Roderick on the Line

Ep. 252: "The Ur-Choad"


00:00:00   this episode of Rodrick on the line is [TS]

00:00:02   brought to you by Casper Casper's an [TS]

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00:00:10   stores to learn more visit casper comm [TS]

00:00:12   slash supertrain [TS]

00:00:14   [Music] [TS]

00:00:19   hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

00:00:24   oh it's really early is it early look at [TS]

00:00:29   that I guess it is it's pretty early [TS]

00:00:30   yeah I mean it's not as early as it [TS]

00:00:32   could be it's early yeah yeah I woke up [TS]

00:00:36   singing eight to seven five three oh [TS]

00:00:38   five nine that's a good song [TS]

00:00:41   yeah oh god I had to I usually have two [TS]

00:00:44   to three songs in my head when I wake up [TS]

00:00:46   that's gotta be cacophonous no no it's [TS]

00:00:49   terrible I just have like a little mini [TS]

00:00:52   stroke for a couple hours in the morning [TS]

00:00:53   and I just cycles through one or two [TS]

00:00:57   lines from a song and it'll be different [TS]

00:00:58   songs and it just goes on and on and on [TS]

00:01:00   oh yeah you listen to the long winters [TS]

00:01:02   albums well you know I like to hear the [TS]

00:01:04   first part here get that I get the feel [TS]

00:01:06   for what the song is gonna be like you [TS]

00:01:08   know soon as the lyrics start you can go [TS]

00:01:10   to the next song every time it does I [TS]

00:01:17   still get in a lot of trouble for that [TS]

00:01:18   song in the music press who feel like it [TS]

00:01:20   wasn't enough I said I didn't say enough [TS]

00:01:24   like I did you know yeah this lyrics [TS]

00:01:28   came in and they were like skip you get [TS]

00:01:30   it you get it in a closet with [TS]

00:01:31   headphones you don't even have a way to [TS]

00:01:35   control the music you just get you get [TS]

00:01:36   in the closet you could just use your [TS]

00:01:38   eyes in a dark closet you listen to [TS]

00:01:39   John's work the music closet let's go if [TS]

00:01:42   everyone in the house should have [TS]

00:01:43   everyone in listening this program [TS]

00:01:45   should have one music closet in their [TS]

00:01:46   house even before you get a monk oh yeah [TS]

00:01:48   get yourself a music I'm having a hell [TS]

00:01:51   of a hell of a day tell me you dummy [TS]

00:01:54   it's so early [TS]

00:01:55   oh boy well the latest is the roofers [TS]

00:01:59   are still here and today they're real [TS]

00:02:01   relaxed and very jovial conversations [TS]

00:02:05   and the occasional grinding noise that [TS]

00:02:07   you hear is the giant tar bucket I hope [TS]

00:02:10   that's not racist they've got a tar [TS]

00:02:12   bucket this world around and they're [TS]

00:02:13   just they're having all kinds of [TS]

00:02:14   conversations about stuff so yeah is it [TS]

00:02:17   hot and smelly I could like it's not [TS]

00:02:19   from my home it's it's nice but that's [TS]

00:02:25   really just the icing on the shit burger [TS]

00:02:28   I I woke up at about I think it was 1:00 [TS]

00:02:32   a.m. [TS]

00:02:32   oh that's early yeah well that's usually [TS]

00:02:35   a urinate between 3 & 5 and that's when [TS]

00:02:38   the trouble starts that's when I have [TS]

00:02:39   trouble getting back to sleep and that's [TS]

00:02:40   when you get the bonus sleep double [TS]

00:02:42   bonus sleep triple bonus sleep alarm for [TS]

00:02:45   the 3 to 5 he's got an alarm downstairs [TS]

00:02:48   daddy's down down you know you look down [TS]

00:02:50   from the mezzanine that's where the [TS]

00:02:51   alarm is you're looking down thinking [TS]

00:02:53   man it's like a fire alarm right like [TS]

00:02:55   you you slide down the brass pole yeah a [TS]

00:02:58   lot like that like an Ultraman like my [TS]

00:02:59   chest beep and I know it's time to make [TS]

00:03:01   it number one so I went to bed I watched [TS]

00:03:05   Ed Sheeran on TV last night and got mad [TS]

00:03:08   and oh my god it was so at the age of 50 [TS]

00:03:15   like I still get mad about an English [TS]

00:03:18   man Ron Weasley in the dryer for a [TS]

00:03:27   weekend your hair is stupid you are I [TS]

00:03:31   know this about you you are somebody [TS]

00:03:33   that's right there at the debut this is [TS]

00:03:38   one of my day in date shows right yeah [TS]

00:03:40   I've did something I am rarely done [TS]

00:03:43   which I forced my wife to get into this [TS]

00:03:45   show it was very tough I mean it's [TS]

00:03:47   awesome by Castro it's a really fucked [TS]

00:03:49   up it's so fucked up but I think I kind [TS]

00:03:52   of got her a little bit into it we [TS]

00:03:53   watched it and we were both so angry [TS]

00:03:56   until bedtime about this we got it this [TS]

00:03:58   morning it's the first thing we talked [TS]

00:03:59   about it's how we're still angry about [TS]

00:04:00   it Sharon I know this is not gonna [TS]

00:04:01   matter tears in rain oh yes I watch my [TS]

00:04:04   program I'm gonna try really hard to get [TS]

00:04:06   to bed by 11:00 and I'm pretty [TS]

00:04:09   successful with it 1 o'clock I wake with [TS]

00:04:14   a raging migraine oh that's not what I [TS]

00:04:18   thought you were gonna say it sounds a [TS]

00:04:20   boner [TS]

00:04:21   that's what wakes me up at night of 1:00 [TS]

00:04:24   in the morning it's Christmas in July [TS]

00:04:25   but go ahead a raging migraine at first [TS]

00:04:30   I thought it was my usual I slept hard [TS]

00:04:32   in a weird way right that could have [TS]

00:04:35   been a Sharon normally that's where I [TS]

00:04:44   get a back problem I get a back [TS]

00:04:46   because I'll do a slight twist sure [TS]

00:04:47   pinched nerve yes could be pinched could [TS]

00:04:50   be pinched it could just be aggravated [TS]

00:04:52   but no it was like in my hippocampus [TS]

00:04:56   like I could feel the radiating oh no of [TS]

00:05:00   like this is probably my seventh [TS]

00:05:02   migraine ever in your life but I was up [TS]

00:05:05   and I was hurting oh and it's sort of [TS]

00:05:08   like a bad trip you've had bad trips I [TS]

00:05:11   could get enough bad trips yeah and you [TS]

00:05:15   eventually learn to go oh this is gonna [TS]

00:05:17   suck but I'll I'll make it through this [TS]

00:05:19   this is gonna die luckily I don't do the [TS]

00:05:22   sort of thing anymore but right now [TS]

00:05:23   having done that it's moving in him an [TS]

00:05:26   orange slice shut up I'm in hell like in [TS]

00:05:28   this case I got visions of Ron Weasley [TS]

00:05:31   dancing in my head and so I get up and I [TS]

00:05:32   go okay all right I've got to get up out [TS]

00:05:34   of my Casper bed which is very very [TS]

00:05:36   comfortable [TS]

00:05:36   and I go I go to the bathroom and I take [TS]

00:05:42   a hot shower I put it on the [TS]

00:05:43   thump-thump-thump setting and I'm good [TS]

00:05:45   gripping the accessibility rail grip [TS]

00:05:48   does that help the thump-thump-thump he [TS]

00:05:50   hits you right in the pineal gland you [TS]

00:05:52   know you get that little spot right in [TS]

00:05:54   the best [TS]

00:05:55   that's nice any of you then you gleek [TS]

00:05:57   right yes like so like daughter my [TS]

00:06:02   coffee coffee well you know he left [TS]

00:06:06   Genesis early oh right yeah they hired [TS]

00:06:09   that they hired that other guy [TS]

00:06:10   the guy was here and they heard the guy [TS]

00:06:11   to play drums see when Peter Gabriel [TS]

00:06:27   1989 1989 the year in music yeah [TS]

00:06:33   literally gripping the accessability [TS]

00:06:35   rail groaning and trying not to wake my [TS]

00:06:37   family with my migraine in my [TS]

00:06:38   hippocampus and so I'm just fucking aah [TS]

00:06:43   and because that can help and you say to [TS]

00:06:46   yourself you know it's like the orange [TS]

00:06:47   slices I'm just gonna I'm gonna get [TS]

00:06:49   through this and I need to be a little [TS]

00:06:51   bit suta Buddhist look a little bit [TS]

00:06:53   suitable estai need to say here ok how [TS]

00:06:56   much of this is a bad thing that's [TS]

00:06:57   happening to me right [TS]

00:06:59   and how much of this is my 10 times more [TS]

00:07:02   terrible feeling about how I feel about [TS]

00:07:04   what's happening to me and I suspect we [TS]

00:07:07   may have some common ground there I [TS]

00:07:08   think that's a useful thought technology [TS]

00:07:10   yesterday's but you know what it was it [TS]

00:07:12   was the fire in my hippocampus that was [TS]

00:07:14   actually the problem it was the former [TS]

00:07:17   of the two answers John how you felt [TS]

00:07:22   about it was irrelevant I'm gripping [TS]

00:07:25   literally gripping the accessability [TS]

00:07:27   rail [TS]

00:07:27   thump-thump thump-thump practically ran [TS]

00:07:29   the joint out of hot water I got out I [TS]

00:07:31   tell off I have a half half a Seltzer [TS]

00:07:33   and I think okay this is it daddy can go [TS]

00:07:35   back to bed anyways it was not was great [TS]

00:07:39   but here's the thing with the funny part [TS]

00:07:41   guys it turns out there's a funny part [TS]

00:07:43   well uh you get to say six I've managed [TS]

00:07:49   to get some sleep I've got pseudo bonus [TS]

00:07:51   sleep at this point with my suit of [TS]

00:07:52   Buddhism I got a little bit of sleep and [TS]

00:07:54   the thing is I I'm waking up and going [TS]

00:07:56   though I wonder if my hippocampus is [TS]

00:07:58   still on fire and you know what it only [TS]

00:08:01   hurt a little bit and I was so fucking [TS]

00:08:03   happy [TS]

00:08:03   I was so gooood I've had like four hours [TS]

00:08:06   of sleep but I'm so glad that I'm not [TS]

00:08:10   having that head thing anymore oh that's [TS]

00:08:11   so funny way isn't that a funny way life [TS]

00:08:13   can get you yeah isn't that ain't it [TS]

00:08:16   though hmm have you so how long do they [TS]

00:08:20   normally last of the seven you've had [TS]

00:08:24   you like like a stress bump the first [TS]

00:08:28   thing is you go oh right you know as you [TS]

00:08:32   know several hours to even a day and a [TS]

00:08:35   half before you get a stress bump you [TS]

00:08:37   get the oh yeah that's right oh now I've [TS]

00:08:41   thought that thought now I'm gonna get [TS]

00:08:42   stress bump yeah I'm thinking about a [TS]

00:08:45   tingle and so that's what happens is you [TS]

00:08:48   go uh-oh and there might be you see some [TS]

00:08:50   Christmas lights a little bit it could [TS]

00:08:52   be that you feel the dark veil of death [TS]

00:08:53   approaching you know that something is [TS]

00:08:55   not going optimally and you go okay I [TS]

00:08:58   just got to get ready for this I need to [TS]

00:08:59   call everybody important and say here [TS]

00:09:00   comes the migraine oh geez and then it [TS]

00:09:04   starts to set in and then it takes over [TS]

00:09:05   and then it becomes the the it's a kind [TS]

00:09:10   of have you ever heard of migraine [TS]

00:09:12   I know okay but you know that kind of [TS]

00:09:14   like that real centering kind of pain [TS]

