Roderick on the Line

00: “Suit of Vomit”


00:00:00   hello hello how are you

00:00:08   well how are you against timely oh no

00:00:12   it's uh it's ok I was early

00:00:14   mm um do you remember that time we went

00:00:20   out and got a stake when I was in

00:00:22   seattle when you're pretty nice not

00:00:23   nothing really really nice place but

00:00:25   they so we sat outside and we have a

00:00:26   steak remember that we got to guess what

00:00:29   about our friends

00:00:30   yeah I mean we have gotten a lot of

00:00:32   steaks

00:00:34   maybe we should cover that but yeah I do

00:00:37   remember this one particular time

00:00:39   that's a circle back don't talk more

00:00:41   about steaks but i think that's the

00:00:43   first time I ever heard some money order

00:00:46   and order Arnold Palmer is it possible

00:00:48   that that was the first time i heard

00:00:50   that in that it was you that did that it

00:00:53   was almost certainly me and I guess it's

00:00:57   possible it was the first time I Arnold

00:00:59   Palmer's have really exploded in

00:01:01   popularity lately

00:01:03   this is this is the reason I'm late you

00:01:05   know you're having a morning Arnold

00:01:06   Palmer I got into a terrible habit you

00:01:11   know how can be with the abusing any

00:01:12   substance

00:01:13   yeah it starts out simple enough yeah I

00:01:17   started out the gateway drug for me was

00:01:18   the snapple the lemon tea snapple iced

00:01:20   it was terrible stuff the those people

00:01:22   are like abortion clinic bombers yes

00:01:25   very much like nazi abortion diversity

00:01:28   build the abortion clinic they let the

00:01:29   abortions happen then they bombed the

00:01:31   clinic

00:01:32   mhm getting going both ways east and

00:01:34   west mmm yeah 911 was a conspiracy

00:01:37   yeah it was faked what's was a circus

00:01:41   are back on that ok I i started the

00:01:43   gateway drug for me this is quick the

00:01:45   the first thing was the I don't know why

00:01:47   I did I looked at the back

00:01:48   I'm trying to avoid the hfcs just high

00:01:52   fructose corn syrup

00:01:53   I think it's bad for you you know it and

00:01:56   I don't think sugar is good for you but

00:01:57   I'm trying

00:01:58   dunno y like I'm I'm on board with that

00:02:00   particular trend that I i suspect that

00:02:03   might be liberal health food store

00:02:06   overprotective mom

00:02:10   really I you know I'm various I'm very

00:02:12   suspicious of all of those you think

00:02:14   that once you think that's one of those

00:02:15   fake things i don't know i mean where I

00:02:18   mean after it's been processed so much

00:02:21   that all that's left in it is like

00:02:25   hydrocarbons right so if you believe

00:02:29   that processing is inherently bad but

00:02:34   that seems like a spiritual argument

00:02:35   right the thing itself isn't isn't any

00:02:39   worse for you than sugar cane the the

00:02:43   molecules aren't any worse

00:02:44   sure about that I don't know but it just

00:02:47   seems like it you know it seems like

00:02:49   it's one of those things where it's just

00:02:50   there

00:02:51   the argument is that it's been processed

00:02:52   so much that like that

00:02:55   healthful spirits have been taken out of

00:02:58   it the natural sprites the natural elves

00:03:03   of Health have been chased out and all

00:03:06   that's left is something like is some

00:03:08   Hitler crystal that neck sends you

00:03:13   marching into pasture gone and nothing

00:03:15   is left

00:03:16   nothing's left the elf new and very old

00:03:19   hustlers right they moved out it's all

00:03:21   gone

00:03:22   although let me tell you who i was to

00:03:24   find a stockpile of very old hustlers or

00:03:27   else hostlers I would horse certainly

00:03:29   definitely help hustlers got PBS scan

00:03:33   some people some people also cards i

00:03:36   hustle elves they lock up the rainbow

00:03:37   your watch that star hustler remember

00:03:40   star hustler hit members only jacket

00:03:42   zipped all the way up and he's very

00:03:43   excited about about the sky maybe didn't

00:03:46   get that you have in florida i think you

00:03:48   had different PBS than we did we

00:03:50   integrate different everything now

00:03:51   here's the problem is i don't know if

00:03:53   it's the high the fuck is the corner

00:03:55   this Europe I don't even know where the

00:03:56   problem isn't just called fuck tous that

00:04:00   I fucked us corn syrup made from the

00:04:03   best stuff on earth

00:04:05   oh i thought i was in the clear but

00:04:06   here's the thing i went there today I

00:04:08   don't know why I try to get a coffee I

00:04:09   didn't have time to get a coffee i want

00:04:11   to have something to pump me up so you

00:04:12   keep up with you and I went in they were

00:04:14   out of the lemon tea so I got I thought

00:04:16   of you and I picked up this is the fun

00:04:18   part for this it's arnold palmer light

00:04:21   half-and-half arnold palmer brain

00:04:23   and light and big red with white little

00:04:27   white letters on a half and half iced

00:04:28   tea lemonade it's light didn't have

00:04:30   anything but the light just like the

00:04:32   CFL's where they were saving ten percent

00:04:35   by making a 90 watt bulb 91 bulb that

00:04:39   needs to be disposed of in a hazmat

00:04:41   container because it's full of mercury

00:04:43   and um but so you're telling me that

00:04:46   Arnold Palmer drink now is branded

00:04:49   arnold palmer drink and it's in a can

00:04:52   yeah this is a 20-ounce bottle its

00:04:57   slender and tall

00:04:58   it's kinda like almost like a smart

00:05:00   water form factor it's kinda and it's

00:05:02   got a kind of a not a tripartite what

00:05:05   would you call it a trip tik of him on

00:05:07   the front of me as a young guy with when

00:05:10   there's a bunch of other snapshots on

00:05:11   here to prove that this is arnold palmer

00:05:13   to to sell this product to a generation

00:05:16   of kids who have never heard of Arnold

00:05:18   Palmer's view encounter in arnold palmer

00:05:20   product that only has four pictures of

00:05:22   Arnold Palmer on it turn it away it's

00:05:23   literally hitler poison is this is john

00:05:26   66 pictures of golfing legend arnold

00:05:32   palmer but the one they chose for the

00:05:33   main one of the of the trick is is him

00:05:36   looking a little like you can't decide

00:05:38   whether he's confused or mad he looks it

00:05:41   looks a little bit all see he's just

00:05:43   staring off in one direction but yeah

00:05:46   this is your great by one dollar but uh

00:05:48   you don't you don't worry that much

00:05:51   about what you put in your body and you

00:05:52   know that's not true i doing i do and in

00:05:55   fact Arnold Palmer's have always for me

00:05:57   been an opportunity to to craft a drink

00:06:03   out of a mixed set of ingredients like

00:06:07   app for me an Arnold Palmer is a is an

00:06:10   entry-level fruity pleaser and a free

00:06:14   did you make up that phrase fruity

00:06:16   pleaser

00:06:16   yeah you use it a lot use it on tour

00:06:18   you'd mention a light yet the keys in an

00:06:20   interview you did you invent that term

00:06:22   just a curiosity

00:06:23   well no but it was invented for me by my

00:06:25   long-time bartender who's name is Jeff

00:06:29   sparks who now owns his own bar here in

00:06:32   Seattle called the dexter in hayes and I

00:06:35   went into his bar

00:06:37   after I quit drinking and I sat down at

00:06:40   the bar and I was like well I quit

00:06:41   drinking

00:06:42   no way yeah and he said that that bodes

00:06:45   ill for my business and I said yeah well

