0:00:00Roderick on the line is unabashedly
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0:00:10find your doc hello icon
0:00:18i'm ron has a gun mmm do good you caught
0:00:23me in the middle of a peanut butter
0:00:24sandwich did I caught you
0:00:27yeah i mean i was sitting here expecting
0:00:31your call but I thought in the meantime
0:00:34I would have a peanut butter sandwich
0:00:35food
0:00:37kind of but you get for something like
0:00:38that all people are sandwich button they
0:00:42were one of those elephants expands my
0:00:43research
0:00:44oh you you know music is still to get
0:00:49thai pretty sweet
0:00:51okay um you know years of making music
0:00:58records I've learned that I think they
0:01:01call the call music music records i
0:01:03learned to think of vocals as a kind of
0:01:06like a digital graph you know what I
0:01:08mean like you you see the you see the
0:01:10the the visual of a of the waveform of a
0:01:16radical instrument and so my first my
0:01:19first thought is is there is there a
0:01:22filter we could put on that would just
0:01:23take out all the smacking and the food
0:01:26sounds that's not so really it's a very
0:01:29very good question is certainly
0:01:30something that I thought about you know
0:01:33as you know as somebody who's made lots
0:01:35of music records you know that there are
0:01:36various sorts of things I believe they
0:01:38call the filters with letters that will
0:01:40filter is I think the music filters the
0:01:41colors filters that intelligently go out
0:01:43and find certain kinds of things you
0:01:45know you pick if you get the home you
0:01:47can pick one area getting rid of home
0:01:49safe take out this this is a list of
0:01:51music frequency you get rid of hiss hiss
0:01:53exactly what can you get rid of the
0:01:55peanut butter and the streetcar meet up
0:01:58in the streetcar or the great Aesop's
0:02:00fables now won one of the things I need
0:02:02to say right before we start our is that
0:02:04a yeah last night i was eating I i was
0:02:08eating some food
0:02:10and-and-and might die broke my tooth off
0:02:14like I wasn't gonna I was gonna I was
0:02:16gonna write it off the peanut butter and
0:02:18then I was gonna ask if you had your we
0:02:20had your your the Dodgers all done right
0:02:22you said you're done with that
0:02:23yeah but now I know I'm missing my tooth
0:02:25again that one tooth the one tooth the
0:02:27big one no no no the one my achilles
0:02:31tooth
0:02:32I'm so sorry John is that must feel
0:02:34weird to have that back but my back I
0:02:36mean not not their backpack being up
0:02:39there it's a it's not that weird that
0:02:42he's running my tongue over all the time
0:02:44yeah i'm doing that but I did that I did
0:02:45that when I had a fake tooth in there
0:02:47anyway I'm noticing i'm noticing i don't
0:02:50have the plosives power that I normally
0:02:51have 1i when I say words that start with
0:02:54l like fake tooth you hear hear the it's
0:02:59like a lost I lost some of my father
0:03:02power right answer for you but we should
0:03:05we should do maybe we should try to
0:03:07avoid words start with that letter M or
0:03:10you know what you're John water your
0:03:11fucking John roddick you should drive
0:03:12that train right into the right into the
0:03:14tunnel we just really hit the ass hard
0:03:16right yeah you know what your own God of
0:03:19trying to use as many f words we can now
0:03:22I I think I i think i've asked you about
0:03:25this but it's worth sharing with our
0:03:26audience and curious now for those who
0:03:28don't know John John you have that
0:03:31memory serves it's like a whole like
0:03:33diagonal it looks like somebody cut a
0:03:36peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich in half
0:03:37diagonally accepted your tooth right
0:03:39you've got a whole that kind of half a
0:03:41tooth missing right
0:03:42no no I have an entire tooth missing in
0:03:44fact missing all the way oh that's right
0:03:47yeah it look at hobo costume it's it's
0:03:50like it's the bits may be the best hobo
0:03:53costume the world has ever known in fact
0:03:55I've definitely thought about going down
0:03:58to hollywood in this state and little
0:04:01bit on the nose but hey listen you need
0:04:04do you need to cast someone who looks
0:04:06like he's not thriving right now haha
0:04:09I am that actor yeah I really that's so
0:04:14easy for me it's kind of a running joke
0:04:15with a lot of my friends that I you know
0:04:18look homeless
0:04:19which is you know like i have a home and
0:04:21I was seriously just come back to this I
0:04:23want us to have a starting a lot more
0:04:24nuanced letting that term is abused em
0:04:27and yeah yeah well i think you're right
0:04:29i think know it's a huge a friend's I
0:04:31like to come on right that I'm gonna
0:04:32capture that here that were going to
0:04:33come back to hobos bombs all those let's
0:04:38let's shoot for nuance I'm gonna but
0:04:40while you're writing a nice that the
0:04:41same can go right ahead was hurt doesn't
0:04:43hurt does it hurt is exposed nerve or
0:04:45don't hurt no there's no truth there now
0:04:48to think so just nerve yeah nothing
0:04:51their mother hobos bombs homeless and
0:04:54Street rats ok I'm now about typical
0:04:59street rat is they're gonna leave one of
0:05:03their ideas you sure this is a good time
0:05:05while you were talking you were you
0:05:09running a card so I thought maybe I'd
0:05:10have a I another bite of the sandwich
0:05:13oh man are you gonna hear it this week
0:05:15now you lost that is quite a while ago
0:05:18you know they call it a crown is that
0:05:20what they call it to put in there what
0:05:21they call the thing they put our bridge
0:05:22what do you have
0:05:23what is it you haven't lost a tooth am I
0:05:26not
0:05:26am I not told you this whole just bring
0:05:28story is the story that I think it is
0:05:30that I've been wanting to hear for a
0:05:32long time
0:05:32good it could be yeah well I'd like to
0:05:36hear that screaming write that down and
0:05:38write down that one story my question to
0:05:40you is this and and I i don't know i'm
0:05:42sure most of our listeners at this point
0:05:44like me like I like myself most opposed
0:05:47to our most listeners to like you more
0:05:49thank you very much thank you i don't i
0:05:50want you to know that and I want you to
0:05:52do either way of quantifying that
0:05:53something is that just a gut feeling I
0:05:55feel like the number of tweets that I
0:05:58read that say i love merlin man who is a
0:06:03good indicator of how many people out
0:06:05there in the world love merlin I think
0:06:07we're on a different twitter haha shit
0:06:11we should double check i think a lot of
0:06:14your fans send me their appreciative
0:06:16tweets that is so nice
0:06:18only got like we don't want to blow
0:06:20Merlin's mind we have no we don't wanna
0:06:22bug and we know he's busy but
0:06:23once again why don't we send John
0:06:25Roderick some nice Merlin beamed a
0:06:29bittersweet for you John
0:06:30on the one hand yeah you know we're pals
0:06:32i like to think and you look out for me
0:06:33and my welfare you're happy to see me
0:06:35doing well and are probably a little bit
0:06:37sad when I'm sad but there must be a
0:06:39little bit galling because you probably
0:06:40know it's you know you should be having
0:06:42to carry my mail so no I might my
0:06:45theoretical fan mail you got you you
0:06:46should be the one receiving compliments
0:06:48you doing is helping people it doesn't
0:06:49it doesn't bother me at all in fact that
0:06:51calling at all in fact i enjoyed because
0:06:53I I'm my inboxes is so crowded with fan
0:06:57mail directed to me that's a good point
0:06:59it's nice to see fanmail directed to
0:07:01someone else every once in a while just
0:07:03to just to realize that there are other
0:07:05people in the world
0:07:06easy you've taken a variable broadview
0:07:08to this and i just i'm very grateful for
0:07:10that so here's the thing i like me and
0:07:13people who love me I think the world has
0:07:16finally I i'm gonna guess you never
0:07:18expected this i'm going to guess that
0:07:20you never expected how many people that
0:07:22should have known about your band along
0:07:24winners a long time ago
0:07:25it's turns out surprising to learn how
0:07:27many people had not heard of the band or
0:07:29had not associated you with the band or
0:07:31that one song they heard in that one
0:07:33place and I don't know if you see this
0:07:34on the Twitter that i get i see a lot of
0:07:36people definitely means interacting with
0:07:38people is that is it a lot of people now
0:07:40are like they go out there like oh gosh
0:07:42John has been helping me and terrifying
0:07:45me with his train and now i just went on
0:07:47itunes and I bought every long winters
0:07:48album and I can't stop listening to them
0:07:50so yeah that's lovely
0:07:51it is lovely it is lovely and now that
0:07:53we're done congratulate yourselves my
0:07:54point being I think the people who are
0:07:56new to the John Roderick scene they may
0:07:57not realize that for a surprisingly long
0:08:00time I you look horrifying not know in a
0:08:05good way like you had the one that
0:08:07picture of you and my daughter that I
0:08:08treasurer of the several that i have is
0:08:10you really looking like it's something
0:08:11like Memphis Yeti em you gotta get
0:08:14creepy Elvis glasses you have like when
0:08:17I say dishwater blonde I mean maybe like
0:08:19hydrogen peroxide and literal dishwater
0:08:21to your shoulders is memory serves creek
0:08:24and just be clear you got super creepy
0:08:26smoky glasses molestie and then you're
0:08:30missing a tooth
0:08:30yeah and you know here's the thing you
0:08:32rock that look not for a week or a month
0:08:35you didn't you didn't go buy some kind
0:08:36of pie
0:08:36get the fucking walgreens you write a
0:08:38fucking giant ass you you were Santa
0:08:41with a missing tooth memory serves
0:08:42yeah for several years because I felt I
0:08:45felt like here's the thing
0:08:49who there are a lot of there are a lot
0:08:52of cosmetic improvements that one can
0:08:55make to one cell to mask the the inner
0:09:01critic esker that the inner inner
0:09:03testiness and in my case I i arrived at
0:09:07a point where there just was there was
0:09:10not enough spackle on the earth to
0:09:13smooth out the cracks in me and I just
0:09:14thought i would let it roll
0:09:16I just like that you know for many many
0:09:17years during the grunge years when I was
0:09:19when I was a terrible person and and on
0:09:23drugs and doing a doing it but like 11
0:09:28mm charitable no no I was never on
0:09:33charitable but but i but i don't but i
0:09:36just was not I was not a living the life
0:09:39that you could they that that you could
0:09:43see you could she could show to st.
