Roderick on the Line

Ep. 20: "We Can All Agree on Cheese"


00:00:00   hello John how are you hi Merlin e man [TS]

00:00:15   John ah you just sent me a picture of a [TS]

00:00:20   chili dog and I'm at once envious and [TS]

00:00:22   disgusted should be on my end I said [TS]

00:00:26   that to you you two minutes ago and its [TS]

00:00:29   menu [TS]

00:00:32   yeah it's all gone i think the first [TS]

00:00:34   rule of chili dog is that you should not [TS]

00:00:38   eat in two minutes [TS]

00:00:40   item i think the first rule of choice [TS]

00:00:44   August that you should you should eat it [TS]

00:00:45   as fast as you can from the driver's [TS]

00:00:49   seat of a moving volkswagen bus a lot of [TS]

00:00:53   fumes in a bus going across the george [TS]

00:00:56   washington bridge that is the that's the [TS]

00:00:58   first rule of chili bone i like to hear [TS]

00:01:01   more about that story you yes you so [TS]

00:01:04   much so much to share Jon in semi [TS]

00:01:06   stories and I worry i do what i can but [TS]

00:01:09   I still I still worry that there are so [TS]

00:01:11   many threads that could become what I [TS]

00:01:13   guess some kind of a tapestry yeah i [TS]

00:01:15   know a tapestry still on the first [TS]

00:01:17   square some kind of very special quilt [TS]

00:01:19   it's a tapestry that is safety pin to [TS]

00:01:22   the ceiling of my dorm room so that the [TS]

00:01:25   harsh light the harsh dorm room light is [TS]

00:01:28   turned into a beautiful mosaic of colors [TS]

00:01:32   there any patchouli no God no I and I [TS]

00:01:36   and Counting patchouli the other day [TS]

00:01:38   there might be patchouli on the pillow [TS]

00:01:40   from a from a visitor from guess who [TS]

00:01:43   but there's no native patchouli you sit [TS]

00:01:48   around listen to that indigo girls I [TS]

00:01:51   think some patchouli must have but let's [TS]

00:01:54   be honest first of all you don't even [TS]

00:01:55   have to be in the same room as someone [TS]

00:01:57   with the truly [TS]

00:01:58   I'm sure it goes through brick like [TS]

00:02:00   those cable shows about finding ghosts [TS]

00:02:02   now precisely i mean it could've been [TS]

00:02:03   there years ago right there let me just [TS]

00:02:06   let me just say that listening to the [TS]

00:02:07   Indigo Girls does not like patchouli [TS]

00:02:09   doesn't pour through the speakers you [TS]

00:02:12   have to someone with patchouli on has to [TS]

00:02:14   be in the vicinity food I like I know [TS]

00:02:17   this for a fact because I listened to [TS]

00:02:18   the Indigo Girls and diet i'm getting [TS]

00:02:21   patchouli on me I think you better get [TS]

00:02:23   it pours itself out in its own time in a [TS]

00:02:25   very empowered way [TS]

00:02:26   mhm I this is this is definitely one of [TS]

00:02:29   those things i think in a weird way that [TS]

00:02:31   would make neither side happy about it [TS]

00:02:33   is a lot like axe or roughly as polo Axe [TS]

00:02:36   body spray Axe body spray and because I [TS]

00:02:38   I think you become you come in nerd he [TS]

00:02:41   stopped in so i said that right [TS]

00:02:43   interested nerd is a newer how do you [TS]

00:02:46   say oh I newer damn right you in kc quit [TS]

00:02:49   notice how much you think you know and [TS]

00:02:52   I've seen this with old ladies in [TS]

00:02:53   performance lets perfume upon the white [TS]

00:02:55   shoulders of whatever and you put too [TS]

00:02:56   much on you don't know it it could be it [TS]

00:02:59   could become clients obsession I'm [TS]

00:03:00   telling you once you get into a personal [TS]

00:03:02   sent you gotta know when to stop and you [TS]

00:03:04   probably can't which is precisely why i [TS]

00:03:06   have never worn any kind of scented [TS]

00:03:09   product i were no scented products of [TS]

00:03:13   any kind setting aside the military [TS]

00:03:15   implications well exactly first of all [TS]

00:03:17   you don't want the Viacom to pick you [TS]

00:03:19   out of the jungle but second of all you [TS]

00:03:22   don't want to be walking around with the [TS]

00:03:24   with brute 45 or whatever on and and [TS]

00:03:29   it's coming off you and in giant waves [TS]

00:03:31   like like like on a highway in the [TS]

00:03:33   desert you know giant waves of stinky [TS]

00:03:37   cologne but also I learned very early on [TS]

00:03:41   that I was extremely sensitive to the [TS]

00:03:44   sense that women wore and if if if a [TS]

00:03:48   woman was wearing a at perfume or in a [TS]

00:03:51   lot of cases like a natural oil [TS]

00:03:53   what are those called an essential oil [TS]

00:03:55   who it was it was like I became not [TS]

00:04:02   sexually around food but not all the [TS]

00:04:05   none of those known as worked on you [TS]

00:04:07   beautiful girl will not none of them but [TS]

00:04:09   I don't worry about what about like a [TS]

00:04:10   ribeye [TS]

00:04:11   smell ya rabbi mm I mean you know we're [TS]

00:04:14   going the right way and the right place [TS]

00:04:16   it could i watch her eating a rib eye in [TS]

00:04:20   that case yes it that would conquer [TS]

00:04:21   almost all like sandalwood sighs just [TS]

00:04:24   just became very very sexy woman eating [TS]

00:04:26   a stick i love a woman who can really [TS]

00:04:28   dig into a steak but if I was nuzzling [TS]

00:04:29   her and all of a sudden I caught a whiff [TS]

00:04:31   of ribbon no I don't think that like [TS]

00:04:33   sauteed mushrooms [TS]

00:04:34   it's funny how you mix those things out [TS]

00:04:36   of context and caught a paraphilia [TS]

00:04:38   center of sautéed mushrooms will get me [TS]

00:04:41   through many many long nights was on [TS]

00:04:43   side one of your first record i agree on [TS]

00:04:47   all of these and I I've been I've been [TS]

00:04:49   guilty of this I've been guilty of that [TS]

00:04:51   i will say of wearing an essential oil [TS]

00:04:54   and turning out with boyfriend don't [TS]

00:04:56   really smell like a steak I've done that [TS]

00:04:57   I think we've holics without dabbled in [TS]

00:04:59   the early nineties we were all dabbling [TS]

00:05:01   with yes truly were dabbling yeah I had [TS]

00:05:03   a very uncomfortable conversation one [TS]

00:05:05   time with a girl that I was extremely [TS]

00:05:06   attracted to their and we ended up [TS]

00:05:09   dating for a long time but I had to say [TS]

00:05:11   stop wearing that smell [TS]

00:05:15   and you know that's a tough that's a [TS]

00:05:18   tough conversation without over [TS]

00:05:20   identifying here I mean you can you give [TS]

00:05:21   me a sense it was a day toilet water [TS]

00:05:23   smell or was it de la that's water [TS]

00:05:26   that's what they call you called toilet [TS]

00:05:27   water which seems like a weird branding [TS]

00:05:29   decision but up all kinds of water that [TS]

00:05:31   you could call that was from the French [TS]

00:05:33   12 laps [TS]

00:05:35   yeah but in any case no she was a she [TS]

00:05:38   was kind of an earthy girl and she had [TS]

00:05:41   chosen she had made the mistake has [TS]

00:05:44   never been an actual compliment to cost [TS]

00:05:46   them an earthy that's like that's like [TS]

00:05:48   calling a woman handsome [TS]

00:05:49   it depends their girls who would take it [TS]

00:05:52   as a compliment but she was she actually [TS]

00:05:54   was an earthy girl and she chose [TS]

00:05:56   actually with gia gala think mistake [TS]

00:05:59   which is little bit of her she was a you [TS]

00:06:02   know she was a sporty girl let's say [TS]

00:06:03   that she was oh shit shit a big but [TS]

00:06:06   eventually was a lesbian though you know [TS]

00:06:08   no no big butt and no lesbian know he [TS]

00:06:10   was like that you know swimmer dancer [TS]

00:06:12   sporting hmm um but but earthy like she [TS]

00:06:16   she did not let's say she did not shy [TS]

00:06:19   away from perspiration she's not [TS]

00:06:22   somebody who was who [TS]

00:06:23   afraid to perspire and she made the [TS]

00:06:26   category error I think of our choosing [TS]

00:06:28   for herself an earthy scent you know [TS]

00:06:32   like a dark musky scent and i said i [TS]

00:06:36   think really because you are already [TS]

00:06:38   such a musky the dark musky girl you [TS]

00:06:43   should choose a light scent like [TS]

00:06:45   lavender or Primrose you know something [TS]

00:06:50   flowery mhm and this little bit little [TS]

00:06:53   bit matching matchi you know it's like [TS]

00:06:55   when you're again I'm denim jacket with [TS]

00:06:57   the denim pants it's a little matching [TS]

00:06:58   matching yeah you don't want to pick up [TS]

00:07:00   a Carhartt jacket and smell campfire on [TS]

00:07:02   it that's the carhartt jackets [TS]

00:07:04   automatically gonna smell like campfire [TS]

00:07:06   who you want to pick up a Carhartt [TS]

00:07:07   jacket and you know and smell the lobby [TS]

00:07:10   of the ritz-carlton hotel or lat 44 lady [TS]

00:07:13   steak [TS]

00:07:14   well now now here now you're coining a [TS]

00:07:18   smell that I don't want to smell lady [TS]

00:07:20   steak but anyway she was revisited [TS]

00:07:24   amazing perfect i'm sorry jump that's a [TS]

00:07:27   perfect example you like ladies and you [TS]

00:07:29   like steak doing it right when your [TS]

00:07:31   portmanteau those together [TS]

00:07:33   oh that that's what I just meet you [TS]

00:07:35   don't want to cut she was receptive to [TS]

00:07:37   my to my constructive criticism and and [TS]

00:07:40   she changed her scent and then we were [TS]

00:07:42   off to the races that is extended to [TS]

00:07:44   tell you that is extremely earthy for [TS]

00:07:45   her to write that note I know what [TS]

00:07:47   you're taking out like that if somebody [TS]

00:07:48   said to you I would absolutely if [TS]

00:07:50   someone if someone p it was caringly [TS]

00:07:52   said like your scent is a wonderful part [TS]

00:07:57   of you but the part that you are [TS]

00:07:59   spraying on after-the-fact who I think [TS]

00:08:03   you could modify I would take that I [TS]

00:08:05   would take that criticism my own or they [TS]

00:08:07   texted it to you [TS]

00:08:08   mm-hmm see what small the final all caps [TS]

00:08:13   all i know is i try to text you as [TS]

00:08:14   little as possible [TS]

00:08:16   it's like super nasty thing I come up [TS]

00:08:18   very important money on the counter i [TS]

00:08:19   try to be very even with you I try to [TS]

00:08:21   think about what time of day is whether [TS]

00:08:22   you slept with you've eaten and I try [TS]

00:08:24   not because you're you're you know [TS]

00:08:26   delicate but just because I don't want [TS]

00:08:27   to be one of those people that the [TS]

00:08:28   causes problems in text to you and I [TS]

00:08:30   just think that somebody sitting you [TS]

00:08:31   know John you're very earthy maybe a [TS]

00:08:32   little too earthy uh-huh [TS]

00:08:34   they might get a mi get a flaming text [TS]

00:08:36   back [TS]

00:08:37   I'll say what I think it is I think it's [TS]

00:08:38   an act of violence I'm gonna go there [TS]

00:08:39   I'm gonna be totally bury I think the [TS]

00:08:41   violence i think what well here's the [TS]

00:08:43   thing i don't want someone center to [TS]

00:08:45   send them an angry text let's circle [TS]

00:08:47   back to that alright I like I am so much [TS]

00:08:51   of the time I am realizing how often I'm [TS]

00:08:52   at walgreens and I think I might need to [TS]

00:08:54   get a get into some kind of program [TS]

00:08:55   while walgreens is right across the [TS]

00:08:57   street from me right across the streets [TS]

00:08:59   well it's close to our house thinking [TS]

00:09:00   it's very close very close to our house [TS]

00:09:02   that's where i bought my cape [TS]

00:09:04   John could talk about the Cape sometimes [TS]

00:09:06   I write that down a little special time [TS]

00:09:08   that was for us it was for me too [TS]

00:09:10   oh my god that was a special time [TS]

00:09:11   because you okay all right you know what [TS]

00:09:14   writing that twice on a card cape and [TS]

00:09:15   keep I understand why you go to [TS]

00:09:17   walgreens it's your neighbourhood it's [TS]

00:09:19   your local ok but here's the thing about [TS]

00:09:21   walk okay first of all about you like [TS]

00:09:25   pens and they have lots of pens they [TS]

00:09:27   have an ok selection ok let's get this [TS]

00:09:29   out of the way we have the empirically [TS]

00:09:33   categorically shittiest walgreens I've [TS]

00:09:35   ever been in my life I've been in a fuck [TS]

00:09:37   ton of walgreens and ours is easily the [TS]

00:09:39   worst and i'll tell you why you've also [TS]

00:09:41   been to our safeway the safe where you [TS]

00:09:42   parked on the roof the creepy safeway by [TS]

00:09:44   our house after which is which is as far [TS]

00:09:46   as I know there is there's one safeway [TS]

00:09:48   in walnut creek that not the nice safe [TS]

00:09:51   way but the old safeway that might be [TS]

00:09:52   creepier [TS]

00:09:53   it's a little bit Haunted Mansion like [TS]

00:09:55   they turn off the lights and stuff but [TS]

00:09:56   ours [TS]

00:09:57   my mom said just the other day started [TS]

00:09:59   around now no she said four times in her [TS]

00:10:02   life her entire life has she been in to [TS]

00:10:05   a supermarket that smelled like rotting [TS]

00:10:08   meat and all four times it was a safe [TS]

00:10:11   way that she says I won't buy meat at a [TS]

00:10:14   safeway because it if you can't keep the [TS]

00:10:17   smell of rotting meat out of your [TS]

00:10:18   supermarket all right flattered and [TS]

00:10:20   you're doing something really with you [TS]

00:10:21   ever bought seafood I know you haven't [TS]

00:10:23   because your rear regular theme as you [TS]

00:10:25   have about seafood a lucky haha IKR but [TS]

00:10:29   since you're worried about seafood there [TS]

00:10:31   does it come in like an almond roca can [TS]

00:10:34   try to lay lucky lucky is like easy a [TS]

00:10:38   person's markets yeah [TS]

00:10:39   no photo seafood there oh yeah actually [TS]

00:10:42   I name-checking built to spill songs [TS]

00:10:44   memory serves albertsons a thought in [TS]

00:10:47   albertson stir-fry dinner can make it [TS]