00:06:50   hit you a cherry juice and soda

00:06:52   I'm spreading the suffering around you

00:06:54   know like I have to quit drinking so

00:06:56   fuck you and and he said well let's see

00:07:00   i we need to make you a drink and he you

00:07:03   know he made what it what would be what

00:07:07   what would be a suicide or a graveyard

00:07:09   except out of mixed fruit juice instead

00:07:14   about a pop so cranberry orange

00:07:17   grapefruit little bit of the maraschino

00:07:21   cherry water you know like you guys

00:07:25   interested you guys open for them once I

00:07:27   think maraschino cherry water yeah they

00:07:29   were they were amazing but and they were

00:07:32   like they were ahead of this whole

00:07:33   Tweety rock thing yes but anyway so he

00:07:36   called it a fruity pleaser and and it

00:07:40   and it's been fruity please forever

00:07:41   since and I thinking and most of the

00:07:42   bars in seattle now if you say fruity

00:07:44   pleaser to the bartender

00:07:46   yeah and they know you're talking about

00:07:48   I think you just first of all well

00:07:51   second of all I i like the fact that you

00:07:53   have introduced some entropy to this

00:07:56   it's going to be a different drink every

00:07:57   time I like that but first of all I

00:07:59   think you found your version of the

00:08:00   Arnold Palmer I think you need to brand

00:08:02   this I don't know how you I don't know

00:08:03   you could pass the FDA and putting that

00:08:05   out but I'm telling you

00:08:06   fruity pleaser right and it's different

00:08:08   every time we don't know it might be

00:08:09   good might be bad they don't use might

00:08:10   be from concentrate

00:08:11   that's the nature of the fruity pleaser

00:08:13   and that's the thing sometimes you go

00:08:14   into an ice bar you order fruity pleaser

00:08:17   and the fruit juice has that kind of

00:08:20   vaguely moldy tastes like it's been

00:08:22   sitting in a it's been sitting in the

00:08:24   gun or sitting in the freezer for too

00:08:25   long you know what I mean like you go

00:08:27   into a bar sometimes your fruit was

00:08:28   always in those way if you worked in

00:08:30   bars more than me but yeah I think ever

00:08:32   being this white plastic containers that

00:08:34   nobody really rinses very well and it's

00:08:36   a mixer let's be honest it's a mixture

00:08:38   that's gonna go with usually barbarro

00:08:41   well well well brands somebody's

00:08:44   somebody's going to get us something

00:08:45   something whiskey

00:08:47   and coke or something right the cook

00:08:50   comes out of the shooter you got a gun

00:08:51   what you call that we call that a gun

00:08:53   you got the kind but i don't think a lot

00:08:55   of care by and large your typical

00:08:56   Seattle bar I don't want to project I

00:08:58   don't get a lot of care going into

00:08:59   renting this what you want a lot of

00:09:01   hours it'll take 40 please are in some

00:09:02   ways the juice actually like orange

00:09:05   juice cranberry juice is also coming out

00:09:07   of the gun so it's going past some moldy

00:09:10   coca-cola molecules on its way not to

00:09:13   make this all about molecules but it's

00:09:15   going to pass these models is all about

00:09:16   Hitler and but the thing is in seattle

00:09:19   and portland and other super irritating

00:09:23   American communities you can I mean now

00:09:26   sometimes i go into a bar in order

00:09:27   fruity pleaser and the bartender sits

00:09:29   and hand squeezes five limes two

00:09:34   grapefruits up a pineapple watermelon

00:09:37   like he makes me a drink that by all

00:09:39   rights should cost twenty-five dollars

00:09:41   because of the the care that's gone into

00:09:44   it and it's some of those fruity

00:09:46   pleasers are the best drinks ever had

00:09:48   but so I think of an Arnold Palmer as in

00:09:51   that class of like this is something

00:09:52   that somebody's gonna make for you out

00:09:54   of what they have at the bar

00:09:57   notnot something in a can but i love

00:09:59   this i love this fruity please are in a

00:10:02   can idea that's a yea I think it's

00:10:04   different

00:10:05   well this is the thing I mean you're

00:10:08   getting older I why I assume that I

00:10:11   assume you're getting heavier

00:10:13   no it's getting harder and harder for

00:10:15   you to move 0 2 i'm like great violence

00:10:20   Brando lying on the backseat of a car

00:10:22   being driven by michael jackson and

00:10:26   Elizabeth Taylor is sitting in the

00:10:27   passenger seat and I'm yelling stop it

00:10:30   cannot be fried chicken Michaels

00:10:32   Michaels just in tears I don't want to

00:10:34   go to the jack-in-the-box again sergeant

00:10:37   fried chicken

00:10:38   I but it's gonna get hard to move is

00:10:40   what i'm saying so you're going to

00:10:41   extend your brand in in wholesome ways

00:10:43   and ways that scale well you know you

00:10:46   wanna enterprise-class beverage that you

00:10:48   can put your name somebody like you

00:10:50   you have you have a lot of what's the

00:10:52   word haha infamies the wrong word famous

00:10:57   certainly the wrong word but people have

00:10:59   heard of you

00:11:00   they might be annoyed

00:11:01   probably thirsty notoriety John do you

00:11:04   go into stores do you realize how many

00:11:05   drinks there are in stores now there's

00:11:06   so many drinks and so I can't stand it I

00:11:09   can't stand it i walked down those drink

00:11:11   Isles and I just feel like it's just one

00:11:13   more way I'm being assaulted

00:11:15   I'm being honest I'm being I'm being

00:11:17   sodomized by America

00:11:20   yeah like real i like yeah okay sorry

00:11:24   you remember going to your moms that I

00:11:25   don't mean to keep interrupting you know

00:11:27   i got it i know it in to get it

00:11:29   yeah but did you remember going to the

00:11:32   grocery store to get beer back in the

00:11:34   old days when when when at least one I

00:11:36   drank beer there were seven kinds of

00:11:38   beer

00:11:39   yeah now there's 750 kinds of beer and I

00:11:45   don't know you got artist artists and no

00:11:47   one's got mexican with tomatoes in it

00:11:49   there are different sizes now are

00:11:52   disabled artists and authors i know

00:11:54   that's a big in portland artisanal bread

00:11:58   are saying we're yeah you making all

00:12:01   kinds of you know small small small cask

00:12:06   small cask artisanal beers

00:12:08   yeah go ahead i think that you know I

00:12:11   think the canonical pronunciation of

00:12:13   that word is artisanal but artists anal

00:12:17   I don't know it residents were announced

00:12:19   canonical just transferred canonical

00:12:23   coming up could non-melanoma goal

00:12:25   setting aside that I have no idea who

00:12:27   needs that much selection

00:12:29   I mean let's be honest what here's the

00:12:30   corn problem the corn problem is there's

00:12:32   a lot of fucking corn much much of which

00:12:34   has been subsidized by the fucking

00:12:36   government there's all kinds of course a

00:12:37   whole documentary about the corn is corn

00:12:39   together children of the corn sure her

00:12:42   sure you got but here's the thing

00:12:43   it'sit's like the whole economy falling

00:12:46   apart thing three trillion dollars had

00:12:47   to find a home and so it went into a lot

00:12:49   of bullshit and they didn't check

00:12:50   people's credit so nobody paid it back

00:12:51   and now that's why nobody is to have a

00:12:53   house anymore and that's the thing

00:12:55   there's all that corns gotta land

00:12:56   somewhere and I got imagine that that is

00:12:59   a big part of the h f c+ night I went to

