Roderick on the Line

Ep. 256: "Behind My Skis"


00:00:00   this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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00:00:13   supertrain hello hi John [TS]

00:00:21   hi Merlin how's it going good seems like [TS]

00:00:26   it's been a long time since I've talked [TS]

00:00:27   to you I think it has been yeah [TS]

00:00:32   August is complicated oh sorry I'm a [TS]

00:00:38   little bit behind my skis here I got a [TS]

00:00:43   late start I just left the house late I [TS]

00:00:45   didn't time it well today yeah I see I [TS]

00:00:48   see what you're saying but I'm here you [TS]

00:00:49   you were here before me so you know you [TS]

00:00:52   get a you get a badge today [TS]

00:00:53   well yeah I'm just you know I don't need [TS]

00:00:56   your stinking badges well it's so nice I [TS]

00:00:59   mean you probably put in a box or [TS]

00:01:01   something right I do have a box for the [TS]

00:01:03   bet I have a box for badges there's some [TS]

00:01:05   other recent badges that you've gotten [TS]

00:01:07   any kind of it could be a major or minor [TS]

00:01:10   award any kind of just being recognized [TS]

00:01:14   have you gotten any ribbons or ribbons I [TS]

00:01:17   do I have a recent ribbon for you know [TS]

00:01:20   my King Neptune came with a sash various [TS]

00:01:25   sort of adornments but but also like a [TS]

00:01:28   ribbon with a star on it that looks kind [TS]

00:01:30   of like a type of metal you would get [TS]

00:01:32   from the king of Belgium oh wow and it [TS]

00:01:35   goes great on a blazer and you can wear [TS]

00:01:37   it without you know you show up to a [TS]

00:01:39   party in a sash and it's it's like I've [TS]

00:01:43   always loved that in like in older [TS]

00:01:46   movies especially I'm thinking movies up [TS]

00:01:49   through the 70s and the 80s probably but [TS]

00:01:53   thinking I'm going all the way back to [TS]

00:01:54   something like maybe duck soup where [TS]

00:01:55   you've got like somebody who's going to [TS]

00:01:57   be a how do you how does one put this [TS]

00:02:00   represents some primitive country [TS]

00:02:03   aha so but like so whether that's a guy [TS]

00:02:05   from Asia or Africa or whatever I love I [TS]

00:02:08   love the blending of something local [TS]

00:02:11   primitive and tribal with [TS]

00:02:12   thing incredibly Western so to be like a [TS]

00:02:14   guy like a cool Sufi turban guy like but [TS]

00:02:17   with a suit jacket you know I think [TS]

00:02:19   that's a good look especially for a [TS]

00:02:20   villain that's a great great look and [TS]

00:02:22   there's nothing wrong with that and some [TS]

00:02:24   epaulets and and some ribbons to that [TS]

00:02:26   and a little bit of an ornamental star [TS]

00:02:28   yeah the colonial like sort of pomp [TS]

00:02:34   eight jacket somebody who's like you [TS]

00:02:37   know who's let's say they're a member of [TS]

00:02:39   the they're of a common what would you [TS]

00:02:42   be you're a subject a subject of a [TS]

00:02:44   Commonwealth yeah what who not it was [TS]

00:02:50   yeah - okay okay you could be like the [TS]

00:02:56   grand mage of the Duchy of Portlandia [TS]

00:03:01   Portlandia what's the matter what [TS]

00:03:03   happened what I did I lose you [TS]

00:03:04   no no I just I'm I'm I'm realizing I [TS]

00:03:10   don't get enough sleep pretty strongly [TS]

00:03:17   pretty strongly right now right in this [TS]

00:03:19   very moment hmm right just him like I as [TS]

00:03:23   I was setting up for the show I was like [TS]

00:03:24   I'm fine right right I'm fine I've [TS]

00:03:27   gotten enough sleep yes enough enough [TS]

00:03:32   sleep talk about the show on the show [TS]

00:03:37   but we should mention something to our [TS]

00:03:38   listeners may I mention something to our [TS]

00:03:39   listeners passingly personal no for a [TS]

00:03:44   very long time I'm gonna talk about the [TS]

00:03:46   show on the show for a minute because [TS]

00:03:47   everything that's on the show is in the [TS]

00:03:48   show okay so here's it's good and I'm [TS]

00:03:52   also breaking the other rule by [TS]

00:03:53   addressing adjusting I'm addressing our [TS]

00:03:56   listeners you're definitely never want [TS]

00:03:58   to address in them I'm going to address [TS]

00:04:00   in them this one time I'm donning my [TS]

00:04:01   sash Wow [TS]

00:04:03   I missed my Sufi blazer for a very long [TS]

00:04:09   time John Roderick and I have recorded [TS]

00:04:12   this program hmm sometimes we reschedule [TS]

00:04:16   but like pretty consistently every [TS]

00:04:18   Monday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time [TS]

00:04:23   whatever that's that you got a saving or [TS]

00:04:25   an on save [TS]

00:04:25   they like we recorded at 10:00 and then [TS]

00:04:28   I put the show pretty quickly after that [TS]

00:04:30   you were you were doing the kinds of [TS]

00:04:34   things one does toward the end of the [TS]

00:04:35   summer rejiggering your schedule getting [TS]

00:04:37   things straightened out and you asked me [TS]

00:04:38   something that I found shocking given [TS]

00:04:42   that we don't always start exactly at [TS]

00:04:43   10:00 for a variety of reasons but you [TS]

00:04:46   said to me that you wanted to start [TS]

00:04:48   recording our program 1 hour earlier on [TS]

00:04:51   Mondays at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Terrace and [TS]

00:04:55   as is so often the case off air with you [TS]

00:04:57   I said yeah you did you said exactly [TS]

00:05:02   that [TS]

00:05:02   that's kinda said that about a couple [TS]

00:05:03   things in the past and that was one of [TS]

00:05:06   them I said yeah you sure you want to do [TS]

00:05:08   that and you were you were uh you [TS]

00:05:12   weren't having it do you were like yes [TS]

00:05:14   this is a thing that I want to do I want [TS]

00:05:15   to be a person who is who is up earlier [TS]

00:05:17   you have things to do and this would [TS]

00:05:18   help you conduct your life in a better [TS]

00:05:20   way if we started recording the show [TS]

00:05:22   earlier yeah and I said sure and you [TS]

00:05:25   know what so far it's gone pretty well [TS]

00:05:27   yeah now here's the yeah yeah here's the [TS]

00:05:30   other thing I want to address in you I [TS]

00:05:32   know what you're talking about because [TS]

00:05:34   my most of the things all the great [TS]

00:05:36   shows in which I am involved with the [TS]

00:05:40   exception of the show with our friend [TS]

00:05:41   Jon Stewart Kisa all the programs I do [TS]

00:05:42   start recording usually 11 10 9 a.m. and [TS]

00:05:48   thing is I have all the great a.m. all [TS]

00:05:51   the great names and I'll say to myself [TS]

00:05:52   I'll say you know you're fine you're [TS]

00:05:54   good you've had a coffee and then the [TS]

00:05:56   time for talking mouths words starts and [TS]

00:05:59   I realize I'm not really ready so I [TS]

00:06:03   guess my question as I address in you is [TS]

00:06:06   do you regret the change would it would [TS]

00:06:09   have made any as Todd as Todd Rundgren [TS]

00:06:11   asked the musical question would it have [TS]

00:06:14   made any difference do you feel like I [TS]

00:06:17   do songs [TS]

00:06:22   Peter Frampton but close enough no it's [TS]

00:06:25   Lundgren Lundgren he's that guy Sufi [TS]

00:06:29   blazer yeah [TS]

00:06:30   Todd Lundgren he's the one that wants [TS]

00:06:32   you to work on Saturdays [TS]

00:06:35   difference if you really love me today [TS]

00:06:41   you know we can go back to ten we could [TS]

00:06:44   make it 11 we could do it at night big [TS]

00:06:51   coffee and now the Stewart's fountain [TS]

00:06:53   classic orange and cream flavored soda I [TS]

00:06:58   wish that I was so far into my day that [TS]

00:07:01   an orange soda was even possible yeah [TS]

00:07:03   as you were talking that not that I [TS]

00:07:07   wasn't you know like really right on the [TS]

00:07:10   rails of the of everything you were [TS]

00:07:12   saying but also I was like when did I [TS]

00:07:14   send my last text last night we talked [TS]

00:07:19   at 9:05 Pacific time you and I did yes I [TS]

00:07:24   know fuck but I get my traditional [TS]

00:07:26   reminding my traditional reminding of [TS]

00:07:29   the show yeah and that's great that you [TS]

00:07:31   do that you're like remember was it is [TS]

00:07:33   it great it's not annoying it's still [TS]

00:07:34   you still like it right no it's [TS]

00:07:36   wonderful because it makes certain that [TS]

00:07:40   it makes certain that we do that I know [TS]

00:07:43   that we keep the skis on the rails [TS]

00:07:45   though we keep the skis on the rails and [TS]

00:07:47   so the last text I said last night was [TS]

00:07:50   at 3:37 a.m. what and then I got a text [TS]

00:07:56   I don't have to pee at that point yeah I [TS]

00:07:59   know 337 I got a text from somebody at [TS]

00:08:02   343 but I was so between 337 and 343 is [TS]

00:08:07   when I finally lay lay my head down to [TS]

00:08:10   sleep because I did not receive the 343 [TS]

00:08:13   text until this morning [TS]

00:08:15   so 337 and then I woke up then so my [TS]

00:08:19   phone plays across the universe now to [TS]

00:08:21   wake me up the Beatles version of that [TS]

00:08:28   song yeah it's very nice [TS]

00:08:30   Goodwyn a nice start today and that [TS]

00:08:33   happened at 8:37 so that is five right [TS]

00:08:37   five hours it's good it's good enough [TS]

00:08:39   it's you know if you round it it's about [TS]

00:08:43   five hours one wakes in the night and [TS]

00:08:45   doesn't know it [TS]

00:08:46   oh I know it though unless one tracks [TS]

00:08:48   one sleep [TS]

00:08:49   I'm toast one journey you toss it you [TS]

00:08:50   toss eternity you like that whole bed [TS]

00:08:52   and you know don't touch my feet don't [TS]

00:08:54   touch my feet well you know I was it's [TS]

00:08:55   funny uh 20 because my daughter's mother [TS]

00:09:05   Ariela was reading some old emails from [TS]

00:09:08   between the two of us she and I that we [TS]

00:09:11   wrote when she was pregnant and it was [TS]

00:09:16   you know this was a pretty pretty [TS]

00:09:20   fraught time because we weren't we were [TS]

00:09:24   embarking on this journey to have a [TS]

00:09:26   child together [TS]

00:09:27   but we weren't doing it in the context [TS]

00:09:30   of like well now we're together you know [TS]

00:09:32   you're pregnant and so we get married or [TS]

00:09:35   we're gonna you know we're gonna move in [TS]

00:09:37   together or anything like this we were [TS]

00:09:39   doing it we're making this decision to [TS]

00:09:41   do this secular thing I always thought [TS]

00:09:44   of it as I know this is not accurate but [TS]

00:09:46   it's almost like you guys were divorced [TS]

00:09:48   divided ever being married yeah like we [TS]

00:09:50   later on we joked that we were either [TS]

00:09:53   the the the divorced couple that got [TS]

00:09:55   along the best in the world or we have a [TS]

00:09:57   really really dysfunctional marriage I [TS]

00:10:01   got to get married right we're the best [TS]

00:10:04   divorced couple that ever was but so [TS]

00:10:06   we're going into this like eyes wide [TS]

00:10:08   open and of course everybody was telling [TS]

00:10:12   us that you couldn't do it you know her [TS]

00:10:15   people were just telling her every kind [TS]

00:10:18   of story about how it wasn't gonna work [TS]

00:10:20   how you know she was gonna end up alone [TS]

00:10:23   and destitute and raising the child on [TS]

00:10:25   her own and you know that I was clearly [TS]

00:10:31   shirking my responsibilities and that [TS]

00:10:33   you know if she didn't have me tied to [TS]

00:10:36   the ground with legal requirements that [TS]

00:10:40   I would just flit her off like some kind [TS]

00:10:42   of drug addict Rock person uh-huh uh-huh [TS]

00:10:47   and and worse you know worse things just [TS]

00:10:49   that it was all you know that for us to [TS]

00:10:52   have a kid together under these [TS]

00:10:53   conditions benefited me but not her I [TS]

00:10:55   mean they're just filling her head with [TS]

00:10:57   with like it's kind of anti John [TS]

00:11:00   propaganda well and just this Jen [TS]

00:11:03   notion that you cannot bring a child [TS]

00:11:06   into the world unless the two parents [TS]

00:11:08   are absolutely tied to one another's [TS]

00:11:11   leather straps and and have promised [TS]

00:11:15   each other every single I kept you if [TS]

00:11:18   you bring a child into the world having [TS]

00:11:20   done nothing more than kneel on a pillow [TS]

00:11:23   and say I will love you forever in front [TS]

00:11:25   of somebody with a robe on then [TS]

00:11:27   everybody's like great it's I believe it [TS]

00:11:30   nothing can nothing can rent these to us [TS]

00:11:32   under mm-hmm [TS]

00:11:33   but if you bring a child into the world [TS]

00:11:35   where you're like we're gonna do a [TS]

00:11:36   really good job at this everybody puts [TS]

00:11:39   their hands on their head and says her [TS]

00:11:40   hands on their hips and says well you [TS]

00:11:42   never kneeled on a pillow how is it even [TS]

00:11:44   possible right so she and I would work [TS]

00:11:48   can't go from a bobcat to a weeble oh [TS]

00:11:50   you got past he got past it being a wolf [TS]

00:11:53   and a bear suitable yeah so we're [TS]

00:11:57   sending these emails back and forth and [TS]

00:11:58   the thing was that she and I you know [TS]

00:11:59   known each other a long time but we [TS]

00:12:01   didn't really know each other how did [TS]

00:12:02   how do you how do you ever really know [TS]

00:12:04   ever really know anybody John did you [TS]

00:12:06   know I mean really know each other we've [TS]

00:12:08   been playing in the town for a long time [TS]

00:12:10   and it was like hey downtown yeah what's [TS]

00:12:13   up downtown you know pal the two tutus [TS]

00:12:16   finger guns but that's not how you you [TS]

00:12:21   raise a child either you can't just [TS]

00:12:23   finger gun a child into adults so all [TS]

00:12:34   she's rereading all these emails which I [TS]

00:12:36   have not reread where she and I were [TS]

00:12:39   negotiating and hammering out just the [TS]