0:09:45Peter let's say I was not I was not
0:09:47living a lie i was living a life that
0:09:48will be able to get forward to that guy
0:09:50open up the book and put your glasses
0:09:51can make said here we go let's take a
0:09:53look at this
0:09:54I was going to I was going to be I was
0:09:56gonna bash wall i was gonna be touching
0:09:58my toes together and staring at the
0:10:00floor is not only that you're gonna
0:10:01definitely going to help it was going to
0:10:02take a really fucking long time you sit
0:10:04there and listen to that they were going
0:10:06to talk about a lot of stuff and I was
0:10:07going to go
0:10:08oh yeah that got about the yeah yeah
0:10:10yeahs no no I mean yes but come on give
0:10:14it a nine ease the guy some slack but
0:10:16during that entire time i looked like a
0:10:19cop you know like I was as I was a
0:10:21straight looking as a guy could be i had
0:10:24short hair i was i was fresh-faced I had
0:10:27you know I blue eyes that they looked
0:10:30innocent i mean i would go to i would go
0:10:33to situations all the time where I would
0:10:35walk in the door and some guide dressed
0:10:38all in black sitting behind a table
0:10:40covered with drugs would stand up and
0:10:42yell at the guy who brought me what you
0:10:44your copier man and then have to stand
0:10:49there in the doorway while you know
0:10:50while everybody jumped out the windows
0:10:53and my friend was like no no man i know
0:10:55i'm i know he's cool he's cool
0:10:57I was like I was the I was the
0:11:00undercover cop that everybody can i call
0:11:02you mean he's still very filling in as
0:11:06your job gotten hotter than fresh
0:11:07pumpkin chili tired of kissing the wrong
0:11:09bird mired down by your managers fear of
0:11:12even the slightest prison in corporate
0:11:14discourse
0:11:15well you're not alone igloo software
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0:11:25you can even work from home and you're
0:11:27altogether sealed to your red leather
0:11:29chair just steps away from all your
0:11:30favorite globes candlesticks and cowboy
0:11:32boots as you do so go to glue
0:11:34software.com / find your duck and sign
0:11:37up for your free 30-day trial bring your
0:11:40team in from the cold by getting inside
0:11:42the igloo in any case so might be
0:11:45diarrhea medicine it might be digitalis
0:11:47but you never know it might be a penny
0:11:50never know so many many years later when
0:11:55all of that behavior came home to roost
0:11:57which is to say that the that but the
0:12:00decisions I made during my youth when i
0:12:02felt that i was going to live forever
0:12:04and that nothing could ever hurt me all
0:12:07those things were saving up their
0:12:09consequences for right about the time I
0:12:13turned 40 and basically the day I turned
0:12:1740 everything that was in me that was
0:12:21held together with with bailing wire and
0:12:24toothpaste it all broke it ones
0:12:27my tooth fell out and you know my knees
0:12:31gave out and my it was it was it was it
0:12:33was a catastrophe and now I'm living now
0:12:36I'm living in the post consequences
0:12:39world where I realized that everything
0:12:41you do in your youth just lights the
0:12:44fuse all the all the all the scars they
0:12:49just they just wait kind of dormant
0:12:50until they're there they're just comes
0:12:55that one moment where all your
0:12:56connective tissue stops working in here
0:12:58and you're just a spear of pile of bones
0:13:00just 34 years ago
0:13:03yeah yeah so so I i knocked out my front
0:13:07tooth half a dozen times but it finally
0:13:13had no there there there was it finally
0:13:17was so corrupted so it had been broken
0:13:20so many times that there was nothing
0:13:21left to cap and they had to just extract
0:13:25this this little bit of a route that was
0:13:27left and most people you see who are
0:13:29missing a tooth they there
0:13:31I tooth is gone because they were using
0:13:34it to they were using their tooth to
0:13:36check the veracity of a gold coin or
0:13:39something but you don't see a lot of
0:13:41people whose main front though the
0:13:44largest toothed in their in their face
0:13:46the most visible one their main front
0:13:48tooth is missing that is not a that's
0:13:50not a charming missing tooth that's much
0:13:53more of a like that you've been drinking
0:13:57hairspray kind of missing tooth
0:13:59Oh up so everybody ok it's a it's a poor
0:14:06judgment space
0:14:07yeah that's right that's what that's
0:14:09what's so interesting and you think for
0:14:10one fucking second you're getting away
0:14:11from this unit because this is really
0:14:12super interesting but it's this is going
0:14:16to sound strange but it's almost
0:14:17shockingly medieval in a way a feeling
0:14:22of going like oh my gosh there's all
0:14:23this shit inside of me and all of this
0:14:26fake connective tissue holding me
0:14:28together and believing brother I
0:14:29understand your arm
0:14:30there's all this inside of me but I can
0:14:32shave and i can put on a tie or i can do
0:14:36whatever i can become the shockingly
0:14:37normal-looking person is quivering and
0:14:39God yeah but then you lose your fucking
0:14:41front tooth and get us a medieval it's
0:14:44you know there's almost this idea of you
0:14:47know you think about a time even when
0:14:49the sixteen hundreds where you would try
0:14:51and make a lady flow to see if she was a
0:14:52witch or whatever their thirties there's
0:14:54this weird Theodoric of York feeling
0:14:58about like there was a time when you
0:15:00really thought that you could look at
0:15:01somebody and tell a lot about their
0:15:03morality you know juror phrenology I
0:15:06mean for knowledge Asher like they did
0:15:08it with a they got the plague and they
0:15:09didn't let if somebody was running their
0:15:11hands over my head trying to discern my
0:15:13character her it would be like running I
0:15:16mean running your hands through my hair
0:15:18is like running your hands over a model
0:15:20train set
0:15:21I mean there are so many crisscrossing
0:15:23scars up on my scalp and and various
0:15:28like you know place where I come from
0:15:30traumatic injury
0:15:32yeah no shit yeah let's talk about the
0:15:35time I got I got jumped by three guys
0:15:37with ax handles still think you that
0:15:41sounds like an Alaska story
0:15:43no no that happened in seattle now way
0:15:45but you know so when I shave my head but
0:15:48I look like you know I like george the
0:15:51animal' steele you got that whole puppy
0:15:52typography thing going on
0:15:54I do and you know other browsers used to
0:15:56cut themselves that's why there's this
0:15:57card they cut themselves the tiny bit of
0:15:59razor blade to get on that plane going
0:16:00to get the facebook on your life you do
0:16:02not if you cut your eyebrow just a
0:16:03little bit you know any head when you
0:16:05bleed a live normally doing this with
0:16:06residents believe you but the parties
0:16:11but you gotta have a distraction before
0:16:13you get to the pickles want to talk
0:16:15about how much was bleeding you do out
0:16:16of a head wind up your guy so you shaved
0:16:22your head
0:16:23no I don't shave my head I don't think
0:16:24about the accident ah okay so the axe
0:16:26but the accident you were jumped in when
0:16:28I hear the word jump
0:16:29I think of you were surprisingly
0:16:32attacked by three guys at one time and
0:16:35it's completely unfair fight
0:16:36yeah that's that's kind of a description
0:16:41of what happened I was I was I was
0:16:45heavily intoxicated and but I was
0:16:48intoxicated on a cocktail of intoxicants
0:16:51that made me
0:16:53very lucid while also being very
0:16:56intoxicated yet at that bar and and I
0:17:03was on the street and these guys these
0:17:07guys were I i think this was during the
0:17:11era of gay bashing
0:17:13uh-huh but this was a this was a thing
0:17:16that that people from the sticks would
0:17:18come into town and gay bash and so I
0:17:24don't know why these guys were so
0:17:25heavily armed but I was in all honesty I
0:17:30was standing on the street with a
0:17:32lighter lighting posters on a phone pole
0:17:36on fire and watching the posters bird
0:17:39and I wasn't are you enjoying a
0:17:43hallucinogen out you know that I'll get
0:17:47you I'll get to the bucket to that size
0:17:49but first first post attorney so i'm
0:17:51watching I'm just standing on this on
0:17:53this on the street watching a bit
0:17:56lighting posters on this phone poll on
0:17:57fire and and a couple of cops pull up
0:17:59and they say hey knock that off and and
0:18:03I was like oh yeah man hey hey
0:18:07why why why do pigs have to like step on
0:18:10my scene or whatever it is the least
0:18:12however we talked back then and the cops
0:18:15are like listen if you don't knock it
0:18:16off and then was it was a busy friday
0:18:18night they're like we got shit to do
0:18:20that you your your small potatoes but if
0:18:22you don't knock it off we're going to
0:18:23get out of the car and we're gonna we're
0:18:25gonna like I put handcuffs on you and I
0:18:29was like those sorry sorry I'm burning
0:18:31your phone pole cop and so I I've
0:18:35momentarily stopped in the cops drove
0:18:36away and then I immediately liked
0:18:38started doing this again i don't know
0:18:40why i was i was i was 22 years old
0:18:43there's no excuse for standing on the
0:18:45street corner this is the kind of petty
0:18:47a delinquency that a thirteen-year-old
0:18:52should have grown out of but here i am
0:18:54and i'm i'm on a variety of intoxicants
0:18:57and I'm I'm lighting
0:18:59the phone poll on fire because it was
0:19:02fascinating to me
0:19:03suffice to say so anyway I stand out
0:19:06there i am doing it a little bit longer
0:19:08and all of a sudden there's these three
0:19:10guys and they have their bats and
0:19:16they're like what are you doing man and
0:19:20I turn around I engage them in
0:19:22conversation like I'm just like in this
0:19:23phone poll on fire and they're like will
0:19:26fucking knock it off and that was a
0:19:29challenge that I felt I really needed
0:19:32just really needed to stand my ground
0:19:34because this was important work I was
0:19:36doing and who are these three guys to
0:19:40tell me to knock anything off so I was
0:19:41like you know why don't you knock off
0:19:43telling people what to do and I i
0:19:47noticed that they have bats I mean I am
0:19:48I'm acutely aware but I all but I also
0:19:53feel like I'm in command of the
0:19:55situation and they kind of circle around
0:20:00me you know in a triangular-shaped
0:20:02grouping and i'm in the center of it and
0:20:06I'm i feel like i have this matter quite
0:20:09in hand and I start to lecture them on
0:20:13how cities work and how phone poles are
0:20:18coated with creosote and so are
0:20:20inherently not flammable and at a
0:20:26certain point they are no longer
0:20:27interested and one of the guys that it
0:20:29has circled around while you're there
0:20:30just arguing argumentative Lee arguing
0:20:32with me because they already know what
0:20:35they're going to do and this was before
0:20:39I you this was before I had learned to
0:20:41protect my six and somebody gotta get
0:20:45around behind me and just took a massive
0:20:46swing like he was swinging for the
0:20:48outfield and hit me on the back of the
0:20:51head with a but the what turned out
0:20:53later be accidental
0:20:54God and then once i was down all three
0:20:57of them just stood over me and just just
0:20:59pounded on me like they were tenderizing
0:21:01them side of beef and at this point i
0:21:05was aware that i was in trouble so I was
0:21:09yelling and I was crawling to try and
0:21:11get under a car and they were just going
0:21:14to town on me and they broke both my
0:21:16hands
0:21:17Wow and they I mean often cop from top
0:21:21to bottom I was just I was just a black
0:21:25black and blue but but mostly black
0:21:28I crawled under this car and some girl
0:21:33up the street started screaming and
0:21:34eventually somebody nearby scream loud
0:21:38enough that these guys can it took one
0:21:41last walk each and ran off into the dark
0:21:44and so then the cops came back the cops
0:21:52who had yelled at me 10 minutes before i
0:21:55came back and the aid car came and I was
0:21:59kid I was laying there convinced that i
0:22:01was holding the holding the back of my
0:22:04skull on I haven't got my hands up and I
0:22:07was like you know I can't move my hands
0:22:09and the aid car guys were like you know
0:22:11you got a movie and we got to see what
0:22:12was going on I was like no I can't
0:22:16because if I do the back my it's going
0:22:18to fall off and make it card guys you
0:22:23know they were all shining lights in my
0:22:24face and they were like are you on any
0:22:27kind of drugs i was like no I just had a
