Roderick on the Line

Ep. 27: "Bellinghamming"


00:00:00   hello John how are you hi marlon good [TS]

00:00:10   morning how are you I'm doing I'm doing [TS]

00:00:13   well had some tater tots I feel pretty [TS]

00:00:14   good [TS]

00:00:15   that's a good breakfast i'm not saying [TS]

00:00:18   you're Merlin Mann theme because I've [TS]

00:00:20   i'm tired of people thinking they know [TS]

00:00:22   me huh [TS]

00:00:24   he may know what I'm gonna do and [TS]

00:00:25   knowing your movements at a time [TS]

00:00:27   yeah I don't like it so I'm some thrown [TS]

00:00:30   a curveball I think about it okay [TS]

00:00:32   I think it's great i think is totally i [TS]

00:00:34   think is totally on brand you take [TS]

00:00:35   different reality that you talked about [TS]

00:00:37   this a little bit you take different [TS]

00:00:38   routes sometimes if you can sell every [TS]

00:00:41   time even if it means anything it means [TS]

00:00:45   i have to drive on the sidewalk for some [TS]

00:00:47   portion of my route i'm going to take a [TS]

00:00:49   different way but in this case you know [TS]

00:00:52   where with the with with our [TS]

00:00:53   conversations I started to feel like [TS]

00:00:55   you're I was becoming as becoming theme [TS]

00:00:58   attic and I don't want to be that wide [TS]

00:01:00   open my own man [TS]

00:01:01   good for you i didn't really even [TS]

00:01:02   thought about these things [TS]

00:01:04   well because I saw you this week because [TS]

00:01:08   I saw you in person [TS]

00:01:09   sure i'm pretty sure who I got on an [TS]

00:01:13   elevator and there was a guy in there [TS]

00:01:15   who the people is wearing a leather top [TS]

00:01:17   at he said his name was Marilyn man talk [TS]

00:01:20   I looked like I know Merlin Mann protect [TS]

00:01:25   I mean they might be castor Lincoln he [TS]

00:01:27   was very convincing though so let's see [TS]

00:01:30   what term would be like forecaster [TS]

00:01:31   Lincoln castro Lincoln guest or like his [TS]

00:01:33   letters but he's he lives in the castro [TS]

00:01:38   but it's of course he does well i mean [TS]

00:01:40   that's that's his home in the East live [TS]

00:01:42   in illinois now that he was born in [TS]

00:01:44   Kentucky and then was in Illinois [TS]

00:01:45   alright what it a blinkin yeah listen I [TS]

00:01:50   didn't come here to talk about Abe [TS]

00:01:51   Lincoln wow you keep you don't have had [TS]

00:01:56   I could ask that morning [TS]

00:01:58   here's here's the thing you know though [TS]

00:02:01   improv comedy uh philosophy that you [TS]

00:02:04   know you never say no you always say yes [TS]

00:02:07   and who I don't believe in that [TS]

00:02:09   sometimes you just say no I think we can [TS]

00:02:12   all agree this and [TS]

00:02:13   good idea ah haha I i agree to disagree [TS]

00:02:18   with that statement [TS]

00:02:19   uh-uh I don't like talking about [TS]

00:02:21   computers but i didn't notice yesterday [TS]

00:02:22   that I i looked in on my internet feed [TS]

00:02:27   and saw that someone had stipulated what [TS]

00:02:31   we can all agree on to you directly [TS]

00:02:33   yes i was i was tempted i was tempted to [TS]

00:02:36   jump into a bunker or something [TS]

00:02:38   a fellow podcaster actually so one who [TS]

00:02:40   has never listen to my podcast i'm [TS]

00:02:42   almost certain guys you hear that you [TS]

00:02:44   hear my heart breaking up because he [TS]

00:02:48   can't get on his Victrola uh I lately my [TS]

00:02:53   braces have been really bothering me huh [TS]

00:02:56   and last night they were they were [TS]

00:02:57   really cutting up my lip so you know [TS]

00:02:59   when you have braces that give you this [TS]

00:03:00   wax huh [TS]

00:03:01   you're supposed to put on the braces to [TS]

00:03:03   keep it from to keep what is evidently [TS]

00:03:06   barbed wire in your in your mouth from [TS]

00:03:08   tearing your face apart and i slept with [TS]

00:03:12   this wax on my braces last night i just [TS]

00:03:14   i just realized that it's the wax is [TS]

00:03:16   still in there so if you can hear it in [TS]

00:03:18   my voice [TS]

00:03:19   don't be confused i didn't buy my tongue [TS]

00:03:22   or anything i just have wax on my braces [TS]

00:03:23   doesn't make you what's the weather like [TS]

00:03:26   marble mouth doesn't make it harder to [TS]

00:03:28   articulate and I don't go to the I think [TS]

00:03:31   it's the huge slashes in my inner lip [TS]

00:03:34   that make it harder to talk I last night [TS]

00:03:37   I was walking home about four o'clock in [TS]

00:03:39   the morning i'm walking through the [TS]

00:03:40   neighborhood where these two people [TS]

00:03:42   walking side-by-side very slowly both [TS]

00:03:46   dressed in Canada who leather trench art [TS]

00:03:49   not trying to go to leather car coats [TS]

00:03:51   you know what I mean like a duster not a [TS]

00:03:54   duster know but like like a leather like [TS]

00:03:56   a puffy leather jacket that just goes [TS]

00:03:57   down to the to the bottom of your wallet [TS]

00:04:00   ok ok sure a mid-length and it's and [TS]

00:04:03   it's 4am and generally like two people [TS]

00:04:05   walking slowly in puffy leather coats [TS]

00:04:07   and 4am but it's a kind of thing that a [TS]

00:04:11   lot of people would walk to the other [TS]

00:04:13   side of the street or or you know or ask [TS]

00:04:15   themselves like mi what's happened in my [TS]

00:04:18   life that I'm here with these two people [TS]

00:04:20   I'm sending me their jackets i'm not [TS]

00:04:22   super familiar with the culture we [TS]

00:04:23   talking like a Capitol Hill or [TS]

00:04:25   neighborhood toughs [TS]

00:04:26   well that was that was hard to discern [TS]

00:04:28   from behind but i can say i can say in [TS]

00:04:31   the great like hipster fashion chase [TS]

00:04:34   where the kids the hipster kids are [TS]

00:04:37   always trying to find the last good [TS]

00:04:39   thing at their stores and turned into a [TS]

00:04:41   new fashion meme the puffy leather car [TS]

00:04:45   coat has yet to they have yet to adopt [TS]

00:04:48   it you know what I mean like when you [TS]

00:04:49   see a puffy leather cargo particularly [TS]

00:04:51   two of them you can be pretty sure that [TS]

00:04:54   the people don't also have handlebar [TS]

00:04:55   mustaches but it's a that that is still [TS]

00:04:59   the purview but the puffy coats are [TS]

00:05:02   still the purview of actual poor people [TS]

00:05:06   or bad people see begin at the end of [TS]

00:05:09   story and you decide them up a little [TS]

00:05:10   bit before i'm trying to size him up and [TS]

00:05:12   there and there are a couple of halfway [TS]

00:05:14   houses on this street so I'm like mm I [TS]

00:05:19   don't you know and one of the halfway [TS]

00:05:20   houses for is for drug abusers and sex [TS]

00:05:23   offenders and the other halfway houses [TS]

00:05:25   for people who are developmentally [TS]

00:05:27   disabled and have committed a crime in [TS]

00:05:29   between and make a whole house there are [TS]

00:05:33   a whole way house looks like i don't see [TS]

00:05:35   the block party for this but you know [TS]

00:05:37   the one the halfway house that's for [TS]

00:05:39   just like criminal people is a is scary [TS]

00:05:43   because there's you know they're bad bad [TS]

00:05:45   people there but the halfway house for [TS]

00:05:48   four like people who have mental and [TS]

00:05:52   emotional problems and are also [TS]

00:05:54   criminals is this really the one as [TS]

00:05:57   you're walking kind of near it [TS]

00:05:59   you have to be have to be ready for [TS]

00:06:01   anything [TS]

00:06:02   ok so it isn't just pick up a good we'll [TS]

00:06:05   sort of like occupational therapy thing [TS]

00:06:08   it's like these are people who probably [TS]

00:06:09   did a couple of bad things to end up in [TS]

00:06:10   the halfway house [TS]

00:06:11   yeah maybe watch for a while before they [TS]

00:06:13   move the other half exactly ok so anyway [TS]

00:06:16   I'm why I'm in this vicinity and had a [TS]

00:06:18   mocking behind these two people in the [TS]

00:06:19   car coat and then one of them the bigger [TS]

00:06:22   of the two when I'm about 15 feet behind [TS]

00:06:24   them and getting into you know you're [TS]

00:06:26   about 15 feet here within your then [TS]

00:06:28   range now if they wanted to turn around [TS]

00:06:30   and throw something at you so I get into [TS]

00:06:32   get into a little bit more of a my [TS]

00:06:35   posture doesn't change but I'm it my [TS]

00:06:36   readiness is in [TS]

00:06:38   danced and then the the bigger of the [TS]

00:06:40   two suddenly starts crab walking like [TS]

00:06:44   like sinks his butt down displays his [TS]

00:06:47   feet apart and starts like click 10 crab [TS]

00:06:51   walking like sideways [TS]

00:06:53   well he still hasn't seen me they don't [TS]

00:06:55   know i'm behind them but if using a kata [TS]

00:06:58   he's kinda walking his feet are pointing [TS]

00:07:01   an object directions and he's walking [TS]

00:07:03   like a Charlie Chaplin accepted Charlie [TS]

00:07:05   Chaplin was trying to walk over a yoga [TS]

00:07:09   ball and so now my readiness is really [TS]

00:07:14   in hands because that's what's this [TS]

00:07:16   little hairs on the back of your neck [TS]

00:07:18   for reasons you can explain your [TS]

00:07:20   starting to start a little bit yeah [TS]

00:07:22   something about something quite right [TS]

00:07:24   what's this new wrinkle FN so as I go [TS]

00:07:28   around them there they are argued the [TS]

00:07:30   the the the the thinner one of the two [TS]

00:07:33   is looking at the crab walking one and [TS]

00:07:35   like trying to figure out what's going [TS]

00:07:36   on [TS]

00:07:37   that's what I go around them the bigger [TS]

00:07:40   one says you gotta listen to voice goes [TS]

00:07:43   our got such a bad rash and I realized [TS]

00:07:53   they had their own problems that I [TS]

00:07:56   didn't need my readiness went back to [TS]

00:07:58   zero i went back to DEFCON 10 that's [TS]

00:08:01   miserable [TS]

00:08:02   oh its remit there right it's pretty [TS]

00:08:05   humid you make all right well i don't [TS]

00:08:08   think the rash is a product of his [TS]

00:08:09   humidity I think the idea of the puffy [TS]

00:08:11   leather coat first it like a moisture [TS]

00:08:15   but yeah I mean you want something going [TS]

00:08:17   to breathe [TS]

00:08:18   yeah you'll rust your undercarriage [TS]

00:08:19   right it's a rookie mistake there's [TS]

00:08:21   something that tells you that you should [TS]

00:08:23   wear something loose right and I think [TS]

00:08:26   looseness is the problem i mean in my [TS]

00:08:27   experience when I've gotten rashes it's [TS]

00:08:29   it's looseness is the culprit [TS]

00:08:31   I mean certainly it's had its you know [TS]

00:08:33   you know it's a Chad it's a chance [TS]