00:13:05   the safeway I gotta get milk for my

00:13:06   daughter we're out of milk

00:13:07   I gotta go I go to the safeway there are

00:13:10   probably seven or eight of those big

00:13:13   wide milk

00:13:14   alpert like doors basically was like six

00:13:16   doors of milk right it's completely

00:13:19   baffling that there's like there's

00:13:20   always like so a chocolate

00:13:22   there's no lactose lactose-free and like

00:13:26   you but you know what they did not have

00:13:27   any they had like two things of 2% milk

00:13:30   and the entire thing I think that's a

00:13:32   failure i think if you've got that much

00:13:34   chocolate soymilk and you cannot have a

00:13:35   gallon of 2% milk for a beautiful little

00:13:37   girl

00:13:38   something is wrong oh my god you just

00:13:40   prosecutor did I well I think as I feel

00:13:44   like I I feel like most of that milk is

00:13:46   adulterated milk somehow it it's been

00:13:49   the molecules are all have been

00:13:52   adulterated big chunks of Hitler now

00:13:55   throughout throughout the overall the

00:13:57   freezer cases like a lot of that Hitler

00:14:00   is subsidized by the government official

00:14:01   government still is propping up the

00:14:03   moment while we having the French into

00:14:05   it because i know they are your favorite

00:14:06   topic the French the French but I get

00:14:12   mad as it but as a bachelor for many

00:14:14   years I ate almost exclusively in

00:14:17   restaurants and almost exclusively in

00:14:20   restaurants where I knew at least one

00:14:21   girl who was a waitress that that is

00:14:25   elegant and and so I didn't know where

00:14:28   my food came from my food came from

00:14:30   pretty girls is what I thought and and

00:14:33   in that sense I'm like my daughter my

00:14:36   five or six month old daughter who also

00:14:38   thinks that food comes from pretty girls

00:14:40   but now that i have now that i have a a

00:14:43   little girl I have mouths to feed

00:14:45   I'm going to supermarkets i'm going to

00:14:47   grocery stores which is a thing I never

00:14:49   used to i never used to do I think I

00:14:51   probably when I was like george herbert

00:14:53   walker bush i had not been in a grocery

00:14:55   store since before world war two with

00:14:58   the zebra thing

00:14:59   yeah how much of the gallon milk I don't

00:15:01   know fifteen cents fifty dollars

00:15:04   I don't know now i'm going to grocery

00:15:07   stores all the time i'm looking at i'm

00:15:08   looking at these walls of products i'm

00:15:10   trying to sort through them in order to

00:15:12   find enough nutrition to keep my family

00:15:16   going and also enough just raw

00:15:19   carbohydrates to fill me with

00:15:21   self-loathing those are my two the two

00:15:25   things i look for

00:15:26   here's some food for my family

00:15:28   and then I need 8,000 calories of

00:15:31   carbohydrates mix with cheese food is

00:15:34   called a pairing a pairing yeah right

00:15:36   you're gonna get a whole flight of shame

00:15:38   you played them together let's get the

00:15:40   plating you played it you played him

00:15:42   that and and so I I'm actually very

00:15:44   concerned about like buying things that

00:15:46   are nutritious and not adulterated

00:15:49   because i'm trying to feed people that I

00:15:51   care about and I look at these products

00:15:55   and and I i spend i'm not joking i spend

00:15:59   hours standing in the aisles

00:16:02   I'm that guy with the with the shopping

00:16:04   cart blocking the aisle reading the

00:16:06   ingredients on the back of some can of

00:16:08   of multimix and wondering what the hell

00:16:11   it is and how it is going to interact

00:16:14   with me and and and yet the farmers

00:16:18   market model where I would actually

00:16:20   either a grow my own food or B goes

00:16:23   somewhere some hippies are selling food

00:16:25   that they grew that's just so much

00:16:27   trouble because you gotta go a lot you

00:16:31   go a lot and then you get all that you

00:16:32   get all this scale only talk about the

00:16:35   hippies all alone now that and started

00:16:38   to have stuff i want to cook don't have

00:16:39   a tail I think if you need to buy plants

00:16:43   you might as well pick up some salmon

00:16:45   but like I'm going to drive to the mall

00:16:47   and like you seen out there where you

00:16:49   live you probably got like freestanding

00:16:51   hippie chords they're hippies all over i

00:16:54   have to shoot him out of my garden

00:16:55   yeah yeah I put copper down that keeps

00:16:58   him from coming into the house put on

00:16:59   some copper tape no copper the boric

00:17:02   acid that's a good idea i've been

00:17:04   playing Slayer job you can put up a job

00:17:08   that'll keep me away huh really help

00:17:10   wanted sign exactly haha alright it's

00:17:14   hippie kryptonite

00:17:15   we're never gonna solve this problem and

00:17:18   it's just going to keep making me angry

00:17:20   but by the hey what you're saying is so

00:17:22   setting aside the like this may be your

00:17:25   only chance for two minutes to yourself

00:17:26   today to go to the store like there is a

00:17:29   genuine component of like you you're

00:17:31   just going to the store a lot i'm going

00:17:33   to the store a lot yeah i mean for us it

00:17:35   was like the weekend you can get diapers

00:17:38   from

00:17:39   no amazon.com and stuff like that but

00:17:41   like you're just always buying something

00:17:43   and then you get sick and you gotta get

00:17:46   something for that and then you know

00:17:47   what I mean it just feels like there's

00:17:48   always and the clothes clothes do you

00:17:52   close your child I I'm a proponent of

00:17:56   the naked baby philosophy of 11 when my

00:18:00   child comes in the door it's usually

00:18:02   dressed in some kind of pink outfit that

00:18:05   and it was then the child was dressed in

00:18:07   this pink outfit by by unscrupulous

00:18:10   others people usually women that I gotta

00:18:14   keep girl with taste but that the baby

00:18:17   has encountered in the course of her day

00:18:19   like she passes through the hands of

00:18:21   many women and i think in every every

00:18:23   time a woman touches her she also

00:18:25   changes her clothes for each additional

00:18:28   minute touches her a little pink his

00:18:30   head something something happens a hat

00:18:32   goes on or some socks so the baby comes

00:18:34   in the door the first thing i do is

00:18:36   strip off all of this like a that all

00:18:39   this accoutrement that she's acquired in

00:18:41   the course of the day and reduce her

00:18:43   down to her natural state which is baby

00:18:45   in diaper and then and then the there's

00:18:50   a little bit of time where she and I

00:18:51   just because that's um that's how I sit

00:18:55   around the house most of the day just

00:18:56   baby and diaper

00:18:57   that's my my preferred clothing also

00:18:59   makes it easier on you

00:19:01   yeah so then there's the two of us and

00:19:03   we get a we share a wet wipe and then we

00:19:08   reset that's a big part of attachment

00:19:10   parenting wife sharing our attachment

00:19:14   parenting

00:19:14   that's right i read about that who we

00:19:17   did a version of that was extreme I mean

00:19:20   I have a pal good pal he and his lady

00:19:23   did the thing where you like don't even

00:19:25   set the kid down for like 90 days you

00:19:28   just keep passing it like a potato or

00:19:30   something I don't know maybe I'm nothing

00:19:31   like a hamburger and met some kind of

00:19:33   hook but it's because i think the nature

00:19:35   of it is that the child is not allowed

00:19:37   to touch the ground