00:10:49   down there I'm not [TS]

00:10:49   with their work but it didn't it didn't [TS]

00:10:52   make his apartment like an apartment [TS]

00:10:53   what about got two phones i had a pretty [TS]

00:10:55   song is pretty song hand and I'm not a [TS]

00:10:58   very pretty town huh [TS]

00:11:00   I think it's a beautiful song so many [TS]

00:11:03   people try to capture that feeling of [TS]

00:11:04   being a kid and being confused about [TS]

00:11:05   love and things and usually comes out [TS]

00:11:07   really stupid but that was that's [TS]

00:11:08   gorgeous [TS]

00:11:09   it's ok so let's go back to the metal [TS]

00:11:11   walgreens and you were saying that [TS]

00:11:13   there's a super the associated anyway [TS]

00:11:15   you know what let's skip it is really [TS]

00:11:16   boring let's come back to the cape but I [TS]

00:11:17   was walking through walgreens I was not [TS]

00:11:19   getting prescription i think i was [TS]

00:11:20   buying was therefore i think that i had [TS]

00:11:23   to buy some bathroom tissue as they call [TS]

00:11:24   it in France don't let me ask you a [TS]

00:11:26   question yes please go ahead i just got [TS]

00:11:28   into an argument with a friend love [TS]

00:11:29   about this [TS]

00:11:30   yeah we're really can't believe that k [TS]

00:11:33   he's a he's a successful man a wealthy [TS]

00:11:36   person and i was def mckagan that wasn't [TS]

00:11:39   done i was using his restroom and what [TS]

00:11:44   do you think I discovered he's over the [TS]

00:11:46   bad guy [TS]

00:11:47   no he is that he is a squat toilet [TS]

00:11:50   tissue buyer you [TS]

00:11:52   we've had this conversation heavenly yes [TS]

00:11:54   we have I think we've had the Scott [TS]

00:11:55   tissue conversation on a number of [TS]

00:11:57   occasions and it's you get mad about a [TS]

00:12:00   lot of stuff eventually but i don't [TS]

00:12:01   think i've seen many things where you [TS]

00:12:02   get mad faster [TS]

00:12:04   no I came out of that bathroom shaking [TS]

00:12:06   with those paper in his face and I said [TS]

00:12:08   you're fucking millionaire by some [TS]

00:12:11   goddamn two-ply toilet paper this this [TS]

00:12:14   is this is a crime your committee [TS]

00:12:16   against yourself and your family [TS]

00:12:17   I don't know I don't know our audience [TS]

00:12:19   John but I'm gonna have to assume that [TS]

00:12:20   there are some people out there believe [TS]

00:12:22   it or not there are some people out [TS]

00:12:23   there that may not know about the [TS]

00:12:25   literal human Holocaust that's got [TS]

00:12:27   toilet paper represents could you [TS]

00:12:28   briefly give people an idea what the [TS]

00:12:30   problem is with Scott toilet paper [TS]

00:12:31   sculpture paper is like is like waxed [TS]

00:12:34   paper it's like butcher paper it is they [TS]

00:12:38   fool you into thinking you if you are [TS]

00:12:40   comparison shopper you're going through [TS]

00:12:42   the aisles and you're looking at the [TS]

00:12:43   different toilet papers and you say oh I [TS]

00:12:45   get a thousand sheets or I get 10,000 [TS]

00:12:48   sheets such a big role and it looks so [TS]

00:12:50   firm massive roll of toilet paper so [TS]

00:12:52   many sheets so many square foot it's [TS]

00:12:54   just a cute it's like it's like a nikka [TS]

00:12:56   rato well-made Nicaragua cigar like [TS]

00:12:58   there's no soft spots there's no hearts [TS]

00:12:59   but it looks you hold [TS]

00:13:00   in your hand and you go this is a solid [TS]

00:13:02   fucking chunk of toilet paper [TS]

00:13:04   I'm not going to get dicked over with [TS]

00:13:05   all that fruity stuff forget the super [TS]

00:13:06   big tube in the middle it feels right on [TS]

00:13:08   the face of it on the butt of it it [TS]

00:13:10   seems like this is gonna be the perfect [TS]

00:13:11   toilet paper [TS]

00:13:12   yeah you could knock somebody out with [TS]

00:13:14   that roll of toilet paper super solid [TS]

00:13:15   and it's half the price of the other [TS]

00:13:17   toilet paper so you think I am a great [TS]

00:13:20   shopper i am a smart person and let's be [TS]

00:13:23   honest I was just a little it is just [TS]

00:13:25   toilet paper right well what I mean how [TS]

00:13:28   good or bad the toilet paper be given [TS]

00:13:31   right what I'm gonna do with it right [TS]

00:13:32   I'm not an idiot you're eating yourself [TS]

00:13:34   if you don't have to it doesn't have to [TS]

00:13:36   be printed with a colorful pattern at [TS]

00:13:38   any just toilet paper right but then you [TS]

00:13:40   get home and you realize that it is it [TS]

00:13:44   has the it is as extent as tissue paper [TS]

00:13:47   it is as soft as notebook paper like [TS]

00:13:51   filler paper like a look Taylor paper [TS]

00:13:53   yeah if it's like a jet pilot for and [TS]

00:13:58   you because it is so uncomfortable and [TS]

00:14:01   so flimsy you end up using seven times [TS]

00:14:04   more toilet paper than you would uh and [TS]

00:14:06   i think it's it's so poorly constructive [TS]

00:14:08   role wise sheet that if you do i'm not [TS]

00:14:10   one of these people i think i don't know [TS]

00:14:12   if you want to feel we are you a little [TS]

00:14:14   kind of guy are you a rapper rapper rap [TS]

00:14:16   guy okay actually I'm a fold fold I me [TS]

00:14:19   to meet you but if you were a little [TS]

00:14:21   kind of guy [TS]

00:14:22   it would fall apart four times it's like [TS]

00:14:23   using it's like a public restroom in a [TS]

00:14:25   park [TS]

00:14:25   yeah right it's exactly that's public [TS]

00:14:27   restroom toilet paper in a party what is [TS]

00:14:29   John I think I'm entitled remember my [TS]

00:14:31   old remember that got me back on that [TS]

00:14:33   Scott and fuck me up when we were first [TS]

00:14:34   friends I think it's because i was an RA [TS]

00:14:36   in college and I think Scott is what I [TS]

00:14:38   gave away to those poor bastards haha [TS]

00:14:39   public knowledge public college Scott [TS]

00:14:41   toilet paper [TS]

00:14:42   well so anyway my millionaire friend [TS]

00:14:44   starts giving me some pushback on it [TS]

00:14:46   like I've always used Scott there's [TS]

00:14:48   nothing wrong with it and I'm like you [TS]

00:14:51   that you have no idea your children are [TS]

00:14:53   growing up in a hot and toilet paper [TS]

00:14:55   Holocaust they're gonna go to other kids [TS]

00:14:57   houses and drives they might as well [TS]

00:15:00   have literally mission on their face [TS]

00:15:01   they're gonna walk in there and they [TS]

00:15:02   have no idea this was not knowing how to [TS]

00:15:04   eat with a fork [TS]

00:15:04   I'm not going there and go what is this [TS]

00:15:06   what is this magical thing that you put [TS]

00:15:07   into the special room [TS]

00:15:09   yeah all my friends are flying on a [TS]

00:15:12   magic carpet of soft toilet paper [TS]

00:15:14   / and we are riding on a unlike a on a [TS]

00:15:17   birch two-by-four it's a while even [TS]

00:15:21   worse than them going to their friend's [TS]

00:15:22   house when their teenage friends come to [TS]

00:15:24   their house a home [TS]

00:15:26   don't know whether it's out on the [TS]

00:15:27   street ho that's like drunk down on the [TS]

00:15:29   couch rose [TS]

00:15:31   well I still struggle with this and [TS]

00:15:33   first of all if I may say thank you very [TS]

00:15:34   much for correcting that you're like so [TS]

00:15:36   many things we've come stay at my house [TS]

00:15:37   for a long time for free now you really [TS]

00:15:39   helped me with that and my family we [TS]

00:15:41   don't get anymore but can I just say [TS]

00:15:42   that whether it is again the paper [TS]

00:15:45   products that my uncle helped pioneer [TS]

00:15:47   the weather is the paper towels whether [TS]

00:15:49   it is the toilet paper you've noticed [TS]

00:15:50   I'm sure over that over time that [TS]

00:15:53   they've been trying to find new ways for [TS]

00:15:54   you to use paper for things and I don't [TS]

00:15:56   want this in turn into a morning zoo or [TS]

00:15:58   a stand-up comedy thing but I'm just [TS]

00:15:59   saying there's no you got all the wipes [TS]

00:16:01   now right everything's wipe everything [TS]

00:16:03   we have the new ways to have cheap paper [TS]

00:16:05   that you buy maybe it's got some kind of [TS]

00:16:07   brandon johnson & johnson product on it [TS]

00:16:09   I'm telling you my family to this day [TS]

00:16:10   struggles with which is the right toilet [TS]

00:16:12   paper when I was in that walgreens with [TS]

00:16:13   the stinking patchouli later we should [TS]

00:16:14   come back to I stood there and I looked [TS]

00:16:16   at the embarrassment of riches before me [TS]

00:16:19   I still had no idea how Tyler paper [TS]

00:16:21   well I judged by all of the heuristics [TS]

00:16:23   that I know right so so let me just say [TS]

00:16:26   I've done some research on Amazon [TS]

00:16:28   because you know you can subscribe the [TS]

00:16:29   toilet paper which I've done before [TS]

00:16:31   there are several metrics well there's [TS]

00:16:33   cheap toilet paper which is in its own [TS]

00:16:34   class but then the mid-range toilet [TS]

00:16:36   paper mid-to-high right this is in your [TS]

00:16:38   honda accord of toilet paper you can [TS]

00:16:40   have you can have us soft I you can have [TS]

00:16:45   durable that there is adorable metric [TS]

00:16:48   horrible you can call it tough I look it [TS]

00:16:52   up [TS]

00:16:52   durable so that like it travels well [TS]

00:16:54   like oh you mean like if you want to [TS]

00:16:56   like somebody's house ahead Scott know [TS]

00:16:59   it like a daddy [TS]

00:17:01   nothing that you would carry a a roll [TS]

00:17:03   around with you although i do but uh but [TS]

00:17:06   no I'm i think you know i think you know [TS]

00:17:07   exactly what i mean i think i think if [TS]

00:17:09   you if you're having a tough time and [TS]

00:17:11   you really had to go to town you were [TS]

00:17:12   drinking enough water and I think it's [TS]

00:17:13   gonna it's gonna blow its gonna blow up [TS]

00:17:15   in your hand like a German grenade like [TS]

00:17:17   a potato masher they called it a potato [TS]

00:17:19   masher that they'd call it that [TS]

00:17:20   so I we still struggle with this now [TS]

00:17:23   here's the profit is this like the IKEA [TS]

00:17:24   pillow selecting [TS]

00:17:26   like God make sure cam that's dr. it was [TS]

00:17:29   going you think I'm I'm a back sleeper [TS]

00:17:32   but I likely airy breeze that nobody's [TS]

00:17:35   jumping at the should just forget the [TS]

00:17:37   clear again [TS]

00:17:38   well I didn't you well know i didn't get [TS]

00:17:40   the clerk you got one Swedish once i [TS]

00:17:42   sleep on one of those funky phone once [TS]

00:17:44   TWP no no III by my pillows are at at [TS]

00:17:48   Ross Dress for Less I don't know why [TS]

00:17:56   that's something i think i've got is [TS]

00:17:58   like we're poor people buy panties and [TS]

00:18:00   and fake lladros and I i do you make a [TS]

00:18:03   special special trip there or yeah I [TS]

00:18:05   don't even know what a big lladro is but [TS]

00:18:08   no they have a they have a selection of [TS]

00:18:11   bomb of linens and pillows that's that's [TS]

00:18:15   very inexpensive you know living [TS]

00:18:17   expenses he trying out while you're [TS]

00:18:18   there [TS]

00:18:19   I I stick a finger elated because I [TS]

00:18:22   putting stroke it sure okay [TS]

00:18:24   mhm do let me just put it differently [TS]

00:18:26   certainly try it out like you know and I [TS]

00:18:29   definitely come back to mattresses [TS]

00:18:30   because boys that ever racket the [TS]

00:18:32   mattress thing but the pillow thing do [TS]

00:18:33   you just kind of hold it in your hand [TS]

00:18:35   like a normal adult or to you do you [TS]

00:18:37   smashed against your head off the HD [TS]

00:18:39   don't you know you're not supplying in [TS]

00:18:40   any point [TS]

00:18:41   no I don't laid out in the in the roster [TS]

00:18:44   for Ross and and and snuggle my pillow [TS]

00:18:47   but i have a sense of of the kind of [TS]

00:18:49   pillow i can actually I made a mistake [TS]

00:18:51   this last time I bought pillows that [TS]

00:18:53   were too firm and now seems like such a [TS]

00:18:56   good idea [TS]

00:18:57   yeah I'm trying to break them in every [TS]

00:18:58   time I walk past my kick him and punch [TS]

00:19:00   him a bunch of times [TS]

00:19:01   uh that's what I I you know this is like [TS]

00:19:04   the crest and colgate thing for me where [TS]

00:19:05   I didn't think he used to matter and now [TS]

00:19:07   it matters and in and hotels boy I [TS]

00:19:10   really noticed you go in there and get [TS]

00:19:12   in there and naughty travel but you go [TS]

00:19:14   in places anything goes something like [TS]

00:19:15   cool like a marriott on marriott man you [TS]

00:19:17   go in and fucking 12 pillows on the the [TS]

00:19:20   bed [TS]

00:19:21   yeah and it's my right points out there [TS]

00:19:22   mostly decorative right the first 10 of [TS]

00:19:24   them end up on the floor immediately [TS]

00:19:26   yeah there's like three or four [TS]

00:19:27   underneath that Phil not even like a [TS]

00:19:30   plan even like a bag of feathers [TS]

00:19:32   it'sit's it looks very fine styrofoam [TS]

00:19:34   and it's way too soft for me [TS]

00:19:36   night don't like the headphone pillow [TS]

00:19:38   thing we lay down it goes all the way [TS]

00:19:40   around your head but then you know you [TS]

00:19:42   can always consult the pillow menu have [TS]

00:19:44   you ever called to get something from [TS]

00:19:45   the pillow menu [TS]

00:19:46   oh well I you know I'm allergic to [TS]

00:19:48   feathers is that right yes so that's why [TS]

00:19:51   you never wear bows at all well I do [TS]

00:19:54   have a boa [TS]

00:19:55   ok I just you're right i don't wear it [TS]

00:19:57   but I used to have to call down at [TS]

00:20:00   hotels to get a hypoallergenic pillow [TS]

