Roderick on the Line

00:00:00 ◼   ► this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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00:00:09 ◼   ► stores to learn more visit casper comm / [TS]

00:00:13 ◼   ► supertrain hello hi John [TS]

00:00:21 ◼   ► hi Merlin how's it going good seems like [TS]

00:00:26 ◼   ► it's been a long time since I've talked [TS]

00:00:27 ◼   ► to you I think it has been yeah [TS]

00:00:32 ◼   ► August is complicated oh sorry I'm a [TS]

00:00:38 ◼   ► little bit behind my skis here I got a [TS]

00:00:43 ◼   ► late start I just left the house late I [TS]

00:00:45 ◼   ► didn't time it well today yeah I see I [TS]

00:00:48 ◼   ► see what you're saying but I'm here you [TS]

00:00:49 ◼   ► you were here before me so you know you [TS]

00:00:52 ◼   ► get a you get a badge today [TS]

00:00:53 ◼   ► well yeah I'm just you know I don't need [TS]

00:00:56 ◼   ► your stinking badges well it's so nice I [TS]

00:00:59 ◼   ► mean you probably put in a box or [TS]

00:01:01 ◼   ► something right I do have a box for the [TS]

00:01:03 ◼   ► bet I have a box for badges there's some [TS]

00:01:05 ◼   ► other recent badges that you've gotten [TS]

00:01:07 ◼   ► any kind of it could be a major or minor [TS]

00:01:10 ◼   ► award any kind of just being recognized [TS]

00:01:14 ◼   ► have you gotten any ribbons or ribbons I [TS]

00:01:17 ◼   ► do I have a recent ribbon for you know [TS]

00:01:20 ◼   ► my King Neptune came with a sash various [TS]

00:01:25 ◼   ► sort of adornments but but also like a [TS]

00:01:28 ◼   ► ribbon with a star on it that looks kind [TS]

00:01:30 ◼   ► of like a type of metal you would get [TS]

00:01:32 ◼   ► from the king of Belgium oh wow and it [TS]

00:01:35 ◼   ► goes great on a blazer and you can wear [TS]

00:01:37 ◼   ► it without you know you show up to a [TS]

00:01:39 ◼   ► party in a sash and it's it's like I've [TS]

00:01:43 ◼   ► always loved that in like in older [TS]

00:01:46 ◼   ► movies especially I'm thinking movies up [TS]

00:01:49 ◼   ► through the 70s and the 80s probably but [TS]

00:01:53 ◼   ► thinking I'm going all the way back to [TS]

00:01:54 ◼   ► something like maybe duck soup where [TS]

00:01:55 ◼   ► you've got like somebody who's going to [TS]

00:01:57 ◼   ► be a how do you how does one put this [TS]

00:02:00 ◼   ► represents some primitive country [TS]

00:02:03 ◼   ► aha so but like so whether that's a guy [TS]

00:02:05 ◼   ► from Asia or Africa or whatever I love I [TS]

00:02:08 ◼   ► love the blending of something local [TS]

00:02:11 ◼   ► primitive and tribal with [TS]

00:02:12 ◼   ► thing incredibly Western so to be like a [TS]

00:02:14 ◼   ► guy like a cool Sufi turban guy like but [TS]

00:02:17 ◼   ► with a suit jacket you know I think [TS]

00:02:19 ◼   ► that's a good look especially for a [TS]

00:02:20 ◼   ► villain that's a great great look and [TS]

00:02:22 ◼   ► there's nothing wrong with that and some [TS]

00:02:24 ◼   ► epaulets and and some ribbons to that [TS]

00:02:26 ◼   ► and a little bit of an ornamental star [TS]

00:02:28 ◼   ► yeah the colonial like sort of pomp [TS]

00:02:34 ◼   ► eight jacket somebody who's like you [TS]

00:02:37 ◼   ► know who's let's say they're a member of [TS]

00:02:39 ◼   ► the they're of a common what would you [TS]

00:02:42 ◼   ► be you're a subject a subject of a [TS]

00:02:44 ◼   ► Commonwealth yeah what who not it was [TS]

00:02:50 ◼   ► yeah - okay okay you could be like the [TS]

00:02:56 ◼   ► grand mage of the Duchy of Portlandia [TS]

00:03:01 ◼   ► Portlandia what's the matter what [TS]

00:03:03 ◼   ► happened what I did I lose you [TS]

00:03:04 ◼   ► no no I just I'm I'm I'm realizing I [TS]

00:03:10 ◼   ► don't get enough sleep pretty strongly [TS]

00:03:17 ◼   ► pretty strongly right now right in this [TS]

00:03:19 ◼   ► very moment hmm right just him like I as [TS]

00:03:23 ◼   ► I was setting up for the show I was like [TS]

00:03:24 ◼   ► I'm fine right right I'm fine I've [TS]

00:03:27 ◼   ► gotten enough sleep yes enough enough [TS]

00:03:32 ◼   ► sleep talk about the show on the show [TS]

00:03:37 ◼   ► but we should mention something to our [TS]

00:03:38 ◼   ► listeners may I mention something to our [TS]

00:03:39 ◼   ► listeners passingly personal no for a [TS]

00:03:44 ◼   ► very long time I'm gonna talk about the [TS]

00:03:46 ◼   ► show on the show for a minute because [TS]

00:03:47 ◼   ► everything that's on the show is in the [TS]

00:03:48 ◼   ► show okay so here's it's good and I'm [TS]

00:03:52 ◼   ► also breaking the other rule by [TS]

00:03:53 ◼   ► addressing adjusting I'm addressing our [TS]

00:03:56 ◼   ► listeners you're definitely never want [TS]

00:03:58 ◼   ► to address in them I'm going to address [TS]

00:04:00 ◼   ► in them this one time I'm donning my [TS]

00:04:01 ◼   ► sash Wow [TS]

00:04:03 ◼   ► I missed my Sufi blazer for a very long [TS]

00:04:09 ◼   ► time John Roderick and I have recorded [TS]

00:04:12 ◼   ► this program hmm sometimes we reschedule [TS]

00:04:16 ◼   ► but like pretty consistently every [TS]

00:04:18 ◼   ► Monday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time [TS]

00:04:23 ◼   ► whatever that's that you got a saving or [TS]

00:04:25 ◼   ► an on save [TS]

00:04:25 ◼   ► they like we recorded at 10:00 and then [TS]

00:04:28 ◼   ► I put the show pretty quickly after that [TS]

00:04:30 ◼   ► you were you were doing the kinds of [TS]

00:04:34 ◼   ► things one does toward the end of the [TS]

00:04:35 ◼   ► summer rejiggering your schedule getting [TS]

00:04:37 ◼   ► things straightened out and you asked me [TS]

00:04:38 ◼   ► something that I found shocking given [TS]

00:04:42 ◼   ► that we don't always start exactly at [TS]

00:04:43 ◼   ► 10:00 for a variety of reasons but you [TS]

00:04:46 ◼   ► said to me that you wanted to start [TS]

00:04:48 ◼   ► recording our program 1 hour earlier on [TS]

00:04:51 ◼   ► Mondays at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Terrace and [TS]

00:04:55 ◼   ► as is so often the case off air with you [TS]

00:04:57 ◼   ► I said yeah you did you said exactly [TS]

00:05:02 ◼   ► that [TS]

00:05:02 ◼   ► that's kinda said that about a couple [TS]

00:05:03 ◼   ► things in the past and that was one of [TS]

00:05:06 ◼   ► them I said yeah you sure you want to do [TS]

00:05:08 ◼   ► that and you were you were uh you [TS]

00:05:12 ◼   ► weren't having it do you were like yes [TS]

00:05:14 ◼   ► this is a thing that I want to do I want [TS]

00:05:15 ◼   ► to be a person who is who is up earlier [TS]

00:05:17 ◼   ► you have things to do and this would [TS]

00:05:18 ◼   ► help you conduct your life in a better [TS]

00:05:20 ◼   ► way if we started recording the show [TS]

00:05:22 ◼   ► earlier yeah and I said sure and you [TS]

00:05:25 ◼   ► know what so far it's gone pretty well [TS]

00:05:27 ◼   ► yeah now here's the yeah yeah here's the [TS]

00:05:30 ◼   ► other thing I want to address in you I [TS]

00:05:32 ◼   ► know what you're talking about because [TS]

00:05:34 ◼   ► my most of the things all the great [TS]

00:05:36 ◼   ► shows in which I am involved with the [TS]

00:05:40 ◼   ► exception of the show with our friend [TS]

00:05:41 ◼   ► Jon Stewart Kisa all the programs I do [TS]

00:05:42 ◼   ► start recording usually 11 10 9 a.m. and [TS]

00:05:48 ◼   ► thing is I have all the great a.m. all [TS]

00:05:51 ◼   ► the great names and I'll say to myself [TS]

00:05:52 ◼   ► I'll say you know you're fine you're [TS]

00:05:54 ◼   ► good you've had a coffee and then the [TS]

00:05:56 ◼   ► time for talking mouths words starts and [TS]

00:05:59 ◼   ► I realize I'm not really ready so I [TS]

00:06:03 ◼   ► guess my question as I address in you is [TS]

00:06:06 ◼   ► do you regret the change would it would [TS]

00:06:09 ◼   ► have made any as Todd as Todd Rundgren [TS]

00:06:11 ◼   ► asked the musical question would it have [TS]

00:06:14 ◼   ► made any difference do you feel like I [TS]

00:06:17 ◼   ► do songs [TS]

00:06:22 ◼   ► Peter Frampton but close enough no it's [TS]

00:06:25 ◼   ► Lundgren Lundgren he's that guy Sufi [TS]

00:06:29 ◼   ► blazer yeah [TS]

00:06:30 ◼   ► Todd Lundgren he's the one that wants [TS]

00:06:32 ◼   ► you to work on Saturdays [TS]

00:06:35 ◼   ► difference if you really love me today [TS]

00:06:41 ◼   ► you know we can go back to ten we could [TS]

00:06:44 ◼   ► make it 11 we could do it at night big [TS]

00:06:51 ◼   ► coffee and now the Stewart's fountain [TS]

00:06:53 ◼   ► classic orange and cream flavored soda I [TS]

00:06:58 ◼   ► wish that I was so far into my day that [TS]

00:07:01 ◼   ► an orange soda was even possible yeah [TS]

00:07:03 ◼   ► as you were talking that not that I [TS]

00:07:07 ◼   ► wasn't you know like really right on the [TS]

00:07:10 ◼   ► rails of the of everything you were [TS]

00:07:12 ◼   ► saying but also I was like when did I [TS]

00:07:14 ◼   ► send my last text last night we talked [TS]

00:07:19 ◼   ► at 9:05 Pacific time you and I did yes I [TS]

00:07:24 ◼   ► know fuck but I get my traditional [TS]

00:07:26 ◼   ► reminding my traditional reminding of [TS]

00:07:29 ◼   ► the show yeah and that's great that you [TS]

00:07:31 ◼   ► do that you're like remember was it is [TS]

00:07:33 ◼   ► it great it's not annoying it's still [TS]

00:07:34 ◼   ► you still like it right no it's [TS]

00:07:36 ◼   ► wonderful because it makes certain that [TS]

00:07:40 ◼   ► it makes certain that we do that I know [TS]

00:07:43 ◼   ► that we keep the skis on the rails [TS]

00:07:45 ◼   ► though we keep the skis on the rails and [TS]

00:07:47 ◼   ► so the last text I said last night was [TS]

00:07:50 ◼   ► at 3:37 a.m. what and then I got a text [TS]

00:07:56 ◼   ► I don't have to pee at that point yeah I [TS]

00:07:59 ◼   ► know 337 I got a text from somebody at [TS]

00:08:02 ◼   ► 343 but I was so between 337 and 343 is [TS]

00:08:07 ◼   ► when I finally lay lay my head down to [TS]

00:08:10 ◼   ► sleep because I did not receive the 343 [TS]

00:08:13 ◼   ► text until this morning [TS]

00:08:15 ◼   ► so 337 and then I woke up then so my [TS]

00:08:19 ◼   ► phone plays across the universe now to [TS]

00:08:21 ◼   ► wake me up the Beatles version of that [TS]

00:08:28 ◼   ► song yeah it's very nice [TS]

00:08:30 ◼   ► Goodwyn a nice start today and that [TS]

00:08:33 ◼   ► happened at 8:37 so that is five right [TS]

00:08:37 ◼   ► five hours it's good it's good enough [TS]

00:08:39 ◼   ► it's you know if you round it it's about [TS]

00:08:43 ◼   ► five hours one wakes in the night and [TS]

00:08:45 ◼   ► doesn't know it [TS]

00:08:46 ◼   ► oh I know it though unless one tracks [TS]

00:08:48 ◼   ► one sleep [TS]

00:08:49 ◼   ► I'm toast one journey you toss it you [TS]

00:08:50 ◼   ► toss eternity you like that whole bed [TS]

00:08:52 ◼   ► and you know don't touch my feet don't [TS]

00:08:54 ◼   ► touch my feet well you know I was it's [TS]

00:08:55 ◼   ► funny uh 20 because my daughter's mother [TS]

00:09:05 ◼   ► Ariela was reading some old emails from [TS]

00:09:08 ◼   ► between the two of us she and I that we [TS]

00:09:11 ◼   ► wrote when she was pregnant and it was [TS]

00:09:16 ◼   ► you know this was a pretty pretty [TS]

00:09:20 ◼   ► fraught time because we weren't we were [TS]

00:09:24 ◼   ► embarking on this journey to have a [TS]

00:09:26 ◼   ► child together [TS]