00:19:38   Wow otherwise it'll just be broken

00:19:40   emotionally mhm

00:19:41   it needs to trust that it will always be

00:19:43   hanging somewhere we might have done

00:19:45   something like that but it was

00:19:46   accidental

00:19:47   we never put the baby down because how

00:19:49   can you put a cute little

00:19:50   maybe down look at that there's so many

00:19:55   ways gratefully so many ways gratefully

00:19:58   that my daughter is way more like

00:20:00   Madeline than me but uh one way we got a

00:20:03   lot in common is that the pants thing

00:20:05   the pants come off and neither one of

00:20:08   you once pants on pants are a problem

00:20:10   yeah and I cannot keep the kid and pants

00:20:12   just look at the homebody she likes

00:20:14   hanging out at home she can make police

00:20:15   stuff no I mean she runs around like you

00:20:17   know she goes to school and she has tons

00:20:18   of running around like throughout the

00:20:19   morning but I'm hanging out with her

00:20:21   it's very much hardcore like were

00:20:23   pretending that we're in a Pixar movie

00:20:24   or several pixar movies and that's

00:20:26   that's like what we do but it's very

00:20:28   often mutually pantsless you know I'm

00:20:32   watched a couple of those pixar movies

00:20:33   and i know some of the people that work

00:20:35   there and I have to say I think they

00:20:37   have a lot of a lot of pants on their

00:20:39   characters

00:20:40   yeah they're they're mandated by the

00:20:42   Hollywood blue laws

00:20:44   this is a very very old joke / bit but

00:20:49   you know their own they know kind of our

00:20:51   own now by the disney and people have

00:20:53   talked for years about why some cartoon

00:20:55   I don't do this is a bit but it's true

00:20:56   so why do some cartoon characters have

00:20:58   pants and not others what is waiting

00:20:59   requires goofy have pants blue doesn't

00:21:01   have pants why is it that hardly any

00:21:04   Donald Duck no pins Donald Duck no

00:21:06   panties got a shirt and a hat but he's

00:21:07   got no pants a lot of pigs don't have

00:21:10   pants and I think that's a practical

00:21:12   thing I think that's hard to draw and

00:21:13   the curly tail is cute but I don't know

00:21:16   if not even registering for my daughter

00:21:18   she's covered as she spends her whole

00:21:19   day surrounded by people in pants who

00:21:21   are pushing pants agenda

00:21:23   yeah and when she comes home you know

00:21:25   it's a lot like the homeschooling thing

00:21:26   we try to make him crazy with the Bible

00:21:28   I think when she comes home she needs to

00:21:29   have a comfortable place where pants are

00:21:31   not only optional they're really frowned

00:21:32   upon

00:21:33   right here here Don Ramon behind you

00:21:36   under percent and I begin with me let it

00:21:38   begin with me

00:21:39   that's how I feel I've met your little

00:21:41   girl and and and i'm i'm sad to say i

00:21:44   have not met her enough times but the

00:21:47   that the time I've spent with her she's

00:21:49   a magical creature and why you would why

00:21:53   you would imprison that child in pants I

00:21:54   I can't begin to understand why somebody

00:21:57   would do that you want to know who like

00:21:58   to cover up magic with pants

00:22:00   Hitler how many times I was gonna see a

00:22:03   bottomless Nazi and I'll and big pants

00:22:06   too

00:22:07   jodhpurs shot hoppers well you know what

00:22:12   what what what the baby has done for me

00:22:14   I I'm an inveterate thrift shop visitor

00:22:18   as you know you and I have been to many

00:22:20   thrift shops in San Francisco together i

00:22:22   would describe you as a a serious thrift

00:22:26   shop but not a connoisseur like no I

00:22:29   means more than that thank you you might

00:22:30   as well have a store you take it so

00:22:32   seriously

00:22:33   yeah and that's terrible because people

00:22:34   come over to the house and they're like

00:22:36   oh you should open a store and I say why

00:22:41   the fuck would I want to open a store I

00:22:44   I say this to my friends to who always

00:22:46   are thinking and I'm sorry to keep

00:22:48   swearing because i know you I no no this

00:22:50   is a different thing we can call we want

00:22:52   a good excellent

00:22:53   we won't get featured on the itunes

00:22:55   store oh well then let's be pigs

00:22:57   no I want to get featured her i don't

00:22:59   like my thumb

00:23:01   I'm not gonna edit this john i just i

00:23:02   don't have the cycles we don't know the

00:23:04   cycles and I want we want to keep it

00:23:06   real as you guys say know a lot about

00:23:09   with you like it's a full lunch is that

00:23:11   the one that is like when we've gone

00:23:12   together i really have thought the

00:23:13   entire time when the fuck are we gonna

00:23:15   leave here is that you really do seem to

00:23:17   look at anything that might fit you like

00:23:19   lamps

00:23:20   yeah yeah I'm wearing a lamp right now

00:23:23   vintage lamp inside western lands got a

00:23:25   yoke but that but the child has

00:23:27   introduced this whole new universe of

00:23:30   shopping for things for the child at

00:23:32   thrift stores and I'm i ah I have a hard

00:23:39   time with buying children's clothes

00:23:41   full stop thrift stores are not like it

00:23:44   seems to me that you could wrap a child

00:23:46   in burlap for the times that the child

00:23:48   needs to be outside and protected from

00:23:50   the elements and really the rest of the

00:23:52   time just why why are we dressing this

00:23:54   why are we dressing this baby on so many

00:23:58   levels so I mean I like it's the so many

00:24:00   reasons not to dress a child that is

00:24:01   ridiculous

00:24:02   yeah and I'm in the best I'm in the

00:24:04   decided minority because as you are

00:24:08   I'll as you do i live in a world of

00:24:09   women where I I look out from my from

00:24:13   I ivory tower and all I see is a sea of

00:24:16   women stretching to the horizon and then

00:24:18   somewhere in the very far distance

00:24:20   there's like some guys in a band but uh

00:24:25   and the women are about to address this

00:24:28   child compulsively this isn't that the

00:24:31   kid is in six different outfits every

00:24:33   day but so I go to the thrift stores and

00:24:36   i'm not i I can't look for little sailor

00:24:38   costumes or whatever but i am now

00:24:40   finding i'm on this whole trip where I'm

00:24:44   like buying old broken toys for the

00:24:48   child and then this like the broken part

00:24:51   I like the broken it dovetails with so

00:24:53   many of my interests fixing broken toys

00:24:56   is one of my interest old toys old

00:24:59   broken things internal appreciation for

00:25:01   disappointment right the kid learns from

00:25:04   a very young age that her toys don't

00:25:06   work

00:25:07   um and so not to get ahead of herself in

00:25:11   like I want there's a lot you know

00:25:12   here's what you have you have a broken

00:25:14   Christmas morning literally break every

00:25:17   toy in front of her you go here you have

00:25:20   a wood toy that other children have

00:25:22   played with to death and now you get to

00:25:26   win you get to caress it's worn surfaces

00:25:29   and try not to get cut on my name is

00:25:33   Jeff reality and you know what that is

00:25:37   that's daddy's life that's daddy's life

00:25:40   condensed there's a big difference

00:25:41   between a thrift store and like the

00:25:44   consignment thing though I was very

00:25:46   opposed to anything used when people

00:25:48   were very kindly offering us like stuff

00:25:50   because you know right we should come