00:20:02   but now now all the pillows seems it's a [TS]

00:20:05   rare hotel where all the pillows are [TS]

00:20:07   feather-light these to make them out of [TS]

00:20:08   the shrimp peanut butter but they [TS]

00:20:11   discovered this lucky more sensitive to [TS]

00:20:13   that [TS]

00:20:13   mmm yeah well i mean i-i but my feeling [TS]

00:20:17   when I walk into a hotel and it's it's [TS]

00:20:19   the bed is covered with pillows [TS]

00:20:20   decorative pillows i go to look at the [TS]

00:20:23   pillows and I try to determine the [TS]

00:20:26   pillow in that pile that is the least [TS]

00:20:28   likely pillow to have been employed in a [TS]

00:20:31   filthy sex act jong-il try and find that [TS]

00:20:35   fellow and it's usually I I assume it's [TS]

00:20:37   buried under all the other pillow i can [TS]

00:20:39   haz conversation with each other and I [TS]

00:20:41   don't listen to the other program idea [TS]

00:20:43   but I've talked about this on the last [TS]

00:20:44   three show you have all in the last [TS]

00:20:46   robbery shows whole week it's led to [TS]

00:20:48   something I apologize for anybody's for [TS]

00:20:50   the other program it's going to be [TS]

00:20:51   called man's assumption Occam's razor or [TS]

00:20:54   Murphy's Law man's assumption is that [TS]

00:20:56   everything in a hotel room has been in [TS]

00:20:57   somebody's ass at some point oh my god [TS]

00:21:00   well in that case let's be honest this [TS]

00:21:01   is we can now you were talking about a [TS]

00:21:02   guy on the on this show just assume that [TS]

00:21:05   somebody has come on everything in the [TS]

00:21:06   room because they probably have well in [TS]

00:21:08   our our former drummer to be layers when [TS]

00:21:12   we would enter a hotel room the first [TS]

00:21:13   thing he would do is grab the unused a [TS]

00:21:18   the unused garbage bag liner out of the [TS]

00:21:21   garbage can and he would walk over and [TS]

00:21:24   wrap it around the remote control haha [TS]

00:21:27   and and tie it off so that you could not [TS]

00:21:32   touch the remote control he would he [TS]

00:21:33   would grab the remote control with his [TS]

00:21:35   hand inside the bag like he was picking [TS]

00:21:37   up dog shit apart and it wrapping a tie [TS]

00:21:40   the bag around the remote control and [TS]

00:21:42   then he would you know then we could [TS]

00:21:43   happily search for me or whatever [TS]

00:21:45   through the channels of television right [TS]

00:21:47   without having to touch this thing that [TS]

00:21:49   he was absolutely certain had been all [TS]

00:21:52   the way up inside a person so this is it [TS]

00:21:55   was an incident it's a safe thing to do [TS]

00:21:57   it's like why you wipe off the top of [TS]

00:21:58   your pop can write the trucker's right [TS]

00:21:59   exactly because the trucker's RP and ask [TS]

00:22:02   you this now [TS]

00:22:02   now whenever when you're in there and [TS]

00:22:04   you're enjoying your your toilet paper [TS]

00:22:06   in the in the restroom let's be honest [TS]

00:22:08   it's probably not terribly expensive [TS]

00:22:09   toilet paper they fold it into a little [TS]

00:22:11   arrow literally don't get me started on [TS]

00:22:13   that you don't usually have entire blog [TS]

00:22:15   about folding paper toilet paper into a [TS]

00:22:17   point I didn't I I thought I knew all of [TS]

00:22:20   your people don't even know my place [TS]

00:22:22   called to quit touching my toilet paper [TS]

00:22:23   and down up sit down you're ready to [TS]

00:22:25   enjoy yourself right it'sit's daddy's [TS]

00:22:27   deuce time and so the phone rings what [TS]

00:22:31   there's a phone next if you so yeah sure [TS]

00:22:34   the next to the toilet you're going to [TS]

00:22:36   pick up somebody's gonna pick up a phone [TS]

00:22:37   that's next to a toilet like I just I'm [TS]

00:22:40   sorry I'm repeating myself because I [TS]

00:22:41   cannot stop thinking about this like it [TS]

00:22:43   I don't like picking up my daughter [TS]

00:22:45   likes to play with the phone in the room [TS]

00:22:46   you know so i unplug it but they don't [TS]

00:22:48   do I grabbed a giant pump of hand [TS]

00:22:50   sanitizer and like a crazy person to [TS]

00:22:52   cover the entire thing until it's [TS]

00:22:54   saturated and then wipe it all off you [TS]

00:22:56   know when I I've known I've known men [TS]

00:23:00   who when they're in there cops will [TS]

00:23:01   reveal things about what they have done [TS]

00:23:03   with objects men have done things with [TS]

00:23:06   objects so they certainly have I had a [TS]

00:23:08   friend who admitted to putting a piece [TS]

00:23:09   of rope in his ass cause he was bored [TS]

00:23:10   one day now a lot of people would say [TS]

00:23:12   that piece of rope is fine for every [TS]

00:23:13   purpose even who I'm just thinking a [TS]

00:23:16   phone phone can be a friend enormous [TS]

00:23:18   that he admitted this to you and hear [TS]

00:23:19   and his is his defense or his he was it [TS]

00:23:22   is that he wasn't he wasn't a good [TS]

00:23:23   friend Josie wasn't a good friend the [TS]

00:23:25   heat I little knots in it [TS]

00:23:27   oh that's actually a thing that is that [TS]

00:23:29   I've seen that the good vibrations and [TS]

00:23:31   they pull it out a little at a time [TS]

00:23:33   yeah what's the good vibrations is that [TS]

00:23:34   a sex store no it's a vibrator store [TS]

00:23:37   Oh [TS]

00:23:38   it'll sell sex per se is well I see you [TS]

00:23:42   can have a vibrator store and and it [TS]

00:23:45   doesn't fall into the under the rubric [TS]

00:23:47   of the sex store something you little [TS]

00:23:50   set fire to get you can you can make [TS]

00:23:53   milkshakes with that i'm sure you have [TS]

00:23:57   back pain you know like lower back pain [TS]

00:23:59   but i must let the let that go what ok [TS]

00:24:02   so first of all I guess there's probably [TS]

00:24:03   some like industry publication that says [TS]

00:24:06   people will feel like they're very [TS]

00:24:08   welcome and Khushi if you walk in and [TS]

00:24:10   there's 95 pillows on the bed maybe [TS]

00:24:11   that's like the first I mean like I i [TS]

00:24:14   I'm sorry John i feel like i've talked [TS]

00:24:15   about this a hundred times so I don't [TS]

00:24:16   talk about again but i have a whole [TS]

00:24:17   process I wanna do a whole show on the [TS]

00:24:19   whole plan to show a podcast i want a [TS]

00:24:20   whole podcast about hotels right try to [TS]

00:24:22   help people because i have process i [TS]

00:24:24   have an entire process from what I don't [TS]

00:24:25   know what are you trying to help hotel [TS]

00:24:27   people serve our customers better or you [TS]

00:24:29   try and help people who are going to [TS]

00:24:31   hotels uh avoid the pitfalls and the [TS]

00:24:35   landmines in every hotel me I used to be [TS]

00:24:38   very interested in the things I could do [TS]

00:24:39   to help people with their personal [TS]

00:24:40   productivity because I think it's [TS]

00:24:41   important to find the right mix of [TS]

00:24:43   things that help you do the work that's [TS]

00:24:44   important remember that made you famous [TS]

00:24:45   yeah I was rich and stuff and so here's [TS]

00:24:47   the thing today what I want to do in the [TS]

00:24:50   same way that i would say i like these [TS]

00:24:53   index cards for this use for this reason [TS]

00:24:55   this may or may not work for you what I [TS]

00:24:56   want to do is I want to share process [TS]

00:24:57   with people of what so far has worked [TS]

00:24:59   for me now it's like you know about the [TS]

00:25:01   bedbugs right you can't do anything [TS]

00:25:02   about the bedbugs you just got big bucks [TS]

00:25:04   that's just the thing now right yeah but [TS]

00:25:06   I mean I go through and through all the [TS]

00:25:10   food [TS]

00:25:11   alright because there's natural natural [TS]

00:25:13   worthiness they don't like me and I [TS]

00:25:15   think what it is is that I that I have [TS]

00:25:17   the antibodies for Lyme disease but but [TS]

00:25:21   I never got the I never got Lyme disease [TS]

00:25:23   I was tied to get that I was bitten by a [TS]

00:25:25   tick in the forest and I went to sit on [TS]

00:25:30   your familiar with just random one it [TS]

00:25:32   was just a strange tick [TS]

00:25:33   yeah it was a strange chick and I and I [TS]

00:25:35   had to I was in the Netherlands and I [TS]

00:25:39   went to I went to the nearest little [TS]

00:25:42   town and I said there's a tick in me and [TS]

00:25:46   the man and i had tried to get the [TS]

00:25:48   ticket out which is a mistake [TS]

00:25:51   Jim match to the match thing no I died I [TS]

00:25:54   didn't know what I scratched it with [TS]

00:25:55   your fingers and started the substitute [TS]

00:25:56   some ppl with two matchsticks that I we [TS]

00:26:00   don't match tricky especially [TS]

00:26:01   extinguished matches supposed to kill a [TS]

00:26:02   tick right but I you I don't know if you [TS]

00:26:05   want to kill it while it's lots little [TS]

00:26:06   head is still buried in you know I i had [TS]

00:26:09   two matchsticks and I put a rubber band [TS]

00:26:10   around and try to make a pair of [TS]

00:26:11   tweezers out of them but we go dutch 286 [TS]

00:26:14   open into this little town and there's [TS]

00:26:17   this kindly little Dutch doctor who said [TS]

00:26:20   oh here's the thing you just put a [TS]

00:26:22   little rubbing alcohol or really any [TS]

00:26:24   kind of alcohol on it and it will come [TS]

00:26:26   right out [TS]

00:26:27   it it won't kill it will still want to [TS]

00:26:29   get out of the antidote Vaseline because [TS]

00:26:31   it can't breathe right yeah so so he did [TS]

00:26:33   this and the tip came out and then later [TS]

00:26:36   on I went through a an area which was uh [TS]

00:26:39   all tix but there were no trees it was [TS]

00:26:42   just the delivery look like trees but [TS]

00:26:44   they were just piles of ticks and I had [TS]

00:26:47   ticks all over me and I got all these [TS]

00:26:49   ticks off but many many months later [TS]

00:26:51   when I was feeling not very good i went [TS]

00:26:53   to the doctor [TS]

00:26:54   it turned out I was not I was ill for [TS]

00:26:56   another reason but the doctor said you [TS]

00:26:57   have the antibodies for Lyme disease [TS]

00:26:59   you should watch and actually possibly [TS]

00:27:01   tell that there's a test any an [TS]

00:27:05   in-office procedure to find out if you [TS]

00:27:07   have the antibodies for Lyme disease [TS]

00:27:08   oh you didn't they screen for John maybe [TS]

00:27:11   it is or maybe I maybe I told him about [TS]

00:27:12   the ticket me any screen it's just like [TS]

00:27:15   if you sit second inoculation or [TS]

00:27:16   something like that he survived that now [TS]

00:27:17   you're strong against your text and I [TS]

00:27:19   think I'm strong against your tix and I [TS]

00:27:21   think also bedbugs they come up against [TS]

00:27:23   me and they smell my earthy scent and [TS]

00:27:25   they say move along move along nothing [TS]

00:27:28   to see here like a Jedi i would get [TS]

00:27:30   would love to have that I'm so scared of [TS]

00:27:32   bed bugs they totally freaked me out or [TS]

00:27:34   slice it likes you about the lycée if [TS]

00:27:36   he likes our kids school so make it [TS]

00:27:37   slice [TS]

00:27:38   yeah then you gotta check everybody for [TS]

00:27:40   lice and then you gotta put all the toys [TS]

00:27:41   and get this affect everything but all [TS]

00:27:43   the toys and garbage bags and cut off [TS]

00:27:44   the air so the lights on your children's [TS]

00:27:46   toys will die so i have a bunch of times [TS]

00:27:48   when I was a kid really because I really [TS]

00:27:51   you know because there was no gathering [TS]

00:27:52   of kids that I didn't want to get in the [TS]

00:27:54   center of and rub my head all over their [TS]

00:27:57   heads was a thing when i was a kid you [TS]

00:28:00   have you got a pretty big head [TS]

00:28:02   yeah that's true and you and I scene [TS]

00:28:04   photos you leave i'm trying to think [TS]

00:28:06   it's because look good on television out [TS]

00:28:08   no question about it [TS]

00:28:09   people people people like me i have a [TS]

00:28:12   normal-sized head is john darnielle eyes [TS]

00:28:13   I look really dishonest one of my video [TS]

00:28:15   told us on the shifty shifting i love [TS]

00:28:18   that John Darnielle but you know we got [TS]

00:28:19   the eyes are too close together when I [TS]

00:28:21   pals or anything but you know I'm saying [TS]

00:28:22   you see somebody with the eyes are too [TS]

00:28:23   close together [TS]

00:28:24   mm it's like the opposite of a baby we [TS]

00:28:26   like babies because they got the big [TS]

00:28:27   eyes big eyes right far apart like 80 [TS]

00:28:30   that's why I like a baby [TS]

00:28:31   whatever I've always felt because i'm a [TS]

00:28:34   big blonde person I've always been [TS]

00:28:37   somewhat confused by the fact that I [TS]

00:28:38   have kind of i have a slanty eyes you [TS]

00:28:43   know in a way like a laplander who is [TS]

00:28:46   constantly searching across the snowy [TS]

00:28:48   planes for his reindeer I have these [TS]

00:28:51   like lives that are always half open and [TS]

00:28:54   kind of is there's a ping pong isn't as [TS]

00:28:56   finds their scrunched up for their [TS]

00:28:57   almond II know they're not all men be [TS]

00:29:00   there scrunchie there's there squinty [TS]

00:29:02   okay it might be that it might be [TS]

00:29:05   because i'm a high plains drifter also [TS]

00:29:07   that's another way to identify high [TS]

00:29:09   plains drifter by his kind of weather [TS]

00:29:12   beaten squinty eyes are Stan you know we [TS]

00:29:15   all say something John at Sunderland [TS]

00:29:17   ever told you this but I definitely felt [TS]

00:29:19   this way about my late father and there [TS]

00:29:21   are a few other people i felt i don't [TS]

00:29:23   think i've ever known anybody who looks [TS]

00:29:25   more different with the glasses off then [TS]

00:29:29   you can contact Superman haha right they [TS]

00:29:31   look exactly the same [TS]

00:29:32   you look so different and what's funny [TS]

00:29:35   is of course you have many different [TS]

00:29:36   pairs of glasses at some point we should [TS]

00:29:38   address the glasses issue right you have [TS]

