Roderick on the Line

Ep. 273: "One Kilometer"


00:00:01   [Music] [TS]

00:00:04   hello [TS]

00:00:06   hi John hi Marilyn how's it going [TS]

00:00:09   oh pretty good boy were you up making [TS]

00:00:13   bacon no but I did I went to sleep early [TS]

00:00:18   and then I woke up the middle of the [TS]

00:00:19   night that's how yeah no no no that's a [TS]

00:00:24   house-wide struggle for us [TS]

00:00:26   oh they go to bed early and then get up [TS]

00:00:28   in the middle of the night because you [TS]

00:00:30   know what's your cycle is off and you're [TS]

00:00:32   like yeah it's like it's 7:30 and I'm [TS]

00:00:34   tired and you're like you gotta power [TS]

00:00:36   through till 10:00 yeah but I I was like [TS]

00:00:40   I'm going to bed at midnight yeah like a [TS]

00:00:43   like I keep planning like a normal like [TS]

00:00:48   a square and like a regular and then at [TS]

00:00:51   2:45 a.m. I popped awake like everybody [TS]

00:01:00   yeah it's when I get up to urinate at [TS]

00:01:01   some point during the night that all of [TS]

00:01:03   my anxiety comes flowing through and now [TS]

00:01:04   I've made it a habit so it's working out [TS]

00:01:06   real nice and a regular oh so you get up [TS]

00:01:08   and yell a little bit midnight midnight [TS]

00:01:10   time just you and your anxieties sure [TS]

00:01:12   for me it's like between 2:00 and 4:00 [TS]

00:01:15   get up pee like a gentleman happy once [TS]

00:01:17   in the night usually and then at this [TS]

00:01:20   point I'm sure that'll change I'll have [TS]

00:01:22   many more opportunities for this in the [TS]

00:01:23   future but yeah that could be five [TS]

00:01:26   minute to one hour to longer like the [TS]

00:01:29   thing for me you probably yeah you don't [TS]

00:01:32   get that well you know it's hard to [TS]

00:01:34   think about anxiety is it's hard for me [TS]

00:01:38   to I think this is probably true for a [TS]

00:01:41   lot of people it was it was for a long [TS]

00:01:43   time hard for me to know what it felt [TS]

00:01:45   like because it would mask itself as [TS]

00:01:49   other things and I think I still have [TS]

00:01:51   that problem I can't tell what I'm I [TS]

00:01:53   don't it's very rare when I can sit and [TS]

00:01:56   say like oh wait I'm feeling anxiety [TS]

00:01:59   mm-hm [TS]

00:01:59   it's like it always comes you know it [TS]

00:02:02   pads it on little cat feet I wish I had [TS]

00:02:06   the same thing in Reverse where for the [TS]

00:02:09   longest time I mean I've had a lot of [TS]

00:02:10   people in my life with various kinds of [TS]

00:02:12   depression [TS]

00:02:13   treated and untreated like well maybe a [TS]

00:02:16   plurality like a lot huh and I always [TS]

00:02:19   and I always felt like I could say with [TS]

00:02:21   some confidence I don't I don't have [TS]

00:02:22   depression I have anything but [TS]

00:02:23   depression I'm unhappy guy and I said if [TS]

00:02:26   anything I have the opposite of [TS]

00:02:27   depression I get very anxious and it [TS]

00:02:29   wasn't until fairly recently that more [TS]

00:02:30   and more people would say that at least [TS]

00:02:31   that I heard would say well you know [TS]

00:02:33   anxiety is a big side effect of [TS]

00:02:35   depression you know that there's there [TS]

00:02:40   fruit from the similar tree [TS]

00:02:41   my problem is the habitat the habit of [TS]

00:02:42   anxiety you know and not to be a [TS]

00:02:45   Buddhist but like if you have a bad [TS]

00:02:46   thought and you know kind of let it pass [TS]

00:02:49   away you're okay the problem is if you [TS]

00:02:51   make it part of your habit and I think [TS]

00:02:53   that's true for almost any kind of [TS]

00:02:55   emotional or mental deficit is like we [TS]

00:02:57   can really hey Happy New Year this is [TS]

00:02:59   good stuff yeah do you have to like [TS]

00:03:06   touch the doorknob every time you go by [TS]

00:03:09   it or anything like that no I had a very [TS]

00:03:13   I don't think so I don't think so I do [TS]

00:03:16   get intrusive thoughts not them like you [TS]

00:03:22   know I want to have sex with a baby and [TS]

00:03:23   throw it on the train tracks kind of [TS]

00:03:25   thought that some people get and I don't [TS]

00:03:26   get like well it is interesting [TS]

00:03:28   well I mean Maria Bamford talks about [TS]

00:03:29   this a lot she has she has really [TS]

00:03:31   intrusive very bizarre sexual thoughts [TS]

00:03:36   that she doesn't want to have it's not [TS]

00:03:37   anything she wants to do but once the [TS]

00:03:38   ideas in her head you know she's made [TS]

00:03:40   great comedy out of that I don't get [TS]

00:03:42   that I do get this sort of like I can't [TS]

00:03:45   stop thinking a thought thing and it's [TS]

00:03:48   something that's all I can do to pull [TS]

00:03:49   myself out of it [TS]

00:03:51   you're a Muller aren't you but you know [TS]

00:03:54   I do mall I don't you Mon you Stu I do a [TS]

00:03:59   little I do a little bit's doing I do [TS]

00:04:01   some mowing yeah I do a brood I think [TS]

00:04:07   special night time toadstool just for [TS]

00:04:10   that the coffee girl gave me but but I I [TS]

00:04:19   feel like a lot of that is managed now a [TS]

00:04:23   lot of that a lot of that stuff because [TS]

00:04:25   you know the thing about depression [TS]

00:04:26   right is that you think everybody's [TS]

00:04:27   against you too or that it's the the [TS]

00:04:29   whole world is like allied yeah [TS]

00:04:32   everybody's the worst possible side of [TS]

00:04:35   you yeah and you're the you're the goat [TS]

00:04:38   in in every scenario and I feel like the [TS]

00:04:41   the the medicine I'm taking now has [TS]

00:04:44   relieved quite a bit of that so I don't [TS]

00:04:46   spend all afternoon going like bad but I [TS]

00:04:51   do still have I still have those [TS]

00:04:53   tendencies uh-huh but I think I think [TS]

00:04:57   you know more than anything it's just [TS]

00:04:59   still that it's still that Parliament of [TS]

00:05:01   of nuge's all the little all the little [TS]

00:05:08   advocates for for irrelevant [TS]

00:05:13   up the wrong channel kind of kind of [TS]

00:05:18   small problems that just collect and [TS]

00:05:19   form in like impassable problems well [TS]

00:05:23   it's like there's no there's nothing in [TS]

00:05:25   the way here you know but but there's [TS]

00:05:27   you know there's somebody that's like [TS]

00:05:28   well we don't have a single sharpened [TS]

00:05:30   pencil in the house and it's just like [TS]

00:05:33   how did that become the thing that keeps [TS]

00:05:36   me from finishing my record album and [TS]

00:05:39   lately you know and it's maybe around [TS]

00:05:41   the new year but but it's also it also [TS]

00:05:44   it also feels like I'm I I have these I [TS]

00:05:49   have these periods where I am seized [TS]

00:05:52   with it with energy and I say now we're [TS]

00:05:55   gonna get to the bottom of this [TS]

00:05:56   now we're gonna here we go you know my [TS]

00:05:59   dad would do this my whole Jack does it [TS]

00:06:02   it's like open up [TS]

00:06:04   everybody done set your boots on like [TS]

00:06:10   that thing that went around instagram [TS]

00:06:12   for a while pom-pom it's like okay [TS]

00:06:15   alright alright stop it but but I had [TS]

00:06:19   one of those recently where I marched [TS]

00:06:20   around and said like okay let's figure [TS]

00:06:24   this out we've just got a couple of [TS]

00:06:26   things to do and why is it such a [TS]

00:06:28   problem and you know I like created some [TS]

00:06:31   folders on my desktop I made some [TS]

00:06:35   commitments with some people over coffee [TS]

00:06:37   breakfast psa's I you know I'd like [TS]

00:06:43   planted some flags but I still am I'm [TS]

00:06:49   still standing here with my same self [TS]

00:06:51   and still everyday like not not taking [TS]

00:06:58   first steps you know not like actually [TS]

00:07:03   moving in any direction and it it uh [TS]

00:07:06   it's exasperating you know I've got the [TS]

00:07:09   same I have the same goals but you know [TS]

00:07:13   I'm bad at having goals but I have the [TS]

00:07:15   same in your checklist I got my [TS]

00:07:17   checklist is the same way is not the [TS]

00:07:19   same thing you've got you're like you [TS]

00:07:20   three things on your list that's the [TS]

00:07:22   same thing and it's like 12 years of [TS]

00:07:23   haunting me I can't abandon that I get [TS]

00:07:28   all this advice from well-meaning [TS]

00:07:29   friends well if you haven't finished it [TS]

00:07:31   throw it away cuz just get on get on [TS]

00:07:34   with it it's like I can't yeah so but [TS]

00:07:38   but all it's doing is torturing me and [TS]

00:07:40   what is it what kind of ways that to [TS]

00:07:42   live and so I so is is that where's the [TS]

00:07:44   anxiety like in a way anxiety is all [TS]

00:07:47   over it it's like sticky with anxiety [TS]

00:07:49   mm-hmm but it's not but it doesn't like [TS]

00:07:53   it doesn't jump out and it's like Joker [TS]

00:07:56   costume or its I always feel like [TS]

00:07:59   anxiety is kind of dressed like harlot [TS]

00:08:01   the new version of Harlequin I'm like I [TS]

00:08:10   just feel like that's hard [TS]

00:08:12   and that's anxiety for me I don't know [TS]

00:08:15   enough about her to know [TS]

00:08:16   okay yeah does she have web does she [TS]

00:08:19   make webs complicated she she treated [TS]

00:08:25   the Joker at Arkham Asylum and she [TS]

00:08:29   basically was very she found herself [TS]

00:08:32   very attracted to his case and the [TS]

00:08:35   celebrity of his case and she got really [TS]

00:08:38   played by the Joker and she got some [TS]

00:08:42   Joker on her yeah yeah and she she [TS]

00:08:44   helped him escape and then I haven't [TS]

00:08:48   kept up but that's the origin and which [TS]

00:08:51   is actually really good comic is you [TS]

00:08:53   know that basically now they're in this [TS]

00:08:54   this very kind of abusive codependent [TS]

00:08:57   relationship where she wants to impress [TS]

00:09:00   him she's gonna be the one who kills [TS]

00:09:01   Batman he's like no nobody's allowed to [TS]

00:09:03   kill Batman but me and I'm not gonna [TS]