00:25:52   back to this but one reason you don't

00:25:53   dress the kids because they just got

00:25:54   shit all over them all the time not

00:25:56   literal poop but I just stuff there's

00:25:58   this covered with junk all the time then

00:26:00   basically mom literally maps little poop

00:26:03   doesn't dust bunnies small electronics

00:26:06   that it's going to all eventually be

00:26:08   something you're going to need to clean

00:26:09   out of some kind of a cotton like a plan

00:26:12   maybe but I was resistant exactly that

00:26:14   was my special special little kid you

00:26:17   not want to give a bunch of junk now of

00:26:19   course we do have other people in like

00:26:20   10 seriously please take this toy don't

00:26:23   spend sixty dollars on this please take

00:26:24   this

00:26:25   but now we've looked into some I mean

00:26:27   we've gotten some hand-me-downs and I

00:26:29   couldn't be happier

00:26:30   but my most of the things that our

00:26:33   daughter owns and where's are

00:26:35   hand-me-downs we did have to go through

00:26:38   a two-stage process first eliminating

00:26:42   the things that were like visibly

00:26:46   covered in barf and then going through

00:26:50   that set so that we called that group of

00:26:53   stuff and then went through this went

00:26:57   through the hand-me-downs a second time

00:26:59   to to try to detect the invisible barf

00:27:03   and the lookout like I like infrared or

00:27:07   like a block a backlight yeah you kind

00:27:10   of you have to hold it up and you know

00:27:11   we're dealing with your fingers and go

00:27:13   is this garment just held together with

00:27:17   dried barf or is this mostly clean

00:27:21   because as you know a lot of kids

00:27:23   clothes the kid only wears it once or

00:27:25   twice and then they've outgrown it so a

00:27:28   lot of kids clothes are fairly pristine

00:27:30   other things are just it's just a suit

00:27:34   of vomit so we went through and we

00:27:38   called that we called all that out and

00:27:41   then we had some pretty nice stuff that

00:27:44   was all either free or or pennies on the

00:27:47   dollar and I that but that's that's true

00:27:51   of everything I own I I went through a

00:27:53   phase about nine months ago where I had

00:27:56   never owned a Ralph Lauren garment in my

00:28:00   life when I was in when i was in high

00:28:04   school and ralph lauren garments became

00:28:06   were first fashionable with my own my

00:28:09   peers my mom refused to buy me a rare

00:28:12   flower and anything because she said but

00:28:15   that should cost $65 at sears i could

00:28:19   buy six shirts so I never had a real

00:28:24   friend about the polo shirt very popular

00:28:27   publisher often worn to a time

00:28:29   no I never had one of those right and

00:28:32   then I don't know nine months ago a year

00:28:34   ago I was in a thrift store and I bought

00:28:38   a shirt it was

00:28:39   it was I there was a day that where I'd

00:28:41   left the house thinking it was gonna be

00:28:43   a warm day and then it turned into a

00:28:45   cold day I know being from San Francisco

00:28:49   you have no idea what I'm talking about

00:28:50   right now it just stops and buzz from

00:28:52   here

00:28:53   yeah but I'm so I went into the forest

00:28:55   dr bought this shirt and it was a it was

00:28:58   a pretty nice shirt and it was a Ralph

00:29:02   Lorenz shirt so I thought I'm a grown-up

00:29:06   now i'm not gonna spend the rest of my

00:29:09   life wearing a you know creeper lagoon

00:29:13   t-shirts i'm gonna i can i can buy some

00:29:17   shirts some nice shirts that have a

00:29:19   creepy-looking t-shirt

00:29:20   oh yeah really creepy lagoon and fiber

00:29:23   and all the greats

00:29:25   I love to have a careful examination in

00:29:28   fact I think I've that I think right now

00:29:30   i'm wearing a shirt that you gave me it

00:29:32   says San Francisco transit t-shirt

00:29:35   commemorating them the trolley cars or

00:29:39   something huh

00:29:41   I can't see it it's on my tommy wiseau

00:29:43   poppy pop for analogy that you get the

00:29:45   polo shirt long sleeve shirt so I

00:29:48   started going to thrift stores and

00:29:49   instead of looking for the stuff that I

00:29:51   usually look for ice I include I i

00:29:55   didn't i didn't substitute but I i added

00:29:58   a new section that I was willing to

00:30:01   peruse which was the button-down shirt

00:30:04   section and I started buying ralph

00:30:07   lauren shirts that I found that we're

00:30:09   good condition that were cheap and I you

00:30:11   know I kind of set like a two-dollar to

00:30:13   five dollar maximum on what I was

00:30:16   willing to pay you can still pay that

00:30:17   for a shirt at your thrift stores

00:30:19   oh yeah well and a lot of these shirts

00:30:21   you know they're there they're expensive

00:30:24   shirts they were purchased originally by

00:30:26   rich people probably by Rich wives or

00:30:30   girlfriends and given to men who did not

00:30:33   have an interest in the shirt who died

00:30:36   he then died or who got divorced and

00:30:41   gave away all their shirts and are

00:30:43   sitting somewhere right now with their

00:30:44   hand down the front of their genes that

00:30:46   dad jeans watching sports on a big TV

00:30:50   so the thrift stores are full of these

00:30:52   clothes that really haven't been warned

00:30:54   that we're very expensive initially and

00:30:58   you can buy them for next to nothing so

00:31:00   I decided though I'm good now I'm gonna

00:31:02   have her shirts with the little horsey

00:31:04   on the autumn and I swear to you in the

00:31:08   past year I probably about 20 of these

00:31:11   things now I'm I'm like mr. horsey shirt

00:31:14   guy that's your thing

00:31:15   it's my bits my present thing yeah you

00:31:17   often have a thing

00:31:19   yeah yeah you gotta have a thing that's

00:31:21   the thing that strikes me is like you

00:31:22   you are you can think of at least two

00:31:25   examples of things that I i associate

00:31:27   three things that I associate with you

00:31:30   with you

00:31:30   customers many more but like there's

00:31:32   that there's the was a clark dick

00:31:37   clark's there's an open market john

00:31:38   clark shoes is a little comic aust hurts

00:31:41   Stan Smith sneakers yes i'm setting

00:31:45   aside the chick magnet trucker cap for a

00:31:46   minute

00:31:47   like what you wear them at the wrong

00:31:48   time you didn't wear the stan smith

00:31:50   shoes when they were when they were hot

00:31:52   like in the eighties or whatever right

00:31:54   ditto for the eyes on the cost shirts

00:31:56   right you bring it back you taking

00:31:58   internet is that right like that for you

00:32:01   I mean I i get i get fascinated by a by

00:32:04   a thing and it's it's kind of outside of

00:32:09   I don't know why I get fascinated by

00:32:12   these things but what I do and then I

00:32:14   then it's like a it's like it that

00:32:17   demarcates the passage of time in a way

00:32:20   like right i was wearing izod shirts for

00:32:23   a while a couple of years ago and that

00:32:27   it wasn't it in reaction to or even

00:32:30   participating in other people's fashion

00:32:32   it was just a thing that I got

00:32:35   interested in and and and then I could

00:32:40   then i got a now I'm over it and I don't

00:32:43   wear eyes on shirts anymore and I've

00:32:45   sent them back into the stream the izod

00:32:48   shirts are into the river of life and

00:32:51   there someone else has them now but I

00:32:54   remember I remember at one point coming

00:32:57   through your town when we were i had

00:33:00   developed a vintage cowboy boot

00:33:03   fascination and then it kind of spread

