Roderick on the Line

Ep. 50: "Check Your Six"


00:00:00   Roderick on the line is unabashedly [TS]

00:00:01   sponsored by a glue software a digital [TS]

00:00:03   workplace that helps you work better [TS]

00:00:05   with other people sign up for a free [TS]

00:00:07   30-day trial and a glue software.com / [TS]

00:00:10   find your doc hello icon [TS]

00:00:18   i'm ron has a gun mmm do good you caught [TS]

00:00:23   me in the middle of a peanut butter [TS]

00:00:24   sandwich did I caught you [TS]

00:00:27   yeah i mean i was sitting here expecting [TS]

00:00:31   your call but I thought in the meantime [TS]

00:00:34   I would have a peanut butter sandwich [TS]

00:00:35   food [TS]

00:00:37   kind of but you get for something like [TS]

00:00:38   that all people are sandwich button they [TS]

00:00:42   were one of those elephants expands my [TS]

00:00:43   research [TS]

00:00:44   oh you you know music is still to get [TS]

00:00:49   thai pretty sweet [TS]

00:00:51   okay um you know years of making music [TS]

00:00:58   records I've learned that I think they [TS]

00:01:01   call the call music music records i [TS]

00:01:03   learned to think of vocals as a kind of [TS]

00:01:06   like a digital graph you know what I [TS]

00:01:08   mean like you you see the you see the [TS]

00:01:10   the the visual of a of the waveform of a [TS]

00:01:16   radical instrument and so my first my [TS]

00:01:19   first thought is is there is there a [TS]

00:01:22   filter we could put on that would just [TS]

00:01:23   take out all the smacking and the food [TS]

00:01:26   sounds that's not so really it's a very [TS]

00:01:29   very good question is certainly [TS]

00:01:30   something that I thought about you know [TS]

00:01:33   as you know as somebody who's made lots [TS]

00:01:35   of music records you know that there are [TS]

00:01:36   various sorts of things I believe they [TS]

00:01:38   call the filters with letters that will [TS]

00:01:40   filter is I think the music filters the [TS]

00:01:41   colors filters that intelligently go out [TS]

00:01:43   and find certain kinds of things you [TS]

00:01:45   know you pick if you get the home you [TS]

00:01:47   can pick one area getting rid of home [TS]

00:01:49   safe take out this this is a list of [TS]

00:01:51   music frequency you get rid of hiss hiss [TS]

00:01:53   exactly what can you get rid of the [TS]

00:01:55   peanut butter and the streetcar meet up [TS]

00:01:58   in the streetcar or the great Aesop's [TS]

00:02:00   fables now won one of the things I need [TS]

00:02:02   to say right before we start our is that [TS]

00:02:04   a yeah last night i was eating I i was [TS]

00:02:08   eating some food [TS]

00:02:10   and-and-and might die broke my tooth off [TS]

00:02:14   like I wasn't gonna I was gonna I was [TS]

00:02:16   gonna write it off the peanut butter and [TS]

00:02:18   then I was gonna ask if you had your we [TS]

00:02:20   had your your the Dodgers all done right [TS]

00:02:22   you said you're done with that [TS]

00:02:23   yeah but now I know I'm missing my tooth [TS]

00:02:25   again that one tooth the one tooth the [TS]

00:02:27   big one no no no the one my achilles [TS]

00:02:31   tooth [TS]

00:02:32   I'm so sorry John is that must feel [TS]

00:02:34   weird to have that back but my back I [TS]

00:02:36   mean not not their backpack being up [TS]

00:02:39   there it's a it's not that weird that [TS]

00:02:42   he's running my tongue over all the time [TS]

00:02:44   yeah i'm doing that but I did that I did [TS]

00:02:45   that when I had a fake tooth in there [TS]

00:02:47   anyway I'm noticing i'm noticing i don't [TS]

00:02:50   have the plosives power that I normally [TS]

00:02:51   have 1i when I say words that start with [TS]

00:02:54   l like fake tooth you hear hear the it's [TS]

00:02:59   like a lost I lost some of my father [TS]

00:03:02   power right answer for you but we should [TS]

00:03:05   we should do maybe we should try to [TS]

00:03:07   avoid words start with that letter M or [TS]

00:03:10   you know what you're John water your [TS]

00:03:11   fucking John roddick you should drive [TS]

00:03:12   that train right into the right into the [TS]

00:03:14   tunnel we just really hit the ass hard [TS]

00:03:16   right yeah you know what your own God of [TS]

00:03:19   trying to use as many f words we can now [TS]

00:03:22   I I think I i think i've asked you about [TS]

00:03:25   this but it's worth sharing with our [TS]

00:03:26   audience and curious now for those who [TS]

00:03:28   don't know John John you have that [TS]

00:03:31   memory serves it's like a whole like [TS]

00:03:33   diagonal it looks like somebody cut a [TS]

00:03:36   peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich in half [TS]

00:03:37   diagonally accepted your tooth right [TS]

00:03:39   you've got a whole that kind of half a [TS]

00:03:41   tooth missing right [TS]

00:03:42   no no I have an entire tooth missing in [TS]

00:03:44   fact missing all the way oh that's right [TS]

00:03:47   yeah it look at hobo costume it's it's [TS]

00:03:50   like it's the bits may be the best hobo [TS]

00:03:53   costume the world has ever known in fact [TS]

00:03:55   I've definitely thought about going down [TS]

00:03:58   to hollywood in this state and little [TS]

00:04:01   bit on the nose but hey listen you need [TS]

00:04:04   do you need to cast someone who looks [TS]

00:04:06   like he's not thriving right now haha [TS]

00:04:09   I am that actor yeah I really that's so [TS]

00:04:14   easy for me it's kind of a running joke [TS]

00:04:15   with a lot of my friends that I you know [TS]

00:04:18   look homeless [TS]

00:04:19   which is you know like i have a home and [TS]

00:04:21   I was seriously just come back to this I [TS]

00:04:23   want us to have a starting a lot more [TS]

00:04:24   nuanced letting that term is abused em [TS]

00:04:27   and yeah yeah well i think you're right [TS]

00:04:29   i think know it's a huge a friend's I [TS]

00:04:31   like to come on right that I'm gonna [TS]

00:04:32   capture that here that were going to [TS]

00:04:33   come back to hobos bombs all those let's [TS]

00:04:38   let's shoot for nuance I'm gonna but [TS]

00:04:40   while you're writing a nice that the [TS]

00:04:41   same can go right ahead was hurt doesn't [TS]

00:04:43   hurt does it hurt is exposed nerve or [TS]

00:04:45   don't hurt no there's no truth there now [TS]

00:04:48   to think so just nerve yeah nothing [TS]

00:04:51   their mother hobos bombs homeless and [TS]

00:04:54   Street rats ok I'm now about typical [TS]

00:04:59   street rat is they're gonna leave one of [TS]

00:05:03   their ideas you sure this is a good time [TS]

00:05:05   while you were talking you were you [TS]

00:05:09   running a card so I thought maybe I'd [TS]

00:05:10   have a I another bite of the sandwich [TS]

00:05:13   oh man are you gonna hear it this week [TS]

00:05:15   now you lost that is quite a while ago [TS]

00:05:18   you know they call it a crown is that [TS]

00:05:20   what they call it to put in there what [TS]

00:05:21   they call the thing they put our bridge [TS]

00:05:22   what do you have [TS]

00:05:23   what is it you haven't lost a tooth am I [TS]

00:05:26   not [TS]

00:05:26   am I not told you this whole just bring [TS]

00:05:28   story is the story that I think it is [TS]

00:05:30   that I've been wanting to hear for a [TS]

00:05:32   long time [TS]

00:05:32   good it could be yeah well I'd like to [TS]

00:05:36   hear that screaming write that down and [TS]

00:05:38   write down that one story my question to [TS]

00:05:40   you is this and and I i don't know i'm [TS]

00:05:42   sure most of our listeners at this point [TS]

00:05:44   like me like I like myself most opposed [TS]

00:05:47   to our most listeners to like you more [TS]

00:05:49   thank you very much thank you i don't i [TS]

00:05:50   want you to know that and I want you to [TS]

00:05:52   do either way of quantifying that [TS]

00:05:53   something is that just a gut feeling I [TS]

00:05:55   feel like the number of tweets that I [TS]

00:05:58   read that say i love merlin man who is a [TS]

00:06:03   good indicator of how many people out [TS]

00:06:05   there in the world love merlin I think [TS]

00:06:07   we're on a different twitter haha shit [TS]

00:06:11   we should double check i think a lot of [TS]

00:06:14   your fans send me their appreciative [TS]

00:06:16   tweets that is so nice [TS]

00:06:18   only got like we don't want to blow [TS]

00:06:20   Merlin's mind we have no we don't wanna [TS]

00:06:22   bug and we know he's busy but [TS]

00:06:23   once again why don't we send John [TS]

00:06:25   Roderick some nice Merlin beamed a [TS]

00:06:29   bittersweet for you John [TS]

00:06:30   on the one hand yeah you know we're pals [TS]

00:06:32   i like to think and you look out for me [TS]

00:06:33   and my welfare you're happy to see me [TS]

00:06:35   doing well and are probably a little bit [TS]

00:06:37   sad when I'm sad but there must be a [TS]

00:06:39   little bit galling because you probably [TS]

00:06:40   know it's you know you should be having [TS]

00:06:42   to carry my mail so no I might my [TS]

00:06:45   theoretical fan mail you got you you [TS]

00:06:46   should be the one receiving compliments [TS]

00:06:48   you doing is helping people it doesn't [TS]

00:06:49   it doesn't bother me at all in fact that [TS]

00:06:51   calling at all in fact i enjoyed because [TS]

00:06:53   I I'm my inboxes is so crowded with fan [TS]

00:06:57   mail directed to me that's a good point [TS]

00:06:59   it's nice to see fanmail directed to [TS]

00:07:01   someone else every once in a while just [TS]

00:07:03   to just to realize that there are other [TS]

00:07:05   people in the world [TS]

00:07:06   easy you've taken a variable broadview [TS]

00:07:08   to this and i just i'm very grateful for [TS]

00:07:10   that so here's the thing i like me and [TS]

00:07:13   people who love me I think the world has [TS]

00:07:16   finally I i'm gonna guess you never [TS]

00:07:18   expected this i'm going to guess that [TS]

00:07:20   you never expected how many people that [TS]

00:07:22   should have known about your band along [TS]

00:07:24   winners a long time ago [TS]

00:07:25   it's turns out surprising to learn how [TS]

00:07:27   many people had not heard of the band or [TS]

00:07:29   had not associated you with the band or [TS]

00:07:31   that one song they heard in that one [TS]

00:07:33   place and I don't know if you see this [TS]

00:07:34   on the Twitter that i get i see a lot of [TS]

00:07:36   people definitely means interacting with [TS]

00:07:38   people is that is it a lot of people now [TS]

00:07:40   are like they go out there like oh gosh [TS]

00:07:42   John has been helping me and terrifying [TS]

00:07:45   me with his train and now i just went on [TS]

00:07:47   itunes and I bought every long winters [TS]

00:07:48   album and I can't stop listening to them [TS]

00:07:50   so yeah that's lovely [TS]

00:07:51   it is lovely it is lovely and now that [TS]

00:07:53   we're done congratulate yourselves my [TS]

00:07:54   point being I think the people who are [TS]

00:07:56   new to the John Roderick scene they may [TS]

00:07:57   not realize that for a surprisingly long [TS]

00:08:00   time I you look horrifying not know in a [TS]

00:08:05   good way like you had the one that [TS]

00:08:07   picture of you and my daughter that I [TS]

00:08:08   treasurer of the several that i have is [TS]

00:08:10   you really looking like it's something [TS]

00:08:11   like Memphis Yeti em you gotta get [TS]

00:08:14   creepy Elvis glasses you have like when [TS]

00:08:17   I say dishwater blonde I mean maybe like [TS]

00:08:19   hydrogen peroxide and literal dishwater [TS]

00:08:21   to your shoulders is memory serves creek [TS]

00:08:24   and just be clear you got super creepy [TS]

00:08:26   smoky glasses molestie and then you're [TS]

00:08:30   missing a tooth [TS]

00:08:30   yeah and you know here's the thing you [TS]

00:08:32   rock that look not for a week or a month [TS]

00:08:35   you didn't you didn't go buy some kind [TS]

00:08:36   of pie [TS]

00:08:36   get the fucking walgreens you write a [TS]

00:08:38   fucking giant ass you you were Santa [TS]

00:08:41   with a missing tooth memory serves [TS]

00:08:42   yeah for several years because I felt I [TS]

00:08:45   felt like here's the thing [TS]

00:08:49   who there are a lot of there are a lot [TS]

00:08:52   of cosmetic improvements that one can [TS]

00:08:55   make to one cell to mask the the inner [TS]

00:09:01   critic esker that the inner inner [TS]

00:09:03   testiness and in my case I i arrived at [TS]

00:09:07   a point where there just was there was [TS]

00:09:10   not enough spackle on the earth to [TS]

00:09:13   smooth out the cracks in me and I just [TS]

00:09:14   thought i would let it roll [TS]

00:09:16   I just like that you know for many many [TS]

00:09:17   years during the grunge years when I was [TS]

00:09:19   when I was a terrible person and and on [TS]

00:09:23   drugs and doing a doing it but like 11 [TS]

00:09:28   mm charitable no no I was never on [TS]

00:09:33   charitable but but i but i don't but i [TS]

00:09:36   just was not I was not a living the life [TS]

00:09:39   that you could they that that you could [TS]

00:09:43   see you could she could show to st. [TS]

00:09:45   Peter let's say I was not I was not [TS]

00:09:47   living a lie i was living a life that [TS]

00:09:48   will be able to get forward to that guy [TS]

00:09:50   open up the book and put your glasses [TS]

00:09:51   can make said here we go let's take a [TS]

00:09:53   look at this [TS]

00:09:54   I was going to I was going to be I was [TS]

00:09:56   gonna bash wall i was gonna be touching [TS]

00:09:58   my toes together and staring at the [TS]

00:10:00   floor is not only that you're gonna [TS]

00:10:01   definitely going to help it was going to [TS]

00:10:02   take a really fucking long time you sit [TS]

00:10:04   there and listen to that they were going [TS]

00:10:06   to talk about a lot of stuff and I was [TS]

00:10:07   going to go [TS]

00:10:08   oh yeah that got about the yeah yeah [TS]

00:10:10   yeahs no no I mean yes but come on give [TS]

00:10:14   it a nine ease the guy some slack but [TS]

00:10:16   during that entire time i looked like a [TS]

00:10:19   cop you know like I was as I was a [TS]

00:10:21   straight looking as a guy could be i had [TS]

00:10:24   short hair i was i was fresh-faced I had [TS]

00:10:27   you know I blue eyes that they looked [TS]

00:10:30   innocent i mean i would go to i would go [TS]

00:10:33   to situations all the time where I would [TS]

00:10:35   walk in the door and some guide dressed [TS]

00:10:38   all in black sitting behind a table [TS]

00:10:40   covered with drugs would stand up and [TS]

00:10:42   yell at the guy who brought me what you [TS]

00:10:44   your copier man and then have to stand [TS]

00:10:49   there in the doorway while you know [TS]

00:10:50   while everybody jumped out the windows [TS]

00:10:53   and my friend was like no no man i know [TS]