00:09:04   kill him cuz they we need each other [TS]

00:09:06   right and so she doesn't get the gist of [TS]

00:09:09   how to please him and you know she does [TS]

00:09:12   sexy things and he's sitting there [TS]

00:09:14   crumpling up his plans and getting all [TS]

00:09:15   frustrated and you know he that she [TS]

00:09:18   doesn't get the depth of his jokes and [TS]

00:09:20   so their relationship is very trying I [TS]

00:09:23   don't know what that's like in the movie [TS]

00:09:24   because I refused to see that movie but [TS]

00:09:25   that's the Harlequin in the TV show in [TS]

00:09:27   the comics and what is the there's there [TS]

00:09:30   a Harley Quinn movie she's in the movie [TS]

00:09:34   Suicide Squad played by the wonderful [TS]

00:09:36   Margot Robbie Murphy mmm-hmm really hmm [TS]

00:09:42   you know there's a tendency you've [TS]

00:09:44   probably never noticed this there's a [TS]

00:09:45   tendency sometimes to really heavily [TS]

00:09:46   sexualize comic book women and they went [TS]

00:09:50   pretty crazy with it in that movie [TS]

00:09:51   apparently is that a good [TS]

00:09:55   personification of anxiety for me or [TS]

00:09:57   should I pick another one oh well I [TS]

00:10:01   think you know because of the Goldwater [TS]

00:10:04   amendment like I am NOT allowed to [TS]

00:10:06   diagnose you from a distance as we say [TS]

00:10:08   but it seems to me if I were gonna dumb [TS]

00:10:12   this down in a non john roderick way i [TS]

00:10:14   would say you have you seem to have not [TS]

00:10:18   merely a critical voice but as you put [TS]

00:10:22   it a parliament of critical voices that [TS]

00:10:25   are at once on message and contradictory [TS]

00:10:29   then that drives you so you have mini [TS]

00:10:32   Harley's Quinn in some way but I don't [TS]

00:10:34   know if you have you have to decide you [TS]

00:10:36   know who that is but you know what [TS]

00:10:39   people say like when you're trying to [TS]

00:10:41   face this stuff down it does help to I [TS]

00:10:43   identify this is really good radio it [TS]

00:10:46   does help to identify that voice or [TS]

00:10:48   those voices and then decide how you [TS]

00:10:50   feel about what that person is saying [TS]

00:10:52   it's like imagine when that when you [TS]

00:10:53   when you catch yourself having those [TS]

00:10:55   critical thoughts or those like you know [TS]

00:10:57   you're such a dummy you did this dump [TS]

00:10:59   thing you'll never do anything good you [TS]

00:11:00   never fit whatever whatever your flavor [TS]

00:11:02   that is and it's it's a different [TS]

00:11:03   personal hell for everybody that you try [TS]

00:11:06   to sort of identify like okay who is [TS]

00:11:07   that is that my dad is that is that some [TS]

00:11:11   kind of like um is that my boss Randy [TS]

00:11:13   from the restaurant cuz always drawing [TS]

00:11:15   people all stepfather's and and [TS]

00:11:17   restaurant managers are named Randy oh [TS]

00:11:19   yeah so it helps to identify that you [TS]

00:11:22   don't have to give it a name you know to [TS]

00:11:23   get you know wacky about it but to go [TS]

00:11:26   and then decide and this is this is the [TS]

00:11:27   pro level is to decide how you feel [TS]

00:11:30   about that voice being there and whether [TS]

00:11:31   you're gonna listen to it and give it [TS]

00:11:33   any credibility what about having it be [TS]

00:11:36   an entire Suicide Squad oh we like the [TS]

00:11:40   mean Joker with the with the braces or [TS]

00:11:41   whatever I say I don't know enough about [TS]

00:11:43   the Suicide Squad super hero villain [TS]

00:11:48   team and they bring their forces [TS]

00:11:51   together upon the Parliament that whole [TS]

00:11:57   like the voices in my head or a [TS]

00:11:58   parliament is actually a it's actually a [TS]

00:12:01   sort of a thing I grabbed from Bismarck [TS]

00:12:04   he described his own his own in her life [TS]

00:12:09   yes and find he probably makes this [TS]

00:12:11   before but this mark huh he his and it's [TS]

00:12:17   it's not his you know Bismarck is so [TS]

00:12:20   full of wonderful aphorisms that it's [TS]

00:12:26   sometimes hard to track down all of his [TS]

00:12:30   all of the great lines from from his [TS]

00:12:34   sort of [TS]

00:12:36   catalog because he just if you if you [TS]

00:12:38   read it if you read his his aphorisms he [TS]

00:12:41   reads like sunsoo you know he's just [TS]

00:12:43   like he's full of full of great little [TS]

00:12:48   little political jobs but he does at [TS]

00:12:51   some point describe his own in her life [TS]

00:12:53   as being this reichstag of of [TS]

00:12:58   disagreeable in ourselves and so when i [TS]

00:13:04   talk about it it's really a direct grab [TS]

00:13:07   okay because out of on you know he he i [TS]

00:13:14   dig his stuff i really you know i [TS]

00:13:17   celebrate his entire catalog sure for [TS]

00:13:20   such a fan name his last three albums [TS]

00:13:23   yeah that's a really good painting I'll [TS]

00:13:26   use that um I feel like from a remove [TS]

00:13:30   like if you look at other people and [TS]

00:13:31   other people's Hang Ups other people who [TS]

00:13:33   had the hang-ups that you do not have [TS]

00:13:34   everything looks simple and I think this [TS]

00:13:37   is from my own POV that's definitely [TS]

00:13:40   true with procrastination where people [TS]

00:13:42   who don't procrastinate have no sympathy [TS]

00:13:47   or really understanding of what it's [TS]

00:13:50   like to be somebody who procrastinate [TS]

00:13:51   sand explaining it doesn't help because [TS]

00:13:54   I mean it's like it's like you you've [TS]

00:13:57   got this extra sense as somebody who [TS]

00:13:59   procrastinate or whatever whatever one's [TS]

00:14:01   personal hang-up is right so like you [TS]

00:14:02   you see you see stuff in the tea leaves [TS]

00:14:05   that other people don't see you're [TS]

00:14:06   motivated in ways that are very exotic [TS]

00:14:09   and unknowable to people who don't have [TS]

00:14:12   that but you look at it so like let's [TS]

00:14:15   say I don't want to trigger anybody here [TS]

00:14:17   but like it's been reported that someone [TS]

00:14:20   very highly placed in the US government [TS]

00:14:23   has a morbid fear of stairs and [TS]

00:14:29   basically grates and so go on so I heard [TS]

00:14:34   about this and I want read a little more [TS]

00:14:35   about it and again we because the [TS]

00:14:37   Goldwater we're not allowed to diagnose [TS]

00:14:38   from a distance but it's very [TS]

00:14:39   interesting this is a person who is very [TS]

00:14:41   scared of going down stairs in [TS]

00:14:43   particular is a difference there's of [TS]

00:14:44   one phobia about going down stairs [TS]

00:14:45   there's another stair climbing based [TS]

00:14:47   fear of going up stairs [TS]

00:14:49   but this person in addition to that is [TS]

00:14:51   terrified of falling down steps but also [TS]

00:14:54   is as they say a germaphobe so it [TS]

00:14:56   doesn't like to touch the rail but has [TS]

00:14:58   to touch the rail in order to waste that [TS]

00:15:01   other fear now this gets very very [TS]

00:15:02   complicated so I don't have that I I [TS]

00:15:05   don't see you know a screenshot of [TS]

00:15:08   Teletubbies and and get a tiny dick like [TS]

00:15:11   I don't get like so I look at them and [TS]

00:15:13   say well that seems very exotic I don't [TS]

00:15:15   have a morbid fear of snakes I have what [TS]

00:15:17   I would consider to be a very normal [TS]

00:15:18   fear of snakes which is like if there's [TS]

00:15:20   a snake scared but I rarely in my life [TS]

00:15:24   have imagined that there are snakes in [TS]

00:15:26   places where snakes never are but [TS]

00:15:28   somebody who has that fear like on a [TS]

00:15:30   plane like on a plane I'll kind of [TS]

00:15:32   motherfucking plane I'm not sure exactly [TS]

00:15:34   where I'm going with this but but I [TS]

00:15:35   think I feel like if I see this in [TS]

00:15:37   myself I see in others I think one of [TS]

00:15:39   the big problems with all this stuff is [TS]

00:15:40   the repetition so like if you if [TS]

00:15:43   somebody and this is again getting a [TS]

00:15:45   little bit into the mindfulness and [TS]

00:15:47   cognitive psychology angle but like if [TS]

00:15:49   you're somewhere where there's shit tons [TS]

00:15:50   I'm at this point I'm just kind of [TS]

00:15:52   quoting this guy named Robert Wright who [TS]

00:15:54   wrote a book recently about Buddhism in [TS]

00:15:55   cognitive psychology or not cognizant if [TS]

00:15:57   I'm sorry evolutionary psychology but he [TS]

00:16:00   says if you're in an area where you know [TS]

00:16:01   there's tons of rattlesnakes and lots of [TS]

00:16:03   people die from rattlesnakes for some [TS]

00:16:05   reason you can understand why you would [TS]

00:16:07   be very cautious and even like imagine [TS]

00:16:10   that there's a snake when there's not a [TS]

00:16:11   snake because even if you're scared of [TS]

00:16:13   snakes and there's not one there 99 [TS]

00:16:16   times out of 100 the one time that there [TS]

00:16:18   is it served you well from an [TS]

00:16:19   evolutionary standpoint but in a modern [TS]

00:16:21   society maybe that doesn't make the most [TS]

00:16:23   sense so like I feel like the one common [TS]

00:16:27   thing through all of this is they first [TS]

00:16:28   of all there's there is a deficit in [TS]

00:16:31   perception and cognition but then [TS]

00:16:33   there's also the repetition I think it's [TS]

00:16:35   the repetition that kills us and the [TS]

00:16:36   feeling that the repetition is out of [TS]

00:16:38   our control so having a thought that you [TS]

00:16:40   keep thinking it's making you unhappy [TS]

00:16:41   but then somehow you it's like pressing [TS]

00:16:45   a bruise you can't help but revisit this [TS]

00:16:47   thing that you hate because it feels so [TS]

00:16:50   much a part of you does that make any [TS]

00:16:52   sense yeah and even if even or [TS]

00:16:56   especially if you're scared of snakes or [TS]

00:16:57   you're worried about throwing a baby on [TS]

00:16:58   a train tracks [TS]

00:16:59   like you don't have to have according to [TS]

00:17:01   Hoyle OCD to [TS]

00:17:02   be very troubled by this thing were you [TS]

00:17:04   going like like I have this thought I [TS]

00:17:05   hate it I feel crazy I hate feeling [TS]

