Ep. 259: "My Dump Buddy"

0:00:01[Music]

0:00:05hello hey John hi Merlin how's it going

0:00:10good good I just texted you and I said

0:00:13good to go and you responded real real

0:00:20real good to go you've been traveling a

0:00:23lot lately have you been picking up new

0:00:24internet jargon uh well you know you

0:00:26wouldn't have to be travelling to pick

0:00:28up new internet Johnsons it's a very

0:00:29very good point but but the provincial

0:00:32thinking that I bring to this

0:00:33conversation well I know you also think

0:00:35that the internet is in person and that

0:00:37when you go around you're just seeing

0:00:39different Internet's yeah I mean you

0:00:41know corporations could be people yeah

0:00:43of course yeah plants can be people have

0:00:47a plan so how's it going all right

0:00:52oh yeah pretty much have we not talked

0:00:54in a long time surely you've not talked

0:00:56in a long time it seems like a long time

0:00:59um I'm gonna come up with a name for how

0:01:03I find out whether you're recording or

0:01:05not and it's a lot it's a process

0:01:07mm-hmm involves me texting you texting

0:01:11members of your family and your circle

0:01:14mm-hmm is John okay it's gone okay

0:01:17that's a popular text yeah I mean you

0:01:20ghost me sometimes which is normal but

0:01:23like I hadn't heard from you in a while

0:01:24and I was getting a little bit frantic

0:01:25cuz I had to do a little bit of a risk

0:01:27edge

0:01:27yeah and I was getting worried when it

0:01:30started I texted your baby mama I was

0:01:32looking at your Instagram because

0:01:33sometimes sometimes I can get a little

0:01:34bit Sherlock Holmes and I can gather the

0:01:36facts if I see see that you're on the

0:01:39East Coast on a Sunday night then

0:01:42sometimes it's a clue but I like to get

0:01:43confirmation from the source as they say

0:01:45in journalism but you had an extra

0:01:48wrinkle you don't need to address that

0:01:50but but the other wrinkle is which you

0:01:52of course you could I think your phone

0:01:54broke I broke my phone oh Jesus it

0:01:57actually I think that it saved me save

0:02:00me considerable injury I'm not sure how

0:02:03but the the amount of energy that it

0:02:05absorbed if it had not absorbed it it

0:02:10would have been absorbed by my body and

0:02:13Amyx John is that how that works oh that

0:02:16is a you know like I've thought about

0:02:18this quite a bit yeah is that exactly

0:02:20true or did it just but no the damage

0:02:22that it sustained it didn't just

0:02:25transfer the the energy directly through

0:02:28itself into me

0:02:29you see there's there's physical damage

0:02:30but then there's a deeper kind of

0:02:32Newtonian whack Amole that goes on here

0:02:35I'm wondering right I mean I am NOT a

0:02:38scientist no right although I play one

0:02:41on TV

0:02:42me too yeah but yeah surely if it was if

0:02:47I had fallen on a phone shaped piece of

0:02:53like hardened steel I think that that

0:02:57phone shaped piece of hardened steel

0:02:59would have done a better job of

0:03:00communicating the the energy the

0:03:04destructive energy of of my fall just

0:03:09directly into my body but this phone

0:03:11crushed and bent in a way I've never

0:03:16seen it phone I mean I'm surely surely

0:03:18on the internet there are websites just

0:03:21showing pictures of destroyed phones and

0:03:23mine belongs on there are you burying

0:03:26the lede here did you fall down go boom

0:03:27I did yeah I bet John I felt the dump no

0:03:37are you serious this is real yeah I you

0:03:41know the dump is very so the new dump

0:03:43and this is your enemy John Michael no I

0:03:46love the dump but the dump the dump has

0:03:49a very greasy floor hmm and I got greasy

0:03:52grease on my boots and then I climbed up

0:03:54on this trailer and the trail and I was

0:03:56standing on the it was a dumper a dumper

0:03:59trailer as they say I climbed up on the

0:04:01fender of the dumper and the dumper was

0:04:04all the way in the dump position so I'm

0:04:07on the fender trying to reach up and get

0:04:09the garbage out of the very top of the

0:04:12dumper and the and my boots just slid

0:04:15out because the because Oh what was

0:04:17happening was my partner was like I'm

0:04:19gonna move

0:04:20truck and he got in the he got in the

0:04:24driver's seat and I was like okay do I

0:04:26stay up here while he moves it it's

0:04:29gonna shake or do I like kind of climb

0:04:32down and in that moment a lot to cover

0:04:35first of all your partner is your dumb

0:04:37partner my dumb partner okay okay it's

0:04:39not your business partner or your

0:04:40special friend no no a dump pal okay you

0:04:43got a dump buddy so you and your dump

0:04:46buddy are you dropping off we're not

0:04:49picking up okay well you know yeah like

0:04:52you've never done that like you've never

0:04:53picked up something on the way out

0:04:55well sure but sure of course I have but

0:04:57you would have to be there to drop off

0:05:00in order to be there to pick up you know

0:05:02you wouldn't just go there for window

0:05:04shopping Goodwill no then this is a

0:05:08proper dump it's not just like a take

0:05:10your old stereo down and leave it by the

0:05:12side of a thing it's like no no no

0:05:14people are dumb the reason the floor is

0:05:16so greasy is people are obviously

0:05:19dumping a bunch of grease and other

0:05:20garbage volunteer so anyway my feet fly

0:05:24out from under me and I and it's a

0:05:26situation at this point where I am my

0:05:29ass is six to eight feet above the

0:05:34cement floor oh no is it covered areas

0:05:38it is in a covered area Oh hence the

0:05:41grease and the car I get it okay and

0:05:43there are bulldozers driving around and

0:05:45city dump trucks driving around

0:05:47everybody's driving around real fast and

0:05:49I start to fall and I'm like well that's

0:05:51it for me because if I I had no control

0:05:54right I realize oh shit yeah my feet

0:05:58were gone so I was a severed saddle

0:06:01Passover Tico there was no I was not

0:06:04gonna like regain my feet right and I

0:06:07fall and my and I land on the fender of

0:06:11the trailer which is in a kind of like

0:06:15half up or you know at this point like I

0:06:18fall in such a way that I hit this

0:06:21fender and the fender is made out of

0:06:24heavy gauge you know whatever heavy

0:06:28gauge steel steel yeah and it and I

0:06:31completely collapse it

0:06:33down and just as like crunch like well

0:06:37like Tiger man hitting the wall yeah

0:06:39because out of it when I went when I

0:06:42went to later later on in the story fast

0:06:47forward to the the other part of the

0:06:48story where I'm not hurt I went to bend

0:06:52it up I couldn't bend it with my I mean

0:06:54I had to like it was it's like not a fit

0:06:57it was not a thin gauge of metal but I

0:07:01hit this thing and the way in which I'm

0:07:02falling in the way the fender is is kind

0:07:05of pointed at an angle and the whole

0:07:07just the luck of the draw it just sort

0:07:11of slid me it just sort of put me on the

0:07:14ground on my butt but like I was sliding

0:07:18I hit that thing it crunched it like

0:07:21bent sideways sent me down I hit the

0:07:24greasy ground and slid on the grease and

0:07:26popped up on my feet and I was like huh

0:07:29and I was not in the least bit injured

0:07:33not even the next day

0:07:35did I have any soreness it was just like

0:07:38huh well what do you know about that and

0:07:41then I looked in my pocket and my phone

0:07:42was I mean you could you could pour

0:07:45water into my phone and drink out of it

0:07:47it's that it was that concave oh my

0:07:50goodness the impacts just it was it's

0:07:53just shaped like my body am i wrong this

0:07:55could have been way WAY worse not your

0:07:57phone before you're behind in your

0:07:58different parts even as I was flying

0:08:00through the air I was like I'm gonna I'm

0:08:02going to the hospital yeah I mean it all

0:08:05happened in a second sure sure enough

0:08:06time to say like this is bad for me and

0:08:08it was actually like that the five

0:08:11minutes following I was like I I would I

0:08:14would be not I'm I'm just like getting

0:08:17in the truck and driving away but I

0:08:18would not be if I had if I had fallen

0:08:21just slightly differently oh my god John

0:08:24this is a whole different story here oh

0:08:26my gosh and so your phone your phone

0:08:27bore a lot of the front you have you see

0:08:29a shattered glass like I knew you're

0:08:31behind yeah but also the whole metal

0:08:36case is just like both flattened and

0:08:39also like xx

0:08:41yeah and just sort of like munched and

0:08:44and what's funny is that the

0:08:46Electronics still work but the few

0:08:52things cause me as much anxiety as

0:08:54watching people use a broken phone it

0:08:57causes me so much anxiety

0:08:58instacart person shows up and they got

0:09:00the whole spiderweb screen on like an

0:09:02iPhone 4 and like oh my god you've had

0:09:04this been like this for like three years

0:09:05hasn't it oh my god get something else I

0:09:10treat my phone like a fucking Eucharist

0:09:12I mean I am I'm I'm so I've never broken

0:09:15a phone or a screen

0:09:16it wasn't Apple's fault but no I've

0:09:19never had that and it cost me he's

0:09:21causing me huge anxiety but you you

0:09:23really I'm sorry I'm processing this you

0:09:25really you kind of dodged a bullet here

0:09:26well big-time I'm I'm a middle-aged guy

0:09:29right I to take Falls like that all the

0:09:32time I used to do Falls like that as

0:09:33sport yeah um but now bit of years

0:09:37wasn't it

0:09:38it was a bit of mine him but now that

0:09:40would have was particularly landing on

0:09:42my butt and my back

0:09:44uh-huh what have been really terrible oh

0:09:46god I did my back sleeping last week and

0:09:52I've been stealing my wife had dental

0:09:54surgery been stealing her vicodins so I

0:09:55can sleep just cuz I slept I slept I

0:09:58harm myself with sleep and now I'm

0:10:00treating now I think I might be the

0:10:02opioid epidemic don't do it don't do it

0:10:04I'm the academic Marilyn don't get

0:10:07addicted to opioids that's my advice

0:10:09it's not as bad as I heard a lot of it

0:10:12is the media blowing this up because

0:10:14they don't like the white working-class

0:10:15is what I heard

0:10:16yeah some of that you know it really the

0:10:19Heritage I think what it is is that

0:10:21state's attorneys general Bundy's to sue

0:10:30pharmaceutical companies because they're

0:10:32bored brothers cartoon right and so like

0:10:36they're they're the wolf and and that's

0:10:38the porkchop cigarettes were in the 90s

0:10:40their liberal Democrat let's be honest

0:10:43rule like this is why Trump won like

0:10:47lawyer culture and try you know trial

0:10:50lawyers right oh right Equifax you mean

0:10:54imagine what's gonna happen with that

0:10:54hmm Equifax Equifax Equifax Equifax they

0:10:59had a breach you probably aware of this

