Roderick on the Line

02: “White Leather Carpet”


00:00:00   hello hi John how are you I'm all Merlin

00:00:09   how are you know pretty well i just i

00:00:12   had some food i had a chili dog

00:00:18   no really I had limited time and limited

00:00:22   time and I had to go through i had to

00:00:25   approach that fork in the road

00:00:27   do I going hungry or do I go in Chile

00:00:30   you approach the fork in the chili dog

00:00:33   yeah I love a chili dog but i'm i'm glad

00:00:37   you mentioned that will get you that

00:00:40   mentioned it but I'm confirming which

00:00:42   one which one of you again

00:00:44   uh-huh you're the star on the sidekick

00:00:47   right let me go back to how much i love

00:00:49   a chili dog your Merv Griffin I'm Arthur

00:00:51   Treacher you don't even get that you're

00:00:54   not even old enough to know that is

00:00:56   Arthur Treacher his fish and chips to

00:00:57   you right

00:00:58   oh I know you're right i don't know I'm

00:01:00   okay but I know who murdered Griffin is

00:01:02   he kidding me who gets the river and

00:01:06   spit merv griffin is a lesser Johnny

00:01:09   Carson griffin's a rich man you know how

00:01:11   rich he is he's richly Jesus he's rich

00:01:13   he started the dating game

00:01:15   hang on i think it can only produce the

00:01:18   dating Jeffrey ethic and everything else

00:01:20   that's Chuck Barris Chuck Barris which

00:01:23   always in the sea is merv griffin right

00:01:24   now Chuck Barris was in the CIA but I

00:01:27   think Merv Griffin was that I think Merv

00:01:29   Griffin was Chuck Paris's mentor I mean

00:01:31   all of this conjecture can be dismissed

00:01:35   with one click of the internet I don't

00:01:37   think that's accurate

00:01:38   I i think it's like in England you got

00:01:40   the shadow cabinet i think Merv Griffin

00:01:42   is the shadow cabinet right I Paris

00:01:44   that's what that's what I'm saying

00:01:45   Merv Griffin controls seventies

00:01:47   television i agree i am the one who

00:01:50   brought up chili dogs

00:01:51   I i try to prepare for these things

00:01:55   apart from eating but while I was eating

00:01:57   a chili dog i wrote down I wrote down

00:02:01   some ideas for things I wanted to talk

00:02:03   to you about know me I read something to

00:02:05   you

00:02:05   let's hear them ok well here's the thing

00:02:07   i first of all step 0

00:02:10   I don't want you to feel the need to

00:02:11   respond to any of these and

00:02:13   just going to these are things i'm

00:02:14   throwing out there okay put them in the

00:02:16   air you can choose to answer any of

00:02:18   these anyway you want you could just say

00:02:20   check or no check

00:02:23   you know I think we're planning to talk

00:02:24   about without picking topics but it's

00:02:26   really more for my personal interest in

00:02:27   my personal files

00:02:28   no I know how I know how this goes I

00:02:30   mean over the years I've gotten many

00:02:32   many phone calls from you where you had

00:02:34   something very important to say i don't

00:02:36   think you can always tell that you could

00:02:37   tell that was album revolver and you

00:02:39   needed to talk to somebody about it

00:02:41   right you had used up all your other

00:02:43   friends why didn't they put paperback

00:02:45   writer on there

00:02:45   oh ok that's number five from across

00:02:48   that one

00:02:49   ok alright let's do the list ok these

00:02:52   are potential topics and I don't want

00:02:54   you to feel any inclination because i

00:02:56   know you're not really you're gonna feel

00:02:57   in client like you do thats that's one

00:02:59   of the problems I'm already feeling less

00:03:01   inclined

00:03:02   ok then what topic lunch chili

00:03:05   it's not a huge fan okay see I think I

00:03:08   know you okay so that's I'm gonna put a

00:03:09   check next to that as a potential

00:03:11   remember how do you make your own chili

00:03:12   because i know you make a lot of your

00:03:13   own foods I think chili is a lot like

00:03:16   barbecue for white people i think it

00:03:18   differs a lot from place to place and

00:03:19   people are very territorial about it

00:03:21   like sports teams sexual intercourse

00:03:24   they have different ideas to use

00:03:25   cinnamon is there mustard beans no beans

00:03:28   i think chili i use cinnamon mustard and

00:03:30   beans in sexual intercourse

00:03:32   okay that's five shows right there ok so

00:03:36   we could go right into chili or you

00:03:37   could hear some other ideas and I just I

00:03:39   literally want to just check these off

00:03:41   just for future OIC ok so this is

00:03:43   lightning round all right let's go no

00:03:45   that is at least there's probably

00:03:47   actually because that's when you know

00:03:49   you've introduced the topic

00:03:50   ok I'm vibrating with excitement about

00:03:52   the chili lunch and I think I think we

00:03:54   should circle back to Chile ok ok unless

00:03:56   there's other ones and no no let's hear

00:03:58   the rest okay

00:04:00   pedestrians that is not a value judgment

00:04:02   is a simply a plural noun are you

00:04:05   interested at some point in talking

00:04:07   about pedestrians well for many many

00:04:09   many many years I was a pedestrian who

00:04:12   that's not really an answer

00:04:13   oh I'm ready to talk about killing

00:04:16   checked I'm not ready to talk about

00:04:17   having been a pedestrian and mine my

00:04:19   relationship to them now that I'm not

00:04:21   about yesterday I don't

00:04:23   want to steer this boat too hard because

00:04:24   it's your boat it's your wheel right and

00:04:26   I don't know although i call it

00:04:27   that's right we gotta get it up the

00:04:29   mountain is a German and everybody sad

00:04:32   i'm loco know his record our site and

00:04:36   that's the that's the other guy klaus

00:04:37   kinski loud screams kee-yai boil if

00:04:39   record our was in its class can write

00:04:43   this down if it's called oh ok that's a

00:04:45   no that's a that's the guy did that

00:04:47   movie with that other movie with Klaus

00:04:49   Kinski what's that guy's name

00:04:50   yeah that's right that's the guy know

00:04:52   the guy with the were the only 100 below

00:04:54   plays the flute and he's got a helmet

00:04:55   that's a corner Hertzog or hurt sock and

00:04:59   I'm thinking of a gay wrath of God but

00:05:03   i'm going to write that's called oh it's

00:05:04   about a steamboat I think okay number i

00:05:06   didn't see that one is that the one

00:05:07   where the guy we're a bottle falls on a

00:05:09   guy and he clicks at it for a while and

00:05:11   that takes it back to his tribe

00:05:14   oh the weather was little a little bit

00:05:16   fast in parts that's I think that's the

00:05:17   gods must be crazy part1 ok right as i

00:05:20   have a look

00:05:21   write that down too because i have a lot

00:05:22   of questions about the gods must be

00:05:24   crazy and I think with the metaphysical

00:05:27   distance that we have from that movie

00:05:29   now we need to talk about the gods must

00:05:30   be crazy because I thought you were

00:05:31   talking about the metaphysical distance

00:05:33   between you and I no no I think I don't

00:05:36   want to talk about that our connection

00:05:37   is molecular I think we've established

00:05:38   that would mean third topic actually

00:05:40   checking no checking Alaska are always

00:05:44   talk about Alaska ok I'm going to check

00:05:45   next to that this is taking too long for

00:05:48   the problem with public restrooms you

00:05:51   know that does that has problem the

00:05:52   problem in front of it so you can tell

00:05:54   me if you just want to part doesn't

00:05:55   interest you at all

00:05:56   I went to a guitar show certainly that's

00:05:58   not really an answer i do it like a

00:06:01   vintage guitar show and the public

00:06:03   restrooms their m.o we know what I'm

00:06:06   gonna I'm gonna exercise my Robert's

00:06:09   Rules of Order and I'm going to go and

00:06:11   check next to that right

00:06:12   ok i had some other ones i'm just gonna

00:06:15   table these I had a guitar as women

00:06:16   tattoos people who were hats are am and

00:06:19   whether other bands take it down before

00:06:21   show i think we could table as well i

00:06:24   think many of those guitars women

00:06:25   tattoos people who were hats REM and pre

00:06:27   shows potential quick table is

00:06:29   potentially for future is great i will

00:06:31   happily talk about all those less

00:06:33   fortunate than a jump out guitars women

00:06:34   tattoos people who were hats are

00:06:36   I'm appreciate have super strong

00:06:38   feelings about every one of those topics

00:06:40   and how many women right get this how

00:06:43   many women you know where have to have

00:06:44   tattoos play guitar and probably take a

00:06:46   dump for sho i'm thinking you just in

00:06:48   the pnw literally dozens

00:06:51   well i personally know more than a few

00:06:54   the thing about women in hats

00:06:57   that's nice is if you go to an event in

00:06:59   a hat you personally with a woman

00:07:03   yeah and you realize once you get to the

00:07:05   event you shouldn't have worn a hat

00:07:07   wearing a hat is stupid

00:07:09   who you can give the hat to the woman

00:07:11   and then the woman's wearing a hat

00:07:13   Sookie when they do that it's super cute

00:07:15   right and so then she feels cute and you

00:07:18   don't look like it like a dink in the

00:07:21   hat and an event where no other guys

00:07:23   wearing i have I think you know me well

00:07:24   enough to know I do not make sweeping

00:07:26   generalizations but i'm just going to

00:07:27   say never wear the hat

00:07:29   we're after the show I mean unless you

00:07:31   eat because now you're wearing a hat guy

00:07:33   yeah I know except here's the problem if

00:07:35   you have a collection of old Stetsons

00:07:39   which someone on this podcast does then

00:07:45   what do you do you gotta I mean I i

00:07:46   think this conundrum every day I wake up

00:07:48   I walked past my hat rack which is which

00:07:52   is covered like a like a like a fruit

00:07:55   tree with vintage head Stetson hats some

00:07:59   of them quite beautiful hats and I i

00:08:02   think my first thought is I want to put

00:08:05   on a hat and this is my second thought

00:08:07   is you look like an asshole in a half

00:08:09   and I got that this happens to me 30

00:08:11   times a day I walked past today I got 0

00:08:13   hat and then I go

00:08:15   don't walk out of the house and a half

00:08:17   if you were 20 or 30 you would have made

00:08:19   a different set of decisions about every

00:08:21   step of that you might have said I don't

00:08:22   even need these hats certainly don't

00:08:24   need more than one and then when you did

00:08:26   have a musical i got this hat got aware

00:08:28   of the show I don't think you even go to

00:08:29   that many shows these days i'm guessing

00:08:31   because you're very busy but I imagine

00:08:33   now when you do that you bring that

00:08:35   level of circumspection to any really

