Roderick on the Line

Ep. 45: "The Conditions of Love"


00:00:00   hello hi John [TS]

00:00:08   Merlin how are you I'm fine young man [TS]

00:00:14   John uh-huh [TS]

00:00:18   and oh that sounds it sounded like a [TS]

00:00:24   meditation thing I'm just sitting here [TS]

00:00:26   meditating meditating on how create life [TS]

00:00:30   is and how good I have it boy had a bad [TS]

00:00:34   morning every every minute of a day is [TS]

00:00:38   just a blessing [TS]

00:00:39   I'm dressed already I'm not naked for [TS]

00:00:43   this podcast that I've had coffee [TS]

00:00:47   I just feel so blessed you know life [TS]

00:00:50   life is a present that we give ourselves [TS]

00:00:52   life as a president that we give [TS]

00:00:55   ourselves who andrew johnson doesn't get [TS]

00:00:58   the credit he deserves if you know what [TS]

00:01:00   I mean I feel like you know my my my [TS]

00:01:03   general feeling that the world is going [TS]

00:01:05   to hell and that is largely a product of [TS]

00:01:08   the fact that we have made it [TS]

00:01:09   unfashionable to punch people in the [TS]

00:01:11   nose [TS]

00:01:13   it's it's just not accurate and what I [TS]

00:01:16   really need to feel is that every day is [TS]

00:01:18   a blessing that you know what that is [TS]

00:01:20   really refreshing [TS]

00:01:23   Wow nicely with the working Susan polish [TS]

00:01:26   Schultz hmm so she polished Schultz's no [TS]

00:01:32   no John she doesn't she writes a she I [TS]

00:01:35   think she had quite a run in the [TS]

00:01:36   seventies and eighties writing those [TS]

00:01:38   greeting cards will like watercolors on [TS]

00:01:42   the front [TS]

00:01:42   oh I got all I am i received a great [TS]

00:01:46   many of those you know my mom is someone [TS]

00:01:50   who expresses herself through greeting [TS]

00:01:54   parents so hard to believe so I it is [TS]

00:01:59   it's very out of character but i have a [TS]

00:02:01   greeting card from her not a greeting [TS]

00:02:03   card but a birthday card from her for [TS]

00:02:05   every year just using precisely greeting [TS]

00:02:07   you not not greeting me except like [TS]

00:02:10   greeting each new day with a with a [TS]

00:02:13   with a an aphorism but you know they [TS]

00:02:18   would he would be there so that there [TS]

00:02:19   would be a card with a sunset on it and [TS]

00:02:21   there were there would usually be some [TS]

00:02:23   kind of onion paper in front of the [TS]

00:02:25   paper of the card right so that at first [TS]

00:02:28   you look at the card it's like kind of [TS]

00:02:29   threw a gauze and then you put the onion [TS]

00:02:32   paper and there's the sentiments written [TS]

00:02:34   in cursive last night it also had to be [TS]

00:02:37   protected from from a caustic world [TS]

00:02:39   yeah or or uh that it is that it isn't [TS]

00:02:43   an excerpt an apocryphal from the Bible [TS]

00:02:45   some kind of middle portion of the Bible [TS]

00:02:48   that but that got taken out like [TS]

00:02:52   somebody with white cotton gloves to [TS]

00:02:53   take it out of a hermetically seal tape [TS]

00:02:55   out of each Bible each Bible which is [TS]

00:02:57   the unary word of god and then there's [TS]

00:03:00   this thing that says you're the best son [TS]

00:03:03   Oh mom could ever want to have open it [TS]

00:03:07   up inside and then it's also another [TS]

00:03:10   thing that I psyche but no incited [TS]

00:03:13   furthers that thought we have someone [TS]

00:03:15   and then my mom would sign it can [TS]

00:03:19   sometimes sometimes she would echo the [TS]

00:03:20   sentiment by saying you're a good son [TS]

00:03:24   how do you really believe that I think [TS]

00:03:27   she did you know moms have moms have [TS]

00:03:29   certain blinders where they think that [TS]

00:03:32   they're there they're terrible child [TS]

00:03:34   who's a force of pure destruction in the [TS]

00:03:37   world is actually a nice boy [TS]

00:03:39   I don't open an old wound but it's a lot [TS]

00:03:40   like a pitbull problem maybe they may [TS]

00:03:42   just be remembering the days that she [TS]

00:03:44   didn't tear each other apart [TS]

00:03:45   not that they do that but I understand [TS]

00:03:49   she thanked me on my 30th birthday for [TS]

00:03:51   for having survived i wanna see now [TS]

00:03:54   that's really sweet but it was inside it [TS]

00:03:56   was very emotional moment and it's like [TS]

00:03:58   thanks thanks but well no she said you [TS]

00:04:02   know from the time you were 15 until now [TS]

00:04:03   I every time the phone rang at night I [TS]

00:04:05   was sure that they were calling to say [TS]

00:04:07   that you were dead [TS]

00:04:08   oh my gosh that's a that's a real mixed [TS]

00:04:10   kind of feeling huh [TS]

00:04:12   so anyway now that you're 30 I can't [TS]

00:04:14   believe it [TS]

00:04:15   and congratulations and I'm really glad [TS]

00:04:17   and i was like oh god I'm I'm I'm sorry [TS]

00:04:21   that I made you feel up 15 years that's [TS]

00:04:25   I guess you wouldn't say [TS]

00:04:26   like passive-aggressive because it [TS]

00:04:27   doesn't seem like your mom style but no [TS]

00:04:29   no not at all no she was teaching [TS]

00:04:32   sincere she's being sincere he was [TS]

00:04:33   explaining to me a very various like not [TS]

00:04:36   just sincere but like a massive truth [TS]

00:04:38   that at that continues to settle on my [TS]

00:04:41   shoulders which is that in order for her [TS]

00:04:43   in order to survive herself she had to [TS]

00:04:46   in newer herself against the possibility [TS]

00:04:48   that I might die at any time [TS]

00:04:51   oh god that psychologically that was a [TS]

00:04:55   lot of work and a lot of heartbreak to [TS]

00:04:58   to say I think what she said was I loved [TS]

00:05:05   the years i had with you [TS]

00:05:07   whoo-hoo so knowing that you were [TS]

00:05:10   certain to die i had to be happy with [TS]

00:05:14   the the great times that we had my gosh [TS]

00:05:17   she's trying she's trying to make it [TS]

00:05:19   through those years where I was when I [TS]

00:05:22   was having all those high adventures [TS]

00:05:23   that people think we're so I make me [TS]

00:05:26   such an interesting person i would say [TS]

00:05:27   that but you you're definitely a handful [TS]

00:05:29   right your animal for a while [TS]

00:05:31   in fact not a handful and a handful is [TS]

00:05:34   what you say about about a puppy that [TS]

00:05:36   pees on the rug [TS]

00:05:37   I was a pistol i was known a pistol is [TS]

00:05:42   what you say about a little old lady who [TS]

00:05:44   wears red cowboy boots haha I what you [TS]

00:05:48   quite a ballplayer [TS]

00:05:49   it was a homicidal maniac [TS]

00:05:53   uh-huh which is not which is not [TS]

00:05:56   something that you that that's not [TS]

00:05:57   something you would say about a puppy [TS]

00:05:58   that's not something that you'd said I'm [TS]

00:06:00   old lady unless of course she was a [TS]

00:06:02   homicidal maniac [TS]

00:06:03   well I is dominated by made it out [TS]

00:06:07   well let me I'm so glad he isn't it is a [TS]

00:06:10   blessing in it it's it's a present that [TS]

00:06:11   you put on your own tree i'm going to [TS]

00:06:13   read you something i don't know this is [TS]

00:06:15   discovered by fairies but i'd like to [TS]

00:06:17   read you one of the works of season [TS]

00:06:18   polish also if you don't mind is this [TS]

00:06:20   this is going to be some situation where [TS]

00:06:22   we get accused of plagiarism and then we [TS]

00:06:24   have to explain that now i am repeating [TS]

00:06:25   it I'm achieving its actually lipstick [TS]

00:06:27   on that picture and so it's now a new [TS]

00:06:30   work you know what i think i might be [TS]

00:06:32   seen her name wrong it shuts which is [TS]

00:06:34   not the german for something ships is [TS]

00:06:36   german force it [TS]

00:06:37   Susan policy it [TS]

00:06:39   essentially command to a doggy should [TS]

00:06:42   should know shoot shoot shoot [TS]

00:06:46   shush as in as in the shootin fest and [TS]

00:06:49   yes it's a shoot shoot in China huh no [TS]

00:06:52   wonder what is it I don't know sit [TS]

00:06:54   actually sit in Germany's sits in a city [TS]

00:06:57   like Darth Vader how do you say thats it [TS]

00:06:59   then slices fifth is written as Seth is [TS]

00:07:02   part of an international intergalactic [TS]

00:07:04   space language and it's translated the [TS]

00:07:07   same earth like you know I had a [TS]

00:07:08   professor in college who after years [TS]

00:07:11   later that's a good place to have a [TS]

00:07:12   professor if you're going to have became [TS]

00:07:14   one of the perhaps the pre eminent [TS]

00:07:16   scholar of the Klingon language my [TS]

00:07:23   esteem for your university education [TS]

00:07:25   just went through the roof i took his [TS]

00:07:27   mnemonics class [TS]

00:07:28   ah here's the thing and it's very [TS]

00:07:31   difficult to teach people things I think [TS]

00:07:33   it's very difficult to teach people [TS]

00:07:34   poetry or plasma it's very difficult to [TS]

00:07:38   teach people things now that we can't [TS]

00:07:39   use branding iron key thousand was a [TS]

00:07:44   muted Bell I don't want to go two nights [TS]

00:07:46   let me just finish this off button let [TS]

00:07:49   me finish this let me Fake here's the [TS]

00:07:51   thing is difficult you know sometimes [TS]

00:07:53   you have to teach people something based [TS]

00:07:55   on teaching them what it is not or [TS]

00:07:57   should not be em and I you know and [TS]

00:07:59   that's our that's some mighty jump girls [TS]

00:08:02   what's safe touches [TS]

00:08:03   ok so anyway you can review on safe to [TS]

00:08:05   Richard you go [TS]

00:08:07   it has a wonderful book on version of [TS]

00:08:09   Richard Hugo know I know but in his book [TS]

00:08:11   on versus actually what is it real West [TS]

00:08:14   marginal way that's biography i forget [TS]

00:08:15   the name of the bar talking about bird [TS]

00:08:18   by bird are you there was one person i [TS]

00:08:23   was i don't think was my professor I [TS]

00:08:24   think he was quoting someone but for [TS]

00:08:26   example this is a great piece of advice [TS]

00:08:27   for anybody [TS]

00:08:29   you're not eat you you should just avoid [TS]

00:08:32   the word love and I think there's one [TS]

00:08:35   rule [TS]

00:08:36   I'm trying to remember exactly what the [TS]

00:08:37   rules but it's something along the lines [TS]

00:08:39   of you're not allowed to use love as a [TS]

00:08:43   transitive verb for the first nine years [TS]

00:08:45   your poem something like that you know [TS]

00:08:46   what I've been saying that to every girl [TS]

00:08:47   I've dated since 1986 [TS]

00:08:49   here to you know what you are your [TS]

00:08:51   poetry teacher this is earlier this is [TS]

00:08:53   some first this is a verse from Susan [TS]

00:08:55   polished it's called i love you so much [TS]

00:08:58   it's it's the kind of thing I've been [TS]