0:11:01they had a breach that was entirely

0:11:03avoidable hundred and forty four million

0:11:06Americans basic down to the SSN

0:11:10information out there so dark web now

0:11:14hmm Hecate slamming and springs would

0:11:17say slamming oh this is a lot to cover

0:11:21and so even and so you put a dent an

0:11:23offender with your phone but and you

0:11:26still you had to travel you went to the

0:11:27east coast is that right then i went to

0:11:30washington DC washington DC where I was

0:11:33there touring the sites with my little

0:11:36girl oh you want to see the sights I

0:11:38went and saw numerable sites all the

0:11:41sites all the great sites aren't there

0:11:45some great sites there there are a great

0:11:46site I was worried about this at the

0:11:49summer and I had so much fun oh yeah

0:11:51yeah yeah so I'm guessing you went to

0:11:53all the sites we what do we do we did

0:11:56the was at the African American History

0:12:00Museum we did of course did air in space

0:12:02saw the saturn v engine there it is it's

0:12:05just like it's likes list of looking

0:12:07into the face of God I love looking at

0:12:08that thing although the last ranaut food

0:12:11in that little cabinet uh-huh Aaron

0:12:14space what else do we do oh the zoo we

0:12:16wouldn't saw it was once a baby the

0:12:17Panda did you know the zoo was just

0:12:20outside of our time and options that is

0:12:25if you ever get a chance that is a

0:12:26baller zoo I used to live in Washington

0:12:29and and and used to go to the zoo as a

0:12:32kind of like they've done a real good

0:12:34job there I think they've got some

0:12:35serious dough there Panda enclosure shit

0:12:39dog

0:12:39well the Chinese make you do a certain

0:12:41thing even to get a panda they caught a

0:12:44Chinese hoop you got to jump through

0:12:46yeah yeah that's exactly right they were

0:12:48they're not gonna let you get a panda

0:12:50just and treat it like they got the they

0:12:54still got the crate when you're in the

0:12:56conclusion the Panda watch baby land

0:12:58land land on her back

0:12:59that baby's the young Panda and and you

0:13:02can go see lots of things and you can

0:13:03see the crate yeah

0:13:04might have been ding-ding or sing

0:13:05singing but whatever the original was

0:13:08the original panda called Oh Ling Ling

0:13:10was it Ling Ling then they get two

0:13:11pandas is that what we got I think so

0:13:16Nixon great yeah Oh anyway okay so what

0:13:20else did you do you went down the mall

0:13:22you went to all with all the things yeah

0:13:24well uh you know little little gal and I

0:13:28we walked around we we walked around

0:13:31Capitol Hill the neighborhood first and

0:13:34we found a little there are a few little

0:13:38old-timey cafes diners that are still in

0:13:44that Capitol Hill neighborhood when I

0:13:47lived there in 1989 Capitol Hill by

0:13:51which I mean the neighborhood that

0:13:52stretches to the east from the Capitol

0:13:55building uh-huh

0:13:57it's a big wonderful neighborhood of

0:13:59townhouses brownstones that type of

0:14:02thing and when I lived there it it was

0:14:08only beginning to be gentrified the the

0:14:12first few blocks to the east of the

0:14:15Capitol were the the houses were I think

0:14:19probably kept in good condition it was

0:14:21where Congress people lived but then you

0:14:25know if you get if you got much further

0:14:28than about tenth headed that direction

0:14:31you know it became a poor neighborhood

0:14:33and the houses were in decline or not in

0:14:36decline they were in a lot of cases

0:14:38burnouts and and and then as you moved

0:14:42to the other side of Lincoln Park boy it

0:14:44was a it was it was pretty rough but it

0:14:48was the same exact housing stock right

0:14:52the same beautiful homes it was just

0:14:55that they were they were not in any kind

0:14:58of repair you know it was typical a

0:15:00typical American situation where people

0:15:02out there couldn't get home improvement

0:15:04loans and they didn't have money and and

0:15:06the houses fell apart so I lived at

0:15:08third and D up there and you know it was

0:15:13like it was government town

0:15:17and all the bars were full of like young

0:15:20white people from Maryland wearing

0:15:23bowties and with with swoopy hair I mean

0:15:28the in some ways the the most

0:15:32concentrated collection of young

0:15:33assholes in the world with the exception

0:15:38maybe of Wall Street yeah I was gonna

0:15:40save maybe like parts of Manhattan but

0:15:43no but it's an asshole attractor for

0:15:44sure oh my goodness I mean I had a

0:15:47friend who worked at NPR and friend of

0:15:50mine from college and she said it really

0:15:51is a company town like everywhere you go

0:15:53like there's something people are all in

0:15:57this same general kind of industry

0:15:59whether that's being in government or

0:16:00reporting on government or whatever

0:16:01there's like there you're never more

0:16:03than a you can swing a dead cat without

0:16:05hitting an asshole in that tone yeah

0:16:06government adjacent yeah and and and

0:16:09what's what's interesting is like I

0:16:11think a lot of the concentration of

0:16:13assholes in Wall Street are from

0:16:16Connecticut and Manhattan and Boston

0:16:20repotted assholes yeah as in Washington

0:16:24DC

0:16:24it is the top assholes from every state

0:16:27that's the best it's America's assholes

0:16:30all and and it's the you know it's all

0:16:33those people are every every

0:16:35congressperson or senator has all these

0:16:36interns because it's like a job that

0:16:39they give to their friends and donors

0:16:42from their own towns so these kids go to

0:16:45Penn State or they go to wherever state

0:16:49and then in the summer or or for a year

0:16:53they go out there and work from their

0:16:54congressman and their job MSU might

0:16:56start out as a dick but you end up an

0:16:58asshole but so I lived in that you know

0:17:05in that like pretty protected little

0:17:07area well yeah and and I and at the time

0:17:10I was stunned it was my first exposure

0:17:13to I mean seeing gentrification not as a

0:17:18general like well that used to be a

0:17:21neighborhood like this but now it's sort

0:17:23of the hold the neighborhood is

0:17:24transitioning sort of thing it was as

0:17:27you went from block to block you could

0:17:29see

0:17:30Oh every house on this block is nice the

0:17:33next block over has a few shabby houses

0:17:36two blocks over has like 30% shabby

0:17:40houses five blocks I mean just block by

0:17:42block you watched and then you would get

0:17:45out there where there was a block that

0:17:47was hmm you know there wasn't a single

0:17:49house except there was one that had

0:17:52scaffolding around it and somebody was

0:17:54pioneering there well now you go all the

0:17:57way out and it's just beautiful homes

0:17:59the whole way that the entire

0:18:02neighborhood has been transformed and

0:18:06yet there are still a couple of little

0:18:09stores little little diners that have

0:18:14been there the whole time and have been

0:18:16there since before the neighborhood even

0:18:19went into decline and it's just you walk

0:18:22in it's just like one counter five

0:18:25tables and a menu that's like grilled

0:18:29cheese sandwich hamburger Philly

0:18:31cheesesteak okay so so my baby and I

0:18:36went and found one of those and we had a

0:18:38breakfast and then we went to the

0:18:41Library of Congress and we walked around

0:18:45we went to look down on the reading room

0:18:48went to the Jefferson library which is

0:18:52they so after the British burned the

0:18:55Capitol during the war of 1812

0:18:59they burned the library and so Thomas

0:19:03Jefferson gave his entire library and he

0:19:05was at the time the had the biggest

0:19:07library in the colonies or I'm guess the

0:19:10states at that point he donated his

0:19:13entire library and then there was

0:19:15another fire in his books have some of

0:19:19them burned again but they have the

0:19:20majority of his books set up set up in a

0:19:23kind of circle like he had his library

0:19:26built so we looked at those and then we

0:19:29went to the Capitol and toured the

0:19:31Capitol and saw all the things and then

0:19:34we walked we dent down at the

0:19:37Smithsonian we walked all the way to the

0:19:38Lincoln Memorial

0:19:39and she was like a super trooper it was

0:19:42only on the other side of the Washington

0:19:45Monument when she started to say this

0:19:48has been a long walk did you oh so you

0:19:49did walk that is so much longer than it

0:19:51looks it's very long it's very very long

0:19:54walk yeah and she said I do not think

0:19:55well as we were approaching the

0:19:57Washington Monument she said I think

0:19:58that we should stop at the Washington

0:20:00Monument and I said sweetheart the

0:20:02Lincoln Memorial is just over the

0:20:04horizon

0:20:04that's where it's going on man gotta get

0:20:06to the memorial yeah and she was like I

0:20:08we've walked far enough and we got to

0:20:10the Washington Monument there was the

0:20:12Lincoln Memorial in the distance I was

0:20:14like what do you think you think you

0:20:16want to bite it off because it's just

0:20:17it's C it's far but it's also just right

0:20:21there and she's the reflecting pool yeah

0:20:25she was I think she understood like

0:20:28that's on the back of the penny like in

0:20:32and she's she knows she knows all about

0:20:36Lincoln she'd sit and lecture me about

0:20:38Lincoln so off we went and it was great

0:20:41we had a wonderful time Oh though we

0:20:45went through the World War two the New

0:20:48World War Two memorial let's see I think

0:20:53I know that one because it's near it's

0:20:56kind of adjacent it's kind of not too

0:20:57far from the Vietnam one right yep and

0:21:01and it's just but but it has pride of

0:21:04place I mean it's the most recent thing

0:21:07to actually occupy the mall itself and

0:21:10it stretches across it it's like a new

0:21:12feature mm-hmm right between the

0:21:15Washington Monument and the Lincoln

0:21:16Memorial and it's like a pretty enormous

0:21:19Wow you know amphitheater that they

0:21:22built and you know I've I have a

0:21:27relationship with World War two as a

0:21:30conflict I've spent quite a bit of time

0:21:32on it personally in the course of my

0:21:35life my dad fought in it and all his

0:21:38friends did and I am sorry to say that

0:21:42the World War Two memorial is an abject

0:21:45failure

0:21:46as a memorial really it's just bad it's

0:21:50badly done badly designed badly executed

0:21:55and it was really sad to me because

0:22:01you're not allowed to say this is a bad

0:22:02Memorial

0:22:03it's an incredibly expensive Memorial

0:22:06it's an it's it was designed to be epic

0:22:10or to seem epic it was designed it felt

0:22:14like it was designed by a committee like

0:22:15we've got this space on the mall we have

0:22:18got to do something with a lot of

0:22:20whiz-bang mm-hmm and so that's not a