00:08:37   any of the fruit trees in your house

00:08:38   whether that is the elephant boots or

00:08:40   the the costly hats or on some level you

00:08:43   can wear too many ralph lauren shirts

00:08:46   right i mean you're bringing to this is

00:08:47   circumspection is all you can't wear

00:08:49   more than three ralph lauren shirts at a

00:08:51   time because it starts that you start to

00:08:54   look muscle-bound you get a kind of like

00:08:56   yum Arnold Schwarzenegger all I can take

00:08:59   up residence on lafayette and that's not

00:09:01   appealing i don't think people used to

00:09:03   wear to i mentioned this end up in a

00:09:04   previous visit I i remember what people

00:09:06   wear to with the with the Colorado

00:09:08   I don't get it that's one of the top

00:09:09   that's I don't want to talk about that

00:09:10   either ok but anyway I see kids in hats

00:09:13   all the time and I'm sorry I'm just jump

00:09:15   in here are we gonna go stronger people

00:09:17   with hats you know let's go back here

00:09:19   right here

00:09:19   no no listen I'm not here to derail it's

00:09:21   your rail is your train i'm just writing

00:09:23   to the caboose

00:09:24   I'm happy to talk about hats are you

00:09:26   ever you're riding my caboose mm uu feel

00:09:29   mostly like this topic script that can i

00:09:31   can put this in my personal file that's

00:09:33   all great

00:09:33   it's all it's all gold i'll talk about

00:09:35   all that stuff but I don't want to talk

00:09:36   about half

00:09:37   well I feel so I do feel strongly about

00:09:39   i think the whole thing where women wear

00:09:40   your clothes

00:09:41   I mean come on that script but that's a

00:09:43   different topic yeah the last time i

00:09:45   went to South by Southwest every single

00:09:48   person in the in the city was wearing

00:09:50   some kind of snap brim fedora that they

00:09:53   bought in an airport and I wanted to

00:09:56   have a lightsaber so that I could go

00:09:58   around and just take the top three

00:10:00   inches of everyone's head off and then I

00:10:03   of course I'm i went home and that

00:10:06   should be all that shuttle service

00:10:08   industry you should be armies armies of

00:10:10   people who are not unemployed but

00:10:12   partially employee give them a wrist

00:10:13   rocket and a handful of pebbles and you

00:10:15   literally do nothing but knock hats off

00:10:18   of wears a hat i said all along they

00:10:20   need you pick them up and you say you

00:10:22   know what that's one

00:10:23   yeah you know what maybe think a little

00:10:24   harder Austin you know it

00:10:26   yeah i'm already designing the uniforms

00:10:28   for those guys with the wrist Rockets I

00:10:30   don't really good idea i think like like

00:10:33   unitard but bell-bottom white white

00:10:38   bell-bottom unitard sounds like the

00:10:40   defrank of family maybe like the basic I

00:10:43   don't know I I you know I would never

00:10:45   say rollers thing about it yeah but it's

00:10:47   there and cameltoe is a big is a big

00:10:50   part of the sentiment for the menu which

00:10:53   is called something else right it's not

00:10:54   cameltoe if it's not if it's a guy its

00:10:57   oh I literally just made this upset

00:10:59   crack the now it's so unappealing no

00:11:03   matter how you look at I was that you

00:11:04   sent me that Eddie Van Halen interview

00:11:06   that he did backstage at the at the

00:11:09   stoner fast and i didn't mention it that

00:11:11   had photos that and photos of him and

00:11:15   his in his jeans

00:11:16   the thing is those those seventies jeans

00:11:18   like from the knee down

00:11:20   they hung like curtains they weren't

00:11:22   tight but boy they tailored them somehow

00:11:26   so that they were they were the tightest

00:11:28   just right in that area right around

00:11:31   where you pee I i have I don't know why

00:11:34   I think this and I don't know why I

00:11:36   think it but I have a feeling that David

00:11:39   Lee Roth has some serious lumber going

00:11:41   on I think he I think he could have

00:11:43   killed some spotted owls with that thing

00:11:44   i just started and is that right what

00:11:46   they are with the with the penises

00:11:48   yes no I'm sympathetic to that to the

00:11:52   fact that the Jews are big penises

00:11:56   I mean I don't like to indulge in stereo

00:11:57   tell you me well first of all a the Jews

00:12:00   had a hard time if anybody deserves a

00:12:02   giant rocketed you don't you pick their

00:12:04   here you know what I'm saying I think

00:12:06   that it's their time and it's now is

00:12:09   there time i was thinking more of the

00:12:11   the little wore roller one that helmet

00:12:14   effect I'm very sympathetic to that

00:12:15   there were 10 i guess maybe like it like

00:12:19   a terminal a storm trooper hat oh this

00:12:21   is getting way far afield

00:12:23   yeah I I you know I think you your whole

00:12:26   conception of penises has a lot to do

00:12:28   with what you're sporting first the

00:12:31   first time I see the opposite of the

00:12:32   kind of penis you have I think you know

00:12:33   i'm talking about the first to see the

00:12:35   opposite angle after you see one the

00:12:37   curves to the right who I i don't know

00:12:40   i'm not i'm not pro or anti circumcision

00:12:43   but I am pro circumcision not because of

00:12:45   the pain that because the cutting but

00:12:46   just because i think everyone should

00:12:47   look like me the extent possible

00:12:49   well yeah it's a cultural thing and you

00:12:51   are a member of a very distinct culture

00:12:53   me which is you

00:12:55   yeah i think the first time you see that

00:12:58   nobody i'm looking into that that's not

00:12:59   on the list

00:13:00   I you know here's the thing i would

00:13:02   never go up I despise tattoos I I just

00:13:05   as a name as a thing I just despise

00:13:08   tattoos now I love

00:13:10   of a lot of people who have tattoos yeah

00:13:13   yeah now it's like it's like it's like

00:13:16   religion i love a lot of religious

00:13:17   people but i'm not a super fan of

00:13:19   religion I think that's a terrific

00:13:22   example and and i have to say especially

00:13:24   with some of the ladies it's a matter of

00:13:26   taste and some of them have some really

00:13:27   really beautiful tattoos almost never on

00:13:30   the foot or the back i will note the

00:13:33   foot tattoo and then you gotta you gotta

00:13:36   go buy sandals so people can see ya know

00:13:39   it i'm wearing the clothes i'm wearing

00:13:40   sleeveless blouse

00:13:42   it's a shortcut to looking like a

00:13:44   juggalette if you look back to your

00:13:47   right right on the way to be in the

00:13:48   jungle at but here's the problem right

00:13:50   Merlin now I get into this all the time

00:13:51   if you start talking shit about tattoos

00:13:55   so many people in my culture now have

00:13:59   tattoos

00:14:00   let's just start talking shit about it

00:14:01   is to is to start minutes if I can sit

00:14:05   and talk about religion all day and I'm

00:14:07   I know I'm offending people but they're

00:14:08   people have sex then that's abstract

00:14:10   yeah it's like it's like talking about

00:14:12   how they feel about chest width oh you

00:14:13   know I kind of like chess but they're

00:14:15   not going to like punch in the nose and

00:14:17   the people that were the people that

00:14:18   really care about chest and they're out

00:14:19   there somewhere but i'm not concerned

00:14:21   you can probably look if you had to

00:14:23   fight i could lick them in a fight every

00:14:26   other ways yes well we really just their

00:14:29   they're committed they can't go back

00:14:31   that foot they can take their foot off

00:14:32   that's gonna have to be lasers and if I

00:14:34   say if i make some sweeping statement

00:14:35   like any tattoo in your bikini area is

00:14:41   gross no matter what it is a picture of

00:14:44   it i don't care if it's a beautiful

00:14:45   flower i don't care if it is a picture

00:14:48   of Ronald McDonald what that is grosser

00:14:51   ronald mcdonald is grosser than flower

00:14:53   but it's all I don't I never want to

00:14:55   feel sized a life-size ronald mcdonald

00:14:58   tell you where his nose is your clitoris

00:15:01   not nice

00:15:03   it's not that is your nose it's a

00:15:05   literally life-size that's probably just

00:15:07   the front but if you if you're sick

00:15:11   segment back for christmas

00:15:14   I'm still saving up for Christmas

00:15:17   why you would seriously the Juggalos

00:15:21   wood would welcome you with open arms

00:15:23   i don't i'm not putting this on the

00:15:24   official list i'm a third card we're

00:15:26   going to put jealous because I want to

00:15:27   learn more about Douglas i read about

00:15:29   them it's bikini area thing is one of

00:15:31   those like oh my god this girl's

00:15:33   beautiful oh here we go

00:15:34   she's so oh now with off with the bikini

00:15:38   and oh yeah just like a little scar down

00:15:42   here it's like I put up the leftover

00:15:45   Chinese food somebody ate all the shrimp

00:15:46   out and they put a dead bird in there

00:15:48   that's that's not food anymore

00:15:51   why would you mess up such a nice area

00:15:53   while not only a metaphor I want to

00:15:54   associate with a bikini promise food you

00:15:57   get the shrimp out and there's a dead

00:16:00   bird

00:16:00   the problem is literally not a metaphor

00:16:02   oh ok could be a bluebird and missing

00:16:06   shrimp that I don't next tattoo of a

00:16:09   container of chinese food we're clearly

00:16:12   there's shrimp shrimp shaped areas that

00:16:16   are empty and a dead bird

00:16:18   can I give you an economical solution to

00:16:21   that one word kanji there is probably a

00:16:24   symbol for this is not single this is

00:16:27   the kanji symbol this is a single

00:16:29   conscious i don't know what that means

00:16:30   for kanji as I think it's a language

00:16:32   thing you go in I think you say to them

00:16:34   I would like the kanji symbol for this

00:16:36   is a tattoo of probably a bluebird and

00:16:40   some missing shrimp and can I just say I

00:16:42   think seven out of ten tattoo

00:16:45   quote-unquote artists will say no

00:16:47   problem

00:16:48   yeah and actually driving is it so hard

00:16:50   to learn you put some lines on there you

00:16:52   go that's awesome this Conchie

00:16:53   yeah well but you know what it is people

00:16:55   who get tattoos they really likes and

00:16:57   script that's the language they really

00:16:59   want their tattoo and let's look on your

00:17:00   arms in your background that the seven

00:17:02   Angelina Jolie has I'm sure she does

00:17:05   oh my god i'm so irritated angelina

00:17:07   jolie right now just thinking of her

00:17:09   tattoos on right-hander Damon and right

00:17:11   under juggalos there goes happy with no

00:17:14   water tattoos are I sure she has some

00:17:16   that are pissing me off right we're

00:17:18   gonna need a second and probably 50 odd