00:09:00   trying to find a way to say to you I [TS]

00:09:02   don't see someone i'm so glad you've [TS]

00:09:04   made it to 40 something and I'm really [TS]

00:09:05   I'm really glad like to read you a short [TS]

00:09:07   bit of verse called love you so much [TS]

00:09:09   they are you ready and really i'm going [TS]

00:09:11   to draw you something I'm gonna paint [TS]

00:09:13   you something in watercolors and centre [TS]

00:09:14   st with tissue on it i love you are you [TS]

00:09:16   are you going to pronounce the word love [TS]

00:09:18   with a w instead of an l it's also very [TS]

00:09:20   important to have what's called [TS]

00:09:20   metaphysical distance which is you can [TS]

00:09:22   be too matchy-matchy you can't be too [TS]

00:09:24   close with things like the title right [TS]

00:09:26   thank you and I have a lot of [TS]

00:09:27   metaphysical distance working here right [TS]

00:09:29   now I just this is always pressure he [TS]

00:09:30   talks about is called love you so much [TS]

00:09:32   since I met you I've been so happy [TS]

00:09:34   except that i find myself worrying all [TS]

00:09:37   the time [TS]

00:09:37   Oh worrying that i might disappoint you [TS]

00:09:40   worrying that relationship might and [TS]

00:09:42   worrying that you might not be happy [TS]

00:09:44   worrying that something might happen to [TS]

00:09:46   you [TS]

00:09:46   I guess I've fallen in love with you and [TS]

00:09:49   I guess I worry so much because I co [TS]

00:09:51   care so much about it like God fan [TS]

00:09:57   well fuck you i love you so much [TS]

00:10:01   sit populace shit fucked up all my ever [TS]

00:10:06   heard it surprise you to learn a lot [TS]

00:10:09   early so much i watch you breathe while [TS]

00:10:11   you're sleeping and I think maybe about [TS]

00:10:14   smother you [TS]

00:10:16   sometimes when I think about how much i [TS]

00:10:18   love you I watched you sleep and you [TS]

00:10:21   look like a baby when it would it [TS]

00:10:23   surprise you to learn that she has a lot [TS]

00:10:25   of these i would not surprise me at all [TS]

00:10:28   that because if you don't mind I think [TS]

00:10:30   this is covered by fair use if you don't [TS]

00:10:31   mind I would like to read you a short [TS]

00:10:33   piece of verse by susan polished it's [TS]

00:10:35   called thoughts of you it would not [TS]

00:10:37   surprise me to learn that she had that [TS]

00:10:40   she had a lot of dead rubber dolls [TS]

00:10:43   straight back to this is a time it's [TS]

00:10:47   five and waiting for years i'm so glad [TS]

00:10:48   you made it to something 40 and so I [TS]

00:10:50   want to send this is my shoot Susan [TS]

00:10:52   polished it's not me it's called [TS]

00:10:54   thoughts of you in the morning when the [TS]

00:10:55   sign it's just starting to like the day [TS]

00:10:58   I'm awaken [TS]

00:11:00   my first slots are you at night I stare [TS]

00:11:05   at the dark trees silhouetted against [TS]

00:11:08   the quiet stars i'm in trance into a [TS]

00:11:10   complete peacefulness and my less so [TS]

00:11:12   it's a review [TS]

00:11:13   haha here's the thing if you imagine [TS]

00:11:17   this being a 50 year old woman was [TS]

00:11:19   drinking tea it's really super sweet [TS]

00:11:22   especially if it's her husband is sick [TS]

00:11:23   or something right [TS]

00:11:24   this would be so sweet imagine this [TS]

00:11:26   being a 32 year old man who's cleaning a [TS]

00:11:28   gun for human thoughts of you don't even [TS]

00:11:33   want a year old woman who is drinking [TS]

00:11:35   gym [TS]

00:11:36   yeah you know like they're there and [TS]

00:11:39   really even a 50 woman who's drinking [TS]

00:11:40   tea i don't i don't want anyone to think [TS]

00:11:43   of me as their last thought of the day [TS]

00:11:45   and then their first thought of the next [TS]

00:11:46   day thanks to John I gotta tell you [TS]

00:11:48   somebody i think that i think if you're [TS]

00:11:50   62 if you're 14 that is completely [TS]

00:11:54   understandable because you're still 11 [TS]

00:11:55   years from having the middle part of [TS]

00:11:57   your brain finish forming right you [TS]

00:11:59   remember how painful that was brutally [TS]

00:12:01   painful and it's totally understandable [TS]

00:12:02   and infuse the world just when you were [TS]

00:12:04   14 if you wrote this when you were 32 [TS]

00:12:07   year-old lone gunman or more you wrote [TS]

00:12:09   this when you're out buying a used white [TS]

00:12:11   van and I'm just telling you this is [TS]

00:12:13   this is not right but if you wrote that [TS]

00:12:15   when you were a 26 year old girl like [TS]

00:12:18   who is beautiful in the flower dress and [TS]

00:12:21   writing a vintage bicycle with flowers [TS]

00:12:24   in the basket who I would love to get a [TS]

00:12:27   poem from that girl if you if you wrote [TS]

00:12:30   that even as that girl there is still [TS]

00:12:32   something wrong with you there's no time [TS]

00:12:34   after you are about 14 years old that [TS]

00:12:37   that amount of obsession about another [TS]

00:12:39   person [TS]

00:12:39   ok let's let's let's stipulate this is a [TS]

00:12:41   little bit like going after Rod McKuen [TS]

00:12:43   we are we are shooting fish in a lovely [TS]

00:12:45   flower barrel here well but and is also [TS]

00:12:48   super creepy but also I'm I I recognize [TS]

00:12:51   my I recognize that there are people who [TS]

00:12:54   fall in love with one another and they [TS]

00:12:55   call each other four times a day for the [TS]

00:12:57   rest of their lives and they are happy [TS]

00:13:00   and the rest of the world is just a [TS]

00:13:03   backdrop to the play that they are [TS]

00:13:05   writing for and about one another who [TS]

00:13:07   but i cannot identify with that [TS]

00:13:09   personally [TS]

00:13:10   we think alike human clone and Jessica [TS]

00:13:12   Tandy [TS]

00:13:13   I doubt that they called each other four [TS]

00:13:15   times a day [TS]

00:13:16   no that's their jobs yeah I bet you that [TS]

00:13:18   they high-fived on their way out the [TS]

00:13:20   door in the morning [TS]

00:13:21   yeah and then at night they SAT around [TS]

00:13:23   and he played the piano and she told [TS]

00:13:26   Reinbold stories and there were 45 you [TS]

00:13:30   know a cary grant was there and they had [TS]

00:13:32   like maybe like martinis or five friends [TS]

00:13:34   they had martinis and then you know they [TS]

00:13:36   went off to sleep in separate bedrooms [TS]

00:13:38   because that's what people did then this [TS]

00:13:40   is phrase you use and I want to get the [TS]

00:13:42   exact quote screaming in your head the [TS]

00:13:44   screaming in one's head there's a part [TS]

00:13:46   of me that I don't want to sound cynical [TS]

00:13:48   John as you know I never want to come [TS]

00:13:49   off cynical as are you certainly don't [TS]

00:13:51   thank you there's a part of me that [TS]

00:13:52   thinks if you're calling anybody four [TS]

00:13:54   times a day in my piece that's cute [TS]

00:13:56   don't want to hear the screaming in your [TS]

00:13:58   head that's exactly right hand and the [TS]

00:13:59   and you know the devil dogs are nipping [TS]

00:14:02   at your heels and who rather than keep [TS]

00:14:05   running [TS]

00:14:06   yeah for that 10 minutes you need to [TS]

00:14:08   gossip but your breath [TS]

00:14:10   how's your day how's it going over there [TS]

00:14:12   oh good oh I'm just sitting here just [TS]

00:14:13   thinking of you [TS]

00:14:14   oh yeah i mean when i was when i felt [TS]

00:14:18   that way about somebody I felt that way [TS]

00:14:19   about Lori basler in 1980 that's a [TS]

00:14:22   crushable name and I bought her a i went [TS]

00:14:27   to the store valentine's day because we [TS]

00:14:30   were required then even then we were [TS]

00:14:32   required to buy Valentines for all of [TS]

00:14:34   our classmates now you in retrospect [TS]

00:14:37   that must drive you crazy [TS]

00:14:39   oh it was it was awful there were some [TS]

00:14:40   of my classmates who did not deserve a [TS]

00:14:42   Valentine from and I did not want from [TS]

00:14:45   them if they deserve anything it was not [TS]

00:14:47   a Valentine it was it was another it's [TS]

00:14:50   probably a strongly worded note from [TS]

00:14:52   your mother with what they deserve for [TS]

00:14:54   me was an empty space where Valentine [TS]

00:14:55   would be but I a willful empty space [TS]

00:14:59   that what this this is a deliberately [TS]

00:15:01   black intentionally blank valentine this [TS]

00:15:03   space intentionally blank i went to the [TS]

00:15:06   store and I bought the one gross of [TS]

00:15:09   cheap Valentine's for all my classmates [TS]

00:15:11   that I was gonna sit and go like happy [TS]

00:15:14   valentines day John happy valentines day [TS]

00:15:16   John happy Americans John but i was so [TS]

00:15:20   crazy about Larry Bosler that i spent [TS]

00:15:23   what was at the time [TS]

00:15:25   a large portion of my pile of quarters [TS]

00:15:29   that I used to sit and pour over my head [TS]

00:15:31   in my bed with the door closed I took a [TS]

00:15:35   lot of the quarters that I keep in jars [TS]

00:15:37   kept in jars and i bought Lori bachelor [TS]

00:15:41   huge box of chocolates a giant red [TS]

00:15:44   heart-shaped box of chocolates and I [TS]

00:15:47   took it to school on valentine's day and [TS]

00:15:49   everybody exchange their little paper [TS]

00:15:51   Valentine's and I got a little paper [TS]

00:15:54   Valentine from Laura Bassett said happy [TS]

00:15:57   valentines day lori and i was ashamed [TS]

00:16:01   and I did not give her the box of [TS]

00:16:03   chocolates John and every day from [TS]

00:16:07   februari 14th until the last day of [TS]

00:16:10   school on jun 20th i open my locker and [TS]

00:16:14   there was that big red box of chocolates [TS]

00:16:16   and I looked at it and I said today's [TS]

00:16:19   the day I'm going to give the box of [TS]

00:16:20   chocolates to Lori basler and I never [TS]

00:16:23   did and on the last day of school my dad [TS]

00:16:26   came to help me clean out my locker and [TS]

00:16:29   he said he opened the locker he was like [TS]

00:16:31   looking at a big box of chocolates and [TS]

00:16:34   he grabbed me 80 a problem soft oh my [TS]

00:16:43   guys on it [TS]

00:16:44   I'm very close to tears that's horrible [TS]

00:16:46   did you get harder as you get a hard-on [TS]

00:16:49   the eye and I want as a lorry lorry lor [TS]

00:16:52   I did she touch Lori's the kind of game [TS]

00:16:54   where you put a heart on the I l.a you [TS]

00:16:57   rie oh my god that's a cute name Laurie [TS]

00:17:01   basler did she tell him did you tell him [TS]

00:17:03   what he was eating know i was i was [TS]

00:17:07   covered in shame he was like why do you [TS]

00:17:08   have this big box of chocolates here [TS]

00:17:10   that's a great thing what I have a happy [TS]

00:17:12   day they put it on the seat in the front [TS]