0:22:24football field from the sky yeah and it

0:22:27has no it's yeah exactly it's a you know

0:22:29it looks like a like a like a high

0:22:31school look track yeah an oval but it

0:22:34has very bad access to it you can enter

0:22:39on one side but not leave on the other

0:22:42side so and it commemorates nothing like

0:22:49it has the one side of the oval has a

0:22:52big sign each tune marble-carved six you

0:22:57know let letter six feet high that says

0:23:00Pacific and the other side predictably

0:23:03says Atlantic on the news and then if

0:23:07you walk around there are fifty pillars

0:23:10with all guess what's written on them is

0:23:13there space there's 50 of them that's

0:23:15right all 50 states mm-hmm 48 at the

0:23:20time yeah yeah well but also there was

0:23:23Puerto Rico and and Guam Puerto Rico

0:23:26counts but it basically got a they got

0:23:30up they got a pillar way to do it you

0:23:34know what I didn't go I did not actually

0:23:36go around and see if Alaska and Hawaii

0:23:38were on there that's very interesting

0:23:40and it seems like the type of thing

0:23:42where Alaska and Hawaii would be there

0:23:44even though they weren't States at the

0:23:46time they call it a retcon it's a little

0:23:48bit of a retcon but and then on either

0:23:51side there are two fountains I guess and

0:23:54underneath the fountains are carved the

0:23:56names of all the major battles

0:23:59but it is insufficient entirely

0:24:02insufficient like there's no the names

0:24:05of the dead doesn't momentous to be

0:24:07standing in it all right

0:24:10minute no that's like the the Vietnam

0:24:12Wall was kind of a creeper like you get

0:24:14up in that thing and it's like ooh

0:24:15there's something kind of momentous

0:24:17about this we're obviously the the World

0:24:19Trade Center one is kind of like that

0:24:21too like it you really feel like an

0:24:22absence of something here in the

0:24:24presence of something else

0:24:25although though I just went to the World

0:24:28Trade Center Memorial the other day also

0:24:33guess what it closes at night it's an

0:24:37enormous Plaza an enormous Plaza right

0:24:40they takes up the footprint of the hole

0:24:42yes right Center and what they've

0:24:45decided and there's nothing in it it's

0:24:47just like fountains and and trees okay a

0:24:50little bit of uh I got a little bit of a

0:24:52pebble in my shoe because the security

0:24:53car yelled at my kid for standing on the

0:24:55railing well there you go

0:24:57so I went there I think I think I think

0:24:59you can handle it yeah and and I went

0:25:03there at let's say midnight mm-hmm

0:25:07that's a good time to visit a memorial

0:25:10like that it is yet it is not because

0:25:14they have decided in their infinite

0:25:15wisdom that it makes more sense for them

0:25:18to hire 40 to 50 security guards like

0:25:23shoot people away to walk around this

0:25:26park all night telling you that you

0:25:30cannot step foot into it so you just you

0:25:32never forget as long as it's not

0:25:34midnight that's right never stop

0:25:36remembering and what's interesting is if

0:25:39they're gonna hire those 40 to 50

0:25:41security guards well they could just let

0:25:42them walk around all night and then you

0:25:44also could walk around that's true but

0:25:46instead I mean it's not like what are

0:25:48you gonna get up to start a campfire

0:25:49yeah if there's 50 people walking around

0:25:56I mean and so I went there to have a

0:25:57solemn moment because as you recall I

0:26:01was I went up to the top of the World

0:26:03Trade Center on September 1st 2001 and

0:26:08so when that all happened you know I was

0:26:11just ten days from standing

0:26:12the at the window on the world and

0:26:16standing on the roof went up to the roof

0:26:20so it was I mean not to make it not to

0:26:24make the not to make 911 about me

0:26:32experience to me I'm just there and so I

0:26:37wanted to go go have my moment with the

0:26:40with the memorial and and at night like

0:26:43you say it would be I was hoping it to

0:26:46sort of be there alone and and not have

0:26:48to experience it in a crowd which always

0:26:53feels a little also a little weird it

0:26:56was packed when we were there that's why

0:26:58what she's doing on the real she

0:26:59couldn't you couldn't see very well so

0:27:01you know just shoot out by these people

0:27:03who I mean there's no fence around it

0:27:05they're just standing there 14 feet away

0:27:08from me and if you put your foot on the

0:27:10step they're like sorry sorry folks

0:27:12parks closed I shoulda told you and I

0:27:16was infuriated it's just like beef with

0:27:22this there's another podcast I listen to

0:27:23where they talk a lot about

0:27:25Trafalgar Square and how Trafalgar

0:27:27Square they've really cracked down

0:27:28you're not allowed to climb on the

0:27:30columns and the Lions and whatnot you

0:27:32there's all kinds of things you're not

0:27:33they shoot you away now it's like you

0:27:34know what to me a memorial should have

0:27:37the dignity and the structural integrity

0:27:39to handle a whole bunch of things

0:27:41including kids playing on it in a way

0:27:43that they don't understand they're not

0:27:44supposed to be playing on it like that's

0:27:45part of what makes it a memorial like

0:27:47it's not it isn't like you're going to

0:27:49see you know the body of Lenin like this

0:27:53is this is you know what I'm saying like

0:27:55a statue has like a certain gravitas to

0:27:57it did like I mean do you really need to

0:27:58shoot people away from that I mean it's

0:28:00well and it's it's partly security

0:28:03theater we live in a world now where all

0:28:08yeah you cannot if you just if you like

0:28:13throw out the idea hey you know what we

0:28:15should do we should hire 50 security

0:28:17guards to stand around this place no one

0:28:19is going to say no because if you say

0:28:22well 911 yeah just you've just trumped

0:28:26any argument against the thing yeah it's

0:28:28like do you think somebody's gonna come

0:28:30blow up this memorial yeah what do you

0:28:33think I mean they're there in the course

0:28:35of the night that you're paying these 50

0:28:37security guards to stand there fifty

0:28:39people would come mm-hmm

0:28:41obviously no one's gonna camp out there

0:28:43they wouldn't even have a chance to sit

0:28:45down but maybe they don't want homeless

0:28:47people there well how could they there's

0:28:4950 security guards right right you could

0:28:51cut the number of security guards in

0:28:53half and still have more than enough

0:28:55because you need 50 of them to keep

0:28:59people out of every single entrance to

0:29:01the park you only need 20 of them to

0:29:03keep people from camping there but it's

0:29:06also you know there's a sculpture garden

0:29:09here in Seattle and out to an enormous

0:29:11outdoor sculpture garden and they have

0:29:13security I swear to you hiding in the

0:29:16bushes because if you if you go there

0:29:18with the kids and she walks over and

0:29:20touches the Calder hmm there somebody

0:29:25appears at your shoulder no you know

0:29:26don't touch the artwork hmm this is an

0:29:29outdoor sculpture garden I don't think

0:29:32you understand what a statue is which is

0:29:34yeah exactly which is closed at night

0:29:36a-and also don't touch is it is it paper

0:29:39mache like is it blessed like that's

0:29:42just weird it's gonna get ruined oh

0:29:44don't ruin this - I just sent you a link

0:29:46I admit this is a little bit over the

0:29:48top but this is one of the most um

0:29:51over-the-top but moving disturbing

0:29:54memorials I've ever been to you sent

0:29:55your link to the Holocaust Memorial in

0:29:57Miami have you are you aware of this I

0:29:59have not been to the one in Miami but

0:30:01have you seen look at the photos

0:30:02oh you sent it to me through Skype right

0:30:06yeah but you go just just Google

0:30:07Holocaust Memorial in Miami oh yeah

0:30:14mm-hmm

0:30:16you don't you don't see that isn't that

0:30:18something yeah I mean I realized that

0:30:22when you're trying to sort of what's the

0:30:23word valorize World War two it was a

0:30:26great war the good war diddly diddly

0:30:27deee it's got to be very you know

0:30:29dignified but like I don't know I think

0:30:31there's something to be said for like

0:30:33from a moral that goes there

0:30:36well that one really goes there it does

0:30:38it does but I mean like so I mean I'm

0:30:40glad somebody went there it's like I

0:30:41always used to say even before I moved

0:30:43here I'm glad Berkeley exists cuz

0:30:44Berkeley is a place where everything

0:30:45goes too far

0:30:46America needs places that go too far

0:30:48yeah especially on our side and I kind

0:30:50of feel like you know this is maybe a

0:30:51little bit I don't know a little

0:30:53over-the-top but like it's it is very

0:30:55affecting to see ya bet yeah well I to

0:30:59get in arguments with people if you

0:31:00can't believe it you yeah about the way

0:31:04the Holocaust has been memorialized and

0:31:07world war two has been memorialized

0:31:08because unfortunately for us I think the

0:31:13war was immediately followed upon by the

0:31:17brutalist movement and the hyper sort of

0:31:23modern postmodern art world and so if

0:31:28you travel around brutalist

0:31:29i think yeah but as well as going

0:31:32straight into the Cold War like we

0:31:33didn't have time to change our socks and

0:31:35we were going into the Cold War but on

0:31:36top of that yeah you've got these these

0:31:37new architectural movements seeing can't

0:31:39get any federalism you know I'm saying

0:31:40right and and also representative art

0:31:44fell out of fashion so when you go

0:31:45around looking at the memorials to World

0:31:48War two a lot of them are black

0:31:50doughnuts

0:31:51it's stuff that needs to be explained

0:31:53yeah when the Vietnam Wall went up it

0:31:57had to kind of be explained to people

0:31:59but I think it works it has that a

0:32:01bullet not obelisk but you know what I

0:32:03mean that's that's yeah accurate kind of

0:32:04quality and I think that's very

0:32:06effective but there are a lot where it's

0:32:07like oh there's a water feature and

0:32:09black stone yeah okay so what how's that

0:32:12about like invading Poland and and and

0:32:14there's a lot of criticism to be made

0:32:16about the World War 1 memorials where 40

0:32:20valiant soldiers stand you know carved

0:32:23in marble Stan and look at the did

0:32:27middle-distance while they're you know

0:32:29around their feet are arrayed they're

0:32:31dying comrades yeah sort of sort of like

0:32:33civil war memorials where it really it

0:32:36really glamorizes it and it's all like

0:32:39all those statues in in the United

0:32:41Kingdom where it's just like here is

0:32:43here are our fallen heroes

0:32:45you can make a lot of criticism about

0:32:47that but there is like you say it

0:32:50doesn't need you don't need to stand

0:32:52there in a in a tour group hold it with