0:22:33beer and you know they're looking at my
0:22:36pupils they're like mmm
0:22:38now we need to you need to tell us like
0:22:40what you're what drugs you're on and I'm
0:22:43like no I just have just had a beer but
0:22:46I can't move my hand because my my my
0:22:50head is is going to you know fall off or
0:22:53fall apart so they take me to the
0:22:55hospital and the doctor in the emergency
0:22:57room again kinda says listen we need to
0:23:02know what your on your ear obviously
0:23:04like on some drugs and we need to know
0:23:05what they are because we can't treat you
0:23:08you can't give you more drugs unless we
0:23:10know what drugs you're on we can't treat
0:23:11you unless we know what's going on and I
0:23:15had it in my head that if you told the
0:23:18doctor that you had taken some drugs
0:23:21that that would somehow I still like
0:23:25still added in my mind that my permanent
0:23:28record was something i need to be
0:23:31worried about you know like that i was
0:23:34going to that this was going to go down
0:23:36on my permanent record and I wasn't
0:23:38going to get into graduate schools i
0:23:39don't know what i thought my permanent
0:23:40record was but I had I had grown up
0:23:44being told that your transcript was this
0:23:47thing you need to worry about so much
0:23:49and I didn't want to tell some doctor in
0:23:51the emergency room
0:23:52what drugs that was on because he was
0:23:56going to write it down on a piece of
0:23:57paper and then it was then the then I
0:23:59love the CIA was never going to let me
0:24:01be the president of the united states
0:24:02and so I kept insisting that no I'd only
0:24:06had a couple of beers and so the doctor
0:24:09goes okay you know what kid that's fine
0:24:12and he turns to the nurse next to him
0:24:14and he said don't get many anesthesia
0:24:17and so they proceeded to sew up my head
0:24:22and my hands which were you know they
0:24:29were they were broken but they were also
0:24:31like I i think i showed you a scar on my
0:24:35finger one time where one of that one of
0:24:38the bats hit my finger as it was trying
0:24:40to protect my head and the finger meats
0:24:43like squirted out the other side so they
0:24:47had to push all that finger me back
0:24:49inside and sew it up and they they just
0:24:52did it they did it all without even
0:24:53giving me a topical anesthesia so I was
0:24:55thinking they're being sewed like a like
0:24:59a like a rag doll like three different
0:25:01people running thread through me a time
0:25:03and then they rolled me out on a
0:25:05blood-soaked gurney into the hallway of
0:25:07Harborview emergency room was its harbor
0:25:12view is like the the one level for
0:25:15trauma center in the northwest but it's
0:25:17also one of
0:25:19hospitals where you will roll down to a
0:25:20halt and they'll be just kind of one
0:25:22lightbulb flickering above you like
0:25:25flickering and sometimes it goes out and
0:25:27then the power comes back on and the and
0:25:31the hallways are just on friday and
0:25:32saturday night
0:25:33they're just full of people like
0:25:35motorcycle wreck gunshot wound
0:25:37motorcycle wreck gunshot wound and so
0:25:40they roll me out into this hallway and
0:25:41they just let me sit there as the as the
0:25:43blood on my gurney coagulates while
0:25:47while people who are really in trouble
0:25:49are wheeled past me screaming and I was
0:25:54on hallucinogens among other things and
0:25:58so it wasn't your trippin while they
0:26:00were selling up your head without
0:26:01anesthesia
0:26:02yeah there was a really it was a hell of
0:26:05a night
0:26:06um I really like it
0:26:09I learned a lot that night about about
0:26:12everything about everything
0:26:14certainly about mortality ok but a but
0:26:21yeah so that was that that was
0:26:25definitely that was definitely when I
0:26:27started checking my six if you notice i
0:26:30mean checking your sixes like it's
0:26:33fighter pilot terminology that means
0:26:35look behind you like a twelve o'clock is
0:26:39straight ahead and sixes visit hundred
0:26:41eighty degrees behind you right
0:26:43check your six so yeah my check my six
0:26:48now and so should you
0:26:51Merlin was thinking about it and
0:26:52thinking about my sex right now it
0:26:54should yeah right about that I tried to
0:26:57think too much about my sex better
0:26:58that's probably a a terrific reason to
0:27:00check it yeah well you don't want to you
0:27:02don't want to get to a to a position
0:27:04where you're here now forced to check
0:27:06your six together double-dog CWI's kind
0:27:08of six the devil dogs are on your six
0:27:12and until you're checking your sex
0:27:14because you know that they're okay and
0:27:15then they are mice they aren't my six
0:27:17per se it's a notional concept right
0:27:20there hanging hanging by the six there
0:27:22on your six yeah yeah
0:27:23and so when you're when you're looking
0:27:24over your shoulder I mean that's why
0:27:25when I sit in a restaurant when I go
0:27:27into a restaurant I always liked pick my
0:27:29seat
0:27:30rather judiciously who did you get the
0:27:33only time Malcolm X this is the only
0:27:35city where you can see the door
0:27:36that's right you want to see where you
0:27:38can see the door but also sit where like
0:27:40you're not going to get it nobody's
0:27:41going to surprise you on your six
0:27:43uh-huh I mean you're there can be people
0:27:46behind me I just wanna I just wanna know
0:27:47who they are just like the bulleted the
0:27:50booth is nice i like take a bank at
0:27:52every chair challenge that said that's
0:27:54that's terrific and i'm not even that's
0:27:57not even how I lost my to my tooth yeah
0:27:59but it's still still got a couple more
0:28:03trips before thanks
0:28:05settle down until until about what point
0:28:08where things like that happening about
0:28:12what era year uh 1994 was the last time
0:28:16I was going but I was about to say 1994
0:28:20was the last time i went to jail but
0:28:23there were a couple of there were couple
0:28:25of things that hung out a couple of
0:28:27couple of bench warrants that were still
0:28:29periodically active into 1995 so so so I
0:28:35so I went to jail I went to jail on
0:28:38things that happened before 1994 a
0:28:41couple of times when I like because it
0:28:43took me it took me a year to get it took
0:28:47me a couple years to get a fully
0:28:48functioning set of credentials like your
0:28:51normal ID and stuff that would end to
0:28:55have all that stuff cleared so that
0:28:56every time I got stopped by a cop he
0:28:59didn't go
0:29:00oh hello and pulled me out of the car
0:29:02and take me downtown
0:29:06there was one time they they actually
0:29:09pulled one of those they pulled one of
0:29:11those this is the this is the thing that
0:29:12they're doing in cities now where they
0:29:14said that he send letters out to
0:29:17everybody that has an outstanding
0:29:18warrant
0:29:19it's like you want a thousand dollars
0:29:21that that's from the simpsons that's not
0:29:23real
0:29:24no really happy and kind of take out
0:29:26your free ballot this area and then
0:29:28everybody comes down there like you're
0:29:30arrested you're arrested your that's did
0:29:31like it they totally actually totally do
0:29:34that and may they they got me it was a
0:29:40legitimate it wasn't a scam it was a
0:29:42legitimate thing where I went into the
0:29:44to the comptroller's office trying to
0:29:47get four hundred dollars that somebody
0:29:50had one time a guy we were i was driving
0:29:54a car with a guy one time over in
0:29:56bellevue and he was an african-american
0:29:58gentleman and we see and i would have
0:30:00gone over there to go to the movies
0:30:02because they had a good movie theater
0:30:04and we were driving back through you
0:30:08know at night through bellevue and we
0:30:10got pulled over and we weren't doing
0:30:13anything
0:30:14it was a case where the my friend was
0:30:19convinced as it was happening that it
0:30:21was a case of them pulling us over
0:30:23because he was black and I was white and
0:30:25we were driving in a car right now I
0:30:27can't be up there obviously up to no
0:30:29good
0:30:30something something isn't right
0:30:31something's not Dutch with this so the
0:30:32bellevue cops pulled us over and I was
0:30:34like what that's crazy and he's like no
0:30:36I swear that's what's happening right
0:30:38now like oh my god
0:30:40and so the cop comes over and he's he's
0:30:43very condescending to the driver my
0:30:47friend but everything checks out and
0:30:50then the cop asks for my ID at which
0:30:52point he finds that there's a warrant
0:30:54for my arrest and so he varies very
0:30:57happy about this because to the
0:30:58policeman it seems like a very ironic
0:31:01situation but the white guy is going to
0:31:04be the one that he's going to have to
0:31:05arrest and he's he's indicating this to
0:31:08us like he's he thinks this is hilarious
0:31:09i look at this is a little bit racist oh
0:31:12Henry moment yeah exactly like this
0:31:14that's the one kid that i'm going to
0:31:16arrest what do you know and you know and
0:31:18we're both like new
0:31:20that's that's hilarious the Conte and I
0:31:23and I'm and and I'm I'm glad that I get
0:31:26to go to jail tonight to make two you
0:31:28know to make this a story that you're
0:31:29going to tell this weekend at the bar
0:31:31and so I go to jail and my friend his
0:31:36name was Howard I said to him as they're
0:31:39putting as the cops put him in his car I
0:31:41say yeah here's my ATM card
0:31:45go get the bail money which is four
0:31:47hundred dollars
0:31:50and so Howard goes and gets the bail
0:31:51money but of course Howard and not
0:31:55having been through this before
0:31:57bails me out under his name rather than
0:32:01because it was my money bailing me out
0:32:04under under my name where or stimulating
0:32:07the best so he's the one responsible for
0:32:10the recognizance or the well I mean this
0:32:13isn't his so bail is a certain amount of
0:32:15money in as an insurance that you will
0:32:18show up for court is the idea right
0:32:20right and no he's not responsible for me
0:32:24but if but they assume if he put 400
0:32:28bucks up it's his money he's going to
0:32:30make himself responsible in this case it
0:32:32was my money I showed up for my court
0:32:35date and so now I wanted my bail
0:32:37refunded and they said oh that's not
0:32:41your bail that towered that's Howard's
0:32:42money and only howard can come get the
0:32:45money
0:32:46well suffice to say how it was kind of a
0:32:50preppy guy and this experience of me
0:32:54getting arrested in his car kind of
0:32:57soured hour but not nuts our friendship
0:33:01but it soured his interest in going with
0:33:03me to anymore
0:33:05police stations or city courts or
0:33:08anything like that and so Howard kept
0:33:12dodging my phone call and you know and
0:33:16like oh yeah totally i'll help you that
0:33:18many would then add many disappear and I
0:33:19wouldn't hear from howard for a long
0:33:21time the missiles at a time when $400
0:33:24met quite a bit meant a lot to me anyway
0:33:27I went down to the court one time to
0:33:31explain to them at great length that was
0:33:33my money not Howard's they were they
0:33:36were not interested in my story and also
0:33:39while i was there they discovered
0:33:40another war by God but the woman behind
0:33:43the counter who discovered this did not
0:33:45she was not empowered to arrest me she
0:33:49can't hit a button in some martial comes
0:33:51out or something so what she did she
0:33:52said oh here's what you need to do you
0:33:54need to go across the street
0:33:56two and Tamia card with an address on it
0:33:59she said you need to go across the
0:34:00street to this place and they'll refund
0:34:02your money and i was like wow awesome i
0:34:05like it finally worked i i i finally I
0:34:09finally met someone at the at the police
0:34:12department who understands and who cares
0:34:15about me and I was gonna fill out a
0:34:17comment card on that now I thanked her
0:34:19profusely I was like ma'am thank you for
0:34:21resolving this issue
0:34:23this has been an albatross has been
0:34:24hanging over my head for for many months
0:34:26i really appreciate your help and she
0:34:28was like my pleasure and I will i took
0:34:31the card I walked out of the door the
0:34:32courthouse i walked up the street two
0:34:34blocks across the street to a storefront
0:34:36that was like kind of a had frosted
0:34:41glass windows and I was like go
0:34:44this must be the city accountants office
0:34:46or something and I walked in the door
0:34:48and it's like the set of barney miller
0:34:51know there are there is a room with
0:34:55desks and a bunch of guys with pistols
0:35:00and and like shoulder holsters with
0:35:05their jackets off sitting on the desks