00:17:14   we put it on the front seat of our [TS]

00:17:16   chrysler newport imperial and you're [TS]

00:17:20   hurt [TS]

00:17:20   we drove home from school with my with [TS]

00:17:22   all my papers in a plastic bag in the [TS]

00:17:26   backseat and he was sitting and eating [TS]

00:17:27   all the good chocolates out of it and [TS]

00:17:29   saying like how this summer's gonna be [TS]

00:17:31   great you're gonna go to tennis camp [TS]

00:17:32   john Dunn well that's a good fucking [TS]

00:17:35   love poem right there [TS]

00:17:37   well and then to make matters worse then [TS]

00:17:40   she died of leukemia no way I'm afraid [TS]

00:17:47   son you're in a TV movie afraid you and [TS]

00:17:50   they will you are your fucking water [TS]

00:17:52   you're fucking robby benson shit John [TS]

00:17:55   that's the worst that's right champ wake [TS]

00:17:58   up champ what's up champ [TS]

00:18:00   Old Yeller gonna take him out back he [TS]

00:18:03   sees foamy that's all I'm so sorry [TS]

00:18:05   that's not funny [TS]

00:18:06   well no it's not but I mean obviously [TS]

00:18:07   know many years later but I never did [TS]

00:18:10   ever ever tell lori basler how I felt [TS]

00:18:14   about her and how I felt about her was [TS]

00:18:16   that I woke up every morning and was [TS]

00:18:17   thinking about and i went to bed every [TS]

00:18:18   night was thinking about it's so weird [TS]

00:18:20   it's thick and in retrospect then when [TS]

00:18:23   it always said and done it's probably [TS]

00:18:25   just as well that you did not give her [TS]

00:18:27   Susan polish it's a poem called be my [TS]

00:18:29   valentine which which which ends the [TS]

00:18:32   city to read that like I have committed [TS]

00:18:35   to memory so I think it's kind of like [TS]

00:18:36   four areas [TS]

00:18:37   yeah let's see if I remember it says [TS]

00:18:39   assistance to the scanning lets you [TS]

00:18:40   remember I ok so it ends like this have [TS]

00:18:42   fun with me and whatever we do work with [TS]

00:18:45   me towards common goals dance with me to [TS]

00:18:48   the rhythm of our love [TS]

00:18:49   walk with me throughout life let us hug [TS]

00:18:51   each other at every step in our journey [TS]

00:18:53   forever in love [TS]

00:18:54   do you know how sad would have been if [TS]

00:18:56   you gave that to her on some candy [TS]

00:18:58   well dance with me to the rhythm of our [TS]

00:19:00   love hey sounds suspiciously like a rod [TS]

00:19:04   stewart lyric but followed by i was [TS]

00:19:08   listening to read that last night and he [TS]

00:19:09   has American in his song where he says [TS]

00:19:11   spread your wings and take me in em and [TS]

00:19:15   I think he's talking about vaginal wings [TS]

00:19:18   vaginal wings [TS]

00:19:20   I think he's talking about labia [TS]

00:19:21   bobbya1984 me to the rhythm of our love [TS]

00:19:31   when you say it it sounds good [TS]

00:19:33   you know that's a thing that i might say [TS]

00:19:34   to a stand-up bass that's something I [TS]

00:19:37   might as I'm as I wrapping my arms [TS]

00:19:39   around a large states guitar bass milan [TS]

00:19:42   knew who I might say dance with me to [TS]

00:19:44   the river [TS]

00:19:45   love can i don't wanna I don't make it [TS]

00:19:47   too weird but when you think of when you [TS]

00:19:50   think of the rhythm of your love I mean [TS]

00:19:52   is there anything that isn't potentially [TS]

00:19:55   is another thing I learned in poetry [TS]

00:19:58   classes you know to be careful about [TS]

00:20:00   saying something that could be [TS]

00:20:01   interpreted more than one way because [TS]

00:20:04   you don't know wrong wrong wrong and [TS]

00:20:06   saying everything in a poem wants to be [TS]

00:20:08   interpreted multiple ways yes but it has [TS]

00:20:10   to have kind of concrete image there has [TS]

00:20:12   to be there has to be something concrete [TS]

00:20:14   about it and if it's open to [TS]

00:20:15   interpretation i think that's ok but you [TS]

00:20:17   don't want to write a bunch of holes [TS]

00:20:18   like a whole thing of ellipses you know [TS]

00:20:20   what I mean yeah right and i think [TS]

00:20:22   that's it so is she talking about [TS]

00:20:23   fucking yeah she's gonna be clear them [TS]

00:20:26   of our level the hell is that I don't [TS]

00:20:27   think I my boy is now your heart going [TS]

00:20:30   from putting my heart going something I [TS]

00:20:32   don't beat the sense that i don't like [TS]

00:20:34   beets in the ground John but like once [TS]

00:20:35   again what if you got that on a card [TS]

00:20:36   from the 32 year old guy I know [TS]

00:20:39   dance with me to the rules like what if [TS]

00:20:40   what if what if you Travis Travis Bickle [TS]

00:20:42   type situation and you taking time off [TS]

00:20:44   from the campaign and you've gone out on [TS]

00:20:45   a date to get to a dirty dirty movie [TS]

00:20:47   theater and then you give you a poem [TS]

00:20:48   like that [TS]

00:20:49   mmm well it's just like the scene in the [TS]

00:20:51   graduate why did he take her to that [TS]

00:20:52   strip bar holy she's learned his hands [TS]

00:20:54   little bit of his love [TS]

00:20:56   holy shit you remember Travis Bickle [TS]

00:20:58   love greeting cards to remember that who [TS]

00:21:01   you know one time I was sitting in the [TS]

00:21:04   bath in a house that I lived in with [TS]

00:21:05   some people who had lots of piercings [TS]

00:21:09   and those giant ear plugs that they make [TS]

00:21:14   out of sink stoppers who this is a long [TS]

00:21:17   time ago when that was still very [TS]

00:21:18   transgressive and I was sitting in the [TS]

00:21:21   city in the bathtub and somebody was [TS]

00:21:23   doing a little laundry and the washing [TS]

00:21:25   machine was one at the bottom of the the [TS]

00:21:29   bottom it in the other room i could hear [TS]

00:21:31   through the floor sitting in the [TS]

00:21:33   bathroom and I i might have been i might [TS]

00:21:35   have been very stoned but so the bath i [TS]

00:21:37   was going to them with them with them [TS]

00:21:39   thump and Men overhead there's a there's [TS]

00:21:43   a jet airplane and the jet airplane is [TS]

00:21:46   like [TS]

00:21:48   because it because the jet engine noises [TS]

00:21:50   is a cord right there's there's multiple [TS]

00:21:53   sounds it makes it makes record the jets [TS]

00:21:56   flying over and all of a sudden the cord [TS]

00:21:59   of the the jet is making syncs up with [TS]

00:22:02   the thumb of them the top of the washing [TS]

00:22:04   machine and it makes this fantastic [TS]

00:22:07   music and i'm writing between them not [TS]

00:22:12   right in between them i'm closer to the [TS]

00:22:13   to the washing machine that i am to the [TS]

00:22:15   jet but i am the only I'm the only [TS]

00:22:19   organism the only thing in the world [TS]

00:22:21   except for maybe a termite that [TS]

00:22:24   perceives this this this moment of of [TS]

00:22:28   like natural music being made and I'm [TS]

00:22:32   lying there in the bathtub and I'm like [TS]

00:22:33   I am the i am the meat of this sandwich [TS]

00:22:36   i am the i am the the receptor I'm yet [TS]

00:22:40   you're like the only one there to hear [TS]

00:22:41   it [TS]

00:22:42   a tree fell in the forest and I was the [TS]

00:22:44   only one there boom and and I felt like [TS]

00:22:48   in a sense that was dancing with the [TS]

00:22:53   rhythm of the world's love boo because [TS]

00:22:57   that's happening right now to somebody [TS]

00:22:59   you know what I mean somewhere in the [TS]

00:23:00   world right now in Indonesia there's a [TS]

00:23:02   guy sitting in a room and and and it's [TS]

00:23:06   like it's like in the movie delicatessen [TS]

00:23:08   there's somebody but the fucking on a [TS]

00:23:10   bed next door and somebody else is [TS]

00:23:13   sharpening a knife over here and he [TS]

00:23:15   hears the song here's the music it'll [TS]

00:23:17   come no one else hears the music that's [TS]

00:23:21   what we're talking about [TS]

00:23:22   she's usually so much better at this [TS]

00:23:25   john i don't know i don't know what you [TS]

00:23:26   get for money these days but I think [TS]

00:23:27   maybe it's not a greeting card but I [TS]

00:23:29   think you should definitely have some [TS]

00:23:30   anonymous notes to people you have a lot [TS]

00:23:33   of shots and best understands this music [TS]

00:23:35   in a way that that the rest of us can [TS]

00:23:38   only do you think she might be hearing a [TS]

00:23:40   jet that isn't even flying over our [TS]

00:23:41   heads right now it's a cracked i'm [TS]

00:23:42   guessing listening to a little bit of [TS]

00:23:44   the pros that you've decided that she is [TS]

00:23:46   operating at a level of acuity she's in [TS]

00:23:49   tune and she's gonna tune right in on [TS]

00:23:53   you [TS]

00:23:53   mm no I'm saying I do i do the car [TS]

00:23:57   overheated I called up and pleaded [TS]

00:24:00   there's help on the way I called you [TS]

00:24:01   collect you didn't accept you had [TS]

00:24:03   nothing to say some guys have all the [TS]

00:24:05   luck [TS]

00:24:05   yeah some guys on the brakes all the [TS]

00:24:07   breaks yeah [TS]

00:24:09   then where the gold hat if that moves [TS]

00:24:11   sir if you can bounce high bounce for [TS]

00:24:13   her to tell she cries lover will have it [TS]

00:24:15   by bouncing lover i must have units [TS]

00:24:18   late-september and I really should be [TS]

00:24:19   back at school I think that I shall [TS]

00:24:23   never see a poem lovely as a tree that [TS]

00:24:27   are like the morning sun really shows [TS]

00:24:31   your age doesn't have the morning sun [TS]

00:24:33   when it's in your face really shows your [TS]

00:24:36   that's not where I mean honey in my mind [TS]

00:24:38   and in my eyes you're everything [TS]

00:24:40   yeah that's sweet that would be really [TS]

00:24:41   sweet to say somebody you look cold in [TS]

00:24:43   the morning you know what you key in [TS]

00:24:44   this in the sixties and early seventies [TS]

00:24:46   I think you could still say that to your [TS]

00:24:47   mrs. Robinson food your mrs. Robinson [TS]

00:24:51   it's like talking about the Holocaust [TS]

00:24:52   you get out of the way well you know but [TS]

00:24:54   back then like a woman in her forties [TS]

00:24:56   felt like she was in her forties you [TS]

00:24:59   know what I mean like the morning sun [TS]

00:25:01   when it's in your face it really shows [TS]

00:25:03   your age and she's like I know I'm just [TS]

00:25:04   let somebody sees my face in the morning [TS]

00:25:05   but that don't matter that don't bother [TS]

00:25:08   me now don't worry nice nowhere in my [TS]

00:25:10   eyes you're everything and you know [TS]

00:25:11   that's a turnaround whereas now a woman [TS]

00:25:14   in her forties in my experience at least [TS]

00:25:16   refuses to admit she's in her forties [TS]

00:25:18   for the most part and if you make any [TS]

00:25:20   comment about her face in the morning [TS]