00:12:42   basic principles of how we were gonna do [TS]

00:12:49   this you know like like like how how can [TS]

00:12:53   I count how do I know I can count on you [TS]

00:12:55   okay I know I can count on you and I [TS]

00:12:57   mean just highlight its if you don't [TS]

00:12:59   have the is this is not always a real [TS]

00:13:02   thing but there's always the implicit [TS]

00:13:04   things of having already been married [TS]

00:13:05   like you know who pays the rent and all [TS]

00:13:07   that kind of stuff and basic division of [TS]

00:13:09   labor whether you formally or informally [TS]

00:13:11   talked about it but you you had to make [TS]

00:13:13   this to cut this from whole cloth [TS]

00:13:15   yeah we did and we had to you know and [TS]

00:13:18   they're there and what one thing that [TS]

00:13:20   reli said was like we we spent so much [TS]

00:13:23   time arguing about all the wrong things [TS]

00:13:25   like we're not the wrong things but just [TS]

00:13:28   things that it turns out didn't matter [TS]

00:13:29   at all like she I remember she came to [TS]

00:13:32   me and she was like I read a thing that [TS]

00:13:33   says you need a million dollars to raise [TS]

00:13:36   a child oh my god and I said not all at [TS]

00:13:39   once you don't need it all at once you [TS]

00:13:42   don't need to start she was like but [TS]

00:13:43   where are we ever gonna get a million [TS]

00:13:44   dollars to raise this child I was like [TS]

00:13:47   honestly I think that's the I think we [TS]

00:13:50   got to start somewhere before that like [TS]

00:13:52   before discovered this you know over a [TS]

00:13:54   century ago it expects somebody to buy a [TS]

00:13:57   car with one payment you know that's not [TS]

00:13:59   gonna work you need don't need to go [TS]

00:14:00   have your GMAC the ford version of that [TS]

00:14:02   and that's that's much like having a [TS]

00:14:03   child you let you get installments on [TS]

00:14:05   the child that's right I said to her [TS]

00:14:06   what you know look we can get a good [TS]

00:14:08   interest rate on this baby like we'll [TS]

00:14:11   figure that out right he put a new week [TS]

00:14:13   on the child [TS]

00:14:13   mmm-hmm we have we had we had to decide [TS]

00:14:17   because we were not married we had to [TS]

00:14:19   decide what last name the child was [TS]

00:14:20   gonna get we had to decide a lot of [TS]

00:14:23   things and we had nine months or let's [TS]

00:14:27   say eight months in which to go from a [TS]

00:14:32   relationship where we were you know [TS]

00:14:35   essentially just coquettish with each [TS]

00:14:37   other for a long time to a thing where [TS]

00:14:40   like we trusted each other could rely on [TS]

00:14:42   each other and and actually had like a [TS]

00:14:45   plan [TS]

00:14:45   and we had to build that within a world [TS]

00:14:49   where everybody we knew I mean the best [TS]

00:14:52   response we got from our friends was [TS]

00:14:54   well I guess I mean wait and see I guess [TS]

00:14:59   I mean that was the best and and really [TS]

00:15:02   really well-meaning people a lot of whom [TS]

00:15:05   are now divorced [TS]

00:15:06   we're telling us that there's no way [TS]

00:15:08   that it could that it's gonna work like [TS]

00:15:10   this and that we needed to get real you [TS]

00:15:13   know but I she she reminded me at one [TS]

00:15:18   point I was like I sent her an email or [TS]

00:15:22   she was saying like you know look I'm [TS]

00:15:24   I'm pregnant and I need you know I need [TS]

00:15:27   like [TS]

00:15:28   to feel comforted and you are being very [TS]

00:15:35   formal with me and and you know and I [TS]

00:15:38   appreciate the formality is necessary [TS]

00:15:40   but I like need this comforting and I [TS]

00:15:43   wrote this thing about like well listen [TS]

00:15:45   I don't like anybody I don't like [TS]

00:15:47   anybody touching my feet do you [TS]

00:15:49   understand [TS]

00:15:49   it's very important we're gonna make [TS]

00:15:55   this work we make this child that nobody [TS]

00:15:58   touch my feet in the night yeah and that [TS]

00:16:01   you know and it's I get very warm and I [TS]

00:16:04   really tear up a bed and it's just it's [TS]

00:16:07   very you know I just need it I need to [TS]

00:16:09   make it clear that like yeah I don't [TS]

00:16:11   really like to be touched and she was [TS]

00:16:16   recounting this to me I didn't go back [TS]

00:16:17   and read it but I remember for a long [TS]

00:16:21   time this idea that I had discovered [TS]

00:16:23   that I could say I don't want you touch [TS]

00:16:27   me when I'm sleeping [TS]

00:16:29   I remember that being like a huge [TS]

00:16:31   revelation to me because I had always [TS]

00:16:34   you know been miserable sharing a bed [TS]

00:16:37   with people and I and I and I had [TS]

00:16:40   discovered this like oh wait after I go [TS]

00:16:42   to sleep like I don't want to be spooned [TS]

00:16:44   I don't want to be nuzzled like I just [TS]

00:16:47   want to be alone [TS]

00:16:48   leave me alone the sleeping time it's [TS]

00:16:51   sleeping time I want to go sleep in my [TS]

00:16:52   on my side of the bed mm-hmm and it was [TS]

00:16:55   just it was always a relationship [TS]

00:16:56   problem well so she's telling me this [TS]

00:16:59   story or she's telling me about this [TS]

00:17:00   email and I'm laughing and laughing and [TS]

00:17:04   laughing because then I had a child and [TS]

00:17:11   when you have a child at least in my [TS]

00:17:14   case there is one person in the world at [TS]

00:17:17   least that you do not mind if they touch [TS]

00:17:19   you hmm [TS]

00:17:20   right like my little girl enjoy what you [TS]

00:17:22   can I'm sure there will be a time when [TS]

00:17:26   she's like every single time every [TS]

00:17:28   single time she's bugging me it's 8:32 [TS]

00:17:31   it's re 32 minutes past bedtime and she [TS]

00:17:34   comes out and just wants to like hug me [TS]

00:17:36   and kind of just you know hang out for a [TS]

00:17:39   minute and I'm thinking man [TS]

00:17:41   from our I want to watch my Game of [TS]

00:17:43   Thrones in its 32 minutes past bedtime [TS]

00:17:45   and I try to always catch myself and go [TS]

00:17:47   you ding-a-ling yeah right no it's okay [TS]

00:17:51   that it's 32 minutes past bedtime you [TS]

00:17:53   get to pause Game of Thrones and and [TS]

00:17:54   your daughter wants to like you for a [TS]

00:17:56   minute [TS]

00:17:56   do you have any idea how much you're [TS]

00:17:58   gonna want that in five years yeah right [TS]

00:18:02   so despite all of those negotiations and [TS]

00:18:05   your cocoa ket working all this out you [TS]

00:18:08   there is a person in your life now who [TS]

00:18:12   touches your feet etc oh well our sense [TS]

00:18:16   of the phrase yeah and and and I think [TS]

00:18:18   has changed a lot has changed about me [TS]

00:18:23   in the last five years and and I can I [TS]

00:18:27   absolutely remember when some of these [TS]

00:18:30   these notions about myself to write the [TS]

00:18:33   introversion in the and that the the [TS]

00:18:40   sense that I needed this bubble around [TS]

00:18:44   me and that it was okay to ask for it [TS]

00:18:47   and that it was not just okay to ask for [TS]

00:18:50   it but like I was okay even even needing [TS]

00:18:55   it right like it was okay to need it and [TS]

00:18:59   setting those setting up those [TS]

00:19:02   boundaries around myself so that I [TS]

00:19:04   wasn't always feeling both intruded upon [TS]

00:19:06   and also that I was a bad person for [TS]

00:19:10   feeling intruded upon like that was the [TS]

00:19:13   terrible part of that was the the source [TS]

00:19:15   of the of so much loneliness in my life [TS]

00:19:18   over the years was was not just that I [TS]

00:19:21   felt infringed upon by everybody but [TS]

00:19:23   also that I that I felt like that that [TS]

00:19:26   was what made me despicable because why [TS]

00:19:30   couldn't I just accept love or why [TS]

00:19:33   couldn't I just accept touch these are [TS]

00:19:34   simple things can you just learn to feel [TS]

00:19:37   good about the broken way you are it's [TS]

00:19:40   that it's really it's hard I think [TS]

00:19:41   you're describing something that's very [TS]

00:19:43   important to me which is this feeling [TS]

00:19:44   bad feeling about a bad feeling right [TS]

00:19:47   it's one thing to feel that bad feeling [TS]

00:19:48   another thing to have a bad feeling [TS]

00:19:49   about how you are like it's terrible but [TS]

00:19:51   right I mean isn't it kind of a terrible [TS]

00:19:53   talk before like either why can't I be a [TS]

00:19:55   good person or why can't I be okay with [TS]

00:19:57   how I actually am well it took me a long [TS]

00:19:59   time even to get to the place where I [TS]

00:20:00   felt like Oh learning to be okay with [TS]

00:20:03   this is a thing I can even do right [TS]

00:20:07   because it because because I didn't want [TS]

00:20:11   to be you know I didn't want to be in [TS]

00:20:14   the land of broken toys I believed [TS]

00:20:17   because I do believe in love right I [TS]

00:20:19   mean I am romantic quraĆ­am Oh romantic [TS]

00:20:22   and so so what you know but but more [TS]

00:20:27   more than that even you know this is [TS]

00:20:29   happening this isn't a thing where my [TS]

00:20:33   where this is the thing I was navigating [TS]

00:20:36   with the larger world right I wasn't out [TS]

00:20:38   in the world saying why doesn't the [TS]

00:20:42   world accept me this was always [TS]

00:20:44   happening within the absolute smallest [TS]

00:20:46   confines of a relationship between me [TS]

00:20:49   and a lover who was saying you know Here [TS]

00:20:54   I am here's what I have to give and I [TS]

00:20:56   was like great don't touch my feet and [TS]

00:20:59   that's it that's such an incredibly [TS]

00:21:02   small personal space too because out in [TS]

00:21:06   the world I didn't have any adjustment [TS]

00:21:08   you know visible adjustment issues I [TS]

00:21:10   wasn't asking anybody to make any [TS]

00:21:12   accommodation for me but in this you [TS]

00:21:15   know as the as the room got smaller and [TS]

00:21:17   smaller I was more and more like that [TS]

00:21:20   this is my pillow and this is my [TS]

00:21:22   underwear drawer and this is my these [TS]

00:21:25   are the hairs on the back of my hand and [TS]

00:21:28   they can't be stimulated so I couldn't [TS]

00:21:34   ever be like and I'm okay with me [TS]

00:21:37   because because the person that I was [TS]

00:21:41   saying all this to was the one that was [TS]

00:21:43   standing there like all I want is to hug [TS]

00:21:45   you I was like I'm okay with me but but [TS]

00:21:49   but I did get to I did get to that place [TS]

00:21:53   sort of right around the same period [TS]

00:21:55   like I you know I am sorry about I am [TS]

00:21:58   sorry that you are pregnant and that you [TS]

00:22:00   are scared because you're not married [TS]

00:22:02   and we are trying to navigate we're [TS]

00:22:04   trying to right [TS]

00:22:05   we're trying to write a new constitution [TS]

00:22:07   for a thing that doesn't have very many [TS]

00:22:09   antecedents we can't think of any [TS]

00:22:12   mentors or peers we might have here [TS]

00:22:14   we're reinventing the wheel and your [TS]

00:22:17   thing that you're saying you need is [TS]

00:22:19   that I demonstrate my my hereness by [TS]

00:22:26   actually being like here holding you and [TS]

00:22:29   I'm saying don't touch my feet because [TS]

00:22:32   that's very important to me and I had to [TS]

00:22:35   also in that moment be like but it's [TS]

00:22:39   really important that I hold this woman [TS]

00:22:42   who is pregnant and terrifying right and [TS]

00:22:45   now I look back so she and I both look [TS]

00:22:48   back and laugh because you know the the [TS]

00:22:52   experience of building this family it's [TS]

00:22:57   not just that I it's not just that I can [TS]

00:22:59   hold my daughter like I should my [TS]

00:23:01   daughter brought the ability for me to [TS]

00:23:04   feel uncomplicated about being touched I [TS]

00:23:09   guess like she she she's been a part of [TS]

00:23:14   that process for me and now that now I [TS]

00:23:16   can I mean I still don't want people [TS]

00:23:18   coming in and touching my feet while I'm [TS]

00:23:20   sleeping oh yeah you you have your [TS]

00:23:21   preferences yeah I just don't just like [TS]

00:23:24   come put your mouth on my toes [TS]

00:23:26   oh dear me no oh go do Pekinese no stop [TS]

00:23:30   it no not everybody got to do that it's [TS]

00:23:32   not just because it's tolerated with one [TS]

00:23:35   person does not mean that everybody gets [TS]

00:23:36   to do it right but but it's funny that I [TS]

00:23:40   that I made such a because at the time [TS]

00:23:43   not have not having had a kid yet you [TS]

00:23:46   think certain things are so important [TS]

00:23:49   I'm going to a baby shower later today [TS]

00:23:52   and they're they're wonderful people [TS]

00:23:57   they're very good friends they've been [TS]

00:23:59   they're excited about their baby the [TS]

00:24:02   baby is coming soon and they had a thing [TS]

00:24:05   on their baby shower thing that said you [TS]

00:24:09   know we don't want you to don't worry [TS]

00:24:11   about gifts but but if you if you insist [TS]

00:24:14   here's a link to a list of gifts [TS]

00:24:17   and I went and just reading down this [TS]

00:24:20   list of gifts that had obviously been [TS]

00:24:23   compiled by a large group of people are [TS]

00:24:25   like you're gonna need this mm-hmm [TS]

00:24:27   you're definitely gonna need a linen [TS]

00:24:30   it's a good chance to cover some bases [TS]

00:24:33   you get you can you can ask for and if [TS]

00:24:35   it's people who are already parents [TS]

00:24:36   they'll get this a lot of the stuff [TS]

00:24:38   you're gonna need a lot of even you know [TS]

00:24:40   right wouldn't be bad to get diapers but [TS]

00:24:42   definitely some onesies and stuff then [TS]

00:24:43   there's some stuff that like you just [TS]

00:24:44   know you're gonna need like maybe a nice [TS]

00:24:47   changing like a changing table and then [TS]

00:24:49   you got the stuff for your shoot for the [TS]

00:24:50   stars right wait you might say oh I want [TS]