0:35:07drinking coffee smoking cigarettes and
0:35:09chatting with the extension casting it
0:35:11really was and I walked in the door and
0:35:13I was like oh and may have everybody in
0:35:16the room turns and looks at me and goes
0:35:17hey come on in buddy how's it going to
0:35:20see you like this is not the first time
0:35:22that somebody's somebody was a young man
0:35:24has wandered in
0:35:26obviously not knowing what he's there
0:35:27and this is this has happened before
0:35:28Janice's done this before
0:35:30yeah every single person that walks in
0:35:32that door is a is about to be arrested
0:35:34and they didn't know it
0:35:36this is the this is the gag and I'm sure
0:35:39these guys all the time have to have to
0:35:41sprint down the street after somebody
0:35:43returns around the doorway and runs and
0:35:45then I said then they sit down in a
0:35:47chair I'm like oh man god what a writ
0:35:51water rep and they're like good to see
0:35:54you hey we got a computer printout here
0:35:57that says bloody bloody blah so anyway
0:36:01that's it was a it was a real was a real
0:36:04prank you ever get your money back
0:36:08never did
0:36:09it's one of those things where I Howard
0:36:11is going to get a letter someday the 15
0:36:14years from now that says we have
0:36:17undiscovered moneys for you and he's
0:36:21gonna be like what could this possibly
0:36:22be and he's not gonna remember and I
0:36:24have not spoken to her in years that
0:36:27four hundred dollars just that's i have
0:36:30just decided that that is four hundred
0:36:31dollars i'm never i'm not going to
0:36:33pursue I just wanted to go out into the
0:36:36world and pay for some pay retribution
0:36:39in some way for some crime I committed
0:36:40against the city the people of the city
0:36:43yeah like Ben Franklin says you know
0:36:45it's a child every day if it that you
0:36:47don't know what it's for they will I'm
0:36:50sure you can find a good use for this
0:36:51country you could recreate so this this
0:36:54phone call if nothing else it's to pay
0:36:57for all the parking meters that I didn't
0:36:59put quarters in when I just ran into a
0:37:01drugstore whatever he's down he's got
0:37:03some interesting threads to this um I
0:37:06hope it's interesting i think it's super
0:37:08interesting people are gonna be
0:37:10terrified by this but the you know that
0:37:14thing of you you talking about your
0:37:15morning on your permanent record which I
0:37:17by on one level but there's also just a
0:37:19sense of like you know not the invasion
0:37:22is the wrong word but there's the sense
0:37:24of like I'm running and I'm still
0:37:26running and like well of course I'm not
0:37:28gonna tell them i'm trippin like I'm not
0:37:29fucking stupid i may be high but I'm not
0:37:31high you know about that but the
0:37:33permanent record thing has had a had a
0:37:35more profound effect on me then then
0:37:39that might be obvious really close to
0:37:42say though is like a cubic we do the
0:37:43same thing as the four hundred dollars
0:37:44there's times when a roll of quarters
0:37:46makes all the difference i mean big time
0:37:47you know i mean its end and so I mean
0:37:50but there's this this ongoing threat of
0:37:51like again you're your body's like all
0:37:54mostly held together you're walking
0:37:55around you're kind of keeping it
0:37:57together on some level you're not like
0:37:58you know change in a dungeon somewhere
0:38:00but like yeah you're out and about but
0:38:02at the same time like you're on the edge
0:38:04and you're going to be always looking
0:38:06for that tiny little adjustment he keeps
0:38:08you free and moving and you know drunk
0:38:12or whatever right over the thing that's
0:38:13going to the other way and that's
0:38:15absolutely true but because i have it
0:38:17was a habit
0:38:18there was a simultaneous narrative going
0:38:20on in my head
0:38:21the whole life that was instilled by my
0:38:24my my my father primarily because my dad
0:38:28was a politician my uncle was a
0:38:29politician my great-uncle was a
0:38:31politician my great uncle who raised my
0:38:33dad they were all politicians and their
0:38:39ambition for me was to also be a
0:38:41politician and two and i think to be
0:38:43finally up like a politician on a
0:38:47national scale like these guys were all
0:38:49local politicians in the northwest and
0:38:53they were in the back rooms smoking
0:38:56cigars and handshakes and making the
0:38:58making the port run and you know in
0:39:03trading suits and tires with each other
0:39:05but they have had ambition for me that I
0:39:08would go on to national office and that
0:39:10that would somehow validate our
0:39:12political dynasty
0:39:15oh you're like the not jack not Ted here
0:39:20like the the good candidate you're like
0:39:21the community that Joe just he died in
0:39:24the war I got a job in the world Joe is
0:39:26like the chosen one he was the one that
0:39:27that I was gonna be big
0:39:30he was anointed and Joe died in a
0:39:31suicide mission
0:39:33you told me about this what they fucked
0:39:35him over with his aircraft right now I
0:39:37don't think they fucking motor was
0:39:38getting into it was one of those like we
0:39:41don't know what happened but he was in a
0:39:42he was in a bar right loaded with
0:39:45explosives that his job was to fly it
0:39:47over and and like bail out of it and
0:39:50after he pointed it at 0 and a 1 a damn
0:39:54i don't i don't remember what it what is
0:39:56what this bucket i think was a damn he
0:39:59was using this in Europe it was in
0:40:01Europe
0:40:01yeah he was flying a bomber loaded with
0:40:03explosives and he armed the bombs he
0:40:06armed explosives after he was over the
0:40:07English Channel and either set either
0:40:11slipped on a banana peel and pushed the
0:40:13wrong button or somebody in one of the I
0:40:16think he was here there was a chase
0:40:17plane that was supposed to after he Bob
0:40:20after he dived out the chase point was
0:40:21supposed to follow the bomber down and I
0:40:23whatever maybe there's a short in the
0:40:25electrical system but the thing blew up
0:40:26into a million billion trillion pieces
0:40:28in the middle
0:40:29what a failure on so many levels yeah
0:40:31you said you touch my chicken shit thing
0:40:33to do but then it's also i mean i don't
0:40:35know who might say I'm not in the
0:40:37service but like then it's also like
0:40:38that what a waste of a dude and like
0:40:41what a what a what a waste of a plane to
0:40:44all those bombs
0:40:46yeah i mean you can put those bombs to
0:40:47good use i mean that is that is in on
0:40:49civilians it is a strategic target to
0:40:51hit a damn i guess
0:40:53oh yeah big deal it's a getting a damn
0:40:54is a big deal and war because it's all
0:40:57it's all that electricity electricity
0:40:58and plans you know but Anna and and if
0:41:02he's in the dad will send a big tidal
0:41:04wave down the valley that can and
0:41:06particularly if you believe the plot of
0:41:07force 10 from navarone that's what
0:41:09Harrison Ford right yeah let's get any
0:41:11the water from the dam can knock out the
0:41:13bridge where the Germans are coming
0:41:15across to attack the partisan see now
0:41:17that you get a twofer a twofer
0:41:19okay so you were Joe you're going to be
0:41:21talking there's different just senior
0:41:23and you told me you were going to be
0:41:25judging i was gonna be Joe Jr and so
0:41:27anyway even at the even at the point
0:41:29when I was living very much in a kind of
0:41:32hand to mouth or like hand to drugs to
0:41:36mouth way there was always a narrative
0:41:41in the back of my head that I needed to
0:41:42protect my reputation because i needed
0:41:47to be able to because when they
0:41:49investigated me for top secret clearance
0:41:51right I needed to be able to pass up
0:41:56because i was one day going to be a
0:41:57united states senator and these two and
0:42:01these two totally incompatible
0:42:03narratives the one where I was like a
0:42:08scrounging in the carpet for invisible
0:42:12crack rocks that i might have that
0:42:14matter dropped and ended up you know
0:42:17smoking somebody's dog dander because i
0:42:21was sure that it was some kind of drugs
0:42:22that had fallen in the carpet that
0:42:24narrative simultaneous with this but I
0:42:27can't let anybody know because i'm going
0:42:28to be a united states senator one day it
0:42:31there there's a there's still a version
0:42:33of it in me now and I and I know
0:42:36I think about this sometimes that I'm on
0:42:39record now and the problem would not be
0:42:42that I'm now on record admitting to
0:42:44having done a a a cornucopia of drugs
0:42:49literally a horn of plenty of drugs
0:42:51thanksgiving decoration full of drugs
0:42:54some of which people have never even
0:42:56heard of full of games and many pumpkins
0:42:58and handbags and I just week and you
0:43:03know I did I did every kind of squeak
0:43:05squeak
0:43:06well now i'm looking up later fuck yeah
0:43:08I told you but anyway it's not it's not
0:43:10as the Cornucopia itself is not the
0:43:12problem in the admission of cornucopia
0:43:14well but even if but but that isn't even
0:43:16the primary problem the primary problem
0:43:18for me being elected to the United
0:43:20States Senate is that i have yet but I
0:43:22have gone on record a thousand times
0:43:26saying a seattle is a dumpy little
0:43:29shithole and and you have people who
0:43:34believe in God are dumbasses and you
0:43:40know that everybody that doesn't know
0:43:42how to drive in snow should be taking a
0:43:44late line up against a wall and shot etc
0:43:46etc so that it's storming the embassy if
0:43:50there are numerous there are numerous
0:43:52numerous closets with numerous bones
0:43:54yeah if there is an opposition
0:43:55researcher was was given the task of
0:43:59educating not leave any I'm just imagine
0:44:01the process of vetting you like whether
0:44:02the guys in the back room with the
0:44:04cigars i got like as John Martin
0:44:05Roderick I think it'd be a fella that's
0:44:08right and just runs the basic checks
0:44:09Ollie said fucking cornucopia an
0:44:14opposition researcher would be rolling
0:44:15on the floor laughing within 30 seconds
0:44:18of trying to dig up some dirt on me
0:44:20because how am I going to run for how I
0:44:22can run for office in seattle out having
0:44:26said all the things that I've said we're
0:44:28just pointing out all the ways that you
0:44:29can help it you know it's like my mom
0:44:30would say when I got a c-minus he knows
0:44:32room for opportunity to improve well and
0:44:35it's what i would do at what what I've
0:44:37always imagined is what Bill Clinton
0:44:40should have done when they asked him
0:44:41whether or not he'd slept with Monica
0:44:43Lewinsky who
0:44:45you know I i never understood why he
0:44:48didn't look at wedding face down the
0:44:49cameras and say that's not a none of
0:44:52anybody's business next question instead
0:44:55instead of instead of falling back on
0:44:57parsing words it's very hemming and
0:44:59hawing and saying like well you know
0:45:01about Peppa to depict I like that
0:45:05they're there is there will come a time
0:45:06and we've already seen it was wet with
0:45:09the Barack Obama's admission not only
0:45:11having smoked marijuana but have done
0:45:13cocaine and he you know he admitted to
0:45:16it in his book and then he said I had
0:45:19it's a it's not a pertinent question is
0:45:21that it doesn't bear on my ability to
0:45:23govern next question right and if Bill
0:45:26Clinton had just said that's not
0:45:28anybody's business and if they had
0:45:29continued to throw questions at him she
0:45:33said alright the press conference is
0:45:34over i'll be back when you can figure
0:45:36out i'll be back when you the press
0:45:38corps have grown up enough you can
0:45:40figure out some reasonable questions to
0:45:43ask the President of the United States
0:45:44goodbye right and if he doesn't come
0:45:47back when you're ready to ask a grown-up
0:45:48question about running the world
0:45:50yeah because what would it would end up
0:45:52being Clinton's undoing was not that he
0:45:53slept with Monica Lewinsky that he lied
0:45:55about it and so there will come a time
0:45:59well so he lied about it in an age where
0:46:02is the line about it was not something
0:46:04that he could count on everybody to help
0:46:06him paper over we were was ok for us to
0:46:08not make a big deal of how much help
0:46:10Britain Got walking up to the lectern
0:46:12and we had our reasons right there was
0:46:14there was just a kind of decorum at the
0:46:16time where you know Kennedy got so much
0:46:18more tail than Clinton do you think I
0:46:20mean community had a lot of lot of
0:46:23intercourse but the problem with Kennedy
0:46:26wasn't that he wasn't just that he had