00:09:27 ◼   ► but we weren't doing it in the context [TS]

00:09:30 ◼   ► of like well now we're together you know [TS]

00:09:32 ◼   ► you're pregnant and so we get married or [TS]

00:09:35 ◼   ► we're gonna you know we're gonna move in [TS]

00:09:37 ◼   ► together or anything like this we were [TS]

00:09:39 ◼   ► doing it we're making this decision to [TS]

00:09:41 ◼   ► do this secular thing I always thought [TS]

00:09:44 ◼   ► of it as I know this is not accurate but [TS]

00:09:46 ◼   ► it's almost like you guys were divorced [TS]

00:09:48 ◼   ► divided ever being married yeah like we [TS]

00:09:50 ◼   ► later on we joked that we were either [TS]

00:09:53 ◼   ► the the the divorced couple that got [TS]

00:09:55 ◼   ► along the best in the world or we have a [TS]

00:09:57 ◼   ► really really dysfunctional marriage I [TS]

00:10:01 ◼   ► got to get married right we're the best [TS]

00:10:04 ◼   ► divorced couple that ever was but so [TS]

00:10:06 ◼   ► we're going into this like eyes wide [TS]

00:10:08 ◼   ► open and of course everybody was telling [TS]

00:10:12 ◼   ► us that you couldn't do it you know her [TS]

00:10:15 ◼   ► people were just telling her every kind [TS]

00:10:18 ◼   ► of story about how it wasn't gonna work [TS]

00:10:20 ◼   ► how you know she was gonna end up alone [TS]

00:10:23 ◼   ► and destitute and raising the child on [TS]

00:10:25 ◼   ► her own and you know that I was clearly [TS]

00:10:31 ◼   ► shirking my responsibilities and that [TS]

00:10:33 ◼   ► you know if she didn't have me tied to [TS]

00:10:36 ◼   ► the ground with legal requirements that [TS]

00:10:40 ◼   ► I would just flit her off like some kind [TS]

00:10:42 ◼   ► of drug addict Rock person uh-huh uh-huh [TS]

00:10:47 ◼   ► and and worse you know worse things just [TS]

00:10:49 ◼   ► that it was all you know that for us to [TS]

00:10:52 ◼   ► have a kid together under these [TS]

00:10:53 ◼   ► conditions benefited me but not her I [TS]

00:10:55 ◼   ► mean they're just filling her head with [TS]

00:10:57 ◼   ► with like it's kind of anti John [TS]

00:11:00 ◼   ► propaganda well and just this Jen [TS]

00:11:03 ◼   ► notion that you cannot bring a child [TS]

00:11:06 ◼   ► into the world unless the two parents [TS]

00:11:08 ◼   ► are absolutely tied to one another's [TS]

00:11:11 ◼   ► leather straps and and have promised [TS]

00:11:15 ◼   ► each other every single I kept you if [TS]

00:11:18 ◼   ► you bring a child into the world having [TS]

00:11:20 ◼   ► done nothing more than kneel on a pillow [TS]

00:11:23 ◼   ► and say I will love you forever in front [TS]

00:11:25 ◼   ► of somebody with a robe on then [TS]

00:11:27 ◼   ► everybody's like great it's I believe it [TS]

00:11:30 ◼   ► nothing can nothing can rent these to us [TS]

00:11:32 ◼   ► under mm-hmm [TS]

00:11:33 ◼   ► but if you bring a child into the world [TS]

00:11:35 ◼   ► where you're like we're gonna do a [TS]

00:11:36 ◼   ► really good job at this everybody puts [TS]

00:11:39 ◼   ► their hands on their head and says her [TS]

00:11:40 ◼   ► hands on their hips and says well you [TS]

00:11:42 ◼   ► never kneeled on a pillow how is it even [TS]

00:11:44 ◼   ► possible right so she and I would work [TS]

00:11:48 ◼   ► can't go from a bobcat to a weeble oh [TS]

00:11:50 ◼   ► you got past he got past it being a wolf [TS]

00:11:53 ◼   ► and a bear suitable yeah so we're [TS]

00:11:57 ◼   ► sending these emails back and forth and [TS]

00:11:58 ◼   ► the thing was that she and I you know [TS]

00:11:59 ◼   ► known each other a long time but we [TS]

00:12:01 ◼   ► didn't really know each other how did [TS]

00:12:02 ◼   ► how do you how do you ever really know [TS]

00:12:04 ◼   ► ever really know anybody John did you [TS]

00:12:06 ◼   ► know I mean really know each other we've [TS]

00:12:08 ◼   ► been playing in the town for a long time [TS]

00:12:10 ◼   ► and it was like hey downtown yeah what's [TS]

00:12:13 ◼   ► up downtown you know pal the two tutus [TS]

00:12:16 ◼   ► finger guns but that's not how you you [TS]

00:12:21 ◼   ► raise a child either you can't just [TS]

00:12:23 ◼   ► finger gun a child into adults so all [TS]

00:12:34 ◼   ► she's rereading all these emails which I [TS]

00:12:36 ◼   ► have not reread where she and I were [TS]

00:12:39 ◼   ► negotiating and hammering out just the [TS]

00:12:42 ◼   ► basic principles of how we were gonna do [TS]

00:12:49 ◼   ► this you know like like like how how can [TS]

00:12:53 ◼   ► I count how do I know I can count on you [TS]

00:12:55 ◼   ► okay I know I can count on you and I [TS]

00:12:57 ◼   ► mean just highlight its if you don't [TS]

00:12:59 ◼   ► have the is this is not always a real [TS]

00:13:02 ◼   ► thing but there's always the implicit [TS]

00:13:04 ◼   ► things of having already been married [TS]

00:13:05 ◼   ► like you know who pays the rent and all [TS]

00:13:07 ◼   ► that kind of stuff and basic division of [TS]

00:13:09 ◼   ► labor whether you formally or informally [TS]

00:13:11 ◼   ► talked about it but you you had to make [TS]

00:13:13 ◼   ► this to cut this from whole cloth [TS]

00:13:15 ◼   ► yeah we did and we had to you know and [TS]

00:13:18 ◼   ► they're there and what one thing that [TS]

00:13:20 ◼   ► reli said was like we we spent so much [TS]

00:13:23 ◼   ► time arguing about all the wrong things [TS]

00:13:25 ◼   ► like we're not the wrong things but just [TS]

00:13:28 ◼   ► things that it turns out didn't matter [TS]

00:13:29 ◼   ► at all like she I remember she came to [TS]

00:13:32 ◼   ► me and she was like I read a thing that [TS]

00:13:33 ◼   ► says you need a million dollars to raise [TS]

00:13:36 ◼   ► a child oh my god and I said not all at [TS]

00:13:39 ◼   ► once you don't need it all at once you [TS]

00:13:42 ◼   ► don't need to start she was like but [TS]

00:13:43 ◼   ► where are we ever gonna get a million [TS]

00:13:44 ◼   ► dollars to raise this child I was like [TS]

00:13:47 ◼   ► honestly I think that's the I think we [TS]

00:13:50 ◼   ► got to start somewhere before that like [TS]

00:13:52 ◼   ► before discovered this you know over a [TS]

00:13:54 ◼   ► century ago it expects somebody to buy a [TS]

00:13:57 ◼   ► car with one payment you know that's not [TS]

00:13:59 ◼   ► gonna work you need don't need to go [TS]

00:14:00 ◼   ► have your GMAC the ford version of that [TS]

00:14:02 ◼   ► and that's that's much like having a [TS]

00:14:03 ◼   ► child you let you get installments on [TS]

00:14:05 ◼   ► the child that's right I said to her [TS]

00:14:06 ◼   ► what you know look we can get a good [TS]

00:14:08 ◼   ► interest rate on this baby like we'll [TS]

00:14:11 ◼   ► figure that out right he put a new week [TS]

00:14:13 ◼   ► on the child [TS]

00:14:13 ◼   ► mmm-hmm we have we had we had to decide [TS]

00:14:17 ◼   ► because we were not married we had to [TS]

00:14:19 ◼   ► decide what last name the child was [TS]

00:14:20 ◼   ► gonna get we had to decide a lot of [TS]

00:14:23 ◼   ► things and we had nine months or let's [TS]

00:14:27 ◼   ► say eight months in which to go from a [TS]

00:14:32 ◼   ► relationship where we were you know [TS]

00:14:35 ◼   ► essentially just coquettish with each [TS]

00:14:37 ◼   ► other for a long time to a thing where [TS]

00:14:40 ◼   ► like we trusted each other could rely on [TS]

00:14:42 ◼   ► each other and and actually had like a [TS]

00:14:45 ◼   ► plan [TS]

00:14:45 ◼   ► and we had to build that within a world [TS]

00:14:49 ◼   ► where everybody we knew I mean the best [TS]

00:14:52 ◼   ► response we got from our friends was [TS]

00:14:54 ◼   ► well I guess I mean wait and see I guess [TS]

00:14:59 ◼   ► I mean that was the best and and really [TS]

00:15:02 ◼   ► really well-meaning people a lot of whom [TS]

00:15:05 ◼   ► are now divorced [TS]

00:15:06 ◼   ► we're telling us that there's no way [TS]

00:15:08 ◼   ► that it could that it's gonna work like [TS]

00:15:10 ◼   ► this and that we needed to get real you [TS]

00:15:13 ◼   ► know but I she she reminded me at one [TS]

00:15:18 ◼   ► point I was like I sent her an email or [TS]

00:15:22 ◼   ► she was saying like you know look I'm [TS]

00:15:24 ◼   ► I'm pregnant and I need you know I need [TS]

00:15:27 ◼   ► like [TS]

00:15:28 ◼   ► to feel comforted and you are being very [TS]

00:15:35 ◼   ► formal with me and and you know and I [TS]

00:15:38 ◼   ► appreciate the formality is necessary [TS]

00:15:40 ◼   ► but I like need this comforting and I [TS]

00:15:43 ◼   ► wrote this thing about like well listen [TS]

00:15:45 ◼   ► I don't like anybody I don't like [TS]

00:15:47 ◼   ► anybody touching my feet do you [TS]

00:15:49 ◼   ► understand [TS]

00:15:49 ◼   ► it's very important we're gonna make [TS]

00:15:55 ◼   ► this work we make this child that nobody [TS]

00:15:58 ◼   ► touch my feet in the night yeah and that [TS]

00:16:01 ◼   ► you know and it's I get very warm and I [TS]

00:16:04 ◼   ► really tear up a bed and it's just it's [TS]

00:16:07 ◼   ► very you know I just need it I need to [TS]

00:16:09 ◼   ► make it clear that like yeah I don't [TS]

00:16:11 ◼   ► really like to be touched and she was [TS]

00:16:16 ◼   ► recounting this to me I didn't go back [TS]

00:16:17 ◼   ► and read it but I remember for a long [TS]

00:16:21 ◼   ► time this idea that I had discovered [TS]

00:16:23 ◼   ► that I could say I don't want you touch [TS]

00:16:27 ◼   ► me when I'm sleeping [TS]

00:16:29 ◼   ► I remember that being like a huge [TS]

00:16:31 ◼   ► revelation to me because I had always [TS]

00:16:34 ◼   ► you know been miserable sharing a bed [TS]

00:16:37 ◼   ► with people and I and I and I had [TS]

00:16:40 ◼   ► discovered this like oh wait after I go [TS]

00:16:42 ◼   ► to sleep like I don't want to be spooned [TS]

00:16:44 ◼   ► I don't want to be nuzzled like I just [TS]

00:16:47 ◼   ► want to be alone [TS]

00:16:48 ◼   ► leave me alone the sleeping time it's [TS]

00:16:51 ◼   ► sleeping time I want to go sleep in my [TS]

00:16:52 ◼   ► on my side of the bed mm-hmm and it was [TS]

00:16:55 ◼   ► just it was always a relationship [TS]

00:16:56 ◼   ► problem well so she's telling me this [TS]

00:16:59 ◼   ► story or she's telling me about this [TS]

00:17:00 ◼   ► email and I'm laughing and laughing and [TS]

00:17:04 ◼   ► laughing because then I had a child and [TS]

00:17:11 ◼   ► when you have a child at least in my [TS]

00:17:14 ◼   ► case there is one person in the world at [TS]

00:17:17 ◼   ► least that you do not mind if they touch [TS]

00:17:19 ◼   ► you hmm [TS]

00:17:20 ◼   ► right like my little girl enjoy what you [TS]

00:17:22 ◼   ► can I'm sure there will be a time when [TS]

00:17:26 ◼   ► she's like every single time every [TS]

00:17:28 ◼   ► single time she's bugging me it's 8:32 [TS]

00:17:31 ◼   ► it's re 32 minutes past bedtime and she [TS]

00:17:34 ◼   ► comes out and just wants to like hug me [TS]

00:17:36 ◼   ► and kind of just you know hang out for a [TS]

00:17:39 ◼   ► minute and I'm thinking man [TS]

00:17:41 ◼   ► from our I want to watch my Game of [TS]

00:17:43 ◼   ► Thrones in its 32 minutes past bedtime [TS]

00:17:45 ◼   ► and I try to always catch myself and go [TS]

00:17:47 ◼   ► you ding-a-ling yeah right no it's okay [TS]

00:17:51 ◼   ► that it's 32 minutes past bedtime you [TS]

00:17:53 ◼   ► get to pause Game of Thrones and and [TS]

00:17:54 ◼   ► your daughter wants to like you for a [TS]

00:17:56 ◼   ► minute [TS]

00:17:56 ◼   ► do you have any idea how much you're [TS]

00:17:58 ◼   ► gonna want that in five years yeah right [TS]