00:17:07   crazy I hate this entire thing but I [TS]

00:17:09   can't stop and I don't know why that's [TS]

00:17:11   that's the part that I think it's so [TS]

00:17:12   frustrating is you don't you know it [TS]

00:17:14   keeps happening but you don't know how [TS]

00:17:16   to stop it and I think that's when [TS]

00:17:17   something goes from being inconvenient [TS]

00:17:19   frustrating and troublesome for a moment [TS]

00:17:22   to being something a little bit more [TS]

00:17:24   chronic and what in particular I think [TS]

00:17:29   for me is is it makes it like chronic is [TS]

00:17:34   that the the thoughts themselves my [TS]

00:17:38   whatever pantheon of thoughts [TS]

00:17:40   none of them are unreasonable it's not [TS]

00:17:43   like I'm scared to go downstairs I'm not [TS]

00:17:45   afraid of snakes in any way shape or [TS]

00:17:47   form I seek out snakes all of my like [TS]

00:17:52   throw a baby on the tracks like sort of [TS]

00:17:56   ejaculatory thoughts are all like [TS]

00:17:59   interesting and fun it seems to me like [TS]

00:18:01   you talked about your ability your [TS]

00:18:04   desire you you you are so historically [TS]

00:18:07   through your life you've been so [TS]

00:18:07   interested in building your own mental [TS]

00:18:10   and emotional world that you would seek [TS]

00:18:11   it out to the exclusion of other [TS]

00:18:12   people's emotional worlds yeah well like [TS]

00:18:15   your internal thing yeah the whole like [TS]

00:18:18   the fantasies aren't problem there [TS]

00:18:21   aren't problems for me and also none of [TS]

00:18:24   the thoughts feel abnormal they all feel [TS]

00:18:26   normal this was the you know what we [TS]

00:18:28   when we used to talk about depression [TS]

00:18:30   when it was really my my bete noire it [TS]

00:18:34   was just that the feet that the things I [TS]

00:18:36   was telling myself all seemed perfectly [TS]

00:18:38   reasonable I was a trash garbage person [TS]

00:18:43   and and I could demonstrate why and my [TS]

00:18:46   friends did hate me and I could show you [TS]

00:18:48   the evidence so the the thoughts that [TS]

00:18:51   plagued me are all these thoughts that [TS]

00:18:54   if I try and apply a critical faculty to [TS]

00:18:57   I come up with lossing all the more [TS]

00:19:00   normal and legit yeah it's just like oh [TS]

00:19:03   well I mean obviously if there is a [TS]

00:19:05   deficit of pencils here I do need five [TS]

00:19:08   new folders on my computer that are that [TS]

00:19:12   are named and numbered [TS]

00:19:14   and until I do that that I can't begin [TS]

00:19:17   and and having done it now I feel like [TS]

00:19:21   I've done some pretty good work and I [TS]

00:19:23   need to take a little break and so I've [TS]

00:19:26   got you know I've got these I've got [TS]

00:19:28   these files and that that organizes my [TS]

00:19:32   next step but you know the actual next [TS]

00:19:35   step is pretty big job I should probably [TS]

00:19:38   have a sandwich first and so those [TS]

00:19:41   aren't those aren't easy to say look man [TS]

00:19:46   I keep coming back to this this like [TS]

00:19:50   this this thought that is intrusive that [TS]

00:19:52   if that's that I can see is irrational [TS]

00:19:57   it's that I keep that I am but as you as [TS]

00:20:00   you described like I'm totally locked in [TS]

00:20:03   a pattern [TS]

00:20:03   it's absolutely incapacitating it is [TS]

00:20:06   something that feels like there's a [TS]

00:20:09   solution to but-but-but what you were [TS]

00:20:11   describing which is people that don't [TS]

00:20:13   share that that don't share a morbid [TS]

00:20:19   fear of stairs or germs feeling like [TS]

00:20:21   well that seems pretty easy to get over [TS]

00:20:23   or at least pretty easy to work around [TS]

00:20:25   now you take you take in that case like [TS]

00:20:27   you take normal precautions you wear [TS]

00:20:30   like oops or you know or whatever just [TS]

00:20:32   wash your hands often enough but like [TS]

00:20:35   yeah exactly that you would say like [TS]

00:20:36   when people look at somebody who has an [TS]

00:20:38   affliction like that they go like you're [TS]

00:20:40   making a problem out of something that [TS]

00:20:41   is not a problem and for that to become [TS]

00:20:43   pathological is not understandable to me [TS]

00:20:45   one when you and I first met and you [TS]

00:20:48   were the Internet's Merlin man remember [TS]

00:20:52   when you were Merlin man I do I do [TS]

00:20:53   he's stuck in my shoe it was a wonderful [TS]

00:20:56   time yeah and I remember you know you [TS]

00:21:00   were you were building a name for [TS]

00:21:03   yourself as a Productivity guru and I [TS]

00:21:07   had that in the inside insight into you [TS]

00:21:11   where you were you were trying out all [TS]

00:21:13   those methods you were discovering all [TS]

00:21:15   that stuff because you really were [TS]

00:21:16   trying to solve actual an actual problem [TS]

00:21:19   for yourself yeah which was I mean you [TS]

00:21:22   weren't just like let me go out and test [TS]

00:21:23   all these options for my website you are [TS]

00:21:26   like how do [TS]

00:21:27   how do I solve this problem how do I [TS]

00:21:29   solve for X which is that I want to be [TS]

00:21:31   more productive I mean I eventually [TS]

00:21:33   became broken as a vocation but I came [TS]

00:21:36   at it honestly which was that I felt [TS]

00:21:38   like I mean if you had to put it in a [TS]

00:21:40   non like negative way it would be that I [TS]

00:21:42   always had the sense that I was capable [TS]

00:21:45   of doing the seemingly basic things [TS]

00:21:48   better but it was always challenging to [TS]

00:21:50   me and I wondered was there a fairly [TS]

00:21:52   light infrastructure I could introduce [TS]

00:21:53   and then when I noticed the [TS]

00:21:55   infrastructure is getting too heavy I [TS]

00:21:56   try to pull back and go no no no just [TS]

00:21:58   even if this is your job this is too [TS]

00:21:59   much infrastructure well sure I remember [TS]

00:22:02   the wall of post-it notes the the [TS]

00:22:05   infamous are not infamous because it [TS]

00:22:08   wasn't really famous it was just you [TS]

00:22:10   know like at your house you had stuff on [TS]

00:22:11   post-it notes and it became a real wall [TS]

00:22:17   like yeah that is allow there are a lot [TS]

00:22:20   of thoughts up there and some of those [TS]

00:22:22   post-it notes just said things on them [TS]

00:22:23   like go get more post-it notes and and [TS]

00:22:28   I'm the same way and the for the problem [TS]

00:22:30   with my repetitive thoughts or my or the [TS]

00:22:33   stumbling blocks is that it seems to [TS]

00:22:35   other people who don't have the problem [TS]

00:22:37   like it is just a Productivity problem [TS]

00:22:41   or cementation problem yeah like all you [TS]

00:22:45   need is a plan or a system you got and [TS]

00:22:47   all that you've got all the tools and [TS]

00:22:48   you've got the will there's no reason [TS]

00:22:50   that you can't just go make a lawn mower [TS]

00:22:53   engine today [TS]

00:22:54   yeah put put some folders on your thing [TS]

00:22:56   or here's a book that helped me or you [TS]

00:22:58   know what works for me is blank and and [TS]

00:23:02   so absolutely like my close friends [TS]

00:23:05   well-meaning people my own mother are [TS]

00:23:07   are always making these you know they're [TS]

00:23:11   pulling yellow legal pads out there like [TS]

00:23:14   we just have to do this step by step [TS]

00:23:15   they really want to help and they say [TS]

00:23:19   you know first thing we have to do is [TS]

00:23:20   just is this small simple step and I go [TS]

00:23:24   right dig it and then immediately like [TS]

00:23:28   the wheels come off and it and it [TS]

00:23:30   doesn't it doesn't seem to other people [TS]

00:23:35   like I'm doing anything but just [TS]

00:23:37   stopping in the middle of the road for [TS]

00:23:39   no reason [TS]

00:23:40   and and it's not that I'm you know it's [TS]

00:23:44   not that I see snakes and this and this [TS]

00:23:48   is the repetitive cycle that you're [TS]

00:23:49   talking about because I don't you know [TS]

00:23:52   I'm in a loop [TS]

00:23:54   I got a loop and I mean this is amazing [TS]

00:23:58   radio let's be honest part of it though [TS]

00:24:00   and it's okay if you want to push back [TS]

00:24:02   on this but my own take on that that I [TS]

00:24:05   think works for a lot there's a [TS]

00:24:06   repetition for sure but in whether it's [TS]

00:24:09   procrastination or it's not getting our [TS]

00:24:10   own album done or something to call it [TS]

00:24:13   fear is a little too on the nose but to [TS]

00:24:17   call it a feeling of impending danger or [TS]

00:24:23   insecurity is a better way to put it [TS]

00:24:25   like a feeling of fear you might get a [TS]

00:24:28   big adrenaline or dopamine hint that [TS]

00:24:29   says I need to get through this right [TS]

00:24:31   yeah I need to run away from the snake [TS]

00:24:32   because I literally saw five fucking [TS]

00:24:34   snakes that's for something that's there [TS]

00:24:36   that if the bear is chasing you you [TS]

00:24:37   should run the other part though is that [TS]

00:24:39   part of that repetition is that you just [TS]

00:24:42   keep checking for the thing that you're [TS]

00:24:46   scared of or worried about if you if you [TS]

00:24:49   know what I mean like you there's [TS]

00:24:51   something in you that's causing you to [TS]

00:24:53   not move forward fearlessly and it's not [TS]

00:24:55   fear exactly on the nose but it is [TS]

00:24:58   uncertainty and it is some kind of like [TS]

00:25:01   am I ready for this am i I don't know if [TS]

00:25:03   I'm up for this today I think yeah I get [TS]

00:25:06   knots in my stomach laying in bed at [TS]

00:25:09   night thinking about and I'm just really [TS]

00:25:10   simple things today [TS]

00:25:11   yeah I'm not excluding fear because I [TS]

00:25:13   fear is definitely a thing I'm just [TS]

00:25:14   saying like calling it just fear [TS]

00:25:16   dismisses too easily the the role of [TS]

00:25:18   uncertainty which there's just a little [TS]

00:25:21   bit different in a fear and anxiety and [TS]

00:25:23   nervousness and anger are all are all [TS]

00:25:27   flavors of a very similar thing that [TS]

00:25:29   involves the world is not the way that I [TS]

00:25:31   want and I'm not sure how to change it [TS]

00:25:33   to be how I want a fear of fear of [TS]