00:10:55   i'm i know he's cool he's cool [TS]

00:10:57   I was like I was the I was the [TS]

00:11:00   undercover cop that everybody can i call [TS]

00:11:02   you mean he's still very filling in as [TS]

00:11:06   your job gotten hotter than fresh [TS]

00:11:07   pumpkin chili tired of kissing the wrong [TS]

00:11:09   bird mired down by your managers fear of [TS]

00:11:12   even the slightest prison in corporate [TS]

00:11:14   discourse [TS]

00:11:15   well you're not alone igloo software [TS]

00:11:17   understands your pain igloo helps you [TS]

00:11:19   work better with other people by keeping [TS]

00:11:21   your team your files and your [TS]

00:11:22   conversations together in one digital [TS]

00:11:24   workplace [TS]

00:11:25   you can even work from home and you're [TS]

00:11:27   altogether sealed to your red leather [TS]

00:11:29   chair just steps away from all your [TS]

00:11:30   favorite globes candlesticks and cowboy [TS]

00:11:32   boots as you do so go to glue [TS]

00:11:34   software.com / find your duck and sign [TS]

00:11:37   up for your free 30-day trial bring your [TS]

00:11:40   team in from the cold by getting inside [TS]

00:11:42   the igloo in any case so might be [TS]

00:11:45   diarrhea medicine it might be digitalis [TS]

00:11:47   but you never know it might be a penny [TS]

00:11:50   never know so many many years later when [TS]

00:11:55   all of that behavior came home to roost [TS]

00:11:57   which is to say that the that but the [TS]

00:12:00   decisions I made during my youth when i [TS]

00:12:02   felt that i was going to live forever [TS]

00:12:04   and that nothing could ever hurt me all [TS]

00:12:07   those things were saving up their [TS]

00:12:09   consequences for right about the time I [TS]

00:12:13   turned 40 and basically the day I turned [TS]

00:12:17   40 everything that was in me that was [TS]

00:12:21   held together with with bailing wire and [TS]

00:12:24   toothpaste it all broke it ones [TS]

00:12:27   my tooth fell out and you know my knees [TS]

00:12:31   gave out and my it was it was it was it [TS]

00:12:33   was a catastrophe and now I'm living now [TS]

00:12:36   I'm living in the post consequences [TS]

00:12:39   world where I realized that everything [TS]

00:12:41   you do in your youth just lights the [TS]

00:12:44   fuse all the all the all the scars they [TS]

00:12:49   just they just wait kind of dormant [TS]

00:12:50   until they're there they're just comes [TS]

00:12:55   that one moment where all your [TS]

00:12:56   connective tissue stops working in here [TS]

00:12:58   and you're just a spear of pile of bones [TS]

00:13:00   just 34 years ago [TS]

00:13:03   yeah yeah so so I i knocked out my front [TS]

00:13:07   tooth half a dozen times but it finally [TS]

00:13:13   had no there there there was it finally [TS]

00:13:17   was so corrupted so it had been broken [TS]

00:13:20   so many times that there was nothing [TS]

00:13:21   left to cap and they had to just extract [TS]

00:13:25   this this little bit of a route that was [TS]

00:13:27   left and most people you see who are [TS]

00:13:29   missing a tooth they there [TS]

00:13:31   I tooth is gone because they were using [TS]

00:13:34   it to they were using their tooth to [TS]

00:13:36   check the veracity of a gold coin or [TS]

00:13:39   something but you don't see a lot of [TS]

00:13:41   people whose main front though the [TS]

00:13:44   largest toothed in their in their face [TS]

00:13:46   the most visible one their main front [TS]

00:13:48   tooth is missing that is not a that's [TS]

00:13:50   not a charming missing tooth that's much [TS]

00:13:53   more of a like that you've been drinking [TS]

00:13:57   hairspray kind of missing tooth [TS]

00:13:59   Oh up so everybody ok it's a it's a poor [TS]

00:14:06   judgment space [TS]

00:14:07   yeah that's right that's what that's [TS]

00:14:09   what's so interesting and you think for [TS]

00:14:10   one fucking second you're getting away [TS]

00:14:11   from this unit because this is really [TS]

00:14:12   super interesting but it's this is going [TS]

00:14:16   to sound strange but it's almost [TS]

00:14:17   shockingly medieval in a way a feeling [TS]

00:14:22   of going like oh my gosh there's all [TS]

00:14:23   this shit inside of me and all of this [TS]

00:14:26   fake connective tissue holding me [TS]

00:14:28   together and believing brother I [TS]

00:14:29   understand your arm [TS]

00:14:30   there's all this inside of me but I can [TS]

00:14:32   shave and i can put on a tie or i can do [TS]

00:14:36   whatever i can become the shockingly [TS]

00:14:37   normal-looking person is quivering and [TS]

00:14:39   God yeah but then you lose your fucking [TS]

00:14:41   front tooth and get us a medieval it's [TS]

00:14:44   you know there's almost this idea of you [TS]

00:14:47   know you think about a time even when [TS]

00:14:49   the sixteen hundreds where you would try [TS]

00:14:51   and make a lady flow to see if she was a [TS]

00:14:52   witch or whatever their thirties there's [TS]

00:14:54   this weird Theodoric of York feeling [TS]

00:14:58   about like there was a time when you [TS]

00:15:00   really thought that you could look at [TS]

00:15:01   somebody and tell a lot about their [TS]

00:15:03   morality you know juror phrenology I [TS]

00:15:06   mean for knowledge Asher like they did [TS]

00:15:08   it with a they got the plague and they [TS]

00:15:09   didn't let if somebody was running their [TS]

00:15:11   hands over my head trying to discern my [TS]

00:15:13   character her it would be like running I [TS]

00:15:16   mean running your hands through my hair [TS]

00:15:18   is like running your hands over a model [TS]

00:15:20   train set [TS]

00:15:21   I mean there are so many crisscrossing [TS]

00:15:23   scars up on my scalp and and various [TS]

00:15:28   like you know place where I come from [TS]

00:15:30   traumatic injury [TS]

00:15:32   yeah no shit yeah let's talk about the [TS]

00:15:35   time I got I got jumped by three guys [TS]

00:15:37   with ax handles still think you that [TS]

00:15:41   sounds like an Alaska story [TS]

00:15:43   no no that happened in seattle now way [TS]

00:15:45   but you know so when I shave my head but [TS]

00:15:48   I look like you know I like george the [TS]

00:15:51   animal' steele you got that whole puppy [TS]

00:15:52   typography thing going on [TS]

00:15:54   I do and you know other browsers used to [TS]

00:15:56   cut themselves that's why there's this [TS]

00:15:57   card they cut themselves the tiny bit of [TS]

00:15:59   razor blade to get on that plane going [TS]

00:16:00   to get the facebook on your life you do [TS]

00:16:02   not if you cut your eyebrow just a [TS]

00:16:03   little bit you know any head when you [TS]

00:16:05   bleed a live normally doing this with [TS]

00:16:06   residents believe you but the parties [TS]

00:16:11   but you gotta have a distraction before [TS]

00:16:13   you get to the pickles want to talk [TS]

00:16:15   about how much was bleeding you do out [TS]

00:16:16   of a head wind up your guy so you shaved [TS]

00:16:22   your head [TS]

00:16:23   no I don't shave my head I don't think [TS]

00:16:24   about the accident ah okay so the axe [TS]

00:16:26   but the accident you were jumped in when [TS]

00:16:28   I hear the word jump [TS]

00:16:29   I think of you were surprisingly [TS]

00:16:32   attacked by three guys at one time and [TS]

00:16:35   it's completely unfair fight [TS]

00:16:36   yeah that's that's kind of a description [TS]

00:16:41   of what happened I was I was I was [TS]

00:16:45   heavily intoxicated and but I was [TS]

00:16:48   intoxicated on a cocktail of intoxicants [TS]

00:16:51   that made me [TS]

00:16:53   very lucid while also being very [TS]

00:16:56   intoxicated yet at that bar and and I [TS]

00:17:03   was on the street and these guys these [TS]

00:17:07   guys were I i think this was during the [TS]

00:17:11   era of gay bashing [TS]

00:17:13   uh-huh but this was a this was a thing [TS]

00:17:16   that that people from the sticks would [TS]

00:17:18   come into town and gay bash and so I [TS]

00:17:24   don't know why these guys were so [TS]

00:17:25   heavily armed but I was in all honesty I [TS]

00:17:30   was standing on the street with a [TS]

00:17:32   lighter lighting posters on a phone pole [TS]

00:17:36   on fire and watching the posters bird [TS]

00:17:39   and I wasn't are you enjoying a [TS]

00:17:43   hallucinogen out you know that I'll get [TS]

00:17:47   you I'll get to the bucket to that size [TS]

00:17:49   but first first post attorney so i'm [TS]

00:17:51   watching I'm just standing on this on [TS]

00:17:53   this on the street watching a bit [TS]

00:17:56   lighting posters on this phone poll on [TS]

00:17:57   fire and and a couple of cops pull up [TS]

00:17:59   and they say hey knock that off and and [TS]

00:18:03   I was like oh yeah man hey hey [TS]

00:18:07   why why why do pigs have to like step on [TS]

00:18:10   my scene or whatever it is the least [TS]

00:18:12   however we talked back then and the cops [TS]

00:18:15   are like listen if you don't knock it [TS]

00:18:16   off and then was it was a busy friday [TS]

00:18:18   night they're like we got shit to do [TS]

00:18:20   that you your your small potatoes but if [TS]

00:18:22   you don't knock it off we're going to [TS]

00:18:23   get out of the car and we're gonna we're [TS]

00:18:25   gonna like I put handcuffs on you and I [TS]

00:18:29   was like those sorry sorry I'm burning [TS]

00:18:31   your phone pole cop and so I I've [TS]

00:18:35   momentarily stopped in the cops drove [TS]

00:18:36   away and then I immediately liked [TS]

00:18:38   started doing this again i don't know [TS]

00:18:40   why i was i was i was 22 years old [TS]

00:18:43   there's no excuse for standing on the [TS]

00:18:45   street corner this is the kind of petty [TS]

00:18:47   a delinquency that a thirteen-year-old [TS]

00:18:52   should have grown out of but here i am [TS]

00:18:54   and i'm i'm on a variety of intoxicants [TS]

00:18:57   and I'm I'm lighting [TS]

00:18:59   the phone poll on fire because it was [TS]

00:19:02   fascinating to me [TS]

00:19:03   suffice to say so anyway I stand out [TS]

00:19:06   there i am doing it a little bit longer [TS]

00:19:08   and all of a sudden there's these three [TS]

00:19:10   guys and they have their bats and [TS]

00:19:16   they're like what are you doing man and [TS]

00:19:20   I turn around I engage them in [TS]

00:19:22   conversation like I'm just like in this [TS]

00:19:23   phone poll on fire and they're like will [TS]

00:19:26   fucking knock it off and that was a [TS]

00:19:29   challenge that I felt I really needed [TS]

00:19:32   just really needed to stand my ground [TS]

00:19:34   because this was important work I was [TS]

00:19:36   doing and who are these three guys to [TS]

00:19:40   tell me to knock anything off so I was [TS]

00:19:41   like you know why don't you knock off [TS]

00:19:43   telling people what to do and I i [TS]

00:19:47   noticed that they have bats I mean I am [TS]

00:19:48   I'm acutely aware but I all but I also [TS]

00:19:53   feel like I'm in command of the [TS]

00:19:55   situation and they kind of circle around [TS]

00:20:00   me you know in a triangular-shaped [TS]

00:20:02   grouping and i'm in the center of it and [TS]

00:20:06   I'm i feel like i have this matter quite [TS]

00:20:09   in hand and I start to lecture them on [TS]

00:20:13   how cities work and how phone poles are [TS]

00:20:18   coated with creosote and so are [TS]

00:20:20   inherently not flammable and at a [TS]

00:20:26   certain point they are no longer [TS]

00:20:27   interested and one of the guys that it [TS]

00:20:29   has circled around while you're there [TS]

00:20:30   just arguing argumentative Lee arguing [TS]

00:20:32   with me because they already know what [TS]

00:20:35   they're going to do and this was before [TS]

00:20:39   I you this was before I had learned to [TS]

00:20:41   protect my six and somebody gotta get [TS]

00:20:45   around behind me and just took a massive [TS]

00:20:46   swing like he was swinging for the [TS]

00:20:48   outfield and hit me on the back of the [TS]

00:20:51   head with a but the what turned out [TS]

00:20:53   later be accidental [TS]

00:20:54   God and then once i was down all three [TS]

00:20:57   of them just stood over me and just just [TS]

00:20:59   pounded on me like they were tenderizing [TS]

00:21:01   them side of beef and at this point i [TS]

00:21:05   was aware that i was in trouble so I was [TS]

00:21:09   yelling and I was crawling to try and [TS]

00:21:11   get under a car and they were just going [TS]

00:21:14   to town on me and they broke both my [TS]

00:21:16   hands [TS]

00:21:17   Wow and they I mean often cop from top [TS]

00:21:21   to bottom I was just I was just a black [TS]

00:21:25   black and blue but but mostly black [TS]

00:21:28   I crawled under this car and some girl [TS]

00:21:33   up the street started screaming and [TS]

00:21:34   eventually somebody nearby scream loud [TS]

00:21:38   enough that these guys can it took one [TS]

00:21:41   last walk each and ran off into the dark [TS]

00:21:44   and so then the cops came back the cops [TS]

00:21:52   who had yelled at me 10 minutes before i [TS]

00:21:55   came back and the aid car came and I was [TS]

00:21:59   kid I was laying there convinced that i [TS]

00:22:01   was holding the holding the back of my [TS]

00:22:04   skull on I haven't got my hands up and I [TS]

00:22:07   was like you know I can't move my hands [TS]

00:22:09   and the aid car guys were like you know [TS]

00:22:11   you got a movie and we got to see what [TS]

00:22:12   was going on I was like no I can't [TS]

00:22:16   because if I do the back my it's going [TS]

00:22:18   to fall off and make it card guys you [TS]

00:22:23   know they were all shining lights in my [TS]

00:22:24   face and they were like are you on any [TS]

00:22:27   kind of drugs i was like no I just had a [TS]

00:22:33   beer and you know they're looking at my [TS]

00:22:36   pupils they're like mmm [TS]

00:22:38   now we need to you need to tell us like [TS]

00:22:40   what you're what drugs you're on and I'm [TS]

00:22:43   like no I just have just had a beer but [TS]

00:22:46   I can't move my hand because my my my [TS]

00:22:50   head is is going to you know fall off or [TS]

00:22:53   fall apart so they take me to the [TS]

00:22:55   hospital and the doctor in the emergency [TS]

00:22:57   room again kinda says listen we need to [TS]

00:23:02   know what your on your ear obviously [TS]

00:23:04   like on some drugs and we need to know [TS]

00:23:05   what they are because we can't treat you [TS]

00:23:08   you can't give you more drugs unless we [TS]

00:23:10   know what drugs you're on we can't treat [TS]

00:23:11   you unless we know what's going on and I [TS]

00:23:15   had it in my head that if you told the [TS]

00:23:18   doctor that you had taken some drugs [TS]

00:23:21   that that would somehow I still like [TS]

00:23:25   still added in my mind that my permanent [TS]

00:23:28   record was something i need to be [TS]

00:23:31   worried about you know like that i was [TS]

00:23:34   going to that this was going to go down [TS]