00:08:36   provocateur you know like you're not [TS]

00:08:39   taking showers enough and and probably [TS]

00:08:41   you know just beyond its not being up up [TS]

00:08:43   speed on hygiene but in case i think [TS]

00:08:45   itís tightness helps a rash a lot more [TS]

00:08:47   than loose in this heat pump at that [TS]

00:08:48   point by giving up he's probably in this [TS]

00:08:50   giant s [TS]

00:08:50   puffy boxers and you needed you need to [TS]

00:08:52   take a break maybe he went swimming who [TS]

00:08:55   earlier and forgot to bring a change of [TS]

00:08:58   clothes and then sat in the backseat of [TS]

00:09:01   a station wagon for the long drive home [TS]

00:09:04   vinyl seat a non-vital see with his swim [TS]

00:09:07   trunks on [TS]

00:09:08   that's a sure way to get a rash looks [TS]

00:09:12   like that it's writing the book I've had [TS]

00:09:13   a few rashes in my day off the [TS]

00:09:15   cheeseheads I thought you know I'm your [TS]

00:09:18   show John but I'm i'm super-interested [TS]

00:09:20   in rashes and I have to imagine a man [TS]

00:09:22   like yourself you will walk more miles [TS]

00:09:25   than most people have driven and you [TS]

00:09:26   certainly driven more mouse unless [TS]

00:09:27   people are driven by the way i would [TS]

00:09:29   like to circle back at some point very [TS]

00:09:31   very with your driving has taken on a [TS]

00:09:33   degree of certainty that I don't [TS]

00:09:35   remember being there before [TS]

00:09:36   it'sit's really admirable but you walk [TS]

00:09:39   with certainty you can now you can scope [TS]

00:09:42   out a crab [TS]

00:09:43   well you know what i want to do long [TS]

00:09:44   distance walks this is not something I [TS]

00:09:46   would tell anybody but i'll tell you [TS]

00:09:48   ok i do long-distance walks especially [TS]

00:09:50   when i'm walking in Europe for instance [TS]

00:09:52   i always go by German underwear because [TS]

00:09:56   the Germans where ladies here to get [TS]

00:09:58   across the borders [TS]

00:09:59   well not just that but the Germans wear [TS]

00:10:01   those little bikini underwear because [TS]

00:10:03   there's something wrong with them but [TS]

00:10:05   those are much better for walking there [TS]

00:10:07   are big voluminous American underwear so [TS]

00:10:11   on my on my on my especially long walk [TS]

00:10:14   that I did I trade all my American [TS]

00:10:16   underwear very early on for German [TS]

00:10:20   bikini underwear men's bikini underwear [TS]

00:10:23   over which is great great for great [TS]

00:10:25   they're really am it's very supportive [TS]

00:10:28   the worst rash i ever had similar to a [TS]

00:10:33   lot of laundry soaps [TS]

00:10:34   ah ok the worst crash i had when i was a [TS]

00:10:38   freshman in college i bought my i bought [TS]

00:10:41   my own laundry detergent for the first [TS]

00:10:43   time because what when you're living at [TS]

00:10:44   home because you never buy your own [TS]

00:10:45   laundry detergent so I my college i [TS]

00:10:48   bought my own laundry detergent i bought [TS]

00:10:50   the cheapest laundry detergent I could [TS]

00:10:51   because i'm actually I was an idiot [TS]

00:10:54   and since i was a freshman in college I [TS]

00:10:57   had a I had worn every item of clothing [TS]

00:11:00   that i owned before ever doing a load of [TS]

00:11:02   laundry right I wasn't you do it was it [TS]

00:11:05   was the three months in to the to my [TS]

00:11:07   freshman year I had worn every item of [TS]

00:11:10   clothing as many times as you could wear [TS]

00:11:11   them before I needed to do a huge load [TS]

00:11:15   of laundry I need to I need to wash all [TS]

00:11:16   my clothes and as you know I'm a little [TS]

00:11:18   bit of a clothes horse so I had I had [TS]

00:11:21   Empire isles of laundry and I took it [TS]

00:11:26   all down stairs to the laundry room in [TS]

00:11:28   the dorm and I did all my clothes [TS]

00:11:31   oh yeah I'll now and I card to buy it [TS]

00:11:37   was a hold it was a good try entire [TS]

00:11:38   Saturday Carter others like dollar store [TS]

00:11:41   quality detergent [TS]

00:11:42   oh yeah exactly was ninety-nine cents [TS]

00:11:44   for a big huge thing of of what what is [TS]

00:11:47   probably like lie it's like the [TS]

00:11:50   component parts are lie like aluminum [TS]

00:11:53   flakes mercury it's like when they put [TS]

00:11:58   the glass in the cocaine right yeah [TS]

00:11:59   right right it's like getting to see him [TS]

00:12:02   distracted driver makes it seem more [TS]

00:12:04   effective fiberglass uh-huh so I I hang [TS]

00:12:07   up my clothes and I have this tremendous [TS]

00:12:09   feeling of accomplishment i am a full [TS]

00:12:11   grown person I have done my laundry and [TS]

00:12:13   I have all fresh longer I can go another [TS]

00:12:15   three months without doing one and i put [TS]

00:12:18   on my first change of clothes on my new [TS]

00:12:21   clothes on Monday morning and I go to [TS]

00:12:23   class and i'm sitting in class and i [TS]

00:12:25   start to itch and by the time the class [TS]

00:12:28   is over and I've made it back to my room [TS]

00:12:30   from my wrists to my ankles I am red and [TS]

00:12:36   swollen and puffed out like a like a [TS]

00:12:39   like a puffy leather jacket except read [TS]

00:12:42   as a monkey's ass look I know and I'm [TS]

00:12:45   lying in my bed I'm in torment you know [TS]

00:12:47   I'm lying in my bed naked like groaning [TS]

00:12:51   nothing can be done about this rash you [TS]

00:12:55   know just test them i just have to lay [TS]

00:12:57   there naked every single article of [TS]

00:12:59   clothing you own is going to cause the [TS]

00:13:00   same problem everything that my roommate [TS]

00:13:03   is appalled [TS]

00:13:04   he was appalled by me to begin with and [TS]

00:13:06   now I'm like swollen and naked he's just [TS]

00:13:10   like so grossed rows down so I think to [TS]

00:13:14   myself I spent forty dollars on the on [TS]

00:13:16   laundry are doing laundry I don't want [TS]

00:13:18   to go spend another forty dollars to [TS]

00:13:20   rewatch all these clothes so in the [TS]

00:13:23   middle of the night I take all my [TS]

00:13:24   clothes down to the communal showers and [TS]

00:13:30   I hang them up on the other two it's [TS]

00:13:32   like it such a twenty20 person shower I [TS]

00:13:36   hang the clothes up all around the [TS]

00:13:38   shower and I turned all the showers on [TS]

00:13:39   and i'm washing all my clothes in the [TS]

00:13:42   shower I'm not watching them rinsing [TS]

00:13:45   them and so the next day I get called [TS]

00:13:51   down to the to the priest who [TS]

00:13:54   administers our dorm and he sits me to [TS]

00:13:57   sit me down in his chair he gives me [TS]

00:13:59   electron hygiene and says you realize [TS]

00:14:02   that you can't just take your clothes in [TS]

00:14:04   the shower somewhat someone reported [TS]

00:14:07   that you're washing your clothes in the [TS]

00:14:08   shower and you know that that doesn't [TS]

00:14:09   get them clean [TS]

00:14:12   okay wait a minute it was too difficult [TS]

00:14:14   to explicitly narc to the Jesuit like [TS]

00:14:16   somebody somebody somebody she just [TS]

00:14:18   letter was your judgments something sure [TS]

00:14:21   somebody's Archon you some kid came down [TS]

00:14:23   the hall with a towel over his shoulder [TS]

00:14:25   at 1am thinking like I'll take a [TS]

00:14:27   late-night shower and then one day they [TS]

00:14:29   got the pic of the red phone and said [TS]

00:14:30   you know for syphilis [TS]

00:14:32   I'm really worried I'm worried about [TS]

00:14:34   John Roderick yeah well they opened the [TS]

00:14:36   shower door and I was in there like [TS]

00:14:37   Mickey Mouse in his wizard had with all [TS]

00:14:44   my it slide in READ&WRITE get acquainted [TS]

00:14:46   with all my dancing mushroom close you [TS]

00:14:49   know I'm animating all my clothes I just [TS]

00:14:50   know that would regulate though you were [TS]

00:14:52   not in there in a pair of 50 ones you [TS]

00:14:54   were naked red and swollen with all of [TS]

00:14:56   your clothes all my clothes man i would [TS]

00:15:02   have knocked first [TS]

00:15:03   well you have from especially since you [TS]

00:15:06   know normally if somebody's in a shower [TS]

00:15:08   later now you don't know what they're [TS]

00:15:09   like that guy still knocks to this day [TS]

00:15:11   after that that's scarring [TS]

00:15:13   yeah you got your fingers and be to get [TS]

00:15:14   that shit out here [TS]

00:15:15   and this continues to this day now when [TS]

00:15:18   i was a kid i was very sensitive i think [TS]

00:15:20   this was pretty common when I was a kid [TS]

00:15:21   I you know i'm not i don't have you know [TS]

00:15:25   like head Colton allergies now I don't [TS]

00:15:27   think I skin allergies i don't have [TS]

00:15:29   penicillin and a friend who dutch [TS]

00:15:31   chocolate a milk chocolate would make [TS]

00:15:34   her sick penicillin to milk chocolate Oh [TS]

00:15:36   chocolate milk chocolate milk and I can [TS]

00:15:38   although Borden's opposed to imagine [TS]

00:15:40   that isn't the worst that's terrible I [TS]

00:15:42   have it I have a dear friend his son [TS]

00:15:44   can't have like he gets sick giving the [TS]

00:15:48   test like he had to go to the emergency [TS]

00:15:49   room whether we're giving him the test [TS]

00:15:52   that's how little like milk am I feel so [TS]

00:15:54   grateful that I want that for me was mr. [TS]

00:15:56   bubble and I took it only took one time [TS]

00:15:58   for us to go oh my god this bullshit is [TS]

00:15:59   killing our child [TS]

00:16:00   yeah i was i was identified as bad as [TS]

00:16:02   you but basically every part of me that [TS]

00:16:04   was inside the Cincinnati bathtub was [TS]

00:16:06   well as pink as a Miss as a mr. bubble [TS]

00:16:08   because you're blowing my mind right now [TS]

00:16:10   because that's someone gave me a bottle [TS]

00:16:13   of mr. bubble recently [TS]

00:16:14   well they claim it's hypoallergenic now [TS]

00:16:16   but I i used some mr. bubble i put it [TS]

00:16:21   into the right put into my bubble bath [TS]

00:16:22   rotation because i have several [TS]

00:16:24   different kinds of bubble bath and so [TS]

00:16:27   I'm gonna karl was like mr. bubble why [TS]

00:16:30   why not why not add it to the to the [TS]

00:16:32   pickup let's get bubble right in the [TS]

00:16:33   name [TS]

00:16:34   yeah that's right into pink bottle [TS]

00:16:36   honorific problematic and and so I so I [TS]

00:16:39   put into the rotation but i have to say [TS]

00:16:41   the bubble bath i took mr. bubble was a [TS]

00:16:44   shorter one but I did start to feel that [TS]

00:16:47   tell tell tell tale bitchiness tingle a [TS]

00:16:51   little bit of a tingle a little bit of [TS]