00:25:22   sun she's way ahead of you [TS]

00:25:24   you know what I mean like all your face [TS]

00:25:26   in the morning and she's like stop right [TS]

00:25:27   there that's another conversation you [TS]

00:25:29   just can't have [TS]

00:25:30   that's right and you know what i was [TS]

00:25:32   going to say that in my eyes you're [TS]

00:25:34   everything that she's like no no no [TS]

00:25:36   that's not what you're going to say shut [TS]

00:25:39   up two dozen got this is this is another [TS]

00:25:42   one of those things where there's words [TS]

00:25:44   there's bad words right it's off the [TS]

00:25:45   table [TS]

00:25:46   that's right badly and yes a your face [TS]

00:25:52   basically you don't see your face and [TS]

00:25:54   Morning Sun to a woman who's older than [TS]

00:25:58   yeah it sounds like a plan or one-on-one [TS]

00:25:59   and get some Sun in your face [TS]

00:26:02   yeah you just don't say you don't see [TS]

00:26:04   your face in the Sun because the all it [TS]

00:26:07   sounds like she's got like a damaged [TS]

00:26:08   damaged skin right or you know like I [TS]

00:26:11   can see you know she does [TS]

00:26:13   want to hear i can see every cigarette [TS]

00:26:15   you ever smoked God don't talk to mikey [TS]

00:26:18   has found it time [TS]

00:26:20   don't talk to me first thing in the [TS]

00:26:21   morning is what you know I wake up and I [TS]

00:26:23   say bring the first thought I had this [TS]

00:26:25   morning was you your face in the morning [TS]

00:26:28   sun and and i found a dime [TS]

00:26:31   it is a crack made by all the cigarettes [TS]

00:26:34   you smoke [TS]

00:26:35   yeah I I'm sorry to seem obsessed with [TS]

00:26:40   this is just like I could keep turning [TS]

00:26:41   this over in my head I keep turning it [TS]

00:26:43   over turning it over and and I i just-i [TS]

00:26:46   can't-- really land on anywhere where [TS]

00:26:47   I'm super comfortable about it [TS]

00:26:49   yeah but this is not remember this jon [TS]

00:26:51   is she had a whole section to shoot the [TS]

00:26:53   chutes and choices poems she had her own [TS]

00:26:55   section [TS]

00:26:56   how would I remember that you even go to [TS]

00:27:00   greeting cards course as a kid I went to [TS]

00:27:03   greeting card stores being pulled by a [TS]

00:27:07   team of horses and I and I managed to [TS]

00:27:09   stop myself at the front door [TS]

00:27:11   no I didn't go to greeting card stores i [TS]

00:27:12   wouldn't go i did I never I never looked [TS]

00:27:14   at a single self-help book my entire [TS]

00:27:16   life there were whole sections of the [TS]

00:27:18   bookstore that I stayed away from you [TS]

00:27:20   just over military history not just [TS]

00:27:23   military history but all kinds of [TS]

00:27:24   history but also know all the exciting [TS]

00:27:27   there are so many exciting parts of of a [TS]

00:27:28   bookstore why would you go [TS]

00:27:30   yeah to a section where people were [TS]

00:27:32   trying to tell you that they were [TS]

00:27:33   thinking about you you will we will [TS]

00:27:34   never want to learn how to make [TS]

00:27:35   intercourse never go over the inner core [TS]

00:27:38   section I was very embarrassed to read [TS]

00:27:42   about how to have sex you wouldn't just [TS]

00:27:45   take it and carry it over to the tsr [TS]

00:27:47   book section and we know that the [TS]

00:27:48   dungeon master Scott I felt like a lot [TS]

00:27:51   of things and this is part of the [TS]

00:27:52   problem of being a romantic being born [TS]

00:27:55   romantic is that I felt and then and [TS]

00:27:58   this is a problem in the arts to where [TS]

00:28:00   you feel like if you're going to be good [TS]

00:28:02   at something you should just discover it [TS]

00:28:04   true you should not you should not [TS]

00:28:07   pollute your experience by by learning [TS]

00:28:12   about something before you're actually [TS]

00:28:13   trying to do it you know what I mean [TS]

00:28:14   like to go read about how to have sex [TS]

00:28:17   after you've tried to have sex a few [TS]

00:28:19   times that makes sense to me like me [TS]

00:28:21   ok I've done this now a few times and I [TS]

00:28:23   want to [TS]

00:28:24   figure out what doctors don't subscribe [TS]

00:28:27   to that [TS]

00:28:29   well no but you know every doctor then I [TS]

00:28:30   know knew when they were 14 years old [TS]

00:28:32   that they wanted to be a doctor [TS]

00:28:33   that's because they're psychotic well [TS]

00:28:35   exactly now when I was for a terrible HD [TS]

00:28:37   decide you want to help people [TS]

00:28:38   I didn't even know what I wanted to do [TS]

00:28:40   is that afternoon and all of my friends [TS]

00:28:42   that ended up being doctors were already [TS]

00:28:44   like I'm gonna be a doctor but you guys [TS]

00:28:46   are attending classes you got take [TS]

00:28:47   biology you know I know and that [TS]

00:28:49   terrifies me every time I go see a [TS]

00:28:51   doctor [TS]

00:28:51   I look at them and I realized you've [TS]

00:28:53   been doing this since you were 14 you [TS]

00:28:55   have no other experience of the world [TS]

00:28:56   famous you are terrifying me now a few [TS]

00:29:00   things are going to hire a really good [TS]

00:29:01   soldier of fortune [TS]

00:29:02   you know you're gonna go and you're [TS]

00:29:03   gonna hire that you know that if that [TS]

00:29:05   person is really good at their job [TS]

00:29:06   they've seen this seen some shit they've [TS]

00:29:09   been in the shipmates and decisions that [TS]

00:29:10   they definitely the shit they made some [TS]

00:29:11   decisions early on about where they're [TS]

00:29:13   going to focus their attention [TS]

00:29:14   yeah just down that the sites of our [TS]

00:29:16   rifle probably when I was a when I was a [TS]

00:29:19   young man I spent a lot of time in [TS]

00:29:21   hospitals being treated by student [TS]

00:29:23   doctors because I didn't have them [TS]

00:29:26   I didn't have any insurance as a hobby [TS]

00:29:28   no I didn't want me to get treated by a [TS]

00:29:30   regular doctor and so I would go to the [TS]

00:29:32   i would go to the university hospital [TS]

00:29:34   and they would say yeah sure we'll take [TS]

00:29:36   a look at your problem but there's going [TS]

00:29:37   to be nine of us and every every one of [TS]

00:29:40   the students whose whose incidentally [TS]

00:29:42   your age there are each one of them is [TS]

00:29:45   going to take a take a turn poking your [TS]

00:29:48   liver and that's how you [TS]

00:29:50   that's how you get free medical care you [TS]

00:29:52   shouldn't have John if I could say if i [TS]

00:29:53   visit the time I think they should have [TS]

00:29:54   anybody poking liver nine times in a day [TS]

00:29:57   well so I'm lying on a gurney and it may [TS]

00:30:00   file and their the medical students and [TS]

00:30:03   each one of them takes it takes a turn [TS]

00:30:04   poking at me with the you-know-what [TS]

00:30:07   there for cept and and I would sit there [TS]

00:30:11   you know and and try and make light of [TS]

00:30:14   the situation haha hey here we all are [TS]

00:30:16   only one of us is covered in blood [TS]

00:30:19   though and and then I would then they [TS]

00:30:23   would you know give me some not [TS]

00:30:25   effective treatment and and I would limp [TS]

00:30:28   out of there but I saw a lot of young [TS]

00:30:31   doctors a lot of student doctors in that [TS]

00:30:33   time with their put their wide do we [TS]

00:30:36   eyes [TS]

00:30:37   and they're there you know that their [TS]

00:30:41   sense that they were going to one day [TS]

00:30:42   have a jet ski that's in their faces you [TS]

00:30:45   know what I mean you look at her like [TS]

00:30:46   they're like they're thinking porsche [TS]

00:30:48   you know you're thinking so much about [TS]

00:30:49   personalized license plate your [TS]

00:30:51   residence your kind of hours they work [TS]

00:30:53   on purpose if they did it's like it is [TS]

00:30:55   it's like being with earlier me they [TS]

00:30:56   deliberately it's part of the the the [TS]

00:30:59   hazing that affects all of our [TS]

00:31:01   healthcare that they have to work [TS]

00:31:02   ridiculous numbers of hours [TS]

00:31:04   yeah to weed out the weak to weed out [TS]

00:31:06   the ones that don't deserve a portion [TS]

00:31:07   with a personalized license plate to eat [TS]

00:31:09   yet says dr. feelgood to weed out the [TS]

00:31:11   ones who would take take one step back [TS]

00:31:13   and go this is not good for people this [TS]

00:31:15   yummy that portion or to you to weed out [TS]

00:31:18   the ones that are like is there is there [TS]

00:31:21   something else I should be doing like [TS]

00:31:22   like like swimming in the Mediterranean [TS]

00:31:25   right now or I don't know maybe maybe [TS]

00:31:28   like this guy lying on the gurney maybe [TS]

00:31:30   I should be drinking myself insensible [TS]

00:31:31   every night getting in fistfights but no [TS]

00:31:35   instead I'm you know I'm reading about [TS]

00:31:36   the anterior cruciate ligament dreaming [TS]

00:31:41   of that Porsche that's gonna make this [TS]

00:31:43   all makes sense to me [TS]

00:31:44   imagine the guy who did the first time [TS]

00:31:45   John surgery can imagine how much that [TS]

00:31:47   guy made who did the first Tommy is the [TS]

00:31:51   ACL isn't the first thing is that you [TS]

00:31:53   talk about the is the yeah remember [TS]

00:31:54   Tommy John the picture he was the first [TS]

00:31:57   buddy everything they started calling [TS]

00:31:58   Tommy John surgery because it's [TS]

00:31:59   something everybody all baseball players [TS]

00:32:00   start started getting didn't read Batman [TS]

00:32:03   comics when I was a kid not wasting no [TS]

00:32:05   time at all [TS]

00:32:06   now you know I didn't regard didn't i [TS]

00:32:08   didn't like them you know Tommy John's [TS]

00:32:10   baseball player though I yeah [TS]

00:32:13   yes i agree he's not the one that took [TS]

00:32:15   acid and pitched a perfect game [TS]

00:32:17   no no I think it's right Stuart not a [TS]

00:32:21   place i right [TS]

00:32:22   I i have heard a guy that I've heard [TS]

00:32:23   about this the guy was tripping balls [TS]

00:32:24   and nobody got on base [TS]

00:32:26   yeah tripping balls that bikini for his [TS]

00:32:29   memoir ok [TS]

00:32:32   oh my god that would be a great neighbor [TS]

00:32:34   is memoir tripping balls [TS]

00:32:37   you should be writing people anonymous [TS]

00:32:38   letters about improvement opportunities [TS]

00:32:40   and I should be coming up with the name [TS]

00:32:42   of sports memoirs [TS]

00:32:44   now let me as an aside Berlin yes I'm [TS]

00:32:47   hearing a lot of digital artifacts [TS]

00:32:51   ok do just exactly like Dropbox on I [TS]

00:32:54   know I say that probably like you ask me [TS]

00:32:56   that everytime and I don't but I'm gonna [TS]

00:32:58   total robot by voice from you too and [TS]

00:33:00   I'm having no packet loss from mine its [TS]

00:33:02   I'm noticing now that i did not plug my [TS]