00:17:20   cast just for Angelina Jolie then that

00:17:23   but I understand this problem i run into

00:17:25   it too because i have dear friends now

00:17:26   here's the problem twitter is I say

00:17:29   you know you you look that makes you

00:17:31   look a little bit filthy and when you

00:17:33   get old

00:17:34   it's not gonna be pretty and my friends

00:17:35   think I'm addressing them directly i

00:17:37   have friends they have tattoos that are

00:17:38   very meaningful to them about very

00:17:40   meaningful things to her over some of

00:17:42   them are awesome i have a friend a

00:17:43   friend in college who looked a lot like

00:17:46   a Sherman from from Bullwinkle and so he

00:17:49   got a Sherman tattoo that was beautiful

00:17:50   and I thought that was funny

00:17:52   I don't know Frank a different got a

00:17:53   question mark and the word doubt under

00:17:55   it I thought that was nice

00:17:57   that's nice i have a lot of friends that

00:17:59   are tattooed from the bottoms of their

00:18:01   earlobes to the ends of their fucking

00:18:04   toes who and I dated a couple of girls

00:18:09   that had a that had tattoos all over

00:18:11   their bodies and and i was able for that

00:18:16   period to enjoy those people's studies

00:18:19   as a part of them over the enjoyment of

00:18:22   them but i cannot say that I would not

00:18:26   have preferred that they did not have

00:18:28   all those tattoos i think in the

00:18:30   aggregate what that says is yes i will

00:18:33   work at the coffee shop but be you

00:18:36   probably shouldn't trust me with the

00:18:37   keys so all the tattoos

00:18:40   well to me it becomes you know see we

00:18:44   should move on i can probably tell me I

00:18:46   can't talk about tattoo I can't talk

00:18:48   about tattoos on girls anymore because

00:18:50   there are enough people watching my

00:18:51   twitter feed who are going to send me a

00:18:53   text that says when did you see a girls

00:18:58   bikini area ? ? and I'm like uh I was

00:19:03   just thinking about it in the abstract

00:19:06   and then I get another text

00:19:08   oh really you're just thinking about

00:19:10   that Jesus is the other problem is the

00:19:14   other problem with twitter which is when

00:19:15   on your I try to help people by saying

00:19:18   something abstract people who feel that

00:19:21   that is about them will respond

00:19:22   personally that's the second problem

00:19:24   with what I'm talking about you all the

00:19:25   time to talk about you except one

00:19:27   computer all except as much i am talking

00:19:29   about you

00:19:30   I'm not talking about you right now I

00:19:32   was absolutely talking about you a

00:19:33   question but not you

00:19:35   now you're talking about me you know and

00:19:38   that's different that's totally

00:19:39   different

00:19:40   that's the second problem

00:19:41   which appears it here's the thing I've

00:19:43   been to your area

00:19:45   well we're here I've been to your bikini

00:19:47   area but i think i've been to jet city

00:19:52   as i like to call it you prefer that or

00:19:54   emerald cities like San Frisco is look

00:19:56   up to her saying they just pretty well

00:19:57   no you got it wrong you got a song

00:19:59   here's the thing about jet city in the

00:20:01   in the fifties and sixties jet city was

00:20:03   the first that was seattle's nickname

00:20:05   that was seattle's like because the

00:20:07   boeing is the bone because we were

00:20:09   making jets before anybody else i love i

00:20:11   think it's i think it's fantastic it's

00:20:12   got tomorrow and quality its muscular

00:20:14   right well exactly

00:20:16   thank you that's exactly right and we

00:20:18   were jet city all the way up until some

00:20:21   magical point in the late seventies when

00:20:26   some the Cabal of city fathers decided

00:20:29   they were gonna rebrand Seattle as the

00:20:32   Emerald City which is like a land of

00:20:34   little of dwarves like magical little

00:20:39   green emerald city what is that that's

00:20:42   like a tour the Dorothy in Oz right

00:20:46   wonderland

00:20:47   it's a place it's a place with a lot of

00:20:49   poppies it's run by a fraud

00:20:51   yeah it's not a that's no nickname

00:20:53   nobody wanted that nobody asked for that

00:20:55   what is it to Temple about the city

00:20:57   well it's it it's very green here even

00:21:01   verdant where it's already XP colleague

00:21:03   it's both bucolic and burden is a

00:21:05   schematic it's not 4matic no format

00:21:09   format diplomatic city would be this

00:21:11   Kansas City Missouri this little battle

00:21:15   that the city that knows how to haack it

00:21:17   no that's not that's not Seattle Seattle

00:21:19   is Colin Burton who like a prince in san

00:21:23   francisco in one's mind's eye one thinks

00:21:28   no san francisco bucolic hurt but in

00:21:31   fact it's it's neither of those things

00:21:33   it's a parched desert same thing

00:21:35   happened in the late seventies you know

00:21:37   same kinda bunch of people hung over

00:21:38   Kenya meeting

00:21:39   nobody had the good sense to say no to

00:21:41   Emerald City 19th it was 19 now is

00:21:43   probably anything 87 cisco that's not

00:21:47   funny

00:21:49   assign they said that's not even that's

00:21:51   not even a nickname that's just a

00:21:53   statement and they said no seriously

00:21:54   that's not funny but no matter what you

00:21:57   say in San Francisco somebody's gonna

00:21:58   say you know what that's not funny

00:22:00   yeah that went on the license plates

00:22:02   it's not actually not a question its

00:22:03   license plates me like me like on cars

00:22:06   haha ok here's an idea when you take

00:22:09   your comment and go for gas right into

00:22:11   the bay

00:22:12   that's not funny that is exactly what is

00:22:14   your custom license plate that's not a

00:22:16   crime that's your that's yours h8 crying

00:22:19   ah here's my question to you what why

00:22:21   why is frisco so up so bad for you

00:22:24   people

00:22:25   I mean frisco it's like you say first go

00:22:27   to san francisco in the frickin and they

00:22:30   frickin and they will they will go eat

00:22:33   like an orchid in a microwave

00:22:35   well be were very touchy I don't know if

00:22:38   you realize that we're very touchy you

00:22:39   are not touchy-feely just touchy

00:22:41   that's not funny but a you-know-what

00:22:44   people started calling you the Windies

00:22:46   and all I'm going out tonight to see the

00:22:48   the twenties but let's go as a frisco

00:22:51   has a long and and glorious a trigger

00:22:54   career they called it Frisco bag in 1859

00:22:57   and they also used to think there's

00:22:59   spiders and WM doesn't make it right

00:23:01   I don't know I I there's two things I

00:23:03   hurt you never call it Frisco and for

00:23:05   the love of Christ never call it San

00:23:07   Fran when I moved here my wife educated

00:23:09   me on many things she told me she told

00:23:11   me I was we were never going to

00:23:13   rollerblade and golden gate park so I

00:23:14   cross that off my list said we're never

00:23:16   gonna buy a big can of coffee in a red

00:23:20   can that's never happening again

00:23:22   well she's right there she was right and

00:23:23   I think you can blame Emerald City for

00:23:25   that says it all the coffee now that's

00:23:27   right to change the world but the sheet

00:23:31   she schooled me on that i think i had

00:23:33   heard or read in books you don't cloths

00:23:35   and Fredo call it Frisco I i don't know

00:23:37   i mean you know what they call it and

00:23:39   this is this is really not funny but

00:23:41   they call it the city now see that right

00:23:43   the city by the bay was seen around the

00:23:45   city that never stops right the city

00:23:48   that was built on on rock and roll and

00:23:50   an over-inflated mining industry you

00:23:53   know back then because five dollars for

00:23:54   a gallon of milk

00:23:56   18 just wearing the gold rush days this

00:23:59   is the thing when you have a big boom

00:24:02   it's not the suckers

00:24:03   I get rich and it is the suckers let me

00:24:06   tell you it's right in your bikini area

00:24:07   you people who get rich it's like the

00:24:10   lawyer thing the field is the milk

00:24:12   producers that get rich every time John

00:24:14   if you want to sleep literally on a

00:24:16   wooden bench was ten dollars a night

00:24:17   that's in 18-49 dollars i have to look

00:24:19   up what that is but I think that's a lot

00:24:21   of money that is a lot of money to

00:24:22   finance I wouldn't take ten dollars the

00:24:24   wooden bench right now we can we stay at

00:24:26   my place

00:24:26   I know when you're luckier here mattress

00:24:30   that shaped like a taco your taco

00:24:32   mattress for Lily's there you gotta pump

00:24:34   it up every night it's on router

00:24:36   memorial taco mattress where I don't get

00:24:39   off topic that I've always enjoy I

00:24:41   always enjoyed how you made how you made

00:24:44   someone sleep in the van

00:24:45   I always thought that was about way more

00:24:47   than protecting the equipment we live

00:24:48   literally 323 cut that out we live close

00:24:52   to a police station you have next to a

00:24:54   police station

00:24:55   that's fine and it's a very it's a very

00:24:58   pastoral automatic not area much like

00:25:02   REM is a reckoning and so you know

00:25:06   you're mostly going to be okay and our

00:25:08   neighborhood but you would always make

00:25:09   someone sleep i think michael you make

00:25:10   Michael sleep in the van a lot just for

00:25:12   spite

00:25:12   Michael like to sleep in the van because

00:25:14   michael is a compulsive masturbator

00:25:16   and i think is a loud masturbator so

00:25:19   you're not comfortable sleeping around

00:25:20   other people he likes to be in a in an

00:25:23   enclosed area where you can steam up the

00:25:25   windows but i slept in the van in front

00:25:27   of your house one time

00:25:29   yeah i was done about that and I had I

00:25:32   had a terrifying experience I think I

00:25:36   told you about this the next morning I

00:25:38   was asleep in the man next to the park

00:25:40   right where I'm by back in so i'm

00:25:42   looking at the park

00:25:44   I'm sleeping in the van in the middle of

00:25:46   the night I wake up with a start to a a

00:25:50   vision of like an army of dead soldiers

00:25:56   marching across the park toward me I

00:26:01   looked out of the window and I see an

00:26:03   army of ghostly dead

00:26:05   coming up the van

00:26:08   and I'm you know I sleep in the I sleep

00:26:11   on naturale foo and so I shoot out of of

00:26:17   our the of the back punk in the van

00:26:20   shoot across for a bench seats in the

00:26:25   van into the driver's seat

00:26:27   turn on the van and put it in gear and

00:26:31   peel out this is four o'clock in the

00:26:33   morning peel out of this parking space

00:26:35   and don't stop for like four blocks

00:26:38   bare-ass naked driving in a panic away

00:26:43   from this army of dead soldiers coming