00:16:52   pre itch and I got out of there [TS]

00:16:55   I got out of there fast but now it now [TS]

00:16:58   now when it was mr. bubble comes up in [TS]

00:17:00   the bubble bath rotation i'm not i'm not [TS]

00:17:03   ready to take it out of rotation but I [TS]

00:17:05   skate keep skipping it keeps skipping I [TS]

00:17:07   go right to the tea tree oil well all I [TS]

00:17:11   like some teacher ltl you know is a way [TS]

00:17:14   to call it is good for everything you [TS]

00:17:16   know anything that's in a got an [TS]

00:17:17   adaptogen that i was going to say Apple [TS]

00:17:21   visible to people to get the people my [TS]

00:17:23   ticket for drug test to know what about [TS]

00:17:25   bath time here but doesn't it that the [TS]

00:17:27   whole bunch of stuff [TS]

00:17:28   you take tea tree oil shampoo for a drug [TS]

00:17:31   test don't get the shampoo can get a [TS]

00:17:33   picture [TS]

00:17:33   all i see is very distinctive smell very [TS]

00:17:35   distinctive smell it doesn't it's [TS]

00:17:37   tingling is taking on cold sores is good [TS]

00:17:38   for cold sores [TS]

00:17:39   I didn't know that it's good it's got [TS]

00:17:41   its it tingles in the wrong way to put [TS]

00:17:43   on your testicles [TS]

00:17:45   oh I wouldn't put anywhere near my [TS]

00:17:46   dingus personally but but now I mean I [TS]

00:17:49   always try it with any kind of Bath [TS]

00:17:50   product always tried on my on my [TS]

00:17:52   genitals all you do that little sample [TS]

00:17:54   patch like I'm trying out like a carpet [TS]

00:17:56   cleaner [TS]

00:17:56   you're kind of you're in there with him [TS]

00:17:58   yes it's nice to know what's going to [TS]

00:17:59   happen that you delete that before you [TS]

00:18:01   put it on dt like a they called [TS]

00:18:03   titration like what haha you don't you [TS]

00:18:05   put just purity trail and your dingus [TS]

00:18:08   I'm not a loser you know whether a lot [TS]

00:18:10   of things that say dilute with water and [TS]

00:18:12   I'm i always take it straight lucky dr. [TS]

00:18:13   bronner yeah in the event the problem of [TS]

00:18:17   course with that is that there are a lot [TS]

00:18:18   of concentrates now all the products are [TS]

00:18:20   concentrated yeah and and I i use them [TS]

00:18:24   undiluted at first or am i use the the [TS]

00:18:29   what I would the amount that i normally [TS]

00:18:30   would have used in the unconsecrated [TS]

00:18:31   form and I actually I actually had to [TS]

00:18:34   call the the washing machine service guy [TS]

00:18:36   at one point I was like my washing [TS]

00:18:38   machine's broken and he came out and [TS]

00:18:40   spent all day with his with his tools [TS]

00:18:42   played all over taking it apart and put [TS]

00:18:44   it back together he was like there's [TS]

00:18:45   nothing wrong with this washing machine [TS]

00:18:46   and I said well it keeps shutting off it [TS]

00:18:49   keeps it doesn't it won't do a full load [TS]

00:18:52   over and he said how much laundry [TS]

00:18:56   detergent Ernie putting in and I showed [TS]

00:18:59   him and he said that's enough for ten [TS]

00:19:02   loads of laundry [TS]

00:19:03   oh man what's happening is you're [TS]

00:19:05   creating so much foam that is shutting [TS]

00:19:08   the system down [TS]

00:19:10   ok so ever since I learned how much [TS]

00:19:12   larger detergent to use now everything [TS]

00:19:13   works fine i can't get I can't get my [TS]

00:19:15   daughter to understand that that like [TS]

00:19:16   she likes getting lots of soap on your [TS]

00:19:18   hands the soap is fun but you know as a [TS]

00:19:20   man as you know as somebody who has [TS]

00:19:22   learned to shave without so water is the [TS]

00:19:24   most important part is the water water [TS]

00:19:25   water you can use it's all about the [TS]

00:19:27   water water and concentrated thing I [TS]

00:19:29   think that's something that's happened [TS]

00:19:30   especially gosh specialist 10 years but [TS]

00:19:32   really last 2530 years because i think [TS]

00:19:33   what they do is this concentration mean [TS]

00:19:35   concentration means you take out water [TS]

00:19:38   you take out liquid and you can put it [TS]

00:19:41   in a small [TS]

00:19:42   a bottle right here with this makes it [TS]

00:19:44   less costly yeah the shipping cost [TS]

00:19:46   shipping carton and I mentioned this in [TS]

00:19:48   passing just because i have made my [TS]

00:19:51   detergent problem i was at it like it's [TS]

00:19:54   okay so you like your engagement shower [TS]

00:19:56   with all of your clothes and your puffy [TS]

00:19:57   like isn't there some part of you that [TS]

00:19:59   goes okay i hope i hope it doesn't get a [TS]

00:20:01   hundred times worse than this but this [TS]

00:20:02   is just got this this is bad this sucks [TS]

00:20:04   right yeah i mean like for me I was at [TS]

00:20:07   this nadir of you know the kind of near [TS]

00:20:09   you can have when you're in your early [TS]

00:20:10   twenties but I was a pretty low point I [TS]

00:20:12   didn't have a lot of money I've been [TS]

00:20:13   doing a lot of drugs mom and I i had a [TS]

00:20:16   relationship that I really like and i [TS]

00:20:19   think i was out of blank cassettes like [TS]

00:20:21   there's a lot of things that were [TS]

00:20:22   mitigating against me and to top it all [TS]

00:20:26   off my my mom happy I went to school [TS]

00:20:29   that you're having kind enough to gift [TS]

00:20:32   me with a bottle of concentrated era [TS]

00:20:34   which is which is no no not like your [TS]

00:20:37   stuff is very high-end right arrows good [TS]

00:20:39   good good gear that's right like I think [TS]

00:20:41   it keeps the colors and gets the whites [TS]

00:20:42   white I don't really recall but I had [TS]

00:20:45   this big red bottle of era and let's be [TS]

00:20:47   honest like you i wanna say like you but [TS]

00:20:50   for me lyk soos stench was a big leading [TS]

00:20:55   indicator for laundry that really [TS]

00:20:57   rigidity when you're close to become [TS]

00:20:58   rigid and and there's so many things [TS]

00:21:01   that could become rigid about laundry [TS]

00:21:02   let's be honest that could be a towel [TS]

00:21:03   that could be a German pant and for me [TS]

00:21:06   it was certainly the pits of my shirts [TS]

00:21:07   where they would start to crack a little [TS]

00:21:08   bit while discussing yeah I putting dump [TS]

00:21:10   to dump structure and cracks a little [TS]

00:21:12   bit [TS]

00:21:13   well you see i'm a person that doesn't [TS]

00:21:14   that has no body odor so my clothes I [TS]

00:21:18   can wear many many times [TS]

00:21:19   I'm not in right now on a car there's so [TS]

00:21:21   many there's so many problems with that [TS]

00:21:22   I don't make the elders coming from [TS]

00:21:25   something i don't know if it's your body [TS]

00:21:26   i don't know if you've got some kind of [TS]

00:21:28   an Indian politics that you're wearing [TS]

00:21:29   but you know if you smell if you smell [TS]

00:21:31   smell on me who it's usually what's in [TS]

00:21:34   my pockets [TS]

00:21:36   it's not i don't smell it's just that I [TS]

00:21:39   collect things as I go down the road and [TS]

00:21:40   they're really in my pockets can just [TS]

00:21:42   get my era story I want to hear about I [TS]

00:21:44   want to hear about your pockets you know [TS]

00:21:46   you know what all you need to know about [TS]

00:21:47   this is that i had not done hardly any [TS]

00:21:49   laundry the whole year is the end of the [TS]

00:21:50   year my life is falling apart and I've [TS]

00:21:52   run out of dish liquid and so I start [TS]

00:21:54   washing my dishes with [TS]

00:21:55   large amount of concentrated laundry [TS]

00:21:57   detergent that's frozen now i'm drinking [TS]

00:22:00   water and eating macaroni and cheese out [TS]

00:22:03   of dishes that were washed with [TS]

00:22:05   concentrated laundry detergent and i [TS]

00:22:07   lost my fucking mind and I wasn't sure [TS]

00:22:09   why it's what happened that I was making [TS]

00:22:10   a lot of MDMA contact you were getting [TS]

00:22:13   high off a boat laundry soap i was [TS]

00:22:15   getting I was getting something [TS]

00:22:16   orthogonal hi was in the opposite of how [TS]

00:22:18   I wasn't even getting you know I was [TS]

00:22:20   gonna concentrate it was the problem and [TS]

00:22:22   my mom finally had sex she came and she [TS]

00:22:23   drank a coke out of a company said i [TS]

00:22:25   think i was quite right here she might I [TS]

00:22:28   don't really remember my memory is [TS]

00:22:29   really sketchy I think she might have [TS]

00:22:31   said this tastes like a laundry [TS]

00:22:32   detergent moms are so good with that [TS]

00:22:34   stuff they really can they can tell from [TS]

00:22:36   your moms can be an important check [TS]

00:22:38   valve in your twenties [TS]

00:22:39   yeah they're like wait a minute two [TS]

00:22:41   pockets done by your pockets [TS]

00:22:43   is this not working you know what the [TS]

00:22:45   best laundry soap is what's that sheer [TS]

00:22:47   free chair free its cheer haha right but [TS]

00:22:51   it's free and not not not that it's [TS]

00:22:54   inexpensive understand but that it has [TS]

00:22:56   no it has no fragrance no dice 00 dies [TS]

00:23:02   no it's just pure whatever soap is made [TS]

00:23:04   of its pure tyler durden fat [TS]

00:23:07   accumulation and it's great i used here [TS]

00:23:12   free and i never have a bad reaction and [TS]

00:23:14   that's better than the cause of your [TS]

00:23:15   concentration bubble problem is just too [TS]

00:23:16   much chair too much chair but i but but [TS]

00:23:19   but it would never gave me a rash [TS]

00:23:21   now as for my pockets who I i have I [TS]

00:23:26   there's a part of me that is still five [TS]

00:23:29   years old and that as one Leslie your [TS]

00:23:32   country but one of those one of the ways [TS]

00:23:36   that manifest is that that that I felt [TS]

00:23:37   my pockets as I walk around the world [TS]

00:23:39   with stuff that I find and at the end of [TS]

00:23:42   the day I I disgorge my pockets on to [TS]

00:23:46   the over-the-counter and i sift through [TS]

00:23:49   all the little thing all the little [TS]

00:23:51   beach glass and snails and stuff that i [TS]

00:23:53   picked up along the way and sometimes [TS]

00:23:55   sometimes like particularly if i put [TS]

00:23:58   sand dollars in there or a like if I [TS]

00:24:02   have five like I was on the beach the [TS]

00:24:04   other day and there was a there was a [TS]

00:24:07   dead baby see honor [TS]

00:24:08   and I was it was everything I could do [TS]

00:24:11   to not take the dead baby sea otter with [TS]

00:24:13   me thank you felt bad for it [TS]

00:24:16   well no it was just like how often do [TS]

00:24:17   you get one of those I you know what it [TS]

00:24:22   wasn't a question of Viking funeral was [TS]

00:24:24   not a question of this will work in my [TS]

00:24:26   art collection [TS]

00:24:27   it was just something where you said it [TS]

00:24:28   would be a shame like again like the [TS]

