0:33:27John Rother to make sure that he's the
0:33:29emissary yeah but to the humans that we
0:33:31that we that we think he is preventing
0:33:34him it's like well let's so let's just
0:33:37get let's just get right in bed with
0:33:38them
0:33:38well this is well trodden from the
0:33:40things like you know the right stuff and
0:33:42whatnot but what's amazing about what
0:33:44you're describing is they did any of it
0:33:46succeeded I mean because these were
0:33:48basically guys who wanted to drive fast
0:33:51cars you've got to drive fast
0:33:55what planes yeah I you know different
0:33:58kinds of airplanes and super super fast
0:34:01planes but I mean if you think about it
0:34:03it's not really it's amazing how quickly
0:34:06we went from like a thing that moves
0:34:09pretty fast on wheels across the ground
0:34:12to a thing that moves alarmingly
0:34:14dangerously fast across the Terran sky
0:34:17to like now we're going to the fucking
0:34:20moon
0:34:21it's amazing you could do that 40 years
0:34:23well if you look at those Saturn five
0:34:25rockets which i did at bit in
0:34:28excruciating detail when i was at this
0:34:31place
0:34:32they are you know you think about like
0:34:35the way they make a Ford f-150 they have
0:34:39machines that stamp out these ford f150
0:34:42fenders because they're making a million
0:34:45f-150 is this year and every every f-150
0:34:47right front fender is the same but they
0:34:52did not make that many Saturn five
0:34:54rockets and if they did
0:34:56there's no machine big enough to stamp
0:34:58the you know one quarter of the big part
0:35:04of a sudden Saturn five rocket so you
0:35:06look at these things and you realize
0:35:08they are hand-hammered they are bespoke
0:35:12item starting Santa rocket it is an art
0:35:16of fucking single rocket to these guys
0:35:19it's there it's really it's truly built
0:35:21to purpose
0:35:22yeah there were guys in white
0:35:24short-sleeved button down shirts with 15
0:35:29pens and a slide rule in the front
0:35:30pocket who sat with a rubber mallet and
0:35:34banged this rocket together
0:35:37and it's just and you look at here like
0:35:40Jesus Christ that anybody thought that
0:35:44you could like this thing on fire and go
0:35:46to the moon that that that way and come
0:35:49back that's that that's the crazy part
0:35:52of what do you think is in part of it
0:35:53the coming back that's crazy i think so
0:35:56you can attach dynamite to anything and
0:35:58send it somewhere but for it to come
0:36:00back and be able to hug it skids is
0:36:02still to this day completely
0:36:04mind-blowing it's astonishing everything
0:36:06because we're already fragile i mean as
0:36:08as as you know as organic life-forms go
0:36:11we're pretty fragile it doesn't take
0:36:13that much to really fuck us up
0:36:15yeah and and you know and in you know i
0:36:17have two regrets in life I wish I
0:36:19learned to draw and I wish I had learned
0:36:21enough about physics to be able to in
0:36:24math to take engineering classes because
0:36:27that's that's the thing is like somebody
0:36:29is all we send somebody to the moon and
0:36:31you imagine not you but but you know
0:36:33laypersons imagine a virtual slingshot
0:36:37where you shoot this piece of metal and
0:36:40a big stone in the sky its it's so much
0:36:44more complicated than that because
0:36:45that's moving everything's moving it's
0:36:48moving right and and then you get the
0:36:49Sun is moving around the center of our
0:36:52fucking universe there's no tellin a
0:36:55what what he got in there there's no
0:36:57there's no there everything's moving and
0:37:02everything is degrading like this is
0:37:04where entropy starts to be a dick
0:37:05because you have to account for all of
0:37:07these things like what goes wrong if we
0:37:09lose these tiles we get there
0:37:11this happens these redundancies opinion
0:37:13and every single thing paper every gay
0:37:16precisely and and everything that you
0:37:19add in terms of what weight drag
0:37:22anything anything you add you have to
0:37:24account for its like I've never taken
0:37:26calculus but this must be like the most
0:37:28tricked-out calculus in the world to
0:37:30figure out how to account for getting a
0:37:33hundred eighty pound man to a celestial
0:37:37body and bring it back in one piece
0:37:39well and I think you bring up arrays the
0:37:41most fascinating idea
0:37:45which is how much easier would it have
0:37:49been in 1957 in 1961 to say listen on
0:37:57behalf of humanity we need to send a man
0:38:00to the moon
0:38:02there's no way he's ever gonna make it
0:38:04back but we need to do this
0:38:07the man is going to go to the moon and
0:38:09he's gonna talk to us on the radio hour
0:38:12and I said he's not coming back send a
0:38:14criminal or or not or or maybe send the
0:38:17greatest american hero but we will all
0:38:20stand there with our we will stand up in
0:38:23front of our televisions saluting the TV
0:38:26as our astronauts dies on the moon
0:38:31yeah like when you think about 20 years
0:38:35before during World War Two we were we