00:09:16   where it's like there's nothing else in [TS]

00:09:18   the world apart from what is being [TS]

00:09:19   visited upon me right now all right and [TS]

00:09:22   they last I mean you know you can take [TS]

00:09:24   some excedrin for it but you know [TS]

00:09:27   caffeine helps but she rarely less than [TS]

00:09:31   three hours rarely more than eight hours [TS]

00:09:33   you just go you go lay in a room and [TS]

00:09:36   like watch mr. Rodgers on mute you know [TS]

00:09:38   just food well you know our good friend [TS]

00:09:40   Jesse thorn suffers from these suffer [TS]

00:09:43   yeah habitually I know he's sought many [TS]

00:09:46   different avenues for dealing with this [TS]

00:09:48   but he's it's just he's got he's real I [TS]

00:09:50   was a fucked up but I mean he's he get [TS]

00:09:53   some bad and often right he gets them if [TS]

00:09:56   he gets them bad but I think the [TS]

00:09:57   debilitating thing is that he gets them [TS]

00:09:59   off and so often that it's just like you [TS]

00:10:02   can set your watch by them I can't [TS]

00:10:06   imagine any programs that's mind blowing [TS]

00:10:08   I don't know it mind blowing am i right [TS]

00:10:11   my mom gets them I have I guess in my [TS]

00:10:16   life probably had a headache that that [TS]

00:10:18   was bad enough that the lights wiggled [TS]

00:10:21   and it throbbed somewhere in my [TS]

00:10:23   hippocampus like a non hangover [TS]

00:10:25   headaches right well yeah right like for [TS]

00:10:28   some reason but headaches are not a [TS]

00:10:30   thing I suffer from typically I don't [TS]

00:10:32   remember the last time I had a serious [TS]

00:10:34   headache but a couple of years ago I I [TS]

00:10:37   had a I had a pain suddenly in the side [TS]

00:10:41   of my head like you know the you know [TS]

00:10:44   the old pain like an ice pick [TS]

00:10:47   oh yes you know the ice pick pain that's [TS]

00:10:50   a long time you term that still works [TS]

00:10:52   right nobody even knows what an ice pick [TS]

00:10:55   is or does anymore in our in our modern [TS]

00:10:58   world you can't go into a hot topic and [TS]

00:10:59   get an ice pick no well what would you [TS]

00:11:01   do with it you can either buy 50 ice [TS]

00:11:03   picks for the price of one avocado sure [TS]

00:11:05   right I mean then I think that's the [TS]

00:11:07   going exchange-rate [TS]

00:11:08   want to sing a paris' dollar equals 50 [TS]

00:11:13   ice picks making an app you get a cyber [TS]

00:11:16   ice pick patter that means about 73 [TS]

00:11:19   cents us to 73 cents they caught [TS]

00:11:21   skeuomorphism so which side of your head [TS]

00:11:23   you're [TS]

00:11:24   as your LaSalle so the as I'm looking [TS]

00:11:27   out of the control room as so the right [TS]

00:11:29   for stage right I got this but it [TS]

00:11:34   immediately becomes all in costing right [TS]

00:11:36   and it's coming from inside the house [TS]

00:11:39   it's somewhere is in the middle like a [TS]

00:11:41   peck trying to get out it's like a pic [TS]

00:11:43   it's like a pic trying to get out and [TS]

00:11:45   you know I know what a nice pic is I [TS]

00:11:47   know what they do I really go to stores [TS]

00:11:50   where I'm like should I get another ice [TS]

00:11:52   pick and I say no leave it leave it but [TS]

00:11:55   this ice pick is inside the house and I [TS]

00:11:58   am at a certain point I'm rolling on the [TS]

00:12:02   floor sweating and banging my head on [TS]

00:12:06   the wall it's 11 o'clock at night so [TS]

00:12:11   what does one do there's no one to call [TS]

00:12:14   who your call I suckers yeah so I lay [TS]

00:12:31   there it's happening in my it's [TS]

00:12:34   happening from my from not in my brain [TS]

00:12:38   no my brain is clear does it more Scully [TS]

00:12:41   yeah everything that my every my brain [TS]

00:12:44   can is there for me in order to really [TS]

00:12:47   truly feel and appreciate the pain and [TS]

00:12:50   it's not like a burning it's not a [TS]

00:12:52   searing it is a pick it is a pick on an [TS]

00:12:57   exposed nerve and I locate it in my [TS]

00:13:02   dentistry it is a pick somewhere on a [TS]

00:13:09   like as though you took a dental drill [TS]

00:13:13   and just no anesthetic just straight [TS]

00:13:15   down it just molar and I'm I you know [TS]

00:13:19   how often can you really say you're [TS]

00:13:21   rising those last time you rived maybe [TS]

00:13:25   oh no I took your point they're not [TS]

00:13:28   often most most as you get older like [TS]

00:13:31   you take something like the classic for [TS]

00:13:32   me as an earache where that I will never [TS]

00:13:35   have an earache I hope as bad as the [TS]

00:13:37   I had as a kid right there's certain [TS]

00:13:39   kinds of pains that are canonized when [TS]

00:13:41   you're a child and even when you get [TS]

00:13:43   them later in life you go it's still not [TS]

00:13:44   as bad as when I was a kid I never got [TS]

00:13:46   as sick as I got when I was a kid and [TS]

00:13:48   you learned to go like again you [TS]

00:13:49   double-double Buddha up and you go you [TS]

00:13:51   know what I'll get through this I can do [TS]

00:13:53   other things like I could tag my mp3s or [TS]

00:13:55   something [TS]

00:13:55   but no I think riding is rare and I had [TS]

00:13:58   I had one of those where I got off an [TS]

00:14:00   airplane and some nitrogen bubble inside [TS]

00:14:02   my sinuses which were clogged because of [TS]

00:14:05   a cold got up in there behind my eyeball [TS]

00:14:09   I'll just pipe some wires in there it's [TS]

00:14:11   just it's not transport for things [TS]

00:14:13   it's the tubes right it's the tubes that [TS]

00:14:15   make up the Internet and I was but again [TS]

00:14:18   banging my head on a door saying like I [TS]

00:14:20   don't care anymore make it you know like [TS]

00:14:22   make it stop give me a chopstick I'm [TS]

00:14:24   gonna shove it up into my into my [TS]

00:14:27   temporal lobe and then my girlfriend at [TS]

00:14:30   the time called her mom who was a hippie [TS]

00:14:32   and the mom said take some ginger ground [TS]

00:14:37   it up take a pot of hot water like boil [TS]

00:14:41   a pot of water it's like having a baby [TS]

00:14:43   boil a pot of water nobody knows why get [TS]

00:14:45   some get some rags and then boil up or [TS]

00:14:49   and then get a pot of cold water or boil [TS]

00:14:50   a pot of cold water get a cold boiling [TS]

00:14:54   remember those guys back in like 20 [TS]

00:14:56   years ago that they came up with the [TS]

00:14:58   with cold cold boiling yeah it was gonna [TS]

00:15:00   run everything you run your automobile [TS]

00:15:02   your coffee maker all off cold boiling [TS]

00:15:03   yeah and then nobody could figure out [TS]

00:15:05   how to cold boil again and hard to [TS]

00:15:06   replicate so so she got a hot pot of hot [TS]

00:15:09   pot of cold she put the ginger in the [TS]

00:15:12   hot pot and then dip the rags in the hot [TS]

00:15:14   ginger water 99 the year and music over [TS]

00:15:35   here you got the ginger right the best [TS]

00:15:41   ever [TS]

00:15:44   so I put the I put the and she's like [TS]

00:15:48   hippie mom is like alternate between the [TS]

00:15:50   hot and the cold so you put the hot [TS]

00:15:51   thing on there you barely stand it so [TS]

00:15:54   hot across your eyeballs and across your [TS]

00:15:55   nose my need to be cold hot and cold [TS]

00:15:57   yeah you flap the top of it hot on there [TS]

00:16:00   until until it cools down you keep [TS]

00:16:03   keeping the hot side hot in the cool [TS]

00:16:05   side fresh yeah put the hot on there [TS]

00:16:08   then you pull it off you put the cold on [TS]

00:16:10   there yeah and it's you know it's icy [TS]

00:16:11   cold hmm then you whip that off you put [TS]

00:16:14   the hop back on and lo and behold I [TS]

00:16:17   don't know how I don't know what the [TS]

00:16:18   fucking ginger did about it but the hot [TS]

00:16:20   and nothing but it changed the way that [TS]

00:16:23   part of your body felt it's like when [TS]

00:16:26   people put on the hot and cold creams [TS]

00:16:28   right you put on your thumb back sure [TS]

00:16:31   where you taking it when you're when [TS]

00:16:33   you're taking LSD with your friends all [TS]

00:16:35   day you take a little bit of Bag Balm [TS]

00:16:37   and you rub it on your nose or you did [TS]

00:16:39   something you know everything that hobby [TS]

00:16:41   and and and so it relieved it whatever [TS]

00:16:44   it did like that the nitrogen bubble [TS]

00:16:47   went bloop and it was the thing where [TS]

00:16:49   the pain just subsided this awful pain [TS]

00:16:52   just subsided and it's that I still [TS]

00:16:55   remember that I still remember that hour [TS]

00:16:56   I never loved my girlfriend so much I [TS]

00:16:58   never met her crazy hippie mom but that [TS]

00:17:00   but she stands she's in the pantheon for [TS]

00:17:04   me of people that know what they're [TS]

00:17:05   talking about [TS]

00:17:05   she's so cute I'm gonna try this next [TS]

00:17:10   next time I have some kind of [TS]

00:17:11   excruciating pain I'm gonna try that hot [TS]

00:17:14   and cold on the hot side is so hot that [TS]

00:17:17   you're like yeah and then it cools down [TS]

00:17:19   it gradually cools down on your head and [TS]

00:17:21   when it gets to like temperate Whip It [TS]

00:17:24   Off icy cold and you know Kapow right it [TS]

00:17:30   did so anyway this other time this time [TS]

00:17:32   I'm referring to that was more recent [TS]

00:17:34   the hot side hot cold side cold did not [TS]

00:17:37   work because the pain was coming from [TS]

00:17:39   inside the house it was on the nerve and [TS]

00:17:42   I have never ever ever been at a [TS]

00:17:45   dentist's office when they arrived in [TS]

00:17:49   the morning Wow [TS]

00:17:51   I was parked out in front at 7 o'clock [TS]

00:17:54   in the morning when the dentists [TS]

00:17:57   when the dental assistants started to [TS]

00:17:58   arrive you know like birds chirping Keys [TS]

00:18:01   jingling on cane on chains and I'm like [TS]

00:18:03   good morning it is so good to see you [TS]

00:18:08   guys [TS]

00:18:09   it has been too long and I love you guys [TS]

00:18:12   and you know my dentist was like [TS]

00:18:13   generally if someone is waiting for us [TS]

00:18:15   to open the door I get him in the chair [TS]

00:18:17   pretty quick yeah that's not a pink [TS]

00:18:19   right that's not a thing particularly [TS]

00:18:20   somebody like you that wakes up in 1 in [TS]

00:18:22   the afternoon and so she gets in there [TS]

00:18:25   and she's like 2 and her doing her [TS]

00:18:26   monkeying around and she's like oh you [TS]

00:18:28   have an abscess hmm I said what's an [TS]

00:18:32   abscess what's an abscess what I want [TS]

00:18:35   how I want and she said well somewhere [TS]

00:18:39   down there you get some infection on the [TS]

00:18:41   root yeah that's not a bad place to have [TS]

00:18:46   an infection right it's one thing to [TS]

00:18:48   have it up in the high leaves and the [TS]

00:18:49   baby leaves but down here oh sure get it [TS]

00:18:52   up there we can get some antibiotics on [TS]

00:18:54   it but this is and so she says it's on a [TS]