0:32:55a gut while a guy holding a clipboard

0:32:56explains that this is the Holocaust most

0:32:59why you should be moved by this right or

0:33:01it's impossible to be moved by this

0:33:03except what it symbolizes is beyond the

0:33:07unexpressive ability of what happened

0:33:10and so really look inside yourselves

0:33:12yeah exactly so what is it inverted

0:33:14appearance with with like three

0:33:17Christmas intellectually moving and

0:33:21there are a lot of people that will

0:33:23defend that stuff that because you know

0:33:26because like they believe they feel that

0:33:28metaphor is is the only thing that's

0:33:32sufficient but there's not any one

0:33:36answer to any of this there's examples

0:33:38of all of these being done well or

0:33:40poorly that suit the purpose and don't

0:33:42some of them don't age well but like

0:33:44it's it's not a question of I'm it's

0:33:45just a question of how well it's

0:33:46executed don't you think well that is

0:33:49what makes the Holocaust Memorial in

0:33:51Berlin such a heavy heavy heavy visit

0:33:55because oh my god oh god it's an

0:34:00enormous enormous field full of exactly

0:34:05as you say black omelets basically

0:34:07casket roughly casket shaped stones and

0:34:12it's open all night first of all because

0:34:15it's it's in Europe and no one is trying

0:34:17to you know in like San Francisco

0:34:18everything closes too early here yeah

0:34:20right well that's one of the reasons no

0:34:23one like Santa but so you go into this

0:34:27Holocaust Memorial is this Christ when

0:34:31you're on the edge of it the stones are

0:34:35low they're just a few feet high you can

0:34:37sit on them they're like benches on the

0:34:40on the ring of this memorial all around

0:34:42it look at from a little bit of a

0:34:44distance it has like a terrain my

0:34:46quality is that because of the lands

0:34:48type topography or because of the way

0:34:51they've been arranged its man it's meant

0:34:53to look like that from the street that's

0:34:55fine design with like the size the

0:34:56height of the stones yeah lonely

0:34:59it just kind of looks like a big rolling

0:35:01field but it looks like a blocking a lot

0:35:04for caskets kind of but it is it's very

0:35:06it's stunning well so here's what makes

0:35:09it astonishing cuz it is stunning and

0:35:11there are people sitting and eating

0:35:13their lunch on it it's there is a

0:35:15certain amount of like well this is just

0:35:17now a place that we like if you sit down

0:35:20on one of those stones I don't know

0:35:22about them I don't know about noon

0:35:24whether somebody comes over and says hey

0:35:26get off that but there's there wouldn't

0:35:28be a way to do it it's right in the

0:35:30center of Berlin it's right next to the

0:35:31US Embassy it's right where the the

0:35:33Berlin wall used to be it's like where

0:35:35the Reichstag was it's it's like very

0:35:38it's really there but you walk into it

0:35:41and it's and it's meant to be interacted

0:35:43with you walk into it those paths every

0:35:46every single one of those spaces between

0:35:49the obelisks is a path and you walk in

0:35:52and then the earth falls away and as you

0:35:56move toward the center of it suddenly

0:35:57these obelisks are towering over you

0:36:00they're 15 20 feet above your head and

0:36:03you're down in this space where you know

0:36:07every time you come around a corner you

0:36:09can see all the way along the path is in

0:36:13either direction and it becomes very

0:36:16disorienting and very overwhelming and

0:36:18then when you're down in the center you

0:36:19have no idea where you are because you

0:36:21could no longer see out of the peace

0:36:22functions like a maze it functions like

0:36:25a maze although it's just a grid but

0:36:272,000 2711 concrete slabs right I mean

0:36:34think about that that's an enormous and

0:36:36these are big big things but but the way

0:36:39that the way the valley of it works when

0:36:41you're standing on it at the sidewalk it

0:36:43looks like a hill because it kind of

0:36:45curves up the tops of these obelisks

0:36:48curved up and have a topography like you

0:36:50say but when you're down in the valley

0:36:53you can't see up to the street because

0:36:55it's so down well you see is is that

0:37:00your your it's your very disorient

0:37:05and also like a little scared it

0:37:08actually had it actually accomplishes

0:37:10that you become overwhelmed and scared

0:37:14like scared just your body naturally

0:37:17says like um I don't feel safe anymore

0:37:20like like can you can we get out of here

0:37:22but you don't know which way to go

0:37:23mm-hmm and there are people down there

0:37:27who are playing like not just little

0:37:30kids but like teenagers and people in

0:37:32their twenties stupid college students

0:37:34who are playing peek-a-boo with each

0:37:36other and running around because it is

0:37:38like also a space where you get on you

0:37:41get enough uncomfortable that it becomes

0:37:42like well why don't we play chase but

0:37:47again there's nobody down there to tell

0:37:49you not to do that and so everybody's

0:37:52interacting with it in a different way

0:37:53and and and you do kind of your impulse

0:37:59when some 24 year old runs past you

0:38:02giggling your impulse is to kind of grab

0:38:05them and say hey what the fuck are you

0:38:06doing like yeah this is a heavy space

0:38:09but you can't do that you have to just

0:38:12and that adds to the it adds to your

0:38:16fear feelings right it's not you're not

0:38:19sitting looking over a chain surveying a

0:38:22doughnut trying to metaphor eyes the war

0:38:26you're having like a real emotional not

0:38:29just momentary experience but like the

0:38:33longer you stay down there the the more

0:38:35you're fucked up by it anyway so that's

0:38:39an example of like a modern memorial

0:38:41that that accomplishes so much kind of

0:38:44like the Vietnam Memorial do you

0:38:45remember when the Vietnam or more of

0:38:47blue vietnam memorial opened

0:38:49controversial incredibly controversial

0:38:51yeah that it was that it was too

0:38:54abstract and that it was not yeah there

0:38:58was there was there was I think it was

0:38:59fairly costly but mainly was that it was

0:39:02it was too abstract and like and like

0:39:05goofy to represent this thing well and

0:39:07designed by an Asian which was very

0:39:10automatic very much a problem for people

0:39:13at the time like wait a minute

0:39:14mm-hmm aren't all Asians alike this one

0:39:17designed this more

0:39:18for tusks killing agents but it has

0:39:22become like a major major part of the

0:39:26experience of Washington DC and it's

0:39:27still very emotional its perilous anyway

0:39:30the world war ii memorial is I would not

0:39:34say abject failure unless I meant it

0:39:37mm-hmm it succeeds at no level except at

0:39:41being an example of a committee decided

0:39:44designed extremely expensive like hole

0:39:50in the ground and it doesn't achieve

0:39:53awesomeness you're not even awed by it

0:39:55you're just down there going so every

0:39:57one of these things has the name of a

0:40:00state on it and each one has a giant

0:40:06like bronze wreath on it mm-hmm but they

0:40:11don't they're just meant to like oh yeah

0:40:13so Massachusetts okay what's next

0:40:16Oh Rhode Island like there's no there

0:40:19are no surprises in it I was like

0:40:21looking at that placemat yeah yeah and

0:40:24so I walked out of there like very very

0:40:27very disappointed not just in there like

0:40:31I'm sure it's closed at night too

0:40:32I'm sure there's ten guards that walk

0:40:34around it and tell you you can't be

0:40:36there but but it really feels like a

0:40:40monument to our time certainly and and I

0:40:46guess at that level it it's like when

0:40:49you go into cities and you see new

0:40:52developments new housing developments or

0:40:55whatnot and you say like oh that one was

0:40:57built in 2007 because it's the same like

0:41:01baby shit colors that every building

0:41:04built in 2007 was about awnings

0:41:09certainly suddenly circa big 1984-1985

0:41:12everything had have an awning oh yeah

0:41:14and awnings were everywhere and whether

0:41:17it was your like your local like bistro

0:41:19or the mall like suddenly everything had

0:41:21to have an awning hit awnings and

0:41:22atriums and they aged well it was it was

0:41:25what like a lot of actually brutalist

0:41:27architecture did not age well not very

0:41:28well designed awnings get mildewy you

0:41:32they do atriums have to be cleaned

0:41:33regularly yeah Maitreya Hey and in most

0:41:37cases they did not endow the building

0:41:40with like a cleaning fund no that's that

0:41:43is the thing about a chick-fil-a

0:41:45pressure I'll beat your well precious

0:41:47few chick-fil-a's have their own

0:41:49endowment it's not Rice University like

0:41:51there's gonna have to be there's gonna

0:41:52have to be a you remember racks they all

0:42:00had atria racks racks was racks was

0:42:06somewhere between was kind of like an

0:42:07Arby's wanna be nice or Arby's

0:42:11I haven't thought about racks in a very

0:42:13long time Oriole for racks I don't think

0:42:16so I went online not very long ago and

0:42:18looked up racks it sounds like there are

0:42:20still wrecks you can still get a racks

0:42:22racks roast beef tried-and-true regular

0:42:24racks racks roast beef back in the 80s

0:42:46when my family ate at fast-food

0:42:48restaurants probably I mean it was still

0:42:51nice yeah we would still get up get

0:42:54dressed

0:42:55go out of the house to go to the Burger

0:42:58King or the or the Taco Bell dignity

0:43:02back then not even the taco time at the

0:43:05Taco Bell Taco Bell was pretty deluxe at

0:43:08a certain time that's a pretty big deal

0:43:10to have fresh ish Mexican food I'm not

0:43:13trying to be that guy but Batak o belt

0:43:14didn't used to kind of be better it was

0:43:16so good 80s and the 80s talked about was

0:43:19a treat we would drive to Tampa to go to

0:43:20Taco Bell yeah right and and we would we

0:43:23ate fast food all the time it was not it

0:43:25was down market obviously but but back

0:43:28then the distinction was between did you

0:43:32eat at home or did you eat hours mm-hmm

0:43:34and obviously like eating out we weren't

0:43:39going to Simon and see fruits and

0:43:40getting

0:43:42getting like fettuccine alfredo which

0:43:45was like pretty much had to be your

0:43:47birthday

0:43:48yeah or like your graduation a family

0:43:51for 20 bucks well yeah and and and maybe

0:43:56less right I mean I would guess it's not

0:43:57even cheaper oh my god everything is

0:44:00it's so crazy how cheap stuff is now you

0:44:02get five tacos for 99 cents it's crazy

0:44:04how cheap fast food is now it's it's got

0:44:06to be some kind of jam up its core easy

0:44:09how cheap it is I think they just they

0:44:11walk cows into a giant spinning blade

0:44:15like the top of Willy Wonka's chocolate

0:44:16factory

0:44:17they've oh I see what you're saying it's