00:25:36   success fear of failure are the are the [TS]

00:25:39   twin the twin twins of Virgo that I [TS]

00:25:45   can't tell the difference between them I [TS]

00:25:47   don't know what I'm people people have [TS]

00:25:49   been throwing that at me since I was 11 [TS]

00:25:51   you have fear of success yeah [TS]

00:25:53   failure and I go well you just be you [TS]

00:25:59   have reluctance to change there's [TS]

00:26:02   something something that says that likes [TS]

00:26:04   change it feels risky even if that's [TS]

00:26:07   improvement but I do you know I I do and [TS]

00:26:11   have over the course of of my life made [TS]

00:26:13   big changes in who I am you know I'm [TS]

00:26:15   such a different person than I was and [TS]

00:26:19   of course I'm the same person like I [TS]

00:26:23   still AM I still am me but you know I [TS]

00:26:26   react I try to learn and I do I do dig [TS]

00:26:31   my feet in sometimes but I dig them in [TS]

00:26:33   on principle rather than like it's it's [TS]

00:26:38   in this one small area right I mean like [TS]

00:26:41   I I am it's it's a it's a closed loop [TS]

00:26:47   it's not like a loop that that affects [TS]

00:26:52   my like ability to take a new job or or [TS]

00:27:00   or make a switch between being a [TS]

00:27:03   musician and being a writer or something [TS]

00:27:05   like that like that stuff is just like [TS]

00:27:07   now yeah sure let's let's give it a try [TS]

00:27:09   or or fear of change in terms of like [TS]

00:27:16   throwing it all away but fear of you [TS]

00:27:26   know I don't I honestly don't know what [TS]

00:27:28   benefit I think like what I'm getting [TS]

00:27:33   out of these small failures these [TS]

00:27:37   constants small failures the fact that I [TS]

00:27:40   have this this list that only has two [TS]

00:27:45   items on it and both things could be I [TS]

00:27:48   could finish my book and finish my album [TS]

00:27:50   in a month really if I didn't worry [TS]

00:27:55   about their quality you know like I [TS]

00:28:00   could have that record done in two days [TS]

00:28:02   if I didn't care whether it was good or [TS]

00:28:04   not [TS]

00:28:05   in your list and it would be off the [TS]

00:28:08   list and I would be on to the next thing [TS]

00:28:10   and by caring about it being good I make [TS]

00:28:15   it impossible to finish because I can [TS]

00:28:17   never get a thing that is good and I'm [TS]

00:28:23   and that makes me think that I'm [TS]

00:28:25   incapable of doing a thing that's good [TS]

00:28:27   and that paralyzes me so I make up I [TS]

00:28:32   make a set of folders on the desktop and [TS]

00:28:35   I say I'm just gonna put all the lyrics [TS]

00:28:38   that start with the letter R in the our [TS]

00:28:40   file and that will help me organize them [TS]

00:28:43   and I'll be able to tell which ones are [TS]

00:28:44   good and then I put them in there and as [TS]

00:28:47   I'm putting him in there I'm like well [TS]

00:28:49   this one's good that one's good this [TS]

00:28:50   feels great and then two days later I [TS]

00:28:54   open up the our file and I think it's [TS]

00:28:56   full of great stuff and I read them all [TS]

00:28:59   again and I'm like there's not a single [TS]

00:29:00   good thing in here it's garbage and then [TS]

00:29:03   I close it and I don't look at it for a [TS]

00:29:04   month because it just sits on the it [TS]

00:29:08   sits on the desktop as this like [TS]

00:29:10   throbbing red thumb and now you've [TS]

00:29:13   created a taxonomy of failure yeah well [TS]

00:29:16   there there's that folder that I know is [TS]

00:29:18   full of garbage that is all of and it's [TS]

00:29:22   and basically it contains everything [TS]

00:29:25   under the letter R that I am capable of [TS]

00:29:27   making so to add more garbage to it [TS]

00:29:30   doesn't seem like the right you know [TS]

00:29:33   process and at that point you need a [TS]

00:29:35   rest and I need a rest you know or I [TS]

00:29:38   need to start working on you know what I [TS]

00:29:39   need to do is start working on the novel [TS]

00:29:41   and so I make some files and I go over [TS]

00:29:44   there and I'm like you roll your chair [TS]

00:29:46   over a couple feet and go right here we [TS]

00:29:50   go roll up the sleeves crack the [TS]

00:29:52   knuckles and sit at the typewriter you [TS]

00:29:55   know like I've done so much work on both [TS]

00:29:59   things like the novel has hundreds and [TS]

00:30:03   hundreds of pages and I've had probably [TS]

00:30:07   eight people read it and all eight have [TS]

00:30:11   come back with really good constructive [TS]

00:30:17   comments that are that you know are not [TS]

00:30:20   like well you need to start over there [TS]

00:30:22   their comments are like this is great [TS]

00:30:24   here's my suggestion you should just you [TS]

00:30:28   know write more about how you feel and [TS]

00:30:31   take out a little bit of the stuff where [TS]

00:30:34   you're like and then I had another seven [TS]

00:30:36   up and I go amazing and then I read it [TS]

00:30:39   and I'm like the whole thing basically [TS]

00:30:42   the entire book is about seven ups and I [TS]

00:30:45   have to redo it I have to redo the whole [TS]

00:30:47   thing because it's basically just a [TS]

00:30:48   testimony to the number of seven ups I [TS]

00:30:50   drank and seco and the lyrics I've got [TS]

00:30:54   so many files of lyrics so many files [TS]

00:30:56   files and files enough for 50 albums [TS]

00:31:01   mm-hmm [TS]

00:31:03   but I can't get I can't get that voice [TS]

00:31:07   out of my head that it's that when I [TS]

00:31:10   look at it a second time I it's garbage [TS]

00:31:15   and and all that all the solutions that [TS]

00:31:17   are suggested by my well-meaning friends [TS]

00:31:20   of just like move on get past it I it [TS]

00:31:26   just it just seems like brutal to me why [TS]

00:31:30   would they even say that why would they [TS]

00:31:32   suggest such an awful thing as that I [TS]

00:31:35   should throw my thing away throw all [TS]

00:31:40   this work away all these great files [TS]

00:31:42   that are full of garbage why should I [TS]

00:31:44   you know like why would somebody tell me [TS]

00:31:46   to throw away my life's work that's my [TS]

00:31:52   that's my cycle another another way to [TS]

00:32:04   think about this this is not gonna help [TS]

00:32:06   unfortunately but you're used to that [TS]

00:32:08   the another way think about it though is [TS]

00:32:10   that what's the constant through all of [TS]

00:32:12   this [TS]

00:32:13   oh there's you the other constant [TS]

00:32:15   through all this is the fucking list so [TS]

00:32:18   I mean in my case the analog is like I [TS]

00:32:21   realized a long time ago I will very [TS]

00:32:23   likely never be without anxiety so even [TS]

00:32:26   if I clear the decks of the top anxiety [TS]

00:32:28   the three under it and all the other [TS]

00:32:30   ones I'm not gonna get around the [TS]

00:32:32   structural problem the anxiety comes to [TS]

00:32:34   me in ways I don't choose and I could I [TS]

00:32:37   could find myself becoming anxious about [TS]

00:32:38   almost anything so I'm not saying we're [TS]

00:32:41   the same on this but you know it's that [TS]

00:32:42   fucking list that's killing you it's in [TS]

00:32:45   some ways it's like if you didn't have [TS]

00:32:46   the list I mean and again now some some [TS]

00:32:48   kind of armchair Freud it's gonna come [TS]

00:32:50   and go oh well you know get rid of the [TS]

00:32:51   list or throw the list away or to say [TS]

00:32:54   you know I guess all I'm trying to say [TS]

00:32:56   is that like at least to be aware of the [TS]

00:32:57   fact that the one constant is the list [TS]

00:32:59   so there's two extreme example you know [TS]

00:33:02   points of view here one would be like [TS]

00:33:04   through the list away cuz it's not [TS]

00:33:05   helping you start over and do something [TS]

00:33:07   else and then eat that includes going [TS]

00:33:09   back and looking at your are lyrics then [TS]

00:33:11   that's fine but you know another person [TS]

00:33:15   we might say and this is gonna be your [TS]

00:33:16   fear of failure or fear of success [TS]

00:33:17   friends your imposter syndrome buddies [TS]

00:33:19   is gonna be like well maybe you're [TS]

00:33:22   worried that once you tick off those two [TS]

00:33:24   items there won't be anything left and [TS]

00:33:25   now who are you that's a hot take but [TS]

00:33:31   there's probably gonna be people who [TS]

00:33:32   think that what's weird is I always want [TS]

00:33:36   help and I ask for help and I think in [TS]

00:33:40   my head I have a vision that someone [TS]

00:33:44   will take enough of an interest in this [TS]

00:33:46   that they will actually pull up a chair [TS]

00:33:49   and because I love to sit and like read [TS]

00:33:55   off a thing and have somebody else hear [TS]

00:33:58   it and bounce it back you know like I [TS]

00:34:01   love to go back and forth what I don't [TS]

00:34:05   like is when someone sits and listens [TS]

00:34:08   and goes oh great well it seems like [TS]

00:34:10   you're on your way or [TS]

00:34:11   you know here's my suggestion for a [TS]

00:34:13   solution to your problem overall and [TS]

00:34:15   then they get up and leave and leave me [TS]

00:34:18   alone - how does it make you feel [TS]

00:34:22   abandoned mm-hmm because they hadn't [TS]

00:34:25   engaged fully well and the problem is [TS]

00:34:28   it's an unrealistic expectation because [TS]

00:34:30   I want my friend I want some friend of [TS]

00:34:32   mine who has their own creative life who [TS]

00:34:36   is struggling to get their own things [TS]

00:34:37   done who is you know obviously consumed [TS]

00:34:41   with their own demons to devote [TS]

00:34:45   themselves for some period of time to [TS]

00:34:47   helping me and the fact that they you [TS]

00:34:51   know like I wrote are for our good [TS]

00:34:54   friend Ben Acker the other day and said [TS]

00:34:56   I've got this draft and you know I'm [TS]

00:35:00   wondering if you would read it and he [TS]

00:35:01   wrote back and said the thing about a [TS]

00:35:03   draft is if you think it's a draft it's [TS]

00:35:05   still a draft and you should work on it [TS]

00:35:06   more and when you don't think it's a [TS]

00:35:09   draft when you're like it's done then [TS]

00:35:11   you have people read it and I was like [TS]

00:35:13   huh that's an interesting theory you're [TS]

00:35:17   still calling it a draft you know you're [TS]

00:35:19   not done yet yeah it's not is he [TS]

00:35:22   implying that it's not is he trying to [TS]

00:35:24   motivate you or say that it's not ready [TS]

00:35:25   for criticism he's definitely trying to [TS]