00:18:58   what is it oh it was on a wisdom tooth [TS]

00:19:00   and I had all four of my wisdom teeth at [TS]

00:19:03   the time mm-hmm and she said you know we [TS]

00:19:07   could do a lot of things put a course of [TS]

00:19:10   antibiotics on it I could do this I [TS]

00:19:12   could do that I can hit it with the get [TS]

00:19:14   hit with a microwave I could I could hit [TS]

00:19:16   it with a banjo you know it's a it's a [TS]

00:19:23   listen the banjo will make you so [TS]

00:19:25   furious it'll distract the banjo players [TS]

00:19:29   stop she said be fine if nobody ever [TS]

00:19:34   picked him up it's a wit that's right [TS]

00:19:36   they don't kill people and she said it's [TS]

00:19:38   a wisdom tooth you know and here's the [TS]

00:19:42   thing she said I love pullin teeth [TS]

00:19:44   mm-hmm can I just pull that tooth and I [TS]

00:19:47   was like pull it get it out and you know [TS]

00:19:50   I'm I got a big I got a big jaw got a [TS]

00:19:53   beard shaped face and I have my wisdom [TS]

00:19:55   teeth were are big were big and were [TS]

00:19:58   deeply rooted people don't know about [TS]

00:20:00   you you're built to scale you're looking [TS]

00:20:02   at 1.1 sized person yeah everything is [TS]

00:20:06   built to scale did you ever see that [TS]

00:20:09   remember that motorcycle show [TS]

00:20:11   the the cheatin swine Jesse James hmm I [TS]

00:20:15   used to make custom Jesse James who was [TS]

00:20:17   married to America's Sweetheart hmm [TS]

00:20:19   you remember America's raw words this is [TS]

00:20:22   a cable show about about repping your [TS]

00:20:25   hog yeah that's right so you remember [TS]

00:20:27   America's Sweetheart was the gal that [TS]

00:20:29   was in the movie speed oh sure she's not [TS]

00:20:32   she's like the discount Julia Roberts [TS]

00:20:33   talking about see Bullock Sandra Bullock [TS]

00:20:36   Bullock [TS]

00:20:37   do you remember when a motorcycle rep [TS]

00:20:39   your hog show well now listen do you [TS]

00:20:40   remember when speed came out was what a [TS]

00:20:43   joy Sandra Bullock was oh well you were [TS]

00:20:46   like who is this fascinating young man [TS]

00:20:48   she's America's real sweetheart I did [TS]

00:20:50   not even know about this person until I [TS]

00:20:52   saw this fairly dumb movie that year of [TS]

00:20:55   Edward Norton Norton hiding and suddenly [TS]

00:20:58   he's in a musical with Woody Allen and [TS]

00:21:00   you're in the the the Richard Gere Jail [TS]

00:21:04   movie see me also he played the lawyer [TS]

00:21:06   in Larry Flynt where's the lawyer yes [TS]

00:21:10   and he was so good at Fight Club movie [TS]

00:21:14   how do I get more Edward Norton is what [TS]

00:21:16   I was thinking [TS]

00:21:17   he'd been unwrap him yeah and Sandra [TS]

00:21:19   Bullock in that movie it was a classic [TS]

00:21:21   example of like come on honey why do we [TS]

00:21:24   not wise why is this not a thing that I [TS]

00:21:26   mean this is America's greatest export [TS]

00:21:28   right here Sandra Bullock and this is a [TS]

00:21:31   movie that is being spoiled by Dennis [TS]

00:21:32   Hopper and Keanu Reeves [TS]

00:21:34   Saima I mean that's like the fucking how [TS]

00:21:37   does a movie survive and it's because [TS]

00:21:41   like Dennis Hopper is definitely gonna [TS]

00:21:44   ruin this movie wait a minute no one [TS]

00:21:46   expects Keanu Reeves [TS]

00:21:48   fraction so Sandra Bullock at a certain [TS]

00:21:53   point right at the peak of being [TS]

00:21:55   America's Sweetheart it was the early [TS]

00:21:58   race [TS]

00:21:59   Abby I think Jesse James who was a guy [TS]

00:22:03   with a Macklemore haircut and a neck [TS]

00:22:05   tattoo oh I know his name is married to [TS]

00:22:09   somebody Sandra Bullock he was married [TS]

00:22:12   was he mean to her yes I do remember [TS]

00:22:16   this mr. coward Jesse James I remember [TS]

00:22:18   this so this guy is a total choad [TS]

00:22:21   but he's some I think I remember at some [TS]

00:22:23   point he got tattooed on his palm mm-hmm [TS]

00:22:28   pay up sucker on his comp he's this kind [TS]

00:22:31   of guy I bet you he has Confederate [TS]

00:22:34   flags everything I was stupid on your [TS]

00:22:37   forehead it's like it's really it's kind [TS]

00:22:39   of funny once but do you really need to [TS]

00:22:40   see that for another 60 years pay up [TS]

00:22:42   sucker [TS]

00:22:45   he's a chode this guy but he was bomb he [TS]

00:22:48   was the first he was the first before [TS]

00:22:50   all these are chode yeah before they all [TS]

00:22:53   the grease monkeys that are out there [TS]

00:22:55   like we go out and steal cars with [TS]

00:22:56   people and turn them into shitty cars [TS]

00:23:02   there's so many of those shows now [TS]

00:23:05   because people love the idea you partly [TS]

00:23:08   responsible for Guy Fieri [TS]

00:23:10   Jesse James the coward Jesse James it [TS]

00:23:13   sounds like he's partly cuz really if [TS]

00:23:14   you think about it Guy Fieri is [TS]

00:23:16   somewhere in between like Jimmy Buffett [TS]

00:23:19   and the counter Jesse James well yeah [TS]

00:23:21   right he's a little bit motorcycle he's [TS]

00:23:23   a little bit [TS]

00:23:24   Robert Burdine take it back you know [TS]

00:23:33   he's also got a lot of tattoos Robert [TS]

00:23:34   he's got season fries no you know what [TS]

00:23:36   he was Emeril is a direct [TS]

00:23:44   great-grandfather of donkey sauce [TS]

00:23:46   whatever that was been extended by pimp [TS]

00:23:55   your ride okay where that's you where [TS]

00:23:58   you watch your show and it's like these [TS]

00:24:01   guys can take a shit car and turn it [TS]

00:24:04   into a cool car in in a 45 minute [TS]

00:24:07   episode yeah that gives me hope that my [TS]

00:24:10   shit cars it's out parked in front of my [TS]

00:24:12   you know Park from Park in front of my [TS]

00:24:14   trailer is it can be made into a hot car [TS]

00:24:17   TV show about the lottery exactly [TS]

00:24:21   stories what they don't show is like 40 [TS]

00:24:24   people working on this car for two and a [TS]

00:24:25   half minutes you know everything with [TS]

00:24:27   Gordon Ramsay we're in the last act they [TS]

00:24:29   they have every time they redo a hotel [TS]

00:24:31   or a restaurant they make it they [TS]

00:24:33   obviously overtly make it look like you [TS]

00:24:35   is literally done overnight after the [TS]

00:24:37   place closed and before it opened they [TS]

00:24:39   changed the entire hotel right get in [TS]

00:24:41   there but people are running around with [TS]

00:24:43   chairs on their heads it's like come on [TS]

00:24:45   and yeah it was actually like a [TS]

00:24:46   nine-month redo so Jessie James was the [TS]

00:24:50   first guy that was out there and this is [TS]

00:24:53   before even Orange County Choppers which [TS]

00:24:56   were some it was called Orange County [TS]

00:24:59   Choppers is called Orange County [TS]

00:25:00   Choppers which implies that it's in LA [TS]

00:25:02   but it's actually Orange County New [TS]

00:25:04   Jersey or Orange County some like [TS]

00:25:06   upstate Connecticut like hillbilly East [TS]

00:25:10   Coast people making big hot rod [TS]

00:25:13   motorcycles that you could not give me [TS]

00:25:15   for free for people like Billy Joel no [TS]

00:25:21   these Orange County Choppers guys made a [TS]

00:25:23   motorcycle for Billy Joel and they do [TS]

00:25:24   they they gave it to him onstage at a [TS]

00:25:27   concert in whop eco what what wasa pika [TS]

00:25:30   my massive massachusetts and it was like [TS]

00:25:35   ultimate it was like it was like peak [TS]

00:25:38   Goomba rights just like parking lots [TS]

00:25:50   look the way they do now it all started [TS]

00:25:52   with the coward Jesse James and this is [TS]

00:25:54   why everybody's like a beefy guy with a [TS]

00:25:55   shaved head and sleeveless shirts do you [TS]

00:25:58   think it goes back to him well so Jesse [TS]

00:25:59   James you know so he's got the [TS]

00:26:01   Macklemore a long time before Malcolm oh [TS]

00:26:03   right and he just has this he's just [TS]

00:26:05   such a smug he's just smug he's like [TS]

00:26:08   California smug California punk rock [TS]

00:26:11   smug just a guy that you're like I want [TS]

00:26:13   to take your like pay up sucker tattoo [TS]

00:26:16   and stick it right into a paper shredder [TS]

00:26:18   but he's making motorcycles for people [TS]

00:26:21   he's out there building these cool [TS]

00:26:23   motorcycles in he's like I want a [TS]

00:26:25   motorcycle but I want it to not be your [TS]

00:26:27   normal motorcycle and Jesse James is [TS]

00:26:29   like I got you bro I got you and then my [TS]

00:26:32   palm they're just putting it together [TS]

00:26:35   and they're building the frame and it's [TS]

00:26:36   always gonna be a hard tail because [TS]

00:26:38   they're not pussies and it's like Ramdan [TS]

00:26:40   and a remnant and and and you get you [TS]

00:26:44   just get this feeling like oh I live in [TS]

00:26:45   this garage with these cool assholes [TS]

00:26:48   I could be asshole too but you know [TS]

00:26:51   tomorrow I've got to go to work at State [TS]

00:26:52   Farm but for now I get to watch the [TS]

00:26:56   insides of these guys and when Jesse [TS]

00:26:58   James doesn't build a motorcycle he's [TS]

00:27:00   riding up and down the street in his [TS]

00:27:02   like you know GTO or whatever yep [TS]

00:27:06   the flames coming out of the tailpipe he [TS]

00:27:09   married sandra fucking bullet sandy [TS]

00:27:12   sandy sandy fell for this she fell for [TS]

00:27:15   this ding-a-ling because he was like on [TS]

00:27:18   the top of his game he's it's not like [TS]

00:27:20   he's ever Adam Savage level of like 18 [TS]

00:27:23   seasons of award-winning television yeah [TS]

00:27:25   but he was he was at he was at his peak [TS]

00:27:28   his momentary peak in 2001 ever it's [TS]

00:27:31   wish and some ways it is wish [TS]

00:27:32   fulfillment cuz if you think about [TS]

00:27:34   sometimes we'll be in a hotel room and [TS]

00:27:36   you flip by Food Network hoping that you [TS]

00:27:38   get maybe a chopped or similar right [TS]

00:27:41   drop and instead it's it's 48 hours of [TS]

00:27:45   something about diners and dives and [TS]

00:27:47   drives and it's Guy Fieri and so [TS]

00:27:49   basically in terms of wish fulfillment [TS]

00:27:51   Guy Fieri shows up at your place where [TS]

00:27:52   you make the terrible terrible food and [TS]

00:27:55   then he gets to walk in the kitchen and [TS]

00:27:57   eat it for free pulled pork sliders tram [TS]

00:28:02   ride through flavortown the sliders what [TS]

00:28:05   the fuck is a slider this is like this I [TS]

00:28:07   leave my fucking donkey sauce in this [TS]

00:28:09   slider do you mean a small sandwich [TS]

00:28:16   sports bar in said um hi yes excuse me I [TS]