0:38:39as human race Stalin and Hitler were
0:38:42murdering millions of people and burying
0:38:47them in shallow graves that 20 years
0:38:49later we would we would consider that
0:38:55bringing this one guy back from space
0:38:58and landing him on the ground safely was
0:39:01of paramount importance you know like at
0:39:04what point did they
0:39:05because you know the Soviets sent a lot
0:39:08of guys into space that we never heard
0:39:10about that never came back right or if
0:39:13they didn't i'm fucking surprised you
0:39:15know like they said that dog up there
0:39:17and nobody that mean that was just like
0:39:19hardy-har right but but if it had not
0:39:24been for America
0:39:26I wonder whether the whether the
0:39:28Russians would have an alibi the
0:39:30Russians I mean the Soviets whether they
0:39:31would have with whether they would have
0:39:34pursued a moon program or even the Nazis
0:39:37pursuit of moon program where the first
0:39:4010 missions were suicide missions right
0:39:44they got the Alger affect you heard that
0:39:46term know it's it's a fascinating idea a
0:39:49little bit rathole but you know there's
0:39:51this part of the whole turns out culture
0:39:53of you know the increasing need to
0:39:56publish something interests
0:39:57thing especially in social psychology is
0:40:00its leading to more and more of what the
0:40:01color file drawer effect which is you go
0:40:03out and you do some research and every
0:40:05time you don't get the result you want
0:40:07you kind of quietly move it aside until
0:40:10you get the result that you wanted right
0:40:12and so the Russians I mean you know and
0:40:14again it's like some kind of an advanced
0:40:15card trick
0:40:16we're like a cold reading we're like you
0:40:19can get something right as long as you
0:40:21kind of forget about all the stuff you
0:40:22write you know right right you don't
0:40:25like it's fine don't worry about that
0:40:27well you think about I mean the the the
0:40:30the Soviet Army systematically decimated
0:40:34the entire polish officer corps kill
0:40:37them all like the greatest minds of
0:40:40Poland the most elegant aristocratic man
0:40:44of Poland all gone in a in like a poof
0:40:49well think about all the potential
0:40:52astronauts right right that although
0:40:56always all these men that that only 15
0:41:01years later you know they're spending
0:41:03hundreds of millions of dollars hundreds
0:41:05of trillions of rubles to get these guys
0:41:09back on earth you know and life human
0:41:13life was worth so much less 15 years
0:41:18before right
0:41:19it's a it was a it was a some kind and I
0:41:22wonder whether that moral leap was in
0:41:26response to World War One World War two
0:41:29like like somehow we have to
0:41:32re-establish the value of human life
0:41:36somehow
0:41:37yes yes alongside the superiority of the
0:41:40American know-how right i mean think
0:41:43about what would that be probably 15-20
0:41:46years before the for the third time the
0:41:49eldest Kennedy brother like that why the
0:41:52thought would you send him up and in
0:41:55that tarted-up plane and have him blow
0:41:57up
0:41:58I mean the idea of losing part of the
0:42:01American you know on money stock recei
0:42:04in this in this crazy plane accident you
0:42:08know what I mean yeah I do like how
0:42:10wasteful is that
0:42:11but a part of it is also i mean i guess
0:42:13part of the Cold War yeah you're right i
0:42:14mean showing that we are able to do that
0:42:17I just just blows me away so use on no
0:42:20signs at all that it said that it didn't
0:42:22happen
0:42:22you're pretty sure it happened the moon
0:42:24landing yeah I'm pretty sure it happened
0:42:29okay
0:42:29hi I'm pretty sure it happened is that
0:42:32really is that what they told you to say
0:42:33I really am
0:42:35there's you know who I I know how hard
0:42:38it is
0:42:39listen if you I know how hard it is just
0:42:43to keep it a secret that you're sleeping
0:42:44with your friend's wife
0:42:46yes and that doesn't involve any
0:42:47technology at all
0:42:49it's complicated you know you get up you
0:42:53get a bunch of people you get a bunch of
0:42:55guys who are watching gauges you get a
0:42:57bunch of guys with mustaches short white
0:43:00t-shirt surfer short-sleeved white
0:43:02button-down shirts they're all
0:43:04yeah they're all making everybody
0:43:05smoking everybody smoke and they got
0:43:08slide rules out there scribbling on on
0:43:10pads and and and you're gonna hear and
0:43:14you're gonna fake the moon landing and
0:43:15nobody's ever going to say it before
0:43:17Facebook I don't know you see the link i
0:43:21sent you to do send me link
0:43:23yeah probably seen this but is it is it
0:43:28is it some transsexual porn maybe it's
0:43:34ham the monkey porn on in event of moon
0:43:37disaster
0:43:38yeah but read it read the first
0:43:40paragraph there in July eighteenth of
0:43:421969 as the world waited anxiously for
0:43:44Apollo 11 to land safely on the surface
0:43:46of the Moon speech writer William Safire
0:43:49imagine the worst case scenario i have
0:43:51read this