00:29:40   well when I was at your house the time [TS]

00:29:43   you gave me the glasses my sister-in-law [TS]

00:29:44   throwaway not that i'm mad you had it [TS]

00:29:46   memory serves through to two or three of [TS]

00:29:50   the racks from a drug store full of [TS]

00:29:51   vintage frames [TS]

00:29:52   yeah i have about now probably a hundred [TS]

00:29:55   and seventy pairs of glasses that's all [TS]

00:29:58   i would guess more well because I keep [TS]

00:30:01   giving them away to people whose sisters [TS]

00:30:03   small keeps throwing you remember those [TS]

00:30:05   classes term how cool is were those are [TS]

00:30:07   gorgeous glasses and in fact if i recall [TS]

00:30:09   they were [TS]

00:30:11   they were they became your signature [TS]

00:30:13   look and not by design but it when I [TS]

00:30:16   stopped wearing them people said where's [TS]

00:30:17   your glasses right now we found a pair [TS]

00:30:20   without another pair too i don't see [TS]

00:30:22   replace those but there are you know [TS]

00:30:24   pretty pretty pretty [TS]

00:30:25   yeah but you look so i can describe [TS]

00:30:29   quite what it is I don't know if I'd say [TS]

00:30:30   you look lapland Landy's slap that blend [TS]

00:30:33   desk lapland lambie's else am I junquera [TS]

00:30:36   i was going to joke about reindeer [TS]

00:30:38   because that's exactly one thing I know [TS]

00:30:39   about laugh lines that they have cute [TS]

00:30:41   hats too right [TS]

00:30:42   they do well then and sweaters they're [TS]

00:30:44   very sweaty people now first I'm sorry [TS]

00:30:49   about the glasses off I mean things you [TS]

00:30:51   could wear any of your crazy Elton John [TS]

00:30:53   glasses like any of those many glasses [TS]

00:30:55   does this creepy Elvis 10 i have a photo [TS]

00:30:57   that i will put up with you and my [TS]

00:30:58   daughter when you have the missing tooth [TS]

00:31:00   and the long hair and the Elvis classes [TS]

00:31:02   ppl was going but you still look like [TS]

00:31:04   you whether even with one with the tooth [TS]

00:31:06   missing and the crazy hair you always [TS]

00:31:08   look like you beard or no beard you [TS]

00:31:09   always look at what you take your [TS]

00:31:10   glasses off I swear to god you look like [TS]

00:31:13   you look like your brother-in-law or [TS]

00:31:14   something and and what is the change of [TS]

00:31:16   what do I look like without my glasses [TS]

00:31:18   on your eyes or handsome how the fuck [TS]

00:31:22   you can get more handsome [TS]

00:31:24   I don't you know I don't know what it is [TS]

00:31:26   like this question i'm offering is as [TS]

00:31:28   anyone ever told you that before [TS]

00:31:30   well it's a thing I kind of keep under [TS]

00:31:34   wraps because in the event i ever get to [TS]

00:31:37   go on the layout enough said [TS]

00:31:39   did you take my glasses off and blend [TS]

00:31:41   into a crowd nobody would ever notice me [TS]

00:31:43   you are you're in the spice stuff [TS]

00:31:45   yeah doesn't that needs to be one of my [TS]

00:31:48   I know this is a tricky thing but like I [TS]

00:31:49   gotta say like when I was a youngster [TS]

00:31:51   nautic maybe not kidding exactly but [TS]

00:31:53   that was one of the things that [TS]

00:31:54   fascinated me the most when I would read [TS]

00:31:56   not let you say i'm on a piker I'm not [TS]

00:31:58   going anywhere near what you have done [TS]

00:32:00   with reading up on this but when I would [TS]

00:32:02   read about how to do disguises that was [TS]

00:32:04   the part that always blew my mind [TS]

00:32:06   because it was all is all life hacks it [TS]

00:32:07   was stuff like put put newspaper in your [TS]

00:32:10   shoes so you'll walk a little bit [TS]

00:32:11   different like this it's an entire way [TS]

00:32:13   to become this different person it's way [TS]

00:32:15   more than like a fake mustache [TS]

00:32:16   it's a way of carrying yourself [TS]

00:32:18   differently without attracting attention [TS]

00:32:21   is that right it is it's absolutely true [TS]

00:32:23   it's not shoe polishing the hair [TS]

00:32:25   are in a different shirt there's a lot [TS]

00:32:26   more to it yeah you just you put put put [TS]

00:32:28   a little pebble or up or a pin in your [TS]

00:32:30   in your shoe and all of a sudden you've [TS]

00:32:33   got like as like a strange gate and half [TS]

00:32:36   the people you know wouldn't recognize [TS]

00:32:37   you now me I I when I catch myself I [TS]

00:32:41   don't think of myself as someone who has [TS]

00:32:42   like terrible posture but I know I don't [TS]

00:32:44   have good posture but I I real if I [TS]

00:32:47   catch myself doing walking the way I [TS]

00:32:49   usually walk all the time or sometimes [TS]

00:32:51   just straight up the tiniest bit and I [TS]

00:32:53   can tell that I probably look different [TS]

00:32:54   now you you're a big guy and you seem to [TS]

00:32:57   have you walked all I'm just saying if [TS]

00:32:58   you had to disguise yourself if you / [TS]

00:33:00   down just a little bit you you'd look [TS]

00:33:02   pretty different right well and one of [TS]

00:33:04   the things that I do is I walked my toes [TS]

00:33:07   my toes pronate is that is that the word [TS]

00:33:11   know my toes [TS]

00:33:13   well I walk with my toes pointing a [TS]

00:33:15   little bit out like a ballerina like a [TS]

00:33:18   like a ballerina like a giant ballerina [TS]

00:33:21   and sometimes i will intentionally as if [TS]

00:33:24   I have a long distance to walk i will [TS]

00:33:26   intentionally change the the angle of [TS]

00:33:29   where my toes are pointing so that I'm [TS]

00:33:31   pointing my toes directly straight ahead [TS]

00:33:34   and it changes the whole architecture of [TS]

00:33:37   my of my body and my gate itself right [TS]

00:33:41   yeah and I do you have satellites for [TS]

00:33:45   watching from a satellite right there [TS]

00:33:46   it's like the same people walking single [TS]

00:33:48   file to disguise their numbers you you [TS]

00:33:50   move that you're so you're almost like a [TS]

00:33:52   bear wearing shoes [TS]

00:33:53   it's something we're gonna go wait a [TS]

00:33:54   minute because clearly i can tell [TS]

00:33:56   because this is it like an inch into the [TS]

00:33:57   earth that this is somebody heavy but [TS]

00:34:00   you don't see people wearing like a like [TS]

00:34:01   a size six converse you know walking out [TS]

00:34:04   on the force that would throw everybody [TS]

00:34:05   off right yes everything works converse [TS]

00:34:08   you know that that would see and i can't [TS]

00:34:11   i can't shave my beard and change my [TS]

00:34:14   appearance because i have a beard shaped [TS]

00:34:16   face if I shave my beard most of the [TS]

00:34:19   time people don't even notice the beard [TS]

00:34:20   is gone [TS]

00:34:20   is that code for a week in does that [TS]

00:34:22   mean no it means a it means a chin [TS]

00:34:24   shaped like a beard i have have such a [TS]

00:34:27   big chin that that the beard is just [TS]

00:34:31   like that yes let me learn from the [TS]

00:34:32   Dutch doctor is that something you've [TS]

00:34:34   always know well I remember as a [TS]

00:34:36   teenager when my [TS]

00:34:38   when my face went from teenage face to [TS]

00:34:42   adult face and I definitely noticed [TS]

00:34:45   where did all this ordered all this ja [TS]

00:34:47   come from much much much bigger faced [TS]

00:34:51   now but so it is seriously it happens to [TS]

00:34:54   me all the time I shaved my beard and [TS]

00:34:56   people come up people who have seen me [TS]

00:34:58   every day for a year come up and say [TS]

00:35:00   including my mom who say two or did you [TS]

00:35:04   change the partner hair are you wearing [TS]

00:35:06   a different pair of glasses I totally [TS]

00:35:08   know II mean I'm like I changed my [TS]

00:35:10   freaking beard i've been wearing it for [TS]

00:35:12   I have had appeared for two years and [TS]

00:35:14   today I don't you don't even notice [TS]

00:35:16   whereas other people like like weak chin [TS]

00:35:19   people who shave a beard and you go oh I [TS]

00:35:24   can usually I'm pretty good [TS]

00:35:26   iight i would not want to say anything [TS]

00:35:28   that makes anybody in our audience [TS]

00:35:29   self-conscious but I'm pretty good you [TS]

00:35:32   know what I'm clocking you don't need to [TS]

00:35:34   be clocked yes okay like so like if [TS]

00:35:37   you're somebody who's doing a whole [TS]

00:35:39   gender thing right as you do [TS]

00:35:43   yeah well you can pass i don't--there's [TS]

00:35:45   other terms you might have noticed in [TS]

00:35:47   the early nineties you can pass or you [TS]

00:35:48   can be clocked em and when your clock [TS]

00:35:50   that's what something looks because I [TS]

00:35:51   let's really do right and and I think [TS]

00:35:53   there are a lot of people with things [TS]

00:35:55   like I hope this stuff this isn't [TS]

00:35:56   ping-pong talk things like comb-overs or [TS]

00:35:59   comb for words right now this is in the [TS]

00:36:02   days you know like today you at least [TS]

00:36:04   you have the option right like how many [TS]

00:36:06   of our good friends have shaved their [TS]

00:36:07   heads look awesome now like that one [TS]

00:36:09   used to be an option in the nineteen [TS]

00:36:10   seventies even in the eighties that was [TS]

00:36:12   not an option [TS]

00:36:13   I got a guy that I used to work for a [TS]

00:36:14   guy that was the source of a lot of my [TS]

00:36:16   paying work with this guy got a swimming [TS]

00:36:18   pool it was crazy [TS]

00:36:19   I mean look like Ali McGraw from one [TS]

00:36:21   side you know I mean oh well it's not [TS]

00:36:24   like McGraw but you know maybe like you [TS]

00:36:26   know Thor something because his hair his [TS]

00:36:28   hair went down to his shoulder and he [TS]

00:36:30   did this amazing architectural Frank [TS]

00:36:32   Gehry thing to make it fly up and you [TS]

00:36:35   can see the hairspray like glistening on [TS]

00:36:36   it but i also have friends that remember [TS]

00:36:39   the Caesar remember when George Clooney [TS]

00:36:40   made the Caesar kind of catch on [TS]

00:36:42   sure well then the season was very [TS]

00:36:44   popular with the gay men in the early [TS]

00:36:46   nineties to it always comes back the [TS]

00:36:48   Caesar always comes back [TS]

00:36:49   well yes it was ariana grande know the [TS]

00:36:51   perfect [TS]

00:36:52   national soccer player who is by all [TS]

00:36:54   accounts a bald man he looks like he has [TS]

00:36:57   a full head of hair because he's he's [TS]

00:37:00   rocking the Caesar one up for a long [TS]

00:37:02   time certainly I mean there there's so [TS]

00:37:03   much we know now about bald men that we [TS]

00:37:05   didn't know in the seventies because you [TS]

00:37:06   could you could you could get away with [TS]

00:37:08   a lot you know I mean look right there [TS]

00:37:10   see brian eno when he was back in Roxy [TS]

00:37:12   Music he rocked it [TS]

00:37:13   he had tears just you ever see what he [TS]

00:37:14   looks like when using roxy music of [TS]

00:37:16   course he rocked it in the in the same [TS]

00:37:19   way that the that character from rocky [TS]

00:37:22   horror picture show rocked it [TS]

00:37:24   I'm just say which is to say grotesquely [TS]

00:37:26   that's a terrible look bald with long [TS]

00:37:29   stringy super Swiss hair and he says [TS]

00:37:32   that just says I'm a high-level cleric [TS]

00:37:34   on saturdays it's really i mean that's [TS]

00:37:36   exactly what it is if you are going to [TS]

00:37:38   dress if you were going to dress like [TS]

00:37:40   one of the members of Jethro tall or [TS]

00:37:42   you're going to dress like mick [TS]

00:37:44   fleetwood on the cover of rumors but you [TS]

00:37:48   are more than welcome and complete with [TS]

00:37:49   another one [TS]

00:37:50   it's great to like let your hair over [TS]

00:37:52   your ears grow long and and then on the [TS]

00:37:54   top of your head which is bald just have [TS]

00:37:56   a few really long single strands of hair [TS]

00:37:59   that is a that is not i don't want to [TS]

00:38:03   work ping pong but this is big in my [TS]

00:38:04   neighborhood John if you seen especially [TS]

00:38:06   with the Chinese men have you seen like [TS]

00:38:09   the six discreet string lots of hair [TS]

00:38:11   across the top thing a bit of slather [TS]

00:38:13   down with vaseline or something I don't [TS]

00:38:15   know it's anyway it's but the bit you [TS]

00:38:17   know why it's a move [TS]

00:38:18   you know I I respect but here's the [TS]

00:38:20   thing is i gotta do is I got topic here [TS]

00:38:22   like I don't think you don't seem to [TS]

00:38:23   suffer from either there you got a full [TS]

00:38:24   head of hair you got the beard but [TS]

00:38:25   you're absolutely right sometimes you'll [TS]

00:38:27   get a like writing some photos of you [TS]

00:38:28   lately [TS]

00:38:29   you look great you got like a [TS]

00:38:30   professional man's haircut it looks like [TS]

00:38:32   well I'm cutting my own hair still I'm [TS]

00:38:33   just getting better at it [TS]

00:38:35   whoa whoa hang on really you can turn [TS]

00:38:37   here I've got my own hair for over 10 [TS]

00:38:39   years and which is why which is why my [TS]

00:38:43   haircut vary so much because because [TS]

00:38:46   most of my haircuts take place is that [TS]

00:38:48   why you stopped drinking I mean was it [TS]

00:38:49   just getting here to scare what happened [TS]

00:38:50   up now that happened before but at [TS]

00:38:54   certain point there along the way when i [TS]

00:38:55   realized that i could shave dry but I [TS]

00:38:59   didn't even need water anymore that I [TS]

00:39:01   could just shave with a razor dry [TS]

00:39:03   because of course if you use shaving [TS]

00:39:06   cream song can smell you from at from [TS]

00:39:09   across the river so that so for a long [TS]

00:39:12   time I was shaving with hot water and [TS]

00:39:14   then I then I realized I could just [TS]

00:39:16   shave dry at that point I was I was [TS]

00:39:19   liberated I was free I was free from the [TS]

00:39:21   from the whole I mean it the entire i [TS]

00:39:23   love walgreens that deals with male [TS]

00:39:27   shaving products just be the beer [TS]

00:39:29   Boswell for half a second here for [TS]