00:18:02 ◼   ► so despite all of those negotiations and [TS]

00:18:05 ◼   ► your cocoa ket working all this out you [TS]

00:18:08 ◼   ► there is a person in your life now who [TS]

00:18:12 ◼   ► touches your feet etc oh well our sense [TS]

00:18:16 ◼   ► of the phrase yeah and and and I think [TS]

00:18:18 ◼   ► has changed a lot has changed about me [TS]

00:18:23 ◼   ► in the last five years and and I can I [TS]

00:18:27 ◼   ► absolutely remember when some of these [TS]

00:18:30 ◼   ► these notions about myself to write the [TS]

00:18:33 ◼   ► introversion in the and that the the [TS]

00:18:40 ◼   ► sense that I needed this bubble around [TS]

00:18:44 ◼   ► me and that it was okay to ask for it [TS]

00:18:47 ◼   ► and that it was not just okay to ask for [TS]

00:18:50 ◼   ► it but like I was okay even even needing [TS]

00:18:55 ◼   ► it right like it was okay to need it and [TS]

00:18:59 ◼   ► setting those setting up those [TS]

00:19:02 ◼   ► boundaries around myself so that I [TS]

00:19:04 ◼   ► wasn't always feeling both intruded upon [TS]

00:19:06 ◼   ► and also that I was a bad person for [TS]

00:19:10 ◼   ► feeling intruded upon like that was the [TS]

00:19:13 ◼   ► terrible part of that was the the source [TS]

00:19:15 ◼   ► of the of so much loneliness in my life [TS]

00:19:18 ◼   ► over the years was was not just that I [TS]

00:19:21 ◼   ► felt infringed upon by everybody but [TS]

00:19:23 ◼   ► also that I that I felt like that that [TS]

00:19:26 ◼   ► was what made me despicable because why [TS]

00:19:30 ◼   ► couldn't I just accept love or why [TS]

00:19:33 ◼   ► couldn't I just accept touch these are [TS]

00:19:34 ◼   ► simple things can you just learn to feel [TS]

00:19:37 ◼   ► good about the broken way you are it's [TS]

00:19:40 ◼   ► that it's really it's hard I think [TS]

00:19:41 ◼   ► you're describing something that's very [TS]

00:19:43 ◼   ► important to me which is this feeling [TS]

00:19:44 ◼   ► bad feeling about a bad feeling right [TS]

00:19:47 ◼   ► it's one thing to feel that bad feeling [TS]

00:19:48 ◼   ► another thing to have a bad feeling [TS]

00:19:49 ◼   ► about how you are like it's terrible but [TS]

00:19:51 ◼   ► right I mean isn't it kind of a terrible [TS]

00:19:53 ◼   ► talk before like either why can't I be a [TS]

00:19:55 ◼   ► good person or why can't I be okay with [TS]

00:19:57 ◼   ► how I actually am well it took me a long [TS]

00:19:59 ◼   ► time even to get to the place where I [TS]

00:20:00 ◼   ► felt like Oh learning to be okay with [TS]

00:20:03 ◼   ► this is a thing I can even do right [TS]

00:20:07 ◼   ► because it because because I didn't want [TS]

00:20:11 ◼   ► to be you know I didn't want to be in [TS]

00:20:14 ◼   ► the land of broken toys I believed [TS]

00:20:17 ◼   ► because I do believe in love right I [TS]

00:20:19 ◼   ► mean I am romantic quraíam Oh romantic [TS]

00:20:22 ◼   ► and so so what you know but but more [TS]

00:20:27 ◼   ► more than that even you know this is [TS]

00:20:29 ◼   ► happening this isn't a thing where my [TS]

00:20:33 ◼   ► where this is the thing I was navigating [TS]

00:20:36 ◼   ► with the larger world right I wasn't out [TS]

00:20:38 ◼   ► in the world saying why doesn't the [TS]

00:20:42 ◼   ► world accept me this was always [TS]

00:20:44 ◼   ► happening within the absolute smallest [TS]

00:20:46 ◼   ► confines of a relationship between me [TS]

00:20:49 ◼   ► and a lover who was saying you know Here [TS]

00:20:54 ◼   ► I am here's what I have to give and I [TS]

00:20:56 ◼   ► was like great don't touch my feet and [TS]

00:20:59 ◼   ► that's it that's such an incredibly [TS]

00:21:02 ◼   ► small personal space too because out in [TS]

00:21:06 ◼   ► the world I didn't have any adjustment [TS]

00:21:08 ◼   ► you know visible adjustment issues I [TS]

00:21:10 ◼   ► wasn't asking anybody to make any [TS]

00:21:12 ◼   ► accommodation for me but in this you [TS]

00:21:15 ◼   ► know as the as the room got smaller and [TS]

00:21:17 ◼   ► smaller I was more and more like that [TS]

00:21:20 ◼   ► this is my pillow and this is my [TS]

00:21:22 ◼   ► underwear drawer and this is my these [TS]

00:21:25 ◼   ► are the hairs on the back of my hand and [TS]

00:21:28 ◼   ► they can't be stimulated so I couldn't [TS]

00:21:34 ◼   ► ever be like and I'm okay with me [TS]

00:21:37 ◼   ► because because the person that I was [TS]

00:21:41 ◼   ► saying all this to was the one that was [TS]

00:21:43 ◼   ► standing there like all I want is to hug [TS]

00:21:45 ◼   ► you I was like I'm okay with me but but [TS]

00:21:49 ◼   ► but I did get to I did get to that place [TS]

00:21:53 ◼   ► sort of right around the same period [TS]

00:21:55 ◼   ► like I you know I am sorry about I am [TS]

00:21:58 ◼   ► sorry that you are pregnant and that you [TS]

00:22:00 ◼   ► are scared because you're not married [TS]

00:22:02 ◼   ► and we are trying to navigate we're [TS]

00:22:04 ◼   ► trying to right [TS]

00:22:05 ◼   ► we're trying to write a new constitution [TS]

00:22:07 ◼   ► for a thing that doesn't have very many [TS]

00:22:09 ◼   ► antecedents we can't think of any [TS]

00:22:12 ◼   ► mentors or peers we might have here [TS]

00:22:14 ◼   ► we're reinventing the wheel and your [TS]

00:22:17 ◼   ► thing that you're saying you need is [TS]

00:22:19 ◼   ► that I demonstrate my my hereness by [TS]

00:22:26 ◼   ► actually being like here holding you and [TS]

00:22:29 ◼   ► I'm saying don't touch my feet because [TS]

00:22:32 ◼   ► that's very important to me and I had to [TS]

00:22:35 ◼   ► also in that moment be like but it's [TS]

00:22:39 ◼   ► really important that I hold this woman [TS]

00:22:42 ◼   ► who is pregnant and terrifying right and [TS]

00:22:45 ◼   ► now I look back so she and I both look [TS]

00:22:48 ◼   ► back and laugh because you know the the [TS]

00:22:52 ◼   ► experience of building this family it's [TS]

00:22:57 ◼   ► not just that I it's not just that I can [TS]

00:22:59 ◼   ► hold my daughter like I should my [TS]

00:23:01 ◼   ► daughter brought the ability for me to [TS]

00:23:04 ◼   ► feel uncomplicated about being touched I [TS]

00:23:09 ◼   ► guess like she she she's been a part of [TS]

00:23:14 ◼   ► that process for me and now that now I [TS]

00:23:16 ◼   ► can I mean I still don't want people [TS]

00:23:18 ◼   ► coming in and touching my feet while I'm [TS]

00:23:20 ◼   ► sleeping oh yeah you you have your [TS]

00:23:21 ◼   ► preferences yeah I just don't just like [TS]

00:23:24 ◼   ► come put your mouth on my toes [TS]

00:23:26 ◼   ► oh dear me no oh go do Pekinese no stop [TS]

00:23:30 ◼   ► it no not everybody got to do that it's [TS]

00:23:32 ◼   ► not just because it's tolerated with one [TS]

00:23:35 ◼   ► person does not mean that everybody gets [TS]

00:23:36 ◼   ► to do it right but but it's funny that I [TS]

00:23:40 ◼   ► that I made such a because at the time [TS]

00:23:43 ◼   ► not have not having had a kid yet you [TS]

00:23:46 ◼   ► think certain things are so important [TS]

00:23:49 ◼   ► I'm going to a baby shower later today [TS]

00:23:52 ◼   ► and they're they're wonderful people [TS]

00:23:57 ◼   ► they're very good friends they've been [TS]

00:23:59 ◼   ► they're excited about their baby the [TS]

00:24:02 ◼   ► baby is coming soon and they had a thing [TS]

00:24:05 ◼   ► on their baby shower thing that said you [TS]

00:24:09 ◼   ► know we don't want you to don't worry [TS]

00:24:11 ◼   ► about gifts but but if you if you insist [TS]

00:24:14 ◼   ► here's a link to a list of gifts [TS]

00:24:17 ◼   ► and I went and just reading down this [TS]

00:24:20 ◼   ► list of gifts that had obviously been [TS]

00:24:23 ◼   ► compiled by a large group of people are [TS]

00:24:25 ◼   ► like you're gonna need this mm-hmm [TS]

00:24:27 ◼   ► you're definitely gonna need a linen [TS]

00:24:30 ◼   ► it's a good chance to cover some bases [TS]

00:24:33 ◼   ► you get you can you can ask for and if [TS]

00:24:35 ◼   ► it's people who are already parents [TS]

00:24:36 ◼   ► they'll get this a lot of the stuff [TS]

00:24:38 ◼   ► you're gonna need a lot of even you know [TS]

00:24:40 ◼   ► right wouldn't be bad to get diapers but [TS]

00:24:42 ◼   ► definitely some onesies and stuff then [TS]

00:24:43 ◼   ► there's some stuff that like you just [TS]

00:24:44 ◼   ► know you're gonna need like maybe a nice [TS]

00:24:47 ◼   ► changing like a changing table and then [TS]

00:24:49 ◼   ► you got the stuff for your shoot for the [TS]

00:24:50 ◼   ► stars right wait you might say oh I want [TS]

00:24:53 ◼   ► this $700 baby carriage because if [TS]

00:24:55 ◼   ► somebody wants to get that Charle ticket [TS]

00:24:57 ◼   ► right but this is a group so the this [TS]

00:25:01 ◼   ► this these two are members of a pretty [TS]

00:25:04 ◼   ► close-knit group of friends let's let's [TS]

00:25:08 ◼   ► call it between 15 and 20 people that [TS]

00:25:12 ◼   ► have all coupled up recently they're all [TS]

00:25:15 ◼   ► in their early 40s and this is this [TS]

00:25:18 ◼   ► couple is really the first one the first [TS]

00:25:21 ◼   ► couple to have a new baby right I mean [TS]

00:25:24 ◼   ► you know Ari and I our daughter is six [TS]

00:25:27 ◼   ► and a half now and when that happened [TS]

00:25:29 ◼   ► all of these all these people were in [TS]

00:25:33 ◼   ► brand-new relationships or yeah or going [TS]

00:25:35 ◼   ► through their first divorce or whatever [TS]

00:25:36 ◼   ► but now they have a solid little gang [TS]

00:25:38 ◼   ► and this couple is the first one to have [TS]

00:25:40 ◼   ► a baby and so there there baby list that [TS]

00:25:44 ◼   ► they linked to has all that stuff right [TS]

00:25:47 ◼   ► the you know you're gonna need diapers [TS]

00:25:49 ◼   ► you should get some onesies and look [TS]

00:25:51 ◼   ► there's the $700 carriage like all that [TS]

00:25:53 ◼   ► stuff makes sense mm-hmm [TS]

00:25:54 ◼   ► but because none of their friends have [TS]

00:25:58 ◼   ► babies yet but all of them are I mean [TS]

00:26:01 ◼   ► I'm watching this group and ready to [TS]

00:26:04 ◼   ► have like 15 babies arrive in the next [TS]

00:26:07 ◼   ► year and a half because that's where [TS]

00:26:08 ◼   ► they're all at yeah there's all that [TS]

00:26:11 ◼   ► stuff on this list like like baby wipe [TS]

00:26:15 ◼   ► warmer ready caddy baby carriage baby [TS]

00:26:22 ◼   ► wipe warmer caddy sidecar mm-hmm like [TS]

00:26:26 ◼   ► this crazy stuff where you're like whoa [TS]

00:26:28 ◼   ► whoa whoa let me just give you let me [TS]

00:26:30 ◼   ► just break it down for you [TS]

00:26:31 ◼   ► you don't need that honestly you don't [TS]

00:26:34 ◼   ► need it you don't you want to take that [TS]

00:26:35 ◼   ► off because somebody's gonna buy that [TS]

00:26:36 ◼   ► for you and then you're gonna have it [TS]

00:26:38 ◼   ► you're gonna feel like you need to use [TS]

00:26:39 ◼   ► it and you're gonna walk around like [TS]

00:26:42 ◼   ► basically like Chewbacca carrying [TS]

00:26:45 ◼   ► Threepio on his back it's and puts it [TS]

00:26:49 ◼   ► pushing a stroller with the wife warmer [TS]

00:26:53 ◼   ► on it because look you got enough [TS]

00:26:55 ◼   ► problems just getting a baby from place [TS]

00:26:57 ◼   ► to place if you end up being one of [TS]

00:26:59 ◼   ► those couples that's like that's like a [TS]

00:27:01 ◼   ► camp train the feds leaving Stalingrad [TS]

00:27:05 ◼   ► remember that killing that feeling oh my [TS]

00:27:07 ◼   ► god because somebody told you that you [TS]