00:24:53   this $700 baby carriage because if [TS]

00:24:55   somebody wants to get that Charle ticket [TS]

00:24:57   right but this is a group so the this [TS]

00:25:01   this these two are members of a pretty [TS]

00:25:04   close-knit group of friends let's let's [TS]

00:25:08   call it between 15 and 20 people that [TS]

00:25:12   have all coupled up recently they're all [TS]

00:25:15   in their early 40s and this is this [TS]

00:25:18   couple is really the first one the first [TS]

00:25:21   couple to have a new baby right I mean [TS]

00:25:24   you know Ari and I our daughter is six [TS]

00:25:27   and a half now and when that happened [TS]

00:25:29   all of these all these people were in [TS]

00:25:33   brand-new relationships or yeah or going [TS]

00:25:35   through their first divorce or whatever [TS]

00:25:36   but now they have a solid little gang [TS]

00:25:38   and this couple is the first one to have [TS]

00:25:40   a baby and so there there baby list that [TS]

00:25:44   they linked to has all that stuff right [TS]

00:25:47   the you know you're gonna need diapers [TS]

00:25:49   you should get some onesies and look [TS]

00:25:51   there's the $700 carriage like all that [TS]

00:25:53   stuff makes sense mm-hmm [TS]

00:25:54   but because none of their friends have [TS]

00:25:58   babies yet but all of them are I mean [TS]

00:26:01   I'm watching this group and ready to [TS]

00:26:04   have like 15 babies arrive in the next [TS]

00:26:07   year and a half because that's where [TS]

00:26:08   they're all at yeah there's all that [TS]

00:26:11   stuff on this list like like baby wipe [TS]

00:26:15   warmer ready caddy baby carriage baby [TS]

00:26:22   wipe warmer caddy sidecar mm-hmm like [TS]

00:26:26   this crazy stuff where you're like whoa [TS]

00:26:28   whoa whoa let me just give you let me [TS]

00:26:30   just break it down for you [TS]

00:26:31   you don't need that honestly you don't [TS]

00:26:34   need it you don't you want to take that [TS]

00:26:35   off because somebody's gonna buy that [TS]

00:26:36   for you and then you're gonna have it [TS]

00:26:38   you're gonna feel like you need to use [TS]

00:26:39   it and you're gonna walk around like [TS]

00:26:42   basically like Chewbacca carrying [TS]

00:26:45   Threepio on his back it's and puts it [TS]

00:26:49   pushing a stroller with the wife warmer [TS]

00:26:53   on it because look you got enough [TS]

00:26:55   problems just getting a baby from place [TS]

00:26:57   to place if you end up being one of [TS]

00:26:59   those couples that's like that's like a [TS]

00:27:01   camp train the feds leaving Stalingrad [TS]

00:27:05   remember that killing that feeling oh my [TS]

00:27:07   god because somebody told you that you [TS]

00:27:09   need a you know you need a like a linen [TS]

00:27:12   baby stroller cover to keep the sunlight [TS]

00:27:17   out of baby's eyes but you don't want to [TS]

00:27:19   get that don't get that cotton stuff no [TS]

00:27:21   no it's gotta be linen because it needs [TS]

00:27:23   to filter the sunlight so the babies can [TS]

00:27:25   hear the mozart better keep leave the [TS]

00:27:27   way we were raised the way that we get [TS]

00:27:32   linen like here hold my cigarette tips [TS]

00:27:36   the first thing you need to learn kid [TS]

00:27:41   [Laughter] [TS]

00:27:45   anyway so it's funny I want to go back [TS]

00:27:48   and read those things but it happens it [TS]

00:27:51   happens all the time [TS]

00:27:52   you know and I and I feel like I feel [TS]

00:27:55   like part of the victory that we have [TS]

00:27:59   achieved maybe our generation in it and [TS]

00:28:03   it feels like a strange victory but we [TS]

00:28:05   kind of led the charge was this victory [TS]

00:28:08   of of the of carving out the space to be [TS]

00:28:17   who you are that is that's not just free [TS]

00:28:20   to be you and me but you know like the [TS]

00:28:22   small spaces of being who you are and [TS]

00:28:25   but like Ari and I still our daughter is [TS]

00:28:30   six and a half and we still are a team [TS]

00:28:33   and we still don't have any peers like [TS]

00:28:37   oh I see I see we still don't know any [TS]

00:28:40   couple who has done it the way we've [TS]

00:28:43   done it [TS]

00:28:44   we don't have anyone to mentor because [TS]

00:28:48   no one is we don't know anybody who's [TS]

00:28:50   trying to do it the way we did it [TS]

00:28:53   everybody we know that has a kid is [TS]

00:28:55   either in a happy marriage in a in an [TS]

00:28:59   unhappy marriage that's pretending to be [TS]

00:29:01   happy in an unhappy marriage that is [TS]

00:29:04   done pretending mm-hmm or in a marriage [TS]

00:29:08   and dissolution that is either trying to [TS]

00:29:10   be civil not trying to be civil or [TS]

00:29:13   long-past right no one is just like yeah [TS]

00:29:19   we decided to have a child together and [TS]

00:29:21   we're people of goodwill and smart and [TS]

00:29:24   we agreed that we were going to have a [TS]

00:29:27   lot of fights about stuff in the course [TS]

00:29:29   of time as you do but that it was never [TS]

00:29:33   going to be we were never going to lose [TS]

00:29:38   sight of the fact that we were doing [TS]

00:29:42   this intentionally and and in the spirit [TS]

00:29:44   of like you kind of always knew that it [TS]

00:29:47   was well I don't want speak for you but [TS]

00:29:49   maybe one way to look at it is like [TS]

00:29:51   it'll be safe if we always regard this [TS]

00:29:53   as a precarious experiment rather than a [TS]

00:29:55   done deal right and that was that was I [TS]

00:29:59   think what I mean like not treating it [TS]

00:30:01   like a like a done and settled sorted [TS]

00:30:03   issue like this is this is a work in [TS]

00:30:05   progress well that was the that was the [TS]

00:30:07   advantage it had right because all these [TS]

00:30:08   things that you're saying about like [TS]

00:30:10   which I think are absolutely true like [TS]

00:30:12   you get married and so you already [TS]

00:30:15   worked out like how the right gets paid [TS]

00:30:16   and all that stuff but but in getting [TS]

00:30:19   married you also take all of your [TS]

00:30:24   unspoken expectations and and all of the [TS]

00:30:29   the templates that you've been carrying [TS]

00:30:30   around like a maesters chain jangling [TS]

00:30:37   around your neck about like oh well when [TS]

00:30:39   I get married my spouse is gonna be like [TS]

00:30:41   this and our marriage is gonna be like [TS]

00:30:43   this and we're gonna live like this and [TS]

00:30:44   his or my goals are gonna be the same [TS]

00:30:47   exactly and all this stuff that you'd [TS]

00:30:49   never really address formally mm-hmm [TS]

00:30:52   that goes into like now we're married in [TS]

00:30:56   the case of Ari [TS]

00:30:58   Ln myself we didn't have we didn't have [TS]

00:31:00   that luxury so we had to be very [TS]

00:31:03   specific about all that stuff right [TS]

00:31:05   right and so we didn't then later five [TS]

00:31:09   years later encounter these moments [TS]

00:31:11   where it was like wait a minute I [TS]

00:31:13   thought you were paying the rent yeah or [TS]

00:31:15   like you always knew I wanted to live in [TS]

00:31:18   Berlin right and it's like what are you [TS]

00:31:20   talking about we you said something [TS]

00:31:21   about Berlin once five years ago well [TS]

00:31:23   that was me saying that one day I was [TS]

00:31:26   gonna move there you know at like we [TS]

00:31:28   didn't have to we don't have that [TS]

00:31:30   problem now because we have been forced [TS]

00:31:32   to be extremely on top of all that stuff [TS]

00:31:36   and you know our relationship is [TS]

00:31:40   stronger now than ever and I don't see [TS]

00:31:43   anything I don't see it being in [TS]

00:31:48   jeopardy right I mean this last year and [TS]

00:31:50   a half I was in this long relationship [TS]

00:31:51   and and it jeopardized my relationship [TS]

00:31:54   with Ari but in the end in the end like [TS]

00:32:01   it was the relationship with our Ian and [TS]

00:32:03   our daughter that was that that was the [TS]

00:32:05   thing that was most important to me no [TS]

00:32:08   that wasn't a thing I was ever going to [TS]

00:32:10   you sacrifice and yeah we grew up I'm [TS]

00:32:13   sure you knew lots of people like this I [TS]

00:32:15   know I did [TS]

00:32:17   parents who got divorced and one of them [TS]

00:32:22   took the kid somewhere else mm-hmm or [TS]

00:32:25   dad saw you on weekends or on alternate [TS]

00:32:29   weekends or on alternate months or [TS]

00:32:31   something and like I think I've probably [TS]

00:32:35   talked to you about this before but like [TS]

00:32:36   when my mom left my dad we were living [TS]

00:32:39   in Alaska and she basically like threw [TS]

00:32:42   some stuff in a suitcase and moved to [TS]

00:32:45   Seattle moved back to Seattle [TS]

00:32:48   and you know my dad was from Seattle [TS]

00:32:51   he'd lived his entire life in Seattle he [TS]

00:32:56   had been living in Anchorage for two [TS]

00:32:58   years [TS]

00:32:59   and yet when my mom left him and moved [TS]

00:33:03   back to Seattle my dad's stayed in [TS]

00:33:05   Anchorage like I like it here [TS]

00:33:08   good things are happening up here [TS]

00:33:11   and it I never questioned it as a kid [TS]

00:33:13   because you don't know enough to know [TS]

00:33:15   what you know your parents what they do [TS]

00:33:16   just seems like reasonable but after I [TS]

00:33:21   had a kid I was like wait a minute [TS]

00:33:23   he didn't have anything going on in [TS]

00:33:26   Anchorage why didn't he just move back [TS]

00:33:27   to Seattle - mm-hmm [TS]

00:33:29   and it was it was the one thing I wish I [TS]

00:33:33   could talk to him about now and just say [TS]

00:33:37   what was the logic there like you living [TS]

00:33:41   in Alaska and mom living in Seattle made [TS]

00:33:44   our lives growing up really complicated [TS]

00:33:47   and if you had just said well you know [TS]

00:33:50   I'm moving back to Seattle because I'm [TS]

00:33:54   getting a divorce and she wants to live [TS]

00:33:56   down there and I guess I'm just gonna [TS]

00:33:57   bite the bullet or whatever on the [TS]

00:33:59   behalf of my kids [TS]

00:34:00   I just Hannah I you know I it's a [TS]

00:34:05   conversation I would love to have with [TS]

00:34:06   them I don't know yeah so you you like [TS]

00:34:12   doing the show at 9:00 this episode of [TS]

00:34:18   Rodrik on the line is brought to you by [TS]

00:34:20   Casper you can learn more about Casper [TS]

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00:35:43   my household has two Casper mattresses [TS]

00:35:46   and we love them to pieces is actually [TS]

00:35:48   kind of weird that even these years into [TS]

00:35:51   my Casper ownership I still think about [TS]

00:35:52   the day that it arrives I think about [TS]

00:35:54   and marvel at how easy it was to receive [TS]

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00:35:59   Casper when I don't have it it's just [TS]

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00:36:16   Casper for supporting Roderick online [TS]

00:36:18   and all the great shows that we do we [TS]

00:36:22   get off track there no no no we put the [TS]

00:36:25   track on the skis this time buddy [TS]

00:36:30   finished more soda sometimes sometimes [TS]

00:36:43   when that happens and the there is a [TS]

00:36:48   split and one person takes the child [TS]

00:36:53   this is not a reflection on any given [TS]

00:36:55   couple or parent sometimes it's a an [TS]

00:36:58   offensive maneuver to say I'm going to [TS]

00:37:03   take little Rover and we are going to [TS]

00:37:06   move to Maine then the other person [TS]

00:37:10   might say well why would you want to [TS]

00:37:11   move to Maine don't you know I've always [TS]

00:37:15   wanted to move now but the but then that [TS]

00:37:19   does put the the other partner in a [TS]

00:37:22   strange position because what they do or [TS]

00:37:24   don't do we'll still have ramifications [TS]

00:37:26   and everybody's life changes like does [TS]

00:37:31   the offensive parent want them to come [TS]

00:37:33   there are they trying to get away from [TS]

00:37:35   that person even when they know that's [TS]

00:37:37   at the expense of that [TS]

00:37:39   other person being able to see the child [TS]

00:37:40   I think that's complicated business yeah [TS]

00:37:47   there's a lot of there's a lot of things [TS]

00:37:50   they're complicated it's true wait this [TS]

00:37:58   school start for you know and it's a [TS]

00:38:03   it's a constant source of confusion to [TS]

00:38:05   me how school anywhere can start before [TS]

00:38:09   September 5th yes I totally Cherie [TS]

00:38:14   school shouldn't start before September [TS]

00:38:16   5th then it should be out by June 14th [TS]

00:38:18   at the latest it's just it's one of [TS]

00:38:20   those things that just messes with your [TS]

00:38:22   head you know like when they change [TS]

00:38:25   daylight saving time you know that [TS]

00:38:27   screwed up a lot of stuff in my brain [TS]

00:38:30   and in the world but when they started [TS]

00:38:33   having schools start before Labor Day [TS]

00:38:35   that is very really weird I don't get it [TS]

00:38:39   what is the point of it yeah I mean I [TS]

00:38:42   see that the saw from the standpoint of [TS]

00:38:47   [Music] [TS]

00:38:48   government and I'm sure this is true of [TS]

00:38:51   you in California too to some degree but [TS]

00:38:57   my understanding is that the schools are [TS]

00:39:00   funded through this complicated formula [TS]

00:39:06   where they count the number of [TS]

00:39:09   attendances and they have to and then [TS]

00:39:14   they they apply for money based on how [TS]

00:39:16   many kids attended how many days and if [TS]

00:39:23   they have absences or if they have snow [TS]

00:39:29   days or other unforeseen you know [TS]

00:39:35   absolute days when the kids aren't there [TS]

00:39:37   then they lose money mm-hmm and they [TS]

00:39:40   need that money they need that money for [TS]

00:39:43   basic services and they're in a they're [TS]

00:39:45   kind of stuck in this thing where it's [TS]

00:39:46   like well it cost money to keep the [TS]

00:39:48   doors open but we need we don't have the [TS]

00:39:51   money to do that [TS]

00:39:52   so we have to keep the we have to keep [TS]

00:39:54   the doors open we have to keep having [TS]

00:39:55   more school days in order to have the [TS]