00:33:06   to everybody in my band for a while

00:33:08   there we were all wearing how would the

00:33:10   eric and Michael yeah I'll stomping

00:33:13   around the house in these pointy boots I

00:33:14   remember that yeah and we would go to

00:33:16   these like these little junk shops on

00:33:19   the side of the road in Arkansas and

00:33:21   there'd be all these cowboy boots you

00:33:24   know these Tony Lamas from the fifties

00:33:27   just covered with cobwebs and you go in

00:33:30   there and buy a pair for twenty bucks

00:33:32   and so anyway that became a thing for me

00:33:36   for a while and I've got 25 pairs of

00:33:38   vintage elephant skin powder blue cowboy

00:33:43   boots here in the house that that uh I

00:33:46   don't wear that much but i but i have i

00:33:48   did buy a shelving unit and now they're

00:33:50   kind of a their art display

00:33:52   yeah like you're a lot like Einstein not

00:33:56   good well I think you're like Einstein

00:33:59   supposedly Einstein sister isn't one of

00:34:01   stories here is like a cartoon character

00:34:02   he just wore the same thing everyday

00:34:04   right and so he would amenities you just

00:34:07   go in the closet you grab the same

00:34:08   clothes is it seems like that's all you

00:34:10   have a very busy mind we have a lot of

00:34:12   things going on a lot of people you need

00:34:13   to talk to and it seems to me you want

00:34:15   to keep it simple so you know right you

00:34:17   probably order the same pretty pleased

00:34:19   when you go into the bar you get the

00:34:20   same burger we know when you go to

00:34:21   burger place i'm thinking and is that

00:34:24   right i can get close you can just go in

00:34:26   and you know what you're in for

00:34:27   there are some people like my my friend

00:34:30   david bazan from the band pedro the lion

00:34:32   who now is travels under his own name

00:34:35   davis on da where's XX Christian I

00:34:40   believe

00:34:40   well you have formerly a devout

00:34:44   Christian now a questioning man in the

00:34:48   world

00:34:49   driving on a suspended license he's now

00:34:51   he's now well I think you may have

00:34:53   gotten his license renewed but he's now

00:34:56   he's now you know he's one of these one

00:34:59   of the seekers and Davis on does not

00:35:03   want to have to think about his clothes

00:35:04   so he wears the same black t-shirt and

00:35:08   levi's jeans every day

00:35:11   and Chris wall of death cab for cutie

00:35:13   very similar mentality to what you're

00:35:16   saying when when when a converse decided

00:35:22   they were going to stop making shoes in

00:35:24   America and start making shoes in China

00:35:26   chris waller went out and bought i'm

00:35:30   pretty sure 25 pairs of low top

00:35:36   cream-colored american-made converse

00:35:39   which he still is working his way

00:35:43   through

00:35:44   he has that this was ten years ago at

00:35:47   least

00:35:48   and he has them stacked somewhere and

00:35:50   when he wears a pair out he goes into

00:35:52   the vault and brings out a new pair of

00:35:54   converse and breaks them in so I'm not

00:35:58   like that and actually wala once said to

00:36:01   me I showed up at the studio one day and

00:36:03   he said from day to day I don't know

00:36:06   whether you're gonna walk in that door

00:36:07   looking like a tenured professor of

00:36:10   literature or like a space cowboy from

00:36:14   the planet Soltan he said what I don't

00:36:18   get it

00:36:18   like what every day it's like a it's

00:36:21   like you come in it and you're not

00:36:23   exactly in costume but you're in an

00:36:26   outfit that doesn't have any

00:36:30   relationship to the outfit you wore

00:36:31   yesterday or the outfit you're going to

00:36:33   wear tomorrow and I hadn't even noticed

00:36:37   honestly until he pointed out that that

00:36:41   was true and I don't know what it

00:36:44   represents curiosity about curiosity

00:36:50   about identity that's what it is it's

00:36:54   curiosity about identity because I'm

00:36:58   glad you were close though I do wear

00:37:01   clothes at least out of the house i'm

00:37:02   not wearing clothes right now I mean all

00:37:04   the time but i mean i think it's i think

00:37:06   it's a good direction for you

00:37:08   yeah yeah i think so too I like the way

00:37:11   you dress I think I think you have an

00:37:12   interesting an interesting way of

00:37:13   dressing suite

00:37:15   yeah I do and I see the appeal is ty

00:37:18   preferred before is the cartoon

00:37:20   character approach you know you don't

00:37:22   see like Donald Duck

00:37:24   you know show up you know in a def

00:37:26   leppard sure he's always got the little

00:37:28   sailor deal going on you guys I

00:37:30   iconographic just just like your hair if

00:37:33   you're if you were to show up at an

00:37:34   event and your hair was was

00:37:38   professionally styled yes people would

00:37:43   say when does Merlin man arrived

00:37:45   it's got a flat though it's not the hair

00:37:47   used to be it's got a flat i need a

00:37:50   haircut gotta go see Joey I believe in

00:37:52   your hair though I believe it will I

00:37:54   believe it will surge you think it'll

00:37:56   get a second wind

00:37:57   I don't get well because you've got a

00:37:59   head of hair you're you're in your

00:38:01   forties now and your hair's not going

00:38:03   anywhere so far I mean it's getting

00:38:05   great now which wich milady likes which

00:38:08   i think is cool at least she says she

00:38:09   likes it's easy enough to say that but

00:38:10   yeah it's I feel lucky in that sense I

00:38:13   feel died I mean I'm insecure about so

00:38:15   many things that I'm glad I don't have

00:38:17   to also be insecure about being a

00:38:19   cliché of a man losing his hair

00:38:21   yeah yeah I don't appear to be losing my

00:38:24   hair

00:38:24   no you said you got a really really good

00:38:26   hair yeah i do i'm losing everything

00:38:28   else but but not my hair

00:38:31   I'm losing my hearing can you believe

00:38:33   that i'm a mess on the hearing front

00:38:37   yeah i went to a birthday party where

00:38:39   the birthday party was that we're

00:38:41   shooting ak-47 and in between clinical

00:38:47   tingle picklehead before he even between

00:38:50   clips i took my my headphones off my my

00:38:54   earphones and then somebody shot

00:38:58   somebody fired around and I didn't have

00:39:01   my earphones on and I swear to you 20

00:39:05   years of playing rock music I did less

00:39:09   damage to my hearing then that one

00:39:11   bullet fired right next to me with with

00:39:14   my earphone off my ear

00:39:16   it's it it just was like it was like an

00:39:19   ice pick to the head and and I got a

00:39:22   ring I got a ring and get the tinnitus

00:39:25   the tenants whatever God gotta I gotta I

00:39:28   gotta ringing oh god

00:39:30   that sucks that's not that's not good oh

00:39:33   my goodness we really that's awful

00:39:37   do you listen to noise at night

00:39:40   no no it's not it's not tonight is like

00:39:42   where I'm where I'm clawing at the side

00:39:45   of my head in madness

00:39:46   it's just you know no more than usual

00:39:50   ya know and not not any more than I do

00:39:53   to get the you know the earwigs that in

00:39:56   there a lot but uh but you know it is it

00:40:00   isn't it is a sound I can duplicate that

00:40:03   the pitch of the sound so I i am hearing

00:40:05   and endless and it's I I remember my dad

00:40:08   I'm my dad's favorite word for the last

00:40:12   30 years of his life was 10 which makes

00:40:18   everybody around you lose their mind

00:40:21   after and I i hear myself doing it I'm