0:46:28intercourse with her that he had that he
0:46:31made congress with a lot of young ladies
0:46:33but Kennedy was completely doped up 24
0:46:37hours a day because of the was Addison's
0:46:39disease
0:46:40yeah i mean he was in he was in
0:46:41excruciating pain right barely he could
0:46:43barely walk and dr. feelgood was
0:46:45shooting a cocktail event Federman's
0:46:48asset that's the other cover-up thing
0:46:50that's so interesting the joe i think
0:46:51didn't have to have a big role in that
0:46:53of like nobody ever finds out that like
0:46:55every every place the president ever
0:46:57goes is is full of all kinds of drugs
0:47:00for helping him get by but then all
0:47:02kinds of stuff in case he just goes tits
0:47:04up and if that's a serious security risk
0:47:06during like the cuban missile crisis
0:47:09like this would have been nice to know
0:47:10yeah well i know i mean if you if you
0:47:13think about now like john-john Kennedy
0:47:17would not only would he never be elected
0:47:19president States but john kennedy from a
0:47:21very young age would have been treated
0:47:24as a special little flower who needs it
0:47:26needs a little cup with his medication
0:47:29in it every day at lunch and every day
0:47:31you know like John Kennedy way like i
0:47:34said he'd be seen as kind of a fag
0:47:35because your books and read books and
0:47:37stuff is maybe I think about who john
0:47:39kennedy was he is entirely the product
0:47:42of a being bullied by his father and his
0:47:44older brothers and of course we've made
0:47:46that illegal now you can't bully a kid
0:47:48and and also he was frail and teased and
0:47:53so he you know he fought and fought and
0:47:56fought against being frail and and sick
0:47:59and bullied and he became president the
0:48:03united states but that we've made all
0:48:05those things illegal now so well he got
0:48:07only a lot of help from Kennedy would be
0:48:10a lot of Health getting into office
0:48:11right now he'd be somewhere
0:48:13riding on his blog about his struggles
0:48:17with the you know he put his struggles
0:48:20to get get the right ad cocktail
0:48:24yeah and treasurer and yeah but I get a
0:48:26lot of people there's a lot of there's a
0:48:28lot of people in their fifties in the
0:48:30South right now riding around on boats
0:48:31it there Sheriff grandfather's got spot
0:48:33with Joe Kennedy's money
0:48:35oh don't worry it's gonna be fine you're
0:48:38fine you're gonna get you're gonna carry
0:48:40you but no problem
0:48:42they're all nickname Gator it said the
0:48:45other Gator here's the problem it's 47
0:48:48minutes and 56 seconds too late to make
0:48:50this funny show but like this is the
0:48:52thing and this is why i think the Senate
0:48:54might be a waste of your time but it's
0:48:56certainly we should be in Special Forces
0:48:57it certainly is you being elected I
0:48:59think it's probably just a bad idea for
0:49:00a variety of reasons logo i think that i
0:49:02think would be a tremendous idea the
0:49:03problem is that what that you got to get
0:49:05elected you should order the line is you
0:49:08got to have stupid people like you
0:49:10yeah but stupid people
0:49:11always like me are you kidding me right
0:49:14stupid people think i'm aware you feel
0:49:15like you really get on with stupid
0:49:17people i mean i can get on with all
0:49:19kinds of people that could you adjust
0:49:20these no you don't you don't adopt a
0:49:22patois but you feel like you adjust are
0:49:24you able to convincingly uh what's
0:49:27squelch down your belt and strong when
0:49:30you need to
0:49:30I i think it has to do with
0:49:33understanding for spending a lot of time
0:49:36trying to understand someone who does
0:49:39not want to make a mental effort but
0:49:44prefers to make an emotional effort to
0:49:47but prefers to interact with the world
0:49:49strictly on our kind of like immediate
0:49:53emotional basis her and not sit and
0:49:56think about even the basic building
0:49:59blocks of a what their experiences but
0:50:02just react to it emotionally and
0:50:05immediately and I've tried to explain my
0:50:07thinking again was in while in
0:50:08simplified version taking taking many
0:50:11things at face value without considering
0:50:14in my case one of my obsessions is what
0:50:16is whether it's a compliment or an
0:50:18insult or to be honest guys with ax
0:50:21handles like what's really going on
0:50:23there like that what is being said and
0:50:24what's being not said when the whole
0:50:25time you're telling a story and all I
0:50:28could see was scared guys like they're
0:50:29not real tough guys like real tough guys
0:50:32wouldn't need three of them in ax
0:50:33handles like they were scared and they
0:50:35kept hitting you after they couldn't
0:50:36stop because now they're adrenalin was
0:50:38high and they realize they could do it
0:50:39yeah you know and that's Matt and they
0:50:41weren't listening to me as I was
0:50:43patiently explaining to them all the
0:50:44reasons why me
0:50:45lighting this poster on fire a wasn't
0:50:47their business and be wasn't really a
0:50:49bigger reason that you guys can have
0:50:50just found something to do together as a
0:50:52project right now i mean i think that
0:50:54the Venn diagram for that you certainly
0:50:56had time to dry but I mean like that
0:50:58with there's a lot more to it and that's
0:51:00all that's one of the four of us take
0:51:01these bats and this lighter who and go
0:51:03like make a make a fire someone soup
0:51:07right i have some fun
0:51:08it's like if you get but the dumb people
0:51:10think they don't like Saddam I mean you
0:51:12know that stupidly abled are na ah i
0:51:17think it's it's not i feels to me like
0:51:19from a remove
0:51:20it feels like even with my friends who
0:51:22are really really smart and are so into
0:51:24the politics you know they are they're
0:51:26so smart people let me just stipulate
0:51:28but along the line especially in
0:51:30politics there's just so much branding
0:51:32and looking for somebody that says
0:51:34something you can agree with without
0:51:36doing any of your due diligence on how
0:51:38that you know comports with what they've
0:51:40done in their life you know what I mean
0:51:42and like you're not out there going like
0:51:44well here's a chart showing like what i
0:51:45should say this week you would be
0:51:47somebody you could go out there and say
0:51:48like believe me I understand being
0:51:49fucked up
0:51:50I've been pretty fucked out now that
0:51:52that but also immediate all politics is
0:51:55local as the is the phrase and one of
0:51:58the things that I learned growing up in
0:51:59surrounded by people in politics was
0:52:03that but the e you get so you get so
0:52:11much of of what is what ultimately is
0:52:13national politics but ultimately is all
0:52:15this like what are we going to do with
0:52:17our bodies what are we going to do with
0:52:18this what are we gonna do with that that
0:52:20these different versions of a of what we
0:52:24imagine his government and it all comes
0:52:26down to ultimately different ideas of
0:52:29public land use policy you know it all
0:52:32comes down to zoning in a way and zoning
0:52:35is a way that you can really get inside
0:52:38your neighbors heads and zoning is a way
0:52:41that you can start to understand why
0:52:43stupid people are so mad all the time
0:52:44because when you're trying to govern a
0:52:47city you're looking at zoning and you're
0:52:51saying this is going to be our business
0:52:53district this area over here is the
0:52:55these are going to be farms and if a guy
0:52:58wants to build a skyscraper out here on
0:53:00a farm
0:53:02we're not going to let him do it because
0:53:03we don't have the infrastructure there
0:53:05that's not where you get to build
0:53:06skyscrapers so we're workin finding the
0:53:09skyscrapers to downtown
0:53:11well so the guy that owns the farm says
0:53:16who the hell are those guys downtown to
0:53:17tell me I can't build a skyscraper here
0:53:19because not so much about skyscrapers as
0:53:22that this larger states rights it should
0:53:25become the state's rights not expressly
0:53:27know what I mean that's exactly states
0:53:29like note in the states rights and
0:53:30decoded sense of I'm the south and
0:53:32nobody's gonna fucking tell me
0:53:33to do right and that happens everywhere
0:53:35you go and watching it here in seattle
0:53:37where for a long time there was no there
0:53:40was no zoning and people were just going
0:53:42out and they were buying 500 acres of
0:53:45farmland right on the edge of town and
0:53:48they were building a cookie cutter
0:53:49development as fast as they could nail
0:53:52it on her until there were no farms left
0:53:54and so the city so everybody's
0:53:57complaining to the city why are you
0:53:58letting them do this with your they're
0:54:00ruining the city and so the city says
0:54:02okay I you can't do that anymore
0:54:05you can't be can't we're going to
0:54:07preserve that farmland and we're going
0:54:10to concentrate development downtown
0:54:13well I'm instantly every farmer within
0:54:17400 miles of seattle was infuriated not
0:54:20but not because most of them ever
0:54:22intended to build a subdivision on their
0:54:25farm but because the city had just taken
0:54:27away that possibility but it said you
0:54:28know it's like passing a law that says
0:54:30it's illegal it's still legal for you to
0:54:33win a lottery up to a hundred and
0:54:34seventeen dollars but you're not allowed
0:54:36to win a lottery over 15 million dollars
0:54:39right
0:54:40think about that for a second right you
0:54:41go to somebody you know what here's the
0:54:43thing you can keep playing for somebody
0:54:44said to me
0:54:45whoa whoa nobody's gonna take my way my
0:54:47right to win a hundred and seven in
0:54:48there are millions and millions of
0:54:50millions of dollars even there's no
0:54:51fucking way in the entire world that
0:54:52they're ever gonna win the lottery the
0:54:54fact that you've taken away their right
0:54:55to do that every component to be small
0:54:57potatoes is is philosophically at odds
0:55:01with those folks now
0:55:02well not just that but but you're at
0:55:04you're going to if you want to each one
0:55:05of these farmers and set down in the
0:55:07living room you said listen do you want
0:55:08to see a world where there are no more
0:55:10farms they would say of course not right
0:55:15it's like selling somebody a vacuum
0:55:17cleaner you just get them to say yes
0:55:18five times and somewhere around the 7th
0:55:21or 8th time they will buy a fucking
0:55:22vacuum cleaner is what they've gotten so
0:55:23used to saying yes would you say that
0:55:25the life of your children is more
0:55:27important than the fat cats on Wall
0:55:28Street
0:55:29oh my god yes what the fuck is an
0:55:31infraction and then people use that same
0:55:33sentence to sell both political views
0:55:35absolutely absolutely but but if you go
0:55:37to if you go to America and you say we
0:55:40do you want to see the death of the
0:55:41family farm in your lifetime
0:55:42they're all going to say no if you say
0:55:44okay in that case eat
0:55:46where we have passed a law that you can
0:55:48no longer develop your property they're
0:55:51going to say well I want that line drawn
0:55:54right on the other side of me you know
0:55:57that restriction placed right on the
0:55:59other side of my opportunity to develop
0:56:01my farm and make a hundred million
0:56:03dollars even if I never do it how many
0:56:05people would stop to think that if you
0:56:06really want to keep family farms alive
0:56:07you probably shouldn't let fucking
0:56:08skyscrapers people don them right now a
0:56:11lot of family farm anymore it's like if
0:56:13you agree if we agree you're gonna have
0:56:15to make this sacrifice we all make
0:56:16sacrifices you as a farm owner are going
0:56:18to have to make this sacrifice and
0:56:21that's the point at which right
0:56:23most people don't want to be the one
0:56:25hand and most people walk away from that
0:56:27encounter not thinking about the big
0:56:29picture but saying to themselves and
0:56:31this is the narrative of the whole of
0:56:33all conservatism which is why am I the
0:56:37one that has to make the sacrifice right
0:56:39if you listen to anyone on the
0:56:41conservative spectrum talk about being
0:56:44asked to make sacrifices they all they
0:56:47all speak about it in language as though
0:56:49they are the only one who ever had to
0:56:51make a sacrifice and so so that's the
0:56:55difference between you know that that is
0:56:57where local politics expands to national
0:56:59politics and that is a that is a world
0:57:01I've spent my whole life trying to
0:57:02understand so I feel like I could I
0:57:05could I could easily run for office and
0:57:09at least make myself understood to those