00:39:58   funding to having to have school so that [TS]

00:40:03   you know at least in Seattle our school [TS]

00:40:05   has this what I think is a kind of a [TS]

00:40:08   crazy attendance policy where a parent [TS]

00:40:14   who's going to Washington DC for a week [TS]

00:40:17   and wants to take their kid to [TS]

00:40:18   Washington DC this is something very [TS]

00:40:19   familiar yeah right [TS]

00:40:21   it's actually coming up it's actually [TS]

00:40:24   coming up we're going to Washington DC [TS]

00:40:25   this month well if you went to school [TS]

00:40:28   here you could expect a nasty letter and [TS]

00:40:30   a threat of arrest [TS]

00:40:31   yeah threat of prosecution basically so [TS]

00:40:34   this is something like I heard I don't [TS]

00:40:36   know if this right I feel like I heard [TS]

00:40:37   something like a hundred dollars a day [TS]

00:40:38   but all I know is that the corollary of [TS]

00:40:40   what you described is true I don't know [TS]

00:40:42   exactly how the funding gets there but I [TS]

00:40:43   do know that there are three things we [TS]

00:40:45   learn about and are reminded of pretty [TS]

00:40:48   much every day right which is that by [TS]

00:40:50   the school yeah oh yeah yeah yeah I mean [TS]

00:40:53   you know school starts promptly at 7:50 [TS]

00:40:55   do not be late there's no reason to be [TS]

00:40:57   late if you're going to drive to school [TS]

00:40:59   please use stop drop and go because [TS]

00:41:00   otherwise it's chaos and our neighbors [TS]

00:41:02   hate us and children might die because [TS]

00:41:03   you're driving around in the streets and [TS]

00:41:05   the other one is you must go to school [TS]

00:41:07   this is nothing that we are going to [TS]

00:41:09   debate and here's the bottom line the [TS]

00:41:11   bottom line is that every day you're [TS]

00:41:13   absent this school loses money and if [TS]

00:41:16   your kid is out for a week of Washington [TS]

00:41:18   that's actually very costly for the [TS]

00:41:19   school and then we have to threaten you [TS]

00:41:20   because there is some kind of an [TS]

00:41:22   accounting at some point about exactly [TS]

00:41:25   what you described like were the absence [TS]

00:41:27   and attendance numbers what they were I [TS]

00:41:29   guess estimated to be and I don't know [TS]

00:41:34   why we decided that's how we needed to [TS]

00:41:36   fund the schools I mean I don't [TS]

00:41:38   we decided it at some point obviously [TS]

00:41:41   the the the schools are the classic [TS]

00:41:44   thing of where there are a lot of a lot [TS]

00:41:46   a lot of people that don't have kids and [TS]

00:41:48   in the American in the current American [TS]

00:41:52   mindset if you don't have a kid then why [TS]

00:41:56   the hell should you pay for the schools [TS]

00:41:58   all right that's the Florida approach [TS]

00:42:00   yeah yeah it's for schools back in [TS]

00:42:03   Pennsylvania why would I do it again [TS]

00:42:04   yeah I [TS]

00:42:06   I paid for schools when my mom paid for [TS]

00:42:08   schools for me but I don't have a kid or [TS]

00:42:09   I don't you know or whatever like the [TS]

00:42:12   the idea that we don't think [TS]

00:42:14   collectively about ourselves anymore and [TS]

00:42:16   that we don't look at taxes as a way of [TS]

00:42:20   affecting collective improvement right [TS]

00:42:23   but that everyone is out for themselves [TS]

00:42:26   at all times suspicious of all [TS]

00:42:28   government believes like the kind of [TS]

00:42:30   thing where you would I mean I I would [TS]

00:42:32   not want to point in a particular party [TS]

00:42:33   but it feels like one of those things if [TS]

00:42:35   you go yeah of course we've got to fund [TS]

00:42:36   the schools but we also have to find [TS]

00:42:38   some way to make it drudgery we're you [TS]

00:42:40   know in the same way like you know my [TS]

00:42:41   feelings on things like reading logs [TS]

00:42:42   that you just drive me crazy the whole [TS]

00:42:44   like go prove you read you know okay you [TS]

00:42:47   know it's like why don't you take [TS]

00:42:49   something my kid loves and turn it into [TS]

00:42:50   something she can feel guilty about not [TS]

00:42:52   doing even though she's doing it but you [TS]

00:42:53   didn't do the log right same way I mean [TS]

00:42:55   like there's all these things where [TS]

00:42:56   you're like it's one of those like [TS]

00:42:58   alright you you just use one of your [TS]

00:43:00   monkey paw wishes and you want money but [TS]

00:43:03   guess how this is gonna work your school [TS]

00:43:10   districts voice is Bob Odenkirk but yeah [TS]

00:43:19   you feel so terrible for the schools you [TS]

00:43:22   want them to have resources and do the [TS]

00:43:24   job that they do well but the way that [TS]

00:43:28   the way that it works out where it's [TS]

00:43:30   like well school goes to July 5th now [TS]

00:43:32   and it starts again August 15th because [TS]

00:43:36   we had a couple of snow days yeah and [TS]

00:43:39   you're like what are we doing to [TS]

00:43:41   ourselves like where we are we're doing [TS]

00:43:44   we're doing a bad job in in pursuit of [TS]

00:43:48   doing a good job [TS]

00:43:52   we are my daughter's school is in a [TS]

00:43:56   neighborhood that is very close to the [TS]

00:43:58   University and it's the classic example [TS]

00:44:01   of a Seattle School where the additional [TS]

00:44:05   services that are not provided for by [TS]

00:44:07   the school district by which I mean [TS]

00:44:09   music lessons art lessons interesting PE [TS]

00:44:15   interesting after-school activities [TS]

00:44:18   supplies all those things are paid for [TS]

00:44:22   by a PTA and the PTA is able to pay for [TS]

00:44:26   those things because this neighborhood [TS]

00:44:28   is situated very close to Microsoft and [TS]

00:44:33   Amazon and etc etc and so the PTA has an [TS]

00:44:39   auction and the PTA sponsors a dance and [TS]

00:44:43   the PTA sends you 700 emails a year and [TS]

00:44:46   by university but the auctions coming up [TS]

00:44:49   so yeah I don't know I know you need to [TS]

00:44:54   get two tickets to the end of the sea [TS]

00:44:55   ball there were only $250 each it's [TS]

00:44:58   gonna be so much fun the end of all [TS]

00:45:00   gonna be so much fun [TS]

00:45:01   [Music] [TS]

00:45:02   but as a result of that her school can [TS]

00:45:05   hire an art teacher who is bona fide [TS]

00:45:10   artists and a wonderful woman who really [TS]

00:45:15   inspires the kids and gives them [TS]

00:45:19   incredibly enriching artistic activities [TS]

00:45:25   and like she is a jewel and she is paid [TS]

00:45:30   for entirely by this extra you know [TS]

00:45:35   district organization basically rich [TS]

00:45:39   parents and so my daughter's school has [TS]

00:45:43   a high rating on Yelp got a 5 out of 5 [TS]

00:45:48   stars and there are other schools in the [TS]

00:45:52   school district that don't have any arts [TS]

00:45:56   education because their PTA has no [TS]

00:45:59   ability to lay hands on that kind of [TS]

00:46:01   resource beyond those resources and that [TS]

00:46:04   is the inequity that [TS]

00:46:06   like baked into the Seattle School [TS]

00:46:09   District which is crazy to think that a [TS]

00:46:12   city as liberal and progressive and rich [TS]

00:46:15   as Seattle should have that be the [TS]

00:46:19   system and it and it's a it's a system [TS]

00:46:24   that like recapitulates itself every day [TS]

00:46:26   because when forty year olds decide that [TS]

00:46:28   they're gonna move out of downtown they [TS]

00:46:30   read Yelp they well and they have to [TS]

00:46:33   decide where they're gonna buy their [TS]

00:46:34   house based on how many stars their [TS]

00:46:37   school has and if you're if your [TS]

00:46:40   neighborhood has three star school let [TS]

00:46:42   alone a one point four star school yep [TS]

00:46:46   you have no idea what that means you [TS]

00:46:48   haven't been to the school you haven't [TS]

00:46:50   talked to the teachers you haven't [TS]

00:46:51   toured the campus you've just you're [TS]

00:46:53   looking at it online and it's like well [TS]

00:46:56   I can't move into that neighborhood so [TS]

00:46:59   it just perpetuates this idea that like [TS]

00:47:02   well you got to move up north into one [TS]

00:47:06   of these bedroom communities where the [TS]

00:47:08   schools are good and all these [TS]

00:47:10   neighborhoods that are awesome [TS]

00:47:11   neighborhoods down here but their school [TS]

00:47:14   districts don't have good stars you know [TS]

00:47:19   we can't even begin to look at an [TS]

00:47:21   affordable house down there because [TS]

00:47:25   there's a reason it's affordable there's [TS]

00:47:28   a reason it's affordable and it's [TS]

00:47:29   because when you're doing your kid gets [TS]

00:47:30   to school they're given a mop bucket and [TS]

00:47:33   a piece of dry black bread mm-hmm there [TS]

00:47:37   you know and they are sent to learn by [TS]

00:47:40   cleaning out the toilets at the prison [TS]

00:47:42   hmm it's like I don't really I think [TS]

00:47:45   that all the schools here probably I [TS]

00:47:47   mean I don't know I don't know so part [TS]

00:47:51   of it is should you trust the Stars you [TS]

00:47:54   never trust the Stars [TS]

00:47:55   mhm go eat for yourself try something [TS]

00:47:57   different every time but I don't know [TS]

00:47:59   how is it down there how is it in San [TS]

00:48:01   Francisco is it a similar situation [TS]

00:48:02   yeah it's gotten way way better it was a [TS]

00:48:08   what a liberal dystopia at one point [TS]

00:48:11   where every the system that was in place [TS]

00:48:13   not long before my kid went to school [TS]

00:48:16   really felt like it was invented by [TS]

00:48:17   young liberals who don't have kids [TS]

00:48:20   people like basically College sophomores [TS]

00:48:22   because it was what it came down to was [TS]

00:48:28   not even a lottery it was just it was [TS]

00:48:31   kind of it could be fairly random where [TS]

00:48:33   your kid went to school like you could [TS]

00:48:35   in this town so many people move to so [TS]

00:48:37   they don't need don't so they won't need [TS]

00:48:38   to own a car for example you your kid [TS]

00:48:41   might be on the diagonal you know the [TS]

00:48:44   opposite diagonal of town from where you [TS]

00:48:46   live based on I think based on like [TS]

00:48:49   something fairly random that I mean I [TS]

00:48:52   think takes into account things like [TS]

00:48:54   diversity but it was a it was basically [TS]

00:48:57   a crapshoot I mean I had a friend who [TS]

00:48:59   lived in Duboce triangle whose kid went [TS]

00:49:04   to elementary school in North Beach no [TS]

00:49:08   big aunt did not a car so he took his [TS]

00:49:11   kid that that ride I guess what maybe a [TS]

00:49:15   five film where I'm not sure take your [TS]

00:49:16   kid that ride on the bus and then you [TS]

00:49:19   come back and you go to work how is that [TS]

00:49:22   oh it depends but like I would allow for [TS]

00:49:26   roundtrip I'd allow an hour and a half [TS]

00:49:28   yeah that's crazy right I mean yeah San [TS]

00:49:31   Francisco well that's done it it is way [TS]

00:49:34   better and so the way it works now is of [TS]

00:49:38   course there's paperwork and you have to [TS]

00:49:39   like to talk to people about this and be [TS]

00:49:41   a fretful hen for several years before [TS]

00:49:42   your kids report even matters but when [TS]

00:49:46   you're ready you so you say like what's [TS]

00:49:48   what school you want your kid to go to [TS]

00:49:50   and you get I think up to three choices [TS]

00:49:54   something like this don't quote me but [TS]

00:49:56   long story short the way it works now is [TS]

00:49:58   mostly if you're asking for a normal [TS]

00:50:02   school that's near your house there's a [TS]

00:50:05   pretty good chance you'll get it if that [TS]

00:50:07   child already had an older sibling in [TS]

00:50:09   that school you're pretty much I think [TS]

00:50:11   guaranteed especially if they're still [TS]

00:50:13   there you're pretty much guaranteed to [TS]

00:50:15   be grandfathered in in terms of [TS]

00:50:16   eligibility mmm-hmm as I understand it [TS]

00:50:18   there are distinctions one distinction [TS]

00:50:21   is that it's my understanding that every [TS]

00:50:22   every class of school elementary middle [TS]

00:50:25   and high school but I know this is true [TS]

00:50:27   in my daughter's school there are [TS]

00:50:28   different schools that attend to the [TS]

00:50:30   needs of various types of kids [TS]

00:50:33   and that gets broken out by kind of [TS]

00:50:34   specialty that that school will deal [TS]

00:50:36   with so it could be kids who are [TS]

00:50:38   developmentally disabled it could be [TS]

00:50:39   kids with emotional issues it could be [TS]

00:50:42   kids with physical disabilities it's a [TS]

00:50:44   way of saying hey you can go to whatever [TS]

00:50:45   school you want but if you want the one [TS]

00:50:47   where we've really put the resources to [TS]

00:50:48   help you out this is the one to go to [TS]

00:50:49   which I think you know makes some sense [TS]

00:50:51   if there's limited funds I guess that [TS]

00:50:53   makes sense [TS]

00:50:53   yeah and then like if you want to go to [TS]

00:50:56   like a really good high school then I [TS]

00:50:59   think it is very competitive like a [TS]

00:51:01   public high school if you want to go to [TS]

00:51:03   what's the one here in town what's the [TS]

00:51:07   big high school in San Francisco Lowell [TS]

00:51:11   if you were to go to Lowell which is the [TS]

00:51:12   best high school in San Francisco and [TS]

00:51:13   everyone says so then it's a little more [TS]

00:51:16   you know a little more tricky like just [TS]

00:51:18   just because you live by the mall [TS]

00:51:19   doesn't mean you're gonna get into [TS]

00:51:20   Lowell did you go to the best High [TS]

00:51:24   School in your town arguably yes [TS]

00:51:30   I think so and what made it the best [TS]

00:51:34   High School in your town one thing was I [TS]

00:51:36   think it got a lot of resources so it [TS]

00:51:38   was the school that had so the old high [TS]

00:51:41   school became the junior high my high [TS]

00:51:43   school was built I think in the 60s then [TS]

00:51:46   way north of town out in the middle of [TS]

00:51:48   nowhere [TS]