00:23:36   on my permanent record and I wasn't [TS]

00:23:38   going to get into graduate schools i [TS]

00:23:39   don't know what i thought my permanent [TS]

00:23:40   record was but I had I had grown up [TS]

00:23:44   being told that your transcript was this [TS]

00:23:47   thing you need to worry about so much [TS]

00:23:49   and I didn't want to tell some doctor in [TS]

00:23:51   the emergency room [TS]

00:23:52   what drugs that was on because he was [TS]

00:23:56   going to write it down on a piece of [TS]

00:23:57   paper and then it was then the then I [TS]

00:23:59   love the CIA was never going to let me [TS]

00:24:01   be the president of the united states [TS]

00:24:02   and so I kept insisting that no I'd only [TS]

00:24:06   had a couple of beers and so the doctor [TS]

00:24:09   goes okay you know what kid that's fine [TS]

00:24:12   and he turns to the nurse next to him [TS]

00:24:14   and he said don't get many anesthesia [TS]

00:24:17   and so they proceeded to sew up my head [TS]

00:24:22   and my hands which were you know they [TS]

00:24:29   were they were broken but they were also [TS]

00:24:31   like I i think i showed you a scar on my [TS]

00:24:35   finger one time where one of that one of [TS]

00:24:38   the bats hit my finger as it was trying [TS]

00:24:40   to protect my head and the finger meats [TS]

00:24:43   like squirted out the other side so they [TS]

00:24:47   had to push all that finger me back [TS]

00:24:49   inside and sew it up and they they just [TS]

00:24:52   did it they did it all without even [TS]

00:24:53   giving me a topical anesthesia so I was [TS]

00:24:55   thinking they're being sewed like a like [TS]

00:24:59   a like a rag doll like three different [TS]

00:25:01   people running thread through me a time [TS]

00:25:03   and then they rolled me out on a [TS]

00:25:05   blood-soaked gurney into the hallway of [TS]

00:25:07   Harborview emergency room was its harbor [TS]

00:25:12   view is like the the one level for [TS]

00:25:15   trauma center in the northwest but it's [TS]

00:25:17   also one of [TS]

00:25:19   hospitals where you will roll down to a [TS]

00:25:20   halt and they'll be just kind of one [TS]

00:25:22   lightbulb flickering above you like [TS]

00:25:25   flickering and sometimes it goes out and [TS]

00:25:27   then the power comes back on and the and [TS]

00:25:31   the hallways are just on friday and [TS]

00:25:32   saturday night [TS]

00:25:33   they're just full of people like [TS]

00:25:35   motorcycle wreck gunshot wound [TS]

00:25:37   motorcycle wreck gunshot wound and so [TS]

00:25:40   they roll me out into this hallway and [TS]

00:25:41   they just let me sit there as the as the [TS]

00:25:43   blood on my gurney coagulates while [TS]

00:25:47   while people who are really in trouble [TS]

00:25:49   are wheeled past me screaming and I was [TS]

00:25:54   on hallucinogens among other things and [TS]

00:25:58   so it wasn't your trippin while they [TS]

00:26:00   were selling up your head without [TS]

00:26:01   anesthesia [TS]

00:26:02   yeah there was a really it was a hell of [TS]

00:26:05   a night [TS]

00:26:06   um I really like it [TS]

00:26:09   I learned a lot that night about about [TS]

00:26:12   everything about everything [TS]

00:26:14   certainly about mortality ok but a but [TS]

00:26:21   yeah so that was that that was [TS]

00:26:25   definitely that was definitely when I [TS]

00:26:27   started checking my six if you notice i [TS]

00:26:30   mean checking your sixes like it's [TS]

00:26:33   fighter pilot terminology that means [TS]

00:26:35   look behind you like a twelve o'clock is [TS]

00:26:39   straight ahead and sixes visit hundred [TS]

00:26:41   eighty degrees behind you right [TS]

00:26:43   check your six so yeah my check my six [TS]

00:26:48   now and so should you [TS]

00:26:51   Merlin was thinking about it and [TS]

00:26:52   thinking about my sex right now it [TS]

00:26:54   should yeah right about that I tried to [TS]

00:26:57   think too much about my sex better [TS]

00:26:58   that's probably a a terrific reason to [TS]

00:27:00   check it yeah well you don't want to you [TS]

00:27:02   don't want to get to a to a position [TS]

00:27:04   where you're here now forced to check [TS]

00:27:06   your six together double-dog CWI's kind [TS]

00:27:08   of six the devil dogs are on your six [TS]

00:27:12   and until you're checking your sex [TS]

00:27:14   because you know that they're okay and [TS]

00:27:15   then they are mice they aren't my six [TS]

00:27:17   per se it's a notional concept right [TS]

00:27:20   there hanging hanging by the six there [TS]

00:27:22   on your six yeah yeah [TS]

00:27:23   and so when you're when you're looking [TS]

00:27:24   over your shoulder I mean that's why [TS]

00:27:25   when I sit in a restaurant when I go [TS]

00:27:27   into a restaurant I always liked pick my [TS]

00:27:29   seat [TS]

00:27:30   rather judiciously who did you get the [TS]

00:27:33   only time Malcolm X this is the only [TS]

00:27:35   city where you can see the door [TS]

00:27:36   that's right you want to see where you [TS]

00:27:38   can see the door but also sit where like [TS]

00:27:40   you're not going to get it nobody's [TS]

00:27:41   going to surprise you on your six [TS]

00:27:43   uh-huh I mean you're there can be people [TS]

00:27:46   behind me I just wanna I just wanna know [TS]

00:27:47   who they are just like the bulleted the [TS]

00:27:50   booth is nice i like take a bank at [TS]

00:27:52   every chair challenge that said that's [TS]

00:27:54   that's terrific and i'm not even that's [TS]

00:27:57   not even how I lost my to my tooth yeah [TS]

00:27:59   but it's still still got a couple more [TS]

00:28:03   trips before thanks [TS]

00:28:05   settle down until until about what point [TS]

00:28:08   where things like that happening about [TS]

00:28:12   what era year uh 1994 was the last time [TS]

00:28:16   I was going but I was about to say 1994 [TS]

00:28:20   was the last time i went to jail but [TS]

00:28:23   there were a couple of there were couple [TS]

00:28:25   of things that hung out a couple of [TS]

00:28:27   couple of bench warrants that were still [TS]

00:28:29   periodically active into 1995 so so so I [TS]

00:28:35   so I went to jail I went to jail on [TS]

00:28:38   things that happened before 1994 a [TS]

00:28:41   couple of times when I like because it [TS]

00:28:43   took me it took me a year to get it took [TS]

00:28:47   me a couple years to get a fully [TS]

00:28:48   functioning set of credentials like your [TS]

00:28:51   normal ID and stuff that would end to [TS]

00:28:55   have all that stuff cleared so that [TS]

00:28:56   every time I got stopped by a cop he [TS]

00:28:59   didn't go [TS]

00:29:00   oh hello and pulled me out of the car [TS]

00:29:02   and take me downtown [TS]

00:29:06   there was one time they they actually [TS]

00:29:09   pulled one of those they pulled one of [TS]

00:29:11   those this is the this is the thing that [TS]

00:29:12   they're doing in cities now where they [TS]

00:29:14   said that he send letters out to [TS]

00:29:17   everybody that has an outstanding [TS]

00:29:18   warrant [TS]

00:29:19   it's like you want a thousand dollars [TS]

00:29:21   that that's from the simpsons that's not [TS]

00:29:23   real [TS]

00:29:24   no really happy and kind of take out [TS]

00:29:26   your free ballot this area and then [TS]

00:29:28   everybody comes down there like you're [TS]

00:29:30   arrested you're arrested your that's did [TS]

00:29:31   like it they totally actually totally do [TS]

00:29:34   that and may they they got me it was a [TS]

00:29:40   legitimate it wasn't a scam it was a [TS]

00:29:42   legitimate thing where I went into the [TS]

00:29:44   to the comptroller's office trying to [TS]

00:29:47   get four hundred dollars that somebody [TS]

00:29:50   had one time a guy we were i was driving [TS]

00:29:54   a car with a guy one time over in [TS]

00:29:56   bellevue and he was an african-american [TS]

00:29:58   gentleman and we see and i would have [TS]

00:30:00   gone over there to go to the movies [TS]

00:30:02   because they had a good movie theater [TS]

00:30:04   and we were driving back through you [TS]

00:30:08   know at night through bellevue and we [TS]

00:30:10   got pulled over and we weren't doing [TS]

00:30:13   anything [TS]

00:30:14   it was a case where the my friend was [TS]

00:30:19   convinced as it was happening that it [TS]

00:30:21   was a case of them pulling us over [TS]

00:30:23   because he was black and I was white and [TS]

00:30:25   we were driving in a car right now I [TS]

00:30:27   can't be up there obviously up to no [TS]

00:30:29   good [TS]

00:30:30   something something isn't right [TS]

00:30:31   something's not Dutch with this so the [TS]

00:30:32   bellevue cops pulled us over and I was [TS]

00:30:34   like what that's crazy and he's like no [TS]

00:30:36   I swear that's what's happening right [TS]

00:30:38   now like oh my god [TS]

00:30:40   and so the cop comes over and he's he's [TS]

00:30:43   very condescending to the driver my [TS]

00:30:47   friend but everything checks out and [TS]

00:30:50   then the cop asks for my ID at which [TS]

00:30:52   point he finds that there's a warrant [TS]

00:30:54   for my arrest and so he varies very [TS]

00:30:57   happy about this because to the [TS]

00:30:58   policeman it seems like a very ironic [TS]

00:31:01   situation but the white guy is going to [TS]

00:31:04   be the one that he's going to have to [TS]

00:31:05   arrest and he's he's indicating this to [TS]

00:31:08   us like he's he thinks this is hilarious [TS]

00:31:09   i look at this is a little bit racist oh [TS]

00:31:12   Henry moment yeah exactly like this [TS]

00:31:14   that's the one kid that i'm going to [TS]

00:31:16   arrest what do you know and you know and [TS]

00:31:18   we're both like new [TS]

00:31:20   that's that's hilarious the Conte and I [TS]

00:31:23   and I'm and and I'm I'm glad that I get [TS]

00:31:26   to go to jail tonight to make two you [TS]

00:31:28   know to make this a story that you're [TS]

00:31:29   going to tell this weekend at the bar [TS]

00:31:31   and so I go to jail and my friend his [TS]

00:31:36   name was Howard I said to him as they're [TS]

00:31:39   putting as the cops put him in his car I [TS]

00:31:41   say yeah here's my ATM card [TS]

00:31:45   go get the bail money which is four [TS]

00:31:47   hundred dollars [TS]

00:31:50   and so Howard goes and gets the bail [TS]

00:31:51   money but of course Howard and not [TS]

00:31:55   having been through this before [TS]

00:31:57   bails me out under his name rather than [TS]

00:32:01   because it was my money bailing me out [TS]

00:32:04   under under my name where or stimulating [TS]

00:32:07   the best so he's the one responsible for [TS]

00:32:10   the recognizance or the well I mean this [TS]

00:32:13   isn't his so bail is a certain amount of [TS]

00:32:15   money in as an insurance that you will [TS]

00:32:18   show up for court is the idea right [TS]

00:32:20   right and no he's not responsible for me [TS]

00:32:24   but if but they assume if he put 400 [TS]

00:32:28   bucks up it's his money he's going to [TS]

00:32:30   make himself responsible in this case it [TS]

00:32:32   was my money I showed up for my court [TS]

00:32:35   date and so now I wanted my bail [TS]

00:32:37   refunded and they said oh that's not [TS]

00:32:41   your bail that towered that's Howard's [TS]

00:32:42   money and only howard can come get the [TS]

00:32:45   money [TS]

00:32:46   well suffice to say how it was kind of a [TS]

00:32:50   preppy guy and this experience of me [TS]

00:32:54   getting arrested in his car kind of [TS]

00:32:57   soured hour but not nuts our friendship [TS]

00:33:01   but it soured his interest in going with [TS]

00:33:03   me to anymore [TS]

00:33:05   police stations or city courts or [TS]

00:33:08   anything like that and so Howard kept [TS]

00:33:12   dodging my phone call and you know and [TS]

00:33:16   like oh yeah totally i'll help you that [TS]

00:33:18   many would then add many disappear and I [TS]

00:33:19   wouldn't hear from howard for a long [TS]

00:33:21   time the missiles at a time when $400 [TS]

00:33:24   met quite a bit meant a lot to me anyway [TS]

00:33:27   I went down to the court one time to [TS]

00:33:31   explain to them at great length that was [TS]

00:33:33   my money not Howard's they were they [TS]

00:33:36   were not interested in my story and also [TS]

00:33:39   while i was there they discovered [TS]

00:33:40   another war by God but the woman behind [TS]

00:33:43   the counter who discovered this did not [TS]

00:33:45   she was not empowered to arrest me she [TS]

00:33:49   can't hit a button in some martial comes [TS]

00:33:51   out or something so what she did she [TS]

00:33:52   said oh here's what you need to do you [TS]

00:33:54   need to go across the street [TS]

00:33:56   two and Tamia card with an address on it [TS]

00:33:59   she said you need to go across the [TS]

00:34:00   street to this place and they'll refund [TS]

00:34:02   your money and i was like wow awesome i [TS]

00:34:05   like it finally worked i i i finally I [TS]

00:34:09   finally met someone at the at the police [TS]

00:34:12   department who understands and who cares [TS]

00:34:15   about me and I was gonna fill out a [TS]

00:34:17   comment card on that now I thanked her [TS]

00:34:19   profusely I was like ma'am thank you for [TS]

00:34:21   resolving this issue [TS]

00:34:23   this has been an albatross has been [TS]

00:34:24   hanging over my head for for many months [TS]

00:34:26   i really appreciate your help and she [TS]

00:34:28   was like my pleasure and I will i took [TS]

00:34:31   the card I walked out of the door the [TS]

00:34:32   courthouse i walked up the street two [TS]

00:34:34   blocks across the street to a storefront [TS]

00:34:36   that was like kind of a had frosted [TS]

00:34:41   glass windows and I was like go [TS]

00:34:44   this must be the city accountants office [TS]

00:34:46   or something and I walked in the door [TS]

00:34:48   and it's like the set of barney miller [TS]

00:34:51   know there are there is a room with [TS]

00:34:55   desks and a bunch of guys with pistols [TS]

00:35:00   and and like shoulder holsters with [TS]

00:35:05   their jackets off sitting on the desks [TS]

00:35:07   drinking coffee smoking cigarettes and [TS]

00:35:09   chatting with the extension casting it [TS]

00:35:11   really was and I walked in the door and [TS]

00:35:13   I was like oh and may have everybody in [TS]

00:35:16   the room turns and looks at me and goes [TS]

00:35:17   hey come on in buddy how's it going to [TS]

00:35:20   see you like this is not the first time [TS]

00:35:22   that somebody's somebody was a young man [TS]

00:35:24   has wandered in [TS]

00:35:26   obviously not knowing what he's there [TS]

00:35:27   and this is this has happened before [TS]

00:35:28   Janice's done this before [TS]

00:35:30   yeah every single person that walks in [TS]

00:35:32   that door is a is about to be arrested [TS]

00:35:34   and they didn't know it [TS]

00:35:36   this is the this is the gag and I'm sure [TS]

00:35:39   these guys all the time have to have to [TS]