0:43:52yeah that's basically sapphire route for
0:43:54mixing to read well yeah we were I mean
0:43:57like let's be honest these guys are
0:43:59coming back right that's monkey balls
0:44:01it's crazy to think that these guys we
0:44:03know how insane it is for all of these
0:44:06yeah it has ordained that the men who
0:44:10went to the moon to exploring piece will
0:44:13stay on the moon to rest in peace to get
0:44:15it's great and it's and it's touching
0:44:19and you know you know they expected
0:44:23it that these guys would would perish up
0:44:26there there's no consistent note at the
0:44:28bottom
0:44:29prior to the president's statement the
0:44:31president should telephone each of the
0:44:33windows to be after the president's
0:44:36statement at the point when NASA and
0:44:37communications with the men a clergyman
0:44:39should adopt the same procedure as a
0:44:41burial at sea commanding their souls to
0:44:44quote the deepest of the deep unquote
0:44:46concluding with the Lord's / and so with
0:44:50windows to be what he's saying is they
0:44:52are alive they are on the moon and we
0:44:56are basically just waiting for their air
0:44:59to run out
0:45:00yeah you got a real serious David belly
0:45:02type situation huh
0:45:04it's just it's so thin that suck
0:45:08it's so like well I mean we're gonna do
0:45:13you gonna hit another golf ball
0:45:14god I think some more snapshots you know
0:45:18what I'm gonna move the flag
0:45:19I'll turn upside down to be a dick let's
0:45:22let's run this moon rover see what she
0:45:24can see what this baby can do really
0:45:25really really open her up
0:45:27I don't start a whole thing but then
0:45:29isn't it kind of equally amazing that
0:45:31within like 10 years of that I guess for
0:45:33the space shuttle at that point but I
0:45:35mean it didn't take that long for us to
0:45:37lose our zest for this amazing
0:45:40accomplishment that we come up with
0:45:42arguably one of the greatest things that
0:45:44humanity had ever done
0:45:46yeah but you think I mean we've done
0:45:48some pretty easy using stuff i mean
0:45:50setting aside benjamin franklin there's
0:45:51some amazing things that people have
0:45:53managed to do but this is 444 Kennedy to
0:45:57get up there in whatever that was 1961
0:46:00to get up there and say you think even
0:46:02though i have no real basis for saying
0:46:05this I should have made some calls
0:46:07we're going to have a man on the moon by
0:46:09the end of the decade and you know there
0:46:11were so many guys in white button down
0:46:14short sleeve shirts shitting themselves
0:46:16and their pencils go say whether that 14
0:46:20more well at lot of pencils and slide
0:46:24rules we have I mean I would argue that
0:46:28that putting people on the moon and
0:46:31bringing them home safely
0:46:33beats all the art made after 1902
0:46:40through teaching 1707 maybe anyway yeah
0:46:45alright 1908 let's go on making 1000
0:46:49let's say all the arts and architecture
0:46:51Casso in there i don't have turned 19
0:46:53you know what who the moon
0:46:56you know what i'll trade you a Rothko i
0:46:57will show you a fucking Rothko for a
0:47:00grown man on the moon who comes home any
0:47:02day i will put a grown man on the moon
0:47:04against all Rothko's ok together beyond
0:47:09PB take that up against the Duchamp all
0:47:11of it
0:47:12who and this is what I'm saying these
0:47:15guys now are working down there in
0:47:17Houston which is you know already kind
0:47:20of that's a toilet
0:47:22no she live in Houston come on come on
0:47:24really that's the best we can do
0:47:25Jesus because he says biggest constant
0:47:27they're the biggest consolation is
0:47:29dallas that's really the only thing
0:47:31that's worse right
0:47:32I've heard he's pretty bad oh well I
0:47:36mean Dallas has its charms studios in
0:47:39houston and are just actively like i
0:47:41don't know why i'm in houston
0:47:43there's a lot to not know about why
0:47:45you're in houston but there are some you
0:47:47can have some like for instance right
0:47:49now in the middle of winter in Houston
0:47:52people are sitting outside having dinner
0:47:54and there's a warm breeze
0:47:57it's not too humid houston in december
0:48:00is like pretty nice place food enjoying
0:48:04velcro and hang soon a span you see me
0:48:08in August is is really like being inside
0:48:12a dog's ass like there's no it's like
0:48:15being in a mouth
0:48:16it's like are you there goddamn mouth
0:48:19huh i live in a closed maps us sound
0:48:25good
0:48:26it seems today the bed most of Texas is
0:48:28because of what the Alamo and oil right
0:48:31there's a lot of oil oil related to
0:48:35geography and then you have to throw
0:48:36some very beautiful landscapes in Texas
0:48:39you know here's the weird thing if
0:48:40you're driving across Spain if you drive
0:48:42from barcelona to madrid you realize why
0:48:46this
0:48:47banish thought Texas was a paradise
0:48:50Texas looks like a you know looks like
0:48:55the it basically it looks like la mancha
0:48:58except kind of nicer it
0:49:03arrivals what's wrong with Spain nothing