00:26:46   at me and I pulled over to the side of

00:26:48   the road

00:26:49   panting coming out of the park at you ya

00:26:52   know watching across the park toward the

00:26:54   van in gold surrounding the van at four

00:26:58   in the morning that's horrific it was

00:27:00   terrible and then I didn't sleep the

00:27:02   rest of the night I couldn't could park

00:27:03   next to the the park of dead soldiers

00:27:06   know what era like to remember what were

00:27:09   the Crimean no they weren't cry me and I

00:27:13   you know that they were in western guard

00:27:15   quite frankly that's just gonna find you

00:27:18   have a lot of visions like that well but

00:27:22   stick model you're getting mana no

00:27:24   not-not-not anywhere i've never gotten a

00:27:27   stigma but i do have periodically very

00:27:30   rarely I'll be sleeping in a strange

00:27:32   house or either i was sleeping at a

00:27:35   house in Vermont one time I turned off

00:27:37   the light and immediately felt like

00:27:40   there was someone terrible in the room

00:27:45   with me and i SAT up turn on the light

00:27:48   and spent the entire night sitting up

00:27:50   like reading old readers digest because

00:27:53   the second that I the second that I was

00:27:57   not vigilant there was a terrible

00:27:59   terrible malevolent presence there and

00:28:03   in the morning i limp down to the

00:28:05   breakfast and the my hosts are sitting

00:28:09   there and they said how did you sleep

00:28:12   and I said well not very well actually

00:28:14   because there's a really really evil

00:28:18   ghoul that lives in the room

00:28:21   you partying and they went oh we were

00:28:25   wondering if you would notice

00:28:27   that's why we put you in there we

00:28:29   thought you know we just wanted to see

00:28:31   if you would if you would notice what

00:28:35   like keeping what a terrible thing

00:28:39   what like a like a like a renter or like

00:28:43   a ghost know this house was built in

00:28:45   seventeen forty or something like having

00:28:47   it like somebody a tricorn hat one who

00:28:49   yeah they had a bad ghost and of all the

00:28:52   people you know they were like four or

00:28:54   five of us staying over and above all

00:28:55   the people they were like let's put

00:28:57   Roderick in there he'll if anybody's

00:28:59   gonna gonna see the terrible ghost it's

00:29:02   John you can't look at you I would not

00:29:03   have never I you know I i love Eric I

00:29:06   would never put Eric in with the ghost

00:29:08   well Eric would make common cause with

00:29:10   the ghosts may have a hip-hop side

00:29:12   project by morning

00:29:13   alright just busting busting some tracks

00:29:16   I you're in the loop

00:29:20   I I think of you is a despite the

00:29:24   extreme irrationality of the most

00:29:26   aspects of your personality I think of

00:29:27   you as a rational person I don't give

00:29:29   you as a post-enlightenment kind of

00:29:31   character

00:29:32   I don't believe in ghosts if that's what

00:29:33   you're giving i'm not sure what i'm

00:29:35   getting at but use don't seem like

00:29:36   somebody I could see you getting up and

00:29:38   thinking there it goes for a while maybe

00:29:40   up to the point you made it through your

00:29:41   vegan breakfast which i assume is all

00:29:43   they serve in remind that's right and so

00:29:46   foodie breakfast and then I could but it

00:29:49   seems like at some point you wait

00:29:50   it sounds to me that I like as as you

00:29:52   sit here today you still think something

00:29:54   was going on there

00:29:55   well this is the problem with with these

00:29:57   uh with these emotional experiences that

00:30:00   you have in the middle of the night if

00:30:02   you are too rigorous in the light of day

00:30:06   about debunking those things I think you

00:30:10   do yourself a disservice

00:30:12   I think if you are woken up in the

00:30:13   middle of the night by an army of ghouls

00:30:15   walking across the park and you are

00:30:18   scared enough that you jump out in naked

00:30:22   and drive away it doesn't serve you

00:30:26   it doesn't serve the the the magical

00:30:29   aspects of the world

00:30:30   to the following day

00:30:33   pish-posh yourself and say oh that must

00:30:37   have just been a barber car especially

00:30:39   if you're not getting it all the time

00:30:40   you're getting that all the time you

00:30:42   need to talk to somebody but that's the

00:30:44   thing right is what happens once every

00:30:45   four years

00:30:46   yeah i just i have to give some credence

00:30:48   to it and if you were to sit down next

00:30:50   to me now and say well reviewer for

00:30:52   instance to call me on the phone and

00:30:53   talk to me on a podcast and say do you

00:30:56   believe that there was an army of ghouls

00:30:58   well do you believe in an army of ghouls

00:31:01   I would say no if you saw somebody on

00:31:04   Oprah who's talking about this you know

00:31:06   how much you enjoy watching reruns of

00:31:07   Oprah you would you would say if

00:31:09   somebody came on as a whole show about

00:31:12   people who seen armies of things

00:31:14   ghoulish soldiers you would say I'm not

00:31:17   so sure about that right I'm not so sure

00:31:18   right but my own experience I just

00:31:21   simply can't discount it like for

00:31:22   instance one time we were on tour and

00:31:25   our van caught on fire in death valley

00:31:27   and there's no reason for us to be a

00:31:30   Death Valley except that I we had a day

00:31:32   off and I suggested that instead of

00:31:34   going to Las Vegas we would go to drive

00:31:38   across Death Valley instead and

00:31:40   everybody in the van i don't i'm not

00:31:42   sure whether they agreed or whether they

00:31:43   actually asked to measure matters

00:31:45   it's very hard for me sometimes to tell

00:31:47   the difference between them agreeing and

00:31:49   aqueous and clearly they're really

00:31:51   struggling for breath as it was they

00:31:54   looked up from their interactive devices

00:31:56   long enough to give me what I took as a

00:31:59   not so we're driving across Death Valley

00:32:02   and sadly the brakes failed and

00:32:07   definitely is a very it's a very the

00:32:09   brakes family van was on fire

00:32:11   well no that's how the mountains are the

00:32:13   brakes failed and death valley is very

00:32:15   mountainous know the way that it that it

00:32:18   ends up being so far below sea level is

00:32:20   not that it just sorta tapers down it

00:32:25   you go up a really big mountain and then

00:32:26   you go really far down a mountain even

00:32:30   further down than the place where he

00:32:31   started and then your hundred people of

00:32:35   sea-level same with the brakes concave

00:32:37   right

00:32:39   yes it's like a contact lens in the

00:32:42   and so the thing catches on fire because

00:32:45   that because I burned through the brakes

00:32:47   and then burned through I just burned

00:32:49   through it all and so the ban is burning

00:32:51   and where we jump out and we we throw

00:32:54   our will our bottles of water on her

00:32:55   then we throw our bottles of P that

00:32:57   every band has in their van we throw

00:33:00   that on the burning breaks and then

00:33:02   we're sitting in the middle of the night

00:33:03   did I mention it was the middle of the

00:33:04   night we're sitting in the middle of the

00:33:06   night in death valley where the brakes

00:33:08   hot because he'd been you got an

00:33:10   automatic right you're not going to be

00:33:12   clutching your way with Hills is because

00:33:14   you just been overusing the brakes and

00:33:15   they got overheated while the bread the

00:33:17   brakes were gone and yeah they got they

00:33:19   got overheated it was metal-on-metal for

00:33:21   a wolf and it's it's it's late night

00:33:23   it's late at night

00:33:25   we're standing on the side of the road

00:33:26   in death valley there's not another

00:33:28   living soul for miles in any direction

00:33:32   clear night and we're standing there

00:33:35   looking at the bank when water with

00:33:36   energy this is this is we're stuck here

00:33:39   we're gonna die here and I look over and

00:33:45   what had in my peripheral vision would

00:33:48   have appeared to be like a a giant radio

00:33:51   transmission tower that had some red

00:33:54   lights on it I realized kind of it at

00:33:58   the same moment that I saw it move

00:34:00   I realized there were no radio there are

00:34:03   no high-tension power lines out here

00:34:05   this is death valley where the middle of

00:34:07   nowhere and I look over and this high

00:34:10   tension power line tower is moving

00:34:14   across the sky at at the at the pace at

00:34:19   a walking pace and it's also rotating so

00:34:24   that and it's and this is happening and

00:34:26   it's moving behind a mountain as I see

00:34:28   it and I look over and I go what the

00:34:31   hell is that and we all look except Eric

00:34:34   Eric was Eric had walked away from the

00:34:37   van and was out in the desert with a

00:34:39   flashlight turning over rocks looking

00:34:42   for snakes and scorpions and so I say

00:34:46   look at that and everybody looks and we

00:34:48   all go and eric is like these night

00:34:53   blind because he has this flashlight

00:34:55   and by the time Eric looks up and gets

00:34:59   his night-vision the thing has moved

00:35:01   behind the mountain but the rest of us

00:35:03   all saw this thing this crazy thing I

00:35:06   could you know i just did you generate

00:35:08   this point beyond Michael or Michael or

00:35:10   he's also i will actually now that I

00:35:13   think about an appeal had flown to some

00:35:16   other show cause he was he was looking

00:35:18   for is it who else saw this besides just

00:35:21   it was just Jonathan actually was just

00:35:23   mean ok but we both thought and neither

00:35:25   of us words was able to describe it in a

00:35:28   way that sounded like the thing that the

00:35:29   other person he didn't see it just

00:35:31   because he wanted to agree with you

00:35:32   no no he was like whoa and then he

00:35:34   started talking about it like it was

00:35:36   some kind of trapezoid cool and I was

00:35:39   like it cool and I said there wasn't a

00:35:41   trapezoid it was a it was a triangular

00:35:44   and he's like no no it was a

00:35:46   quadrilateral and so we couldn't agree

00:35:48   but anyway if people say to me what you

00:35:51   believe in UFOs I say oh you could be

00:35:54   sure that she might believe in that UFO

00:35:57   but I saw that your phone maybe it was a

00:35:59   government experiment maybe it was a

00:36:00   radio tower that had come unrooted as it

00:36:05   wasn't more like a movie with my at or

00:36:08   or more like like a Zeppelin or I me

00:36:12   said was walking right let's say it was

00:36:15   a Zeppelin that had no skin on it that

00:36:19   was tumbling end over end low like

00:36:24   hurling like a like a poorly kick

00:36:25   football

00:36:26   yeah except really slow

00:36:29   [Music]