00:24:30   seats that you encounter and you gonna [TS]

00:24:32   be a shame if somebody who didn't [TS]

00:24:35   appreciate this something with that [TS]

00:24:36   order your man who appreciate a daughter [TS]

00:24:38   yeah well the thing is the sea is coming [TS]

00:24:40   in there are turkey vultures circling [TS]

00:24:43   around there are a lot of things on this [TS]

00:24:46   Beach turkey vultures first among them [TS]

00:24:48   and a lot of and very many things in the [TS]

00:24:50   sea that are going to uh they're going [TS]

00:24:54   to want to find they're going to be very [TS]

00:24:56   glad that they got this baby sea otter [TS]

00:24:57   because it represents dinner to them or [TS]

00:25:00   something but to me I mean there there [TS]

00:25:05   are so many things I could do with a [TS]

00:25:06   baby see honor a dead baby see her but I [TS]

00:25:09   realized that to take it with me was was [TS]

00:25:12   good was a very I was a very [TS]

00:25:14   four-year-old thing to do because I was [TS]

00:25:16   not this baby otter was not going to [TS]

00:25:18   travel well uh huh but it was it was [TS]

00:25:21   hard for me to leave it on the beach huh [TS]

00:25:23   now when you go through your beach glass [TS]

00:25:25   in your crustaceans are you is it a 4 is [TS]

00:25:30   there any curation to it i just kind of [TS]

00:25:32   like rubbing your fingers on them and to [TS]

00:25:34   sort them or do they just going to like [TS]

00:25:36   a larger pile like it sounds like it [TS]

00:25:38   sounds like you're doing a kind of like [TS]

00:25:40   woods and productivity it's a collection [TS]

00:25:42   process you're not really thinking about [TS]

00:25:43   like exactly where it will go or what [TS]

00:25:45   it's for but you need something in your [TS]

00:25:46   brain are in the back of your neck says [TS]

00:25:48   this is a sea otter baby step baby I [TS]

00:25:50   could use right or not right and you [TS]

00:25:53   know that was so at what point is it at [TS]

00:25:55   the point of empty your pockets at the [TS]

00:25:56   end of day one is the curation come into [TS]

00:25:58   it [TS]

00:25:58   well the curation is ongoing right at [TS]

00:26:01   first you sort you empty your pockets [TS]

00:26:03   you got a sand dollar you have some [TS]

00:26:06   beach glass dead baby sea otter half a [TS]

00:26:10   sandwich that you made yourself I don't [TS]

00:26:12   pick up somebody else's half sandwich [TS]

00:26:14   but you know what you've got a [TS]

00:26:16   pocketknife you've got it so you you [TS]

00:26:18   sorted then the first sorting is how [TS]

00:26:20   many of these things that were in [TS]

00:26:22   my pocket belong together and then [TS]

00:26:25   generally you know generally don't pick [TS]

00:26:28   up groups of things you have one you [TS]

00:26:30   have one wish rock you have one you know [TS]

00:26:34   like distortion pedal that you found on [TS]

00:26:37   the side of the street you know they [TS]

00:26:38   don't belong together so you put them in [TS]

00:26:40   you put them with the with their like [TS]

00:26:42   items in your home that you already have [TS]

00:26:44   a collection of distortion boxes you [TS]

00:26:46   already have a collection of of A Wish [TS]

00:26:49   rocks but that's what you look like a [TS]

00:26:52   rubbing stone which rock is a rock that [TS]

00:26:54   has been through some kind of geological [TS]

00:26:58   process has a ring around it okay if [TS]

00:27:01   there any it's a ring [TS]

00:27:02   it's a ring of other kind of rock that [TS]

00:27:05   goes through the center of the rock and [TS]

00:27:06   if you find one of those you make a wish [TS]

00:27:07   and throw it into the ocean sedimentary [TS]

00:27:09   that's wha ye well it could be that [TS]

00:27:12   there was a crack formed in some igneous [TS]

00:27:15   rock and then some different kind of [TS]

00:27:17   rock came into the middle of the it in a [TS]

00:27:21   ok like lick some different kind of [TS]

00:27:23   liquid rock went into the crack I think [TS]

00:27:26   I'm in metamorphic rock is a real thing [TS]

00:27:28   that always sound kind of made up to me [TS]

00:27:30   well I leave the geology to the [TS]

00:27:32   geologists let's circle back so you get [TS]

00:27:34   your rocks with rings you got your [TS]

00:27:35   orders which meeting with chandeliers [TS]

00:27:37   rock you're supposed to make a wish and [TS]

00:27:39   throw it into the ocean but I can't [TS]

00:27:41   bring myself to throw them back so I [TS]

00:27:43   bring them home [TS]

00:27:45   I have a big bowl of them with rocks so [TS]

00:27:49   then you sort of but then the then let's [TS]

00:27:51   say it's a rainy Saturday it's a rainy [TS]

00:27:54   Saturday and for this is the thing about [TS]

00:27:55   the dead baby otter I don't have other [TS]

00:27:57   ones so i would have to find i would [TS]

00:28:00   have to start a new collection a or i [TS]

00:28:03   would have to find some collection that [TS]

00:28:04   a dead baby otter belongs in i'm still [TS]

00:28:09   trying to think of one but that's this [TS]

00:28:10   is this is part of your gift though is I [TS]

00:28:12   mean I think it's a little cynical to [TS]

00:28:13   say i'm not going to pick up a dead baby [TS]

00:28:15   otters because i don't have six other [TS]

00:28:16   ones well like how does that begin right [TS]

00:28:18   at some point you go [TS]

00:28:19   this is this is like a cool guitar pick [TS]

00:28:22   we're gonna go or like this is a nice [TS]

00:28:23   key or we could let's say you get a baby [TS]

00:28:27   otter you can hollow it out and make a [TS]

00:28:29   hat [TS]

00:28:30   you could if I think you'd have to [TS]

00:28:33   hollow it out no matter what you want to [TS]

00:28:35   do that real fast unless you can't [TS]

00:28:37   reason with you freeze it and then use [TS]

00:28:38   like a like a like a hit now tabletops [TS]

00:28:41   are or like a router so it's called well [TS]

00:28:44   the problem with it with freezing [TS]

00:28:45   something like that if you got a thought [TS]

00:28:47   again eventually [TS]

00:28:48   and that's not going to be a good [TS]

00:28:50   process that's gonna be fun you you're [TS]

00:28:52   right you want to get to you want to get [TS]

00:28:53   to hollowing it out right away and that [TS]

00:28:56   its that's it that's part of the [TS]

00:28:57   inhibiting mean I'm on the question I [TS]

00:28:59   have been thinking about your schedule [TS]

00:29:00   you might have been thinking I need to [TS]

00:29:01   pick up some some brace wax or or jacket [TS]

00:29:04   swaps and and therefore I may not have [TS]

00:29:07   time to do this order the honor that it [TS]

00:29:09   would need to be a really suitable hot [TS]

00:29:11   for me even though you have literally [TS]

00:29:13   hundreds of heads [TS]

00:29:14   yeah and i'm on the beach so I don't [TS]

00:29:15   know i mean this is not a part of town [TS]

00:29:17   where I know all the taxidermists who [TS]

00:29:19   not like you know if I was in my [TS]

00:29:21   neighborhood been to a taxidermist know [TS]

00:29:24   my dad my dad was a sportsman and one of [TS]

00:29:27   his best friend's was a taxidermist [TS]

00:29:28   really yeah yeah i mean my dad was [TS]

00:29:30   really believe it or not he was a real [TS]

00:29:33   sportsman he you know he had a water [TS]

00:29:36   buffalo [TS]

00:29:37   um he hunted like the kind of things you [TS]

00:29:39   hunt if you lived in the midwest you [TS]

00:29:41   know varmints well yeah whatever need [TS]

00:29:45   never needed killing with but I don't [TS]

00:29:49   think you're gonna be Jews in the sea I [TS]

00:29:51   was avoiding the ping-pong or near [TS]

00:29:54   indiana so we have to be careful as [TS]

00:29:55   claimed country the no butBut he was a [TS]

00:29:59   visitor traffic fishermen a lot here we [TS]

00:30:01   catch a lot of really amazing like [TS]

00:30:02   bigmouth bigmouth bass and stuff like [TS]

00:30:04   you know I think you're smaller kind of [TS]

00:30:06   canines you know like a like a fox type [TS]

00:30:09   type thing maybe something like that [TS]

00:30:10   anyway he had a buddy who was a really [TS]

00:30:12   good you know the taxidermy i don't know [TS]

00:30:15   i think i think taxidermy is a lot like [TS]

00:30:17   dentistry or hand jobs or whatever [TS]

00:30:18   haircuts [TS]

00:30:19   let's say you get so over if you've got [TS]

00:30:21   a comb-over you keep going to that same [TS]

00:30:22   barber because you don't have the steak [TS]

00:30:24   right so you know when you don't have to [TS]

00:30:26   say make it look like I got here here [TS]

00:30:27   you sit down and you don't hopefully [TS]

00:30:30   don't talk to each other with the sports [TS]

00:30:31   page or penthouse and then you walk out [TS]

00:30:32   of there looking more or less like you [TS]

00:30:34   wanted to look right now but the [TS]

00:30:35   comb-over is more an expression of the [TS]

00:30:37   barber than it is of the person living [TS]

00:30:39   under the country think so i really do [TS]

00:30:41   you think you got 25 BBQ five different [TS]

00:30:43   come over [TS]

00:30:43   yeah i mean because because like you're [TS]

00:30:45   saying the comb-over is an opportunity [TS]

00:30:47   you're reading Penthouse the comb-over [TS]

00:30:48   is the opportunity for the for the [TS]

00:30:50   barber to create a hair nest where there [TS]

00:30:55   was none over and and if he if he make [TS]

00:30:58   some choices if he makes you look like [TS]

00:31:00   mo from the Three Stooges you you're not [TS]

00:31:04   going to question it you're not gonna go [TS]

00:31:05   hey because you already feel you already [TS]

00:31:08   feel ridiculous going in there and [TS]

00:31:09   having him you know make a hair helps [TS]

00:31:12   you imagine there must be people who [TS]

00:31:13   specialize in that I i have to admit [TS]

00:31:15   I've thought about this a lot and I'd [TS]

00:31:17   what god bless you anybody's gonna come [TS]

00:31:18   over I'm not [TS]

00:31:19   don't let the showing you have [TS]

00:31:21   accomplished I'm not criticizing the [TS]

00:31:23   president but really let today be the [TS]

00:31:25   day and you know what if you gotta go t [TS]

00:31:27   to let's just go ahead and give that [TS]

00:31:29   little extra thought too well no no what [TS]

00:31:31   kind of go to you're talking about [TS]

00:31:32   because there are several kinds if you [TS]

00:31:34   still got the name is going to you know [TS]

00:31:36   exactly what Cody moi do know that i'm [TS]

00:31:38   not talking about queens of the stone [TS]

00:31:39   age like i'm not i'm not talking about [TS]

00:31:41   like chinstrap Lincoln canon sometimes I [TS]

00:31:44   like to rock a colonel sanders you like [TS]

00:31:47   a VanDyke it's not a VanDyke exactly [TS]

00:31:49   it's a mark twain it's like you got the [TS]

00:31:51   got the mustache you can underneath but [TS]

00:31:53   they don't connect ok here's here's the [TS]

00:31:54   thing though it's somebody comes in and [TS]

00:31:56   i have no idea i'm so curious about how [TS]