0:57:11people because I because I understand i
0:57:14can put myself any of us can put
0:57:16ourselves in the shoes of feeling like
0:57:18that kid on Christmas morning and all of
0:57:21your brothers and sisters got a present
0:57:22but the family ran out of money and
0:57:24you're the one that doesn't get right on
0:57:26it and let the risk of falling into this
0:57:28but you know what lake off identifies in
0:57:30that and I don't think an elephant book
0:57:32the conservative model of government as
0:57:34a family or nation as a family you know
0:57:36that'sthat's paradigm that was very
0:57:38effective like You Don't Tell I don't
0:57:39need a permission slip to invade
0:57:41Afghanistan are necessary iraq so forth
0:57:43but i mean i think that family thing
0:57:45think of it this way this is where it
0:57:46becomes valuable to me is like imagined
0:57:49like if you are a parent and you had god
0:57:52forbid you had a bunch of kids under the
0:57:54age of six like do they get to vote
0:57:56about whether you're going to have mms
0:57:58for dinner
0:57:59like do they get of
0:57:59but in that we would you say to them is
0:58:01in the school is just a reminder on how
0:58:03liberal you are because I know a lot of
0:58:06money to bring your own bag lot of
0:58:09hippie a lot of hippie parents around
0:58:10here in Seattle they're like you want
0:58:11you to stick of butter / dinner the
0:58:13rights as long as vegan butter smeared
0:58:16on a spider sugar the um no but i guess
0:58:19i'm saying is a sound making them
0:58:20business terribly mixed metaphor here
0:58:21but but you know what i want is a
0:58:24candidate and I've seen if they feel
0:58:25like sometimes people like barney frank
0:58:26or like people not just click because
0:58:28the gate park because the
0:58:29straight-talking part the occasional
0:58:30straight-talking part of the politician
0:58:32we're so what are my values if it is a
0:58:35value it at least value in the sense if
0:58:37I know when I'm fucking up at it i think
0:58:38and i definitely see what other people
0:58:40are fucking about it is like everything
0:58:41that you are your green ok your green
0:58:44for what cost to you know know that
0:58:47green for like how much money it saves
0:58:49you right and this is why bit with the
0:58:51fucking hotels you go in and every
0:58:53single thing they do to be green save
0:58:56some money right and it does not save
0:58:58you anything or well it's absolutely or
0:59:01more stimulated this point if they
0:59:03wanted to be green
0:59:04why don't they spend whatever it takes
0:59:06to become become completely solar light
0:59:10or or whatever
0:59:11why don't you what would it cost not for
0:59:13you just to get more insulation to save
0:59:14you money I get it but you don't get to
0:59:16call yourself green just because you
0:59:18save money you get to call yourself
0:59:19green when you give things up
0:59:21mhm including money including money and
0:59:24that's the thing is fucking politics
0:59:25that drives me bananas
0:59:26there's two things in politics first of
0:59:28all politics as pro wrestling it is
0:59:30about as valuable to follow politics as
0:59:31it is to follow for wrestling if you
0:59:33enjoy you should do it but if you care
0:59:35if i can change yourself get out there
0:59:36be a man about it don't worry about
0:59:38Twitter you don't time for twitter you
0:59:39got to change the world gum we go now
0:59:41here's the second one the second one is
0:59:42what the fuck that you give up because
0:59:44your ex so if you really care a lot
0:59:47about anything I want to know what you
0:59:50gave up for that not just even money you
0:59:53know what I mean like I'm not for the
0:59:54parent park ever comes in case somebody
0:59:56comes up and goes what about the values
0:59:58of the green space
0:59:58of the green space
1:00:00there what are we going to do for our
1:00:01children and then the schools and it's
1:00:04like I want to have politician can fire
1:00:06straight back at that person and say
1:00:08that's an excellent question let me ask
1:00:09you what you're willing to pay for that
1:00:10right and let me show you here's the way
1:00:12it works we have this much pie and we
1:00:15can cut it up in all kinds of ways but
1:00:17every day I spend every day figuring out
1:00:19who to disappoint least today right well
1:00:21helping the most people and just because
1:00:23you stood up there with your little
1:00:25funny bag and give me some remarks but
1:00:27you know I want somebody can fucking
1:00:28take that person down and say here's why
1:00:31we do that and then people like I think
1:00:33you Harvey Milk was kinda like this you
1:00:35can you get maybe it's all just a punk
1:00:36bitch nobody straight-talking you can
1:00:39say here's what that cost child probably
1:00:42that though is that that that you do get
1:00:44politicians like that like chris
1:00:46Christie or even Mitt Romney with his
1:00:4847% comments
1:00:50it's just that well as soon as you start
1:00:52quote-unquote straight talking with
1:00:54people you start saying things that you
1:00:58know that the opposition is like here he
1:00:59goes
1:01:00I mean you-you-you see straight that
1:01:03that the gift is to be able to say those
1:01:06things in a way that the way where you
1:01:09don't end up hanging by your own rope
1:01:11when straight talk straight talk first
1:01:13of all what pass i'm gonna shut up after
1:01:15this fucking cares I don't care about
1:01:16politics by what passes for population
1:01:19today really bugs me because it is the
1:01:21kind of populism that basically says if
1:01:22there's any other single person in the
1:01:24world that has the tiniest thing that
1:01:26you don't whether you want it or not
1:01:27like they're a dick and you're awesome
1:01:30and you're fucking martyr and that
1:01:32driving that is not populism that is
1:01:34just selfish and stupid and Prevention
1:01:36behavior like everybody's got problems
1:01:38and if when you grow up you realize that
1:01:41everybody's got different problems and
1:01:42you can't always understand other
1:01:43people's problems but that is exactly
1:01:45the kind of attitude that opens us up to
1:01:48these charlatans and so all these people
1:01:50who can sell us on that emotion without
1:01:51ever causing us to think a little more
1:01:53well what do they have to gain by
1:01:55sending nicely populism that's always
1:01:57been popular really think so
1:01:59Andrew Jackson ran a campaign
1:02:02oh well I'm based on even more somebody
1:02:05who drops the g's and touch their
1:02:07suspenders and says oh gosh oh golly
1:02:09makes it sound like a regular dude and I
1:02:11get you
1:02:11yeah yeah I mean populism is by by by
1:02:14its very definition of appeal to the the
1:02:16bassist emotions of the largest number
1:02:19of unformed people there is no I mean I
1:02:22there is no populism that isn't that
1:02:26gross ultimately end up and the the
1:02:28problem is a I mean we were all raised
1:02:31to think that one day through education
1:02:34we were going to create a nation of
1:02:36philosopher Kings where everybody was
1:02:39going to be hyper informed we were all
1:02:41going to sit around reading alexandre
1:02:44dumas and talking about the talking
1:02:47about like a the the rarefied little
1:02:50adjustments we needed to make two are
1:02:52finely oiled comic you know complete
1:02:54perfect democracy right and in fact that
1:03:00education has dare i say not produce
1:03:02this situation and as we hurtle forward
1:03:06we we have a we have a we have a mass
1:03:11electronic communication system that has
1:03:13produced the the the appearance of
1:03:17information and we have 200 million
1:03:21people in America who feel like they are
1:03:23informed because they because they are
1:03:26being told things all day they're
1:03:27they're watching and listening to people
1:03:29telling them things and they see it with
1:03:32their own eyes and they believe that
1:03:33they have I mean at least in 1830 you
1:03:36had people out plowing the fields and if
1:03:38you came up to them and said what do you
1:03:40think about this they say listen I've
1:03:41never heard of it i don't know what
1:03:42you're talking about like i have two
1:03:44books in the house the Bible and the
1:03:46other Bible and that's all I know your
1:03:50name but now you walk up to to the to a
1:03:53person with a with almost no capacity to
1:03:58be interested in things enough to
1:04:01self-educate themselves beyond just the
1:04:04thinnest like one molecule deep
1:04:06understanding of things but they know it
1:04:09would they know one molecule deep about
1:04:111 million things because they're
1:04:13watching it on TV they know who won the
1:04:14Oscars they know you know they know the
1:04:17that they know that scoochie just had a
1:04:20baby or whatever in New Jersey good for
1:04:23scoochie you know scoochie is my
1:04:25favorite character on that show
1:04:27now what she had hoped the people yeah
1:04:30that's the the show about them with
1:04:33their there's they're doing their thing
1:04:34and so she just had a baby and everybody
1:04:36knows all this
1:04:37oh yeah who's an Oscar Wilde that you
1:04:38know people seneca someone who knows the
1:04:40the price of everything and the value of
1:04:42nothing and that's why it reminds me so
1:04:44much of sports is that people people who
1:04:46feel extremely well-informed about
1:04:47politics by tuning into the people that
1:04:50they normally agree with and I basically
1:04:52reading sports scores it does not make
1:04:55you an effective part of the body
1:04:57politic it makes you a sports fan
1:04:59it makes you somebody who knows the box
1:05:01scores and who's leading in the National
1:05:03League Eastern Division you know who has
1:05:06been with two and a half games ahead and
1:05:09you know that this guy you know is going
1:05:10to have ACL surgery that doesn't make
1:05:12you a fucking expert and it doesn't it
1:05:14doesn't it doesn't you know what I mean
1:05:15it's like what you need to get past this
1:05:17point of seeing these these two pro
1:05:19wrestlers as the answer to any problem
1:05:22you know i mean like it's just not how
1:05:24it works its and it's anyway and I guess
1:05:27the reason I'm so crank your defensive
1:05:29about it is I need a John Roderick I
1:05:32need somebody to make me care about
1:05:33politics and to be willing to bring my
1:05:34bag or or or for that matter demand a
1:05:36bag depending on how it works out
1:05:38according to you and I defer to you on
1:05:39this but you know it just it just drives
1:05:41me bananas that I I feel like we're
1:05:43amongst my friends I'm the one who's the
1:05:45dick because i'm seeing the matrix you
1:05:47know and it but if you say anything
1:05:49about that to people they get so mad I
1:05:52remember I remember me and it wasn't
1:05:54very long ago at all in the election
1:05:55cycle really let's say half way through
1:05:57they say about 2010 when the Democrats
1:06:00got their asses handed them and I've
1:06:01said this maybe twice
1:06:03how are those hope posters working out
1:06:05for you is a fucking human being from
1:06:07Chicago is a good man he seems like a
1:06:10good man but he's a fucking politic from
1:06:12piece of politician from Illinois with
1:06:14not that much experience people get mad
1:06:16imagining on a poster like they're like
1:06:19everyone kind of said the same thing and
1:06:20then they say they're not listening to
1:06:22what you're saying they're just hearing
1:06:23you say something that sounded like
1:06:25something sheets well I'm
1:06:27what I'm saying is that like I would
1:06:29never have a poster of a lawyer with the
1:06:30word love on it haha
1:06:33because that's not why I hire a lawyer
1:06:36thank you
1:06:36I don't I don't I don't go out and hire
1:06:38a hitman for the mob because he talks
1:06:41about his feelings like I want a
1:06:43president I want fucking lungs accepting
1:06:45Vietnam I want to Lyndon Johnson in
1:06:47there I want somebody with good
1:06:48rolodexes how to connect to kick
1:06:49somebody's ass and knows how to order a
1:06:51pair of pants those balls are
1:06:52comfortable but I was we as we get as we
1:06:55get set for God's sake except for
1:06:56vietnam vietnam was a problem i just
1:06:57stipulate as we get deeper and deeper
1:06:59into the into this experiment of of pure
1:07:05democracy and America is an ongoing
1:07:08experiment it's 200 years in and it
1:07:12keeps it keeps six or rewriting its own
1:07:15rulebook but it is unprecedented in
1:07:18human history that there was ever a
1:07:21nation like this that was ever governed
1:07:23like this and as we move forward we we
1:07:26keep thinking that America is a thing
1:07:29that once was perfect and we are
1:07:31corrupting it or America was on a path