00:35:41   sprint down the street after somebody [TS]

00:35:43   returns around the doorway and runs and [TS]

00:35:45   then I said then they sit down in a [TS]

00:35:47   chair I'm like oh man god what a writ [TS]

00:35:51   water rep and they're like good to see [TS]

00:35:54   you hey we got a computer printout here [TS]

00:35:57   that says bloody bloody blah so anyway [TS]

00:36:01   that's it was a it was a real was a real [TS]

00:36:04   prank you ever get your money back [TS]

00:36:08   never did [TS]

00:36:09   it's one of those things where I Howard [TS]

00:36:11   is going to get a letter someday the 15 [TS]

00:36:14   years from now that says we have [TS]

00:36:17   undiscovered moneys for you and he's [TS]

00:36:21   gonna be like what could this possibly [TS]

00:36:22   be and he's not gonna remember and I [TS]

00:36:24   have not spoken to her in years that [TS]

00:36:27   four hundred dollars just that's i have [TS]

00:36:30   just decided that that is four hundred [TS]

00:36:31   dollars i'm never i'm not going to [TS]

00:36:33   pursue I just wanted to go out into the [TS]

00:36:36   world and pay for some pay retribution [TS]

00:36:39   in some way for some crime I committed [TS]

00:36:40   against the city the people of the city [TS]

00:36:43   yeah like Ben Franklin says you know [TS]

00:36:45   it's a child every day if it that you [TS]

00:36:47   don't know what it's for they will I'm [TS]

00:36:50   sure you can find a good use for this [TS]

00:36:51   country you could recreate so this this [TS]

00:36:54   phone call if nothing else it's to pay [TS]

00:36:57   for all the parking meters that I didn't [TS]

00:36:59   put quarters in when I just ran into a [TS]

00:37:01   drugstore whatever he's down he's got [TS]

00:37:03   some interesting threads to this um I [TS]

00:37:06   hope it's interesting i think it's super [TS]

00:37:08   interesting people are gonna be [TS]

00:37:10   terrified by this but the you know that [TS]

00:37:14   thing of you you talking about your [TS]

00:37:15   morning on your permanent record which I [TS]

00:37:17   by on one level but there's also just a [TS]

00:37:19   sense of like you know not the invasion [TS]

00:37:22   is the wrong word but there's the sense [TS]

00:37:24   of like I'm running and I'm still [TS]

00:37:26   running and like well of course I'm not [TS]

00:37:28   gonna tell them i'm trippin like I'm not [TS]

00:37:29   fucking stupid i may be high but I'm not [TS]

00:37:31   high you know about that but the [TS]

00:37:33   permanent record thing has had a had a [TS]

00:37:35   more profound effect on me then then [TS]

00:37:39   that might be obvious really close to [TS]

00:37:42   say though is like a cubic we do the [TS]

00:37:43   same thing as the four hundred dollars [TS]

00:37:44   there's times when a roll of quarters [TS]

00:37:46   makes all the difference i mean big time [TS]

00:37:47   you know i mean its end and so I mean [TS]

00:37:50   but there's this this ongoing threat of [TS]

00:37:51   like again you're your body's like all [TS]

00:37:54   mostly held together you're walking [TS]

00:37:55   around you're kind of keeping it [TS]

00:37:57   together on some level you're not like [TS]

00:37:58   you know change in a dungeon somewhere [TS]

00:38:00   but like yeah you're out and about but [TS]

00:38:02   at the same time like you're on the edge [TS]

00:38:04   and you're going to be always looking [TS]

00:38:06   for that tiny little adjustment he keeps [TS]

00:38:08   you free and moving and you know drunk [TS]

00:38:12   or whatever right over the thing that's [TS]

00:38:13   going to the other way and that's [TS]

00:38:15   absolutely true but because i have it [TS]

00:38:17   was a habit [TS]

00:38:18   there was a simultaneous narrative going [TS]

00:38:20   on in my head [TS]

00:38:21   the whole life that was instilled by my [TS]

00:38:24   my my my father primarily because my dad [TS]

00:38:28   was a politician my uncle was a [TS]

00:38:29   politician my great-uncle was a [TS]

00:38:31   politician my great uncle who raised my [TS]

00:38:33   dad they were all politicians and their [TS]

00:38:39   ambition for me was to also be a [TS]

00:38:41   politician and two and i think to be [TS]

00:38:43   finally up like a politician on a [TS]

00:38:47   national scale like these guys were all [TS]

00:38:49   local politicians in the northwest and [TS]

00:38:53   they were in the back rooms smoking [TS]

00:38:56   cigars and handshakes and making the [TS]

00:38:58   making the port run and you know in [TS]

00:39:03   trading suits and tires with each other [TS]

00:39:05   but they have had ambition for me that I [TS]

00:39:08   would go on to national office and that [TS]

00:39:10   that would somehow validate our [TS]

00:39:12   political dynasty [TS]

00:39:15   oh you're like the not jack not Ted here [TS]

00:39:20   like the the good candidate you're like [TS]

00:39:21   the community that Joe just he died in [TS]

00:39:24   the war I got a job in the world Joe is [TS]

00:39:26   like the chosen one he was the one that [TS]

00:39:27   that I was gonna be big [TS]

00:39:30   he was anointed and Joe died in a [TS]

00:39:31   suicide mission [TS]

00:39:33   you told me about this what they fucked [TS]

00:39:35   him over with his aircraft right now I [TS]

00:39:37   don't think they fucking motor was [TS]

00:39:38   getting into it was one of those like we [TS]

00:39:41   don't know what happened but he was in a [TS]

00:39:42   he was in a bar right loaded with [TS]

00:39:45   explosives that his job was to fly it [TS]

00:39:47   over and and like bail out of it and [TS]

00:39:50   after he pointed it at 0 and a 1 a damn [TS]

00:39:54   i don't i don't remember what it what is [TS]

00:39:56   what this bucket i think was a damn he [TS]

00:39:59   was using this in Europe it was in [TS]

00:40:01   Europe [TS]

00:40:01   yeah he was flying a bomber loaded with [TS]

00:40:03   explosives and he armed the bombs he [TS]

00:40:06   armed explosives after he was over the [TS]

00:40:07   English Channel and either set either [TS]

00:40:11   slipped on a banana peel and pushed the [TS]

00:40:13   wrong button or somebody in one of the I [TS]

00:40:16   think he was here there was a chase [TS]

00:40:17   plane that was supposed to after he Bob [TS]

00:40:20   after he dived out the chase point was [TS]

00:40:21   supposed to follow the bomber down and I [TS]

00:40:23   whatever maybe there's a short in the [TS]

00:40:25   electrical system but the thing blew up [TS]

00:40:26   into a million billion trillion pieces [TS]

00:40:28   in the middle [TS]

00:40:29   what a failure on so many levels yeah [TS]

00:40:31   you said you touch my chicken shit thing [TS]

00:40:33   to do but then it's also i mean i don't [TS]

00:40:35   know who might say I'm not in the [TS]

00:40:37   service but like then it's also like [TS]

00:40:38   that what a waste of a dude and like [TS]

00:40:41   what a what a what a waste of a plane to [TS]

00:40:44   all those bombs [TS]

00:40:46   yeah i mean you can put those bombs to [TS]

00:40:47   good use i mean that is that is in on [TS]

00:40:49   civilians it is a strategic target to [TS]

00:40:51   hit a damn i guess [TS]

00:40:53   oh yeah big deal it's a getting a damn [TS]

00:40:54   is a big deal and war because it's all [TS]

00:40:57   it's all that electricity electricity [TS]

00:40:58   and plans you know but Anna and and if [TS]

00:41:02   he's in the dad will send a big tidal [TS]

00:41:04   wave down the valley that can and [TS]

00:41:06   particularly if you believe the plot of [TS]

00:41:07   force 10 from navarone that's what [TS]

00:41:09   Harrison Ford right yeah let's get any [TS]

00:41:11   the water from the dam can knock out the [TS]

00:41:13   bridge where the Germans are coming [TS]

00:41:15   across to attack the partisan see now [TS]

00:41:17   that you get a twofer a twofer [TS]

00:41:19   okay so you were Joe you're going to be [TS]

00:41:21   talking there's different just senior [TS]

00:41:23   and you told me you were going to be [TS]

00:41:25   judging i was gonna be Joe Jr and so [TS]

00:41:27   anyway even at the even at the point [TS]

00:41:29   when I was living very much in a kind of [TS]

00:41:32   hand to mouth or like hand to drugs to [TS]

00:41:36   mouth way there was always a narrative [TS]

00:41:41   in the back of my head that I needed to [TS]

00:41:42   protect my reputation because i needed [TS]

00:41:47   to be able to because when they [TS]

00:41:49   investigated me for top secret clearance [TS]

00:41:51   right I needed to be able to pass up [TS]

00:41:56   because i was one day going to be a [TS]

00:41:57   united states senator and these two and [TS]

00:42:01   these two totally incompatible [TS]

00:42:03   narratives the one where I was like a [TS]

00:42:08   scrounging in the carpet for invisible [TS]

00:42:12   crack rocks that i might have that [TS]

00:42:14   matter dropped and ended up you know [TS]

00:42:17   smoking somebody's dog dander because i [TS]

00:42:21   was sure that it was some kind of drugs [TS]

00:42:22   that had fallen in the carpet that [TS]

00:42:24   narrative simultaneous with this but I [TS]

00:42:27   can't let anybody know because i'm going [TS]

00:42:28   to be a united states senator one day it [TS]

00:42:31   there there's a there's still a version [TS]

00:42:33   of it in me now and I and I know [TS]

00:42:36   I think about this sometimes that I'm on [TS]

00:42:39   record now and the problem would not be [TS]

00:42:42   that I'm now on record admitting to [TS]

00:42:44   having done a a a cornucopia of drugs [TS]

00:42:49   literally a horn of plenty of drugs [TS]

00:42:51   thanksgiving decoration full of drugs [TS]

00:42:54   some of which people have never even [TS]

00:42:56   heard of full of games and many pumpkins [TS]

00:42:58   and handbags and I just week and you [TS]

00:43:03   know I did I did every kind of squeak [TS]

00:43:05   squeak [TS]

00:43:06   well now i'm looking up later fuck yeah [TS]

00:43:08   I told you but anyway it's not it's not [TS]

00:43:10   as the Cornucopia itself is not the [TS]

00:43:12   problem in the admission of cornucopia [TS]

00:43:14   well but even if but but that isn't even [TS]

00:43:16   the primary problem the primary problem [TS]

00:43:18   for me being elected to the United [TS]

00:43:20   States Senate is that i have yet but I [TS]

00:43:22   have gone on record a thousand times [TS]

00:43:26   saying a seattle is a dumpy little [TS]

00:43:29   shithole and and you have people who [TS]

00:43:34   believe in God are dumbasses and you [TS]

00:43:40   know that everybody that doesn't know [TS]

00:43:42   how to drive in snow should be taking a [TS]

00:43:44   late line up against a wall and shot etc [TS]

00:43:46   etc so that it's storming the embassy if [TS]

00:43:50   there are numerous there are numerous [TS]

00:43:52   numerous closets with numerous bones [TS]

00:43:54   yeah if there is an opposition [TS]

00:43:55   researcher was was given the task of [TS]

00:43:59   educating not leave any I'm just imagine [TS]

00:44:01   the process of vetting you like whether [TS]

00:44:02   the guys in the back room with the [TS]

00:44:04   cigars i got like as John Martin [TS]

00:44:05   Roderick I think it'd be a fella that's [TS]

00:44:08   right and just runs the basic checks [TS]

00:44:09   Ollie said fucking cornucopia an [TS]

00:44:14   opposition researcher would be rolling [TS]

00:44:15   on the floor laughing within 30 seconds [TS]

00:44:18   of trying to dig up some dirt on me [TS]

00:44:20   because how am I going to run for how I [TS]

00:44:22   can run for office in seattle out having [TS]

00:44:26   said all the things that I've said we're [TS]

00:44:28   just pointing out all the ways that you [TS]

00:44:29   can help it you know it's like my mom [TS]

00:44:30   would say when I got a c-minus he knows [TS]

00:44:32   room for opportunity to improve well and [TS]

00:44:35   it's what i would do at what what I've [TS]

00:44:37   always imagined is what Bill Clinton [TS]

00:44:40   should have done when they asked him [TS]

00:44:41   whether or not he'd slept with Monica [TS]

00:44:43   Lewinsky who [TS]

00:44:45   you know I i never understood why he [TS]

00:44:48   didn't look at wedding face down the [TS]

00:44:49   cameras and say that's not a none of [TS]

00:44:52   anybody's business next question instead [TS]

00:44:55   instead of instead of falling back on [TS]

00:44:57   parsing words it's very hemming and [TS]

00:44:59   hawing and saying like well you know [TS]

00:45:01   about Peppa to depict I like that [TS]

00:45:05   they're there is there will come a time [TS]

00:45:06   and we've already seen it was wet with [TS]

00:45:09   the Barack Obama's admission not only [TS]

00:45:11   having smoked marijuana but have done [TS]

00:45:13   cocaine and he you know he admitted to [TS]

00:45:16   it in his book and then he said I had [TS]

00:45:19   it's a it's not a pertinent question is [TS]

00:45:21   that it doesn't bear on my ability to [TS]

00:45:23   govern next question right and if Bill [TS]

00:45:26   Clinton had just said that's not [TS]

00:45:28   anybody's business and if they had [TS]

00:45:29   continued to throw questions at him she [TS]

00:45:33   said alright the press conference is [TS]

00:45:34   over i'll be back when you can figure [TS]

00:45:36   out i'll be back when you the press [TS]

00:45:38   corps have grown up enough you can [TS]

00:45:40   figure out some reasonable questions to [TS]

00:45:43   ask the President of the United States [TS]

00:45:44   goodbye right and if he doesn't come [TS]

00:45:47   back when you're ready to ask a grown-up [TS]

00:45:48   question about running the world [TS]

00:45:50   yeah because what would it would end up [TS]

00:45:52   being Clinton's undoing was not that he [TS]

00:45:53   slept with Monica Lewinsky that he lied [TS]

00:45:55   about it and so there will come a time [TS]

00:45:59   well so he lied about it in an age where [TS]

00:46:02   is the line about it was not something [TS]

00:46:04   that he could count on everybody to help [TS]

00:46:06   him paper over we were was ok for us to [TS]

00:46:08   not make a big deal of how much help [TS]

00:46:10   Britain Got walking up to the lectern [TS]

00:46:12   and we had our reasons right there was [TS]

00:46:14   there was just a kind of decorum at the [TS]

00:46:16   time where you know Kennedy got so much [TS]

00:46:18   more tail than Clinton do you think I [TS]

00:46:20   mean community had a lot of lot of [TS]

00:46:23   intercourse but the problem with Kennedy [TS]

00:46:26   wasn't that he wasn't just that he had [TS]

00:46:28   intercourse with her that he had that he [TS]

00:46:31   made congress with a lot of young ladies [TS]

00:46:33   but Kennedy was completely doped up 24 [TS]

00:46:37   hours a day because of the was Addison's [TS]

00:46:39   disease [TS]

00:46:40   yeah i mean he was in he was in [TS]

00:46:41   excruciating pain right barely he could [TS]

00:46:43   barely walk and dr. feelgood was [TS]

00:46:45   shooting a cocktail event Federman's [TS]