00:31:58   this works [TS]

00:31:59   looking at the stories about how any [TS]

00:32:00   warhol I had a guy we hired a guy to [TS]

00:32:04   come in every few weeks and act like he [TS]

00:32:06   was trimming his wig haha so there's a [TS]

00:32:09   guy who would come in and I and and so [TS]

00:32:12   things have noticed armature look at how [TS]

00:32:14   do you make that phone call you go high [TS]

00:32:15   on this guy who makes really famous pop [TS]

00:32:17   art I obviously have a wig and i would [TS]

00:32:20   like you to come over and pretend to cut [TS]

00:32:21   it or you know it's probably something [TS]

00:32:22   much more subtle than that and this is [TS]

00:32:24   why I should go to a prostitute [TS]

00:32:25   I know so little about how this kind of [TS]

00:32:27   stuff works and i'm guessing the guy [TS]

00:32:29   comes over he's got it takes his tools [TS]

00:32:31   out because he's probably doing a closet [TS]

00:32:33   or something in his house right he's [TS]

00:32:34   he's a busy guy yesterday and I bet when [TS]

00:32:37   he's getting his haircut everybody [TS]

00:32:38   babies doing it right in the middle of [TS]

00:32:40   the room and somebody's making a film [TS]

00:32:41   about it and somebody's doing an [TS]

00:32:42   interpretive dance about it he's not [TS]

00:32:45   gonna miss that opportunity [TS]

00:32:46   oh I see this is this is not so [TS]

00:32:48   different from the the dead baby otter [TS]

00:32:51   you know I mean it's a serendipity [TS]

00:32:54   anyway somebody comes over as part of [TS]

00:32:56   its a part of a performance and I i was [TS]

00:32:58   trying to I was trying to think of how i [TS]

00:32:59   could incorporate this dead baby honor [TS]

00:33:01   into a performance i couldn't i don't [TS]

00:33:02   doubt for a second that you can [TS]

00:33:04   incorporate it but I mean I'm not saying [TS]

00:33:06   is I thought about this a lot because if [TS]

00:33:07   it were mean and I'm fortunate to be at [TS]

00:33:11   least for now a largely be haired man so [TS]

00:33:14   I'm not in a position to say anything [TS]

00:33:15   about this i'm saying is like when you [TS]

00:33:17   first go in it seems like there's got to [TS]

00:33:19   be a first-time where you come in and he [TS]

00:33:21   probably speak in you know anything is [TS]

00:33:24   again now if you're getting hand jobs [TS]

00:33:25   every day you know exactly what to say [TS]

00:33:27   and you're not embarrassed about it you [TS]

00:33:29   say i would like this kind of a handjob [TS]

00:33:30   don't have this much to spend [TS]

00:33:32   this is the thing that fascinates me [TS]

00:33:34   about people to talk about sex [TS]

00:33:35   uninhibited you're not gonna talk about [TS]

00:33:37   comb-overs are you alright go ahead no [TS]

00:33:38   go ahead [TS]

00:33:39   no no I'm interested to hear because i [TS]

00:33:41   know you're you're fixated on your own [TS]

00:33:42   hair [TS]

00:33:43   I am so not fixated stream a get-well [TS]

00:33:45   dollar haircut John I know but you get [TS]

00:33:48   at $12 haircut but how much time do you [TS]

00:33:51   spend talking about your haircut before [TS]

00:33:53   you get it [TS]

00:33:54   I'm sure that I'm sure that you could [TS]

00:33:55   pay overtime me you could pay the barber [TS]

00:33:58   fifty dollars and still not have [TS]

00:33:59   compensated him adequately for his time [TS]

00:34:02   I have very fine hairs on your nerves [TS]

00:34:04   tremendous and that is why your your [TS]

00:34:06   haircut fixation is a is such a such a a [TS]

00:34:09   source of joy for me [TS]

00:34:11   we act like being a barber is a typical [TS]

00:34:13   sort of like blue-collar trade you know [TS]

00:34:15   and really there's no such thing as a [TS]

00:34:17   typical blue-collar traders huge amount [TS]

00:34:19   of expertise this is a person think [TS]

00:34:20   about this you're bringing in if you're [TS]

00:34:22   dealing with comb-overs you're dealing [TS]

00:34:24   with psychology you are dealing [TS]

00:34:26   certainly with physics you're dealing [TS]

00:34:28   with a lot of mechanical skills and also [TS]

00:34:30   to handle money you're an artist you are [TS]

00:34:32   an artist because you're going to have [TS]

00:34:34   to say to that person and again you're [TS]

00:34:35   going to overtime that should that not [TS]

00:34:37   evolve you probably can't rock the same [TS]

00:34:39   color if you were doing the mo for a [TS]

00:34:41   while and that was working right you [TS]

00:34:43   know and then probably know but pretty [TS]

00:34:45   soon and dealing with natural hair [TS]

00:34:46   you're also a time traveler because you [TS]

00:34:48   are you are cutting hair and you are [TS]

00:34:51   extrapolating with this haircut is going [TS]

00:34:53   to look like in six weeks [TS]

00:34:55   I mean you're way ahead of your way out [TS]

00:34:58   of everybody else because the halfway [TS]

00:35:00   houses they probably aren't always on [TS]

00:35:02   top of the game financially they [TS]

00:35:03   probably have hard times right correct [TS]

00:35:05   is it possible that you could help them [TS]

00:35:07   up [TS]

00:35:08   that honor and somebody could make that [TS]

00:35:09   into a hairpiece hmm i don't think that [TS]

00:35:12   the skill set that the people in the [TS]

00:35:14   halfway houses have I don't know I don't [TS]

00:35:16   think their skill sets overlap taxidermy [TS]

00:35:20   taxidermy so hard [TS]

00:35:23   taxidermy is not what people think it is [TS]

00:35:25   did your dad have taxidermy animals in [TS]

00:35:26   the house [TS]

00:35:27   oh yeah we're who inherited those uh [TS]

00:35:30   there's a very very very large canada [TS]

00:35:32   geese at my mom's house [TS]

00:35:34   mm there I thought you got it but you [TS]

00:35:37   don't have a single like little little [TS]

00:35:39   angry fox in your house a little angry [TS]

00:35:41   Fox perched on a personal log I don't [TS]

00:35:44   want to say the super obvious thing but [TS]

00:35:46   I find I'm incredibly impressed by [TS]

00:35:49   taxidermy because I i want to listen to [TS]

00:35:51   understand taxidermy is not what it [TS]

00:35:52   sounds like they say stuffing and no [TS]

00:35:54   you're not you're making a sculpture of [TS]

00:35:55   that animal rights its own people have [TS]

00:35:57   no idea they think when you hear it [TS]

00:35:59   stuffing an animal you think you know [TS]

00:36:00   you cut it open like a carpet stick a [TS]

00:36:02   bunch of cotton balls then but sometimes [TS]

00:36:03   that if you've ever seen somebody's [TS]

00:36:05   somebody's taxidermy dog that was done [TS]

00:36:07   poorly and i hope you never have to see [TS]

00:36:09   that but if you have never watch [TS]

00:36:10   television and older relatives house and [TS]

00:36:12   they have a small dog mounted on top of [TS]

00:36:13   the TV [TS]

00:36:14   oh you're not be able to focus on the [TS]

00:36:15   price is right here that guy's going to [TS]

00:36:17   go over the mountains you steering this [TS]

00:36:18   little fucking googly eyes [TS]

00:36:19   well that's terrible and also you're [TS]

00:36:21   slipping on the plastic-covered couch [TS]

00:36:23   while you're trying to avoid that week [TS]

00:36:25   the gaze of their poorly taxidermied [TS]

00:36:28   former Penn and the cats all the cats [TS]

00:36:29   but the now anyway but we can move on [TS]

00:36:32   but i'm saying is when i was in there [TS]

00:36:33   though [TS]

00:36:33   ok so answer question no I don't because [TS]

00:36:35   I find it incredibly creepy to have [TS]

00:36:37   stuffed animals around when we go to you [TS]

00:36:39   can see it's a skin of an animal over a [TS]

00:36:41   plastic armature everything about it is [TS]

00:36:43   made up they look at and photograph lets [TS]

00:36:46   the fish one particular interest me [TS]

00:36:48   because it's you know I don't know a lot [TS]

00:36:51   about it but it's all I'm saying is it's [TS]

00:36:53   something that more people should [TS]

00:36:54   respect as incredibly fucked up and [TS]

00:36:55   creepy as it is it's it imagines making [TS]

00:36:58   a fucking deer look realistic you have [TS]

00:37:00   to build a sculpture of a deer you [TS]

00:37:02   choose those are the deer's eyes that [TS]

00:37:05   the pic eyes that look like they do it's [TS]

00:37:07   it's it's a it's like what's his head [TS]

00:37:09   that hyper-reality guy umberto eco it's [TS]

00:37:11   like you're making like a simulacra dear [TS]

00:37:12   from scratch practically right well [TS]

00:37:15   there are some deer parts that you do [TS]

00:37:16   use which parts like the little puffy [TS]

00:37:18   tale of the skin of the deer [TS]

00:37:21   so you cut that in a certain way that is [TS]

00:37:25   going to keep it intact like you would [TS]

00:37:26   do with an apple or an orange she tried [TS]

00:37:28   to kill the deer ok and then you make up [TS]

00:37:30   then you make a plastic dear how did [TS]

00:37:32   they get the inside that without tearing [TS]

00:37:33   it [TS]

00:37:34   that's the magic that's the magic of [TS]

00:37:38   taxidermy now unlike handjobs and colors [TS]

00:37:41   you can go into a taxidermy place and [TS]

00:37:42   say this is official i got please make [TS]

00:37:44   it look like this fish that's a [TS]

00:37:45   transaction that seems very [TS]

00:37:46   straightforward you can say that in a [TS]

00:37:47   hand job parlor to you want to look like [TS]

00:37:49   this [TS]

00:37:50   well you can say this is a fish oh I [TS]

00:37:53   want you to make it look like this [TS]

00:37:54   oh and the handjob prepare goes [TS]

00:37:57   mm okay i'm playing along I've heard [TS]

00:38:01   some people say hey if you liked this [TS]

00:38:02   haircut take a picture of it and bring [TS]

00:38:04   it back [TS]

00:38:05   do you think you can do that with [TS]

00:38:06   handjobs locate let me be the first time [TS]

00:38:07   could you bring in like maybe a shotgun [TS]

00:38:09   your iphone you bring in a video of a [TS]

00:38:10   handjob you've enjoyed just I'm asking [TS]

00:38:12   for a friend or if you've got a hand job [TS]

00:38:15   you've been shooting the handjob while [TS]

00:38:16   it's happening can you bring it back [TS]

00:38:17   later that same he's not there [TS]

00:38:19   you bring it in and can you do you think [TS]

00:38:20   you be able to replicate that maybe they [TS]

00:38:22   say you know what that's not the kind [TS]

00:38:23   idea that's not my background I think [TS]

00:38:25   that every hand job is different because [TS]

00:38:26   every day is a new day [TS]

00:38:28   you know this is my America's great John [TS]

00:38:30   it really is unlike a taxidermied [TS]

00:38:32   animals which is which is stuck in time [TS]

00:38:35   right it's never going to grow more [TS]

00:38:37   Morpher yeah he's gonna lose for ya you [TS]

00:38:41   are constantly shutting off your skin [TS]

00:38:44   cells so so next week [TS]

00:38:48   your penis is a different penis who then [TS]

00:38:50   it was the week before you can go in and [TS]