00:36:31   well and your fans on fire and advance

00:36:34   on fire this this this this sounds like

00:36:38   some kind of rejected david lynch thing

00:36:40   that was a hell of a night let me tell

00:36:42   you what you do d duty to the interplay

00:36:45   well no no there's no cell phone service

00:36:48   because we're in the middle of dead

00:36:50   valid death valley so you don't like you

00:36:52   like other people driving

00:36:54   oh hell no nobody else is gonna drive my

00:36:58   van now one captains in charge now when

00:37:00   Captain burn up the brakes is in charge

00:37:01   so what I did I swear to you I put it in

00:37:05   gear low gear and drove without touching

00:37:11   the brakes for 60 miles your king and

00:37:21   sometimes we were going really fast and

00:37:25   sometimes we were going really slow but

00:37:28   I just I just said you know what we're

00:37:31   gonna do we're just gonna we're just

00:37:33   going to hurtle down this mountain and

00:37:36   hope and pray that there are no hairpin

00:37:39   turns and there were none so we just

00:37:44   hurdled down the mountain and out into

00:37:46   the desert and we rolled through the

00:37:48   flat desert for many many miles until we

00:37:52   arrived in a town and we pulled into the

00:37:54   town still without having touch the

00:37:57   brakes pulled into the parking lot of a

00:38:00   Ford dealership which was right next to

00:38:04   a motel so we pulled into the ford

00:38:08   dealership and went got a room at the

00:38:10   motel in the morning i went over told

00:38:13   them to fix the breaks they spent all

00:38:15   day doing it because the firebreak fire

00:38:17   had also burned some other important

00:38:19   parts but they had it done by three in

00:38:22   the afternoon we were in la by five in

00:38:24   time for sound check it yeah is

00:38:29   so improbable in so many ways well

00:38:32   that's rock and roll Merlin batteries

00:38:34   that's how Rock and Roll plays out does

00:38:36   it benefit no no we got paid for that

00:38:39   show largo where you play space space

00:38:42   place

00:38:42   hmm might have been spaced place that

00:38:45   was during the house during the era when

00:38:49   I was away it was our tour and who's the

00:38:54   british guy in la that have the taste

00:38:57   making indie rock radio show

00:38:59   Rodney on the rock know the Oh nikka

00:39:04   nikka yeah morning when it comes to

00:39:06   collect their morning becomes eclectic

00:39:07   with Nick what's but yep and presence is

00:39:11   married name for years he took his

00:39:14   wife's name was what about she's from

00:39:16   land from Wales for years he was a you

00:39:20   know that's one of those shows where if

00:39:21   you're an indie rock band you go play

00:39:22   morning becomes eclectic and we had been

00:39:24   saying for a long time here want to have

00:39:26   us down there and they would say oh we

00:39:28   love you guys we play your stuff all the

00:39:29   time but on this tour they just booked

00:39:33   we don't have any opening slots because

00:39:34   mob wise coming in and presidents and so

00:39:39   this was one of those tours where we

00:39:41   were somewhere in the Midwest and our

00:39:42   people were saying hey why don't you

00:39:44   have the long winters on Morning Becomes

00:39:45   eclectic and they're like oh absolutely

00:39:47   you know that sounds like a great deal

00:39:49   let's check the schedule and then right

00:39:51   before we got there

00:39:54   they're like oh sorry we can't you know

00:39:59   something came up and and and we we

00:40:01   can't we have to pull your slot or

00:40:02   something with that we were like oh

00:40:04   again you know not on we don't get to go

00:40:08   on Morning Becomes eclectic and so all

00:40:10   of the LA indie-rockers think their

00:40:12   music from here or not going to hear

00:40:14   about us and we're never going to be

00:40:15   famous and then we get a phone call from

00:40:19   the openers on our tour a band called

00:40:23   what made Milwaukee famous foo and they

00:40:27   were calling us to say all we just got

00:40:29   offered morning becomes eclectic and so

00:40:32   we have to like we have to drive all

00:40:34   through the night to go do it isn't that

00:40:36   exciting

00:40:37   that was like did you put got talent

00:40:43   and that was as you know about me I'm

00:40:47   you know I very dignified over there are

00:40:50   some things i don't i don't bear with

00:40:53   equanimity who so many insults I cannot

00:40:56   bear hope perfidious some perfidious

00:40:59   nasai will not bear the perfect it was

00:41:02   duplicitous of deliciousness of another

00:41:05   thing I won't bury hardwood or whatever

00:41:07   his name is there that studies that's

00:41:09   fucked up John and so this wasn't this

00:41:11   was one of those moments when i said i

00:41:13   know that this is I know that that to

00:41:16   adopt this attitude is to only do a

00:41:19   disservice to myself because morning

00:41:21   becomes eclectic does not care really

00:41:23   if the long winters ever play on their

00:41:25   show because they are a media juggernaut

00:41:29   and they will turn up they will gobble

00:41:32   up bands and speed them out there radio

00:41:34   and it has their pick of meeting men

00:41:36   right their desires it's a buyers market

00:41:38   it is a buyers market and they you know

00:41:41   they lured that over bands and i said i

00:41:44   will not play the show now I do not care

00:41:46   if they come to me on bended knee they

00:41:48   have insulted me and i will not ever

00:41:50   appear on this stupid taste making radio

00:41:53   show that will that is a career-maker i

00:41:56   will not go to refuse em and I mean it's

00:42:01   not like we turn down a bunch of offers

00:42:03   from them subsequently how did you

00:42:05   present that was that was that in like

00:42:06   gmail theses to a tree or this is my

00:42:10   internal tribunal just steaming because

00:42:15   i have actually have a sort of have a

00:42:18   legislature in my head and different

00:42:22   characters getting you have a you have a

00:42:25   cognitive deliberative body i have a

00:42:27   deliberative body that's right and and

00:42:29   different personalities get up and make

00:42:30   very impassioned speeches and the other

00:42:34   legislators some of them you know her

00:42:38   mom firm rasberry rhubarb rhubarb and

00:42:43   others you know trying to shut me down i

00:42:45   have a quorum later you can hang on a

00:42:48   second

00:42:48   are you there are you the room or you

00:42:50   the body or you the decision in this

00:42:52   exactly

00:42:54   that's probably it that's part of the

00:42:56   deliberation i am the room i am the body

00:43:00   and i am the decision and that is the

00:43:02   very beginning in the beginning was the

00:43:04   word and the Word was John and then it's

00:43:07   Turtles all the way down ten dollars in

00:43:12   18-49 the equivalent would be two

00:43:14   hundred and ninety-eight dollars and

00:43:16   twenty-eight cents in today's dollars

00:43:17   that's to sleep on board

00:43:19   well I'm stating some hotels that cost

00:43:22   more than that don't know I little more

00:43:25   little bored and I right never picked

00:43:27   New York City i stayed on somebody

00:43:30   else's dime

00:43:30   i'm happy to say i stayed I we're in

00:43:34   times square because it was near where

00:43:35   we had to do a thing and it was

00:43:37   literally five hundred dollars a night

00:43:39   and they didn't mention that they were

00:43:41   shutting off the water at seven in the

00:43:43   morning i guess i mentioned it was on a

00:43:46   piece of paper somewhere on a desk but

00:43:47   what by the way your five-hundred-dollar

00:43:50   night hotel room will not have water

00:43:52   renovations everything in New York is

00:43:56   constantly being renovated

00:43:57   yeah i mean it's it's like it's like

00:44:01   what you like to paint the Golden Gate

00:44:02   Bridge they're always paying great

00:44:04   brakes are they just going to start over

00:44:05   it's already time to repaint the bridge

00:44:07   yeah it's like you've always been at war

00:44:09   you know what I mean with shanna or

00:44:11   whatever I had one of those in chicago i

00:44:15   stated again not on my dime but a very

00:44:17   nice hotel there on the lake on the gold

00:44:20   coast and at seven o'clock in the

00:44:23   morning i woke up to the sound of some

00:44:26   guys who were standing right outside my

00:44:29   window although it was on the 24th floor

00:44:31   because they were standing on a giant

00:44:34   crane that was at seven o'clock in the

00:44:38   morning proceeding to like swing a

00:44:40   wrecking ball at the building next door

00:44:41   and I felt the same way like this hotel

00:44:45   I mean you could feed a Romanian village

00:44:48   for a year with what this hotel room

00:44:50   costs and and and lice and I feel like

00:44:55   I'm in a 50-gallon drum with bowling

00:44:58   balls going over the Niagara Falls

00:45:00   [Music]