00:33:06   dsl and we are doing this [TS]

00:33:08   realest wireless all right why don't you [TS]

00:33:11   let's do this [TS]

00:33:11   but what if you get a sec could you go [TS]

00:33:13   ahead and dsl yeah and Allah and the [TS]

00:33:17   port in what does that mean [TS]

00:33:20   pour it in and fucking a fucking thing i [TS]

00:33:22   restart ok alright let me give me two [TS]

00:33:25   minutes [TS]

00:33:26   ok Tommy John alright but so much better [TS]

00:33:31   is it better i think it's better to [TS]

00:33:34   leave all the same I think we should [TS]

00:33:35   blowing through the professionalism and [TS]

00:33:37   there's so much i cut out every week [TS]

00:33:38   John I don't know if you ever listen to [TS]

00:33:39   the show but I cut out we record [TS]

00:33:42   generally let's be honest we record for [TS]

00:33:44   six to 11 hours and argue about religion [TS]

00:33:47   for four hours and then I i cut out a [TS]

00:33:50   down to the best 90 minutes every time [TS]

00:33:52   but you leave in everything is all the [TS]

00:33:56   stuff I've been saying about Charlemagne [TS]

00:33:57   and Napoleon right [TS]

00:33:58   oh gosh you have that whole [TS]

00:34:00   three-episode arc just--just--just about [TS]

00:34:02   Charlemagne who good who life that [TS]

00:34:05   somebody heard that is he French is that [TS]

00:34:07   right [TS]

00:34:07   uh well Charlemagne was a was a was a [TS]

00:34:11   frank he was a German really let's let's [TS]

00:34:13   be honest he is better [TS]

00:34:15   who but that was before he was always so [TS]

00:34:17   clear cut though right yeah there were [TS]

00:34:19   those before there was a really like [TS]

00:34:20   clear division his is a his favorite to [TS]

00:34:23   town the headquarters of his empire was [TS]

00:34:25   rockin which is now in Germany but it [TS]

00:34:29   was you know it was right on the border [TS]

00:34:31   it's the westernmost town in Germany [TS]

00:34:33   rockin food i'm glad i left all that [TS]

00:34:38   includes yeah that's good stuff to [TS]

00:34:40   follow up yeah [TS]

00:34:41   Charlemagne and stuff i think it's [TS]

00:34:44   important that people realize [TS]

00:34:45   Merlin that you and I are human beings [TS]

00:34:47   were not just two guys with a [TS]

00:34:49   encyclopedic knowledge of everything [TS]

00:34:52   with all of you but we should we are [TS]

00:34:54   certainly not just that to be just that [TS]

00:34:56   we are sometimes guys who forget to plug [TS]

00:34:58   in their their dsl cables we are guys [TS]

00:35:01   who [TS]

00:35:02   can't lay their hands on their on their [TS]

00:35:04   bail oh wait wait I got my belt areas i [TS]

00:35:08   was so impressed that as so many people [TS]

00:35:10   knew that my bell was from an old Parker [TS]

00:35:13   Brothers called pit pit I I had not seen [TS]

00:35:16   that game since i since i took the [TS]

00:35:18   bailout of it [TS]

00:35:19   John I will be completely honest with [TS]

00:35:21   you I do promise you that I will laugh [TS]

00:35:23   and cry with you I didn't promise you [TS]

00:35:26   that I will help you achieve all you [TS]

00:35:27   know holes but most of all I do promise [TS]

00:35:30   you that I love you [TS]

00:35:33   that's from a poem called i love you [TS]

00:35:35   that's that's a hell of a promise mi [TS]

00:35:38   promise you that i love you i think [TS]

00:35:39   that's covered by fair use i just read [TS]

00:35:41   the last few lines you know what it's [TS]

00:35:43   not [TS]

00:35:43   she doesn't say I promise you that I [TS]

00:35:45   will love you she promises you that she [TS]

00:35:48   loves you sooo scary is that something [TS]

00:35:53   you really want assurance on you really [TS]

00:35:55   want someone that feels like they was in [TS]

00:35:57   the Godfather you know we have we have [TS]

00:35:58   we really need to assure each other like [TS]

00:36:00   lawyers like it did you know i mean the [TS]

00:36:02   thing is people have this idea that [TS]

00:36:05   unconditional love is the standard below [TS]

00:36:09   which they will not accept any other [TS]

00:36:11   kind of love and they end and somehow [TS]

00:36:13   this idea that that any of us deserve to [TS]

00:36:16   be loved unconditionally or that such a [TS]

00:36:18   thing is even possible has become a [TS]

00:36:22   thing that we tell each other and tell [TS]

00:36:23   ourselves over back and forth until it [TS]

00:36:27   seems normal until it seems normal until [TS]

00:36:29   there are people of my own personal [TS]

00:36:31   acquaintance who I know to be unlovable [TS]

00:36:34   sacks of shit who believe that they [TS]

00:36:36   deserve [TS]

00:36:36   not just love not just not just the love [TS]

00:36:40   of like their mother but unconditional [TS]

00:36:42   love from a partner and i look at my go [TS]

00:36:44   you can you are unlovable you're a [TS]

00:36:47   disgusting person how do you feel like [TS]

00:36:49   you deserve unconditional so if I [TS]

00:36:52   understand what you're saying that [TS]

00:36:53   you're saying that really for their own [TS]

00:36:54   for practical purposes they should at [TS]

00:36:57   least be open to conditions [TS]

00:36:59   here's what I'm saying that all of us [TS]

00:37:01   can only love conditionally and only [TS]

00:37:05   warrant being loved conditionally [TS]

00:37:08   ourselves that's a contract law we [TS]

00:37:09   should we should come up with what you [TS]

00:37:11   can fucking put up with [TS]

00:37:12   that's right when you say to a kid who [TS]

00:37:15   liked [TS]

00:37:16   I love you but go clean up your room [TS]

00:37:17   what you're saying is i love you but if [TS]

00:37:20   you don't clean up your room i will stop [TS]

00:37:21   loving you [TS]

00:37:22   mm what's everybody understand that's a [TS]

00:37:24   condition yeah i understand that that's [TS]

00:37:26   a temporary that's a temporary love [TS]

00:37:28   stoppage like until your room is clean [TS]

00:37:31   like hangin with do like I like a lot of [TS]

00:37:33   slow down that's right that's a lot of [TS]

00:37:34   slow down [TS]

00:37:35   it's like the guard that the love is [TS]

00:37:36   going to pile up on the sidewalk was who [TS]

00:37:38   is gonna start smell bad in the Sun Oh [TS]

00:37:40   until you get the room clean and in our [TS]

00:37:42   relationships with one another [TS]

00:37:44   you see this happen all the time like oh [TS]

00:37:45   yeah i mean i love you i love you i love [TS]

00:37:47   you but you really screwed me out you [TS]

00:37:50   really screwed the pooch last night on [TS]

00:37:53   the whole like washing the dishes after [TS]

00:37:54   dinner thing so I'm gonna be kind of [TS]

00:37:57   pouty and respond monosyllabic Lee for [TS]

00:38:00   an hour or two that's all conditional [TS]

00:38:03   love conditions conditions conditions i [TS]

00:38:06   I'll your feelings for Lori did you did [TS]

00:38:09   you have conditions in mind when you [TS]

00:38:10   when you didn't give her chocolates the [TS]

00:38:13   general they put it this way if you had [TS]

00:38:14   a chance to talk to her and she and she [TS]

00:38:16   had given you anything more than let's [TS]

00:38:17   be honest completely perfunctory fucking [TS]

00:38:19   Valentine if you had a meeting of the [TS]

00:38:21   minds with her as judge Wapner would say [TS]

00:38:22   how what kind of contract would you both [TS]

00:38:26   accept an offer to a lorry god rest her [TS]

00:38:28   soul [TS]

00:38:29   well here's the thing glory by all [TS]

00:38:31   appearances had a crush on Brian nominee [TS]

00:38:35   fucking Brian nominee and Brian mamunur [TS]

00:38:38   first of all he was a horrible name he [TS]

00:38:40   was a little teeny elf-like boy who was [TS]

00:38:46   like the same size as the girls and he [TS]

00:38:50   was pretty like the girls like [TS]

00:38:51   non-threatening he had blonde feathered [TS]

00:38:53   hair and it's not that he was [TS]

00:38:55   particularly swab he was just he was [TS]

00:38:58   like nick rhodes you know what I mean [TS]

00:39:00   like he was he was a he was pretty [TS]

00:39:02   pretty [TS]

00:39:03   I didn't even dislike him I like Brian [TS]

00:39:05   and he was completely inoffensive but [TS]

00:39:07   why Lori basler should love Brian [TS]

00:39:09   nominee or not even love it but just [TS]

00:39:12   like she gets she gave him a lot of [TS]

00:39:13   attention [TS]

00:39:14   did you did you think she was aware of [TS]

00:39:16   your other of your feelings I mean she [TS]

00:39:18   never got you never got the heart she [TS]

00:39:20   had to have been aware of them but then [TS]

00:39:23   that is a mistake I've made my whole [TS]

00:39:24   life assuming that they know the [TS]

00:39:26   Commission [TS]

00:39:27   assuming that the the person knows how I [TS]

00:39:30   feel [TS]

00:39:31   even though all my outward actions are [TS]

00:39:33   to look away when they are there and I [TS]

00:39:38   mean if we had inkwells I would have [TS]

00:39:40   dipped her pigtails and me [TS]

00:39:41   well she's no Howard oh my god that's [TS]

00:39:43   such a great way to show that you love [TS]

00:39:44   somebody she had blonde hair and she had [TS]

00:39:46   a Dorothy Hamill haircut because that [TS]

00:39:48   was the fashion at the time because of [TS]

00:39:50   Dorothy Hamill because what you're [TS]

00:39:52   awfully young so you're like eight eight [TS]

00:39:54   or nine [TS]

00:39:55   yeah eight to ten to twelve I mean was [TS]

00:39:57   she was my first she was my first and [TS]

00:39:59   really awful really the last time I ever [TS]

00:40:01   felt that way about last time I let [TS]

00:40:03   myself ever feel that way about somebody [TS]

00:40:04   because who can take the heart [TS]

00:40:07   heartbreak did I want to be 24 years old [TS]

00:40:10   and have my dad eating that box of [TS]

00:40:13   chocolates that self-same box of [TS]

00:40:15   chocolates if I need that shit yeah did [TS]

00:40:18   I want my dad like opening up the box [TS]

00:40:21   with the engagement ring in it being [TS]

00:40:22   like well this was free i don't know [TS]

00:40:27   that i can't get away from the idea of [TS]

00:40:29   the conditions but you hear that phrase [TS]

00:40:30   so much you know it's one of those [TS]

00:40:32   things on my additional people your [TS]

00:40:34   people say things like incipient but you [TS]

00:40:36   never heard them say sippy and like you [TS]

00:40:37   he run your unconditional love you've [TS]

00:40:39   never hear people talk about the obvious [TS]

00:40:41   fucking elephant in the room which is [TS]

00:40:43   what should be the conditions of love [TS]

00:40:44   now that would you love that would be [TS]

00:40:46   the conditions of love will be a [TS]

00:40:47   potential riffic season polish its [TS]

00:40:49   investment but one condition that most [TS]

00:40:52   people put wasn't what I say when I say [TS]

00:40:53   the conditions of love the conditions of [TS]

00:40:55   life is good [TS]

00:40:56   wasn't that a peter gabriel is it comes [TS]