00:38:52   say I took a video of my last handjob I [TS]

00:38:53   want to do it exactly like this because [TS]

00:38:55   you don't know what your friend your [TS]

00:38:57   penis is different let's be honest and [TS]

00:38:59   ladies has different this is fucking he [TS]

00:39:00   replied to stay one that's a really good [TS]

00:39:02   point John has a Heraclitus would be a [TS]

00:39:04   really good name for a hand job portal [TS]

00:39:05   other one [TS]

00:39:06   Wow Heraclitus 'as you never dip it in [TS]

00:39:09   the same hand twice their Heraclitus is [TS]

00:39:13   a about parlor of mystery [TS]

00:39:16   I'm just gonna go well what do you want [TS]

00:39:18   to put up the parmenides parlor has a [TS]

00:39:20   certain rigidity so it does who does so [TS]

00:39:24   I yeah I would feel like what you would [TS]

00:39:26   do to get what you would try to [TS]

00:39:28   approximate the handjob you got last [TS]

00:39:30   time by saying some you know you by [TS]

00:39:32   saying some of the same [TS]

00:39:34   I mean I think that we have friends we [TS]

00:39:36   have mutual friend now you and I who [TS]

00:39:38   could address this topic just quite [TS]

00:39:40   directly [TS]

00:39:40   this is this is this the friend that you [TS]

00:39:42   ran into that day uh I right I run into [TS]

00:39:46   people all the time I win the heart when [TS]

00:39:48   you're in the handjob district and you [TS]

00:39:49   ran into somebody I was it was this is [TS]

00:39:51   my house with my run into the hand just [TS]

00:39:53   your help friend and just watch it you [TS]

00:39:55   don't think so yeah yeah you know what [TS]

00:39:58   seems different things when I didn't [TS]

00:40:00   have got a public schools i was in [TS]

00:40:02   Seattle's handjob district he told the [TS]

00:40:04   story is a terrific story anyway I but I [TS]

00:40:07   feel like I feel like in order to get [TS]

00:40:09   the handjob you want you say you have to [TS]

00:40:11   say some things directly and you have to [TS]

00:40:13   say some things obliquely right you [TS]

00:40:15   don't want to really do you really think [TS]

00:40:17   so you don't go in and just say here's [TS]

00:40:18   what I want [TS]

00:40:19   get her done I disagree and ask to be [TS]

00:40:22   there has to be a you have to have some [TS]

00:40:24   amount of like pretending but I make my [TS]

00:40:28   adopt me briefly very cuz i dont IM not [TS]

00:40:30   in any position to do this with you but [TS]

00:40:33   me I get slightly Socratic for a minute [TS]

00:40:35   please do i would you agree that doing [TS]

00:40:37   handjobs for a living is a kind of [TS]

00:40:40   business [TS]

00:40:40   yes okay would you seed that those [TS]

00:40:44   people have probably before choice [TS]

00:40:45   awards don't use the word can't let me [TS]

00:40:47   start over [TS]

00:40:48   which means through spellings and say [TS]

00:40:49   what you inseminate that the people that [TS]

00:40:51   give handjobs probably have more [TS]

00:40:54   experience with giving handjobs then you [TS]

00:40:56   and know the business [TS]

00:40:58   yes okay and is it fair to say that with [TS]

00:41:02   those things in place that they are in a [TS]

00:41:05   position to appreciate candor further [TS]

00:41:06   customers so that they can deliver the [TS]

00:41:08   best product for the correct price [TS]

00:41:10   yes I believe that's true ok so somebody [TS]

00:41:12   comes to you and says we want to so I [TS]

00:41:15   hurt you i don't want people I like that [TS]

00:41:20   stuff you could you know you want to go [TS]

00:41:22   com play fucking concert at the club [TS]

00:41:23   it's this much right you don't want to [TS]

00:41:26   come in bellingham the people with a [TS]

00:41:27   whole bunch of like I don't know what [TS]

00:41:29   that is a verb [TS]

00:41:30   well I mean I'm turning it into a verbal [TS]

00:41:31   that's good can you just a rough idea [TS]

00:41:33   transitive verb to bellingham was enter [TS]

00:41:35   the city of Billingham is the plant is [TS]

00:41:37   the is the city in the most north [TS]

00:41:40   western corner of the United States you [TS]

00:41:44   could say the push for [TS]

00:41:46   out in out in little Peninsula is more [TS]

00:41:49   is further west but it's not as far [TS]

00:41:51   north a bellingham is where the present [TS]

00:41:53   where the west coast sort of passive [TS]

00:41:57   aggressive mealy-mouth we can all agree [TS]

00:41:59   on cheese tendencies as you move further [TS]

00:42:04   north and further west those ten traits [TS]

00:42:07   are concentrated until you get to the [TS]

00:42:09   city of Bellingham where no one can make [TS]

00:42:11   a decision no one can ever express uh-uh [TS]

00:42:15   opinion no one has no one no one can [TS]

00:42:20   ever get into an argument it is [TS]

00:42:22   impossible to get into an argument with [TS]

00:42:23   it was something about him because they [TS]

00:42:25   will go oh I see the ax plus 8 valley [TS]

00:42:30   oh my god oh my god is that I mean in [TS]

00:42:33   the same way that the Mississippi Delta [TS]

00:42:34   products so much rich blues music is [TS]

00:42:36   this where don't yell at me music has [TS]

00:42:38   its basis do you think this is where [TS]

00:42:39   don't miele music came from it is where [TS]

00:42:41   don't yell at me culture comes from you [TS]

00:42:44   go you go up there and people you know [TS]

00:42:45   if you start talking in an unvarnished [TS]

00:42:47   way about a about your feelings or about [TS]

00:42:51   some ideas you had people will throw an [TS]

00:42:53   Icelandic sweaters at you and just so [TS]

00:42:55   muscle or give a redacted version of the [TS]

00:42:58   anecdote on tumblr tomorrow with like [TS]

00:43:01   ellipses so I'm beginning to feel like [TS]

00:43:03   just going having things is the thing [TS]

00:43:05   but I opposed to I want to stay i want [TS]

00:43:08   to put a stop to bellingham and um but [TS]

00:43:11   but so you don't want to go into a hand [TS]

00:43:13   job parlor [TS]

00:43:14   and-and-and bellingham the woman but at [TS]

00:43:17   the same time there is an element of [TS]

00:43:18   fantasy necessary for for you to become [TS]

00:43:21   truly around you can't unless unless [TS]

00:43:24   you're like a very unless you really are [TS]

00:43:26   unless you're a sicko unless you're a [TS]

00:43:28   sociopath and you're like I want you to [TS]

00:43:30   whack me off right now and I want to [TS]

00:43:32   watch and I want you to start a little [TS]

00:43:34   taxicab meter and I want you know I was [TS]

00:43:37   that some people like it because of that [TS]

00:43:39   though the dirtiness only like the [TS]

00:43:41   dirtiness but there has to be there has [TS]

00:43:43   to be some element i think the dirt [TS]

00:43:45   people like the dirtiness wire to be an [TS]

00:43:47   element of degradation and the people [TS]

00:43:49   who don't like the dirtiness want there [TS]

00:43:51   to be like some the some pretend game [TS]

00:43:56   where the woman actually likes this [TS]

00:43:58   right she's going to take on [TS]

00:44:00   hitters she's doing because she enjoys [TS]

00:44:01   watching you have pleasure even though [TS]

00:44:04   the woman at the hand job parlor doesn't [TS]

00:44:05   care about you now Germany German goes [TS]

00:44:08   in there is a german one taxi meter [TS]

00:44:10   well the German once the woman to take a [TS]

00:44:13   poo on him haha i periodically run [TS]

00:44:22   across German pornography on the [TS]

00:44:24   internet and i'm struck constructed [TS]

00:44:27   there is any way that the German whatnot [TS]

00:44:31   race what's the word I'm looking for [TS]

00:44:32   I don't know how German people have [TS]

00:44:34   babies because it seems to involve a lot [TS]

00:44:36   of improvement over the old to point out [TS]

00:44:38   there's very little penetration of the [TS]

00:44:40   proper holes it's a lot of poop and [TS]

00:44:42   hitting yeah [TS]

00:44:43   poop yeah poopin hitting nobody was in [TS]

00:44:46   the many years in college that I spent [TS]

00:44:47   learning multiculturalism has taught me [TS]

00:44:49   to respect and admire the German group [TS]

00:44:52   Culture PSX culture [TS]

00:44:54   I don't judge know if you can't judge no [TS]

00:44:57   um yeah I can I see what you're saying I [TS]

00:45:01   see what you're saying I guess what I'm [TS]

00:45:02   saying is like I guess we should not [TS]

00:45:04   make it all about handjobs but let's [TS]

00:45:05   talk about haircuts [TS]

00:45:06   let's say you go in and get a haircut [TS]

00:45:07   and you want to touch your balls how do [TS]

00:45:09   you ask is it something where you see [TS]

00:45:10   that directly or do you do you make out [TS]

00:45:12   like a pointing south thing like if [TS]

00:45:15   you're getting if you're getting a [TS]

00:45:15   haircut and you want to to do it a [TS]

00:45:17   little more rigidly at the top [TS]

00:45:20   uh-huh I think you pulled sylvester [TS]

00:45:22   stallone at that point eat eggs in class [TS]

00:45:24   now the sylvester stallone is a one [TS]

00:45:27   point he was making a film here in [TS]

00:45:28   Seattle and him having someone to make [TS]

00:45:33   it was one of those alone movies where [TS]

00:45:34   he's driving a car around and they're [TS]

00:45:36   filming chase scenes in a city over and [TS]

00:45:39   if you live in the city you realize that [TS]

00:45:42   one shot to the next he's gone 15 miles [TS]

00:45:45   and now he said that happens in bullet i [TS]

00:45:47   just made great time you get to potrero [TS]

00:45:49   hill really fast [TS]

00:45:50   how did he do that how does he keep [TS]

00:45:51   being on the top of the hill keep [TS]

00:45:54   driving downhill and now he's on the [TS]

00:45:56   topic and must be when Van Ness had a [TS]

00:45:58   trebuchet but yeah so yeah just flings [TS]

00:46:02   himself all the way over [TS]

00:46:04   uh this alone movie is one of these [TS]

00:46:06   terrible movies where where he's a spy [TS]

00:46:09   and there are no spies in Seattle first [TS]

00:46:11   of all I know that for a fact and he was [TS]

00:46:14   sized him up he's a spy and he's driving [TS]

00:46:17   around a puppy leather car coat because [TS]

00:46:19   it happened during that era and it one [TS]

00:46:21   minute he's on this side of the town and [TS]

00:46:22   the next minute he's on that side and a [TS]

00:46:25   lot of people i knew a lot of people in [TS]

00:46:27   the Seattle because she was trying to be [TS]

00:46:28   a film town at that time I a lot of [TS]

00:46:32   people were working on this film and so [TS]

00:46:34   I heard this story firsthand if he had [TS]

00:46:36   he had like.he was Mike for sound right [TS]

00:46:39   well they're filming the movie and then [TS]

00:46:40   when he he's not in this scene or [TS]

00:46:43   something like that he's back at his [TS]

00:46:44   trailer but he's got the microphone [TS]

00:46:46   still on about know and he's getting oh [TS]

00:46:49   yeah is this really true [TS]

00:46:51   yeah he's getting a blowjob from us some [TS]

00:46:53   some production assistant lady [TS]

00:46:56   oh I put pretty sure it's a lady can not [TS]

