Roderick on the Line

Ep. 30: "Cement Gravy Boat of Suffering"


00:00:00   hello hi John [TS]

00:00:07   I'm Merlin how's it going earlier man [TS]

00:00:11   you were stick on the last one you'll [TS]

00:00:13   stick [TS]

00:00:14   I don't know what's up to use your call [TS]

00:00:16   what's your side right that's yours [TS]

00:00:18   that's your side which you mad if I did [TS]

00:00:19   it again go ahead we get sick of you [TS]

00:00:22   tell me already [TS]

00:00:22   yep John ah haha see i think it's [TS]

00:00:28   working you if you like it [TS]

00:00:30   getting grow you you grumbled a lot of [TS]

00:00:32   him he didn't have a shady i really [TS]

00:00:34   liked your performance of that one you [TS]

00:00:36   know why i invested I iphone get em i [TS]

00:00:40   penetrated that performance when you [TS]

00:00:42   invest yourself in something really do [TS]

00:00:44   go all the way that's when trouble [TS]

00:00:47   starts the investment that hurts when [TS]

00:00:50   you invest in yourself in baking bacon [TS]

00:00:53   thank you that changed everybody's life [TS]

00:00:55   you know I'm like I'm like a lady when [TS]

00:00:58   you come to our house [TS]

00:01:00   mm I really you just made myself clear i [TS]

00:01:04   am i'm like a lady I mean my wife's like [TS]

00:01:06   a lady all the time where she wants you [TS]

00:01:07   to be comfortable I don't know why she [TS]

00:01:09   cares so much about you being [TS]

00:01:10   comfortable but we go shopping for you [TS]

00:01:12   we bought you told i told you what my [TS]

00:01:14   daughter said we were the day before you [TS]

00:01:16   arrive for your last visit here it's [TS]

00:01:18   been long enough we can talk about this [TS]

00:01:19   we went to the lucky formerly from [TS]

00:01:22   albertsons and we filled a grocery cart [TS]

00:01:26   with food in anticipation now it's not [TS]

00:01:28   that you're always gonna eat or drink [TS]

00:01:30   everything we get but we have learned [TS]

00:01:31   right it is it pays to prepare sure you [TS]

00:01:35   want to have a full selection of [TS]

00:01:36   different fruity juices [TS]

00:01:38   well you know yes busy waters busy wires [TS]

00:01:41   we want you to have enough flexibility [TS]

00:01:43   that you could make at least three kinds [TS]

00:01:45   of fruity pleasers you have your [TS]

00:01:47   choosing and may I share this with you [TS]

00:01:49   may share with our audience what I said [TS]

00:01:50   to my daughter please [TS]

00:01:51   ok my daughters in the car were rolling [TS]

00:01:53   along she's either goldfish crackers and [TS]

00:01:55   she says daddy why are we buying so much [TS]

00:01:56   stuff huh [TS]

00:01:58   and I said because we love uncle john [TS]

00:02:01   and and anytime that ugly John is not [TS]

00:02:03   talking he's eating and then she went [TS]

00:02:09   back to your goldfish cracker she find [TS]

00:02:10   in here the end [TS]

00:02:11   I didn't really care yeah just think it [TS]

00:02:13   was next thing that she wants it was [TS]

00:02:15   much more confusing to me why you had [TS]

00:02:17   covered everything in your house with [TS]

00:02:19   saran wrap [TS]

00:02:19   yeah well development Italy we bought we [TS]

00:02:23   bought a kind of it's actually a dowel [TS]

00:02:25   Polly plastic i think it's called a look [TS]

00:02:27   at the invoice but it's it's a very [TS]

00:02:29   imagine an industrial-grade saran wrap [TS]

00:02:31   like it's rated for people from alaska [TS]

00:02:33   right because you knew i had a silicon [TS]

00:02:36   allergy seem like a lady [TS]

00:02:40   I much like a lady and physical don't [TS]

00:02:42   make John coffee anymore than he has to [TS]

00:02:44   well you know you are one of those men [TS]

00:02:46   who has embraced the idea that being a [TS]

00:02:49   modern man means being sensitive to [TS]

00:02:53   other people [TS]

00:02:53   you pussy I wasn't a pussy okay thank [TS]

00:02:57   you i was gonna say you know considerate [TS]

00:03:00   vagina haha well you know what it is I [TS]

00:03:05   always so looking forward I'm one of [TS]

00:03:07   those guys who's practicing the older [TS]

00:03:08   style of being a man which is to be [TS]

00:03:10   unaware of other people which is hoping [TS]

00:03:13   but not trying that hard to not have [TS]

00:03:16   things fall on the floor like hoping no [TS]

00:03:18   one sees it but not going nuts to make [TS]

00:03:21   sure you know if I'm eating something [TS]

00:03:22   and it falls and something a bit of it [TS]

00:03:24   falls on the floor i do i'm a very [TS]

00:03:26   considerate person that I put my foot on [TS]

00:03:28   it right away so you don't even you [TS]

00:03:32   don't have to think about tonight we're [TS]

00:03:33   gonna play a game called one of us [TS]

00:03:35   doesn't get a cutlet haha it's going to [TS]

00:03:38   be musical cutlets but no I like that [TS]

00:03:41   about you your of Europe you're still [TS]

00:03:43   having trouble closing the door when you [TS]

00:03:45   urinate which is not trouble it's just [TS]

00:03:47   that my daughter and my daughter needs [TS]

00:03:48   to see that you know what I don't want [TS]

00:03:50   to I don't want to talk too much about [TS]

00:03:51   your house no one of those bathroom [TS]

00:03:53   doors that if you close it ninety-eight [TS]

00:03:54   percent of the ways it appears to it [TS]

00:03:57   appears to be closed or it appears to be [TS]

00:03:59   98% loans which is about as much as i [TS]

00:04:02   want to close the bathroom door i know i [TS]

00:04:04   said if I accept your policy i'm sorry i [TS]

00:04:06   totally services standing at you're [TS]

00:04:09   doing something else you don't think [TS]

00:04:10   about doors your standard the toilet and [TS]

00:04:12   then the door starts to just on its own [TS]

00:04:15   swing open and then you're you're right [TS]

00:04:19   at the point in a urination where you're [TS]

00:04:22   fully you're fully committed [TS]

00:04:24   20-year old man could stop and close the [TS]

00:04:25   door but that's gonna be that could be [TS]

00:04:27   you could be we can bet for you you know [TS]

00:04:28   yeah it's a I haven't been doing my [TS]

00:04:30   Kegel exercises and I and then when you [TS]

00:04:33   hear the doorknob slam into the wall and [TS]

00:04:35   you turn around and they're just there [TS]

00:04:37   in front of God and everybody is in your [TS]

00:04:39   old hood and iron man come back but your [TS]

00:04:41   little four-year-old with an iron man [TS]

00:04:42   comic and some goldfish crackers going [TS]

00:04:45   what am I seeing what ru because all [TS]

00:04:47   because of Eleanor when Uncle John is [TS]

00:04:49   not eating or talking he's urinating [TS]

00:04:51   prodigiously here [TS]

00:04:53   okay I think our house might have once [TS]

00:04:55   been owned by German expressionist [TS]

00:04:57   because there's parts of it to feel a [TS]

00:04:58   little bit cabinet of dr. Caligari there [TS]

00:05:00   are a lot of non right angles that are [TS]

00:05:02   very subtle and I don't like you're [TS]

00:05:03   going to Mystery House is out of the [TS]

00:05:06   what is it the is that was a Remington [TS]

00:05:08   who's the gun people [TS]

00:05:09   yeah the remington mystery house i'm [TS]

00:05:10   pretty sure that's where they can wait [TS]

00:05:12   winchester Winchester Mystery House [TS]

00:05:15   right thinking about the cult mystery [TS]

00:05:17   height I think you're thinking about [TS]

00:05:18   that [TS]

00:05:20   oh my god of wonders it's the [TS]

00:05:22   Kalashnikov condo that you're thinking [TS]

00:05:24   of [TS]

00:05:25   yeah yeah maybe they're jumping they're [TS]

00:05:27   johnnytravel I across this great country [TS]

00:05:29   at this great planet of ours have you [TS]

00:05:31   ever been to the Winchester Mystery [TS]

00:05:32   House i have been to the Winchester [TS]

00:05:33   Mystery House and I've I've looked up [TS]

00:05:35   the staircases to nowhere and gone into [TS]

00:05:39   the rooms of many mysteries but opened [TS]

00:05:42   the doors that lead to other doors [TS]

00:05:45   um I was nonplussed who I felt like they [TS]

00:05:50   were not either there were not enough [TS]

00:05:52   mysteries in the Winchester Mystery [TS]

00:05:54   House or we weren't being you're being [TS]

00:05:56   allowed into all the mysteries you know [TS]

00:06:00   history's in the Winchester Mystery [TS]

00:06:02   House that we had not paid the higher [TS]

00:06:04   admission price to see i see didn't get [TS]

00:06:08   to see the gun's probably know it's like [TS]

00:06:10   when you go to various I you you get you [TS]

00:06:14   can pay the small you can play the [TS]

00:06:17   normal fee [TS]

00:06:17   yeah they called lehand mirror with [TS]

00:06:19   shelby said that once you walk around [TS]

00:06:21   you go [TS]

00:06:22   mm you did you do a little bit of [TS]

00:06:24   Griswold as you walk through the places [TS]

00:06:26   but uh but then there's the then you can [TS]

00:06:30   pay the exorbitant fee [TS]

00:06:32   huh and they let you like they let you [TS]

00:06:35   have sex and Louis quatorze is [TS]

00:06:37   bed and you can you can actually take it [TS]

00:06:40   take a shit behind the curtains like [TS]

00:06:41   they used to do in the old days that [TS]

00:06:42   right yeah you can really have the full [TS]

00:06:44   versi experience I think you know [TS]

00:06:46   there's a lot of secrets secret places [TS]

00:06:47   like that that disney world there's a [TS]

00:06:50   there's a place there's a honeymoon [TS]

00:06:52   suite inside of Cinderella's castle now [TS]

00:06:54   so you can go up there and yeah yeah if [TS]

00:06:57   you you know getting married at disney [TS]

00:06:59   world Sean I don't know if you'll ever [TS]

00:07:02   get married because I just ask you [TS]

00:07:03   please literally to never get married at [TS]

00:07:04   disney world there are ppl shagging in [TS]

00:07:07   Cinderella's castle yeah people try to [TS]

00:07:09   enjoy like I like Mickey Mouse popsicle [TS]

00:07:11   under somebody up there like that was [TS]

00:07:13   just trying to enjoy a Mickey Mouse [TS]

00:07:14   obstacle can I just kind of make one [TS]

00:07:16   very small point here there's probably [TS]

00:07:17   not a lot of straight men in the world [TS]

00:07:21   who are thinking finally I get to sleep [TS]

00:07:24   in Cinderella's castle [TS]

00:07:25   I'm thinking there's a lot of trade-offs [TS]

00:07:26   to that I'm thinking maybe he's banging [TS]

00:07:28   her in the behind for the first time [TS]

00:07:29   because she's in fucking Cinderella's [TS]

00:07:30   castle [TS]

00:07:31   Wow no no your I'm saying quid pro [TS]

00:07:33   Colonel he's getting his reward these [TS]

00:07:36   keys to be Prince Charming right and who [TS]

00:07:38   and what better way to be prince [TS]

00:07:40   charming fantasy literature the get [TS]

00:07:44   nothing but he's a slipper but the yum [TS]

00:07:46   now is your chance that our listeners [TS]

00:07:48   are not familiar with the mysteries of [TS]

00:07:50   the Winchester Mystery House because [TS]

00:07:51   it's kind of an interesting story don't [TS]

00:07:53   you know we we have we have listeners [TS]

00:07:55   all around the world their listeners in [TS]

00:07:56   Germany and hungry or Sweden sweet up [TS]

00:08:01   all of all of us can do via there are [TS]

00:08:03   people listening what about Romania [TS]

00:08:04   everybody from Romania no i don't i have [TS]

00:08:07   i do not i'm not aware of anyone in [TS]

00:08:09   Romania most politics jonathan from the [TS]

00:08:11   politics listening I'm sure that right [TS]

00:08:13   now in Latvia there's someone who has a [TS]

00:08:16   german friend that turned him on to this [TS]

00:08:18   podcast and they're sitting in here [TS]

00:08:21   sitting up there in their artists carrot [TS]

00:08:23   in 58 correctly signal with a very small [TS]

00:08:27   speaker he still has me doing and maybe [TS]

00:08:30   that's a fact okay and we know in Africa [TS]

00:08:36   that they probably don't because they're [TS]

00:08:38   using all the available space for water [TS]

00:08:40   i'm going to guess i'm gonna guess that [TS]

00:08:44   there are people in Africa listening but [TS]

00:08:47   I i'm going to suspect that they are in [TS]

00:08:49   there working [TS]

00:08:50   for an NGO there in the Peace Corps and [TS]

00:08:53   we're probably literally the only source [TS]

00:08:54   of sanity in America that they have yeah [TS]

00:08:57   right every every week they they go into [TS]

00:09:01   their little inner sanctum that they [TS]

00:09:04   made out of 5 gallon gas cans and just [TS]

00:09:08   stacked up five-gallon gas cans in a [TS]

00:09:09   square and put a roof on it and they go [TS]

00:09:12   in there and they say take me to America [TS]

00:09:14   water on the line take me back to [TS]

00:09:16   America but in that case in that case I [TS]

00:09:18   think it would be self-involved for us [TS]

00:09:20   not to show this is the first of all [TS]

00:09:21   hello and welcome Bienvenu they'll come [TS]

00:09:24   into all of our friends overseas you're [TS]

00:09:25   enjoying this a common except for the [TS]

00:09:28   Germans all of you are welcome now [TS]

00:09:29   believe [TS]

00:09:30   excuse me I'm sorry was that it was [TS]

00:09:34   announced to believe now that said the [TS]

00:09:35   dutch word that means please and thank [TS]

00:09:38   you can bet you literally not get me [TS]

00:09:40   started on the Dutch ok so also glue so [TS]

00:09:43   thank you first of all I hope that I [TS]

00:09:45   hope that you're very cozy but well [TS]

00:09:47   ventilated an insight of your various [TS]

00:09:49   drums and buckets was a great XTC record [TS]

00:09:51   by the way um social drums and buckets [TS]

00:09:54   just lucky that's Chris Wallace [TS]

00:09:57   production style is that right now huh [TS]

00:10:00   [Music] [TS]