00:28:21   like a big one like three small [TS]

00:28:24   cheeseburgers sliders and then what are [TS]

00:28:31   these big these big beer bottles now [TS]

00:28:35   that are like what are they called like [TS]

00:28:36   they're not mules either a growler [TS]

00:28:38   growler growlers where did those come [TS]

00:28:41   from oh yeah bring your own fucking [TS]

00:28:43   giant bottle and fill it up and you [TS]

00:28:45   Sydney get to say to everybody oh I'm [TS]

00:28:47   gonna go refill the growler I drank beer [TS]

00:28:50   like a goddamn fucking stevedore for a [TS]

00:28:53   dozen years I never heard a growler yeah [TS]

00:28:56   that's not and it's either it's a [TS]

00:28:57   handlebar moustache of beer [TS]

00:29:00   growlers and sliders Snyder's anyway [TS]

00:29:03   look it's so oh no it's bad you know who [TS]

00:29:06   should be allowed to calm sliders White [TS]

00:29:08   Castle cuz a they're the og slider and [TS]

00:29:11   also it gives you the shits [TS]

00:29:13   yeah right are you are you Pro White [TS]

00:29:16   Castle er or anti white guy I'm gonna [TS]

00:29:18   say 2 out of 6 times I'm pretty into [TS]

00:29:21   White Castle yeah the other what the [TS]

00:29:23   other ones are rough when I got back [TS]

00:29:26   east cuz you know we don't have them out [TS]

00:29:27   here in the West White Castle haven't [TS]

00:29:29   been in years when I went when I went [TS]

00:29:31   back east for the first time 1986 I was [TS]

00:29:34   like I've heard a White Castle I'm [TS]

00:29:37   trying I'm doing all the things that I [TS]

00:29:39   heard about right like that like the [TS]

00:29:41   first time I went to LA I was like [TS]

00:29:42   where's sunset and Vine and I went there [TS]

00:29:45   and I was like I did a Griswold like [TS]

00:29:46   mm-hmm mm-hmm [TS]

00:29:47   alright got it by back east I went to [TS]

00:29:51   Philadelphia at a Philly cheesesteak I [TS]

00:29:53   went to Baltimore I had a Baltimore [TS]

00:29:55   cheesesteak and I see a White Castle I'm [TS]

00:29:59   like I got to go in there and I think I [TS]

00:30:00   might have gone to a payphone and put in [TS]

00:30:02   seventy four quarters and called my mom [TS]

00:30:04   and I was like what is what's a White [TS]

00:30:06   Castle what do I do here she was like oh [TS]

00:30:08   it's little burgers you get a bag of [TS]

00:30:11   them but she said but don't do it [TS]

00:30:13   they're terrible and I was like mom I'm [TS]

00:30:15   on my own now even though I'm calling [TS]

00:30:17   here to ask you about the hamburger [TS]

00:30:19   place it's across the street I need [TS]

00:30:21   snack advice from my mom I need to know [TS]

00:30:23   what I need to know what's going on but [TS]

00:30:25   I'm my own man and I went in I got a bag [TS]

00:30:28   of them and it and it's like food [TS]

00:30:30   service beef it's the kind of beef [TS]

00:30:34   that's like is this meatloaf like it [TS]

00:30:36   could be packing material yeah was this [TS]

00:30:38   meant to go in dog food but it got on [TS]

00:30:39   the wrong conveyor belt well you know [TS]

00:30:41   you know how Wendy's like it's well [TS]

00:30:43   known that Wendy's makes burgers and [TS]

00:30:46   when those burgers get burnt they throw [TS]

00:30:48   them in a bin and in the meat in that [TS]

00:30:49   bin gets turned into chili it's like I [TS]

00:30:52   said they went back a week later and [TS]

00:30:54   sluiced through all of the Wendy's chili [TS]

00:30:56   and then made them back into burgers and [TS]

00:30:58   put holes in them with onions if you [TS]

00:31:01   reverse engineered sliders a lot of [TS]

00:31:03   onions so how'd you do did it give you [TS]

00:31:05   tummy ache yeah I didn't like did give [TS]

00:31:08   me a tummy ache and that was at a time [TS]

00:31:10   when I could not afford to have a random [TS]

00:31:11   tummy ache because I [TS]

00:31:13   you know you never know where you're [TS]

00:31:14   gonna find your next clean bathroom oh [TS]

00:31:16   that's a good point right I'm out in New [TS]

00:31:18   Jersey somewhere I was in East Orange [TS]

00:31:20   the cars aren't the Garden State that's [TS]

00:31:22   in North East Orange and I'd eaten in [TS]

00:31:25   one of these and it's like at the time [TS]

00:31:26   in East Orange you didn't just go around [TS]

00:31:28   knocking on doors saying can I use your [TS]

00:31:30   bathroom [TS]

00:31:31   things have might have changed can I [TS]

00:31:33   give you a real time science fact yes [TS]

00:31:35   16 percent of the states in the US have [TS]

00:31:39   an orange county how many eight eight [TS]

00:31:44   states Orange County California Orange [TS]

00:31:47   County Florida Indiana New York North [TS]

00:31:49   Carolina Texas Vermont and Virginia I'll [TS]

00:31:52   have an Orange County [TS]

00:31:53   well so if you're south of the [TS]

00:31:56   mason-dixon line and you have an Orange [TS]

00:31:58   County I'm gonna assume at least if [TS]

00:32:01   you're I mean I don't think you can do [TS]

00:32:03   this if you're in North Carolina but if [TS]

00:32:05   you're in Florida or California you [TS]

00:32:07   probably grow oranges there right tada [TS]

00:32:10   Orange County I accept it right and then [TS]

00:32:12   I think on the East Coast I'm gonna say [TS]

00:32:15   that the Orange County's there are a [TS]

00:32:17   reference to Dutch settlers oh that's [TS]

00:32:21   good right that's good right like that [TS]

00:32:25   somebody from the Dutch lands hmm the [TS]

00:32:28   nadir lands which are the which are low [TS]

00:32:30   Danita lenders right they are the [TS]

00:32:33   lowlands they are you know orange is the [TS]

00:32:35   color of the color and what's more it's [TS]

00:32:43   true and they came over and they call it [TS]

00:32:45   orange but Indiana what the fuck you [TS]

00:32:47   have in Orange County for there they're [TS]

00:32:49   so into Indians they're New Jersey [TS]

00:32:53   they've got a lot of Native American [TS]

00:32:54   names they do and they also had a lot of [TS]

00:32:57   early Dutch settlers the lowlanders the [TS]

00:33:02   labor lenders I'm gonna give it to them [TS]

00:33:04   and I know right now there's someone [TS]

00:33:06   listening this program including again [TS]

00:33:09   who's saying you know what we're not all [TS]

00:33:12   Dutch mm-hmm you know what sensitive [TS]

00:33:16   about top background you know it's not [TS]

00:33:18   great this gold finger and turning the [TS]

00:33:20   James Bond I expected to die [TS]

00:33:26   yes this episode of Rodrick online is [TS]

00:33:38   brought to you by Casper you can learn [TS]

00:33:40   more about Casper right now by visiting [TS]

00:33:42   Casper comm slash supertrain you guys [TS]

00:33:45   know Casper Casper is a company that is [TS]

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00:34:21   roderick on the line listener that they [TS]

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00:35:00   Casper mattress uh as you heard in this [TS]

00:35:02   episode I had some sleep trouble last [TS]

00:35:04   night it was disrupted the shower didn't [TS]

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00:35:10   no one I could get in to that beautiful [TS]

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00:35:29   cushion by a heating vent because she's [TS]

00:35:32   a broken creature but I love my Casper [TS]

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00:36:16   our thanks to Casper first morning [TS]

00:36:19   Roderick on the line and all the great [TS]

00:36:22   shows I'm on the internet science page [TS]

00:36:31   god I love this list of the most common [TS]

00:36:34   us place names Oh [TS]

00:36:36   Springfield is number two with shirt one [TS]

00:36:39   instances number one Washington with 88 [TS]

00:36:42   instances in the US [TS]

00:36:44   Franklin Greenville Bristol Clinton this [TS]

00:36:46   all sounds like the names of Sarah [TS]

00:36:48   Palin's children Fairview Salem Madison [TS]

00:36:51   Georgetown Arlington Ashland Dover otter [TS]

00:36:54   Jackson Burlington Manchester Oh [TS]

00:36:55   Manchester [TS]

00:36:57   why would you name after the after the [TS]

00:37:00   bad reputation that Salem got early on [TS]

00:37:02   yeah why would you name your town Salem [TS]

00:37:05   eighth most popular place name that just [TS]

00:37:08   seems banana Salem Salem Salem it has [TS]

00:37:12   bad mouthfeel yeah you cannot think [TS]

00:37:16   about anything when you hear Salem [TS]

00:37:18   except for well it's capital of Oregon [TS]

00:37:22   mm-hmm come on actually the capital of [TS]

00:37:27   Oregon is Springfield Springfield it's [TS]

00:37:29   Washington because that's the one [TS]

00:37:31   Springfield Oregon is the one right it's [TS]

00:37:33   the ER Springfield OR Springfield [TS]

00:37:35   it's the that make cartoon boy want a [TS]

00:37:38   name at that I'm learning so much today [TS]

00:37:43   so the guys are still touring I don't if [TS]

00:37:46   you can hear that they're out there [TS]

00:37:47   they're getting pretty busy I think they [TS]

00:37:48   I think they had a little break they [TS]

00:37:49   they talk they work some things out and [TS]

00:37:51   they've come back to the tour announced [TS]

00:37:52   they spilled a you know what you know [TS]

00:37:53   tourists just dinosaurs taught it's just [TS]

00:37:56   liquid dinosaurs [TS]

00:37:56   yeah it's liquid dinosaurs like so many [TS]

00:37:58   of the other things that we use in look [TS]

00:38:00   at dinosaurs just add labour turns out [TS]

00:38:02   to be liquid diners it turns out [TS]

00:38:03   dinosaurs that lived at the same time as [TS]

00:38:06   humans humans rode them people are [TS]

00:38:08   constantly trying to cover that up yeah [TS]

00:38:09   I mean how would we and the only way we [TS]

00:38:11   could no have you thought about this [TS]

00:38:13   professor science briefcase yeah how [TS]

00:38:16   would you even know how would you even [TS]

00:38:17   know about dinosaurs if people weren't [TS]

00:38:19   alive then probably unless you're taking [TS]

00:38:22   selfies and stuff exactly true selfies [TS]

00:38:25   but drawing a picture themselves with a [TS]

00:38:26   dinosaur on a stone in a way that was [TS]

00:38:28   probably very perilous because you [TS]

00:38:29   shouldn't do that you should get away [TS]

00:38:30   from the dinosaur but maybe as a [TS]

00:38:32   historian as a budding paleo historian [TS]

00:38:34   you felt that you have to capture that [TS]

00:38:36   absolutely clams got legs right he's got [TS]

00:38:39   a snack a nap sterics is his win was per [TS]

00:38:42   with hairy feathers Jesse James all [TS]

00:38:52   right at one point do you know what [TS]

00:38:54   station he was on was this backhoes [TS]

00:38:57   discover it was back when there were [TS]

00:38:58   only five stations I see it was Barry I [TS]

00:39:00   used to love any i used to love bravo [TS]

00:39:02   and now because people selling houses [TS]

00:39:05   amy was about arts and education it was [TS]

00:39:08   not about the the top rock star wives of [TS]

00:39:11   Beverly Hills were you mm-hmm you would [TS]

00:39:15   watch the guy asking everybody questions [TS]

00:39:17   James Lipton Danny [TS]

00:39:20   there were a lot there used to be a lot [TS]

00:39:22   of stations that had a had a premise and [TS]

00:39:25   you know what Merlin they had principles [TS]

00:39:27   and principles you discover National [TS]