0:49:07wrong with that it's just dry red earth
0:49:11with a bunch of mesas and you kind of
0:49:15scratch out a scratch out an existence
0:49:18in a rough-draft first growing you know
0:49:21go on olives and wine
0:49:23I mean that there's no like there's no
0:49:26monkeys living in Spain except those
0:49:30ones down in Gibraltar and who knows how
0:49:32they got there
0:49:33it's not like it's not like Spain is
0:49:35lush 50 acorns tightness that it looks
0:49:38like Texas and the Spanish landed in
0:49:40Texas and they were like oh fuck yes we
0:49:45get it
0:49:46Southern California to you know that
0:49:50there's a reason that the Spanish did
0:49:51not land in seattle and say let's build
0:49:55some missions see me can't get a decent
0:49:57drink at a strip club there have you
0:50:00have you been eating what you're eating
0:50:02than like lately have you been trying to
0:50:03eat regularly you know I've lost I've
0:50:05lost 20 pounds because I because when I
0:50:07mannequin forget to eat 20 pounds of
0:50:09what if John had 20 pounds of all that
0:50:12extra John that wasn't doing anything
0:50:13was just sitting around
0:50:15isn't that a good Lasser a troubling us
0:50:18who knows you can't poop on the bus at
0:50:21all
0:50:22you can't you know no mud pickles so we
0:50:25have to wait you have to wait to poop
0:50:26but you like that you you like you like
0:50:29gab having to hold off my way to poop
0:50:32now you know i think i think those
0:50:34people those people that have to poop
0:50:36now
0:50:37yeah they're not going to make it look
0:50:40but they're not going to survive
0:50:42now what about supertrain can you let
0:50:44pickle on supertrain oh absolutely i
0:50:47mean like this is your personal quarters
0:50:49coupon supertrain that poop goes
0:50:52immediately in to the mechanism is all
0:50:56of it
0:50:57again and all of the all of the the
0:51:00essential minerals and and the useful
0:51:02cooking oil are taken out of the poop
0:51:05and all that's left is a little pile of
0:51:07carbon and some trace its of silver
0:51:10Mercury golden iodine we're not gonna
0:51:13throw that corner away
0:51:15absolutely not with the corner weekend
0:51:16we can use that the corn goes to feed
0:51:18the pigs that are on the back car of
0:51:20super train that are making delicious
0:51:22bacon for us it's already I it was not
0:51:27until this moment like literally in the
0:51:29middle of the night that it occurred to
0:51:31me that super training is more than a
0:51:34totalitarian solution it's an ecosystem
0:51:37it absolutely right i mean it's it's
0:51:39it's sad that you know what is it tell
0:51:41woman says those the soul is
0:51:43self-satisfying like you've gotta train
0:51:45is going to fucking take care of itself
0:51:46and you better believe brother it is
0:51:48going to take care of you
0:51:49that's right thing is super train is an
0:51:52ecosystem it is a guy a bomb it is also
0:51:55an elaborate revenge fantasy for example
0:51:59of God is there any place for the for
0:52:04the brother you think what you are you
0:52:06talking about the priest we don't down
0:52:08the great job of the black man because
0:52:10but no know about memento mori right you
0:52:13know about the idea that like there's
0:52:15the guy i forget which where this
0:52:17happened but the idea of the guy who
0:52:19stands next to the king right he stands
0:52:21networking and it is all day long and
0:52:24says what like your mortal your mortal
0:52:27your moral memento mori remember that
0:52:30you are going to die right so you need a
0:52:32court jester like would it be useful
0:52:34I'm just saying for the sake of argument
0:52:36that's your train you like if you were
0:52:38to take this guy from the east bay who
0:52:40apparently i'm gonna have beer with now
0:52:41if you were to take him and make him
0:52:43somehow part of the supertrain system
0:52:46what is the role of the brother for you
0:52:48because it seems to me that that he
0:52:49might be useful to you as a kind of as a
0:52:53kind of moral check for as a kind of got
0:52:57it I got as many consigliere Azaz I can
0:52:59handle it if you have a wartime
0:53:01consigliere every single you know i just
0:53:03got off of a tour and every single town
0:53:05I went into there were 40 guys lining up
0:53:07offering their services
0:53:10as like night errands for super train
0:53:12for real
0:53:14oh yeah there John has gone viral is
0:53:16something where people aware of how
0:53:17important this is going to be
0:53:18approaching you I mean I that are they
0:53:21are they are they are they they're
0:53:23speaking when you when you go places and
0:53:25make personal appearances and play
0:53:26professional music they're approaching
0:53:28you and saying look it's easy i'm
0:53:30unfamiliar super train like I need this
0:53:32I need to make sure i have a birth it
0:53:35isn't even that people are approaching
0:53:37me and they are they basically have a
0:53:39small bag already under their arm not
0:53:43already packed in the car under their
0:53:44arm anticipating that maybe we're
0:53:47leaving now I'm like you know what I'm