00:10:02   15 gallons of a paint or their liquid [TS]

00:10:07   you're about to explain the remington [TS]

00:10:09   mystery house that's right the requested [TS]

00:10:11   the cult the cult mystery sidearm it's [TS]

00:10:13   that there's a house somewhere south of [TS]

00:10:16   san francisco which in which is yes then [TS]

00:10:19   way san jose is that right [TS]

00:10:21   it's in one of those places in in [TS]

00:10:24   California where all the freeways [TS]

00:10:26   intersect you know later Brandon said no [TS]

00:10:29   one is obligated to appreciate cities [TS]

00:10:31   outside of San Francisco not during [TS]

00:10:33   their lifetime [TS]

00:10:33   that's how we look at everything it's [TS]

00:10:34   like the people in New York and New [TS]

00:10:36   Yorker cover of account New Yorker see [TS]

00:10:37   the rest of the United States yeah river [TS]

00:10:40   and then Pacific Ocean and then [TS]

00:10:42   something something police [TS]

00:10:44   yeah so there was a famous manufacturer [TS]

00:10:47   of firearms who would you call him a [TS]

00:10:49   barren wasn't Winchester kind of a baron [TS]

00:10:51   i would say that he was at firearms [TS]

00:10:53   Baron he was not a baron in the sense of [TS]

00:10:55   being a member of the European [TS]

00:10:57   aristocracy being unable to have [TS]

00:10:59   children [TS]

00:11:00   he was not barren like I'm sure that [TS]

00:11:03   his article definitely an article in [TS]

00:11:05   front of their mr. Winchester's womb was [TS]

00:11:07   very was a was a week on the Kennedy [TS]

00:11:10   right there was a rocky place for my [TS]

00:11:12   seat could find no purchase so anyway [TS]

00:11:14   mr. Winchester had a lot of people [TS]

00:11:16   killed with his with his otherwise [TS]

00:11:18   that's a weird kind of sorry sorry he [TS]

00:11:21   had a lot of people very happy them kill [TS]

00:11:23   property protected my own stories don't [TS]

00:11:26   kill people know now clichés kill [TS]

00:11:28   people [TS]

00:11:29   yeah so he made guns and he eventually [TS]

00:11:31   died he had no I had no way of knowing [TS]

00:11:34   how those guns were going to be and this [TS]

00:11:35   could be used to prop open doors to let [TS]

00:11:38   us have done [TS]

00:11:39   yeah circle back to that ok so what did [TS]

00:11:42   your writing things down now I'm not a [TS]

00:11:43   fake scribbling i'll send it to you send [TS]

00:11:45   you pictures I'm acting like I'm writing [TS]

00:11:46   stop talking about this [TS]

00:11:47   the now hehe had yet many of money like [TS]

00:11:50   Jesus it wasn't rich like hell you know [TS]

00:11:52   Jesus very popular belief Jesus was not [TS]

00:11:57   a wealthy man [TS]

00:11:58   ok please continue but don't you think [TS]

00:12:01   that he you know what he wasn't as [TS]

00:12:04   Richard believe with Randolph Hearst but [TS]

00:12:06   he was a rich man from having made the [TS]

00:12:08   guns that kill the Indian Jesus did that [TS]

00:12:11   yeah jesus killed the Indians who has a [TS]

00:12:14   way of paving the way for the Mormon [TS]

00:12:15   became an african-american know the [TS]

00:12:19   Winchester rifles were a key to opening [TS]

00:12:21   the west which is a euphemism one bullet [TS]

00:12:24   all it's not after the euphemism for [TS]

00:12:26   killing Buffalo and made of Americans [TS]

00:12:28   yes those were 21 great guns with that [TS]

00:12:31   he did go great comes with that and a [TS]

00:12:35   big house he built himself a house and [TS]

00:12:37   look this up on wiki I'm gonna wing it [TS]

00:12:38   but when he passed away and left a very [TS]

00:12:41   large fortune and I I forgive me if I [TS]

00:12:43   get this wrong but I believe the story [TS]

00:12:44   goes that mrs. Winchester something [TS]

00:12:47   something was very interested in mediums [TS]

00:12:49   or media and somebody talk to her and [TS]

00:12:51   some of the point is that she was in a [TS]

00:12:53   position in her life where she was [TS]

00:12:56   receptive to the idea that if she ever [TS]

00:12:58   stop completing the Winchester mansion [TS]

00:13:01   something bad would happen [TS]

00:13:03   oh I think what it was was that she felt [TS]

00:13:05   that the that the souls of all the [TS]

00:13:08   people that had been killed by her [TS]

00:13:10   husband's rifles were a haunting her [TS]

00:13:14   chasing right perhaps [TS]

00:13:16   learn what it was awesome delusion is [TS]

00:13:19   associate delusion it so it's amazing [TS]

00:13:21   and she had the money to build this [TS]

00:13:23   house in with all these false stairways [TS]

00:13:26   that went up to no plans but that's the [TS]

00:13:27   thing she ran out of real stuff to build [TS]

00:13:29   and then she was like she's like the [TS]

00:13:30   ultimate like kind of person i tried to [TS]

00:13:32   help she's like the ultimate [TS]

00:13:33   procrastinator like crazy person she's [TS]

00:13:35   nothing useful to do anymore but lots of [TS]

00:13:37   money and time and so she had workers I [TS]

00:13:39   think I don't say around the clock but i [TS]

00:13:41   believe around the clock like building [TS]

00:13:43   whatever including now go ahead with [TS]

00:13:45   lots of things building whatever in [TS]

00:13:47   order to fool the ghosts that were [TS]

00:13:51   walking around the house looking for her [TS]

00:13:53   so the ghosts are like trying doors and [TS]

00:13:55   going upstairs and all this door leads [TS]

00:13:58   nowhere and the dog shakes its ghostly [TS]

00:14:00   fists are a gesture [TS]

00:14:03   I'll first I get killed by a rifle and [TS]

00:14:06   now I find steps to come nowhere and so [TS]

00:14:08   she's living I'm sure she was living in [TS]

00:14:10   like like most old ladies she was living [TS]

00:14:12   in one room with a hot plate cats and [TS]

00:14:14   cats goes without saying she was [TS]

00:14:17   watching her stories some in a room off [TS]

00:14:19   the kitchen x-files dvds and this and [TS]

00:14:23   this house that went for 15 blocks as [TS]

00:14:26   full of ghosts all wandering around [TS]

00:14:28   going like have you did you go up that [TS]

00:14:30   staircase there doesn't go anywhere [TS]

00:14:32   ah their doorways that would open and [TS]

00:14:34   there'll be nothing on the other side [TS]

00:14:35   would like you know sort of like [TS]

00:14:36   something like from monty python you [TS]

00:14:38   open the door there's your outside [TS]

00:14:39   there's nothing you step off and you die [TS]

00:14:40   but they were deliberate subterfuge [TS]

00:14:42   we're also things with maybe like steps [TS]

00:14:44   that go up into nothing as you say [TS]

00:14:46   ya know it sounds like your experience [TS]

00:14:48   there was one in which you you having a [TS]

00:14:51   limited level of engagement there wasn't [TS]

00:14:52   a lot there to catch your attention but [TS]

00:14:54   I if I if you don't mind my asking again [TS]

00:14:56   we can literally cut this out of its a [TS]

00:14:57   problem you must have in some ways been [TS]

00:15:00   like all the other things we cut out of [TS]

00:15:01   this podcast i just can't even done [TS]

00:15:03   don't let me start with how many things [TS]

00:15:04   that come out of this podcast there's [TS]

00:15:05   like three things I've cut out of this [TS]

00:15:06   podcast that's how it gets so good as i [TS]

00:15:09   take anything it's not really really [TS]

00:15:10   really good that you've taken out all [TS]

00:15:12   three instances where you said nigger [TS]

00:15:13   nigger nigger [TS]

00:15:14   oh yeah well like that nine of them had [TS]

00:15:16   to take them all out [TS]

00:15:17   yeah well here's what happened i went to [TS]

00:15:20   visit the Winchester a mystery house yes [TS]

00:15:22   in the seventies who during the nineteen [TS]

00:15:26   seventies when I was a she's long dead [TS]

00:15:28   at this [TS]

00:15:29   point obviously she's choose a dead lady [TS]

00:15:30   now and when this is a house that you [TS]

00:15:32   pay three dollars to go visit but this [TS]

00:15:35   was during the era [TS]

00:15:36   I don't have to tell you about the [TS]

00:15:37   seventies now this was during the era [TS]

00:15:40   that that the Bermuda Triangle was a [TS]

00:15:45   really big deal in search of that's [TS]

00:15:47   right and it was the era when Bigfoot [TS]

00:15:49   was a really big deal and project [TS]

00:15:52   Bluebook Loch Ness monster Loch Ness [TS]

00:15:54   monster these were there was a there [TS]

00:15:56   there were a lot of supernatural [TS]

00:15:58   instances supernatural events in the [TS]

00:16:00   seventies that would you know that [TS]

00:16:04   captured the imagination of young boys [TS]

00:16:06   all across America so when I went to the [TS]

00:16:08   Winchester Mystery House and was told [TS]

00:16:10   that it had many many secret passages to [TS]

00:16:13   fool all of the ghosts of the American [TS]

00:16:16   Indians that talk like Mel Brooks dole [TS]

00:16:20   cheese they uh I you know I went into [TS]

00:16:25   this place thinking that I was gonna get [TS]

00:16:27   spooked I was gonna have some haunting [TS]

00:16:29   happening but there was some girl from [TS]

00:16:32   from Stanford wearing a like a a vest [TS]

00:16:36   like somebody who worked at home depot [TS]

00:16:37   but it was guiding us around this place [TS]

00:16:41   pointing out all the you know look this [TS]

00:16:43   is a doorknob [TS]

00:16:44   but there's no door it's just a doorknob [TS]

00:16:46   in a wall but and I was like that's [TS]

00:16:48   going to fool a ghost by three dollars [TS]

00:16:52   tak hai that's not going to fool a ghost [TS]

00:16:54   and this is why i asked John this is he [TS]

00:16:56   this is the thing and you're a man who [TS]

00:16:59   actually put this you're a man with a [TS]

00:17:02   very active mind and you can imagine the [TS]

00:17:04   world's right you were there you seen [TS]

00:17:07   that what is that the the sea beams at [TS]

00:17:09   the tensor case you've been there you [TS]

00:17:11   see all of this right watched attack [TS]

00:17:13   ships Bruce you seen it all over Ryan [TS]

00:17:15   yeah you seen it on then that's good [TS]

00:17:18   that's gotta be one of the greatest [TS]

00:17:19   monologue of all types amazing [TS]

00:17:20   here's the thing in retrospect in as [TS]

00:17:22   much as you can share and I will [TS]

00:17:23   literally cut this out if it's a problem [TS]

00:17:25   if you hypothetically were a person who [TS]

00:17:28   were consumers concerned about ghosts [TS]

00:17:30   especially in their home is that the [TS]

00:17:33   kind of strategy that you would have [TS]

00:17:34   taken what you put doorknobs in a while [TS]

00:17:35   would you made a stairway to nowhere [TS]

00:17:37   well here's the thing [TS]

00:17:40   although i do not have a lot of uh you [TS]

00:17:43   know I I'm a science minded person you [TS]

00:17:45   know who that I have bomb i have a weak [TS]

00:17:49   spot [TS]

00:17:50   I have an Achilles heel one of my many [TS]

00:17:52   heels that are kill I is that I get [TS]

00:17:56   spooked by ghosts and that sometimes my [TS]

00:18:00   pillows turn towels and occasionally [TS]

00:18:03   when i'm home alone if i'm watching a [TS]

00:18:05   television program about aliens grabbing [TS]

00:18:08   people off of a desert road i can become [TS]

00:18:11   convinced that the aliens are also on [TS]

00:18:13   the roof of my house waiting for me to [TS]

00:18:16   go to sleep I don't know why this is I [TS]

00:18:18   don't know why I made this way it's a [TS]

00:18:19   zombies the seat is there [TS]

00:18:21   yeah right exactly the seat is there and [TS]

00:18:23   I have spent many a sleepless night in a [TS]

00:18:26   strange house uh being spooked by being [TS]

00:18:32   haunted by by hans and when I want about [TS]

00:18:35   my house I may have told you this when i [TS]

00:18:37   bought my house I i walked through and [TS]

00:18:39   laid down in every room in the house was [TS]

00:18:43   empty before I before I signed the deed [TS]

00:18:44   laid my head down in every corner and [TS]

00:18:48   just close my eyes and was quiet and [TS]

00:18:51   said are there any spooks hear anyone [TS]

00:18:56   spooky did you say it aloud sure and I [TS]

00:19:02   was convinced that there were no spooks [TS]

00:19:04   in my house that all i got back from the [TS]

00:19:06   universe where good vibes and in fact I [TS]

00:19:09   learned later that that the that an old [TS]

00:19:11   man died in my house of old Moses and [TS]

00:19:15   and because i had gone around the house [TS]

00:19:18   and had checked out that there were no [TS]

00:19:19   spooks here I was fine with the fact [TS]

00:19:21   that someone had died here because it he [TS]

00:19:24   clearly died peacefully and well don't [TS]

00:19:27   know there's not that many better ways [TS]

00:19:28   to die than old- died of old missing [TS]

00:19:31   your own you can do a lot worse you [TS]

00:19:33   could die of something besides oldest [TS]

00:19:35   outside the house right right yeah so [TS]

00:19:37   you're not going to haunt a place where [TS]

00:19:39   you died of baldness from from being [TS]

00:19:41   happy [TS]

00:19:42   you might bring fresh fruit you are [TS]

00:19:44   going to make sure that the lawn is [TS]

00:19:46   green who you're going to make sure that [TS]

00:19:49   the bet the birds are saying so and i [TS]

00:19:52   only want my mom bought her house in 15 [TS]

00:19:54   years ago I did the exact same thing I [TS]

00:19:57   went and laid down in all the corners [TS]

00:19:58   and I said and he spooks here [TS]

00:20:02   anyone got a problem anyone have [TS]

00:20:04   something I'd like to say before I [TS]

00:20:06   commit to being here and it was a spook [TS]

00:20:10   free house and I went to my mom and I [TS]

00:20:12   said I think you can safely buy this [TS]

00:20:13   house and what was her response be no I [TS]

00:20:18   didn't tell her that I can always hold [TS]

00:20:19   it with your mind i said no i haven't [TS]

00:20:22   told her with my mouth but I didn't tell [TS]