00:46:48   asset that's the other cover-up thing [TS]

00:46:50   that's so interesting the joe i think [TS]

00:46:51   didn't have to have a big role in that [TS]

00:46:53   of like nobody ever finds out that like [TS]

00:46:55   every every place the president ever [TS]

00:46:57   goes is is full of all kinds of drugs [TS]

00:47:00   for helping him get by but then all [TS]

00:47:02   kinds of stuff in case he just goes tits [TS]

00:47:04   up and if that's a serious security risk [TS]

00:47:06   during like the cuban missile crisis [TS]

00:47:09   like this would have been nice to know [TS]

00:47:10   yeah well i know i mean if you if you [TS]

00:47:13   think about now like john-john Kennedy [TS]

00:47:17   would not only would he never be elected [TS]

00:47:19   president States but john kennedy from a [TS]

00:47:21   very young age would have been treated [TS]

00:47:24   as a special little flower who needs it [TS]

00:47:26   needs a little cup with his medication [TS]

00:47:29   in it every day at lunch and every day [TS]

00:47:31   you know like John Kennedy way like i [TS]

00:47:34   said he'd be seen as kind of a fag [TS]

00:47:35   because your books and read books and [TS]

00:47:37   stuff is maybe I think about who john [TS]

00:47:39   kennedy was he is entirely the product [TS]

00:47:42   of a being bullied by his father and his [TS]

00:47:44   older brothers and of course we've made [TS]

00:47:46   that illegal now you can't bully a kid [TS]

00:47:48   and and also he was frail and teased and [TS]

00:47:53   so he you know he fought and fought and [TS]

00:47:56   fought against being frail and and sick [TS]

00:47:59   and bullied and he became president the [TS]

00:48:03   united states but that we've made all [TS]

00:48:05   those things illegal now so well he got [TS]

00:48:07   only a lot of help from Kennedy would be [TS]

00:48:10   a lot of Health getting into office [TS]

00:48:11   right now he'd be somewhere [TS]

00:48:13   riding on his blog about his struggles [TS]

00:48:17   with the you know he put his struggles [TS]

00:48:20   to get get the right ad cocktail [TS]

00:48:24   yeah and treasurer and yeah but I get a [TS]

00:48:26   lot of people there's a lot of there's a [TS]

00:48:28   lot of people in their fifties in the [TS]

00:48:30   South right now riding around on boats [TS]

00:48:31   it there Sheriff grandfather's got spot [TS]

00:48:33   with Joe Kennedy's money [TS]

00:48:35   oh don't worry it's gonna be fine you're [TS]

00:48:38   fine you're gonna get you're gonna carry [TS]

00:48:40   you but no problem [TS]

00:48:42   they're all nickname Gator it said the [TS]

00:48:45   other Gator here's the problem it's 47 [TS]

00:48:48   minutes and 56 seconds too late to make [TS]

00:48:50   this funny show but like this is the [TS]

00:48:52   thing and this is why i think the Senate [TS]

00:48:54   might be a waste of your time but it's [TS]

00:48:56   certainly we should be in Special Forces [TS]

00:48:57   it certainly is you being elected I [TS]

00:48:59   think it's probably just a bad idea for [TS]

00:49:00   a variety of reasons logo i think that i [TS]

00:49:02   think would be a tremendous idea the [TS]

00:49:03   problem is that what that you got to get [TS]

00:49:05   elected you should order the line is you [TS]

00:49:08   got to have stupid people like you [TS]

00:49:10   yeah but stupid people [TS]

00:49:11   always like me are you kidding me right [TS]

00:49:14   stupid people think i'm aware you feel [TS]

00:49:15   like you really get on with stupid [TS]

00:49:17   people i mean i can get on with all [TS]

00:49:19   kinds of people that could you adjust [TS]

00:49:20   these no you don't you don't adopt a [TS]

00:49:22   patois but you feel like you adjust are [TS]

00:49:24   you able to convincingly uh what's [TS]

00:49:27   squelch down your belt and strong when [TS]

00:49:30   you need to [TS]

00:49:30   I i think it has to do with [TS]

00:49:33   understanding for spending a lot of time [TS]

00:49:36   trying to understand someone who does [TS]

00:49:39   not want to make a mental effort but [TS]

00:49:44   prefers to make an emotional effort to [TS]

00:49:47   but prefers to interact with the world [TS]

00:49:49   strictly on our kind of like immediate [TS]

00:49:53   emotional basis her and not sit and [TS]

00:49:56   think about even the basic building [TS]

00:49:59   blocks of a what their experiences but [TS]

00:50:02   just react to it emotionally and [TS]

00:50:05   immediately and I've tried to explain my [TS]

00:50:07   thinking again was in while in [TS]

00:50:08   simplified version taking taking many [TS]

00:50:11   things at face value without considering [TS]

00:50:14   in my case one of my obsessions is what [TS]

00:50:16   is whether it's a compliment or an [TS]

00:50:18   insult or to be honest guys with ax [TS]

00:50:21   handles like what's really going on [TS]

00:50:23   there like that what is being said and [TS]

00:50:24   what's being not said when the whole [TS]

00:50:25   time you're telling a story and all I [TS]

00:50:28   could see was scared guys like they're [TS]

00:50:29   not real tough guys like real tough guys [TS]

00:50:32   wouldn't need three of them in ax [TS]

00:50:33   handles like they were scared and they [TS]

00:50:35   kept hitting you after they couldn't [TS]

00:50:36   stop because now they're adrenalin was [TS]

00:50:38   high and they realize they could do it [TS]

00:50:39   yeah you know and that's Matt and they [TS]

00:50:41   weren't listening to me as I was [TS]

00:50:43   patiently explaining to them all the [TS]

00:50:44   reasons why me [TS]

00:50:45   lighting this poster on fire a wasn't [TS]

00:50:47   their business and be wasn't really a [TS]

00:50:49   bigger reason that you guys can have [TS]

00:50:50   just found something to do together as a [TS]

00:50:52   project right now i mean i think that [TS]

00:50:54   the Venn diagram for that you certainly [TS]

00:50:56   had time to dry but I mean like that [TS]

00:50:58   with there's a lot more to it and that's [TS]

00:51:00   all that's one of the four of us take [TS]

00:51:01   these bats and this lighter who and go [TS]

00:51:03   like make a make a fire someone soup [TS]

00:51:07   right i have some fun [TS]

00:51:08   it's like if you get but the dumb people [TS]

00:51:10   think they don't like Saddam I mean you [TS]

00:51:12   know that stupidly abled are na ah i [TS]

00:51:17   think it's it's not i feels to me like [TS]

00:51:19   from a remove [TS]

00:51:20   it feels like even with my friends who [TS]

00:51:22   are really really smart and are so into [TS]

00:51:24   the politics you know they are they're [TS]

00:51:26   so smart people let me just stipulate [TS]

00:51:28   but along the line especially in [TS]

00:51:30   politics there's just so much branding [TS]

00:51:32   and looking for somebody that says [TS]

00:51:34   something you can agree with without [TS]

00:51:36   doing any of your due diligence on how [TS]

00:51:38   that you know comports with what they've [TS]

00:51:40   done in their life you know what I mean [TS]

00:51:42   and like you're not out there going like [TS]

00:51:44   well here's a chart showing like what i [TS]

00:51:45   should say this week you would be [TS]

00:51:47   somebody you could go out there and say [TS]

00:51:48   like believe me I understand being [TS]

00:51:49   fucked up [TS]

00:51:50   I've been pretty fucked out now that [TS]

00:51:52   that but also immediate all politics is [TS]

00:51:55   local as the is the phrase and one of [TS]

00:51:58   the things that I learned growing up in [TS]

00:51:59   surrounded by people in politics was [TS]

00:52:03   that but the e you get so you get so [TS]

00:52:11   much of of what is what ultimately is [TS]

00:52:13   national politics but ultimately is all [TS]

00:52:15   this like what are we going to do with [TS]

00:52:17   our bodies what are we going to do with [TS]

00:52:18   this what are we gonna do with that that [TS]

00:52:20   these different versions of a of what we [TS]

00:52:24   imagine his government and it all comes [TS]

00:52:26   down to ultimately different ideas of [TS]

00:52:29   public land use policy you know it all [TS]

00:52:32   comes down to zoning in a way and zoning [TS]

00:52:35   is a way that you can really get inside [TS]

00:52:38   your neighbors heads and zoning is a way [TS]

00:52:41   that you can start to understand why [TS]

00:52:43   stupid people are so mad all the time [TS]

00:52:44   because when you're trying to govern a [TS]

00:52:47   city you're looking at zoning and you're [TS]

00:52:51   saying this is going to be our business [TS]

00:52:53   district this area over here is the [TS]

00:52:55   these are going to be farms and if a guy [TS]

00:52:58   wants to build a skyscraper out here on [TS]

00:53:00   a farm [TS]

00:53:02   we're not going to let him do it because [TS]

00:53:03   we don't have the infrastructure there [TS]

00:53:05   that's not where you get to build [TS]

00:53:06   skyscrapers so we're workin finding the [TS]

00:53:09   skyscrapers to downtown [TS]

00:53:11   well so the guy that owns the farm says [TS]

00:53:16   who the hell are those guys downtown to [TS]

00:53:17   tell me I can't build a skyscraper here [TS]

00:53:19   because not so much about skyscrapers as [TS]

00:53:22   that this larger states rights it should [TS]

00:53:25   become the state's rights not expressly [TS]

00:53:27   know what I mean that's exactly states [TS]

00:53:29   like note in the states rights and [TS]

00:53:30   decoded sense of I'm the south and [TS]

00:53:32   nobody's gonna fucking tell me [TS]

00:53:33   to do right and that happens everywhere [TS]

00:53:35   you go and watching it here in seattle [TS]

00:53:37   where for a long time there was no there [TS]

00:53:40   was no zoning and people were just going [TS]

00:53:42   out and they were buying 500 acres of [TS]

00:53:45   farmland right on the edge of town and [TS]

00:53:48   they were building a cookie cutter [TS]

00:53:49   development as fast as they could nail [TS]

00:53:52   it on her until there were no farms left [TS]

00:53:54   and so the city so everybody's [TS]

00:53:57   complaining to the city why are you [TS]

00:53:58   letting them do this with your they're [TS]

00:54:00   ruining the city and so the city says [TS]

00:54:02   okay I you can't do that anymore [TS]

00:54:05   you can't be can't we're going to [TS]

00:54:07   preserve that farmland and we're going [TS]

00:54:10   to concentrate development downtown [TS]

00:54:13   well I'm instantly every farmer within [TS]

00:54:17   400 miles of seattle was infuriated not [TS]

00:54:20   but not because most of them ever [TS]

00:54:22   intended to build a subdivision on their [TS]

00:54:25   farm but because the city had just taken [TS]

00:54:27   away that possibility but it said you [TS]

00:54:28   know it's like passing a law that says [TS]

00:54:30   it's illegal it's still legal for you to [TS]

00:54:33   win a lottery up to a hundred and [TS]

00:54:34   seventeen dollars but you're not allowed [TS]

00:54:36   to win a lottery over 15 million dollars [TS]

00:54:39   right [TS]

00:54:40   think about that for a second right you [TS]

00:54:41   go to somebody you know what here's the [TS]

00:54:43   thing you can keep playing for somebody [TS]

00:54:44   said to me [TS]

00:54:45   whoa whoa nobody's gonna take my way my [TS]

00:54:47   right to win a hundred and seven in [TS]

00:54:48   there are millions and millions of [TS]

00:54:50   millions of dollars even there's no [TS]

00:54:51   fucking way in the entire world that [TS]

00:54:52   they're ever gonna win the lottery the [TS]

00:54:54   fact that you've taken away their right [TS]

00:54:55   to do that every component to be small [TS]

00:54:57   potatoes is is philosophically at odds [TS]

00:55:01   with those folks now [TS]

00:55:02   well not just that but but you're at [TS]

00:55:04   you're going to if you want to each one [TS]

00:55:05   of these farmers and set down in the [TS]

00:55:07   living room you said listen do you want [TS]

00:55:08   to see a world where there are no more [TS]

00:55:10   farms they would say of course not right [TS]

00:55:15   it's like selling somebody a vacuum [TS]

00:55:17   cleaner you just get them to say yes [TS]

00:55:18   five times and somewhere around the 7th [TS]

00:55:21   or 8th time they will buy a fucking [TS]

00:55:22   vacuum cleaner is what they've gotten so [TS]

00:55:23   used to saying yes would you say that [TS]

00:55:25   the life of your children is more [TS]

00:55:27   important than the fat cats on Wall [TS]

00:55:28   Street [TS]

00:55:29   oh my god yes what the fuck is an [TS]

00:55:31   infraction and then people use that same [TS]

00:55:33   sentence to sell both political views [TS]

00:55:35   absolutely absolutely but but if you go [TS]

00:55:37   to if you go to America and you say we [TS]

00:55:40   do you want to see the death of the [TS]

00:55:41   family farm in your lifetime [TS]

00:55:42   they're all going to say no if you say [TS]

00:55:44   okay in that case eat [TS]

00:55:46   where we have passed a law that you can [TS]

00:55:48   no longer develop your property they're [TS]

00:55:51   going to say well I want that line drawn [TS]

00:55:54   right on the other side of me you know [TS]

00:55:57   that restriction placed right on the [TS]

00:55:59   other side of my opportunity to develop [TS]

00:56:01   my farm and make a hundred million [TS]

00:56:03   dollars even if I never do it how many [TS]

00:56:05   people would stop to think that if you [TS]

00:56:06   really want to keep family farms alive [TS]

00:56:07   you probably shouldn't let fucking [TS]

00:56:08   skyscrapers people don them right now a [TS]

00:56:11   lot of family farm anymore it's like if [TS]

00:56:13   you agree if we agree you're gonna have [TS]

00:56:15   to make this sacrifice we all make [TS]

00:56:16   sacrifices you as a farm owner are going [TS]

00:56:18   to have to make this sacrifice and [TS]

00:56:21   that's the point at which right [TS]

00:56:23   most people don't want to be the one [TS]

00:56:25   hand and most people walk away from that [TS]

00:56:27   encounter not thinking about the big [TS]

00:56:29   picture but saying to themselves and [TS]

00:56:31   this is the narrative of the whole of [TS]

00:56:33   all conservatism which is why am I the [TS]

00:56:37   one that has to make the sacrifice right [TS]

00:56:39   if you listen to anyone on the [TS]

00:56:41   conservative spectrum talk about being [TS]

00:56:44   asked to make sacrifices they all they [TS]

00:56:47   all speak about it in language as though [TS]

00:56:49   they are the only one who ever had to [TS]

00:56:51   make a sacrifice and so so that's the [TS]

00:56:55   difference between you know that that is [TS]

00:56:57   where local politics expands to national [TS]

00:56:59   politics and that is a that is a world [TS]

00:57:01   I've spent my whole life trying to [TS]

00:57:02   understand so I feel like I could I [TS]

00:57:05   could I could easily run for office and [TS]

00:57:09   at least make myself understood to those [TS]

00:57:11   people because I because I understand i [TS]

00:57:14   can put myself any of us can put [TS]

00:57:16   ourselves in the shoes of feeling like [TS]

00:57:18   that kid on Christmas morning and all of [TS]

00:57:21   your brothers and sisters got a present [TS]

00:57:22   but the family ran out of money and [TS]