00:51:49   they built a high school a little later [TS]

00:51:50   and then the junior high that I went to [TS]

00:51:53   in starting in the 80s turned into a [TS]

00:51:56   high school so there were three high [TS]

00:51:57   schools at the time I went to high [TS]

00:51:58   school and I think ours it was the it [TS]

00:52:01   was the the it was a comprehensive high [TS]

00:52:03   school so it had vocational stuff it had [TS]

00:52:06   like the full battery of available [TS]

00:52:08   things and it was it was huge there was [TS]

00:52:10   over 2,000 kids at my high school [TS]

00:52:13   666 kids mm-hmm nice entered my freshman [TS]

00:52:18   year and I think there were something [TS]

00:52:19   like 500 graduates and if you think back [TS]

00:52:22   at your at your time there can you with [TS]

00:52:27   the wisdom of time see where those [TS]

00:52:33   resources were allocated in a way that [TS]

00:52:35   benefited you no I mean did they did the [TS]

00:52:39   resources that that school have did it [TS]

00:52:40   hire a higher caliber of teacher one of [TS]

00:52:44   who [TS]

00:52:44   had a profound effect on your life oh um [TS]

00:52:47   I mean I am really like some of my [TS]

00:52:49   teachers a lot I don't think so I mean [TS]

00:52:51   not my first of all this is whatever [TS]

00:52:53   over 30 years ago so my memories spotty [TS]

00:52:55   yeah but but no golf I went to golf and [TS]

00:52:59   golf had you know certain things Hudson [TS]

00:53:01   had certain things everybody had [TS]

00:53:02   football everybody had band I don't [TS]

00:53:05   think there was any one of them that was [TS]

00:53:07   distinctly the less good school that's [TS]

00:53:10   in had a better football team than we [TS]

00:53:12   did but I'm trying to think of this in [TS]

00:53:14   so let's go look up comprehensive high [TS]

00:53:20   school so like you know the band stuff I [TS]

00:53:22   did it seemed like okay well funded of [TS]

00:53:24   course we had to do you know self [TS]

00:53:26   Snickers bars and stuff comprehensive [TS]

00:53:28   high schools are the most popular form [TS]

00:53:29   of public high schools compared to the [TS]

00:53:30   common part of it above a high school [TS]

00:53:32   specializing University prep school [TS]

00:53:34   academic preparation we did an 8 P we [TS]

00:53:37   Advanced Placement did you take AP no no [TS]

00:53:40   it was not up to that yeah well I hung [TS]

00:53:44   out with a lot of the kids especially [TS]

00:53:46   the Venn diagram of AP kids that were in [TS]

00:53:47   band that was a lot of my friends [TS]

00:53:51   sexy sexy crowd I'm trying to think the [TS]

00:53:55   aunt answer your question no I mean [TS]

00:53:56   certainly my life has been hugely shaped [TS]

00:53:59   by teachers and professors at various [TS]

00:54:02   points but I mean I don't think they had [TS]

00:54:04   like what a Cornel West I don't think [TS]

00:54:06   they had like Carl Sagan I don't think [TS]

00:54:09   they had like you know I don't think [TS]

00:54:12   there was anybody there who was like [TS]

00:54:13   world famous or anything well that's [TS]

00:54:15   what I mean it just just and I and this [TS]

00:54:18   is my my reply when people in Seattle [TS]

00:54:21   talked about sorry I didn't need you [TS]

00:54:23   rail that oh not at all no I that was a [TS]

00:54:25   you were you were answering the question [TS]

00:54:27   I think pretty well which is that is [TS]

00:54:30   there anywhere you can point to in your [TS]

00:54:33   schooling where the advantages that you [TS]

00:54:36   took from school were the were the [TS]

00:54:39   result of decisions that were being made [TS]

00:54:41   at the school district level rather than [TS]

00:54:43   just luck of the draw [TS]

00:54:45   right what teacher you got who you met [TS]

00:54:47   where you happen to be standing on any [TS]

00:54:49   given day you know what I'm gonna answer [TS]

00:54:51   that in an even deeper way than you [TS]

00:54:53   asked which is to say one truism [TS]

00:54:56   something I feel like has been true no [TS]

00:54:57   matter where I went what any school that [TS]

00:54:59   I was involved with whether that was in [TS]

00:55:01   Ohio or in Florida or in California [TS]

00:55:03   there's one thing that's true which is [TS]

00:55:06   like I'll bet you dimes to donuts no [TS]

00:55:07   matter what edifice you're in no matter [TS]

00:55:10   what good then further to that what [TS]

00:55:12   grade they're attending I bet you [TS]

00:55:14   they're still gonna be like let's say [TS]

00:55:18   there's I don't know arguably let's say [TS]

00:55:19   for this particular grade level there's [TS]

00:55:21   six teachers up through middle school [TS]

00:55:24   let's say right you know if you put [TS]

00:55:26   those however you wanted to do it ranked [TS]

00:55:28   them on a some kind of a curve I bet [TS]

00:55:32   there's gonna be one that's clearly [TS]

00:55:33   better than the others and one or two [TS]

00:55:35   who are clearly worse than the others [TS]

00:55:37   yeah what am I saying [TS]

00:55:39   I'm saying no matter where you live no [TS]

00:55:40   matter how much you pay for your house [TS]

00:55:41   no matter what school you go to there's [TS]

00:55:43   still a chance that at the very nice [TS]

00:55:45   school you go to you're gonna have [TS]

00:55:47   you're gonna get matched to a teacher [TS]

00:55:48   that for whatever reason was not a good [TS]

00:55:50   match to your kid Emily tell you you go [TS]

00:55:52   to the quote/unquote lowest star school [TS]

00:55:54   in town there's somebody in that [TS]

00:55:56   building that could change your kid's [TS]

00:55:58   life and they just might get that person [TS]

00:55:59   it's you see you could see this at [TS]

00:56:02   McDonald's you can see this at the DMV [TS]

00:56:04   you see this anywhere you go were you as [TS]

00:56:06   I've said before you meet an angel you [TS]

00:56:08   meet somebody who's just amazing my [TS]

00:56:09   first grade teacher was like that we [TS]

00:56:11   were in an out building we were in like [TS]

00:56:13   a mobile home because our school was [TS]

00:56:15   growing and she's the best teacher I [TS]

00:56:17   ever had in my life [TS]

00:56:18   she I mean when my father was very very [TS]

00:56:21   ill she was like having me over to their [TS]

00:56:23   house she had a birthday party for me [TS]

00:56:25   when I was seven I mean at her house she [TS]

00:56:28   had a over for dinner at her house and [TS]

00:56:31   gave me a hamburger candle I never [TS]

00:56:33   forgot for that Shirley Jackson there's [TS]

00:56:36   no need for you to do that you never [TS]

00:56:38   needed to do that the country that's [TS]

00:56:39   amazing but anyway so that's the problem [TS]

00:56:43   like you okay you did you did everything [TS]

00:56:44   right like you crossed all the right [TS]

00:56:45   palms you feel that all the right forms [TS]

00:56:47   and now you're going to the five star [TS]

00:56:48   school like there is still a chance that [TS]

00:56:50   that is not a good match for your kid [TS]

00:56:51   and there's probably not even a way for [TS]

00:56:53   you to know that not even a chance I [TS]

00:56:55   mean there's every likelihood that [TS]

00:56:57   they're gonna get a teacher that rubs [TS]

00:57:00   them the wrong way or that whatever [TS]

00:57:01   they're not they don't thrive in that [TS]

00:57:02   environment I mean teachers may be great [TS]

00:57:05   teachers having a bad year it happens to [TS]

00:57:07   everybody [TS]

00:57:08   I had mrs. Lankford [TS]

00:57:09   for second grade I loved mrs. Langford [TS]

00:57:12   mrs. Langford is where I got cinnamon [TS]

00:57:14   toast the guinea pig [TS]

00:57:15   my sister had mrs. Langford three years [TS]

00:57:17   later they battled the entire year they [TS]

00:57:20   my sister hated mrs. Langford Wow [TS]

00:57:23   how do you account for that my mom who [TS]

00:57:25   had known mrs. Langford when I am [TS]

00:57:28   begging begging please Susan take miss [TS]

00:57:29   mrs. Langford please take Susan take her [TS]

00:57:32   well and the thing is because I got [TS]

00:57:33   along great with mrs. Langford my mom [TS]

00:57:36   and she didn't have that much [TS]

00:57:37   interaction mrs. Langford was just [TS]

00:57:39   another teacher at the school as far as [TS]

00:57:40   she was concerned yesterday so this is [TS]

00:57:44   real quick but like one of my daughter's [TS]

00:57:46   best friends her mom has big job at the [TS]

00:57:49   PTA and her grandmother also works [TS]

00:57:51   heavily this year with the PTA and they [TS]

00:57:53   were setting up for first day of school [TS]

00:57:55   they didn't think I'll kiss and cry [TS]

00:57:56   where like after you said goodbye to [TS]

00:57:57   your kindergartner you can come and have [TS]

00:57:59   a cup of coffee and they were running [TS]

00:58:00   that at you know 7:30 in the morning but [TS]

00:58:03   anyway my friends at Lee's friends [TS]

00:58:06   grandmother said you know I think my [TS]

00:58:10   kids used to just get on a bus and go to [TS]

00:58:12   school like I picked my daughter up [TS]

00:58:14   every day I talked to people every day I [TS]

00:58:15   go through lost-and-found every day like [TS]

00:58:17   it's just part of mine and she's like [TS]

00:58:18   she's like something says something like [TS]

00:58:20   like I would go to my kids school like [TS]

00:58:21   twice a year I would step in the doors [TS]

00:58:23   of my kids school I got them out of the [TS]

00:58:25   bus and then they came home off the bus [TS]

00:58:27   later totally totally different world [TS]

00:58:29   you didn't used to sit there and check [TS]

00:58:31   your email every day to find out like [TS]

00:58:33   how things are going or good photos from [TS]

00:58:34   the field trip like that just didn't [TS]

00:58:35   happen [TS]

00:58:36   you got a yearbook and you got four [TS]

00:58:37   report cards well you know my mom my mom [TS]

00:58:42   had another layer of insulation because [TS]

00:58:44   she had to be at work at the crack of [TS]

00:58:45   dawn right so she took me to the [TS]

00:58:47   babysitter in the morning the babysitter [TS]

00:58:49   sent us to the bus the bus took us to [TS]

00:58:51   the school that at the end of school we [TS]

00:58:53   took the bus back to the neighborhood [TS]

00:58:56   walked slowly to the babysitter's where [TS]

00:58:59   we were until 6:30 at night when mom [TS]

00:59:02   came to get us so it was you know my mom [TS]

00:59:06   said one time these freakin bake sales [TS]

00:59:09   like I will just give them $50 if I [TS]

00:59:15   don't have to I don't want to go to a [TS]

00:59:16   bake sale and buy a $10 cake five times [TS]

00:59:18   a year I'll just give you $50 nobody has [TS]

00:59:21   to bake a cake [TS]

00:59:21   yeah that's does not work [TS]

00:59:23   but it's not it's very important that [TS]

00:59:25   you be nominally involved but you know [TS]

00:59:29   for you for the two of us right people [TS]

00:59:32   people people [TS]

00:59:35   I think admire you admire me because we [TS]

00:59:40   have managed to make a life for [TS]

00:59:42   ourselves by accident largely but also [TS]

00:59:47   by virtue of you know sort of myriad [TS]

00:59:53   talents and luck and good fortune but [TS]

00:59:56   also trying things testing things as it [TS]

00:59:59   is [TS]

00:59:59   is [TS]

01:00:00   these compliments I'm really actually [TS]

01:00:01   very happy to hear this I'm paying you [TS]

01:00:03   these compliments I don't hear you [TS]

01:00:05   paying me any compliments but that's [TS]

01:00:06   damn well you have dignity issues but [TS]

01:00:09   but we didn't succeed in any sense that [TS]

01:00:16   could have been predicted in 1975 or in [TS]

01:00:20   1985 or in 1995 right there's nothing [TS]

01:00:25   that you and I are doing right now that [TS]

01:00:27   we can directly tie to having gone to a [TS]

01:00:30   good you know what Little John I could [TS]

01:00:32   really see you and if I don't know what [TS]

01:00:35   you're sometime in the 2000s I could [TS]

01:00:37   really see you being paid by an internet [TS]

01:00:39   mattress company to talk about your [TS]

01:00:40   relationship with me I can really see [TS]

01:00:43   that yeah right I imagine if the PTA [TS]

01:00:51   gets you know a little bit more funding [TS]

01:00:53   so that you can so that an astronomer [TS]

01:00:56   can come in to you and talk to you about [TS]

01:00:57   space that's one day gonna lead to a [TS]

01:01:01   situation right right where once every [TS]

01:01:04   10 years you put out put out an album [TS]

01:01:06   maybe mm-hmm we know there's put the [TS]

01:01:10   nicer water fountains in your skin oh [TS]

01:01:13   yeah yeah but I but I saw so I I know [TS]

01:01:17   that isn't again it's sort of like the [TS]

01:01:19   like the child rearing thing it's not a [TS]

01:01:23   thing you can plan for but it's also [TS]

01:01:26   it's also a thing that you can relax [TS]

01:01:30   about too it's it's so difficult to know [TS]

01:01:34   because I get asked to talk to kids you [TS]

01:01:37   know high school kids a lot and I always [TS]

01:01:40   want to say things to them that are [TS]

01:01:42   probably gonna have the teacher say like [TS]

01:01:45   okay everybody get on the bus like [TS]

01:01:49   sessions over because what I want to say [TS]

01:01:51   is like don't go to college right away [TS]

01:01:53   don't you know don't care so much about [TS]

01:01:58   your future [TS]

01:02:00   it isn't how you make yourself it isn't [TS]

01:02:03   how you make your future to care so much [TS]

01:02:05   about it like it will happen you know [TS]

01:02:08   you have no say in it your futures [TS]

01:02:10   coming hmm and [TS]

01:02:12   and whether or not you get into the good [TS]

01:02:16   high school in San Francisco like the [TS]

01:02:19   the pain and suffering that you put [TS]

01:02:21   yourself through that you put your [TS]

01:02:22   family through the agonizing the hour [TS]

01:02:26   and a half long commute the the [TS]

01:02:30   self-flagellating the missed [TS]

01:02:32   opportunities the trips to Washington DC [TS]

01:02:34   that you don't take in order to in order [TS]

01:02:38   to do these things that seem to be [TS]

01:02:39   assuring that you're gonna be on a path [TS]

01:02:42   where you know you may not be doing all [TS]