00:20:24   her what i had done I said I'm gonna go [TS]

00:20:26   take a look at this house and let me [TS]

00:20:27   know you walking around with a tool belt [TS]

00:20:29   and Stanley outstanding major in a stud [TS]

00:20:31   finder [TS]

00:20:32   yeah and then lay down and listen for [TS]

00:20:33   ghost came back and your wife some [TS]

00:20:36   drywall off of your coveralls and said [TS]

00:20:38   it's okay mom [TS]

00:20:39   yeah I went down and check the pipes i [TS]

00:20:40   rattled the furnace it jiggle the toilet [TS]

00:20:44   a little bit that's the technical term [TS]

00:20:46   ego rattling furnace yeah always that's [TS]

00:20:48   a GD rattling yeah you go down around [TS]

00:20:50   the furnace and then if it's everything [TS]

00:20:52   just a certain way it should sound your [TS]

00:20:53   rattle it should be no rattles around [TS]

00:20:55   which it should rattle you want to put a [TS]

00:20:58   little bit of play in that battle the [TS]

00:20:59   furnace and rattles you know it sounds [TS]

00:21:01   like I should check that I think we [TS]

00:21:02   might have to tighten first we have a [TS]

00:21:04   tight furnace will go round with anybody [TS]

00:21:06   spooks get out [TS]

00:21:08   so anyway anything you working on that [TS]

00:21:10   house a lot like you spent a lot of time [TS]

00:21:12   with you know what to tell you but you [TS]

00:21:13   you've yeah yeah and learns to later how [TS]

00:21:15   much you and your mom did to that place [TS]

00:21:17   it's a beautiful house we got to the [TS]

00:21:18   house and we built it but i think that [TS]

00:21:20   you can get a house that's full of [TS]

00:21:22   Spooks and you're not going to get the [TS]

00:21:23   spooks out of there and then there's a [TS]

00:21:25   load-bearing spoofs yeah exactly exactly [TS]

00:21:29   you're the look you don't want to move a [TS]

00:21:30   load-bearing spook if it's it's the only [TS]

00:21:32   thing that's holding the roof up that's [TS]

00:21:33   right [TS]

00:21:34   so in any case my house my mom's house [TS]

00:21:37   both spook free abodes and we have lived [TS]

00:21:40   here in our respective homes for many [TS]

00:21:43   years never been troubled by scoops [TS]

00:21:45   that is not to say that sometimes my [TS]

00:21:47   pillows don't turn to howells but i [TS]

00:21:48   think that is unrelated but you never [TS]

00:21:51   saw so far you've been lucky in the [TS]

00:21:53   sense that you're feeling in your heart [TS]

00:21:57   or mind or whatever it is you have is [TS]

00:21:59   that there may be some learning from [TS]

00:22:01   there okay your esophagus somewhere in [TS]

00:22:04   your esophagus [TS]

00:22:05   no more suspect something's going on now [TS]

00:22:07   you're a man who's very kind of setup I [TS]

00:22:09   need to your very vigilant right you [TS]

00:22:12   dive you dive out of the subway you dive [TS]

00:22:14   into an airplane and exactly the right [TS]

00:22:15   time and it seems to me you're not that [TS]

00:22:18   spooked by the Owls you literally [TS]

00:22:19   grabbed and went back to 60 it sounds to [TS]

00:22:21   me like so far you have not had to adopt [TS]

00:22:23   anything like a Winchester Mystery House [TS]

00:22:24   approach to making the ghost go away [TS]

00:22:25   dealt with this or they've dealt with [TS]

00:22:27   you you've reached something like a [TS]

00:22:29   rapprochement with them and everything's [TS]

00:22:31   okay [TS]

00:22:31   correct baka over the years i have i [TS]

00:22:35   ever tell you the story about that house [TS]

00:22:37   in Vermont [TS]

00:22:37   yeah I'm just coming to that yeah so [TS]

00:22:40   there's that house in Vermont where the [TS]

00:22:41   people put me in the in this spook room [TS]

00:22:43   and they thought it was funny [TS]

00:22:45   they thought it was funny like all we [TS]

00:22:46   were wondering if you're going to feel [TS]

00:22:47   the spook she's that's like putting up [TS]

00:22:48   elected as like playing epileptic in the [TS]

00:22:50   in the in the flash strobe light room [TS]

00:22:53   the stroke leg room [TS]

00:22:55   yeah well you know I have a strobe light [TS]

00:22:56   room here and I just always steer the [TS]

00:22:58   epileptics away again like your dinner [TS]

00:23:00   and I think you'd like this room over [TS]

00:23:02   here much fun little with the ghost but [TS]

00:23:04   but you know I spent that night [TS]

00:23:06   Crouch to with a knife between my teeth [TS]

00:23:08   waiting for whatever a whatever spook it [TS]

00:23:12   was it was going to come through i don't [TS]

00:23:13   know we're always gonna come but I don't [TS]

00:23:15   think if i put a fake doorknob on the on [TS]

00:23:17   the wall of the closet that would fool [TS]

00:23:19   that's broken all you need already knew [TS]

00:23:21   even though there was something in your [TS]

00:23:23   intuition that said this is serious like [TS]

00:23:25   I need to get a knife for this ghost [TS]

00:23:26   potentially you had the presence of mind [TS]

00:23:28   your rational man John it's something [TS]

00:23:30   that you've talked about really way too [TS]

00:23:31   much but the fact is you're rational man [TS]

00:23:33   you know a doorknob is not going to full [TS]

00:23:34   of ghosts right i don't think you can [TS]

00:23:37   fool a ghost [TS]

00:23:38   oh yes because they already are in there [TS]

00:23:40   they're like low-key with the Avengers [TS]

00:23:42   like he's already been there he knows [TS]

00:23:44   what's going on right I'm not remember [TS]

00:23:47   that reference was that are like a dora [TS]

00:23:50   the explorer reference can in Norse [TS]

00:23:52   mythology it's something you can look up [TS]

00:23:54   on the 00 Norse mythology [TS]

00:23:56   yeah so usually the worst stores brother [TS]

00:23:58   and source brother who is the god of [TS]

00:24:00   mischief and lying wants to become the [TS]

00:24:02   god Odin takes over [TS]

00:24:04   although Thor's 21 so low-key fucks [TS]

00:24:06   things up and then that's why they have [TS]

00:24:08   to start the adventures as it is not [TS]

00:24:10   that complicated just something you [TS]

00:24:11   learned during your church burning fans [TS]

00:24:13   are you talking about when i was in that [TS]

00:24:15   that Swedish death metal band [TS]

00:24:18   the the sweetest death metal was saying [TS]

00:24:19   that stuff a lot of terrible but some [TS]

00:24:21   was really good i have not that is one [TS]

00:24:24   musical genre i have not really given [TS]

00:24:26   I'm gonna pick exactly one band i sent [TS]

00:24:28   you exactly one video for one band and I [TS]

00:24:31   out it's not it's I think these guys all [TS]

00:24:33   we're like King Diamond make a so [TS]

00:24:35   there's two you should come back to this [TS]

00:24:36   there's there's two there's the [TS]

00:24:38   Norwegian black metal and the Swedish [TS]

00:24:40   death metal you want to go with the [TS]

00:24:42   Swedish death metal the Norwegian black [TS]

00:24:43   metal is very very silly look like pro [TS]

00:24:45   wrestlers and then if you imagine this [TS]

00:24:48   look one kind of like a boss pedal when [TS]

00:24:50   they turn the like this the trouble and [TS]

00:24:53   though it's so I have that pedal i can [TS]

00:24:56   make one can i make make just one [TS]

00:24:57   observation [TS]

00:24:58   yeah okay here's my observation and I [TS]

00:25:00   don't want to do pull up bad memories [TS]

00:25:01   for you but you had the ghost concern in [TS]

00:25:06   the house and was a Vermont Vermont you [TS]

00:25:09   slept in the van one night in your and [TS]

00:25:12   you're all together and were attacked by [TS]

00:25:14   my front yard and you know outside our [TS]

00:25:17   home and out of the park came soldiers [TS]

00:25:20   from which war i believe they were civil [TS]

00:25:22   war soldiers of a war that you thought [TS]

00:25:24   it was their Confederates but it didn't [TS]

00:25:26   make any sense because of course there [TS]

00:25:27   were no civil war battles fought in San [TS]

00:25:29   Francisco that you know of but that [TS]

00:25:30   doesn't mean you know in seattle there [TS]

00:25:32   is a civil war cemetery where all of the [TS]

00:25:35   veterans of the Civil War were buried at [TS]

00:25:37   the town after they moved it well they [TS]

00:25:39   could be they could be organized in the [TS]

00:25:41   afterlife they could all be buried there [TS]

00:25:43   and be like hey wait a minute and that [TS]

00:25:45   that you are I've been reading a civil [TS]

00:25:49   war book and i gotta tell you i don't [TS]

00:25:51   think that fits in is it going with the [TS]

00:25:52   wind [TS]

00:25:53   yeah no no it's called April 18650 [TS]

00:25:55   you're reading a nonfiction civil war [TS]

00:25:58   book i usually read Harlequin romances [TS]

00:26:00   about the period up with a lot of [TS]

00:26:02   troubles in Richmond sure it did take [TS]

00:26:05   dogs and shit [TS]

00:26:06   yeah well little shit aah shit and well [TS]

00:26:09   they would pick through corn never pick [TS]

00:26:10   through for corn they would go through [TS]

00:26:12   horse down to find what they could and [TS]

00:26:14   it's just corn rocky about telling your [TS]

00:26:16   erotic these this is the Richmond was a [TS]

00:26:18   place and you can learn about this from [TS]

00:26:19   a song by the band called the night they [TS]

00:26:21   drove old dixie down with varying story [TS]

00:26:23   i'll recommend the book is April 1865 [TS]

00:26:25   and then on another occasion we won home [TS]

00:26:28   yeah i know god bless him that yet that [TS]

00:26:29   performance of [TS]

00:26:31   that at the fillmore i put on my [TS]

00:26:32   internet website got its great different [TS]

00:26:35   from the last waltz had to date so much [TS]

00:26:36   cocaine this guy's everybody in the last [TS]

00:26:39   waltz is high on cocaine in almost all [TS]

00:26:41   the time now that rectangle got real [TS]

00:26:43   puffy and then he died he was such a [TS]

00:26:44   good-looking man when he was young it [TS]

00:26:47   was a good looking very good man this [TS]

00:26:48   guy's could sing we should talk about [TS]

00:26:49   the band something we could they want [TS]

00:26:51   with a trained ID like the band [TS]

00:26:54   how do i did he ask a question like that [TS]

00:26:56   I asked about kissing you like them [TS]

00:26:58   well here's the difference bring kiss [TS]

00:27:00   and the band accounts mine kiss are [TS]

00:27:02   terrible and the band one of the most [TS]

00:27:05   important groups of our generation [TS]

00:27:07   that's a-ok you can make a little file [TS]

00:27:11   card or just you know you could tattoo [TS]

00:27:12   that on your thumb so potential goes to [TS]

00:27:15   Vermont knife in the teeth you're naked [TS]

00:27:17   in the van in front of my house and [TS]

00:27:18   there might be some Confederate soldiers [TS]

00:27:20   on one occasion there might have been [TS]

00:27:21   aliens rattling your door on occasion [TS]

00:27:23   fairly recently all of your pillows turn [TS]

00:27:26   the Owls made note just in passing that [TS]

00:27:28   in several of these instances you have [TS]

00:27:31   attempted on some level to communicate [TS]

00:27:33   with the spirits that may or may not be [TS]

00:27:35   there and in each instance that you've [TS]

00:27:37   shared with me so far they have been [TS]

00:27:38   mute correct [TS]

00:27:41   so you're talking to them they're not [TS]

00:27:42   talking to you you're pretty sure [TS]

00:27:43   they're there but they're not really [TS]

00:27:44   responding in a way they're not [TS]

00:27:45   responding the way that you can [TS]

00:27:46   understand its response correct creating [TS]

00:27:50   lucky with you at all are they ignoring [TS]

00:27:52   you [TS]

00:27:53   ah they do not ever materialized to the [TS]

00:27:57   point where i can or where I'm [TS]

00:28:01   confidently they're communicating with [TS]

00:28:03   them directly understand they are they [TS]

00:28:06   they remain a they remain a suspicion [TS]

00:28:10   and they become just like what collate [TS]

00:28:14   enough they just become their there [TS]

00:28:15   enough that it goes from there might be [TS]

00:28:18   something up here till they keep your [TS]

00:28:21   pretty sure that's a now you're pretty [TS]

00:28:22   sure that was an owl right all the owl's [TS]

00:28:24   there's no question about it but they [TS]

00:28:25   are actually friends that we talked [TS]

00:28:26   about oranges apples and oranges and [TS]

00:28:28   owls are you talking about girls are [TS]

00:28:30   different but the Owls are different [TS]

00:28:32   from the potential aren't aliens even [TS]

00:28:34   the right word the visitors the Aldens [TS]

00:28:36   you get the avian you get the visit [TS]

00:28:39   hills were clearly visitors but they [TS]

00:28:40   were [TS]

00:28:41   they took a physical form where normally [TS]

00:28:43   it's just like the hair goes up on the [TS]

00:28:44   back of your neck one night for instance [TS]

00:28:47   i was sleeping on the beach [TS]

00:28:49   we outside outside of a town called [TS]

00:28:51   noordwijk on the on the Dutch coast [TS]

00:28:57   spell that word white guy like it sounds [TS]

00:29:01   yeah and 0 rd her dik wi j lam gonna [TS]

00:29:09   okay like you're weak ok is there is [TS]

00:29:12   there like a little is there a little [TS]

00:29:14   less / through one of the O's know [TS]

00:29:17   there's 2 o's and I think they're / free [TS]

00:29:19   okay go ahead this on it's like outside [TS]

00:29:20   of the streets would be stank on its [TS]

00:29:26   part of its by spending dingen job all [TS]

00:29:29   right that's right the spending engine [TS]

00:29:32   sounds very popular in Swedish after [TS]

00:29:33   metal 15 / just like Switzer it's on [TS]

00:29:35   it's on it's on the netherlands and it's [TS]

00:29:38   been a long time since I'd slept outside [TS]

00:29:39   at this point i was i was getting my out [TS]

00:29:42   sleeping outside feedback on and and i [TS]

00:29:46   was i was on the beach it was a [TS]

00:29:47   beautiful very beautiful spring night [TS]

00:29:50   and I was like you know what I'm just [TS]

00:29:51   gonna sleep on the beach I used to sleep [TS]