1:07:34to being perfect and we have gone off
1:07:37the path right but in in fact America is
1:07:39this this petri dish that all the world
1:07:42is watching and the world isn't what has
1:07:44been has been for for 200 years like
1:07:46cartoon of your holy shit i can't
1:07:48believe we pulled that off for another
1:07:49another five years right and the world
1:07:51is watching it not just in admiration
1:07:52but you know the world takes takes from
1:07:57us some of the results of our experiment
1:07:59and they take it over to their own
1:08:01places where they have recently deposed
1:08:03King and they say well we don't really
1:08:05like everything about the Declaration of
1:08:06Independence and the and the US
1:08:08Constitution but we're going to take
1:08:09some things we're gonna do this we're
1:08:11gonna do that
1:08:11and meanwhile we are prepared slogging
1:08:14along trying to make this experiment
1:08:16work and the further we go up this one
1:08:19particular path the more everybody
1:08:22starts to say boy you know oligarchy
1:08:24wasn't that bad
1:08:29in contrast to pure democracy and that
1:08:35is just that's a coarse adjustment you
1:08:37know we 50 years ago lived in a kind of
1:08:40all the particle system where we had
1:08:43people like Lyndon Johnson who were
1:08:45taking care of things and we trusted FDR
1:08:49and we trusted we trusted this sort of
1:08:52group of who / who were almost all look
1:08:55incredibly competent scumbags
1:08:57yeah right i mean about so that's I mean
1:08:59the but you know you said no it's like I
1:09:01i mean i think their heroic I think
1:09:03they're in heroic people but like once
1:09:04you know about how that sausage got made
1:09:06like you know they did some shit
1:09:08yeah well but you think about you think
1:09:11about somebody like Gandhi who was
1:09:12incredibly competent and not a scumbag
1:09:14right
1:09:16he worked his whole life to free India
1:09:17from British oppressive oppression I'm
1:09:20missing a tooth and narrate the day and
1:09:24the you know literally the day he he
1:09:27achieved independence from britain all
1:09:31of a sudden Pakistan once independence
1:09:34from India and their plunged into what
1:09:37is effectively a a civil war and a
1:09:40religious war that that persists to this
1:09:43day and it has become like the nuclear
1:09:47flashpoint of the world and all of that
1:09:50is a about the whole india-pakistan
1:09:54problem
1:09:56Andy and we one might argue the problem
1:09:58with Afghanistan is Pakistan and India
1:10:01fighting kind of a proxy war in
1:10:04Afghanistan and that whole problem is a
1:10:07result of Gandhi freeing india from
1:10:11British oppression
1:10:12so even the best you know even the best
1:10:16system even the even the the man with
1:10:19the most integrity in human history
1:10:21cannot produce a situation that isn't
1:10:25that doesn't you know dissolve into in
1:10:30this case not just Muslim vs Hindu but
1:10:33you know it well I i'm not saying we
1:10:38should return to the Raj i'm not saying
1:10:39that that that that freeing india from
1:10:42British oppression was a bad plan
1:10:44it's just that now look now the now the
1:10:47cats are out of the bag and people are
1:10:50going to do what they're going to do and
1:10:51it you know
1:10:52but you're also you're also getting to
1:10:54another big problem at least in my
1:10:56estimation which is to never people who
1:10:59may be people who aren't as fucked up
1:11:02and liberal artsy is me who took don't
1:11:04take into account how many how life is a
1:11:06tile puzzle is like one little space if
1:11:09you want to get that in order from like
1:11:1012 15 you gotta move a lot of fucking
1:11:12tiles around its super inconvenient and
1:11:14if your only goal in life is to make
1:11:16sure that number number for always stays
1:11:20in the upper right-hand corner there's
1:11:22gonna be so much work involved in moving
1:11:23all those towels around and if you will
1:11:25you sit around thinking i want for to
1:11:28always stay there and don't you dare
1:11:29fucking touch it
1:11:30well that's not how it's going to work
1:11:31everybody else wants their tile
1:11:33someplace to there's a lot of people who
1:11:35just want the tiles they move they don't
1:11:36really care what the numbers are those
1:11:37doing that lawyers and so but you know
1:11:40and get to get for backup to back corner
1:11:43in my hand to go and do somebody
1:11:44somewhere real farm you might have to
1:11:46just shut the fuck up and let somebody
1:11:47else being for for a little while if you
1:11:49ever want to have it back and and that's
1:11:51all the Rubik's Cube and again this
1:11:52apply this to me this disc gets to this
1:11:55really cynical I don't know it's just
1:11:58it's a weak spot that a lot of us have
1:12:00an American because we also think you're
1:12:01smart and special which is that if we
1:12:03have if we have a lot of us if we find
1:12:05somebody who will tell us that your
1:12:07number for tile will always get to stay
1:12:09in the upper right-hand corner and I
1:12:10will defend all the people who think
1:12:11your tires should move you're gonna miss
1:12:14understand so many things about how the
1:12:15world works
1:12:16setting aside the fact that they're
1:12:17still you know what 14 other people who
1:12:20want their tiles to move and so in this
1:12:22is why i say well I in green is one that
1:12:24drives me crazy because I think it's so
1:12:26fucking cynical to say that and people
1:12:28say when my question always is well
1:12:30green at the cost of what right and in
1:12:32this instance you could say to somebody
1:12:34you can basically you treat them like a
1:12:36child you treat them like a child he
1:12:38took them almost like in my case like a
1:12:40toddler right with my daughter three in
1:12:42the afternoon I come home and I'm lucky
1:12:45and we get to hang out and I end and
1:12:47there's this whole list of things that
1:12:49we could do that come up well you know
1:12:51we could play some wii we could go to
1:12:52the library we could read this comic hey
1:12:55you know we have enough time that we
1:12:56could go to the embarcadero are likely
1:12:58to the ferry building we could and
1:13:00there's all these things and they rent
1:13:01themselves a little bit over two over
1:13:02two
1:13:03we could get a chocolate chip cookie we
1:13:05could play in the backyard but the thing
1:13:07is at seven o'clock when we still
1:13:09haven't left the house she still thinks
1:13:11we're going to get a chocolate cookie at
1:13:13embarcadero and I'm saying you heard you
1:13:16like blood ginger you all you heard it
1:13:18all the stuff that you wanted to hear
1:13:19and you cannot hear any of the parts
1:13:21about these the really important part
1:13:22because maybe I said it wrong but what I
1:13:24really needed to say is we need to get
1:13:25the fuck out of the house by 3 15 to do
1:13:27anything
1:13:28yeah and now I'm the dick because i'm
1:13:29not gonna give you a cookie well that's
1:13:31politics to me today is everybody hears
1:13:33all the ways that they're gonna they're
1:13:35gonna get to call themselves green and
1:13:36get the vegan meals but they're not
1:13:38willing to pony up the dough to do it i
1:13:40want me to sell it about to cfl light
1:13:43bulbs that last week for the 99 cents
1:13:45some green now i don't mean to suggest
1:13:48that this is where this sorry child was
1:13:50your relationship with your daughter
1:13:51yeah but this is why a punch in the nose
1:13:54is such an effective problem solver and
1:13:56they just they just took that away from
1:13:57you woke up one day and that was the day
1:13:59they took that away from us
1:14:01I'm sorry they took it he took it away
1:14:02from from the people who might have that
1:14:04coming because obviously there's a
1:14:06there's often a guy who's standing on
1:14:08his number four square and he's like I
1:14:10moving my family's been in the top
1:14:13right-hand corner that's right since at
1:14:15six and and at a certain point you
1:14:19realize you cannot appease this person
1:14:20you cannot make it right
1:14:22they will never be satisfied who and you
1:14:25still need to move that thing out of the
1:14:27top right corner you need to get you
1:14:29need occupy square number four and
1:14:31ultimately in times past a punch in the
1:14:34nose was warranted a response this guy
1:14:37in the nose and then it's like you said
1:14:38whether it should give you some clarity
1:14:40like having your head said why you're
1:14:41trippin
1:14:42it just gives a little bit a little bit
1:14:43quick clarity anything but it's the
1:14:45thing is the thing about eminent domain
1:14:47or it's the thing about Oleg arche at a
1:14:48certain point we elect people because we
1:14:51trust that we don't have all the facts
1:14:53and that these people are going to be
1:14:55more informed than we are and they're
1:14:56going to make decisions on our behalf
1:14:58and in America now we elect people and
1:15:00then we second-guess their every move
1:15:02because we think that we are we all pick
1:15:05the were the smartest people in because
1:15:06because we heard there might be a cookie
1:15:08coming even though we didn't understand
1:15:09how much was involved before you got
1:15:11here that i got elected because he
1:15:12promised us a cookie and now where's our
1:15:14cooking hold on
1:15:15home the fact that we that we we can't
1:15:18all manage these things and we hire
1:15:20people basically yeah be representatives
1:15:23to go figure this stuff out for us and
1:15:25if we're not the problem is that we used
1:15:28to at least sometimes hire people that
1:15:31we thought were better than we are but
1:15:34in a mirror is better than anybody now
1:15:36John that's right in America now that if
1:15:38there is no one better than and anybody
1:15:40who just wants to stand up and say I'm
1:15:42the best there and so we hire people to
1:15:45go to public office for us who are you
1:15:49know who believe that though that the
1:15:51world was created in seven days or who
1:15:52believe that all you have to do is
1:15:54implement a 2-percent across-the-board
1:15:56tax and all of our bills will go away or
1:15:59people bet
1:16:00uh you know the believe that ron Hubbard
1:16:02uh oh gotta make time he thinks ezc123
1:16:07and weekend i'm sorry please continue
1:16:09no no it's not just want to make sure to
1:16:11make sure that was two things we have to
1:16:12come back to you if we don't think we
1:16:13have time for Howard's involves we
1:16:14should say that but what I want to ask
1:16:15you is this is a two-part question
1:16:17answer it you know as you do but if you
1:16:21had your druthers today if if you knew
1:16:24in your heart or thought in your heart
1:16:26maybe maybe you're just going to push a
1:16:27rock up the hill but let's say you are
1:16:30going to run for offers at what level
1:16:31will you run for office and given where
1:16:34you're running can you give me some
1:16:36basic planks in the edge on Roderick
1:16:39platform i'm just going to say to start
1:16:41out i don't want to I don't want to piss
1:16:42in your punch bowl but i think the whole
1:16:43idea of you even even conceding that you
1:16:46need to be elected for something as a
1:16:47goddamn Holocaust well anything without
1:16:49going in with a plan like yours a man a
1:16:50plan a canal supertrain it's fucking
1:16:52depressing as hell that you need to
1:16:54consider asking somebody to do you the
1:16:56favor of voting for you the the thing is
1:16:59though that if you get elected say for
1:17:00instance mayor of Seattle who you have
1:17:02you have into you know instantaneously
1:17:06all these agencies all those people
1:17:09working for you who are trying to try to
1:17:11run the city efficiently but also our
1:17:14you know our kind of open to reform I
1:17:17mean people are used to a new mayor
1:17:19coming in already netiquette in its
1:17:21infrastructure but you can always clean
1:17:22house you do a little you do a little
1:17:24housecleaning who i think that you know
1:17:26I don't want to say that being married
1:17:27yet
1:17:28the dead-end job but I think that's not
1:17:33see now that's the kind of dependent
1:17:34clause that gets a Manoff i have been
1:17:37running for mayor of Seattle would be
1:17:39would be a fascinating journey to go on
1:17:42and I didn't being mayor of Seattle
1:17:44given what I know about the city which
1:17:46is everything you know there are some
1:17:49there are some changes i would make
1:17:51there are a lot of things about the way
1:17:52Seattle runs that I would leave alone
1:17:54that would just let Seattle run but
1:17:56there are there are quite a few i mean
1:17:58their relationships you have to maintain
1:17:59and our present mayor is a is very
1:18:02effective
1:18:03he's the hippie and so he has you know