00:40:59   to Christmas tree McCarver stuff up but [TS]

00:41:02   it looked a lot like this that people [TS]

00:41:04   put on love is that the other person [TS]

00:41:05   must love them unconditionally first you [TS]

00:41:08   don't mean that's the number that's the [TS]

00:41:09   number 1 i'm hanging with a pencil [TS]

00:41:11   because I so agree with you you're [TS]

00:41:12   absolutely fucking right [TS]

00:41:14   yeah i'm gonna love my 19 that's not [TS]

00:41:16   cool ah that's good there's the first [TS]

00:41:20   you know what it is it's like asking the [TS]

00:41:21   genie for more wishes you go in and you [TS]

00:41:23   say here's here's the condition is you [TS]

00:41:25   have you know tradition by persons I [TS]

00:41:27   want five more wishes [TS]

00:41:28   fuck you shut up it's all over for your [TS]

00:41:31   own our ok but here's the thing John [TS]

00:41:33   John you are scientists you're a [TS]

00:41:34   rationalist your Hobbesian [TS]

00:41:36   your man who's not afraid to argue with [TS]

00:41:38   john vanderslice about the price of a [TS]

00:41:39   trailer that was not going to be bought [TS]

00:41:41   I'm still arguing with him harrowing [TS]

00:41:43   harrowing moment my life I've seen you [TS]

00:41:45   I've seen you argue with people about [TS]

00:41:46   things that did not need to be argued [TS]

00:41:48   about until I realized after hearing you [TS]

00:41:50   argue about it [TS]

00:41:51   it sure as shit needed to be argued [TS]

00:41:52   about so here's what I'm saying to you [TS]

00:41:54   your man is not have a John are you [TS]

00:41:55   manage afraid to discussion can discuss [TS]

00:41:57   condition [TS]

00:41:58   absolutely not we should establish what [TS]

00:42:00   the conditions are that's primary [TS]

00:42:02   directive this is not what I signed up [TS]

00:42:04   for these nacho chips in this [TS]

00:42:05   fourteen-year-old girl in in my dressing [TS]

00:42:07   room is not anything that's going to put [TS]

00:42:08   gas in my fan correct [TS]

00:42:10   exactly exactly don't try and pay me [TS]

00:42:12   with dasani water i want american [TS]

00:42:15   dollars that's talking raccoon aqua my [TS]

00:42:17   friend you got so here's the thing you [TS]

00:42:19   have it seems to me you have not only [TS]

00:42:21   have no compunction you have the [TS]

00:42:22   opposite compunction you have in [TS]

00:42:24   compunction about going to people and [TS]

00:42:26   fucking throwing down some conditions [TS]

00:42:27   right you are you listening to me [TS]

00:42:30   here's here's the first thing I say is [TS]

00:42:31   what are your conditions all make them [TS]

00:42:34   make them come over the price first yeah [TS]

00:42:36   I'm not I'm not the guy was like here [TS]

00:42:37   are my conditions [TS]

00:42:39   that's not part of the problem with the [TS]

00:42:40   manslayer trailer got to cut this whole [TS]

00:42:41   thing out [TS]

00:42:42   was it that was something you had not [TS]

00:42:43   even completely negotiated the part you [TS]

00:42:45   had negotiated have been renamed upon [TS]

00:42:47   via third party that you had no of [TS]

00:42:50   litigious control over cracked right [TS]

00:42:52   I've never law school but it seems to me [TS]

00:42:54   that that was the problem was that there [TS]

00:42:55   was no there's a loophole in the [TS]

00:42:56   condition try to hold it the whole [TS]

00:42:58   business of like agreeing with somebody [TS]

00:42:59   over the telephone about how something [TS]

00:43:01   is going to go and then when you see [TS]

00:43:02   them next they're like why did agree to [TS]

00:43:04   that that is a real boy that's that [TS]

00:43:08   that's gotta really sticking your legal [TS]

00:43:09   cross it gets me going it really does [TS]

00:43:11   how do you have any idea how to open the [TS]

00:43:13   post negotiation settlement on something [TS]

00:43:15   like that you point out you point out [TS]

00:43:17   that you said something different on the [TS]

00:43:18   phone you put you push fucking reality [TS]

00:43:20   into their face you have to do it once [TS]

00:43:22   who make it smell it you did this you [TS]

00:43:25   did this they say if they say like I [TS]

00:43:27   have no recollection then then it's just [TS]

00:43:30   like well I mean then you have to have [TS]

00:43:32   to retreat back to what what's at stake [TS]

00:43:35   here like am I am i prepared to take [TS]

00:43:37   this thing in this instance in this [TS]

00:43:39   hypothetical instance this large van [TS]

00:43:42   trailer hypothetical trailer that was [TS]

00:43:44   just like WTF Emma and my primary market [TS]

00:43:46   drive this trailer back to Washington [TS]

00:43:49   from California [TS]

00:43:50   who just on principle just on principle [TS]

00:43:53   and my prepared to take this trailer [TS]

00:43:55   back to Washington so many people would [TS]

00:43:56   say now the answer is yes absolutely yes [TS]

00:44:00   on principle i will take this trailer [TS]

00:44:01   away from you I will burn this trailer [TS]

00:44:03   in the desert rather than give it to you [TS]

00:44:05   for one sending less than we agreed to [TS]

00:44:10   on the phone right and expects it [TS]

00:44:14   existentially user asst for you to be [TS]

00:44:17   put in that situation you don't know [TS]

00:44:19   you're the asshole i don't think so you [TS]

00:44:21   don't do that you don't do the thing we [TS]

00:44:22   were like oh yeah we'll figure that out [TS]

00:44:24   when you get down here and then be like [TS]

00:44:26   oh I thought we had it all figured out [TS]

00:44:28   which was that you were going to take it [TS]

00:44:30   in the shorts there's something just to [TS]

00:44:32   think about I mean if you if you I don't [TS]

00:44:34   actually read to the end of contracts a [TS]

00:44:36   lot of the time but it seems to get it [TS]

00:44:37   that the contract is where you both [TS]

00:44:39   agree that something is going to happen [TS]

00:44:40   by a certain date and and perhaps [TS]

00:44:43   importantly what you know what the terms [TS]

00:44:45   that are with it i think very [TS]

00:44:46   importantly what happens if the [TS]

00:44:48   conditions of this are not met [TS]

00:44:49   it seems to me that that's part of the [TS]

00:44:50   clarity of a contract right well and [TS]

00:44:54   this is the problem because there was a [TS]

00:44:56   time until very recently [TS]

00:44:58   we're in a situation like that you could [TS]

00:45:00   avail yourself of the option of punching [TS]

00:45:03   them in the middle but we have convinced [TS]

00:45:07   ourselves that civilization you require [TS]

00:45:09   the legal that's a motive legal recourse [TS]

00:45:11   up until recently it certainly why I [TS]

00:45:13   think President Andrew Jackson punched a [TS]

00:45:15   lot of guys in the next Magna Carta they [TS]

00:45:16   said you're either your signature your [TS]

00:45:18   brains are going on that thing John [TS]

00:45:20   that's right and Charlamagne would take [TS]

00:45:21   them out to the river and he would say [TS]

00:45:23   convert to Christianity or try and [TS]

00:45:25   breathe underwater [TS]

00:45:26   is that right and that's that's how we [TS]

00:45:27   know that you were true believer are bad [TS]

00:45:30   it's like a dog ducking stool well or [TS]

00:45:32   just like either either you're either [TS]

00:45:34   we're going to have a Christian world or [TS]

00:45:36   we're going to have a lot of dead people [TS]

00:45:37   in this river harder easy [TS]

00:45:39   that's right hardware the easy way so so [TS]

00:45:42   it was not very it was until very [TS]

00:45:45   recently that we we could still say like [TS]

00:45:47   a punch in the nose is on the table here [TS]

00:45:50   as one of a potential list of rewards [TS]

00:45:53   and consequences as part of this [TS]

00:45:55   negotiation it's implicit it's one of [TS]

00:45:56   those things like don't show up naked [TS]

00:45:57   like it's one of those things where I [TS]

00:45:59   shouldn't have to tell you this [TS]

00:46:00   yeah that's right in the night [TS]

00:46:02   hold i will hold as a motive recourse [TS]

00:46:04   fucking punching you in the face and I [TS]

00:46:05   don't even need to say that right but we [TS]

00:46:08   have decided as a culture as a [TS]

00:46:09   civilization that punching people in the [TS]

00:46:11   nose is barbaric and that when that we [TS]

00:46:13   know it is no longer an option yet the [TS]

00:46:17   behavior that would warrant a punch in [TS]

00:46:20   the nose [TS]

00:46:21   we have not evolved beyond it whoo right [TS]

00:46:23   there are certain behaviors that people [TS]

00:46:25   still exhibit all the time asshole [TS]

00:46:26   isness douche itude these are behaviors [TS]

00:46:30   that there's really no recourse except a [TS]

00:46:33   punch in the nose like that that's the [TS]

00:46:34   only that's the only appropriate [TS]

00:46:36   response but we've taken the punch of [TS]

00:46:38   punch in the nose off the table so you [TS]

00:46:40   get these situations where someone is [TS]

00:46:42   being a douche [TS]

00:46:43   you can't punch them in the nose because [TS]

00:46:44   that's uncivilized and so you are at an [TS]

00:46:47   impure and an impasse you there you [TS]

00:46:49   can't respond to a douche in any other [TS]

00:46:51   way [TS]

00:46:52   you can't argue with them you can't [TS]

00:46:54   convince them you can't there's you [TS]

00:46:57   don't eat there's nothing you can hold [TS]

00:46:58   over their head so they're just they're [TS]

00:47:01   just dancing in a field of flowers just [TS]

00:47:03   do shit up and they know there are no [TS]

00:47:05   consequences because if they left punch [TS]

00:47:08   in the nose has been taken off the table [TS]

00:47:09   if you even make a fist who you have [TS]

00:47:12   become part you become part of the salt [TS]

00:47:14   that counts of assault that's right the [TS]

00:47:16   the threat of a punch in the nose is now [TS]

00:47:19   considered a lot of people don't [TS]

00:47:20   understand that the difference in [TS]

00:47:21   assault and battery and here's the thing [TS]

00:47:23   i'm like anybody I don't want to get [TS]

00:47:27   punched in the nose [TS]

00:47:28   no I agree that punching people in the [TS]

00:47:31   nose is barbaric [TS]

00:47:32   I've been punched in the nose unlike a [TS]

00:47:35   lot of my contemporaries I have good [TS]

00:47:38   reason to not want to be punched in the [TS]

00:47:39   nose and let me tell you the fear of the [TS]

00:47:43   threat of being punched in the nose [TS]

00:47:45   actually it actually changed my behavior [TS]

00:47:47   at a certain point I was getting punched [TS]

00:47:49   in the nose with surprising regularity [TS]

00:47:51   and I wanted it to stop and I just [TS]

00:47:53   saying started holding up your side of [TS]

00:47:55   the bargain because she was on the table [TS]

00:47:57   well this kit this gives it either this [TS]

00:47:59   is a bass conspiracy or I'm getting [TS]

00:48:02   punched in the nose because of something [TS]

00:48:03   i'm doing and then I started to say [TS]

00:48:06   maybe I should stop being such a flaming [TS]

00:48:09   asshole the people who are bigger than [TS]

00:48:12   me or have violent eyes [TS]

00:48:15   and I and I and I became a more i became [TS]

00:48:18   a more moderated person and and [TS]

00:48:21   unfortunately I do not like to be the [TS]