0:44:19like the big fan if they've achieved

0:44:20scalability yeah they just want they're

0:44:23like here cow here cow and they just

0:44:24walk them straight into this thing and

0:44:26pure hamburger comes out the other side

0:44:28that's amazing used to be so much

0:44:30messier well yeah yeah did like interact

0:44:33with the cow a little bit given last

0:44:35rites yeah yeah that's the Dickens

0:44:38collar off and record its name and

0:44:40number all right but a whole section on

0:44:46big potatoes you can get a plain potato

0:44:48butter potatoes sour cream potato cheese

0:44:50potato cheese and bacon potato cheese

0:44:51and broccoli potato chili and cheese

0:44:52potato barbecue spot for cheese but

0:44:54can't talk about racks here great taste

0:44:55great selection rack see I think the

0:44:58thing that distinguished racks was that

0:45:00it was the first restaurant of its kind

0:45:02that had a salad bar and it really

0:45:04brought people in because the salad bar

0:45:07the the like go around and wow look at

0:45:10this it's a whole thing of garbanzo

0:45:12beans oh my goodness look at this it's a

0:45:14whole thing of cottage cheese yeah that

0:45:16was really novel and and and racks was

0:45:21early-adopter there's also that there

0:45:24was a trend toward that eventually they

0:45:26pulled back from but there was a trend I

0:45:28feel like the 70s were sort of the

0:45:29Silver Age of the or maybe the Golden

0:45:32Age of the salad bar and then you had a

0:45:33Silver Age of the salad bars where it

0:45:35was like then it became kind like table

0:45:37stakes and places like Ponderosa bonanza

0:45:39it started they went they shifted from

0:45:41being like a York steak house-style like

0:45:44slightly upscale mall ish food to being

0:45:47like it was all about all-you-can-eat

0:45:49so you go to Ponderosa and it was always

0:45:51like you could get a steak but mostly

0:45:52you were there for the hot bar you were

0:45:54you are

0:45:55throw on some some Brandt some

0:45:57Midwestern brand names at me that I'm

0:45:59digging but we didn't have any of it you

0:46:01didn't have a York stick house was nice

0:46:02so York steak house was Northgate Mall

0:46:05Colerain Avenue Cincinnati Ohio I think

0:46:07it opened with the mall probably in 72

0:46:09and it was like our little it was like

0:46:10if you want to go spend a little bit

0:46:12normally after church before church you

0:46:14get a perkins right sure your organs and

0:46:16gets you i get strawberry pancakes

0:46:18perkins either but yes you know that you

0:46:21know the brand and often what you do is

0:46:23if you got a little bit of dough after

0:46:24church you go to forum and forum with

0:46:26the cafeteria there's a cafeteria at our

0:46:29mall where you had a little tray and you

0:46:30get you know little green jello cubes a

0:46:32little bit upscale maybe once every

0:46:33couple months ago to New York steak

0:46:34house which had a medieval themed week

0:46:37out York steak house was amazing and my

0:46:41my first grade girlfriend and I we would

0:46:44talk about the date we would eventually

0:46:45go on to York steak house okay oh you

0:46:49had aspirational date aspirational David

0:46:52Mann Splashin girlfriend yeah I think

0:46:54it's a health care professional now I

0:46:55was having some drinks in google it or

0:46:57one name my first great girlfriends 50

0:47:01now

0:47:02isn't it amazing it is amazing she's

0:47:04been my age you did go out with her you

0:47:07did it wasn't just that yeah but no I

0:47:09changed schools 1976 once a different

0:47:10school in fourth grade right around the

0:47:12age that something like that might have

0:47:13even kind of be kind to have happened

0:47:15but now mostly phone calls about York

0:47:16steakhouse fourth grade was my first

0:47:18kiss my first yeah sherry Edwards kiss

0:47:21me in third grade during a fire drill

0:47:22Wow yeah I know right

0:47:24she snuck you a kiss huh I untangled a

0:47:31dog that someone had tied to a pole and

0:47:34he had gotten himself tangled up so that

0:47:37he was just like his collar was just

0:47:39right next to the pole he couldn't move

0:47:41because he spun around it so many times

0:47:43I'm saying smart dog no um but I got a

0:47:48bunch of people were walking past it

0:47:49just looking at it like oh look at this

0:47:51stupid thing and I actually got down and

0:47:54like grabbed the dog untangle you know

0:47:58like unhooked him untangled his leash

0:48:00put him back together and was like I

0:48:03don't I don't know what to tell you dog

0:48:04like you know your owner will be back

0:48:06soon listen to me now look

0:48:08your guy will be back soon

0:48:11two fingers reappointment him point me

0:48:13her eyes like I was like here right here

0:48:15buddy

0:48:16two eyes up look you're gonna be okay

0:48:18honestly I have no idea whether the

0:48:20owner when he arrived wrapped the thing

0:48:23around the pole 16 times because he

0:48:25didn't want his dog to have free rein

0:48:26but I undid the dog and when I when I

0:48:30stood back up I turned around and this

0:48:32girl who was somebody that I understood

0:48:38to be a high-status girl hmm and I swear

0:48:44to you I've tried to remember her name

0:48:45thirty thousand times because we became

0:48:49it was the first time I ever was

0:48:52actively flirtatious with a with a young

0:48:56lady Wow when we were we we saw each

0:48:59other one time at a grocery store where

0:49:02she was with her mom and I was with my

0:49:03mom and our parents noticed because you

0:49:08know we'd go up an aisle and they'd go

0:49:09down the other aisle and when we would

0:49:11look at each other from down the aisle

0:49:14we were just like eyes locked like hmm

0:49:17little birds flying around my mom was

0:49:19like who is that girl she's really you

0:49:22guys are really like vibin yeah

0:49:24chemistry

0:49:25we had chemistry but I was standing

0:49:27there having just rescued this dog and

0:49:29she was there and she came over and

0:49:30kissed me and I was like what do I do

0:49:34now what do I do now and unfortunately I

0:49:38didn't even then this became a trait

0:49:41throughout my life even then I like so

0:49:43little knew what to do that I just did

0:49:47nothing

0:49:47shut shut down completely and was just

0:49:50like totally normal Durer yeah but I

0:49:52never went to her and said will you be

0:49:54my girlfriend and she never came to me

0:49:57and said like will you go with me or

0:49:58whatever cuz we're in fourth grade right

0:50:00we're not in fifth we're not so

0:50:01sophisticated as 5th grade and then I

0:50:04moved away I did it all so I moved away

0:50:07to do I move to Alaska and so she went

0:50:10on to she went on to a life so distant

0:50:13from me that I cannot even recall her

0:50:15name

0:50:16Oh God and our class pictures the ones

0:50:19that they gave us throughout the 70s

0:50:21where we all stood in the gym or we all

0:50:23like lined up yeah the little kids knelt

0:50:27in the front and the tall kids stood in

0:50:29the back yeah those those class pictures

0:50:33have no names so they never put like all

0:50:35the names underneath that's a memorial

0:50:37hmm right so you well now I just look at

0:50:41and I'm like I remember Thomas from

0:50:43Peter Kluger and I remember that girl's

0:50:49name right right otherwise I'm just I'm

0:50:51blind when you're losing a little bit

0:50:53every day

0:50:54well yeah but I couldn't have told you

0:50:56who they were 15 years ago

0:50:58I sent you a link to images of York

0:51:00steak house the last York steak house

0:51:02closed in the late 80s well so our

0:51:06version of that oh I see so this is like

0:51:08yeah it's done up like a sizzler this is

0:51:11a city like it's supposed to be like a

0:51:13castle it's supposed to be there's like

0:51:14yeah right right

0:51:16in Anchorage there was a clinker dagger

0:51:20Bickerstaff and Pitt's bigger stabbing

0:51:32pits I think it's I don't think it's

0:51:34Bickerstaff I think it's bigger

0:51:35interesting but the waitresses they're

0:51:39actually dressed like medieval wenches

0:51:41and it was table service it wasn't like

0:51:44walk up and there's a menu it was it was

0:51:46the fancy medieval steakhouse I don't

0:51:49understand why steak houses and

0:51:51restaurants had so many themes back then

0:51:55it's a little bit like skins there are

0:51:58themes in a video game where you've got

0:52:00the basic game but then you can slap

0:52:02some adventuretime on then it's not

0:52:03really like a large extra cost you know

0:52:05you gotta give it a feel like Ponderosa

0:52:08and that kind of like a Western feel

0:52:10right like and then obviously your oh

0:52:13god oh look at these look at that you go

0:52:15and you pick you look at a photo of your

0:52:17steak and you pick up by number say the

0:52:20number well I see here now yeah a lot of

0:52:23different kinds of pie I'm like I like a

0:52:25lot of pie yeah

0:52:26we had some fresh-baked bread there were

0:52:30a couple of places in Anchorage like

0:52:31there was a one I forget the name but

0:52:33every room in the restaurant it was big

0:52:36big restaurant and every room in the

0:52:38place had a different themes so your

0:52:40waiter would come yeah I'm sorry I got

0:52:45involved in this page about how to

0:52:46become a franchisee of steak and ale I'd

0:52:47like to return to that I like the wacky

0:52:5070s like where waiters and waitresses

0:52:52dress up and there's themes and that

0:52:53guy's got a straw boater on but then you

0:52:56go the Farrell's but for spaghetti

0:52:58exactly like a pirate hat on yeah this

0:53:03one she's wearing a hoop skirt and and

0:53:05he's got up you know it's a copy and all

0:53:09the fun you would have I knew his kids

0:53:11yes spaghetti spaghetti warehouse which

0:53:15sounds like a terrible name that can't

0:53:16possibly the name of this so for my

0:53:18birthday when I was 10 spaghetti where

0:53:21the Getty warehouse

0:53:23so that's actually a seattle chain you

0:53:26know that started in Seattle and they

0:53:29had they had two different kinds of

0:53:31bread we wheat bread and white bread

0:53:33really a little like a little sort of

0:53:40one of those pizza that wooden sort of

0:53:42pizza boards oh sure sure sure it's like

0:53:46ooh to read but for two kinds of bread

0:53:48yep and you would have two kinds of

0:53:50butter oh you know dairy butter no then

0:53:54they would have garlic butter the dark

0:53:58ramekin dark all right if you were ready

0:54:02to go there did every Spaghetti

0:54:03Warehouse have a trainer I thought that

0:54:05was just ours no they all had a train

0:54:07well they all my goodness a street car

0:54:09or a train car yeah yeah that had tables

0:54:12in it Oh

0:54:12oh my god I remember this so on my tenth

0:54:16birthday I remember this so well it's oh

0:54:18they got meatballs calm is their domain

0:54:20that's a great domain well it's super

0:54:22good I mean think of all he talks about