00:57:24   you're the one that doesn't get right on [TS]

00:57:26   it and let the risk of falling into this [TS]

00:57:28   but you know what lake off identifies in [TS]

00:57:30   that and I don't think an elephant book [TS]

00:57:32   the conservative model of government as [TS]

00:57:34   a family or nation as a family you know [TS]

00:57:36   that'sthat's paradigm that was very [TS]

00:57:38   effective like You Don't Tell I don't [TS]

00:57:39   need a permission slip to invade [TS]

00:57:41   Afghanistan are necessary iraq so forth [TS]

00:57:43   but i mean i think that family thing [TS]

00:57:45   think of it this way this is where it [TS]

00:57:46   becomes valuable to me is like imagined [TS]

00:57:49   like if you are a parent and you had god [TS]

00:57:52   forbid you had a bunch of kids under the [TS]

00:57:54   age of six like do they get to vote [TS]

00:57:56   about whether you're going to have mms [TS]

00:57:58   for dinner [TS]

00:57:59   like do they get of [TS]

00:57:59   but in that we would you say to them is [TS]

00:58:01   in the school is just a reminder on how [TS]

00:58:03   liberal you are because I know a lot of [TS]

00:58:06   money to bring your own bag lot of [TS]

00:58:09   hippie a lot of hippie parents around [TS]

00:58:10   here in Seattle they're like you want [TS]

00:58:11   you to stick of butter / dinner the [TS]

00:58:13   rights as long as vegan butter smeared [TS]

00:58:16   on a spider sugar the um no but i guess [TS]

00:58:19   i'm saying is a sound making them [TS]

00:58:20   business terribly mixed metaphor here [TS]

00:58:21   but but you know what i want is a [TS]

00:58:24   candidate and I've seen if they feel [TS]

00:58:25   like sometimes people like barney frank [TS]

00:58:26   or like people not just click because [TS]

00:58:28   the gate park because the [TS]

00:58:29   straight-talking part the occasional [TS]

00:58:30   straight-talking part of the politician [TS]

00:58:32   we're so what are my values if it is a [TS]

00:58:35   value it at least value in the sense if [TS]

00:58:37   I know when I'm fucking up at it i think [TS]

00:58:38   and i definitely see what other people [TS]

00:58:40   are fucking about it is like everything [TS]

00:58:41   that you are your green ok your green [TS]

00:58:44   for what cost to you know know that [TS]

00:58:47   green for like how much money it saves [TS]

00:58:49   you right and this is why bit with the [TS]

00:58:51   fucking hotels you go in and every [TS]

00:58:53   single thing they do to be green save [TS]

00:58:56   some money right and it does not save [TS]

00:58:58   you anything or well it's absolutely or [TS]

00:59:01   more stimulated this point if they [TS]

00:59:03   wanted to be green [TS]

00:59:04   why don't they spend whatever it takes [TS]

00:59:06   to become become completely solar light [TS]

00:59:10   or or whatever [TS]

00:59:11   why don't you what would it cost not for [TS]

00:59:13   you just to get more insulation to save [TS]

00:59:14   you money I get it but you don't get to [TS]

00:59:16   call yourself green just because you [TS]

00:59:18   save money you get to call yourself [TS]

00:59:19   green when you give things up [TS]

00:59:21   mhm including money including money and [TS]

00:59:24   that's the thing is fucking politics [TS]

00:59:25   that drives me bananas [TS]

00:59:26   there's two things in politics first of [TS]

00:59:28   all politics as pro wrestling it is [TS]

00:59:30   about as valuable to follow politics as [TS]

00:59:31   it is to follow for wrestling if you [TS]

00:59:33   enjoy you should do it but if you care [TS]

00:59:35   if i can change yourself get out there [TS]

00:59:36   be a man about it don't worry about [TS]

00:59:38   Twitter you don't time for twitter you [TS]

00:59:39   got to change the world gum we go now [TS]

00:59:41   here's the second one the second one is [TS]

00:59:42   what the fuck that you give up because [TS]

00:59:44   your ex so if you really care a lot [TS]

00:59:47   about anything I want to know what you [TS]

00:59:50   gave up for that not just even money you [TS]

00:59:53   know what I mean like I'm not for the [TS]

00:59:54   parent park ever comes in case somebody [TS]

00:59:56   comes up and goes what about the values [TS]

00:59:58   of the green space [TS]

00:59:58   of the green space [TS]

01:00:00   there what are we going to do for our [TS]

01:00:01   children and then the schools and it's [TS]

01:00:04   like I want to have politician can fire [TS]

01:00:06   straight back at that person and say [TS]

01:00:08   that's an excellent question let me ask [TS]

01:00:09   you what you're willing to pay for that [TS]

01:00:10   right and let me show you here's the way [TS]

01:00:12   it works we have this much pie and we [TS]

01:00:15   can cut it up in all kinds of ways but [TS]

01:00:17   every day I spend every day figuring out [TS]

01:00:19   who to disappoint least today right well [TS]

01:00:21   helping the most people and just because [TS]

01:00:23   you stood up there with your little [TS]

01:00:25   funny bag and give me some remarks but [TS]

01:00:27   you know I want somebody can fucking [TS]

01:00:28   take that person down and say here's why [TS]

01:00:31   we do that and then people like I think [TS]

01:00:33   you Harvey Milk was kinda like this you [TS]

01:00:35   can you get maybe it's all just a punk [TS]

01:00:36   bitch nobody straight-talking you can [TS]

01:00:39   say here's what that cost child probably [TS]

01:00:42   that though is that that that you do get [TS]

01:00:44   politicians like that like chris [TS]

01:00:46   Christie or even Mitt Romney with his [TS]

01:00:48   47% comments [TS]

01:00:50   it's just that well as soon as you start [TS]

01:00:52   quote-unquote straight talking with [TS]

01:00:54   people you start saying things that you [TS]

01:00:58   know that the opposition is like here he [TS]

01:00:59   goes [TS]

01:01:00   I mean you-you-you see straight that [TS]

01:01:03   that the gift is to be able to say those [TS]

01:01:06   things in a way that the way where you [TS]

01:01:09   don't end up hanging by your own rope [TS]

01:01:11   when straight talk straight talk first [TS]

01:01:13   of all what pass i'm gonna shut up after [TS]

01:01:15   this fucking cares I don't care about [TS]

01:01:16   politics by what passes for population [TS]

01:01:19   today really bugs me because it is the [TS]

01:01:21   kind of populism that basically says if [TS]

01:01:22   there's any other single person in the [TS]

01:01:24   world that has the tiniest thing that [TS]

01:01:26   you don't whether you want it or not [TS]

01:01:27   like they're a dick and you're awesome [TS]

01:01:30   and you're fucking martyr and that [TS]

01:01:32   driving that is not populism that is [TS]

01:01:34   just selfish and stupid and Prevention [TS]

01:01:36   behavior like everybody's got problems [TS]

01:01:38   and if when you grow up you realize that [TS]

01:01:41   everybody's got different problems and [TS]

01:01:42   you can't always understand other [TS]

01:01:43   people's problems but that is exactly [TS]

01:01:45   the kind of attitude that opens us up to [TS]

01:01:48   these charlatans and so all these people [TS]

01:01:50   who can sell us on that emotion without [TS]

01:01:51   ever causing us to think a little more [TS]

01:01:53   well what do they have to gain by [TS]

01:01:55   sending nicely populism that's always [TS]

01:01:57   been popular really think so [TS]

01:01:59   Andrew Jackson ran a campaign [TS]

01:02:02   oh well I'm based on even more somebody [TS]

01:02:05   who drops the g's and touch their [TS]

01:02:07   suspenders and says oh gosh oh golly [TS]

01:02:09   makes it sound like a regular dude and I [TS]

01:02:11   get you [TS]

01:02:11   yeah yeah I mean populism is by by by [TS]

01:02:14   its very definition of appeal to the the [TS]

01:02:16   bassist emotions of the largest number [TS]

01:02:19   of unformed people there is no I mean I [TS]

01:02:22   there is no populism that isn't that [TS]

01:02:26   gross ultimately end up and the the [TS]

01:02:28   problem is a I mean we were all raised [TS]

01:02:31   to think that one day through education [TS]

01:02:34   we were going to create a nation of [TS]

01:02:36   philosopher Kings where everybody was [TS]

01:02:39   going to be hyper informed we were all [TS]

01:02:41   going to sit around reading alexandre [TS]

01:02:44   dumas and talking about the talking [TS]

01:02:47   about like a the the rarefied little [TS]

01:02:50   adjustments we needed to make two are [TS]

01:02:52   finely oiled comic you know complete [TS]

01:02:54   perfect democracy right and in fact that [TS]

01:03:00   education has dare i say not produce [TS]

01:03:02   this situation and as we hurtle forward [TS]

01:03:06   we we have a we have a we have a mass [TS]

01:03:11   electronic communication system that has [TS]

01:03:13   produced the the the appearance of [TS]

01:03:17   information and we have 200 million [TS]

01:03:21   people in America who feel like they are [TS]

01:03:23   informed because they because they are [TS]

01:03:26   being told things all day they're [TS]

01:03:27   they're watching and listening to people [TS]

01:03:29   telling them things and they see it with [TS]

01:03:32   their own eyes and they believe that [TS]

01:03:33   they have I mean at least in 1830 you [TS]

01:03:36   had people out plowing the fields and if [TS]

01:03:38   you came up to them and said what do you [TS]

01:03:40   think about this they say listen I've [TS]

01:03:41   never heard of it i don't know what [TS]

01:03:42   you're talking about like i have two [TS]

01:03:44   books in the house the Bible and the [TS]

01:03:46   other Bible and that's all I know your [TS]

01:03:50   name but now you walk up to to the to a [TS]

01:03:53   person with a with almost no capacity to [TS]

01:03:58   be interested in things enough to [TS]

01:04:01   self-educate themselves beyond just the [TS]

01:04:04   thinnest like one molecule deep [TS]

01:04:06   understanding of things but they know it [TS]

01:04:09   would they know one molecule deep about [TS]

01:04:11   1 million things because they're [TS]

01:04:13   watching it on TV they know who won the [TS]

01:04:14   Oscars they know you know they know the [TS]

01:04:17   that they know that scoochie just had a [TS]

01:04:20   baby or whatever in New Jersey good for [TS]

01:04:23   scoochie you know scoochie is my [TS]

01:04:25   favorite character on that show [TS]

01:04:27   now what she had hoped the people yeah [TS]

01:04:30   that's the the show about them with [TS]

01:04:33   their there's they're doing their thing [TS]

01:04:34   and so she just had a baby and everybody [TS]

01:04:36   knows all this [TS]

01:04:37   oh yeah who's an Oscar Wilde that you [TS]

01:04:38   know people seneca someone who knows the [TS]

01:04:40   the price of everything and the value of [TS]

01:04:42   nothing and that's why it reminds me so [TS]

01:04:44   much of sports is that people people who [TS]

01:04:46   feel extremely well-informed about [TS]

01:04:47   politics by tuning into the people that [TS]

01:04:50   they normally agree with and I basically [TS]

01:04:52   reading sports scores it does not make [TS]

01:04:55   you an effective part of the body [TS]

01:04:57   politic it makes you a sports fan [TS]

01:04:59   it makes you somebody who knows the box [TS]

01:05:01   scores and who's leading in the National [TS]

01:05:03   League Eastern Division you know who has [TS]

01:05:06   been with two and a half games ahead and [TS]

01:05:09   you know that this guy you know is going [TS]

01:05:10   to have ACL surgery that doesn't make [TS]

01:05:12   you a fucking expert and it doesn't it [TS]

01:05:14   doesn't it doesn't you know what I mean [TS]

01:05:15   it's like what you need to get past this [TS]

01:05:17   point of seeing these these two pro [TS]

01:05:19   wrestlers as the answer to any problem [TS]

01:05:22   you know i mean like it's just not how [TS]

01:05:24   it works its and it's anyway and I guess [TS]

01:05:27   the reason I'm so crank your defensive [TS]

01:05:29   about it is I need a John Roderick I [TS]

01:05:32   need somebody to make me care about [TS]

01:05:33   politics and to be willing to bring my [TS]

01:05:34   bag or or or for that matter demand a [TS]

01:05:36   bag depending on how it works out [TS]

01:05:38   according to you and I defer to you on [TS]

01:05:39   this but you know it just it just drives [TS]

01:05:41   me bananas that I I feel like we're [TS]

01:05:43   amongst my friends I'm the one who's the [TS]

01:05:45   dick because i'm seeing the matrix you [TS]

01:05:47   know and it but if you say anything [TS]

01:05:49   about that to people they get so mad I [TS]

01:05:52   remember I remember me and it wasn't [TS]

01:05:54   very long ago at all in the election [TS]

01:05:55   cycle really let's say half way through [TS]

01:05:57   they say about 2010 when the Democrats [TS]

01:06:00   got their asses handed them and I've [TS]

01:06:01   said this maybe twice [TS]

01:06:03   how are those hope posters working out [TS]

01:06:05   for you is a fucking human being from [TS]

01:06:07   Chicago is a good man he seems like a [TS]

01:06:10   good man but he's a fucking politic from [TS]

01:06:12   piece of politician from Illinois with [TS]

01:06:14   not that much experience people get mad [TS]

01:06:16   imagining on a poster like they're like [TS]

01:06:19   everyone kind of said the same thing and [TS]

01:06:20   then they say they're not listening to [TS]

01:06:22   what you're saying they're just hearing [TS]

01:06:23   you say something that sounded like [TS]

01:06:25   something sheets well I'm [TS]

01:06:27   what I'm saying is that like I would [TS]

01:06:29   never have a poster of a lawyer with the [TS]

01:06:30   word love on it haha [TS]

01:06:33   because that's not why I hire a lawyer [TS]

01:06:36   thank you [TS]

01:06:36   I don't I don't I don't go out and hire [TS]

01:06:38   a hitman for the mob because he talks [TS]

01:06:41   about his feelings like I want a [TS]

01:06:43   president I want fucking lungs accepting [TS]

01:06:45   Vietnam I want to Lyndon Johnson in [TS]

01:06:47   there I want somebody with good [TS]

01:06:48   rolodexes how to connect to kick [TS]

01:06:49   somebody's ass and knows how to order a [TS]

01:06:51   pair of pants those balls are [TS]

01:06:52   comfortable but I was we as we get as we [TS]

01:06:55   get set for God's sake except for [TS]

01:06:56   vietnam vietnam was a problem i just [TS]

01:06:57   stipulate as we get deeper and deeper [TS]

01:06:59   into the into this experiment of of pure [TS]

01:07:05   democracy and America is an ongoing [TS]

01:07:08   experiment it's 200 years in and it [TS]

01:07:12   keeps it keeps six or rewriting its own [TS]

01:07:15   rulebook but it is unprecedented in [TS]

01:07:18   human history that there was ever a [TS]

01:07:21   nation like this that was ever governed [TS]

01:07:23   like this and as we move forward we we [TS]

01:07:26   keep thinking that America is a thing [TS]

01:07:29   that once was perfect and we are [TS]

01:07:31   corrupting it or America was on a path [TS]

01:07:34   to being perfect and we have gone off [TS]

01:07:37   the path right but in in fact America is [TS]

01:07:39   this this petri dish that all the world [TS]

01:07:42   is watching and the world isn't what has [TS]

01:07:44   been has been for for 200 years like [TS]