00:47:00   that part of the story was never [TS]

00:47:01   stipulated but i'm pretty sure it's a [TS]

00:47:02   live one here and and but everyone in [TS]

00:47:07   the sound truck they're all listening to [TS]

00:47:10   him get this blowjob and i have never [TS]

00:47:12   heard a recording of it but I have heard [TS]

00:47:14   the story from multiple people and it's [TS]

00:47:16   always the same hands and but the pole [TS]

00:47:19   quote the pole quote from Stallone is [TS]

00:47:21   cradle the balls working shaft cradle [TS]

00:47:28   the balls work the shaft two-and-a-half [TS]

00:47:31   on the side splendid on top and told [TS]

00:47:36   josh Josh in the early nineties when [TS]

00:47:39   this story made that made the rounds the [TS]

00:47:41   idea i think that you could say to [TS]

00:47:43   someone cradle the balls [TS]

00:47:44   work the shaft that was kind of a [TS]

00:47:46   revelation because you know you're used [TS]

00:47:48   to that when you're in your early [TS]

00:47:50   twenties and you're getting your first [TS]

00:47:51   or your too late teens let's say i don't [TS]

00:47:53   know i don't know when people get their [TS]

00:47:54   first blow jobs maybe that happens in [TS]

00:47:56   their early teens not for me kind of [TS]

00:47:58   touched on a blowjob here [TS]

00:48:00   yeah it was something that is something [TS]

00:48:01   that that I I really kicked into gear [TS]

00:48:03   with a little bit later in life but you [TS]

00:48:06   know you like to start out slow when you [TS]

00:48:09   first start getting blowjobs [TS]

00:48:10   yeah you're you're the only thing that [TS]

00:48:12   ever comes out of your mouth the only [TS]

00:48:13   thing you ever say is thank you i think [TS]

00:48:16   it's just it seems like an awful lot to [TS]

00:48:18   ask of any thank you that's so amazing [TS]

00:48:20   thank you even if it's a terrible blow [TS]

00:48:21   job which as you get all [TS]

00:48:22   do you realize there can be really [TS]

00:48:24   terrible blow job absolutely but God [TS]

00:48:26   think about it from that person is it [TS]

00:48:28   you don't well I don't know people that [TS]

00:48:30   they there are enough of them happening [TS]

00:48:32   right now as we speak [TS]

00:48:33   that's people like it people like to do [TS]

00:48:35   it yeah you really think so [TS]

00:48:37   oh yeah you have to you have to like to [TS]

00:48:39   do it's not a unit deeply than altruism [TS]

00:48:40   and gentlemen this is the bellingham [TS]

00:48:42   problem you think the blowjobs our favor [TS]

00:48:44   but there but they're not there and it's [TS]

00:48:46   not necessarily favorites not teaching [TS]

00:48:48   like going to a place you're going to [TS]

00:48:49   change in England cottaging you go into [TS]

00:48:51   places and there are apparently not just [TS]

00:48:54   in England I guess problems in Germany [TS]

00:48:55   to you can walk into a place in somebody [TS]

00:48:56   coupon hit you just because they enjoy [TS]

00:48:58   that right right or maybe something's in [TS]

00:49:00   there maybe somebody's in there saying [TS]

00:49:01   this is occupied [TS]

00:49:02   please come on in my hair I would be [TS]

00:49:05   happy to receive your your graciousness [TS]

00:49:07   there's a side to everything the person [TS]

00:49:09   who was walking down broadway on a leash [TS]

00:49:11   in assless leather chaps kids get [TS]

00:49:15   habitats and leather chaps they're all [TS]

00:49:17   assless right exactly like that except [TS]

00:49:20   he doesn't have any pants on under [TS]

00:49:22   consensual that's consensual they're [TS]

00:49:23   happy to be chapped he likes to be the [TS]

00:49:25   one making in chaps and just as much as [TS]

00:49:27   the guy who's holding the leash likes it [TS]

00:49:29   and so so i think that i think that is [TS]

00:49:33   true for blowjobs to but in any case you [TS]

00:49:35   you it was a revelation in the early [TS]

00:49:37   nineties to realize that you could speak [TS]

00:49:38   so directly to someone who is fellating [TS]

00:49:40   you and say cradle the balls [TS]

00:49:43   work the shaft like those are two [TS]

00:49:44   instructions not incompatible with one [TS]

00:49:46   another [TS]

00:49:47   uh-huh and he's saying like you got two [TS]

00:49:49   hands basically put them to work [TS]

00:49:52   absolutely when you deal with the other [TS]

00:49:54   one working 2-10 key come on [TS]

00:49:56   exactly yet we got this other hand [TS]

00:49:58   you're like running it through your hair [TS]

00:49:59   trying to look hot because it's your [TS]

00:50:01   call a production assistant not a [TS]

00:50:02   production distraction exactly that [TS]

00:50:05   there's no it is true [TS]

00:50:06   there used to be an ad that ran in the [TS]

00:50:08   local newspapers here from for the hot [TS]

00:50:10   tub place you know the place where you [TS]

00:50:12   go reread the hot tub for an hour okay [TS]

00:50:15   like that bathhouse kind of thing well [TS]

00:50:17   yeah except it was it was it was [TS]

00:50:19   targeted for straight people i mean i'm [TS]

00:50:20   sure 99 percent so she was in the cedar [TS]

00:50:22   instead of a porcelain right okay and [TS]

00:50:24   the picture that they had was of a the [TS]

00:50:26   picture they had was a woman in a bath [TS]

00:50:28   in a hot tub in a bikini [TS]

00:50:30   and she was drinking a like a [TS]

00:50:34   cosmopolitan with one hand right and [TS]

00:50:39   also simultaneously running her fingers [TS]

00:50:41   seductively through her hair with the [TS]

00:50:43   other hand and I don't know if you've [TS]

00:50:45   ever tried to drink a cosmopolitan and [TS]

00:50:47   seductively run your hands through your [TS]

00:50:48   hair at the same time but you can't it [TS]

00:50:51   is it's a physical impossibility try to [TS]

00:50:53   use it as a field sobriety tests it's [TS]

00:50:54   like if you even agree to take the test [TS]

00:50:56   they know you're drunk [TS]

00:50:57   especially if you're holding a [TS]

00:50:59   cosmopolitan let's be honest and I would [TS]

00:51:01   look at this and every time I open the [TS]

00:51:03   newspaper and infuriated me more [TS]

00:51:04   infuriating me almost as much as those [TS]

00:51:08   stupid rosetta stone adds the Iowa farm [TS]

00:51:11   boy is learning Italian so that he can [TS]

00:51:13   so that he can get the Italian [TS]

00:51:15   supermodel that I got a great job an [TS]

00:51:18   automobile repair by learning Aramaic [TS]

00:51:20   and but the but the other the Rosetta [TS]

00:51:23   Stone has pissed me off mostly because [TS]

00:51:24   that the first time I saw that it was a [TS]

00:51:26   very effective and then they ran the [TS]

00:51:28   same ad for five years huh [TS]

00:51:30   I was like get a new ad company get a [TS]

00:51:32   new idea there's a second one of those [TS]

00:51:34   right I'm he he was a Florida auto [TS]

00:51:39   mechanic she was Japanese but furry I [TS]

00:51:45   thought that way about a crystal [TS]

00:51:46   commercial in the early eighties which [TS]

00:51:48   I'm starting to think might have been [TS]

00:51:50   with the opposite of mass hysteria [TS]

00:51:50   personal insanity it was that where they [TS]

00:51:53   would have testimonials and they talked [TS]

00:51:54   to a very old Southern woman and they [TS]

00:51:56   showed her name on the bottom of the [TS]

00:51:57   screen name is Toby smelly how it's [TS]

00:52:01   spelled like it sounds [TS]

00:52:04   Tommy's allies Mel's in another why [TS]

00:52:06   topic how do you fix you pronounce it [TS]

00:52:08   I don't think she called herself copy [TS]

00:52:11   smell it should because the tip a smell [TS]

00:52:13   it [TS]

00:52:14   yeah so press mine now no this is a lady [TS]

00:52:17   you know exactly the kind of lady you [TS]

00:52:18   would seem like candid camera like kind [TS]

00:52:21   of like a lady in her fifties sixties [TS]

00:52:22   were like I'm as I remember and I could [TS]

00:52:24   remember this wrong i'm going to google [TS]

00:52:25   this and find out that I got this dead [TS]

00:52:27   wrong but remember there's commercials [TS]

00:52:29   that were on over and over and over [TS]

00:52:31   again especially local local commercials [TS]

00:52:33   but in that case you know ancient [TS]

00:52:35   chinese secret right like rights that is [TS]

00:52:37   so pounded into my head [TS]

00:52:38   and it was so awful and on so many times [TS]

00:52:42   that you know now it's there it's there [TS]

00:52:44   it's encoded right on the hard drive [TS]

00:52:45   whatever that you're looking for a [TS]

00:52:46   better set of wheels that level stand [TS]

00:52:49   upon my head to beat all deals with that [TS]

00:52:51   last car washed well well it turns out [TS]

00:52:54   that there's it growing up in Alaska the [TS]

00:52:59   ford dealer was named Cal Worthington [TS]

00:53:00   that sounds completely made up Cal [TS]

00:53:03   Worthington and he had this you have [TS]

00:53:05   this TV commercial where you start from [TS]

00:53:06   from cheek markdown no galworthy the [TS]

00:53:10   news is respectable for a whip crack [TS]

00:53:13   every time you say his name down within [TS]

00:53:14   1h well he had a theme song where he he [TS]

00:53:18   would get up he would get up on top of [TS]

00:53:19   cars he would dance and he would say I [TS]

00:53:22   will stand upon my head to beat all [TS]

00:53:23   deals i will stand upon my head until my [TS]

00:53:26   ears are turning red go see cal cosecant [TS]

00:53:28   sounds like dr. suits and he would stand [TS]

00:53:32   on his head in his TV commercials and [TS]

00:53:35   you would think I gotta go see cal and [TS]

00:53:37   growing up in Alaska these commercials [TS]

00:53:39   were they ran every 20 seconds [TS]

00:53:42   yes for 15 years right everybody in [TS]

00:53:46   Anchorage Alaska can sing cowards and [TS]

00:53:48   seemed song all the way through and her [TS]

00:53:50   are because he would buy 30-second spots [TS]

00:53:52   but he would buy one minute spots and I [TS]

00:53:53   think sometimes late at night there'd be [TS]

00:53:55   two minutes bother got this song has six [TS]

00:53:58   verses in the waffle house [TS]

00:54:01   oh it just goes on and on and on you and [TS]

00:54:04   he and and he added vs as it as compact [TS]

00:54:07   cars came in or campers and vans you [TS]

00:54:10   continue to stipulate that he would [TS]

00:54:11   stand upon his head [TS]

00:54:12   yeah if you're looking for a campervan [TS]

00:54:14   and I will stand upon my head to get [TS]

00:54:17   your camper van and and so what was what [TS]

00:54:21   was kind of confusing was that in all [TS]

00:54:23   his commercials he was standing on his [TS]

00:54:24   head in in an environment where there [TS]

00:54:27   were palm trees and it was very sunny [TS]

00:54:29   outside and the other is for blue [TS]

00:54:32   screens right yeah he's doing he's doing [TS]

00:54:35   this out in the world it's not before [TS]

00:54:37   before a green screen that TV commercial [TS]

00:54:39   he would stand upon his head in a in a [TS]

00:54:41   in a studio and they would they would [TS]