00:29:54   outside all the time I i I'd forgotten [TS]

00:29:56   as I was saying this to myself I used to [TS]

00:29:58   sleep outside all the time because i [TS]

00:29:59   would get drunk and pass out under a [TS]

00:30:01   bush that counts and I was like you know [TS]

00:30:03   I used to sleep out all the time i'm [TS]

00:30:05   going to start sleeping out again [TS]

00:30:06   because because hey for what it's free [TS]

00:30:08   don't throw out the baby with the bath [TS]

00:30:10   that's right and to it so it's beautiful [TS]

00:30:12   so so so I lay down on the sand and I [TS]

00:30:15   kind of dig myself a little lamb little [TS]

00:30:18   bed in the sand and lay down on the sand [TS]

00:30:21   and then the Sun Goes Down and the stars [TS]

00:30:24   come out i'm lying on the beach [TS]

00:30:27   and I and the kind of the wind picks up [TS]

00:30:31   a nice and I suddenly feel like there's [TS]

00:30:35   nothing keeping me from falling into the [TS]

00:30:38   sky forever like there's nothing [TS]

00:30:43   absolutely nothing keeping me from just [TS]

00:30:47   a falling forever into infinity [TS]

00:30:50   except for gravity but gravity did not [TS]

00:30:54   have as as powerful hold on me at that [TS]

00:30:57   moment as it normally does and I lay [TS]

00:31:00   there on the beach looking up at the at [TS]

00:31:02   the inn infinitude of the universe and I [TS]

00:31:06   literally was holding on i was grabbing [TS]

00:31:10   onto the sand because i was i was [TS]

00:31:15   terrified I was I was in a terror that i [TS]

00:31:19   was going to just start falling up and I [TS]

00:31:26   a and then the feeling did not pass i [TS]

00:31:31   spend i spent a what what felt like an [TS]

00:31:35   eternity lying there on this Beach not [TS]

00:31:40   convinced not easily convinced that i [TS]

00:31:42   could document myself that if I let go [TS]

00:31:44   and most of it was a psychological [TS]

00:31:48   letting go like if I if I just said ok [TS]

00:31:52   fine if I had surrendered I would have [TS]

00:31:56   fallen off of that beach into space [TS]

00:31:59   Wow and I would still be falling sounds [TS]

00:32:03   harrowing it was nuts [TS]

00:32:05   how long have a sense of how long it [TS]

00:32:07   lasted from one lasted until the sand [TS]

00:32:11   underneath me [TS]

00:32:14   this is the thing that thing about [TS]

00:32:16   sleeping on beaches and sand looks very [TS]

00:32:19   soft when you're walking on the beach in [TS]

00:32:23   the in the afternoon late afternoon but [TS]

00:32:25   when you lie on the sand and try and get [TS]

00:32:27   comfortable in the night sand turns to [TS]

00:32:30   cement which is [TS]

00:32:32   it's extremely unfriendly 44 back it is [TS]

00:32:34   not soft now and so as time went on this [TS]

00:32:38   little depression this bed I made for [TS]

00:32:40   myself in the sand turned into kind of a [TS]

00:32:42   cement gravy boat times of suffering [TS]

00:32:48   where I lay i kind of right there ever [TS]

00:32:52   again make people like the ring [TS]

00:32:55   yeah well you just made my next hour lot [TS]

00:32:58   easier kind of like a curved kind of [TS]

00:33:01   like a curved so you're not going to get [TS]

00:33:04   better [TS]

00:33:04   there now you can forget everything i [TS]

00:33:06   make you sleep in our house is a big [TS]

00:33:08   inflatable taco I believe [TS]

00:33:10   yeah it's an inflatable talk about [TS]

00:33:11   because of it starts off [TS]

00:33:13   I didn't realize how bad it was Eleanor [TS]

00:33:14   started jumping on FB left in school [TS]

00:33:17   yeah it starts off as a nice inflate a [TS]

00:33:19   bed that seems like oh this is [TS]

00:33:20   delightful and then as time goes on it [TS]

00:33:22   becomes a plastic tortilla against [TS]

00:33:24   replacing I interrupted you you're [TS]

00:33:26   talking you're talking of course about [TS]

00:33:27   about the town of Noorvik where there is [TS]

00:33:29   a beautiful beach where the popular [TS]

00:33:30   activities include kitesurfing sounds [TS]

00:33:33   like it's if you look this place up now [TS]

00:33:35   not doing this from memory i just can't [TS]

00:33:36   remember which one therefore campsites [TS]

00:33:38   in the region approximately plus or [TS]

00:33:40   minus justice justice white 3400 hotels [TS]

00:33:43   and bmps and it said the number to [TS]

00:33:45   Congress destination and another one's [TS]

00:33:47   please continue [TS]

00:33:47   I should I should've stayed in one of [TS]

00:33:49   those hotels that gravy boat suffering [TS]

00:33:52   so anyway as my as my sentence and is [TS]

00:33:55   now unyielding yours but you still have [TS]

00:33:57   the sense that you could float away into [TS]

00:34:00   the sky for infinity i could fall into [TS]

00:34:02   this into infinity and what I realized [TS]

00:34:05   in that moment was that at this that [TS]

00:34:08   this that the lights of the city the the [TS]

00:34:12   the the electric light has formed a kind [TS]

00:34:18   of dome over the cities where we live [TS]

00:34:21   and it is a protective dome a protective [TS]

00:34:25   shield that shields us from full [TS]

00:34:28   awareness of how deep and infinite [TS]

00:34:31   spaces right so we sit in our cities and [TS]

00:34:35   the NR electric lights have blanked out [TS]

00:34:37   the sky for us [TS]

00:34:40   and we no longer have first-hand [TS]

00:34:42   experience of the existential terror [TS]

00:34:44   that it that is available to you at any [TS]

00:34:48   point in time if you just try and spend [TS]

00:34:50   one night outside on the beach or in the [TS]

00:34:53   forest and that is something that human [TS]

00:34:56   beings knew intimately throughout the [TS]

00:34:59   whole course of human history that's why [TS]

00:35:01   they made houses that's why they made [TS]

00:35:02   houses that's where they circled the [TS]

00:35:04   wagons that's why they made friends with [TS]

00:35:06   each other that's why they lit fires at [TS]

00:35:08   night that's why I didn't come to you in [TS]

00:35:10   a flash [TS]

00:35:11   well I'm lying there holding onto the [TS]

00:35:13   beach trying not easy it's something to [TS]

00:35:15   think about [TS]

00:35:15   well yeah i know i mean i was sitting [TS]

00:35:17   there if you had come to me and said [TS]

00:35:18   that God was a big purple dinosaur life [TS]

00:35:21   I've clutch my share of beaches believe [TS]

00:35:23   yeah and i would i would have said about [TS]

00:35:25   fucking whatever you say because the [TS]

00:35:28   that the terror that is that is waiting [TS]

00:35:30   for us when we truly contemplate that [TS]

00:35:33   just the scale and scope of the universe [TS]

00:35:36   in which we live is not a terror that I [TS]

00:35:38   am that I that i'm racing out to [TS]

00:35:42   experiencing every night so I i realized [TS]

00:35:46   that that we have done weird have done [TS]

00:35:48   ourselves both a disservice and and [TS]

00:35:50   tremendous service in the in the [TS]

00:35:53   blanking out how much how big the the [TS]

00:35:59   unknown is and we've done it you know [TS]

00:36:01   kind of we're not conscious of when you [TS]

00:36:04   turn on the lights at night giving [TS]

00:36:05   comfort that understanding [TS]

00:36:08   well the the idea that there might be [TS]

00:36:10   sort of an ontological umbrella that [TS]

00:36:13   protects us from knowing how how [TS]

00:36:14   terrible this could be if it with the [TS]

00:36:16   Infinity no I despise it [TS]

00:36:18   alright despised it when I understood it [TS]

00:36:20   but it didn't come for you at all it [TS]

00:36:22   makes you even more nervous about the [TS]

00:36:24   sand was you know you're worried that [TS]

00:36:25   your ass is on the line at this point [TS]

00:36:27   right well yeah but but but but I didn't [TS]

00:36:30   want to retreat into some kind of how [TS]

00:36:32   blanket of lights cold comfort [TS]

00:36:34   no no no what once you once you once you [TS]

00:36:37   have a sense of it then of course I [TS]

00:36:40   wanted to I wanted to face it and so I [TS]

00:36:45   started sleeping outside at that point [TS]

00:36:47   every night which is much more [TS]

00:36:50   complicated when you're in Amsterdam [TS]

00:36:53   then when you're in noordwijk for very [TS]

00:36:56   it's very much more difficult to sleep [TS]

00:36:58   outside say in cologne try and find a [TS]

00:37:01   gravy boat haha ok next time next time [TS]

00:37:04   next time you're there just and just are [TS]

00:37:06   looking for great try and find a [TS]

00:37:07   human-sized submit gravy boat of [TS]

00:37:09   suffering instagramming sleeping a bong [TS]

00:37:11   and a lot of people know that actually [TS]

00:37:12   amsterdam for 50 euros you can sleep in [TS]

00:37:15   a cement gravy boat of suffering it sits [TS]

00:37:17   at the palais du gravy boat is that the [TS]

00:37:20   ladies really standing windows is that [TS]

00:37:21   true [TS]

00:37:22   have you never been to Amsterdam yeah [TS]

00:37:24   Charlie there all the time [TS]

00:37:25   come on what are you doing in here with [TS]

00:37:28   your youth being being self-conscious if [TS]

00:37:31   you were playing mrs. pacman somewhere [TS]

00:37:33   there is no mrs. pacman but there are [TS]

00:37:39   the ladies sunday i'll tell you where i [TS]

00:37:40   have traveled we have to share that with [TS]

00:37:42   you I I don't derail this because I [TS]

00:37:43   think we're getting towards something [TS]

00:37:44   very important I think I think I don't [TS]

00:37:46   know I don't know how much you have [TS]

00:37:48   allowed yourself to to collapse that [TS]

00:37:50   umbrella over time but I think you're [TS]

00:37:52   very close to linking several probably [TS]

00:37:54   unrelated things together in a way that [TS]

00:37:56   could be very gratifying everyone [TS]

00:37:58   well are you not thinking hear about [TS]

00:38:02   some this kind of combination of a great [TS]

00:38:04   mystery and aren't you glad I move this [TS]

00:38:06   over to philosophy are you happy about [TS]

00:38:08   that so much and it before the show I [TS]

00:38:10   didn't tell you I did if I move this [TS]

00:38:11   from personal journals to philosophy [TS]

00:38:13   just because i added feeling a man like [TS]

00:38:15   you didn't like having a journal [TS]

00:38:16   personal journal is just give me that [TS]

00:38:18   just sounds like my livejournal right [TS]

00:38:20   made me feel like I was wearing a blouse [TS]

00:38:21   a guy [TS]

00:38:23   ok i I'm a little short on Cartoon to [TS]

00:38:27   urinate but here's the thing you've got [TS]

00:38:29   on the one hand I i if we cut all this [TS]

00:38:31   out if this is you know anything [TS]

00:38:33   yeah let's cut it all out of the great [TS]

00:38:36   boat you think about touching that [TS]

00:38:37   fucking great about your high you know [TS]

00:38:39   there are lots of girls and windows in [TS]

00:38:41   the Institute who and I think I [TS]

00:38:43   literally write that down [TS]

00:38:44   yeah i have only ever in the many many [TS]

00:38:46   many many many nights I've spent in [TS]

00:38:48   Amsterdam huh i have only ever wins when [TS]

00:38:52   were you in bands like I understand you [TS]

00:38:54   do so much of this traveling by [TS]

00:38:55   completely and you're not like a rich [TS]

00:38:57   rich guy I just I'm completely baffled [TS]

00:38:59   about how this many people have been [TS]

00:39:01   touched by you and you still still found [TS]

00:39:03   time to be in harvey danger [TS]

00:39:06   no I mean it's I feel like I feel like [TS]

00:39:08   I'm talking to somebody like on [TS]

00:39:09   Bullwinkle like I I don't wiggle LOL [TS]

00:39:11   like a like maybe like you're like mr. [TS]

00:39:14   peabody & sherman haha [TS]

00:39:16   30 but no I kind of like that i showed [TS]

00:39:19   my daughter first Bullwinkle Seth I [TS]

00:39:20   spent my use now that's good okay so [TS]

00:39:22   i've written down girls and windows and [TS]

00:39:23   I promise you let you continue you on [TS]

00:39:25   the one hand [TS]

00:39:26   yeah are sharing with us some very very [TS]

00:39:28   important i'll be a personal information [TS]

00:39:30   about the universe on the one hand you [TS]

00:39:32   are intensely aware if I may say that [TS]

00:39:34   there is 890 force there is something [TS]

00:39:38   out there that does represent infinity [TS]

00:39:40   at this point according to science we're [TS]

00:39:41   pretty sure the universe goes on for a [TS]

00:39:43   long way long time no the level that we [TS]

00:39:45   cannot by the way i have recently [TS]

00:39:47   started fucking with my daughter about [TS]

00:39:48   the idea infinity because i just i do [TS]

00:39:50   very much remember sitting around [TS]

00:39:51   thinking about infinity and getting [TS]

00:39:52   dizzy and what is how was her response [TS]

00:39:55   to it so far I'm just fucking with a [TS]

00:39:56   very lightly right now eleanor was the [TS]

00:39:57   highest number and the number she always [TS]

00:39:59   pulls out which is an even number 613 [TS]

00:40:02   232 that's the number she uses all the [TS]

00:40:05   time [TS]

00:40:06   uh-huh and I say no what about a hundred [TS]

00:40:08   thirty and 3i need can see where this [TS]

00:40:10   goes right think yeah yeah I get [TS]

00:40:12   confused after 260 so usually wins and I [TS]

00:40:15   wanna watch TV on the one hand there's [TS]

00:40:17   this thing that you become intensely [TS]

00:40:18   we're busy as you as you lay as you lay [TS]

00:40:21   in in your Dutch gravy boat you aware [TS]

00:40:23   that there's something out there you're [TS]

00:40:25   you're aware that it sounds to me like [TS]

00:40:27   you are not comforted by this somewhat [TS]

00:40:29   is a fictional but the idea that these [TS]

00:40:32   beams of light are actually causing you [TS]

00:40:34   any it to be saved from that in any way [TS]

00:40:35   you're also thinking a lot about these [TS]

00:40:38   what not even apparitions that's that's [TS]

00:40:41   a a perceptual thing about these things [TS]