01:07:46   cartoon of your holy shit i can't [TS]

01:07:48   believe we pulled that off for another [TS]

01:07:49   another five years right and the world [TS]

01:07:51   is watching it not just in admiration [TS]

01:07:52   but you know the world takes takes from [TS]

01:07:57   us some of the results of our experiment [TS]

01:07:59   and they take it over to their own [TS]

01:08:01   places where they have recently deposed [TS]

01:08:03   King and they say well we don't really [TS]

01:08:05   like everything about the Declaration of [TS]

01:08:06   Independence and the and the US [TS]

01:08:08   Constitution but we're going to take [TS]

01:08:09   some things we're gonna do this we're [TS]

01:08:11   gonna do that [TS]

01:08:11   and meanwhile we are prepared slogging [TS]

01:08:14   along trying to make this experiment [TS]

01:08:16   work and the further we go up this one [TS]

01:08:19   particular path the more everybody [TS]

01:08:22   starts to say boy you know oligarchy [TS]

01:08:24   wasn't that bad [TS]

01:08:29   in contrast to pure democracy and that [TS]

01:08:35   is just that's a coarse adjustment you [TS]

01:08:37   know we 50 years ago lived in a kind of [TS]

01:08:40   all the particle system where we had [TS]

01:08:43   people like Lyndon Johnson who were [TS]

01:08:45   taking care of things and we trusted FDR [TS]

01:08:49   and we trusted we trusted this sort of [TS]

01:08:52   group of who / who were almost all look [TS]

01:08:55   incredibly competent scumbags [TS]

01:08:57   yeah right i mean about so that's I mean [TS]

01:08:59   the but you know you said no it's like I [TS]

01:09:01   i mean i think their heroic I think [TS]

01:09:03   they're in heroic people but like once [TS]

01:09:04   you know about how that sausage got made [TS]

01:09:06   like you know they did some shit [TS]

01:09:08   yeah well but you think about you think [TS]

01:09:11   about somebody like Gandhi who was [TS]

01:09:12   incredibly competent and not a scumbag [TS]

01:09:14   right [TS]

01:09:16   he worked his whole life to free India [TS]

01:09:17   from British oppressive oppression I'm [TS]

01:09:20   missing a tooth and narrate the day and [TS]

01:09:24   the you know literally the day he he [TS]

01:09:27   achieved independence from britain all [TS]

01:09:31   of a sudden Pakistan once independence [TS]

01:09:34   from India and their plunged into what [TS]

01:09:37   is effectively a a civil war and a [TS]

01:09:40   religious war that that persists to this [TS]

01:09:43   day and it has become like the nuclear [TS]

01:09:47   flashpoint of the world and all of that [TS]

01:09:50   is a about the whole india-pakistan [TS]

01:09:54   problem [TS]

01:09:56   Andy and we one might argue the problem [TS]

01:09:58   with Afghanistan is Pakistan and India [TS]

01:10:01   fighting kind of a proxy war in [TS]

01:10:04   Afghanistan and that whole problem is a [TS]

01:10:07   result of Gandhi freeing india from [TS]

01:10:11   British oppression [TS]

01:10:12   so even the best you know even the best [TS]

01:10:16   system even the even the the man with [TS]

01:10:19   the most integrity in human history [TS]

01:10:21   cannot produce a situation that isn't [TS]

01:10:25   that doesn't you know dissolve into in [TS]

01:10:30   this case not just Muslim vs Hindu but [TS]

01:10:33   you know it well I i'm not saying we [TS]

01:10:38   should return to the Raj i'm not saying [TS]

01:10:39   that that that that freeing india from [TS]

01:10:42   British oppression was a bad plan [TS]

01:10:44   it's just that now look now the now the [TS]

01:10:47   cats are out of the bag and people are [TS]

01:10:50   going to do what they're going to do and [TS]

01:10:51   it you know [TS]

01:10:52   but you're also you're also getting to [TS]

01:10:54   another big problem at least in my [TS]

01:10:56   estimation which is to never people who [TS]

01:10:59   may be people who aren't as fucked up [TS]

01:11:02   and liberal artsy is me who took don't [TS]

01:11:04   take into account how many how life is a [TS]

01:11:06   tile puzzle is like one little space if [TS]

01:11:09   you want to get that in order from like [TS]

01:11:10   12 15 you gotta move a lot of fucking [TS]

01:11:12   tiles around its super inconvenient and [TS]

01:11:14   if your only goal in life is to make [TS]

01:11:16   sure that number number for always stays [TS]

01:11:20   in the upper right-hand corner there's [TS]

01:11:22   gonna be so much work involved in moving [TS]

01:11:23   all those towels around and if you will [TS]

01:11:25   you sit around thinking i want for to [TS]

01:11:28   always stay there and don't you dare [TS]

01:11:29   fucking touch it [TS]

01:11:30   well that's not how it's going to work [TS]

01:11:31   everybody else wants their tile [TS]

01:11:33   someplace to there's a lot of people who [TS]

01:11:35   just want the tiles they move they don't [TS]

01:11:36   really care what the numbers are those [TS]

01:11:37   doing that lawyers and so but you know [TS]

01:11:40   and get to get for backup to back corner [TS]

01:11:43   in my hand to go and do somebody [TS]

01:11:44   somewhere real farm you might have to [TS]

01:11:46   just shut the fuck up and let somebody [TS]

01:11:47   else being for for a little while if you [TS]

01:11:49   ever want to have it back and and that's [TS]

01:11:51   all the Rubik's Cube and again this [TS]

01:11:52   apply this to me this disc gets to this [TS]

01:11:55   really cynical I don't know it's just [TS]

01:11:58   it's a weak spot that a lot of us have [TS]

01:12:00   an American because we also think you're [TS]

01:12:01   smart and special which is that if we [TS]

01:12:03   have if we have a lot of us if we find [TS]

01:12:05   somebody who will tell us that your [TS]

01:12:07   number for tile will always get to stay [TS]

01:12:09   in the upper right-hand corner and I [TS]

01:12:10   will defend all the people who think [TS]

01:12:11   your tires should move you're gonna miss [TS]

01:12:14   understand so many things about how the [TS]

01:12:15   world works [TS]

01:12:16   setting aside the fact that they're [TS]

01:12:17   still you know what 14 other people who [TS]

01:12:20   want their tiles to move and so in this [TS]

01:12:22   is why i say well I in green is one that [TS]

01:12:24   drives me crazy because I think it's so [TS]

01:12:26   fucking cynical to say that and people [TS]

01:12:28   say when my question always is well [TS]

01:12:30   green at the cost of what right and in [TS]

01:12:32   this instance you could say to somebody [TS]

01:12:34   you can basically you treat them like a [TS]

01:12:36   child you treat them like a child he [TS]

01:12:38   took them almost like in my case like a [TS]

01:12:40   toddler right with my daughter three in [TS]

01:12:42   the afternoon I come home and I'm lucky [TS]

01:12:45   and we get to hang out and I end and [TS]

01:12:47   there's this whole list of things that [TS]

01:12:49   we could do that come up well you know [TS]

01:12:51   we could play some wii we could go to [TS]

01:12:52   the library we could read this comic hey [TS]

01:12:55   you know we have enough time that we [TS]

01:12:56   could go to the embarcadero are likely [TS]

01:12:58   to the ferry building we could and [TS]

01:13:00   there's all these things and they rent [TS]

01:13:01   themselves a little bit over two over [TS]

01:13:02   two [TS]

01:13:03   we could get a chocolate chip cookie we [TS]

01:13:05   could play in the backyard but the thing [TS]

01:13:07   is at seven o'clock when we still [TS]

01:13:09   haven't left the house she still thinks [TS]

01:13:11   we're going to get a chocolate cookie at [TS]

01:13:13   embarcadero and I'm saying you heard you [TS]

01:13:16   like blood ginger you all you heard it [TS]

01:13:18   all the stuff that you wanted to hear [TS]

01:13:19   and you cannot hear any of the parts [TS]

01:13:21   about these the really important part [TS]

01:13:22   because maybe I said it wrong but what I [TS]

01:13:24   really needed to say is we need to get [TS]

01:13:25   the fuck out of the house by 3 15 to do [TS]

01:13:27   anything [TS]

01:13:28   yeah and now I'm the dick because i'm [TS]

01:13:29   not gonna give you a cookie well that's [TS]

01:13:31   politics to me today is everybody hears [TS]

01:13:33   all the ways that they're gonna they're [TS]

01:13:35   gonna get to call themselves green and [TS]

01:13:36   get the vegan meals but they're not [TS]

01:13:38   willing to pony up the dough to do it i [TS]

01:13:40   want me to sell it about to cfl light [TS]

01:13:43   bulbs that last week for the 99 cents [TS]

01:13:45   some green now i don't mean to suggest [TS]

01:13:48   that this is where this sorry child was [TS]

01:13:50   your relationship with your daughter [TS]

01:13:51   yeah but this is why a punch in the nose [TS]

01:13:54   is such an effective problem solver and [TS]

01:13:56   they just they just took that away from [TS]

01:13:57   you woke up one day and that was the day [TS]

01:13:59   they took that away from us [TS]

01:14:01   I'm sorry they took it he took it away [TS]

01:14:02   from from the people who might have that [TS]

01:14:04   coming because obviously there's a [TS]

01:14:06   there's often a guy who's standing on [TS]

01:14:08   his number four square and he's like I [TS]

01:14:10   moving my family's been in the top [TS]

01:14:13   right-hand corner that's right since at [TS]

01:14:15   six and and at a certain point you [TS]

01:14:19   realize you cannot appease this person [TS]

01:14:20   you cannot make it right [TS]

01:14:22   they will never be satisfied who and you [TS]

01:14:25   still need to move that thing out of the [TS]

01:14:27   top right corner you need to get you [TS]

01:14:29   need occupy square number four and [TS]

01:14:31   ultimately in times past a punch in the [TS]

01:14:34   nose was warranted a response this guy [TS]

01:14:37   in the nose and then it's like you said [TS]

01:14:38   whether it should give you some clarity [TS]

01:14:40   like having your head said why you're [TS]

01:14:41   trippin [TS]

01:14:42   it just gives a little bit a little bit [TS]

01:14:43   quick clarity anything but it's the [TS]

01:14:45   thing is the thing about eminent domain [TS]

01:14:47   or it's the thing about Oleg arche at a [TS]

01:14:48   certain point we elect people because we [TS]

01:14:51   trust that we don't have all the facts [TS]

01:14:53   and that these people are going to be [TS]

01:14:55   more informed than we are and they're [TS]

01:14:56   going to make decisions on our behalf [TS]

01:14:58   and in America now we elect people and [TS]

01:15:00   then we second-guess their every move [TS]

01:15:02   because we think that we are we all pick [TS]

01:15:05   the were the smartest people in because [TS]

01:15:06   because we heard there might be a cookie [TS]

01:15:08   coming even though we didn't understand [TS]

01:15:09   how much was involved before you got [TS]

01:15:11   here that i got elected because he [TS]

01:15:12   promised us a cookie and now where's our [TS]

01:15:14   cooking hold on [TS]

01:15:15   home the fact that we that we we can't [TS]

01:15:18   all manage these things and we hire [TS]

01:15:20   people basically yeah be representatives [TS]

01:15:23   to go figure this stuff out for us and [TS]

01:15:25   if we're not the problem is that we used [TS]

01:15:28   to at least sometimes hire people that [TS]

01:15:31   we thought were better than we are but [TS]

01:15:34   in a mirror is better than anybody now [TS]

01:15:36   John that's right in America now that if [TS]

01:15:38   there is no one better than and anybody [TS]

01:15:40   who just wants to stand up and say I'm [TS]

01:15:42   the best there and so we hire people to [TS]

01:15:45   go to public office for us who are you [TS]

01:15:49   know who believe that though that the [TS]

01:15:51   world was created in seven days or who [TS]

01:15:52   believe that all you have to do is [TS]

01:15:54   implement a 2-percent across-the-board [TS]

01:15:56   tax and all of our bills will go away or [TS]

01:15:59   people bet [TS]

01:16:00   uh you know the believe that ron Hubbard [TS]

01:16:02   uh oh gotta make time he thinks ezc123 [TS]

01:16:07   and weekend i'm sorry please continue [TS]

01:16:09   no no it's not just want to make sure to [TS]

01:16:11   make sure that was two things we have to [TS]

01:16:12   come back to you if we don't think we [TS]

01:16:13   have time for Howard's involves we [TS]

01:16:14   should say that but what I want to ask [TS]

01:16:15   you is this is a two-part question [TS]

01:16:17   answer it you know as you do but if you [TS]

01:16:21   had your druthers today if if you knew [TS]

01:16:24   in your heart or thought in your heart [TS]

01:16:26   maybe maybe you're just going to push a [TS]

01:16:27   rock up the hill but let's say you are [TS]

01:16:30   going to run for offers at what level [TS]

01:16:31   will you run for office and given where [TS]

01:16:34   you're running can you give me some [TS]

01:16:36   basic planks in the edge on Roderick [TS]

01:16:39   platform i'm just going to say to start [TS]

01:16:41   out i don't want to I don't want to piss [TS]

01:16:42   in your punch bowl but i think the whole [TS]

01:16:43   idea of you even even conceding that you [TS]

01:16:46   need to be elected for something as a [TS]

01:16:47   goddamn Holocaust well anything without [TS]

01:16:49   going in with a plan like yours a man a [TS]

01:16:50   plan a canal supertrain it's fucking [TS]

01:16:52   depressing as hell that you need to [TS]

01:16:54   consider asking somebody to do you the [TS]

01:16:56   favor of voting for you the the thing is [TS]

01:16:59   though that if you get elected say for [TS]

01:17:00   instance mayor of Seattle who you have [TS]

01:17:02   you have into you know instantaneously [TS]

01:17:06   all these agencies all those people [TS]

01:17:09   working for you who are trying to try to [TS]

01:17:11   run the city efficiently but also our [TS]

01:17:14   you know our kind of open to reform I [TS]

01:17:17   mean people are used to a new mayor [TS]

01:17:19   coming in already netiquette in its [TS]

01:17:21   infrastructure but you can always clean [TS]

01:17:22   house you do a little you do a little [TS]

01:17:24   housecleaning who i think that you know [TS]

01:17:26   I don't want to say that being married [TS]

01:17:27   yet [TS]

01:17:28   the dead-end job but I think that's not [TS]

01:17:33   see now that's the kind of dependent [TS]

01:17:34   clause that gets a Manoff i have been [TS]

01:17:37   running for mayor of Seattle would be [TS]

01:17:39   would be a fascinating journey to go on [TS]

01:17:42   and I didn't being mayor of Seattle [TS]

01:17:44   given what I know about the city which [TS]

01:17:46   is everything you know there are some [TS]

01:17:49   there are some changes i would make [TS]

01:17:51   there are a lot of things about the way [TS]

01:17:52   Seattle runs that I would leave alone [TS]

01:17:54   that would just let Seattle run but [TS]

01:17:56   there are there are quite a few i mean [TS]

01:17:58   their relationships you have to maintain [TS]

01:17:59   and our present mayor is a is very [TS]

01:18:02   effective [TS]

01:18:03   he's the hippie and so he has you know [TS]

01:18:08   he has hippie values and that squares [TS]

01:18:10   with what everybody around here if you [TS]

01:18:12   want something selfish and duplicitous [TS]