00:48:23   one who delivers punches in the nose [TS]

00:48:24   either but there are those certain [TS]

00:48:27   situations in in life when someone at [TS]

00:48:30   the supermarket does not keep moving [TS]

00:48:32   does not get out of the way when you ask [TS]

00:48:34   them to either keep moving or get out of [TS]

00:48:36   the way preferably both [TS]

00:48:37   because let's keep moving and get out of [TS]

00:48:39   the way that's what able to you and they [TS]

00:48:41   give you some horseshit entitlement [TS]

00:48:44   lecture about your shopping like you're [TS]

00:48:46   stepping on their obscure religion [TS]

00:48:47   yeah and you look at him and you go the [TS]

00:48:51   threat of a punch in the nose is the [TS]

00:48:52   only that is the only thing i have here [TS]

00:48:55   now that's the only it's the only the [TS]

00:48:57   situation warrants at first of all but [TS]

00:48:59   also it's my only recourse and yet if i [TS]

00:49:02   do it [TS]

00:49:03   this person is going to literally call [TS]

00:49:05   the police and then i'm going to be the [TS]

00:49:08   guy you said you guys were you lose your [TS]

00:49:10   place in line to you know you lose your [TS]

00:49:12   place in you lose your place in the big [TS]

00:49:14   line which is the line up to the head of [TS]

00:49:17   the class where people where people [TS]

00:49:19   start listening to your podcast you know [TS]

00:49:21   what I mean like you don't you lose your [TS]

00:49:23   lot you you lose primogenitor boom you [TS]

00:49:30   don't splashed across the headlines [TS]

00:49:32   john-john Roderick punches only in the [TS]

00:49:34   face because of the conditions John I i [TS]

00:49:38   have i've had situation like this like a [TS]

00:49:41   few haters are greatly where I was at a [TS]

00:49:45   an event and I and some guide some drunk [TS]

00:49:51   guy was shouting in my face and it was a [TS]

00:49:56   hectic situation a lot of people there [TS]

00:49:58   was kind of a brawl a lot of people were [TS]

00:50:00   falling down other people were in [TS]

00:50:02   trouble people shouting my name like [TS]

00:50:04   come help me and this is in my face and [TS]

00:50:06   shouting in my face and it's getting [TS]

00:50:09   spit on [TS]

00:50:10   yes I told him a couple of times like [TS]

00:50:12   you need to please like step away from [TS]

00:50:15   me please back up please do not shut in [TS]

00:50:17   my face and he's drunk right so he's not [TS]

00:50:21   so any believes that that excuses him or [TS]

00:50:24   at least you know that he believes that [TS]

00:50:26   he is funnier than he is [TS]

00:50:27   he believes he's smarter than he is and [TS]

00:50:29   he's quicker with it and that he's as [TS]

00:50:31   faster reflexes than he does he's right [TS]

00:50:33   there in my face and he said something [TS]

00:50:35   about how they're gonna be consequences [TS]

00:50:38   he's talking about a friend of mine [TS]

00:50:40   that's across the room it's calling my [TS]

00:50:41   name is in between me and this guy there [TS]

00:50:43   are gonna be consequences blah blah and [TS]

00:50:45   I said well I don't even remember how it [TS]

00:50:48   happened but I was like there are gonna [TS]

00:50:49   be consequences [TS]

00:50:51   Wow and I I punched him right in the [TS]

00:50:53   nose and unfortunately it was it was a [TS]

00:50:56   well landed punch in the nose and he [TS]

00:50:59   began to bleed all over the place and i [TS]

00:51:02   have to say that it did not let me [TS]

00:51:05   punching this guy in the notes did not [TS]

00:51:06   deescalate the situation world worldwide [TS]

00:51:10   like in the room in the spilling out [TS]

00:51:13   onto the sidewalk [TS]

00:51:14   now it was a free-for-all and he was [TS]

00:51:17   screaming in the aid car came with the 8 [TS]

00:51:21   car under the ambulance [TS]

00:51:23   oh I thought everyone is yellow light [TS]

00:51:25   things but it's not quite the police [TS]

00:51:27   no no community community pretty service [TS]

00:51:30   people that bed pulled bums out of [TS]

00:51:31   dumpsters just sounds like about I think [TS]

00:51:35   work there for him they were there for [TS]

00:51:37   some other person who have gotten hurt [TS]

00:51:38   in in some other aspect of this brawl [TS]

00:51:41   but here i was i punch this time in [TS]

00:51:43   those I felt like such a a ding-dong [TS]

00:51:46   and then he then it after you mean he [TS]

00:51:49   certainly retreated but then when he was [TS]

00:51:51   surrounded by people who are like [TS]

00:51:52   petting his hair and telling them is [TS]

00:51:53   going to be ok he got bold again and [TS]

00:51:56   then with blood on his shirt [TS]

00:51:58   he stands up and confronts me again [TS]

00:52:01   screaming and now now these getting [TS]

00:52:03   blood on me and I punched him in the [TS]

00:52:05   nose again [TS]

00:52:06   oh and I'm know I'm really not proud of [TS]

00:52:08   it but the but the problem was that the [TS]

00:52:11   following day he took it to Facebook [TS]

00:52:14   this is as recently as Facebook yeah [TS]

00:52:18   this is just this very recently i'm not [TS]

00:52:20   proud of the story but he took it to [TS]

00:52:21   Facebook and was accusing me and it [TS]

00:52:23   turns out turns out who he was gay [TS]

00:52:27   oh so you use a hate crime so hate crime [TS]

00:52:30   and he turned it into a thing where I [TS]

00:52:32   was I [TS]

00:52:33   I had gay bashed him i'll come on buddy [TS]

00:52:36   was kids like crazy drunk guy in his [TS]

00:52:38   friends were not like grabbing him and [TS]

00:52:39   pulling him away his friends were all [TS]

00:52:41   drunk too and they were just they were [TS]

00:52:42   it was one of those things where they [TS]

00:52:44   had they were living in a world where [TS]

00:52:47   they believed they were postponed chin [TS]

00:52:49   the nose her right and so you can get up [TS]

00:52:53   in somebody's face in a bar drinking [TS]

00:52:54   getting us than the one sober guy in the [TS]

00:52:57   bars face drunken spittle on him [TS]

00:53:00   screaming at him about about bullshit [TS]

00:53:04   and telling them that they're going to [TS]

00:53:05   be consequences and all this stuff and [TS]

00:53:07   you believe you're living in a post [TS]

00:53:08   punch in the nose reality and and then [TS]

00:53:13   you get punched in the nose and you [TS]

00:53:14   realize you are not in a post punch in [TS]

00:53:16   the nose reality that maybe it must be [TS]

00:53:17   if i may say rather sobering it was well [TS]

00:53:20   but then when when when he sobered up [TS]

00:53:23   and when he won't he weighed this [TS]

00:53:26   situation he again believed he was [TS]

00:53:29   living in a punch post in the Pope but [TS]

00:53:31   post punch in the nose reality because [TS]

00:53:33   he began to threaten legal action he [TS]

00:53:36   began to call it a hate crime he did all [TS]

00:53:38   these things all these kind of like [TS]

00:53:39   shaming tactics and the end this and and [TS]

00:53:42   and operating it operating on the [TS]

00:53:45   assumption that a punch in the nose [TS]

00:53:47   above all else like to resort to [TS]

00:53:50   physical violence in a scenario where [TS]

00:53:52   you are being let us say emotionally [TS]

00:53:55   balanced gaya tacitly like threatening [TS]

00:53:58   violence against you [TS]

00:53:59   he's talking about consequences and [TS]

00:54:01   stuff that's in that that's the thing [TS]

00:54:02   when you were people who are living in a [TS]

00:54:04   post punch in the nose world they they [TS]

00:54:07   can they believe they can get up in your [TS]

00:54:09   face and talk about that they're going [TS]

00:54:11   to be consequences and be physically [TS]

00:54:13   threatening but that they that the but [TS]

00:54:16   sets a punch in the nose is impossible [TS]

00:54:18   then they aren't actually being [TS]

00:54:20   physically threatening they don't they [TS]

00:54:22   they don't perceive themselves as [TS]

00:54:23   threatening violence even though [TS]

00:54:26   everything they're doing is suggesting [TS]

00:54:28   that but what do you think it's like to [TS]

00:54:31   pro wrestlers on the phone [TS]

00:54:32   yeah like that's gonna happen they think [TS]

00:54:35   it is a giant costume drama or they [TS]

00:54:37   think that it'sit's something that [TS]

00:54:38   they've seen it on television where [TS]

00:54:39   people get up in each others face [TS]

00:54:41   and that that is that that happens in a [TS]

00:54:45   vacuum and then it isn't like it isn't a [TS]

00:54:48   hundred thousand year old tradition of [TS]

00:54:51   escalating a situation until somebody [TS]

00:54:54   punched someone else in the note and its [TS]

00:54:56   really at I like I confess to being a [TS]

00:55:00   little bit prehistoric in this regard [TS]

00:55:02   that there are some situations where [TS]

00:55:05   particularly if you're standing on my [TS]

00:55:06   shoes and spitting in my face [TS]

00:55:09   it does not matter what your sexual [TS]

00:55:11   orientation is and nothing could be more [TS]

00:55:12   paternalistic or more i don't want to [TS]

00:55:15   say homophobic but nothing could be more [TS]

00:55:16   paternalistic than going [TS]

00:55:18   you are such a flaming asshole who is [TS]

00:55:20   threatening me with violence and now i'm [TS]

00:55:22   going to sit here and parts your [TS]

00:55:22   sexuality I don't think that's how it [TS]

00:55:24   works well I'm not about that that's [TS]

00:55:26   that was the least of my concerns that [TS]

00:55:27   the because he was also a university [TS]

00:55:29   person and he was told he was you know [TS]

00:55:31   threatening all the different levels of [TS]

00:55:33   which this wasn't this was bottled [TS]

00:55:35   university person by which i mean he was [TS]

00:55:38   a graduate student so dear me so he had [TS]

00:55:41   all of the language so he could write a [TS]

00:55:42   three day at dissertation about you he [TS]

00:55:44   could he could write a very good [TS]

00:55:45   gracious your leaders from the word [TS]

00:55:47   thesis very long series of facebook post [TS]

00:55:49   but of course what he didn't know is [TS]

00:55:51   that i'm also that i'm also an amateur [TS]

00:55:53   lawyer so I know haha i knew that he [TS]

00:55:58   didn't know what he was talking about [TS]

00:55:58   and I just I just blocked it Collin [TS]

00:56:01   County I'm blocking your counselor was [TS]

00:56:04   like tell you what go ahead [TS]

00:56:06   yeah and it get all your friends all [TS]

00:56:08   real upset about it but what of the [TS]

00:56:09   whole point of this was that I became [TS]

00:56:11   conscious at that point of being a [TS]

00:56:13   public figure and all the sex was not [TS]

00:56:16   that I was a guy in a bar who had [TS]

00:56:17   punched an asshole in the nose but it [TS]

00:56:19   was that I was a person whose whose name [TS]

00:56:24   was recognizable and who was a [TS]

00:56:27   recognizable character and so this guy [TS]

00:56:29   had you know it's the it's the ice build [TS]

00:56:32   McDonald's coffee in my lap and I'm [TS]

00:56:34   suing them for a billion dollars for her [TS]

00:56:36   his reaction was not go measure it with [TS]

00:56:39   with the with the incident you know that [TS]

00:56:43   coffee actually was too hot i know it [TS]

00:56:45   was ok [TS]