00:39:31   Geographic which is you know you know [TS]

00:39:33   like covered things on discovery you say [TS]

00:39:37   Bravo because you're watching the [TS]

00:39:38   performance that you're watching you [TS]

00:39:40   because you're watching two ladies in [TS]

00:39:42   Tanz with high heels hit each other [TS]

00:39:43   champagne glasses actually say Bravo [TS]

00:39:47   after watching a Sean Bravo very very [TS]

00:39:50   rare well now I said now I hardly do it [TS]

00:39:53   at all so how are Jesse James he's he's [TS]

00:39:57   making hogs for people and and every guy [TS]

00:40:02   and you know who can who can pay this [TS]

00:40:04   asshole to make a hog form [TS]

00:40:05   rich guys but you know they're masking [TS]

00:40:08   the Rick's rich guys they're making them [TS]

00:40:10   look like cool rich guys anyway then in [TS]

00:40:13   the door walks Shaquille O'Neal and you [TS]

00:40:19   go what Shaquille O'Neal like I leaned [TS]

00:40:22   forward in my chair [TS]

00:40:23   here comes Shaquille O'Neal into Jesse [TS]

00:40:25   James's motorcycle shop and Shaquille [TS]

00:40:28   says I want a motorcycle but here's the [TS]

00:40:30   problem I'm Shaquille O'Neal I am [TS]

00:40:34   exponentially bigger than everyone else [TS]

00:40:37   he's one point two five people at least [TS]

00:40:39   he is 1 3 ok let's find out how tall are [TS]

00:40:42   you his but he's it's not just tall [TS]

00:40:44   right my hands big man speed or big his [TS]

00:40:47   legs are big his name is hard to spell [TS]

00:40:49   apparently he's got knees 77 foot 1:7 [TS]

00:40:55   for 155 years old but he's perfectly [TS]

00:40:57   proportionate his giant person hmm he [TS]

00:41:02   comes in he says I want a motorcycle but [TS]

00:41:05   all these heart of these Harley's that [TS]

00:41:07   and he sits on a regular Harley and it's [TS]

00:41:09   like it's hilarious because these [TS]

00:41:12   Harley's are big bikes they're hard to [TS]

00:41:14   control if I was on a Harley and it laid [TS]

00:41:16   down it would be like ow right and like [TS]

00:41:19   it's up these are large animals and he [TS]

00:41:23   sits on this heart and he's like you see [TS]

00:41:24   my problem right and it's like he's [TS]

00:41:25   sitting in a it's like he's sitting in [TS]

00:41:27   coach like the picture of Andre the [TS]

00:41:30   Giant holding a beer can and the entire [TS]

00:41:32   beer can is like it looks it is his palm [TS]

00:41:35   is larger than a beer can do you [TS]

00:41:38   remember the it's very famous photograph [TS]

00:41:41   from the 70s of the two the two fairly [TS]

00:41:44   obese but twin brothers that are writing [TS]

00:41:46   mini bikes you know I do [TS]

00:41:47   of course Billy and Bobby and they were [TS]

00:41:51   pro wrestlers for a while very [TS]

00:41:54   unflattering photo but it was in every [TS]

00:41:56   edition I ever owned it was hilarious [TS]

00:41:57   and I'll be Joe something like that was [TS]

00:42:00   at petticoat junction I forget what [TS]

00:42:01   they're called but they're petticoat [TS]

00:42:02   junction names Billy Joe and Bobby Joe [TS]

00:42:04   mm-hmm [TS]

00:42:06   it was I think the most ubiquitous [TS]

00:42:08   poster from the 70s that wasn't that [TS]

00:42:10   didn't include Farrah Fawcett was that [TS]

00:42:12   picture of a wet cat hanging from what [TS]

00:42:16   came from Michelle's curtain rod [TS]

00:42:18   yep yeah baby baby with the boys [TS]

00:42:21   spaghetti on his head crying oh that's [TS]

00:42:25   like fat-cat capsizing [TS]

00:42:28   anyway anyway and that's that's a [TS]

00:42:30   triptych [TS]

00:42:31   all right so Shaq Shaq needs a hog Shaq [TS]

00:42:34   comes in and Jesse James asshole of the [TS]

00:42:37   universe who cheated on Sandra Bullock [TS]

00:42:40   America's Sweetheart cheated on her with [TS]

00:42:43   I think Theresa Von Teese or somebody [TS]

00:42:47   you know like there was less lady that [TS]

00:42:49   was vertical she was with Nine Inch [TS]

00:42:51   Nails no she was with she was with [TS]

00:42:52   Marilyn Manson [TS]

00:42:54   she had nine-inch heels mm I think I [TS]

00:42:58   think she burn less her way into the [TS]

00:43:00   marriage between asshole EO and [TS]

00:43:03   America's Sweetheart EO uh-huh [TS]

00:43:06   but so Shaq doesn't know any of this I'm [TS]

00:43:08   guessing right Shaq's just like having [TS]

00:43:10   his time he's like I want a motorcycle [TS]

00:43:12   where do I get one I go to this guy on [TS]

00:43:14   TV he's making motorcycles and he says [TS]

00:43:16   you gotta make me this motorcycle so [TS]

00:43:18   they had to build a motorcycle that was [TS]

00:43:21   portion it to Shaquille and did it they [TS]

00:43:26   accomplished it and I'm not saying that [TS]

00:43:28   he's a bad welder right I think Jesse [TS]

00:43:30   James probably good weld he's a good [TS]

00:43:32   fabricator he had some good fabricators [TS]

00:43:33   on his team they fabricated this [TS]

00:43:35   motorcycle and Shaq gets on it it looks [TS]

00:43:37   right it's the right size for him it's [TS]

00:43:40   it's like it's exactly how it should [TS]

00:43:43   look how a motorcycle should look on a [TS]

00:43:44   man and he rides off down into the night [TS]

00:43:47   and and the final shot of the show is he [TS]

00:43:51   pulls into a gas station to put gas in [TS]

00:43:53   his giant motorcycle huh and it's like [TS]

00:43:55   it hits it's like a trick of perspective [TS]

00:43:58   it's like being in one it's like being [TS]

00:44:00   in a funhouse where you're like why was [TS]

00:44:01   it like a Peter Jackson filling station [TS]

00:44:03   yeah here's this thing that just seems [TS]

00:44:06   like if you if you saw him at a distance [TS]

00:44:08   you'd be like god it's a guy on a [TS]

00:44:10   motorcycle sick if it's bigger you're [TS]

00:44:11   like what's happening why of course [TS]

00:44:13   force perspective yeah why are my hands [TS]

00:44:15   so big and and it was like the most [TS]

00:44:21   amazing it was just tremendous and the [TS]

00:44:23   thing was I always wanted things in the [TS]

00:44:26   world to be built to the scale that I [TS]

00:44:30   was [TS]

00:44:30   mmm-hmm and this started even when I was [TS]

00:44:33   little I was I was like 11 or 12 years [TS]

00:44:35   old [TS]

00:44:36   other kids around me were starting to be [TS]

00:44:40   interested in one another sexually they [TS]

00:44:42   started to like you know like my friend [TS]

00:44:45   Kevin he and he and his little [TS]

00:44:48   girlfriend would stuff leaves down the [TS]

00:44:50   front of their sweater ooh [TS]

00:44:51   each other's sweaters this is an autumn [TS]

00:44:53   and then they would you know have to [TS]

00:44:56   help one another yet it's something that [TS]

00:44:58   is so playful right isn't that sweet oh [TS]

00:45:00   that's a play fair like touching each [TS]

00:45:02   other yes they have to think I get the [TS]

00:45:04   leaves out and here's what I was [TS]

00:45:06   thinking of I was not thinking of that I [TS]

00:45:08   was thinking why can't I have a 1968 [TS]

00:45:11   rolls-royce Silver Shadow that is scaled [TS]

00:45:15   small to me not a pedal car this is not [TS]

00:45:18   some Bugsy Malone car really good song [TS]

00:45:31   that's a very good song it's almost say [TS]

00:45:33   about God [TS]

00:45:33   every song in that record is incredible [TS]

00:45:36   that baby with the pie fight is so weird [TS]

00:45:39   it's so weird you broke my heart it [TS]

00:45:42   scared me like it's clear that those [TS]

00:45:44   people are dying they're being shot and [TS]

00:45:47   bite cream whipped cream pies but they [TS]

00:45:50   don't die mm-hmm they just start dying [TS]

00:45:53   but I but I knew they were dying oh that [TS]

00:45:56   movie I really that deeply deeply [TS]

00:45:58   affected me to this day have an impact [TS]

00:46:01   on your Jodie Foster feelings look yes [TS]

00:46:03   oh my god yes when that movie was in the [TS]

00:46:06   theaters that summer which would have [TS]

00:46:07   been what summer of 76 Summer of 70 so [TS]

00:46:11   maybe a little later cuz chachi was in [TS]

00:46:13   it so 78 probably I'll find out whatever [TS]

00:46:17   summer that was it it became a thing [TS]

00:46:22   that my mom could take me to the theater [TS]

00:46:24   and drop me off 7676 because I would [TS]

00:46:29   just go watch Bugsy Malone and I it was [TS]

00:46:32   the first movie I think that I saw [TS]

00:46:34   multiple times in the theater back when [TS]

00:46:37   you could send a kid to the movies for [TS]

00:46:38   for two bits mm-hm [TS]

00:46:41   these are not police that very well you [TS]

00:46:43   could think one thing they do this [TS]

00:46:45   sounds crazy today this would drive John [TS]

00:46:46   Stark you so crazy if you got there [TS]

00:46:48   early you could go in and watch the end [TS]

00:46:50   of the movie you're about to see and [TS]

00:46:52   then just stay there and watch it all [TS]

00:46:53   the way through again my good role many [TS]

00:46:55   times as a kid watch the watch the end [TS]

00:46:58   of the movie and then watch it and then [TS]

00:47:00   stay and watch it again didn't they [TS]

00:47:02   didn't really police that no I mean you [TS]

00:47:04   couldn't do it if it was Star Wars right [TS]

00:47:06   because there was a line around 14 [TS]

00:47:08   blocks right right but Bugsy Malone [TS]

00:47:10   matinee this is before the age of the [TS]

00:47:12   blockbuster we're still we're still not [TS]

00:47:14   on jaws yes 76 1976 I mean this is this [TS]

00:47:18   is back when people actually said two [TS]

00:47:20   bits still and other people knew what [TS]

00:47:21   they were talking about but I would sit [TS]

00:47:24   and daydream because I had a why had a [TS]

00:47:26   mile and a half walk to school in [TS]

00:47:28   seventh grade [TS]

00:47:30   rain or shine and it was Alaska it was [TS]

00:47:31   cold as cold as well as we used to say [TS]

00:47:34   as a witch's tit hmm and I would and I'm [TS]

00:47:37   sure other kids were walking home from [TS]

00:47:39   school and they were thinking about like [TS]

00:47:40   Oh what's my next stratagem forgetting [TS]

00:47:43   to touch a boob and I was thinking how [TS]

00:47:46   do I get a scale battery-powered [TS]

00:47:49   rolls-royce Silver Shadow and why do I [TS]

00:47:53   not have one already and I was imagining [TS]

00:47:55   seventh grade now this is when people [TS]

00:47:58   start to get sophisticated this is when [TS]

00:47:59   this is when they start to hormones [TS]

00:48:03   start to rush in and I'm picturing I'm [TS]

00:48:05   imagining a scene where I would arrive [TS]

00:48:07   at school in a battery-powered scale [TS]

00:48:11   Rolls Royce and park it and be admired I [TS]

00:48:15   was imagining that I would be admired [TS]

00:48:17   rather than reviled that is how that is [TS]

00:48:22   how slowly my brain developed but you [TS]

00:48:26   you seized upon that idea and another [TS]