00:40:44   we can't see and understand that maybe [TS]

00:40:46   moving amongst us and interacting with [TS]

00:40:48   us and our been are in our places you're [TS]

00:40:50   thinking about these things [TS]

00:40:52   yeah right you are going through the [TS]

00:40:53   most ridiculously rational man I've ever [TS]

00:40:55   met except for the many ways that you're [TS]

00:40:56   completely fucking nut [TS]

00:40:58   you're very rational man you're and [TS]

00:41:00   you're very you want to confront these [TS]

00:41:01   things and just seems to me that there [TS]

00:41:03   might be a threat here between some of [TS]

00:41:04   these these things that you've had [TS]

00:41:06   access to with your visions none of [TS]

00:41:07   these with my business thank you none of [TS]

00:41:09   these things that rationalization Sean [TS]

00:41:11   I'm not judging i'm not thinking about [TS]

00:41:13   any of these things I was not lying on [TS]

00:41:14   the on the beach and thinking about the [TS]

00:41:16   infinitude [TS]

00:41:18   I was caught in the cold grip of terror [TS]

00:41:21   as I as I contemplate to come from [TS]

00:41:24   exactly i mean i think it is I think it [TS]

00:41:27   is spirit that it came from somewhere [TS]

00:41:30   well i think it is I think it is our it [TS]

00:41:32   is prehistoric in us that always lying [TS]

00:41:36   dormant a sleeper cell [TS]

00:41:37   yeah yo this is part of the reason that [TS]

00:41:39   I walked from amsterdam to istanbul i [TS]

00:41:42   was trying to activate what I what I [TS]

00:41:45   understood to be a thing that over the [TS]

00:41:50   course of human history but one [TS]

00:41:52   commonality that all groups of people [TS]

00:41:55   all you know races and cultures in the [TS]

00:41:57   book the the common thread is that at [TS]

00:42:00   some point we we were somewhere as a [TS]

00:42:02   group of people and we marched out of [TS]

00:42:05   where where we knew and marched [TS]

00:42:07   somewhere new [TS]

00:42:08   right i mean we we were at one point we [TS]

00:42:10   were all confined to where we had and [TS]

00:42:13   that's got to be like I don't know a lot [TS]

00:42:15   about young that that sounds like that [TS]

00:42:16   or Joseph Campbell or whatever that [TS]

00:42:18   nonsense I and that seems like a story [TS]

00:42:20   that is deeply ingrained in us [TS]

00:42:22   especially in America it since we [TS]

00:42:24   marched from either together and that [TS]

00:42:28   marching is something that I was trying [TS]

00:42:31   to use as a like an activator up i [TS]

00:42:36   started one place and just walking day [TS]

00:42:39   after day after day in the skin in one [TS]

00:42:42   direction I hoped to you know to to [TS]

00:42:47   bring this this deeply dormant thing out [TS]

00:42:52   of myself and that I would become more [TS]

00:42:55   of a that I would have more than that I [TS]

00:43:00   would be able to connect to something [TS]

00:43:02   that I was not able to connect to in [TS]

00:43:04   intellectually you're getting access to [TS]

00:43:06   something I was hoping to find I was [TS]

00:43:08   hoping to find a pure honest about a [TS]

00:43:11   prior notice by doing this type of thing [TS]

00:43:15   that I i wasn't able to successfully [TS]

00:43:18   shed all of the month modernity by just [TS]

00:43:23   willing it away right I couldn't just [TS]

00:43:25   walk around without ID and and drink in [TS]

00:43:29   bars [TS]

00:43:30   and so we get back to like what what I [TS]

00:43:34   would have been if I had not what I [TS]

00:43:37   would have been as a human being if i [TS]

00:43:38   had not been raised in a in a culture I [TS]

00:43:43   was that's what straight and what is [TS]

00:43:44   raised with a lot of abstractions some [TS]

00:43:48   of which are necessary many of which are [TS]

00:43:50   not but which but which abstractions I [TS]

00:43:52   don't mean to jump hijack your story but [TS]

00:43:53   those abstractions that we accept for [TS]

00:43:55   ourselves becoming really indelible like [TS]

00:43:57   nobody fires twenty-dollar bills away [TS]

00:43:59   but that's a very real abstraction yeah [TS]

00:44:01   are abstractions that are usually [TS]

00:44:03   abstractions we develop to solve a [TS]

00:44:06   problem that we have created with a [TS]

00:44:08   prior abstraction [TS]

00:44:10   ohh that Apple think about this though [TS]

00:44:12   where do I think what your kind [TS]

00:44:14   describing is is I'm trying to give a [TS]

00:44:17   good example like you think about like [TS]

00:44:18   we what you went through when you're in [TS]

00:44:20   New York and somebody you know pull the [TS]

00:44:24   gun you a funny story from from another [TS]

00:44:26   thing I do Scott Scott Simpson's wife [TS]

00:44:27   when they were in Scott Simpson's wife [TS]

00:44:30   easy text ya you gotta but you don't [TS]

00:44:35   wanna know what makes got cry and drink [TS]

00:44:38   no I or even more pictures of her isn't [TS]

00:44:40   he handsome man he's a very different [TS]

00:44:43   show but the point is that they weren't [TS]

00:44:44   you on the tour is at a place [TS]

00:44:46   yes you on the tour that's it right I [TS]

00:44:48   don't think we got a whole show about [TS]

00:44:49   this the point is that amounts to a [TS]

00:44:51   little bit friendlier than it is [TS]

00:44:53   ok maybe answer his own path to salon so [TS]

00:44:57   the point is that this dude is slipping [TS]

00:45:00   his fingers into his ladies fanny pack [TS]

00:45:02   and Scott who might as well have [TS]

00:45:05   lobbyists like dives onto this guy and [TS]

00:45:08   shoves him and I have to imagine you [TS]

00:45:10   know I don't think Scott's had a lot of [TS]

00:45:11   like taekwondo trot Simpson scott [TS]

00:45:14   simpson with it you know how small his [TS]

00:45:15   torso is you compare these are even with [TS]

00:45:17   his short sleeve scott simpson cardigan [TS]

00:45:20   down shirts [TS]

00:45:21   oh my god he was cardigans the way most [TS]

00:45:23   men where pride he sido one this gives a [TS]

00:45:26   small guy okay is a full head smaller [TS]

00:45:28   than Scott the point is i'm going to try [TS]

00:45:29   to get at [TS]

00:45:30   I had experiences like this unit [TS]

00:45:31   experiences like that Scott Simpson did [TS]

00:45:33   not get on a train a new limit or [TS]

00:45:35   planning to accidentally tap into [TS]

00:45:37   something much more primal than I wonder [TS]

00:45:40   when we can smoke next [TS]

00:45:41   you follow he got sudden access to [TS]

00:45:44   something you know like that whether [TS]

00:45:45   they eating red meat thing that [TS]

00:45:47   protecting the castle thing there are [TS]

00:45:48   these things that are therein us and [TS]

00:45:50   then I guess calling the primal seems a [TS]

00:45:51   little bit pop psychology but it doesn't [TS]

00:45:53   when you went away and again I'm not to [TS]

00:45:55   put too fine a point on you're sober [TS]

00:45:57   when this happened anyone but you know [TS]

00:46:00   like i said if you used to drink eight [TS]

00:46:02   hours a day and then you don't that [TS]

00:46:03   leaves a lot of time you see your mother [TS]

00:46:06   your mind must have been doing a lot of [TS]

00:46:07   catching up your you're a smart guy that [TS]

00:46:09   had a lot of catching up to do [TS]

00:46:10   right well after I mastered origami [TS]

00:46:12   there were only so many so many things I [TS]

00:46:15   could do with my hand did you get like a [TS]

00:46:16   library book her or that you have such [TS]

00:46:18   intense old way I'm gonna get you were [TS]

00:46:20   in a Shinto temple and no I'm a mother [TS]

00:46:24   and my girl hamachi i folded 1,000 [TS]

00:46:28   cranes oh and that's why we have peace [TS]

00:46:30   now that's right that's exactly right [TS]

00:46:32   they call it the box / pehle nothing I'm [TS]

00:46:37   just I never mind you know what continue [TS]

00:46:38   i'm just saying that we sometimes get [TS]

00:46:40   sometimes I have a day where i get a lot [TS]

00:46:41   done [TS]

00:46:42   sometimes I have a day when I'm sad all [TS]

00:46:43   day and scott simpson had a day where [TS]

00:46:45   you fucking drove on some guy and some [TS]

00:46:47   tuvan dude right 10 ninja for for a [TS]

00:46:50   moment and then you probably just [TS]

00:46:51   shattered shook this place i would be no [TS]

00:46:53   i'm saying so you're looking you're [TS]

00:46:54   looking for whatever it is if I may say [TS]

00:46:57   you tell me this is read wrong you're [TS]

00:46:58   looking for whatever that little miasma [TS]

00:47:00   that little thing is that little Hyman [TS]

00:47:02   that stands between you and something [TS]

00:47:05   you're pretty sure is there inside of [TS]

00:47:06   you somewhere right but i want you want [TS]

00:47:08   i want i had plenty of instances where I [TS]

00:47:12   had a brief or or explosive access to [TS]

00:47:18   these people in me that I didn't that I [TS]

00:47:21   didn't have dealt with that will daily [TS]

00:47:24   contact with well you know but no i mean [TS]

00:47:28   so occasionally at will but more often i [TS]

00:47:31   had the scott simpson phenomenon where I [TS]

00:47:33   was walking around dressed like a frat [TS]

00:47:36   boy from 1961 and and then all of a [TS]

00:47:40   sudden I was a like a i was in full on [TS]

00:47:44   combat mode in a game like the Hulk but [TS]

00:47:47   I didn't want that [TS]

00:47:48   what I wanted was a constant well what I [TS]

00:47:51   wanted was constant conscious access [TS]

00:47:54   to that person wow that was prior to [TS]

00:47:57   that and and I don't just mean that you [TS]

00:47:59   know the guy I you know I wanted the [TS]

00:48:03   I've hilariously III later described it [TS]

00:48:08   as a kind of animal reflex and if and I [TS]

00:48:11   and I made the mistake of describing it [TS]

00:48:13   that way to a friend who a friend of [TS]

00:48:16   mine who now plays in duff mckagan band [TS]

00:48:18   who is not a person who you can say [TS]

00:48:21   something like animal reflexes around [TS]

00:48:23   without hearing it then from him a [TS]

00:48:25   thousand times so those the phrase now [TS]

00:48:27   has taken on a you're at it [TS]

00:48:29   yeah I regret ever saying it because he [TS]

00:48:30   was like oh animal reflexes are ya [TS]

00:48:33   why don't you use your animal reflexes [TS]

00:48:34   to go get us some more bacon nachos [TS]

00:48:36   haha that's important [TS]

00:48:40   yeah but there wasn't there certainly [TS]

00:48:42   was a time when after i had been walking [TS]

00:48:45   for many months in one direction where I [TS]

00:48:49   could I I'd be walking through a little [TS]

00:48:51   village and somebody would you would [TS]

00:48:55   cross my path 25 feet in front of me you [TS]

00:49:00   know they beheaded perpendicular to [TS]

00:49:02   where I was going and as I would walk [TS]

00:49:04   through their jet stream I could I could [TS]

00:49:09   smell them even though they were not the [TS]

00:49:12   way the way a dog can pick up like flop [TS]

00:49:15   sweat [TS]

00:49:15   well no I don't can you know that you [TS]

00:49:17   know that that's the reason dogs get [TS]

00:49:19   nervous sometimes is that they smell the [TS]

00:49:21   difference between regular sweat flop [TS]

00:49:22   sweat they know when somebody's anxious [TS]

00:49:23   and freaked them out [TS]

00:49:24   yeah yeah sure i'm sure that's true i [TS]

00:49:26   mean i-i i had i arrived at a place [TS]

00:49:29   where my senses were more acute because [TS]

00:49:33   there was not a thing that was because [TS]

00:49:36   they were being doled like they normally [TS]

00:49:37   were uh huh and I was hoping to find [TS]

00:49:40   that throughout myself not just that I [TS]

00:49:44   could smell more acutely and then I [TS]

00:49:46   could see and hear stuff better but that [TS]

00:49:48   that whatever-it-was existentially that [TS]

00:49:52   was doing me that thing where I had lost [TS]

00:49:56   my fear of the universe not because I [TS]

00:49:58   not because I had mastered my fear of [TS]

00:50:02   the universe but just because i had [TS]

00:50:04   blinded myself to the universe [TS]

00:50:07   I wanted to I wanted that dullness to be [TS]

00:50:09   off me [TS]

00:50:10   uh-huh and a and because what i assumed [TS]

00:50:15   would replace it was acuity I thought [TS]

00:50:17   sharpness would would come back but the [TS]

00:50:21   problem is if you if you get to a point [TS]

00:50:23   where you can smell somebody from 20 [TS]

00:50:25   feet away [TS]

00:50:26   you cannot live in a city very well you [TS]

00:50:29   know what I mean like that all it's [TS]

00:50:31   almost like you're back from the shit [TS]

00:50:32   it's a maladaptive to live in your life [TS]

00:50:35   that you know you talk about the guys on [TS]

00:50:36   this is true but the cliché as you come [TS]

00:50:37   back from Nam and you're like you wake [TS]

00:50:39   up and you're reaching for the gun right [TS]

00:50:41   for years you're like listen and listen [TS]

00:50:43   for wrestling you're walking around in [TS]

00:50:45   its in a city and you are picking up way [TS]

00:50:47   more information than you want like you [TS]

00:50:49   don't need to [TS]

00:50:51   you don't need to be smelling all these [TS]

00:50:53   people you know like if you're out if [TS]

00:50:56   you're sleeping out in the woods by [TS]

00:50:57   yourself and you have the ability to [TS]

00:50:59   smell somebody or hear something yeah [TS]

00:51:00   I'm far off [TS]

00:51:01   that's very can actually i'm guessing [TS]

00:51:03   you can make him less effective because [TS]

00:51:05   now you've got a bad signal to noise [TS]

00:51:06   ratio for threats exactly you're not [TS]

00:51:08   separating the wheat from the chaff very [TS]

00:51:10   well I remember the first time i was i [TS]

00:51:13   was in the Czech Republic I was [TS]

00:51:15   approaching prague and out and a jet [TS]

00:51:18   airplane flew over me and it had been a [TS]

00:51:22   it been a week since i had been in a [TS]

00:51:27   underair airplane traffic and I was in [TS]

00:51:32   the middle of Europe right i mean i [TS]