00:40:25   already like but I think I don't know

00:40:29   why I'm saying it like an old Jewish man

00:40:31   look at that and see myself as I get

00:40:33   older maybe 75 like I'd what you're

00:40:37   gonna do one of those like could you

00:40:38   repeat the salad dressing kind of guys

00:40:40   pick up and like you know the nice part

00:40:43   is like I think a lot about my senility

00:40:44   because I know it's gonna happen i think

00:40:46   it's probably kind of underway already

00:40:47   and i like to think a lot about how all

00:40:49   my numerous every all of my numerous

00:40:53   drawbacks as a human being are gonna

00:40:56   really cool s nicely together I think

00:40:59   being a guy who doesn't listen very well

00:41:01   talks a lot isn't very smart doesn't

00:41:03   think a lot about what he says and

00:41:04   sometimes a little bit nervous and

00:41:06   paranoid it's gonna come together very

00:41:07   very nicely

00:41:08   that's a great combo if i miss here the

00:41:10   dressing I'm gonna be pretty sure people

00:41:12   are out to get me I can already tell but

00:41:14   you know i i've noticed i mean there was

00:41:15   a while there where your paranoia i was

00:41:18   concerned what I was like Merlin is

00:41:20   getting more and more paranoid all the

00:41:21   time

00:41:22   I don't know what people worry about me

00:41:23   sometimes I just go through i go through

00:41:25   the thing itself i'm always still the

00:41:26   same awful person

00:41:27   well but that's the thing yeah i think

00:41:29   you I think your paranoia it ballooned

00:41:31   and you've ratcheted back or something

00:41:33   because you sneeze you seem a lot less

00:41:35   paranoid that you get a year ago how

00:41:37   long he's been saying that i don't know

00:41:39   but there was a there was a window there

00:41:41   was a few months

00:41:43   disagree I disagree I don't like people

00:41:45   being worried about me I really concerns

00:41:47   me when people are worried about me

00:41:49   so you're worried about people being

00:41:51   worried about you know I'm just saying

00:41:52   that the lady says Thousand Island

00:41:54   dressing on understand i might stab her

00:41:56   in the mouth fucked up and I think

00:41:58   there's something else going on

00:41:59   you speak more clearly miss and then I

00:42:02   took 25 minutes people going on and I

00:42:05   wouldn't even realize it

00:42:06   there are cover you but you have a very

00:42:08   good you have a tight-knit group of

00:42:09   friends who are you saying i'm here but

00:42:11   i don't have a lot of friends is what

00:42:13   you're saying you have a very tight-knit

00:42:14   group of friends that's not i'm not

00:42:16   saying that that is that means it's a

00:42:17   small group of friends it's just tight

00:42:19   knit ok its people spread across America

00:42:22   to people all over America who care

00:42:25   about Merlin man who ya think about let

00:42:28   them not just care think about Merlin

00:42:31   Mann day-to-day like an ongoing way

00:42:34   yeah just sort of like you really meant

00:42:36   it totally freaks me out to think that

00:42:37   does that doesn't really that's an awful

00:42:40   thought my gosh I wish I just decide

00:42:43   like just know that I disappear when i'm

00:42:44   not with somebody

00:42:45   sure right back up thought oh my god

00:42:49   I've told you about being on tour and

00:42:51   people come up to me in in bars or you

00:42:54   know at shows and and I see them coming

00:42:57   kinda with outstretched hand and your

00:43:01   piece and I'm ready for my peace i put

00:43:04   to right between their eyes not have

00:43:06   standard air arcade fire i'm ready to

00:43:09   say hello o.o you like my records why

00:43:13   thank you

00:43:14   and they walk up amigo you know Merlin

00:43:17   man i love that i can hear you can't

00:43:21   hear you I can't hear you

00:43:22   I find it very very hard to play first

00:43:24   of all it's very hard to get to you

00:43:26   because the feelings of security that

00:43:27   you have around here right here

00:43:29   frequently a little fast and loose with

00:43:31   the bathing and well-liked a that I just

00:43:35   don't use soap

00:43:36   well that's that's a religious issue i

00:43:40   take four baths a day pray but I don't

00:43:42   believe in soap no buttons and no soap

00:43:44   and they're both in vain conceit of the

00:43:48   English we call them talking about i

00:43:51   think we should stop pretty soon though

00:43:53   because this is this is good enough and

00:43:54   then

00:43:55   now I still wanna talk to you about

00:43:56   glasses i was talking about Hitler I

00:43:58   want to come back to steaks what was

00:43:59   that place we went was that place the

00:44:01   last place i fancy place where was

00:44:03   likely a thousand dollars how much was

00:44:04   that was good what was that place was

00:44:06   this where we sat outside there was a

00:44:07   demand late then we could replace that

00:44:10   well it was what was this place where we

00:44:12   smoked cigars after dinner I don't smoke

00:44:15   I I it was it was that dark place where

00:44:18   they were really nice to us even a good

00:44:20   thing was that it was El Gaucho it was

00:44:23   Al gaucho unquestionably yeah that was a

00:44:25   good a steak

00:44:27   yeah we had a good time there but but

00:44:29   you started this conversation talking

00:44:30   about a time where we gossiped about our

00:44:32   friends at an outdoor steak restaurants

00:44:34   near water and what were we go with that

00:44:37   we were at the edgewater hotel really it

00:44:41   seemed like a place where there's a lot

00:44:42   of outdoor seating it looks like it

00:44:43   might be the kind of place that served

00:44:45   Badfish to tourists but it was a little

00:44:47   bit fancy yeah and i think we had water

00:44:49   in a clear glass now and we're down sit

00:44:53   down

00:44:53   we gossiped I think that chairs and we

00:44:55   gossiped about some of your former

00:44:57   bandmates for like 14 hours was scott

00:44:59   simpson there i'm not familiar with this

00:45:01   work

00:45:02   no he wasn't this was this is a pretty

00:45:03   long time ago oh this is when you still

00:45:06   thought about people who quit your band

00:45:09   ok I was not given to believe you don't

00:45:11   really worry about so much anymore

00:45:12   well it's there are so many people now i

00:45:14   would i'd spend all my time just

00:45:16   thinking about all the people that have

00:45:17   been in the long winters in the

00:45:19   fastbacks around think about drivers all

00:45:20   day

00:45:21   no but you know they're coming here

00:45:24   they're coming here again I've ever had

00:45:25   already bought tickets so they're half

00:45:27   of the fastbacks just are watching the

00:45:30   are just watching mods float around in

00:45:33   the in their room and thinking pretty I

00:45:37   mean the other half of the fastbacks are

00:45:39   there just you know their regular

00:45:41   American wondering when the model will

00:45:43   bring them more to drink

00:45:45   so the fastbacks are coming to San

00:45:46   Francisco with that band that kind of

00:45:48   our them off the muffs the muffs are

00:45:50   opening for them

00:45:51   don't let them offer them off slightly

00:45:52   worried i think the muffs it feels to me

00:45:54   got a lot of stick from the fastbacks

00:45:56   tell me the fastbacks are are as great

00:45:59   as they ever were

00:46:01   well you just me that guy in a barn and

00:46:03   made my fucking year

00:46:05   yeah yeah clock

00:46:06   just like I love that guy in fact this

00:46:08   saturday I'm uh I'm starring in a music

00:46:11   video for a local band here called stag