00:39:30   anybody that is important to go through [TS]

00:39:32   this but also want to say for anybody's [TS]

00:39:33   interested in this you went into a lot [TS]

00:39:35   of detail about the genesis behind this [TS]

00:39:36   and the revelations you went through all [TS]

00:39:38   of this in an episode if memory serves [TS]

00:39:40   it was called the Vietcong can smell the [TS]

00:39:43   scents right that's right and you went [TS]

00:39:45   through the history of wanting to [TS]

00:39:46   eventually become some kind of a person [TS]

00:39:49   espionage [TS]

00:39:50   yes the cleanup that but the haircutting [TS]

00:39:52   what I realized at that point was that [TS]

00:39:55   as I was freeing myself from these [TS]

00:39:58   tyranny knees or to quote the great [TS]

00:40:00   philosopher as i freed myself from [TS]

00:40:03   mental slavery none but ourselves can [TS]

00:40:06   free our minds have no fear from atomic [TS]

00:40:09   energy because none of them a chemist [TS]

00:40:12   top of the time I can guess who it is [TS]

00:40:16   as you were saying I kept going through [TS]

00:40:17   I said it first of those nicha than I [TS]

00:40:20   thought [TS]

00:40:20   Merv Griffin and I thought my person [TS]

00:40:21   right how long shall they kill our [TS]

00:40:23   prophets while we stand aside and look [TS]

00:40:25   some say it's just a part of it [TS]

00:40:28   dreamland we've got to fulfill the book [TS]

00:40:30   to kevin who is a hit that that's good [TS]

00:40:34   it's your hero bob marley huh [TS]

00:40:41   hey that's pretty that's what I that was [TS]

00:40:43   pretty good he's a very smart man i [TS]

00:40:45   don't want this up I'm not lyrics [TS]

00:40:47   because because i like Bob Marley I [TS]

00:40:50   think he is good looking like him is it [TS]

00:40:55   dude [TS]

00:40:56   I'll i enjoy the I enjoy reggae music so [TS]

00:41:01   it was really touched by the success you [TS]

00:41:04   had doing espionage Alec a nice exciting [TS]

00:41:07   i decided i was going to go the whole [TS]

00:41:09   hog [TS]

00:41:10   I was going to free myself from the from [TS]

00:41:12   because it how many times I mean you [TS]

00:41:14   have a whole photo blog about this [TS]

00:41:16   of times you go in to a hair salon to [TS]

00:41:19   get a haircut and and you come out the [TS]

00:41:22   other side and it's like that's not what [TS]

00:41:23   I was going for [TS]

00:41:24   and then you have all the fun of letting [TS]

00:41:26   your hair grow out and you look like a [TS]

00:41:28   crazy person and then you go and get [TS]

00:41:30   your haircut again and that they didn't [TS]

00:41:31   get it right again and I was like listen [TS]

00:41:34   if somebody's gonna get somebody's not [TS]

00:41:35   going to get it right if somebody is [TS]

00:41:37   going to give me a bad haircut [TS]

00:41:38   it might as well be me let it be me and [TS]

00:41:41   I started cutting my own hair and i have [TS]

00:41:42   been doing it for a long time now I cut [TS]

00:41:45   other people's hair i cut my mom's hair [TS]

00:41:47   way [TS]

00:41:48   really yeah my mom comes to my house and [TS]

00:41:50   says can you give me a community is very [TS]

00:41:52   earthy haircut she says she's universal [TS]

00:41:54   we just got always stimulate your mom is [TS]

00:41:56   awesome and she seems very practical [TS]

00:41:58   yes I could essentially going like what [TS]

00:42:00   my mom didn't like having it done I [TS]

00:42:02   would never see her getting it set and [TS]

00:42:03   stuff now [TS]

00:42:04   well and then she started cutting it [TS]

00:42:05   herself so now she cuts her own hair and [TS]

00:42:08   then comes to me to do that like [TS]

00:42:10   treatment touch-ups yeah but I what's up [TS]

00:42:12   but my problem is I always the idea to [TS]

00:42:15   cut my hair always is at its strongest [TS]

00:42:17   at three o'clock in the morning which is [TS]

00:42:21   really that it's a bad time to make [TS]

00:42:23   decisions three o'clock in the morning [TS]

00:42:24   herald because you get these three [TS]

00:42:26   o'clock in the morning is a great time [TS]

00:42:27   to clean the house but it is a terrible [TS]

00:42:29   time to cut your hair because you start [TS]

00:42:32   cutting it and you lose yourself in the [TS]

00:42:34   insanity of them of the of the night and [TS]

00:42:38   pretty soon here is flying everywhere [TS]

00:42:40   I mean I have given myself some haircuts [TS]

00:42:42   that seemed like a great idea people [TS]

00:42:46   it's that if the what was sort of [TS]

00:42:48   looking for its the her hirsute man's [TS]

00:42:49   version of drunk dialing I mean at what [TS]

00:42:52   I would worry yes secondarily I would [TS]

00:42:53   worry about the quality of the haircut [TS]

00:42:55   but even more and I know you know this [TS]

00:42:57   from women I don't want to ping pong but [TS]

00:42:59   but the impulse to do something it free [TS]

00:43:01   to your hair or for your hair of your [TS]

00:43:03   hair almost always reflect something [TS]

00:43:06   much deeper and the 3m voice is not a [TS]

00:43:07   good voice to listen to about how you [TS]

00:43:09   should do your hair right and so usually [TS]

00:43:11   my haircuts are are in three stages so I [TS]

00:43:14   do the 3m haircut and then the following [TS]

00:43:17   day at about two o'clock in the [TS]

00:43:20   afternoon when I have identified all the [TS]

00:43:22   problems with what I did the night [TS]

00:43:24   before and I do the two in the afternoon [TS]

00:43:26   like try and get into some kind of shape [TS]

00:43:29   and then over the next week there's a [TS]

00:43:34   kind of trickling later stage of every [TS]

00:43:38   time I walk past a mirror I got up and I [TS]

00:43:41   get a pair of scissors and I cut some [TS]

00:43:42   little thing off and then after about a [TS]

00:43:48   week of that it usually is comes into [TS]

00:43:51   comes into line right now though I I i [TS]

00:43:54   did a good haircut several months ago [TS]

00:43:56   such that now it's growing out well how [TS]

00:44:00   that I'm good haircut [TS]

00:44:01   yeah and I'm just let alone i went in [TS]

00:44:03   the i went in last night with a pair of [TS]

00:44:05   scissors and looked at myself in the [TS]

00:44:06   mirror with a pair of scissors and I [TS]

00:44:08   thought put the scissors down to confine [TS]

00:44:11   he walks up to the mirror with the comb [TS]

00:44:12   exactly [TS]

00:44:13   hey I was like you're fine you're fine [TS]

00:44:16   don't do not fuck with it right now just [TS]

00:44:18   what brings you AI thought I I just [TS]

00:44:21   probably got time for this probably but [TS]

00:44:22   what is it that obviously already up at [TS]

00:44:25   3am well possibly I mean you know you're [TS]

00:44:28   late sleeper you go to bed late right [TS]

00:44:31   yeah 3 IM is is a that's that's a great [TS]

00:44:33   time for certain things but a better [TS]

00:44:37   there are other things that it's [TS]

00:44:39   terrible for you I actually writing one [TS]

00:44:41   is it just because you need something to [TS]

00:44:43   do with your hands are no I think that [TS]

00:44:47   3m is the hour of dissatisfaction [TS]

00:44:49   oh I read the whole thing about this the [TS]

00:44:51   other day heroin and I've never [TS]

00:44:52   considered myself an insomniac there's [TS]

00:44:54   been times when I haven't slept as much [TS]

00:44:56   as I'd like but I read this amazing [TS]

00:44:57   article [TS]

00:44:57   well sent to you that that was it's [TS]

00:45:00   basically about all the authors and [TS]

00:45:01   everybody like spring from the [TS]

00:45:03   perspective of saying if you are an [TS]

00:45:04   insomniac or anybody's ever had trouble [TS]

00:45:06   sleeping [TS]

00:45:06   if you're not like that you have no idea [TS]

00:45:09   what it's like and go through these like [TS]

00:45:11   the three horrific dark night of the [TS]

00:45:13   soul stages of insomnia that it just [TS]

00:45:16   sounds it sounds completely harrowing [TS]

00:45:18   and it starts out where you're like oh I [TS]

00:45:19   can't sleep then you get into like going [TS]

00:45:22   through everything you've ever done [TS]

00:45:23   wrong in your life and and error and a [TS]

00:45:27   nice one or like no I'm sorry today's [TS]

00:45:28   test step three step two is every [TS]

00:45:31   everyone you've wronged you go through [TS]

00:45:33   that then by the time right before done [TS]

00:45:35   like you're just sitting there [TS]

00:45:37   compulsively cataloging everything that [TS]

00:45:39   you ever [TS]

00:45:40   or ever done wrong yeah it's it's lovely [TS]

00:45:42   and of course the courses that happen to [TS]

00:45:44   you have first of all he is much more [TS]

00:45:46   comfortable saying and you had that [TS]

00:45:47   experience at all absolutely but you [TS]

00:45:49   know i have i have routinely stayed up [TS]

00:45:50   for 48 hours to really push the envelope [TS]

00:45:53   on the on those feelings but even just [TS]

00:45:57   last night at three o'clock in the [TS]

00:45:59   morning i did one of those things which [TS]

00:46:02   you know which is a which is I try to do [TS]

00:46:06   infrequently now where I responded to [TS]

00:46:09   someone's angry email by going through [TS]

00:46:12   and responding after every sentence that [TS]

00:46:16   they wrote so they wrote me a paragraph [TS]

00:46:18   and then I went in and after every [TS]

00:46:20   sentence wrote a paragraph about their [TS]

00:46:22   sentence was like here's what you're [TS]

00:46:25   trying to do in this sentence and here's [TS]

00:46:27   why it's not working and then i would [TS]

00:46:29   let them say another sentence and then i [TS]

00:46:31   would say here's why this sentence is a [TS]

00:46:34   total fail also created here are the [TS]

00:46:37   here are the ploys that you are [TS]

00:46:39   employing to try and guilt me into these [TS]

00:46:43   are here and a Cyrano on [TS]

00:46:45   yeah you think you're gonna tell me I [TS]

00:46:46   got a big nose let me tell you about big [TS]

00:46:48   noses no see now I hate that style of [TS]

00:46:51   argumentation the one where you were [TS]

00:46:53   here is how could have insulted me [TS]

00:46:54   better [TS]

00:46:55   well i know i don't like I don't mind [TS]

00:46:56   that but the whole like oh oh I've got a [TS]

00:46:58   big nose [TS]

00:46:59   you've got a big no-no I said wonderful [TS]

00:47:01   seeing that Jose for accent from the [TS]

00:47:03   play but it's wonderful sincere now [TS]

00:47:05   where where this guy comes up to me [TS]

00:47:06   wants to like he hurt he's the tough guy [TS]

00:47:08   cums you have a your nose is rather [TS]

00:47:10   large and in Cyrano composes a poem on [TS]

00:47:13   the fly while he kicks the guy's ass [TS]

00:47:15   with the sword about all the ways he [TS]

00:47:17   could have done that in a more clever [TS]

00:47:18   way [TS]

00:47:19   yeah this is what that reminds me up [TS]

00:47:20   because he literally does it line by [TS]

00:47:22   line in a different style [TS]

00:47:23   yeah that's exactly that's exactly what [TS]

00:47:25   I trying to a lot to make up a lot you [TS]

00:47:28   people hiding [TS]

00:47:30   well what what it is when people try and [TS]

00:47:31   when people try to accomplish a goal [TS]

00:47:35   especially when they when they write it [TS]

00:47:38   down but even when they say it to you [TS]

00:47:40   but when they're speaking to you you [TS]

00:47:42   know people trying to accomplish a goal [TS]

00:47:43   by employing by not staying straight [TS]

00:47:47   what they want but that why they're [TS]

00:47:49   dissatisfied with you and what they want [TS]

00:47:51   from you but they try to eat [TS]

00:47:53   don't use all these ploys like appeal to [TS]

00:47:56   a straw man and all the follow all those [TS]

00:47:58   sophistic fallacies they try to use [TS]

00:48:01   sophism on you where they are you know [TS]

00:48:04   they're trying to lead you down a way of [TS]

00:48:06   thinking and they're trying to make you [TS]

00:48:08   know is that my favorite one of these is [TS]

00:48:11   a friend of mine at many many years ago [TS]

00:48:12   we were sitting in a restaurant in San [TS]

00:48:14   Francisco actually there are three of us [TS]

00:48:16   and we were looking at pizza menu trying [TS]

00:48:18   to decide what kind of pizza again and [TS]

00:48:21   the menu said you get a 2 free toppings [TS]

00:48:25   on a large pizza and so I said I think [TS]

00:48:30   we should get pepperoni and mushroom and [TS]

00:48:33   my second friend said why don't like [TS]

00:48:35   mushrooms and then he said what about [TS]

00:48:38   pepperoni and green pepper and the third [TS]

00:48:40   guy said well I'm not really that into [TS]

00:48:42   pepperoni and then the second guy said [TS]

00:48:45   well let's just get a cheese pizza we [TS]

00:48:46   can all agree on cheese and I said well [TS]

00:48:50   we get two free toppings so why don't we [TS]

00:48:52   get you know let's get green pepper and [TS]

00:48:55   onion and then the third guy was like [TS]

00:48:57   well no I I like a little meat what [TS]

00:48:59   about sausage and onion and the second [TS]

00:49:02   guy says again [TS]

00:49:03   oh why don't we just get cheese and we [TS]

00:49:05   can all agree on cheese and we both kind [TS]

00:49:08   of looked at him and said well yeah [TS]

00:49:10   except for the two free toppings free [TS]

00:49:12   toppings so i'll add something I say [TS]

00:49:15   alright sausage and onion sounds good [TS]

00:49:17   and the other guy says okay sausage and [TS]

00:49:19   onion and the third guy now a little bit [TS]

00:49:21   upset goes well let's just get cheese we [TS]

00:49:23   can all agree on cheese and we looked at [TS]

00:49:27   him and said we just agreed on sausage [TS]

00:49:28   and onion and then it occurred to me and [TS]

00:49:32   I said to him [TS]

00:49:32   wait a minute do you want cheese pizza [TS]

00:49:34   is that what you're saying you want to [TS]

00:49:36   get cheese that is what you want and he [TS]

00:49:39   was like it's just that we can all agree [TS]

00:49:41   on cheese but clearly you're not and i [TS]

00:49:44   said we can't all agree on she's only [TS]

00:49:46   you are agreeing on jeans and it wasn't [TS]

00:49:49   even that he wanted that know it what it [TS]

00:49:51   was what it was was that he wanted that [TS]

00:49:54   she just wanted to cheese pizza [TS]