00:45:01   which is which you probably have done at

00:45:06   one point or another I think it's very

00:45:08   frustrating and you know that the way

00:45:09   they try to do this now is they got like

00:45:11   the fakie boutique hotels i blame a lot

00:45:13   of this on the wi like a w I stayed at

00:45:15   the W there in your city

00:45:17   yeah it's a nice place i think though

00:45:20   the whole thing of going in and getting

00:45:21   a urine-soaked oba hotel and then

00:45:23   charging $300 and because you got black

00:45:25   carpeting i don't i don't love this

00:45:27   pattern and I think a lot of people were

00:45:28   doing it more poorly they make the room

00:45:30   smaller and then there's disco all night

00:45:32   all night long there's a disco i stated

00:45:34   place in New York is very costly John

00:45:37   they had a white noise machine built

00:45:39   into the room because so deafening was

00:45:41   the disco i think was like Italian disco

00:45:43   yeah she's worse than regular disco and

00:45:47   just going to stay all night and your

00:45:49   thing is you're basically you're inside

00:45:51   like a big the costly toilet paper tube

00:45:54   it's just I don't know a lot about

00:45:55   physics but the booming of the italian

00:45:58   disco flies up this chimney of pain

00:46:00   you're sleeping you're on the perimeter

00:46:01   of the chimney of paint and it's just

00:46:03   it's coming straight up on my long

00:46:05   yeah it's like trying to sleep in the in

00:46:08   the bathroom of a virgin america flight

00:46:10   that's a nice for the day and nice

00:46:12   flights want to stick the fucking apples

00:46:14   in your ear it's ridiculous

00:46:16   21 Seattle is nice well that this

00:46:19   boutique hotel thing is sweeping the

00:46:21   nation the ace hotel doesn't love the

00:46:23   ace does it really well have you stayed

00:46:25   at the ACO need to you live there

00:46:27   well I've said all the Aces to you can I

00:46:29   did you compensate the room I was in

00:46:31   that time I did it it was it was a

00:46:33   really in that manager was just the best

00:46:35   yeah place in seattle is forget his name

00:46:38   but he's from enemies from Boston and

00:46:40   he's the best if you ever need to sleep

00:46:42   in seattle and your mom's house is full

00:46:45   go to the ACE i thought i was very

00:46:46   impressed with the ACE I think about

00:46:48   days though is that it is an old

00:46:50   flophouse the walls are little Finn you

00:46:53   can hear people having sex in the room

00:46:55   next door i did i told you this

00:46:58   yeah well no I it's a common experience

00:47:00   a nice place to go have sex like it but

00:47:03   it was like you're in a high school play

00:47:04   and it said now have sex for six hours

00:47:08   it was like it was like two people

00:47:09   yelling realized well than i did like

00:47:12   people yelling for Samuel French think

00:47:14   it's very costly

00:47:15   since and they mostly were just yelling

00:47:16   for a few hours and ladies coming ah ah

00:47:19   she's like she's stuck gets unstuck in a

00:47:21   zipper

00:47:22   yeah then your common thing with young

00:47:24   people i think that they have seen so

00:47:26   much porn

00:47:27   yes but they have no concept of how to

00:47:29   have sex

00:47:30   where they aren't performing for an

00:47:32   invisible camera

00:47:33   oh I i totally agree and you're making

00:47:36   fake noises they're making fake faces

00:47:38   have you ever had well you have been

00:47:40   married for a long time no but I had

00:47:42   I've had had sex twice before I got

00:47:44   married and I may I can remember me more

00:47:47   about it was no but listen here's the

00:47:49   thing you and I were raised properly we

00:47:51   were raised we masturbate in magazines

00:47:53   we understood there was a certain level

00:47:55   of uh artful artifice to this we

00:48:00   understood that you know what I mean no

00:48:02   but you know what sometimes you wash off

00:48:03   the fucking greasepaint you get off the

00:48:05   goddamn stage he just got to just you

00:48:07   just go downtown you get the business

00:48:09   done and then you go to sleep maybe

00:48:12   watch a movie but you know I think I

00:48:14   think these kids they get the porn very

00:48:16   early and plus you got you got you got

00:48:18   christina aguilera it's not just the

00:48:20   kids it's a it's all the people that are

00:48:21   like watching porn compulsively

00:48:23   Christina Aguilera if she's very shiny

00:48:25   and I just pray to God that that's

00:48:27   Purell because I think she's she's

00:48:30   looking like a doorknob

00:48:32   it's a good to do it's douche i don't

00:48:34   think it's due

00:48:35   well it was originally it was do now its

00:48:37   place that's like entertainment bukkake

00:48:39   I don't know what's going on somebody

00:48:40   needs to get a fucking squeegee a hose

00:48:42   on that lady and she's just getting

00:48:43   shinier and shinier and I think that's

00:48:45   what you're facing nowadays you got the

00:48:47   YouTube right you know and then people

00:48:49   just yelling there's a lot of yelling

00:48:51   there's not a face making like I get a

00:48:54   base base when we look up a tab and the

00:48:56   bad bass players making that bass face

00:48:58   and I have guitar face i've been told

00:48:59   that our face you don't have that

00:49:01   there's this there's this sex face that

00:49:03   you see now where people like you know I

00:49:04   work we can be people there you go

00:49:07   what why are you making that face what

00:49:08   do you--what do you see that John was

00:49:10   watching numbers are you on youtube or

00:49:12   where do you see that would be 6a so you

00:49:14   know I and as there's someone who isn't

00:49:16   married i have encountered a no

00:49:20   not-not-not I should tremendous

00:49:22   cross-section of of sex faces but I've

00:49:25   seen I've seen a few secs faces and and

00:49:27   you know it

00:49:28   natural one is one at a certain point in

00:49:31   in the act of sex

00:49:32   one hopes that one loses us the sense of

00:49:36   self-awareness one loses if one is doing

00:49:39   it correctly truly ecstatic state if you

00:49:41   like where you are no longer aware of

00:49:44   how you appear if you can't you're doing

00:49:47   sex recognition sing them you're if

00:49:49   you're mean if you're making intercourse

00:49:51   the correct way I hope you'll agree with

00:49:53   this you should look pretty stupid

00:49:54   you're gonna look stupid

00:49:56   you should both look stupid yeah sure

00:49:58   learn arabic if you don't look stupid

00:50:01   you're doing it wrong yeah you don't

00:50:02   know you're going to look terrible

00:50:04   you're gonna look like somebody like

00:50:06   like somebody just ran you through an

00:50:08   oil pipeline or like i don't know as i

00:50:11   get older more things to me look like

00:50:13   someone trying to have a BM like when

00:50:15   people have intercourse because that's

00:50:17   your benchmark that's your benchmark was

00:50:20   also successful BM you don't get to pick

00:50:22   your problems in life John they pick you

00:50:23   up just like thug life

00:50:25   I assume but here's one thing I've been

00:50:27   doing this sex acts so much it's like

00:50:29   one of my best p.m. i said this recently

00:50:31   on a social media site that I think I

00:50:33   think that's what happens when

00:50:34   especially teenagers in my neighborhood

00:50:36   the matheletes the Chinese rap Chinese

00:50:38   kids been through their teeth

00:50:40   I think the idea of looking tough looks

00:50:41   a lot like they're trying to decide

00:50:42   whether they're having a PM it's not

00:50:44   even a turtle nests are going there

00:50:46   sitting there going I i'm not sure what

00:50:48   this is but this is the way I look and I

00:50:51   tell you know what that is that's the 21

00:50:53   Jump Street gangster face that's like a

00:50:55   twenty-year-old reference John this

00:50:57   isn't an old show is nothing like we're

00:50:59   in college

00:51:00   21 Jump Street yeah that was that was

00:51:02   the show we're at the time it was

00:51:04   released it was really street or at

00:51:06   least it will pursue it was perceived as

00:51:08   being really street so they swapped out

00:51:10   Johnny Depp for Richard Grieco was at

00:51:12   that show i think Johnny Depp was in it

00:51:14   for the whole time but actually this is

00:51:16   richard grieco is here footless who is

00:51:18   he

00:51:19   I have no idea let's see related James

00:51:21   Franco all those people with ethnic

00:51:23   names I feel like they're all the same

00:51:24   have mixed feelings about James Franco

00:51:26   and very interested in James Franco but

00:51:28   I kind of mixed feelings

00:51:29   he looks to board Frankie spreading

00:51:31   himself a little thin I see him and I

00:51:33   think I look at is a look at his resume

00:51:35   and I go oh right this is the resume

00:51:37   when I was in high school this is the

00:51:38   resume that i thought i would have

00:51:39   like seven Ivy League degrees cooler

00:51:43   painful i'm really pull Ivy League

00:51:46   schools plus he's doing awards shows and

00:51:49   eating his arms in which his arm in the

00:51:51   movie he's his arm he he is on a he's on

00:51:54   a soap opera and people think it's an

00:51:56   art installation he goes to an art

00:51:59   installation people think the sports

00:52:00   opera Rick Springfield did a long time

00:52:02   ago in here but nobody thought he was an

00:52:04   art slice from australia i think Rick

00:52:07   Springfield's I don't have the job to

00:52:09   check that we're going to class dog can

00:52:11   i just say i have not I i can feel like

00:52:14   i can summon James Franco's face and at

00:52:16   least in my head with my filing system i

00:52:18   have its kind of he's a little bit James

00:52:20   Dean via the this murky guy from 91 out

00:52:24   9125 which was the show which was the

00:52:26   show with trevor rabin that one with the

00:52:30   summer Rae but John Anderson that's 9125

00:52:33   right John Anderson from yes and from

00:52:36   Arabia and that was produced by Trevor

00:52:38   Horn I think not extremely horny don't

00:52:40   you windows the TV show 9125 yes record

00:52:43   that's the Graduate great yes record you

00:52:46   think it's Rachel I don't tell it's like

00:52:49   those Don Henley records I can't

00:52:51   separate them from my teenage its kind

00:52:54   of ways that the Fairlight what are they

00:52:55   using on that a lot of fairlight and it

00:52:58   wasn't like an early their lap top that

00:53:00   they have the stamp you know 60 or side

00:53:03   of the the yeah I don't get yamaha dx7

00:53:07   the Nexus 7 is like paneling in the

00:53:10   eighties basement that cannot be removed

00:53:12   it's all that one stupid what's love got

00:53:15   to do with it like Flutie harmonic

00:53:18   ething yeah it's on everything i was

00:53:21   watching something the other day a

00:53:22   television show maybe or or a movie

00:53:26   probably youtube bloody so much meet you

00:53:28   it was some kind of moving pictures with

00:53:30   sound and and the soundtrack was they

00:53:36   hadn't even if they hadn't even moved to

00:53:38   the faders under dx7 sound wave pattern

00:53:41   had not been altered it was just some

00:53:44   guy playing some chords on a dx7 and I

00:53:47   wanted to I wanted to throw the entire

00:53:49   whatever device that was I was watching

00:53:51   it on even if that was a movie theater I

00:53:53   want to throw it in the ocean right

00:53:55   because it wasn't intended to be funny

00:53:58   it was just like whoever the music

00:54:00   supervisor who whoever the music

00:54:02   supervisor was it was that that person

00:54:05   was related to the director they had to

00:54:07   because there's no other way they could

00:54:08   have gotten that job don't you think

00:54:10   every night every era but it just seems

00:54:13   like there are certain sounds that are

00:54:15   never going to escape that area i would

00:54:17   say in there for at least the

00:54:18   mid-eighties it was the dx7 and the

00:54:21   fucking Phil Collins over gated snares

00:54:24   yeah but i can't i'm not going to go on

00:54:26   record as being against gated snails

00:54:28   come on i lived through those anti gated

00:54:31   snare Wars where every time you walk

00:54:33   into a studio that'd be somebody student

00:54:35   let yall smuggler but it is because

00:54:38   you're friends with chris wallace and he

00:54:39   likes Bowie this is your problem this is

00:54:41   your problem not your problem chris

00:54:43   wallace problem i came of age during

00:54:45   this time when when when when you were

00:54:48   not supposed to use reverb on things

00:54:50   that you are not supposed to get your

00:54:51   snares and and my feeling then as now is

00:54:54   if you do it and it works now we're just

00:54:57   gonna have to agree that you're wrong

00:54:59   what an idea of a copy of David Bowie's

00:55:00   low i heard you heard it right heard

00:55:04   yeah okay now that you're allowed to use

00:55:07   gate that's 1977 and I think a lot of

00:55:10   the wallet I don't let that super

00:55:12   familiar with chris wallace like exact

00:55:14   production things but I think he's an

00:55:15   acolyte or a follower of that like let's

00:55:18   put another mic over here and get it

00:55:20   idea right so you get this weird you get

00:55:22   a day so i think thatís does too but

00:55:24   you get like kind of a snappy echo that

00:55:26   only comes in after a certain amount of

00:55:28   the trigger right so what would use that

00:55:32   but it's not he doesn't overuse and

00:55:34   bearing ok you wasn't Walsman a his

00:55:38   principal is if you have something like

00:55:41   that like a trick you use it once on a

00:55:44   record this is the John Vanderslice

00:55:46   ization of indie rock

00:55:48   well now vanderslice that you point that

00:55:50   you coin that yeah that's it

00:55:52   vanderslice is a different here that's a

00:55:54   different candle wax lander slices then

00:55:56   going to run it