00:56:46   the coffee's too hot tubs too hot I [TS]

00:56:48   can't flew all the way down here [TS]

00:56:50   yeah we got about put all this liquor [TS]

00:56:51   just for you that we got one piece that [TS]

00:56:53   we got the small chair just for you and [TS]

00:56:54   your [TS]

00:56:55   never happy about money and doing some [TS]

00:56:58   money it's too hot but I still watch [TS]

00:57:01   that once a month but the bed but but he [TS]

00:57:05   then was you know he was blowing his [TS]

00:57:06   injury out of proportion i mean really [TS]

00:57:08   he posted a picture of himself he didn't [TS]

00:57:09   look terrible [TS]

00:57:10   haha oh yeah black guys but I mean I [TS]

00:57:13   know that there are people who are [TS]

00:57:15   listening to this who are saying to [TS]

00:57:16   themselves [TS]

00:57:17   I don't want to be punched in the nose [TS]

00:57:18   nobody wants to be punched in there [TS]

00:57:20   that's why that's why is there don't [TS]

00:57:22   think punching someone in the nose an [TS]

00:57:23   appropriate reaction but i don't think [TS]

00:57:25   it is i don't think it should be on the [TS]

00:57:27   list of consequences that we have in [TS]

00:57:29   civilized society and and I'm afraid [TS]

00:57:32   that i agree with you i don't like to be [TS]

00:57:35   punched in the nose either i don't like [TS]

00:57:37   punching someone but this is this is [TS]

00:57:38   this is the point is the point of the [TS]

00:57:40   whole thing this is where the conditions [TS]

00:57:41   come back don't want to be punched in [TS]

00:57:43   the nose don't drunkenly stand on [TS]

00:57:45   somebody's shoe tops now is it's [TS]

00:57:48   absolutely true i mean here's my lasagna [TS]

00:57:50   is he that should be on the front page [TS]

00:57:52   should be on the the title page of be a [TS]

00:57:56   the owners manual for being an adult [TS]

00:57:59   that you would they were the TA for [TS]

00:58:01   whatever he was writing on facebook your [TS]

00:58:03   note in the margin would be you need to [TS]

00:58:05   spend a little more time on the history [TS]

00:58:07   of what used to be like in pre punch in [TS]

00:58:09   the nose culture that's right you need [TS]

00:58:12   to be ready the fact is going to be [TS]

00:58:13   traditional there's gonna be there's [TS]

00:58:14   gonna be people who still like the [TS]

00:58:16   Shakers like the friends there are [TS]

00:58:18   people who still cling to these values [TS]

00:58:20   you know just because they don't own a [TS]

00:58:21   car doesn't mean they can't run you over [TS]

00:58:22   with something you know that's true okay [TS]

00:58:25   i think a lot of people think that they [TS]

00:58:27   are smaller than they are like they they [TS]

00:58:30   inhabit their own body and their own [TS]

00:58:32   soul and they think that they are [TS]

00:58:34   smaller and less significant than they [TS]

00:58:35   appear to be two other people you know [TS]

00:58:37   so this guy his perception of himself [TS]

00:58:40   it was probably that he was an elfin [TS]

00:58:44   delicate flower that now is obvious to [TS]

00:58:48   everyone and he does not realize that he [TS]

00:58:50   is a five foot eleven screaming monster [TS]

00:58:54   of an alcoholic and so his reaction to [TS]

00:58:58   being punched in the nose is somewhat [TS]

00:59:00   based on his self perception of being [TS]

00:59:03   like this defenseless victim [TS]

00:59:06   that he's that he's felt like he's been [TS]

00:59:08   his whole life and in actual fact most [TS]

00:59:11   people who feel like victims i mean most [TS]

00:59:12   of the people who are like cutting you [TS]

00:59:14   off in traffic who are being total talks [TS]

00:59:17   to you and that in the supermarket if [TS]

00:59:19   you really get to the bottom of their [TS]

00:59:21   problem it is that they feel like a [TS]

00:59:22   victim all the time they feel like [TS]

00:59:24   everybody steppin on them and that's why [TS]

00:59:27   they're justified in being and being a [TS]

00:59:28   shithead of all day food [TS]

00:59:31   well as somebody who really is a giant [TS]

00:59:32   pussy I'm not qualified to really [TS]

00:59:34   address this i mean i like um and and [TS]

00:59:36   and amateur lawyer as well it seems to [TS]

00:59:39   me though that there actually was an [TS]

00:59:41   opportunity for both of you here to [TS]

00:59:42   learn you have a new I mean I'm not [TS]

00:59:44   saying that you taught him a lesson [TS]

00:59:45   quote-unquote the real lesson would have [TS]

00:59:47   been talking to him after about why you [TS]

00:59:48   fucking punched him in the nose and say [TS]

00:59:50   hey look I used to be that guy I've been [TS]

00:59:52   punched in the nose a lot i've been you [TS]

00:59:53   really want to try with alcoholism it is [TS]

00:59:56   that it clouds your thinking and it [TS]

00:59:57   makes you not interesting [TS]

00:59:57   makes you not interesting [TS]

01:00:00   to talk to me what I learned in that was [TS]

01:00:02   that I even though i had not punch [TS]

01:00:04   somebody in the nose in many years I [TS]

01:00:06   still I still was able to do it first [TS]

01:00:09   and walk and walk away you know feeling [TS]

01:00:11   pretty good about myself first [TS]

01:00:13   not good about myself what's that let me [TS]

01:00:15   I mean I felt I felt ashamed because i [TS]

01:00:17   believe me i've drank the five-time I've [TS]

01:00:19   had more than a few cups of the kool-aid [TS]

01:00:21   that says that violence is not a [TS]

01:00:24   solution [TS]

01:00:25   okay i so i did not feel good about it [TS]

01:00:28   but when I replayed the events i [TS]

01:00:30   absolutely arrived at that punch in the [TS]

01:00:33   nose moment and each time punched him in [TS]

01:00:36   the nose of new you replay you replay it [TS]

01:00:40   in your head you know yeah I really [TS]

01:00:42   every I replay all these podcasts in my [TS]

01:00:44   head I don't listen to them [TS]

01:00:46   no but I replay them and I think should [TS]

01:00:49   i have punch Merlin the nose at that [TS]

01:00:50   point know i shouldn't've he's a long [TS]

01:00:52   well i hope i never i hope i've never [TS]

01:00:54   gotten completely to that point that the [TS]

01:00:56   the product that the major progress that [TS]

01:00:59   I've made in life is at has been [TS]

01:01:01   gradually coming to an understanding [TS]

01:01:03   that i am NOT a victim of anything of [TS]

01:01:06   anyone you're taking power in your life [TS]

01:01:08   well it isn't even that it's just [TS]

01:01:10   eliminating the eliminating the sulky [TS]

01:01:13   option of feeling like other people are [TS]

01:01:16   inflicting life on me that everything [TS]

01:01:20   that everything bad happen business [TS]

01:01:21   hasn't visited points this is something [TS]

01:01:23   Susan polish us has addressed she says [TS]

01:01:26   this life is yours take the power to [TS]

01:01:28   choose what you want to do and do it [TS]

01:01:30   well take the power to control your own [TS]

01:01:31   life no one else can do it for you take [TS]

01:01:33   the power to make your life happy [TS]

01:01:35   Susan polish shuts so she didn't use the [TS]

01:01:37   word love once in that poem i can read [TS]

01:01:39   the whole thing [TS]

01:01:40   Oh take the power so she's take this is [TS]

01:01:43   yours [TS]

01:01:44   she's got a little and Randy there oh [TS]

01:01:46   yeah take the power bill the rail right [TS]

01:01:49   kick the power asshole would be more I [TS]

01:01:50   Rand right [TS]

01:01:51   OIC way to way to correct my [TS]

01:01:54   pronunciation sorry Ron ain't on Lion [TS]

01:01:58   Rock lobby [TS]

01:02:00   it's a mug synthesizers not a movie it's [TS]

01:02:03   a mode [TS]

01:02:05   man was she sick for a long time Lauri [TS]

01:02:10   you know we went to different high [TS]

01:02:12   schools and so I in one sense i only saw [TS]

01:02:17   her one more time which was at a cross [TS]

01:02:19   country running meet my junior year in [TS]

01:02:22   high school and this was right in right [TS]

01:02:25   in the that moment where right [TS]

01:02:27   it was after i decided it was after [TS]

01:02:30   really that my dad decided that i was [TS]

01:02:31   going to be a cross-country runner but [TS]

01:02:34   before we all realized that cross [TS]

01:02:38   country running was not gonna that was [TS]

01:02:40   not the way i was going to get into the [TS]

01:02:42   Olympics my first kind of cross country [TS]

01:02:45   running meet the the other kids on the [TS]

01:02:47   team I never run cross country and the [TS]

01:02:49   other kids on the team were like what [TS]

01:02:50   you have to do is you know we all [TS]

01:02:51   started a big group of people get this [TS]

01:02:53   you have to get out in front to get out [TS]

01:02:55   in front of everybody because otherwise [TS]

01:02:58   you get you get back in the pack and you [TS]

01:02:59   can't move and I was like okay right get [TS]

01:03:02   out in front of everybody and the gun [TS]

01:03:03   went off and I sprinted and by the time [TS]

01:03:09   we got to the half mile mark of this 10k [TS]

01:03:13   race I was 200 yards in front of the [TS]

01:03:17   next closest runner and I said to myself [TS]

01:03:20   I am The King of this sport [TS]

01:03:23   why is no one ever done this before i am [TS]

01:03:25   the greatest cross-country runner in the [TS]

01:03:26   world i'm not even tired and I am I [TS]

01:03:30   can't even see me I'm so far ahead and [TS]

01:03:32   people cheering they were like he's a [TS]

01:03:35   genius and we rounded that first turn [TS]

01:03:38   and we headed up that first Hill and [TS]

01:03:41   about halfway up that first Hill my [TS]

01:03:43   heart turn to stone and i could not I [TS]

01:03:47   could not get enough air in my lungs no [TS]

01:03:49   matter how hard I tried to breathe and [TS]

01:03:51   one by one every runner from every high [TS]

01:03:53   school in the state of Alaska ran past [TS]

01:03:57   me as I gasped for breath and this year [TS]

01:04:02   is the cheering die down the cherry died [TS]

01:04:04   down and that you know at the two [TS]

01:04:06   kilometer mark i was i was limping like [TS]

01:04:10   a flogged mule and i had to continue to [TS]

01:04:15   run that race just like I mean [TS]

01:04:19   like like a war veteran I like a man [TS]

01:04:24   save you all right with with with [TS]

01:04:27   crippled legs but pressures off [TS]

01:04:29   yeah i was I yeah like turkey legs and [TS]

01:04:31   Iran I when I cross the finish line all [TS]

01:04:33   the other all the other runners from all [TS]

01:04:36   the other schools were already on the [TS]

01:04:37   bus [TS]

01:04:38   haha in sweats and I dragged my ass [TS]

01:04:42   across that thing I lay on the grasp lay [TS]

01:04:45   on the grass gasping and you know and no [TS]

01:04:50   one really had anything nice to say [TS]

01:04:51   everybody just kind of like a good [TS]

01:04:53   effort or whatever I don't think my dad [TS]

01:04:55   was I think my dad was in the car [TS]

01:04:56   listening to eight track tapes but home [TS]

01:04:59   the pork shoulders haha Pennsylvania [TS]

01:05:03   6-5000 [TS]

01:05:06   that's pretty good [TS]