0:53:50doing right now i'm selling t-shirts
0:53:51after my rock concert we are not leaving
0:53:56tonight and they're like they're not
0:53:58disappointed they feel like okay I you
0:54:02know I knew i knew i would I knew that
0:54:04when super train leaves is not of things
0:54:06you can see this isn't it will come like
0:54:09a thief in the night
0:54:11it's a good size from the Bible but down
0:54:13but but that's the other side of super
0:54:15train is like you can prepare all you
0:54:17want but you'll never really be ready
0:54:19yeah well that's exactly right you're
0:54:21not ready just becomes and you go huh
0:54:24yeah yeah it's you that I gather he
0:54:26seems pretty cool
0:54:27the thing about the thing about the
0:54:28Dominican brother is a Dominican I saw
0:54:31some letters after his name that I
0:54:33didn't recognize i have you verified
0:54:34with the authorities an actual mark any
0:54:38bacon say BR in front of their name you
0:54:39know that's true because his brother
0:54:41John I believe that he is i believe that
0:54:44he is what we what we call the a black
0:54:47friar but it may it may be that he is
0:54:51amazing it's like an anti palin up I I I
0:54:57you know I don't we may be a Benedictine
0:55:00I don't think so though he doesn't talk
0:55:02like one
0:55:03I know what the fuck's up at the sky but
0:55:04anyway I you know the thing is like for
0:55:07instance one of my good friends from
0:55:08high school is a he ended up ended up
0:55:13going to becoming a lawyer he clerked
0:55:16for Rehnquist this guy and now he
0:55:19teaches law at UH at Notre Dame
0:55:22and he is what we call a Catholic legal
0:55:25scholar he talks about the law he talks
0:55:29about American law but through the lens
0:55:33of Catholicism so he is interested in
0:55:35the moral implications of American law
0:55:39from a Catholic perspective and he is a
0:55:42constant check on me because he sends me
0:55:45emails and he is a pompous ass and he he
0:55:53delights in arguing with me because he
0:55:56is that you know he has been an arguer
0:56:00his entire life
0:56:02he was an arguer when he was 15 he was
0:56:04an arguer when he was a Duke he was an
0:56:06arguer when he was a fucking road
0:56:09Scholar this and then he went to Yale
0:56:13Law and argued there and then he went
0:56:15went to the Supreme Court as a clerk and
0:56:17I just everything about him makes me a
0:56:20sip a castrating the fact that he walks
0:56:22the land still yeah makes me mad and the
0:56:25fact that he writes me that he writes me
0:56:29contemptuously and describes all the
0:56:33ways in which i am wrong her wedding
0:56:39that he is wrong is it is a constant
0:56:43thorn in my shoe that that he exists at
0:56:46all and that not only that he exists but
0:56:48that he will one day probably get a
0:56:50pointed to something by somebody he will
0:56:54probably end up on the bench somewhere
0:56:57now as you know I want to be a retired
0:57:00senator and retired general yes the army
0:57:04and a retired head of the CIA but
0:57:07there's there's one thing that really
0:57:11beats all that and that is being on the
0:57:14bench all the mayor your it last word on
0:57:20the bench
0:57:21whoo there you are on the bench and you
0:57:24are there forever and one day this is
0:57:29going to happen to this friend of mine
0:57:30who is a constant thorn machines
0:57:34sufferable he is going to get appointed
0:57:36to the federal judiciary and then i'm
0:57:40going to wherever I am I'm going to feel
0:57:42it first of all it's going to be a
0:57:43ripple i'm probably gonna be sitting in
0:57:45a bathtub somewhere in Hungary and
0:57:49there's gonna be a ripple across the
0:57:50surface of the water no matter what was
0:57:51that
0:57:52and it's that it's that this friend of
0:57:54mine got appointed to the federal bench
0:57:56and when it happens I just I just I have
0:58:01no have no context for for how I'm going
0:58:03to react because then he will be
0:58:06enshrined he will be ensconced he will
0:58:09be in all of the things he's gonna is
0:58:12going to paint him he will probably be
0:58:15engraved his name will be engraved in
0:58:18things stadiums will be named after him
0:58:21maybe fellowships fellowships video
0:58:24about maybe a fellowship let's hold off
0:58:26on stadiums but you're telling me you
0:58:29tell me that did that like you're in the
0:58:31Supreme Court you get a stadium named
0:58:33after you
0:58:33maybe a little league stadium maybe you
0:58:36know what you know maybe like yeah maybe
0:58:39some kind of maybe like a horse ring
0:58:40where but I anyway this is that this is
0:58:45the thing that torments I'm sorry that
0:58:47must dog you
0:58:48it does it does ude percent a lot of
0:58:51accomplished people receiving
0:58:53appear at one point you thought this is
0:58:54a fair horse race meeting at one point
0:58:56sorry um he was it we were we were peers
0:59:03who and and part of you know part of
0:59:06being peers involved us each thinking
0:59:11that the other one was less intelligent
0:59:13and less useful to the world critical