00:55:56   he's gonna he's gonna print it to tape

00:55:58   he's going to hand it to an intern and

00:56:01   he's going to buy that in turn a one-way

00:56:03   ticket to Istanbul

00:56:04   and the kids going to run stamp on it

00:56:07   just stamp on it he's gonna go to his

00:56:08   double and he's gonna you know he's

00:56:10   gonna give it to you had call that

00:56:12   people lay hands on it and then bring it

00:56:14   back and they call it the Turkish stomp

00:56:15   and then you bring it back you run it

00:56:17   through something you get a bit crusher

00:56:18   on it

00:56:19   yeah right breasts are exactly what

00:56:21   you're going through run through the

00:56:22   hands and a rat and then what do i do

00:56:25   then you literally throw it out because

00:56:26   usually it's too much then you realize

00:56:27   that too much

00:56:28   no i did i'm not above that we had a

00:56:31   track on our first record where we had

00:56:32   Scott McCoy from the young fresh fellows

00:56:34   come in and stand in the room we

00:56:36   couldn't think of anything for him to do

00:56:38   to the track because there was there was

00:56:40   too much music under already so we just

00:56:42   put a microphone pointed it at Scott

00:56:44   McCoy and had him stand there for three

00:56:45   minutes and then as we were mixing it we

00:56:49   just brought up the sound of Scotland

00:56:51   boy in the room into the track so he's

00:56:54   on there

00:56:55   let's take it a little more coin in my

00:56:57   headphones it's just the sound of him

00:56:58   perspiring and it's on the track that

00:57:02   must have taken a lot of restraint for

00:57:03   him he seems like an energetic guy

00:57:04   well I think I think he was you know he

00:57:07   was reading or something

00:57:08   their second album didn't you he played

00:57:11   harmonica but you sampled it to do

00:57:12   something weird with didn't separate he

00:57:15   so we're we're running the track by he's

00:57:17   out in the room he has a here's this

00:57:19   boomerang pedal which is a kind of

00:57:21   little sampler looper device her and he

00:57:24   starts playing the harmonica into this

00:57:26   thing he's not paying attention to us at

00:57:29   all

00:57:29   he's listening to the track go by

00:57:31   playing harmonica into this and starts

00:57:33   looping it and then he's playing the

00:57:35   looper and this is not a computer you

00:57:38   know this is like this is a foot pedal

00:57:41   he's playing the his harmonica part and

00:57:44   we just tracked it as he did it I mean

00:57:46   we didn't we didn't do any within monkey

00:57:50   with it at all he just laid that track

00:57:52   down he's an enormously creative

00:57:55   individual that's Brian bridal right

00:57:59   correct

00:58:00   I don't know that song I I yeah but you

00:58:03   know what i like that song still there's

00:58:04   hope we have a young fresh fellows fan

00:58:06   of the massive young freshman you could

00:58:08   be from the Northwest during that era

00:58:10   and not know every one of those that was

00:58:12   a man that one song i can just I can and

00:58:15   do listen to it over and over

00:58:17   have you seen the young fresh fellows

00:58:18   recently first no semicolon I the first

00:58:25   show i saw when i moved to Tallahassee

00:58:27   1991 was young fresh fellows it was a it

00:58:30   was on the this one's for the ladies i

00:58:32   want to say yeah which is on a belief

00:58:36   well young fresh fellows still are able

00:58:38   to get come together and put on an

00:58:42   amazing rock show i'm gonna be playing a

00:58:43   show with them tomorrow I can guess why

00:58:47   two words it's her

00:58:49   my guess is gonna guess to block that

00:58:53   brings the ruckus he really does but a

00:58:56   general statement she still jumps right

00:58:58   jumps around is amazing they all jump

00:59:00   car and the that they really have it all

00:59:02   but the reason for the show tomorrow is

00:59:06   what there's just one word you need to

00:59:07   say and weekends benefit it is a benefit

00:59:10   but it's a benefit for a good cause but

00:59:14   the second is the second kind of benefit

00:59:15   right it's a benefit for your friend is

00:59:17   that it that's right that's exactly

00:59:18   right it's the good kind of benefit

00:59:20   which is the one where you know the

00:59:21   person and you care about them

00:59:23   you should write about this yeah i wrote

00:59:26   about it i wrote about the wrong kind of

00:59:29   benefit the kind where somebody cold

00:59:31   calls you and says hey I've got a thing

00:59:34   that I've got a I've got an event that i

00:59:36   want you to donate your time and effort

00:59:39   to that will really do nothing for any

00:59:41   problems that we have a friend is he he

00:59:43   suffers from ass polyps we're gonna be

00:59:47   at the crocodile and it would be OH some

00:59:50   you know if you could come in headline

00:59:52   it I got it I got an email from a kid on

00:59:55   facebook the other day who said i'm

00:59:57   putting together some benefit shows to

00:59:59   benefit my

00:59:59   benefit my

01:00:00   a charity and my charity is called

01:00:02   charities for benefits

01:00:06   let's look at the handsy scheme it was

01:00:09   its eye I see this all the time young

01:00:11   people they think oh I want to do

01:00:13   something good I want to help with other

01:00:15   people get a job exactly habitat for

01:00:20   humanity we don't need another we don't

01:00:23   need another charity goes Liz lose the

01:00:25   Hat you know cover the tattoos and

01:00:28   fucking grab a broom yeah good donate

01:00:30   some time you started go what go wash a

01:00:32   car show but please pick up pick up an

01:00:34   old person off the ground these kids are

01:00:36   too important yeah they're all people

01:00:37   lying on the ground what you want to do

01:00:39   it all through the one thing is the book

01:00:40   facebook is not a job it's an election

01:00:42   they do that they're the two they think

01:00:44   they're too fucking important to go work

01:00:46   for somebody else's to way too important

01:00:48   because they have they went to college

01:00:50   for two years and so they're gonna start

01:00:52   a new charity and this new charity is

01:00:54   going to really this is going to be the

01:00:55   thing that really helps people and the

01:00:57   way this charity is going to earn money

01:00:59   is they're going to ask their favorite

01:01:00   bands to play for free and because of

01:01:04   everybody knows that bans make millions

01:01:06   and millions of dollars and so they can

01:01:07   just give it on you so you're gonna have

01:01:09   a show and it's gonna run 1 million

01:01:11   dollars and the band isn't going to miss

01:01:14   it because they'll just go play another

01:01:15   show and make another million any idea

01:01:17   what kind of exposure you get out of

01:01:18   something like that you get a lot of

01:01:19   exposure lot of exposure you know the

01:01:21   payment is the exposure the rest is just

01:01:25   gravy

01:01:25   because you loved to play music that's

01:01:27   why it's you should you get to do that a

01:01:29   lot of people don't get to do that

01:01:30   because they have a job but this is also

01:01:32   this is the kind of this is very much

01:01:34   the the sex face hat types they wanted

01:01:38   they just think they can they can sit

01:01:39   around with their with the facebook and

01:01:40   go make up a charity and a hard-working

01:01:43   man like you a man from Alaska and

01:01:45   Washington is going to show up

01:01:47   I just want my hammer yeah so right oh

01:01:50   yeah I'm sawing hammering sawing a

01:01:51   hatchet in fact i wanna catch it but

01:01:54   fell off a ladder and hit me on the head

01:01:55   but I don't want to recapitulate now I

01:01:57   angry tirades against the young asshat

01:02:01   say we're gonna need a lot of Z if we

01:02:03   keep doing this we're going to need to

01:02:04   probably come back around to that at

01:02:05   some point well I'm glad that you're

01:02:07   taking notes in advance because I mean

01:02:09   at first I thought that was going to

01:02:10   inhibit us

01:02:12   I would never do anything knowledgeably

01:02:14   knowingly to to inhibit us but I'm not

01:02:17   you like to make notes I has already has

01:02:22   an index cards i have something but

01:02:23   here's the problem John this is the

01:02:26   problem and I you know I do the the

01:02:29   stuff they talk about things and like

01:02:31   this is the problem people say to me oh

01:02:33   you're being fancy you're being fancy by

01:02:35   wanting to know why I want to have an

01:02:37   hour and a half long meeting with you

01:02:38   can't we just schedule a phone call and

01:02:41   it could be what we're going to talk

01:02:43   about life and it could be i'm just

01:02:44   gonna fart it could just be your you

01:02:46   know I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna pitch

01:02:48   you about my new my new enterprise

01:02:50   solution it's like you know what fucking

01:02:52   write down what you want you want an

01:02:53   hour and a half of my life like write

01:02:56   down what you want to talk about is that

01:02:57   so complicated

01:02:58   yeah and here's the problem is that does

01:03:01   not make me fancy it makes you stupid

01:03:02   right

01:03:04   not me but you know no no I'm clearly

01:03:06   the other people that's the problem and

01:03:08   that's the real problem that's the

01:03:09   problem that's this is literally the ad

01:03:12   at behind the mountain the bigger

01:03:13   problem the era can't see cause he's

01:03:14   fucking around with scorpions and a

01:03:16   flashlight

01:03:16   my concern is that i'm not being fancy

01:03:19   you are you are not taking it seriously

01:03:21   if you if you not being you being every

01:03:23   literally everyone else if you are if

01:03:25   you are that upset about me wanting to

01:03:27   know why you want a fucking hour and a

01:03:29   half of my time

01:03:30   the problem is you my friend you need to

01:03:32   think about your priorities if you like

01:03:34   you need to think about that because if

01:03:35   you're not taking that time seriously

01:03:36   why would anyone else and I think that's

01:03:38   the problem

01:03:39   your move and you do this for a living

01:03:41   you know you're not do this you don't

01:03:42   you don't get late anymore look at you

01:03:44   I know right this is not what you do and

01:03:46   if you're gonna play a show Brando

01:03:47   that's not even with a chair which era

01:03:51   like the apocalypse now Marlon Brando

01:03:53   Martin Brando all right he's learning a

01:03:56   heart attack in a partner now got

01:03:57   different guy

01:03:58   um I want to come back to this one

01:04:00   company you taught me what you had most

01:04:02   of what passes as as corporate business

01:04:06   time most of what is happening in

01:04:08   business is people just improvising ways

01:04:12   to kill hours of the day between when

01:04:15   they have to be at work and when they

01:04:16   get to go home and so they only have an

01:04:20   hour and a half for the work to do but

01:04:22   they have to go to court work work work

01:04:25   so sick

01:04:25   and a half hours of the day they're

01:04:27   sending e-mails back and forth to each

01:04:29   other and having meetings with each

01:04:31   other and walking from cubicle to

01:04:33   cubicle generating you know kinetic

01:04:36   energy generating static electricity

01:04:39   basically as a way of you know of

01:04:42   looking like it's looking like they're

01:04:44   working and you if you're going to

01:04:47   generate six hours of static electricity

01:04:49   it's going to be because you are because

01:04:52   you're humping your couch or whatever

01:04:53   like me I don't wanna environment as if

01:04:55   I'm gonna be I'm gonna spend that six

01:04:57   hours i want to spend in the bathtub i

01:04:59   don't want to spend it sitting leaving

01:05:01   on a water cooler but the problem is now

01:05:03   you're the dick riding the dick when

01:05:05   somebody says we're the dick and this is

01:05:07   the problem is that somebody comes to

01:05:09   you and out of nowhere you know they

01:05:11   just I it's not a problem like I'm sure

01:05:14   you play benefits for things you care

01:05:15   about like when your pals house burns

01:05:17   down or whatever you go happily play a

01:05:18   benefit because the benefit tomorrow but

01:05:20   somebody thinks it through they do a

01:05:22   thing and they say here's the thing you

01:05:23   know that one guy he's got a problem

01:05:24   with complaints benefit I think it's a

01:05:26   very long way from a guy with a hat and

01:05:28   figured out how to get something on

01:05:29   facebook and now that's a charity

01:05:31   somehow I think that's automatic I think

01:05:33   there should be a way to vet this and I

01:05:35   i think that the the last thing they

01:05:36   need is to have some kind of charity

01:05:37   about their charity and you know really

01:05:39   you know now and half a very long time

01:05:41   for a phone call any oil in any case but

01:05:44   this is the way these people work this

01:05:45   is that sa somebody wrote a few years

01:05:47   ago that was interesting about the

01:05:48   difference between like you know the

01:05:49   hammer swing and developers and the

01:05:51   managers the managers are used to slice

01:05:54   on their day in into one hour blocks of

01:05:56   literal bullshit figuratively literal

01:05:59   bullshit

01:06:00   whereas forgot lakhs of bullshit hmmm I

01:06:03   uh huh that's why I that's why I left

01:06:05   Oklahoma and never went back

01:06:07   that's right oh if you've ever been a

01:06:09   little bullshit farmer you know that

01:06:11   those days are hard time here the Dust

01:06:13   Bowl was very hard on that I think Simon

01:06:15   a book about that the shutters you get

01:06:18   the ship cutters blockers but anyway but

01:06:20   every time somebody cut the block of

01:06:22   shit i'll be there and every time i was

01:06:25   looking up but i was looking up