00:27:09 ◼   ► need a you know you need a like a linen [TS]

00:27:12 ◼   ► baby stroller cover to keep the sunlight [TS]

00:27:17 ◼   ► out of baby's eyes but you don't want to [TS]

00:27:19 ◼   ► get that don't get that cotton stuff no [TS]

00:27:21 ◼   ► no it's gotta be linen because it needs [TS]

00:27:23 ◼   ► to filter the sunlight so the babies can [TS]

00:27:25 ◼   ► hear the mozart better keep leave the [TS]

00:27:27 ◼   ► way we were raised the way that we get [TS]

00:27:32 ◼   ► linen like here hold my cigarette tips [TS]

00:27:36 ◼   ► the first thing you need to learn kid [TS]

00:27:41 ◼   ► [Laughter] [TS]

00:27:45 ◼   ► anyway so it's funny I want to go back [TS]

00:27:48 ◼   ► and read those things but it happens it [TS]

00:27:51 ◼   ► happens all the time [TS]

00:27:52 ◼   ► you know and I and I feel like I feel [TS]

00:27:55 ◼   ► like part of the victory that we have [TS]

00:27:59 ◼   ► achieved maybe our generation in it and [TS]

00:28:03 ◼   ► it feels like a strange victory but we [TS]

00:28:05 ◼   ► kind of led the charge was this victory [TS]

00:28:08 ◼   ► of of the of carving out the space to be [TS]

00:28:17 ◼   ► who you are that is that's not just free [TS]

00:28:20 ◼   ► to be you and me but you know like the [TS]

00:28:22 ◼   ► small spaces of being who you are and [TS]

00:28:25 ◼   ► but like Ari and I still our daughter is [TS]

00:28:30 ◼   ► six and a half and we still are a team [TS]

00:28:33 ◼   ► and we still don't have any peers like [TS]

00:28:37 ◼   ► oh I see I see we still don't know any [TS]

00:28:40 ◼   ► couple who has done it the way we've [TS]

00:28:43 ◼   ► done it [TS]

00:28:44 ◼   ► we don't have anyone to mentor because [TS]

00:28:48 ◼   ► no one is we don't know anybody who's [TS]

00:28:50 ◼   ► trying to do it the way we did it [TS]

00:28:53 ◼   ► everybody we know that has a kid is [TS]

00:28:55 ◼   ► either in a happy marriage in a in an [TS]

00:28:59 ◼   ► unhappy marriage that's pretending to be [TS]

00:29:01 ◼   ► happy in an unhappy marriage that is [TS]

00:29:04 ◼   ► done pretending mm-hmm or in a marriage [TS]

00:29:08 ◼   ► and dissolution that is either trying to [TS]

00:29:10 ◼   ► be civil not trying to be civil or [TS]

00:29:13 ◼   ► long-past right no one is just like yeah [TS]

00:29:19 ◼   ► we decided to have a child together and [TS]

00:29:21 ◼   ► we're people of goodwill and smart and [TS]

00:29:24 ◼   ► we agreed that we were going to have a [TS]

00:29:27 ◼   ► lot of fights about stuff in the course [TS]

00:29:29 ◼   ► of time as you do but that it was never [TS]

00:29:33 ◼   ► going to be we were never going to lose [TS]

00:29:38 ◼   ► sight of the fact that we were doing [TS]

00:29:42 ◼   ► this intentionally and and in the spirit [TS]

00:29:44 ◼   ► of like you kind of always knew that it [TS]

00:29:47 ◼   ► was well I don't want speak for you but [TS]

00:29:49 ◼   ► maybe one way to look at it is like [TS]

00:29:51 ◼   ► it'll be safe if we always regard this [TS]

00:29:53 ◼   ► as a precarious experiment rather than a [TS]

00:29:55 ◼   ► done deal right and that was that was I [TS]

00:29:59 ◼   ► think what I mean like not treating it [TS]

00:30:01 ◼   ► like a like a done and settled sorted [TS]

00:30:03 ◼   ► issue like this is this is a work in [TS]

00:30:05 ◼   ► progress well that was the that was the [TS]

00:30:07 ◼   ► advantage it had right because all these [TS]

00:30:08 ◼   ► things that you're saying about like [TS]

00:30:10 ◼   ► which I think are absolutely true like [TS]

00:30:12 ◼   ► you get married and so you already [TS]

00:30:15 ◼   ► worked out like how the right gets paid [TS]

00:30:16 ◼   ► and all that stuff but but in getting [TS]

00:30:19 ◼   ► married you also take all of your [TS]

00:30:24 ◼   ► unspoken expectations and and all of the [TS]

00:30:29 ◼   ► the templates that you've been carrying [TS]

00:30:30 ◼   ► around like a maesters chain jangling [TS]

00:30:37 ◼   ► around your neck about like oh well when [TS]

00:30:39 ◼   ► I get married my spouse is gonna be like [TS]

00:30:41 ◼   ► this and our marriage is gonna be like [TS]

00:30:43 ◼   ► this and we're gonna live like this and [TS]

00:30:44 ◼   ► his or my goals are gonna be the same [TS]

00:30:47 ◼   ► exactly and all this stuff that you'd [TS]

00:30:49 ◼   ► never really address formally mm-hmm [TS]

00:30:52 ◼   ► that goes into like now we're married in [TS]

00:30:56 ◼   ► the case of Ari [TS]

00:30:58 ◼   ► Ln myself we didn't have we didn't have [TS]

00:31:00 ◼   ► that luxury so we had to be very [TS]

00:31:03 ◼   ► specific about all that stuff right [TS]

00:31:05 ◼   ► right and so we didn't then later five [TS]

00:31:09 ◼   ► years later encounter these moments [TS]

00:31:11 ◼   ► where it was like wait a minute I [TS]

00:31:13 ◼   ► thought you were paying the rent yeah or [TS]

00:31:15 ◼   ► like you always knew I wanted to live in [TS]

00:31:18 ◼   ► Berlin right and it's like what are you [TS]

00:31:20 ◼   ► talking about we you said something [TS]

00:31:21 ◼   ► about Berlin once five years ago well [TS]

00:31:23 ◼   ► that was me saying that one day I was [TS]

00:31:26 ◼   ► gonna move there you know at like we [TS]

00:31:28 ◼   ► didn't have to we don't have that [TS]

00:31:30 ◼   ► problem now because we have been forced [TS]

00:31:32 ◼   ► to be extremely on top of all that stuff [TS]

00:31:36 ◼   ► and you know our relationship is [TS]

00:31:40 ◼   ► stronger now than ever and I don't see [TS]

00:31:43 ◼   ► anything I don't see it being in [TS]

00:31:48 ◼   ► jeopardy right I mean this last year and [TS]

00:31:50 ◼   ► a half I was in this long relationship [TS]

00:31:51 ◼   ► and and it jeopardized my relationship [TS]

00:31:54 ◼   ► with Ari but in the end in the end like [TS]

00:32:01 ◼   ► it was the relationship with our Ian and [TS]

00:32:03 ◼   ► our daughter that was that that was the [TS]

00:32:05 ◼   ► thing that was most important to me no [TS]

00:32:08 ◼   ► that wasn't a thing I was ever going to [TS]

00:32:10 ◼   ► you sacrifice and yeah we grew up I'm [TS]

00:32:13 ◼   ► sure you knew lots of people like this I [TS]

00:32:15 ◼   ► know I did [TS]

00:32:17 ◼   ► parents who got divorced and one of them [TS]

00:32:22 ◼   ► took the kid somewhere else mm-hmm or [TS]

00:32:25 ◼   ► dad saw you on weekends or on alternate [TS]

00:32:29 ◼   ► weekends or on alternate months or [TS]

00:32:31 ◼   ► something and like I think I've probably [TS]

00:32:35 ◼   ► talked to you about this before but like [TS]

00:32:36 ◼   ► when my mom left my dad we were living [TS]

00:32:39 ◼   ► in Alaska and she basically like threw [TS]

00:32:42 ◼   ► some stuff in a suitcase and moved to [TS]

00:32:45 ◼   ► Seattle moved back to Seattle [TS]

00:32:48 ◼   ► and you know my dad was from Seattle [TS]

00:32:51 ◼   ► he'd lived his entire life in Seattle he [TS]

00:32:56 ◼   ► had been living in Anchorage for two [TS]

00:32:58 ◼   ► years [TS]

00:32:59 ◼   ► and yet when my mom left him and moved [TS]

00:33:03 ◼   ► back to Seattle my dad's stayed in [TS]

00:33:05 ◼   ► Anchorage like I like it here [TS]

00:33:08 ◼   ► good things are happening up here [TS]

00:33:11 ◼   ► and it I never questioned it as a kid [TS]

00:33:13 ◼   ► because you don't know enough to know [TS]

00:33:15 ◼   ► what you know your parents what they do [TS]

00:33:16 ◼   ► just seems like reasonable but after I [TS]

00:33:21 ◼   ► had a kid I was like wait a minute [TS]

00:33:23 ◼   ► he didn't have anything going on in [TS]

00:33:26 ◼   ► Anchorage why didn't he just move back [TS]

00:33:27 ◼   ► to Seattle - mm-hmm [TS]

00:33:29 ◼   ► and it was it was the one thing I wish I [TS]

00:33:33 ◼   ► could talk to him about now and just say [TS]

00:33:37 ◼   ► what was the logic there like you living [TS]

00:33:41 ◼   ► in Alaska and mom living in Seattle made [TS]

00:33:44 ◼   ► our lives growing up really complicated [TS]

00:33:47 ◼   ► and if you had just said well you know [TS]

00:33:50 ◼   ► I'm moving back to Seattle because I'm [TS]

00:33:54 ◼   ► getting a divorce and she wants to live [TS]

00:33:56 ◼   ► down there and I guess I'm just gonna [TS]

00:33:57 ◼   ► bite the bullet or whatever on the [TS]

00:33:59 ◼   ► behalf of my kids [TS]

00:34:00 ◼   ► I just Hannah I you know I it's a [TS]

00:34:05 ◼   ► conversation I would love to have with [TS]

00:34:06 ◼   ► them I don't know yeah so you you like [TS]

00:34:12 ◼   ► doing the show at 9:00 this episode of [TS]

00:34:18 ◼   ► Rodrik on the line is brought to you by [TS]

00:34:20 ◼   ► Casper you can learn more about Casper [TS]

00:34:22 ◼   ► right now by visiting Casper comm slash [TS]

00:34:24 ◼   ► supertrain friends Casper is a sleep [TS]

00:34:27 ◼   ► brand that has created an outrageously [TS]

00:34:29 ◼   ► comfortable mattress that they sell [TS]

00:34:31 ◼   ► directly to consumers [TS]

00:34:32 ◼   ► eliminating commission driven inflated [TS]

00:34:34 ◼   ► prices its award-winning sleep surface [TS]

00:34:37 ◼   ► was developed in-house it has a sleek [TS]

00:34:39 ◼   ► design and is delivered in a small how [TS]

00:34:42 ◼   ► did they even do that sized box that is [TS]

00:34:45 ◼   ► a size of box I've seen it in addition [TS]

00:34:47 ◼   ► to the mattress Casper also offers an [TS]

00:34:49 ◼   ► adaptive pillow and soft breathable [TS]

00:34:51 ◼   ► sheets the mattress industry has forced [TS]

00:34:54 ◼   ► consumers into paying notoriously high [TS]

00:34:56 ◼   ► markups and Casper is revolutionizing [TS]

00:34:58 ◼   ► the mattress industry by cutting the [TS]

00:35:00 ◼   ► cost of dealing with resellers and [TS]

00:35:01 ◼   ► showrooms and passing that savings [TS]

00:35:03 ◼   ► directly to the consumer friends this is [TS]

00:35:05 ◼   ► a high quality mattress because an [TS]

00:35:07 ◼   ► in-house team of engineers spent [TS]

00:35:08 ◼   ► thousands of hours developing the Casper [TS]

00:35:10 ◼   ► it combines supportive memory foams for [TS]

00:35:13 ◼   ► a sleep surface that's got just the [TS]

00:35:15 ◼   ► right sink in just the right bounce plus [TS]

00:35:17 ◼   ► its breathable design sleeps cool to [TS]

00:35:20 ◼   ► help you regulate your temperature [TS]

00:35:21 ◼   ► through the night you want to regulate [TS]

00:35:23 ◼   ► that temperature Casper will help you [TS]

00:35:25 ◼   ► with that buying a Casper mattress is [TS]

00:35:27 ◼   ► completely risk-free Casper offers free [TS]

00:35:30 ◼   ► delivery and free returns with a 100 [TS]

00:35:32 ◼   ► night home trial if you don't love it [TS]

00:35:33 ◼   ► they'll pick it up and refund you [TS]

00:35:35 ◼   ► everything and Casper understands that [TS]

00:35:37 ◼   ► how important it is for you to truly try [TS]

00:35:39 ◼   ► sleeping on a mattress before you commit [TS]

00:35:40 ◼   ► especially considering that's where [TS]

00:35:42 ◼   ► you're gonna spend about a 30-year life [TS]

00:35:43 ◼   ► my household has two Casper mattresses [TS]

00:35:46 ◼   ► and we love them to pieces is actually [TS]

00:35:48 ◼   ► kind of weird that even these years into [TS]

00:35:51 ◼   ► my Casper ownership I still think about [TS]

00:35:52 ◼   ► the day that it arrives I think about [TS]

00:35:54 ◼   ► and marvel at how easy it was to receive [TS]

00:35:56 ◼   ► and set up our mattress I miss my cap [TS]

00:35:59 ◼   ► Casper when I don't have it it's just [TS]