00:35:27   motivate me and and you know I have this [TS]

00:35:30   conversation a ton of times like what [TS]

00:35:33   Dave bazan tried to help me finish my [TS]

00:35:34   record and did quite a bit of work [TS]

00:35:37   helping me do it [TS]

00:35:38   but ultimately like it was here let me [TS]

00:35:40   make files for you and then once they're [TS]

00:35:43   in files you can sort through them and [TS]

00:35:45   know what to do and I wanted so much [TS]

00:35:48   hand-holding beyond just beyond and and [TS]

00:35:54   other people's systems I generally like [TS]

00:35:58   not just struggle to adopt but actively [TS]

00:36:02   resist in my head if somebody's like [TS]

00:36:04   here let me make these files for you [TS]

00:36:05   I'll order them this way I'm like ah [TS]

00:36:07   that's just not how I would order them [TS]

00:36:11   that's just not how I would progress I [TS]

00:36:14   had a plan last year and some some life [TS]

00:36:18   stuff got in the way and it and I was a [TS]

00:36:20   week behind and the person that was [TS]

00:36:22   helping me [TS]

00:36:23   with that plan said well you're a week [TS]

00:36:26   behind but you can catch up and I said [TS]

00:36:28   well because of these life things I feel [TS]

00:36:30   like I shouldn't be a week behind I feel [TS]

00:36:32   like we should set the deadline that we [TS]

00:36:34   had a week later and they said no let's [TS]

00:36:37   keep the deadline where it is and just [TS]

00:36:39   you make up for the week that got lost [TS]

00:36:42   and I was furious [TS]

00:36:44   why should I why should I have the [TS]

00:36:46   deadline be the same it should move back [TS]

00:36:49   a week because of the tornado right the [TS]

00:36:52   tornado that hit the town and I can get [TS]

00:36:54   the opine that that's not really a [TS]

00:36:55   deadline if you move it [TS]

00:36:56   well yeah or they're just like that you [TS]

00:36:58   it's fine you can you can make up that [TS]

00:37:00   week you can make up that last week and [TS]

00:37:03   I was like that's crazy that's crazy to [TS]

00:37:05   say that I'm a week behind now I was [TS]

00:37:07   doing so good you walked across Europe [TS]

00:37:13   but like the idea a little bit behind on [TS]

00:37:17   the project cripple see three stuff it's [TS]

00:37:24   just some things are harder than others [TS]

00:37:27   now though and this is the thing I think [TS]

00:37:30   a lot of people don't believe when I say [TS]

00:37:33   but I was 30 when I walked across Europe [TS]

00:37:37   and it was the first thing I had ever [TS]

00:37:38   finished except for high school and I [TS]

00:37:42   didn't really finish high school you [TS]

00:37:43   know they I got to these like they kinda [TS]

00:37:46   SH to you yeah right I mean I got to the [TS]

00:37:49   end of what the term of high school [TS]

00:37:51   should have been and they were like [TS]

00:37:53   that's fine and so I didn't even have a [TS]

00:37:57   real feeling of completion of high [TS]

00:37:59   school because I because I like skirted [TS]

00:38:02   it but more like the staff and faculty [TS]

00:38:05   disappeared you wasn't it yeah like sort [TS]

00:38:08   of by mutual assent by a voice vote they [TS]

00:38:10   decided that you just needed to not be [TS]

00:38:11   at that high school anymore yeah right [TS]

00:38:13   like I had actually not completed the [TS]

00:38:15   requirements and they just took a pencil [TS]

00:38:18   and erased the zero and added a one-page [TS]

00:38:23   that's fine so moved and it's like I [TS]

00:38:29   knew it I knew that they were doing it [TS]

00:38:31   if you look at my transcript it's [TS]

00:38:32   visible there there's a visible like [TS]

00:38:36   lie or cheat in it that I didn't ask for [TS]

00:38:40   and it does feel dishonest and and that [TS]

00:38:47   it's a white ribbon [TS]

00:38:48   it's a white ribbon and it's a small [TS]

00:38:51   thing right that they think a lot of [TS]

00:38:54   people would assume I was proud of like [TS]

00:38:56   this relieved by like I didn't care I [TS]

00:39:01   mean I didn't care I don't think about I [TS]

00:39:05   had no anxiety about graduating from [TS]

00:39:07   high school cuz I knew if I did or I [TS]

00:39:08   didn't it wouldn't matter but having not [TS]

00:39:12   done it having not actually gone to [TS]

00:39:18   summer school or repeated my senior year [TS]

00:39:21   whatever it was that that I probably or [TS]

00:39:25   Paul most definitely should have been [TS]

00:39:26   forced to do that I didn't actually it's [TS]

00:39:30   not actually finished because it was [TS]

00:39:34   yeah it was this like fake it's faked so [TS]

00:39:42   the so the walk across Europe and I [TS]

00:39:44   don't know if I've ever told you this [TS]

00:39:45   but there was a moment in there was an [TS]

00:39:49   evening in Slovakia have I ever told you [TS]

00:39:54   about this evening in Slovakia no I [TS]

00:39:56   don't I don't remember is this is this [TS]

00:39:58   when you went the lady's house and she [TS]

00:39:59   gave you food no okay oh by the way our [TS]

00:40:05   thanks to Mike Walden you know what I [TS]

00:40:09   got some Mack welding stuff on the way [TS]

00:40:13   like in the mail as you will hear on the [TS]

00:40:18   ad spot which I must definitely have [TS]

00:40:20   already recorded I got three new of the [TS]

00:40:24   MEK weld and shirt that I like for the [TS]

00:40:25   Christmas Oh nicely done [TS]

00:40:28   I don't wanna spoil the ad spot that you [TS]

00:40:30   just heard that I already definitely [TS]

00:40:31   record it but I'm a fan man [TS]

00:40:33   I want to I ordered a bunch of more [TS]

00:40:36   silver underpants because I feel just [TS]

00:40:46   calling that what are they just console [TS]

00:40:47   over Underpants well I think that's what [TS]

00:40:49   they are right [TS]

00:40:50   so I just make this the ad I mean I [TS]

00:40:53   don't have a problem with this being the [TS]

00:40:54   ad because it's true [TS]

00:40:55   I saw underpants protect me against [TS]

00:40:58   danger [TS]

00:41:00   okay I'm gonna regret this I can feel it [TS]

00:41:03   already [TS]

00:41:04   I'm gonna fucking regret this let's see [TS]

00:41:11   here they're not technically bulletproof [TS]

00:41:15   the silver underwear they're not [TS]

00:41:16   technically bulletproof but they make me [TS]

00:41:17   feel boy it's by Mac Weldon and I'm here [TS]

00:41:22   to tell you right now you can go to [TS]

00:41:24   Mecca welcome calm and you'll get 20 [TS]

00:41:25   percent off your order using the promo [TS]

00:41:27   code ro TL just like it sounds ro t hell [TS]

00:41:30   no it's military-grade silver thread [TS]

00:41:38   that is threaded in with the cotton John [TS]

00:41:42   you can make a military-grade silver [TS]

00:41:44   thread technology military does it all [TS]

00:41:48   the time I don't know how apparently [TS]

00:41:50   I mean it's not something probably that [TS]

00:41:52   Mac Weldon just does themselves they [TS]

00:41:53   probably sorts it through military [TS]

00:41:56   contractors like Halliburton or [TS]

00:41:57   something [TS]

00:41:58   Mac Walden is better than whatever [TS]

00:41:59   you're wearing right now no you fixate [TS]

00:42:06   on the underpants and the problem with [TS]

00:42:07   these Mack welding people is they're [TS]

00:42:09   always fixating on the underpants I am [TS]

00:42:10   all about the pima cotton this is this [TS]

00:42:12   is the add just so y'all know I am I I'm [TS]

00:42:15   a big fan at the pima cotton long sleeve [TS]

00:42:16   t-shirt and I cannot even say I will [TS]

00:42:19   just tell you this I literally have a [TS]

00:42:20   drawer full of them because they now are [TS]

00:42:22   officially my uniform I wear some kind [TS]

00:42:24   of a short sleeve shirt underneath it [TS]

00:42:26   could be could be the Mac Walden white [TS]

00:42:28   t-shirt which has a nice long tail much [TS]

00:42:31   like the Chris Anderson article in Wired [TS]

00:42:33   but this in but I am here to tell you [TS]

00:42:35   not John it's here to tell you about [TS]

00:42:36   Underpants I'm here to tell you about [TS]

00:42:37   shirts these these are these are soft [TS]

00:42:40   they're beautifully made there [TS]

00:42:42   they're like engineered they actually [TS]

00:42:43   like the t-shirt looks like something [TS]

00:42:45   from outer space it's like the coolest [TS]

00:42:46   thing ever so you know do you want to [TS]

00:42:48   talk more about this threads in your [TS]

00:42:49   underpants well I see I don't I don't [TS]

00:42:52   typically wear t-shirts unless the only [TS]

00:42:56   time I'll put on a t-shirt is if a I [TS]

00:42:58   expect to be hot and I'm dressing up [TS]

00:43:01   fancy and I don't want [TS]

00:43:03   you know I want another layer and I'm [TS]

00:43:05   and I'm always confused like does the [TS]

00:43:08   lay extra layer make me hotter so that I [TS]

00:43:11   perspire more else am I just causing [TS]

00:43:14   more of a problem for myself or am i [TS]

00:43:15   putting another layer in between my [TS]

00:43:18   shirt and the persuasion finish your [TS]

00:43:19   album you thinking about shit like this [TS]

00:43:22   is there wicking involved is there [TS]

00:43:24   wicking mmm-hmm it's a hard choice and [TS]

00:43:26   my dad wore v-neck t-shirts but I do not [TS]

00:43:29   support do no t-shirt no no no I am more [TS]

00:43:32   is not a good look [TS]

00:43:34   collared shirt if you like them get them [TS]

00:43:37   hakuna matata but for me I look rude I [TS]

00:43:38   look bad I look like somebody in some [TS]

00:43:40   kind of like community theater version [TS]

00:43:43   of like you know count on a Hot Tin Roof [TS]

00:43:46   or something that's bad yeah yeah no no [TS]

00:43:48   I don't like him I don't like him either [TS]

00:43:49   and when I was a kid in the 70s it was [TS]

00:43:52   very popular to wear tank tops and I had [TS]

00:43:55   a bunch of cool tank tops that had [TS]

00:43:57   stripes and stuff and I looked very cool [TS]

00:43:58   and a tank top [TS]

00:43:59   it was like eight but I don't look good [TS]

00:44:02   in a tank top now no and I don't look [TS]

00:44:05   good I don't like a Venus that's just [TS]

00:44:06   stinky they could be stinky because [TS]

00:44:08   because there's nothing to absorb your [TS]