01:02:47   the right things but you're trying to [TS]

01:02:49   avoid doing the wrong things and what [TS]

01:02:51   you're doing is not doing some of the [TS]

01:02:52   things that you need not going to [TS]

01:02:54   Washington DC which is the thing that [TS]

01:02:55   you need to do it's a you know yeah but [TS]

01:03:00   how do you how do you communicate that [TS]

01:03:02   to people you're saying how do you tell [TS]

01:03:04   how to tell the school you don't want [TS]

01:03:06   your feet touched yeah how do you tell [TS]

01:03:09   yourself that you can send your kid [TS]

01:03:13   confidently to a two and a half star [TS]

01:03:16   school and know that they're going to [TS]

01:03:18   get a good education they're going to be [TS]

01:03:19   fine that having them at the school is [TS]

01:03:22   good for the school that having having [TS]

01:03:27   your kid go to the school that's in [TS]

01:03:28   their own neighborhood is good for that [TS]

01:03:30   you mentally I want everybody involved [TS]

01:03:33   well I'm gonna say something that could [TS]

01:03:36   get me and I just know a whole lot of [TS]

01:03:37   trouble which is that I think a lot of [TS]

01:03:41   people who have a good heart but who [TS]

01:03:46   would primarily like you to see them as [TS]

01:03:50   supporting their child's future are [TS]

01:03:53   really just ridiculously competitive and [TS]

01:03:55   that's one way it gets worked out [TS]

01:03:57   luckily maybe that's probably a good [TS]

01:03:58   direction it's it's not like there's a [TS]

01:03:59   competition for having the most terrible [TS]

01:04:01   kid but in that case like maybe that's a [TS]

01:04:03   good thing that'll benefit everybody but [TS]

01:04:05   I think a lot of people do that just [TS]

01:04:06   because they're competitive I think some [TS]

01:04:07   people go to the DMV at six because they [TS]

01:04:10   want to be the first in line they want [TS]

01:04:11   to win the DMV I think you know some [TS]

01:04:13   people buy lottery tickets because they [TS]

01:04:15   want to be the one they could use the [TS]

01:04:17   money but they'd really love to be the [TS]

01:04:18   person who want people want admit who [TS]

01:04:23   puts who puts Yelp reviews of their [TS]

01:04:27   school I mean who I mean I don't I don't [TS]

01:04:31   know who does Yelp reviews two kinds of [TS]

01:04:35   people as for a school in particular [TS]

01:04:36   this is less true I think for most [TS]

01:04:38   businesses on Yelp but wherever you are [TS]

01:04:40   well first its confirmation bias like I [TS]

01:04:43   guess a form of that where you're gonna [TS]

01:04:44   go and give your scuffs start your own [TS]

01:04:46   school five stars right I mean it's like [TS]

01:04:48   a self linked you would go and do that [TS]

01:04:50   the other kind is like you're mad that [TS]

01:04:52   mrs. mrs. crabapple sent you a letter [TS]

01:04:54   about you know going out of town for a [TS]

01:04:57   week and so you give them one star and [TS]

01:04:58   say that they don't communicate well [TS]

01:05:00   with I didn't do that but that's yeah I [TS]

01:05:07   mean but Jesus Christ look at it with [TS]

01:05:10   something as insignificant as a meal at [TS]

01:05:12   a restaurant not to say it's the food is [TS]

01:05:14   not important but think about all the [TS]

01:05:16   times we you know if you ever did look [TS]

01:05:17   at Yelp if you're just desperate and [TS]

01:05:19   we're somewhere or like which one I mean [TS]

01:05:20   I look at we're driving through you know [TS]

01:05:24   Central California and I'm picky picking [TS]

01:05:26   out which Popeyes I want to go to cuz [TS]

01:05:28   I'm gonna make my wife took me to [TS]

01:05:29   Popeyes this is a trip and I get a [TS]

01:05:31   special and so multiple multiples [TS]

01:05:34   Popeyes in various places just to just [TS]

01:05:37   rewind a little bit when you're on a [TS]

01:05:39   trip with your wife you get she gives [TS]

01:05:41   you a coupon for one special Merlin meal [TS]

01:05:44   well you get to have pop I don't always [TS]

01:05:46   utilize it because I know it's not good [TS]

01:05:48   for me but like I am discouraged by my [TS]

01:05:50   family from eating terrible food and I [TS]

01:05:54   am no longer like I used to be used to [TS]

01:05:57   be my band well I had a band in [TS]

01:05:58   Tallahassee called three-piece spicy [TS]

01:05:59   white me because we were right across [TS]

01:06:01   the street from Popeyes and I hate [TS]

01:06:03   Popeyes before every band practice [TS]

01:06:05   Wow I mean Popeyes used to be a big part [TS]

01:06:07   of my life and I had Popeyes at my [TS]

01:06:10   baccalaureate defense really actually my [TS]

01:06:14   mom did she bought a couple bucks as a [TS]

01:06:15   chicken some people were there just for [TS]

01:06:16   the chicken right yeah yeah some food [TS]

01:06:20   the kumkum for the chicken the state for [TS]

01:06:22   the Horkheimer and Adorno uh-huh so [TS]

01:06:26   so I do get that my point being and so [TS]

01:06:30   I'll go look on the map and I zoom in [TS]

01:06:32   and I say Papa show me pop us on the [TS]

01:06:34   route and there'll be different ratings [TS]

01:06:36   for the Popeyes five miles apart and you [TS]

01:06:39   know why well maybe some are definitely [TS]

01:06:41   better [TS]

01:06:41   as with any fast food place some are [TS]

01:06:43   actually legitimately better branches of [TS]

01:06:46   that like and you learn that you learn [TS]

01:06:48   that's the nest the good 7-eleven that's [TS]

01:06:50   the one good Burger King whatever but [TS]

01:06:53   you know why cuz you know enough people [TS]

01:06:55   came in and said I didn't like the [TS]

01:06:56   attitude of that lady at the counter or [TS]

01:06:58   one time you know you spoiled my mind [TS]

01:07:00   the noodles were soggy at my bridal [TS]

01:07:02   party boo everybody leave a bad review [TS]

01:07:04   right and you get like right to get a [TS]

01:07:06   blanket party yeah you get a little bit [TS]

01:07:08   of a black mirror situation no black [TS]

01:07:11   mirror situation so something as stupid [TS]

01:07:13   as a box of fried bird and that happens [TS]

01:07:18   imagine what that's like with something [TS]

01:07:19   as in my estimation important as the [TS]

01:07:23   school that your kid goes to for up to [TS]

01:07:25   six years yeah yeah I I I don't know the [TS]

01:07:34   solution no I don't either but you know [TS]

01:07:36   I'll tell you one thing you could do is [TS]

01:07:37   I mean this is a very old-fashioned [TS]

01:07:41   thing to do but whenever I'm not sure [TS]

01:07:44   what did you or think about something I [TS]

01:07:47   want to talk to somebody [TS]

01:07:49   sometimes that's where like I think I [TS]

01:07:52   have some idea about this new domain of [TS]

01:07:54   my life and work how that would be right [TS]

01:07:57   like maybe I decided I want to get in [TS]

01:07:58   shape well I could just like spend all [TS]

01:08:01   my time looking for gyms but look I [TS]

01:08:02   could talk to somebody who's like like a [TS]

01:08:04   friend of mine and I find out what they [TS]

01:08:06   do [TS]

01:08:06   my daughter is considering a musical [TS]

01:08:08   instrument she tells me she's already [TS]

01:08:09   decided the instrument she wants to play [TS]

01:08:11   I felt a little antsy I can't reveal it [TS]

01:08:14   yet but I'm antsy about it because she's [TS]

01:08:16   never mentioned hearing this instance [TS]

01:08:19   how my brain works she's never mentioned [TS]

01:08:20   hearing this instrument going oh I like [TS]

01:08:22   that sound right there weren't any other [TS]

01:08:24   instruments that she has mentioned I [TS]

01:08:27   think she likes the form factor and the [TS]

01:08:28   way you look when you play this thing [TS]

01:08:30   but she's never played one with a [TS]

01:08:32   clarinet then well so I I find myself [TS]

01:08:36   saying like it would be so great if [TS]

01:08:38   there was a way not [TS]

01:08:39   to learn every instrument but to have [TS]

01:08:41   all these instruments on a table and be [TS]

01:08:43   able to hold it and see it and feel and [TS]

01:08:44   hear the noise that it makes have a debt [TS]

01:08:46   live demonstration by somebody talented [TS]

01:08:49   various people tell you no I'm saying [TS]

01:08:51   that doesn't happen in schools like it [TS]

01:08:53   used to we used to get concerts all the [TS]

01:08:54   time but in this case I'm going to say [TS]

01:08:56   this is what an alto sax sounds like and [TS]

01:08:59   you play something typical of an alto [TS]

01:09:00   sax right right [TS]

01:09:02   so I would go to the school I would talk [TS]

01:09:06   to people who go to the school and I [TS]

01:09:08   would I would ask one of my clever [TS]

01:09:09   question see if you could meet the [TS]

01:09:11   principal but they could be better to me [TS]

01:09:12   parents of somebody who's been there for [TS]

01:09:14   at least two years and I would say [TS]

01:09:17   what's the best thing about this and [TS]

01:09:18   what's the second worst thing but you [TS]

01:09:20   know the what that what that does is it [TS]

01:09:25   it just is a it points out how difficult [TS]

01:09:30   it is to really feel like you have peers [TS]

01:09:32   because at my daughter's school there's [TS]

01:09:35   a teacher that everybody loves and my [TS]

01:09:38   experience of this teacher is that she's [TS]

01:09:41   that she doesn't work for me and it's [TS]

01:09:45   because she doesn't seem to really she [TS]

01:09:49   seems to just be sort of phoning it in [TS]

01:09:50   and everybody else is sort of fine with [TS]

01:09:52   that there's a lot of this confirmation [TS]

01:09:55   bias that you're talking about where [TS]

01:09:56   it's like we go to the best school in [TS]

01:09:58   town so our teachers are the best yeah [TS]

01:09:59   and this teacher who's phoning it in is [TS]

01:10:02   phoning it in the best yeah and I just [TS]

01:10:06   feel like a young teacher somewhere [TS]

01:10:08   who's really trying work real hard or a [TS]

01:10:12   teacher that has some creative ideas [TS]

01:10:17   even if they are even if that teacher is [TS]

01:10:21   fumbling is going to be more interesting [TS]

01:10:24   to my kid at this stage than somebody [TS]

01:10:26   who is super comfortable like they still [TS]

01:10:29   got the eye of the tiger right and even [TS]

01:10:32   if they are I mean you know I think [TS]

01:10:35   personally like better for a kid to be [TS]

01:10:38   taught by somebody who's like struggling [TS]

01:10:43   a little you know like like working hard [TS]

01:10:45   to figure their thing out yeah that is [TS]

01:10:50   gonna produce a yelp review [TS]

01:10:52   that's like well the teacher doesn't or [TS]

01:10:55   it's just you know that's the type of [TS]

01:10:57   teacher that gets assigned to a school [TS]

01:11:00   that is struggling all I'm saying is [TS]

01:11:03   like you could weasel your way in Oh [TS]

01:11:05   IIIi know this is true at our school and [TS]

01:11:08   at other schools around here but there's [TS]

01:11:09   almost always somebody there who's a [TS]

01:11:13   volunteer a parent usually but a [TS]

01:11:15   volunteer who in some form or fashion [TS]

01:11:17   deals with people who don't go to school [TS]

01:11:19   here yet so there's usually a committee [TS]

01:11:21   of people who help with people who are [TS]

01:11:25   gonna check out kindergarten before they [TS]

01:11:27   arrive here there's people like that [TS]

01:11:29   there are people every at our school [TS]

01:11:31   every grade has at least one person it [TS]

01:11:34   was just the liaison to like new [TS]

01:11:37   students and their families to help them [TS]

01:11:38   acclimate that person there must be a [TS]

01:11:41   person like that at this at a school [TS]

01:11:43   that you could go talk to who would be [TS]

01:11:45   happy to like then once you talk to them [TS]

01:11:47   now you can you got an inroad to me and [TS]

01:11:49   other people will tell you the real [TS]

01:11:49   story but I think the challenge the [TS]

01:11:53   challenge there is that people a lot of [TS]

01:11:55   people I know are making decisions about [TS]

01:11:57   where they're going to move because you [TS]

01:12:01   get to be 40 you want to have a kid you [TS]

01:12:04   can't live in Seattle anymore [TS]

01:12:06   basically it's too expensive right [TS]

01:12:07   you're living in a one-bedroom apartment [TS]

01:12:09   now you have a kid you can't keep living [TS]

01:12:12   in a one-bedroom apartment but you can't [TS]

01:12:14   move anywhere else in in town to [TS]

01:12:18   anything better than a one-bedroom [TS]

01:12:19   apartment and so you have to move to one [TS]

01:12:21   of the outlying neighborhoods where the [TS]

01:12:23   schools are and you're trying to make [TS]

01:12:25   this decision we want to get a nice [TS]

01:12:28   house we want walkable streets we want [TS]

01:12:31   good schools and I don't know how many [TS]

01:12:34   people have the you know I like I would [TS]

01:12:37   not have the ability I don't think to go [TS]

01:12:39   out to all the out outlying schools and [TS]

01:12:41   pick one that I liked and then start [TS]

01:12:43   making decisions about where I was gonna [TS]

01:12:45   move based on that and so I'm you know I [TS]

01:12:48   hear time and time again like well that [TS]

01:12:50   we found this great house it's in this [TS]

01:12:52   great neighborhood I really like it [TS]

01:12:53   there but the schools are bad so we [TS]

01:12:54   can't and it's like wow that's a great [TS]

01:12:58   neighborhood a great house that you like [TS]

01:13:00   everything about it it's close to town [TS]

01:13:03   it's affordable [TS]

01:13:05   the schools are bad you say and so so [TS]

01:13:10   the politics is enough people repeating [TS]

01:13:14   those words because they heard it from [TS]

01:13:15   somebody else and now those schools are [TS]

01:13:17   bad yeah they've become bad it's like [TS]

01:13:19   it's like naming your kid Jeeves it's [TS]

01:13:21   destiny [TS]

01:13:22   yeah those kids are bad it's like naming [TS]

01:13:24   your kid Jeeves don't name your kid [TS]

01:13:26   Jeeves [TS]

01:13:27   that's not mmm how much do you know [TS]

01:13:30   about that school right right well I've [TS]

01:13:33   heard from several people oh you know [TS]

01:13:35   like I did you did you look online the [TS]