00:49:56   but he could not say it because he had [TS]

00:49:59   he had trained himself he'd grown up [TS]

00:50:01   thinking that like that trick works that [TS]

00:50:04   he was the problem solver that he was [TS]

00:50:06   the one who made everybody happy he was [TS]

00:50:10   the one that negotiated and what he had [TS]

00:50:13   learned to do is get his way [TS]

00:50:15   bye-bye negotiating this thing where he [TS]

00:50:19   ended up where he tried to make his [TS]

00:50:21   desire seem like the compromise position [TS]

00:50:23   between everybody else and he and this [TS]

00:50:27   guy had a reputation of being the nicest [TS]

00:50:30   guy you know [TS]

00:50:32   oh he's such a great guy you know never [TS]

00:50:34   huh but he but what he doesn't know he [TS]

00:50:37   gets his way by presenting it as the i [TS]

00:50:40   think it was so i think it is no no it's [TS]

00:50:42   a guy you don't know I but that but that [TS]

00:50:44   phrase we can all agree on cheese now [TS]

00:50:46   and you also you he despises when I say [TS]

00:50:48   we'll have to agree to disagree what he [TS]

00:50:50   say when I thank you [TS]

00:50:51   except i don't disagree agree to nothing [TS]

00:50:53   having created nothing but and so this I [TS]

00:50:56   made sure that this phrase we can all [TS]

00:50:59   agree on cheese became a byword became a [TS]

00:51:02   watchword for this tendency which is the [TS]

00:51:05   tendency of people to to seem like they [TS]

00:51:09   are being accommodated while they are [TS]

00:51:11   actually manipulating and it's a very [TS]

00:51:14   very common thing and I think a if you [TS]

00:51:16   look for it in life you'll see it all [TS]

00:51:18   the time and this email I got last night [TS]

00:51:20   from this person they were trying to [TS]

00:51:22   manipulate me all you know about trying [TS]

00:51:24   to manipulate me by presenting the by [TS]

00:51:27   presenting the art framing the argument [TS]

00:51:29   that we were having in a certain way [TS]

00:51:31   such that it seemed fait accompli right [TS]

00:51:34   that he had already framed the argument [TS]

00:51:36   and now here here was his elegant [TS]

00:51:39   solution for and what i was saying was [TS]

00:51:41   you are not in the position to frame the [TS]

00:51:44   argument it's not your argument to frame [TS]

00:51:46   so it is not your argument just [TS]

00:51:49   something you're acquainted with this [TS]

00:51:50   wasn't like some random random troll [TS]

00:51:52   with somebody now [TS]

00:51:53   yeah this isn't it's another business [TS]

00:51:54   situation where I'm doing business with [TS]

00:51:56   somebody and they are trying to and we [TS]

00:51:58   have a disagreement and then they all of [TS]

00:52:00   a sudden start using all this weird [TS]

00:52:02   creepy you know kind of like combining a [TS]

00:52:08   little bit of like [TS]

00:52:09   because I because people are so ashamed [TS]

00:52:11   when they get into a fight and so people [TS]

00:52:15   are manipulative people are great at at [TS]

00:52:19   turning that shame into an agent of to [TS]

00:52:24   accomplish their own goal is a is also a [TS]

00:52:27   foothold to self-doubt now you make the [TS]

00:52:29   first and start doubting themselves [TS]

00:52:30   exactly so they know you're ashamed [TS]

00:52:32   already that you're in a fight and they [TS]

00:52:34   just turned they just phrase it in such [TS]

00:52:36   a way that you doubt your position and [TS]

00:52:39   then they offer you an elegant solution [TS]

00:52:40   and in ninety-nine percent of the time [TS]

00:52:43   people are so relieved to have a [TS]

00:52:45   solution presented so relieved that the [TS]

00:52:47   other person is offering you know what [TS]

00:52:50   appears to be their hand in peace that [TS]

00:52:53   they don't notice that the argument has [TS]

00:52:55   been reframed and that the hand in peace [TS]

00:52:58   is actually just the other person's [TS]

00:52:59   position the other person is just [TS]

00:53:02   basically winning by presenting their [TS]

00:53:05   desire as this as like a compromising [TS]

00:53:08   that's a big business guy thing I think [TS]

00:53:10   that's you've talked before about the [TS]

00:53:12   whole thing we gotta deal with somebody [TS]

00:53:13   in authority and you know what I mean or [TS]

00:53:15   somebody with the power the money the [TS]

00:53:17   way I think that's a very common common [TS]

00:53:18   way and if you're somebody who has a [TS]

00:53:20   very strong personality you know if like [TS]

00:53:24   in your case you're able to say to that [TS]

00:53:25   person wait a minute you know I don't [TS]

00:53:28   know what you really want here but like [TS]

00:53:31   you say you're not in a position to [TS]

00:53:32   frame this if you're around a very [TS]

00:53:33   powerful person who is used to doing [TS]

00:53:34   that all day long and is good at it [TS]

00:53:36   it can be a hell of a Jedi mind trick [TS]

00:53:37   because then now you sound uppity you [TS]

00:53:40   sound like you sound like you're being [TS]

00:53:41   unreasonable [TS]

00:53:43   well that's that's the whole game [TS]

00:53:44   because if you say what know the other [TS]

00:53:46   person's like hey look i'm just trying [TS]

00:53:48   to I was trying to help you here i'm [TS]

00:53:50   just trying to solve this problem and [TS]

00:53:51   what you guys were really having them to [TS]

00:53:53   bring it back to the the cheese [TS]

00:53:54   agreement I think you are even at the at [TS]

00:53:56   the best and most big hard way having [TS]

00:53:58   two different conversations wasn't one [TS]

00:54:00   of them was a conversation about trying [TS]

00:54:02   to agree on the best utilitarian [TS]

00:54:04   solution for what we like on our pizza [TS]

00:54:06   and then the other guy want to be right [TS]

00:54:08   exactly the other guy wanted to win and [TS]

00:54:12   he he was so he got he and he was it and [TS]

00:54:16   what was great about this moment was [TS]

00:54:17   that he was so invested in his method [TS]

00:54:20   that his method was exposed [TS]

00:54:23   you know like he stuck to it just a [TS]

00:54:26   little bit too long until it was like [TS]

00:54:28   when there's only three of us here and [TS]

00:54:30   we are agreeing except for you who but I [TS]

00:54:34   think ninety-nine percent of the time [TS]

00:54:35   I've known this guy for years I still no [TS]

00:54:36   man i like it very much but he had he'd [TS]

00:54:39   been employing that method his whole [TS]

00:54:41   life and and most of the time he would [TS]

00:54:45   just kind of stick to his guns and other [TS]

00:54:47   people would be kind of talking around [TS]

00:54:48   and pretty soon it would seem like the [TS]

00:54:50   logical choice you know what yeah let's [TS]

00:54:52   just get cheese and if you're like me [TS]

00:54:53   just get tired of arguing like you just [TS]

00:54:55   like you know I i don't know i don't [TS]

00:54:57   have enough energy to continue continue [TS]

00:54:59   with this [TS]

00:54:59   yeah that's where I do i do not suffer [TS]

00:55:01   from that I know that's why i like about [TS]

00:55:03   the first hour of every show I do not [TS]

00:55:05   tired of arguing [TS]

00:55:06   well so here's the thing about the [TS]

00:55:07   sophistry is the pin and I have a slight [TS]

00:55:09   pivot here but the the sophistry works [TS]

00:55:11   great on other people who believe in [TS]

00:55:13   that sophistry right that where you can [TS]

00:55:15   play a certain kind of game with [TS]

00:55:16   somebody right but if the people who [TS]

00:55:19   agree to disagree [TS]

00:55:20   who if two people both subscribe [TS]

00:55:23   subscribe to the I let's agree to [TS]

00:55:25   disagree philosophy then but nothing [TS]

00:55:28   will ever be accomplished because they [TS]

00:55:29   will try and agree to disagree with each [TS]

00:55:31   other that will be that's there that's [TS]

00:55:34   the default and if one person says let's [TS]

00:55:36   agree to disagree the other person has [TS]

00:55:37   enough that cannot counter because they [TS]

00:55:39   already believe in agree to disagree [TS]

00:55:41   with the last argument you lost [TS]

00:55:43   well I mean I'll i lose arguments are [TS]

00:55:47   looking around looking for a date and [TS]

00:55:48   time haha not not an explanation but [TS]

00:55:51   well how often do you watch last time [TS]

00:55:53   you lost an argument here [TS]

00:55:55   I lose them all the time because I [TS]

00:55:57   because I lose the other person's it's [TS]

00:56:00   still not answering my castle to the [TS]

00:56:02   other person's like love like the other [TS]

00:56:05   person goes it gets so exasperated so [TS]

00:56:08   exhausted right [TS]

00:56:09   not because it's not really an argument [TS]

00:56:12   if you don't lose sometimes otherwise [TS]

00:56:14   it's just it's a it's a treatise right [TS]

00:56:17   oh let's see the last the last day the [TS]

00:56:21   last disagreement i had where both [TS]

00:56:22   parties knew how to talk about what I'm [TS]

00:56:24   talking about like you like the Emperor [TS]

00:56:27   and what am I thinking of here sometimes [TS]

00:56:29   a big showdown right is too well matched [TS]

00:56:31   with the Stars and watch lost but you [TS]

00:56:33   well matched swordsman come up against [TS]

00:56:35   each other in a fair [TS]

00:56:36   fight me and somebody's probably going [TS]

00:56:38   to lose [TS]

00:56:39   oh well this happens all the time I uh [TS]

00:56:41   John Hodgman has very strong feelings [TS]

00:56:43   about culture he's he's very durable and [TS]

00:56:47   that I do not share he believes certain [TS]

00:56:50   cultural things are are bulletproof and [TS]

00:56:53   I believe that they are riddled with [TS]

00:56:55   bullet holes these cultural things and [TS]

00:56:58   we will argue about them back and forth [TS]

00:57:00   and very often he makes a compelling [TS]

00:57:03   case where I have to say [TS]

00:57:05   mmm alright you don't that's because [TS]

00:57:07   he's gonna see if he can last longer [TS]

00:57:08   than you is one of the rare people who [TS]

00:57:10   can actually argue longer than you know [TS]

00:57:12   it isn't a case of arguing a longer or [TS]

00:57:14   stronger it is a case of of not being [TS]

00:57:18   here's the thing okay a lot of times [TS]

00:57:21   when people get into arguments with me [TS]

00:57:23   they feel overpowered because i have [TS]

00:57:27   because i replied to everything they say [TS]

00:57:29   I like I keep I keep the threat of the [TS]

00:57:30   argument going in my mind I don't get [TS]

00:57:32   distracted or sidetrack you don't feel [TS]

00:57:34   the need to settle it quickly in order [TS]

00:57:36   to like have it be easier on either of [TS]

00:57:38   you Yeah Yeah right I want to get the [TS]

00:57:40   key that's a really key thing for people [TS]

00:57:41   who don't know you well what I want to [TS]

00:57:43   do is find the truth and I want to get [TS]

00:57:46   to the truth of whatever the question is [TS]

00:57:48   that we're talking about and so when I [TS]

00:57:50   come up against somebody who also is [TS]

00:57:52   interested in finding the truth and if [TS]

00:57:55   you find two truths you find that your [TS]

00:57:57   truth and their truth differ you can [TS]

00:57:59   find a superior truth there i mean both [TS]

00:58:01   parties know when one truth is when both [TS]

00:58:04   truth truths may be equal but one truth [TS]

00:58:06   is more equal than the other so in those [TS]

00:58:09   arguments I all I've all the time [TS]

00:58:12   concede to the other person that their [TS]

00:58:14   truth is the higher the two who that the [TS]

00:58:17   arguments the arguments that I feel like [TS]

00:58:19   fall apart are the ones where the other [TS]

00:58:20   person doesn't isn't is either not [TS]

00:58:23   seeking the truth or are just or they [TS]

00:58:25   just they they get defensive [TS]

00:58:27   I think you also you sell it really [TS]

00:58:29   almost as much I think you hate it when [TS]

00:58:30   people try to use tricks that work on [TS]

00:58:32   most people with you you seem it strikes [TS]

00:58:34   me that you take that that just Stokes [TS]

00:58:38   the fire of how how much you want your [TS]

00:58:40   truth to be out there because now [TS]

00:58:41   they're just provoking you not just you [TS]

00:58:43   but anybody who argues like that I think [TS]

00:58:45   goes wait a minute that's starting the [TS]

00:58:47   subject was like some people they used [TS]

00:58:49   to trick [TS]

00:58:50   and I and I feel like I feel like but [TS]

00:58:52   most people are very afraid of the truth [TS]

00:58:54   and they have no reason to be there just [TS]

00:58:57   afraid of it because they've never they [TS]

00:58:59   don't have very much real truth in their [TS]

00:59:02   lives you know they're living in a panic [TS]

00:59:04   on a kind of on an island of moss that's [TS]

00:59:07   built out of all the little lies that [TS]

00:59:10   they have been told and I'm keep telling [TS]

00:59:12   themselves and so the idea of looking [TS]

00:59:15   for the truth it just seems like they're [TS]

00:59:17   gonna fall down a hole and so there they [TS]

00:59:20   you know they have all these little [TS]

00:59:22   tricks and games to redirect [TS]

00:59:24   conversations back to places they're [TS]

00:59:26   comfortable or to not go into that realm [TS]

00:59:29   of ideas where they are you know where [TS]

00:59:32   they feel threatened and so those tricks [TS]

00:59:35   you know those those tricks are they [TS]

00:59:39   serve one purpose only which is to avoid [TS]

00:59:42   getting to the truth through and if [TS]

00:59:44   you're arguing about a simple thing like [TS]

00:59:46   what kind of pizza topping to get on [TS]

00:59:48   your stuff that what why are you afraid [TS]

00:59:51   of the truth which is there are three of [TS]

00:59:53   us here and we can actually come to an [TS]

00:59:54   agreement on to pizza toppings or if you [TS]

00:59:57   do want cheese pizza the other [TS]

00:59:57   do want cheese pizza the other [TS]

01:00:00   two people are friendly enough that [TS]

01:00:01   they'll get half cheese that's the [TS]

01:00:03   traveling part of that I mean I i know [TS]

01:00:05   you probably suspect you see this is [TS]

01:00:06   something bigger than just being about [TS]

01:00:08   pizza but in that instance it's not [TS]

01:00:09   fucking complicated if you want cheese [TS]

01:00:10   pizza just be an adult and say when [TS]

01:00:12   she's pizza and then somebody can [TS]

01:00:13   respond you like an adult [TS]

01:00:15   welcome parents might ease the waters [TS]

01:00:16   when using passive aggressive things we [TS]

01:00:19   got half uh this is the finale of this [TS]

01:00:22   pizza thing we got half a sausage and [TS]