00:44:09   your business yeah they're gross but you [TS]

00:44:13   know commune and Matata if you like to [TS]

00:44:15   work yes especially if you get it from a [TS]

00:44:17   quelle dan which I'm pretty sure you can [TS]

00:44:18   yeah but the silver Underpants and the [TS]

00:44:21   thing is they're not silver colored and [TS]

00:44:23   that's a point I support a lot of people [TS]

00:44:25   think it's gonna look like a baked [TS]

00:44:26   potato you dieren know a baked potato no [TS]

00:44:29   because I get the eat I get to like [TS]

00:44:31   light pastel colors like the star color [TS]

00:44:34   yeah and I'm not a technical fabrics [TS]

00:44:36   person typically right I'm gonna want [TS]

00:44:39   your wools and your Cotton's pants made [TS]

00:44:41   of wax exactly right and I'm talking [TS]

00:44:46   about doing a I'm talking about doing a [TS]

00:44:48   motorcycle trip this summer up to the [TS]

00:44:50   Arctic Circle with some friends and they [TS]

00:44:52   are friends one of them at least is [TS]

00:44:54   somebody that wears technical fabrics [TS]

00:44:57   even when they're not doing something [TS]

00:44:58   technical and I'm like no no no Jason [TS]

00:45:05   Jason Jason can't figure out like [TS]

00:45:07   whether he's wool or or what but he's [TS]

00:45:09   not up against technical fabrics [TS]

00:45:11   the thing about my silver underpants is [TS]

00:45:14   that my feeling about them is although [TS]

00:45:16   they are produced surely by some [TS]

00:45:17   technical method that involves [TS]

00:45:19   military-grade silver thread it's silver [TS]

00:45:23   mm which is like the oldest of the [TS]

00:45:26   oldest school materials that's why it's [TS]

00:45:29   easily one of my favorite precious [TS]

00:45:30   metals yeah oh me too I think be very [TS]

00:45:34   gaudy I think silver can be very very [TS]

00:45:35   classy I got silver all all over the [TS]

00:45:37   house I mean you know it's all my [TS]

00:45:39   doorstops are silver and and I do feel [TS]

00:45:44   like trunk right it got the ingots back [TS]

00:45:55   from the crackheads trunk and they're [TS]

00:46:00   back there back fulfilling their purpose [TS]

00:46:01   their ultimate purpose which is to be [TS]

00:46:03   $5,000 doorstops they want you to be [TS]

00:46:07   comfortable so if you don't like your [TS]

00:46:08   first pair of silver Underpants you can [TS]

00:46:09   keep it and they will still refund you [TS]

00:46:11   with no questions that's know I think [TS]

00:46:12   this is a good policy I would not even [TS]

00:46:14   want to know that somebody's sending [TS]

00:46:16   used underwear through the mail right [TS]

00:46:18   you're not gonna take that back look I [TS]

00:46:20   know I mean that with my socks cuz I [TS]

00:46:24   like to rotate I guess I'll get a whole [TS]

00:46:25   new set of gold toes and then I feel bad [TS]

00:46:27   about all the the some socks my daughter [TS]

00:46:29   can repurpose into sewing projects but I [TS]

00:46:31   feel bad so now what's nice is they [TS]

00:46:33   accept socks in in compost in San [TS]

00:46:36   Francisco so you accomplished your socks [TS]

00:46:37   you know what I do with socks if they're [TS]

00:46:41   not if they're not totally thrashed if [TS]

00:46:43   they're just like these socks have have [TS]

00:46:45   run their course and imperfect socks are [TS]

00:46:48   in the family of things that I will put [TS]

00:46:50   back into the river which is to say that [TS]

00:46:55   once you get like ten pairs of socks [TS]

00:46:57   that are all going out you bind them [TS]

00:47:01   together into a into like a like a like [TS]

00:47:04   a bindle like a bindle of socks a bale [TS]

00:47:07   of socks and you take them and you just [TS]

00:47:10   put them on top of a mailbox somewhere [TS]

00:47:13   on a busy street and I Karen tu those [TS]

00:47:19   socks will be gone in ten minutes [TS]

00:47:20   but by like a by a fetishist or somebody [TS]

00:47:23   who just wants to have [TS]

00:47:24   you socks just for like a collection [TS]

00:47:26   like who do you think's picking those up [TS]

00:47:27   who know who know this is the this is [TS]

00:47:31   the beautiful thing about the river the [TS]

00:47:33   river if you if you put something down [TS]

00:47:35   if you put something and put a sign on [TS]

00:47:37   it that says free oh yes it goes away [TS]

00:47:40   yes almost invariably it goes away now [TS]

00:47:43   if you put if you put a filthy child's [TS]

00:47:48   car seat down with a sign that says free [TS]

00:47:50   it will not go away it will it will stay [TS]

00:47:52   there and it will grow moss so don't do [TS]

00:47:54   that nobody likes those but things like [TS]

00:47:57   socks which you would not think anybody [TS]

00:48:00   would have a purpose see I've heard it [TS]

00:48:02   said hey listen don't donate socks that [TS]

00:48:05   are used donate socks that are fresh [TS]

00:48:07   people could really that's actually one [TS]

00:48:08   of the most needed things and like a [TS]

00:48:10   shelter is socks but nobody wants your [TS]

00:48:12   use socks is a thing I've always heard [TS]

00:48:13   and yet mmm a bale of socks will go and [TS]

00:48:21   once it goes once it's in the river once [TS]

00:48:24   it goes into the Ganges of reeds your [TS]

00:48:28   neighborhood right you don't have to [TS]

00:48:31   worry whether it's a sock fetishist [TS]

00:48:33   whether someone's making puppets oh it's [TS]

00:48:34   your brother I'll take the socks just [TS]

00:48:36   take them whether it could have been the [TS]

00:48:37   Red Hot Chili Peppers that grab oh of [TS]

00:48:39   course does he need that for their for [TS]

00:48:41   their attire yeah so you put in the [TS]

00:48:45   river in the socks go somewhere you put [TS]

00:48:46   it in the river and I don't put [TS]

00:48:48   everything in the river I don't just [TS]

00:48:49   take my garbage and just put it out no [TS]

00:48:51   no open go it also has socks here's the [TS]

00:48:55   thing now I'm a clod and you get [TS]

00:48:56   underwear socks and shirts they all look [TS]

00:48:57   good and they perform well too good for [TS]

00:49:00   working out going on dates or just [TS]

00:49:01   everyday life that's that that's Mack [TS]

00:49:03   Walton so so what you do is if you have [TS]

00:49:06   put your socks into the river or your [TS]

00:49:08   super Underpants and you're ready to [TS]

00:49:09   re-up please go to Mack Walton calm and [TS]

00:49:11   use the very special promo code our OTO [TS]

00:49:14   just like it sounds RIT I'll get you 20% [TS]

00:49:16   off your order I'm pulling for the pima [TS]

00:49:19   cotton long sleeve t-shirt and the white [TS]

00:49:20   t-shirt sounds like you're pulling for [TS]

00:49:22   the pastel-colored [TS]

00:49:23   a silver Underpants well not necessarily [TS]

00:49:25   because I also bought two pairs of [TS]

00:49:26   silver socks why I've never had thing [TS]

00:49:32   I've never had them before and I'm [TS]

00:49:34   hoping I'm hoping that they in [TS]

00:49:38   crease my bulletproof a tude to the [TS]

00:49:42   point that I basically can defeat the [TS]

00:49:46   Joker or whatever it is that everybody [TS]

00:49:48   is so scared about if the killings had [TS]

00:49:50   been wearing these he wouldn't be so [TS]

00:49:51   fucked up [TS]

00:49:52   haha he got dipped they helped him by [TS]

00:49:55   his he's a little tendon and they dipped [TS]

00:49:57   him into the water as a baby to make him [TS]

00:49:59   bulletproof for arrow proof and that's [TS]

00:50:01   why you got an Achilles tendon though [TS]

00:50:02   dur mm-hmm extended crew sucks oh here [TS]

00:50:06   we go super fine cotton anti-odor silver [TS]

00:50:08   business smart oh these are handsome all [TS]

00:50:11   the compatible I think I need this [TS]

00:50:15   that's what I'm saying I get these I [TS]

00:50:19   think I got the extended crew yeah I [TS]

00:50:21   didn't know my socks for silver I don't [TS]

00:50:22   even [TS]

00:50:22   but wait they've got them that casual is [TS]

00:50:25   not silver and then you go down and [TS]

00:50:27   you've got the extended crew right [TS]

00:50:28   extended group extended crew well we [TS]

00:50:31   know there's extended crew in casual [TS]

00:50:33   there's extended crew and silver there's [TS]

00:50:35   extended crew in merino okay okay so [TS]

00:50:39   there are several extended crews but if [TS]

00:50:41   you get the silver ones that are [TS]

00:50:42   business smart mm-hmm I feel like they [TS]

00:50:44   also and I got them I got them so that [TS]

00:50:47   they're very distinctive from my other [TS]

00:50:49   socks that's what I did too yeah so it's [TS]

00:50:52   like when it's time to put on because I [TS]

00:50:54   remember when I had this silver [TS]

00:50:55   Underpants before before millennium [TS]

00:50:57   girlfriend stole them that I was when I [TS]

00:51:01   put them on I did feel more like doctor [TS]

00:51:05   does and now that I have the socks too I [TS]

00:51:08   can decide like am I just wearing silver [TS]

00:51:10   socks today without the underpants right [TS]

00:51:11   be that guy right you don't be too [TS]

00:51:14   matching match you don't want to be like [TS]

00:51:16   Ken Stringfellow wearing all denims [TS]

00:51:17   yeah well maybe maybe sometimes you know [TS]

00:51:20   maybe if it's like I this is it this is [TS]

00:51:21   a heavy day I need some extra protection [TS]

00:51:26   so you gonna Mack welding comm using [TS]

00:51:28   special promo code RIT I'll get you 20% [TS]

00:51:30   off our thanks to Mack well done for [TS]

00:51:32   supporting yeah Radek online and all the [TS]

00:51:34   great shows yeah thank you for making [TS]

00:51:37   slick thing whatever this thing is yes [TS]

00:51:39   anyway so you were in Slovakia house in [TS]

00:51:45   Slovakia I could've done worse and I [TS]

00:51:48   think so yeah I mean yeah I didn't say [TS]

00:51:51   anything gross [TS]

00:51:52   Gudrun was better than the paisley [TS]

00:51:54   mattress okay yeah so her slovakia we're [TS]

00:51:58   in slovakia and i'm walking and it was [TS]

00:52:00   one of these days sometimes you had [TS]

00:52:02   these days where the distances that you [TS]

00:52:06   wanted to go like I want to go 35 to 40 [TS]

00:52:11   kilometers in a day and there were there [TS]