0:59:15now but now he has done all the things
0:59:18he has done all of the things that you
0:59:21do in our culture to indicate that you
0:59:25are
0:59:27he has a he has accomplished all the
0:59:31accomplishments and then one day he will
0:59:36get the final accomplishment which is
0:59:38that he will get this appointment an
0:59:41appointment mind you he does not run he
0:59:44does not beg for your for your vote
0:59:48you're pathetic electorate it's it
0:59:50really as close as we get to Europe
0:59:52write some somebody comes in and there's
0:59:55a lot of hand waving and there's some
0:59:57some some incest gets it gets
0:59:57some some incest gets it gets
1:00:00just spread around right and and that's
1:00:03why they call it right the way through
1:00:04some incense the centuries of what are
1:00:06called and then and then and then you
1:00:08get a robe you get a robe you show up
1:00:11and then you've got a fucking job you're
1:00:13like you you're the Pope of Justice you
1:00:15make law now it's not that you make law
1:00:18because that's what the college is
1:00:20bigger than that buddy
1:00:21that's right get the arbiter you judge a
1:00:26fucking judge judge designer and you
1:00:29judge you judge it based on your on your
1:00:32conscience and on the laws you
1:00:34understand it you hope I mean talk about
1:00:39business carriage of Justice John this
1:00:42guy this friend of mine this recursive
1:00:46friend of mine this Achilles heel of
1:00:48mine will sit there and judge based on
1:00:51his understanding of the law and his own
1:00:59conscience as filtered through a
1:01:03lifetime of Catholicism in Yale and yale
1:01:07ism & Rhodes Scholar ism and
1:01:11insufferable ility ism and I have to sit
1:01:17here and take it
1:01:19I have to sit here and look like legally
1:01:21I have to sit here and look at my
1:01:23collection
1:01:24perhaps and i have to say
1:01:27mhm nice collection of hats guy is it is
1:01:32it partly could feel your influence
1:01:35day-by-day waning that that maybe by the
1:01:39time he's on the bench that maybe the
1:01:42the effect that you can have by like
1:01:44jabbing at him
1:01:46it's not going to be quite as pointed as
1:01:50it would have been 20 years ago
1:01:52well because as you know at when you
1:01:54reach our age you the mind becomes to
1:01:56atrophy
1:01:57yeah like we are losing our acuity with
1:02:01you know leaps and bounds we are my
1:02:03mental plasticity is like the greatest
1:02:07generation which is to say that that
1:02:11everyday half of it dies
1:02:13yeah every passing day half of my
1:02:16elasticity goes away just as World War
1:02:20two veterans are dying fifty percent
1:02:22every day depressing it's terrible and
1:02:26so and this is also happening to my
1:02:29friend and so get that he is a fucking
1:02:31rope
1:02:32yeah he gets a robe and gets to sit up
1:02:34there with his like calcified you listen
1:02:37to fucking Nina Totenberg read what
1:02:40those people are saying they're not
1:02:41super duper break and no they're not
1:02:44and they've definitely got a fucking
1:02:46agenda they definitely do so frustrating
1:02:49to me that like they're up there you
1:02:52know like the big boss of the level and
1:02:55like they're actually I mean like Rhodes
1:02:59Scholar good for you i'm glad you got to
1:03:01travel but like a slap on the ass but I
1:03:04mean no offense I don't work ping pong
1:03:07but I mean come on Clarence Thomas I
1:03:08mean really well wait a minute now
1:03:10Clarence Thomas's yeah is jenny is
1:03:13genuinely yeah he needs to take care and
1:03:16cook when he sees it is genuinely a
1:03:19fucking tool but you know and the funny
1:03:25thing is my dad's best friend was a
1:03:28federal judge who also happened to be an
1:03:33african-american person by the name of
1:03:36Jack Tanner judge jack dinner my
1:03:39father's best friend my father's best
1:03:42friend since the first day of law school
1:03:45in 1940 fuck-all whatever-it-was 1949
1:03:50Jack Tanner and my dad were inseparable
1:03:52for I can't even count how many years
1:03:57you know 60-plus years they were best
1:04:03friends and at a certain point in the
1:04:07mid-seventies Jack Tanner Tanner who
1:04:12went to the rumble in the jungle without
1:04:15tying so tired Kelly exile the indian
1:04:19chief of the puyallup indian tribe he
1:04:22sataya command Jack tanner
1:04:25flew to the rumble in the jungle it's
1:04:27not that Muhammad Ali fight
1:04:28yes no shit with two brown paper sacks
1:04:33full of money that they that they
1:04:36somehow got through hired Tanner was his
1:04:39lawyer and satanic and was on the run
1:04:42from some kind of like Federals to
1:04:46showdown with the federal cops he was
1:04:48gay he was running gambling and
1:04:50cigarette he was running a cigarette
1:04:53racket or something like that and they
1:04:55threw as much money as they could put
1:04:57into grocery bags and flew to Africa to
1:05:02see this boxing match they're gone for a
1:05:03year huh
1:05:04and somehow and they got into the
1:05:07Emerald trade at some point in Thailand
1:05:10none of these stories ever made sense i