00:46:14   and a current block is also going to be

00:46:17   in that music video i'm playing a

00:46:21   dejected heart i'm wearing a giant heart

00:46:25   costume and Kurt block i think is going

00:46:29   to be Santa clogged naturally yeah he's

00:46:35   really he's like that's gonna be fun i

00:46:37   wish you would do more work as talent i

00:46:38   think that when you know acting talent i

00:46:39   think that would be fun you're great at

00:46:41   December's video at the big-ass beard

00:46:42   yeah I don't uh somehow I thought that

00:46:46   that appearing in December's video was

00:46:48   really going to send my career through

00:46:50   the roof but it right i think the beard

00:46:52   most people don't recognize it as me i

00:46:54   think most people only remember the

00:46:56   barest Smith in the black smithy yeah

00:46:58   you know I'm actually a character called

00:47:01   Colin and his wife just released a a a

00:47:08   book for preteens or I guess teens early

00:47:10   teens where Colin wrote the story and

00:47:17   Carson wrote the part of the drunk on

00:47:21   ice and one of the characters in the

00:47:23   book is called jock Roderick and he's a

00:47:31   he's a vagabond and it does it TP

00:47:37   anybody's house he doesn't I don't think

00:47:39   in the book ET does any toilet papering

00:47:41   but he is an honor

00:47:43   yeah so I'm so now I've been

00:47:45   immortalized in in cartoon form

00:47:47   well again again immortalized again in

00:47:52   cartoon form

00:47:53   I want to talk about steak I want to

00:47:55   talk about uh the eyeglasses are you

00:47:59   listening what we're going to talk about

00:48:00   that next time next time next time this

00:48:02   is a perfect length is the perfectly

00:48:03   we've already talked to liz is perfect

00:48:05   no I you know we could I we literally

00:48:06   could talk forever and so I'm thinking

00:48:08   we should just we should once a week we

00:48:09   should do this and we always got we

00:48:10   always get one in the chamber enormous

00:48:11   am absolutely

00:48:13   well I want to talk about the Tea Party

00:48:15   about Jesus

00:48:17   you talk about really to politics i want

00:48:22   to talk about the Tea Party you want to

00:48:23   talk about the Tea Party given angle on

00:48:24   it

00:48:25   yeah i got an angle alright with you

00:48:27   next time yeah let's do it next time

00:48:29   alright alright I don't really have a

00:48:32   wait-and-see you

00:48:34   oh we're looking we're searching for an

00:48:35   ending no no what I mean we we should we

00:48:38   should do when somebody I i oh you know

00:48:40   what i was talking to Jonathan Coulton

00:48:42   huh

00:48:43   and I said Merlin and i are going to do

00:48:44   this talk on the phone once a week and

00:48:48   jonathan coulton said you gotta have an

00:48:50   angle i said i don't know if we have an

00:48:54   angle and he said no no you gotta have

00:48:55   an angle and this spending too much time

00:48:59   with Flansburg that's right you

00:49:00   understand what I think he's always got

00:49:02   to know each other get a note now that's

00:49:04   exactly right because that's Flansburg

00:49:06   ones and what's your angle you gotta

00:49:07   have an angle

00:49:08   you know you should do a show about

00:49:09   puppet people love puppets let me get

00:49:11   back on the final guys got puppets but I

00:49:14   don't know I but I don't know what our

00:49:16   angle is an end here

00:49:17   Colton said what we should do here's

00:49:19   here was his idea i forgot to say this

00:49:21   so she said this is the beginning

00:49:22   ok Cole said we should we should play 20

00:49:26   seconds of a song any song and then

00:49:30   that'll be our launching pad for 20

00:49:34   seconds of a song that will start

00:49:35   talking about the song and then wolf

00:49:37   because that's what we do i would do

00:49:39   that i was little i mean that'd be

00:49:41   that'd be a good feature my feeling is

00:49:42   that these things find their own

00:49:43   through-line I consider this a pilot i

00:49:45   don't know if we'll ever do it again

00:49:46   I don't know if anyone listen to i don't

00:49:47   really care i'm gonna go put these on a

00:49:49   website and we'll keep doing this I'll

00:49:52   do whatever you want to do I just like

00:49:54   the idea of rock on the line and just

00:49:55   make me happy

00:49:56   yeah I don't know if we need the I i

00:49:58   said to Jonathan what we should what you

00:49:59   and I should do is just play like the

00:50:01   first 20 minutes 20 seconds of tax man

00:50:04   and every every week we talked about it

00:50:08   for half an hour in a totally different

00:50:11   way i'll listen at baseline that doesn't

00:50:14   it's it's astounding it's astounding

00:50:17   oh I you know we should do that we need

00:50:20   music i should use that song that you

00:50:22   don't like that i like that's she never

00:50:26   put it

00:50:27   ok who's sugar from say and why don't

00:50:31   you do anything with sugar and said you

00:50:33   still not like it

00:50:34   no I haven't listened to it for years I

00:50:38   can't find some other computer its I

00:50:41   don't know it's it's got that nice big

00:50:42   you know what it would work that you

00:50:44   could fade it out of the way that they

00:50:46   get the beginning and it goes right in

00:50:47   use it as the theme I think that's a

00:50:49   great idea that yeah you have a copy can

00:50:52   put your hands right now

00:50:54   no like I say I haven't thought about it

00:50:56   in a you haven't listened to your music

00:50:58   you know i am one of the amount of those

00:51:02   artists that not only does not but can

00:51:04   hardly bear to if i'm in a store or a

00:51:08   bar and my music comes on on the stereo

00:51:12   i have a my reaction is always the same

00:51:15   at first I go what's that

00:51:17   how do I know that and then I go uh-huh

00:51:21   uh-huh that's pretty good

00:51:22   that's what is that this is a weird i

00:51:25   know that and then I go oh oh no oh I

00:51:30   have to get out of here happens the same

00:51:32   way every time and at the only saving

00:51:35   grace is that I always go through a two

00:51:38   second period where I'm like oh that I

00:51:40   that I like this that that song is cool

00:51:42   and that's awkward

00:51:45   the only thing that would be worse is if

00:51:47   I went oh what is that that's likes now

00:51:50   when I realized a little bit like

00:51:51   accidentally masturbating about yourself

00:51:53   whoa back it up because like 91 job

00:51:56   taste that's never happened to tell the

00:51:58   stranger but I i tried to listen to the

00:52:01   podcast that you and I did last week and

00:52:05   I actually caught myself laughing a

00:52:06   couple of times in the first 10 minutes

00:52:09   of it welcome to the problem and then I

00:52:11   and then the second time I caught myself

00:52:13   laughing I i just turned it off because

00:52:15   I was like what are you laughing at

00:52:16   that's restraint that's good that's not

00:52:19   funny

00:52:20   what do you have against Hitler talk

00:52:22   enough with the Hitler talk my goodness

00:52:26   alright let's start with I'll talk to

00:52:28   you next week alright talk to you and so

00:52:30   Thursday's yeah I don't know what's

00:52:32   trying to think what we want what up

00:52:34   what you know what I needed my negative

00:52:36   i think sure need a pattern

00:52:38   clean clothes I need one thing that

00:52:40   happens every week and I can do that for

00:52:43   you will that be you

00:52:45   well Berlin man i can I can be that suit

00:52:48   of armor for you thank you you're

00:52:51   welcome

00:52:56   [Music]