01:00:26   onion half cheese and a nice happy i [TS]

01:00:30   don't know i said to see what happens [TS]

01:00:32   like you want cheese pizza say it and [TS]

01:00:34   when you fucking cheese pizza but you [TS]

01:00:36   were you were trying to work us you know [TS]

01:00:39   you're trying to work us and that is [TS]

01:00:42   never good [TS]

01:00:43   you know I particularly don't try to [TS]

01:00:46   work people who are going to see through [TS]

01:00:49   it like that you're going to really end [TS]

01:00:52   up being ashamed of yourself you have a [TS]

01:00:54   friend that wants to do the fundraising [TS]

01:00:57   thing and they're going to be like in a [TS]

01:00:58   run and they and they want to back her [TS]

01:01:00   could be could be somebody whose kid is [TS]

01:01:03   selling chocolate or something but do [TS]

01:01:05   for me particularly i gotta say it's the [TS]

01:01:07   people who are going to go do some run [TS]

01:01:09   and let's be honest it's frequently for [TS]

01:01:10   something that they care a lot about [TS]

01:01:11   like my grandma died because of this [TS]

01:01:13   thing right now so I'm going over [TS]

01:01:15   support network [TS]

01:01:16   yeah so I got his facebook page and I [TS]

01:01:18   want people to donate stuff like and and [TS]

01:01:20   you know what you sponsor me and and I'm [TS]

01:01:23   not that's not really my kind of thing [TS]

01:01:26   but if I if I like the person and I want [TS]

01:01:28   to support them i say can I just give [TS]

01:01:30   you twenty dollars [TS]

01:01:31   can I just give you fifty dollars haha [TS]

01:01:34   rather you didn't turn out of cents a [TS]

01:01:36   mile will do you imagine that they're [TS]

01:01:37   happy about that [TS]

01:01:38   no no they're not because it's really [TS]

01:01:41   about the thing they're doing right and [TS]

01:01:43   I mean I on a certain way in San [TS]

01:01:45   Francisco it's kind of like you know if [TS]

01:01:47   you are you probably got this in seattle [TS]

01:01:48   where somebody somebody you know comes [TS]

01:01:50   up to you and you know since they want [TS]

01:01:53   money for food and food don't want it [TS]

01:01:54   ready for her to walk over there and say [TS]

01:01:58   well to carls jr and i'll buy you [TS]

01:02:00   something and it's not that I'm trying [TS]

01:02:01   to be a dick it's like if you said to me [TS]

01:02:03   can I just have some money i would [TS]

01:02:06   probably more likely to do I don't even [TS]

01:02:07   have to tell me it's for beer cracker on [TS]

01:02:09   fucking care but I don't like being [TS]

01:02:10   played [TS]

01:02:11   yeah exactly somebody comes up to me [TS]

01:02:13   like excuse me sir i have a job [TS]

01:02:15   interview my kid in the car and take a [TS]

01:02:17   bus to screw off [TS]

01:02:19   ok so already you're trying to work me [TS]

01:02:20   I'm bad arguing I don't like it I'm not [TS]

01:02:23   just saying bagging i generally don't [TS]

01:02:24   like arguing with people but i'll tell [TS]

01:02:26   you what gets as you say my dander up [TS]

01:02:27   and I I'm not flawless at this yet but [TS]

01:02:30   man I fucking hate the obsession with [TS]

01:02:32   hypocrisy because i can't believe it [TS]

01:02:36   it's standing to me how many smart [TS]

01:02:37   people allow a discussion to be shut [TS]

01:02:39   down by not just the existence of [TS]

01:02:41   hypocrisy not just the appearance of [TS]

01:02:43   hypocrisy but in fact merely the [TS]

01:02:46   accusation of hypocrisy can be allowed [TS]

01:02:49   to change what the entire argument is [TS]

01:02:51   about right right and know whether [TS]

01:02:53   you're talking about God or whether [TS]

01:02:54   you're talking about the truth or [TS]

01:02:55   whether you talking about you know [TS]

01:02:56   anything [TS]

01:02:57   let's just talk about the truth like the [TS]

01:02:59   truth is the truth whether i'm good at [TS]

01:03:00   it or not like i might suck at the truth [TS]

01:03:02   but me having this position especially [TS]

01:03:05   in this age of all the facebook he shit [TS]

01:03:07   like me having this position about [TS]

01:03:08   something whether or not i'm good at it [TS]

01:03:10   or do it correctly or in quote-unquote [TS]

01:03:11   hypocritical about it like I can't [TS]

01:03:13   believe how many conversations get shut [TS]

01:03:15   down once somebody tries to find one [TS]

01:03:17   instance of where that didn't square up [TS]

01:03:18   in someone's life [TS]

01:03:19   yeah it's appalling once you start [TS]

01:03:21   noticing that accusing someone of [TS]

01:03:23   hypocrisy is is it's it's one of like 10 [TS]

01:03:27   really great undergraduate arguing [TS]

01:03:29   tricks where you know what happened is [TS]

01:03:33   someone once accused that person of [TS]

01:03:34   hypocrisy and they realized oh wow that [TS]

01:03:37   works great [TS]

01:03:38   all I have to i'm not even listening to [TS]

01:03:40   this person's argument i'm just [TS]

01:03:41   listening for what one place where i can [TS]

01:03:43   insert this like lever of inconsistency [TS]

01:03:46   and derail their whole thing and it's [TS]

01:03:48   right people fighting are for trying to [TS]

01:03:50   find one exception to that being perfect [TS]

01:03:52   and flawless all the time which you [TS]

01:03:53   think about is pretty like fucking crazy [TS]

01:03:55   borderline personality disorder you know [TS]

01:03:57   and I know as you said it yourself [TS]

01:03:58   you're not a big fan democracy i'm not a [TS]

01:04:00   big fan of the kind of hypocrisy [TS]

01:04:02   we're like I said before I mean where [TS]

01:04:04   your whole job is to harm somebody based [TS]

01:04:07   on a thing but then you do that thing [TS]

01:04:09   like I think it's troubling when when [TS]

01:04:11   police in the narcotics squad take a lot [TS]

01:04:13   of money to put people in jail by [TS]

01:04:14   planting drugs on them that's the kind [TS]

01:04:16   of hypocrisy and we talked about this on [TS]

01:04:17   our own my own video program a long time [TS]

01:04:19   ago right yeah like the kind of inert [TS]

01:04:21   bullshit and the kind of harmful [TS]

01:04:22   bullshit and I just got to say like I [TS]

01:04:24   can't I can't believe how often would [TS]

01:04:26   you get one of those notes from somebody [TS]

01:04:28   whether it's a friend or otherwise it's [TS]

01:04:30   amazing how often if you take a step [TS]

01:04:32   back and decide you're not bothered by [TS]

01:04:35   being hypocritical it's amazing how the [TS]

01:04:37   entire argument changes it falls apart [TS]

01:04:39   there's so many things people say to [TS]

01:04:41   each other but accidentally just mean I [TS]

01:04:43   found a way in my mind that your [TS]

01:04:45   hypocritical and now we're done here [TS]

01:04:46   right and and your and and you have [TS]

01:04:49   you've employed the ninja technique of [TS]

01:04:51   saying that is right i have conflicting [TS]

01:04:53   ideas what is your next move right away [TS]

01:04:56   or you just say you're absolutely right [TS]

01:04:58   hypocritical uh was or what should we [TS]

01:05:01   talk about it yeah understanding on the [TS]

01:05:04   internet on the internet in particular I [TS]

01:05:05   don't want the internet but I'm just [TS]

01:05:07   saying like there's so much more like if [TS]

01:05:09   somebody calls you hypocrite like that [TS]

01:05:11   that's it you're done Dave their sniper [TS]

01:05:12   they've got the shot and you're finished [TS]

01:05:14   go okay i am a hypocrite and like I'm [TS]

01:05:17   not losing that much sleep over it so [TS]

01:05:19   now what do you think of me because now [TS]

01:05:21   you might as well be fuckin hitler-like [TS]

01:05:23   to them because you're not obsessed with [TS]

01:05:25   hypocrisy and you know who worries about [TS]

01:05:26   I'm sorry to go on a thing here but you [TS]

01:05:27   know worry about hypocrisy people who [TS]

01:05:29   are extremely fucking hypocritical and [TS]

01:05:31   are scared to be discovered by somebody [TS]

01:05:33   I thought you were going to say Hitler [TS]

01:05:34   well there's a lot of things are worse [TS]

01:05:36   than Hitler mi hypocritical to say that [TS]

01:05:39   up as many what weapons inside of me I [TS]

01:05:42   i'm watching the the Republicans now or [TS]

01:05:45   conservatives across America discovered [TS]

01:05:47   this new thing and that and you can see [TS]

01:05:48   it anytime you open the newspaper now [TS]

01:05:50   they have finally discovered how to [TS]

01:05:53   combat the charge that they are racists [TS]

01:05:57   which is to belief elysees quit playing [TS]

01:06:01   the race card [TS]

01:06:02   I mean really good really good [TS]

01:06:05   conservative like demagogues have been [TS]

01:06:08   doing this for a long time but it has [TS]

01:06:10   reached the conservative mainstream now [TS]

01:06:12   where people are coming out and we're [TS]

01:06:14   going to see this in this next election [TS]

01:06:15   going to see it all the time now they [TS]

01:06:17   come out they say a blatantly racist [TS]

01:06:20   thing and then when somebody says well [TS]

01:06:23   that was really racist what you just [TS]

01:06:25   said they go there you are again liberal [TS]

01:06:28   playing the race card right that they [TS]

01:06:30   say the racist thing again and it's a [TS]

01:06:32   it's brilliant because it's a it's a [TS]

01:06:34   ninja move right you can't they have [TS]

01:06:36   flipped it and now they because to their [TS]

01:06:39   audience [TS]

01:06:40   of course they're like yeah the race [TS]

01:06:41   card but even like even reasonable [TS]

01:06:44   people would might you know these these [TS]

01:06:47   are moderates or whatever reason in [TS]

01:06:49   between people they're gonna a lot of [TS]

01:06:51   them are gonna go [TS]

01:06:52   yeah why don't those liberal stop [TS]

01:06:54   playing the race card did you get this [TS]

01:06:56   thing that Jedi mind-trick intelligent I [TS]

01:06:58   Ron Paul's ex and cut down on talk about [TS]

01:07:02   politics on projects like campaign [TS]

01:07:03   manager Scott's been with him since the [TS]

01:07:05   late eighties read a really interesting [TS]

01:07:07   piece and response to all these [TS]

01:07:08   allegations that wrong policies and ron [TS]

01:07:10   paul is that and it was i I don't I [TS]

01:07:13   could give a fucking shit about any of [TS]

01:07:15   it but it was very interesting and [TS]

01:07:17   carefully written and well-written and [TS]

01:07:19   very very entertaining and interesting [TS]

01:07:21   and was written a wonderful rhetorical [TS]

01:07:23   style reset okay look here's my bona [TS]

01:07:24   fides I work for the guy I've been with [TS]

01:07:25   him every day I did this I did that I [TS]

01:07:27   did that I'd that means working his [TS]

01:07:28   presidential campaign and like is crazy [TS]

01:07:30   campaign in the eighties like he's [TS]

01:07:32   worked on his stuff in Congress and he [TS]

01:07:34   said what is a big problem with what [TS]

01:07:36   everybody says and I love this because [TS]

01:07:37   it was not about being a liberal is not [TS]

01:07:39   about being conservative he's saying [TS]

01:07:40   well is ron paul homophobic know he's an [TS]

01:07:43   old guy who liked a lot of old guys are [TS]

01:07:45   kind of uncomfortable being around gay [TS]

01:07:46   people think it's weird though he does [TS]

01:07:48   wash his hands after shaking hands with [TS]

01:07:49   a guy so that's kind of weird [TS]

01:07:51   okay so it's not my fault but I don't [TS]

01:07:52   know he's definitely weird no no he's [TS]

01:07:54   not trying to damn with faint praise if [TS]

01:07:56   you want is ron is ron paul anti-semitic [TS]

01:07:57   no he's not he's just he's around a lot [TS]

01:08:00   of Jewish people all the time in these [TS]

01:08:01   but you know but you don't like many [TS]

01:08:03   washes and it's not even that he's just [TS]

01:08:06   he's what he's doing is humanizing him [TS]

01:08:08   about all these things that are these [TS]

01:08:10   hot button issues continue nobody says [TS]

01:08:11   he says I cannot believe that nobody's [TS]

01:08:13   noticing how completely fucking out of [TS]

01:08:15   his gourd he is about foot and policy [TS]

01:08:18   basically said you guys you you wanna [TS]

01:08:21   you wanna go make this this electability [TS]

01:08:23   strong man over here when you should be [TS]

01:08:25   looking at like how this guy is like a [TS]

01:08:27   pre-world War One caricature right he's [TS]

01:08:29   got all his money in gold and silver [TS]

01:08:31   like you send me that article from the [TS]

01:08:34   yeah like I said it's not even so much i [TS]

01:08:36   like you know I like anybody who loves [TS]

01:08:38   their job is good at it and like talking [TS]

01:08:40   about it i love talking that person [TS]

01:08:42   anybody who can write something [TS]

01:08:43   entertaining about anything I could give [TS]

01:08:44   a shit about sports but i like i like [TS]

01:08:45   listening to not cheap alcohol was [TS]

01:08:48   joking know who's the guy on [TS]

01:08:50   like people on NPR were like I really [TS]

01:08:51   care about Texas but like when Wade [TS]

01:08:53   what's his head from from Texas does [TS]

01:08:55   reports and with this i don't care about [TS]

01:08:57   politics somebody write something gets [TS]

01:08:58   good [TS]

01:08:59   that's right good writing is good [TS]

01:09:00   writing what did you did you did you [TS]

01:09:01   ever read that that after the Keith [TS]

01:09:05   Richards autobiography came out there [TS]

01:09:07   was this there was this response from [TS]

01:09:10   the Mick Jagger was awesome i totally [TS]

01:09:13   read that was great all amazing i'm [TS]

01:09:15   reading this thing I'm like this isn't [TS]

01:09:18   this is a tidal wave this is he shunted [TS]

01:09:21   so much shit on the mick and that I i [TS]

01:09:23   heard about fresh air talking about it [TS]

01:09:25   and half the show was like happy [TS]

01:09:26   recollections yeah I was like 10 with [TS]

01:09:28   the we have Keith and we have the first [TS]

01:09:30   half hours are like happy recollections [TS]

01:09:31   of crazy rock and roll and the second [TS]

01:09:33   half was basically just not entirely but [TS]

01:09:35   was just a lot of him saying oh yeah [TS]

01:09:37   mix mix the one you know who's a you [TS]

01:09:41   know a misogynist yea sure-sure mix the [TS]

01:09:44   one who's all kid he's the one who cares [TS]

01:09:45   about money and not you know right but [TS]