0:54:24call the all the businesses that could

0:54:26have gotten meatballs calm I got bill

0:54:28murray san group yeah right like it's

0:54:31raining meatballs or whatever that don't

0:54:33howl oh yeah it's raining meatballs I

0:54:34see Chloe Clyde with chip yes yeah

0:54:37yes meatballs comp see that's smart that

0:54:40is smart at smart IP meatballs calm it

0:54:42could have been anything I wanna see

0:54:45pictures of the dressed up people well

0:54:47so so Spaghetti Warehouse have I think

0:54:51their signature dish

0:54:53to be honest was Mozilla cheese mmm they

0:54:57had Mozilla cheese which seemed so

0:55:00exotic it was like a rear was like a

0:55:03graded sort of sharp foreign cheese

0:55:09ain't no parmesan was it's a-- and they

0:55:13would make this and so so obviously what

0:55:15you would get was half and half which

0:55:17was half my sit through cheese on your

0:55:18spaghetti and half meat sauce and you

0:55:21would kind of mix the two in the might

0:55:23or or if you were some if you were the

0:55:25other kind of person you'd eat a little

0:55:27bit of missus rim they need to eat a

0:55:28little bit of meat

0:55:30it was definitely where you went for

0:55:33your birthday and and in Seattle it

0:55:34remains the place that you go on prom

0:55:36night

0:55:37is that right starting during prom

0:55:39season you can't even go into a

0:55:42spaghetti warehouse is that right that's

0:55:43so interesting so many proms happening

0:55:46see this is also this is a little bit

0:55:48orthogonal to the sort of Bennigan's

0:55:51Bennigan's was also Bennigan's to me was

0:55:53like you know very Steely Dan kind of

0:55:56like ferns and brass kind of place then

0:55:58there was that trend of like what

0:55:59Cracker Barrel type things but like shit

0:56:01on the walls kind of places

0:56:03spaghetti warehouses a little bit of a

0:56:05shit on the walls kind of places don't

0:56:06you think oh there could be a loom or an

0:56:08old coca-cola sign that kind of thing

0:56:10yeah but but the Spaghetti Warehouse had

0:56:14it was very old-timey it was very

0:56:17streetcar in the middle of the of the

0:56:20restaurant spot and yeah they would have

0:56:24worn gaiters on there or like believe

0:56:30stop yes exactly so it appears that so

0:56:34did you ever stick a nail was was always

0:56:38loomed large in my childhood you didn't

0:56:40have those well sticking out was like

0:56:42again it's a little bit medieval you go

0:56:44in the menu is on a cleaver they hand

0:56:48you a cleaver weighs a couple pounds and

0:56:50that

0:56:50got the menu on it but it's not a sharp

0:56:52libra it's a donkey it's a pretty dull

0:56:54cleaver it's a medieval cleaver and they

0:56:56give you the menu on that so this is a

0:56:57page at Bennigan's calm which apparently

0:57:00now owns take a nail and this is this is

0:57:03a certain kind of webpage that I really

0:57:04enjoy that was never written for a human

0:57:07being the headline on the pages thank

0:57:09you for your interest well and being a

0:57:16part of the legendary family of brands

0:57:18Bennigan's Bennigan's on the fly and

0:57:20steak and ale that's the interest that

0:57:22they're thanking you for we are pleased

0:57:24to share some information about our

0:57:25beloved brands once you've read through

0:57:27these materials we would welcome the

0:57:29opportunity to speak franchise created

0:57:34in 1966 by Norman breaker period once

0:57:38revered for its once revered for its

0:57:39succulent prime rib warm bread and

0:57:41bountiful salad bar sticky nail is

0:57:42poised for an epic comeback redefining I

0:57:47think I'm doing munch squad redefined as

0:57:49a 21st century polished casual consular

0:57:54elements that made it an American

0:57:55classic the new sticky nail will once

0:57:57again set the standard for affordable

0:57:59stay guided and supported by an expert

0:58:02operations and management team qualified

0:58:04franchisees have the opportunity to

0:58:06generate a media consumer loyalty by

0:58:08bringing back a beloved restaurant

0:58:10blessed with decades of goodwill and

0:58:12brand equity whoa blessed they just put

0:58:15it right out you're getting what I'm

0:58:16getting from this though this is kind of

0:58:18like boy this is my 67 Mustang that

0:58:23nobody hasn't been able to start in 30

0:58:25years won't it be great you imagine

0:58:28yourself driving this thing how great

0:58:29that is gonna be does it have a little

0:58:30bit that feel to it well the people that

0:58:33open franchises that's always been very

0:58:37curious to me right it's like I want to

0:58:39own a restaurant but I don't want to

0:58:41think about it I don't want to think

0:58:42about all that restaurant e stuff like

0:58:44right what kind of restaurant what we

0:58:46what it what what our menu is like a

0:58:50very retired sports guy thing to do yeah

0:58:53like owning a Pawnee what exactly you

0:58:56want to like invest in this turnkey

0:58:58operation isn't that kind of like isn't

0:59:00that the appeal to a lot of people's

0:59:02like okay I have $150,000

0:59:04to invest in something I want something

0:59:06that's gonna grow and I don't have to do

0:59:07too much work on so I become a

0:59:08franchisee yeah and there's a ton of

0:59:10there are other franchisees out there

0:59:13who are gonna help me figure out how to

0:59:14hire a manager and then I really got a

0:59:17great operations team at Bennigan's I

0:59:19bet they do and you know they're like

0:59:21McDonald's franchisees a lot of them

0:59:23have five or six different restaurants

0:59:25and they're just like we're I guess

0:59:26raking in the dough yeah you can tell

0:59:29the franchisee McDonald's it's not this

0:59:30it's really interesting to think that

0:59:33well first of all who's gonna go to the

0:59:36steak and ale web website obviously they

0:59:38don't think it's gonna be a customer now

0:59:41who wants to see the menu they don't

0:59:43think we should look at this you and me

0:59:44it's the title the page is owned a steak

0:59:47and ale dress here you just let them

0:59:52know you can help bring back this

0:59:53American classic all right I'm looking

0:59:55up steak and ale here host well no stop

0:59:59speaking

0:59:59speaking

1:00:00yeah here you go slash Bennigan's Wow oh

1:00:03and it had you sort of like a a brand on

1:00:06wood mm-hmm so that that would suggest

1:00:10Western but then I see that the other

1:00:13logo is a shield establish 1966 which

1:00:17was a heyday for medieval period oh this

1:00:21is great oh my gosh they've built out a

1:00:23whole site for this step one Weiss take

1:00:25a nail the new stick a nail offers a

1:00:27contemporary cost-effective franchise

1:00:29opportunity for with a highly

1:00:30recognizable brand and jumping down our

1:00:32franchisees benefit from a state of the

1:00:34art restaurant prototype computing unit

1:00:36economics low cost of entry contemporary

1:00:38look with iconic elements warm intimate

1:00:40atmosphere smaller footprint to increase

1:00:41real-estate flexibility right right

1:00:43right right small footprint investment

1:00:50profile you get a polished casual

1:00:53experience at a casual dining price

1:00:54point yeah franchise might be localized

1:00:56and they appeal to multiple generations

1:00:58so so here's my question yeah I know

1:01:02what a Bennigan's is and I know what a

1:01:04steak a nail is but what is a Bennigan's

1:01:06on the fly I think a Bennigan's on the

1:01:07fly it's gonna be like that you know how

1:01:10shitty Chili's is but then you get to

1:01:11even shittier Chili's next to Chili's in

1:01:14an airport what's that called Chili's to

1:01:19go chili squirts like that I bet it's a

1:01:23little squirts I bet it's like that with

1:01:25the benning's on the flight let's find

1:01:26out about betting it's on-the-fly

1:01:27Bennigan's on the fly I just feel like

1:01:28you you could not say that without

1:01:30making a little bit of a hip hop gesture

1:01:33with your hands like a little bit of I

1:01:36did it with a little bit you hit it with

1:01:39some backwards palm out uh-huh

1:01:42like like back of hand out accentuation

1:01:45Hawks on Teague oh and guess what same

1:01:49number same email address thank you for

1:01:50interest in being part of the legendary

1:01:52family of brands Bennigan's you can buy

1:01:53a Bennigan's Bennigan's is a high-energy

1:01:55neighborhood restaurant and tavern that

1:01:56is redefining casual dining Wow again Oh

1:02:00bleats green demonstrates a 25/8 focus

1:02:03on supporting our franchise community

1:02:0525/8

1:02:06they bleed green oh they're they're

1:02:08making a connection to their Irish roots

1:02:10they bleed green and the demonstrative

1:02:1325/8 folk

1:02:13that's like you know the Beatles eight

1:02:15days a week 25 hours a day eight days a

1:02:17week

1:02:17I think it's what that 25 825 825 no

1:02:21they don't really say 25 eight dancing

1:02:23quotes 25 hours a day eight days a week

1:02:26all the forms pretty long you thought a

1:02:28form I'm just saying you and me I don't

1:02:30know what guy I don't have a lot extra

1:02:31dough right now but like I'm thinking

1:02:33maybe between you me you know Ken

1:02:34Jennings when we go in and I'm like a

1:02:37bet against or a stick in hell I'm gonna

1:02:38leave nothing here so you know what i

1:02:40just did i clicked on Bennigan's fran

1:02:43franchise opportunities international oh

1:02:45and that actually has a five-step

1:02:48process yeah step one why Bennigan's

1:02:52stem to growth markets yeah yeah they

1:02:54got it for all of them I'm telling you

1:02:56that you click on domestic you get this

1:02:57- but not for international I bet that's

1:02:59a good deal more complicated for

1:03:00international well so here's here's what

1:03:02I see when I click on the growth markets

1:03:04map I see several Bennigan's in Mexico

1:03:07looks more than a handful and then one

1:03:10that appears to be in Ankara Turkey oh

1:03:14yeah look at that and one in South Korea

1:03:17okay oh oh at least Wow is that a shadow

1:03:20or there - oh there might be two - in

1:03:23South Korea one in one in Turkey or

1:03:26maybe on the island of Crete

1:03:29it's hard to tell exactly because they

1:03:31won't let me zoom in on the map I know

1:03:32it's very far there's not a single one

1:03:34in Europe I feel like you could put

1:03:36thirty of these in Saudi Arabia

1:03:38oh absolutely put some TVs up but then

1:03:42you look at the sign and it says

1:03:43American fare Irish hospitality Irish

1:03:48hospitality okay when you think of

1:03:49hospitality yeah I guess taking Irish

1:03:51you really do think of the Irish current

1:03:54promotions well I you know obviously

1:03:55this is gonna be an oh my goodness oh my

1:03:58goodness I'm on the now I'm on the

1:04:00current promotions page for Bennigan's

1:04:01the yolo Monta burger that's got some

1:04:05kind of a cream on it and it's got a

1:04:06sauce on top of the bun that's a very

1:04:08Irish name Yolo mana dellamonte

1:04:10[Laughter]