00:48:27   thing I here's two things I knew about [TS]

00:48:29   the rolls-royce Silver Shadow I don't [TS]

00:48:31   know if either of these are true but but [TS]

00:48:33   I heard that was the nicest car you [TS]

00:48:35   could get in the conventional wisdom a [TS]

00:48:38   Rolls Royce everybody knew was the [TS]

00:48:40   nicest car you could get in there I [TS]

00:48:41   remember hearing that the silver shot I [TS]

00:48:43   don't know if this is true a silver [TS]

00:48:44   shadow in the 70s cost a hundred [TS]

00:48:46   thousand dollars maybe I don't even care [TS]

00:48:49   if it's true but that going in didn't [TS]

00:48:50   you have that same impression like this [TS]

00:48:52   is the ultimate luxury rod what [TS]

00:48:54   with the cost it's the nicest car it's [TS]

00:48:56   the car that you would get if you well [TS]

00:48:58   it's car you would get if you were John [TS]

00:48:59   Lennon and you painted it with a bunch [TS]

00:49:01   of psychedelia got a record player in it [TS]

00:49:03   sure sure I mean that's the Grey Poupon [TS]

00:49:05   card that's the one that's the canonical [TS]

00:49:09   nice car sure it's the guy the guy in [TS]

00:49:11   candleshoe [TS]

00:49:17   the only mistake of course with Bugsy [TS]

00:49:19   Malone is that they didn't none of those [TS]

00:49:23   kids could sing they could barely talk I [TS]

00:49:26   mean that movie they are chachi is so [TS]

00:49:29   fucking stilted in that film like [TS]

00:49:31   they're the wonder of it though it's [TS]

00:49:34   like there's so much they put into the [TS]

00:49:35   production design of that movie and the [TS]

00:49:37   costumes and the wonderful Paul Williams [TS]

00:49:39   and his great music and and then but the [TS]

00:49:41   kids are their little kids it's like [TS]

00:49:43   community theater it's obviously though [TS]

00:49:45   Jodie Foster's in a different movie [TS]

00:49:46   like she's so good she's so good and the [TS]

00:49:50   kid that plays the the main heavy mm-hmm [TS]

00:49:53   I was good he was just some kid that [TS]

00:49:56   auditioned to be in the in the chorus [TS]

00:49:58   mm-hmm because that film was made in [TS]

00:50:00   England because that was back when when [TS]

00:50:02   I was cheaper to make films in England [TS]

00:50:03   because England was a depressed economy [TS]

00:50:05   England was a poor country all right so [TS]

00:50:09   it's time yeah Sex Pistols time this is [TS]

00:50:12   when they were this is when the punk [TS]

00:50:13   rockers were all mad about how you [TS]

00:50:15   couldn't get a job they wouldn't collect [TS]

00:50:16   the garbage the garbage just pile up [TS]

00:50:17   yeah that's right that's right you know [TS]

00:50:20   that was they if it wasn't for the nips [TS]

00:50:23   being so good it made building ships [TS]

00:50:24   yeah Frank had wings [TS]

00:50:26   yeah yeah so so they they audition this [TS]

00:50:29   kid he came in he was just like are you [TS]

00:50:31   know you really I know this I know this [TS]

00:50:34   do you have the buzzing coffee table [TS]

00:50:36   book I know what it was it was actually [TS]

00:50:38   a coffee mug that had little factoids of [TS]

00:50:42   Bugsy Malone on it so the kid did this [TS]

00:50:51   audition and they were like you're [TS]

00:50:52   amazing we're gonna give you this big [TS]

00:50:54   part we're gonna make you we're gonna [TS]

00:50:55   give you a speaking role but the problem [TS]

00:50:57   with the film is that they didn't have [TS]

00:50:59   time to get the kids to sing the songs [TS]

00:51:04   and so every time a kid opens his mouth [TS]

00:51:06   to sing its [TS]

00:51:07   actually Paul Williams's voice coming [TS]

00:51:10   out of a little african-american boy for [TS]

00:51:11   example yes Paul cos Paul Williams did [TS]

00:51:14   the demos set him off and the filmmakers [TS]

00:51:16   you know he was like here's the songs [TS]

00:51:17   yeah and the filmmakers were like well [TS]

00:51:19   that's good enough and they just used [TS]

00:51:21   his him singing his songs over himself [TS]

00:51:23   and that is the thing that makes that [TS]

00:51:27   movie like not a classic right it would [TS]

00:51:30   be it would be in the pantheon yeah I [TS]

00:51:32   mean it definitely I watched it [TS]

00:51:35   where was you know it was that song what [TS]

00:51:38   is the name of that wonderful song at [TS]

00:51:39   the end of the movie I'm spacing on oh [TS]

00:51:41   yeah okay [TS]

00:51:44   it's a nice song I'll cut all this out [TS]

00:51:46   Bugsy Malone it's a week but Wiser's [TS]

00:51:53   King the king is second to none tintin [TS]

00:51:55   tintin that was only just begun that's [TS]

00:52:02   not you give a little love get a little [TS]

00:52:09   love yeah yeah what was my point I had a [TS]

00:52:14   migraine last night well no that was the [TS]

00:52:16   point right give a little love yes the [TS]

00:52:18   point in the end you're in the end the [TS]

00:52:19   Paul Williams you give is equal to the [TS]

00:52:21   love death of the bugs that you make [TS]

00:52:22   right so Jesse James is no scale [TS]

00:52:28   rolls-royce but it would now be 1.1 got [TS]

00:52:31   it got it got it got it but would be [TS]

00:52:32   electric power you pull right up you'd [TS]

00:52:33   have your own spot cuz your student of [TS]

00:52:34   the month and then all the ladies and [TS]

00:52:36   the dudes let's be honest but I'll go [TS]

00:52:37   loose [TS]

00:52:38   yes shadow yeah they would not say they [TS]

00:52:40   would not at all say oh my god it's he's [TS]

00:52:44   finally lost what the fuck on this this [TS]

00:52:50   is before kids even sweared [TS]

00:52:52   openly now they would just be like I [TS]

00:52:54   cannot believe what I'm seeing like it [TS]

00:52:57   would be the ultimate I mean I was [TS]

00:52:59   already as uncool as you could be but [TS]

00:53:00   this would be a new I might as well [TS]

00:53:03   well I I would I would step out and put [TS]

00:53:05   on my top hat and walk the biology like [TS]

00:53:09   mr. monopoly at your service what world [TS]

00:53:12   did I think I was living I did the same [TS]

00:53:14   thing I had these visions I'm always [TS]

00:53:15   thinking that was a Willa Cather story [TS]

00:53:17   Paul's case about the little boy who [TS]

00:53:19   wants to be luxurious [TS]

00:53:21   he runs away from home and he does [TS]

00:53:23   something fraudulent to get money and he [TS]

00:53:24   goes to this hotel and fancy restaurants [TS]

00:53:27   and like that was me I wanted that so [TS]

00:53:29   much I want to be fancy I wanted to be [TS]

00:53:31   fancy I really wanted I would but my mom [TS]

00:53:34   would pick me up after work sometimes go [TS]

00:53:36   out got to Skyline Chili and I'd wear a [TS]

00:53:38   three-piece suit three-piece polyester [TS]

00:53:40   suit to go have chili not to get cinema [TS]

00:53:45   on my necktie I you know I did the same [TS]

00:53:48   thing I did I loved it I love to I love [TS]

00:53:51   being fancy somebody yelled at me the [TS]

00:53:52   other day they were like you like being [TS]

00:53:54   fancy and I said does it might be fancy [TS]

00:53:57   you see that like it's a bad thing yeah [TS]

00:54:00   and the answer was that you know that [TS]

00:54:03   that yeah you don't want to be fancy [TS]

00:54:05   because that's some kind of you know [TS]

00:54:08   that you think you're better than other [TS]

00:54:09   people yeah your fancy instead of being [TS]

00:54:12   like real and I was like look I am [TS]

00:54:15   fucking real you wanted to but I think [TS]

00:54:17   tomorrow a word from our friends across [TS]

00:54:19   the pond you want to be posh well you [TS]

00:54:22   know I want to be able to pick up the [TS]

00:54:25   phone and say front desk I'm allergic to [TS]

00:54:29   these pillows and have the front desk [TS]

00:54:32   say we'll be right up and then they show [TS]

00:54:35   up and they have a whole arm load of [TS]

00:54:37   pillows that you're not allergic to [TS]

00:54:38   I got a pillow valid yeah I don't want [TS]

00:54:41   they're gonna walk you through the [TS]

00:54:42   process of figuring out the one it's [TS]

00:54:44   gonna be right for your allergy well [TS]

00:54:45   they're gonna say like you know go [TS]

00:54:48   entertain yourself in the other room of [TS]

00:54:50   your hotel room while I change out all [TS]

00:54:54   your bedding and you'll never know they [TS]

00:54:55   were here you'll never know these [TS]

00:54:56   allergic pillows we're even here and [TS]

00:54:58   they just they just leave it's like the [TS]

00:55:02   room service guy that wants to take the [TS]

00:55:03   lid off all your food and talk about it [TS]

00:55:04   no they do not [TS]

00:55:05   they're not even soliciting a tip [TS]

00:55:07   they're just like I am a ghost I am a [TS]

00:55:09   ghost that is taking problems away [TS]

00:55:11   because that is not water I would love a [TS]

00:55:13   problem ghosts so much right and the [TS]

00:55:15   thing is there are plenty of hotels you [TS]

00:55:17   could stay in an America that don't even [TS]

00:55:18   have a phone you have to walk down and [TS]

00:55:20   rap on the ice machine because that's [TS]

00:55:23   where the deaths is which is by the way [TS]

00:55:24   one floor down because they don't have [TS]

00:55:25   one every floor anymore and the guy says [TS]

00:55:28   oh we have a set of those but they're in [TS]

00:55:31   use or something you know like you [TS]

00:55:34   where you're walking down the hall of [TS]

00:55:36   the hotel and and there is a you know [TS]

00:55:38   there's a pattern in the carpet from all [TS]

00:55:40   the people that have walked before the [TS]

00:55:42   so many of them are dead now well and a [TS]

00:55:44   lot of them were dripping blood desire [TS]

00:55:51   path come on you walk over to the Andy [TS]

00:55:56   Griffith phone you crank it a few times [TS]

00:55:57   you say give me Raleigh on the phone and [TS]

00:55:59   then Raleigh picks up down at the front [TS]

00:56:01   desk [TS]

00:56:02   maybe maybe or maybe you go straight to [TS]

00:56:04   voicemail well also I'd like to if I [TS]

00:56:07   pick up the phone and say hello front [TS]

00:56:09   desk I'd like them to already know my [TS]

00:56:11   room number because it comes up on their [TS]

00:56:13   system I ordinarily find it super creepy [TS]

00:56:16   but you know in other situations I would [TS]

00:56:18   find this creepy Bell tell you what I [TS]

00:56:19   like I call an in-room dining I'll call [TS]

00:56:21   from dining and they say they say hello [TS]

00:56:24   a mister man are you I want to give it [TS]

00:56:27   away are you in 306 right on and you [TS]

00:56:32   know you asked for a pitcher of water [TS]

00:56:33   and they know they know you want a [TS]

00:56:35   pitcher of water you don't want three [TS]

00:56:36   glasses of water with plastic wrap on [TS]

00:56:38   them you know what more ice I don't want [TS]

00:56:42   to get ice bring me ice I love a place [TS]

00:56:44   where if they don't have an ice machine [TS]

00:56:46   they are Johnny there Jonathan on the [TS]

00:56:48   spot about ringing you respond with him [TS]

00:56:51   Jonathan Bonnie there carry that own it [TS]

00:57:01   we're gonna wear like a bat I slept I [TS]

00:57:03   slept on the floor in plenty of hotel [TS]