01:09:47   like everything's fucked up that's [TS]

01:09:49   happening in stones apparently because [TS]

01:09:50   my Jagger according to that reply that [TS]

01:09:52   supposedly from mick jagger who was such [TS]

01:09:55   a brilliant piece of writing and at the [TS]

01:09:57   end of it made me it may be wish so [TS]

01:10:00   desperately that make it actually [TS]

01:10:01   written it and it made me wish that that [TS]

01:10:05   Mick did write it and then that Paul [TS]

01:10:08   McCartney would write a similar thing [TS]

01:10:10   and that and that Paul family assume you [TS]

01:10:13   brought it up let me address some of [TS]

01:10:15   these pockets you don't mean like okay [TS]

01:10:17   you know what let's just quit pretending [TS]

01:10:19   and i'm going to talk about how hurt i [TS]

01:10:21   am by the shit that you've said and the [TS]

01:10:22   reality of the situation and you know [TS]

01:10:26   and of course of course it was a hoax [TS]

01:10:28   but but a but that's an example of like [TS]

01:10:30   great writing that that trumps that [TS]

01:10:34   trumps the lie it's like it's better [TS]

01:10:36   than anything that could have written [TS]

01:10:38   it's better than whatever his real kind [TS]

01:10:40   of mealy-mouthed response was it's [TS]

01:10:42   better than Keith autobiography [TS]

01:10:44   I mean good stuff they have very good [TS]

01:10:47   and you know and if there anybody who [TS]

01:10:49   thinks about the stuff you think about [TS]

01:10:51   in terms of doing business and who you [TS]

01:10:53   can trust like the stuff that happened [TS]

01:10:55   the rolling stones is mind-boggling the [TS]

01:10:57   stuff that happened to them in there at [TS]

01:10:58   the height of their powers in the early [TS]

01:10:59   seventies will just curl your hair [TS]

01:11:01   yeah it's ridiculous because it's a [TS]

01:11:03   perfect [TS]

01:11:03   Apple's of the kind of shit you and I [TS]

01:11:05   care a lot about where they like they [TS]

01:11:06   knew they were getting screwed by the [TS]

01:11:08   label and certainly this dude comes [TS]

01:11:10   along wasn't it was it Peter Grant who [TS]

01:11:13   was it was another Peter Grant was a hot [TS]

01:11:16   shit what's his name was Collin Klein [TS]

01:11:17   soundcloud about one comes along those [TS]

01:11:20   guys guys guys [TS]

01:11:22   you're being treated so poorly here [TS]

01:11:25   going this one I got this little [TS]

01:11:26   you-know-what just sign here and I'll [TS]

01:11:28   take care of everything and he he [TS]

01:11:32   basically got their entire Castle huh [TS]

01:11:34   yeah and there wasn't paying their taxes [TS]

01:11:37   for four hits but it's the comb-over [TS]

01:11:39   thing again [TS]

01:11:40   oh you have once you have a color well [TS]

01:11:43   no but in 1975 the rolling stones did [TS]

01:11:46   not have that they were essentially you [TS]

01:11:50   know trapped in that world of of [TS]

01:11:52   thinking that they're comb-over isn't [TS]

01:11:54   noticeable in the sense that they [TS]

01:11:56   couldn't they just didn't have the [TS]

01:11:58   perspective that we have now which is [TS]

01:12:00   hey bald guy shave your head you look [TS]

01:12:02   great too much Charlie Charlie Watts in [TS]

01:12:03   particular [TS]

01:12:04   well Charlie Watts is a great-looking [TS]

01:12:05   man but I mean I was in a band with a [TS]

01:12:08   guy who wore a comb-over and an [TS]

01:12:11   ear-to-ear comb-over he didn't you talk [TS]

01:12:13   him out of it [TS]

01:12:14   well it wasn't just me it was kind of [TS]

01:12:17   all of his friends attending you know [TS]

01:12:19   he's 25 years old living in the city [TS]

01:12:22   planning rock bands like any less able [TS]

01:12:26   two hundred times better right [TS]

01:12:27   she's wearing this thing this lacquered [TS]

01:12:29   hair cut from ear to ear and and his [TS]

01:12:35   friends you know everybody just want one [TS]

01:12:37   day just said you know what the emperor [TS]

01:12:38   has no clothes here we gotta start [TS]

01:12:40   telling him and we were just like hey [TS]

01:12:42   just cut it off and guys were already [TS]

01:12:44   shaving their heads it was already a [TS]

01:12:46   look and finally he did it and it was [TS]

01:12:49   like I think that first day it was like [TS]

01:12:52   he was walking outside without any pants [TS]

01:12:54   on for him he was so fitted in my [TS]

01:12:56   kitchen the dam at you [TS]

01:12:57   he looked so great look so great lookin [TS]

01:13:00   fella he's a good-looking young man a [TS]

01:13:02   nicely shaped head [TS]

01:13:03   let's leave it at that yep here it is a [TS]

01:13:06   beard has kind of a pretty face that you [TS]

01:13:07   think it's really just want the guns for [TS]

01:13:09   the gun for [TS]

01:13:10   but in any case back in the seventies [TS]

01:13:12   you know they didn't have the awareness [TS]

01:13:14   that we have [TS]

01:13:15   of people being ripped off of how to [TS]

01:13:18   conduct business how to talk straight to [TS]

01:13:20   each other and you know they're just [TS]

01:13:22   they're getting blood transfusions Allen [TS]

01:13:25   Klein stealing their money who I i love [TS]

01:13:28   that the the story of them in the South [TS]

01:13:30   of France particularly because Keith had [TS]

01:13:34   this beautiful mansion right on the [TS]

01:13:36   water in Captain Teebs or whatever but [TS]

01:13:40   Charlie Watson bill wyman who did not [TS]

01:13:43   have the songwriting royalties at the [TS]

01:13:45   time they also moved to the south of [TS]

01:13:47   france for tax reasons yeah but when you [TS]

01:13:50   really find out the story they were [TS]

01:13:52   living like two hours up the road was [TS]

01:13:54   horrible story talking about the not the [TS]

01:13:57   Exile on Main Street era exile on main [TS]

01:13:59   street it's it's a harrowing story [TS]

01:14:01   there's a documentary where worm it goes [TS]

01:14:02   back there and this is the story sounds [TS]

01:14:04   awful [TS]

01:14:05   I mean it just sounds it sounds like [TS]

01:14:06   Keith well I don't back on Keith but [TS]

01:14:09   you're right they were working with [TS]

01:14:10   families and i had to commute they had [TS]

01:14:12   to commute would you like a heroine den [TS]

01:14:14   in a place in a place where they didn't [TS]

01:14:15   speak the language and I weren't [TS]

01:14:17   interested in the culture and all bill [TS]

01:14:18   wyman wanted was his his brand of [TS]

01:14:20   biscuits and all Charlie Watts wanted [TS]

01:14:23   was some mr. Pibbs tea or whatever and I [TS]

01:14:26   just wanted his jazz records and to be [TS]

01:14:30   left alone [TS]

01:14:30   yeah and instead he's driving on these [TS]

01:14:32   little narrow tiny roads to get down to [TS]

01:14:34   you know Keith's waterfront mansion and [TS]

01:14:37   there were so many better ways they [TS]

01:14:39   could have done it right [TS]

01:14:41   what's up they could have just been [TS]

01:14:42   living in a hotel or they could have [TS]

01:14:44   there's a million things that could have [TS]

01:14:46   done but they just didn't think they [TS]

01:14:49   just didn't think it through four guys I [TS]

01:14:52   wouldn't know when I wouldn't want to [TS]

01:14:53   hang with them this is this is why I [TS]

01:14:55   waited we should wrap this up this is [TS]

01:14:56   why I so love that is I I make this [TS]

01:15:00   bigger than it should be but that period [TS]

01:15:01   that you know that paperback rider 232 [TS]

01:15:05   three-year period for the beatles where [TS]

01:15:07   they were just like in the studio and [TS]

01:15:08   stuff was working and I don't John [TS]

01:15:10   wasn't that happy but like man must've [TS]

01:15:12   been amazing to be able to just just [TS]

01:15:14   just come up with stuff like that you [TS]

01:15:15   know and then I selling Main Street hey [TS]

01:15:17   what you're feeling is my ministry i was [TS]

01:15:19   a great out a great album [TS]

01:15:22   I'm efficient yeah i know i like it i [TS]

01:15:24   think my rocks off is my favorite [TS]

01:15:26   rolling stones song period [TS]

01:15:28   but I don't know sometimes I having [TS]

01:15:30   trouble getting into it i should listen [TS]

01:15:31   to it more [TS]

01:15:32   yes so it was it was it was it must have [TS]

01:15:35   been near Halloween it must have been [TS]

01:15:38   something i can probably do this by [TS]

01:15:39   looking at photos i know i took a photo [TS]

01:15:40   of this happening and you're visiting [TS]

01:15:43   here I don't remember why I think you're [TS]

01:15:45   here by yourself without the band might [TS]

01:15:47   have been you know Sean I don't remember [TS]

01:15:48   but as is so often the case we ended up [TS]

01:15:51   at the walgreens near my home [TS]

01:15:53   mhm and with with what I remember being [TS]

01:15:57   very minimum of decision-making or [TS]

01:16:01   hemming and hawing you bought a cape and [TS]

01:16:03   I walked in and I saw the Cape i bought [TS]

01:16:05   the Cape attract a Dracula style costume [TS]

01:16:08   yeah that's that's what I mean if you if [TS]

01:16:10   you're going to buy a cake that's how [TS]

01:16:11   you should buy it don't want a little [TS]

01:16:13   free backgrounds background looks great [TS]

01:16:14   nap but it i think i think it's very [TS]

01:16:16   effeminate for a man to have a mini cape [TS]

01:16:18   yeah you see a cape you see a big enough [TS]

01:16:20   tape a luxury escape get the Cape I [TS]

01:16:25   think I didn't you can't keep wearing it [TS]

01:16:26   for a while [TS]

01:16:27   well once I got the cape on I realized [TS]

01:16:30   why people where I realized why Dracula [TS]

01:16:32   wears a cape [TS]

01:16:33   it can see that conceals a multitude of [TS]

01:16:35   sins [TS]

01:16:36   it is a minute that makes every entrance [TS]

01:16:40   and exit extremely dramatic in my case [TS]

01:16:43   it protected me against the police [TS]

01:16:46   interference and I at the time of course [TS]

01:16:51   i was wearing a cape and a western shirt [TS]

01:16:53   which you don't think of as going [TS]

01:16:55   together but they go great together a [TS]

01:16:58   cape and when Dracula cape and western [TS]

01:17:00   shirt and a cigar as it doesn't [TS]

01:17:03   wonderful photos turned out really good [TS]

01:17:05   yeah the thing about that's neat about a [TS]

01:17:06   cape but it's one thing to be kind of [TS]

01:17:08   wacky you know it's one thing to have [TS]

01:17:10   like a t-shirt with an obscenity on and [TS]

01:17:12   like it's another thing to have like a [TS]

01:17:13   big fruity Jamiroquai hat like those [TS]

01:17:16   kinds of things like somebody's like [TS]

01:17:17   people are like a certain kind of person [TS]

01:17:19   not a kind of person i would like but a [TS]

01:17:21   certain kind of person would have no [TS]

01:17:22   compunction about coming up with just [TS]

01:17:23   punching in the face because they just [TS]

01:17:24   think you're stupid but there's [TS]

01:17:26   something about a tall man in a western [TS]

01:17:28   shirt with a cape the just it's enough [TS]

01:17:30   you gotta get to think a little bit just [TS]

01:17:32   there's a little extra processing going [TS]

01:17:34   on any of you I i if memory serves you [TS]

01:17:37   started walking in a slightly more [TS]

01:17:38   stately way I did I walked I i stood up [TS]

01:17:41   even more [TS]

01:17:41   correct and walked a little bit slower [TS]

01:17:43   and I i am not i don't think we were [TS]

01:17:47   mistaken the fact that people were [TS]

01:17:50   literally crossing to the other side of [TS]

01:17:51   the street [TS]

01:17:52   rather than just encountered what you [TS]

01:17:56   think you think about a man's the [TS]

01:17:58   Chinese man became an American man [TS]

01:18:00   wearing a cape and a Chinese part of [TS]

01:18:02   town and and and and so on the face of [TS]

01:18:04   it you think oh this guy's gonna be like [TS]

01:18:05   laughing to himself and running around [TS]

01:18:07   throwing poop but but you look like [TS]

01:18:09   someone who's trying to solve a very [TS]

01:18:10   important problem [TS]

01:18:11   oh you have the reality would have a [TS]

01:18:13   look i know i might just be remembering [TS]

01:18:14   from the photos we took which you didn't [TS]

01:18:16   leave you some of them for promotional [TS]

01:18:17   photos but you had a look of a very very [TS]

01:18:20   serious man that was somewhat at odds [TS]

01:18:22   with the western shore and the Cape but [TS]

01:18:24   that just made it work even better [TS]

01:18:25   yeah well I put on my thinking cape and [TS]

01:18:30   I still where I still put on that cable [TS]

01:18:32   one day I I thought it was just a San [TS]

01:18:34   Francisco thing when you were on stage [TS]

01:18:35   but you you wore it to at least to enter [TS]

01:18:37   the stage I have learned at a rock [TS]

01:18:40   concert yes up i worked on stage and [TS]

01:18:44   then at the end of the night I forget it [TS]

01:18:47   was it might have even been duff mckagan [TS]

01:18:48   but some some rock person who is a who's [TS]

01:18:52   an actual rock person said you know you [TS]

01:18:55   walked out on that cape and no one in [TS]

01:18:57   this room nobody in this city [TS]

01:18:59   understood that they were seeing the [TS]

01:19:00   most rock-and-roll moment of the year [TS]

01:19:01   they didn't even know where to put it in [TS]

01:19:04   their minds and they just stood there [TS]

01:19:07   mouths a cape [TS]

01:19:08   well I played that first song in a [TS]

01:19:10   flowing black capes you think away that [TS]

01:19:13   James Brown and you think of who's a [TS]

01:19:16   spelling you screamin Jay Hawkins [TS]

01:19:19   screamin Jay Hawkins right about how [TS]

01:19:21   many more people except for some [TS]

01:19:23   fruitcake into the second delicate how [TS]

01:19:25   many how many men Freddie Mercury good [TS]

01:19:28   one [TS]

01:19:29   what was that when they working well I [TS]

01:19:31   think he I i I'm sure he were cape oh [TS]

01:19:34   wait that guy from from that band [TS]

01:19:37   where's the band where the the one guy [TS]

01:19:39   in pigtails does the singing and the [TS]

01:19:41   other guy who wears a cape and play the [TS]

01:19:42   keyboards sparks [TS]

01:19:46   something for the Dracula with the very [TS]

01:19:52   thing [TS]