01:13:38   ratings of that school [TS]

01:13:40   it's no you don't got Jose you want to [TS]

01:13:42   go regional Jose [TS]

01:13:45   this isn't the good Popeyes no no this [TS]

01:13:48   is the bad cheesesteak pizza Oh Chicago [TS]

01:13:51   or you gotta go to you got to go to [TS]

01:13:53   prime meal [TS]

01:13:54   prime prime evil chose Philly [TS]

01:13:59   cheesesteaks but you and I are always [TS]

01:14:01   saying things essentially like like [TS]

01:14:07   saying well don't you know in apron it's [TS]

01:14:12   definitely like not out of character for [TS]

01:14:14   me when a friend is saying like Oh we'd [TS]

01:14:16   love to live down there on in this [TS]

01:14:18   beautiful home on the edge of a park [TS]

01:14:20   next to this great old neighborhood but [TS]

01:14:24   we can't because the schools are bad so [TS]

01:14:26   we're moving somewhere where there it's [TS]

01:14:27   an hour and 45 minute long commute and I [TS]

01:14:30   and it's in character for me to go well [TS]

01:14:32   that doesn't sound smart why don't you [TS]

01:14:34   just ignore the fact that the schools [TS]

01:14:36   were supposedly bad and go send your kid [TS]

01:14:38   there and do your part to make that [TS]

01:14:40   school better or just count on the fact [TS]

01:14:42   that like there's a 99% chance that that [TS]

01:14:45   feed your kids teacher is gonna be great [TS]

01:14:48   and your kid is gonna have a great time [TS]

01:14:49   there yeah like what how much you know [TS]

01:14:52   let let not be a dick but and how much [TS]

01:14:54   are you gonna put into that right are [TS]

01:14:57   you really just surfing for the the [TS]

01:14:59   highest-quality nanny in town [TS]

01:15:01   or you find can find a place that you [TS]

01:15:02   can invest in I think you went to a [TS]

01:15:03   co-op preschool right I did yeah so [TS]

01:15:07   we've done I mean your kid I mean oh my [TS]

01:15:09   good yeah yeah so same here and that was [TS]

01:15:11   a lot it was a lot of work but it was [TS]

01:15:13   understood everybody there had to do [TS]

01:15:15   that work tell you what's pretty [TS]

01:15:16   different third fourth grade in [TS]

01:15:18   there's a couple people that think [TS]

01:15:20   everything needs to get done and they'll [TS]

01:15:21   do it and then a lot of other people who [TS]

01:15:23   think everything needs to get done right [TS]

01:15:26   because they picked the good school and [TS]

01:15:28   now just go take care of that for me and [TS]

01:15:29   I think that's a big part of it right [TS]

01:15:31   you you you get the good school and then [TS]

01:15:33   your work here is done you have done [TS]

01:15:34   that you've you've you did the right [TS]

01:15:36   thing [TS]

01:15:37   yeah the right school drive an hour and [TS]

01:15:39   a half for work every day yeah and and [TS]

01:15:42   and that's exactly right you know the [TS]

01:15:45   the idea that you can make your kids [TS]

01:15:49   school good just by going by there every [TS]

01:15:51   day and standing around at the drop and [TS]

01:15:54   cry or whatever you were talking about [TS]

01:15:58   you know you could show up for duty when [TS]

01:16:01   it's you know stop drop and go week or [TS]

01:16:03   you can chaperone a field trip which I [TS]

01:16:05   do a lot of oh my god so do I it's yeah [TS]

01:16:08   I always feel like kind of the odd man [TS]

01:16:11   out with it but like and it makes me [TS]

01:16:13   very very tired [TS]

01:16:14   oh there's one time you went to a kid's [TS]

01:16:16   movie a children's movie festival at the [TS]

01:16:18   Kabuki and you know where we live yeah [TS]

01:16:20   and it was somebody's idea that not only [TS]

01:16:22   would we take three classes of kids okay [TS]

01:16:25   let's get all the parts of this we took [TS]

01:16:26   three classes of kids like yeah yeah [TS]

01:16:29   yeah all this is all second graders and [TS]

01:16:32   we're gonna take the bus rocket take the [TS]

01:16:34   streetcar we're gonna take the bus [TS]

01:16:35   that's fun did I mention there's also a [TS]

01:16:38   transfer oh boy how many how many [TS]

01:16:41   classes are kids again if three classes [TS]

01:16:43   of kids so you got 75 kids you've got as [TS]

01:16:46   many parents's who showed up and this [TS]

01:16:48   becomes important to the story in a [TS]

01:16:49   little bit how many kids can you fit on [TS]

01:16:51   a bus yeah you might have to break them [TS]

01:16:53   up or you get in real tight and boy [TS]

01:16:56   nobody likes that but that's a lot of [TS]

01:16:58   what happens when you do that but yeah [TS]

01:16:59   we did it took us about an hour and a [TS]

01:17:02   half each way in the rain literally in [TS]

01:17:04   the rain and a couple parents just [TS]

01:17:07   didn't show up that had volunteered and [TS]

01:17:08   you have no idea what you put on to a 48 [TS]

01:17:11   year old man chaperoning children on a [TS]

01:17:14   public bus with the transfer which [TS]

01:17:15   you're transferring on freakin um like [TS]

01:17:18   part Presidio like it's it's busy like [TS]

01:17:21   it's not it's you know yeah so like when [TS]

01:17:24   two people just skate and don't show up [TS]

01:17:26   and there's like two to take care of [TS]

01:17:27   those 26 kids plus the teacher and then [TS]

01:17:29   maybe the [TS]

01:17:34   that's gift I'm sure that they were busy [TS]

01:17:37   Merlin school it's a very good school so [TS]

01:17:39   they don't need to help me that's not an [TS]

01:17:47   important meeting or they had something [TS]

01:17:48   to do that day that they couldn't have [TS]

01:17:50   foreseen yeah well they couldn't say you [TS]

01:17:53   know until the very last minute and [TS]

01:17:55   making tax Tekken makes yeah yeah I love [TS]

01:18:02   going to the I love going on field trips [TS]

01:18:04   I love the sound of like two hundred six [TS]

01:18:09   year olds yeah I love their I love the [TS]

01:18:12   sound of their little voices I love what [TS]

01:18:15   they think is is the right way to get [TS]

01:18:16   into a line you know they're lovely [TS]

01:18:20   lovely little children and and and it's [TS]

01:18:23   my pleasure it's my privilege to be [TS]

01:18:25   there you know but if I if I can just be [TS]

01:18:28   that particular guy I'm one thing I will [TS]

01:18:30   say and I want to underscore this cuz I [TS]

01:18:32   I think this is fuckin important is that [TS]

01:18:34   it is is unfair and to think all the [TS]

01:18:37   things you want about all the various [TS]

01:18:39   things about how this is all complicated [TS]

01:18:40   bullshit for white people but here's the [TS]

01:18:42   thing like if you want your kid to go to [TS]

01:18:44   a good school [TS]

01:18:45   make it the place where you're gonna [TS]

01:18:45   help out at least a little bit I'm not [TS]

01:18:48   even saying you know what I'm not even [TS]

01:18:49   saying you have to like be that person [TS]

01:18:51   who shows up to set up and clean up and [TS]

01:18:54   do whatever you didn't have to be that [TS]

01:18:55   person you could even just be the person [TS]

01:18:58   who helps out a little bit at the [TS]

01:18:59   auction but you know what even below [TS]

01:19:02   that like come in the school talk to [TS]

01:19:05   people introduce yourself [TS]

01:19:07   meet the librarian this will come in [TS]

01:19:09   handy because your child will lose a [TS]

01:19:10   book and you're eventually gonna be in [TS]

01:19:11   touch with the librarian it's nice to [TS]

01:19:13   that's just practical but like learn [TS]

01:19:15   about the other kids and parents and [TS]

01:19:19   teachers at the school like don't just [TS]

01:19:21   show up and make a beeline in and out [TS]

01:19:23   treat it like it's a place you care [TS]

01:19:24   about I'm sorry I don't mean to be [TS]

01:19:26   emotional about this but like it is it [TS]

01:19:28   is really frustrating cuz I do feel like [TS]

01:19:30   this might be a caricature but I do feel [TS]

01:19:32   frustrated that my sense is a lot of the [TS]

01:19:34   people the largest cohort of people with [TS]

01:19:37   super high expectations also Venn [TS]

01:19:40   diagrams nicely with the cohort of [TS]

01:19:41   people who do fuck all to help out [TS]

01:19:43   and that makes me mad in the same way [TS]

01:19:46   that made me mad in my early 20s when [TS]

01:19:47   people came to parties and said they [TS]

01:19:49   were bored well you know what there's [TS]

01:19:51   one great way that this party could be [TS]

01:19:52   less boring you could either fucking [TS]

01:19:54   leave or you can help you can bring nice [TS]

01:19:57   you could bring beer and no we don't [TS]

01:20:00   want to play your tape Todd but you [TS]

01:20:01   could help out that's all why did you [TS]

01:20:03   want to play Todd's tape tiles was too [TS]

01:20:05   much fucking rig hang on there a little [TS]

01:20:08   bit of reggae and everybody's loving it [TS]

01:20:10   donk donk donk donk donk I hope you like [TS]

01:20:14   a German - yep one time my friend [TS]

01:20:19   Michael made a mixtape that was all [TS]

01:20:22   p-funk and wire just to provoke people [TS]

01:20:26   and was also his two favorite bands at [TS]

01:20:28   the time but it's really hard to go from [TS]

01:20:31   up on the downstroke to field day for [TS]

01:20:32   Sunday's like the ladies are not dancing [TS]

01:20:35   to that no no it's it's like record [TS]

01:20:37   scratch about that but that's [TS]

01:20:48   frustrating to me and like the like you [TS]

01:20:51   know it is what's frustrating that [TS]

01:20:52   they're not helping it's frustrating [TS]

01:20:54   that they're adding workload to people [TS]

01:20:56   who already have plenty of workload be [TS]

01:20:58   fucking leave me but all it also just [TS]

01:21:00   frustrates me that like you'd wouldn't [TS]

01:21:03   have the presence of mind to think what [TS]

01:21:05   is one really obvious way that this [TS]

01:21:09   school could be made better and most [TS]

01:21:11   people think that means you should write [TS]

01:21:12   a letter instead of saying you know what [TS]

01:21:14   it's drop by and pick up a broom if you [TS]

01:21:17   ask somebody for a broom they'll find [TS]

01:21:19   you a broom there is so much stuff that [TS]

01:21:20   needs to be done at that school that [TS]

01:21:22   hasn't been done in years because [TS]

01:21:23   there's just not enough people however [TS]

01:21:25   we got here that's just how life is [TS]

01:21:28   but you got a pitch in yeah and I do [TS]

01:21:30   feel that I to feel that there's this [TS]

01:21:32   tendency certainly in these schools that [TS]

01:21:34   have 5-star ratings for people to feel [TS]

01:21:37   like it is yeah it's a private school in [TS]

01:21:41   that case you know it's like they're [TS]

01:21:44   rich schools and so rich people get to [TS]

01:21:47   act rich they're you know have the nanny [TS]

01:21:52   drop off the kid and pick up the kid and [TS]

01:21:54   and [TS]

01:21:56   I'll have you have your chauffeur go [TS]

01:21:57   over who happens to be named Jeeves [TS]

01:21:59   which is no accident [TS]

01:22:00   Oh see don't name your kid geez don't [TS]

01:22:03   show / you think you want to keep doing [TS]

01:22:06   the show at 9:00 you think it's real [TS]

01:22:11   hard I think I think we should stick [TS]

01:22:13   with it I think this is good you got the [TS]

01:22:15   school you're starting this is gonna be [TS]

01:22:16   good yeah yeah yeah no no the thing is [TS]

01:22:20   we usually record on Mondays we had to [TS]

01:22:22   reschedule 'never ething is chaos do you [TS]

01:22:26   usually get a better worse or more or [TS]

01:22:28   less the same night Oh sleep Sunday [TS]

01:22:32   night into Monday morning how's your [TS]

01:22:33   sleep on most Sunday nights compared to [TS]

01:22:35   the other nights well this is again [TS]

01:22:38   another thing in the category of things [TS]

01:22:40   that I do not measure or record I'll [TS]

01:22:44   just kind of lenss together yeah like I [TS]

01:22:47   don't know often that it is Sunday or [TS]

01:22:50   Monday for all I see you you took and [TS]

01:22:53   you turned it you're going up a higher [TS]

01:22:54   level to like how would I even know if I [TS]

01:22:56   don't even know what day it is even well [TS]

01:22:59   yeah and like you know like like you [TS]

01:23:02   were saying well I like these coffees I [TS]

01:23:05   don't like those coffees and I was like [TS]

01:23:07   I just get a different coffee every time [TS]

01:23:08   yeah and I never connect it I get it the [TS]

01:23:13   dots and it's the same kind of with the [TS]

01:23:15   like oh I didn't sleep very well last [TS]

01:23:16   night oh is it because it was Sunday boy [TS]

01:23:19   I don't know and partly maybe it's [TS]

01:23:22   because I don't keep a sleep diary or [TS]

01:23:24   something I understand I understand I [TS]

01:23:26   didn't do as much as I would like last [TS]

01:23:28   night I had 6 hours and 38 minutes [TS]

01:23:30   that's a lot average is 7 hours 10 [TS]

01:23:36   minutes this week last hour last week 7 [TS]

01:23:38   hours 5 minutes I try really hard to be [TS]

01:23:41   asleep this is so interesting this is [TS]

01:23:43   one thing I talk about in every podcast [TS]

01:23:45   I do and I know people love it knows [TS]

01:23:47   that right oh yes I'm when I see every [TS]

01:23:49   podcast I do I mean it'll come up every [TS]

01:23:51   time I talk how my sleep is going how [TS]

01:23:54   many podcasts do you do now all of them [TS]

01:23:56   yeah but is it like 4 or 6 I'm like that [TS]

01:23:59   between 4 & 6 [TS]

01:24:00   oh it's like 4 4 4 4 podcasts you're on [TS]

01:24:04   4 for podcasts you're on [TS]

01:24:07   and so I feel really hard to be asleep [TS]

01:24:10   of 411 I rarely make that and I try [TS]

01:24:12   really hard to be up before 7:00 so in [TS]

01:24:14   an ideal world I would go to bed at [TS]

01:24:16   10:30 and get up at 6:30 Wow [TS]

01:24:19   but that's hard for me to do because I [TS]

01:24:21   like to watch TV at night and then I [TS]

01:24:22   like to sleep a little in the morning [TS]