00:57:05   rooms you've been on Twitter Kings where [TS]

00:57:08   there was no forensic tape wraps around [TS]

00:57:10   the things leg of the bed yes you should [TS]

00:57:14   still there yeah I'm here you I'm there [TS]

00:57:17   were you here I got a text John hey [TS]

00:57:26   everybody I'm gonna know you're back hey [TS]

00:57:29   buddy how's it goin good where'd you go [TS]

00:57:31   are you where'd you go well I was here [TS]

00:57:34   um so you called down to Jonathan [TS]

00:57:36   panteth in you called down to the guy at [TS]

00:57:37   the front desk yeah they'd be fancy kind [TS]

00:57:40   of up to a point I don't you know I it's [TS]

00:57:43   not about being fancy mmm-hmm you know [TS]

00:57:45   what I mean like I have I've definitely [TS]

00:57:47   seen the [TS]

00:57:48   I've seen the splatter on the wall I [TS]

00:57:50   have definitely looked out the room of [TS]

00:57:51   my hotel RIT looked out the window into [TS]

00:57:54   the parking lot and said well I'm not [TS]

00:57:55   going out in the parking lot tonight [TS]

00:57:57   it's not based on what I'm seeing out [TS]

00:57:58   this window and now I can call down and [TS]

00:58:01   say I would like two orders of your I [TS]

00:58:07   would like to large pots of coffee and [TS]

00:58:10   they don't they don't how many people [TS]

00:58:15   doesn't matter I mean it kind of does [TS]

00:58:17   cuz it's number of settings but I think [TS]

00:58:19   it's the Chinese food problem where [TS]

00:58:20   they're mainly shaming you like there's [TS]

00:58:21   only six people would want this much [TS]

00:58:23   food ass right well and they're saying [TS]

00:58:25   like what if we bring you one pot of [TS]

00:58:27   coffee and then if you want more we can [TS]

00:58:29   bring some man you know what I don't [TS]

00:58:30   need as a coffee coach I do not it's if [TS]

00:58:33   it's fucking 6:30 a.m. and I've got a [TS]

00:58:35   flight in an hour and a half the last [TS]

00:58:36   thing I need is you being my [TS]

00:58:38   interlocutor between me and the coffee I [TS]

00:58:41   didn't need that I sat in an Audi the [TS]

00:58:44   other day I was I was driving this Audi [TS]

00:58:47   it was like here you drive and I'm now [TS]

00:58:49   I'm driving the Audi and I stopped and [TS]

00:58:51   there was some kind of situation I was [TS]

00:58:53   at a beach club cuz I'm fancy I was at a [TS]

00:58:55   meet I was visiting some friends at a [TS]

00:58:57   beach club and this is a Washington [TS]

00:58:59   Beach Club right so the water is cold [TS]

00:59:01   murky and apologetic apologetic is also [TS]

00:59:06   as like stuff floating in it like [TS]

00:59:08   there's nothing it the water in Seattle [TS]

00:59:10   is an antagonist right it's very [TS]

00:59:13   beautiful you can ride on it happily but [TS]

00:59:18   to go in it you have to be you have to [TS]

00:59:21   have prod you know it has to be a thing [TS]

00:59:22   where you're like I'm stealing myself [TS]

00:59:24   this is I live here and I'm gonna do [TS]

00:59:26   this you can't defeat me water it says [TS]

00:59:29   it's not welcoming as a body so no no [TS]

00:59:32   unless you're a child and children have [TS]

00:59:34   apparently no nerve endings or no [TS]

00:59:36   feelings of any kind although they will [TS]

00:59:37   cry if they are brushed to vigorously [TS]

00:59:41   they'll cry like they're being soldered [TS]

00:59:44   but but they can also jump into a [TS]

00:59:47   freezing cold lake and apparently it has [TS]

00:59:49   no effect on them no effect on their [TS]

00:59:50   little bodies but so I'm sitting in this [TS]

00:59:52   outie and here's what I want are you [TS]

00:59:57   ready I want [TS]

00:59:57   ready I want [TS]

01:00:00   to sit in the driver's side in the [TS]

01:00:02   driver's seat but with my feet out the [TS]

01:00:04   door [TS]

01:00:05   I want the door to be open and I want [TS]

01:00:07   the engine to be running now I don't [TS]

01:00:09   have any reason for this I just want to [TS]

01:00:12   start the car leave the door open [TS]

01:00:13   because I'm still talking to somebody [TS]

01:00:15   and I've slid my bottom onto the drivers [TS]

01:00:18   oh I see you're in you're in kind of a [TS]

01:00:20   resting state you're in a conversational [TS]

01:00:21   state yeah [TS]

01:00:22   I'm in the middle of the engine is long [TS]

01:00:24   not out of the car and nor are you [TS]

01:00:26   driving right and the thing is I started [TS]

01:00:29   the engine because I thought okay we're [TS]

01:00:31   leaving and then someone in our party [TS]

01:00:33   said oh wait I forgot my X at the you [TS]

01:00:38   know at the back of the beach club I [TS]

01:00:40   heard it on the X and I forgot it now I [TS]

01:00:43   have to go down there and get it but [TS]

01:00:45   I've got the motor running so I have a [TS]

01:00:46   choice I can turn the motor off [TS]

01:00:48   I can turn your mother down you can [TS]

01:00:51   bright and rock what I choose in this [TS]

01:00:55   moment is Leifer leave the motor running [TS]

01:00:57   open the door flip my legs out so I can [TS]

01:01:00   continue the conversation with somebody [TS]

01:01:02   that's outside the car and here's what [TS]

01:01:03   the car does relentless and I don't know [TS]

01:01:11   what my problem I don't know what I'm [TS]

01:01:12   doing wrong am i sitting in the chair [TS]

01:01:15   without my seatbelt on is the motor [TS]

01:01:17   running with the door open [TS]

01:01:19   is it that I have previously had a [TS]

01:01:21   problem with people driving away in an [TS]

01:01:22   Audi with the door open and with their [TS]

01:01:24   feet on the ground [TS]

01:01:25   that's feet on the ground and as a [TS]

01:01:25   precaution they just want to add a boop [TS]

01:01:27   boop boop so it's but it's not even a [TS]

01:01:29   boop boop boop it's like why why why [TS]

01:01:32   it's like all hands [TS]

01:01:33   it's like dive-bomber dive-bomber and [TS]

01:01:36   I'm and I'm looking at the car it's [TS]

01:01:39   interrupting my conversation I look at [TS]

01:01:40   the car the dashboard of car and I'm [TS]

01:01:42   like what the fuck is your problem like [TS]

01:01:45   leave me alone I know what I'm doing and [TS]

01:01:47   the car is just like womp womp womp and [TS]

01:01:51   I'm like fucking nanny-state let me make [TS]

01:01:54   my own decisions let me make this choice [TS]

01:01:56   for myself right like it's one thing to [TS]

01:01:59   tell me fasten your seat belt sir or we [TS]

01:02:02   recommend you fasten your seatbelt or [TS]

01:02:05   I'm gonna say a garage like the [TS]

01:02:07   innovation where garage door has got the [TS]

01:02:09   little beam of light that if this light [TS]

01:02:11   has broken stop the door coming down [TS]

01:02:13   I personally don't consider that nanny [TS]

01:02:14   state most of the time there's [TS]

01:02:16   frustration I'm gonna get out of that is [TS]

01:02:17   you got to redo it but they might save [TS]

01:02:19   your save your Pekinese is life but some [TS]

01:02:22   of this stuff it's just it does not seem [TS]

01:02:23   thought-out it seems like it's mostly to [TS]

01:02:25   what avoid litigation don't know no but [TS]

01:02:29   I mean now here and now he is a nice car [TS]

01:02:31   oh sure it's not advice but like you do [TS]

01:02:33   not want a map map map from a German car [TS]

01:02:36   well and and an wot wot where there's no [TS]

01:02:39   indication what the cars problem is it's [TS]

01:02:41   like and I'm literally now talking to [TS]

01:02:43   the car like what is your fucking [TS]

01:02:44   problem with me like ah look man I'm I'm [TS]

01:02:48   a grown-ass man I know what I need to [TS]

01:02:52   put my foot out the door Miss Daisy yeah [TS]

01:02:55   so here I am right I'm like I'm wearing [TS]

01:02:57   wet swim trunks reason with it you're [TS]

01:02:59   reasoning with the car I'm talking to [TS]

01:03:02   somebody that is also a member of a [TS]

01:03:03   beach club right and that's fancier than [TS]

01:03:05   me I'm not actually a member of this [TS]

01:03:07   Beach Club I just want to look cool [TS]

01:03:09   right I want to sit there with foot out [TS]

01:03:12   the door [TS]

01:03:12   toxeus it gets a good look the you know [TS]

01:03:15   how much gas my burning it's gonna it's [TS]

01:03:17   gonna burn more gas to turn the car off [TS]

01:03:18   and then back on than it is to just sit [TS]

01:03:20   here and let it idle it's just a little [TS]

01:03:22   it's just a little a thimble dropper you [TS]

01:03:25   know it's just a little eyedropper of [TS]

01:03:26   gas going into the fuel injection but [TS]

01:03:29   mmm mmm and I look like a fucking dork [TS]

01:03:34   because there's a klaxon in my car [TS]

01:03:38   telling me I'm doing something wrong [TS]

01:03:42   turn it off you look weak cuz on the one [TS]

01:03:51   hand it's warning you about something [TS]

01:03:52   you don't need to know about the agency [TS]

01:03:55   to stop it that's right I'm a freakin [TS]

01:03:57   cock so here are my choices right so I [TS]

01:04:08   can't like close around roll the window [TS]

01:04:11   down [TS]

01:04:13   that's something that a mom at a beach [TS]

01:04:16   club does but I'm a dad I won't feed out [TS]

01:04:19   or maybe the problem is that I don't [TS]

01:04:21   have my seatbelt on so then put the seat [TS]

01:04:23   belt on halfway across it [TS]

01:04:26   I bet if you turn the engine off it [TS]

01:04:27   might well would it still make I bet it [TS]

01:04:29   would still make the door beep beep beep [TS]

01:04:30   well so this is what I did this is what [TS]

01:04:32   I ultimately chose did you satisfice I [TS]

01:04:35   shut that engine down I shut everything [TS]

01:04:38   down took the key out like shut it all [TS]

01:04:40   down buck being shut it down it was like [TS]

01:04:43   a it was like Three Mile Island I'm [TS]

01:04:46   standing in the middle like shut it down [TS]

01:04:47   lockdown mode and finally everything [TS]

01:04:50   went off enough that I could have this [TS]

01:04:52   conversation and you know and I felt [TS]

01:04:54   like okay you know what car fuck you [TS]

01:04:56   then how do you like going back to sleep [TS]

01:04:57   but I didn't win I didn't win because [TS]

01:05:00   some what I wanted to do might you know [TS]

01:05:02   what I wanted to do was go to Germany [TS]

01:05:04   walk through very very very clean [TS]

01:05:07   hallways with someone in a white lab [TS]

01:05:10   coat who would use a key card to fob me [TS]

01:05:13   in to some inner lab and fob me past [TS]

01:05:16   that into a further lab where a guy [TS]

01:05:19   sitting on a stool a very very clean [TS]

01:05:22   metal stool at a very clean metal high [TS]

01:05:24   desk also wearing a lab coat and some [TS]

01:05:27   glasses would turn around be introduced [TS]

01:05:29   to me and then I would slap him with a [TS]

01:05:32   white kid leather glove holding you sir [TS]

01:05:36   I challenge you to offend through a [TS]

01:05:39   saber duel right now unless you [TS]

01:05:42   eliminate this feature or put a button [TS]

01:05:44   on the dash that turns all this shit off [TS]

01:05:46   mm-hmm and do not disturb on your phone [TS]

01:05:50   like where you could just say like I [TS]