00:36:01 ◼   ► the best so try it out 100 nights decide [TS]

00:36:03 ◼   ► if it's the mattress that's right for [TS]

00:36:04 ◼   ► you right now you can get fifty dollars [TS]

00:36:07 ◼   ► toward any mattress purchase by visiting [TS]

00:36:09 ◼   ► Casper comm slash supertrain and using [TS]

00:36:11 ◼   ► the very special offer code supertrain [TS]

00:36:13 ◼   ► terms and conditions apply our thanks to [TS]

00:36:16 ◼   ► Casper for supporting Roderick online [TS]

00:36:18 ◼   ► and all the great shows that we do we [TS]

00:36:22 ◼   ► get off track there no no no we put the [TS]

00:36:25 ◼   ► track on the skis this time buddy [TS]

00:36:30 ◼   ► finished more soda sometimes sometimes [TS]

00:36:43 ◼   ► when that happens and the there is a [TS]

00:36:48 ◼   ► split and one person takes the child [TS]

00:36:53 ◼   ► this is not a reflection on any given [TS]

00:36:55 ◼   ► couple or parent sometimes it's a an [TS]

00:36:58 ◼   ► offensive maneuver to say I'm going to [TS]

00:37:03 ◼   ► take little Rover and we are going to [TS]

00:37:06 ◼   ► move to Maine then the other person [TS]

00:37:10 ◼   ► might say well why would you want to [TS]

00:37:11 ◼   ► move to Maine don't you know I've always [TS]

00:37:15 ◼   ► wanted to move now but the but then that [TS]

00:37:19 ◼   ► does put the the other partner in a [TS]

00:37:22 ◼   ► strange position because what they do or [TS]

00:37:24 ◼   ► don't do we'll still have ramifications [TS]

00:37:26 ◼   ► and everybody's life changes like does [TS]

00:37:31 ◼   ► the offensive parent want them to come [TS]

00:37:33 ◼   ► there are they trying to get away from [TS]

00:37:35 ◼   ► that person even when they know that's [TS]

00:37:37 ◼   ► at the expense of that [TS]

00:37:39 ◼   ► other person being able to see the child [TS]

00:37:40 ◼   ► I think that's complicated business yeah [TS]

00:37:47 ◼   ► there's a lot of there's a lot of things [TS]

00:37:50 ◼   ► they're complicated it's true wait this [TS]

00:37:58 ◼   ► school start for you know and it's a [TS]

00:38:03 ◼   ► it's a constant source of confusion to [TS]

00:38:05 ◼   ► me how school anywhere can start before [TS]

00:38:09 ◼   ► September 5th yes I totally Cherie [TS]

00:38:14 ◼   ► school shouldn't start before September [TS]

00:38:16 ◼   ► 5th then it should be out by June 14th [TS]

00:38:18 ◼   ► at the latest it's just it's one of [TS]

00:38:20 ◼   ► those things that just messes with your [TS]

00:38:22 ◼   ► head you know like when they change [TS]

00:38:25 ◼   ► daylight saving time you know that [TS]

00:38:27 ◼   ► screwed up a lot of stuff in my brain [TS]

00:38:30 ◼   ► and in the world but when they started [TS]

00:38:33 ◼   ► having schools start before Labor Day [TS]

00:38:35 ◼   ► that is very really weird I don't get it [TS]

00:38:39 ◼   ► what is the point of it yeah I mean I [TS]

00:38:42 ◼   ► see that the saw from the standpoint of [TS]

00:38:47 ◼   ► [Music] [TS]

00:38:48 ◼   ► government and I'm sure this is true of [TS]

00:38:51 ◼   ► you in California too to some degree but [TS]

00:38:57 ◼   ► my understanding is that the schools are [TS]

00:39:00 ◼   ► funded through this complicated formula [TS]

00:39:06 ◼   ► where they count the number of [TS]

00:39:09 ◼   ► attendances and they have to and then [TS]

00:39:14 ◼   ► they they apply for money based on how [TS]

00:39:16 ◼   ► many kids attended how many days and if [TS]

00:39:23 ◼   ► they have absences or if they have snow [TS]

00:39:29 ◼   ► days or other unforeseen you know [TS]

00:39:35 ◼   ► absolute days when the kids aren't there [TS]

00:39:37 ◼   ► then they lose money mm-hmm and they [TS]

00:39:40 ◼   ► need that money they need that money for [TS]

00:39:43 ◼   ► basic services and they're in a they're [TS]

00:39:45 ◼   ► kind of stuck in this thing where it's [TS]

00:39:46 ◼   ► like well it cost money to keep the [TS]

00:39:48 ◼   ► doors open but we need we don't have the [TS]

00:39:51 ◼   ► money to do that [TS]

00:39:52 ◼   ► so we have to keep the we have to keep [TS]

00:39:54 ◼   ► the doors open we have to keep having [TS]

00:39:55 ◼   ► more school days in order to have the [TS]

00:39:58 ◼   ► funding to having to have school so that [TS]

00:40:03 ◼   ► you know at least in Seattle our school [TS]

00:40:05 ◼   ► has this what I think is a kind of a [TS]

00:40:08 ◼   ► crazy attendance policy where a parent [TS]

00:40:14 ◼   ► who's going to Washington DC for a week [TS]

00:40:17 ◼   ► and wants to take their kid to [TS]

00:40:18 ◼   ► Washington DC this is something very [TS]

00:40:19 ◼   ► familiar yeah right [TS]

00:40:21 ◼   ► it's actually coming up it's actually [TS]

00:40:24 ◼   ► coming up we're going to Washington DC [TS]

00:40:25 ◼   ► this month well if you went to school [TS]

00:40:28 ◼   ► here you could expect a nasty letter and [TS]

00:40:30 ◼   ► a threat of arrest [TS]

00:40:31 ◼   ► yeah threat of prosecution basically so [TS]

00:40:34 ◼   ► this is something like I heard I don't [TS]

00:40:36 ◼   ► know if this right I feel like I heard [TS]

00:40:37 ◼   ► something like a hundred dollars a day [TS]

00:40:38 ◼   ► but all I know is that the corollary of [TS]

00:40:40 ◼   ► what you described is true I don't know [TS]

00:40:42 ◼   ► exactly how the funding gets there but I [TS]

00:40:43 ◼   ► do know that there are three things we [TS]

00:40:45 ◼   ► learn about and are reminded of pretty [TS]

00:40:48 ◼   ► much every day right which is that by [TS]

00:40:50 ◼   ► the school yeah oh yeah yeah yeah I mean [TS]

00:40:53 ◼   ► you know school starts promptly at 7:50 [TS]

00:40:55 ◼   ► do not be late there's no reason to be [TS]

00:40:57 ◼   ► late if you're going to drive to school [TS]

00:40:59 ◼   ► please use stop drop and go because [TS]

00:41:00 ◼   ► otherwise it's chaos and our neighbors [TS]

00:41:02 ◼   ► hate us and children might die because [TS]

00:41:03 ◼   ► you're driving around in the streets and [TS]

00:41:05 ◼   ► the other one is you must go to school [TS]

00:41:07 ◼   ► this is nothing that we are going to [TS]

00:41:09 ◼   ► debate and here's the bottom line the [TS]

00:41:11 ◼   ► bottom line is that every day you're [TS]

00:41:13 ◼   ► absent this school loses money and if [TS]

00:41:16 ◼   ► your kid is out for a week of Washington [TS]

00:41:18 ◼   ► that's actually very costly for the [TS]

00:41:19 ◼   ► school and then we have to threaten you [TS]

00:41:20 ◼   ► because there is some kind of an [TS]

00:41:22 ◼   ► accounting at some point about exactly [TS]

00:41:25 ◼   ► what you described like were the absence [TS]

00:41:27 ◼   ► and attendance numbers what they were I [TS]

00:41:29 ◼   ► guess estimated to be and I don't know [TS]

00:41:34 ◼   ► why we decided that's how we needed to [TS]

00:41:36 ◼   ► fund the schools I mean I don't [TS]

00:41:38 ◼   ► we decided it at some point obviously [TS]

00:41:41 ◼   ► the the the schools are the classic [TS]

00:41:44 ◼   ► thing of where there are a lot of a lot [TS]

00:41:46 ◼   ► a lot of people that don't have kids and [TS]

00:41:48 ◼   ► in the American in the current American [TS]

00:41:52 ◼   ► mindset if you don't have a kid then why [TS]

00:41:56 ◼   ► the hell should you pay for the schools [TS]

00:41:58 ◼   ► all right that's the Florida approach [TS]

00:42:00 ◼   ► yeah yeah it's for schools back in [TS]

00:42:03 ◼   ► Pennsylvania why would I do it again [TS]

00:42:04 ◼   ► yeah I [TS]

00:42:06 ◼   ► I paid for schools when my mom paid for [TS]

00:42:08 ◼   ► schools for me but I don't have a kid or [TS]

00:42:09 ◼   ► I don't you know or whatever like the [TS]

00:42:12 ◼   ► the idea that we don't think [TS]

00:42:14 ◼   ► collectively about ourselves anymore and [TS]

00:42:16 ◼   ► that we don't look at taxes as a way of [TS]

00:42:20 ◼   ► affecting collective improvement right [TS]

00:42:23 ◼   ► but that everyone is out for themselves [TS]

00:42:26 ◼   ► at all times suspicious of all [TS]

00:42:28 ◼   ► government believes like the kind of [TS]

00:42:30 ◼   ► thing where you would I mean I I would [TS]

00:42:32 ◼   ► not want to point in a particular party [TS]

00:42:33 ◼   ► but it feels like one of those things if [TS]

00:42:35 ◼   ► you go yeah of course we've got to fund [TS]

00:42:36 ◼   ► the schools but we also have to find [TS]

00:42:38 ◼   ► some way to make it drudgery we're you [TS]

00:42:40 ◼   ► know in the same way like you know my [TS]

00:42:41 ◼   ► feelings on things like reading logs [TS]

00:42:42 ◼   ► that you just drive me crazy the whole [TS]

00:42:44 ◼   ► like go prove you read you know okay you [TS]

00:42:47 ◼   ► know it's like why don't you take [TS]

00:42:49 ◼   ► something my kid loves and turn it into [TS]

00:42:50 ◼   ► something she can feel guilty about not [TS]

00:42:52 ◼   ► doing even though she's doing it but you [TS]

00:42:53 ◼   ► didn't do the log right same way I mean [TS]

00:42:55 ◼   ► like there's all these things where [TS]

00:42:56 ◼   ► you're like it's one of those like [TS]

00:42:58 ◼   ► alright you you just use one of your [TS]

00:43:00 ◼   ► monkey paw wishes and you want money but [TS]

00:43:03 ◼   ► guess how this is gonna work your school [TS]

00:43:10 ◼   ► districts voice is Bob Odenkirk but yeah [TS]

00:43:19 ◼   ► you feel so terrible for the schools you [TS]

00:43:22 ◼   ► want them to have resources and do the [TS]

00:43:24 ◼   ► job that they do well but the way that [TS]

00:43:28 ◼   ► the way that it works out where it's [TS]

00:43:30 ◼   ► like well school goes to July 5th now [TS]

00:43:32 ◼   ► and it starts again August 15th because [TS]

00:43:36 ◼   ► we had a couple of snow days yeah and [TS]

00:43:39 ◼   ► you're like what are we doing to [TS]

00:43:41 ◼   ► ourselves like where we are we're doing [TS]

00:43:44 ◼   ► we're doing a bad job in in pursuit of [TS]

00:43:48 ◼   ► doing a good job [TS]

00:43:52 ◼   ► we are my daughter's school is in a [TS]

00:43:56 ◼   ► neighborhood that is very close to the [TS]

00:43:58 ◼   ► University and it's the classic example [TS]

00:44:01 ◼   ► of a Seattle School where the additional [TS]

00:44:05 ◼   ► services that are not provided for by [TS]

00:44:07 ◼   ► the school district by which I mean [TS]

00:44:09 ◼   ► music lessons art lessons interesting PE [TS]

00:44:15 ◼   ► interesting after-school activities [TS]

00:44:18 ◼   ► supplies all those things are paid for [TS]

00:44:22 ◼   ► by a PTA and the PTA is able to pay for [TS]

00:44:26 ◼   ► those things because this neighborhood [TS]

00:44:28 ◼   ► is situated very close to Microsoft and [TS]

00:44:33 ◼   ► Amazon and etc etc and so the PTA has an [TS]

00:44:39 ◼   ► auction and the PTA sponsors a dance and [TS]

00:44:43 ◼   ► the PTA sends you 700 emails a year and [TS]

00:44:46 ◼   ► by university but the auctions coming up [TS]

00:44:49 ◼   ► so yeah I don't know I know you need to [TS]

00:44:54 ◼   ► get two tickets to the end of the sea [TS]

00:44:55 ◼   ► ball there were only $250 each it's [TS]

00:44:58 ◼   ► gonna be so much fun the end of all [TS]

00:45:00 ◼   ► gonna be so much fun [TS]

00:45:01 ◼   ► [Music] [TS]

00:45:02 ◼   ► but as a result of that her school can [TS]

00:45:05 ◼   ► hire an art teacher who is bona fide [TS]

00:45:10 ◼   ► artists and a wonderful woman who really [TS]

00:45:15 ◼   ► inspires the kids and gives them [TS]

00:45:19 ◼   ► incredibly enriching artistic activities [TS]

00:45:25 ◼   ► and like she is a jewel and she is paid [TS]

00:45:30 ◼   ► for entirely by this extra you know [TS]

00:45:35 ◼   ► district organization basically rich [TS]