00:52:17   were some days where 35 to 40 kilometers [TS]

00:52:22   put me in a place where I was not around [TS]

00:52:25   anywhere I could stop you know it's like [TS]

00:52:30   it's like when you're on tour and you've [TS]

00:52:32   just got to get through Canada Yeah [TS]

00:52:34   right you don't want to drive 12 hours [TS]

00:52:38   ever on tour it's too much but there are [TS]

00:52:42   just some places where it's like sorry [TS]

00:52:43   man if you're going from Calgary you [TS]

00:52:46   know to Winnipeg you've just got to [TS]

00:52:48   drive and it's just there's no other way [TS]

00:52:49   around it you can't there's no show you [TS]

00:52:51   can book in the middle and this was one [TS]

00:52:54   of those days yes yes [TS]

00:52:56   either I stopped with it with like [TS]

00:52:59   basically what I would consider a half [TS]

00:53:00   day and stop in this town that's 15 [TS]

00:53:03   kilometers from where I started which [TS]

00:53:06   just feels like me twerp and a lot of [TS]

00:53:09   times I would get to that town and I'd [TS]

00:53:11   look around and I'd say does this feel [TS]

00:53:12   like a cool enough town that I could [TS]

00:53:13   just call it a half-day and hang out [TS]

00:53:15   here understand there's there's a [TS]

00:53:17   balance between on the one hand you want [TS]

00:53:19   to feel like you've made enough progress [TS]

00:53:20   for the day and you got a map right [TS]

00:53:22   mm-hmm feel like you've done enough for [TS]

00:53:24   the day like if you only went like I've [TS]

00:53:26   known 15 kilometres is I don't know what [TS]

00:53:27   that is in regular money but like if you [TS]

00:53:29   go huh it's a distance okay but like if [TS]

00:53:32   you only if you made it for miles today [TS]

00:53:35   it would not feel substantial enough but [TS]

00:53:37   you have to weigh that against oh [TS]

00:53:38   there's this very small town that mean [TS]

00:53:41   I'll accommodate me but I got to go ride [TS]

00:53:43   with 20 miles is that the is that the [TS]

00:53:44   balance yeah and you look at a map and [TS]

00:53:47   you see like oh there's a big big area [TS]

00:53:50   here where there are no towns I'm [TS]

00:53:52   guessing it's a swamp or as an other [TS]

00:53:54   sort of uninhabitable they were coming [TS]

00:54:02   up the map you [TS]

00:54:03   had might not be right anymore like that [TS]

00:54:07   that road is gone like Ronald Reagan [TS]

00:54:08   changed that it's a different road now [TS]

00:54:10   and your atlas from before isn't gonna [TS]

00:54:13   be so baller today this is just any I'm [TS]

00:54:18   guessing a lot at the Times cuz it [TS]

00:54:20   doesn't say Swampert if it does it says [TS]

00:54:22   it in Slovakia that's big map edge of [TS]

00:54:30   swamp town so this was one of those days [TS]

00:54:33   and I got I went through this little [TS]

00:54:35   town and I and I remember actually going [TS]

00:54:37   through a town and saying to someone [TS]

00:54:40   stopping someone in the in the street [TS]

00:54:43   and saying is there a hotel in this town [TS]

00:54:45   and they looked at me with this with [TS]

00:54:48   this particularly like late 20th century [TS]

00:54:53   Slavic look and they were like no as [TS]

00:54:59   though having as though having a hotel [TS]

00:55:01   in that town was stupid thing for me to [TS]

00:55:04   say it was like two levels of ignorance [TS]

00:55:06   I was like on the one hand you didn't [TS]

00:55:07   know if there was a hotel but then you [TS]

00:55:09   didn't even know what a dumb question it [TS]

00:55:10   was yeah and I I looked at them and then [TS]

00:55:15   as we parted ways I thought to myself [TS]

00:55:18   who is the dummy like you guys are [TS]

00:55:22   figuring out like a market economy and I [TS]

00:55:26   know from talking to a lot of people on [TS]

00:55:28   this side of what had formerly been the [TS]

00:55:30   wall there's a lot of feeling of like [TS]

00:55:34   resentment about the intrusion of this [TS]

00:55:38   this expectation of a market economy but [TS]

00:55:42   all you have to do is say yes come to my [TS]

00:55:45   house and I'll pay you what seems like [TS]

00:55:49   to you probably a lot of money like the [TS]

00:55:51   original gig economy yeah I'll pay you [TS]

00:55:54   $25 which is that's like all the dots [TS]

00:55:57   yeah that's a lot and all you have to do [TS]

00:56:00   is have a bed in the back of your [TS]

00:56:02   fucking warehouse so whoo-hoo why are [TS]

00:56:06   you so smug about the fact that you [TS]

00:56:08   don't have a fucking hotel in your town [TS]

00:56:10   like get with the program um which way [TS]

00:56:15   you know which was like [TS]

00:56:16   but there's probably a little Pensione [TS]

00:56:18   there now anyway so I kept walking and I [TS]

00:56:22   walked and walked and it was a great day [TS]

00:56:24   it was like beautiful day it was a long [TS]

00:56:26   sort of pleasant walk it was kind of a [TS]

00:56:30   swamp but it wasn't like a pestilent [TS]

00:56:33   swamp it was just like a lowland there [TS]

00:56:36   were some birds it was like there's a [TS]

00:56:38   lot of that area around the Danube [TS]

00:56:41   that's kind of River Basin II so there's [TS]

00:56:45   a lot of water and this was a [TS]

00:56:46   particularly rainy season anyway I get [TS]

00:56:50   to the end of the day and I'm still [TS]

00:56:53   quite a ways out from this town that I'm [TS]

00:56:56   going to which is called Cola Robo and I [TS]

00:57:00   just keep plugging along because there's [TS]

00:57:02   just nowhere - there's just nothing to [TS]

00:57:03   do you know I could stop and pitch a [TS]

00:57:05   tent like on the side of the road in [TS]

00:57:07   three inches of water uh or I could keep [TS]

00:57:11   going and I kept going and then it [TS]

00:57:13   started to rain and then the Sun went [TS]

00:57:15   down and so now I'm walking in the dark [TS]

00:57:17   in the rain and I get to kolarov oh and [TS]

00:57:21   it's a fairly big little town and I walk [TS]

00:57:25   all the way to the center which is on a [TS]

00:57:27   river and there's a like Community Club [TS]

00:57:31   you know this sort of former former [TS]

00:57:36   Eastern Bloc sort of like sporting club [TS]

00:57:39   which is a bar where they also play [TS]

00:57:41   music and it's a youth center you know [TS]

00:57:46   it's all this stuff and I roll into this [TS]

00:57:49   place and I you know I'm super wet and I [TS]

00:57:53   get a coke and I sit down at a table and [TS]

00:57:56   like inevitably somebody some brave [TS]

00:57:59   young person comes over and goes what [TS]

00:58:01   are you and I say I'm an American I'm [TS]

00:58:04   walking across Slovakia and they're like [TS]

00:58:06   wow and so all of a sudden I'm sitting [TS]

00:58:08   at a table with like six really great [TS]

00:58:13   20-something slovak s-- [TS]

00:58:16   and we're having a good time we're [TS]

00:58:19   talking they're talking to each other a [TS]

00:58:21   lot more than they're talking to me but [TS]

00:58:22   we're enjoying each other and then an [TS]

00:58:25   interesting curiosity I'm a curiosity [TS]

00:58:27   and they are [TS]

00:58:28   slow box who are this is something that [TS]

00:58:32   you learn over time they are Hungarian [TS]

00:58:34   slow box they are speaking Hungarian [TS]

00:58:37   they think of themselves as ethnically [TS]

00:58:39   Hungarian but they're also very sort of [TS]

00:58:41   nationalistic we Slovakian they don't [TS]

00:58:43   want to reunite with Hungary they have a [TS]

00:58:45   Slovak identity but they are Hungarians [TS]

00:58:51   and in this part of Slovakia it is [TS]

00:58:53   majority Hungarians and they listen to [TS]

00:58:56   Hungarian radio and they you know that's [TS]

00:58:59   it's a it's one of the quizzical [TS]

00:59:03   aftermath of the dissolution of the [TS]

00:59:05   austro-hungarian Empire that's a world [TS]

00:59:08   war one type situation yeah I mean they [TS]

00:59:11   took Hungary used to be big and after [TS]

00:59:14   after tree Annan they chopped it all [TS]

00:59:18   apart and they gave some of it to [TS]

00:59:20   Romania and some of it to Slovakia and [TS]

00:59:22   some of it to all the nations on all [TS]

00:59:25   sides they even gave some to Austria [TS]

00:59:27   which doesn't make any sense at all and [TS]

00:59:29   there are lots of in some of those [TS]

00:59:32   places like in Romania they kind of [TS]

00:59:33   pushed to the Hungarians out and so you [TS]

00:59:36   go to these towns and it's like [TS]

00:59:37   everything's written in Hungarian but [TS]

00:59:40   it's all Romanians living there now but [TS]

00:59:44   in Slovakia the Hungarians stayed there [TS]

00:59:47   they just are now slow box anyway so I'm [TS]

00:59:52   you know sitting there kind of learning [TS]

00:59:53   all this and I think I think maybe this [TS]

00:59:57   was the town where I started to really [TS]

00:59:58   grasp a bit [TS]

00:59:58   grasp a bit [TS]

01:00:00   because I'd been walking for a long time [TS]

01:00:02   talking to people in in like pidgin [TS]

01:00:06   Slovak which I which is similar enough [TS]

01:00:10   to check that I by this point had [TS]

01:00:11   learned enough of it that I could greet [TS]

01:00:13   people and say like hello is there a [TS]

01:00:15   hotel and I got a lot of like sneers [TS]

01:00:18   from people and it was only sort of [TS]

01:00:22   right around this point that I realized [TS]

01:00:24   oh they are all speaking Hungarian and [TS]

01:00:27   so I'd been speaking to them in Slovakia [TS]

01:00:30   and that was a faux pas so these kids [TS]

01:00:34   explained it to me as I'm sitting there [TS]

01:00:36   going this you know this radio station [TS]

01:00:37   we're all listening to doesn't sound [TS]

01:00:39   like it's in Slovakia and they were like [TS]

01:00:42   hahaha ding-a-ling so then I broached [TS]

01:00:46   the topic can I stay with one of you [TS]

01:00:49   tonight [TS]

01:00:49   and then if then there's always that [TS]

01:00:52   like oops and everybody kind of looks at [TS]

01:00:55   their fingernails mm-hm [TS]

01:00:56   but I'd been doing this long enough that [TS]

01:00:58   I knew somebody was probably gonna step [TS]

01:01:00   forward 100% take that's right and [TS]

01:01:04   because I I'd asked already like is [TS]