00:51:33   wasn't it's not like I was out in the [TS]

00:51:35   out in the Sudan I was in the middle of [TS]

00:51:37   Europe but because i was traveling on [TS]

00:51:39   foot i became aware of that those times [TS]

00:51:44   when I just wasn't under jet traffic it [TS]

00:51:46   wasn't i mean if if there were jets they [TS]

00:51:48   were flying at 35,000 feet they weren't [TS]

00:51:50   they weren't right overhead or they [TS]

00:51:53   weren't you know on approach and I [TS]

00:51:57   couldn't believe the noise that jets [TS]

00:51:59   make you know it it seemed to me like it [TS]

00:52:01   was rattling the whole it was rattling [TS]

00:52:04   the countryside it was it was deafening [TS]

00:52:07   and of course you can't live like that [TS]

00:52:11   if I if I felt like that right now where [TS]

00:52:13   i live here in my house up the scamp [TS]

00:52:15   mile [TS]

00:52:16   have from an airport I thought it would [TS]

00:52:18   be I would go crazy for scott simpson [TS]

00:52:20   was right next to the airport to I know [TS]

00:52:22   he doesn't he keeps inviting me to come [TS]

00:52:23   stay with him and I'm like he's gonna [TS]

00:52:24   have to get too hot tubs where you sit [TS]

00:52:27   and smell the jet fuel come off of SFO [TS]

00:52:29   the hot tubs alright if it is right next [TS]

00:52:32   to an airport that's right still more [TS]

00:52:34   like that not you know again this is the [TS]

00:52:36   thing John what you're describing it now [TS]

00:52:38   you're getting to a level that i can [TS]

00:52:39   almost understand what you're talking [TS]

00:52:41   about the security right there's that [TS]

00:52:43   there's this thing where like you [TS]

00:52:46   probably don't have things that annoy [TS]

00:52:47   you but if you ever had and you haven't [TS]

00:52:49   had a lot of office jobs i'm guessing [TS]

00:52:50   bill even had a lot of things in order [TS]

00:52:51   really can we quit diary that because i [TS]

00:52:53   like to come back to that [TS]

00:52:54   ok let's personal journal it's okay but [TS]

00:52:58   you're talking about office job will [TS]

00:52:59   think about this this is a very obvious [TS]

00:53:01   intent to use this word for the second [TS]

00:53:03   time this week whitney an example but if [TS]

00:53:04   somebody then at the next desk does [TS]

00:53:06   something that drives me nuts right [TS]

00:53:08   listens to the radio just just a little [TS]

00:53:10   bit too low right we'll said that I [TS]

00:53:12   could listen to the radio recently after [TS]

00:53:14   was my stapler [TS]

00:53:15   that's funny movie but I got you know [TS]

00:53:17   the one that would always get me is in [TS]

00:53:19   this is the thing is I'm not the kind of [TS]

00:53:21   guy that sweats this but once i start [TS]

00:53:23   noticing a certain way that someone [TS]

00:53:27   choose or drinks and let's be honest I [TS]

00:53:30   you know I i can tell you there's five [TS]

00:53:32   nines level of like I never noticed this [TS]

00:53:34   but once I do notice said I can't stop [TS]

00:53:37   noticing it and I can't stop thinking [TS]

00:53:39   about it it should be the easiest thing [TS]

00:53:41   in the world for me to just not even [TS]

00:53:42   notice it anymore [TS]

00:53:43   international Bates loud chewing is I [TS]

00:53:46   don't sit on the show before but my [TS]

00:53:48   stepfather who was the worst person [TS]

00:53:49   who's ever lived [TS]

00:53:50   I think I told you this this is how he [TS]

00:53:51   drinks coffee ready for these dead now [TS]

00:53:53   thank God but this Hydra coffee every [TS]

00:53:56   day for the years that we were with him [TS]

00:53:58   it was like this [TS]

00:54:01   yeah yeah it's terrible [TS]

00:54:09   ok so I'm 12 right I got straight A's [TS]

00:54:13   I should rely been asked out i played [TS]

00:54:16   Little League I met Pete Rose twice i [TS]

00:54:18   should be able all I met Steve Garvey [TS]

00:54:21   i'm at the 79 Dodgers buddy i should be [TS]

00:54:24   able to put that out of my mind but [TS]

00:54:26   right but I can't and now in fact [TS]

00:54:28   I'm a temple grandin now that is [TS]

00:54:30   deafening to me i can't stop hearing it [TS]

00:54:33   right it sounds like he's gleeking in [TS]

00:54:35   our context [TS]

00:54:37   uh-huh you XP create this a speech was a [TS]

00:54:40   week I can't do as well as they used to [TS]

00:54:43   i can you thinking I could shoot fluids [TS]

00:54:45   on my body so much more efficiently when [TS]

00:54:46   I was seventeen you know what I have [TS]

00:54:48   never been able to Gleek my spell dude I [TS]

00:54:51   I you know what I did I I woodshed it i [TS]

00:54:55   spent a lot of time practicing caught [TS]

00:54:57   sneaking around from clicking clicking [TS]

00:54:59   oh yeah most people recognize that as [TS]

00:55:02   the thing they accidentally did on their [TS]

00:55:03   Dennis face when they're in the chair [TS]

00:55:06   now my little girl Gleeks all the time [TS]

00:55:08   she don't even know what she's doing she [TS]

00:55:09   doesn't realize what a skilled in some [TS]

00:55:11   looked it up on urban dictionary i had a [TS]

00:55:13   friend that used to practice when he was [TS]

00:55:15   a kid he would stand in the hallway of [TS]

00:55:16   his grandmother's house and he would [TS]

00:55:17   flip guitar picks at the mirror I like [TS]

00:55:20   Rick Nielson yeah at the mirror down at [TS]

00:55:22   the end of the hall he would just sit [TS]

00:55:24   for hours at a time just flicking guitar [TS]

00:55:26   picks himself never do anything like [TS]

00:55:28   that [TS]

00:55:29   no you're kidding what about the after i [TS]

00:55:31   saw that episode happy days where the [TS]

00:55:33   guy in the contest for snatching [TS]

00:55:35   quarters off your elbow [TS]

00:55:36   I found out that not only did I try to [TS]

00:55:38   do that for six weeks but my lady did [TS]

00:55:39   the same thing without orders we were we [TS]

00:55:42   were not rich people but i would take [TS]

00:55:43   you never lose you stack up you stuck-up [TS]

00:55:45   imagine look at me look at my arm I'm [TS]

00:55:47   stacking up pennies on my own life my [TS]

00:55:49   90-degree out like you know I know I [TS]

00:55:52   know what you're talking about with the [TS]

00:55:53   episode you whip it and you grab the [TS]

00:55:55   stack again as far as he was really good [TS]

00:55:57   at it [TS]

00:55:58   no i never did never worked on a scale [TS]

00:55:59   like that well I taught myself to juggle [TS]

00:56:02   because I wanted because I was always [TS]

00:56:04   looking for the thing that would amaze [TS]

00:56:06   village children you know this is the [TS]

00:56:12   thing it's just a little taste of [TS]

00:56:15   infinity [TS]

00:56:15   how is he doing that how is he making [TS]

00:56:18   the balls almost in the air so many at [TS]

00:56:20   once [TS]

00:56:21   yeah if you need me i have shoes if [TS]

00:56:24   there's been any time outside of the [TS]

00:56:25   place where you were born you realize [TS]

00:56:28   that entertaining groups of children [TS]

00:56:29   this inverted lark our earth becomes it [TS]

00:56:33   becomes a very crucial skill because [TS]

00:56:35   little little groups of children will [TS]

00:56:37   packs of kids [TS]

00:56:38   yeah are the that is the main feature of [TS]

00:56:41   most of the world [TS]

00:56:42   if you are a stranger and you walk into [TS]

00:56:44   it into a small town with all the adults [TS]

00:56:46   will pretend that they have seen the [TS]

00:56:50   likes of you a million times [TS]

00:56:51   yeah running on a rail well no they kind [TS]

00:56:53   of go back to drinking their coffee and [TS]

00:56:55   looking at you over the tops of their [TS]

00:56:56   newspapers I mince words if you show up [TS]

00:56:58   in town with it the idea of delighting [TS]

00:57:00   children i think adults are going to [TS]

00:57:01   look askance well no this is the finger [TS]

00:57:03   that you don't show up with the idea of [TS]

00:57:05   delighting children shots you're just [TS]

00:57:07   looking for refreshment and maybe a [TS]

00:57:09   chance to sleep in the hayloft but ok so [TS]

00:57:12   if you're looking at you're looking for [TS]

00:57:14   the local the local I you know the [TS]

00:57:16   winches and the right address and stuff [TS]

00:57:18   like take me to the mayor of your town [TS]

00:57:20   I'm a visitor from far away but the kids [TS]

00:57:23   in different places are they do not have [TS]

00:57:26   that shyness they don't they are not [TS]

00:57:28   trying to be who didn't gather in the [TS]

00:57:30   Town Square to take batteries pleasure [TS]

00:57:32   and your big point and make talk and [TS]

00:57:34   they go oh look at this [TS]

00:57:37   well in my case long-haired blonde who [TS]

00:57:40   like extremely large monster who has [TS]

00:57:44   come from a faraway place and so if the [TS]

00:57:46   kids are standing around you that [TS]

00:57:48   initially the kids are not always [TS]

00:57:50   friendly they're like there they are [TS]

00:57:52   there they're suspicious they are scared [TS]

00:57:55   and if you spook them then you lose that [TS]

00:57:58   all the adults are watching you of [TS]

00:57:59   course and you lose everyone's [TS]

00:58:01   friendship if you spook the kids so you [TS]

00:58:04   have to have something you have to have [TS]

00:58:05   a magic trick you have to have something [TS]

00:58:07   where you can you're surrounded by kids [TS]

00:58:09   you can't pretend you're not and they [TS]

00:58:13   are there watching very intently you [TS]

00:58:15   have to have to be able to pull [TS]

00:58:16   something out of your bag or or perform [TS]

00:58:19   some kind of like what went well and the [TS]

00:58:22   kids then you win the kids over and then [TS]

00:58:25   everybody relaxes and everybody goes [TS]

00:58:27   back to like drinking their coffee but [TS]

00:58:30   but you can feel like right the town [TS]

00:58:33   goes ok this collectively exhales this [TS]

00:58:35   guy's obviously not not a not a threat [TS]

00:58:38   yeah he looks like a freak but he just [TS]

00:58:39   juggled like three Roxy picked up off [TS]

00:58:42   the square and now the kids are [TS]

00:58:44   following now they'll jump behind like [TS]

00:58:46   you start to walk in the kids all [TS]

00:58:48   yeah I i know that at this point then [TS]

00:58:50   you can sell everybody in the town [TS]

00:58:52   on having a marching band and he saw the [TS]

00:58:54   musical instruments that you can you can [TS]

00:58:56   type the rats out of Ireland you can do [TS]

00:58:58   whatever it is that you want to go on to [TS]

00:58:59   play pool but and this is the thing this [TS]

00:59:02   is why even though David Blaine is a [TS]

00:59:05   terrible terrible monster [TS]

00:59:07   this one is still this is going so well [TS]

00:59:09   I always admired his ability with those [TS]

00:59:12   tricks to like go to foreign places and [TS]

00:59:16   he would do you know do magic which is [TS]

00:59:19   the universal don't think those are set [TS]

00:59:21   up bits [TS]

00:59:21   oh he's terrible and those two that [TS]

00:59:23   shows terrible and they're totally set [TS]

00:59:24   up a lot of Penn & Teller tricks that [TS]

00:59:26   are pretty mind-blowing until you [TS]

00:59:27   realize that bits [TS]

00:59:28   yeah if I just if I had just worked up [TS]

00:59:30   like three or four like card dice tricks [TS]

00:59:33   or something i would have been better [TS]

00:59:34   off as a human being [TS]

00:59:36   I'm actually pretty dedicated packing [TS]

00:59:38   light and we talked before about the [TS]

00:59:39   don't arrest gonna attack of cards [TS]

00:59:43   one-time mistake you have to carry [TS]

00:59:46   things the juggler you find local things [TS]

00:59:47   find local things like you might find [TS]

00:59:49   things that are right there on the [TS]

00:59:50   ground you pick stuff up off the ground [TS]

00:59:52   and juggle them that is a that is a [TS]

00:59:54   winning strategy localized the two it's [TS]

00:59:57   like saying how they're doing tonight [TS]

00:59:58   cleveland oh that's right it's nice here [TS]

00:59:58   cleveland oh that's right it's nice here [TS]

01:00:00   stones I'm thrilling to the infinite [TS]

01:00:01   your rocks [TS]

01:00:03   exactly exactly you didn't even you [TS]

01:00:05   don't even look at these rocks to you [TS]

01:00:07   didn't even see these rocks they've been [TS]

01:00:08   sitting here the whole time but did you [TS]

01:00:10   know they can fly [TS]

01:00:11   yeah the other thing that the other [TS]

01:00:15   thing about me that holds me in good [TS]

01:00:17   stead with people around the world is [TS]

01:00:18   that I am NOT embarrassed to break into [TS]

01:00:21   a spontaneous interpretive dance is that [TS]

01:00:26   right so if I'm surrounded by kids and I [TS]

01:00:29   cannot either find three rocks or if [TS]

01:00:33   they are not impressed by me juggling [TS]

01:00:35   three rocks because in some cultures you [TS]

01:00:37   know everybody can juggle three rocks [TS]

01:00:39   I can't work right is it is it is it [TS]

01:00:43   like a cheeky dance is it is it a kind [TS]

01:00:45   of is an interpretive folk dance or are [TS]

01:00:47   you repurposing something from the West [TS]

01:00:49   i will start off I thought of it it's [TS]

01:00:52   got stages start out slowly with a [TS]

01:00:54   little bit of like a it's not a narc a [TS]

01:00:57   white guy shuffle where I'm like boo [TS]

01:00:58   back-to-back-to-back and everybody at [TS]

01:01:02   this point is looking at me very [TS]

01:01:04   suspiciously like what we making that [TS]

01:01:07   little musical noise y-yeah the Motown [TS]

01:01:10   you back and I'm just kind of like doing [TS]

01:01:12   the white guy had Bob right and then I [TS]

01:01:16   start to get to pick up the pace a [TS]

01:01:18   little bit will come back to back to [TS]

01:01:21   back to back and then everybody's like [TS]

01:01:23   what you like doing that plane moving by [TS]

01:01:25   even know what I'm a little bit but [TS]