01:18:13   that's a good place to look [TS]

01:18:15   but but the thing about Seattle is there [TS]

01:18:17   there are a lot of people in Seattle who [TS]

01:18:20   are hippies who and I think that they [TS]

01:18:22   have a tendency to not you know to run [TS]

01:18:26   roughshod over the mirror to to do not [TS]

01:18:29   respect him and you know we hear in [TS]

01:18:30   these it's like they're too many bike [TS]

01:18:32   lanes kind of arguments now it's like [TS]

01:18:35   they're really are there too many bike [TS]

01:18:37   lanes and then what it and his problem [TS]

01:18:39   is that he he believes that we should [TS]

01:18:41   have more bike lanes any believes that [TS]

01:18:43   is self-evident he doesn't have to [TS]

01:18:45   explain it there are doing not they're [TS]

01:18:47   not is so he's saying there's not enough [TS]

01:18:49   streets that have a bike lane or we need [TS]

01:18:51   like five across on this road [TS]

01:18:53   I think our present there would be would [TS]

01:18:55   be gratified if there were only bikes [TS]

01:18:57   and the only cars then only it's a [TS]

01:19:00   fascinating conversation to have but so [TS]

01:19:03   I i think that I would run for mayor of [TS]

01:19:05   Seattle ok but ultimately my father will [TS]

01:19:08   not rest my mind my ancestors will not [TS]

01:19:12   rest until I'm a United States Senator [TS]

01:19:15   and that's up [TS]

01:19:16   that's a harder job to acquire I don't [TS]

01:19:19   even know how to frame this but you know [TS]

01:19:20   that is yet John that is that is a great [TS]

01:19:22   goal or you are aging a little bit i [TS]

01:19:24   think that's actually more than a one [TS]

01:19:26   admit is going to be your people people [TS]

01:19:28   will probably care less about your [TS]

01:19:29   trippin but I mean you're pretty old to [TS]

01:19:30   get office at this point but it's true [TS]

01:19:33   it's it's a pretty old to start at the [TS]

01:19:34   bottom unless you unless you you do [TS]

01:19:36   something heroic recently Sonny Bono [TS]

01:19:40   you got elected to the United States [TS]

01:19:43   maybe he know he wrote needles and pins [TS]

01:19:45   well see ya that's what something costs [TS]

01:19:47   arts and I have always felt that the [TS]

01:19:50   that for me [TS]

01:19:52   the my entree into the jobs that I've [TS]

01:19:55   always wanted which are united states [TS]

01:19:57   senator a professor of a history [TS]

01:20:02   americas haha what if you want to be [TS]

01:20:07   yeah I'm sorry that's so awesome you [TS]

01:20:09   want to be a professor of history [TS]

01:20:10   emeritus yes would you if you had your [TS]

01:20:12   druthers I would hear third one too but [TS]

01:20:13   if you could you would skip over the [TS]

01:20:16   ignominious career of being a professor [TS]

01:20:18   fisting just being an American correct [TS]

01:20:21   crap i am I have no interest in being a [TS]

01:20:24   professor of history teaches survey so [TS]

01:20:26   forward-thinking I want to be a [TS]

01:20:28   professor of history and a lot of work [TS]

01:20:30   yeah or or a retired general of the army [TS]

01:20:34   and in order to get to those three jobs [TS]

01:20:38   the standard model that you started both [TS]

01:20:41   you started local level and you work [TS]

01:20:43   your way up through the ranks you don't [TS]

01:20:45   get to here's the thing you might have [TS]

01:20:47   to be you might have to be an assistant [TS]

01:20:48   alderman before your alderman you have [TS]

01:20:50   an alderman then you're going to be a [TS]

01:20:52   lawyer for a couple years become a [TS]

01:20:53   lobbyist then you might run for mayor [TS]

01:20:55   yeah I'm not interested in any of those [TS]

01:20:57   things that see this John that is just [TS]

01:20:59   that can I just say John and no offense [TS]

01:21:00   to anybody in politics that you know but [TS]

01:21:03   that's just undignified having to work [TS]

01:21:05   your way up like we'll wait what-what [TS]

01:21:07   are you in elementary school three [TS]

01:21:08   different things I I don't need to know [TS]

01:21:10   where the bodies are buried [TS]

01:21:11   I'll have people for that yeah well I [TS]

01:21:14   yeah so so using Sonny Bono as a model [TS]

01:21:17   which you know or or the guy who played [TS]

01:21:20   a Cletus on on Dukes have my thanks to [TS]

01:21:23   get cooter cooter right the guy who [TS]

01:21:25   played cooter um you know you got his [TS]

01:21:28   real name by the way is Joseph Regina he [TS]

01:21:31   you just parlay your fame in a different [TS]

01:21:35   vernacular who and then at a certain [TS]

01:21:38   point you start saying you know you pull [TS]

01:21:39   an arnold schwarzenegger you start [TS]

01:21:41   talking like you know about stuff and [TS]

01:21:43   enough people go oh that sounds [TS]

01:21:45   reasonable [TS]

01:21:46   they're pretty soon you're the governor [TS]

01:21:47   of california is not a bad example I [TS]

01:21:49   think he's a better example incentive [TS]

01:21:50   bonus a bonus seems like whatever but [TS]

01:21:52   Arnold Schwarzenegger [TS]

01:21:53   you know say what you will about that [TS]

01:21:55   guy there's a lot to say about that guy [TS]

01:21:57   but you know what he worked really [TS]

01:21:59   really hard adventure [TS]

01:22:01   well that's a lot of work being arrested [TS]

01:22:03   about travel but I mean you know you go [TS]

01:22:05   back and read a little bit about his bio [TS]

01:22:06   he worked really sure he took steroids [TS]

01:22:09   and stuff but he still he worked really [TS]

01:22:12   hard as I broke up with the razor blade [TS]

01:22:14   to buy better million times you get paid [TS]

01:22:16   a little extra for that doesn't feel so [TS]

01:22:18   that's my plan i kinda like I feel like [TS]

01:22:20   rather than going to work outside the [TS]

01:22:22   system this is the part of him [TS]

01:22:23   struggling to understand you're gonna [TS]

01:22:24   work inside of an electoral system where [TS]

01:22:27   where where people who have no business [TS]

01:22:29   voting are theoretically the one that [TS]

01:22:30   are going to give or take a job from you [TS]

01:22:33   yeah you know I John that's it because I [TS]

01:22:35   admire the system you know ultimately [TS]

01:22:36   all the stuff that I say that sounds [TS]

01:22:40   like I am and I i'm interested in [TS]

01:22:41   running a a monarchy basically i really [TS]

01:22:47   admire I admire the American system with [TS]

01:22:50   with all its faults and i think [TS]

01:22:52   absolutely let me think let me ask you [TS]

01:22:54   this I don't even numbers up a way to do [TS]

01:22:56   this on hope life is how would you feel [TS]

01:22:58   about being a retired senator here's my [TS]

01:23:02   thinking you could become lets you skip [TS]

01:23:04   over being a senator let's be honest [TS]

01:23:06   it's a lot of working you're not going [TS]

01:23:07   to get it but if you were a retired [TS]

01:23:09   senator and you could be look at jimmy [TS]

01:23:11   carter right right now senator but in [TS]

01:23:14   this case I think he needs some [TS]

01:23:16   conventional wisdom that is fairly [TS]

01:23:18   undistinguished term in office it has [TS]

01:23:20   almost been out shown by the massive [TS]

01:23:22   amount of of good stuff he's done since [TS]

01:23:24   then [TS]

01:23:25   right so I think it's time for you to [TS]

01:23:27   put your past behind you [TS]

01:23:28   Tom openly about the fact that you've [TS]

01:23:31   done some kind of silly things in the [TS]

01:23:32   past and and get past this whole [TS]

01:23:35   election electoral process which is as I [TS]

01:23:36   say in my opinion a little and dignified [TS]

01:23:38   and you go straight to being an elder [TS]

01:23:40   non statesman well for instance uh but [TS]

01:23:44   David Petraeus the former general of the [TS]

01:23:47   army general petraeus who is a who is [TS]

01:23:51   right now director of the Central [TS]

01:23:53   Intelligence Agency who and who is being [TS]

01:23:56   courted to become the President of [TS]

01:23:59   Princeton University now this is a [TS]

01:24:03   career path that I would like to [TS]

01:24:06   inject myself into that is that's [TS]

01:24:09   opportunities you're not going to get in [TS]

01:24:11   till you've had a job and left it right [TS]

01:24:14   so he he was genuine right everybody [TS]

01:24:16   here for people before you can call [TS]

01:24:17   yourself an author right you got to be a [TS]

01:24:19   marine before you can be a marine right [TS]

01:24:21   i don't want to I don't whatever [TS]

01:24:23   whatever Petraeus did when he was a [TS]

01:24:24   lieutenant who well whoever's boots [TS]

01:24:28   shined to get promoted to captain I'm [TS]

01:24:32   not interested in shining those boots no [TS]

01:24:34   but uh and and frankly you know all the [TS]

01:24:37   wars he waged there during the Bush [TS]

01:24:39   administration [TS]

01:24:39   yeah you know take them or leave them [TS]

01:24:42   but now to be retired general of the [TS]

01:24:44   army director see is a nice position [TS]

01:24:47   John considering a move over to be [TS]

01:24:49   President of Princeton you would want to [TS]

01:24:50   interview you or that would be so easily [TS]

01:24:52   with the concept of the club test you [TS]

01:24:56   know the clapping is no see LEP it's a [TS]

01:24:58   college level examination program and [TS]

01:25:00   basically the idea is if you go in at [TS]

01:25:02   certain kinds of schools not the kind of [TS]

01:25:04   schools even I was going to but it's not [TS]

01:25:06   as you can go in and take a test called [TS]

01:25:07   the clap and say you know what I'm going [TS]

01:25:09   to skip over all these distribution [TS]

01:25:11   requirements because I can demonstrate [TS]

01:25:12   its kind of like a smart person GED like [TS]

01:25:16   you going to do you know what I really [TS]

01:25:17   don't need to take composition you know [TS]

01:25:20   101 easy take a clap and so you can go [TS]

01:25:23   straight to skip straight over the stuff [TS]

01:25:24   that all the civilians have to take and [TS]

01:25:26   use call clapping out so I wonder I [TS]

01:25:28   don't know this could be part of the [TS]

01:25:30   supertrain program over something you [TS]

01:25:31   might want to initiate one of your own a [TS]

01:25:33   pilot programs internally but I think [TS]

01:25:35   you should be able to click over certain [TS]

01:25:36   jobs just clip out of having ever been [TS]

01:25:38   in the army but still be still have [TS]

01:25:40   people call me general [TS]

01:25:42   mmm that sounds good general Roderick [TS]

01:25:44   the problem with that though is what my [TS]

01:25:47   freshman year in college they gave a [TS]

01:25:49   writing test to the entire freshman [TS]

01:25:51   class who to place us somewhere in the [TS]

01:25:54   you know it was one of those writing [TS]

01:25:56   tests are you ready four essays and they [TS]

01:25:57   and you get a scorp one through five or [TS]

01:26:00   something like that and that's how they [TS]

01:26:01   know how how smart you are fucking [TS]

01:26:03   finally go up and I was like this is [TS]

01:26:06   gonna be great [TS]

01:26:07   this is amazing I can't wait to take [TS]

01:26:09   this test and i sat and i wrote a big [TS]

01:26:11   disquisition you know I forget what the [TS]

01:26:13   topic was some dumb thing that I sky [TS]

01:26:15   ignored completely and i wrote a big [TS]

01:26:16   disquisition on how [TS]

01:26:18   uh you know how everybody needed to to [TS]

01:26:22   just adopt the 15 planks of Roderick ism [TS]

01:26:24   and and the world would be made a better [TS]

01:26:26   place and I got a0 out of 5 on my [TS]

01:26:29   writing exam and the the kid that I [TS]

01:26:34   thought was the dumbest kid in our whole [TS]

01:26:36   dorm the the kid that just that that [TS]

01:26:39   that spoke as though he had been which I [TS]

01:26:42   knew him to have been hit on the head [TS]

01:26:44   1,000 times with a little cross rackets [TS]

01:26:46   he got a five and i got a0 and I was [TS]

01:26:51   like mhm mhm so that's how it works [TS]

01:26:54   that's how you make a super found a [TS]

01:26:56   shower that their family so you know I [TS]

01:27:00   so my senses I would try and clip out of [TS]

01:27:02   having ever been in the Army and go [TS]

01:27:04   right to being director of CIA and and I [TS]

01:27:07   would get a zero because somehow I [TS]

01:27:09   wouldn't have liked filled up there's [TS]

01:27:11   got to be something we're all these [TS]

01:27:13   things that you you look at his deficits [TS]

01:27:16   and let's be honest and the world and [TS]

01:27:17   the body politic looks at his deficits [TS]

01:27:19   but some of this stuff saying what you [TS]

01:27:21   said so candidly about about the city in [TS]

01:27:25   which you would theoretically govern yes [TS]

01:27:28   I could see how that could cause [TS]

01:27:29   problems but it's a shame that you can't [TS]

01:27:31   get some kind of you know like like with [TS]

01:27:34   clapping that you can't get some kind of [TS]

01:27:35   special credit for what you've survived [TS]

01:27:36   and what you put other people through [TS]

01:27:38   because it seems to me you know Petraeus [TS]

01:27:40   I mean I'm sure wasn't all just you know [TS]

01:27:41   beer and skittles de probably had to do [TS]

01:27:44   some shit some LBJ kind of shit right [TS]

01:27:47   yeah I think you did I don't know I [TS]

01:27:49   don't know I just say it's very [TS]

01:27:51   troubling me John I don't you know what [TS]

01:27:52   I think it is Merlin I know that without [TS]

01:27:54   what we what we [TS]

01:27:55   and you you're ahead of me on this you [TS]

01:27:58   you you're aware of this in a way that [TS]

01:28:00   I'm only now just it's just dawning on [TS]

01:28:01   me but it might be that we have kept our [TS]

01:28:05   way into having a podcast her we talk to [TS]

01:28:08   each other back and forth [TS]

01:28:09   oh and that that is the thing that 25 [TS]

01:28:13   years from now people will be like oh [TS]

01:28:15   man if I could just clip into a podcast [TS]

01:28:19   oh you're saying we're uh we were [TS]

01:28:22   generals of a kind were already there [TS]

01:28:24   how the fuck does guys get a podcast [TS]

01:28:26   right right [TS]

01:28:27   we are effectively well how is he on the [TS]

01:28:29   board of exxonmobil what did you know [TS]

01:28:31   that [TS]

01:28:31   kind of thing right Zach what we make it [TS]

01:28:34   we make it look so easy to only did we [TS]

01:28:37   really do show up you got a broken [TS]

01:28:38   fucking 232 sandwich you talk about [TS]

01:28:41   getting your ass kicked with an asset [TS]

01:28:42   and has his handle [TS]

01:28:45   get your ass kicked it I gotta pee so [TS]

01:28:47   bad and a half later what the guy says I [TS]

01:28:50   really have to pee and then the show's [TS]

01:28:52   over [TS]

01:28:52   already people once and I I feel the [TS]

01:28:54   liter bottle and drink a couple minutes [TS]

01:28:55   ago while we were sitting here talking [TS]

01:28:57   you peed i muted it [TS]

01:29:02   [Music] [TS]