1:18:08he has hippie values and that squares
1:18:10with what everybody around here if you
1:18:12want something selfish and duplicitous
1:18:13that's a good place to look
1:18:15but but the thing about Seattle is there
1:18:17there are a lot of people in Seattle who
1:18:20are hippies who and I think that they
1:18:22have a tendency to not you know to run
1:18:26roughshod over the mirror to to do not
1:18:29respect him and you know we hear in
1:18:30these it's like they're too many bike
1:18:32lanes kind of arguments now it's like
1:18:35they're really are there too many bike
1:18:37lanes and then what it and his problem
1:18:39is that he he believes that we should
1:18:41have more bike lanes any believes that
1:18:43is self-evident he doesn't have to
1:18:45explain it there are doing not they're
1:18:47not is so he's saying there's not enough
1:18:49streets that have a bike lane or we need
1:18:51like five across on this road
1:18:53I think our present there would be would
1:18:55be gratified if there were only bikes
1:18:57and the only cars then only it's a
1:19:00fascinating conversation to have but so
1:19:03I i think that I would run for mayor of
1:19:05Seattle ok but ultimately my father will
1:19:08not rest my mind my ancestors will not
1:19:12rest until I'm a United States Senator
1:19:15and that's up
1:19:16that's a harder job to acquire I don't
1:19:19even know how to frame this but you know
1:19:20that is yet John that is that is a great
1:19:22goal or you are aging a little bit i
1:19:24think that's actually more than a one
1:19:26admit is going to be your people people
1:19:28will probably care less about your
1:19:29trippin but I mean you're pretty old to
1:19:30get office at this point but it's true
1:19:33it's it's a pretty old to start at the
1:19:34bottom unless you unless you you do
1:19:36something heroic recently Sonny Bono
1:19:40you got elected to the United States
1:19:43maybe he know he wrote needles and pins
1:19:45well see ya that's what something costs
1:19:47arts and I have always felt that the
1:19:50that for me
1:19:52the my entree into the jobs that I've
1:19:55always wanted which are united states
1:19:57senator a professor of a history
1:20:02americas haha what if you want to be
1:20:07yeah I'm sorry that's so awesome you
1:20:09want to be a professor of history
1:20:10emeritus yes would you if you had your
1:20:12druthers I would hear third one too but
1:20:13if you could you would skip over the
1:20:16ignominious career of being a professor
1:20:18fisting just being an American correct
1:20:21crap i am I have no interest in being a
1:20:24professor of history teaches survey so
1:20:26forward-thinking I want to be a
1:20:28professor of history and a lot of work
1:20:30yeah or or a retired general of the army
1:20:34and in order to get to those three jobs
1:20:38the standard model that you started both
1:20:41you started local level and you work
1:20:43your way up through the ranks you don't
1:20:45get to here's the thing you might have
1:20:47to be you might have to be an assistant
1:20:48alderman before your alderman you have
1:20:50an alderman then you're going to be a
1:20:52lawyer for a couple years become a
1:20:53lobbyist then you might run for mayor
1:20:55yeah I'm not interested in any of those
1:20:57things that see this John that is just
1:20:59that can I just say John and no offense
1:21:00to anybody in politics that you know but
1:21:03that's just undignified having to work
1:21:05your way up like we'll wait what-what
1:21:07are you in elementary school three
1:21:08different things I I don't need to know
1:21:10where the bodies are buried
1:21:11I'll have people for that yeah well I
1:21:14yeah so so using Sonny Bono as a model
1:21:17which you know or or the guy who played
1:21:20a Cletus on on Dukes have my thanks to
1:21:23get cooter cooter right the guy who
1:21:25played cooter um you know you got his
1:21:28real name by the way is Joseph Regina he
1:21:31you just parlay your fame in a different
1:21:35vernacular who and then at a certain
1:21:38point you start saying you know you pull
1:21:39an arnold schwarzenegger you start
1:21:41talking like you know about stuff and
1:21:43enough people go oh that sounds
1:21:45reasonable
1:21:46they're pretty soon you're the governor
1:21:47of california is not a bad example I
1:21:49think he's a better example incentive
1:21:50bonus a bonus seems like whatever but
1:21:52Arnold Schwarzenegger
1:21:53you know say what you will about that
1:21:55guy there's a lot to say about that guy
1:21:57but you know what he worked really
1:21:59really hard adventure
1:22:01well that's a lot of work being arrested
1:22:03about travel but I mean you know you go
1:22:05back and read a little bit about his bio
1:22:06he worked really sure he took steroids
1:22:09and stuff but he still he worked really
1:22:12hard as I broke up with the razor blade
1:22:14to buy better million times you get paid
1:22:16a little extra for that doesn't feel so
1:22:18that's my plan i kinda like I feel like
1:22:20rather than going to work outside the
1:22:22system this is the part of him
1:22:23struggling to understand you're gonna
1:22:24work inside of an electoral system where
1:22:27where where people who have no business
1:22:29voting are theoretically the one that
1:22:30are going to give or take a job from you
1:22:33yeah you know I John that's it because I
1:22:35admire the system you know ultimately
1:22:36all the stuff that I say that sounds
1:22:40like I am and I i'm interested in
1:22:41running a a monarchy basically i really
1:22:47admire I admire the American system with
1:22:50with all its faults and i think
1:22:52absolutely let me think let me ask you
1:22:54this I don't even numbers up a way to do
1:22:56this on hope life is how would you feel
1:22:58about being a retired senator here's my
1:23:02thinking you could become lets you skip
1:23:04over being a senator let's be honest
1:23:06it's a lot of working you're not going
1:23:07to get it but if you were a retired
1:23:09senator and you could be look at jimmy
1:23:11carter right right now senator but in
1:23:14this case I think he needs some
1:23:16conventional wisdom that is fairly
1:23:18undistinguished term in office it has
1:23:20almost been out shown by the massive
1:23:22amount of of good stuff he's done since
1:23:24then
1:23:25right so I think it's time for you to
1:23:27put your past behind you
1:23:28Tom openly about the fact that you've
1:23:31done some kind of silly things in the
1:23:32past and and get past this whole
1:23:35election electoral process which is as I
1:23:36say in my opinion a little and dignified
1:23:38and you go straight to being an elder
1:23:40non statesman well for instance uh but
1:23:44David Petraeus the former general of the
1:23:47army general petraeus who is a who is
1:23:51right now director of the Central
1:23:53Intelligence Agency who and who is being
1:23:56courted to become the President of
1:23:59Princeton University now this is a
1:24:03career path that I would like to
1:24:06inject myself into that is that's
1:24:09opportunities you're not going to get in
1:24:11till you've had a job and left it right
1:24:14so he he was genuine right everybody
1:24:16here for people before you can call
1:24:17yourself an author right you got to be a
1:24:19marine before you can be a marine right
1:24:21i don't want to I don't whatever
1:24:23whatever Petraeus did when he was a
1:24:24lieutenant who well whoever's boots
1:24:28shined to get promoted to captain I'm
1:24:32not interested in shining those boots no
1:24:34but uh and and frankly you know all the
1:24:37wars he waged there during the Bush
1:24:39administration
1:24:39yeah you know take them or leave them
1:24:42but now to be retired general of the
1:24:44army director see is a nice position
1:24:47John considering a move over to be
1:24:49President of Princeton you would want to
1:24:50interview you or that would be so easily
1:24:52with the concept of the club test you
1:24:56know the clapping is no see LEP it's a
1:24:58college level examination program and
1:25:00basically the idea is if you go in at
1:25:02certain kinds of schools not the kind of
1:25:04schools even I was going to but it's not
1:25:06as you can go in and take a test called
1:25:07the clap and say you know what I'm going
1:25:09to skip over all these distribution
1:25:11requirements because I can demonstrate
1:25:12its kind of like a smart person GED like
1:25:16you going to do you know what I really
1:25:17don't need to take composition you know
1:25:20101 easy take a clap and so you can go
1:25:23straight to skip straight over the stuff
1:25:24that all the civilians have to take and
1:25:26use call clapping out so I wonder I
1:25:28don't know this could be part of the
1:25:30supertrain program over something you
1:25:31might want to initiate one of your own a
1:25:33pilot programs internally but I think
1:25:35you should be able to click over certain
1:25:36jobs just clip out of having ever been
1:25:38in the army but still be still have
1:25:40people call me general
1:25:42mmm that sounds good general Roderick
1:25:44the problem with that though is what my
1:25:47freshman year in college they gave a
1:25:49writing test to the entire freshman
1:25:51class who to place us somewhere in the
1:25:54you know it was one of those writing
1:25:56tests are you ready four essays and they
1:25:57and you get a scorp one through five or
1:26:00something like that and that's how they
1:26:01know how how smart you are fucking
1:26:03finally go up and I was like this is
1:26:06gonna be great
1:26:07this is amazing I can't wait to take
1:26:09this test and i sat and i wrote a big
1:26:11disquisition you know I forget what the
1:26:13topic was some dumb thing that I sky
1:26:15ignored completely and i wrote a big
1:26:16disquisition on how
1:26:18uh you know how everybody needed to to
1:26:22just adopt the 15 planks of Roderick ism
1:26:24and and the world would be made a better
1:26:26place and I got a0 out of 5 on my
1:26:29writing exam and the the kid that I
1:26:34thought was the dumbest kid in our whole
1:26:36dorm the the kid that just that that
1:26:39that spoke as though he had been which I
1:26:42knew him to have been hit on the head
1:26:441,000 times with a little cross rackets
1:26:46he got a five and i got a0 and I was
1:26:51like mhm mhm so that's how it works
1:26:54that's how you make a super found a
1:26:56shower that their family so you know I
1:27:00so my senses I would try and clip out of
1:27:02having ever been in the Army and go
1:27:04right to being director of CIA and and I
1:27:07would get a zero because somehow I
1:27:09wouldn't have liked filled up there's
1:27:11got to be something we're all these
1:27:13things that you you look at his deficits
1:27:16and let's be honest and the world and
1:27:17the body politic looks at his deficits
1:27:19but some of this stuff saying what you
1:27:21said so candidly about about the city in
1:27:25which you would theoretically govern yes
1:27:28I could see how that could cause
1:27:29problems but it's a shame that you can't
1:27:31get some kind of you know like like with
1:27:34clapping that you can't get some kind of
1:27:35special credit for what you've survived
1:27:36and what you put other people through
1:27:38because it seems to me you know Petraeus
1:27:40I mean I'm sure wasn't all just you know
1:27:41beer and skittles de probably had to do
1:27:44some shit some LBJ kind of shit right
1:27:47yeah I think you did I don't know I
1:27:49don't know I just say it's very
1:27:51troubling me John I don't you know what
1:27:52I think it is Merlin I know that without
1:27:54what we what we
1:27:55and you you're ahead of me on this you
1:27:58you you're aware of this in a way that
1:28:00I'm only now just it's just dawning on
1:28:01me but it might be that we have kept our
1:28:05way into having a podcast her we talk to
1:28:08each other back and forth
1:28:09oh and that that is the thing that 25
1:28:13years from now people will be like oh
1:28:15man if I could just clip into a podcast
1:28:19oh you're saying we're uh we were
1:28:22generals of a kind were already there
1:28:24how the fuck does guys get a podcast
1:28:26right right
1:28:27we are effectively well how is he on the
1:28:29board of exxonmobil what did you know
1:28:31that
1:28:31kind of thing right Zach what we make it
1:28:34we make it look so easy to only did we
1:28:37really do show up you got a broken
1:28:38fucking 232 sandwich you talk about
1:28:41getting your ass kicked with an asset
1:28:42and has his handle
1:28:45get your ass kicked it I gotta pee so
1:28:47bad and a half later what the guy says I
1:28:50really have to pee and then the show's
1:28:52over
1:28:52already people once and I I feel the
1:28:54liter bottle and drink a couple minutes
1:28:55ago while we were sitting here talking
1:28:57you peed i muted it
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