01:01:07   there a hotel in this town and the [TS]

01:01:08   answer had come back no not really and [TS]

01:01:10   it's a pretty big town oh what it was [TS]

01:01:12   was there were hotels but they were all [TS]

01:01:14   booked up permanently and I heard this a [TS]

01:01:20   lot - yeah they're like four hotels in [TS]

01:01:22   town but they're all booked fully always [TS]

01:01:25   by people living in them so they're not [TS]

01:01:29   really hotels anymore they're apartments [TS]

01:01:32   Wow okay but they're they're like people [TS]

01:01:34   there they're workers here like highway [TS]

01:01:38   workers and they just live in the hotels [TS]

01:01:41   so don't bother calling the hotels [TS]

01:01:43   because there won't be any rooms now [TS]

01:01:46   whether or not that's true or not is [TS]

01:01:48   left to history but that was the that [TS]

01:01:52   was what allowed me to say well can I [TS]

01:01:53   stay with one of you and then they have [TS]

01:01:55   to look out and say it's raining it's 11 [TS]

01:01:58   o'clock at night so one of the kids says [TS]

01:02:00   look we're all leaving tomorrow [TS]

01:02:02   early in the morning on a big adventure [TS]

01:02:04   where we're going to Hungary for some [TS]

01:02:07   adventure [TS]

01:02:09   and so you can stay at my house I'll [TS]

01:02:12   stay at my friend's house and then but [TS]

01:02:17   but the problem with that is that we're [TS]

01:02:18   all gonna wake up at 7:00 in the morning [TS]

01:02:20   and you have to leave and I was like [TS]

01:02:23   that's fine that's great and then they [TS]

01:02:26   say well are my my place is like on the [TS]

01:02:29   other side of town which is only a [TS]

01:02:30   kilometer away it's not far but it's the [TS]

01:02:34   middle of the night it's raining they're [TS]

01:02:35   like hop in the car and we'll drive over [TS]

01:02:38   to the apartment and I'm like I haven't [TS]

01:02:42   been in a car in months [TS]

01:02:44   like on principle I'm walking from [TS]

01:02:47   Amsterdam to Istanbul but it's very hard [TS]

01:02:54   to look at these that look at this guy [TS]

01:02:56   who's like you can stay in my apartment [TS]

01:02:58   we're leaving now it's already now you [TS]

01:03:02   know you're not gonna get a full night's [TS]

01:03:04   sleep because by the time you get there [TS]

01:03:05   and fall asleep it's gonna be one in the [TS]

01:03:07   morning and we're I'm gonna show up at I [TS]

01:03:09   don't know what it was 6:00 a.m. or [TS]

01:03:10   something it's gonna be brutally early [TS]

01:03:13   and doesn't help to add a little element [TS]

01:03:18   of a little game to it that makes you [TS]

01:03:20   seem like a weirdo if you're gonna be at [TS]

01:03:21   the house right yeah right where I'm [TS]

01:03:24   like well just tell me where it is and [TS]

01:03:26   I'll walk you guys drive the American [TS]

01:03:28   does not want to get in a car just so [TS]

01:03:30   right here right I'm gonna walk there in [TS]

01:03:32   the rain I'm gonna walk that kilometer [TS]

01:03:34   you know we can look up the street and [TS]

01:03:36   they're like it's just up that street [TS]

01:03:38   it's just you can see up there where the [TS]

01:03:39   light is you turn and there's not even a [TS]

01:03:44   traffic light in this town or if there's [TS]

01:03:45   there's one but they're like up there [TS]

01:03:47   where that you know where that blue [TS]

01:03:48   light is and I'm like it's very close [TS]

01:03:50   it's I'm just gonna walk and they're [TS]

01:03:52   like um really like let's get this over [TS]

01:03:55   with and I'm like okay and I pile into [TS]

01:03:57   the car and we drive this one kilometer [TS]

01:03:59   then the guy puts me in his house and [TS]

01:04:02   I'm ensconced and he had one of those [TS]

01:04:08   weird houses where everything was in [TS]

01:04:10   black and white like he had a he had [TS]

01:04:12   like black-and-white checkerboard if he [TS]

01:04:14   went into his bathroom all of his all of [TS]

01:04:17   his like accoutrements were all black [TS]

01:04:19   and it seemed it seemed very [TS]

01:04:22   and it seemed very like there was a [TS]

01:04:23   Nagel print you know it was he had a [TS]

01:04:25   whole look look yeah but then in the [TS]

01:04:29   morning he wakes me up it's cold it's [TS]

01:04:31   it's foggy because we're in a river [TS]

01:04:34   bottom and I step out the door of his [TS]

01:04:38   apartment and I look up the road to the [TS]

01:04:43   center which is one kilometre back and I [TS]

01:04:47   look at my map and the direction I'm [TS]

01:04:50   going is the opposite way and it's gonna [TS]

01:04:54   take me probably a kilometer to get back [TS]

01:04:57   to the main road from this kit you know [TS]

01:04:59   in the opposite direction and like the [TS]

01:05:01   other side of the triangle and I and I [TS]

01:05:06   sit there and I go do I walk the [TS]

01:05:09   kilometer back to my starting point or [TS]

01:05:12   do I just start walking in the direction [TS]

01:05:15   that I'm going and the fog and the cold [TS]

01:05:19   and the and the fact that I was like uh [TS]

01:05:22   tired and fucked up and you know of [TS]

01:05:24   course there's no coffee anywhere so [TS]

01:05:26   there's a little over half a mile yeah [TS]

01:05:30   it doesn't seem that far it's not you [TS]

01:05:34   can't throw it you can't throw a frisbee [TS]

01:05:36   a kilometer even if you had a wrist [TS]

01:05:39   rocket and really pull back on it I [TS]

01:05:41   don't know if you could get a if you [TS]

01:05:43   could get a ball-bearing [TS]

01:05:45   a kilometer I I go frequently to a place [TS]

01:05:48   that's exactly half a mile from my house [TS]

01:05:50   and that's about an eight minute walk [TS]

01:05:53   yeah [TS]

01:05:54   right and so I don't I don't walk back [TS]

01:06:00   to get my boots on home plate which is [TS]

01:06:06   the last place my boots were before I [TS]

01:06:08   got into this car I just walked the [TS]

01:06:12   other way and I'm in it and I'm like [TS]

01:06:13   it's it's a kilometer back to the road [TS]

01:06:15   it's fine it just it makes up for itself [TS]

01:06:17   you know but I introduced into my system [TS]

01:06:25   which was that I was walking from [TS]

01:06:27   Amsterdam to Istanbul in an [TS]

01:06:29   uninterrupted series of beep [TS]

01:06:35   where I even would walk upstairs rather [TS]

01:06:37   than take an escalator I introduced this [TS]

01:06:43   one kilometer break which although I [TS]

01:06:49   walked 3,000 kilometers is still there [TS]

01:06:56   as a little tiny tiny little like [TS]

01:07:02   hairpin from one side of and not even [TS]

01:07:06   from one side of Kolarov o to the other [TS]

01:07:08   but just from centre of Kohler OVA to [TS]

01:07:10   this guy's apartment it's just a pea [TS]

01:07:13   under my mattress oh my god and I don't [TS]

01:07:16   let it discredit my whole thing oh my [TS]

01:07:21   god although there is at least one [TS]

01:07:24   legislator in the parliament that that [TS]

01:07:29   runs for office and gets elected every [TS]

01:07:32   every election cycle on the strength of [TS]

01:07:35   the fact that he wants an investigation [TS]

01:07:37   oh my god that's hanging over your head [TS]

01:07:39   he just is there he's just that one the [TS]

01:07:42   one parliamentarian who has an issue [TS]

01:07:45   with the one kilometre she's in the [TS]

01:07:47   opposition and for him you know that is [TS]

01:07:51   that's his like his like the the one [TS]

01:07:57   reason that he keeps getting elected [TS]

01:08:01   like it's his Benghazi that's his that's [TS]

01:08:03   his bringing coal back yeah and so he'll [TS]

01:08:08   never get he'll never put a coalition [TS]

01:08:11   together where he forms a new government [TS]

01:08:12   and there's an investigation into [TS]

01:08:14   whether that kilometre in Colorado is a [TS]

01:08:16   as a thing where I have to go back and [TS]

01:08:18   walk that whole distance again I have to [TS]

01:08:23   fly to Bratislava and take a bus to coal [TS]

01:08:27   or ovo and make that and and close that [TS]

01:08:31   link but that walk across Europe was the [TS]

01:08:36   first thing I ever finished the first [TS]

01:08:38   thing that I ever concluded all the way [TS]

01:08:41   then I got there and I was like I did it [TS]

01:08:43   I went the whole distance there were a [TS]

01:08:44   million things [TS]

01:08:46   million reasons why I shouldn't have [TS]

01:08:47   including that it was a stupid idea to [TS]

01:08:50   begin with but along the way there there [TS]

01:08:53   were fifty opportunities to just be like [TS]

01:08:55   you know what this is fine like I made [TS]

01:08:56   it all the way to Stara Zagora I can [TS]

01:09:00   just like I can cash my chips now and I [TS]

01:09:04   never did I made it the whole way with [TS]

01:09:07   the exception of this kilometer and the [TS]

01:09:11   it's not only the first thing I ever [TS]

01:09:14   finished but also I get to keep it in [TS]

01:09:20   that category of things that if I want [TS]

01:09:22   to say you know if I want to look at it [TS]

01:09:24   if I want it to be an unopened diploma [TS]

01:09:26   on my shelf I can I can also shift my [TS]

01:09:31   perception in and have it be that that [TS]

01:09:39   might be the most John Rodrick story [TS]

01:09:40   you've ever told [TS]

01:09:48   sure anymore what makes it what what is [TS]

01:09:52   the qualification of that but no they'll [TS]

01:09:55   know [TS]

01:09:56   [Music] [TS]

01:09:59   a kilometer okay okay hang on before we [TS]

01:10:07   go one more thing John yes we got to [TS]

01:10:09   tell people you need to come see us at a [TS]

01:10:10   sketch fest oh yeah we're we're next [TS]

01:10:14   Monday instead of doing our show as we [TS]

01:10:16   normally do we're gonna be doing a live [TS]

01:10:18   show best yeah so come on see there's [TS]

01:10:21   lots of good stuff going on but the fuck [TS]

01:10:23   all that [TS]

01:10:23   come see us you go buy tickets there's [TS]

01:10:25   Lincoln show notes that you can find or [TS]

01:10:27   you can google Rodrick on the line [TS]

01:10:28   Sketchfest [TS]

01:10:29   but we'd love it if you came out to see [TS]

01:10:31   us do yes for sure [TS]

01:10:34   Travel long travel long distances to [TS]

01:10:36   come see you well kilometer [TS]

01:10:39   [Music] [TS]