1:05:11heard in my whole life none of this
1:05:13makes it is it never made any sense at
1:05:16all they have these they had there's
1:05:17money in the description to suffer that
1:05:19its attack them was like like a 6-foot
1:05:22for indian chief from puyallup injector
1:05:25was a five foot four black guy who was
1:05:28like his his attorney
1:05:30it's like a it's like it makes hunter s
1:05:32thompson that's gonna say it sounds like
1:05:34a blaxploitation version of hundreds
1:05:36it doesn't make any sense at all and
1:05:38Tanner would say like oh yeah we were in
1:05:40Thailand it was you know right during
1:05:42the end of the Vietnam War and they're
1:05:43all these guys selling emeralds and so
1:05:46we traded one of the bags of money for a
1:05:48for a bag of emeralds but then somebody
1:05:50worked us out of it in a you know in
1:05:54some kind of like a singapore whorehouse
1:05:57whatever and you're just listening to
1:05:58these stories like what are you fucking
1:06:00talking about but then he came back to
1:06:02America and jimmy carter appointed him
1:06:05to the federal bench jimmy carter
1:06:08appointed him to the federal bench
1:06:09because he was record because Tanner was
1:06:12recommended by the US senator from
1:06:16Washington State and the rest of my
1:06:19dad's life he had to suffer the fact
1:06:22that this guy his best friend who had
1:06:25who was a absolute living maniac a
1:06:31pathological liar and also like somebody
1:06:34who legitimately did
1:06:36get into the Emerald trade in thailand
1:06:39as far as i can tell that he was now a
1:06:42federal judge he was a federal judge and
1:06:46they would meet four times a week for
1:06:50Chinese food anytime they would get into
1:06:53an argument
1:06:54Tanner would just he would just give my
1:06:56dad all the line in the world and my dad
1:06:59would just work himself out into this
1:07:01thing and then eventually 10 would be
1:07:03like well David I mean I'm a federal
1:07:06judge
1:07:07oh come off oh so you know you don't
1:07:11know what the fuck you're talking about
1:07:12fucking clue counselor that what the
1:07:14fuck yeah it was there there was the
1:07:16game they played that game for 35 more
1:07:18years from know how did you handle that
1:07:21I mean I'm not well you did not handle
1:07:23it well my dad was in a constant state
1:07:25of furious agitation and you saw that
1:07:27you had to live with that I had to sit
1:07:29at the table and listen to listen to
1:07:32these two guys go at it and and and you
1:07:36know Tanner 10 their tone tone stories
1:07:39about World War two
1:07:40neither one of them ever did a goddamn
1:07:42thing
1:07:44Tanner his job in world war two he was
1:07:46some like five stripes sergeant his job
1:07:49was to drive those landing craft like he
1:07:52was driving in fitness landing craft
1:07:54into into majima my dad was flying
1:07:58overhead you know spilling coffee on him
1:08:00on his pants and it was a long series
1:08:03with the 45 that they would argue about
1:08:05world war two until the cows came home
1:08:07and I would sit there at the table and
1:08:08I'd be like neither one of you knows a
1:08:09fucking thing about world war two like
1:08:12you were abused people spent the whole
1:08:13war in the mess hall is associated or
1:08:19two here and then tender be like well
1:08:21one of us is a federal judge so and and
1:08:24game over its it is the thing but it is
1:08:27the it is the that's a shitty fucking
1:08:29trump card but i guess it works ultimate
1:08:31trump card and the problem is i have a
1:08:33friend and one day he is going to one
1:08:35day he's gonna wake up and he's going to
1:08:37open up the newspaper or there's the
1:08:38phone is gonna ring and it's going to be
1:08:40a congratulatory call that somebody has
1:08:42appointed him to the federal bench
1:08:44and wherever I am
1:08:45[Music]
1:08:47my my lettuce is gonna go limp and airy
1:08:54given would undermine him never going to
1:08:56get over how do you undermine him
1:08:58because he's a because he's a Catholic
1:08:59theologian and a Catholic University he
1:09:03does not i am sure he never touches
1:09:05himself in a simple way now you know
1:09:07what I mean he has no skeletons in his
1:09:09closet he believes he's a true believer
1:09:11and this is the problem with the
1:09:13skeletons are all down the rectory
1:09:15this is our problem with our East Bay uh
1:09:17the Dominican bra which is which is that
1:09:21he is a that he is a true believer and
1:09:24so in a sense you know he is morally
1:09:28unassailable as long as you know as long
1:09:32as you could be he's morally
1:09:35unassailable because he lives in a
1:09:36castle and it is a castle of his of
1:09:41belief it is a castle belief and so it's
1:09:46a frustrating this is so far away from
1:09:48the runway level I mean we are tracking
1:09:50across America on a train
1:09:52yeah that is not riding on a track of
1:09:55belief it is riding on a track made out
1:09:58of crushed human skulls and belief you
1:10:06know belief is nice in it because we are
1:10:10going to need we're going to need some