01:24:23   but I also want to be helpful in the [TS]

01:24:24   morning and it's my job to brush hair [TS]

01:24:26   and I have to make a note to put in her [TS]

01:24:27   lunch and there's the things that I have [TS]

01:24:28   to do that I choose to do you what's the [TS]

01:24:32   what is this current brush hair [TS]

01:24:34   situation there oh boy let me sing your [TS]

01:24:37   recent photos her hair is pretty long [TS]

01:24:39   and and over the summer you know you [TS]

01:24:44   were not quite as exactly dogged about [TS]

01:24:46   you will take a shower and wash your [TS]

01:24:48   hair every single night sometimes yeah [TS]

01:24:49   like just vacationing and you got home [TS]

01:24:51   at nine o'clock and that's not gonna [TS]

01:24:52   happen tonight and like sure I am a huge [TS]

01:24:56   advocate for we need to pee that her [TS]

01:24:58   hair must be brushed somehow twice to [TS]

01:25:01   three times a day okay don't and no no I [TS]

01:25:05   mean the full deal like all the way [TS]

01:25:06   through you get out any of those little [TS]

01:25:08   knots and whatnot cuz I'll tell you if [TS]

01:25:10   you only do it in the morning every [TS]

01:25:12   morning yeah so that my job my job is [TS]

01:25:15   like it started I get the big stuff I [TS]

01:25:17   get the most of the grander patterns but [TS]

01:25:18   there's two like mini knots on the side [TS]

01:25:20   my wife specializes in so she comes in [TS]

01:25:22   and does the finishing work and if [TS]

01:25:23   there's a braid a side braid or French [TS]

01:25:25   braid she will do that so I'm only in a [TS]

01:25:28   position to offer headgear it's a little [TS]

01:25:32   bit of a division a nice division of [TS]

01:25:35   labor where your wife does the technical [TS]

01:25:37   work and you do the kind of the heavy [TS]

01:25:40   lifting oh geez uh she does all the [TS]

01:25:43   lifting of all kinds but I mean I'm [TS]

01:25:46   talking about it in the hair Oh with the [TS]

01:25:47   hair she cares more and she's better so [TS]

01:25:51   she'll always win that one oh here's a [TS]

01:25:53   photograph that's her this morning after [TS]

01:25:55   the braid she's got some cool sparkly [TS]

01:25:56   pants and unicorn shoes you know I'm [TS]

01:25:59   much more in the much more in the like [TS]

01:26:04   let it ride family of house her hair [TS]

01:26:08   doing but I'm the only one we've been [TS]

01:26:10   like somebody who doesn't have to comb [TS]

01:26:13   it out when it gets bad no I do I'm the [TS]

01:26:16   only one that I'm the only one that she [TS]

01:26:18   will let me [TS]

01:26:20   really because I feel like it's not only [TS]

01:26:22   like I want my daughter to not not look [TS]

01:26:23   like a Dickens character it's also just [TS]

01:26:25   self-preservation it's not competition [TS]

01:26:26   it's more like holy shit if I have to [TS]

01:26:29   deal with this tomorrow and not tonight [TS]

01:26:31   oh brother so you let her cry yeah look [TS]

01:26:34   at all of her hair Wow do you do the [TS]

01:26:36   braid yeah look at the shoes well so the [TS]

01:26:40   those were great so the thing is that my [TS]

01:26:42   little girl is still I'm still able to [TS]

01:26:44   bathe her where I'm guessing you are not [TS]

01:26:46   bathing your daughter anymore and she [TS]

01:26:49   brings the iPad in she was listening to [TS]

01:26:51   cleaning slipped by the gorillas last [TS]

01:26:53   night while she took her own shower yeah [TS]

01:26:55   that's you know Marlo is sick she still [TS]

01:26:58   like gets her hair shampooed by somebody [TS]

01:27:00   got a hand bucket in there no I have a [TS]

01:27:04   but I do have a very good elaborate sort [TS]

01:27:07   of air conditioning regimen oh I love [TS]

01:27:10   this because she's got a house that's [TS]

01:27:13   been great long hair just if she says [TS]

01:27:15   you're fine hair right she has thick [TS]

01:27:17   fine hair right now it's on here lots [TS]

01:27:20   and lots of fine here okay and so what [TS]

01:27:23   and it gets tangled but what I do is I [TS]

01:27:26   do this whole like then we put the [TS]

01:27:27   conditioner and then we brush it for a [TS]

01:27:29   long time so I could get away with that [TS]

01:27:31   I would kill to get away with that every [TS]

01:27:34   night as a part of putting the [TS]

01:27:36   conditioner yeah god make everything so [TS]

01:27:38   much better so you just comb and then I [TS]

01:27:40   just I'll get down to a finer and finer [TS]

01:27:42   tooth comb until I'm combing through it [TS]

01:27:45   like it is corn silk and it has and it [TS]

01:27:48   has so much conditioner in it now that [TS]

01:27:50   it's just like like it's like one of [TS]

01:27:53   those 70s TV commercials where she moves [TS]

01:27:55   and her hair I'm seeing her fantasizing [TS]

01:27:59   about it yeah oh my god and the brush [TS]

01:28:01   must just go right through it it doesn't [TS]

01:28:02   so she's in the bathtub [TS]

01:28:04   she's playing with her toys she's not [TS]

01:28:05   even aware her hair is being brushed [TS]

01:28:07   because it just feels like this sort of [TS]

01:28:10   because I mean Connect now you're just [TS]

01:28:12   you're just bragging we have to get we [TS]

01:28:14   have to get to send my daughter washes [TS]

01:28:16   her hands when she gets home without [TS]

01:28:17   being asked I'm sorry it's not like I [TS]

01:28:20   was bragging that let's take him a long [TS]

01:28:22   time it's so weird that I would say that [TS]

01:28:27   out loud sometimes two books a day [TS]

01:28:28   did you put electrodes somewhere on the [TS]

01:28:30   floor where a doctor you know I just [TS]

01:28:32   said [TS]

01:28:33   God answered my 1 prayer yeah my mouth [TS]

01:28:36   technically 1.52 prayers I hope she [TS]

01:28:39   likes music but I really hope she likes [TS]

01:28:40   reading please God let her read I don't [TS]

01:28:43   care if she's a terrible large adult son [TS]

01:28:45   I don't care how she turns out as long [TS]

01:28:47   as she likes to read and it's like I [TS]

01:28:48   will that is I don't care she told my [TS]

01:28:51   wife this I don't care if she never [TS]

01:28:52   kicks the ball in her life she keeps [TS]

01:28:54   reading like this I'm gonna be so happy [TS]

01:28:56   well there's this this thing about the [TS]

01:28:58   hair actually is a problem even within [TS]

01:29:02   my own family because one other I mean [TS]

01:29:06   like my mom her policy is sit in the [TS]

01:29:09   goddamn chair I'm gonna brush her hair [TS]

01:29:11   [Music] [TS]

01:29:15   she doesn't even hold the top mom is [TS]

01:29:18   good at it she she she knows now not to [TS]

01:29:20   hurt her but she's also not like [TS]

01:29:23   Brooking any any you know like sassafras [TS]

01:29:27   yeah any sassafras your hat your hair's [TS]

01:29:30   gonna get brushed here's what's not [TS]

01:29:32   gonna happen you leave here without your [TS]

01:29:33   hairbrush here's what's also not gonna [TS]

01:29:35   happen you yell at me while I'm brushing [TS]

01:29:36   hair so you can see I'm eliminating some [TS]

01:29:39   of these possibilities mm-hmm [TS]

01:29:42   but if I if her mom picks up a brush [TS]

01:29:44   across the room she'll start to cry and [TS]

01:29:46   so it's really all that must hurt her [TS]

01:29:49   feelings it doesn't it's a real issue [TS]

01:29:51   because I'm in there like just [TS]

01:29:55   luxuriating through this Silk'n move in [TS]

01:29:58   its silk in slow motion hair mm-hmm and [TS]

01:30:00   you know and she's not even she doesn't [TS]

01:30:03   put up a fuss at all because because [TS]

01:30:05   it's the conditioner the conditioner is [TS]

01:30:07   the secret ingredient but she will not [TS]

01:30:10   allow others I know how this is yeah [TS]

01:30:12   it's weird [TS]

01:30:13   so strange it is a little braggy I have [TS]

01:30:16   to it oh no no but you know what good [TS]

01:30:18   for you to gift yeah you been free good [TS]

01:30:22   for both of us you know what well good [TS]

01:30:25   looking guys we just got our parade mmm [TS]

01:30:28   shoots similarly into school the other [TS]

01:30:30   day [TS]

01:30:31   that's not readable you can't read that [TS]

01:30:33   I know I think it's a prank I bought it [TS]

01:30:35   for it just said because they're still [TS]

01:30:38   reading Lord of the Rings it's a very [TS]

01:30:39   very large books is a very very large [TS]

01:30:44   book it is very large books well they [TS]

01:30:46   have I got [TS]

01:30:46   the addition first I got them in [TS]

01:30:47   addition that I thought would cuz they [TS]

01:30:49   wanted to read The Hobbit and they [TS]

01:30:50   wanted to do Lord of the Rings and so I [TS]

01:30:52   got this like Amazon Prime right I got [TS]

01:30:54   this little box set but little shitty [TS]

01:30:55   fucking letters like a cheap Bible cheap [TS]

01:30:58   like cheap the skinny paper and little [TS]

01:31:01   tiny letters like be careful before you [TS]

01:31:03   buy a complete Sherlock Holmes like a [TS]

01:31:07   you know full if that thing's not huge [TS]

01:31:10   it's gonna be hard to read that's what I [TS]

01:31:12   learned [TS]

01:31:12   uh-huh so then I thought so down there [TS]

01:31:15   reading the Lord of the Rings I got him [TS]

01:31:16   a bigger Edition that's got bigger [TS]

01:31:18   letters in nicer paper and I thought I'm [TS]

01:31:20   just gonna get the Cimorelli and I'm [TS]

01:31:21   just gonna put it here I'm not gonna [TS]

01:31:22   fucking read it no way I don't know [TS]

01:31:24   thank you yeah exactly so obviously but [TS]

01:31:27   here though because they're very into [TS]

01:31:28   this like we sit and watch these movies [TS]

01:31:30   and I'm like which one is Sir dingus of [TS]

01:31:32   doomed place and they're like claiming [TS]

01:31:35   joke you know don't know the story don't [TS]

01:31:36   even make my family becomes like John [TS]

01:31:39   siracusa there's like they're like you [TS]

01:31:40   don't even know what to make fun of when [TS]

01:31:42   you're watching this you idiot but you [TS]

01:31:44   know what makes fun of yeah there are [TS]

01:31:48   some of the matrix I don't know if I [TS]

01:31:51   would go there but she's yeah she's [TS]

01:31:55   sophisticated it's better than you think [TS]

01:31:57   it's really I mean in terms of like [TS]

01:31:59   there's some stuff mostly it's creepy [TS]

01:32:00   it's just real creepy but she loved it [TS]

01:32:03   yeah I bet I bet I mean sheesh I had to [TS]

01:32:06   point out that that was Elrond but like [TS]

01:32:07   she's mostly oh it is Elrond mr. [TS]

01:32:11   Anderson she she didn't she didn't see [TS]

01:32:14   that shit rock rock the agent Smith was [TS]

01:32:17   all wrong that's my game is like you [TS]

01:32:22   know you know you know you have an old [TS]

01:32:23   man in your car when you're going down [TS]

01:32:25   the street and he just reads all the [TS]

01:32:27   signs you remember this phenomenon as [TS]

01:32:30   well huh I was sorry I was talking to my [TS]

01:32:32   kid the other day and as we were driving [TS]

01:32:33   along and she was reading the signs and [TS]

01:32:35   I was like you know that's a thing right [TS]

01:32:36   that's an old man that's the thing [TS]

01:32:37   that's a thing that little men do where [TS]

01:32:39   they read every single and she was like [TS]

01:32:41   I thought it was a joke but it's true [TS]

01:32:48   axis Ajax monuments yeah [TS]

01:32:54   fried the chicken yeah there's a truck [TS]

01:32:59   stop up here [TS]

01:33:00   oh we're watching this nanny mcphee [TS]

01:33:02   movie we had a sleepover in our guest [TS]

01:33:04   wanted to watch nanny mcphee we're [TS]

01:33:05   watching I go home I was like look at [TS]

01:33:06   that that's the gout from the Harry [TS]

01:33:09   Potter that's the professor Trelawney [TS]

01:33:11   professor Trelawney but she's wearing a [TS]

01:33:13   lot and look at that that's that's [TS]

01:33:14   that's Professor Umbridge you know from [TS]

01:33:17   the the Ministry of Magic she's playing [TS]

01:33:19   the the cook in this they're like that [TS]

01:33:21   just close IMDB like stop talking oh I [TS]

01:33:27   really like I really like that you're [TS]

01:33:31   that Jimmy Stewart comes out of you a [TS]

01:33:33   little bit if not in impersonation very [TS]

01:33:39   much in like comportment you know no no [TS]

01:33:42   no no I know I'm pretty sure I put my [TS]

01:33:44   pants here what do people keep moving my [TS]

01:33:47   pants and my coins I just love that tan [TS]

01:33:54   tan okay you know I think we should keep [TS]

01:33:58   going at nine I think we should stick [TS]

01:34:00   with it I know it's a pilot program what [TS]

01:34:03   do you think should we keep with it it [TS]

01:34:05   hasn't it's not a I don't think that [TS]

01:34:07   it's a question of nine or ten because I [TS]

01:34:09   think if it was at ten I would have [TS]

01:34:11   stayed up another hour you know it's [TS]

01:34:13   it's not that it's too early it's just [TS]

01:34:15   that I'll get to figure out a different [TS]

01:34:16   way to live doing them of date what if [TS]

01:34:20   it what if we did it at six then both of [TS]

01:34:22   us would be like get a good start to our [TS]

01:34:26   day mutually inconvenienced what if we [TS]

01:34:29   do it at 5:30 am was you know what if we [TS]

01:34:33   did at 5:30 p.m. well that would be [TS]

01:34:35   really a giant oh yeah that would suck [TS]

01:34:38   oh that would be extremely inconvenient [TS]

01:34:40   no that would be terrible [TS]

01:34:42   I I don't think I'd be able to do that [TS]

01:34:45   45 to 5:30 that's not a time that I [TS]

01:34:49   booked stuff what about that [TS]

01:34:52   that's what if we really fucked [TS]

01:34:54   ourselves up right I need an invite [TS]

01:34:57   I understand why you don't go out more [TS]