00:45:39 ◼   ► parents and so my daughter's school has [TS]

00:45:43 ◼   ► a high rating on Yelp got a 5 out of 5 [TS]

00:45:48 ◼   ► stars and there are other schools in the [TS]

00:45:52 ◼   ► school district that don't have any arts [TS]

00:45:56 ◼   ► education because their PTA has no [TS]

00:45:59 ◼   ► ability to lay hands on that kind of [TS]

00:46:01 ◼   ► resource beyond those resources and that [TS]

00:46:04 ◼   ► is the inequity that [TS]

00:46:06 ◼   ► like baked into the Seattle School [TS]

00:46:09 ◼   ► District which is crazy to think that a [TS]

00:46:12 ◼   ► city as liberal and progressive and rich [TS]

00:46:15 ◼   ► as Seattle should have that be the [TS]

00:46:19 ◼   ► system and it and it's a it's a system [TS]

00:46:24 ◼   ► that like recapitulates itself every day [TS]

00:46:26 ◼   ► because when forty year olds decide that [TS]

00:46:28 ◼   ► they're gonna move out of downtown they [TS]

00:46:30 ◼   ► read Yelp they well and they have to [TS]

00:46:33 ◼   ► decide where they're gonna buy their [TS]

00:46:34 ◼   ► house based on how many stars their [TS]

00:46:37 ◼   ► school has and if you're if your [TS]

00:46:40 ◼   ► neighborhood has three star school let [TS]

00:46:42 ◼   ► alone a one point four star school yep [TS]

00:46:46 ◼   ► you have no idea what that means you [TS]

00:46:48 ◼   ► haven't been to the school you haven't [TS]

00:46:50 ◼   ► talked to the teachers you haven't [TS]

00:46:51 ◼   ► toured the campus you've just you're [TS]

00:46:53 ◼   ► looking at it online and it's like well [TS]

00:46:56 ◼   ► I can't move into that neighborhood so [TS]

00:46:59 ◼   ► it just perpetuates this idea that like [TS]

00:47:02 ◼   ► well you got to move up north into one [TS]

00:47:06 ◼   ► of these bedroom communities where the [TS]

00:47:08 ◼   ► schools are good and all these [TS]

00:47:10 ◼   ► neighborhoods that are awesome [TS]

00:47:11 ◼   ► neighborhoods down here but their school [TS]

00:47:14 ◼   ► districts don't have good stars you know [TS]

00:47:19 ◼   ► we can't even begin to look at an [TS]

00:47:21 ◼   ► affordable house down there because [TS]

00:47:25 ◼   ► there's a reason it's affordable there's [TS]

00:47:28 ◼   ► a reason it's affordable and it's [TS]

00:47:29 ◼   ► because when you're doing your kid gets [TS]

00:47:30 ◼   ► to school they're given a mop bucket and [TS]

00:47:33 ◼   ► a piece of dry black bread mm-hmm there [TS]

00:47:37 ◼   ► you know and they are sent to learn by [TS]

00:47:40 ◼   ► cleaning out the toilets at the prison [TS]

00:47:42 ◼   ► hmm it's like I don't really I think [TS]

00:47:45 ◼   ► that all the schools here probably I [TS]

00:47:47 ◼   ► mean I don't know I don't know so part [TS]

00:47:51 ◼   ► of it is should you trust the Stars you [TS]

00:47:54 ◼   ► never trust the Stars [TS]

00:47:55 ◼   ► mhm go eat for yourself try something [TS]

00:47:57 ◼   ► different every time but I don't know [TS]

00:47:59 ◼   ► how is it down there how is it in San [TS]

00:48:01 ◼   ► Francisco is it a similar situation [TS]

00:48:02 ◼   ► yeah it's gotten way way better it was a [TS]

00:48:08 ◼   ► what a liberal dystopia at one point [TS]

00:48:11 ◼   ► where every the system that was in place [TS]

00:48:13 ◼   ► not long before my kid went to school [TS]

00:48:16 ◼   ► really felt like it was invented by [TS]

00:48:17 ◼   ► young liberals who don't have kids [TS]

00:48:20 ◼   ► people like basically College sophomores [TS]

00:48:22 ◼   ► because it was what it came down to was [TS]

00:48:28 ◼   ► not even a lottery it was just it was [TS]

00:48:31 ◼   ► kind of it could be fairly random where [TS]

00:48:33 ◼   ► your kid went to school like you could [TS]

00:48:35 ◼   ► in this town so many people move to so [TS]

00:48:37 ◼   ► they don't need don't so they won't need [TS]

00:48:38 ◼   ► to own a car for example you your kid [TS]

00:48:41 ◼   ► might be on the diagonal you know the [TS]

00:48:44 ◼   ► opposite diagonal of town from where you [TS]

00:48:46 ◼   ► live based on I think based on like [TS]

00:48:49 ◼   ► something fairly random that I mean I [TS]

00:48:52 ◼   ► think takes into account things like [TS]

00:48:54 ◼   ► diversity but it was a it was basically [TS]

00:48:57 ◼   ► a crapshoot I mean I had a friend who [TS]

00:48:59 ◼   ► lived in Duboce triangle whose kid went [TS]

00:49:04 ◼   ► to elementary school in North Beach no [TS]

00:49:08 ◼   ► big aunt did not a car so he took his [TS]

00:49:11 ◼   ► kid that that ride I guess what maybe a [TS]

00:49:15 ◼   ► five film where I'm not sure take your [TS]

00:49:16 ◼   ► kid that ride on the bus and then you [TS]

00:49:19 ◼   ► come back and you go to work how is that [TS]

00:49:22 ◼   ► oh it depends but like I would allow for [TS]

00:49:26 ◼   ► roundtrip I'd allow an hour and a half [TS]

00:49:28 ◼   ► yeah that's crazy right I mean yeah San [TS]

00:49:31 ◼   ► Francisco well that's done it it is way [TS]

00:49:34 ◼   ► better and so the way it works now is of [TS]

00:49:38 ◼   ► course there's paperwork and you have to [TS]

00:49:39 ◼   ► like to talk to people about this and be [TS]

00:49:41 ◼   ► a fretful hen for several years before [TS]

00:49:42 ◼   ► your kids report even matters but when [TS]

00:49:46 ◼   ► you're ready you so you say like what's [TS]

00:49:48 ◼   ► what school you want your kid to go to [TS]

00:49:50 ◼   ► and you get I think up to three choices [TS]

00:49:54 ◼   ► something like this don't quote me but [TS]

00:49:56 ◼   ► long story short the way it works now is [TS]

00:49:58 ◼   ► mostly if you're asking for a normal [TS]

00:50:02 ◼   ► school that's near your house there's a [TS]

00:50:05 ◼   ► pretty good chance you'll get it if that [TS]

00:50:07 ◼   ► child already had an older sibling in [TS]

00:50:09 ◼   ► that school you're pretty much I think [TS]

00:50:11 ◼   ► guaranteed especially if they're still [TS]

00:50:13 ◼   ► there you're pretty much guaranteed to [TS]

00:50:15 ◼   ► be grandfathered in in terms of [TS]

00:50:16 ◼   ► eligibility mmm-hmm as I understand it [TS]

00:50:18 ◼   ► there are distinctions one distinction [TS]

00:50:21 ◼   ► is that it's my understanding that every [TS]

00:50:22 ◼   ► every class of school elementary middle [TS]

00:50:25 ◼   ► and high school but I know this is true [TS]

00:50:27 ◼   ► in my daughter's school there are [TS]

00:50:28 ◼   ► different schools that attend to the [TS]

00:50:30 ◼   ► needs of various types of kids [TS]

00:50:33 ◼   ► and that gets broken out by kind of [TS]

00:50:34 ◼   ► specialty that that school will deal [TS]

00:50:36 ◼   ► with so it could be kids who are [TS]

00:50:38 ◼   ► developmentally disabled it could be [TS]

00:50:39 ◼   ► kids with emotional issues it could be [TS]

00:50:42 ◼   ► kids with physical disabilities it's a [TS]

00:50:44 ◼   ► way of saying hey you can go to whatever [TS]

00:50:45 ◼   ► school you want but if you want the one [TS]

00:50:47 ◼   ► where we've really put the resources to [TS]

00:50:48 ◼   ► help you out this is the one to go to [TS]

00:50:49 ◼   ► which I think you know makes some sense [TS]

00:50:51 ◼   ► if there's limited funds I guess that [TS]

00:50:53 ◼   ► makes sense [TS]

00:50:53 ◼   ► yeah and then like if you want to go to [TS]

00:50:56 ◼   ► like a really good high school then I [TS]

00:50:59 ◼   ► think it is very competitive like a [TS]

00:51:01 ◼   ► public high school if you want to go to [TS]

00:51:03 ◼   ► what's the one here in town what's the [TS]

00:51:07 ◼   ► big high school in San Francisco Lowell [TS]

00:51:11 ◼   ► if you were to go to Lowell which is the [TS]

00:51:12 ◼   ► best high school in San Francisco and [TS]

00:51:13 ◼   ► everyone says so then it's a little more [TS]

00:51:16 ◼   ► you know a little more tricky like just [TS]

00:51:18 ◼   ► just because you live by the mall [TS]

00:51:19 ◼   ► doesn't mean you're gonna get into [TS]

00:51:20 ◼   ► Lowell did you go to the best High [TS]

00:51:24 ◼   ► School in your town arguably yes [TS]

00:51:30 ◼   ► I think so and what made it the best [TS]

00:51:34 ◼   ► High School in your town one thing was I [TS]

00:51:36 ◼   ► think it got a lot of resources so it [TS]

00:51:38 ◼   ► was the school that had so the old high [TS]

00:51:41 ◼   ► school became the junior high my high [TS]

00:51:43 ◼   ► school was built I think in the 60s then [TS]

00:51:46 ◼   ► way north of town out in the middle of [TS]

00:51:48 ◼   ► nowhere [TS]

00:51:49 ◼   ► they built a high school a little later [TS]

00:51:50 ◼   ► and then the junior high that I went to [TS]

00:51:53 ◼   ► in starting in the 80s turned into a [TS]

00:51:56 ◼   ► high school so there were three high [TS]

00:51:57 ◼   ► schools at the time I went to high [TS]

00:51:58 ◼   ► school and I think ours it was the it [TS]

00:52:01 ◼   ► was the the it was a comprehensive high [TS]

00:52:03 ◼   ► school so it had vocational stuff it had [TS]

00:52:06 ◼   ► like the full battery of available [TS]

00:52:08 ◼   ► things and it was it was huge there was [TS]

00:52:10 ◼   ► over 2,000 kids at my high school [TS]

00:52:13 ◼   ► 666 kids mm-hmm nice entered my freshman [TS]

00:52:18 ◼   ► year and I think there were something [TS]

00:52:19 ◼   ► like 500 graduates and if you think back [TS]

00:52:22 ◼   ► at your at your time there can you with [TS]

00:52:27 ◼   ► the wisdom of time see where those [TS]

00:52:33 ◼   ► resources were allocated in a way that [TS]

00:52:35 ◼   ► benefited you no I mean did they did the [TS]

00:52:39 ◼   ► resources that that school have did it [TS]

00:52:40 ◼   ► hire a higher caliber of teacher one of [TS]

00:52:44 ◼   ► who [TS]

00:52:44 ◼   ► had a profound effect on your life oh um [TS]

00:52:47 ◼   ► I mean I am really like some of my [TS]

00:52:49 ◼   ► teachers a lot I don't think so I mean [TS]

00:52:51 ◼   ► not my first of all this is whatever [TS]

00:52:53 ◼   ► over 30 years ago so my memories spotty [TS]

00:52:55 ◼   ► yeah but but no golf I went to golf and [TS]

00:52:59 ◼   ► golf had you know certain things Hudson [TS]

00:53:01 ◼   ► had certain things everybody had [TS]

00:53:02 ◼   ► football everybody had band I don't [TS]

00:53:05 ◼   ► think there was any one of them that was [TS]

00:53:07 ◼   ► distinctly the less good school that's [TS]

00:53:10 ◼   ► in had a better football team than we [TS]

00:53:12 ◼   ► did but I'm trying to think of this in [TS]

00:53:14 ◼   ► so let's go look up comprehensive high [TS]

00:53:20 ◼   ► school so like you know the band stuff I [TS]

00:53:22 ◼   ► did it seemed like okay well funded of [TS]

00:53:24 ◼   ► course we had to do you know self [TS]

00:53:26 ◼   ► Snickers bars and stuff comprehensive [TS]

00:53:28 ◼   ► high schools are the most popular form [TS]

00:53:29 ◼   ► of public high schools compared to the [TS]

00:53:30 ◼   ► common part of it above a high school [TS]

00:53:32 ◼   ► specializing University prep school [TS]

00:53:34 ◼   ► academic preparation we did an 8 P we [TS]

00:53:37 ◼   ► Advanced Placement did you take AP no no [TS]

00:53:40 ◼   ► it was not up to that yeah well I hung [TS]

00:53:44 ◼   ► out with a lot of the kids especially [TS]

00:53:46 ◼   ► the Venn diagram of AP kids that were in [TS]

00:53:47 ◼   ► band that was a lot of my friends [TS]

00:53:51 ◼   ► sexy sexy crowd I'm trying to think the [TS]

00:53:55 ◼   ► aunt answer your question no I mean [TS]

00:53:56 ◼   ► certainly my life has been hugely shaped [TS]

00:53:59 ◼   ► by teachers and professors at various [TS]

00:54:02 ◼   ► points but I mean I don't think they had [TS]

00:54:04 ◼   ► like what a Cornel West I don't think [TS]