1:10:11poetry in the dining car who to drown
1:10:15out the sounds of of all those bones
1:10:18cracking under our train John if you
1:10:20decide and this is your train
1:10:22like I say but but if you decide to keep
1:10:24any of the judiciary in place
1:10:26what will be your system for vetting you
1:10:29don't like for example when they
1:10:30downsize like you come in here and you
1:10:32gotta get apply for your own job again
1:10:34like what are you going to do to if you
1:10:37choose to keep any of the infrastructure
1:10:39in place how you make sure that the
1:10:41right people are in their game against
1:10:44the last yeah well uh first of all no
1:10:47banjo players
1:10:48ok
1:10:49write that down banjo players badges
1:10:52right out can't be trusted is it is it
1:10:54just something about banjos in
1:10:56particular those are fine if you are
1:10:58guitar player or something or just like
1:11:00an innocent to pick up a banjo on planks
1:11:02along on an outright no it's not a
1:11:04victim banjos another problems just like
1:11:06a bagpipe isn't a problem it's the banjo
1:11:09players in the bagpipe players may seem
1:11:12like an assault rifle
1:11:13yeah you don't shoot you do not choose
1:11:14the bagpipe impress you
1:11:17well yeah right i'm not sure i don't
1:11:20know but you know banjos uh what about
1:11:23Rhodes Scholars to have a particular
1:11:25pain I mean like at UK just reject all
1:11:27that out pan because certainly amongst
1:11:29all of the of the fucktards have become
1:11:31Rhodes Scholars most because the
1:11:33connection let's be honest some of them
1:11:35might be useful
1:11:36well I mean I don't want to be all pol
1:11:38pot here but if I if I could trace all
1:11:43the problems in America if i could if i
1:11:47could independently trace every single
1:11:49problem in America that thread would
1:11:51would end up back at Yale here is the
1:11:55center of all everything that's wrong
1:11:57with America like I have no I have no
1:11:58doubt that I could trace even the fact
1:12:00that it's sitting here in my room I
1:12:02don't have any 9-volt batteries for my
1:12:04rat pedal there's some way I can I can
1:12:08locate the source of that problem at
1:12:10Yankee reason skull and bones so I mean
1:12:16I don't want to be pull pot I did not
1:12:18believe for a second that
1:12:20anti-intellectualism is a valid like go
1:12:24forward strategy for supertrain not at
1:12:27all
1:12:27yeah we are not and it is not an
1:12:29anti-intellectual programs but i mean i
1:12:31don't think the Rhodes Scholarship is an
1:12:33intellectual program i know you don't
1:12:36this John the kind of people who get
1:12:38fucking scholarships and grants and you
1:12:40get the the steak rails grease for them
1:12:46not anything special
1:12:48no you know they don't enter the Tanners
1:12:51then bags full of money we're going to
1:12:53put all the George Plimpton's behind the
1:12:55train and they're going to have to run
1:12:59and run and at a certain point
1:13:04some of that's they're gonna run they're
1:13:06gonna run some of that smugness off and
1:13:10when this when they were when they run
1:13:11the smugness often they're welcome on
1:13:13board but you know that's what it is and
1:13:16that's the thing about the people that
1:13:18come up to me on when i'm on tour the
1:13:20people that come up and say you know
1:13:22that that kinda you know that offer
1:13:24offer the hand and they're thinking of
1:13:26them so they put the put the handout and
1:13:28their thinking is there a secret
1:13:31supertrain handshake
1:13:32yeah but I don't know they put the hand
1:13:35out there and they're worried that there
1:13:38is a secret supertrain handshake and
1:13:40they don't know it but it doesn't
1:13:42inhibit them from putting their hand out
1:13:44like a gentleman
1:13:46yeah and shake their hand and they
1:13:48realized there is no super-secret
1:13:51supertrain handshake but there's no
1:13:53smugness in their approach they are they
1:13:56they are approaching that and a lot of
1:13:58them are very smart people to connect
1:13:59you with that respect and dignity and
1:14:01with you know with the with the humility
1:14:03that that any human being should
1:14:06approach another human with yes if you
1:14:07if you do not approach people with that
1:14:09humility and an intrinsic humility and
1:14:12this is the problem with people who are
1:14:14who are flush with belief they lack that
1:14:18ten percent of of the needed humility
1:14:21because their belief like Trump's there
1:14:27that their native humility right they
1:14:32they cannot they cannot allow for the
1:14:35possibility that what they think they
1:14:38know is wrong
1:14:39Tom they've excused in the giant pie
1:14:42graph of no ability they've they've
1:14:43excused a lot of things because of their
1:14:46certainty and it's made them less
1:14:49respectful there is there is an
1:14:51arrogance at the core of every doctrine
1:14:55and super train is a doctrine free
1:15:00juggernaut
1:15:03mmm
1:15:04it just eats and shits terrible idea
1:15:25what we do this
1:15:27hello no banjo players