01:05:51   don't want hear about anything yeah [TS]

01:05:53   something like something where you could [TS]

01:05:55   sign a piece of paper because you think [TS]

01:05:57   you know what it's like the Tesla's [TS]

01:05:58   maybe they have a bareback boat bareback [TS]

01:06:01   mode that they could enable on a bespoke [TS]

01:06:03   basis you take it in you say are you [TS]

01:06:05   aware you did Papa but the ball you [TS]

01:06:08   agree to the terms the terms and [TS]

01:06:09   conditions and we will enable bareback [TS]

01:06:11   mode yeah we'll take all this away yeah [TS]

01:06:14   I you know I had an old Audi a long time [TS]

01:06:16   ago that had a that had an early [TS]

01:06:18   iteration of this beep beep beep it [TS]

01:06:21   wasn't why why but it was like but loud [TS]

01:06:25   mm-hmm and that Audi had some problem it [TS]

01:06:28   was a 1989 outie 5000 s Quattro [TS]

01:06:34   it had a problem because it was old and [TS]

01:06:36   it had been ridden hard and it had been [TS]

01:06:38   put away wet repeatedly yeah and what [TS]

01:06:41   how it manifests that was that this [TS]

01:06:44   thing the sound periodically as I was [TS]

01:06:48   driving would just go like five times [TS]

01:06:54   really loud and sometimes the car would [TS]

01:06:57   go through phases where it did it every [TS]

01:06:59   20 minutes and sometimes you wouldn't [TS]

01:07:01   hear this sound for weeks and then it [TS]

01:07:03   would I've had cars as problems like [TS]

01:07:05   that and you take it to the guy and the [TS]

01:07:07   guy says it's electric mm-hmm right it's [TS]

01:07:09   probably electric that's exactly what I [TS]

01:07:11   got I was like tell me where the tell me [TS]

01:07:14   where these wires are and I will clip [TS]

01:07:16   them and like it is code for $600 right [TS]

01:07:20   if the if these wires are and the thing [TS]

01:07:22   was I would when it was doing it I would [TS]

01:07:23   lean down into the dashboard and try to [TS]

01:07:25   identify from whence it came [TS]

01:07:28   because I was prepared I was prepared to [TS]

01:07:31   do that thing one time in high school a [TS]

01:07:33   friend of mine had like a 72 Camaro RS [TS]

01:07:39   that he had really customized in that [TS]

01:07:41   baby blue flake paint it had supercool [TS]

01:07:45   Cragar rims it was really dope and we [TS]

01:07:48   went out to the high school parking lot [TS]

01:07:50   at lunchtime one time and someone had [TS]

01:07:52   smashed the window of his car and stole [TS]

01:07:55   is whatever Nakamichi tape deck or [TS]

01:07:58   whatever it was and it was kind of an [TS]

01:08:01   intrusion we all felt it was an it was [TS]

01:08:04   an additional crime over the break-in [TS]

01:08:06   because it happened in our high school [TS]

01:08:08   parking lot like you know wow that's so [TS]

01:08:10   close to home we've only been in class a [TS]

01:08:13   couple of hours were powerless we're [TS]

01:08:15   stuck in class and you're taking [TS]

01:08:17   advantage of us so this guy broke into [TS]

01:08:19   my friend's Camaro our ass and he was [TS]

01:08:22   like he said it's not a big deal I got [TS]

01:08:25   insurance and then went around into his [TS]

01:08:28   trunk and he pulled out like the big [TS]

01:08:32   socket wrench thing you know the socket [TS]

01:08:35   wrench comes in three three big sizes [TS]

01:08:37   wasn't this ones the big ones like a [TS]

01:08:40   hexagon almost like an inch across this [TS]

01:08:42   is a thing that you're gonna you would [TS]

01:08:44   this is a come-along you know you would [TS]

01:08:46   hurt somebody if you whacked him with it [TS]

01:08:47   and he and I think he even might have [TS]

01:08:50   had an extender pole for really bustin [TS]

01:08:54   loose some rusty nuts if you know Dustin [TS]

01:08:58   and he put it on and he reached in and [TS]

01:09:02   he just wham and he he he totally bashed [TS]

01:09:07   in his taco meter just like bashed it [TS]

01:09:11   and I was like fuck are you doing that's [TS]

01:09:13   the RPM meter that's right okay and he [TS]

01:09:15   said it was busted so Wow since it since [TS]

01:09:19   the insurance company's gonna pay for my [TS]

01:09:21   windshield and my tape deck and all this [TS]

01:09:23   stuff that might as well get a new tack [TS]

01:09:24   out of it [TS]

01:09:25   this I was before they had water sensors [TS]

01:09:26   and iPhones long time before right so I [TS]

01:09:29   mean there's no way to know if you're [TS]

01:09:30   Dan why why your tech decameter [TS]

01:09:33   was smashed with a hex like pattern [TS]

01:09:37   exactly like the insurance adjuster if [TS]

01:09:40   he's clever is gonna say I get it broke [TS]

01:09:43   the window took the tape deck but why [TS]

01:09:45   would the guy spend an extra minute to [TS]

01:09:47   bust since that makes sense just just [TS]

01:09:51   just one question all right let me ask [TS]

01:09:56   you [TS]

01:09:56   yeah one clarification so but that was [TS]

01:10:01   the first instance that I'd ever seen of [TS]

01:10:02   like huh she seems to be gaming the [TS]

01:10:06   system scar hacking but when I would [TS]

01:10:08   drive this Audi it was really irritating [TS]

01:10:11   to me but at the time I had a lady [TS]

01:10:13   friend who was who was you know a [TS]

01:10:16   diminutive a woman she was uh what you [TS]

01:10:21   would do how would you describe her a [TS]

01:10:22   picture she was a little bit of a pixie [TS]

01:10:25   yes yeah there's short hair short red [TS]

01:10:26   hair and she might even you might even [TS]

01:10:28   describe her as a Manic Pixie dream girl [TS]

01:10:30   although she and I were the same age so [TS]

01:10:32   it wasn't something where I was like an [TS]

01:10:34   old man that was oh she wasn't helping [TS]

01:10:35   get your groove back [TS]

01:10:36   no she wasn't trying to save my life or [TS]

01:10:38   validate my aging she was just a friend [TS]

01:10:41   who was the same age as me who happened [TS]

01:10:44   she happened to fit all the business a [TS]

01:10:46   lot of people think there's only [TS]

01:10:47   domesticated Pixies there are also wild [TS]

01:10:48   Pixies [TS]

01:10:49   so this she is definitely a wild pixie [TS]

01:10:51   and one of the things about her is that [TS]

01:10:53   she is very tightly wound wound like a [TS]

01:10:56   Swiss watch like her tolerance of [TS]

01:11:00   are but within a pretty narrow range in [TS]

01:11:03   terms of how like hot and cold and also [TS]

01:11:07   surprising beeping sound interesting [TS]

01:11:10   like much like herself like a [TS]

01:11:11   high-performance European vehicle yes [TS]

01:11:14   she she's very high-performance she uses [TS]

01:11:17   only the highest octane gas and when we [TS]

01:11:19   would drive in a car the beeping would [TS]

01:11:22   happen and she would leap like a cat [TS]

01:11:25   that had that you had hit with like you [TS]

01:11:28   if you stood behind a sleeping cat and [TS]

01:11:30   hit some orchestral symbols like [TS]

01:11:34   information this is the one who didn't [TS]

01:11:36   like her feet touched no totally [TS]

01:11:38   different seating you right there are a [TS]

01:11:40   lot of high sixes in my life it is it is [TS]

01:11:42   a thing I do not understand right like [TS]

01:11:44   that indicate where a fire hydrant is a [TS]

01:11:48   fire plug as you say you don't notice [TS]

01:11:50   that until you start noticing it and [TS]

01:11:51   then brother you really notice it right [TS]

01:11:53   once you know about wild Pixies you will [TS]

01:11:55   start seeing them everywhere if you buy [TS]

01:11:57   a first generation Volkswagen Scirocco [TS]

01:11:58   mm-hmm you're gonna suddenly see [TS]

01:12:01   siroccos everywhere now in this instance [TS]

01:12:02   that is wrong because you will not see [TS]

01:12:04   sure ACOs everywhere because they don't [TS]

01:12:05   exist anymore [TS]

01:12:06   it's called the Scirocco effect right [TS]

01:12:08   there was a Scirocco [TS]

01:12:10   siroccos all the time you saw first inch [TS]

01:12:13   Rocko's second gen shaco's third gen [TS]

01:12:15   shaco's I challenge you to go out of the [TS]

01:12:18   door today and keep your eyes peeled [TS]

01:12:20   tell me if you see one fucking Scirocco [TS]

01:12:22   in the next week baader-meinhof it's not [TS]

01:12:25   just a river in Egypt right pretty soon [TS]

01:12:28   you've seen it everywhere it's like the [TS]

01:12:29   first it's like the first time this is I [TS]

01:12:31   got one for you ready for this your [TS]

01:12:32   watch that girl of course okay Donald [TS]

01:12:35   Hollister is is engaged - what's the [TS]

01:12:39   name Amory okay you know you know that [TS]

01:12:42   you know that there's a there's a very [TS]

01:12:44   significant significance in my life to [TS]

01:12:48   that girl I'm not gonna I'm not gonna [TS]

01:12:50   snip you know that's where it comes from [TS]

01:12:54   okay he's trying to shop for an [TS]

01:13:02   engagement ring and they asked him how [TS]

01:13:05   many baguettes he wants it to be this is [TS]

01:13:08   my first beer mine - Amin and this is [TS]

01:13:10   the first time I ever had an experience [TS]

01:13:12   of it even before I knew that name [TS]

01:13:13   um baader-meinhof so so Donald Hollister [TS]

01:13:16   he hears about baguettes in diamonds and [TS]

01:13:19   then he keeps hearing about baguettes [TS]

01:13:21   and he says aloud I don't know this from [TS]

01:13:22   like 1968 he says something like it's so [TS]

01:13:24   wait you know you don't hear a word for [TS]

01:13:26   your entire life and then you hear all [TS]

01:13:27   these times in a row in the same week [TS]

01:13:29   and guess what that means that means [TS]

01:13:31   little boy me had the same experience I [TS]

01:13:33   got Donald Hollister by that girl cuz [TS]

01:13:36   and then that was the first time I had [TS]

01:13:37   ever heard the word baguette and it's [TS]

01:13:39   begnettes all the way down right you can [TS]

01:13:41   instead of bread or is that a you know [TS]

01:13:43   two Bremond that's a bread baguette is a [TS]

01:13:46   break what is it what do they call it in [TS]

01:13:47   a diamond carat gluten carry baguette I [TS]

01:13:51   think it was a pair [TS]

01:13:52   how many baguettes do you get per [TS]

01:13:54   diamond how many packets does it take to [TS]

01:13:58   get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop [TS]

01:13:59   what was the first time you got Donald [TS]

01:14:06   Pleasence I you mean like a Halloween [TS]

01:14:08   type situation or escape from New York [TS]

01:14:10   I well like you don't do Rowland Blofeld [TS]

01:14:13   I cannot not think of escape from New [TS]

01:14:15   York now that you've slashed it last [TS]

01:14:16   week i watch lists oh you didn't we [TS]

01:14:18   talked about it on a program I do it [TS]

01:14:20   John siracusa as my canonical example of [TS]

01:14:22   seeing a movie without knowing anything [TS]

01:14:24   about it [TS]

01:14:24   when I was in eighth grade and I watched [TS]

01:14:26   again last week and you know what he was [TS]

01:14:28   fucking great it holds up huh [TS]

01:14:30   snake listen I thought you were dead oh [TS]

01:14:32   fuck okay number one he wrote he rode [TS]

01:14:36   that glider to the top of the [TS]

01:14:44   I never forget and proud of being lucky [TS]