00:54:06 ◼   ► they had like Carl Sagan I don't think [TS]

00:54:09 ◼   ► they had like you know I don't think [TS]

00:54:12 ◼   ► there was anybody there who was like [TS]

00:54:13 ◼   ► world famous or anything well that's [TS]

00:54:15 ◼   ► what I mean it just just and I and this [TS]

00:54:18 ◼   ► is my my reply when people in Seattle [TS]

00:54:21 ◼   ► talked about sorry I didn't need you [TS]

00:54:23 ◼   ► rail that oh not at all no I that was a [TS]

00:54:25 ◼   ► you were you were answering the question [TS]

00:54:27 ◼   ► I think pretty well which is that is [TS]

00:54:30 ◼   ► there anywhere you can point to in your [TS]

00:54:33 ◼   ► schooling where the advantages that you [TS]

00:54:36 ◼   ► took from school were the were the [TS]

00:54:39 ◼   ► result of decisions that were being made [TS]

00:54:41 ◼   ► at the school district level rather than [TS]

00:54:43 ◼   ► just luck of the draw [TS]

00:54:45 ◼   ► right what teacher you got who you met [TS]

00:54:47 ◼   ► where you happen to be standing on any [TS]

00:54:49 ◼   ► given day you know what I'm gonna answer [TS]

00:54:51 ◼   ► that in an even deeper way than you [TS]

00:54:53 ◼   ► asked which is to say one truism [TS]

00:54:56 ◼   ► something I feel like has been true no [TS]

00:54:57 ◼   ► matter where I went what any school that [TS]

00:54:59 ◼   ► I was involved with whether that was in [TS]

00:55:01 ◼   ► Ohio or in Florida or in California [TS]

00:55:03 ◼   ► there's one thing that's true which is [TS]

00:55:06 ◼   ► like I'll bet you dimes to donuts no [TS]

00:55:07 ◼   ► matter what edifice you're in no matter [TS]

00:55:10 ◼   ► what good then further to that what [TS]

00:55:12 ◼   ► grade they're attending I bet you [TS]

00:55:14 ◼   ► they're still gonna be like let's say [TS]

00:55:18 ◼   ► there's I don't know arguably let's say [TS]

00:55:19 ◼   ► for this particular grade level there's [TS]

00:55:21 ◼   ► six teachers up through middle school [TS]

00:55:24 ◼   ► let's say right you know if you put [TS]

00:55:26 ◼   ► those however you wanted to do it ranked [TS]

00:55:28 ◼   ► them on a some kind of a curve I bet [TS]

00:55:32 ◼   ► there's gonna be one that's clearly [TS]

00:55:33 ◼   ► better than the others and one or two [TS]

00:55:35 ◼   ► who are clearly worse than the others [TS]

00:55:37 ◼   ► yeah what am I saying [TS]

00:55:39 ◼   ► I'm saying no matter where you live no [TS]

00:55:40 ◼   ► matter how much you pay for your house [TS]

00:55:41 ◼   ► no matter what school you go to there's [TS]

00:55:43 ◼   ► still a chance that at the very nice [TS]

00:55:45 ◼   ► school you go to you're gonna have [TS]

00:55:47 ◼   ► you're gonna get matched to a teacher [TS]

00:55:48 ◼   ► that for whatever reason was not a good [TS]

00:55:50 ◼   ► match to your kid Emily tell you you go [TS]

00:55:52 ◼   ► to the quote/unquote lowest star school [TS]

00:55:54 ◼   ► in town there's somebody in that [TS]

00:55:56 ◼   ► building that could change your kid's [TS]

00:55:58 ◼   ► life and they just might get that person [TS]

00:55:59 ◼   ► it's you see you could see this at [TS]

00:56:02 ◼   ► McDonald's you can see this at the DMV [TS]

00:56:04 ◼   ► you see this anywhere you go were you as [TS]

00:56:06 ◼   ► I've said before you meet an angel you [TS]

00:56:08 ◼   ► meet somebody who's just amazing my [TS]

00:56:09 ◼   ► first grade teacher was like that we [TS]

00:56:11 ◼   ► were in an out building we were in like [TS]

00:56:13 ◼   ► a mobile home because our school was [TS]

00:56:15 ◼   ► growing and she's the best teacher I [TS]

00:56:17 ◼   ► ever had in my life [TS]

00:56:18 ◼   ► she I mean when my father was very very [TS]

00:56:21 ◼   ► ill she was like having me over to their [TS]

00:56:23 ◼   ► house she had a birthday party for me [TS]

00:56:25 ◼   ► when I was seven I mean at her house she [TS]

00:56:28 ◼   ► had a over for dinner at her house and [TS]

00:56:31 ◼   ► gave me a hamburger candle I never [TS]

00:56:33 ◼   ► forgot for that Shirley Jackson there's [TS]

00:56:36 ◼   ► no need for you to do that you never [TS]

00:56:38 ◼   ► needed to do that the country that's [TS]

00:56:39 ◼   ► amazing but anyway so that's the problem [TS]

00:56:43 ◼   ► like you okay you did you did everything [TS]

00:56:44 ◼   ► right like you crossed all the right [TS]

00:56:45 ◼   ► palms you feel that all the right forms [TS]

00:56:47 ◼   ► and now you're going to the five star [TS]

00:56:48 ◼   ► school like there is still a chance that [TS]

00:56:50 ◼   ► that is not a good match for your kid [TS]

00:56:51 ◼   ► and there's probably not even a way for [TS]

00:56:53 ◼   ► you to know that not even a chance I [TS]

00:56:55 ◼   ► mean there's every likelihood that [TS]

00:56:57 ◼   ► they're gonna get a teacher that rubs [TS]

00:57:00 ◼   ► them the wrong way or that whatever [TS]

00:57:01 ◼   ► they're not they don't thrive in that [TS]

00:57:02 ◼   ► environment I mean teachers may be great [TS]

00:57:05 ◼   ► teachers having a bad year it happens to [TS]

00:57:07 ◼   ► everybody [TS]

00:57:08 ◼   ► I had mrs. Lankford [TS]

00:57:09 ◼   ► for second grade I loved mrs. Langford [TS]

00:57:12 ◼   ► mrs. Langford is where I got cinnamon [TS]

00:57:14 ◼   ► toast the guinea pig [TS]

00:57:15 ◼   ► my sister had mrs. Langford three years [TS]

00:57:17 ◼   ► later they battled the entire year they [TS]

00:57:20 ◼   ► my sister hated mrs. Langford Wow [TS]

00:57:23 ◼   ► how do you account for that my mom who [TS]

00:57:25 ◼   ► had known mrs. Langford when I am [TS]

00:57:28 ◼   ► begging begging please Susan take miss [TS]

00:57:29 ◼   ► mrs. Langford please take Susan take her [TS]

00:57:32 ◼   ► well and the thing is because I got [TS]

00:57:33 ◼   ► along great with mrs. Langford my mom [TS]

00:57:36 ◼   ► and she didn't have that much [TS]

00:57:37 ◼   ► interaction mrs. Langford was just [TS]

00:57:39 ◼   ► another teacher at the school as far as [TS]

00:57:40 ◼   ► she was concerned yesterday so this is [TS]

00:57:44 ◼   ► real quick but like one of my daughter's [TS]

00:57:46 ◼   ► best friends her mom has big job at the [TS]

00:57:49 ◼   ► PTA and her grandmother also works [TS]

00:57:51 ◼   ► heavily this year with the PTA and they [TS]

00:57:53 ◼   ► were setting up for first day of school [TS]

00:57:55 ◼   ► they didn't think I'll kiss and cry [TS]

00:57:56 ◼   ► where like after you said goodbye to [TS]

00:57:57 ◼   ► your kindergartner you can come and have [TS]

00:57:59 ◼   ► a cup of coffee and they were running [TS]

00:58:00 ◼   ► that at you know 7:30 in the morning but [TS]

00:58:03 ◼   ► anyway my friends at Lee's friends [TS]

00:58:06 ◼   ► grandmother said you know I think my [TS]

00:58:10 ◼   ► kids used to just get on a bus and go to [TS]

00:58:12 ◼   ► school like I picked my daughter up [TS]

00:58:14 ◼   ► every day I talked to people every day I [TS]

00:58:15 ◼   ► go through lost-and-found every day like [TS]

00:58:17 ◼   ► it's just part of mine and she's like [TS]

00:58:18 ◼   ► she's like something says something like [TS]

00:58:20 ◼   ► like I would go to my kids school like [TS]

00:58:21 ◼   ► twice a year I would step in the doors [TS]

00:58:23 ◼   ► of my kids school I got them out of the [TS]

00:58:25 ◼   ► bus and then they came home off the bus [TS]

00:58:27 ◼   ► later totally totally different world [TS]

00:58:29 ◼   ► you didn't used to sit there and check [TS]

00:58:31 ◼   ► your email every day to find out like [TS]

00:58:33 ◼   ► how things are going or good photos from [TS]

00:58:34 ◼   ► the field trip like that just didn't [TS]

00:58:35 ◼   ► happen [TS]

00:58:36 ◼   ► you got a yearbook and you got four [TS]

00:58:37 ◼   ► report cards well you know my mom my mom [TS]

00:58:42 ◼   ► had another layer of insulation because [TS]

00:58:44 ◼   ► she had to be at work at the crack of [TS]

00:58:45 ◼   ► dawn right so she took me to the [TS]

00:58:47 ◼   ► babysitter in the morning the babysitter [TS]

00:58:49 ◼   ► sent us to the bus the bus took us to [TS]

00:58:51 ◼   ► the school that at the end of school we [TS]

00:58:53 ◼   ► took the bus back to the neighborhood [TS]

00:58:56 ◼   ► walked slowly to the babysitter's where [TS]

00:58:59 ◼   ► we were until 6:30 at night when mom [TS]

00:59:02 ◼   ► came to get us so it was you know my mom [TS]

00:59:06 ◼   ► said one time these freakin bake sales [TS]

00:59:09 ◼   ► like I will just give them $50 if I [TS]

00:59:15 ◼   ► don't have to I don't want to go to a [TS]

00:59:16 ◼   ► bake sale and buy a $10 cake five times [TS]

00:59:18 ◼   ► a year I'll just give you $50 nobody has [TS]

00:59:21 ◼   ► to bake a cake [TS]

00:59:21 ◼   ► yeah that's does not work [TS]

00:59:23 ◼   ► but it's not it's very important that [TS]

00:59:25 ◼   ► you be nominally involved but you know [TS]

00:59:29 ◼   ► for you for the two of us right people [TS]

00:59:32 ◼   ► people people [TS]

00:59:35 ◼   ► I think admire you admire me because we [TS]

00:59:40 ◼   ► have managed to make a life for [TS]

00:59:42 ◼   ► ourselves by accident largely but also [TS]

00:59:47 ◼   ► by virtue of you know sort of myriad [TS]

00:59:53 ◼   ► talents and luck and good fortune but [TS]

00:59:56 ◼   ► also trying things testing things as it [TS]

00:59:59 ◼   ► is [TS]

00:59:59 ◼   ► is [TS]

01:00:00 ◼   ► these compliments I'm really actually [TS]

01:00:01 ◼   ► very happy to hear this I'm paying you [TS]

01:00:03 ◼   ► these compliments I don't hear you [TS]

01:00:05 ◼   ► paying me any compliments but that's [TS]

01:00:06 ◼   ► damn well you have dignity issues but [TS]

01:00:09 ◼   ► but we didn't succeed in any sense that [TS]

01:00:16 ◼   ► could have been predicted in 1975 or in [TS]

01:00:20 ◼   ► 1985 or in 1995 right there's nothing [TS]

01:00:25 ◼   ► that you and I are doing right now that [TS]

01:00:27 ◼   ► we can directly tie to having gone to a [TS]

01:00:30 ◼   ► good you know what Little John I could [TS]

01:00:32 ◼   ► really see you and if I don't know what [TS]

01:00:35 ◼   ► you're sometime in the 2000s I could [TS]

01:00:37 ◼   ► really see you being paid by an internet [TS]

01:00:39 ◼   ► mattress company to talk about your [TS]

01:00:40 ◼   ► relationship with me I can really see [TS]

01:00:43 ◼   ► that yeah right I imagine if the PTA [TS]

01:00:51 ◼   ► gets you know a little bit more funding [TS]

01:00:53 ◼   ► so that you can so that an astronomer [TS]

01:00:56 ◼   ► can come in to you and talk to you about [TS]

01:00:57 ◼   ► space that's one day gonna lead to a [TS]

01:01:01 ◼   ► situation right right where once every [TS]

01:01:04 ◼   ► 10 years you put out put out an album [TS]

01:01:06 ◼   ► maybe mm-hmm we know there's put the [TS]

01:01:10 ◼   ► nicer water fountains in your skin oh [TS]

01:01:13 ◼   ► yeah yeah but I but I saw so I I know [TS]

01:01:17 ◼   ► that isn't again it's sort of like the [TS]

01:01:19 ◼   ► like the child rearing thing it's not a [TS]

01:01:23 ◼   ► thing you can plan for but it's also [TS]

01:01:26 ◼   ► it's also a thing that you can relax [TS]

01:01:30 ◼   ► about too it's it's so difficult to know [TS]

01:01:34 ◼   ► because I get asked to talk to kids you [TS]

01:01:37 ◼   ► know high school kids a lot and I always [TS]

01:01:40 ◼   ► want to say things to them that are [TS]

01:01:42 ◼   ► probably gonna have the teacher say like [TS]

01:01:45 ◼   ► okay everybody get on the bus like [TS]