00:54:43   slide in a backdrop [TS]

00:54:45   and in Alaska we were so we we we were [TS]

00:54:47   so confused about what the outside world [TS]

00:54:49   looked like that it never I don't think [TS]

00:54:51   it ever occurred to anybody that Cal [TS]

00:54:53   Worthington also had also had chains in [TS]

00:54:58   california right and he was really a [TS]

00:55:00   California car dealer who had one [TS]

00:55:02   dealership in Alaska right but we never [TS]

00:55:06   put that together and it was just like [TS]

00:55:08   oh sure he's got palm trees because he's [TS]

00:55:09   there is Kalin ten courses bomb trees [TS]

00:55:12   had been in santa monica use it probably [TS]

00:55:14   in santa monica he probably had a whole [TS]

00:55:16   he probably 25 dealerships in California [TS]

00:55:18   and one in Alaska but we I mean I when [TS]

00:55:22   you meet an Alaskan ceasing the cal [TS]

00:55:24   worthington theme song and and it's like [TS]

00:55:26   you like big hugs all around six months [TS]

00:55:29   if you're from you know southwest Ohio [TS]

00:55:32   that would be cash hamburg and cash [TS]

00:55:33   amburgey ksh cash last name amburgey and [TS]

00:55:37   initially was one of the ambergris Dukes [TS]

00:55:40   take a journey to the center of my [TS]

00:55:45   catches caches big bargain barn in south [TS]

00:55:48   Lebanon Ohio save cash with cash [TS]

00:55:50   follow the cars follow the signs to [TS]

00:55:52   catch his big bargain barn in south [TS]

00:55:54   Lebanon Ohio and that was just always be [TS]

00:55:58   there forever [TS]

00:55:59   yeah it's there in your mind it caches [TS]

00:56:01   big bargain barn fucking love the [TS]

00:56:03   nineteen seventies yeah you could not [TS]

00:56:05   you you didn't make it all the way [TS]

00:56:07   through calculus i'm guessing but you [TS]

00:56:08   have that in your mind until the day you [TS]

00:56:10   die [TS]

00:56:10   is that right did you make it all the [TS]

00:56:13   way to calculus [TS]

00:56:14   ok i'm not trying to make you feel bad [TS]

00:56:17   really i didn't make it all the way [TS]

00:56:19   through calculus either at geometry in [TS]

00:56:21   12th grade John haha i think i have ever [TS]

00:56:25   believed in 8th graders to take geometry [TS]

00:56:27   maybe the way is the seventh graders to [TS]

00:56:29   take geometry i took Jodi sometime [TS]

00:56:32   pretty early there [TS]

00:56:33   yeah yeah but I quit I quit taking a [TS]

00:56:36   quick taking math you gotta gotta be in [TS]

00:56:38   cursive and cursive huh i don't think [TS]

00:56:41   they teach that anymore i was wondering [TS]

00:56:43   about that i wasn't even teach cursive [TS]

00:56:44   anymore I don't you teach cursive you [TS]

00:56:47   know you know when we were kids and we [TS]

00:56:48   will call cursive our parents will be no [TS]

00:56:50   people my parents or grandparents [TS]

00:56:52   generation with the cats like what the [TS]

00:56:53   fuck is cursive mean right it means [TS]

00:56:54   handwriting that long [TS]

00:56:56   let me get well you know yeah and like [TS]

00:56:59   everybody has provided it was eric [TS]

00:57:00   clapton's original rock nickname before [TS]

00:57:04   people realized he doesn't have long [TS]

00:57:06   hands he has a short guitar hey that's [TS]

00:57:09   all you say is forced perspective like [TS]

00:57:10   the Jackson think it was like yeah he [TS]

00:57:12   had a guitar that was made three quarter [TS]

00:57:13   sized coming up in a ball rock-like is [TS]

00:57:15   your hand he's the one who is spray [TS]

00:57:23   paint Clapton is God [TS]

00:57:24   that's a good question that's your [TS]

00:57:27   things in a brand or not but you know [TS]

00:57:28   Brian Epstein you know the story with [TS]

00:57:30   Brian Epstein with by you personally [TS]

00:57:33   Barker yeah like the singles the early [TS]

00:57:36   singles he would make sure there was a [TS]

00:57:37   sellout because he would personally buy [TS]

00:57:39   them also brian epstein very into [TS]

00:57:41   cottaging m gen John Lennon and john [TS]

00:57:44   lennon now what do you think do you [TS]

00:57:45   think they ever fooled around [TS]

00:57:46   yeah I bet you didn't like a fool around [TS]

00:57:49   with him just to assist just to say hey [TS]

00:57:50   could ya I'd like to fuck with people [TS]

00:57:52   you know what I mean like you like to [TS]

00:57:54   have that he liked to hold that over his [TS]

00:57:55   head [TS]

00:57:56   who do you think who do you think was [TS]

00:57:57   the hand in hand do you think John was [TS]

00:57:58   getting the getting is getting skinned [TS]

00:58:00   haircut pretty sure John was a top [TS]

00:58:02   producer john lennon was a top ok and so [TS]

00:58:04   do you think do you think he gave Brian [TS]

00:58:06   have seen instructions [TS]

00:58:09   no I think he probably giggle that brian [TS]

00:58:12   epstein i think he probably used he used [TS]

00:58:15   the shame and fear of fear of Revelation [TS]

00:58:18   keep brian epstein you know but i bet [TS]

00:58:22   you know the thing about gay men is that [TS]

00:58:24   they hunt they know how to give a [TS]

00:58:25   handjob the penis is not a strange thing [TS]

00:58:29   to them they've seen one before that the [TS]

00:58:33   challenge of the challenge of giving [TS]

00:58:34   handjob or blowjob instructions is that [TS]

00:58:36   you're dealing with a woman like has [TS]

00:58:39   never seen one before word there is this [TS]

00:58:41   is one reason there's a lot of Appeal [TS]

00:58:42   any strictly sexual satisfaction basis [TS]

00:58:45   to doing things with somebody of the [TS]

00:58:47   same gender & had the risk of sounding [TS]

00:58:48   provincial i I've never done anything [TS]

00:58:51   with somebody of the same gender I'm not [TS]

00:58:53   right [TS]

00:58:54   no even in college no tener aback but [TS]

00:58:59   alright who would have me I on era haha [TS]

00:59:03   but they say well you know you got you [TS]

00:59:06   already got that you got the equipment [TS]

00:59:07   right you know how to you know how to [TS]

00:59:08   work the tool [TS]

00:59:09   sure [TS]

00:59:10   her to you know you and so maybe maybe [TS]

00:59:11   it's a more efficient thing you don't [TS]

00:59:13   have to give this kind of instructions [TS]

00:59:14   and you know it's absolutely true when I [TS]

00:59:16   think you know as a gay man you also [TS]

00:59:18   realize that a little pinky of the bomb [TS]

00:59:19   that I didn't want to say it but I think [TS]

00:59:22   if you go into a place now how do you [TS]

00:59:23   ask for that you just call the bomb [TS]

00:59:26   why you say I don't don't get it to [TS]

00:59:27   short in the back yeah i think what you [TS]

00:59:29   do is you do the international sign for [TS]

00:59:31   pinky up the bum which is you hold up a [TS]

00:59:33   hand where you're at so you make this so [TS]

00:59:36   if you make a fist right after Homer [TS]

00:59:39   fist and then just raise the pink are [TS]

00:59:42   you sure that's international yeah if [TS]

00:59:44   you hold up a fist and then raise the [TS]

00:59:45   pinky that is picking up the bum what [TS]

00:59:48   else does it mean [TS]

00:59:49   well how about this nobody counts 125 [TS]

00:59:52   starting with the pinky you know in [TS]

00:59:54   Europe I think we start with your thumb [TS]

00:59:55   my daughter accounts with her thumb sure [TS]

00:59:57   starting I think she might be European [TS]

00:59:58   but the but the thing is with [TS]

00:59:58   but the but the thing is with [TS]

01:00:00   ok there's all the different ways you [TS]

01:00:01   like when you two just to give somebody [TS]

01:00:02   the finger in England you do the little [TS]

01:00:04   i'm doing things with my fingers from a [TS]

01:00:05   20 on do the makeup yeah but peace sign [TS]

01:00:09   and I just wonder from cultures all sure [TS]

01:00:11   if that might differ i could see people [TS]

01:00:13   i could see people in Romanian the [TS]

01:00:15   Balkans 20-something pretty different [TS]

01:00:16   people all around the world want to pick [TS]

01:00:19   up the bomb is that right yeah and and [TS]

01:00:22   then there's there's only one way to say [TS]

01:00:23   it [TS]

01:00:24   ok international language make a fist [TS]

01:00:26   and then raise the pinky thing and then [TS]

01:00:30   you kind of do it you do a sweeping [TS]

01:00:32   motion gonna do a sweeping motion like [TS]

01:00:34   and then it's in your bumper right [TS]

01:00:36   you're holding it up here it is and [TS]

01:00:39   sweep think it was Family Circus there [TS]

01:00:42   be a black dotted line indicate money [TS]

01:00:44   here goes it goes across the yard [TS]

01:00:46   Oh over the fence I'll tell you where [TS]

01:00:48   Billy's got speaking my ass that's where [TS]

01:00:50   Billy is and then or rain the bomb not [TS]

01:00:52   me but that isn't a thing I think most i [TS]

01:00:55   think most young ladies are shy about [TS]

01:00:57   putting their pinky in your bomb even [TS]

01:00:59   though you think they should know they [TS]

01:01:01   do or should know that everybody likes [TS]

01:01:03   that [TS]

01:01:03   yeah because i think i think putting [TS]

01:01:06   stuff in a lady's bum is a different [TS]

01:01:08   threats in a different category so you [TS]

01:01:10   know that's like that's like how long we [TS]

01:01:12   known each other [TS]

01:01:13   that's a smaller slice of the pie yeah [TS]

01:01:15   well can be can be a bigger slice of the [TS]

01:01:18   pile i don't know i don't want to really [TS]

01:01:19   get into that [TS]

01:01:20   yeah I'm not revealing too much ladies [TS]

01:01:22   are very picky about who cuts the hair i [TS]

01:01:24   think they're not afraid to go and be [TS]

01:01:25   very specific about how they want their [TS]

01:01:27   hair cut [TS]

01:01:27   I want some of the ladies who are [TS]

01:01:28   listening to this podcast to still have [TS]

01:01:30   an element of surprise when they meet me [TS]

01:01:32   also the act like they don't know about [TS]

01:01:33   the pinky but then boom know if needed [TS]

01:01:35   well let's look just like when I want to [TS]

01:01:38   go home I when I hold up my fist and [TS]

01:01:40   then I start raising the picture I want [TS]

01:01:42   them to be like what's going to happen [TS]

01:01:43   next [TS]

01:01:44   I don't want them to know like [TS]

01:01:45   everything maybe I think they please hit [TS]

01:01:49   me maybe the german thing you want to [TS]

01:01:50   fist in Germany the kitchen upon you [TS]

01:01:51   well you're you stick that pinky out and [TS]

01:01:53   then hit him hit him with the first but [TS]

01:01:55   with the pinky and you break your own [TS]

01:01:56   pinky and that's part of the hotness [TS]

01:01:59   these are say thank you and leave a tip [TS]

01:02:00   for like everything yet [TS]

01:02:04   oh you do you don't that's not the kind [TS]

01:02:06   of tip you want to leave [TS]

01:02:08   I'm shutting this down [TS]

01:02:13   [Music] [TS]