1:04:13yolo Monta like on Hollywood Squares at

1:04:16some point tell me tell me do you think

1:04:22yeah you me owning a franchise

1:04:26restaurant

1:04:27let's start start with the relationship

1:04:29not the property right right we'll find

1:04:31the property that matches what it is

1:04:33that we're about I think you and if with

1:04:36the two of us we're gonna open a

1:04:37franchise restaurant we would pick a

1:04:39third city that's neither of our cities

1:04:43right like we could put one in Missoula

1:04:46Montana let's say is it selfish for us

1:04:48to want the kinds of foods that we like

1:04:50to have at certain times of day because

1:04:51I feel like a big part is a passion

1:04:53project we're like you're not just gonna

1:04:55go into this as an investor this is a

1:04:57lifestyle job like if we're gonna really

1:04:58put our back into it there should

1:05:00probably be some dim sum so you want to

1:05:02put this in a city where you can go and

1:05:04kind of be be the boss be the big can

1:05:06turn it what if we just don't care and

1:05:09it's really just about making money

1:05:10that's another way to look at it yeah

1:05:13like it sits in Winnemucca Nevada and

1:05:16neither of us ever go there put in

1:05:18Bakersfield or we could open two of them

1:05:21one in Seattle and one in in San

1:05:23Francisco I just wonder if you're the

1:05:24owner of a Bennigan's on the fly yes can

1:05:28you be one of those people that's like

1:05:29well that's the that's the bosses table

1:05:32like the table always has a reserved but

1:05:34tent on it and you're just like I that's

1:05:36you know we keep that for the boss cuz

1:05:38he comes in all the time and once a I

1:05:40understand what you're saying you're

1:05:42saying look I'm more than the franchisee

1:05:44like I'm the owner well yeah if I don't

1:05:46want to have potatoes on this menu guess

1:05:48what no potatoes on that menu this is

1:05:50the way John likes it you cook the

1:05:51burgers the way you like it the only

1:05:52reason I would open a restaurant is to

1:05:54give myself somewhere to go every day

1:05:56you get a big table you get a bank at

1:05:58like a big curvy banquette well yeah we

1:06:00you that's all just always reserved for

1:06:01John you sit in there sometimes people

1:06:03come over and I'm gonna pay you in

1:06:20installments and you're like no I'm

1:06:22afraid you're not I'm afraid you're

1:06:24gonna give me that 50 grand by Friday or

1:06:26and then a guy a really big guy breaks

1:06:31knuckles to give him a breadstick yeah

1:06:33you kind of stand he takes two steps

1:06:35closer to him sort of like sort of like

1:06:38the Mountain Inn

1:06:40all exactly you step a little bit too

1:06:42close to the Queen yeah he never says

1:06:44anything you cannot pick up ideas now

1:06:46what got a de Deus what if you had like

1:06:50a raised area not precisely an Iron

1:06:52Throne well like an iron bank at what if

1:06:53you got an area that was just for John

1:06:55and the people that he invited into

1:06:56court it would absolutely be a little

1:06:58bit higher than anything else in the

1:07:00room it would be it's like when you go

1:07:05to the pharmacy right just just enough

1:07:07to be kind of annoying a little bit

1:07:08higher yeah and then the tip the chairs

1:07:10on the other side of the table all have

1:07:12their legs cut down like just an inch

1:07:14just all the customers chairs have the

1:07:17diagonals of legs just like an eighth of

1:07:19an inch shorter so you're never quite

1:07:20comfortable yeah they're always kind of

1:07:22sitting there well you know what's your

1:07:23customers you want your customers to

1:07:25come back it's just the people that are

1:07:27sitting them close to you oh it was

1:07:28close to you well I think it's a good

1:07:30idea for you to keep everybody on their

1:07:31toes they go with piles of paper and

1:07:41also wearing sunglasses that are tinted

1:07:43at the top but not as a bother

1:07:46it's kind of like Jim Jones franchise

1:07:49opportunity and they keep like three

1:07:51times the day they come out put a steak

1:07:52in front of that's the only reason I

1:08:06would open a Bennigan's on the fly to

1:08:08give myself that the waiters be allowed

1:08:10to vape not during no working hours but

1:08:14you can stand in the back of the kitchen

1:08:16you can stand in the back of the kitchen

1:08:17and bake a fan's back there but I like

1:08:20those kinds of places that are like the

1:08:21low what you're describing though I've

1:08:23seen a lot at like you know one owner

1:08:26one-off restaurants where there will be

1:08:29a table that the owner always sits at

1:08:30and basically conducts business from I

1:08:32think you could fuck this up real good

1:08:33regardless you know yeah I like the idea

1:08:35of a turnkey operation though maybe some

1:08:37place that used to be a Pizza Hut and

1:08:38then it was a dentist office and now

1:08:39you're gonna make it into John's

1:08:40restaurant or yeah an old Taco Bell

1:08:43where the roof line or all the time in

1:08:46Washington you see like really old

1:08:49international houses of pancakes where

1:08:51they have that super tall blue

1:08:53yes yeah unmistakable but you know like

1:08:56an a-frame tall roof but now it's a Thai

1:08:59restaurant there's a there's mini sites

1:09:01like this one I'm looking at right now

1:09:02is used to be a Pizza Hut dot blog

1:09:05spot.com kind of that red which is like

1:09:10Taco Bell I hop in Pizza Hut you can't

1:09:12wash that off that's always I mean no

1:09:14matter how much good dental work you

1:09:15doing there it's always gonna be a Taco

1:09:17Bell used to be this is the kind of

1:09:20website that makes me so happy

1:09:22oh god John used to be a pizza found it

1:09:24good and not fooling anybody calm oh my

1:09:29god used to be a pizza it has a world

1:09:31map uh-huh cupboard with doubt with dots

1:09:35where you can go to all be used to be a

1:09:37Pizza Huts Oh what's the other once it

1:09:40was called clear your calendar I'm not

1:09:42fooling anybody calm and then you click

1:09:44on original restaurants show me

1:09:46everything that used to be an Arby's

1:09:48everything that used to be a very

1:09:52important website this could be this

1:09:54could really guide us who are these

1:09:57would want to be what Ken Jennings want

1:09:59to be maybe like a like a silent partner

1:10:01on this do you think you know he's uh he

1:10:04he's pretty guards his brand pretty

1:10:07carefully right he's not he doesn't want

1:10:09to just go out and open us monthly

1:10:10agreed to be silent - oh I see what

1:10:13you're saying you know he's silent we're

1:10:15silent we don't even talk about it he

1:10:16just gets a check a couple years Marland

1:10:18I forgot entirely about fotomat now what

1:10:22did what became a fotomat the smoke it's

1:10:31a drive-up cigarette store oh look at

1:10:34that

1:10:34that I love photo mats are things I'm

1:10:37choosing anybody calm has a manifesto

1:10:39okay oh it is not without the bitter

1:10:41taste of self-awareness specifically

1:10:43about the overwhelmingly crass and

1:10:45commercial and indeed downtrodden and

1:10:48dreary bleakly suburban and economically

1:10:51grim and premature of the content of

1:10:53this site that we at NFA not fooling

1:10:55anybody embark on our quest to document

1:10:59bad conversions oh this is a labor of

1:11:03love for some nutjob

1:11:05friends god it's like them I know a gal

1:11:09who has an Instagram page which is just

1:11:11called street seats and what she wants

1:11:14is you to send her any picture of a

1:11:17chair or couch that someone has put out

1:11:19on the sidewalk oh there's a tumblr

1:11:22called want to take a nap and it's just

1:11:25mattresses on the street field guide the

1:11:29field guide to comment bad conversions

1:11:32okay so this is they don't they do have

1:11:35pond or I hop you got to be blind to

1:11:37miss an IHOP those ginormous a-frame

1:11:39restaurants make excellent conversions

1:11:40into all kinds of strange things from

1:11:41car dealerships to supermarkets Hardee's

1:11:44and Carl's jr. friendlies yep Long John

1:11:47Silver's Dairy Queen well they have

1:11:50ponderosas here you were talking about

1:11:51them pond Ponderosa I think they're

1:11:53still around diesel I abandoned around

1:11:54the city as well as the open range look

1:11:56for high vertical beige oh yes of course

1:11:58it's very distinctive and they've got a

1:12:01very helpful little guide here oh the

1:12:02Kettering Chiropractic Center you know

1:12:04hopefully that used to be it that used

1:12:06to be a Ponderosa here's a question I've

1:12:08always wanted to ask somebody and

1:12:09there's really nobody I nobody better

1:12:11than you to ask yeah please what is the

1:12:15deal with Wiener schnitzel I've never

1:12:18I've never known that sounds like one of

1:12:19those things they mention in a movie

1:12:21based in like LA and I just don't know

1:12:23what it means

1:12:23it's a hot dog place it's a hot dog

1:12:26place but the problem is Wiener

1:12:28schnitzel or yeah if you will the Vayner

1:12:32schnitzel that's an actual dish is a

1:12:34veal it's like a pounded pork cutlet

1:12:38that's it there you go

1:12:39what an actual meal it's a it's an

1:12:41actual venous Nets of the Austrian dish

1:12:43is not a hot dog or sausage of any kind

1:12:48eat this cutlet out of place but if I

1:12:51went in expecting this cutlet and got

1:12:52the offer of hot dogs I think I'd be

1:12:54sorely disappointed yeah someone in a

1:12:55weird hat that's got hot dogs on

1:12:57lemonade which were the two things that

1:12:59they served at weenus is strange and

1:13:01you're just like if you want to put the

1:13:02word Wiener in something yeah

1:13:04go right ahead call it a war you know

1:13:07call it a wiener popper I think that was

1:13:09a journey as a castle Kessler's schloss

1:13:11maybe Venus loss would be nerf loss

1:13:14because the response but also we should

1:13:18put

1:13:27if anybody wants to draw that up as a

1:13:29concept where we're willing to franchise

1:13:32would be fine we may we may we're

1:13:34looking at a lot of offers right now as

1:13:35you can tell we still got a lot of ideas

1:13:37in the air I wish we use somebody that

1:13:39could do Internet coding we could get

1:13:41maybe we get damn Benjamin to do it

1:13:42CODIS up a site beaner lost comm and we

1:13:46put Gila called the Venus lost method we

1:13:49put it right next to Venus missiles

1:13:51except all we serve is the inner

1:13:53schnitzel yeah take that in mint and

1:13:55then they're like oh we got hot dogs

1:13:57it's like boy this is hot sorry buddies

1:13:59who's disappointed now right you come in

1:14:01your own place you think it's gonna be

1:14:02hot dogs fuck that

1:14:03you're gonna collect a cutlet pork pork

1:14:06pounded cutlets breaded and fried with

1:14:07an egg on it the thing is that if you go

1:14:11across Europe a schnitzel is the basic

1:14:16food item in any place like any time you

1:14:20walk into a pub and sit down and open

1:14:22the menu there are six kinds of

1:14:24schnitzel it's the first thing on the

1:14:25this is there many cultures that feature

1:14:28something like a schnitzel yes schnitzel

1:14:32schnitzel everywhere mr. schnitzel ah

1:14:35schnitzel that famous song that song by

1:14:39heidi Gruber Schmitz which was it's

1:14:42raining schnitzel Holly it's raining

1:14:44schnitzel ah schnitzel and as you go

1:14:49down yeah the Venus nintzel is the last

1:14:51thing on the menu and it always has an

1:14:52egg on it or whatever mm-hmm so you need

1:14:55to go no no oh tonkatsu yeah that would

1:14:58count

1:14:58tonkatsu I could see that counting it's

1:15:00so smooth that's a kind of a schnitzel

1:15:02we're skipping over we're really burying

1:15:04the lede

1:15:05what do you can do about a phone now

1:15:07because this is I mean really this is

1:15:09probably should say this for the next

1:15:10episode this could be a whole thing but

1:15:12have you made a decision about what to

1:15:14do next about a phone so here's the

1:15:15thing I lost the phone I decided I was

1:15:18gonna go without a phone see how that

1:15:21worked

1:15:21see what happened because I I needed to

1:15:24get the phone out of my head because the

1:15:29energy problems the well and just like

1:15:31I'm just like I

1:15:32kans you're thinking about your phone

1:15:35all the time even when you're not

1:15:36looking at it so you're walking around

1:15:38and like 10% of your head is just always

1:15:40in your phone yeah and I was just