01:06:27   bismarck

01:06:28   the city or the guy know the former but

01:06:31   the Chancellor of Germany who and I put

01:06:35   Bismarck into into google who the first

01:06:41   name that came up was biz markie that's

01:06:45   a twenty-year-old failure and a lot of

01:06:47   levels John I don't know what to do

01:06:50   nobody cares about Bismarck anymore I

01:06:52   want to come back the hats i wanna come

01:06:53   back tattoos i have five added invented

01:06:55   girls to the list

01:06:57   just look at women and girls we should

01:06:59   do a whole thing on girls want to talk

01:07:00   more about the ghouls and so what I'll

01:07:04   do is I will capture all of this and and

01:07:06   share with you i guess i could tell exit

01:07:09   or something so you can look at our God

01:07:11   week John 10 but advanced ok juggalos

01:07:15   and Angelina Jolie was just you know you

01:07:17   just as the moment as a mom strategy

01:07:19   because I'm sure between now and the

01:07:20   next time we talk you're gonna have

01:07:21   another three by five card fill up with

01:07:23   ideas I juggling knows he's crazy and

01:07:26   that's kind of his deal

01:07:28   I don't think Angelina Jolie really

01:07:29   knows that she's crazy she has to feel

01:07:33   like I'm what level I gotta go haha I'm

01:07:35   silly I'm gonna sing karaoke level or

01:07:37   like like I'm going to keep human blood

01:07:38   in a necklace level

01:07:41   oh yeah I think Angelina Jolie has to

01:07:43   live in one live in one of the craziest

01:07:46   bubbles in the universe and inside the

01:07:50   bubble it's what makes it crazy is that

01:07:53   it's relentlessly saying is a follow me

01:07:55   it's a bombing fucking 72 degrees we

01:07:57   just you just pick up kids like like

01:08:00   like free free newspapers you just get

01:08:02   them you collect them yet

01:08:05   it's gonna be a weird bubble no I but

01:08:06   she's in there she's in there buttering

01:08:08   toast

01:08:09   she's in there with some lightly melted

01:08:11   butter she's just buttering perfectly

01:08:13   toasted bread thinking this is all

01:08:15   totally normal do to do to do i am a

01:08:18   normal person i would if i could find

01:08:20   out not a creepy way but i would find

01:08:22   out where she lives and go nowhere near

01:08:24   whatever playground she has access to

01:08:25   because i think it's probably disappear

01:08:27   I don't think she can control it anymore

01:08:28   i think it I think it's like it's like

01:08:30   it's like shoplifting or getting a

01:08:32   tattoo which he has many of you can't

01:08:35   you can't control anymore

01:08:36   this is the thing when you have

01:08:37   unlimited money and unlimited power

01:08:40   like how that manifests itself whoo-hoo

01:08:43   if my feeling is that if you use

01:08:46   unlimited money and unlimited power and

01:08:48   your and your instinct is to help kids

01:08:52   you are a creep you know what I mean

01:08:55   like that's creepy not really

01:08:57   how would you know what will be a better

01:08:59   use of that something work myself

01:09:01   involved

01:09:02   absolutely you should be living in a

01:09:04   castle and you should have a place

01:09:07   Rocking boys peeling grapes for you or

01:09:10   like it lasers and elevators large tvs

01:09:13   you should be like a mad scientist and a

01:09:15   Jonathan Coulton song who you should not

01:09:18   be any metaphorical no literally

01:09:21   ok you should live in a jonathan coulton

01:09:23   song you should not be living in an

01:09:25   upper west side apartment who and have

01:09:28   and be married to Woody Allen and I

01:09:30   walking around with this roller walk

01:09:31   around the stroller and coffee and act

01:09:33   like that's fucking normal

01:09:34   it's not normal but it's not normal and

01:09:36   that doesn't even make sense if you had

01:09:37   that kind of dough and you were not

01:09:38   spending it on something completely

01:09:40   insane that is a form of insanity

01:09:43   you should have a Maserati with white

01:09:45   leather carpet white leather floors are

01:09:48   you boy

01:09:49   wait white leather carpeting Cena that

01:09:52   you know what right there this is why

01:09:54   there should be a charity for you

01:09:55   somebody you know what get halfway to go

01:09:57   start a charity for you because I think

01:09:59   if you're if you're functioning on a

01:10:01   level and i have to say this is a very

01:10:02   different level than a lot of people are

01:10:04   functioning on laterally and and

01:10:06   hierarchically if you can come up with

01:10:07   something like white leather carpeting

01:10:09   there's no fucking reason that you

01:10:10   should be living in that farmhouse here

01:10:12   and you should be somewhere you should

01:10:14   be somewhere much more interesting and

01:10:15   potentially terrifying think about if

01:10:17   James Franco and I switched places and I

01:10:20   what I had James Franco's power i had

01:10:24   his is like our credibility and his his

01:10:28   ability to walk into a room blase and

01:10:31   stoned and had everybody in the room

01:10:33   think that he's the coolest permanent

01:10:35   permanent sex face if I had permanent

01:10:37   sex phase and was livings and was like

01:10:40   commuting between New Haven and New York

01:10:44   City and LA and fucking budapest or

01:10:47   whatever james franco is doing this week

01:10:49   if I had that power you think I wouldn't

01:10:51   have

01:10:52   leather carpet I'm talking would and you

01:10:55   know he's probably living in a loft

01:10:56   space where he had some some friend of

01:11:00   his cum spray paint a mural you know

01:11:04   sprinting a mural that has like that has

01:11:08   a six in it or something and and and

01:11:12   he's like a wedgie

01:11:14   well you know he's got a refrigerator

01:11:16   and all that's in there is Cristal

01:11:17   champagne and pabst blue ribbon he could

01:11:20   have white leather carpet person is not

01:11:23   even a question about it

01:11:24   the thing is that i want to be up i want

01:11:25   to go to a much higher level than that i

01:11:27   would love to get to the white leather

01:11:29   carpeting level and if I did I i would

01:11:31   be an unholy combination of like Robert

01:11:35   Evans and cthulhu I would be I would be

01:11:39   causing so many problems for so many

01:11:40   people

01:11:41   the line between Robert Evans and

01:11:42   Cthulhu is not really that dick I think

01:11:45   Robert Evans has more phones parties

01:11:49   always on the phone

01:11:50   oh my god that would be so that you just

01:11:52   you just you just gave me a vision in my

01:11:54   horrific mythical character with white

01:11:56   leather carpeting one another car for

01:11:58   you bet your ass is and 30 phones on the

01:12:02   desk

01:12:02   30 phones all of them just ringing all

01:12:05   the time program to rain

01:12:06   they're not even phone calls no just

01:12:08   this is it's like that it's like that

01:12:10   scene in Boogie Nights where the where

01:12:11   the kids throwing firecrackers huh in

01:12:14   now exhale god I love that scene and

01:12:16   shipped all over my house

01:12:17   they're just old fashioned phone's

01:12:19   constantly ringing everybody knows

01:12:21   there's nobody there and not not ringing

01:12:24   like ring ring ring but like a ringing

01:12:27   randomly random pattern somewhere in

01:12:30   your head even though he has literally

01:12:32   been dead for years you're thinking it

01:12:33   could be charlie bit hard it's maybe him

01:12:37   pick-up-the-phone forgot to pick up the

01:12:39   phone was Frank Sinatra fan of me he was

01:12:43   not all right I want to come back to the

01:12:46   jugglers and Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra

01:12:50   is not drawn this very bar took a shit

01:12:53   on my wife's chest and it was a fucking

01:12:56   honor take a shit right now if you have

01:12:59   not had taken a shit on Ali McGraw

01:13:00   you're not

01:13:01   lived she's the most beautiful woman

01:13:03   I've ever met Charlie bhutan I gotta go

01:13:07   we gotta go we gotta get this angelina

01:13:09   jolie thing figured out and I week at

01:13:13   for a variety of reasons we have to come

01:13:15   back to tattoos but we should we should

01:13:16   follow up on that later now that can't

01:13:17   be a running the country right now jesus

01:13:19   fucking christ the chili we gotta get

01:13:21   this here's my problem i have i have six

01:13:24   different kinds of canned chili

01:13:26   downstairs and I don't want any of

01:13:27   transporting Travis more senior chili

01:13:29   one-time charges more as it tried to eat

01:13:31   my chili and I stood a thwart his i

01:13:35   stood i stood for the pantry door and

01:13:38   said stop who

01:13:40   but his band of his band of as burgers

01:13:44   in Iraq ding-dongs ended up doing an end

01:13:48   run and ate all my pasta

01:13:51   here's here's a loser here's your new

01:13:52   dismemberment plan he touched my fucking

01:13:54   chill you lose a hand that's you need to

01:13:56   send dismemberment plan

01:13:58   yeah i hear the problem with the get

01:14:00   canned chili

01:14:01   ok it's like hormel or do you get like

01:14:03   Arsenal silly from i'm always trying to

01:14:04   find the perfect and chili I realize you

01:14:06   can't put chili in a can

01:14:08   I mean you can who but but that's not

01:14:11   the chili than I want I want I want I

01:14:14   want super good homemade chili who

01:14:17   because they're too many things that can

01:14:18   go wrong between a cow in a field and a

01:14:22   can of chili and we're not getting where

01:14:24   to begin

01:14:25   like here's a counter field he's eating

01:14:27   grass sunny day and then there's

01:14:30   something happens a lot of those beans

01:14:32   are not getting treated like the Hope

01:14:33   Diamond either i would not cry might be

01:14:35   a I'm a beam i'm on a bean plant i'm in

01:14:38   the infield it's sunny day and then

01:14:40   something happens and boom I'm in a can

01:14:43   of chili whatever that something is in

01:14:46   between its I can't be good and you know

01:14:51   I i like to eat cows who but i don't i

01:14:54   want to eat a cow that was having a nice

01:14:56   day and then somebody was like hey Cal

01:14:58   come here

01:14:59   hey buddy come here I want to show you

01:15:01   something and then I was the last thing

01:15:03   the cow ever saw and then those people

01:15:06   were like oh this cow he gave his life

01:15:09   for this meat and we should cherish it

01:15:11   we should we should treat it like a like

01:15:14   the sacrament that

01:15:15   it is and put it into this handcrafted

01:15:18   chili over that is so sacred and

01:15:23   delicious that the cow is proud to have

01:15:25   been a part of this chilly in retrospect

01:15:27   a day for Cal could

01:15:29   if the cow could see this chilly this

01:15:32   cow the cow would have been proud but I

01:15:34   don't think that's what happens i think

01:15:35   that they walk they take some cows and

01:15:38   they shot them with electricity until

01:15:41   they run into a fan blade and then they

01:15:45   have push brooms and they push the all

01:15:49   the stuff on the floor into like a chili

01:15:51   kannur time and that's not cool that's

01:15:54   not what I want

01:15:56   hey that is that once a bit byzantine

01:15:59   and extremely simplified which is pretty

01:16:01   much what i would expect the process of

01:16:03   making chili to be just accept that puts

01:16:06   I put cinnamon in it

01:16:07   sure there's going to be a little

01:16:08   cinnamon and a little mustard South

01:16:11   Carolina I think that South Carolina

01:16:13   barbecue they put mustard in it so that

01:16:16   so they run the count to a fan blade and

01:16:18   then they throw some Helmand they throw

01:16:20   jar hellmann's in there and a and they

01:16:23   feel like i canna cinnamon it's nothin

01:16:27   nothin now that roots clock for chili

01:16:29   quite likely ok if you had a really hot

01:16:33   chili I could see little man is on top

01:16:35   of movie some yogurt i could see that

01:16:36   being really nice

01:16:37   see see now that's the sacrament I'm

01:16:40   talking about that's the chili account

01:16:42   would be proud to be part of if you're

01:16:43   going to if you're going to make a

01:16:44   chilly you're going to break some cows

01:16:45   and I think with the food is called a

01:16:47   pairing if you were to take something

01:16:49   like like a cool shooting their dairy

01:16:51   product and put that alongside a chilly

01:16:53   right sure sure like a yogurt like a

01:16:56   Greek yogurt i guess so

01:16:58   I mean it would have to be something

01:17:00   [Music]

01:17:02   now I see what you mean I went to the

01:17:03   local I don't want to be this guy but I

01:17:05   went to the local butcher shop here

01:17:06   instead of going to the supermarket

01:17:09   picture i went to Bob's butcher shop the

01:17:12   other day and I talked to the weird

01:17:15   Jeffrey Dahmer like son of the butcher

01:17:18   and he talked my ear off about the meet

01:17:23   past the point where I cared anymore to

01:17:29   know about all the stuff that he knew

01:17:31   about the meat but I brought them home

01:17:34   and I was I was glad that he he that

01:17:37   this guy that I was talking to that was

01:17:39   telling me this meat he actually walked

01:17:41   I thought that sounds like an episode of

01:17:42   portlandia I know but he had actually

01:17:44   walked on the field where the cows lived

01:17:46   and he was here to a test that it was an

01:17:49   ice field and that's all I ask how would

01:17:52   you know if that's true i mean this guy

01:17:55   seemed incapable of lying first of all

01:17:57   because he's a butcher is simple

01:17:59   I mean it's not that he's simple it's

01:18:01   just that that it

01:18:02   I don't think of I don't think of the

01:18:04   butchering life as one with a lot of

01:18:07   duplicity in it it seems like a stella

01:18:11   cow that well they have to mislead the

01:18:14   cow that's not fine

01:18:16   [Music]

01:18:23   that's good