01:01:49 ◼   ► sessions over because what I want to say [TS]

01:01:51 ◼   ► is like don't go to college right away [TS]

01:01:53 ◼   ► don't you know don't care so much about [TS]

01:01:58 ◼   ► your future [TS]

01:02:00 ◼   ► it isn't how you make yourself it isn't [TS]

01:02:03 ◼   ► how you make your future to care so much [TS]

01:02:05 ◼   ► about it like it will happen you know [TS]

01:02:08 ◼   ► you have no say in it your futures [TS]

01:02:10 ◼   ► coming hmm and [TS]

01:02:12 ◼   ► and whether or not you get into the good [TS]

01:02:16 ◼   ► high school in San Francisco like the [TS]

01:02:19 ◼   ► the pain and suffering that you put [TS]

01:02:21 ◼   ► yourself through that you put your [TS]

01:02:22 ◼   ► family through the agonizing the hour [TS]

01:02:26 ◼   ► and a half long commute the the [TS]

01:02:30 ◼   ► self-flagellating the missed [TS]

01:02:32 ◼   ► opportunities the trips to Washington DC [TS]

01:02:34 ◼   ► that you don't take in order to in order [TS]

01:02:38 ◼   ► to do these things that seem to be [TS]

01:02:39 ◼   ► assuring that you're gonna be on a path [TS]

01:02:42 ◼   ► where you know you may not be doing all [TS]

01:02:47 ◼   ► the right things but you're trying to [TS]

01:02:49 ◼   ► avoid doing the wrong things and what [TS]

01:02:51 ◼   ► you're doing is not doing some of the [TS]

01:02:52 ◼   ► things that you need not going to [TS]

01:02:54 ◼   ► Washington DC which is the thing that [TS]

01:02:55 ◼   ► you need to do it's a you know yeah but [TS]

01:03:00 ◼   ► how do you how do you communicate that [TS]

01:03:02 ◼   ► to people you're saying how do you tell [TS]

01:03:04 ◼   ► how to tell the school you don't want [TS]

01:03:06 ◼   ► your feet touched yeah how do you tell [TS]

01:03:09 ◼   ► yourself that you can send your kid [TS]

01:03:13 ◼   ► confidently to a two and a half star [TS]

01:03:16 ◼   ► school and know that they're going to [TS]

01:03:18 ◼   ► get a good education they're going to be [TS]

01:03:19 ◼   ► fine that having them at the school is [TS]

01:03:22 ◼   ► good for the school that having having [TS]

01:03:27 ◼   ► your kid go to the school that's in [TS]

01:03:28 ◼   ► their own neighborhood is good for that [TS]

01:03:30 ◼   ► you mentally I want everybody involved [TS]

01:03:33 ◼   ► well I'm gonna say something that could [TS]

01:03:36 ◼   ► get me and I just know a whole lot of [TS]

01:03:37 ◼   ► trouble which is that I think a lot of [TS]

01:03:41 ◼   ► people who have a good heart but who [TS]

01:03:46 ◼   ► would primarily like you to see them as [TS]

01:03:50 ◼   ► supporting their child's future are [TS]

01:03:53 ◼   ► really just ridiculously competitive and [TS]

01:03:55 ◼   ► that's one way it gets worked out [TS]

01:03:57 ◼   ► luckily maybe that's probably a good [TS]

01:03:58 ◼   ► direction it's it's not like there's a [TS]

01:03:59 ◼   ► competition for having the most terrible [TS]

01:04:01 ◼   ► kid but in that case like maybe that's a [TS]

01:04:03 ◼   ► good thing that'll benefit everybody but [TS]

01:04:05 ◼   ► I think a lot of people do that just [TS]

01:04:06 ◼   ► because they're competitive I think some [TS]

01:04:07 ◼   ► people go to the DMV at six because they [TS]

01:04:10 ◼   ► want to be the first in line they want [TS]

01:04:11 ◼   ► to win the DMV I think you know some [TS]

01:04:13 ◼   ► people buy lottery tickets because they [TS]

01:04:15 ◼   ► want to be the one they could use the [TS]

01:04:17 ◼   ► money but they'd really love to be the [TS]

01:04:18 ◼   ► person who want people want admit who [TS]

01:04:23 ◼   ► puts who puts Yelp reviews of their [TS]

01:04:27 ◼   ► school I mean who I mean I don't I don't [TS]

01:04:31 ◼   ► know who does Yelp reviews two kinds of [TS]

01:04:35 ◼   ► people as for a school in particular [TS]

01:04:36 ◼   ► this is less true I think for most [TS]

01:04:38 ◼   ► businesses on Yelp but wherever you are [TS]

01:04:40 ◼   ► well first its confirmation bias like I [TS]

01:04:43 ◼   ► guess a form of that where you're gonna [TS]

01:04:44 ◼   ► go and give your scuffs start your own [TS]

01:04:46 ◼   ► school five stars right I mean it's like [TS]

01:04:48 ◼   ► a self linked you would go and do that [TS]

01:04:50 ◼   ► the other kind is like you're mad that [TS]

01:04:52 ◼   ► mrs. mrs. crabapple sent you a letter [TS]

01:04:54 ◼   ► about you know going out of town for a [TS]

01:04:57 ◼   ► week and so you give them one star and [TS]

01:04:58 ◼   ► say that they don't communicate well [TS]

01:05:00 ◼   ► with I didn't do that but that's yeah I [TS]

01:05:07 ◼   ► mean but Jesus Christ look at it with [TS]

01:05:10 ◼   ► something as insignificant as a meal at [TS]

01:05:12 ◼   ► a restaurant not to say it's the food is [TS]

01:05:14 ◼   ► not important but think about all the [TS]

01:05:16 ◼   ► times we you know if you ever did look [TS]

01:05:17 ◼   ► at Yelp if you're just desperate and [TS]

01:05:19 ◼   ► we're somewhere or like which one I mean [TS]

01:05:20 ◼   ► I look at we're driving through you know [TS]

01:05:24 ◼   ► Central California and I'm picky picking [TS]

01:05:26 ◼   ► out which Popeyes I want to go to cuz [TS]

01:05:28 ◼   ► I'm gonna make my wife took me to [TS]

01:05:29 ◼   ► Popeyes this is a trip and I get a [TS]

01:05:31 ◼   ► special and so multiple multiples [TS]

01:05:34 ◼   ► Popeyes in various places just to just [TS]

01:05:37 ◼   ► rewind a little bit when you're on a [TS]

01:05:39 ◼   ► trip with your wife you get she gives [TS]

01:05:41 ◼   ► you a coupon for one special Merlin meal [TS]

01:05:44 ◼   ► well you get to have pop I don't always [TS]

01:05:46 ◼   ► utilize it because I know it's not good [TS]

01:05:48 ◼   ► for me but like I am discouraged by my [TS]

01:05:50 ◼   ► family from eating terrible food and I [TS]

01:05:54 ◼   ► am no longer like I used to be used to [TS]

01:05:57 ◼   ► be my band well I had a band in [TS]

01:05:58 ◼   ► Tallahassee called three-piece spicy [TS]

01:05:59 ◼   ► white me because we were right across [TS]

01:06:01 ◼   ► the street from Popeyes and I hate [TS]

01:06:03 ◼   ► Popeyes before every band practice [TS]

01:06:05 ◼   ► Wow I mean Popeyes used to be a big part [TS]

01:06:07 ◼   ► of my life and I had Popeyes at my [TS]

01:06:10 ◼   ► baccalaureate defense really actually my [TS]

01:06:14 ◼   ► mom did she bought a couple bucks as a [TS]

01:06:15 ◼   ► chicken some people were there just for [TS]

01:06:16 ◼   ► the chicken right yeah yeah some food [TS]

01:06:20 ◼   ► the kumkum for the chicken the state for [TS]

01:06:22 ◼   ► the Horkheimer and Adorno uh-huh so [TS]

01:06:26 ◼   ► so I do get that my point being and so [TS]

01:06:30 ◼   ► I'll go look on the map and I zoom in [TS]

01:06:32 ◼   ► and I say Papa show me pop us on the [TS]

01:06:34 ◼   ► route and there'll be different ratings [TS]

01:06:36 ◼   ► for the Popeyes five miles apart and you [TS]

01:06:39 ◼   ► know why well maybe some are definitely [TS]

01:06:41 ◼   ► better [TS]

01:06:41 ◼   ► as with any fast food place some are [TS]

01:06:43 ◼   ► actually legitimately better branches of [TS]

01:06:46 ◼   ► that like and you learn that you learn [TS]

01:06:48 ◼   ► that's the nest the good 7-eleven that's [TS]

01:06:50 ◼   ► the one good Burger King whatever but [TS]

01:06:53 ◼   ► you know why cuz you know enough people [TS]

01:06:55 ◼   ► came in and said I didn't like the [TS]

01:06:56 ◼   ► attitude of that lady at the counter or [TS]

01:06:58 ◼   ► one time you know you spoiled my mind [TS]

01:07:00 ◼   ► the noodles were soggy at my bridal [TS]

01:07:02 ◼   ► party boo everybody leave a bad review [TS]

01:07:04 ◼   ► right and you get like right to get a [TS]

01:07:06 ◼   ► blanket party yeah you get a little bit [TS]

01:07:08 ◼   ► of a black mirror situation no black [TS]

01:07:11 ◼   ► mirror situation so something as stupid [TS]

01:07:13 ◼   ► as a box of fried bird and that happens [TS]

01:07:18 ◼   ► imagine what that's like with something [TS]

01:07:19 ◼   ► as in my estimation important as the [TS]

01:07:23 ◼   ► school that your kid goes to for up to [TS]

01:07:25 ◼   ► six years yeah yeah I I I don't know the [TS]

01:07:34 ◼   ► solution no I don't either but you know [TS]

01:07:36 ◼   ► I'll tell you one thing you could do is [TS]

01:07:37 ◼   ► I mean this is a very old-fashioned [TS]

01:07:41 ◼   ► thing to do but whenever I'm not sure [TS]

01:07:44 ◼   ► what did you or think about something I [TS]

01:07:47 ◼   ► want to talk to somebody [TS]

01:07:49 ◼   ► sometimes that's where like I think I [TS]

01:07:52 ◼   ► have some idea about this new domain of [TS]

01:07:54 ◼   ► my life and work how that would be right [TS]

01:07:57 ◼   ► like maybe I decided I want to get in [TS]

01:07:58 ◼   ► shape well I could just like spend all [TS]

01:08:01 ◼   ► my time looking for gyms but look I [TS]

01:08:02 ◼   ► could talk to somebody who's like like a [TS]

01:08:04 ◼   ► friend of mine and I find out what they [TS]

01:08:06 ◼   ► do [TS]

01:08:06 ◼   ► my daughter is considering a musical [TS]

01:08:08 ◼   ► instrument she tells me she's already [TS]

01:08:09 ◼   ► decided the instrument she wants to play [TS]

01:08:11 ◼   ► I felt a little antsy I can't reveal it [TS]

01:08:14 ◼   ► yet but I'm antsy about it because she's [TS]

01:08:16 ◼   ► never mentioned hearing this instance [TS]

01:08:19 ◼   ► how my brain works she's never mentioned [TS]

01:08:20 ◼   ► hearing this instrument going oh I like [TS]

01:08:22 ◼   ► that sound right there weren't any other [TS]

01:08:24 ◼   ► instruments that she has mentioned I [TS]

01:08:27 ◼   ► think she likes the form factor and the [TS]

01:08:28 ◼   ► way you look when you play this thing [TS]

01:08:30 ◼   ► but she's never played one with a [TS]

01:08:32 ◼   ► clarinet then well so I I find myself [TS]

01:08:36 ◼   ► saying like it would be so great if [TS]

01:08:38 ◼   ► there was a way not [TS]

01:08:39 ◼   ► to learn every instrument but to have [TS]

01:08:41 ◼   ► all these instruments on a table and be [TS]

01:08:43 ◼   ► able to hold it and see it and feel and [TS]

01:08:44 ◼   ► hear the noise that it makes have a debt [TS]

01:08:46 ◼   ► live demonstration by somebody talented [TS]

01:08:49 ◼   ► various people tell you no I'm saying [TS]

01:08:51 ◼   ► that doesn't happen in schools like it [TS]

01:08:53 ◼   ► used to we used to get concerts all the [TS]

01:08:54 ◼   ► time but in this case I'm going to say [TS]

01:08:56 ◼   ► this is what an alto sax sounds like and [TS]

01:08:59 ◼   ► you play something typical of an alto [TS]

01:09:00 ◼   ► sax right right [TS]

01:09:02 ◼   ► so I would go to the school I would talk [TS]

01:09:06 ◼   ► to people who go to the school and I [TS]

01:09:08 ◼   ► would I would ask one of my clever [TS]

01:09:09 ◼   ► question see if you could meet the [TS]

01:09:11 ◼   ► principal but they could be better to me [TS]

01:09:12 ◼   ► parents of somebody who's been there for [TS]

01:09:14 ◼   ► at least two years and I would say [TS]

01:09:17 ◼   ► what's the best thing about this and [TS]

01:09:18 ◼   ► what's the second worst thing but you [TS]

01:09:20 ◼   ► know the what that what that does is it [TS]

01:09:25 ◼   ► it just is a it points out how difficult [TS]

01:09:30 ◼   ► it is to really feel like you have peers [TS]

01:09:32 ◼   ► because at my daughter's school there's [TS]

01:09:35 ◼   ► a teacher that everybody loves and my [TS]

01:09:38 ◼   ► experience of this teacher is that she's [TS]

01:09:41 ◼   ► that she doesn't work for me and it's [TS]