1:15:43noticing like anytime I had a moment I

1:15:45looked at my phone any time I would come

1:15:47in the house and I'd be like oh what a

1:15:49tough day and my kid would go get a book

1:15:52and I would go look at my phone and then

1:15:56she would come out she'd be done with

1:15:58her book and she'd come out and say like

1:16:00hey and I'd still be a looking at the

1:16:02phone so I left the phone and I was like

1:16:04no phone how do you like that

1:16:05and it was even good it would leave it

1:16:08man it was tough because in the course

1:16:10of a day there are always a couple of

1:16:11times when it's like okay I'm in transit

1:16:13now I'm leaving my house and I'm going

1:16:15to somewhere yeah and now nobody can get

1:16:18in touch with me and that's how we lived

1:16:20our entire lives but now it is an

1:16:22impossible problem for people yeah and

1:16:24then I was getting text from a lot of

1:16:26people including you and people were

1:16:28like are you okay and I got a couple of

1:16:32Instagram messages that were like hey

1:16:34buddy

1:16:34what's going on in your life ya notice

1:16:36you haven't posted in a while and I was

1:16:38like I'm fine with this I am fine with

1:16:40this because I don't have this monkey on

1:16:44my back no more monkey and then I said

1:16:47you I mean the thing is you you you want

1:16:48cold turkey it's sort of like if you get

1:16:50really really sick and you stop eating

1:16:52and drinking coffee you go you know this

1:16:54is a good opportunity for me to just

1:16:55quit drinking coffee I've already quit

1:16:56drinking coffee I would just be

1:16:57continuing not drinking coffee right

1:16:58that's right it was visited upon you

1:17:00that's how you quit smoking you get sick

1:17:02and you're like I can't smoke and you

1:17:03get really sick you can't smoke for

1:17:05seven days and then you're you're

1:17:07through the worst of it mm-hmm but so I

1:17:11was without it and then we were going to

1:17:13Washington DC and my daughter's mother

1:17:16said you can't go to Washington DC and

1:17:18not have a phone I was like yeah okay

1:17:22and then she opens a drawer and says I

1:17:25have an old iPhone six here you go

1:17:28pretty good it's a nice huh uh-huh so

1:17:31what I did was I switched SIM cards

1:17:34right without doing anything else so all

1:17:38of a sudden I had like her old phone

1:17:41full of her old

1:17:44address book and stuff but all it did

1:17:49was but you could call me and some smile

1:17:53it was just it was a phone call

1:17:54receiving device right but and I'm

1:17:57explicably it had every once in a while

1:18:00one of my texts would come through about

1:18:0220% of people's people sending me texts

1:18:05came through and it allowed me to go on

1:18:08the internet those were the three things

1:18:09that could do okay

1:18:11and from the internet I could go to

1:18:13Gmail and look at my mail but I sort of

1:18:16was like yeah whatever you know and so I

1:18:19went around so for two weeks I had no

1:18:21smartphone I didn't I haven't posted

1:18:23really to anything and so here's what

1:18:27happened so and I was like I'm gonna get

1:18:28a flip phone I'm done with smart phones

1:18:30I'm gonna be like granddad with one of

1:18:33those flip phones that has really big

1:18:34buttons oh nice and then I will text my

1:18:37friends with no punctuation and you're

1:18:39going all in you're going on it's gonna

1:18:41be old old school old school but what

1:18:44happened was at the end of the day I

1:18:46would go sit at my laptop and conduct

1:18:49whatever small amount of business came

1:18:51in through email and I swear to you

1:18:54Merlin the thing that was the thing that

1:18:57part of me that hole in in my life that

1:19:01used to be fulfilled by the cell phone

1:19:04mm-hm

1:19:04I immediately went back on 4chan no like

1:19:13to fortune Oh

1:19:15fortune has changed a lot since I was

1:19:18there five years ago more toxic John

1:19:20well all of the old people that were

1:19:25like let's go doc somebody or likes raid

1:19:28this website devoted to cheerleaders or

1:19:30let's just you know anonymous all those

1:19:33guys are gone as far as I can tell and

1:19:35all that's on there now is like post

1:19:39naked you know do you have any naked

1:19:40pictures of your girlfriend post them

1:19:43or there's a new thing that never

1:19:45existed before which is rate my dick

1:19:49rate my dick right where people just

1:19:51take a picture of their dick it's like

1:19:52to take a photograph of their penis and

1:19:53they put on the website and then people

1:19:55offer like encouraging remarks yeah like

1:19:57oh you've got a nice dick or holies

1:19:59you've got a big dick and then they're

1:20:01because it's anonymous right then

1:20:03there's like oh I have a small dick yes

1:20:05yes you do have a small dick yes and

1:20:08there's probably 14 of those threads

1:20:10every day and that was you never saw

1:20:13somebody like rape my dick back in the

1:20:15back in 2010 there's nobody does

1:20:21anything anytime and nobody like does

1:20:23anything in the outside world everyone

1:20:24smiles somebody will be like this guy's

1:20:26a jerk let's send a bunch of pizzas to

1:20:27his house and the only replies will be

1:20:30not your personal army nobody wants to

1:20:32do anything Oh

1:20:34today they've lost the fire and then all

1:20:36the what used to be Gore threads who are

1:20:40now called rekt threads and I know

1:20:43enough from my own personal experience

1:20:45looking at Gore threads that I do not

1:20:47want anything to do with them I do not

1:20:48click on them or look at them at all

1:20:50because I don't want to see people die

1:20:52no and what else is different about

1:20:554chan it's just mostly porn now it's

1:20:58like furry paws that's disappointing

1:21:00that's very disliked it's really the

1:21:02bottom went out him but so so I went

1:21:05back to porch and I'm just and it's like

1:21:06what is wrong with me does anybody

1:21:09remember laws yeah what about lols what

1:21:15is wrong with me that I can't that

1:21:18there's something we're not having my

1:21:22not having my social media stuff right

1:21:24at hand

1:21:25mm-hmm I went to this like you thought

1:21:29you saw the surrogate without even

1:21:30realizing it yeah this weird blonde the

1:21:32whole of the internet and every once

1:21:34while somebody will start a thread who

1:21:36are like I used to come on this site and

1:21:37I was gone for a long time and now I

1:21:39came back and you guys suck speaking

1:21:42speaking the truth to power but the

1:21:44thing is this is another thing somebody

1:21:46will put put a thread up that's like all

1:21:50right everybody check in like who's out

1:21:52there and it's astonishing there are

1:21:55probably 50% of the people

1:21:56twenty four years old but then there are

1:21:59all these people that are like I'm 55

1:22:01years old my work for the FBI or I'm you

1:22:04know 49 and independently wealthy and

1:22:06and like people from all walks of life

1:22:10are still on they're still creeping on

1:22:13this what do you say when you check in I

1:22:15do not I have never the silent majority

1:22:18I am I am but I'm the lurker

1:22:20I never post on there I don't even

1:22:22animus your sub anonymous I'm sub

1:22:24anonymous I don't want to go on there

1:22:25and be like hey everybody here's my

1:22:27thoughts on stuff like no thank you

1:22:29you ever been tempted to put your dick

1:22:30up though okay you're confident in what

1:22:34you've got you think you don't need the

1:22:36input the feed but I don't need anybody

1:22:37reading mine absolutely by I mean I mean

1:22:39here's offer offer up you know a

1:22:43compliment like unprovoked that can be a

1:22:46very nice thing it's very nice right

1:22:49doesn't respect a compliment especially

1:22:50nice to you to say thank you for saying

1:22:52that

1:22:53my experience of women generally in the

1:22:56world is that they learned at a young

1:22:58age to be very careful when talking to

1:23:00men about other men or making

1:23:03comparisons between them and other men

1:23:05because men are fragile let's be honest

1:23:09fragile like a crystal goblet we want to

1:23:13believe this is not only the greatest

1:23:14dick they've ever seen but probably the

1:23:16only dick yeah and you know and and and

1:23:19yeah exactly you you want to think like

1:23:21oh this new girl that I'm dating has

1:23:23been with other people surely I'm not

1:23:24some guy that's like weird mm-hmm but

1:23:27please not that many people and please

1:23:29not don't have a lot of things to say

1:23:31about me my technique in my body except

1:23:35just like oh you are the best honey some

1:23:42just start offering up oh you're the

1:23:43best honey like every woman in the

1:23:45country or in the world just either they

1:23:48learn this at a young age from their

1:23:50from their women folk or they just

1:23:52intuitively know it but so infrequently

1:23:54well you meet somebody who's like you

1:23:56know compared to my last boyfriend you

1:23:57are X yeah because I think it just men

1:24:01are too delicate it's it's it's okay

1:24:05obviously most men are going to feel

1:24:07very fragile about

1:24:10a comparison then they didn't win but

1:24:14even the fact that there's a comparison

1:24:16I think is kind of mind-blowing to a lot

1:24:17of people well I

1:24:19well there's even a house there even a

1:24:21race here like I've obviously got to be

1:24:23the best at this and I think as men are

1:24:25very competitive with each other and if

1:24:28you set up a competition between you of

1:24:30guy the new boyfriend and an invisible

1:24:34ex that they cannot know so that they

1:24:37cannot directly compete with them is

1:24:39just there they are in the fog then that

1:24:42competition that you know the

1:24:44competitive spirit has nowhere to go

1:24:46except turn internally and be like I bet

1:24:49that last boyfriend was better somehow

1:24:52and it's just all the insecurities like

1:24:54I did early on I had a girlfriend that

1:24:57was like my last boyfriend one time rode

1:24:59his motorcycle up the stairs of my house

1:25:02to come in to my room in his leather

1:25:05pants and ravaged me and I was like oh

1:25:08great well I'm not gonna do any of those

1:25:10things so I hope that you're content

1:25:12with me coming by sometimes suggestion

1:25:16she was the thing she might like again

1:25:19she was saying it to me in the sense of

1:25:22like what she wanted to establish was

1:25:23that I was the lucky one I was lucky Oh

1:25:26to be with her she was not lucky to be

1:25:29with me elephant power move yeah and it

1:25:31was clear to us both that she was not

1:25:33lucky to be with me because I did not

1:25:35ride a motorcycle up her stairs I never

1:25:37wore leather pants I was not even a

1:25:40heroin addict I called for it I was not

1:25:45really a Ravager I was not nor was I a

1:25:47rapper I would go through the cupboards

1:25:53and see if there was anything to eat

1:25:55[Laughter]

1:26:03I would like mildly Ravager yeah right

1:26:07boy you know like a wet ravaged yeah

1:26:12then I lay around bro I'll go look for

1:26:15some more food I'd layer her lay around

1:26:17get a little bit more food maybe this

1:26:19time I would bring her a little little

1:26:21bit

1:26:21jillee glass of water you're like a

1:26:23friendly bear and then as the Sun went

1:26:25down I'd be like well time I mean I'm

1:26:28headed to the bar I'd invite you to join

1:26:31me but you wouldn't have any fun and I

1:26:38think over the course of our

1:26:39relationship

1:26:40what happened was my toe misses it this

1:26:43happened multiple times my complete lack

1:26:46of ability to even pretend to try flip

1:26:52to the power dynamic so that eventually

1:26:54it did seem like I was the prize you

1:26:56imagine that poor bastard that came next

1:26:57you know she'd been okay listen you know

1:27:00last guy I was with he would he would go

1:27:02through my cabinet so the guy it was

1:27:06retroactive the guy with the leather

1:27:08pants who rode his motorcycle up the

1:27:09stairs like where is he now huh like

1:27:11basically she's with me now buddy so

1:27:15yeah like want to ride your motorcycle

1:27:18down the stairs and back out onto the

1:27:20street where a motorcycle belongs he's

1:27:24not gonna be welcome in our restaurant

1:27:25but I don't do that anymore now I'm very

1:27:27very I'm very attentive I hardly ever go

1:27:32through someone's cupboard for yourself

1:27:36okay

1:27:39[Music]