01:01:27   moving a little bit of side-to-side foot [TS]

01:01:29   shuffle but the shoulders back and forth [TS]

01:01:31   and then just when they think like okay [TS]

01:01:34   what's he selling here then i go into [TS]

01:01:39   full-on Swan Lake ballet one foot your [TS]

01:01:44   arch back one foot way up in the air [TS]

01:01:46   hands out making up making a wing like a [TS]

01:01:49   swan and then i'm spyler nice i spin [TS]

01:01:52   i leap and you can you there's no [TS]

01:01:56   there's no village square in the world [TS]

01:01:58   that isn't it isn't immediately won over [TS]

01:02:02   by this performance it's not no one's [TS]

01:02:05   expecting it's not I it isn't i can say [TS]

01:02:08   with confidence it is not anything [TS]

01:02:10   anyone has ever seen yea I'm guessing is [TS]

01:02:12   not something a lot of people there [TS]

01:02:13   you in the council is not something it's [TS]

01:02:15   not something that strangers come [TS]

01:02:16   through town and do your typical like [TS]

01:02:18   two german guys on BMW BMW like off-road [TS]

01:02:24   by except pooping and hitting each other [TS]

01:02:25   get dressed head-to-toe in like leather [TS]

01:02:28   these guys aren't doing that you're [TS]

01:02:30   you're you're here you're Americans you [TS]

01:02:33   know working for the NSA who come [TS]

01:02:36   through and adjust the radio frequencies [TS]

01:02:38   on the teacher read their they're not [TS]

01:02:41   doing it but dance and John Denison John [TS]

01:02:44   comes to town [TS]

01:02:45   yeah and i was eating different River [TS]

01:02:47   baby that's been there before you has [TS]

01:02:49   been fucking juggling stuff they found [TS]

01:02:50   on the ground [TS]

01:02:51   this is going to be very refreshing to [TS]

01:02:53   them yeah because because a certain [TS]

01:02:55   amount of shamelessness right everybody [TS]

01:02:58   carries around so much shame all the [TS]

01:03:00   time who human beings across the world [TS]

01:03:02   walking around with a common desire not [TS]

01:03:05   to be embarrassed not to look like an [TS]

01:03:08   asshole and if you if you leave that [TS]

01:03:11   shame behind and you are willing to say [TS]

01:03:13   i am going to be a complete fool for you [TS]

01:03:16   right now I'm gonna be I'm going to show [TS]

01:03:18   you what a clown looks like it's the [TS]

01:03:22   Jerry Lewis phenomenon right [TS]

01:03:24   no one hates Jerry Lewis until you get [TS]

01:03:27   to know him right [TS]

01:03:28   and you do this little you do this thing [TS]

01:03:30   and you have you have said you have [TS]

01:03:32   basically said I am I mean it's not just [TS]

01:03:35   that I'm harmless it is that I am I am [TS]

01:03:39   fun and I am certain there to a certain [TS]

01:03:43   degree [TS]

01:03:43   I'm shameless and that shamelessness is [TS]

01:03:47   something that is very disarming right [TS]

01:03:50   if you are there too if you were there [TS]

01:03:52   to capture and their children that you [TS]

01:03:54   were not there was nothing puts people [TS]

01:03:58   at ease as much as knowing that there's [TS]

01:04:00   nothing this person won't do haha go [TS]

01:04:05   ahead kids enjoy the candy haha yeah [TS]

01:04:08   there's a reason i'm in your town [TS]

01:04:09   because i was run out of the last down [TS]

01:04:11   and the town before the town where I was [TS]

01:04:13   written sandal marks on your ass [TS]

01:04:18   well I I can't explain it except to say [TS]

01:04:22   that it's worked for me many many times [TS]

01:04:24   what about the mystery spot you're in [TS]

01:04:25   the mystery spot [TS]

01:04:27   where's the mystery spot Mystery Spot [TS]

01:04:28   think it's down near that on a girl's [TS]

01:04:30   body you mean well we please talk about [TS]

01:04:32   like ladies and windows [TS]

01:04:34   I was thinking the place in santa cruz I [TS]

01:04:35   think you've been there you go and your [TS]

01:04:37   opinion park on a hill and the [TS]

01:04:38   mysterious things happen to find gravity [TS]

01:04:40   and there's a spot like that in Oregon [TS]

01:04:43   where it looks like your car's pointed [TS]

01:04:46   up hill but it actually rolls on its own [TS]

01:04:49   yeah I think same principle problem yeah [TS]

01:04:51   it's a it's always up the whole solution [TS]

01:04:56   i think that the thing about girls and [TS]

01:04:59   windows catching a lot of girls in [TS]

01:05:01   Windows I've only ever fallen in love [TS]

01:05:03   with with two girls and one [TS]

01:05:08   yeah I'm gonna let you go i'll continue [TS]

01:05:12   continue falling in love with two girls [TS]

01:05:15   and windows all right [TS]

01:05:16   one time I was I was I was I was I have [TS]

01:05:19   had an injured and I was hobbling i was [TS]

01:05:24   walking I didn't have a cane but I was [TS]

01:05:25   walking very slowly honor on an injured [TS]

01:05:28   leg walking through this town and I look [TS]

01:05:32   up and there the girls in windows with [TS]

01:05:34   the red lights and they're in there you [TS]

01:05:36   know comical lingerie and I you know I [TS]

01:05:40   look up and I see the girls and I'm not [TS]

01:05:41   moving I'm not moving at the pace of [TS]

01:05:43   other people on the sidewalk i am i'm [TS]

01:05:45   limping along so I'm moving slowly and I [TS]

01:05:47   look up at the girls and they're looking [TS]

01:05:49   down on me and they give me the pic of [TS]

01:05:52   me the hooker sympathy [TS]

01:05:54   you know what I mean like the all look [TS]

01:05:57   at the poor guy is that an international [TS]

01:05:59   concept for sympathy yeah the fucker [TS]

01:06:01   sympathy after the time when you when [TS]

01:06:03   you engage the services of a hooker [TS]

01:06:05   you're just looking for female sympathy [TS]

01:06:07   amen and so peace these girls in the [TS]

01:06:10   windows are you know they they take a [TS]

01:06:12   break from their vamping and they're [TS]

01:06:14   like mama LA and and they they they get [TS]

01:06:18   a little bit human and they're looking [TS]

01:06:19   at me through the glass of their windows [TS]

01:06:21   and they're going all look at the poor [TS]

01:06:22   little limper and I look up and I'm not [TS]

01:06:26   I'm not moving fast enough that I can do [TS]

01:06:28   what you what I normally do which is be [TS]

01:06:30   like just dance [TS]

01:06:31   hello next to see you no threat t it [TS]

01:06:34   watch my chick chick wanted me to boom [TS]

01:06:42   boy we got here together got a coke can [TS]

01:06:45   haha so I don't juggle I don't dance huh [TS]

01:06:50   and I'm moving too slowly to be like me [TS]

01:06:53   nicely and keep going and so I look at [TS]

01:06:55   what I'm like oh hi yeah I know [TS]

01:06:57   limping and limping a little bit further [TS]

01:07:00   and they're like horse sweetheart you [TS]

01:07:02   know and kind of poetic petting my hair [TS]

01:07:04   through the window glass and I'm like [TS]

01:07:06   yeah yeah that's right him I'm hurt I'm [TS]

01:07:08   injured and they start doing the like [TS]

01:07:11   you should come in you should come in [TS]

01:07:12   back is attractively moving finger [TS]

01:07:14   toward them [TS]

01:07:16   yeah yeah but not but they're not trying [TS]

01:07:17   to be sexy at this point they're trying [TS]

01:07:19   to be like me sadly some sarjana they [TS]

01:07:21   seated are they doing a very a very [TS]

01:07:23   slight little like 60 stance like what [TS]

01:07:26   are they on a pole like had it seems [TS]

01:07:28   like they're getting comfortable [TS]

01:07:29   standing in the window that you know [TS]

01:07:30   them like a bank at what do they do it [TS]

01:07:32   is I think uncomfortable us to stand [TS]

01:07:35   semi-naked in the window i usually [TS]

01:07:39   here's what here's the the setup in in [TS]

01:07:41   Amsterdam they have a each girl has a [TS]

01:07:43   window it's a full-length window huh [TS]

01:07:46   yeah because that's the style of the [TS]

01:07:48   construction of the old build is like a [TS]

01:07:51   storefront like recent macys Christmas [TS]

01:07:53   display [TS]

01:07:53   no it's like it's like good in the [TS]

01:07:56   netherlands by cancer areas my terrarium [TS]

01:07:57   it in the other ones they built a very [TS]

01:08:01   tall houses tall skinny houses right and [TS]

01:08:04   the reason for this is that back in the [TS]

01:08:07   back in olden times the King decided [TS]

01:08:13   that he was going to tax your house [TS]

01:08:16   based on how wide it was along the [TS]

01:08:19   street to Housing Act and so they built [TS]

01:08:22   I think like i see like comically narrow [TS]

01:08:24   and like three stories high comically [TS]

01:08:26   narrow and seven stories high [TS]

01:08:28   really really really steep little like [TS]

01:08:31   ship stairs like when you're going up [TS]

01:08:33   and down the stairs in a dutch house [TS]

01:08:35   it's basically like you're going up and [TS]

01:08:36   down like a convenient that you like I [TS]

01:08:38   family if you had to if you had to hide [TS]

01:08:41   a family in the roof to families really [TS]

01:08:42   to tell ya there would be a roof there [TS]

01:08:44   okay um and then the foot [TS]

01:08:47   front windows of these Dutch houses are [TS]

01:08:50   very tall because the has a tall and the [TS]

01:08:53   rooms are they were built during a time [TS]

01:08:55   when people understood that you need [TS]

01:08:56   15-foot ceilings in order to feel human [TS]

01:08:59   god bless them in a house not like now [TS]

01:09:01   we put seven foot ceilings in a place [TS]

01:09:04   and staple it together inside and act [TS]

01:09:06   like that's acceptable [TS]

01:09:07   yeah act like that's a house anyway so [TS]

01:09:09   they have these big tall windows and [TS]

01:09:11   generally the girls are not on the [TS]

01:09:13   ground floor but they are on the second [TS]

01:09:16   floor so they're above the street there [TS]

01:09:18   looking down at you for sending effect [TS]

01:09:20   right and each girl has her own window [TS]

01:09:23   and they have they've built a kind of [TS]

01:09:26   like large closet or boudoir kind of [TS]

01:09:31   place where there's a chair so they can [TS]

01:09:33   sit in the chair if they want to sit in [TS]

01:09:34   the chair there are some you know some [TS]

01:09:37   velvet curtains or whatever it's meant [TS]

01:09:39   to look it's meant to evoke kind of [TS]

01:09:40   somewhat like a like a like a like a [TS]

01:09:45   joke version of luxury and the girls sit [TS]

01:09:48   there and they're wearing a hat Eddie [TS]

01:09:50   and maybe some thigh-high stockings with [TS]

01:09:53   the garter belt ma and make try and they [TS]

01:09:57   try and they try and gauge the men who [TS]

01:10:00   are walking past their their their job [TS]

01:10:03   is to gauge your interest by how you are [TS]

01:10:05   looking at them and then at with a very [TS]

01:10:08   quick kind of assessment decide what is [TS]

01:10:10   the most seductive posture to strike [TS]

01:10:13   right like if you are looking at them [TS]

01:10:16   you're obviously shopping and what type [TS]

01:10:18   of man are you are you that said that [TS]

01:10:21   silently with only their what they [TS]

01:10:23   decided to do with their body their face [TS]

01:10:25   and their movements they need to very [TS]

01:10:27   quickly assess what's going on what's [TS]

01:10:29   going to make the sale right and they [TS]

01:10:31   don't want to give away too much because [TS]

01:10:32   I think there are a lot of creeps and [TS]

01:10:34   amsterdam we just stand on the sidewalk [TS]

01:10:35   and look at girls in the window right so [TS]

01:10:37   we're not going to turn around and give [TS]

01:10:38   you like some kind of ass play it should [TS]

01:10:41   go she could potentially put on some [TS]

01:10:43   very high doc martens put on some big [TS]

01:10:46   glasses sit down start reading a book [TS]

01:10:47   and look a lot more Jewish for example [TS]

01:10:49   oh my god i see this is what happened to [TS]

01:10:51   mix up the red light and puts on the [TS]

01:10:53   kind of like you have a coffee shop i'm [TS]

01:10:54   going to get to this I'm gonna get today [TS]

01:10:56   so anyway this this this was the first [TS]

01:10:58   time I thought love was I'm limping past [TS]

01:11:00   these girls [TS]

01:11:01   the girls are all beckoning and there's [TS]

01:11:03   one of these girls and most of the time [TS]

01:11:05   i'm not i'm not susceptible to this kind [TS]

01:11:07   of fake I do not like red Teddy's for [TS]

01:11:10   instance it's not like red lingerie and [TS]

01:11:12   all [TS]

01:11:13   let's just say that I don't like what [TS]

01:11:15   not what I don't like too much makeup I [TS]

01:11:17   don't like the look of a woman who is [TS]

01:11:19   trying to be a prostitute who but [TS]

01:11:22   there's this one girl in the window [TS]

01:11:24   there and she's not making a big show of [TS]

01:11:27   like beckoning she's actually looking me [TS]

01:11:29   in the eyes and say and communicating [TS]

01:11:31   with her eyes [TS]

01:11:32   hey come on come on in well let me take [TS]

01:11:36   care of you and I was I was frozen in my [TS]

01:11:40   tracks and I looked up at him and I'm [TS]

01:11:45   and I I have all this is the this [TS]

01:11:47   primordial feeling of like I want you to [TS]

01:11:49   take care of me that is what I need [TS]

01:11:51   right now I am alone in a strange place [TS]

01:11:53   and I have an injury and I am cold [TS]

01:11:56   actually now that you mention it and and [TS]

01:11:58   my socks are damp and apply that I want [TS]

01:12:02   to be cared for in this way that you are [TS]

01:12:04   suggesting with your eyes and all the [TS]

01:12:07   other girls who are in the windows next [TS]

01:12:11   to you I they all disappeared and i [TS]

01:12:13   would just had this tunnel vision of [TS]

01:12:15   this one girl and of course you know my [TS]

01:12:18   response was then I like shyly looked [TS]

01:12:21   away and hobbled off up the street [TS]

01:12:24   I think I think that part of me thinking [TS]

01:12:27   that she would chase after me after she [TS]

01:12:31   was in her underwear she would put up [TS]

01:12:32   put up a single finger as if to say no [TS]

01:12:35   no wait and should shout and she put on [TS]

01:12:37   a trench coat and come running after me [TS]

01:12:39   and then we would go any orange lights [TS]

01:12:41   it we who he would go get on a on a [TS]

01:12:44   steamship and we would go to America so [TS]

01:12:47   that was the first time but then the rid [TS]

01:12:49   the world of me to help her with the [TS]

01:12:50   heart of guilders could it could have [TS]

01:12:53   been in there and we were still using [TS]

01:12:54   guilders at the time but the other time [TS]

01:12:57   in the much worse time for the second [TS]

01:12:59   window love affair second window love [TS]

01:13:01   affair i was walking through one of the [TS]

01:13:03   kind of twisty narrow streets and the [TS]

01:13:06   red light district in damage him [TS]

01:13:07   and it was a crowded night it was late [TS]

01:13:10   at night and i think i had gone out of [TS]

01:13:13   my youth hostel to get some ice cream [TS]

01:13:15   which is harder to find in the red light [TS]

01:13:19   district in the middle of the night then [TS]

01:13:20   you might think if I was running a red [TS]

01:13:23   light district [TS]

01:13:24   I would have hookers sure i'll be like [TS]

01:13:27   in my top 23 ice cream parlors to write [TS]

01:13:31   and thereafter well just like if you're [TS]

01:13:34   if you're a guy and you're out roaming [TS]

01:13:35   the street with an insatiable desire [TS]

01:13:37   that you can't you can't win if you're [TS]

01:13:40   not ready yet [TS]

01:13:41   you want something that the treat but [TS]

01:13:42   you're not ready for the factory you [TS]

01:13:44   want a little treat you want to create a [TS]

01:13:46   little treat little time so I'm looking [TS]

01:13:49   for ice cream I can't find it [TS]

01:13:51   I'm going through this these narrow [TS]

01:13:52   winding streets and the streets are full [TS]

01:13:54   of men from all over the world creeps [TS]

01:13:56   from all over the world like you you're [TS]

01:13:59   walking through the streets that number [TS]

01:14:00   time I wanna clock in the morning and [TS]

01:14:02   every person that you see would be the [TS]

01:14:04   creepiest guy in the town where he grew [TS]

01:14:07   up right i mean they're just creeps them [TS]

01:14:09   all over and they're leering and there [TS]

01:14:11   they've got slobber at their they're bad [TS]

01:14:16   men they have stains on their pants [TS]

01:14:18   dander dander and it's on these narrow [TS]

01:14:22   streets [TS]

01:14:22   the girls are not of a flight up there [TS]

01:14:26   not looking down at you from their tall [TS]

01:14:28   windows they are in little cubbies right [TS]

01:14:32   at eye level right at street level and [TS]

01:14:34   the streets are very narrow there so you [TS]

01:14:37   don't you're not even really standing 10 [TS]

01:14:39   feet back you're like looking at her [TS]

01:14:41   right through the glass shards did the [TS]

01:14:42   guys keep moving get out the way or do [TS]

01:14:43   they pause in front of window they pause [TS]

01:14:45   oh so it's like guys like when you got [TS]

01:14:47   to get the people try to get the samples [TS]

01:14:49   at costco yeah yeah and it's exactly [TS]

01:14:51   like that you're pushing your way [TS]

01:14:52   through a crowd and there are people [TS]

01:14:54   milling around these windows and the the [TS]

01:14:56   women are trying to the women are very [TS]

01:14:58   much in control as they're trying to [TS]

01:15:00   project that they're in control of the [TS]

01:15:02   situation and they keep the doors locked [TS]

01:15:04   right and in a lot of cases it's it's [TS]

01:15:07   not even a window [TS]

01:15:08   its just oh door with a window in it so [TS]

01:15:12   they're just standing in a glass doorway [TS]

01:15:14   and smells like the Kiwanis haunted [TS]

01:15:17   house [TS]

01:15:18   except nobody puts nobody put your hand [TS]

01:15:21   in a basket of spaghetti with confidence [TS]

01:15:24   and Gil despite that's right for 50 [TS]

01:15:26   guilders you can come in put your hand [TS]

01:15:27   some calls began the side continued but [TS]

01:15:29   so so and you and you'll see guys will [TS]

01:15:31   walk up to these glass doors and they'll [TS]

01:15:33   knock on the glass and the world with a [TS]

01:15:36   woman will kind of look them up and down [TS]

01:15:37   and if they don't have too many stains [TS]

01:15:39   on their pants there's not too much [TS]

01:15:40   slobber on them they let them in and [TS]

01:15:42   then they close the curtain and they [TS]

01:15:45   kind of just do it right there [TS]

01:15:47   yeah anyway I'm walking through this [TS]

01:15:49   alley [TS]

01:15:50   I'm looking for ice cream and I'm not [TS]

01:15:53   really looking side-to-side I'm not [TS]

01:15:54   looking I'm kind of looking at the [TS]

01:15:56   creepy guys and I'm looking at the girls [TS]

01:15:58   out of the corner of my eye as you do [TS]

01:16:00   sizemode but i'm not trying to i'm [TS]

01:16:02   certainly not shopping for a girl and [TS]

01:16:04   I'm just looking for ice cream really [TS]

01:16:06   just here because you're just walking a [TS]

01:16:08   lot [TS]

01:16:09   there's nothing to talk about yeah i'm [TS]

01:16:11   in the red light district what are you [TS]

01:16:12   gonna do [TS]

01:16:13   yeah i'm walking through and it's just [TS]

01:16:15   one kind of girl in a red teddy after [TS]

01:16:17   another and i'm just like blah blah blah [TS]

01:16:19   girl in a red teddy and then I see this [TS]

01:16:22   girl out of the corner of my eye and she [TS]

01:16:24   is my [TS]

01:16:26   platonic ideal I don't know what it is [TS]

01:16:29   about her except that it is everything [TS]

01:16:32   about her my platonic ideal and I look [TS]

01:16:37   at her out of the corner of my eye and [TS]

01:16:39   I'm surrounded by people by men who are [TS]

01:16:42   up a foot shorter than I am right so I'm [TS]

01:16:46   handle it and in the Netherlands men are [TS]

01:16:48   very tall but most of these men who are [TS]

01:16:50   here creeping around in this alley are [TS]

01:16:51   not from the Netherlands you get me they [TS]

01:16:54   don't know they're from the dancer lands [TS]

01:16:55   they are the creeps from there other [TS]

01:16:57   places and look at other corner very [TS]

01:16:59   much out of the corner of my eye and I'm [TS]

01:17:01   an expert at this [TS]

01:17:02   but she is looking right at me and I go [TS]

01:17:08   Who am I despite all your training did [TS]

01:17:11   you turn [TS]

01:17:11   despite all my training I blushed and [TS]

01:17:15   ran [TS]

01:17:16   oh and so I i get to the end of this [TS]

01:17:21   alley and I'm like did I just run did [TS]

01:17:23   she look at me and I ran [TS]

01:17:25   what kind of a man am i and i said this [TS]

01:17:30   will not stand [TS]

01:17:31   I'm not gonna run out of this hooker [TS]

01:17:33   rally because this girl this platonic [TS]

01:17:35   ideal who's probably not even that [TS]

01:17:37   pretty looked at me caught me looking at [TS]

01:17:40   her I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna walk [TS]

01:17:43   through the alley with my head held high [TS]

01:17:45   and I'm gonna see her and I'm gonna nod [TS]

01:17:47   my head like a gentleman and so I turned [TS]

01:17:52   back around and I walked back through [TS]

01:17:53   the alley and when i get within eyesight [TS]

01:17:56   of her little doorway [TS]

01:17:57   she's looking at me already she's [TS]

01:17:59   looking for me and I see her and she [TS]

01:18:03   gives me a look very knowing look [TS]

01:18:07   and my eye I can't breathe all of a [TS]

01:18:12   sudden I'm choking on my own [TS]

01:18:14   Adam's apple and I try and give what i [TS]

01:18:18   think is like a gentlemanly nod but what [TS]

01:18:23   is really just a some kind of likes [TS]

01:18:25   passes spastic had emotion he twitched [TS]

01:18:30   and then I literally run away [TS]

01:18:35   and so now I'm walking through the red [TS]

01:18:37   light district and I'm covered in sweat [TS]

01:18:39   and I'm thinking she's the most [TS]

01:18:42   beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life [TS]

01:18:44   what and here's the problem with being a [TS]

01:18:47   romantic is that it being a romantic is [TS]

01:18:50   nothing causes nothing but pain in one's [TS]

01:18:53   life and now I have seen the most [TS]

01:18:55   beautiful girl in the world and she is a [TS]

01:18:57   uh she's standing in a doorway in a red [TS]

01:19:00   light district and what am I supposed to [TS]

01:19:03   do now I'm not Richard Gere i'm not [TS]

01:19:05   going to make her an honest woman she's [TS]

01:19:08   probably from Belarus and so I'm [TS]

01:19:13   thinking to myself I should spend 50 [TS]

01:19:16   guilders just to be next to this girl [TS]

01:19:20   and I don't have to prove yourself that [TS]

01:19:22   you could do it right [TS]

01:19:23   well that is the question could i do [TS]

01:19:26   this and the answer was that i didn't [TS]

01:19:29   think i could and so I walk around the [TS]

01:19:32   block and then you know go i'm still [TS]

01:19:34   kind of looking for ice cream out of the [TS]

01:19:36   corner and more than 4 i'm hoping if I [TS]

01:19:40   just find ice cream i can just go back [TS]

01:19:41   to the youth hostel and try to block [TS]

01:19:43   this out of my mind but I can't get her [TS]

01:19:46   I can't get her face out of my mind I'm [TS]

01:19:49   walking around and increasingly I'm not [TS]

01:19:51   looking for ice cream and increasing [TS]

01:19:52   them being drawn back to this alley and [TS]

01:19:57   I I so now i'm at the entrance to the [TS]

01:19:59   alley and I'm looking down the alley and [TS]

01:20:01   I look at her door which I can kind of [TS]

01:20:03   see the light coming out of and I kind [TS]

01:20:06   of tiptoe into this alley again the [TS]

01:20:07   alley has 500 guys in it [TS]

01:20:09   tiptoe into the alley and as soon as I [TS]

01:20:11   be I come in sight of her door she sees [TS]

01:20:14   me as though she's looking for me and [TS]

01:20:18   when she sees that I'm looking for her [TS]

01:20:19   she gets a very knowing look on her face [TS]

01:20:22   and she's been she's been unpredictable [TS]

01:20:24   and perfectly calm [TS]

01:20:25   she's not putting on a show for the [TS]

01:20:28   other men in the alley every time I [TS]

01:20:29   walked past this door the other men are [TS]

01:20:32   invisible to her and all she was looking [TS]

01:20:34   at is me she looks at me and she makes a [TS]

01:20:36   very subtle gesture that just says hey [TS]

01:20:39   here and [TS]

01:20:45   it is a hey come here that says to me [TS]

01:20:47   you are Richard Gere you are my Richard [TS]

01:20:50   Gere come here [TS]

01:20:54   you and I both know it is inevitable and [TS]

01:20:57   I lost it I absolutely lost it and Iran [TS]

01:21:03   I ram Iran again I ran and I have never [TS]

01:21:11   stopped thinking about this girl I'm [TS]

01:21:13   icon how long ago was this 20 years ago [TS]

01:21:21   God who knows where she is now she's [TS]

01:21:26   probably working in a in a travel agency [TS]

01:21:28   in Belarus yeah you got forest gump I'm [TS]

01:21:33   not like Forrest Gump run and you're [TS]

01:21:35   running you run part i'm not like [TS]

01:21:37   Forrest Gump life is not a box of [TS]

01:21:40   chocolate how do you resolve that Johnny [TS]

01:21:42   the box from saying save it how do you [TS]

01:21:44   know how do you resolve this John you've [TS]

01:21:46   brought up a lot of tumult how do you [TS]

01:21:48   resolve that you're living with that [TS]

01:21:49   they're literally every day now I don't [TS]

01:21:51   think you can resolve it so what do you [TS]

01:21:53   do with that I mean that's got to be on [TS]

01:21:54   your mind [TS]

01:21:56   it was on my mind hmm well but the [TS]

01:21:59   lesson is don't fall in love with [TS]

01:22:00   prostitutes I fell and I fell in love [TS]

01:22:02   with a woman I saw for 30 seconds and a [TS]

01:22:04   little general once i stop thinking [TS]

01:22:05   about it is 1986 I stopped thinking [TS]

01:22:07   about it was that like a is I'd like [TS]

01:22:09   Piggly Wiggly no no no it's a cat [TS]

01:22:12   it's like a an adorable 7-eleven a like [TS]

01:22:16   a like a common go whoo [TS]

01:22:18   not in my case if they're up in the [TS]

01:22:21   other than the Midwest number like a [TS]

01:22:23   like a Wisconsin land they have these [TS]

01:22:26   little welcoming stores called come and [TS]

01:22:29   go as a terrible idea and they spell [TS]

01:22:31   come k um common go th that's another [TS]

01:22:36   that's an awful that's an awful awful [TS]

01:22:37   name [TS]

01:22:38   it's a terrible name and they sell [TS]

01:22:41   cheese curds sure you're going to keep [TS]

01:22:44   me from visiting the pump chilly but [TS]

01:22:45   anyway these places are called the [TS]

01:22:47   general it's some kind of Dixie painful [TS]

01:22:50   and now it's called a little general [TS]

01:22:51   little generally later became our got [TS]

01:22:53   bought out by the circle case you know [TS]

01:22:54   little general is my nickname for my [TS]

01:22:56   your little Dutchman my for my little [TS]

01:23:00   metal toy soldier boots little jumpsuit [TS]

01:23:03   anyway so you see a girl for 30 seconds [TS]

01:23:05   to talk about it's too painful it's a [TS]

01:23:07   whole I shared my story I saw us are [TS]

01:23:10   like going in and I think she bought a [TS]

01:23:12   pack of cigarettes and some paper towels [TS]

01:23:13   and I just couldn't get out of my mind [TS]

01:23:15   to like two years ago smoke joshi smoked [TS]

01:23:19   she's probably smoking right now [TS]

01:23:21   wiping up some skin handcuffs hanging [TS]

01:23:22   from rearview mirror [TS]

01:23:24   oh my god my roommate in college had [TS]

01:23:26   that boy [TS]

01:23:27   well yeah mm-hmm [TS]

01:23:33   [Music] [TS]